Thequestionnowarosewhatwastobedonewiththechildren。I
explainedtoErnestthattheirexpensesmustbechargedtotheestate,andshowedhimhowsmallaholeallthevariousitemsI
proposedtochargewouldmakeintheincomeatmydisposal。Hewasbeginningtomakedifficulties,whenIquietedhimbypointingoutthatthemoneyhadallcometomefromhisaunt,overhisownhead,andremindedhimtherehadbeenanunderstandingbetweenherandmethatIshoulddomuchasIwasdoing,ifoccasionshouldarise。
Hewantedhischildrentobebroughtupinthefreshpureair,andamongotherchildrenwhowerehappyandcontented;butbeingstillignorantofthefortunethatawaitedhim,heinsistedthattheyshouldpasstheirearlieryearsamongthepoorratherthantherich。
Iremonstrated,buthewasverydecidedaboutit;andwhenI
reflectedthattheywereillegitimate,IwasnotsurebutthatwhatErnestproposedmightbeaswellforeveryoneintheend。Theywerestillsoyoungthatitdidnotmuchmatterwheretheywere,solongastheywerewithkindlydecentpeople,andinahealthyneighbourhood。
“Ishallbejustasunkindtomychildren。”hesaid,“asmygrandfatherwastomyfather,ormyfathertome。Iftheydidnotsucceedinmakingtheirchildrenlovethem,neithershallI。IsaytomyselfthatIshouldliketodoso,butsodidthey。Icanmakesurethattheyshallnotknowhowmuchtheywouldhavehatedmeiftheyhadhadmuchtodowithme,butthisisallIcando。IfI
mustruintheirprospects,letmedosoatareasonabletimebeforetheyareoldenoughtofeelit。”
Hemusedalittleandaddedwithalaugh:-
“Amanfirstquarrelswithhisfatheraboutthree-quartersofayearbeforeheisborn。Itisthenheinsistsonsettingupaseparateestablishment;whenthishasbeenonceagreedto,themorecompletetheseparationforeverafterthebetterforboth。”Thenhesaidmoreseriously:“Iwanttoputthechildrenwheretheywillbewellandhappy,andwheretheywillnotbebetrayedintothemiseryoffalseexpectations。”
IntheendherememberedthatonhisSundaywalkshehadmorethanonceseenacouplewholivedonthewatersideafewmilesbelowGravesend,justwheretheseawasbeginning,andwhohethoughtwoulddo。Theyhadafamilyoftheirownfastcomingonandthechildrenseemedtothrive;bothfatherandmotherindeedwerecomfortablewellgrownfolks,inwhosehandsyoungpeoplewouldbelikelytohaveasfairachanceofcomingtoagooddevelopmentasinthoseofanywhomheknew。
Wewentdowntoseethiscouple,andasIthoughtnolesswellofthemthanErnestdid,weofferedthemapoundaweektotakethechildrenandbringthemupasthoughtheyweretheirown。Theyjumpedattheoffer,andinanotherdayortwowebroughtthechildrendownandleftthem,feelingthatwehaddoneaswellaswecouldbythem,atanyrateforthepresent。ThenErnestsenthissmallstockofgoodstoDebenham’s,gaveupthehousehehadtakentwoandahalfyearspreviously,andreturnedtocivilisation。
Ihadexpectedthathewouldnowrapidlyrecover,andwasdisappointedtoseehimgetasIthoughtdecidedlyworse。Indeed,beforelongIthoughthimlookingsoillthatIinsistedonhisgoingwithmetoconsultoneofthemosteminentdoctorsinLondon。
Thisgentlemansaidtherewasnoacutediseasebutthatmyyoungfriendwassufferingfromnervousprostration,theresultoflongandseverementalsuffering,fromwhichtherewasnoremedyexcepttime,prosperityandrest。
HesaidthatErnestmusthavebrokendownlateron,butthathemighthavegoneonforsomemonthsyet。Itwasthesuddennessoftherelieffromtensionwhichhadknockedhimovernow。
“Crosshim。”saidthedoctor,“atonce。Crossingisthegreatmedicaldiscoveryoftheage。Shakehimoutofhimselfbyshakingsomethingelseintohim。”
IhadnottoldhimthatmoneywasnoobjecttousandIthinkhehadreckonedmeupasnotoverrich。Hecontinued:-
“Seeingisamodeoftouching,touchingisamodeoffeeding,feedingisamodeofassimilation,assimilationisamodeofrecreationandreproduction,andthisiscrossing——shakingyourselfintosomethingelseandsomethingelseintoyou。”
Hespokelaughingly,butitwasplainhewasserious。Hecontinued:-
“Peoplearealwayscomingtomewhowantcrossing,orchange,ifyoupreferit,andwhoIknowhavenotmoneyenoughtoletthemgetawayfromLondon。ThishassetmethinkinghowIcanbestcrossthemeveniftheycannotleavehome,andIhavemadealistofcheapLondonamusementswhichIrecommendtomypatients;noneofthemcostmorethanafewshillingsortakemorethanhalfadayoraday。”
Iexplainedthattherewasnooccasiontoconsidermoneyinthiscase。
“Iamgladofit。”hesaid,stilllaughing。“Thehomoeopathistsuseaurumasamedicine,buttheydonotgiveitinlargedosesenough;
ifyoucandoseyouryoungfriendwiththisprettyfreelyyouwillsoonbringhimround。However,MrPontifexisnotwellenoughtostandsogreatachangeasgoingabroadyet;fromwhatyoutellmeI
shouldthinkhehadhadasmuchchangelatelyasisgoodforhim。
Ifheweretogoabroadnowhewouldprobablybetakenseriouslyillwithinaweek。Wemustwaittillhehasrecoveredtonealittlemore。IwillbeginbyringingmyLondonchangesonhim。”
Hethoughtalittleandthensaid:-
“IhavefoundtheZoologicalGardensofservicetomanyofmypatients。IshouldprescribeforMrPontifexacourseofthelargermammals。Don’tlethimthinkheistakingthemmedicinally,butlethimgototheirhousetwiceaweekforafortnight,andstaywiththehippopotamus,therhinoceros,andtheelephants,tilltheybegintoborehim。Ifindthesebeastsdomypatientsmoregoodthananyothers。Themonkeysarenotawideenoughcross;theydonotstimulatesufficiently。Thelargercarnivoraareunsympathetic。
Thereptilesareworsethanuseless,andthemarsupialsarenotmuchbetter。Birdsagain,exceptparrots,arenotverybeneficial;hemaylookatthemnowandagain,butwiththeelephantsandthepigtribegenerallyheshouldmixjustnowasfreelyaspossible。
“Then,youknow,topreventmonotonyIshouldsendhim,say,tomorningserviceattheAbbeybeforehegoes。HeneednotstaylongerthantheTeDeum。Idon’tknowwhy,butJubilatesareseldomsatisfactory。JustlethimlookinattheAbbey,andsitquietlyinPoets’Cornertillthemainpartofthemusicisover。Lethimdothistwoorthreetimes,notmore,beforehegoestotheZoo。
“ThennextdaysendhimdowntoGravesendbyboat。Byallmeanslethimgotothetheatresintheevenings——andthenlethimcometomeagaininafortnight。”
HadthedoctorbeenlesseminentinhisprofessionIshouldhavedoubtedwhetherhewasinearnest,butIknewhimtobeamanofbusinesswhowouldneitherwastehisowntimenorthatofhispatients。AssoonaswewereoutofthehousewetookacabtoRegent’sPark,andspentacoupleofhoursinsaunteringroundthedifferenthouses。Perhapsitwasonaccountofwhatthedoctorhadtoldme,butIcertainlybecameawareofafeelingIhadneverexperiencedbefore。ImeanthatIwasreceivinganinfluxofnewlife,orderivingnewwaysoflookingatlife——whichisthesamething——bytheprocess。Ifoundthedoctorquiterightinhisestimateofthelargermammalsastheoneswhichonthewholeweremostbeneficial,andobservedthatErnest,whohadheardnothingofwhatthedoctorhadsaidtome,lingeredinstinctivelyinfrontofthem。Asfortheelephants,especiallythebabyelephant,heseemedtobedrinkinginlargedraughtsoftheirlivestothere-creationandregenerationofhisown。
Wedinedinthegardens,andInoticedwithpleasurethatErnest’sappetitewasalreadyimproved。Sincethistime,wheneverIhavebeenalittleoutofsortsmyselfIhaveatoncegoneuptoRegent’sPark,andhaveinvariablybeenbenefited。Imentionthishereinthehopethatsomeoneorotherofmyreadersmayfindthehintausefulone。
Attheendofhisfortnightmyherowasmuchbetter,moresoeventhanourfriendthedoctorhadexpected。“Now。”hesaid,“MrPontifexmaygoabroad,andthesoonerthebetter。Lethimstayacoupleofmonths。”
ThiswasthefirstErnesthadheardabouthisgoingabroad,andhetalkedaboutmynotbeingabletosparehimforsolong。Isoonmadethisallright。
“ItisnowthebeginningofApril。”saidI,“godowntoMarseillesatonce,andtakesteamertoNice。ThensaunterdowntheRivieratoGenoa——fromGenoagotoFlorence,RomeandNaples,andcomehomebywayofVeniceandtheItalianlakes。”
“Andwon’tyoucometoo?”saidhe,eagerly。
IsaidIdidnotmindifIdid,sowebegantomakeourarrangementsnextmorning,andcompletedthemwithinaveryfewdays。
Weleftbythenightmail,crossingfromDover。Thenightwassoft,andtherewasabrightmoonuponthesea。“Don’tyoulovethesmellofgreaseabouttheengineofaChannelsteamer?Isn’ttherealotofhopeinit?”saidErnesttome,forhehadbeentoNormandyonesummerasaboywithhisfatherandmother,andthesmellcarriedhimbacktodaysbeforethoseinwhichhehadbeguntobruisehimselfagainstthegreatoutsideworld。“Ialwaysthinkoneofthebestpartsofgoingabroadisthefirstthudofthepiston,andthefirstgurglingofthewaterwhenthepaddlebeginstostrikeit。”
ItwasverydreamygettingoutatCalais,andtrudgingaboutwithluggageinaforeigntownatanhourwhenweweregenerallybothofusinbedandfastasleep,butwesettleddowntosleepassoonaswegotintotherailwaycarriage,anddozedtillwehadpassedAmiens。Thenwakingwhenthefirstsignsofmorningcrispnesswerebeginningtoshowthemselves,IsawthatErnestwasalreadydevouringeveryobjectwepassedwithquicksympatheticcuriousness。
Therewasnotapeasantinablousedrivinghiscartbetimesalongtheroadtomarket,notasignalman’swifeinherhusband’shatandcoatwavingagreenflag,notashepherdtakingouthissheeptothedewypastures,notabankofopeningcowslipsaswepassedthroughtherailwaycuttings,buthewasdrinkingitallinwithanenjoymenttoodeepforwords。ThenameoftheenginethatdrewuswasMozart,andErnestlikedthistoo。
WereachedParisbysix,andhadjusttimetogetacrossthetownandtakeamorningexpresstraintoMarseilles,butbeforenoonmyyoungfriendwastiredoutandhadresignedhimselftoaseriesofsleepswhichwereseldomintermittedformorethananhourorsotogether。Hefoughtagainstthisforatime,butintheendconsoledhimselfbysayingitwassonicetohavesomuchpleasurethathecouldaffordtothrowalotofitaway。Havingfoundatheoryonwhichtojustifyhimself,hesleptinpeace。
AtMarseilleswerested,andtheretheexcitementofthechangeproved,asIhadhalffeareditwould,toomuchformygodson’sstillenfeebledstate。Forafewdayshewasreallyill,butafterthisherighted。FormyownpartIreckonbeingillasoneofthegreatpleasuresoflife,providedoneisnottooillandisnotobligedtoworktilloneisbetter。IrememberbeingillonceinaforeignhotelmyselfandhowmuchIenjoyedit。Tolietherecarelessofeverything,quietandwarm,andwithnoweightuponthemind,toheartheclinkingoftheplatesinthefar-offkitchenasthescullionrinsedthemandputthemby;towatchthesoftshadowscomeandgoupontheceilingasthesuncameoutorwentbehindacloud;tolistentothepleasantmurmuringofthefountaininthecourtbelow,andtheshakingofthebellsonthehorses’collarsandtheclinkoftheirhoofsuponthegroundasthefliesplaguedthem;
notonlytobealotus-eaterbuttoknowthatitwasone’sdutytobealotus-eater。“Oh。”Ithoughttomyself,“ifIcouldonlynow,havingsoforgottencare,dropofftosleepforever,wouldnotthisbeabetterpieceoffortunethananyIcaneverhopefor?”
Ofcourseitwould,butwewouldnottakeitthoughitwereofferedus。Nomatterwhatevilmaybefallus,wewillmostlyabidebyitandseeitout。
IcouldseethatErnestfeltmuchasIhadfeltmyself。Hesaidlittle,butnotedeverything。Onceonlydidhefrightenme。Hecalledmetohisbedsidejustasitwasgettingduskandsaidinagrave,quietmannerthatheshouldliketospeaktome。
“Ihavebeenthinking。”hesaid,“thatImayperhapsneverrecoverfromthisillness,andincaseIdonotIshouldlikeyoutoknowthatthereisonlyonethingwhichweighsuponme。Irefer。”hecontinuedafteraslightpause,“tomyconducttowardsmyfatherandmother。Ihavebeenmuchtoogoodtothem。Itreatedthemmuchtooconsiderately。”onwhichhebrokeintoasmilewhichassuredmethattherewasnothingseriouslyamisswithhim。
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