首页 >出版文学> The Way of All Flesh>第35章
  Thishappenedataboutnoon,butbytheoneo’clockdinner-hourtheeffectoftheconfirmationhadwornoff,andhesawnoreasonwhyheshouldforegohisannualamusementwiththebonfire;sohewentwiththeothersandwasveryvalianttilltheimagewasactuallyproducedandwasabouttobeburnt;thenhefeltalittlefrightened。Itwasapoorthingenough,madeofpaper,calicoandstraw,buttheyhadchristeneditTheRev。TheobaldPontifex,andhehadarevulsionoffeelingashesawitbeingcarriedtowardsthebonfire。Stillheheldhisground,andinafewminuteswhenallwasoverfeltnonetheworseforhavingassistedataceremonywhich,afterall,waspromptedbyaboyishloveofmischiefratherthanbyrancour。
  IshouldsaythatErnesthadwrittentohisfather,andtoldhimoftheunprecedentedwayinwhichhewasbeingtreated;heevenventuredtosuggestthatTheobaldshouldinterfereforhisprotectionandremindedhimhowthestoryhadbeengotoutofhim,butTheobaldhadhadenoughofDrSkinnerforthepresent;theburningoftheschoollisthadbeenarebuffwhichdidnotencouragehimtomeddleasecondtimeintheinternaleconomicsofRoughborough。HethereforerepliedthathemusteitherremoveErnestfromRoughboroughaltogether,whichwouldformanyreasonsbeundesirable,ortrusttothediscretionoftheheadmasterasregardsthetreatmenthemightthinkbestforanyofhispupils。
  Ernestsaidnomore;hestillfeltthatitwassodiscreditabletohimtohaveallowedanyconfessiontobewrungfromhim,thathecouldnotpressthepromisedamnestyforhimself。
  Itwasduringthe“MotherCrossrow。”asitwaslongstyledamongtheboys,thataremarkablephenomenonwaswitnessedatRoughborough。Imeanthatoftheheadboysundercertainconditionsdoingerrandsfortheirjuniors。TheheadboyshadnoboundsandcouldgotoMrsCross’swhenevertheyliked;theyactually,therefore,madethemselvesgo-betweens,andwouldgetanythingfromeitherMrsCross’sorMrsJones’sforanyboy,nomatterhowlowintheschool,betweenthehoursofaquartertonineandnineinthemorning,andaquartertosixandsixintheafternoon。Bydegrees,however,theboysgrewbolder,andtheshops,thoughnotopenlydeclaredinboundsagain,weretacitlyallowedtobeso。
  Imaysparethereadermoredetailsaboutmyhero’sschooldays。Herose,alwaysinspiteofhimself,intotheDoctor’sform,andforthelasttwoyearsorsoofhistimewasamongthepraepostors,thoughheneverroseintotheupperhalfofthem。Hedidlittle,andIthinktheDoctorrathergavehimupasaboywhomhehadbetterleavetohimself,forherarelymadehimconstrue,andheusedtosendinhisexercisesornot,prettymuchasheliked。Histacit,unconsciousobstinacyhadintimeeffectedmoreeventhanafewboldsalliesinthefirstinstancewouldhavedone。Totheendofhiscareerhispositioninterpareswaswhatithadbeenatthebeginning,namely,amongtheupperpartofthelessreputableclass——
  whetherofseniorsorjuniors——ratherthanamongthelowerpartofthemorerespectable。
  OnlyonceinthewholecourseofhisschoollifedidhegetpraisefromDrSkinnerforanyexercise,andthishehastreasuredasthebestexampleofguardedapprovalwhichhehaseverseen。HehadhadtowriteacopyofAlcaicson“ThedogsofthemonksofStBernard。”
  andwhentheexercisewasreturnedtohimhefoundtheDoctorhadwrittenonit:“InthiscopyofAlcaics——whichisstillexcessivelybad——IfancythatIcandiscernsomefaintsymptomsofimprovement。”
  Ernestsaysthatiftheexercisewasanybetterthanusualitmusthavebeenbyafluke,forheissurethathealwayslikeddogs,especiallyStBernarddogs,fartoomuchtotakeanypleasureinwritingAlcaicsaboutthem。
  “AsIlookbackuponit。”hesaidtomebuttheotherday,withaheartylaugh,“IrespectmyselfmoreforhavingneveroncegotthebestmarkforanexercisethanIshoulddoifIhadgotiteverytimeitcouldbegot。IamgladnothingcouldmakemedoLatinandGreekverses;IamgladSkinnercouldnevergetanymoralinfluenceoverme;IamgladIwasidleatschool,andIamgladmyfatherovertaskedmeasaboy——otherwise,likelyenoughIshouldhaveacquiescedintheswindle,andmighthavewrittenasgoodacopyofAlcaicsaboutthedogsofthemonksofStBernardasmyneighbours,andyetIdon’tknow,forIremembertherewasanotherboy,whosentinaLatincopyofsomesort,butforhisownpleasurehewrotethefollowing-
  ThedogsofthemonksofStBernardgoTopicklittlechildrenoutofthesnow,AndaroundtheirnecksisthecordialginTiedwithalittlebitofbob-bin。
  Ishouldliketohavewrittenthat,andIdidtry,butIcouldn’t。
  Ididn’tquitelikethelastline,andtriedtomendit,butI
  couldn’t。”
  IfanciedIcouldseetracesofbitternessagainsttheinstructorsofhisyouthinErnest’smanner,andsaidsomethingtothiseffect。
  “Oh,no。”hereplied,stilllaughing,“nomorethanStAnthonyfelttowardsthedevilswhohadtemptedhim,whenhemetsomeofthemcasuallyahundredoracoupleofhundredyearsafterwards。Ofcourseheknewtheyweredevils,butthatwasallrightenough;
  theremustbedevils。StAnthonyprobablylikedthesedevilsbetterthanmostothers,andforoldacquaintancesakeshowedthemasmuchindulgenceaswascompatiblewithdecorum。
  “Besides,youknow。”headded,“StAnthonytemptedthedevilsquiteasmuchastheytemptedhim;forhispeculiarsanctitywasagreatertemptationtotempthimthantheycouldstand。Strictlyspeaking,itwasthedevilswhowerethemoretobepitied,fortheywereledupbyStAnthonytobetemptedandfell,whereasStAnthonydidnotfall。IbelieveIwasadisagreeableandunintelligibleboy,andifeverImeetSkinnerthereisnoonewhomIwouldshakehandswith,ordoagoodturntomorereadily。”
  Athomethingswentonratherbetter;theEllenandMotherCrossrowssankslowlydownuponthehorizon,andevenathomehehadquietertimesnowthathehadbecomeapraepostor。Neverthelessthewatchfuleyeandprotectinghandwerestilleveroverhimtoguardhiscomingsinandhisgoingsout,andtospyoutallhisways。Isitwonderfulthattheboy,thoughalwaystryingtokeepupappearancesasthoughhewerecheerfulandcontented——andattimesactuallybeingso——woreoftenananxious,jadedlookwhenhethoughtnonewerelooking,whichtoldofanalmostincessantconflictwithin?
  DoubtlessTheobaldsawtheselooksandknewhowtointerpretthem,butitwashisprofessiontoknowhowtoshuthiseyestothingsthatwereinconvenient——noclergymancouldkeephisbeneficeforamonthifhecouldnotdothis;besideshehadallowedhimselfforsomanyyearstosaythingsheoughtnottohavesaid,andnottosaythethingsheoughttohavesaid,thathewaslittlelikelytoseeanythingthathethoughtitmoreconvenientnottoseeunlesshewasmadetodoso。
  Itwasnotmuchthatwaswanted。TomakenomysterieswhereNaturehasmadenone,tobringhisconscienceundersomethinglikereasonablecontrol,togiveErnesthisheadalittlemore,toaskfewerquestions,andtogivehimpocketmoneywithadesirethatitshouldbespentuponmenusplaisirs……
  “Callthatnotmuchindeed。”laughedErnest,asIreadhimwhatI
  havejustwritten。“Whyitisthewholedutyofafather,butitisthemystery-makingwhichistheworstevil。Ifpeoplewoulddaretospeaktooneanotherunreservedly,therewouldbeagooddeallesssorrowintheworldahundredyearshence。”
  Toreturn,however,toRoughborough。Onthedayofhisleaving,whenhewassentforintothelibrarytobeshakenhandswith,hewassurprisedtofeelthat,thoughassuredlygladtoleave,hedidnotdosowithanyespecialgrudgeagainsttheDoctorranklinginhisbreast。Hehadcometotheendofitall,andwasstillalive,nor,takeitallround,moreseriouslyamissthanotherpeople。DrSkinnerreceivedhimgraciously,andwasevenfrolicsomeafterhisownheavyfashion。Youngpeoplearealmostalwaysplacable,andErnestfeltashewentawaythatanothersuchinterviewwouldnotonlyhavewipedoffalloldscores,buthavebroughthimroundintotheranksoftheDoctor’sadmirersandsupporters——amongwhomitisonlyfairtosaythatthegreaternumberofthemorepromisingboyswerefound。
  Justbeforesayinggood-byetheDoctoractuallytookdownavolumefromthoseshelveswhichhadseemedsoawfulsixyearspreviously,andgaveittohimafterhavingwrittenhisnameinit,andthewords[Greektext],whichIbelievemeans“withallkindwishesfromthedonor。”ThebookwasonewritteninLatinbyaGerman——
  Schomann:“DecomitiisAtheniensibus“——notexactlylightandcheerfulreading,butErnestfeltitwashightimehegottounderstandtheAthenianconstitutionandmannerofvoting;hehadgotthemupagreatmanytimesalready,buthadforgottenthemasfastashehadlearnedthem;now,however,thattheDoctorhadgivenhimthisbook,hewouldmasterthesubjectonceforall。Howstrangeitwas!Hewantedtorememberthesethingsverybadly;heknewhedid,buthecouldneverretainthem;inspiteofhimselftheynosoonerfelluponhismindthantheyfelloffitagain,hehadsuchadreadfulmemory;whereas,ifanyoneplayedhimapieceofmusicandtoldhimwhereitcamefrom,heneverforgotthat,thoughhemadenoefforttoretainit,andwasnotevenconsciousoftryingtorememberitatall。Hismindmustbebadlyformedandhewasnogood。
  Havingstillashorttimetospare,hegotthekeysofStMichael’schurchandwenttohaveafarewellpracticeupontheorgan,whichhecouldnowplayfairlywell。Hewalkedupanddowntheaisleforawhileinameditativemood,andthen,settlingdowntotheorgan,played“Theyloathedtodrinkoftheriver“aboutsixtimesover,afterwhichhefeltmorecomposedandhappier;then,tearinghimselfawayfromtheinstrumenthelovedsowell,hehurriedtothestation。
  Asthetraindrewouthelookeddownfromahighembankmentontothelittlehousehisaunthadtaken,andwhereitmightbesaidshehaddiedthroughherdesiretodohimakindness。Therewerethetwowell-knownbowwindows,outofwhichhehadoftensteppedtorunacrossthelawnintotheworkshop。Hereproachedhimselfwiththelittlegratitudehehadshowntowardsthiskindlady——theonlyoneofhisrelationswhomhehadeverfeltasthoughhecouldhavetakenintohisconfidence。Dearlyashelovedhermemory,hewasgladshehadnotknownthescrapeshehadgotintosinceshedied;perhapsshemightnothaveforgiventhem——andhowawfulthatwouldhavebeen!Butthen,ifshehadlived,perhapsmanyofhisillswouldhavebeensparedhim。Ashemusedthushegrewsadagain。Where,where,heaskedhimself,wasitalltoend?Wasittobealwayssin,shameandsorrowinthefuture,asithadbeeninthepast,andtheever-watchfuleyeandprotectinghandofhisfatherlayingburdensonhimgreaterthanhecouldbear——orwashe,too,somedayoranothertocometofeelthathewasfairlywellandhappy?