首页 >出版文学> ANNA KARENINA>第30章

第30章

  Foraninstantshehadaclearvisionofwhatshewasdoing,andwashorrifiedathowshehadfallenawayfromherresolution。Buteventhoughsheknewitwasherownruin,shecouldnotrestrainherself,couldnotkeepherselffromprovingtohimthathewaswrong,couldnotgivewaytohim。
  `Ineversaidthat;IsaidIdidnotsympathizewiththissuddenpassion。’
  `Howisit,thoughyouboastofyourstraightforwardness,youdon’ttellthetruth?’
  `Ineverboast,andInevertelllies,’hesaidslowly,restraininghisrisinganger。`It’sagreatpityifyoucan’trespect……’
  `Respectwasinventedtocovertheemptyplacewhereloveshouldbe……Andifyoudon’tlovemeanymore,itwouldbebetterandmorehonesttosayso。’
  `No,thisisbecomingunbearable!’criedVronsky,gettingupfromhischair;andstoppingshort,facingher,hesaidspeakingdeliberately:
  `Whatdoyoutrymypatiencefor?’lookingasthoughhemighthavesaidmuchmore,butwasrestraininghimself。`Ithaslimits。’
  `Whatdoyoumeanbythat?’shecried,lookingwithterrorattheundisguisedhatredinhiswholeface,andespeciallyinhiscruel,sinistereyes。
  `Imeantosay……’hewasbeginning,buthecheckedhimself。`I
  mustaskwhatitisyouwantofme?’
  `WhatIcanwant?AllIcanwantisthatyoushouldnotdesertme,asyouthinkofdoing,’shesaid,understandingallhehadnotuttered。
  `ButthatIdon’twant;that’ssecondary。Iwantlove,andthereisnone。
  Sothen,allisatanend。’
  Sheturnedtowardthedoor。
  `Stop!sto-op!’saidVronsky,withnochangeinthegloomylinesofhisbrows,thoughheheldherbythehand。`Whatisitallabout?I
  saidthatwemustputoffgoingforthreedays,andonthatyoutoldmeIwaslying,thatIwasnotanhonorableman。’
  `Yes,andIrepeatthatthemanwhoreproachesmewithhavingsacrificedeverythingforme,’shesaid,recallingthewordsofastillearlierquarrel,`isworsethanadishonorableman-he’saheartlessman。’
  `Oh,therearelimitstoendurance!’hecried,andhastilyletgoherhand。
  `Hehatesme,that’sclear,’shethought,andinsilence,withoutlookinground,shewalkedwithfalteringstepsoutoftheroom。`Helovesanotherwoman,that’sevenclearer,’shesaidtoherselfasshewentintoherownroom。`Iwantlove,andthereisnone。So,then,allisatanend,’
  sherepeatedthewordsshehadsaid,`anditmustbeputtoanend。’
  `Buthow?’sheaskedherself,andshesatdowninalowchairbeforethelookingglass。
  Thoughtsofwhereshewouldgonow,whethertotheauntwhohadbroughtherup,toDolly,orsimplyalone,abroad,andofwhathewasdoingnowaloneinhisstudy;whetherthiswasthefinalquarrel,orwhetherreconciliationwerestillpossible;andofwhatallheroldfriendsatPeterburgwouldsayofhernow;andofhowAlexeiAlexandrovichwouldlookatit,andmanyotherideasofwhatwouldhappennowaftertherupture,cameintoherhead;butshedidnotgiveherselfuptothemwithallherheart。Atthebottomofherheartwassomeobscureideathataloneinterestedher,butshecouldnotgetclearsightofit。ThinkingoncemoreofAlexeiAlexandrovich,sherecalledthetimeofherillnessafterherconfinement,andthefeelingwhichneverleftheratthattime。`Whydidn’tIdie?’
  sherecalledthewordsandthefeelingofthattime。Andallatoncesheknewwhatwasinhersoul。Yes,itwasthatideawhichalonesolvedall。
  `Yes,todie!……’
  `AndtheshameanddisgraceofAlexeiAlexandrovichandofSeriozha,andmyawfulshame-deathwillbethesalvationofeverything。Todie!
  Andhewillfeelremorse;willbesorry;willloveme;hewillsufferonmyaccount。’Withafixedsmileofcommiserationforherselfshesatdowninthearmchair,takingoffandputtingontheringsonherlefthand,vividlypicturingfromdifferentsideshisfeelingsafterherdeath。
  Approachingfootsteps-hissteps-distractedherattention。
  Asthoughabsorbedinthearrangementofherrings,shedidnoteventurntohim。
  Hewentuptoher,andtakingherbythehand,saidsoftly:
  `Anna,we’llgothedayaftertomorrow,ifyoulike。Iagreetoeverything。’
  Shedidnotspeak。
  `Whatisit?’heurged。
  `Youknow,’shesaid,andatthesameinstant,unabletorestrainherselfanylonger,sheburstintosobs。
  `Castmeoff-do!’-shearticulatedbetweenhersobs。`I’llgoawaytomorrow……I’lldomorethanthat。WhatamI?Adepravedwoman!
  Astoneroundyourneck。Idon’twanttomakeyouwretched;Idon’twantto!I’llsetyoufree。Youdon’tloveme;youlovesomeoneelse!’
  Vronskybesoughthertobecalm,anddeclaredthattherewasnotraceoffoundationforherjealousy;thathehadneverceased,andneverwouldcease,toloveher;thathelovedhermorethanever。
  `Anna,whydistressyourselfandmeso?’hesaidtoher,kissingherhands。Therewastendernessnowinhisface,andshefanciedshecaughtthesoundoftearsinhisvoice,andshefeltthemwetonherhand。AndinstantlyAnna’sdespairingjealousychangedtoadespairingpassionoftenderness。Sheputherarmsroundhim,andcoveredwithkisseshishead,hisneck,hishands。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter25Feelingthatthereconciliationwascomplete,Annaseteagerlytoworkinthemorningpreparingfortheirdeparture。ThoughitwasnotsettledwhethertheyshouldgoonMondayorTuesday,astheyhadeachgivenwaytotheother,Annapackedbusily,feelingabsolutelyindifferentwhethertheywentadayearlierorlater。Shewasstandinginherroomoveranopenbox,takingthingsoutofit,whenhecameintoseeherearlierthanusual,dressedtogoout。
  `I’mgoingoffatoncetoseemaman;shecansendmethemoneybyIegorov。AndIshallbereadytogotomorrow,’hesaid。
  Thoughshewasinsuchagoodmood,thementionofhisvisittohismother’sgaveherapang。
  `No,Ishan’tbereadybythenmyself,’shesaid;andatoncereflected,`sothenitwaspossibletoarrangetodoasIwished。’-`No,doasyoumeanttodo。Gointothediningroom,I’mcomingdirectly。It’sonlytoturnoutthosethingsthataren’twanted,’shesaid,puttingsomethingmoreontheheapoffripperythatlayinAnnushka’sarms。
  Vronskywaseatinghisbeefsteakwhenshecameintothediningroom。
  `Youwouldn’tbelievehowdistastefultheseroomshavebecometome,’shesaid,sittingdownbesidehimtohercoffee。`There’snothingmoreawfulthanthesechambresgarnies。There’snoindividualityinthem,nosoul。Theseclocks,andcurtains,and,worstofall,thewallpapers-they’reanightmare。IthinkofVozdvizhenskoeasthepromisedland。
  You’renotsendingthehorsesoffyet?’
  `No,theywillcomeafterus。Whereareyougoingto?’
  `IwantedtogotoWilson’stotakesomedressestoher。Soit’sreallytobetomorrow?’shesaidinacheerfulvoice;butsuddenlyherfacechanged。
  Vronsky’svaletcameintoaskhimtosignareceiptforatelegramfromPeterburg。TherewasnothingoutofthewayinVronsky’sgettingatelegram,buthesaid,asthoughanxioustoconcealsomethingfromher,thatthereceiptwasinhisstudy,andheturnedhurriedlytoher。
  `Bytomorrow,withoutfail,Iwillfinishitall。’
  `Fromwhomisthetelegram?’sheasked,nothearinghim。
  `FromStiva,’heansweredreluctantly。
  `Whydidn’tyoushowittome?WhatsecretcantherebebetweenStivaandme?’
  Vronskycalledthevaletback,andtoldhimtobringthetelegram。
  `Ididn’twanttoshowittoyou,becauseStivahassuchapassionfortelegraphing:whytelegraphwhennothingissettled?’
  `Aboutthedivorce?’
  `Yes;buthesayshehasnotbeenabletocomeatanythingyet。
  Hehaspromisedadecisiveanswerinadayortwo。Buthereitis;readit。’
  WithtremblinghandsAnnatookthetelegram,andreadwhatVronskyhadtoldher。Attheendwasadded:`littlehope;butIwilldoeverythingpossibleandimpossible。’
  `Isaidyesterdaythatit’sabsolutelynothingtomewhenIgetadivorce,orwhetherInevergetit,’shesaid,flushingcrimson。`Therewasnottheslightestnecessitytohideitfromme。’-`Sohemayhide,anddoeshide,hiscorrespondencewithwomenfromme,’shethought。
  `IashvinmeanttocomethismorningwithVoitov,’saidVronsky;
  `Ibelievehe’swonfromPievtsovallandmorethanhecanpay-aboutsixtythousand。’
  `No,’shesaid,furtherirritatedbyhissoobviouslyshowingbythischangeofsubjectthatheknewshewasirritated,`whydidyousupposethatthisnewswouldaffectmeso,thatyoumusteventrytohideit?IsaidIdon’twanttoconsiderit,andIshouldhavelikedyoutocareaslittleaboutitasIdo。’
  `IcareaboutitbecauseIlikedefiniteness,’hesaid。
  `Definitenessisnotintheform,butinlove,’shesaid,moreandmoreirritated,notbyhiswords,butbythetoneofcoolcomposureinwhichhespoke。`Whatdoyouwantitfor?’
  `MyGod!Loveagain,’hethought,frowning。
  `Oh,youknowwhatfor;foryoursakeandyourchildren’sinthefuture。’
  `Therewon’tbeanychildreninthefuture。’
  `That’sagreatpity,’hesaid。
  `Youwantitforthechildren’ssake,butyoudon’tthinkofme?’
  shesaid,quiteforgetting,ornothavingheardthathehadsaid,`Foryoursakeandthechildren’s。’
  Thequestionofthepossibilityofhavingchildrenhadlongbeenasubjectofdisputeandirritationtoher。Hisdesiretohavechildrensheinterpretedasaproofhedidnotprizeherbeauty。
  `Oh,Isaid:foryoursake。Aboveallforyoursake,’herepeated,frowningasthoughinpain,`becauseIamcertainthatthegreaterpartofyourirritabilitycomesfromtheindefinitenessoftheposition。’
  `Yes,nowhehaslaidasideallpretense,andallhiscoldhatredformeisapparent,’shethought,nothearinghiswords,butwatchingwithterrorthecold,crueljudgewho,mockingher,lookedoutofhiseyes。
  `Thecauseisn’tthat,’shesaid,`and,indeed,Idon’tseehowthecauseofmyirritability,asyoucallit,canbeinmybeingcompletelyinyourpower。Whatindefinitenessisthereintheposition?Onthecontrary。’
  `Iamverysorrythatyoudon’tcaretounderstand,’heinterrupted,obstinatelyanxioustogiveutterancetohisthought。`TheindefinitenessconsistsinyourimaginingthatIamfree。’
  `Onthatscoreyoucansetyourmindquiteatrest,’shesaid,andturningawayfromhim,shebegandrinkinghercoffee。
  Sheliftedhercup,withherlittlefingerheldapart,andputittoherlips。Afterdrinkingafewsipssheglancedathim,andbyhisexpressionshesawclearlythathewasrepelledbyherhand,andhergesture,andthesoundmadebyherlips。
  `Idon’tcareintheleastwhatyourmotherthinks,andwhatmatchshewantstomakeforyou,’shesaid,puttingthecupdownwithashakinghand。
  `Butwearenottalkingaboutthat。’
  `Yes,that’sjustwhatwearetalkingabout。Andletmetellyouthataheartlesswoman,whethershe’soldornotold,yourmotheroranyoneelse,isofnoconsequencetome,andIwouldnotconsenttoknowher。’
  `Anna,Ibegyounottospeakdisrespectfullyofmymother。’
  `Awomanwhoseheartdoesnottellherwhereherson’shappinessandhonorliehasnoheart。’
  `Irepeatmyrequestthatyouwillnotspeakdisrespectfullyofmymother,whomIrespect,’hesaid,raisinghisvoiceandlookingsternlyather。
  Shedidnotanswer。Lookingintentlyathim,athisface,hishands,sherecalledallthedetailsoftheirreconciliationthepreviousday,andhispassionatecaresses。`There,justsuchcaresseshehaslavished,andwilllavish,andlongstolavishonotherwomen!’shethought。
  `Youdon’tloveyourmother。That’salltalk,andtalk,andtalk!’
  shesaid,lookingathimwithhatredinhereyes。
  `Evenifso,youmust……’
  `Mustdecide,andIhavedecided,’shesaid,andshewouldhavegoneaway,butatthatmomentIashvinwalkedintotheroom。Annagreetedhimandremained。
  Why,whentherewasatempestinhersoul,andshefeltshewasstandingataturningpointinherlife,whichmighthavefearfulconsequences-why,atthatminute,shehadtokeepupappearancesbeforeanoutsider,whosoonerorlatermustknowitall-shedidnotknow。Butatoncequellingthestormwithinher,shesatdownandbegantalkingtotheirguest。
  `Well,howareyougettingon?Hasyourdebtbeenpaidyou?’sheaskedIashvin。
  `Oh,prettyfair;IfancyIshan’tgetitall,whileIoughttogoonWednesday。Andwhenareyouoff?’saidIashvin,lookingatVronsky,andunmistakablysurmisingaquarrel。
  `Thedayaftertomorrow,Ithink,’saidVronsky。
  `You’vebeenintendingtogosolong,though。’
  `Butnowit’squitedecided,’saidAnna,lookingVronskystraightinthefacewithalookwhichtoldhimnottodreamofthepossibilityofreconciliation。
  `Don’tyoufeelsorryforthatunluckyPievtsov?’shewenton,talkingtoIashvin。
  `I’veneveraskedmyselfthequestion,AnnaArkadyevna,whetherI’msorryforhimornot。Yousee,allmyfortune’shere’-hetouchedhisbreastpocket-`andjustnowI’mawealthyman。ButtodayI’mgoingtotheclub,andImaycomeoutabeggar。Yousee,whoeversitsdowntoplaywithmewantstoleavemewithoutashirttomyback,andIwishthesametohim。Andsowefightitout,andthat’sthepleasureofit。’
  `Well,butsupposeyouweremarried,’saidAnna,`howwoulditbeforyourwife?’
  Iashvinlaughed。
  `That’stoallappearancewhyI’mnotmarried,andnevermeantobe。’
  `AndHelsingfors?’saidVronsky,enteringintotheconversationandglancingatAnna’ssmilingface。Meetinghiseyes,Anna’sfaceinstantlytookacoldlysevereexpressionasthoughsheweresayingtohim:`It’snotforgotten。It’sallthesame。’
  `Wereyoureallyinlove?’shesaidtoIashvin。
  `Ohheavens!Eversomanytimes!But,yousee,somemencanplay,butonlysothattheycanalwayslaydowntheircardswhenthehourofarendez-vouscomes,whileIcantakeuplove,butonlysoasnottobelateformycardsintheevening。That’showImanagethings。’
  `No,Ididn’tmeanthat,buttherealthing。’ShewouldhavesaidHelsingfors,butwouldnotrepeatthewordusedbyVronsky。
  Voitov,whowasbuyingthehorse,camein。Annagotupandwentoutoftheroom。
  Beforeleavingthehouse,Vronskywentintoherroom。Shewouldhavepretendedtobelookingforsomethingonthetable,butashamedofmakingapretense,shelookedstraightinhisfacewithcoldeyes。
  `Whatdoyouwant?’sheaskedinFrench。
  `TogettheguaranteeforGambetta-I’vesoldhim,’hesaid,inatonewhichsaidmoreclearlythanwords,`I’venotimefordiscussingthings,anditwouldleadtonothing。’
  `I’mnottoblameinanyway,’hethought。`Ifshewillpunishherself,tantpispourelle。’Butashewasgoinghefanciedthatshesaidsomething,andhisheartsuddenlyachedwithpityforher。
  `Eh,Anna?’hequeried。
  `Isaidnothing,’sheansweredjustascoldlyandcalmly。
  `Oh,nothing,tantpisthen,’hethought,feelingcoldagain,andheturnedandwentout。Ashewasgoingouthecaughtaglimpseinthelookingglassofherface,white,withquiveringlips。Heevenwantedtostopandtosaysomecomfortingwordtoher,buthislegscarriedhimoutoftheroombeforehecouldthinkwhattosay。Thewholeofthatdayhespentawayfromhome,andwhenhecameinlateintheeveningthemaidtoldhimthatAnnaArkadyevnahadaheadacheandbeggedhimnottogointoher。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter26Neverbeforehadadaybeenpassedinquarrel。Todaywasthefirsttime。
  Andthiswasnotaquarrel。Itwastheopenacknowledgmentofcompletecoldness。Wasitpossibletoglanceatherashehadglancedwhenhecameintotheroomfortheguarantee?-tolookather,seeherheartwasbreakingwithdespair,andgooutwithoutawordwiththatfaceofcallouscomposure?
  Hewasnotmerelycoldtoher,hehatedherbecausehelovedanotherwoman-thatwasclear。
  Andrememberingallthecruelwordshehadsaid,Annasupplied,too,thewordsthathehadunmistakablywishedtosayandcouldhavesaidtoher,andshegrewmoreandmoreexasperated。
  `Iwon’tpreventyou,’hemightsay。`Youcangowhereyoulike。
  Youwereunwillingtobedivorcedfromyourhusband,nodoubtsothatyoumightgobacktohim。Gobacktohim。Ifyouwantmoney,I’llgiveittoyou。Howmanyroublesdoyouwant?’
  Allthemostcruelwordsthatabrutalmancouldsay,hesaidtoherinherimagination,andshecouldnotforgivehimforthem,asthoughhehadactuallysaidthem。
  `Butdidn’theonlyyesterdayswearhelovedme,he,atruthfulandsincereman?Haven’tIdespairedfornothingmanytimesalready?’shesaidtoherselfrightafterthis。
  Allthatday,exceptforthevisittoWilson’s,whichoccupiedtwohours,Annaspentindoubtswhethereverythingwereoverorwhethertherewerestillhopeofreconciliation;whethersheshouldgoawayatonceorseehimoncemore。Shewasexpectinghimthewholeday,andintheevening,asshewenttoherownroom,leavingamessageforhimthatherheadached,shesaidtoherself,`Ifhecomesinspiteofwhatthemaidsays,itmeansthathelovesmestill。Ifnot,itmeansthatallisover,andthenIwilldecidewhatIamtodo!……’
  Intheeveningsheheardtherumblingofhiscarriagestopattheentrance,hisring,hissteps,andhisconversationwiththeservant;
  hebelievedwhatwastoldhim,didnotcaretofindoutmore,andwenttohisownroom。Sothen,everythingwasatanend。
  Anddeathroseclearlyandvividlybeforehermindasthesolemeansofbringingbackloveforherinhisheart,ofpunishinghimandofgainingthevictoryinthatstrifewhichtheevilspiritinpossessionofherheartwaswagingwithhim。
  Nownothingmattered:goingornotgoingtoVozdvizhenskoe,gettingornotgettingadivorcefromherhusband-allthatdidnotmatter。Theonethingthatmatteredwaspunishinghim。
  Whenshepouredherselfoutherusualdoseofopium,andthoughtthatshehadonlytodrinkoffthewholebottletodie,itseemedtohersosimpleandeasy,thatshebeganmusingwithenjoymentonhowhewouldsuffer,andrepent,andlovehermemorywhenitwouldbetoolate。Shelayinbedwithopeneyes,bythelightofasinglegutteringcandle,gazingatthecarvedcorniceoftheceilingandattheshadowofthescreenthatcoveredpartofit,whileshevividlypicturedtoherselfhowhewouldfeelwhenshewouldbenomore,whenshewouldbeonlyamemorytohim。
  `HowcouldIsaysuchcruelthingstoher?’hewouldsay。`HowcouldI
  gooutoftheroomwithoutsayinganythingtoher?Butnowsheisnomore。
  Shehasgoneawayfromusforever。Sheis……’Suddenlytheshadowofthescreenwavered,pouncedonthewholecornice,thewholeceiling;othershadowsfromtheothersideswoopedtomeetit;foraninstanttheshadowsflittedback,butthenwithfreshswiftnesstheydartedforward,wavered,mingled,andallwasdarkness。`Death!’shethought。Andsuchhorrorcameuponherthatforalongwhileshecouldnotrealizewhereshewas,andforalongwhilehertremblinghandscouldnotfindthematchesandlightanothercandle,insteadoftheonethathadburneddownandgoneout。`No,anything-onlytolive!Why,Ilovehim!Why,helovesme!Thishasbeenbeforeandwillpass,’shesaid,feelingthattearsofjoyatthereturntolifeweretricklingdownhercheeks。Andtoescapefromherpanicshewenthurriedlytohisroom。
  Hewasasleepthere,andsleepingsoundly。Shewentuptohim,andholdingthelightabovehisface,shegazedalongwhileathim。Nowwhenhewasasleep,shelovedhimsothatatthesightofhimshecouldnotkeepbacktearsoftenderness。Butsheknewthatifhewakeduphewouldlookatherwithcoldeyes,convincedthathewasright,andthatbeforetellinghimofherlove,shewouldhavetoprovetohimthathehadbeenwronginhistreatmentofher。Withoutwakinghim,shewentback,andafteraseconddoseofopiumshefelltowardmorningintoaheavy,incompletesleep,duringwhichsheneverquitelostconsciousness。
  Inthemorningshewaswakedbyahorriblenightmare,whichhadrecurredseveraltimesinherdreams,evenbeforeherconnectionwithVronsky。
  Alittleoldmanwithunkemptbeardwasdoingsomething,stoopingoversomeiron,mutteringmeaninglessFrenchwords,andshe,asshealwaysdidinthisnightmareitwaswhatmadethehorrorofit,feltthatthispeasantwastakingnonoticeofher,butwasdoingsomethinghorriblewiththeiron-overher。Andshewakedupinacoldsweat。
  Whenshegotup,thepreviousdaycamebacktoherasthoughveiledinmist。
  `Therewasaquarrel。Justwhathashappenedseveraltimes。I
  saidIhadaheadache,andhedidnotcomeintoseeme。Tomorrowwe’regoingaway;Imustseehimandgetreadyforthejourney,’shesaidtoherself。Andlearningthathewasinhisstudy,shewentdowntohim。Asshepassedthroughthedrawingroomsheheardacarriagestopattheentrance,andlookingoutofthewindowshesawthecarriage,fromwhichayounggirlinalilachatwasleaningout,givingsomedirectiontothefootmanwhowasringingthebell。Afteraparleyinthehall,someonecameupstairs,andVronsky’sstepscouldbeheardpassingthedrawingroom。Hewentrapidlydownstairs。Annawentagaintothewindow。Shesawhimcomeoutonthestepswithouthishatandgouptothecarriage。Theyounggirlinthelilachathandedhimaparcel。Vronsky,smiling,saidsomethingtoher。
  Thecarriagedroveaway;heranrapidlyupstairsagain。
  Themiststhathadshroudedeverythinginhersoulpartedsuddenly。
  Thefeelingsofyesterdaypiercedthesickheartwithafreshpang。Shecouldnotunderstandnowhowshecouldhaveloweredherselfbyspendingawholedaywithhiminhishouse。Shewentintohisroomtoannounceherdetermination。
  `ThatwasMadameSorokinaandherdaughter。Theycameandbroughtmethemoneyandthedeedsfrommaman。Icouldn’tgetthemyesterday。Howisyourhead,better?’hesaidquietly,notwishingtoseeandtounderstandthegloomyandsolemnexpressionofherface。
  Shelookedsilently,intentlyathim,standinginthemiddleoftheroom。Heglancedather,frownedforamoment,andwentonreadingaletter。Sheturned,andwentdeliberatelyoutoftheroom。Hestillmighthaveturnedherback,butshehadreachedthedoor,hewasstillsilent,andtheonlysoundaudiblewastherustlingofthenotepaperasheturnedit。
  `Oh,bytheway,’hesaidattheverymomentshewasinthedoorway,`we’regoingtomorrowforcertain,aren’twe?’
  `You,butnotI,’shesaid,turningroundtohim。
  `Anna,wecan’tgoonlikethis……’
  `You,butnotI,’sherepeated。
  `Thisisgettingunbearable!’
  `You……Youwillbesorryforthis,’shesaid,andwentout。
  Frightenedbythedesperateexpressionwithwhichthesewordswereuttered,hejumpedupandwouldhaverunafterher,butonsecondthoughtshesatdownandscowled,settinghisteeth。Thisvulgar-ashethoughtit-threatofsomethingvagueexasperatedhim。`I’vetriedeverything,’
  hethought;`theonlythingleftisnottopayattention,’andhebegantogetreadytodriveintotown,andagaintohismother’s,togethersignaturetothedeeds。
  Sheheardthesoundofhisstepsaboutthestudyandthediningroom。Atthedrawingroomhestoodstill。Buthedidnotturnintoseeher;hemerelygaveanorderthatthehorseshouldbegiventoVoitovifhecamewhilehewasaway。Thensheheardthecarriagebroughtround,thedooropened,andhecameoutagain。Buthewentbackintotheporchagain,andsomeonewasrunningupstairs。Itwasthevaletrunningupforhisforgottengloves。Shewenttothewindowandsawhimtakethegloveswithoutlooking,and,touchingthecoachmanontheback,hesaidsomethingtohim。Then,withoutlookingupatthewindow,hesettledhimselfinhisusualattitudeinthecarriage,withhislegscrossed,and,drawingonhisgloves,hevanishedroundthecorner。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter27[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter27`Hehasgone!Itistheend!’Annasaidtoherself,standingatthewindow;
  andinanswertothisquestiontheimpressionofthedarknesswhenthecandlehadflickeredoutandofherfearfuldream,minglingintoone,filledherheartwithcoldterror。
  `No,thatcannotbe!’shecried,andcrossingtheroomsherangthebell。Shewasafraidnowofbeingalone,that,withoutwaitingfortheservanttocomein,shewentouttomeethim。
  `InquirewheretheCounthasgone,’shesaid。
  TheservantansweredthattheCounthadgonetothestable。
  `HisHonorleftwordthatifyoucaredtodriveout,thecarriagewouldbebackimmediately。’
  `Verygood。Waitaminute。I’llwriteanoteatonce。SendMikhailwiththenotetothestables。Makehaste。’
  Shesatdownandwrote:
  `Iwaswrong。Comebackhome;Imustexplain。ForGod’ssakecome!
  I’mafraid。’
  Shesealeditupandgaveittotheservant。
  Shewasafraidofbeingleftalonenow;shefollowedtheservantoutoftheroom,andwenttothenursery。
  `Why,thisisn’tit-thisisn’the!Wherearehisblueeyes,hissweet,shysmile?’washerfirstthoughtwhenshesawherchubby,rosylittlegirl,withherblack,curlyhair,insteadofSeriozha,whominthetangleofherideasshehadexpectedtoseeinthenursery。Thelittlegirlsittingatthetablewasobstinatelyandviolentlybatteringonitwithacork,andstaringaimlesslyathermotherwithherpitch-blackeyes。
  AnsweringtheEnglishnursethatshewasquitewell,andthatshewasgoingtothecountrytomorrow,Annasatdownbythelittlegirlandbeganspinningthecorktoshowher。Butthechild’sloud,ringinglaugh,andthemotionofhereyebrows,recalledVronskysovividlythatshegotuphurriedly,restraininghersobs,andwentaway。`Canitbeallover?No,itcannotbe!’shethought。`Hewillcomeback。Buthowcanheexplainthatsmile,thatexcitementafterhehadbeentalkingtoher?Butevenifhedoesn’texplain,Iwillbelieve。IfIdon’tbelieve,there’sonlyonethingleftforme……andIcan’tdoit。’
  Shelookedatherwatch。Twentyminuteshadpassed。`Bynowhehasreceivedthenoteandiscomingback。Notlong,tenminutesmore……
  Butwhatifhedoesn’tcome?No,thatcannotbe。Hemustn’tseemewithtear-stainedeyes。I’llgoandwash。Yes,yes;didIdomyhairornot?’
  sheaskedherself。Andshecouldnotremember。Shefeltherheadwithherhand。`Yes,myhairhasbeendone,butwhenIdiditIcan’tintheleastremember。’Shecouldnotbelievetheevidenceofherhand,andwentuptothepierglasstoseewhethershereallyhaddoneherhair。Shecertainlyhad,butshecouldnotthinkwhenshehaddoneit。`Who’sthat?’shethought,lookinginthelookingglassattheswollenfacewithstrangelyglitteringeyes,thatlookedinascaredwayather。`Why,it’sI!’shesuddenlyunderstood,and,lookinground,sheseemedallatoncetofeelhiskissesonher,andtwitchedhershoulders,shuddering。Thensheliftedherhandtoherlipsandkissedit。
  `Whatisit?Why,I’mgoingoutofmymind!’Andshewentintoherbedroom,whereAnnushkawastidyingtheroom。
  `Annushka,’shesaid,comingtoastandstillbeforeher,andshestaredatthemaid,notknowingwhattosaytoher。
  `YoumeanttogoandseeDaryaAlexandrovna,’saidthemaid,asthoughsheunderstood。
  `DaryaAlexandrovna?Yes,I’llgo。’
  `Fifteenminutesthere,fifteenminutesback。He’scoming,he’llbeheresoon。’Shetookoutherwatchandlookedatit。`Buthowcouldhegoaway,leavingmeinsuchastate?Howcanhelive,withoutmakingitupwithme?’Shewenttothewindowandbeganlookingintothestreet。
  Judgingbythetime,hemightbebacknow。Buthercalculationsmightbewrong,andshebeganoncemoretorecallwhenhehadstartedandtocounttheminutes。
  Atthemomentwhenshehadmovedawaytothebigclocktocompareitwithherwatch,someonedroveup。Glancingoutofthewindow,shesawhiscarriage。Butnoonecameupstairs,andvoicescouldbeheardbelow。
  Itwasthemessengerwhohadcomebackinthecarriage。Shewentdowntohim。
  `Wedidn’tcatchtheCount。TheCounthaddrivenoffontheNizhny-Novgorodline。’
  `Whatdoyousay?What!……’shesaidtotherosy,good-humoredMikhail,ashehandedherbackhernote。
  `Why,then,hehasneverreceivedit!’shethought。
  `GowiththisnotetoCountessVronsky’splaceinthecountry-doyouknowwhereitis?Andbringananswerbackimmediately,’shesaidtothemessenger。
  `AndI-whatamIgoingtodo?’shethought。`Yes,I’mgoingtoDolly’s-that’sbest,orelseIshallgooutofmymind。Yes,andI
  cantelegraph,too。’Andshewroteatelegram:
  `Iabsolutelymusttalktoyou;comeatonce。’
  Aftersendingoffthetelegram,shewenttodress。Whenshewasdressedandinherhat,sheglancedagainintotheeyesoftheplump,comfortable-lookingAnnushka。Therewasunmistakablesympathyinthosegood-naturedlittlegrayeyes。
  `Annushka,dear,whatamItodo?’saidAnna,sobbingandsinkinghelplesslyintoachair。
  `Whyfretyourselfso,AnnaArkadyevna?Why,there’snothingoutoftheway。Youdriveoutalittle,andit’llcheeryouup,’saidthemaid。
  `Yes,I’mgoing,’saidAnna,rousingherselfandgettingup。`Andifthere’satelegramwhileI’maway,senditontoDaryaAlexandrovna’s……
  Butno,Ishallbebackmyself。’
  `Yes,Imustn’tthink;Imustdosomething,drivesomewhere,and,mostofall,getoutofthishouse,’shesaid,feelingwithterrorthestrangeturmoilgoingoninherownheart,andshemadehastetogoout,andgetintothecarriage。
  `Whereto?’askedPiotrbeforegettingonthebox。
  `TheZnamenka-theOblonskys’。’
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter28[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter28Itwasbrightandsunny。Afinerainhadbeenfallingallthemorning,andnowithadnotlongclearedup。Theironroofs,theflagsofthesidewalks,thecobblesofthepavements,thewheelsandleather,thebrassandthetinplateofthecarriages-allglistenedbrightlyintheMaysunshine。
  Itwasthreeo’clock,andtheveryliveliesttimeinthestreets。
  Asshesatinacornerofthecomfortablecarriagethathardlyswayedonitssupplesprings,whilethegraystrottedswiftly,inthemidstoftheunceasingrattleofwheelsandthechangingimpressionsinthepureair,Annaranovertheeventsofthelastdays,andshesawherpositionquitedifferentlyfromwhatithadseemedathome。Nowthethoughtofdeathseemednolongersoterribleandsocleartoher,anddeathitselfnolongerseemedsoinevitable。Nowsheblamedherselfforthehumiliationtowhichshehadloweredherself。`Ientreathimtoforgiveme。Ihavegivenintohim。Ihaveownedmyselfinfault。Whatfor?Can’tIlivewithouthim?’
  Andleavingunansweredthequestionhowshewasgoingtolivewithouthim,shefelltoreadingthesignsontheshops。`Officeandwarehouse。Dentalsurgeon。Yes,I’lltellDollyallaboutit。Shedoesn’tlikeVronsky。I
  shallbesickandashamed,butI’lltellhereverything。Shelovesme,andI’llfollowheradvice。Iwon’tgiveintohim;Iwon’tlethimtrainmeashepleases。Filippov,``Kalaches。’TheysayhesendshisdoughtoPeterburg。TheMoscowwaterissogoodforit。AndthewellsatMitishchy,andthepancakes。’Andsherememberedhow,long,longago,whenshewasagirlofseventeen,shehadgonewithheraunttoTroitsa。`Byhorsesatthattime。Wasthatreallyme,withredhands?Howmuchofthatwhichseemedtomethensplendidandoutofreachhasbecomeworthless,whilewhatIhadthenhasgoneoutofmyreachforever!CouldIeverhavebelievedthenthatIcouldcometosuchhumiliation?Howproudandsatisfiedhewillbewhenhegetsmynote!ButIwillshowhim……Howhorridthatpaintsmells!Whyisitthey’realwayspaintingandbuilding?Modesetrobes!’
  sheread。Amanbowedtoher。ItwasAnnushka’shusband。`Ourparasites,’-
  sherememberedhowVronskyhadsaidthat。`Our?Whyour?What’ssoawfulisthatonecan’ttearupthepastbyitsroots。Onecan’ttearitout,butonecanhideone’smemoryofit。AndI’llhideit。’AndthenshethoughtofherpastwithAlexeiAlexandrovich,ofhowshehadblotteditoutofhermemory。`DollywillthinkI’mleavingmysecondhusband,andsoIcertainlymustbeinthewrong。AsifIcaredtoberight!Ican’thelpit!’shesaid,andshewantedtocry。Butatonceshefelltowonderingwhatthosetwogirlscouldbesmilingabout。`Love,mostlikely。Theydon’tknowhowdrearyitis,howlow……Theboulevardandthechildren。Threeboysrunning,playingathorses。Seriozha!AndI’mlosingeverythingandnotgettinghimback。Yes,I’mlosingeverything,ifhedoesn’treturn。Perhapshewaslateforthetrainandhascomebackbynow。Longingforhumiliationagain!’shesaidtoherself。`No,I’llgotoDolly,andsaystraightouttoher:I’munhappy,Ideservethis,I’mtoblame,butstillI’munhappy,helpme。Thesehorses,thiscarriage-howloathsomeIamtomyselfinthiscarriage-allhis;butIwon’tseethemagain。’
  ThinkingoverthewordsinwhichshewouldtellDolly,andintentionallyworkingherheartuptogreatbitterness,Annawentupstairs。
  `Isthereanyonewithher?’sheaskedinthehall。
  `KaterinaAlexandrovnaLevina,’answeredthefootman。
  `Kitty!Kitty,whomVronskywasinlovewith!’thoughtAnna。`Thegirlhethinksofwithlove。He’ssorryhedidn’tmarryher。Butmehethinksofwithhatred,andissorryhehadanythingtodowithme。’
  ThesisterswerehavingaconsultationaboutnursingwhenAnnacalled。Dollywentdownalonetoseethevisitorwhohadinterruptedtheirconversation。
  `Well,soyou’venotgoneawayyet?Imeanttohavecometoyou,’
  shesaid;`IhadaletterfromStivatoday。’
  `Wehadatelegramtoo,’answeredAnna,lookingroundforKitty。
  `Hewritesthathecan’tmakeoutquitewhatAlexeiAlexandrovichwants,buthewon’tgoawaywithoutadecisiveanswer。’
  `Ithoughtyouhadsomeonewithyou。CanIseetheletter?’
  `Yes-it’sKitty,’saidDolly,embarrassed。`Shestayedinthenursery。Shehasbeenveryill。’
  `SoIheard。MayIseetheletter?’
  `I’llgetitdirectly。Buthedoesn’trefuse;onthecontrary,Stivahashopes,’saidDolly,stoppinginthedoorway。
  `Ihaven’t,andindeedIdon’twishit,’saidAnna。
  `What’sthis?DoesKittyconsideritdegradingtomeetme?’thoughtAnnawhenshewasalone。`Perhapsshe’sright,too。Butit’snotforher,thegirlwhowasinlovewithVronsky,it’snotforhertoshowmethat,evenifitistrue。IknowthatinmypositionIcan’tbereceivedbyanydecentwoman。IknewthatfromthefirstmomentIsacrificedeverythingtohim。Andthisismyreward!Oh,howIhatehim!AndwhatdidIcomeherefor?I’mworsehere,moremiserable。’Sheheardfromthenextroomthesisters’voicesinconsultation。`AndwhatamIgoingtosaytoDollynow?AmuseKittybythesightofmywretchedness,submittoherpatronizing?
  No;andbesides,Dollywouldn’tunderstand。Anditwouldbenogoodmytellingher。ItwouldonlybeinterestingtoseeKitty,toshowherhowIdespiseeveryoneandeverything,hownothingmatterstomenow。’
  Dollycameinwiththeletter。Annareaditandhandeditbackinsilence。
  `Iknewallthat,’shesaid,`anditdoesn’tinterestmeintheleast。’
  `Oh,whyso?Onthecontrary,Ihavehopes,’saidDolly,lookinginquisitivelyatAnna。Shehadneverseenherinsuchastrangelyirritablecondition。`Whenareyougoingaway?’sheasked。
  Anna,half-closinghereyes,lookedstraightbeforeheranddidnotanswer。
  `WhydoesKittyshrinkfromme?’shesaid,lookingatthedoorandflushingred。
  `Oh,whatnonsense!She’snursing,andthingsaren’tgoingrightwithher,andI’vebeenadvisingher……She’sdelighted。She’llbehereinaminute,’saidDollyawkwardly,notcleveratlying。`Yes,heresheis。’
  HearingthatAnnahadcalled,Kittyhadwantednottoappear,butDollypersuadedher。Rallyingherforces,Kittywentin,walkeduptoher,blushing,andshookhands。
  `Iamsogladtoseeyou,’shesaidwithatremblingvoice。
  Kittyhadbeenthrownintoconfusionbytheinwardconflictbetweenherantagonismtothisbadwomanandherdesiretobekindtoher。ButassoonasshesawAnna’slovelyandattractiveface,allfeelingofantagonismdisappeared。
  `Ishouldnothavebeensurprisedifyouhadnotcaredtomeetme。I’musedtoeverything。Youhavebeenill?Yes,youarechanged,’saidAnna。
  KittyfeltthatAnnawaslookingatherwithhostileeyes。SheascribedthishostilitytotheawkwardpositioninwhichAnna,whohadoncepatronizedher,mustfeelwithhernow,andshefeltsorryforher。
  TheytalkedofKitty’sillness,ofthebaby,ofStiva,butitwasobviousthatnothinginterestedAnna。
  `Icametosaygood-bytoyou,’shesaid,gettingup。
  `Oh,whenareyougoing?’
  Butagainnotanswering,AnnaturnedtoKitty。
  `Yes,Iamverygladtohaveseenyou,’shesaidwithasmile。
  `Ihaveheardsomuchofyoufromeveryone,evenfromyourhusband。Hecametoseeme,andIlikedhimverymuch,’shesaid,unmistakablywithmaliciousintent。`Whereishe?’
  `Hehasgonebacktothecountry,’saidKitty,blushing。
  `Remembermetohim-besureyoudo。’
  `I’llbesureto!’Kittysaidnaï;vely,lookingcompassionatelyintohereyes。
  `Good-by,then,Dolly。’AndkissingDollyandshakinghandswithKitty,Annawentouthurriedly。
  `She’sjustthesameandjustascharming!She’sverylovely!’
  saidKitty,whenshewasalonewithhersister。`Butthere’ssomethingpiteousabouther。Awfullypiteous!’
  `Yes,there’ssomethingunusualabouthertoday,’saidDolly。
  `WhenIwentwithherintothehall,Ifanciedshewasalmostcrying。’
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter29[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter29Annagotintothecarriageagaininanevenworseframeofmindthanwhenshesetoutfromhome。Toherprevioustortureswasaddednowthatsenseofmortificationandofbeinganoutcast,whichshehadfeltsodistinctlyonmeetingKitty。
  `Whereto?Home?’askedPiotr。
  `Yes,home,’shesaid,noteventhinkingnowwhereshewasgoing。
  `Howtheylookedatmeassomethingdreadful,incomprehensible,andcurious!Whatcanhebetellingtheotherwithsuchwarmth?’shethought,staringattwomenwhowalkedby。`Canoneevertellanyonewhatoneisfeeling?ImeanttotellDolly,andit’sagoodthingIdidn’ttellher。
  Howpleasedshewouldhavebeenatmymisery!Shewouldhaveconcealedit,butherchieffeelingwouldhavebeendelightatmybeingpunishedforthehappinesssheenviedmefor。Kitty-shewouldhavebeenevenmorepleased。HowIcanseethroughher!SheknowsIwasmorethanusuallykindtoherhusband。Andshe’sjealousandhatesme。Andshedespisesme。InhereyesI’manimmoralwoman。IfIwereanimmoralwomanIcouldhavemadeherhusbandfallinlovewithme……IfI’dcaredto。And,indeed,Ididcareto。There’ssomeonewho’spleasedwithhimself,’shethought,asshesawafat,rubicundgentlemancomingtowardher。Hetookherforanacquaintance,andliftedhisglossyhatabovehisbald,glossyhead,andthenperceivedhismistake。`Hethoughtheknewme。Well,heknowsmeaswellasanyoneintheworldknowsme。Idon’tknowmyself。Iknowmyappetites,astheFrenchsay。Theywantthathokey-pokey,thattheydoknowforcertain,’shethought,lookingattwoboysstoppinganice-creamseller,whotookabarreloffhisheadandbeganwipinghisperspiringfacewithatowel。`Weallwantwhatissweetandtastesgood。Iftherearenosweetmeats,thenahokey-pokeywilldo。AndKitty’sthesame-ifnotVronsky,thenLevin。Andsheenviesme。Andhatesme。Andweallhateeachother。IKitty-Kittyme。Yes,that’sthetruth。Tiutkin,coiffeur……
  JemefaiscoifferparTiutkin……I’lltellhimthatwhenhecomes,’
  shethoughtandsmiled。Butthesameinstantsherememberedthatshehadnoonenowtotellanythingamusingto。`Andthere’snothingamusing,nothingmirthful,really。It’sallhateful。Vesperbells-andhowcarefullythatmerchantcrosseshimself!Asifhewereafraidofmissingsomething。Whythesechurches,andthesebells,andthishumbug?Simplytoconcealthatweallhateeachotherlikethesecabdrivers,whoareabusingeachothersoangrily。Iashvinsays,``Hewantstostripmeofmyshirt,andIwishhimthesame。’Yes,that’sthetruth!’
  Shewasplungedinthesethoughts,whichsoengrossedherthatsheleftoffthinkingofherownposition,whenthecarriagedrewupatthestepsofherhouse。Itwasonlywhenshesawtheporterrunningouttomeetherthatsherememberedshehadsentthenoteandthetelegram。
  `Isthereanyanswer?’sheinquired。
  `I’llseethisminute,’answeredtheporter,and,glancingintohisroom,hetookoutandgaveherthethinsquareenvelopeofatelegram。
  `Ican’tcomebeforeteno’clock-Vronsky,’sheread。
  `Andhasn’tthemessengercomeback?’
  `No,’answeredtheporter。
  `Then,sinceit’sso,IknowwhatImustdo,’shesaid,andfeelingavaguefuryandcravingforrevengerisingupwithinher,sheranupstairs。
  `I’llgotohimmyself。Beforegoingawayforever,I’lltellhimall。NeverhaveIhatedanyoneasIhatethatman!’shethought。Seeinghishatontherack,sheshudderedwithaversion。Shedidnotconsiderthatthistelegramwasananswertohertelegramandthathehadnotyetreceivedhernote。
  ShepicturedhimtoherselfastalkingcalmlytohismotherandPrincessSorokina,andrejoicingathersufferings。`Yes,Imustgoquickly,’shesaid,notknowingyetwhereshewasgoing。Shelongedtogetawayasquicklyaspossiblefromthefeelingsshehadgonethroughinthatawfulhouse。
  Theservants,thewalls,thethingsinthathouse-allarousedrepulsionandhatredinherandlaylikeaweightuponher。
  `Yes,Imustgototherailwaystation,andifhe’snotthere,thengothereandcatchhim。’Annalookedattherailwaytimetableinthenewspapers。Aneveningtrainwentattwominutespasteight。`Yes,Ishallbeintime。’Shegaveordersfortheotherhorsestobeputinthecarriage,andpackedinatravelingbagthethingsneededforafewdays。Sheknewshewouldnevercomebackhereagain。
  AmongtheplansthatcameintoherheadshevaguelydeterminedthatafterwhatwouldhappenatthestationorattheCountess’shouse,shewouldgoasfarasthefirsttownontheNizhny-Novgorodrailwayandstopthere。
  Dinnerwasonthetable;shewentup,butthesmellofthebreadandcheesewasenoughtomakeherfeelthatallfoodwasdisgusting。Sheorderedthecarriageandwentout。Thehousethrewashadownowrightacrossthestreet,butitwasabrighteveningandstillwarminthesunshine。
  Annushka,whocamedownwithherthings,andPiotr,whoputthethingsinthecarriage,andthecoachman,evidentlyoutofhumor,wereallhatefultoher,andirritatedherbytheirwordsandactions。
  `Idon’twantyou,Piotr。’
  `Buthowabouttheticket?’
  `Well,asyoulike,itdoesn’tmatter,’shesaidcrossly。
  Piotrjumpedonthebox,andputtinghisarmsakimbo,toldthecoachmantodrivetothestation。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter30`Hereitisagain!AgainIunderstanditall!’Annasaidtoherself,assoonasthecarriagehadstartedandswayinglightly,rumbledoverthesmallcobblesofthepavedroad,andagainoneimpressionfollowedrapidlyuponanother。
  `Yes;whatwasthelastthingIthoughtofsoclearly?’shetriedtorecall。`Tiutkin,coiffeur?-No,notthat。Yes,ofwhatIashvinsays,thestruggleforexistenceandhatredisallthatholdsmentogether。No,it’sauselessjourneyyou’remaking,’shesaid,mentallyaddressingapartyinacoachandfour,evidentlygoingforanexcursionintothecountry。
  `Andthedogyou’retakingwithyouwillbenohelptoyou。Youcan’tgetawayfromyourselves。’TurninghereyesinthedirectionPiotrhadturnedtolook,shesawafactoryhandalmostdead-drunk,withhanginghead,beingledawaybyapoliceman。`Come,he’sfoundaquickerway,’shethought。
  `CountVronskyandIdidnotfindthathappinesseither,thoughweexpectedsomuchfromit。’AndnowforthefirsttimeAnnaturnedthatglaringlightinwhichshewasseeingeverythingonherrelationswithhim,whichshehadhithertoavoidedthinkingabout。`Whatwasithesoughtinme?Notlovesomuchasthesatisfactionofvanity。’Sherememberedhiswords,theexpressionofhisface,thatrecalledasubmissivesetterdog,intheearlydaysoftheirconnection。Andeverythingnowconfirmedthis。`Yes,therewasthetriumphofvanityinhim。Ofcoursetherewaslovetoo,butthechiefelementwastheprideofsuccess。Heboastedofme。Nowthat’sover。There’snothingtobeproudof。Nottobeproudof,buttobeashamedof。Hehastakenfrommeallhecould,andnowIamnousetohim。Heiswearyofmeandistryingnottobedishonorableinhisbehaviortome。
  Heletthatoutyesterday-hewantsdivorceandmarriagesoastoburnhisships。Helovesme,buthow?Thezestisgone,astheEnglishsay。
  Thatfellowwantseveryonetoadmirehimandisverymuchpleasedwithhimself,’shethought,lookingatared-facedclerk,ridingonariding-schoolhorse。`Yes,there’snotthesamezestaboutmeforhimnow。IfIgoawayfromhim,atthebottomofhishearthewillbeglad。’
  Thiswasnotmeresupposition,shesawitdistinctlyinthepiercinglightwhichrevealedtohernowthemeaningoflifeandhumanrelations。
  `Mylovekeepsgrowingmorepassionateandegoistic,whilehisiswaningandwaning,andthat’swhywe’redriftingapart。’Shewentonmusing。`Andthere’snohelpforit。Heiseverythingforme,andIwanthimmoreandmoretogivehimselfuptomeentirely。Andhewantsmoreandmoretogetawayfromme。Precisely:wewenttomeetoneanotheruptothetimeofourliaison,andsincethenwehavebeenirresistiblydriftingindifferentdirections。Andthere’snoalteringthat。HetellsmeI’minsanelyjealous,andIhavetoldmyselfthatIaminsanelyjealous;butit’snottrue。I’mnotjealous,butI’munsatisfied。But……’sheopenedherlips,andshiftedherplaceinthecarriageintheexcitement,arousedbythethoughtthatsuddenlystruckher。`IfIcouldbeanythingbutamistress,passionatelycaringfornothingbuthiscaresses;butIcan’t,andIdon’tcaretobeanythingelse。AndbythatdesireIrouseaversioninhim,andherousesfuryinme,anditcannotbedifferent。Don’tIknowthathewouldn’tdeceiveme,thathehasnoschemesaboutPrincessSorokina,thathe’snotinlovewithKitty,thathewon’tdesertme!Iknowallthat,butitmakesitnobetterforme。Ifwithoutlovingme,fromduty,he’llbegoodandkindtome,withoutwhatIwant-that’sathousandtimesworsethanunkindness!That’shell!Andthat’sjusthowitis。Foralongwhilenowhehasn’tlovedme。Andwhereloveends,hatebegins。Idon’tknowthesestreetsatall。Hills,apparently,andstillhouses,andhouses……
  Andinthehousesalwayspeopleandpeople……Howmanyofthem-noend,andallhatingeachother!Come,letmetryandthinkwhatIwanttomakemehappy。Well?SupposeIamdivorced,andAlexeiAlexandrovichletsmehaveSeriozha,andImarryVronsky。’ThinkingofAlexeiAlexandrovich,sheatoncepicturedhimwithextraordinaryvividnessasthoughhewerealivebeforeher,withhismild,lifeless,dulleyes,theblueveinsonhiswhitehands,hisintonations,andthecrackingofhisfingers,andrememberingthefeelingwhichhadexistedbetweenthem,andwhichwasalsocalledlove,sheshudderedwithloathing。`Well,I’mdivorced,andbecomeVronsky’swife。Well,willKittyceaselookingatmeasshelookedatmetoday?No。AndwillSeriozhaleaveoffaskingandwonderingaboutmytwohusbands?AndisthereanynewfeelingIcanawakenbetweenVronskyandme?Istherepossible,ifnothappiness,somesortofeasefrommisery?
  No,no!’sheanswerednowwithouttheslightesthesitation。`Impossible!
  Wearedrawnapartbylife,andImakehisunhappiness,andhemine,andthere’snoalteringhimorme。Everyattempthasbeenmade,thescrewhascomeunscrewed。Oh,abeggarwomanwithababy。ShethinksI’msorryforher。Aren’tweallflungintotheworldonlytohateeachother,andsototortureourselvesandeachother?Schoolboyscoming-laughing-Seriozha?’
  shethought。`Ithought,too,thatIlovedhim,andusedtobetouchedbymyowntenderness。ButIhavelivedwithouthim,Igavehimupforanotherlove,anddidnotregrettheexchangetillthatlovewassatisfied。’Andwithloathingshethoughtofwhatshemeantbythatlove。Andtheclearnesswithwhichshesawlifenow,herownandallmen’swasapleasuretoher。
  `It’ssowithmeandPiotr,andFiodorthecoachman,andthatmerchant,andallthepeoplelivingalongtheVolga,wherethoseplacardsinviteonetogo,andeverywhereandalways,’shethoughtwhenshehaddrivenunderthelow-pitchedroofoftheNizhny-Novgorodstationandtheportersrantomeether。
  `AtickettoObiralovka?’saidPiotr。
  Shehadutterlyforgottenwhereandwhyshewasgoing,andonlybyagreateffortsheunderstoodthequestion。
  `Yes,’shesaid,handinghimherpurse,and,takingalittleredbaginherhand,shegotoutofthecarriage。
  Makingherwaythroughthecrowdtothefirst-classwaitingroom,shegraduallyrecollectedallthedetailsofherposition,andtheplansbetweenwhichshewashesitating。Andagainattheoldsoreplaces,hopeandthendespairscrapedthewoundsofhertortured,fearfullythrobbingheart。Asshesatonthestar-shapedsofawaitingforthetrain,shegazedwithaversionatthepeoplecomingandgoingtheywereallhatefultoher,andthoughthowshewouldarriveatthestation,wouldwritehimanote,andwhatshewouldwritetohim,andhowhewasatthismomentcomplainingtohismotherofhisposition,notunderstandinghersufferings,andhowshewouldgointotheroom,andwhatshewouldsaytohim。Thenshethoughtthatlifemightstillbehappy,andhowmiserablyshelovedandhatedhim,andhowfearfullyherheartwasbeating。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7,Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter31Abellrang,someyoungmen,uglyandimpudent,andatthesametimecarefuloftheimpressiontheyweremaking,hurriedby。Piotr,too,crossedtheroominhisliveryandspatterdasheswithhisdull,brutishface,andcameuptohertotakehertothetrain。Thenoisyyoungmenwerequietasshepassedthemontheplatform,andonewhisperedsomethingabouthertoanother-somethingvile,nodoubt。Shesteppeduponthehighstep,andsatdowninacarriagebyherselfonadirtyspringseatthathadoncebeenwhite。
  Herbaglaybesideher,shakenupanddownbythespringinessoftheseat。
  WithafoolishsmilePiotrraisedhishat,withitsgalloonedband,atthewindow,intokenoffarewell;animpudentconductorslammedthedoorandthelatch。Agrotesque-lookingladywearingabustleAnnamentallyundressedthewoman,andwasappalledatherhideousness,andalittlegirllaughingaffectedly,randowntheplatform。
  `KaterinaAndreevna,she’sgotthemall,matante!’criedthegirl。
  `Eventhechild’shideousandaffected,’thoughtAnna。Toavoidseeinganyone,shegotupquicklyandseatedherselfattheoppositewindowoftheemptycarriage。Amisshapen-lookingpeasantcoveredwithdirt,inacapfromwhichhistangledhairstuckoutallaround,passedbythatwindow,stoopingdowntothecarriagewheels。`There’ssomethingfamiliaraboutthathideouspeasant,’thoughtAnna。Andrememberingherdream,shemovedawaytotheoppositedoor,shakingwithterror。Theconductoropenedthedoorandletinamanandhiswife。
  `Doyouwishtogetout?’
  Annamadenoanswer。Theconductorandhertwofellowpassengersdidnotnoticeunderherveilherpanic-strickenface。Shewentbacktohercornerandsatdown。Thecoupleseatedthemselvesontheoppositeside,andintentlybutsurreptitiouslyscrutinizedherclothes。BothhusbandandwifeseemedrepulsivetoAnna。Thehusbandaskedifshewouldallowhimtosmoke,obviouslynotwithaviewtosmoking,buttogettingintoconversationwithher。Receivingherassent,hesaidtohiswifeinFrenchsomethingaboutcaringlesstosmokethantotalk。Theymadeinaneandaffectedremarkstooneanother,entirelyforherbenefit。Annasawclearlythattheyweresickofeachother,andhatedeachother。Andnoonecouldhavehelpedhatingsuchmiserablemonstrosities。
  Asecondbellsounded,andwasfollowedbymovingofluggage,noise,shoutingandlaughter。ItwassocleartoAnnathattherewasnothingforanyonetobegladof,thatthislaughterirritatedheragonizingly,andshewouldhavelikedtostopupherearsnottohearit。Atlastthethirdbellrang,therewasawhistleandahissofsteam,andaclankofchains,andthemaninhercarriagecrossedhimself。`Itwouldbeinterestingtoaskhimwhatmeaningheattachestothat,’thoughtAnna,lookingangrilyathim。Shelookedpasttheladyoutofthewindowatthepeoplewhoseemedwhirlingby,astheyranbesidethetrainorstoodontheplatform。Thetrain,jerkingatregularintervalsatthejunctionsoftherails,rolledbytheplatform,pastastonewall,asignalbox,pastothertrains;thewheels,movingmoresmoothlyandevenly,resoundedwithaslightclangontherails。Thewindowwaslightedupbythebrighteveningsun,andaslightbreezeflutteredthecurtain。Annaforgotherfellowpassengers,andtothelightswayingofthetrainshefelltothinkingagain,asshebreathedthefreshair。
  `Yes,whatdidIstopat?ThatIcouldn’tfindaconditioninwhichlifewouldnotbeamisery,thatweareallcreatedtobemiserable,andthatweallknowit,andallinventmeansofdeceivingeachother。
  Andwhenoneseesthetruth,whatisonetodo?’
  `That’swhyreasonisgiventoman,toescapefromwhatworrieshim,’saidtheladyinFrench,lispingaffectedly,andobviouslypleasedwithherphrase。
  ThewordsseemedananswertoAnna’sthoughts。
  `Toescapefromwhatworrieshim,’repeatedAnna。Andglancingatthered-cheekedhusbandandthethinwife,shesawthatthesicklywifeconsideredherselfmisunderstood,andthehusbanddeceivedherandencouragedherinthatideaofherself。Annaseemedtoseealltheirhistoryandallthecranniesoftheirsouls,turningalightuponthem,asitwere。Buttherewasnothinginterestinginthem,andshepursuedherthought。
  `Yes,I’mverymuchworried,andthat’swhyreasonwasgivenme,toescape;sothen,onemustescape:whynotputoutthelightwhenthere’snothingmoretolookat,whenit’ssickeningtolookatitall?Buthow?
  Whydidtheconductorrunalongthefootboard,whyaretheyshrieking,thoseyoungmeninthattrain?Whyaretheytalking,whyaretheylaughing?
  It’sallfalsehood,alllying,allhumbug,allcruelty!……’
  Whenthetraincameintothestation,Annagotoutintothecrowdofpassengers,andmovingapartfromthemasiftheywerelepers,shestoodontheplatform,tryingtothinkwhatshehadcomeherefor,andwhatshemeanttodo。Everythingthathadseemedtoherpossiblebeforewasnowsodifficulttoconsider,especiallyinthisnoisycrowdofhideouspeoplewhowouldnotleaveheralone。Atonemomentportersranuptoherprofferingtheirservices,thenyoungmenclackingtheirheelsontheplanksoftheplatformandtalkingloudly,staredather,thenpeoplemeetingherdodgedpastonthewrongside。Rememberingthatshehadmeanttogoonfartheriftherewasnoanswer,shestoppedaporterandaskedifhercoachmanwerenotherewithanotefromCountVronsky。
  `CountVronsky?TheysentupherefromtheVronskysjustthisminute,tomeetPrincessSorokinaandherdaughter。Andwhatisthecoachmanlike?’
  Justasshewastalkingtotheporter,thecoachmanMikhail,redandcheerfulinhissmartbluecoatandchain,evidentlyproudofhavingsosuccessfullyperformedhiscommission,cameuptoherandgaveheraletter。Shebrokeitopen,andherheartachedbeforeshehadreadit。
  `Iamverysorryyournotedidnotreachme。Iwillbehomeatten,’Vronskyhadwrittencarelessly。
  `Yes,that’swhatIexpected!’shesaidtoherselfwithanevilsmile。
  `Verygood,youcangohomenow,’shesaidsoftly,addressingMikhail。Shespokesoftlybecausetherapidityofherheart’sbeatinghinderedherbreathing。`No,Iwon’tletTheemakememiserable,’shethoughtmenacingly,addressingnothim,notherself,butthepowerthatmadehersuffer,andshewalkedalongtheplatform。
  Twomaidservantswalkingalongtheplatformturnedtheirheads,staringatherandmakingsomeremarksaboutherdress。`Real,’theysaidofthelaceshewaswearing。Theyoungmenwouldnotleaveherinpeace。
  Againtheypassedby,peeringintoherface,andwithalaughshoutingsomethinginanunnaturalvoice。Thestationmastercomingupaskedherwhethershewasgoingbythetrain。Aboysellingkvassnevertookhiseyesoffher。`MyGod!WhereamItogo?’shethought,goingfartherandfartheralongtheplatform。Attheendshestopped。Someladiesandchildren,whohadcometomeetagentlemaninspectacles,pausedintheirloudlaughterandtalking,andstaredatherasshereachedthem。Shequickenedherpaceandwalkedawayfromthemtotheedgeoftheplatform。Agoodstrainwascomingin。Theplatformbegantosway,andshefanciedshewasinthetrainagain。
  AndallatonceshethoughtofthemancrushedbythetrainthedayshehadfirstmetVronsky,andsheknewwhatshehadtodo。Witharapid,lightstepshewentdownthestepsthatledfromtheplatformtotherailsandstoppedquiteneartheapproachingtrain。Shelookedatthelowerpartofthecarriages,atthescrewsandchains,andthetallcast-ironwheelofthefirstcarriageslowlymovingup,andtriedtomeasurethemiddlebetweenthefrontandbackwheels,andtheveryminutewhenthatmiddlepointwouldbeoppositeher。
  `There,’shesaidtoherself,lookingintotheshadowofthecarriage,atthesandandcoaldustwhichcoveredthesleepers-`there,intheverymiddle,andIwillpunishhimandescapefromeveryoneandfrommyself。’
  Shetriedtoflingherselfbelowthewheelsofthefirstcarasitreachedher;buttheredbagwhichshetriedtodropoutofherhanddelayedher,andshewastoolate;shemissedthemiddleofthecar。Shehadtowaitforthenextone。Afeelingsuchasshehadknownwhenabouttotakethefirstplungeinbathingcameuponher,andshecrossedherself。
  Thatfamiliargestureofcrossingbroughtbackintohersoulawholeseriesofgirlishandchildishmemories,andsuddenlythedarknessthathadcoveredeverythingforherwastornapart,andliferoseupbeforeherforaninstantwithallitsbrightpastjoys。Butshedidnottakehereyesfromthewheelsofthesecondcar。Andexactlyatthemomentwhenthespacebetweenthewheelscameoppositeher,shedroppedtheredbag,anddrawingherheadbackintohershoulders,fellonherhandsunderthecar,andlightly,asthoughshewouldriseagainatonce,droppedontoherknees。Andatthesameinstantshewasterror-strickenatwhatshewasdoing。`WhereamI?WhatamIdoing?Whatfor?’Shetriedtogetup,todropbackward;
  butsomethinghugeandmercilessstruckherontheheadanddrewalongonherback。`Lord,forgivemeall!’shesaid,feelingitimpossibletostruggle。Apeasant,mutteringsomething,wasworkingattheiron。Andthecandlebywhichshehadbeenreadingthebookfilledwithtroubles,falsehoods,sorrow,andevil,flaredupmorebrightlythaneverbefore,lightedupforherallthathadbeenindarkness,sputtered,begantogrowdim,andwasquenchedforever。
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  TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart8,Chapter01[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]PARTEIGHTChapter1Almosttwomonthshadpassed。Thehotsummerwashalfover,butSergeiIvanovichwasonlyjustpreparingtoleaveMoscow。
  SergeiIvanovich’slifehadnotbeenuneventfulduringthistime。
  Ayearagohehadfinishedhisbook,thefruitofsixyears’labor。AnInquiryConcerningthePrinciplesandFormsofGovernmentinEuropeandRussia。Severalsectionsofthisbookanditsintroductionhadappearedinperiodicalpublications,andotherpartshadbeenreadbySergeiIvanovichtopersonsofhiscircle,sothattheleadingideasoftheworkcouldnotbeentirelynoveltothepublic。Butstill,SergeiIvanovichhadexpectedthatonitsappearancehisbookwouldbesuretomakeaseriousimpressiononsociety,andifitdidnotcausearevolutioninsocialscienceitwould,atanyrate,makeagreatstirinthescientificworld。
  Afterthemostconscientiousrevisionthebookhadlastyearbeenpublished,andhadbeendistributedamongthebooksellers。
  Thoughheaskednooneaboutit,reluctantlyandwithfeignedindifferenceansweredhisfriends’inquiriesastohowthebookwasgoing,anddidnoteveninquireofthebooksellershowthebookwasselling,SergeiIvanovichwasallonthealert,withstrainedattention,watchingforthefirstimpressionhisbookwouldmakeintheworldandinliterature。
  Butaweekpassed,asecond,athird,andinsocietynoimpressionwhatevercouldbedetected。Thoseofhisfriends,whowerespecialistsandsavants,occasionally-unmistakablyfrompoliteness-alludedtoit。
  Therestofhisacquaintances,notinterestedinabookonalearnedsubject,didnottalkofitatall。Andsocietygenerally-justnowespeciallyabsorbedinotherthings-wasabsolutelyindifferent。Inthepress,too,forawholemonththerewasnotawordabouthisbook。
  SergeiIvanovichhadcalculatedtoanicetythetimenecessaryforwritingareview,butamonthpassed,andasecond,andstilltherewassilence。
  OnlyintheNorthernBeetle,inacomicarticleonthesingerDrabanti,whohadlosthisvoice,therewasacontemptuousallusiontoKoznishev’sbook,suggestingthatthebookhadbeenlongagoseenthroughbyeveryone,andwasasubjectofgeneralridicule。
  Atlast,inthethirdmonth,acriticalarticleappearedinaseriousreview。SergeiIvanovichknewtheauthorofthearticle。HehadmethimonceatGolubtsov’s。
  Theauthorofthearticlewasayoungman,aninvalid,veryboldasawriter,butextremelydeficientinbreedingandshyinpersonalrelations。
  Inspiteofhisabsolutecontemptfortheauthor,itwaswithcompleterespectthatSergeiIvanovichsetaboutreadingthearticle。Thearticlewasawful。
  Thecritichadundoubtedlyputaninterpretationuponthebookwhichcouldnotpossiblybeputonit。Buthehadselectedquotationssoadroitlythatforpeoplewhohadnotreadthebookandobviouslyscarcelyanyonehadreadititseemedabsolutelyclearthatthewholebookwasnothingbutamedleyofhigh-flownphrases,noteven-assuggestedbymarksofinterrogation-usedappropriately,andthattheauthorofthebookwasapersonabsolutelywithoutknowledgeofthesubject。AndallthiswassowittilydonethatSergeiIvanovichwouldnothavedisownedsuchwithimself。Butthatwasjustwhatwassoawful。
  InspiteofthescrupulousconscientiousnesswithwhichSergeiIvanovichverifiedthecorrectnessofthecritic’sarguments,hedidnotforaminutestoptoponderoverthefaultsandmistakeswhichwereridiculed;
  butunconsciouslyhebeganimmediatelytryingtorecalleverydetailofhismeetingandconversationwiththeauthorofthearticle。
  `Didn’tIoffendhiminsomeway?’SergeiIvanovichwondered。
  Andrememberingthatwhentheymethehadcorrectedtheyoungmanaboutsomethinghehadsaidthatbetrayedignorance,SergeiIvanovichfoundtheexplanationforthetrendofthearticle。
  Thisarticlewasfollowedbyadeadlysilenceaboutthebookbothinthepressandinconversation,andSergeiIvanovichsawthathissixyears’task,toiledatwithsuchloveandlabor,hadgone,leavingnotrace。
  SergeiIvanovich’spositionwasstillmoredifficultfromthefactthat,sincehehadfinishedhisbook,hehadhadmoreliteraryworktodo,suchashadhithertooccupiedthegreaterpartofhistime。
  SergeiIvanovichwasclever,cultivatedhealthyandenergetic,andhedidnotknowwhatusetomakeofhisenergy。Conversationsindrawingrooms,inmeetings,assemblies,andcommittees-everywherewheretalkwaspossible-tookuppartofhistime。Butbeingusedforyearstotownlife,hedidnotwasteallhisenergiesintalk,ashislessexperiencedyoungerbrotherdid,whenhewasinMoscow。Hehadagreatdealofleisureandintellectualenergystilltodisposeof。
  Fortunatelyforhim,atthisperiodsodifficultforhimbecauseofthefailureofhisbook,thevariouspublicquestionsofthedissentingsects,oftheAmericanFriends,oftheSamarafamine,ofexhibition,andofspiritualism,weredefinitelyreplacedinpublicinterestbytheSlavonicquestion,whichhadhithertoratherlanguidlyinterestedsociety,andSergeiIvanovich,whohadbeenoneofthefirsttoraisethissubject,threwhimselfintoitheartandsoul。
  InthecircletowhichSergeiIvanovichbelonged,nothingwastalkedoforwrittenaboutjustnowbuttheServianwar。EverythingthattheidlecrowdusuallydoestokilltimewasdonenowforthebenefitoftheSlavonicpeoples。Balls,concerts,dinners,speeches,ladies’dresses,beer,taverns-everythingtestifiedtosympathywiththeSlavonicpeoples。
  Frommuchofwhatwasspokenandwrittenonthesubject,SergeiIvanovichdifferedonvariouspoints。HesawthattheSlavonicquestionhadbecomeoneofthosefashionabledistractionswhichsucceedoneanotherinprovidingsocietywithanobjectandanoccupation。Hesaw,too,thatagreatmanypeopleweretakingupthesubjectfrommotivesofself-interestandself-advertisement。Herecognizedthatthenewspaperspublishedagreatdealthatwassuperfluousandexaggerated,withthesoleaimofattractingattentionandtalkingoneanotherdown。Hesawthatinthisgeneralmovementthosewhothrustthemselvesmostforwardandshoutedtheloudestweremenwhohadfailedandweresmartingunderasenseofinjury-generalswithoutarmies,ministersnotintheministry,journalistsnotonanypaper,partyleaderswithoutfollowers。Hesawthattherewasagreatdealinitthatwasfrivolousandabsurd。Buthesawandrecognizedanunmistakablegrowingenthusiasm,unitingallclasses,withwhichitwasimpossiblenottosympathize。
  ThemassacreofmenwhowerefellowChristians,andofthesameSlavonicrace,excitedsympathyforthesufferersandindignationagainsttheoppressors。
  AndtheheroismoftheServiansandMontenegrinsstrugglingforagreatcausebegotinthewholepeoplealongingtohelptheirbrothersnotinwordbutindeed。
  ButinthistherewasanotheraspectthatmadeSergeiIvanovichrejoice。Thatwasthemanifestationofpublicopinion。Thepublichaddefinitelyexpresseditsdesire。Thesoulofthepeoplehad,asSergeiIvanovichsaid,foundexpression。Andthemoreheworkedinthiscause,themoreincontestableitseemedtohimthatitwasacausedestinedtoassumevastdimensions,tocreateanepoch。
  Hethrewhimselfheartandsoulintotheserviceofthisgreatcause,andforgottothinkabouthisbook。
  Hiswholetimenowwasengrossedbyit,sothathecouldscarcelymanagetoanswerallthelettersandappealsaddressedtohim。
  Heworkedthewholespringandpartofthesummer,anditwasonlyinJulythathepreparedtogoawaytohisbrother’scountryplace。
  Hewasgoingbothtorestforafortnight,andintheveryheartofthepeople,inthefarthestwildsofthecountry,toenjoythesightofthatupliftingofthespiritofthepeople,ofwhich,likeallresidentsinthecapitalandbigtowns,hewasfullypersuaded。KatavassovhadlongintendedtocarryouthispromisetostaywithLevin,andsohewasgoingwithhim。
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