首页 >出版文学> The Works of Rudyard Kipling One>第114章
  Hegropedbacktohischair,hischestlabouringashesatdown。
  Maisiewatchedhim,andthefearwentoutofherheart,tobefollowedbyaverybittershameHehadspokenatruththathadbeenhiddenfromthegirlthrougheverystepoftheimpetuousflighttoLondon;forhewas,indeed,downanddonefor——masterfulnolongerbutratheralittleabject;
  neitheranartiststrongerthanshe,noramantobelookedupto——onlysomeblindonethatsatinachairandseemedonthepointofcryingShewasimmenselyandunfeignedlysorryforhim——moresorrythanshehadeverbeenforanyoneinherlife,butnotsorryenoughtodenyhiswords。
  Soshestoodstillandfeltashamedandalittlehurt,becauseshehadhonestlyintendedthatherjourneyshouldendtriumphantly;andnowshewasonlyfilledwithpitymoststartlinglydistinctfromlove。
  ’Well?’saidDick,hisfacesteadilyturnedaway’InevermeanttoworryyouanymoreWhat’sthematter?’
  HewasconsciousthatMaisiewascatchingherbreath,butwasasunpreparedasherselfforthetorrentofemotionthatfollowedShehaddroppedintoachairandwassobbingwithherfacehiddeninherhands。
  ’Ican’t——Ican’t!’shecrieddesperately’Indeed,Ican’tItisn’tmyfault。
  I’msosorryOh,Dickie,I’msosorry。’
  Dick’sshouldersstraightenedagain,forthewordslashedlikeawhip。
  StillthesobbingcontinuedItisnotgoodtorealisethatyouhavefailedinthehouroftrialorflinchedbeforethemerepossibilityofmakingsacrifices。
  ’Idodespisemyself——indeedIdoButIcan’tOh,Dickie,youwouldn’taskme——wouldyou?’wailedMaisie。
  Shelookedupforaminute,andbychanceithappenedthatDick’seyesfellonhersTheunshavenfacewasverywhiteandset,andthelipsweretryingtoforcethemselvesintoasmileButitwastheworn-outeyesthatMaisiefearedHerDickhadgoneblindandleftinhisplacesomeonethatshecouldhardlyrecognisetillhespoke。
  ’Whoisaskingyoutodoanything,Maisie?Itoldyouhowitwouldbe。
  What’stheuseofworrying?Forpity’ssakedon’tcrylikethat;itisn’tworthit。’
  ’Youdon’tknowhowIhatemyselfOh,Dick,helpme——helpme!’
  ThepassionoftearshadgrownbeyondhercontrolandwasbeginningtoalarmthemanHestumbledforwardandputhisarmroundher,andherheadfellonhisshoulder。
  ’Hush,dear,hush!Don’tcryYou’requiteright,andyou’venothingtoreproachyourselfwith——youneverhadYou’reonlyalittleupsetbythejourney,andIdon’tsupposeyou’vehadanybreakfastWhatabruteTorpwastobringyouover。’
  ’IwantedtocomeIdidindeed,’sheprotested。
  ’VerywellAndnowyou’vecomeandseen,andI’m——immenselygrateful。
  Whenyou’rebetteryoushallgoawayandgetsomethingtoeat。
  Whatsortofapassagedidyouhavecomingover?’
  Maisiewascryingmoresubduedly,forthefirsttimeinherlifegladthatshehadsomethingtoleanagainstDickpattedherontheshouldertenderlybutclumsily,forhewasnotquitesurewherehershouldermightbe。
  Shedrewherselfoutofhisarmsatlastandwaited,tremblingandmostunhappyHehadfelthiswaytothewindowtoputthewidthoftheroombetweenthem,andtoquietalittlethetumultinhisheart。
  ’Areyoubetternow?’hesaid。
  ’Yes,but——don’tyouhateme?’
  ’Ihateyou?MyGod!I?’
  ’Isn’t——isn’tthereanythingIcoulddoforyou,then?I’llstayhereinEnglandtodoit,ifyoulikePerhapsIcouldcomeandseeyousometimes。’
  ’Ithinknot,dearItwouldbekindestnottoseemeanymore,pleaseI
  don’twanttoseemrude,but——don’tyouthink——perhapsyouhadalmostbettergonow。’
  Hewasconsciousthathecouldnotbearhimselfasamanifthestraincontinuedmuchlonger。
  ’Idon’tdeserveanythingelseI’llgo,DickOh,I’msomiserable。’
  ’NonsenseYou’venothingtoworryabout;I’dtellyouifyouhad。
  Waitamoment,dearI’vegotsomethingtogiveyoufirstImeantitforyoueversincethislittletroublebeganIt’smyMelancolia;shewasabeautywhenIlastsawherYoucankeepherforme,andifeveryou’repooryoucansellherShe’sworthafewhundredsatanystateofthemarket。’Hegropedamonghiscanvases’She’sframedinblackIsthisablackframethatIhavemyhandon?TheresheisWhatdoyouthinkofher?’
  HeturnedascarredformlessmuddleofpainttowardsMaisie,andtheeyesstrainedasthoughtheywouldcatchherwonderandsurprise。
  Onethingandonethingonlycouldshedoforhim。
  ’Well?’
  Thevoicewasfullerandmorerounded,becausethemanknewhewasspeakingofhisbestworkMaisielookedattheblur,andalunaticdesiretolaughcaughtherbythethroatButforDick’ssake——whateverthismadblanknessmightmean——shemustmakenosignHervoicechokedwithhard-heldtearsassheanswered,stillgazingatthewreck——
  ’Oh,Dick,itisgood!’
  Heheardthelittlehystericalgulpandtookitfortribute’Won’tyouhaveit,then?I’llsenditovertoyourhouseifyouwill。’
  ’I?Ohyes——thankyouHa!ha!’IfshedidnotflyatoncethelaughterthatwasworsethantearswouldkillherSheturnedandran,chokingandblinded,downthestaircasesthatwereemptyoflifetotakerefugeinacabandgotoherhouseacrosstheParksThereshesatdowninthedismantleddrawing-roomandthoughtofDickinhisblindness,uselesstilltheendoflife,andofherselfinherowneyesBehindthesorrow,theshame,andthehumiliation,layfearofthecoldwrathofthered-hairedgirlwhenMaisieshouldreturnMaisiehadneverfearedhercompanionbeforeNotuntilshefoundherselfsaying,’Well,heneveraskedme,’didsherealiseherscornofherself。
  AndthatistheendofMaisie。
  *
  ForDickwasreservedmoresearchingtormentHecouldnotrealiseatfirstthatMaisie,whomhehadorderedtogohadlefthimwithoutawordoffarewellHewassavagelyangryagainstTorpenhow,whohadbroughtuponhimthishumiliationandtroubledhismiserablepeaceThenhisdarkhourcameandhewasalonewithhimselfandhisdesirestogetwhathelphecouldfromthedarknessThequeencoulddonowrong,butinfollowingtheright,sofarasitservedherwork,shehadwoundedheronesubjectmorethanhisownbrainwouldlethimknow。
  ’It’sallIhadandI’velostit,’hesaid,assoonasthemiserypermittedclearthinking’AndTorpwillthinkthathehasbeensoinfernallycleverthatIshan’thavethehearttotellhimImustthinkthisoutquietly。’
  ’Hullo!’saidTorpenhow,enteringthestudioafterDickhadenjoyedtwohoursofthought’I’mbackAreyoufeelinganybetter?’
  ’Torp,Idon’tknowwhattosayComehere。’Dickcoughedhuskily,wondering,indeed,whatheshouldsay,andhowtosayittemperately。
  ’What’stheneedforsayinganything?Getupandtramp。’
  Torpenhowwasperfectlysatisfied。
  Theywalkedupanddownasofcustom,Torpenhow’shandonDick’sshoulder,andDickburiedinhisownthoughts。
  ’Howintheworlddidyoufinditallout?’saidDick,atlast。
  ’Youshouldn’tgooffyourheadifyouwanttokeepsecrets,Dickie。
  Itwasabsolutelyimpertinentonmypart;butifyou’dseenmerocketingaboutonahalf-trainedFrenchtroop-horseunderablazingsunyou’dhavelaughedTherewillbeacharivariinmyroomsto-night。
  Sevenotherdevils——’
  ’Iknow——therowintheSouthernSoudanIsurprisedtheircouncilstheotherday,anditmademeunhappyHaveyoufixedyourflinttogo?
  Whod’youworkfor?’
  ’Haven’tsignedanycontractsyetIwantedtoseehowyourbusinesswouldturnout。’
  ’Wouldyouhavestayedwithme,then,if——thingshadgonewrong?’
  Heputhisquestioncautiously。
  ’Don’taskmetoomuchI’monlyaman。’
  ’You’vetriedtobeanangelverysuccessfully。’
  ’Ohye——es!Well,doyouattendthefunctionto-night?WeshallbehalfscrewedbeforethemorningAllthemenbelievethewar’sacertainty。’
  ’Idon’tthinkIwill,oldman,ifit’sallthesametoyouI’llstayquiethere。’
  ’Andmeditate?Idon’tblameyouYouobserveagoodtimeifeveramandid。’
  ThatnighttherewasatumultonthestairsThecorrespondentspouredinfromtheatre,dinner,andmusic-halltoTorpenhow’sroomthattheymightdiscusstheirplanofcampaignintheeventofmilitaryoperationsbecomingacertaintyTorpenhow,theKeneu,,andtheNilghaihadbiddenallthementheyhadworkedwithtotheorgy;andMr。
  Beeton,thehousekeeper,declaredthatneverbeforeinhischeckeredexperiencehadheseenquitesuchafancylotofgentlemenTheywakedthechamberswithshoutingsandsong;andtheeldermenwerequiteasbadastheyoungerForthechancesofwarwereinfrontofthem,andallknewwhatthosemeant。
  Sittinginhisownroomalittleperplexedbythenoiseacrossthelanding,Dicksuddenlybegantolaughtohimself。
  ’Whenonecomestothinkofitthesituationisintenselycomic。
  Maisie’squiteright——poorlittlethingIdidn’tknowshecouldcrylikethatbefore;
  butnowIknowwhatTorpthinks,I’msurehe’dbequitefoolenoughtostayathomeandtrytoconsoleme——ifheknewBesides,itisn’tnicetoownthatyou’vebeenthrownoverlikeabrokenchairImustcarrythisbusinessthroughalone——asusualIfthereisn’tawar,andTorpfindsout,Ishalllookfoolish,that’sallIfthereisawayImustn’tinterferewithanotherman’schancesBusinessisbusiness,andIwanttobealone——I
  wanttobealoneWhatarowthey’remaking!’
  Somebodyhammeredatthestudiodoor。
  ’Comeoutandfrolic,Dickie,’saidtheNilghai。
  ’Ishouldliketo,butIcan’tI’mnotfeelingfrolicsome。’
  ’Then,I’lltelltheboysandthey’lldragyoulikeabadger。’
  ’Pleasenot,oldmanOnmyword,I’dsoonerbeleftalonejustnow。’
  ’VerygoodCanwesendanythingintoyou?Fizz,forinstance。
  CassavettiisbeginningtosingsongsoftheSunnySouthalready。’
  ForoneminuteDickconsideredthepropositionseriously。
  ’No,thanks,I’veaheadachealready。’
  ’VirtuouschildThat’stheeffectofemotionontheyoungAllmycongratulations,DickIalsowasconcernedintheconspiracyforyourwelfare。’
  ’Gotothedevil——oh,sendBinkieinhere。’
  Thelittledogenteredonelasticfeet,riotousfromhavingbeenmademuchofalltheeveningHehadhelpedtosingthechoruses;butscarcelyinsidethestudioherealisedthatthiswasnoplacefortail-wagging,andsettledhimselfonDick’slaptillitwasbedtimeThenhewenttobedwithDick,whocountedeveryhourasitstruck,androseinthemorningwithapainfullyclearheadtoreceiveTorpenhow’smoreformalcongratulationsandaparticularaccountofthelastnight’srevels。
  ’Youaren’tlookingveryhappyforanewlyacceptedman,’saidTorpenhow。
  ’Nevermindthat——it’smyownaffair,andI’mallrightDoyoureallygo?’
  ’YesWiththeoldCentralSouthernasusualTheywired,andI
  acceptedonbettertermsthanbefore。’
  ’Whendoyoustart?’
  ’Thedayafterto-morrow——forBrindisi。’
  ’ThankGod。’Dickspokefromthebottomofhisheart。
  ’Well,that’snotaprettywayofsayingyou’regladtogetridofme。
  Butmeninyourconditionareallowedtobeselfish。’
  ’Ididn’tmeanthatWillyougetahundredpoundscashedformebeforeyouleave?’
  ’That’saslenderamountforhousekeeping,isn’tit?’
  ’Oh,it’sonlyfor——marriageexpenses。’
  Torpenhowbroughthimthemoney,counteditoutinfivesandtens,andcarefullyputitawayinthewritingtable。
  ’NowIsupposeIshallhavetolistentohisravingsabouthisgirluntilI
  goHeavensenduspatiencewithamaninlove!’hesaidtohimself。
  ButneveraworddidDicksayofMaisieormarriageHehunginthedoorwayofTorpenhow’sroomwhenthelatterwaspackingandaskedinnumerablequestionsaboutthecomingcampaign,tillTorpenhowbegantofeelannoyed。
  ’You’reasecretiveanimal,Dickie,andyouconsumeyourownsmoke,don’tyou?’hesaidonthelastevening。