“Feb。15CompromisedthecaseofMr。Snap。AmountenteredinJournalfiftycentswhichsee。
　　“Feb。16。Castbythatruffian，Gruff，whomademeapresentoffivedollars。Costsofsuit，fourdollarsandtwenty-fivecents。Nettprofit，seeJournal，-seventy-fivecents。”
　　Now，hereisacleargain，inaverybriefperiod，ofnolessthanonedollarandtwenty-fivecentsthisisinthemerecasesofSnapandGruff；andIsolemnlyassurethereaderthattheseextractsaretakenatrandomfrommyDay-Book。
　　It’sanoldsaying，andatrueone，however，thatmoneyisnothingincomparisonwithhealth。Ifoundtheexactionsoftheprofessionsomewhattoomuchformydelicatestateofbody；and，discovering，atlast，thatIwasknockedalloutofshape，sothatIdidn’tknowverywellwhattomakeofthematter，andsothatmyfriends，whentheymetmeinthestreet，couldn’ttellthatIwasPeterProffitatall，itoccurredtomethatthebestexpedientIcouldadoptwastoaltermylineofbusiness。Iturnedmyattention，therefore，toMud-Dabbling，andcontinueditforsomeyears。
　　Theworstofthisoccupationis，thattoomanypeopletakeafancytoit，andthecompetitionisinconsequenceexcessive。Everyignoramusofafellowwhofindsthathehasn’tbrainsinsufficientquantitytomakehiswayasawalkingadvertiser，oraneye-soreprig，orasalt-and-batterman，thinks，ofcourse，thathe’llanswerverywellasadabblerofmud。Butthereneverwasentertainedamoreerroneousideathanthatitrequiresnobrainstomud-dabble。Especially，thereisnothingtobemadeinthiswaywithoutmethod。Ididonlyaretailbusinessmyself，butmyoldhabitsofsystemcarriedmeswimminglyalong。Iselectedmystreet-crossing，inthefirstplace，withgreatdeliberation，andIneverputdownabroominanypartofthetownbutthat。Itookcare，too，tohaveanicelittlepuddleathand，whichIcouldgetatinaminute。BythesemeansIgottobewellknownasamantobetrusted；andthisisone-halfthebattle，letmetellyou，intrade。Nobodyeverfailedtopitchmeacopper，andgotovermycrossingwithacleanpairofpantaloons。And，asmybusinesshabits，inthisrespect，weresufficientlyunderstood，Inevermetwithanyattemptatimposition。Iwouldn’thaveputupwithit，ifI
　　had。Neverimposinguponanyonemyself，Isufferednoonetoplaythepossumwithme。ThefraudsofthebanksofcourseIcouldn’thelp。Theirsuspensionputmetoruinousinconvenience。These，however，arenotindividuals，butcorporations；andcorporations，itisverywellknown，haveneitherbodiestobekickednorsoulstobedamned。
　　Iwasmakingmoneyatthisbusinesswhen，inanevilmoment，IwasinducedtomergeitintheCur-Spatteringasomewhatanalogous，but，bynomeans，sorespectableaprofession。Mylocation，tobesure，wasanexcellentone，beingcentral，andIhadcapitalblackingandbrushes。Mylittledog，too，wasquitefatanduptoallvarietiesofsnuff。Hehadbeeninthetradealongtime，and，Imaysay，understoodit。Ourgeneralroutinewasthis：Pompey，havingrolledhimselfwellinthemud，satuponendattheshopdoor，untilheobservedadandyapproachinginbrightboots。Hethenproceededtomeethim，andgavetheWellingtonsarubortwowithhiswool。Thenthedandysworeverymuch，andlookedaboutforaboot-black。ThereI
　　was，fullinhisview，withblackingandbrushes。Itwasonlyaminute’swork，andthencameasixpence。Thisdidmoderatelywellforatime；infact，Iwasnotavaricious，butmydogwas。Iallowedhimathirdoftheprofit，buthewasadvisedtoinsistuponhalf。
　　ThisIcouldn’tstandsowequarrelledandparted。
　　InexttriedmyhandattheOrgan-Grindingforawhile，andmaysaythatImadeoutprettywell。Itisaplain，straightforwardbusiness，andrequiresnoparticularabilities。Youcangetamusic-millforameresong，andtoputitinorder，youhavebuttoopentheworks，andgivethemthreeorfoursmartrapswithahammer。Inimprovesthetoneofthething，forbusinesspurposes，morethanyoucanimagine。
　　Thisdone，youhaveonlytostrollalong，withthemillonyourback，untilyouseetanbarkinthestreet，andaknockerwrappedupinbuckskin。Thenyoustopandgrind；lookingasifyoumeanttostopandgrindtilldoomsday。Presentlyawindowopens，andsomebodypitchesyouasixpence，witharequestto“Hushupandgoon。”etc。I
　　amawarethatsomegrindershaveactuallyaffordedto“goon“forthissum；butformypart，Ifoundthenecessaryoutlayofcapitaltoogreattopermitofmy“goingon“underashilling。
　　AtthisoccupationIdidagooddeal；but，somehow，Iwasnotquitesatisfied，andsofinallyabandonedit。Thetruthis，IlaboredunderthedisadvantageofhavingnomonkeyandAmericanstreetsaresomuddy，andaDemocraticrabbleissoobstrusive，andsofullofdemnitionmischievouslittleboys。
　　Iwasnowoutofemploymentforsomemonths，butatlengthsucceeded，bydintofgreatinterest，inprocuringasituationintheSham-Post。
　　Theduties，here，aresimple，andnotaltogetherunprofitable。Forexample：veryearlyinthemorningIhadtomakeupmypacketofshamletters。UpontheinsideofeachoftheseIhadtoscrawlafewlinesonanysubjectwhichoccurredtomeassufficientlymysterioussigningalltheepistlesTomDobson，orBobbyTompkins，oranythinginthatway。Havingfoldedandsealedall，andstampedthemwithshampostmarksNewOrleans，Bengal，BotanyBay，oranyotherplaceagreatwayoff-Isetout，forthwith，uponmydailyroute，asifinaverygreathurry。Ialwayscalledatthebighousestodelivertheletters，andreceivethepostage。Nobodyhesitatesatpayingforaletterespeciallyforadoubleonepeoplearesuchfools-anditwasnotroubletogetroundacornerbeforetherewastimetoopentheepistles。Theworstofthisprofessionwas，thatI
　　hadtowalksomuchandsofast；andsofrequentlytovarymyroute。
　　Besides，Ihadseriousscruplesofconscience。Ican’tbeartohearinnocentindividualsabusedandthewaythewholetowntooktocursingTomDobsonandBobbyTompkinswasreallyawfultohear。I
　　washedmyhandsofthematterindisgust。
　　MyeighthandlastspeculationhasbeenintheCat-Growingway。I
　　havefoundthatamostpleasantandlucrativebusiness，and，really，notroubleatall。Thecountry，itiswellknown，hasbecomeinfestedwithcatssomuchsooflate，thatapetitionforrelief，mostnumerouslyandrespectablysigned，wasbroughtbeforetheLegislatureatitslatememorablesession。TheAssembly，atthisepoch，wasunusuallywell-informed，and，havingpassedmanyotherwiseandwholesomeenactments，itcrownedallwiththeCat-Act。Initsoriginalform，thislawofferedapremiumforcat-headsfourpencea-piece，buttheSenatesucceededinamendingthemainclause，soastosubstitutetheword“tails“for“heads。”Thisamendmentwassoobviouslyproper，thattheHouseconcurredinitnem。con。
　　Assoonasthegovernorhadsignedthebill，IinvestedmywholeestateinthepurchaseofTomsandTabbies。AtfirstIcouldonlyaffordtofeedthemuponmicewhicharecheap，buttheyfulfilledthescripturalinjunctionatsomarvellousarate，thatIatlengthconsidereditmybestpolicytobeliberal，andsoindulgedtheminoystersandturtle。Theirtails，atalegislativeprice，nowbringmeinagoodincome；forIhavediscoveredaway，inwhich，bymeansofMacassaroil，Icanforcethreecropsinayear。Itdelightsmetofind，too，thattheanimalssoongetaccustomedtothething，andwouldratherhavetheappendagescutoffthanotherwise。Iconsidermyself，therefore，amademan，andambargainingforacountryseatontheHudson。
　　ThegardenlikealadyfairwascutThatlayasifsheslumberedindelight，Andtotheopenskieshereyesdidshut；
　　Theazurefieldsofheavenwere’sembledrightInalargeroundsetwithflow’rsoflight：
　　TheflowersdeluceandtheroundsparksofdewThathungupontheirazureleaves，didshowLiketwinklingstarsthatsparkleintheev’ningblue。
　　NOMOREremarkablemaneverlivedthanmyfriend，theyoungEllison。
　　Hewasremarkableintheentireandcontinuousprofusionofgoodgiftseverlavisheduponhimbyfortune。Fromhiscradletohisgrave，agaleoftheblandestprosperityborehimalong。NordoIusethewordProsperityinitsmerewordlyorexternalsense。Imeanitassynonymouswithhappiness。ThepersonofwhomIspeak，seemedbornforthepurposeofforeshadowingthewilddoctrinesofTurgot，Price，Priestley，andCondorcetofexemplifying，byindividualinstance，whathasbeendeemedthemerechimeraoftheperfectionists。InthebriefexistenceofEllison，Ifancy，thatIhaveseenrefutedthedogmathatinman’sphysicalandspiritualnature，liessomehiddenprinciple，theantagonistofBliss。Anintimateandanxiousexaminationofhiscareer，hastaughtmetounderstandthat，ingeneral，fromtheviolationofafewsimplelawsofHumanity，arisestheWretchednessofmankind；that，asaspecies，wehaveinourpossessiontheasyetunwroughtelementsofContent，andthatevennow，inthepresentblindnessanddarknessofallideaonthegreatquestionoftheSocialCondition，itisnotimpossiblethatMan，theindividual，undercertainunusualandhighlyfortuitousconditions，maybehappy。
　　Withopinionssuchasthesewasmyyoungfriendfullyimbued；andthusisitespeciallyworthyofobservationthattheuninterruptedenjoymentwhichdistinguishedhislifewasingreatparttheresultofpreconcert。Itis，indeedevident，thatwithlessoftheinstinctivephilosophywhich，nowandthen，standssowellinthesteadofexperience，Mr。Ellisonwouldhavefoundhimselfprecipitated，bytheveryextraordinarysuccessesofhislife，intothecommonvortexofUnhappinesswhichyawnsforthoseofpreeminentendowments。ButitisbynomeansmypresentobjecttopenanessayonHappiness。Theideasofmyfriendmaybesummedupinafewwords。
　　Headmittedbutfourunvaryinglaws，orratherelementaryprinciples，ofBliss。Thatwhichheconsideredchief，wasstrangetosay！thesimpleandpurelyphysicaloneoffreeexerciseintheopenair。“Thehealth。”hesaid，“attainablebyothermeansthanthisisscarcelyworththename。”Hepointedtothetillersoftheearththeonlypeoplewho，asaclass，areproverbiallymorehappythanothers
　　andthenheinstancedthehighecstasiesofthefox-hunter。Hissecondprinciplewastheloveofwoman。Histhirdwasthecontemptofambition。Hisfourthwasanobjectofunceasingpursuit；andheheldthat，otherthingsbeingequal，theextentofhappinesswasproportionedtothespiritualityofthisobject。
　　IhavesaidthatEllisonwasremarkableinthecontinuousprofusionofgoodgiftslavisheduponhimbyFortune。Inpersonalgraceandbeautyheexceededallmen。Hisintellectwasofthatordertowhichtheattainmentofknowledgeislessalaborthananecessityandanintuition。Hisfamilywasoneofthemostillustriousoftheempire。
　　Hisbridewastheloveliestandmostdevotedofwomen。Hispossessionshadbeenalwaysample；but，upontheattainmentofhisoneandtwentiethyear，itwasdiscoveredthatoneofthoseextraordinaryfreaksofFatehadbeenplayedinhisbehalfwhichstartlethewholesocialworldamidwhichtheyoccur，andseldomfailradicallytoaltertheentiremoralconstitutionofthosewhoaretheirobjects。ItappearsthataboutonehundredyearspriortoMr。
　　Ellison’sattainmentofhismajority，therehaddied，inaremoteprovince，oneMr。SeabrightEllison。Thisgentlemenhadamassedaprincelyfortune，and，havingnoveryimmediateconnexions，conceivedthewhimofsufferinghiswealthtoaccumulateforacenturyafterhisdecease。Minutelyandsagaciouslydirectingthevariousmodesofinvestment，hebequeathedtheaggregateamounttothenearestofblood，bearingthenameEllison，whoshouldbealiveattheendofthehundredyears。Manyfutileattemptshadbeenmadetosetasidethissingularbequest；theirexpostfactocharacterrenderedthemabortive；buttheattentionofajealousgovernmentwasaroused，andadecreefinallyobtained，forbiddingallsimilaraccumulations。ThisactdidnotpreventyoungEllison，uponhistwenty-firstbirth-day，fromenteringintopossession，astheheirofhisancestor，Seabright，ofafortuneoffourhundredandfiftymillionsofdollars。{*1}