IcalledadayortwoafterwardsandfoundMrPontifexstillatBattersby，laidupwithoneofthoseattacksofliveranddepressiontowhichhewasbecomingmoreandmoresubject。Istayedtoluncheon。Theoldgentlemanwascrossandverydifficult；hecouldeatnothing——hadnoappetiteatall。Christinatriedtocoaxhimwithalittlebitofthefleshypartofamuttonchop。“HowinthenameofreasoncanIbeaskedtoeatamuttonchop？”heexclaimedangrily；“youforget，mydearChristina，thatyouhavetodealwithastomachthatistotallydisorganised。”andhepushedtheplatefromhim，poutingandfrowninglikeanaughtyoldchild。WritingasIdobythelightofalaterknowledge，IsupposeIshouldhaveseennothinginthisbuttheworld’sgrowingpains，thedisturbanceinseparablefromtransitioninhumanthings。Isupposeinrealitynotaleafgoesyellowinautumnwithoutceasingtocareaboutitssapandmakingtheparenttreeveryuncomfortablebylonggrowlingandgrumbling——butsurelynaturemightfindsomelessirritatingwayofcarryingonbusinessifshewouldgivehermindtoit。Whyshouldthegenerationsoverlaponeanotheratall？WhycannotwebeburiedaseggsinneatlittlecellswithtenortwentythousandpoundseachwrappedroundusinBankofEnglandnotes，andwakeup，asthesphexwaspdoes，tofindthatitspapaandmammahavenotonlyleftampleprovisionatitselbow，buthavebeeneatenbysparrowssomeweeksbeforeitbegantoliveconsciouslyonitsownaccount？
　　AboutayearandahalfafterwardsthetableswereturnedonBattersby——forMrsJohnPontifexwassafelydeliveredofaboy。A
　　yearorsolaterstill，GeorgePontifexwashimselfstruckdownsuddenlybyafitofparalysis，muchashismotherhadbeen，buthedidnotseetheyearsofhismother。Whenhiswillwasopened，itwasfoundthatanoriginalbequestof20，000poundstoTheobaldhimselfoverandabovethesumthathadbeensettleduponhimandChristinaatthetimeofhismarriagehadbeencutdownto17，500
　　poundswhenMrPontifexleft“something“toErnest。The“something“
　　provedtobe2500pounds，whichwastoaccumulateinthehandsoftrustees。TherestofthepropertywenttoJohnPontifex，exceptthateachofthedaughterswasleftwithabout15，000poundsoverandabove5000poundsapiecewhichtheyinheritedfromtheirmother。
　　Theobald’sfatherthenhadtoldhimthetruthbutnotthewholetruth。Nevertheless，whatrighthadTheobaldtocomplain？
　　Certainlyitwasratherhardtomakehimthinkthatheandhisweretobegainers，andgetthehonourandgloryofthebequest，whenallthetimethemoneywasvirtuallybeingtakenoutofTheobald’sownpocket。OntheotherhandthefatherdoubtlessarguedthathehadnevertoldTheobaldhewastohaveanythingatall；hehadafullrighttodowhathelikedwithhisownmoney；ifTheobaldchosetoindulgeinunwarrantableexpectationsthatwasnoaffairofhis；asitwashewasprovidingforhimliberally；andifhedidtake2500
　　poundsofTheobald’ssharehewasstillleavingittoTheobald’sson，which，ofcourse，wasmuchthesamethingintheend。
　　Noonecandenythatthetestatorhadstrictrightuponhisside；
　　neverthelessthereaderwillagreewithmethatTheobaldandChristinamightnothaveconsideredthechristeningdinnersogreatasuccessifallthefactshadbeenbeforethem。MrPontifexhadduringhisownlife-timesetupamonumentinElmhurstChurchtothememoryofhiswifeaslabwithurnsandcherubslikeillegitimatechildrenofKingGeorgetheFourth，andalltherestofit，andhadleftspaceforhisownepitaphunderneaththatofhiswife。Idonotknowwhetheritwaswrittenbyoneofhischildren，orwhethertheygotsomefriendtowriteitforthem。Idonotbelievethatanysatirewasintended。IbelievethatitwastheintentiontoconveythatnothingshortoftheDayofJudgementcouldgiveanyoneanideahowgoodamanMrPontifexhadbeen，butatfirstIfoundithardtothinkthatitwasfreefromguile。
　　Theepitaphbeginsbygivingdatesofbirthanddeath；thensetsoutthatthedeceasedwasformanyyearsheadofthefirmofFairlieandPontifex，andalsoresidentintheparishofElmhurst。Thereisnotasyllableofeitherpraiseordispraise。Thelastlinesrunasfollows：-
　　Thismuch，however，wemaysayinthemeantime，thathavinglivedtobenearlyseventy-threeyearsoldanddiedrichhemusthavebeeninveryfairharmonywithhissurroundings。Ihavehearditsaidsometimesthatsuchandsuchaperson’slifewasalie：butnoman’slifecanbeaverybadlie；aslongasitcontinuesatallitisatworstnine-tenthsofittrue。
　　MrPontifex’slifenotonlycontinuedalongtime，butwasprosperousrightuptotheend。Isnotthisenough？Beinginthisworldisitnotourmostobviousbusinesstomakethemostofit——toobservewhatthingsdobonafidetendtolonglifeandcomfort，andtoactaccordingly？Allanimals，exceptman，knowthattheprincipalbusinessoflifeistoenjoyit——andtheydoenjoyitasmuchasmanandothercircumstanceswillallow。Hehasspenthislifebestwhohasenjoyeditmost；Godwilltakecarethatwedonotenjoyitanymorethanisgoodforus。IfMrPontifexistobeblameditisfornothavingeatenanddrunklessandthussufferedlessfromhisliver，andlivedperhapsayearortwolonger。
　　Goodnessisnaughtunlessittendstowardsoldageandsufficiencyofmeans。Ispeakbroadlyandexceptisexcipiendis。Sothepsalmistsays，“Therighteousshallnotlackanythingthatisgood。”
　　Eitherthisismerepoeticallicense，oritfollowsthathewholacksanythingthatisgoodisnotrighteous；thereisapresumptionalsothathewhohaspassedalonglifewithoutlackinganythingthatisgoodhashimselfalsobeengoodenoughforpracticalpurposes。
　　MrPontifexneverlackedanythinghemuchcaredabout。True，hemighthavebeenhappierthanhewasifhehadcaredaboutthingswhichhedidnotcarefor，butthegistofthisliesinthe“ifhehadcared。”Wehaveallsinnedandcomeshortofthegloryofmakingourselvesascomfortableasweeasilymighthavedone，butinthisparticularcaseMrPontifexdidnotcare，andwouldnothavegainedmuchbygettingwhathedidnotwant。
　　Thereisnocastingofswine’smeatbeforemenworsethanthatwhichwouldflattervirtueasthoughhertrueoriginwerenotgoodenoughforher，butshemusthavealineage，deducedasitwerebyspiritualheralds，fromsomestockwithwhichshehasnothingtodo。
　　Virtue’struelineageisolderandmorerespectablethananythatcanbeinventedforher。Shespringsfromman’sexperienceconcerninghisownwell-being——andthis，thoughnotinfallible，isstilltheleastfalliblethingwehave。Asystemwhichcannotstandwithoutabetterfoundationthanthismusthavesomethingsounstablewithinitselfthatitwilltoppleoveronwhateverpedestalweplaceit。
　　Theworldhaslongagosettledthatmoralityandvirtuearewhatbringmenpeaceatthelast。“Bevirtuous。”saysthecopy-book，“andyouwillbehappy。”Surelyifareputedvirtuefailsofteninthisrespectitisonlyaninsidiousformofvice，andifareputedvicebringsnoveryseriousmischiefonaman’slateryearsitisnotsobadaviceasitissaidtobe。Unfortunatelythoughweareallofamindaboutthemainopinionthatvirtueiswhattendstohappiness，andvicewhatendsinsorrow，wearenotsounanimousaboutdetails——thatistosayastowhetheranygivencourse，such，wewillsay，assmoking，hasatendencytohappinessorthereverse。
　　Isubmititastheresultofmyownpoorobservation，thatagooddealofunkindnessandselfishnessonthepartofparentstowardschildrenisnotgenerallyfollowedbyillconsequencestotheparentsthemselves。Theymaycastagloomovertheirchildren’slivesformanyyearswithouthavingtosufferanythingthatwillhurtthem。Ishouldsay，then，thatitshowsnogreatmoralobliquityonthepartofparentsifwithincertainlimitstheymaketheirchildren’slivesaburdentothem。
　　GrantedthatMrPontifex’swasnotaveryexaltedcharacter，ordinarymenarenotrequiredtohaveveryexaltedcharacters。Itisenoughifweareofthesamemoralandmentalstatureasthe“main“or“mean“partofmen——thatistosayastheaverage。
　　Itisinvolvedintheveryessenceofthingsthatrichmenwhodieoldshallhavebeenmean。Thegreatestandwisestofmankindwillbealmostalwaysfoundtobethemeanest——theoneswhohavekeptthe“mean“bestbetweenexcesseitherofvirtueorvice。Theyhardlyeverhavebeenprosperousiftheyhavenotdonethis，and，consideringhowmanymiscarryaltogether，itisnosmallfeatherinaman’scapifhehasbeennoworsethanhisneighbours。Homertellsusaboutsomeonewhomadeithisbusiness[Greektext]——
　　alwaystoexcelandtostandhigherthanotherpeople。Whatanuncompanionabledisagreeablepersonhemusthavebeen！Homer’sheroesgenerallycametoabadend，andIdoubtnotthatthisgentleman，whoeverhewas，didsosoonerorlater。
　　Averyhighstandard，again，involvesthepossessionofrarevirtues，andrarevirtuesarelikerareplantsoranimals，thingsthathavenotbeenabletoholdtheirownintheworld。Avirtuetobeserviceablemust，likegold，bealloyedwithsomecommonerbutmoredurablemetal。
　　Peopledivideoffviceandvirtueasthoughtheyweretwothings，neitherofwhichhadwithitanythingoftheother。Thisisnotso。
　　Thereisnousefulvirtuewhichhasnotsomealloyofvice，andhardlyanyvice，ifany，whichcarriesnotwithitalittledashofvirtue；virtueandvicearelikelifeanddeath，ormindandmatter——
　　thingswhichcannotexistwithoutbeingqualifiedbytheiropposite。Themostabsolutelifecontainsdeath，andthecorpseisstillinmanyrespectsliving；soalsoithasbeensaid，“Ifthou，Lord，wiltbeextremetomarkwhatisdoneamiss。”whichshowsthateventhehighestidealwecanconceivewillyetadmitsomuchcompromisewithviceasshallcountenancethepoorabusesofthetime，iftheyarenottoooutrageous。Thatvicepayshomagetovirtueisnotorious；wecallthishypocrisy；thereshouldbeawordfoundforthehomagewhichvirtuenotunfrequentlypays，oratanyratewouldbewiseinpaying，tovice。
　　Igrantthatsomemenwillfindhappinessinhavingwhatweallfeeltobeahighermoralstandardthanothers。Iftheygoinforthis，however，theymustbecontentwithvirtueasherownreward，andnotgrumbleiftheyfindloftyQuixotismanexpensiveluxury，whoserewardsbelongtoakingdomthatisnotofthisworld。Theymustnotwonderiftheycutapoorfigureintryingtomakethemostofbothworlds。DisbelieveaswemaythedetailsoftheaccountswhichrecordthegrowthoftheChristianreligion，yetagreatpartofChristianteachingwillremainastrueasthoughweacceptedthedetails。WecannotserveGodandMammon；straitisthewayandnarrowisthegatewhichleadstowhatthosewholivebyfaithholdtobebestworthhaving，andthereisnowayofsayingthisbetterthantheBiblehasdone。Itiswellthereshouldbesomewhothinkthus，asitiswellthereshouldbespeculatorsincommerce，whowilloftenburntheirfingers——butitisnotwellthatthemajorityshouldleavethe“mean“andbeatenpath。
　　Formostmen，andmostcircumstances，pleasure——tangiblematerialprosperityinthisworld——isthesafesttestofvirtue。Progresshaseverbeenthroughthepleasuresratherthanthroughtheextremesharpvirtues，andthemostvirtuoushaveleanedtoexcessratherthantoasceticism。Touseacommercialmetaphor，competitionissokeen，andthemarginofprofitshasbeencutdownsocloselythatvirtuecannotaffordtothrowanybonafidechanceaway，andmustbaseheractionratherontheactualmoneyingoutofconductthanonaflatteringprospectus。Shewillnotthereforeneglect——assomedowhoareprudentandeconomicalenoughinothermatters——theimportantfactorofourchanceofescapingdetection，oratanyrateofourdyingfirst。Areasonablevirtuewillgivethischanceitsduevalue，neithermorenorless。