InthePrisonNEARsunsetthateveninganelderlygentlemanwasstandingwithhisbackagainstthesmallerentrance-doorofStonitonjail,sayingafewlastwordstothedepartingchaplain。Thechaplainwalkedaway,buttheelderlygentlemanstoodstill,lookingdownonthepavementandstrokinghischinwitharuminatingair,whenhewasrousedbyasweetclearwoman’svoice,saying,"CanIgetintotheprison,ifyouplease?"
Heturnedhisheadandlookedfixedlyatthespeakerforafewmomentswithoutanswering。
"Ihaveseenyoubefore,"hesaidatlast。"DoyourememberpreachingonthevillagegreenatHayslopeinLoamshire?"
"Yes,sir,surely。Areyouthegentlemanthatstayedtolistenonhorseback?"
"Yes。Whydoyouwanttogointotheprison?"
"IwanttogotoHettySorrel,theyoungwomanwhohasbeencondemnedtodeath——andtostaywithher,ifImaybepermitted。
Haveyoupowerintheprison,sir?"
"Yes;Iamamagistrate,andcangetadmittanceforyou。Butdidyouknowthiscriminal,HettySorrel?"
"Yes,wearekin。Myownauntmarriedheruncle,MartinPoyser。
ButIwasawayatLeeds,anddidn’tknowofthisgreattroubleintimetogetherebeforeto-day。Ientreatyou,sir,fortheloveofourheavenlyFather,toletmegotoherandstaywithher。"
"Howdidyouknowshewascondemnedtodeath,ifyouareonlyjustcomefromLeeds?"
"Ihaveseenmyunclesincethetrial,sir。Heisgonebacktohishomenow,andthepoorsinnerisforsakenofall。Ibeseechyoutogetleaveformetobewithher。"
"What!Haveyoucouragetostayallnightintheprison?Sheisverysullen,andwillscarcelymakeanswerwhensheisspokento。"
"Oh,sir,itmaypleaseGodtoopenherheartstill。Don’tletusdelay。"
"Come,then,"saidtheelderlygentleman,ringingandgainingadmission,"Iknowyouhaveakeytounlockhearts。"
Dinahmechanicallytookoffherbonnetandshawlassoonastheywerewithintheprisoncourt,fromthehabitshehadofthrowingthemoffwhenshepreachedorprayed,orvisitedthesick;andwhentheyenteredthejailer’sroom,shelaidthemdownonachairunthinkingly。Therewasnoagitationvisibleinher,butadeepconcentratedcalmness,asif,evenwhenshewasspeaking,hersoulwasinprayerreposingonanunseensupport。
Afterspeakingtothejailer,themagistrateturnedtoherandsaid,"Theturnkeywilltakeyoutotheprisoner’scellandleaveyouthereforthenight,ifyoudesireit,butyoucan’thavealightduringthenight——itiscontrarytorules。MynameisColonelTownley:ifIcanhelpyouinanything,askthejailerformyaddressandcometome。ItakesomeinterestinthisHettySorrel,forthesakeofthatfinefellow,AdamBede。IhappenedtoseehimatHayslopethesameeveningIheardyoupreach,andrecognizedhimincourtto-day,illashelooked。"
"Ah,sir,canyoutellmeanythingabouthim?Canyoutellmewherehelodges?Formypoorunclewastoomuchweigheddownwithtroubletoremember。"
"Closebyhere。IinquiredallabouthimofMr。Irwine。Helodgesoveratinman’sshop,inthestreetontherighthandasyouenteredtheprison。Thereisanoldschool-masterwithhim。
Now,good-bye:Iwishyousuccess。"
"Farewell,sir。Iamgratefultoyou。"
AsDinahcrossedtheprisoncourtwiththeturnkey,thesolemneveninglightseemedtomakethewallshigherthantheywerebyday,andthesweetpalefaceinthecapwasmorethaneverlikeawhitefloweronthisbackgroundofgloom。Theturnkeylookedaskanceatherallthewhile,butneverspoke。Hesomehowfeltthatthesoundofhisownrudevoicewouldbegratingjustthen。
Hestruckalightastheyenteredthedarkcorridorleadingtothecondemnedcell,andthensaidinhismostciviltone,"It’llbeprettynighdarkinthecella’ready,butIcanstopwithmylightabit,ifyoulike。"
"Nay,friend,thankyou,"saidDinah。"Iwishtogoinalone。"
"Asyoulike,"saidthejailer,turningtheharshkeyinthelockandopeningthedoorwideenoughtoadmitDinah。Ajetoflightfromhislanternfellontheoppositecornerofthecell,whereHettywassittingonherstrawpalletwithherfaceburiedinherknees。Itseemedasifshewereasleep,andyetthegratingofthelockwouldhavebeenlikelytowakenher。
Thedoorclosedagain,andtheonlylightinthecellwasthatoftheeveningsky,throughthesmallhighgrating——enoughtodiscernhumanfacesby。Dinahstoodstillforaminute,hesitatingtospeakbecauseHettymightbeasleep,andlookingatthemotionlessheapwithayearningheart。Thenshesaid,softly,"Hetty!"
TherewasaslightmovementperceptibleinHetty’sframe——astartsuchasmighthavebeenproducedbyafeebleelectricalshock——butshedidnotlookup。Dinahspokeagain,inatonemadestrongerbyirrepressibleemotion,"Hetty……it’sDinah。"
AgaintherewasaslightstartledmovementthroughHetty’sframe,andwithoutuncoveringherface,sheraisedherheadalittle,asiflistening。
"Hetty……Dinahiscometoyou。"
Afteramoment’spause,Hettyliftedherheadslowlyandtimidlyfromherkneesandraisedhereyes。Thetwopalefaceswerelookingateachother:onewithawildharddespairinit,theotherfullofsadyearninglove。Dinahunconsciouslyopenedherarmsandstretchedthemout。
"Don’tyouknowme,Hetty?Don’tyourememberDinah?DidyouthinkIwouldn’tcometoyouintrouble?"
HettykepthereyesfixedonDinah’sface——atfirstlikeananimalthatgazes,andgazes,andkeepsaloof。
"I’mcometobewithyou,Hetty——nottoleaveyou——tostaywithyou——tobeyoursistertothelast。"
Slowly,whileDinahwasspeaking,Hettyrose,tookastepforward,andwasclaspedinDinah’sarms。
Theystoodsoalongwhile,forneitherofthemfelttheimpulsetomoveapartagain。Hetty,withoutanydistinctthoughtofit,hungonthissomethingthatwascometoclasphernow,whileshewassinkinghelplessinadarkgulf;andDinahfeltadeepjoyinthefirstsignthatherlovewaswelcomedbythewretchedlostone。Thelightgotfainterastheystood,andwhenatlasttheysatdownonthestrawpallettogether,theirfaceshadbecomeindistinct。
Notawordwasspoken。Dinahwaited,hopingforaspontaneouswordfromHetty,butshesatinthesamedulldespair,onlyclutchingthehandthatheldhersandleaninghercheekagainstDinah’s。Itwasthehumancontactsheclungto,butshewasnotthelesssinkingintothedarkgulf。
DinahbegantodoubtwhetherHettywasconsciouswhoitwasthatsatbesideher。Shethoughtsufferingandfearmighthavedriventhepoorsinneroutofhermind。Butitwasborneinuponher,assheafterwardssaid,thatshemustnothurryGod’swork:weareoverhastytospeak——asifGoddidnotmanifesthimselfbyoursilentfeeling,andmakehislovefeltthroughours。Shedidnotknowhowlongtheysatinthatway,butitgotdarkeranddarker,tilltherewasonlyapalepatchoflightontheoppositewall:
alltherestwasdarkness。ButshefelttheDivinepresencemoreandmore——nay,asifsheherselfwereapartofit,anditwastheDivinepitythatwasbeatinginherheartandwaswillingtherescueofthishelplessone。AtlastshewaspromptedtospeakandfindouthowfarHettywasconsciousofthepresent。
"Hetty,"shesaidgently,"doyouknowwhoitisthatsitsbyyourside?"
"Yes,"Hettyansweredslowly,"it’sDinah。"
"AnddoyourememberthetimewhenwewereattheHallFarmtogether,andthatnightwhenItoldyoutobesureandthinkofmeasafriendintrouble?"
"Yes,"saidHetty。Then,afterapause,sheadded,"Butyoucandonothingforme。Youcan’tmake’emdoanything。They’llhangmeo’Monday——it’sFridaynow。"
AsHettysaidthelastwords,sheclungclosertoDinah,shuddering。
"No,Hetty,Ican’tsaveyoufromthatdeath。Butisn’tthesufferinglesshardwhenyouhavesomebodywithyou,thatfeelsforyou——thatyoucanspeakto,andsaywhat’sinyourheart?……Yes,Hetty:youleanonme:youaregladtohavemewithyou。"
"Youwon’tleaveme,Dinah?You’llkeepclosetome?"
"No,Hetty,Iwon’tleaveyou。I’llstaywithyoutothelast……But,Hetty,thereissomeoneelseinthiscellbesidesme,someoneclosetoyou。"
Hettysaid,inafrightenedwhisper,"Who?"
"Someonewhohasbeenwithyouthroughallyourhoursofsinandtrouble——whohasknowneverythoughtyouhavehad——hasseenwhereyouwent,whereyoulaydownandroseupagain,andallthedeedsyouhavetriedtohideindarkness。AndonMonday,whenIcan’tfollowyou——whenmyarmscan’treachyou——whendeathhaspartedus——Hewhoiswithusnow,andknowsall,willbewithyouthen。
Itmakesnodifference——whetherweliveordie,weareinthepresenceofGod。"
"Oh,Dinah,won’tnobodydoanythingforme?Willtheyhangmeforcertain?……Iwouldn’tmindifthey’dletmelive。"
"MypoorHetty,deathisverydreadfultoyou。Iknowit’sdreadful。Butifyouhadafriendtotakecareofyouafterdeath——inthatotherworld——someonewhoseloveisgreaterthanmine——whocandoeverything?……IfGodourFatherwasyourfriend,andwaswillingtosaveyoufromsinandsuffering,soasyoushouldneitherknowwickedfeelingsnorpainagain?Ifyoucouldbelievehelovedyouandwouldhelpyou,asyoubelieveIloveyouandwillhelpyou,itwouldn’tbesohardtodieonMonday,wouldit?"
"ButIcan’tknowanythingaboutit,"Hettysaid,withsullensadness。
"Because,Hetty,youareshuttingupyoursoulagainsthim,bytryingtohidethetruth。God’sloveandmercycanovercomeallthings——ourignorance,andweakness,andalltheburdenofourpastwickedness——allthingsbutourwilfulsin,sinthatweclingto,andwillnotgiveup。Youbelieveinmyloveandpityforyou,Hetty,butifyouhadnotletmecomenearyou,ifyouwouldn’thavelookedatmeorspokentome,you’dhaveshutmeoutfromhelpingyou。Icouldn’thavemadeyoufeelmylove;I
couldn’thavetoldyouwhatIfeltforyou。Don’tshutGod’sloveoutinthatway,byclingingtosin……Hecan’tblessyouwhileyouhaveonefalsehoodinyoursoul;hispardoningmercycan’treachyouuntilyouopenyourhearttohim,andsay,’Ihavedonethisgreatwickedness;OGod,saveme,makemepurefromsin。’
Whileyouclingtoonesinandwillnotpartwithit,itmustdragyoudowntomiseryafterdeath,asithasdraggedyoutomiseryhereinthisworld,mypoor,poorHetty。Itissinthatbringsdread,anddarkness,anddespair:thereislightandblessednessforusassoonaswecastitoff。Godentersoursoulsthen,andteachesus,andbringsusstrengthandpeace。Castitoffnow,Hetty——now:confessthewickednessyouhavedone——thesinyouhavebeenguiltyofagainstyourHeavenlyFather。Letuskneeldowntogether,forweareinthepresenceofGod。"
HettyobeyedDinah’smovement,andsankonherknees。Theystillheldeachother’shands,andtherewaslongsilence。ThenDinahsaid,"Hetty,wearebeforeGod。Heiswaitingforyoutotellthetruth。"
Stilltherewassilence。AtlastHettyspoke,inatoneofbeseeching——
"Dinah……helpme……Ican’tfeelanythinglikeyou……myheartishard。"
Dinahheldtheclinginghand,andallhersoulwentforthinhervoice:
"Jesus,thoupresentSaviour!Thouhastknownthedepthsofallsorrow:thouhastenteredthatblackdarknesswhereGodisnot,andhastutteredthecryoftheforsaken。ComeLord,andgatherofthefruitsofthytravailandthypleading。Stretchforththyhand,thouwhoartmightytosavetotheuttermost,andrescuethislostone。Sheisclothedroundwiththickdarkness。Thefettersofhersinareuponher,andshecannotstirtocometothee。Shecanonlyfeelherheartishard,andsheishelpless。
Shecriestome,thyweakcreature……Saviour!Itisablindcrytothee。Hearit!Piercethedarkness!Lookuponherwiththyfaceofloveandsorrowthatthoudidstturnonhimwhodeniedthee,andmeltherhardheart。
"See,Lord,Ibringher,astheyofoldbroughtthesickandhelpless,andthoudidsthealthem。Ibearheronmyarmsandcarryherbeforethee。Fearandtremblinghavetakenholdonher,butshetremblesonlyatthepainanddeathofthebody。Breatheuponherthylife-givingSpirit,andputanewfearwithinher——
thefearofhersin。Makeherdreadtokeeptheaccursedthingwithinhersoul。MakeherfeelthepresenceofthelivingGod,whobeholdsallthepast,towhomthedarknessisasnoonday;whoiswaitingnow,attheeleventhhour,forhertoturntohim,andconfesshersin,andcryformercy——now,beforethenightofdeathcomes,andthemomentofpardonisforeverfled,likeyesterdaythatreturnethnot。
"Saviour!Itisyettime——timetosnatchthispoorsoulfromeverlastingdarkness。Ibelieve——Ibelieveinthyinfinitelove。
Whatismyloveormypleading?Itisquenchedinthine。Icanonlyclaspherinmyweakarmsandurgeherwithmyweakpity。
Thou——thouwiltbreatheonthedeadsoul,anditshallarisefromtheunansweringsleepofdeath。
"Yea,Lord,Iseethee,comingthroughthedarknesscoming,likethemorning,withhealingonthywings。Themarksofthyagonyareuponthee——Isee,Iseethouartableandwillingtosave——
thouwiltnotletherperishforever。"Come,mightySaviour!
Letthedeadhearthyvoice。Lettheeyesoftheblindbeopened。
LetherseethatGodencompassesher。Lethertrembleatnothingbutatthesinthatcutsherofffromhim。Meltthehardheart。
Unsealtheclosedlips:makehercrywithherwholesoul,’Father,Ihavesinned。’……"
"Dinah,"Hettysobbedout,throwingherarmsroundDinah’sneck,"Iwillspeak……Iwilltell……Iwon’thideitanymore。"
Butthetearsandsobsweretooviolent。Dinahraisedhergentlyfromherkneesandseatedheronthepalletagain,sittingdownbyherside。Itwasalongtimebeforetheconvulsedthroatwasquiet,andeventhentheysatsometimeinstillnessanddarkness,holdingeachother’shands。AtlastHettywhispered,"Ididdoit,Dinah……Iburieditinthewood……thelittlebaby……anditcried……Ihearditcry……eversuchawayoff……allnight……andI
wentbackbecauseitcried。"
Shepaused,andthenspokehurriedlyinalouder,pleadingtone。
"ButIthoughtperhapsitwouldn’tdie——theremightsomebodyfindit。Ididn’tkillit——Ididn’tkillitmyself。Iputitdownthereandcovereditup,andwhenIcamebackitwasgone……ItwasbecauseIwassoverymiserable,Dinah……Ididn’tknowwheretogo……andItriedtokillmyselfbefore,andIcouldn’t。Oh,I
triedsotodrownmyselfinthepool,andIcouldn’t。IwenttoWindsor——Iranaway——didyouknow?Iwenttofindhim,ashemighttakecareofme;andhewasgone;andthenIdidn’tknowwhattodo。Idaredn’tgobackhomeagain——Icouldn’tbearit。I
couldn’thaveboretolookatanybody,forthey’dhavescornedme。
Ithoughto’yousometimes,andthoughtI’dcometoyou,forI
didn’tthinkyou’dbecrosswithme,andcryshameonme。I
thoughtIcouldtellyou。Butthentheotherfolks’udcometoknowitatlast,andIcouldn’tbearthat。Itwaspartlythinkingo’youmademecometowardStoniton;and,besides,IwassofrightenedatgoingwanderingabouttillIwasabeggar-woman,andhadnothing;andsometimesitseemedasifImustgobacktothefarmsoonerthanthat。Oh,itwassodreadful,Dinah……Iwassomiserable……IwishedI’dneverbeenbornintothisworld。I
shouldneverliketogointothegreenfieldsagain——Ihated’emsoinmymisery。"
Hettypausedagain,asifthesenseofthepastweretoostronguponherforwords。
"AndthenIgottoStoniton,andIbegantofeelfrightenedthatnight,becauseIwassonearhome。Andthenthelittlebabywasborn,whenIdidn’texpectit;andthethoughtcameintomymindthatImightgetridofitandgohomeagain。Thethoughtcameallofasudden,asIwaslyinginthebed,anditgotstrongerandstronger……Ilongedsotogobackagain……Icouldn’tbearbeingsolonelyandcomingtobegforwant。Anditgavemestrengthandresolutiontogetupanddressmyself。IfeltImustdoit……Ididn’tknowhow……IthoughtI’dfindapool,ifIcould,likethatother,inthecornerofthefield,inthedark。Andwhenthewomanwentout,IfeltasifIwasstrongenoughtodoanything……IthoughtIshouldgetridofallmymisery,andgobackhome,andneverlet’emknowwhyIranawayIputonmybonnetandshawl,andwentoutintothedarkstreet,withthebabyundermycloak;andIwalkedfasttillIgotintoastreetagoodwayoff,andtherewasapublic,andIgotsomewarmstufftodrinkandsomebread。AndIwalkedonandon,andIhardlyfeltthegroundItrodon;anditgotlighter,fortherecamethemoon——
oh,Dinah,itfrightenedmewhenitfirstlookedatmeouto’theclouds——itneverlookedsobefore;andIturnedoutoftheroadintothefields,forIwasafraido’meetinganybodywiththemoonshiningonme。AndIcametoahaystack,whereIthoughtIcouldliedownandkeepmyselfwarmallnight。Therewasaplacecutintoit,whereIcouldmakemeabed,andIlaycomfortable,andthebabywaswarmagainstme;andImusthavegonetosleepforagoodwhile,forwhenIwokeitwasmorning,butnotverylight,andthebabywascrying。AndIsawawoodalittlewayoff……I
thoughtthere’dperhapsbeaditchorapondthere……anditwassoearlyIthoughtIcouldhidethechildthere,andgetalongwayoffbeforefolkswasup。AndthenIthoughtI’dgohome——I’dgetridesincartsandgohomeandtell’emI’dbeentotryandseeforaplace,andcouldn’tgetone。Ilongedsoforit,Dinah,I
longedsotobesafeathome。Idon’tknowhowIfeltaboutthebaby。Iseemedtohateit——itwaslikeaheavyweighthangingroundmyneck;andyetitscryingwentthroughme,andIdaredn’tlookatitslittlehandsandface。ButIwentontothewood,andIwalkedabout,buttherewasnowater……"
Hettyshuddered。Shewassilentforsomemoments,andwhenshebeganagain,itwasinawhisper。
"Icametoaplacewheretherewaslotsofchipsandturf,andI
satdownonthetrunkofatreetothinkwhatIshoulddo。AndallofasuddenIsawaholeunderthenut-tree,likealittlegrave。Anditdartedintomelikelightning——I’dlaythebabythereandcoveritwiththegrassandthechips。Icouldn’tkillitanyotherway。AndI’ddoneitinaminute;and,oh,itcriedso,Dinah——Icouldn’tcoveritquiteup——Ithoughtperhapssomebody’udcomeandtakecareofit,andthenitwouldn’tdie。
AndImadehasteoutofthewood,butIcouldhearitcryingallthewhile;andwhenIgotoutintothefields,itwasasifIwasheldfast——Icouldn’tgoaway,forallIwantedsotogo。AndI
satagainstthehaystacktowatchifanybody’udcome。Iwasveryhungry,andI’donlyabitofbreadleft,butIcouldn’tgoaway。
Andaftereversuchawhile——hoursandhours——themancame——himinasmock-frock,andhelookedatmeso,Iwasfrightened,andI
madehasteandwenton。Ithoughthewasgoingtothewoodandwouldperhapsfindthebaby。AndIwentrighton,tillIcametoavillage,alongwayofffromthewood,andIwasverysick,andfaint,andhungry。Igotsomethingtoeatthere,andboughtaloaf。ButIwasfrightenedtostay。Iheardthebabycrying,andthoughttheotherfolksheardittoo——andIwenton。ButIwassotired,anditwasgettingtowardsdark。Andatlast,bytheroadsidetherewasabarn——eversuchawayoffanyhouse——likethebarninAbbot’sClose,andIthoughtIcouldgointhereandhidemyselfamongthehayandstraw,andnobody’udbelikelytocome。
Iwentin,anditwashalffullo’trussesofstraw,andtherewassomehaytoo。AndImademyselfabed,eversofarbehind,wherenobodycouldfindme;andIwassotiredandweak,Iwenttosleep……Butoh,thebaby’scryingkeptwakingme,andIthoughtthatmanaslookedatmesowascomeandlayingholdofme。ButI
musthavesleptalongwhileatlast,thoughIdidn’tknow,forwhenIgotupandwentoutofthebarn,Ididn’tknowwhetheritwasnightormorning。Butitwasmorning,foritkeptgettinglighter,andIturnedbackthewayI’dcome。Icouldn’thelpit,Dinah;itwasthebaby’scryingmademego——andyetIwasfrightenedtodeath。Ithoughtthatmaninthesmock-frock’udseemeandknowIputthebabythere。ButIwenton,forallthat。I’dleftoffthinkingaboutgoinghome——ithadgoneouto’
mymind。IsawnothingbutthatplaceinthewoodwhereI’dburiedthebaby……Iseeitnow。OhDinah!shallIallaysseeit?"
HettyclungroundDinahandshudderedagain。Thesilenceseemedlongbeforeshewenton。
"Imetnobody,foritwasveryearly,andIgotintothewood……I
knewthewaytotheplace……theplaceagainstthenut-tree;andI
couldhearitcryingateverystep……Ithoughtitwasalive……I
don’tknowwhetherIwasfrightenedorglad……Idon’tknowwhatI
felt。IonlyknowIwasinthewoodandheardthecry。Idon’tknowwhatIfelttillIsawthebabywasgone。AndwhenI’dputitthere,IthoughtIshouldlikesomebodytofinditandsaveitfromdying;butwhenIsawitwasgone,Iwasstrucklikeastone,withfear。Ineverthoughto’stirring,Ifeltsoweak。IknewI
couldn’trunaway,andeverybodyassawme’udknowaboutthebaby。Myheartwentlikeastone。Icouldn’twishortryforanything;itseemedlikeasifIshouldstaythereforever,andnothing’udeverchange。Buttheycameandtookmeaway。"
Hettywassilent,butsheshudderedagain,asiftherewasstillsomethingbehind;andDinahwaited,forherheartwassofullthattearsmustcomebeforewords。AtlastHettyburstout,withasob,"Dinah,doyouthinkGodwilltakeawaythatcryingandtheplaceinthewood,nowI’vetoldeverything?"
"Letuspray,poorsinner。Letusfallonourkneesagain,andpraytotheGodofallmercy。"
TheHoursofSuspenseONSundaymorning,whenthechurchbellsinStonitonwereringingformorningservice,BartleMasseyre-enteredAdam’sroom,afterashortabsence,andsaid,"Adam,here’savisitorwantstoseeyou。"
Adamwasseatedwithisbacktowardsthedoor,buthestartedupandturnedroundinstantly,withaflushedfaceandaneagerlook。
Hisfacewaseventhinnerandmorewornthanwehaveseenitbefore,buthewaswashedandshaventhisSundaymorning。
"Isitanynews?"hesaid。
"Keepyourselfquiet,mylad,"saidBartle;"keepquiet。It’snotwhatyou’rethinkingof。It’stheyoungMethodistwomancomefromtheprison。She’satthebottomo’thestairs,andwantstoknowifyouthinkwelltoseeher,forshehassomethingtosaytoyouaboutthatpoorcastaway;butshewouldn’tcomeinwithoutyourleave,shesaid。Shethoughtyou’dperhapsliketogooutandspeaktoher。Thesepreachingwomenarenotsoback’ardcommonly,"Bartlemutteredtohimself。
"Askhertocomein,"saidAdam。
Hewasstandingwithhisfacetowardsthedoor,andasDinahentered,liftinguphermildgreyeyestowardshim,shesawatoncethegreatchangethathadcomesincethedaywhenshehadlookedupatthetallmaninthecottage。Therewasatremblinginherclearvoiceassheputherhandintohisandsaid,"Becomforted,AdamBede,theLordhasnotforsakenher。"
"Blessyouforcomingtoher,"Adamsaid。"Mr。Masseybroughtmewordyesterdayasyouwascome。"
Theycouldneitherofthemsayanymorejustyet,butstoodbeforeeachotherinsilence;andBartleMassey,too,whohadputonhisspectacles,seemedtransfixed,examiningDinah’sface。Butherecoveredhimselffirst,andsaid,"Sitdown,youngwoman,sitdown,"placingthechairforherandretiringtohisoldseatonthebed。
"Thankyou,friend;Iwon’tsitdown,"saidDinah,"forImusthastenback。Sheentreatedmenottostaylongaway。WhatIcamefor,AdamBede,wastoprayyoutogoandseethepoorsinnerandbidherfarewell。Shedesirestoaskyourforgiveness,anditismeetyoushouldseeherto-day,ratherthanintheearlymorning,whenthetimewillbeshort。"
Adamstoodtrembling,andatlastsankdownonhischairagain。
"Itwon’tbe,"hesaid,"it’llbeputoff——there’llperhapscomeapardon。Mr。Irwinesaidtherewashope。Hesaid,Ineedn’tquitegiveitup。"
"That’sablessedthoughttome,"saidDinah,hereyesfillingwithtears。"It’safearfulthinghurryinghersoulawaysofast。"
"Butletwhatwillbe,"sheaddedpresently。"Youwillsurelycome,andletherspeakthewordsthatareinherheart。Althoughherpoorsoulisverydarkanddiscernslittlebeyondthethingsoftheflesh,sheisnolongerhard。Sheiscontrite,shehasconfessedalltome。Theprideofherhearthasgivenway,andsheleansonmeforhelpanddesirestobetaught。Thisfillsmewithtrust,forIcannotbutthinkthatthebrethrensometimeserrinmeasuringtheDivinelovebythesinner’sknowledge。SheisgoingtowritealettertothefriendsattheHallFarmformetogivethemwhensheisgone,andwhenItoldheryouwerehere,shesaid,’Ishouldliketosaygood-byetoAdamandaskhimtoforgiveme。’Youwillcome,Adam?Perhapsyouwillevennowcomebackwithme。"
"Ican’t,"Adamsaid。"Ican’tsaygood-byewhilethere’sanyhope。I’mlistening,andlistening——Ican’tthinko’nothingbutthat。Itcan’tbeasshe’lldiethatshamefuldeath——Ican’tbringmymindtoit。"
Hegotupfromhischairagainandlookedawayoutofthewindow,whileDinahstoodwithcompassionatepatience。Inaminuteortwoheturnedroundandsaid,"Iwillcome,Dinah……to-morrowmorning……ifitmustbe。Imayhavemorestrengthtobearit,ifIknowitmustbe。Tellher,Iforgiveher;tellherIwillcome——
attheverylast。"
"Iwillnoturgeyouagainstthevoiceofyourownheart,"saidDinah。"Imusthastenbacktoher,foritiswonderfulhowsheclingsnow,andwasnotwillingtoletmeoutofhersight。Sheusednevertomakeanyreturntomyaffectionbefore,butnowtribulationhasopenedherheart。Farewell,Adam。OurheavenlyFathercomfortyouandstrengthenyoutobearallthings。"Dinahputoutherhand,andAdampresseditinsilence。
BartleMasseywasgettinguptoliftthestifflatchofthedoorforher,butbeforehecouldreachit,shehadsaidgently,"Farewell,friend,"andwasgone,withherlightstepdownthestairs。
"Well,"saidBartle,takingoffhisspectaclesandputtingthemintohispocket,"iftheremustbewomentomaketroubleintheworld,it’sbutfairthereshouldbewomentobecomfortersunderit;andshe’sone——she’sone。It’sapityshe’saMethodist;butthere’snogettingawomanwithoutsomefoolishnessorother。"
Adamneverwenttobedthatnight。Theexcitementofsuspense,heighteningwitheveryhourthatbroughthimnearerthefatalmoment,wastoogreat,andinspiteofhisentreaties,inspiteofhispromisesthathewouldbeperfectlyquiet,theschoolmasterwatchedtoo。
"Whatdoesitmattertome,lad?"Bartlesaid:"anight’ssleepmoreorless?Ishallsleeplongenough,byandby,underground。
LetmekeeptheecompanyintroublewhileIcan。"
Itwasalonganddrearynightinthatsmallchamber。Adamwouldsometimesgetupandtreadbackwardsandforwardsalongtheshortspacefromwalltowall;thenhewouldsitdownandhidehisface,andnosoundwouldbeheardbutthetickingofthewatchonthetable,orthefallingofacinderfromthefirewhichtheschoolmastercarefullytended。Sometimeshewouldburstoutintovehementspeech,"IfIcouldha’doneanythingtosaveher——ifmybearinganythingwouldha’doneanygood……butt’havetositstill,andknowit,anddonothing……it’shardforamantobear……andtothinko’whatmightha’beennow,ifithadn’tbeenforHIM……OGod,it’stheverydayweshouldha’beenmarried。"
"Aye,mylad,"saidBartletenderly,"it’sheavy——it’sheavy。Butyoumustrememberthis:whenyouthoughtofmarryingher,you’danotionshe’dgotanothersortofanatureinsideher。Youdidn’tthinkshecouldhavegothardenedinthatlittlewhiletodowhatshe’sdone。"
"Iknow——Iknowthat,"saidAdam。"Ithoughtshewaslovingandtender-hearted,andwouldn’ttellalie,oractdeceitful。HowcouldIthinkanyotherway?Andifhe’dnevercomenearher,andI’dmarriedher,andbeenlovingtoher,andtookcareofher,shemightneverha’doneanythingbad。Whatwoulditha’signified——
myhavingabito’troublewithher?It’udha’beennothingtothis。"
"There’snoknowing,mylad——there’snoknowingwhatmighthavecome。Thesmart’sbadforyoutobearnow:youmusthavetime——
youmusthavetime。ButI’vethatopinionofyou,thatyou’llriseaboveitallandbeamanagain,andtheremaygoodcomeoutofthisthatwedon’tsee。"
"Goodcomeoutofit!"saidAdampassionately。"Thatdoesn’talterth’evil:HERruincan’tbeundone。Ihatethattalko’
people,asiftherewasawayo’makingamendsforeverything。
They’dmoreneedbebroughttoseeasthewrongtheydocanneverbealtered。Whenaman’sspoiledhisfellow-creatur’slife,he’snorighttocomforthimselfwiththinkinggoodmaycomeoutofit。
Somebodyelse’sgooddoesn’talterhershameandmisery。"
"Well,lad,well,"saidBartle,inagentletone,strangelyincontrastwithhisusualperemptorinessandimpatienceofcontradiction,"it’slikelyenoughItalkfoolishness。I’manoldfellow,andit’sagoodmanyyearssinceIwasintroublemyself。
It’seasyfindingreasonswhyotherfolksshouldbepatient。"
"Mr。Massey,"saidAdampenitently,"I’mveryhotandhasty。I
oweyousomethingdifferent;butyoumustn’ttakeitillofme。"
"NotI,lad——notI。"
Sothenightworeoninagitationtillthechilldawnandthegrowinglightbroughtthetremulousquietthatcomesonthebrinkofdespair。Therewouldsoonbenomoresuspense。
"Letusgototheprisonnow,Mr。Massey,"saidAdam,whenhesawthehandofhiswatchatsix。"Ifthere’sanynewscome,weshallhearaboutit。"
Thepeoplewereastiralready,movingrapidly,inonedirection,throughthestreets。Adamtriednottothinkwheretheyweregoing,astheyhurriedpasthiminthatshortspacebetweenhislodgingandtheprisongates。Hewasthankfulwhenthegatesshuthiminfromseeingthoseeagerpeople。
No;therewasnonewscome——nopardon——noreprieve。
AdamlingeredinthecourthalfanhourbeforehecouldbringhimselftosendwordtoDinahthathewascome。Butavoicecaughthisear:hecouldnotshutoutthewords。
"Thecartistosetoffathalf-pastseven。"
Itmustbesaid——thelastgood-bye:therewasnohelp。
Intenminutesfromthattime,Adamwasatthedoorofthecell。
Dinahhadsenthimwordthatshecouldnotcometohim;shecouldnotleaveHettyonemoment;butHettywaspreparedforthemeeting。
Hecouldnotseeherwhenheentered,foragitationdeadenedhissenses,andthedimcellwasalmostdarktohim。Hestoodamomentafterthedoorclosedbehindhim,tremblingandstupefied。
Buthebegantoseethroughthedimness——toseethedarkeyeslifteduptohimoncemore,butwithnosmileinthem。OGod,howsadtheylooked!Thelasttimetheyhadmethiswaswhenhepartedfromherwithhisheartfullofjoyoushopefullove,andtheylookedoutwithatearfulsmilefromapink,dimpled,childishface。Thefacewasmarblenow;thesweetlipswerepallidandhalf-openandquivering;thedimpleswereallgone——allbutone,thatneverwent;andtheeyes——O,theworstofallwasthelikenesstheyhadtoHetty’s。TheywereHetty’seyeslookingathimwiththatmournfulgaze,asifshehadcomebacktohimfromthedeadtotellhimofhermisery。
ShewasclingingclosetoDinah;hercheekwasagainstDinah’s。
Itseemedasifherlastfaintstrengthandhopelayinthatcontact,andthepityinglovethatshoneoutfromDinah’sfacelookedlikeavisiblepledgeoftheInvisibleMercy。
Whenthesadeyesmet——whenHettyandAdamlookedateachother——
shefeltthechangeinhimtoo,anditseemedtostrikeherwithfreshfear。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadseenanybeingwhosefaceseemedtoreflectthechangeinherself:Adamwasanewimageofthedreadfulpastandthedreadfulpresent。Shetrembledmoreasshelookedathim。
"Speaktohim,Hetty,"Dinahsaid;"tellhimwhatisinyourheart。"
Hettyobeyedher,likealittlechild。
"Adam……I’mverysorry……Ibehavedverywrongtoyou……willyouforgiveme……beforeIdie?"
Adamansweredwithahalf-sob,"Yes,IforgivetheeHetty。I
forgavetheelongago。"
IthadseemedtoAdamasifhisbrainwouldburstwiththeanguishofmeetingHetty’seyesinthefirstmoments,butthesoundofhervoiceutteringthesepenitentwordstouchedachordwhichhadbeenlessstrained。Therewasasenseofrelieffromwhatwasbecomingunbearable,andtheraretearscame——theyhadnevercomebefore,sincehehadhungonSeth’sneckinthebeginningofhissorrow。
Hettymadeaninvoluntarymovementtowardshim,someofthelovethatshehadoncelivedinthemidstofwascomenearheragain。
ShekeptholdofDinah’shand,butshewentuptoAdamandsaidtimidly,"Willyoukissmeagain,Adam,forallI’vebeensowicked?"
Adamtooktheblanchedwastedhandsheputouttohim,andtheygaveeachotherthesolemnunspeakablekissofalifelongparting。
"Andtellhim,"Hettysaid,inratherastrongervoice,"tellhim……forthere’snobodyelsetotellhim……asIwentafterhimandcouldn’tfindhim……andIhatedhimandcursedhimonce……butDinahsaysIshouldforgivehim……andItry……forelseGodwon’tforgiveme。"
Therewasanoiseatthedoorofthecellnow——thekeywasbeingturnedinthelock,andwhenthedooropened,Adamsawindistinctlythattherewereseveralfacesthere。Hewastooagitatedtoseemore——eventoseethatMr。Irwine’sfacewasoneofthem。Hefeltthatthelastpreparationswerebeginning,andhecouldstaynolonger。Roomwassilentlymadeforhimtodepart,andhewenttohischamberinloneliness,leavingBartleMasseytowatchandseetheend。
ChapterXLVII
TheLastMomentITwasasightthatsomepeoplerememberedbettereventhantheirownsorrows——thesightinthatgreyclearmorning,whenthefatalcartwiththetwoyoungwomeninitwasdescriedbythewaitingwatchingmultitude,cleavingitswaytowardsthehideoussymbolofadeliberatelyinflictedsuddendeath。
AllStonitonhadheardofDinahMorris,theyoungMethodistwomanwhohadbroughttheobstinatecriminaltoconfess,andtherewasasmucheagernesstoseeherastoseethewretchedHetty。
ButDinahwashardlyconsciousofthemultitude。WhenHettyhadcaughtsightofthevastcrowdinthedistance,shehadclutchedDinahconvulsively。
"Closeyoureyes,Hetty,"Dinahsaid,"andletuspraywithoutceasingtoGod。"
Andinalowvoice,asthecartwentslowlyalongthroughthemidstofthegazingcrowd,shepouredforthhersoulwiththewrestlingintensityofalastpleading,forthetremblingcreaturethatclungtoherandclutchedherastheonlyvisiblesignofloveandpity。
Dinahdidnotknowthatthecrowdwassilent,gazingatherwithasortofawe——shedidnotevenknowhowneartheyweretothefatalspot,whenthecartstopped,andsheshrankappalledataloudshouthideoustoherear,likeavastyellofdemons。Hetty’sshriekmingledwiththesound,andtheyclaspedeachotherinmutualhorror。
Butitwasnotashoutofexecration——notayellofexultantcruelty。
Itwasashoutofsuddenexcitementattheappearanceofahorsemancleavingthecrowdatfullgallop。Thehorseishotanddistressed,butanswerstothedesperatespurring;theriderlooksasifhiseyeswereglazedbymadness,andhesawnothingbutwhatwasunseenbyothers。See,hehassomethinginhishand——heisholdingitupasifitwereasignal。
TheSheriffknowshim:itisArthurDonnithorne,carryinginhishandahard-wonreleasefromdeath。
ChapterXLVIII
AnotherMeetingintheWoodTHEnextday,atevening,twomenwerewalkingfromoppositepointstowardsthesamescene,drawnthitherbyacommonmemory。
ThescenewastheGrovebyDonnithorneChase:youknowwhothemenwere。
Theoldsquire’sfuneralhadtakenplacethatmorning,thewillhadbeenread,andnowinthefirstbreathing-space,ArthurDonnithornehadcomeoutforalonelywalk,thathemightlookfixedlyatthenewfuturebeforehimandconfirmhimselfinasadresolution。HethoughthecoulddothatbestintheGrove。
AdamtoohadcomefromStontiononMondayevening,andto-dayhehadnotlefthome,excepttogotothefamilyattheHallFarmandtellthemeverythingthatMr。Irwinehadleftuntold。HehadagreedwiththePoysersthathewouldfollowthemtotheirnewneighbourhood,whereverthatmightbe,forhemeanttogiveupthemanagementofthewoods,and,assoonasitwaspracticable,hewouldwinduphisbusinesswithJonathanBurgeandsettlewithhismotherandSethinahomewithinreachofthefriendstowhomhefeltboundbyamutualsorrow。
"Sethandmearesuretofindwork,"hesaid。"Amanthat’sgotourtradeathisfinger-endsisathomeeverywhere;andwemustmakeanewstart。Mymotherwon’tstandintheway,forshe’stoldme,sinceIcamehome,she’dmadeuphermindtobeingburiedinanotherparish,ifIwishedit,andifI’dbemorecomfortableelsewhere。It’swonderfulhowquietshe’sbeeneversinceIcameback。Itseemsasiftheverygreatnesso’thetroublehadquietedandcalmedher。Weshallallbebetterinanewcountry,thoughthere’ssomeIshallbeloathtoleavebehind。ButIwon’tpartfromyouandyours,ifIcanhelpit,Mr。Poyser。Trouble’smadeuskin。"
"Aye,lad,"saidMartin。"We’llgoouto’hearingo’thatman’sname。ButIdoubtweshallne’ergofarenoughforfolksnottofindoutaswe’vegotthembelongingtousasaretransportedo’ertheseas,andwereliketobehanged。Weshallhavethatflyin’
upinourfaces,andourchildren’safterus。"
ThatwasalongvisittotheHallFarm,anddrewtoostronglyonAdam’senergiesforhimtothinkofseeingothers,orre-enteringonhisoldoccupationstillthemorrow。"Butto-morrow,"hesaidtohimself,"I’llgotoworkagain。Ishalllearntolikeitagainsometime,maybe;andit’srightwhetherIlikeitornot。"
Thiseveningwasthelasthewouldallowtobeabsorbedbysorrow:
suspensewasgonenow,andhemustbeartheunalterable。HewasresolvednottoseeArthurDonnithorneagain,ifitwerepossibletoavoidhim。HehadnomessagetodeliverfromHettynow,forHettyhadseenArthur。AndAdamdistrustedhimself——hehadlearnedtodreadtheviolenceofhisownfeeling。ThatwordofMr。Irwine’s——thathemustrememberwhathehadfeltaftergivingthelastblowtoArthurintheGrove——hadremainedwithhim。
ThesethoughtsaboutArthur,likeallthoughtsthatarechargedwithstrongfeeling,werecontinuallyrecurring,andtheyalwayscalleduptheimageoftheGrove——ofthatspotundertheoverarchingboughswherehehadcaughtsightofthetwobendingfigures,andhadbeenpossessedbysuddenrage。
"I’llgoandseeitagainto-nightforthelasttime,"hesaid;
"it’lldomegood;it’llmakemefeeloveragainwhatIfeltwhenI’dknockedhimdown。Ifeltwhatpooremptyworkitwas,assoonasI’ddoneit,beforeIbegantothinkhemightbedead。"
InthiswayithappenedthatArthurandAdamwerewalkingtowardsthesamespotatthesametime。
Adamhadonhisworking-dressagain,now,forhehadthrownofftheotherwithasenseofreliefassoonashecamehome;andifhehadhadthebasketoftoolsoverhisshoulder,hemighthavebeentaken,withhispalewastedface,forthespectreoftheAdamBedewhoenteredtheGroveonthatAugusteveningeightmonthsago。Buthehadnobasketoftools,andhewasnotwalkingwiththeolderectness,lookingkeenlyroundhim;hishandswerethrustinhissidepockets,andhiseyesrestedchieflyontheground。
HehadnotlongenteredtheGrove,andnowhepausedbeforeabeech。Heknewthattreewell;itwastheboundarymarkofhisyouth——thesign,tohim,ofthetimewhensomeofhisearliest,strongestfeelingshadlefthim。Hefeltsuretheywouldneverreturn。Andyet,atthismoment,therewasastirringofaffectionattheremembranceofthatArthurDonnithornewhomhehadbelievedinbeforehehadcomeuptothisbeecheightmonthsago。Itwasaffectionforthedead:THATArthurexistednolonger。
Hewasdisturbedbythesoundofapproachingfootsteps,butthebeechstoodataturningintheroad,andhecouldnotseewhowascominguntilthetallslimfigureindeepmourningsuddenlystoodbeforehimatonlytwoyards’distance。Theybothstarted,andlookedateachotherinsilence。Often,inthelastfortnight,AdamhadimaginedhimselfasclosetoArthurasthis,assailinghimwithwordsthatshouldbeasharrowingasthevoiceofremorse,forcinguponhimajustshareinthemiseryhehadcaused;andoften,too,hehadtoldhimselfthatsuchameetinghadbetternotbe。ButinimaginingthemeetinghehadalwaysseenArthur,ashehadmethimonthateveningintheGrove,florid,careless,lightofspeech;andthefigurebeforehimtouchedhimwiththesignsofsuffering。Adamknewwhatsufferingwas——hecouldnotlayacruelfingeronabruisedman。Hefeltnoimpulsethatheneededtoresist。Silencewasmorejustthanreproach。Arthurwasthefirsttospeak。
"Adam,"hesaid,quietly,"itmaybeagoodthingthatwehavemethere,forIwishedtoseeyou。Ishouldhaveaskedtoseeyouto-
morrow。"
Hepaused,butAdamsaidnothing。
"Iknowitispainfultoyoutomeetme,"Arthurwenton,"butitisnotlikelytohappenagainforyearstocome。"
"No,sir,"saidAdam,coldly,"thatwaswhatImeanttowritetoyouto-morrow,asitwouldbebetteralldealingsshouldbeatanendbetweenus,andsomebodyelseputinmyplace。"
Arthurfelttheanswerkeenly,anditwasnotwithoutaneffortthathespokeagain。
"ItwaspartlyonthatsubjectIwishedtospeaktoyou。Idon’twanttolessenyourindignationagainstme,oraskyoutodoanythingformysake。Ionlywishtoaskyouifyouwillhelpmetolessentheevilconsequencesofthepast,whichisunchangeable。Idon’tmeanconsequencestomyself,buttoothers。
ItisbutlittleIcando,Iknow。Iknowtheworstconsequenceswillremain;butsomethingmaybedone,andyoucanhelpme。Willyoulistentomepatiently?"
"Yes,sir,"saidAdam,aftersomehesitation;"I’llhearwhatitis。IfIcanhelptomendanything,Iwill。Anger’ullmendnothing,Iknow。We’vehadenougho’that。"
"IwasgoingtotheHermitage,"saidArthur。"Willyougotherewithmeandsitdown?Wecantalkbetterthere。"
TheHermitagehadneverbeenenteredsincetheyleftittogether,forArthurhadlockedupthekeyinhisdesk。Andnow,whenheopenedthedoor,therewasthecandleburntoutinthesocket;
therewasthechairinthesameplacewhereAdamrememberedsitting;therewasthewaste-paperbasketfullofscraps,anddeepdowninit,Arthurfeltinaninstant,therewasthelittlepinksilkhandkerchief。Itwouldhavebeenpainfultoenterthisplaceiftheirpreviousthoughtshadbeenlesspainful。
Theysatdownoppositeeachotherintheoldplaces,andArthursaid,"I’mgoingaway,Adam;I’mgoingintothearmy。"
PoorArthurfeltthatAdamoughttobeaffectedbythisannouncement——oughttohaveamovementofsympathytowardshim。
ButAdam’slipsremainedfirmlyclosed,andtheexpressionofhisfaceunchanged。
"WhatIwanttosaytoyou,"Arthurcontinued,"isthis:oneofmyreasonsforgoingawayisthatnooneelsemayleaveHayslope——mayleavetheirhomeonmyaccount。Iwoulddoanything,thereisnosacrificeIwouldnotmake,topreventanyfurtherinjurytoothersthroughmy——throughwhathashappened。"
Arthur’swordshadpreciselytheoppositeeffecttothathehadanticipated。Adamthoughtheperceivedinthemthatnotionofcompensationforirretrievablewrong,thatself-soothingattempttomakeevilbearthesamefruitsasgood,whichmostofallrousedhisindignation。HewasasstronglyimpelledtolookpainfulfactsrightinthefaceasArthurwastoturnawayhiseyesfromthem。Moreover,hehadthewakefulsuspiciousprideofapoormaninthepresenceofarichman。Hefelthisoldseverityreturningashesaid,"Thetime’spastforthat,sir。A
manshouldmakesacrificestokeepclearofdoingawrong;
sacrificeswon’tundoitwhenit’sdone。Whenpeople’sfeelingshavegotadeadlywound,theycan’tbecuredwithfavours。"
"Favours!"saidArthur,passionately;"no;howcanyousupposeI
meantthat?ButthePoysers——Mr。IrwinetellsmethePoysersmeantoleavetheplacewheretheyhavelivedsomanyyears——forgenerations。Don’tyousee,asMr。Irwinedoes,thatiftheycouldbepersuadedtoovercomethefeelingthatdrivesthemaway,itwouldbemuchbetterforthemintheendtoremainontheoldspot,amongthefriendsandneighbourswhoknowthem?"
"That’strue,"saidAdamcoldly。"Butthen,sir,folks’sfeelingsarenotsoeasilyovercome。It’llbehardforMartinPoysertogotoastrangeplace,amongstrangefaces,whenhe’sbeenbredupontheHallFarm,andhisfatherbeforehim;butthenit’udbeharderforamanwithhisfeelingstostay。Idon’tseehowthething’stobemadeanyotherthanhard。There’sasorto’damage,sir,thatcan’tbemadeupfor。"
Arthurwassilentsomemoments。Inspiteofotherfeelingsdominantinhimthisevening,hispridewincedunderAdam’smodeoftreatinghim。Wasn’thehimselfsuffering?Wasnothetooobligedtorenouncehismostcherishedhopes?Itwasnowasithadbeeneightmonthsago——AdamwasforcingArthurtofeelmoreintenselytheirrevocablenessofhisownwrong-doing。HewaspresentingthesortofresistancethatwasthemostirritatingtoArthur’seagerardentnature。ButhisangerwassubduedbythesameinfluencethathadsubduedAdam’swhentheyfirstconfrontedeachother——bythemarksofsufferinginalongfamiliarface。
ThemomentarystruggleendedinthefeelingthathecouldbearagreatdealfromAdam,towhomhehadbeentheoccasionofbearingsomuch;buttherewasatouchofpleading,boyishvexationinhistoneashesaid,"Butpeoplemaymakeinjuriesworsebyunreasonableconduct——bygivingwaytoangerandsatisfyingthatforthemoment,insteadofthinkingwhatwillbetheeffectinthefuture。
"IfIweregoingtostayhereandactaslandlord,"headdedpresently,withstillmoreeagerness——"ifIwerecarelessaboutwhatI’vedone——whatI’vebeenthecauseof,youwouldhavesomeexcuse,Adam,forgoingawayandencouragingotherstogo。Youwouldhavesomeexcusethenfortryingtomaketheevilworse。
ButwhenItellyouI’mgoingawayforyears——whenyouknowwhatthatmeansforme,howitcutsoffeveryplanofhappinessI’veeverformed——itisimpossibleforasensiblemanlikeyoutobelievethatthereisanyrealgroundforthePoysersrefusingtoremain。Iknowtheirfeelingaboutdisgrace——Mr。Irwinehastoldmeall;butheisofopinionthattheymightbepersuadedoutofthisideathattheyaredisgracedintheeyesoftheirneighbours,andthattheycan’tremainonmyestate,ifyouwouldjoinhiminhisefforts——ifyouwouldstayyourselfandgoonmanagingtheoldwoods。"
Arthurpausedamomentandthenadded,pleadingly,"Youknowthat’sagoodworktodoforthesakeofotherpeople,besidestheowner。Andyoudon’tknowbutthattheymayhaveabetterownersoon,whomyouwillliketoworkfor。IfIdie,mycousinTradgettwillhavetheestateandtakemyname。Heisagoodfellow。"
Adamcouldnothelpbeingmoved:itwasimpossibleforhimnottofeelthatthiswasthevoiceofthehonestwarm-heartedArthurwhomhehadlovedandbeenproudofinolddays;butnearermemorieswouldnotbethrustaway。Hewassilent;yetArthursawananswerinhisfacethatinducedhimtogoon,withgrowingearnestness。
"Andthen,ifyouwouldtalktothePoysers——ifyouwouldtalkthematteroverwithMr。Irwine——hemeanstoseeyouto-morrow——andthenifyouwouldjoinyourargumentstohistoprevailonthemnottogo……Iknow,ofcourse,thattheywouldnotacceptanyfavourfromme——Imeannothingofthatkind——butI’msuretheywouldsufferlessintheend。Irwinethinkssotoo。AndMr。
Irwineistohavethechiefauthorityontheestate——hehasconsentedtoundertakethat。Theywillreallybeundernomanbutonewhomtheyrespectandlike。Itwouldbethesamewithyou,Adam,anditcouldbenothingbutadesiretogivemeworsepainthatcouldinclineyoutogo。"
Arthurwassilentagainforalittlewhile,andthensaid,withsomeagitationinhisvoice,"Iwouldn’tactsotowardsyou,I
know。IfyouwereinmyplaceandIinyours,Ishouldtrytohelpyoutodothebest。"
Adammadeahastymovementonhischairandlookedontheground。
Arthurwenton,"Perhapsyou’veneverdoneanythingyou’vehadbitterlytorepentofinyourlife,Adam;ifyouhad,youwouldbemoregenerous。Youwouldknowthenthatit’sworseformethanforyou。"
Arthurrosefromhisseatwiththelastwords,andwenttooneofthewindows,lookingoutandturninghisbackonAdam,ashecontinued,passionately,"Haven’tIlovedhertoo?Didn’tIseeheryesterday?Shan’tIcarrythethoughtofheraboutwithmeasmuchasyouwill?Anddon’tyouthinkyouwouldsuffermoreifyou’dbeeninfault?"
Therewassilenceforseveralminutes,forthestruggleinAdam’smindwasnoteasilydecided。Facilenatures,whoseemotionshavelittlepermanence,canhardlyunderstandhowmuchinwardresistanceheovercamebeforeherosefromhisseatandturnedtowardsArthur。Arthurheardthemovement,andturninground,metthesadbutsoftenedlookwithwhichAdamsaid,"It’struewhatyousay,sir。I’mhard——it’sinmynature。Iwastoohardwithmyfather,fordoingwrong。I’vebeenabithardt’everybodybuther。Ifeltasifnobodypitiedherenough——hersufferingcutintomeso;andwhenIthoughtthefolksatthefarmweretoohardwithher,IsaidI’dneverbehardtoanybodymyselfagain。Butfeelingovermuchaboutherhasperhapsmademeunfairtoyou。
I’veknownwhatitisinmylifetorepentandfeelit’stoolate。
IfeltI’dbeentooharshtomyfatherwhenhewasgonefromme——I
feelitnow,whenIthinkofhim。I’venorighttobehardtowardsthemashavedonewrongandrepent。"
Adamspokethesewordswiththefirmdistinctnessofamanwhoisresolvedtoleavenothingunsaidthatheisboundtosay;buthewentonwithmorehesitation。
"Iwouldn’tshakehandswithyouonce,sir,whenyouaskedme——butifyou’rewillingtodoitnow,forallIrefusedthen……"
Arthur’swhitehandwasinAdam’slargegraspinaninstant,andwiththatactiontherewasastrongrush,onbothsides,oftheold,boyishaffection。
"Adam,"Arthursaid,impelledtofullconfessionnow,"itwouldneverhavehappenedifI’dknownyoulovedher。Thatwouldhavehelpedtosavemefromit。AndIdidstruggle。Inevermeanttoinjureher。Ideceivedyouafterwards——andthatledontoworse;
butIthoughtitwasforceduponme,IthoughtitwasthebestthingIcoulddo。AndinthatletterItoldhertoletmeknowifshewereinanytrouble:don’tthinkIwouldnothavedoneeverythingIcould。ButIwasallwrongfromtheveryfirst,andhorriblewronghascomeofit。Godknows,I’dgivemylifeifI
couldundoit。"
Theysatdownagainoppositeeachother,andAdamsaid,tremulously,"Howdidsheseemwhenyoulefther,sir?"
"Don’taskme,Adam,"Arthursaid;"IfeelsometimesasifI
shouldgomadwiththinkingofherlooksandwhatshesaidtome,andthen,thatIcouldn’tgetafullpardon——thatIcouldn’tsaveherfromthatwretchedfateofbeingtransported——thatIcandonothingforherallthoseyears;andshemaydieunderit,andneverknowcomfortanymore。"
"Ah,sir,"saidAdam,forthefirsttimefeelinghisownpainmergedinsympathyforArthur,"youandme’lloftenbethinkingo’
thesamething,whenwe’realongwayoffoneanother。I’llprayGodtohelpyou,asIprayhimtohelpme。"
"Butthere’sthatsweetwoman——thatDinahMorris,"Arthursaid,pursuinghisownthoughtsandnotknowingwhathadbeenthesenseofAdam’swords,"shesayssheshallstaywithhertotheverylastmoment——tillshegoes;andthepoorthingclingstoherasifshefoundsomecomfortinher。Icouldworshipthatwoman;I
don’tknowwhatIshoulddoifshewerenotthere。Adam,youwillseeherwhenshecomesback。Icouldsaynothingtoheryesterday——nothingofwhatIfelttowardsher。Tellher,"Arthurwentonhurriedly,asifhewantedtohidetheemotionwithwhichhespoke,whilehetookoffhischainandwatch,"tellherIaskedyoutogiveherthisinremembranceofme——ofthemantowhomsheistheonesourceofcomfort,whenhethinksof……Iknowshedoesn’tcareaboutsuchthings——oranythingelseIcangiveherforitsownsake。Butshewillusethewatch——Ishallliketothinkofherusingit。"
"I’llgiveittoher,sir,"Adamsaid,"andtellheryourwords。
ShetoldmesheshouldcomebacktothepeopleattheHallFarm。"
"AndyouwillpersuadethePoyserstostay,Adam?"saidArthur,remindedofthesubjectwhichbothofthemhadforgotteninthefirstinterchangeofrevivedfriendship。"Youwillstayyourself,andhelpMr。Irwinetocarryouttherepairsandimprovementsontheestate?"
"There’sonething,sir,thatperhapsyoudon’ttakeaccountof,"
saidAdam,withhesitatinggentleness,"andthatwaswhatmademehangbacklonger。Yousee,it’sthesamewithbothmeandthePoysers:ifwestay,it’sforourownworldlyinterest,anditlooksasifwe’dputupwithanythingforthesakeo’that。I
knowthat’swhatthey’llfeel,andIcan’thelpfeelingalittleofitmyself。Whenfolkshavegotanhonourableindependentspirit,theydon’tliketodoanythingthatmightmake’emseembase-minded。"
"Butnoonewhoknowsyouwillthinkthat,Adam。Thatisnotareasonstrongenoughagainstacoursethatisreallymoregenerous,moreunselfishthantheother。Anditwillbeknown——itshallbemadeknown,thatbothyouandthePoysersstayedatmyentreaty。Adam,don’ttrytomakethingsworseforme;I’mpunishedenoughwithoutthat。"
"No,sir,no,"Adamsaid,lookingatArthurwithmournfulaffection。"GodforbidIshouldmakethingsworseforyou。I
usedtowishIcoulddoit,inmypassion——butthatwaswhenI
thoughtyoudidn’tfeelenough。I’llstay,sir,I’lldothebestIcan。It’sallI’vegottothinkofnow——todomyworkwellandmaketheworldabitbetterplaceforthemascanenjoyit。"
"Thenwe’llpartnow,Adam。YouwillseeMr。Irwineto-morrow,andconsultwithhimabouteverything。"
"Areyougoingsoon,sir?"saidAdam。
"Assoonaspossible——afterI’vemadethenecessaryarrangements。
Good-bye,Adam。Ishallthinkofyougoingabouttheoldplace。"
"Good-bye,sir。Godblessyou。"
Thehandswereclaspedoncemore,andAdamlefttheHermitage,feelingthatsorrowwasmorebearablenowhatredwasgone。
Assoonasthedoorwasclosedbehindhim,Arthurwenttothewaste-paperbasketandtookoutthelittlepinksilkhandkerchief。
第16章