Hewasasuselessandillateasewithcricketaswithfootball,norinspiteofallhiseffortscouldheeverthrowaballorastone。
Itsoonbecameplain,therefore,toeveryonethatPontifexwasayoungmuff,amollycoddle,nottobetortured,butstillnottoberatedhighly。Hewasnothowever,activelyunpopular,foritwasseenthathewasquitesquareinterpares,notatallvindictive,easilypleased,perfectlyfreewithwhateverlittlemoneyhehad,nogreaterloverofhisschoolworkthanofthegames,andgenerallymoreinclinabletomoderatevicethantoimmoderatevirtue。
Thesequalitieswillpreventanyboyfromsinkingverylowintheopinionofhisschool-fellows;butErnestthoughthehadfallenlowerthanheprobablyhad,andhatedanddespisedhimselfforwhathe,asmuchasanyoneelse,believedtobehiscowardice。Hedidnotliketheboyswhomhethoughtlikehimself。Hisheroeswerestrongandvigorous,andthelesstheyinclinedtowardshimthemoreheworshippedthem。Allthismadehimveryunhappy,foritneveroccurredtohimthattheinstinctwhichmadehimkeepoutofgamesforwhichhewasilladapted,wasmorereasonablethanthereasonwhichwouldhavedrivenhimintothem。Neverthelesshefollowedhisinstinctforthemostpart,ratherthanhisreason。Sapienssuamsisapientiamnorit。
WiththemastersErnestwaserelonginabsolutedisgrace。Hehadmorelibertynowthanhehadknownheretofore。TheheavyhandandwatchfuleyeofTheobaldwerenolongerabouthispathandabouthisbedandspyingoutallhisways;andpunishmentbywayofcopyingoutlinesofVirgilwasaverydifferentthingfromthesavagebeatingsofhisfather。Thecopyingoutinfactwasoftenlesstroublethanthelesson。LatinandGreekhadnothinginthemwhichcommendedthemtohisinstinctaslikelytobringhimpeaceevenatthelast;stilllessdidtheyholdoutanyhopeofdoingsowithinsomemorereasonabletime。Thedeadnessinherentinthesedefunctlanguagesthemselveshadneverbeenartificiallycounteractedbyasystemofbonafiderewardsforapplication。Therehadbeenanyamountofpunishmentsforwantofapplication,butnogoodcomfortablebribeshadbaitedthehookwhichwastoallurehimtohisgood。
Indeed,themorepleasantsideoflearningtodothisorthathadalwaysbeentreatedassomethingwithwhichErnesthadnoconcern。
Wehadnobusinesswithpleasantthingsatall,atanyrateverylittlebusiness,atanyratenothe,Ernest。Wewereputintothisworldnotforpleasurebutduty,andpleasurehadinitsomethingmoreorlesssinfulinitsveryessence。Ifweweredoinganythingweliked,we,oratanyratehe,Ernest,shouldapologiseandthinkhewasbeingverymercifullydealtwith,ifnotatoncetoldtogoanddosomethingelse。Withwhathedidnotlike,however,itwasdifferent;themorehedislikedathingthegreaterthepresumptionthatitwasright。Itneveroccurredtohimthatthepresumptionwasinfavouroftherightnessofwhatwasmostpleasant,andthattheonusofprovingthatitwasnotrightlaywiththosewhodisputeditsbeingso。Ihavesaidmorethanoncethathebelievedinhisowndepravity;neverwastherealittlemortalmorereadytoacceptwithoutcavilwhateverhewastoldbythosewhowereinauthorityoverhim:hethought,atleast,thathebelievedit,forasyetheknewnothingofthatotherErnestthatdweltwithinhim,andwassomuchstrongerandmorerealthantheErnestofwhichhewasconscious。ThedumbErnestpersuadedwithinarticulatefeelingstooswiftandsuretobetranslatedintosuchdebateablethingsaswords,butpracticallyinsistedasfollows-
“Growingisnottheeasyplainsailingbusinessthatitiscommonlysupposedtobe:itishardwork——harderthananybutagrowingboycanunderstand;itrequiresattention,andyouarenotstrongenoughtoattendtoyourbodilygrowth,andtoyourlessonstoo。Besides,LatinandGreekaregreathumbug;themorepeopleknowofthemthemoreodioustheygenerallyare;thenicepeoplewhomyoudelightineitherneverknewanyatallorforgotwhattheyhadlearnedassoonastheycould;theyneverturnedtotheclassicsaftertheywerenolongerforcedtoreadthem;thereforetheyarenonsense,allverywellintheirowntimeandcountry,butoutofplacehere。Neverlearnanythinguntilyoufindyouhavebeenmadeuncomfortableforagoodlongwhilebynotknowingit;whenyoufindthatyouhaveoccasionforthisorthatknowledge,orforeseethatyouwillhaveoccasionforitshortly,thesooneryoulearnitthebetter,buttillthenspendyourtimeingrowingboneandmuscle;thesewillbemuchmoreusefultoyouthanLatinandGreek,norwillyoueverbeabletomakethemifyoudonotdosonow,whereasLatinandGreekcanbeacquiredatanytimebythosewhowantthem。
“Youaresurroundedoneverysidebylieswhichwoulddeceiveeventheelect,iftheelectwerenotgenerallysouncommonlywideawake;
theselfofwhichyouareconscious,yourreasoningandreflectingself,willbelievetheseliesandbidyouactinaccordancewiththem。Thisconsciousselfofyours,Ernest,isaprigbegottenofprigsandtrainedinpriggishness;Iwillnotallowittoshapeyouractions,thoughitwilldoubtlessshapeyourwordsformanyayeartocome。Yourpapaisnotheretobeatyounow;thisisachangeintheconditionsofyourexistence,andshouldbefollowedbychangedactions。Obeyme,yourtrueself,andthingswillgotolerablywellwithyou,butonlylistentothatoutwardandvisibleoldhuskofyourswhichiscalledyourfather,andIwillrendyouinpiecesevenuntothethirdandfourthgenerationasonewhohashatedGod;
forI,Ernest,amtheGodwhomadeyou。”
HowshockedErnestwouldhavebeenifhecouldhaveheardtheadvicehewasreceiving;whatconsternationtootherewouldhavebeenatBattersby;butthematterdidnotendhere,forthissamewickedinnerselfgavehimbadadviceabouthispocketmoney,thechoiceofhiscompanionsandonthewholeErnestwasattentiveandobedienttoitsbehests,moresothanTheobaldhadbeen。Theconsequencewasthathelearnedlittle,hismindgrowingmoreslowlyandhisbodyratherfasterthanheretofore:andwhenbyandbyhisinnerselfurgedhimindirectionswherehemetobstaclesbeyondhisstrengthtocombat,hetook——thoughwithpassionatecompunctionsofconscience——thenearestcoursetotheonefromwhichhewasdebarredwhichcircumstanceswouldallow。
ItmaybeguessedthatErnestwasnotthechosenfriendofthemoresedateandwell-conductedyouthsthenstudyingatRoughborough。
Someofthelessdesirableboysusedtogotopublic-housesanddrinkmorebeerthanwasgoodforthem;Ernest’sinnerselfcanhardlyhavetoldhimtoallyhimselftotheseyounggentlemen,buthedidsoatanearlyage,andwassometimesmadepitiablysickbyanamountofbeerwhichwouldhaveproducednoeffectuponastrongerboy。Ernest’sinnerselfmusthaveinterposedatthispointandtoldhimthattherewasnotmuchfuninthis,forhedroppedthehabitereithadtakenfirmholdofhim,andneverresumedit;buthecontractedanotheratthedisgracefullyearlyageofbetweenthirteenandfourteenwhichhedidnotrelinquish,thoughtothepresentdayhisconsciousselfkeepsdingingitintohimthatthelesshesmokesthebetter。
Andsomatterswentontillmyherowasnearlyfourteenyearsold。
Ifbythattimehewasnotactuallyayoungblackguard,hebelongedtoadebateableclassbetweenthesub-reputableandtheupperdisreputable,withperhapsrathermoreleaningtothelatterexceptsofarasvicesofmeannesswereconcerned,fromwhichhewasfairlyfree。IgatherthispartlyfromwhatErnesthastoldme,andpartlyfromhisschoolbillswhichIrememberTheobaldshowedmewithmuchcomplaining。TherewasaninstitutionatRoughboroughcalledthemonthlymeritmoney;themaximumsumwhichaboyofErnest’sagecouldgetwasfourshillingsandsixpence;severalboysgotfourshillingsandfewlessthansixpence,butErnestnevergotmorethanhalf-a-crownandseldommorethaneighteenpence;hisaveragewould,Ishouldthink,beaboutoneandninepence,whichwasjusttoomuchforhimtorankamongthedownrightbadboys,buttoolittletoputhimamongthegoodones。
ImustnowreturntoMissAletheaPontifex,ofwhomIhavesaidperhapstoolittlehitherto,consideringhowgreatherinfluenceuponmyhero’sdestinyprovedtobe。
Onthedeathofherfather,whichhappenedwhenshewasaboutthirty-twoyearsold,shepartedcompanywithhersisters,betweenwhomandherselftherehadbeenlittlesympathy,andcameuptoLondon。Shewasdetermined,soshesaid,tomaketherestofherlifeashappyasshecould,andshehadclearerideasaboutthebestwayofsettingtoworktodothisthanwomen,orindeedmen,generallyhave。
Herfortuneconsisted,asIhavesaid,of5000pounds,whichhadcometoherbyhermother’smarriagesettlements,and15,000poundsleftherbyherfather,overbothwhichsumsshehadnowabsolutecontrol。Thesebroughtherinabout900poundsayear,andthemoneybeinginvestedinnonebutthesoundestsecurities,shehadnoanxietyaboutherincome。Shemeanttoberich,sosheformedaschemeofexpenditurewhichinvolvedanannualoutlayofabout500
pounds,anddeterminedtoputtherestby。“IfIdothis。”shesaidlaughingly,“Ishallprobablyjustsucceedinlivingcomfortablywithinmyincome。”InaccordancewiththisschemeshetookunfurnishedapartmentsinahouseinGowerStreet,ofwhichthelowerfloorswereletoutasoffices。JohnPontifextriedtogethertotakeahousetoherself,butAletheatoldhimtomindhisownbusinesssoplainlythathehadtobeataretreat。Shehadneverlikedhim,andfromthattimedroppedhimalmostentirely。
Withoutgoingmuchintosocietysheyetbecameacquaintedwithmostofthemenandwomenwhohadattainedapositionintheliterary,artisticandscientificworlds,anditwassingularhowhighlyheropinionwasvaluedinspiteofherneverhavingattemptedinanywaytodistinguishherself。Shecouldhavewrittenifshehadchosen,butsheenjoyedseeingotherswriteandencouragingthembetterthantakingamoreactivepartherself。Perhapsliterarypeoplelikedherallthebetterbecauseshedidnotwrite。
I,assheverywellknew,hadalwaysbeendevotedtoher,andshemighthavehadascoreofotheradmirersifshehadliked,butshehaddiscouragedthemall,andrailedatmatrimonyaswomenseldomdounlesstheyhaveacomfortableincomeoftheirown。Shebynomeans,however,railedatmanassherailedatmatrimony,andthoughlivingafterafashioninwhicheventhemostcensoriouscouldfindnothingtocomplainof,asfarassheproperlycouldshedefendedthoseofherownsexwhomtheworldcondemnedmostseverely。
Inreligionshewas,Ishouldthink,asnearlyafree-thinkerasanyonecouldbewhosemindseldomturneduponthesubject。Shewenttochurch,butdislikedequallythosewhoairedeitherreligionorirreligion。Irememberoncehearingherpressalatewell-knownphilosophertowriteanovelinsteadofpursuinghisattacksuponreligion。Thephilosopherdidnotmuchlikethis,anddilatedupontheimportanceofshowingpeoplethefollyofmuchthattheypretendedtobelieve。Shesmiledandsaiddemurely,“HavetheynotMosesandtheprophets?Letthemhearthem。”Butshewouldsayawickedthingquietlyonherownaccountsometimes,andcalledmyattentiononcetoanoteinherprayer-bookwhichgaveaccountofthewalktoEmmauswiththetwodisciples,andhowChristhadsaidtothem“OfoolsandslowofhearttobelieveALLthattheprophetshavespoken“——the“all“beingprintedinsmallcapitals。
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