Foraninstantshehadaclearvisionofwhatshewasdoing,andwashorrifiedathowshehadfallenawayfromherresolution。Buteventhoughsheknewitwasherownruin,shecouldnotrestrainherself,couldnotkeepherselffromprovingtohimthathewaswrong,couldnotgivewaytohim。
`Ineversaidthat;IsaidIdidnotsympathizewiththissuddenpassion。’
`Howisit,thoughyouboastofyourstraightforwardness,youdon’ttellthetruth?’
`Ineverboast,andInevertelllies,’hesaidslowly,restraininghisrisinganger。`It’sagreatpityifyoucan’trespect……’
`Respectwasinventedtocovertheemptyplacewhereloveshouldbe……Andifyoudon’tlovemeanymore,itwouldbebetterandmorehonesttosayso。’
`No,thisisbecomingunbearable!’criedVronsky,gettingupfromhischair;andstoppingshort,facingher,hesaidspeakingdeliberately:
`Whatdoyoutrymypatiencefor?’lookingasthoughhemighthavesaidmuchmore,butwasrestraininghimself。`Ithaslimits。’
`Whatdoyoumeanbythat?’shecried,lookingwithterrorattheundisguisedhatredinhiswholeface,andespeciallyinhiscruel,sinistereyes。
`Imeantosay……’hewasbeginning,buthecheckedhimself。`I
mustaskwhatitisyouwantofme?’
`WhatIcanwant?AllIcanwantisthatyoushouldnotdesertme,asyouthinkofdoing,’shesaid,understandingallhehadnotuttered。
`ButthatIdon’twant;that’ssecondary。Iwantlove,andthereisnone。
Sothen,allisatanend。’
Sheturnedtowardthedoor。
`Stop!sto-op!’saidVronsky,withnochangeinthegloomylinesofhisbrows,thoughheheldherbythehand。`Whatisitallabout?I
saidthatwemustputoffgoingforthreedays,andonthatyoutoldmeIwaslying,thatIwasnotanhonorableman。’
`Yes,andIrepeatthatthemanwhoreproachesmewithhavingsacrificedeverythingforme,’shesaid,recallingthewordsofastillearlierquarrel,`isworsethanadishonorableman-he’saheartlessman。’
`Oh,therearelimitstoendurance!’hecried,andhastilyletgoherhand。
`Hehatesme,that’sclear,’shethought,andinsilence,withoutlookinground,shewalkedwithfalteringstepsoutoftheroom。`Helovesanotherwoman,that’sevenclearer,’shesaidtoherselfasshewentintoherownroom。`Iwantlove,andthereisnone。So,then,allisatanend,’
sherepeatedthewordsshehadsaid,`anditmustbeputtoanend。’
`Buthow?’sheaskedherself,andshesatdowninalowchairbeforethelookingglass。
Thoughtsofwhereshewouldgonow,whethertotheauntwhohadbroughtherup,toDolly,orsimplyalone,abroad,andofwhathewasdoingnowaloneinhisstudy;whetherthiswasthefinalquarrel,orwhetherreconciliationwerestillpossible;andofwhatallheroldfriendsatPeterburgwouldsayofhernow;andofhowAlexeiAlexandrovichwouldlookatit,andmanyotherideasofwhatwouldhappennowaftertherupture,cameintoherhead;butshedidnotgiveherselfuptothemwithallherheart。Atthebottomofherheartwassomeobscureideathataloneinterestedher,butshecouldnotgetclearsightofit。ThinkingoncemoreofAlexeiAlexandrovich,sherecalledthetimeofherillnessafterherconfinement,andthefeelingwhichneverleftheratthattime。`Whydidn’tIdie?’
sherecalledthewordsandthefeelingofthattime。Andallatoncesheknewwhatwasinhersoul。Yes,itwasthatideawhichalonesolvedall。
`Yes,todie!……’
`AndtheshameanddisgraceofAlexeiAlexandrovichandofSeriozha,andmyawfulshame-deathwillbethesalvationofeverything。Todie!
Andhewillfeelremorse;willbesorry;willloveme;hewillsufferonmyaccount。’Withafixedsmileofcommiserationforherselfshesatdowninthearmchair,takingoffandputtingontheringsonherlefthand,vividlypicturingfromdifferentsideshisfeelingsafterherdeath。
Approachingfootsteps-hissteps-distractedherattention。
Asthoughabsorbedinthearrangementofherrings,shedidnoteventurntohim。
Hewentuptoher,andtakingherbythehand,saidsoftly:
`Anna,we’llgothedayaftertomorrow,ifyoulike。Iagreetoeverything。’
Shedidnotspeak。
`Whatisit?’heurged。
`Youknow,’shesaid,andatthesameinstant,unabletorestrainherselfanylonger,sheburstintosobs。
`Castmeoff-do!’-shearticulatedbetweenhersobs。`I’llgoawaytomorrow……I’lldomorethanthat。WhatamI?Adepravedwoman!
Astoneroundyourneck。Idon’twanttomakeyouwretched;Idon’twantto!I’llsetyoufree。Youdon’tloveme;youlovesomeoneelse!’
Vronskybesoughthertobecalm,anddeclaredthattherewasnotraceoffoundationforherjealousy;thathehadneverceased,andneverwouldcease,toloveher;thathelovedhermorethanever。
`Anna,whydistressyourselfandmeso?’hesaidtoher,kissingherhands。Therewastendernessnowinhisface,andshefanciedshecaughtthesoundoftearsinhisvoice,andshefeltthemwetonherhand。AndinstantlyAnna’sdespairingjealousychangedtoadespairingpassionoftenderness。Sheputherarmsroundhim,andcoveredwithkisseshishead,hisneck,hishands。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter25Feelingthatthereconciliationwascomplete,Annaseteagerlytoworkinthemorningpreparingfortheirdeparture。ThoughitwasnotsettledwhethertheyshouldgoonMondayorTuesday,astheyhadeachgivenwaytotheother,Annapackedbusily,feelingabsolutelyindifferentwhethertheywentadayearlierorlater。Shewasstandinginherroomoveranopenbox,takingthingsoutofit,whenhecameintoseeherearlierthanusual,dressedtogoout。
`I’mgoingoffatoncetoseemaman;shecansendmethemoneybyIegorov。AndIshallbereadytogotomorrow,’hesaid。
Thoughshewasinsuchagoodmood,thementionofhisvisittohismother’sgaveherapang。
`No,Ishan’tbereadybythenmyself,’shesaid;andatoncereflected,`sothenitwaspossibletoarrangetodoasIwished。’-`No,doasyoumeanttodo。Gointothediningroom,I’mcomingdirectly。It’sonlytoturnoutthosethingsthataren’twanted,’shesaid,puttingsomethingmoreontheheapoffripperythatlayinAnnushka’sarms。
Vronskywaseatinghisbeefsteakwhenshecameintothediningroom。
`Youwouldn’tbelievehowdistastefultheseroomshavebecometome,’shesaid,sittingdownbesidehimtohercoffee。`There’snothingmoreawfulthanthesechambresgarnies。There’snoindividualityinthem,nosoul。Theseclocks,andcurtains,and,worstofall,thewallpapers-they’reanightmare。IthinkofVozdvizhenskoeasthepromisedland。
You’renotsendingthehorsesoffyet?’
`No,theywillcomeafterus。Whereareyougoingto?’
`IwantedtogotoWilson’stotakesomedressestoher。Soit’sreallytobetomorrow?’shesaidinacheerfulvoice;butsuddenlyherfacechanged。
Vronsky’svaletcameintoaskhimtosignareceiptforatelegramfromPeterburg。TherewasnothingoutofthewayinVronsky’sgettingatelegram,buthesaid,asthoughanxioustoconcealsomethingfromher,thatthereceiptwasinhisstudy,andheturnedhurriedlytoher。
`Bytomorrow,withoutfail,Iwillfinishitall。’
`Fromwhomisthetelegram?’sheasked,nothearinghim。
`FromStiva,’heansweredreluctantly。
`Whydidn’tyoushowittome?WhatsecretcantherebebetweenStivaandme?’
Vronskycalledthevaletback,andtoldhimtobringthetelegram。
`Ididn’twanttoshowittoyou,becauseStivahassuchapassionfortelegraphing:whytelegraphwhennothingissettled?’
`Aboutthedivorce?’
`Yes;buthesayshehasnotbeenabletocomeatanythingyet。
Hehaspromisedadecisiveanswerinadayortwo。Buthereitis;readit。’
WithtremblinghandsAnnatookthetelegram,andreadwhatVronskyhadtoldher。Attheendwasadded:`littlehope;butIwilldoeverythingpossibleandimpossible。’
`Isaidyesterdaythatit’sabsolutelynothingtomewhenIgetadivorce,orwhetherInevergetit,’shesaid,flushingcrimson。`Therewasnottheslightestnecessitytohideitfromme。’-`Sohemayhide,anddoeshide,hiscorrespondencewithwomenfromme,’shethought。
`IashvinmeanttocomethismorningwithVoitov,’saidVronsky;
`Ibelievehe’swonfromPievtsovallandmorethanhecanpay-aboutsixtythousand。’
`No,’shesaid,furtherirritatedbyhissoobviouslyshowingbythischangeofsubjectthatheknewshewasirritated,`whydidyousupposethatthisnewswouldaffectmeso,thatyoumusteventrytohideit?IsaidIdon’twanttoconsiderit,andIshouldhavelikedyoutocareaslittleaboutitasIdo。’
`IcareaboutitbecauseIlikedefiniteness,’hesaid。
`Definitenessisnotintheform,butinlove,’shesaid,moreandmoreirritated,notbyhiswords,butbythetoneofcoolcomposureinwhichhespoke。`Whatdoyouwantitfor?’
`MyGod!Loveagain,’hethought,frowning。
`Oh,youknowwhatfor;foryoursakeandyourchildren’sinthefuture。’
`Therewon’tbeanychildreninthefuture。’
`That’sagreatpity,’hesaid。
`Youwantitforthechildren’ssake,butyoudon’tthinkofme?’
shesaid,quiteforgetting,ornothavingheardthathehadsaid,`Foryoursakeandthechildren’s。’
Thequestionofthepossibilityofhavingchildrenhadlongbeenasubjectofdisputeandirritationtoher。Hisdesiretohavechildrensheinterpretedasaproofhedidnotprizeherbeauty。
`Oh,Isaid:foryoursake。Aboveallforyoursake,’herepeated,frowningasthoughinpain,`becauseIamcertainthatthegreaterpartofyourirritabilitycomesfromtheindefinitenessoftheposition。’
`Yes,nowhehaslaidasideallpretense,andallhiscoldhatredformeisapparent,’shethought,nothearinghiswords,butwatchingwithterrorthecold,crueljudgewho,mockingher,lookedoutofhiseyes。
`Thecauseisn’tthat,’shesaid,`and,indeed,Idon’tseehowthecauseofmyirritability,asyoucallit,canbeinmybeingcompletelyinyourpower。Whatindefinitenessisthereintheposition?Onthecontrary。’
`Iamverysorrythatyoudon’tcaretounderstand,’heinterrupted,obstinatelyanxioustogiveutterancetohisthought。`TheindefinitenessconsistsinyourimaginingthatIamfree。’
`Onthatscoreyoucansetyourmindquiteatrest,’shesaid,andturningawayfromhim,shebegandrinkinghercoffee。
Sheliftedhercup,withherlittlefingerheldapart,andputittoherlips。Afterdrinkingafewsipssheglancedathim,andbyhisexpressionshesawclearlythathewasrepelledbyherhand,andhergesture,andthesoundmadebyherlips。
`Idon’tcareintheleastwhatyourmotherthinks,andwhatmatchshewantstomakeforyou,’shesaid,puttingthecupdownwithashakinghand。
`Butwearenottalkingaboutthat。’
`Yes,that’sjustwhatwearetalkingabout。Andletmetellyouthataheartlesswoman,whethershe’soldornotold,yourmotheroranyoneelse,isofnoconsequencetome,andIwouldnotconsenttoknowher。’
`Anna,Ibegyounottospeakdisrespectfullyofmymother。’
`Awomanwhoseheartdoesnottellherwhereherson’shappinessandhonorliehasnoheart。’
`Irepeatmyrequestthatyouwillnotspeakdisrespectfullyofmymother,whomIrespect,’hesaid,raisinghisvoiceandlookingsternlyather。
Shedidnotanswer。Lookingintentlyathim,athisface,hishands,sherecalledallthedetailsoftheirreconciliationthepreviousday,andhispassionatecaresses。`There,justsuchcaresseshehaslavished,andwilllavish,andlongstolavishonotherwomen!’shethought。
`Youdon’tloveyourmother。That’salltalk,andtalk,andtalk!’
shesaid,lookingathimwithhatredinhereyes。
`Evenifso,youmust……’
`Mustdecide,andIhavedecided,’shesaid,andshewouldhavegoneaway,butatthatmomentIashvinwalkedintotheroom。Annagreetedhimandremained。
Why,whentherewasatempestinhersoul,andshefeltshewasstandingataturningpointinherlife,whichmighthavefearfulconsequences-why,atthatminute,shehadtokeepupappearancesbeforeanoutsider,whosoonerorlatermustknowitall-shedidnotknow。Butatoncequellingthestormwithinher,shesatdownandbegantalkingtotheirguest。
`Well,howareyougettingon?Hasyourdebtbeenpaidyou?’sheaskedIashvin。
`Oh,prettyfair;IfancyIshan’tgetitall,whileIoughttogoonWednesday。Andwhenareyouoff?’saidIashvin,lookingatVronsky,andunmistakablysurmisingaquarrel。
`Thedayaftertomorrow,Ithink,’saidVronsky。
`You’vebeenintendingtogosolong,though。’
`Butnowit’squitedecided,’saidAnna,lookingVronskystraightinthefacewithalookwhichtoldhimnottodreamofthepossibilityofreconciliation。
`Don’tyoufeelsorryforthatunluckyPievtsov?’shewenton,talkingtoIashvin。
`I’veneveraskedmyselfthequestion,AnnaArkadyevna,whetherI’msorryforhimornot。Yousee,allmyfortune’shere’-hetouchedhisbreastpocket-`andjustnowI’mawealthyman。ButtodayI’mgoingtotheclub,andImaycomeoutabeggar。Yousee,whoeversitsdowntoplaywithmewantstoleavemewithoutashirttomyback,andIwishthesametohim。Andsowefightitout,andthat’sthepleasureofit。’
`Well,butsupposeyouweremarried,’saidAnna,`howwoulditbeforyourwife?’
Iashvinlaughed。
`That’stoallappearancewhyI’mnotmarried,andnevermeantobe。’
`AndHelsingfors?’saidVronsky,enteringintotheconversationandglancingatAnna’ssmilingface。Meetinghiseyes,Anna’sfaceinstantlytookacoldlysevereexpressionasthoughsheweresayingtohim:`It’snotforgotten。It’sallthesame。’
`Wereyoureallyinlove?’shesaidtoIashvin。
`Ohheavens!Eversomanytimes!But,yousee,somemencanplay,butonlysothattheycanalwayslaydowntheircardswhenthehourofarendez-vouscomes,whileIcantakeuplove,butonlysoasnottobelateformycardsintheevening。That’showImanagethings。’
`No,Ididn’tmeanthat,buttherealthing。’ShewouldhavesaidHelsingfors,butwouldnotrepeatthewordusedbyVronsky。
Voitov,whowasbuyingthehorse,camein。Annagotupandwentoutoftheroom。
Beforeleavingthehouse,Vronskywentintoherroom。Shewouldhavepretendedtobelookingforsomethingonthetable,butashamedofmakingapretense,shelookedstraightinhisfacewithcoldeyes。
`Whatdoyouwant?’sheaskedinFrench。
`TogettheguaranteeforGambetta-I’vesoldhim,’hesaid,inatonewhichsaidmoreclearlythanwords,`I’venotimefordiscussingthings,anditwouldleadtonothing。’
`I’mnottoblameinanyway,’hethought。`Ifshewillpunishherself,tantpispourelle。’Butashewasgoinghefanciedthatshesaidsomething,andhisheartsuddenlyachedwithpityforher。
`Eh,Anna?’hequeried。
`Isaidnothing,’sheansweredjustascoldlyandcalmly。
`Oh,nothing,tantpisthen,’hethought,feelingcoldagain,andheturnedandwentout。Ashewasgoingouthecaughtaglimpseinthelookingglassofherface,white,withquiveringlips。Heevenwantedtostopandtosaysomecomfortingwordtoher,buthislegscarriedhimoutoftheroombeforehecouldthinkwhattosay。Thewholeofthatdayhespentawayfromhome,andwhenhecameinlateintheeveningthemaidtoldhimthatAnnaArkadyevnahadaheadacheandbeggedhimnottogointoher。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter26Neverbeforehadadaybeenpassedinquarrel。Todaywasthefirsttime。
Andthiswasnotaquarrel。Itwastheopenacknowledgmentofcompletecoldness。Wasitpossibletoglanceatherashehadglancedwhenhecameintotheroomfortheguarantee?-tolookather,seeherheartwasbreakingwithdespair,andgooutwithoutawordwiththatfaceofcallouscomposure?
Hewasnotmerelycoldtoher,hehatedherbecausehelovedanotherwoman-thatwasclear。
Andrememberingallthecruelwordshehadsaid,Annasupplied,too,thewordsthathehadunmistakablywishedtosayandcouldhavesaidtoher,andshegrewmoreandmoreexasperated。
`Iwon’tpreventyou,’hemightsay。`Youcangowhereyoulike。
Youwereunwillingtobedivorcedfromyourhusband,nodoubtsothatyoumightgobacktohim。Gobacktohim。Ifyouwantmoney,I’llgiveittoyou。Howmanyroublesdoyouwant?’
Allthemostcruelwordsthatabrutalmancouldsay,hesaidtoherinherimagination,andshecouldnotforgivehimforthem,asthoughhehadactuallysaidthem。
`Butdidn’theonlyyesterdayswearhelovedme,he,atruthfulandsincereman?Haven’tIdespairedfornothingmanytimesalready?’shesaidtoherselfrightafterthis。
Allthatday,exceptforthevisittoWilson’s,whichoccupiedtwohours,Annaspentindoubtswhethereverythingwereoverorwhethertherewerestillhopeofreconciliation;whethersheshouldgoawayatonceorseehimoncemore。Shewasexpectinghimthewholeday,andintheevening,asshewenttoherownroom,leavingamessageforhimthatherheadached,shesaidtoherself,`Ifhecomesinspiteofwhatthemaidsays,itmeansthathelovesmestill。Ifnot,itmeansthatallisover,andthenIwilldecidewhatIamtodo!……’
Intheeveningsheheardtherumblingofhiscarriagestopattheentrance,hisring,hissteps,andhisconversationwiththeservant;
hebelievedwhatwastoldhim,didnotcaretofindoutmore,andwenttohisownroom。Sothen,everythingwasatanend。
Anddeathroseclearlyandvividlybeforehermindasthesolemeansofbringingbackloveforherinhisheart,ofpunishinghimandofgainingthevictoryinthatstrifewhichtheevilspiritinpossessionofherheartwaswagingwithhim。
Nownothingmattered:goingornotgoingtoVozdvizhenskoe,gettingornotgettingadivorcefromherhusband-allthatdidnotmatter。Theonethingthatmatteredwaspunishinghim。
Whenshepouredherselfoutherusualdoseofopium,andthoughtthatshehadonlytodrinkoffthewholebottletodie,itseemedtohersosimpleandeasy,thatshebeganmusingwithenjoymentonhowhewouldsuffer,andrepent,andlovehermemorywhenitwouldbetoolate。Shelayinbedwithopeneyes,bythelightofasinglegutteringcandle,gazingatthecarvedcorniceoftheceilingandattheshadowofthescreenthatcoveredpartofit,whileshevividlypicturedtoherselfhowhewouldfeelwhenshewouldbenomore,whenshewouldbeonlyamemorytohim。
`HowcouldIsaysuchcruelthingstoher?’hewouldsay。`HowcouldI
gooutoftheroomwithoutsayinganythingtoher?Butnowsheisnomore。
Shehasgoneawayfromusforever。Sheis……’Suddenlytheshadowofthescreenwavered,pouncedonthewholecornice,thewholeceiling;othershadowsfromtheothersideswoopedtomeetit;foraninstanttheshadowsflittedback,butthenwithfreshswiftnesstheydartedforward,wavered,mingled,andallwasdarkness。`Death!’shethought。Andsuchhorrorcameuponherthatforalongwhileshecouldnotrealizewhereshewas,andforalongwhilehertremblinghandscouldnotfindthematchesandlightanothercandle,insteadoftheonethathadburneddownandgoneout。`No,anything-onlytolive!Why,Ilovehim!Why,helovesme!Thishasbeenbeforeandwillpass,’shesaid,feelingthattearsofjoyatthereturntolifeweretricklingdownhercheeks。Andtoescapefromherpanicshewenthurriedlytohisroom。
Hewasasleepthere,andsleepingsoundly。Shewentuptohim,andholdingthelightabovehisface,shegazedalongwhileathim。Nowwhenhewasasleep,shelovedhimsothatatthesightofhimshecouldnotkeepbacktearsoftenderness。Butsheknewthatifhewakeduphewouldlookatherwithcoldeyes,convincedthathewasright,andthatbeforetellinghimofherlove,shewouldhavetoprovetohimthathehadbeenwronginhistreatmentofher。Withoutwakinghim,shewentback,andafteraseconddoseofopiumshefelltowardmorningintoaheavy,incompletesleep,duringwhichsheneverquitelostconsciousness。
Inthemorningshewaswakedbyahorriblenightmare,whichhadrecurredseveraltimesinherdreams,evenbeforeherconnectionwithVronsky。
Alittleoldmanwithunkemptbeardwasdoingsomething,stoopingoversomeiron,mutteringmeaninglessFrenchwords,andshe,asshealwaysdidinthisnightmareitwaswhatmadethehorrorofit,feltthatthispeasantwastakingnonoticeofher,butwasdoingsomethinghorriblewiththeiron-overher。Andshewakedupinacoldsweat。
Whenshegotup,thepreviousdaycamebacktoherasthoughveiledinmist。
`Therewasaquarrel。Justwhathashappenedseveraltimes。I
saidIhadaheadache,andhedidnotcomeintoseeme。Tomorrowwe’regoingaway;Imustseehimandgetreadyforthejourney,’shesaidtoherself。Andlearningthathewasinhisstudy,shewentdowntohim。Asshepassedthroughthedrawingroomsheheardacarriagestopattheentrance,andlookingoutofthewindowshesawthecarriage,fromwhichayounggirlinalilachatwasleaningout,givingsomedirectiontothefootmanwhowasringingthebell。Afteraparleyinthehall,someonecameupstairs,andVronsky’sstepscouldbeheardpassingthedrawingroom。Hewentrapidlydownstairs。Annawentagaintothewindow。Shesawhimcomeoutonthestepswithouthishatandgouptothecarriage。Theyounggirlinthelilachathandedhimaparcel。Vronsky,smiling,saidsomethingtoher。
Thecarriagedroveaway;heranrapidlyupstairsagain。
Themiststhathadshroudedeverythinginhersoulpartedsuddenly。
Thefeelingsofyesterdaypiercedthesickheartwithafreshpang。Shecouldnotunderstandnowhowshecouldhaveloweredherselfbyspendingawholedaywithhiminhishouse。Shewentintohisroomtoannounceherdetermination。
`ThatwasMadameSorokinaandherdaughter。Theycameandbroughtmethemoneyandthedeedsfrommaman。Icouldn’tgetthemyesterday。Howisyourhead,better?’hesaidquietly,notwishingtoseeandtounderstandthegloomyandsolemnexpressionofherface。
Shelookedsilently,intentlyathim,standinginthemiddleoftheroom。Heglancedather,frownedforamoment,andwentonreadingaletter。Sheturned,andwentdeliberatelyoutoftheroom。Hestillmighthaveturnedherback,butshehadreachedthedoor,hewasstillsilent,andtheonlysoundaudiblewastherustlingofthenotepaperasheturnedit。
`Oh,bytheway,’hesaidattheverymomentshewasinthedoorway,`we’regoingtomorrowforcertain,aren’twe?’
`You,butnotI,’shesaid,turningroundtohim。
`Anna,wecan’tgoonlikethis……’
`You,butnotI,’sherepeated。
`Thisisgettingunbearable!’
`You……Youwillbesorryforthis,’shesaid,andwentout。
Frightenedbythedesperateexpressionwithwhichthesewordswereuttered,hejumpedupandwouldhaverunafterher,butonsecondthoughtshesatdownandscowled,settinghisteeth。Thisvulgar-ashethoughtit-threatofsomethingvagueexasperatedhim。`I’vetriedeverything,’
hethought;`theonlythingleftisnottopayattention,’andhebegantogetreadytodriveintotown,andagaintohismother’s,togethersignaturetothedeeds。
Sheheardthesoundofhisstepsaboutthestudyandthediningroom。Atthedrawingroomhestoodstill。Buthedidnotturnintoseeher;hemerelygaveanorderthatthehorseshouldbegiventoVoitovifhecamewhilehewasaway。Thensheheardthecarriagebroughtround,thedooropened,andhecameoutagain。Buthewentbackintotheporchagain,andsomeonewasrunningupstairs。Itwasthevaletrunningupforhisforgottengloves。Shewenttothewindowandsawhimtakethegloveswithoutlooking,and,touchingthecoachmanontheback,hesaidsomethingtohim。Then,withoutlookingupatthewindow,hesettledhimselfinhisusualattitudeinthecarriage,withhislegscrossed,and,drawingonhisgloves,hevanishedroundthecorner。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter27[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter27`Hehasgone!Itistheend!’Annasaidtoherself,standingatthewindow;
andinanswertothisquestiontheimpressionofthedarknesswhenthecandlehadflickeredoutandofherfearfuldream,minglingintoone,filledherheartwithcoldterror。
`No,thatcannotbe!’shecried,andcrossingtheroomsherangthebell。Shewasafraidnowofbeingalone,that,withoutwaitingfortheservanttocomein,shewentouttomeethim。
`InquirewheretheCounthasgone,’shesaid。
TheservantansweredthattheCounthadgonetothestable。
`HisHonorleftwordthatifyoucaredtodriveout,thecarriagewouldbebackimmediately。’
`Verygood。Waitaminute。I’llwriteanoteatonce。SendMikhailwiththenotetothestables。Makehaste。’
Shesatdownandwrote:
`Iwaswrong。Comebackhome;Imustexplain。ForGod’ssakecome!
I’mafraid。’
Shesealeditupandgaveittotheservant。
Shewasafraidofbeingleftalonenow;shefollowedtheservantoutoftheroom,andwenttothenursery。
`Why,thisisn’tit-thisisn’the!Wherearehisblueeyes,hissweet,shysmile?’washerfirstthoughtwhenshesawherchubby,rosylittlegirl,withherblack,curlyhair,insteadofSeriozha,whominthetangleofherideasshehadexpectedtoseeinthenursery。Thelittlegirlsittingatthetablewasobstinatelyandviolentlybatteringonitwithacork,andstaringaimlesslyathermotherwithherpitch-blackeyes。
AnsweringtheEnglishnursethatshewasquitewell,andthatshewasgoingtothecountrytomorrow,Annasatdownbythelittlegirlandbeganspinningthecorktoshowher。Butthechild’sloud,ringinglaugh,andthemotionofhereyebrows,recalledVronskysovividlythatshegotuphurriedly,restraininghersobs,andwentaway。`Canitbeallover?No,itcannotbe!’shethought。`Hewillcomeback。Buthowcanheexplainthatsmile,thatexcitementafterhehadbeentalkingtoher?Butevenifhedoesn’texplain,Iwillbelieve。IfIdon’tbelieve,there’sonlyonethingleftforme……andIcan’tdoit。’
Shelookedatherwatch。Twentyminuteshadpassed。`Bynowhehasreceivedthenoteandiscomingback。Notlong,tenminutesmore……
Butwhatifhedoesn’tcome?No,thatcannotbe。Hemustn’tseemewithtear-stainedeyes。I’llgoandwash。Yes,yes;didIdomyhairornot?’
sheaskedherself。Andshecouldnotremember。Shefeltherheadwithherhand。`Yes,myhairhasbeendone,butwhenIdiditIcan’tintheleastremember。’Shecouldnotbelievetheevidenceofherhand,andwentuptothepierglasstoseewhethershereallyhaddoneherhair。Shecertainlyhad,butshecouldnotthinkwhenshehaddoneit。`Who’sthat?’shethought,lookinginthelookingglassattheswollenfacewithstrangelyglitteringeyes,thatlookedinascaredwayather。`Why,it’sI!’shesuddenlyunderstood,and,lookinground,sheseemedallatoncetofeelhiskissesonher,andtwitchedhershoulders,shuddering。Thensheliftedherhandtoherlipsandkissedit。
`Whatisit?Why,I’mgoingoutofmymind!’Andshewentintoherbedroom,whereAnnushkawastidyingtheroom。
`Annushka,’shesaid,comingtoastandstillbeforeher,andshestaredatthemaid,notknowingwhattosaytoher。
`YoumeanttogoandseeDaryaAlexandrovna,’saidthemaid,asthoughsheunderstood。
`DaryaAlexandrovna?Yes,I’llgo。’
`Fifteenminutesthere,fifteenminutesback。He’scoming,he’llbeheresoon。’Shetookoutherwatchandlookedatit。`Buthowcouldhegoaway,leavingmeinsuchastate?Howcanhelive,withoutmakingitupwithme?’Shewenttothewindowandbeganlookingintothestreet。
Judgingbythetime,hemightbebacknow。Buthercalculationsmightbewrong,andshebeganoncemoretorecallwhenhehadstartedandtocounttheminutes。
Atthemomentwhenshehadmovedawaytothebigclocktocompareitwithherwatch,someonedroveup。Glancingoutofthewindow,shesawhiscarriage。Butnoonecameupstairs,andvoicescouldbeheardbelow。
Itwasthemessengerwhohadcomebackinthecarriage。Shewentdowntohim。
`Wedidn’tcatchtheCount。TheCounthaddrivenoffontheNizhny-Novgorodline。’
`Whatdoyousay?What!……’shesaidtotherosy,good-humoredMikhail,ashehandedherbackhernote。
`Why,then,hehasneverreceivedit!’shethought。
`GowiththisnotetoCountessVronsky’splaceinthecountry-doyouknowwhereitis?Andbringananswerbackimmediately,’shesaidtothemessenger。
`AndI-whatamIgoingtodo?’shethought。`Yes,I’mgoingtoDolly’s-that’sbest,orelseIshallgooutofmymind。Yes,andI
cantelegraph,too。’Andshewroteatelegram:
`Iabsolutelymusttalktoyou;comeatonce。’
Aftersendingoffthetelegram,shewenttodress。Whenshewasdressedandinherhat,sheglancedagainintotheeyesoftheplump,comfortable-lookingAnnushka。Therewasunmistakablesympathyinthosegood-naturedlittlegrayeyes。
`Annushka,dear,whatamItodo?’saidAnna,sobbingandsinkinghelplesslyintoachair。
`Whyfretyourselfso,AnnaArkadyevna?Why,there’snothingoutoftheway。Youdriveoutalittle,andit’llcheeryouup,’saidthemaid。
`Yes,I’mgoing,’saidAnna,rousingherselfandgettingup。`Andifthere’satelegramwhileI’maway,senditontoDaryaAlexandrovna’s……
Butno,Ishallbebackmyself。’
`Yes,Imustn’tthink;Imustdosomething,drivesomewhere,and,mostofall,getoutofthishouse,’shesaid,feelingwithterrorthestrangeturmoilgoingoninherownheart,andshemadehastetogoout,andgetintothecarriage。
`Whereto?’askedPiotrbeforegettingonthebox。
`TheZnamenka-theOblonskys’。’
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter28[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter28Itwasbrightandsunny。Afinerainhadbeenfallingallthemorning,andnowithadnotlongclearedup。Theironroofs,theflagsofthesidewalks,thecobblesofthepavements,thewheelsandleather,thebrassandthetinplateofthecarriages-allglistenedbrightlyintheMaysunshine。
Itwasthreeo’clock,andtheveryliveliesttimeinthestreets。
Asshesatinacornerofthecomfortablecarriagethathardlyswayedonitssupplesprings,whilethegraystrottedswiftly,inthemidstoftheunceasingrattleofwheelsandthechangingimpressionsinthepureair,Annaranovertheeventsofthelastdays,andshesawherpositionquitedifferentlyfromwhatithadseemedathome。Nowthethoughtofdeathseemednolongersoterribleandsocleartoher,anddeathitselfnolongerseemedsoinevitable。Nowsheblamedherselfforthehumiliationtowhichshehadloweredherself。`Ientreathimtoforgiveme。Ihavegivenintohim。Ihaveownedmyselfinfault。Whatfor?Can’tIlivewithouthim?’
Andleavingunansweredthequestionhowshewasgoingtolivewithouthim,shefelltoreadingthesignsontheshops。`Officeandwarehouse。Dentalsurgeon。Yes,I’lltellDollyallaboutit。Shedoesn’tlikeVronsky。I
shallbesickandashamed,butI’lltellhereverything。Shelovesme,andI’llfollowheradvice。Iwon’tgiveintohim;Iwon’tlethimtrainmeashepleases。Filippov,``Kalaches。’TheysayhesendshisdoughtoPeterburg。TheMoscowwaterissogoodforit。AndthewellsatMitishchy,andthepancakes。’Andsherememberedhow,long,longago,whenshewasagirlofseventeen,shehadgonewithheraunttoTroitsa。`Byhorsesatthattime。Wasthatreallyme,withredhands?Howmuchofthatwhichseemedtomethensplendidandoutofreachhasbecomeworthless,whilewhatIhadthenhasgoneoutofmyreachforever!CouldIeverhavebelievedthenthatIcouldcometosuchhumiliation?Howproudandsatisfiedhewillbewhenhegetsmynote!ButIwillshowhim……Howhorridthatpaintsmells!Whyisitthey’realwayspaintingandbuilding?Modesetrobes!’
sheread。Amanbowedtoher。ItwasAnnushka’shusband。`Ourparasites,’-
sherememberedhowVronskyhadsaidthat。`Our?Whyour?What’ssoawfulisthatonecan’ttearupthepastbyitsroots。Onecan’ttearitout,butonecanhideone’smemoryofit。AndI’llhideit。’AndthenshethoughtofherpastwithAlexeiAlexandrovich,ofhowshehadblotteditoutofhermemory。`DollywillthinkI’mleavingmysecondhusband,andsoIcertainlymustbeinthewrong。AsifIcaredtoberight!Ican’thelpit!’shesaid,andshewantedtocry。Butatonceshefelltowonderingwhatthosetwogirlscouldbesmilingabout。`Love,mostlikely。Theydon’tknowhowdrearyitis,howlow……Theboulevardandthechildren。Threeboysrunning,playingathorses。Seriozha!AndI’mlosingeverythingandnotgettinghimback。Yes,I’mlosingeverything,ifhedoesn’treturn。Perhapshewaslateforthetrainandhascomebackbynow。Longingforhumiliationagain!’shesaidtoherself。`No,I’llgotoDolly,andsaystraightouttoher:I’munhappy,Ideservethis,I’mtoblame,butstillI’munhappy,helpme。Thesehorses,thiscarriage-howloathsomeIamtomyselfinthiscarriage-allhis;butIwon’tseethemagain。’
ThinkingoverthewordsinwhichshewouldtellDolly,andintentionallyworkingherheartuptogreatbitterness,Annawentupstairs。
`Isthereanyonewithher?’sheaskedinthehall。
`KaterinaAlexandrovnaLevina,’answeredthefootman。
`Kitty!Kitty,whomVronskywasinlovewith!’thoughtAnna。`Thegirlhethinksofwithlove。He’ssorryhedidn’tmarryher。Butmehethinksofwithhatred,andissorryhehadanythingtodowithme。’
ThesisterswerehavingaconsultationaboutnursingwhenAnnacalled。Dollywentdownalonetoseethevisitorwhohadinterruptedtheirconversation。
`Well,soyou’venotgoneawayyet?Imeanttohavecometoyou,’
shesaid;`IhadaletterfromStivatoday。’
`Wehadatelegramtoo,’answeredAnna,lookingroundforKitty。
`Hewritesthathecan’tmakeoutquitewhatAlexeiAlexandrovichwants,buthewon’tgoawaywithoutadecisiveanswer。’
`Ithoughtyouhadsomeonewithyou。CanIseetheletter?’
`Yes-it’sKitty,’saidDolly,embarrassed。`Shestayedinthenursery。Shehasbeenveryill。’
`SoIheard。MayIseetheletter?’
`I’llgetitdirectly。Buthedoesn’trefuse;onthecontrary,Stivahashopes,’saidDolly,stoppinginthedoorway。
`Ihaven’t,andindeedIdon’twishit,’saidAnna。
`What’sthis?DoesKittyconsideritdegradingtomeetme?’thoughtAnnawhenshewasalone。`Perhapsshe’sright,too。Butit’snotforher,thegirlwhowasinlovewithVronsky,it’snotforhertoshowmethat,evenifitistrue。IknowthatinmypositionIcan’tbereceivedbyanydecentwoman。IknewthatfromthefirstmomentIsacrificedeverythingtohim。Andthisismyreward!Oh,howIhatehim!AndwhatdidIcomeherefor?I’mworsehere,moremiserable。’Sheheardfromthenextroomthesisters’voicesinconsultation。`AndwhatamIgoingtosaytoDollynow?AmuseKittybythesightofmywretchedness,submittoherpatronizing?
No;andbesides,Dollywouldn’tunderstand。Anditwouldbenogoodmytellingher。ItwouldonlybeinterestingtoseeKitty,toshowherhowIdespiseeveryoneandeverything,hownothingmatterstomenow。’
Dollycameinwiththeletter。Annareaditandhandeditbackinsilence。
`Iknewallthat,’shesaid,`anditdoesn’tinterestmeintheleast。’
`Oh,whyso?Onthecontrary,Ihavehopes,’saidDolly,lookinginquisitivelyatAnna。Shehadneverseenherinsuchastrangelyirritablecondition。`Whenareyougoingaway?’sheasked。
Anna,half-closinghereyes,lookedstraightbeforeheranddidnotanswer。
`WhydoesKittyshrinkfromme?’shesaid,lookingatthedoorandflushingred。
`Oh,whatnonsense!She’snursing,andthingsaren’tgoingrightwithher,andI’vebeenadvisingher……She’sdelighted。She’llbehereinaminute,’saidDollyawkwardly,notcleveratlying。`Yes,heresheis。’
HearingthatAnnahadcalled,Kittyhadwantednottoappear,butDollypersuadedher。Rallyingherforces,Kittywentin,walkeduptoher,blushing,andshookhands。
`Iamsogladtoseeyou,’shesaidwithatremblingvoice。
Kittyhadbeenthrownintoconfusionbytheinwardconflictbetweenherantagonismtothisbadwomanandherdesiretobekindtoher。ButassoonasshesawAnna’slovelyandattractiveface,allfeelingofantagonismdisappeared。
`Ishouldnothavebeensurprisedifyouhadnotcaredtomeetme。I’musedtoeverything。Youhavebeenill?Yes,youarechanged,’saidAnna。
KittyfeltthatAnnawaslookingatherwithhostileeyes。SheascribedthishostilitytotheawkwardpositioninwhichAnna,whohadoncepatronizedher,mustfeelwithhernow,andshefeltsorryforher。
TheytalkedofKitty’sillness,ofthebaby,ofStiva,butitwasobviousthatnothinginterestedAnna。
`Icametosaygood-bytoyou,’shesaid,gettingup。
`Oh,whenareyougoing?’
Butagainnotanswering,AnnaturnedtoKitty。
`Yes,Iamverygladtohaveseenyou,’shesaidwithasmile。
`Ihaveheardsomuchofyoufromeveryone,evenfromyourhusband。Hecametoseeme,andIlikedhimverymuch,’shesaid,unmistakablywithmaliciousintent。`Whereishe?’
`Hehasgonebacktothecountry,’saidKitty,blushing。
`Remembermetohim-besureyoudo。’
`I’llbesureto!’Kittysaidnaï;vely,lookingcompassionatelyintohereyes。
`Good-by,then,Dolly。’AndkissingDollyandshakinghandswithKitty,Annawentouthurriedly。
`She’sjustthesameandjustascharming!She’sverylovely!’
saidKitty,whenshewasalonewithhersister。`Butthere’ssomethingpiteousabouther。Awfullypiteous!’
`Yes,there’ssomethingunusualabouthertoday,’saidDolly。
`WhenIwentwithherintothehall,Ifanciedshewasalmostcrying。’
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter29[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter29Annagotintothecarriageagaininanevenworseframeofmindthanwhenshesetoutfromhome。Toherprevioustortureswasaddednowthatsenseofmortificationandofbeinganoutcast,whichshehadfeltsodistinctlyonmeetingKitty。
`Whereto?Home?’askedPiotr。
`Yes,home,’shesaid,noteventhinkingnowwhereshewasgoing。
`Howtheylookedatmeassomethingdreadful,incomprehensible,andcurious!Whatcanhebetellingtheotherwithsuchwarmth?’shethought,staringattwomenwhowalkedby。`Canoneevertellanyonewhatoneisfeeling?ImeanttotellDolly,andit’sagoodthingIdidn’ttellher。
Howpleasedshewouldhavebeenatmymisery!Shewouldhaveconcealedit,butherchieffeelingwouldhavebeendelightatmybeingpunishedforthehappinesssheenviedmefor。Kitty-shewouldhavebeenevenmorepleased。HowIcanseethroughher!SheknowsIwasmorethanusuallykindtoherhusband。Andshe’sjealousandhatesme。Andshedespisesme。InhereyesI’manimmoralwoman。IfIwereanimmoralwomanIcouldhavemadeherhusbandfallinlovewithme……IfI’dcaredto。And,indeed,Ididcareto。There’ssomeonewho’spleasedwithhimself,’shethought,asshesawafat,rubicundgentlemancomingtowardher。Hetookherforanacquaintance,andliftedhisglossyhatabovehisbald,glossyhead,andthenperceivedhismistake。`Hethoughtheknewme。Well,heknowsmeaswellasanyoneintheworldknowsme。Idon’tknowmyself。Iknowmyappetites,astheFrenchsay。Theywantthathokey-pokey,thattheydoknowforcertain,’shethought,lookingattwoboysstoppinganice-creamseller,whotookabarreloffhisheadandbeganwipinghisperspiringfacewithatowel。`Weallwantwhatissweetandtastesgood。Iftherearenosweetmeats,thenahokey-pokeywilldo。AndKitty’sthesame-ifnotVronsky,thenLevin。Andsheenviesme。Andhatesme。Andweallhateeachother。IKitty-Kittyme。Yes,that’sthetruth。Tiutkin,coiffeur……
JemefaiscoifferparTiutkin……I’lltellhimthatwhenhecomes,’
shethoughtandsmiled。Butthesameinstantsherememberedthatshehadnoonenowtotellanythingamusingto。`Andthere’snothingamusing,nothingmirthful,really。It’sallhateful。Vesperbells-andhowcarefullythatmerchantcrosseshimself!Asifhewereafraidofmissingsomething。Whythesechurches,andthesebells,andthishumbug?Simplytoconcealthatweallhateeachotherlikethesecabdrivers,whoareabusingeachothersoangrily。Iashvinsays,``Hewantstostripmeofmyshirt,andIwishhimthesame。’Yes,that’sthetruth!’
Shewasplungedinthesethoughts,whichsoengrossedherthatsheleftoffthinkingofherownposition,whenthecarriagedrewupatthestepsofherhouse。Itwasonlywhenshesawtheporterrunningouttomeetherthatsherememberedshehadsentthenoteandthetelegram。
`Isthereanyanswer?’sheinquired。
`I’llseethisminute,’answeredtheporter,and,glancingintohisroom,hetookoutandgaveherthethinsquareenvelopeofatelegram。
`Ican’tcomebeforeteno’clock-Vronsky,’sheread。
`Andhasn’tthemessengercomeback?’
`No,’answeredtheporter。
`Then,sinceit’sso,IknowwhatImustdo,’shesaid,andfeelingavaguefuryandcravingforrevengerisingupwithinher,sheranupstairs。
`I’llgotohimmyself。Beforegoingawayforever,I’lltellhimall。NeverhaveIhatedanyoneasIhatethatman!’shethought。Seeinghishatontherack,sheshudderedwithaversion。Shedidnotconsiderthatthistelegramwasananswertohertelegramandthathehadnotyetreceivedhernote。
ShepicturedhimtoherselfastalkingcalmlytohismotherandPrincessSorokina,andrejoicingathersufferings。`Yes,Imustgoquickly,’shesaid,notknowingyetwhereshewasgoing。Shelongedtogetawayasquicklyaspossiblefromthefeelingsshehadgonethroughinthatawfulhouse。
Theservants,thewalls,thethingsinthathouse-allarousedrepulsionandhatredinherandlaylikeaweightuponher。
`Yes,Imustgototherailwaystation,andifhe’snotthere,thengothereandcatchhim。’Annalookedattherailwaytimetableinthenewspapers。Aneveningtrainwentattwominutespasteight。`Yes,Ishallbeintime。’Shegaveordersfortheotherhorsestobeputinthecarriage,andpackedinatravelingbagthethingsneededforafewdays。Sheknewshewouldnevercomebackhereagain。
AmongtheplansthatcameintoherheadshevaguelydeterminedthatafterwhatwouldhappenatthestationorattheCountess’shouse,shewouldgoasfarasthefirsttownontheNizhny-Novgorodrailwayandstopthere。
Dinnerwasonthetable;shewentup,butthesmellofthebreadandcheesewasenoughtomakeherfeelthatallfoodwasdisgusting。Sheorderedthecarriageandwentout。Thehousethrewashadownowrightacrossthestreet,butitwasabrighteveningandstillwarminthesunshine。
Annushka,whocamedownwithherthings,andPiotr,whoputthethingsinthecarriage,andthecoachman,evidentlyoutofhumor,wereallhatefultoher,andirritatedherbytheirwordsandactions。
`Idon’twantyou,Piotr。’
`Buthowabouttheticket?’
`Well,asyoulike,itdoesn’tmatter,’shesaidcrossly。
Piotrjumpedonthebox,andputtinghisarmsakimbo,toldthecoachmantodrivetothestation。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter30`Hereitisagain!AgainIunderstanditall!’Annasaidtoherself,assoonasthecarriagehadstartedandswayinglightly,rumbledoverthesmallcobblesofthepavedroad,andagainoneimpressionfollowedrapidlyuponanother。
`Yes;whatwasthelastthingIthoughtofsoclearly?’shetriedtorecall。`Tiutkin,coiffeur?-No,notthat。Yes,ofwhatIashvinsays,thestruggleforexistenceandhatredisallthatholdsmentogether。No,it’sauselessjourneyyou’remaking,’shesaid,mentallyaddressingapartyinacoachandfour,evidentlygoingforanexcursionintothecountry。
`Andthedogyou’retakingwithyouwillbenohelptoyou。Youcan’tgetawayfromyourselves。’TurninghereyesinthedirectionPiotrhadturnedtolook,shesawafactoryhandalmostdead-drunk,withhanginghead,beingledawaybyapoliceman。`Come,he’sfoundaquickerway,’shethought。
`CountVronskyandIdidnotfindthathappinesseither,thoughweexpectedsomuchfromit。’AndnowforthefirsttimeAnnaturnedthatglaringlightinwhichshewasseeingeverythingonherrelationswithhim,whichshehadhithertoavoidedthinkingabout。`Whatwasithesoughtinme?Notlovesomuchasthesatisfactionofvanity。’Sherememberedhiswords,theexpressionofhisface,thatrecalledasubmissivesetterdog,intheearlydaysoftheirconnection。Andeverythingnowconfirmedthis。`Yes,therewasthetriumphofvanityinhim。Ofcoursetherewaslovetoo,butthechiefelementwastheprideofsuccess。Heboastedofme。Nowthat’sover。There’snothingtobeproudof。Nottobeproudof,buttobeashamedof。Hehastakenfrommeallhecould,andnowIamnousetohim。Heiswearyofmeandistryingnottobedishonorableinhisbehaviortome。
Heletthatoutyesterday-hewantsdivorceandmarriagesoastoburnhisships。Helovesme,buthow?Thezestisgone,astheEnglishsay。
Thatfellowwantseveryonetoadmirehimandisverymuchpleasedwithhimself,’shethought,lookingatared-facedclerk,ridingonariding-schoolhorse。`Yes,there’snotthesamezestaboutmeforhimnow。IfIgoawayfromhim,atthebottomofhishearthewillbeglad。’
Thiswasnotmeresupposition,shesawitdistinctlyinthepiercinglightwhichrevealedtohernowthemeaningoflifeandhumanrelations。
`Mylovekeepsgrowingmorepassionateandegoistic,whilehisiswaningandwaning,andthat’swhywe’redriftingapart。’Shewentonmusing。`Andthere’snohelpforit。Heiseverythingforme,andIwanthimmoreandmoretogivehimselfuptomeentirely。Andhewantsmoreandmoretogetawayfromme。Precisely:wewenttomeetoneanotheruptothetimeofourliaison,andsincethenwehavebeenirresistiblydriftingindifferentdirections。Andthere’snoalteringthat。HetellsmeI’minsanelyjealous,andIhavetoldmyselfthatIaminsanelyjealous;butit’snottrue。I’mnotjealous,butI’munsatisfied。But……’sheopenedherlips,andshiftedherplaceinthecarriageintheexcitement,arousedbythethoughtthatsuddenlystruckher。`IfIcouldbeanythingbutamistress,passionatelycaringfornothingbuthiscaresses;butIcan’t,andIdon’tcaretobeanythingelse。AndbythatdesireIrouseaversioninhim,andherousesfuryinme,anditcannotbedifferent。Don’tIknowthathewouldn’tdeceiveme,thathehasnoschemesaboutPrincessSorokina,thathe’snotinlovewithKitty,thathewon’tdesertme!Iknowallthat,butitmakesitnobetterforme。Ifwithoutlovingme,fromduty,he’llbegoodandkindtome,withoutwhatIwant-that’sathousandtimesworsethanunkindness!That’shell!Andthat’sjusthowitis。Foralongwhilenowhehasn’tlovedme。Andwhereloveends,hatebegins。Idon’tknowthesestreetsatall。Hills,apparently,andstillhouses,andhouses……
Andinthehousesalwayspeopleandpeople……Howmanyofthem-noend,andallhatingeachother!Come,letmetryandthinkwhatIwanttomakemehappy。Well?SupposeIamdivorced,andAlexeiAlexandrovichletsmehaveSeriozha,andImarryVronsky。’ThinkingofAlexeiAlexandrovich,sheatoncepicturedhimwithextraordinaryvividnessasthoughhewerealivebeforeher,withhismild,lifeless,dulleyes,theblueveinsonhiswhitehands,hisintonations,andthecrackingofhisfingers,andrememberingthefeelingwhichhadexistedbetweenthem,andwhichwasalsocalledlove,sheshudderedwithloathing。`Well,I’mdivorced,andbecomeVronsky’swife。Well,willKittyceaselookingatmeasshelookedatmetoday?No。AndwillSeriozhaleaveoffaskingandwonderingaboutmytwohusbands?AndisthereanynewfeelingIcanawakenbetweenVronskyandme?Istherepossible,ifnothappiness,somesortofeasefrommisery?
No,no!’sheanswerednowwithouttheslightesthesitation。`Impossible!
Wearedrawnapartbylife,andImakehisunhappiness,andhemine,andthere’snoalteringhimorme。Everyattempthasbeenmade,thescrewhascomeunscrewed。Oh,abeggarwomanwithababy。ShethinksI’msorryforher。Aren’tweallflungintotheworldonlytohateeachother,andsototortureourselvesandeachother?Schoolboyscoming-laughing-Seriozha?’
shethought。`Ithought,too,thatIlovedhim,andusedtobetouchedbymyowntenderness。ButIhavelivedwithouthim,Igavehimupforanotherlove,anddidnotregrettheexchangetillthatlovewassatisfied。’Andwithloathingshethoughtofwhatshemeantbythatlove。Andtheclearnesswithwhichshesawlifenow,herownandallmen’swasapleasuretoher。
`It’ssowithmeandPiotr,andFiodorthecoachman,andthatmerchant,andallthepeoplelivingalongtheVolga,wherethoseplacardsinviteonetogo,andeverywhereandalways,’shethoughtwhenshehaddrivenunderthelow-pitchedroofoftheNizhny-Novgorodstationandtheportersrantomeether。
`AtickettoObiralovka?’saidPiotr。
Shehadutterlyforgottenwhereandwhyshewasgoing,andonlybyagreateffortsheunderstoodthequestion。
`Yes,’shesaid,handinghimherpurse,and,takingalittleredbaginherhand,shegotoutofthecarriage。
Makingherwaythroughthecrowdtothefirst-classwaitingroom,shegraduallyrecollectedallthedetailsofherposition,andtheplansbetweenwhichshewashesitating。Andagainattheoldsoreplaces,hopeandthendespairscrapedthewoundsofhertortured,fearfullythrobbingheart。Asshesatonthestar-shapedsofawaitingforthetrain,shegazedwithaversionatthepeoplecomingandgoingtheywereallhatefultoher,andthoughthowshewouldarriveatthestation,wouldwritehimanote,andwhatshewouldwritetohim,andhowhewasatthismomentcomplainingtohismotherofhisposition,notunderstandinghersufferings,andhowshewouldgointotheroom,andwhatshewouldsaytohim。Thenshethoughtthatlifemightstillbehappy,andhowmiserablyshelovedandhatedhim,andhowfearfullyherheartwasbeating。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter31Abellrang,someyoungmen,uglyandimpudent,andatthesametimecarefuloftheimpressiontheyweremaking,hurriedby。Piotr,too,crossedtheroominhisliveryandspatterdasheswithhisdull,brutishface,andcameuptohertotakehertothetrain。Thenoisyyoungmenwerequietasshepassedthemontheplatform,andonewhisperedsomethingabouthertoanother-somethingvile,nodoubt。Shesteppeduponthehighstep,andsatdowninacarriagebyherselfonadirtyspringseatthathadoncebeenwhite。
Herbaglaybesideher,shakenupanddownbythespringinessoftheseat。
WithafoolishsmilePiotrraisedhishat,withitsgalloonedband,atthewindow,intokenoffarewell;animpudentconductorslammedthedoorandthelatch。Agrotesque-lookingladywearingabustleAnnamentallyundressedthewoman,andwasappalledatherhideousness,andalittlegirllaughingaffectedly,randowntheplatform。
`KaterinaAndreevna,she’sgotthemall,matante!’criedthegirl。
`Eventhechild’shideousandaffected,’thoughtAnna。Toavoidseeinganyone,shegotupquicklyandseatedherselfattheoppositewindowoftheemptycarriage。Amisshapen-lookingpeasantcoveredwithdirt,inacapfromwhichhistangledhairstuckoutallaround,passedbythatwindow,stoopingdowntothecarriagewheels。`There’ssomethingfamiliaraboutthathideouspeasant,’thoughtAnna。Andrememberingherdream,shemovedawaytotheoppositedoor,shakingwithterror。Theconductoropenedthedoorandletinamanandhiswife。
`Doyouwishtogetout?’
Annamadenoanswer。Theconductorandhertwofellowpassengersdidnotnoticeunderherveilherpanic-strickenface。Shewentbacktohercornerandsatdown。Thecoupleseatedthemselvesontheoppositeside,andintentlybutsurreptitiouslyscrutinizedherclothes。BothhusbandandwifeseemedrepulsivetoAnna。Thehusbandaskedifshewouldallowhimtosmoke,obviouslynotwithaviewtosmoking,buttogettingintoconversationwithher。Receivingherassent,hesaidtohiswifeinFrenchsomethingaboutcaringlesstosmokethantotalk。Theymadeinaneandaffectedremarkstooneanother,entirelyforherbenefit。Annasawclearlythattheyweresickofeachother,andhatedeachother。Andnoonecouldhavehelpedhatingsuchmiserablemonstrosities。
Asecondbellsounded,andwasfollowedbymovingofluggage,noise,shoutingandlaughter。ItwassocleartoAnnathattherewasnothingforanyonetobegladof,thatthislaughterirritatedheragonizingly,andshewouldhavelikedtostopupherearsnottohearit。Atlastthethirdbellrang,therewasawhistleandahissofsteam,andaclankofchains,andthemaninhercarriagecrossedhimself。`Itwouldbeinterestingtoaskhimwhatmeaningheattachestothat,’thoughtAnna,lookingangrilyathim。Shelookedpasttheladyoutofthewindowatthepeoplewhoseemedwhirlingby,astheyranbesidethetrainorstoodontheplatform。Thetrain,jerkingatregularintervalsatthejunctionsoftherails,rolledbytheplatform,pastastonewall,asignalbox,pastothertrains;thewheels,movingmoresmoothlyandevenly,resoundedwithaslightclangontherails。Thewindowwaslightedupbythebrighteveningsun,andaslightbreezeflutteredthecurtain。Annaforgotherfellowpassengers,andtothelightswayingofthetrainshefelltothinkingagain,asshebreathedthefreshair。
`Yes,whatdidIstopat?ThatIcouldn’tfindaconditioninwhichlifewouldnotbeamisery,thatweareallcreatedtobemiserable,andthatweallknowit,andallinventmeansofdeceivingeachother。
Andwhenoneseesthetruth,whatisonetodo?’
`That’swhyreasonisgiventoman,toescapefromwhatworrieshim,’saidtheladyinFrench,lispingaffectedly,andobviouslypleasedwithherphrase。
ThewordsseemedananswertoAnna’sthoughts。
`Toescapefromwhatworrieshim,’repeatedAnna。Andglancingatthered-cheekedhusbandandthethinwife,shesawthatthesicklywifeconsideredherselfmisunderstood,andthehusbanddeceivedherandencouragedherinthatideaofherself。Annaseemedtoseealltheirhistoryandallthecranniesoftheirsouls,turningalightuponthem,asitwere。Buttherewasnothinginterestinginthem,andshepursuedherthought。
`Yes,I’mverymuchworried,andthat’swhyreasonwasgivenme,toescape;sothen,onemustescape:whynotputoutthelightwhenthere’snothingmoretolookat,whenit’ssickeningtolookatitall?Buthow?
Whydidtheconductorrunalongthefootboard,whyaretheyshrieking,thoseyoungmeninthattrain?Whyaretheytalking,whyaretheylaughing?
It’sallfalsehood,alllying,allhumbug,allcruelty!……’
Whenthetraincameintothestation,Annagotoutintothecrowdofpassengers,andmovingapartfromthemasiftheywerelepers,shestoodontheplatform,tryingtothinkwhatshehadcomeherefor,andwhatshemeanttodo。Everythingthathadseemedtoherpossiblebeforewasnowsodifficulttoconsider,especiallyinthisnoisycrowdofhideouspeoplewhowouldnotleaveheralone。Atonemomentportersranuptoherprofferingtheirservices,thenyoungmenclackingtheirheelsontheplanksoftheplatformandtalkingloudly,staredather,thenpeoplemeetingherdodgedpastonthewrongside。Rememberingthatshehadmeanttogoonfartheriftherewasnoanswer,shestoppedaporterandaskedifhercoachmanwerenotherewithanotefromCountVronsky。
`CountVronsky?TheysentupherefromtheVronskysjustthisminute,tomeetPrincessSorokinaandherdaughter。Andwhatisthecoachmanlike?’
Justasshewastalkingtotheporter,thecoachmanMikhail,redandcheerfulinhissmartbluecoatandchain,evidentlyproudofhavingsosuccessfullyperformedhiscommission,cameuptoherandgaveheraletter。Shebrokeitopen,andherheartachedbeforeshehadreadit。
`Iamverysorryyournotedidnotreachme。Iwillbehomeatten,’Vronskyhadwrittencarelessly。
`Yes,that’swhatIexpected!’shesaidtoherselfwithanevilsmile。
`Verygood,youcangohomenow,’shesaidsoftly,addressingMikhail。Shespokesoftlybecausetherapidityofherheart’sbeatinghinderedherbreathing。`No,Iwon’tletTheemakememiserable,’shethoughtmenacingly,addressingnothim,notherself,butthepowerthatmadehersuffer,andshewalkedalongtheplatform。
Twomaidservantswalkingalongtheplatformturnedtheirheads,staringatherandmakingsomeremarksaboutherdress。`Real,’theysaidofthelaceshewaswearing。Theyoungmenwouldnotleaveherinpeace。
Againtheypassedby,peeringintoherface,andwithalaughshoutingsomethinginanunnaturalvoice。Thestationmastercomingupaskedherwhethershewasgoingbythetrain。Aboysellingkvassnevertookhiseyesoffher。`MyGod!WhereamItogo?’shethought,goingfartherandfartheralongtheplatform。Attheendshestopped。Someladiesandchildren,whohadcometomeetagentlemaninspectacles,pausedintheirloudlaughterandtalking,andstaredatherasshereachedthem。Shequickenedherpaceandwalkedawayfromthemtotheedgeoftheplatform。Agoodstrainwascomingin。Theplatformbegantosway,andshefanciedshewasinthetrainagain。
AndallatonceshethoughtofthemancrushedbythetrainthedayshehadfirstmetVronsky,andsheknewwhatshehadtodo。Witharapid,lightstepshewentdownthestepsthatledfromtheplatformtotherailsandstoppedquiteneartheapproachingtrain。Shelookedatthelowerpartofthecarriages,atthescrewsandchains,andthetallcast-ironwheelofthefirstcarriageslowlymovingup,andtriedtomeasurethemiddlebetweenthefrontandbackwheels,andtheveryminutewhenthatmiddlepointwouldbeoppositeher。
`There,’shesaidtoherself,lookingintotheshadowofthecarriage,atthesandandcoaldustwhichcoveredthesleepers-`there,intheverymiddle,andIwillpunishhimandescapefromeveryoneandfrommyself。’
Shetriedtoflingherselfbelowthewheelsofthefirstcarasitreachedher;buttheredbagwhichshetriedtodropoutofherhanddelayedher,andshewastoolate;shemissedthemiddleofthecar。Shehadtowaitforthenextone。Afeelingsuchasshehadknownwhenabouttotakethefirstplungeinbathingcameuponher,andshecrossedherself。
Thatfamiliargestureofcrossingbroughtbackintohersoulawholeseriesofgirlishandchildishmemories,andsuddenlythedarknessthathadcoveredeverythingforherwastornapart,andliferoseupbeforeherforaninstantwithallitsbrightpastjoys。Butshedidnottakehereyesfromthewheelsofthesecondcar。Andexactlyatthemomentwhenthespacebetweenthewheelscameoppositeher,shedroppedtheredbag,anddrawingherheadbackintohershoulders,fellonherhandsunderthecar,andlightly,asthoughshewouldriseagainatonce,droppedontoherknees。Andatthesameinstantshewasterror-strickenatwhatshewasdoing。`WhereamI?WhatamIdoing?Whatfor?’Shetriedtogetup,todropbackward;
butsomethinghugeandmercilessstruckherontheheadanddrewalongonherback。`Lord,forgivemeall!’shesaid,feelingitimpossibletostruggle。Apeasant,mutteringsomething,wasworkingattheiron。Andthecandlebywhichshehadbeenreadingthebookfilledwithtroubles,falsehoods,sorrow,andevil,flaredupmorebrightlythaneverbefore,lightedupforherallthathadbeenindarkness,sputtered,begantogrowdim,andwasquenchedforever。
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TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart8,Chapter01[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]PARTEIGHTChapter1Almosttwomonthshadpassed。Thehotsummerwashalfover,butSergeiIvanovichwasonlyjustpreparingtoleaveMoscow。
SergeiIvanovich’slifehadnotbeenuneventfulduringthistime。
Ayearagohehadfinishedhisbook,thefruitofsixyears’labor。AnInquiryConcerningthePrinciplesandFormsofGovernmentinEuropeandRussia。Severalsectionsofthisbookanditsintroductionhadappearedinperiodicalpublications,andotherpartshadbeenreadbySergeiIvanovichtopersonsofhiscircle,sothattheleadingideasoftheworkcouldnotbeentirelynoveltothepublic。Butstill,SergeiIvanovichhadexpectedthatonitsappearancehisbookwouldbesuretomakeaseriousimpressiononsociety,andifitdidnotcausearevolutioninsocialscienceitwould,atanyrate,makeagreatstirinthescientificworld。
Afterthemostconscientiousrevisionthebookhadlastyearbeenpublished,andhadbeendistributedamongthebooksellers。
Thoughheaskednooneaboutit,reluctantlyandwithfeignedindifferenceansweredhisfriends’inquiriesastohowthebookwasgoing,anddidnoteveninquireofthebooksellershowthebookwasselling,SergeiIvanovichwasallonthealert,withstrainedattention,watchingforthefirstimpressionhisbookwouldmakeintheworldandinliterature。
Butaweekpassed,asecond,athird,andinsocietynoimpressionwhatevercouldbedetected。Thoseofhisfriends,whowerespecialistsandsavants,occasionally-unmistakablyfrompoliteness-alludedtoit。
Therestofhisacquaintances,notinterestedinabookonalearnedsubject,didnottalkofitatall。Andsocietygenerally-justnowespeciallyabsorbedinotherthings-wasabsolutelyindifferent。Inthepress,too,forawholemonththerewasnotawordabouthisbook。
SergeiIvanovichhadcalculatedtoanicetythetimenecessaryforwritingareview,butamonthpassed,andasecond,andstilltherewassilence。
OnlyintheNorthernBeetle,inacomicarticleonthesingerDrabanti,whohadlosthisvoice,therewasacontemptuousallusiontoKoznishev’sbook,suggestingthatthebookhadbeenlongagoseenthroughbyeveryone,andwasasubjectofgeneralridicule。
Atlast,inthethirdmonth,acriticalarticleappearedinaseriousreview。SergeiIvanovichknewtheauthorofthearticle。HehadmethimonceatGolubtsov’s。
Theauthorofthearticlewasayoungman,aninvalid,veryboldasawriter,butextremelydeficientinbreedingandshyinpersonalrelations。
Inspiteofhisabsolutecontemptfortheauthor,itwaswithcompleterespectthatSergeiIvanovichsetaboutreadingthearticle。Thearticlewasawful。
Thecritichadundoubtedlyputaninterpretationuponthebookwhichcouldnotpossiblybeputonit。Buthehadselectedquotationssoadroitlythatforpeoplewhohadnotreadthebookandobviouslyscarcelyanyonehadreadititseemedabsolutelyclearthatthewholebookwasnothingbutamedleyofhigh-flownphrases,noteven-assuggestedbymarksofinterrogation-usedappropriately,andthattheauthorofthebookwasapersonabsolutelywithoutknowledgeofthesubject。AndallthiswassowittilydonethatSergeiIvanovichwouldnothavedisownedsuchwithimself。Butthatwasjustwhatwassoawful。
InspiteofthescrupulousconscientiousnesswithwhichSergeiIvanovichverifiedthecorrectnessofthecritic’sarguments,hedidnotforaminutestoptoponderoverthefaultsandmistakeswhichwereridiculed;
butunconsciouslyhebeganimmediatelytryingtorecalleverydetailofhismeetingandconversationwiththeauthorofthearticle。
`Didn’tIoffendhiminsomeway?’SergeiIvanovichwondered。
Andrememberingthatwhentheymethehadcorrectedtheyoungmanaboutsomethinghehadsaidthatbetrayedignorance,SergeiIvanovichfoundtheexplanationforthetrendofthearticle。
Thisarticlewasfollowedbyadeadlysilenceaboutthebookbothinthepressandinconversation,andSergeiIvanovichsawthathissixyears’task,toiledatwithsuchloveandlabor,hadgone,leavingnotrace。
SergeiIvanovich’spositionwasstillmoredifficultfromthefactthat,sincehehadfinishedhisbook,hehadhadmoreliteraryworktodo,suchashadhithertooccupiedthegreaterpartofhistime。
SergeiIvanovichwasclever,cultivatedhealthyandenergetic,andhedidnotknowwhatusetomakeofhisenergy。Conversationsindrawingrooms,inmeetings,assemblies,andcommittees-everywherewheretalkwaspossible-tookuppartofhistime。Butbeingusedforyearstotownlife,hedidnotwasteallhisenergiesintalk,ashislessexperiencedyoungerbrotherdid,whenhewasinMoscow。Hehadagreatdealofleisureandintellectualenergystilltodisposeof。
Fortunatelyforhim,atthisperiodsodifficultforhimbecauseofthefailureofhisbook,thevariouspublicquestionsofthedissentingsects,oftheAmericanFriends,oftheSamarafamine,ofexhibition,andofspiritualism,weredefinitelyreplacedinpublicinterestbytheSlavonicquestion,whichhadhithertoratherlanguidlyinterestedsociety,andSergeiIvanovich,whohadbeenoneofthefirsttoraisethissubject,threwhimselfintoitheartandsoul。
InthecircletowhichSergeiIvanovichbelonged,nothingwastalkedoforwrittenaboutjustnowbuttheServianwar。EverythingthattheidlecrowdusuallydoestokilltimewasdonenowforthebenefitoftheSlavonicpeoples。Balls,concerts,dinners,speeches,ladies’dresses,beer,taverns-everythingtestifiedtosympathywiththeSlavonicpeoples。
Frommuchofwhatwasspokenandwrittenonthesubject,SergeiIvanovichdifferedonvariouspoints。HesawthattheSlavonicquestionhadbecomeoneofthosefashionabledistractionswhichsucceedoneanotherinprovidingsocietywithanobjectandanoccupation。Hesaw,too,thatagreatmanypeopleweretakingupthesubjectfrommotivesofself-interestandself-advertisement。Herecognizedthatthenewspaperspublishedagreatdealthatwassuperfluousandexaggerated,withthesoleaimofattractingattentionandtalkingoneanotherdown。Hesawthatinthisgeneralmovementthosewhothrustthemselvesmostforwardandshoutedtheloudestweremenwhohadfailedandweresmartingunderasenseofinjury-generalswithoutarmies,ministersnotintheministry,journalistsnotonanypaper,partyleaderswithoutfollowers。Hesawthattherewasagreatdealinitthatwasfrivolousandabsurd。Buthesawandrecognizedanunmistakablegrowingenthusiasm,unitingallclasses,withwhichitwasimpossiblenottosympathize。
ThemassacreofmenwhowerefellowChristians,andofthesameSlavonicrace,excitedsympathyforthesufferersandindignationagainsttheoppressors。
AndtheheroismoftheServiansandMontenegrinsstrugglingforagreatcausebegotinthewholepeoplealongingtohelptheirbrothersnotinwordbutindeed。
ButinthistherewasanotheraspectthatmadeSergeiIvanovichrejoice。Thatwasthemanifestationofpublicopinion。Thepublichaddefinitelyexpresseditsdesire。Thesoulofthepeoplehad,asSergeiIvanovichsaid,foundexpression。Andthemoreheworkedinthiscause,themoreincontestableitseemedtohimthatitwasacausedestinedtoassumevastdimensions,tocreateanepoch。
Hethrewhimselfheartandsoulintotheserviceofthisgreatcause,andforgottothinkabouthisbook。
Hiswholetimenowwasengrossedbyit,sothathecouldscarcelymanagetoanswerallthelettersandappealsaddressedtohim。
Heworkedthewholespringandpartofthesummer,anditwasonlyinJulythathepreparedtogoawaytohisbrother’scountryplace。
Hewasgoingbothtorestforafortnight,andintheveryheartofthepeople,inthefarthestwildsofthecountry,toenjoythesightofthatupliftingofthespiritofthepeople,ofwhich,likeallresidentsinthecapitalandbigtowns,hewasfullypersuaded。KatavassovhadlongintendedtocarryouthispromisetostaywithLevin,andsohewasgoingwithhim。
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