ThoughRaskolnikovlookedatSoniaashesaidthis,henolongercaredwhethersheunderstoodornot。Thefeverhadcompleteholdofhim;hewasinasortofgloomyecstasyhecertainlyhadbeentoolongwithouttalkingtoanyone。Soniafeltthathisgloomycreedhadbecomehisfaithandcode。
　　“Idivinedthen,Sonia,“hewentoneagerly,“thatpowerisonlyvouchsafedtothemanwhodarestostoopandpickitup。Thereisonlyonething,onethingneedful：onehasonlytodare!Thenforthefirsttimeinmylifeanideatookshapeinmymindwhichnoonehadeverthoughtofbeforeme,noone!Isawclearasdaylighthowstrangeitisthatnotasinglepersonlivinginthismadworldhashadthedaringtogostraightforitallandsenditflyingtothedevil!I……
　　Iwantedtohavethedaring……andIkilledher。Ionlywantedtohavethedaring,Sonia!Thatwasthewholecauseofit！”
　　“Ohhush,hush,“criedSonia,claspingherhands。“YouturnedawayfromGodandGodhassmittenyou,hasgivenyouovertothedevil！”
　　“ThenSonia,whenIusedtoliethereinthedarkandallthisbecamecleartome,wasitatemptationofthedevil,eh？”
　　“Hush,don'tlaugh,blasphemer!Youdon'tunderstand,youdon'tunderstand!OhGod!Hewon'tunderstand！”
　　“Hush,Sonia!Iamnotlaughing。Iknowmyselfthatitwasthedevilleadingme。Hush,Sonia,hush！”herepeatedwithgloomyinsistence。“I
　　knowitall,Ihavethoughtitalloverandoverandwhispereditallovertomyself,lyingthereinthedark……I'veargueditalloverwithmyself,everypointofit,andIknowitall,all!Andhowsick,howsickIwasthenofgoingoveritall!Ihavekeptwantingtoforgetitandmakeanewbeginning,Sonia,andleaveoffthinking。Andyoudon'tsupposethatIwentintoitheadlonglikeafool?Iwentintoitlikeawiseman,andthatwasjustmydestruction。Andyoumustn'tsupposethatIdidn'tknow,forinstance,thatifIbegantoquestionmyselfwhetherIhadtherighttogainpower-Icertainlyhadn'ttheright-orthatifIaskedmyselfwhetherahumanbeingisalouseitprovedthatitwasn'tsoforme,thoughitmightbeforamanwhowouldgostraighttohisgoalwithoutaskingquestions……IfI
　　worriedmyselfallthosedays,wonderingwhetherNapoleonwouldhavedoneitornot,IfeltclearlyofcoursethatIwasn'tNapoleon。Ihadtoendurealltheagonyofthatbattleofideas,Sonia,andIlongedtothrowitoff：Iwantedtomurderwithoutcasuistry,tomurderformyownsake,formyselfalone!Ididn'twanttolieaboutiteventomyself。Itwasn'ttohelpmymotherIdidthemurder-that'snonsense-
　　Ididn'tdothemurdertogainwealthandpowerandtobecomeabenefactorofmankind。Nonsense!Isimplydidit;Ididthemurderformyself,formyselfalone,andwhetherIbecameabenefactortoothers,orspentmylifelikeaspidercatchingmeninmywebandsuckingthelifeoutofmen,Icouldn'thavecaredatthatmoment……AnditwasnotthemoneyIwanted,Sonia,whenIdidit。ItwasnotsomuchthemoneyIwanted,butsomethingelse……Iknowitallnow……
　　Understandme!PerhapsIshouldneverhavecommittedamurderagain。I
　　wantedtofindoutsomethingelse;itwassomethingelseledmeon。
　　IwantedtofindoutthenandquicklywhetherIwasalouselikeeverybodyelseoraman。WhetherIcanstepoverbarriersornot,whetherIdarestooptopickupornot,whetherIamatremblingcreatureorwhetherIhavetheright……“
　　“Tokill?Havetherighttokill？”Soniaclaspedherhands。
　　“Ach,Sonia！”hecriedirritablyandseemedabouttomakesomeretort,butwascontemptuouslysilent。“Don'tinterruptme,Sonia。I
　　wanttoproveonethingonly,thatthedevilledmeonthenandhehasshownmesincethatIhadnottherighttotakethatpath,becauseI
　　amjustsuchalouseasalltherest。HewasmockingmeandhereI'vecometoyounow!Welcomeyourguest!IfIwerenotalouse,shouldIhavecometoyou?Listen：whenIwentthentotheoldwoman'sIonlywenttotry……Youmaybesureofthat！”
　　“Andyoumurderedher！”
　　“ButhowdidImurderher?Isthathowmendomurders?DomengotocommitamurderasIwentthen?IwilltellyousomedayhowI
　　went!DidImurdertheoldwoman?Imurderedmyself,nother!I
　　crushedmyselfonceforall,forever……Butitwasthedevilthatkilledthatoldwoman,notI。Enough,enough,Sonia,enough!Letmebe！”hecriedinasuddenspasmofagony,“letmebe！”
　　Heleanedhiselbowsonhiskneesandsqueezedhisheadinhishandsasinavise。
　　“Whatsuffering！”AwailofanguishbrokefromSonia。
　　“Well,whatamItodonow？”heasked,suddenlyraisinghisheadandlookingatherwithafacehideouslydistortedbydespair。
　　“Whatareyoutodo？”shecried,jumpingup,andhereyesthathadbeenfulloftearssuddenlybegantoshine。“Standup！”Sheseizedhimbytheshoulder,hegotup,lookingatheralmostbewildered。“Goatonce,thisveryminute,standatthecross-roads,bowdown,firstkisstheearthwhichyouhavedefiledandthenbowdowntoalltheworldandsaytoallmenaloud,'Iamamurderer!'ThenGodwillsendyoulifeagain。Willyougo,willyougo？”sheaskedhim,tremblingallover,snatchinghistwohands,squeezingthemtightinhersandgazingathimwitheyesfulloffire。
　　Hewasamazedathersuddenecstasy。
　　“YoumeanSiberia,Sonia?Imustgivemyselfup？”heaskedgloomily。
　　“Sufferandexpiateyoursinbyit,that'swhatyoumustdo。“
　　“No!Iamnotgoingtothem,Sonia！”
　　“Buthowwillyougoonliving?Whatwillyoulivefor？”criedSonia,“howisitpossiblenow?Why,howcanyoutalktoyourmother?Oh,whatwillbecomeofthemnow!ButwhatamIsaying?
　　Youhaveabandonedyourmotherandyoursisteralready。Hehasabandonedthemalready!Oh,God！”shecried,“why,heknowsitallhimself。How,howcanhelivebyhimself!Whatwillbecomeofyounow？”
　　“Don'tbeachild,Sonia,“hesaidsoftly。“WhatwronghaveIdonethem?WhyshouldIgotothem?WhatshouldIsaytothem?That'sonlyaphantom……Theydestroymenbymillionsthemselvesandlookonitasavirtue。Theyareknavesandscoundrels,Sonia!Iamnotgoingtothem。AndwhatshouldIsaytothem-thatImurderedher,butdidnotdaretotakethemoneyandhiditunderastone？”headdedwithabittersmile。“Why,theywouldlaughatme,andwouldcallmeafoolfornotgettingit。Acowardandafool!Theywouldn'tunderstandandtheydon'tdeservetounderstand。WhyshouldIgotothem?I
　　won't。Don'tbeachild,Sonia……“
　　“Itwillbetoomuchforyoutobear,toomuch！”sherepeated,holdingoutherhandsindespairingsupplication。
　　“PerhapsI'vebeenunfairtomyself,“heobservedgloomily,pondering,“perhapsafterallIamamanandnotalouseandI'vebeenintoogreatahurrytocondemnmyself。I'llmakeanotherfightforit。“
　　Ahaughtysmileappearedonhislips。
　　“Whataburdentobear!Andyourwholelife,yourwholelife！”
　　“Ishallgetusedtoit,“hesaidgrimlyandthoughtfully。“Listen,“
　　hebeganaminutelater,“stopcrying,it'stimetotalkofthefacts：
　　I'vecometotellyouthatthepoliceareafterme,onmytrack……“
　　“Ach！”Soniacriedinterror。
　　“Well,whydoyoucryout?YouwantmetogotoSiberiaandnowyouarefrightened?Butletmetellyou：Ishallnotgivemyselfup。I
　　shallmakeastruggleforitandtheywon'tdoanythingtome。They'venorealevidence。YesterdayIwasingreatdangerandbelievedIwaslost;butto-daythingsaregoingbetter。Allthefactstheyknowcanbeexplainedtwoways,that'stosayIcanturntheiraccusationstomycredit,doyouunderstand?AndIshall,forI'velearntmylesson。Buttheywillcertainlyarrestme。Ifithadnotbeenforsomethingthathappened,theywouldhavedonesoto-dayforcertain;perhapsevennowtheywillarrestmeto-day……Butthat'snomatter,Sonia;they'llletmeoutagain……forthereisn'tanyrealproofagainstme,andtherewon'tbe,Igiveyoumywordforit。Andtheycan'tconvictamanonwhattheyhaveagainstme。Enough……I
　　onlytellyouthatyoumayknow……Iwilltrytomanagesomehowtoputittomymotherandsistersothattheywon'tbefrightened……Mysister'sfutureissecure,however,now,Ibelieve……andmymother'smustbetoo……Well,that'sall。Becareful,though。WillyoucomeandseemeinprisonwhenIamthere？”
　　“Oh,Iwill,Iwill。“
　　Theysatsidebyside,bothmournfulanddejected,asthoughtheyhadbeencastupbythetempestaloneonsomedesertedshore。HelookedatSoniaandfelthowgreatwasherloveforhim,andstrangetosayhefeltitsuddenlyburdensomeandpainfultobesoloved。Yes,itwasastrangeandawfulsensation!OnhiswaytoseeSoniahehadfeltthatallhishopesrestedonher;heexpectedtoberidofatleastpartofhissuffering,andnow,whenallherheartturnedtowardshim,hesuddenlyfeltthathewasimmeasurablyunhappierthanbefore。
　　“Sonia,“hesaid,“you'dbetternotcomeandseemewhenIaminprison。“
　　Soniadidnotanswer,shewascrying。Severalminutespassed。
　　“Haveyouacrossonyou？”sheasked,asthoughsuddenlythinkingofit。
　　Hedidnotatfirstunderstandthequestion。
　　“No,ofcoursenot。Here,takethisone,ofcypresswood。Ihaveanother,acopperonethatbelongedtoLizaveta。IchangedwithLizaveta：shegavemehercrossandIgavehermylittleikon。I
　　willwearLizaveta'snowandgiveyouthis。Takeit……it'smine!It'smine,youknow,“shebeggedhim。“Wewillgotosuffertogether,andtogetherwewillbearourcross！”
　　“Giveitme,“saidRaskolnikov。
　　Hedidnotwanttohurtherfeelings。Butimmediatelyhedrewbackthehandheheldoutforthecross。
　　“Notnow,Sonia。Betterlater,“headdedtocomforther。
　　“Yes,yes,better,“sherepeatedwithconviction,“whenyougotomeetyoursuffering,thenputiton。Youwillcometome,I'llputitonyou,wewillprayandgotogether。“
　　Atthatmomentsomeoneknockedthreetimesatthedoor。
　　“SofyaSemyonovna,mayIcomein？”theyheardinaveryfamiliarandpolitevoice。
　　Soniarushedtothedoorinafright。TheflaxenheadofMr。
　　Lebeziatnikovappearedatthedoor。
　　ChapterFiveLEBEZIATNIKOVlookedperturbed。
　　“I'vecometoyou,SofyaSemyonovna,“hebegan。“Excuseme……I
　　thoughtIshouldfindyou,“hesaid,addressingRaskolnikovsuddenly,“thatis,Ididn'tmeananything……ofthatsort……ButI
　　justthought……KaterinaIvanovnahasgoneoutofhermind,“heblurtedoutsuddenly,turningfromRaskolnikovtoSonia。
　　Soniascreamed。
　　“Atleastitseemsso。But……wedon'tknowwhattodo,yousee!Shecameback-sheseemstohavebeenturnedoutsomewhere,perhapsbeaten……Soitseemsatleast,……Shehadruntoyourfather'sformerchief,shedidn'tfindhimathome：hewasdiningatsomeothergeneral's……Onlyfancy,sherushedoffthere,totheothergeneral's,and,imagine,shewassopersistentthatshemanagedtogetthechieftoseeher,hadhimfetchedoutfromdinner,itseems。Youcanimaginewhathappened。Shewasturnedout,ofcourse;but,accordingtoherownstory,sheabusedhimandthrewsomethingathim。
　　Onemaywellbelieveit……Howitisshewasn'ttakenup,Ican'tunderstand!Nowsheistellingeveryone,includingAmaliaIvanovna;
　　butit'sdifficulttounderstandher,sheisscreamingandflingingherselfabout……Ohyes,sheshoutsthatsinceeveryonehasabandonedher,shewilltakethechildrenandgointothestreetwithabarrel-organ,andthechildrenwillsinganddance,andshetoo,andcollectmoney,andwillgoeverydayunderthegeneral'swindow……'toleteveryoneseewell-bornchildren,whosefatherwasanofficial,begginginthestreet。'Shekeepsbeatingthechildrenandtheyareallcrying。SheisteachingLidatosing'MyVillage,'
　　theboytodance,Polenkathesame。Sheistearingupalltheclothes,andmakingthemlittlecapslikeactors;shemeanstocarryatinbasinandmakeittinkle,insteadofmusic……Shewon'tlistentoanything……Imaginethestateofthings!It'sbeyondanything！”
　　Lebeziatnikovwouldhavegoneon,butSonia,whohadheardhimalmostbreathless,snatcheduphercloakandhat,andranoutoftheroom,puttingonherthingsasshewent。RaskolnikovfollowedherandLebeziatnikovcameafterhim。
　　“Shehascertainlygonemad！”hesaidtoRaskolnikov,astheywentoutintothestreet。“Ididn'twanttofrightenSofyaSemyonovna,soI
　　said'itseemedlikeit,'butthereisn'tadoubtofit。Theysaythatinconsumption,thetuberclessometimesoccurinthebrain;it'sapityIknownothingofmedicine。Ididtrytopersuadeher,butshewouldn'tlisten。“
　　“Didyoutalktoheraboutthetubercles？”
　　“Notpreciselyofthetubercles。Besides,shewouldn'thaveunderstood!ButwhatIsayis,thatifyouconvinceapersonlogicallythathehasnothingtocryabout,he'llstopcrying。That'sclear。
　　Isityourconvictionthathewon't？”
　　“Lifewouldbetooeasyifitwereso,“answeredRaskolnikov。
　　“Excuseme,excuseme;ofcourseitwouldberatherdifficultforKaterinaIvanovnatounderstand,butdoyouknowthatinParistheyhavebeenconductingseriousexperimentsastothepossibilityofcuringtheinsane,simplybylogicalargument?Oneprofessorthere,ascientificmanofstanding,latelydead,believedinthepossibilityofsuchtreatment。Hisideawasthatthere'snothingreallywrongwiththephysicalorganismoftheinsane,andthatinsanityis,sotosay,alogicalmistake,anerrorofjudgment,anincorrectviewofthings。Hegraduallyshowedthemadmanhiserrorand,wouldyoubelieveit,theysayhewassuccessful?Butashemadeuseofdouchestoo,howfarsuccesswasduetothattreatmentremainsuncertain……Soitseemsatleast。“
　　Raskolnikovhadlongceasedtolisten。Reachingthehousewherehelived,henoddedtoLebeziatnikovandwentinatthegate。
　　Lebeziatnikovwokeupwithastart,lookedabouthimandhurriedon。
　　Raskolnikovwentintohislittleroomandstoodstillinthemiddleofit。Whyhadhecomebackhere?Helookedattheyellowandtatteredpaper,atthedust,athissofa……Fromtheyardcamealoudcontinuousknocking;someoneseemedtobehammering……Hewenttothewindow,roseontiptoeandlookedoutintotheyardforalongtimewithanairofabsorbedattention。Buttheyardwasemptyandhecouldnotseewhowashammering。Inthehouseonthelefthesawsomeopenwindows;onthewindow-sillswerepotsofsickly-lookinggeraniums。
　　Linenwashungoutofthewindows……Heknewitallbyheart。Heturnedawayandsatdownonthesofa。
　　Never,neverhadhefelthimselfsofearfullyalone!
　　Yes,hefeltoncemorethathewouldperhapscometohateSonia,nowthathehadmadehermoremiserable。
　　“Whyhadhegonetohertobegforhertears?Whatneedhadhetopoisonherlife?Oh,themeannessofit！”
　　“Iwillremainalone,“hesaidresolutely,“andsheshallnotcometotheprison！”
　　Fiveminuteslaterheraisedhisheadwithastrangesmile。Thatwasastrangethought。
　　“PerhapsitreallywouldbebetterinSiberia,“hethoughtsuddenly。
　　Hecouldnothavesaidhowlonghesattherewithvaguethoughtssurgingthroughhismind。AllatoncethedooropenedandDouniacamein。Atfirstshestoodstillandlookedathimfromthedoorway,justashehaddoneatSonia;thenshecameinandsatdowninthesameplaceasyesterday,onthechairfacinghim。Helookedsilentlyandalmostvacantlyather。
　　“Don'tbeangry,brother;I'veonlycomeforoneminute,“saidDounia。
　　Herfacelookedthoughtfulbutnotstern。Hereyeswerebrightandsoft。Hesawthatshetoohadcometohimwithlove。
　　“Brother,nowIknowall,all。DmitriProkofitchhasexplainedandtoldmeeverything。Theyareworryingandpersecutingyouthroughastupidandcontemptiblesuspicion……DmitriProkofitchtoldmethatthereisnodanger,andthatyouarewronginlookinguponitwithsuchhorror。Idon'tthinkso,andIfullyunderstandhowindignantyoumustbe,andthatthatindignationmayhaveapermanenteffectonyou。That'swhatIamafraidof。Asforyourcuttingyourselfofffromus,Idon'tjudgeyou,Idon'tventuretojudgeyou,andforgivemeforhavingblamedyouforit。IfeelthatItoo,ifIhadsogreatatrouble,shouldkeepawayfromeveryone。Ishalltellmothernothingofthis,butIshalltalkaboutyoucontinuallyandshalltellherfromyouthatyouwillcomeverysoon。Don'tworryabouther;Iwillsethermindatrest;butdon'tyoutryhertoomuch-comeonceatleast;rememberthatsheisyourmother。AndnowIhavecomesimplytosay“Douniabegantogetup“thatifyoushouldneedmeorshouldneed……allmylifeoranything……callme,andI'llcome。Good-bye！”
　　Sheturnedabruptlyandwenttowardsthedoor。
　　“Dounia！”Raskolnikovstoppedherandwenttowardsher。“ThatRazumihin,DmitriProkofitch,isaverygoodfellow。“
　　Douniaflushedslightly。
　　“Well？”sheasked,waitingamoment。
　　“Heiscompetent,hardworking,honestandcapableofreallove……
　　Good-bye,Dounia。“
　　Douniaflushedcrimson,thensuddenlyshetookalarm。
　　“Butwhatdoesitmean,brother?Arewereallypartingforeverthatyou……givemesuchapartingmessage？”
　　“Nevermind……Good-bye。“
　　Heturnedaway,andwalkedtothewindow。Shestoodamoment,lookedathimuneasily,andwentouttroubled。
　　No,hewasnotcoldtoher。Therewasaninstanttheverylastone
　　whenhehadlongedtotakeherinhisarmsandsaygood-byetoher,andeventotellher,buthehadnotdaredeventotouchherhand。
　　“AfterwardsshemayshudderwhensheremembersthatIembracedher,andwillfeelthatIstoleherkiss。“
　　“Andwouldshestandthattest？”hewentonafewminuteslatertohimself。“No,shewouldn't;girlslikethatcan'tstandthings!Theyneverdo。“
　　AndhethoughtofSonia。
　　Therewasabreathoffreshairfromthewindow。Thedaylightwasfading。Hetookuphiscapandwentout。
　　Hecouldnot,ofcourse,andwouldnotconsiderhowillhewas。
　　Butallthiscontinualanxietyandagonyofmindcouldnotbutaffecthim。Andifhewerenotlyinginhighfeveritwasperhapsjustbecausethiscontinualinnerstrainhelpedtokeephimonhislegsandinpossessionofhisfaculties。Butthisartificialexcitementcouldnotlastlong。
　　Hewanderedaimlessly。Thesunwassetting。Aspecialformofmiseryhadbeguntooppresshimoflate。Therewasnothingpoignant,nothingacuteaboutit;buttherewasafeelingofpermanence,ofeternityaboutit;itbroughtaforetasteofhopelessyearsofthiscoldleadenmisery,aforetasteofaneternity“onasquareyardofspace。“Towardseveningthissensationusuallybegantoweighonhimmoreheavily。
　　“Withthisidiotic,purelyphysicalweakness,dependingonthesunsetorsomething,onecan'thelpdoingsomethingstupid!You'llgotoDounia,aswellastoSonia,“hemutteredbitterly。
　　Heheardhisnamecalled。Helookedround。Lebeziatnikovrusheduptohim。
　　“Onlyfancy,I'vebeentoyourroomlookingforyou。Onlyfancy,she'scarriedoutherplan,andtakenawaythechildren。SofyaSemyonovnaandIhavehadajobtofindthem。Sheisrappingonafrying-panandmakingthechildrendance。Thechildrenarecrying。
　　Theykeepstoppingatthecrossroadsandinfrontofshops;there'sacrowdoffoolsrunningafterthem。Comealong！”
　　“AndSonia？”Raskolnikovaskedanxiously,hurryingafterLebeziatnikov。
　　“Simplyfrantic。Thatis,it'snotSofyaSemyonovna'sfrantic,butKaterinaIvanovna,thoughSofyaSemyonova'sfrantictoo。ButKaterinaIvanovnaisabsolutelyfrantic。Itellyousheisquitemad。They'llbetakentothepolice。Youcanfancywhataneffectthatwillhave……Theyareonthecanalbank,nearthebridgenow,notfarfromSofyaSemyonovna's,quiteclose。“
　　OnthecanalbanknearthebridgeandnottwohousesawayfromtheonewhereSonialodged,therewasacrowdofpeople,consistingprincipallyofgutterchildren。ThehoarsebrokenvoiceofKaterinaIvanovnacouldbeheardfromthebridge,anditcertainlywasastrangespectaclelikelytoattractastreetcrowd。KaterinaIvanovnainherolddresswiththegreenshawl,wearingatornstrawhat,crushedinahideouswayononeside,wasreallyfrantic。Shewasexhaustedandbreathless。Herwastedconsumptivefacelookedmoresufferingthanever,andindeedoutofdoorsinthesunshineaconsumptivealwayslooksworsethanathome。Butherexcitementdidnotflag,andeverymomentherirritationgrewmoreintense。Sherushedatthechildren,shoutedatthem,coaxedthem,toldthembeforethecrowdhowtodanceandwhattosing,beganexplainingtothemwhyitwasnecessary,anddriventodesperationbytheirnotunderstanding,beatthem……Thenshewouldmakearushatthecrowd;ifshenoticedanydecentlydressedpersonstoppingtolook,sheimmediatelyappealedtohimtoseewhatthesechildren“fromagenteel,onemaysayaristocratic,house“hadbeenbroughtto。Ifsheheardlaughterorjeeringinthecrowd,shewouldrushatonceatthescoffersandbeginsquabblingwiththem。Somepeoplelaughed,othersshooktheirheads,buteveryonefeltcuriousatthesightofthemadwomanwiththefrightenedchildren。Thefrying-panofwhichLebeziatnikovhadspokenwasnotthere,atleastRaskolnikovdidnotseeit。Butinsteadofrappingonthepan,KaterinaIvanovnabeganclappingherwastedhands,whenshemadeLidaandKolyadanceandPolenkasing。Shetoojoinedinthesinging,butbrokedownatthesecondnotewithafearfulcough,whichmadehercurseindespairandevenshedtears。WhatmadehermostfuriouswastheweepingandterrorofKolyaandLida。Someefforthadbeenmadetodressthechildrenupasstreetsingersaredressed。TheboyhadonaturbanmadeofsomethingredandwhitetolooklikeaTurk。TherehadbeennocostumeforLida;shesimplyhadaredknittedcap,orratheranightcapthathadbelongedtoMarmeladov,decoratedwithabrokenpieceofwhiteostrichfeather,whichhadbeenKaterinaIvanovna'sgrandmother'sandhadbeenpreservedasafamilypossession。Polenkawasinhereverydaydress;shelookedintimidperplexityathermother,andkeptatherside,hidinghertears。Shedimlyrealisedhermother'scondition,andlookeduneasilyabouther。Shewasterriblyfrightenedofthestreetandthecrowd。SoniafollowedKaterinaIvanovna,weepingandbeseechinghertoreturnhome,butKaterinaIvanovnawasnottobepersuaded。
　　“Leaveoff,Sonia,leaveoff,“sheshouted,speakingfast,pantingandcoughing。“Youdon'tknowwhatyouask;youarelikeachild!I'vetoldyoubeforethatIamnotcomingbacktothatdrunkenGerman。
　　Leteveryone,letallPetersburgseethechildrenbegginginthestreets,thoughtheirfatherwasanhonourablemanwhoservedallhislifeintruthandfidelity,andonemaysaydiedintheservice。“KaterinaIvanovnahadbynowinventedthisfantasticstoryandthoroughlybelievedit。“Letthatwretchofageneralseeit!Andyouaresilly,Sonia：whathavewetoeat?Tellmethat。Wehaveworriedyouenough,Iwon'tgoonso!Ah,RodionRomanovitch,isthatyou？”shecried,seeingRaskolnikovandrushinguptohim。
　　“Explaintothissillygirl,please,thatnothingbettercouldbedone!Evenorgan-grindersearntheirliving,andeveryonewillseeatoncethatwearedifferent,thatweareanhonourableandbereavedfamilyreducedtobeggary。Andthatgeneralwilllosehispost,you'llsee!Weshallperformunderhiswindowseveryday,andiftheTsardrivesby,I'llfallonmyknees,putthechildrenbeforeme,showthemtohim,andsay'Defendus,father。'Heisthefatherofthefatherless,heismerciful,he'llprotectus,you'llsee,andthatwretchofageneral……Lida,tenezvousdroite!Kolya,you'lldanceagain。Whyareyouwhimpering?Whimperingagain!Whatareyouafraidof,stupid?Goodness,whatamItodowiththem,RodionRomanovitch?
　　Ifyouonlyknewhowstupidtheyare!What'sonetodowithsuchchildren？”
　　Andshe,almostcryingherself-whichdidnotstopheruninterrupted,rapidflowoftalk-pointedtothecryingchildren。
　　Raskolnikovtriedtopersuadehertogohome,andevensaid,hopingtoworkonhervanity,thatitwasunseemlyforhertobewanderingaboutthestreetslikeanorgan-grinder,asshewasintendingtobecometheprincipalofaboarding-school。
　　“Aboarding-school,ha-ha-ha!Acastleintheair,“criedKaterinaIvanovna,herlaughendinginacough。“No,RodionRomanovitch,thatdreamisover!Allhaveforsakenus!……Andthatgeneral……Youknow,RodionRomanovitch,Ithrewaninkspotathim-ithappenedtobestandinginthewaiting-roombythepaperwhereyousignyourname。
　　Iwrotemyname,threwitathimandranaway。Ohthescoundrels,thescoundrels!Butenoughofthem,nowI'llprovideforthechildrenmyself,Iwon'tbowdowntoanybody!Shehashadtobearenoughforus！”shepointedtoSonia。“Polenka,howmuchhaveyougot?
　　Showme!What,onlytwofarthings!Oh,themeanwretches!Theygiveusnothing,onlyrunafterus,puttingtheirtonguesout。There,whatisthatblockheadlaughingat？”Shepointedtoamaninthecrowd。
　　“It'sallbecauseKolyahereissostupid;Ihavesuchabotherwithhim。Whatdoyouwant,Polenka?TellmeinFrench,parlezmoifrancais。Why,I'vetaughtyou,youknowsomephrases。Elsehowareyoutoshowthatyouareofgoodfamily,wellbrought-upchildren,andnotatalllikeotherorgan-grinders?Wearen'tgoingtohaveaPunchandJudyshowinthestreet,buttosingagenteelsong……
　　Ah,yes,……Whatarewetosing?Youkeepputtingmeout,butwe……
　　yousee,wearestandinghere,RodionRomanovitch,tofindsomethingtosingandgetmoney,somethingKolyacandanceto……For,asyoucanfancy,ourperformanceisallimpromptu……Wemusttalkitoverandrehearseitallthoroughly,andthenweshallgotoNevsky,wheretherearefarmorepeopleofgoodsociety,andweshallbenoticedatonce。Lidaknows'MyVillage'only,nothingbut'MyVillage,'andeveryonesingsthat。Wemustsingsomethingfarmoregenteel……Well,haveyouthoughtofanything,Polenka?Ifonlyyou'dhelpyourmother!Mymemory'squitegone,orIshouldhavethoughtofsomething。Wereallycan'tsing'AnHussar。'Ah,letussinginFrench,'Cinqsous,'Ihavetaughtityou,Ihavetaughtityou。AndasitisinFrench,peoplewillseeatoncethatyouarechildrenofgoodfamily,andthatwillbemuchmoretouching……Youmightsing'Marlboroughs'enva-t-enguerre,'forthat'squiteachild'ssongandissungasalullabyinallthearistocratichouses-
　　Marlboroughs'enva-t-enguerreNesaitquandreviendra-
　　shebegansinging。“Butno,bettersing'Cinqsous。'Now,Kolya,yourhandsonyourhips,makehaste,andyou,Lida,keepturningtheotherway,andPolenkaandIwillsingandclapourhands!-
　　Cinqsous,cinqsousPourmonternotremenage-
　　Cough-cough-cough!Setyourdressstraight,Polenka,it'sslippeddownonyourshoulders,“sheobserved,pantingfromcoughing。“Nowit'sparticularlynecessarytobehavenicelyandgenteelly,thatallmayseethatyouarewell-bornchildren。Isaidatthetimethatthebodiceshouldbecutlonger,andmadeoftwowidths。
　　Itwasyourfault,Sonia,withyouradvicetomakeitshorter,andnowyouseethechildisquitedeformedbyit……Why,you'reallcryingagain!What'sthematter,stupids?Come,Kolya,begin。Makehaste,makehaste!Oh,whatanunbearablechild!-
　　Cinqsous,cinqsous-
　　Apolicemanagain!Whatdoyouwant？”
　　Apolicemanwasindeedforcinghiswaythroughthecrowd。Butatthatmomentagentlemanincivilianuniformandanovercoat-asolid-lookingofficialofaboutfiftywithadecorationonhisneckwhichdelightedKaterinaIvanovnaandhaditseffectonthepoliceman-approachedandwithoutawordhandedheragreenthree-roublenote。Hisfaceworealookofgenuinesympathy。
　　KaterinaIvanovnatookitandgavehimapolite,evenceremonious,bow。
　　“Ithankyou,honouredsir,“shebeganloftily。“Thecausesthathaveinducedustakethemoney,Polenka：youseetherearegenerousandhonourablepeoplewhoarereadytohelpapoorgentlewomanindistress。Yousee,honouredsir,theseorphansofgoodfamily-I
　　mightevensayofaristocraticconnections-andthatwretchofageneralsateatinggrouse……andstampedatmydisturbinghim。'Yourexcellency,'Isaid,'protecttheorphans,foryouknewmylatehusband,SemyonZaharovitch,andontheverydayofhisdeaththebasestofscoundrelsslanderedhisonlydaughter。'……Thatpolicemanagain!Protectme,“shecriedtotheofficial。“Whyisthatpolicemanedginguptome?Wehaveonlyjustrunawayfromoneofthem。Whatdoyouwant,fool？”
　　“It'sforbiddeninthestreets。Youmustn'tmakeadisturbance。“
　　“It'syou'remakingadisturbance。It'sjustthesameasifIweregrindinganorgan。Whatbusinessisitofyours？”
　　“Youhavetogetalicenceforanorgan,andyouhaven'tgotone,andinthatwayyoucollectacrowd。Wheredoyoulodge？”
　　“What,alicense？”wailedKaterinaIvanovna。“Iburiedmyhusbandto-day。Whatneedofalicense？”
　　“Calmyourself,madam,calmyourself,“begantheofficial。“Comealong;Iwillescortyou……Thisisnoplaceforyouinthecrowd。
　　Youareill。“
　　“Honouredsir,honouredsir,youdon'tknow,“screamedKaterinaIvanovna。“WearegoingtotheNevsky……Sonia,Sonia!Whereisshe?Sheiscryingtoo!What'sthematterwithyouall?Kolya,Lida,whereareyougoing？”shecriedsuddenlyinalarm。“Oh,sillychildren!Kolya,Lida,wherearetheyoffto?……“
　　KolyaandLida,scaredoutoftheirwitsbythecrowd,andtheirmother'smadpranks,suddenlyseizedeachotherbythehand,andranoffatthesightofthepolicemanwhowantedtotakethemawaysomewhere。Weepingandwailing,poorKaterinaIvanovnaranafterthem。
　　Shewasapiteousandunseemlyspectacle,assheran,weepingandpantingforbreath。SoniaandPolenkarushedafterthem。
　　“Bringthemback,bringthemback,Sonia!Ohstupid,ungratefulchildren!……Polenka!catchthem……It'sforyoursakesI……“
　　Shestumbledassheranandfelldown。
　　“She'scutherself,she'sbleeding!Oh,dear！”criedSonia,bendingoverher。
　　Allranupandcrowdedround。RaskolnikovandLebeziatnikovwerethefirstatherside,theofficialtoohastenedup,andbehindhimthepolicemanwhomuttered,“Bother！”withagestureofimpatience,feelingthatthejobwasgoingtobeatroublesomeone。
　　“Passon!Passon！”hesaidtothecrowdthatpressedforward。
　　“She'sdying,“someoneshouted。
　　“She'sgoneoutofhermind,“saidanother。
　　“Lordhavemercyuponus,“saidawoman,crossingherself。“Havetheycaughtthelittlegirlandtheboy?They'rebeingbroughtback,theelderone'sgotthem……Ah,thenaughtyimps！”
　　WhentheyexaminedKaterinaIvanovnacarefully,theysawthatshehadnotcutherselfagainstastone,asSoniathought,butthatthebloodthatstainedthepavementredwasfromherchest。
　　“I'veseenthatbefore,“mutteredtheofficialtoRaskolnikovandLebeziatnikov;“that'sconsumption;thebloodflowsandchokesthepatient。Isawthesamethingwitharelativeofmyownnotlongago……nearlyapintofblood,allinaminute……What'stobedonethough?Sheisdying。“
　　“Thisway,thisway,tomyroom！”Soniaimplored。“Ilivehere!……
　　See,thathouse,thesecondfromhere……Cometome,makehaste,“sheturnedfromonetotheother。“Sendforthedoctor!Oh,dear！”
　　Thankstotheofficial'sefforts,thisplanwasadopted,thepolicemanevenhelpingtocarryKaterinaIvanovna。ShewascarriedtoSonia'sroom,almostunconscious,andlaidonthebed。Thebloodwasstillflowing,butsheseemedtobecomingtoherself。
　　Raskolnikov,Lebeziatnikov,andtheofficialaccompaniedSoniaintotheroomandwerefollowedbythepoliceman,whofirstdrovebackthecrowdwhichfollowedtotheverydoor。PolenkacameinholdingKolyaandLida,whoweretremblingandweeping。SeveralpersonscameintoofromtheKapernaumovs'room;thelandlord,alameone-eyedmanofstrangeappearancewithwhiskersandhairthatstooduplikeabrush,hiswife,awomanwithaneverlastinglyscaredexpression,andseveralopen-mouthedchildrenwithwonder-struckfaces。Amongthese,Svidrigailovsuddenlymadehisappearance。Raskolnikovlookedathimwithsurprise,notunderstandingwherehehadcomefromandnothavingnoticedhiminthecrowd。Adoctorandpriestworespokenof。
　　TheofficialwhisperedtoRaskolnikovthathethoughtitwastoolatenowforthedoctor,butheorderedhimtobesentfor。
　　Kapernaumovranhimself。
　　MeanwhileKaterinaIvanovnahadregainedherbreath。Thebleedingceasedforatime。ShelookedwithsickbutintentandpenetratingeyesatSonia,whostoodpaleandtrembling,wipingthesweatfromherbrowwithahandkerchief。Atlastsheaskedtoberaised。Theysatheruponthebed,supportingheronbothsides。
　　“Wherearethechildren？”shesaidinafaintvoice。“You'vebroughtthem,Polenka?Ohthesillies!Whydidyourunaway……Och！”
　　Oncemoreherparchedlipswerecoveredwithblood。Shemovedhereyes,lookingabouther。
　　“Sothat'showyoulive,Sonia!NeveroncehaveIbeeninyourroom。“
　　Shelookedatherwithafaceofsuffering。
　　“Wehavebeenyourruin,Sonia。Polenka,Lida,Kolya,comehere!
　　Well,heretheyare,Sonia,takethemall!Ihandthemovertoyou,I'vehadenough!Theballisover。Cough!Laymedown,letmedieinpeace。“
　　Theylaidherbackonthepillow。
　　“What,thepriest?Idon'twanthim。Youhaven'tgotaroubletospare。Ihavenosins。Godmustforgivemewithoutthat。HeknowshowIhavesuffered……AndifHewon'tforgiveme,Idon'tcare！”
　　Shesankmoreandmoreintouneasydelirium。Attimessheshuddered,turnedhereyesfromsidetoside,recognisedeveryoneforaminute,butatoncesankintodeliriumagain。Herbreathingwashoarseanddifficult,therewasasortofrattleinherthroat。
　　“Isaidtohim,yourexcellency,“sheejaculated,gaspingaftereachword。“ThatAmaliaLudwigovna,ah!Lida,Kolya,handsonyourhips,makehaste!Glissez,glissez!pasdebasque!Tapwithyourheels,beagracefulchild!-
　　DuhastDiamantenundPerlen-
　　Whatnext?That'sthethingtosing-
　　DuhastdieschonstenAugenMadchen,waswillstdumehr?-
　　“Whatanidea!Waswillstdumehr。Whatthingsthefoolinvents!Ah,yes!-
　　IntheheatofmiddayinthevaleofDagestan-
　　“Ah,howIlovedit!Ilovedthatsongtodistraction,Polenka!Yourfather,youknow,usedtosingitwhenwewereengaged……Ohthosedays!Ohthat'sthethingforustosing!Howdoesitgo?I'veforgotten。Remindme!Howwasit？”
　　Shewasviolentlyexcitedandtriedtositup。Atlast,inahorriblyhoarse,brokenvoice,shebegan,shriekingandgaspingateveryword,withalookofgrowingterror。
　　“Intheheatofmidday!……inthevale!……ofDagestan!……Withleadinmybreast!……“
　　“Yourexcellency！”shewailedsuddenlywithaheartrendingscreamandafloodoftears,“protecttheorphans!Youhavebeentheirfather'sguest……onemaysayaristocratic……“Shestarted,regainingconsciousness,andgazedatallwithasortofterror,butatoncerecognisedSonia。
　　“Sonia,Sonia！”shearticulatedsoftlyandcaressingly,asthoughsurprisedtofindherthere。“Soniadarling,areyouhere,too？”
　　Theyliftedherupagain。
　　“Enough!It'sover!Farewell,poorthing!Iamdonefor!Iambroken！”shecriedwithvindictivedespair,andherheadfellheavilybackonthepillow。
　　Shesankintounconsciousnessagain,butthistimeitdidnotlastlong。Herpale,yellow,wastedfacedroppedback,hermouthfellopen,herlegmovedconvulsively,shegaveadeep,deepsighanddied。
　　Soniafelluponher,flungherarmsabouther,andremainedmotionlesswithherheadpressedtothedeadwoman'swastedbosom。
　　Polenkathrewherselfathermother'sfeet,kissingthemandweepingviolently。ThoughKolyaandLidadidnotunderstandwhathadhappened,theyhadafeelingthatitwassomethingterrible;theyputtheirhandsoneachother'slittleshoulders,staredstraightatoneanotherandbothatonceopenedtheirmouthsandbeganscreaming。Theywerebothstillintheirfancydress;oneinaturban,theotherinthecapwiththeostrichfeather。
　　Andhowdid“thecertificateofmerit“cometobeonthebedbesideKaterinaIvanovna?Itlaytherebythepillow：Raskolnikovsawit。
　　Hewalkedawaytothewindow。Lebeziatnikovskippeduptohim。
　　“Sheisdead,“hesaid。
　　“RodionRomanovitch,Imusthavetwowordswithyou,“saidSvidrigailov,cominguptothem。
　　Lebeziatnikovatoncemaderoomforhimanddelicatelywithdrew。
　　SvidrigailovdrewRaskolnikovfurtheraway。
　　“Iwillundertakeallthearrangements,thefuneralandthat。Youknowit'saquestionofmoneyand,asItoldyou,Ihaveplentytospare。IwillputthosetwolittleonesandPolenkaintosomegoodorphanasylum,andIwillsettlefifteenhundredroublestobepaidtoeachoncomingofage,sothatSofyaSemyonovnaneedhavenoanxietyaboutthem。AndIwillpullheroutofthemudtoo,forsheisagoodgirl,isn'tshe?SotellAvdotyaRomanovnathatthatishowI
　　amspendinghertenthousand。“
　　“Whatisyourmotiveforsuchbenevolence？”askedRaskolnikov。
　　“Ah!youscepticalperson！”laughedSvidrigailov。“ItoldyouI
　　hadnoneedofthatmoney。Won'tyouadmitthatit'ssimplydonefromhumanity?Shewasn't'alouse,'youknow“hepointedtothecornerwherethedeadwomanlay,“wasshe,likesomeoldpawnbrokerwoman?Come,you'llagree,isLuzhintogoonliving,anddoingwickedthingsorisshetodie?AndifIdidn'thelpthem,Polenkawouldgothesameway。“
　　Hesaidthiswithanairofasortofgaywinkingslyness,keepinghiseyesfixedonRaskolnikov,whoturnedwhiteandcold,hearinghisownphrases,spokentoSonia。HequicklysteppedbackandlookedwildlyatSvidrigailov。
　　“Howdoyouknow？”hewhispered,hardlyabletobreathe。
　　“Why,IlodgehereatMadameResslich's,theothersideofthewall。
　　HereisKapernaumov,andtherelivesMadameResslich,anoldanddevotedfriendofmine。Iamaneighbour。“
　　“You？”
　　“Yes,“continuedSvidrigailov,shakingwithlaughter。“Iassureyouonmyhonour,dearRodionRomanovitch,thatyouhaveinterestedmeenormously。Itoldyouweshouldbecomefriends,Iforetoldit。
　　Well,herewehave。AndyouwillseewhatanaccommodatingpersonI
　　am。You'llseethatyoucangetonwithme！”
　　PARTSIX
　　ChapterOneASTRANGEperiodbeganforRaskolnikov：itwasasthoughafoghadfallenuponhimandwrappedhiminadrearysolitudefromwhichtherewasnoescape。Recallingthatperiodlongafter,hebelievedthathismindhadbeencloudedattimes,andthatithadcontinuedso,withintervals,tillthefinalcatastrophe。Hewasconvincedthathehadbeenmistakenaboutmanythingsatthattime,forinstanceastothedateofcertainevents。Anyway,whenhetriedlaterontopiecehisrecollectionstogether,helearntagreatdealabouthimselffromwhatotherpeopletoldhim。Hehadmixedupincidentsandhadexplainedeventsasduetocircumstanceswhichexistedonlyinhisimagination。Attimeshewasapreytoagoniesofmorbiduneasiness,amountingsometimestopanic。Butheremembered,too,moments,hours,perhapswholedays,ofcompleteapathy,whichcameuponhimasareactionfromhispreviousterrorandmightbecomparedwiththeabnormalinsensibility,sometimesseeninthedying。Heseemedtobetryinginthatlatterstagetoescapefromafullandclearunderstandingofhisposition。Certainessentialfactswhichrequiredimmediateconsiderationwereparticularlyirksometohim。Howgladhewouldhavebeentobefreefromsomecares,theneglectofwhichwouldhavethreatenedhimwithcomplete,inevitableruin。
　　HewasparticularlyworriedaboutSvidrigailov,hemightbesaidtobepermanentlythinkingofSvidrigailov。FromthetimeofSvidrigailov'stoomenacingandunmistakablewordsinSonia'sroomatthemomentofKaterinaIvanovna'sdeath,thenormalworkingofhismindseemedtobreakdown。Butalthoughthisnewfactcausedhimextremeuneasiness,Raskolnikovwasinnohurryforanexplanationofit。Attimes,findinghimselfinasolitaryandremotepartofthetown,insomewretchedeating-house,sittingalonelostinthought,hardlyknowinghowhehadcomethere,hesuddenlythoughtofSvidrigailov。Herecognisedsuddenly,clearly,andwithdismaythatheoughtatoncetocometoanunderstandingwiththatmanandtomakewhattermshecould。Walkingoutsidethecitygatesoneday,hepositivelyfanciedthattheyhadfixedameetingthere,thathewaswaitingforSvidrigailov。Anothertimehewokeupbeforedaybreaklyingonthegroundundersomebushesandcouldnotatfirstunderstandhowhehadcomethere。
　　ButduringthetwoorthreedaysafterKaterinaIvanovna'sdeath,hehadtwoorthreetimesmetSvidrigailovatSonia'slodging,wherehehadgoneaimlesslyforamoment。Theyexchangedafewwordsandmadenoreferencetothevitalsubject,asthoughtheyweretacitlyagreednottospeakofitforatime。
　　KaterinaIvanovna'sbodywasstilllyinginthecoffin,Svidrigailovwasbusymakingarrangementsforthefuneral。Soniatoowasverybusy。
　　AttheirlastmeetingSvidrigailovinformedRaskolnikovthathehadmadeanarrangement,andaverysatisfactoryone,forKaterinaIvanovna'schildren;thathehad,throughcertainconnections,succeededingettingholdofcertainpersonagesbywhosehelpthethreeorphanscouldbeatonceplacedinverysuitableinstitutions;
　　thatthemoneyhehadsettledonthemhadbeenofgreatassistance,asitismucheasiertoplaceorphanswithsomepropertythandestituteones。HesaidsomethingtooaboutSoniaandpromisedtocomehimselfinadayortwotoseeRaskolnikov,mentioningthat“hewouldliketoconsultwithhim,thattherewerethingstheymusttalkover……“
　　Thisconversationtookplaceinthepassageonthestairs。
　　SvidrigailovlookedintentlyatRaskolnikovandsuddenly,afterabriefpause,droppinghisvoice,asked：“Buthowisit,RodionRomanovitch;youdon'tseemyourself?Youlookandyoulisten,butyoudon'tseemtounderstand。Cheerup!We'lltalkthingsover;Iamonlysorry,I'vesomuchtodoofmyownbusinessandotherpeople's。Ah,RodionRomanovitch,“headdedsuddenly,“whatallmenneedisfreshair,freshair……morethananything！”
　　Hemovedtoonesidetomakewayforthepriestandserver,whowerecomingupthestairs。Theyhadcomefortherequiemservice。BySvidrigailov'sordersitwassungtwiceadaypunctually。Svidrigailovwenthisway。Raskolnikovstoodstillamoment,thought,andfollowedthepriestintoSonia'sroom。Hestoodatthedoor。Theybeganquietly,slowlyandmournfullysingingtheservice。Fromhischildhoodthethoughtofdeathandthepresenceofdeathhadsomethingoppressiveandmysteriouslyawful;anditwaslongsincehehadheardtherequiemservice。Andtherewassomethingelsehereaswell,tooawfulanddisturbing。Helookedatthechildren：theywereallkneelingbythecoffin;Polenkawasweeping。BehindthemSoniaprayed,softly,and,asitwere,timidlyweeping。
　　“Theselasttwodaysshehasn'tsaidawordtome,shehasn'tglancedatme,“Raskolnikovthoughtsuddenly。Thesunlightwasbrightintheroom;theincenseroseinclouds;thepriestread,“Giverest,ohLord……“Raskolnikovstayedallthroughtheservice。Asheblessedthemandtookhisleave,thepriestlookedroundstrangely。
　　Aftertheservice,RaskolnikovwentuptoSonia。Shetookbothhishandsandletherheadsinkonhisshoulder。ThisslightfriendlygesturebewilderedRaskolnikov。Itseemedstrangetohimthattherewasnotraceofrepugnance,notraceofdisgust,notremorinherhand。Itwasthefurthestlimitofself-abnegation,atleastsoheinterpretedit。
　　Soniasaidnothing。Raskolnikovpressedherhandandwentout。Hefeltverymiserable。Ifithadbeenpossibletoescapetosomesolitude,hewouldhavethoughthimselflucky,evenifhehadtospendhiswholelifethere。Butalthoughhehadalmostalwaysbeenbyhimselfoflate,hehadneverbeenabletofeelalone。Sometimeshewalkedoutofthetownontothehighroad,oncehehadevenreachedalittlewood,buttheloneliertheplacewas,themoreheseemedtobeawareofanuneasypresencenearhim。Itdidnotfrightenhim,butgreatlyannoyedhim,sothathemadehastetoreturntothetown,tominglewiththecrowd,toenterrestaurantsandtaverns,towalkinbusythoroughfares。Therehefelteasierandevenmoresolitary。Onedayatduskhesatforanhourlisteningtosongsinatavernandherememberedthathepositivelyenjoyedit。Butatlasthehadsuddenlyfeltthesameuneasinessagain,asthoughhisconsciencesmotehim。“HereIsitlisteningtosinging,isthatwhatI
　　oughttobedoing？”hethought。Yethefeltatoncethatthatwasnottheonlycauseofhisuneasiness;therewassomethingrequiringimmediatedecision,butitwassomethinghecouldnotclearlyunderstandorputintowords。Itwasahopelesstangle。“No,betterthestruggleagain!BetterPorfiryagain……orSvidrigailov……Bettersomechallengeagain……someattack。Yes,yes！”hethought。Hewentoutofthetavernandrushedawayalmostatarun。ThethoughtofDouniaandhismothersuddenlyreducedhimalmosttoapanic。ThatnighthewokeupbeforemorningamongsomebushesinKrestovskyIsland,tremblingalloverwithfever;hewalkedhome,anditwasearlymorningwhenhearrived。Aftersomehours'sleepthefeverlefthim,buthewokeuplate,twoo'clockintheafternoon。
　　HerememberedthatKaterinaIvanovna'sfuneralhadbeenfixedforthatday,andwasgladthathewasnotpresentatit。Nastasyabroughthimsomefood;heateanddrankwithappetite,almostwithgreediness。
　　Hisheadwasfresherandhewascalmerthanhehadbeenforthelastthreedays。Heevenfeltapassingwonderathispreviousattacksofpanic。
　　ThedooropenedandRazumihincamein。
　　“Ah,he'seating,thenhe'snotill,“saidRazumihin。HetookachairandsatdownatthetableoppositeRaskolnikov。
　　Hewastroubledanddidnotattempttoconcealit。Hespokewithevidentannoyance,butwithouthurryorraisinghisvoice。Helookedasthoughhehadsomespecialfixeddetermination。
　　“Listen,“hebeganresolutely。“AsfarasIamconcerned,youmayallgotohell,butfromwhatIsee,it'scleartomethatIcan'tmakeheadortailofit;pleasedon'tthinkI'vecometoaskyouquestions。Idon'twanttoknow,hangit!Ifyoubegintellingmeyoursecrets,IdaresayIshouldn'tstaytolisten,Ishouldgoawaycursing。Ihaveonlycometofindoutonceforallwhetherit'safactthatyouaremad?Thereisaconvictionintheairthatyouaremadorverynearlyso。IadmitI'vebeendisposedtothatopinionmyself,judgingfromyourstupid,repulsiveandquiteinexplicableactions,andfromyourrecentbehaviortoyourmotherandsister。Onlyamonsteroramadmancouldtreatthemasyouhave;soyoumustbemad。“
　　“Whendidyouseethemlast？”
　　“Justnow。Haven'tyouseenthemsincethen?Whathaveyoubeendoingwithyourself?Tellme,please。I'vebeentoyouthreetimesalready。Yourmotherhasbeenseriouslyillsinceyesterday。Shehadmadeuphermindtocometoyou;AvdotyaRomanovnatriedtopreventher;shewouldn'thearaword。'Ifheisill,ifhismindisgivingway,whocanlookafterhimlikehismother?'shesaid。Weallcameheretogether,wecouldn'tlethercomealonealltheway。Wekeptbegginghertobecalm。Wecamein,youweren'there;shesatdown,andstayedtenminutes,whilewestoodwaitinginsilence。Shegotupandsaid：'Ifhe'sgoneout,thatis,ifheiswell,andhasforgottenhismother,it'shumiliatingandunseemlyforhismothertostandathisdoorbeggingforkindness。'Shereturnedhomeandtooktoherbed;nowsheisinafever。'Isee,'shesaid,'thathehastimeforhisgirl。'ShemeansbyyourgirlSofyaSemyonovna,yourbetrothedoryourmistress,Idon'tknow。IwentatoncetoSofyaSemyonovna's,forIwantedtoknowwhatwasgoingon。Ilookedround,Isawthecoffin,thechildrencrying,andSofyaSemyonovnatryingonthemmourningdresses。Nosignofyou。Iapologised,cameaway,andreportedtoAvdotyaRomanovna。Sothat'sallnonsenseandyouhaven'tgotagirl;themostlikelythingisthatyouaremad。Buthereyousit,guzzlingboiledbeefasthoughyou'dnothadabiteforthreedays。Thoughasfarasthatgoes,madmeneattoo,butthoughyouhavenotsaidawordtomeyet……youarenotmad!ThatI'dswear!
　　Aboveall,youarenotmad。Soyoumaygotohell,allofyou,forthere'ssomemystery,somesecretaboutit,andIdon'tintendtoworrymybrainsoveryoursecrets。SoI'vesimplycometoswearatyou,“hefinished,gettingup,“torelievemymind。AndIknowwhattodonow。“
　　“Whatdoyoumeantodonow？”
　　“WhatbusinessisitofyourswhatImeantodo？”
　　“Youaregoinginforadrinkingbout。“
　　“How……howdidyouknow？”
　　“Why,it'sprettyplain。“
　　Razumihinpausedforaminute。
　　“Youalwayshavebeenaveryrationalpersonandyou'veneverbeenmad,never,“heobservedsuddenlywithwarmth。“You'reright：I
　　shalldrink。Good-bye！”
　　Andhemovedtogoout。
　　“Iwastalkingwithmysister-thedaybeforeyesterdayIthinkitwas-aboutyou,Razumihin。“
　　“Aboutme!But……wherecanyouhaveseenherthedaybeforeyesterday？”Razumihinstoppedshortandeventurnedalittlepale。
　　Onecouldseethathisheartwasthrobbingslowlyandviolently。
　　“Shecameherebyherself,satthereandtalkedtome。“
　　“Shedid！”
　　“Yes。“
　　“Whatdidyousaytoher……Imean,aboutme？”
　　“Itoldheryouwereaverygood,honest,andindustriousman。I
　　didn'ttellheryouloveher,becausesheknowsthatherself。“
　　“Sheknowsthatherself？”
　　“Well,it'sprettyplain。WhereverImightgo,whateverhappenedtome,youwouldremaintolookafterthem。I,sotospeak,givethemintoyourkeeping,Razumihin。IsaythisbecauseIknowquitewellhowyouloveher,andamconvincedofthepurityofyourheart。I
　　knowthatshetoomayloveyouandperhapsdoesloveyoualready。
　　Nowdecideforyourself,asyouknowbest,whetheryouneedgoinforadrinkingboutornot。“
　　“Rodya!Yousee……well……Ach,damnit!Butwheredoyoumeantogo?Ofcourse,ifit'sallasecret,nevermind……ButI……Ishallfindoutthesecret……andIamsurethatitmustbesomeridiculousnonsenseandthatyou'vemadeitallup。Anywayyouareacapitalfellow,acapitalfellow！”……
　　“ThatwasjustwhatIwantedtoadd,onlyyouinterrupted,thatthatwasaverygooddecisionofyoursnottofindoutthesesecrets。Leaveittotime,don'tworryaboutit。You'llknowitallintimewhenitmustbe。Yesterdayamansaidtomethatwhatamanneedsisfreshair,freshair,freshair。Imeantogotohimdirectlytofindoutwhathemeantbythat。“
　　Razumihinstoodlostinthoughtandexcitement,makingasilentconclusion。
　　“He'sapoliticalconspirator!Hemustbe。Andhe'sontheeveofsomedesperatestep,that'scertain。Itcanonlybethat!And……andDouniaknows,“hethoughtsuddenly。
　　“SoAvdotyaRomanovnacomestoseeyou,“hesaid,weighingeachsyllable,“andyou'regoingtoseeamanwhosaysweneedmoreair,andsoofcoursethatletter……thattoomusthavesomethingtodowithit,“heconcludedtohimself。
　　“Whatletter？”
　　“Shegotaletterto-day。Itupsetherverymuch-verymuchindeed。Toomuchso。Ibeganspeakingofyou,shebeggedmenotto。
　　Then……thenshesaidthatperhapsweshouldverysoonhavetopart……
　　thenshebeganwarmlythankingmeforsomething;thenshewenttoherroomandlockedherselfin。“
　　“Shegotaletter？”Raskolnikovaskedthoughtfully。
　　“Yes,andyoudidn'tknow?hm……“
　　Theywerebothsilent。
　　“Good-bye,Rodion。Therewasatime,brother,whenI……Nevermind,good-bye。Yousee,therewasatime……Well,good-bye!Imustbeofftoo。Iamnotgoingtodrink。There'snoneednow……That'sallstuff！”
　　Hehurriedout;butwhenhehadalmostclosedthedoorbehindhim,hesuddenlyopeneditagain,andsaid,lookingaway：
　　“Oh,bytheway,doyourememberthatmurder,youknowPorfiry's,thatoldwoman?Doyouknowthemurdererhasbeenfound,hehasconfessedandgiventheproofs。It'soneofthoseveryworkmen,thepainter,onlyfancy!DoyourememberIdefendedthemhere?Wouldyoubelieveit,allthatsceneoffightingandlaughingwithhiscompaniononthestairswhiletheporterandthetwowitnessesweregoingup,hegotuponpurposetodisarmsuspicion。Thecunning,thepresenceofmindoftheyoungdog!Onecanhardlycreditit;butit'shisownexplanation,hehasconfesseditall。AndwhatafoolIwasaboutit!Well,he'ssimplyageniusofhypocrisyandresourcefulnessindisarmingthesuspicionsofthelawyers-sothere'snothingmuchtowonderat,Isuppose!Ofcoursepeoplelikethatarealwayspossible。Andthefactthathecouldn'tkeepupthecharacter,butconfessed,makeshimeasiertobelievein。ButwhatafoolIwas!I
　　wasfranticontheirside！”
　　“Tellmepleasefromwhomdidyouhearthat,andwhydoesitinterestyouso？”Raskolnikovaskedwithunmistakableagitation。
　　“Whatnext?Youaskmewhyitinterestsme!……Well,IhearditfromPorfiry,amongothers……ItwasfromhimIheardalmostallaboutit。“
　　“FromPorfiry？”
　　“FromPorfiry。“
　　“What……whatdidhesay？”Raskolnikovaskedindismay。
　　“Hegavemeacapitalexplanationofit。Psychologically,afterhisfashion。“
　　“Heexplainedit?Explainedithimself？”
　　“Yes,yes;good-bye。I'lltellyouallaboutitanothertime,butnowI'mbusy。TherewasatimewhenIfancied……Butnomatter,anothertime!……Whatneedisthereformetodrinknow?Youhavemademedrunkwithoutwine。Iamdrunk,Rodya!Good-bye,I'mgoing。I'llcomeagainverysoon。“
　　Hewentout。
　　“He'sapoliticalconspirator,there'snotadoubtaboutit,“
　　Razumihindecided,asheslowlydescendedthestairs。“Andhe'sdrawnhissisterin;that'squite,quiteinkeepingwithAvdotyaRomanovna'scharacter。Thereareinterviewsbetweenthem!……Shehintedatittoo……Somanyofherwords……andhints……bearthatmeaning!Andhowelsecanallthistanglebeexplained?Hm!AndI
　　wasalmostthinking……Goodheavens,whatIthought!Yes,ItookleaveofmysensesandIwrongedhim!Itwashisdoing,underthelampinthecorridorthatday。Pfoo!Whatacrude,nasty,vileideaonmypart!Nikolayisabrick,forconfessing……Andhowclearitallisnow!Hisillnessthen,allhisstrangeactions……beforethis,intheuniversity,howmoroseheusedtobe,howgloomy……Butwhat'sthemeaningnowofthatletter?There'ssomethinginthat,too,perhaps。Whomwasitfrom?Isuspect……!No,Imustfindout！”
　　HethoughtofDounia,realisingallhehadheardandhisheartthrobbed,andhesuddenlybrokeintoarun。
　　AssoonasRazumihinwentout,Raskolnikovgotup,turnedtothewindow,walkedintoonecornerandthenintoanother,asthoughforgettingthesmallnessofhisroom,andsatdownagainonthesofa。Hefelt,sotospeak,renewed;againthestruggle,soameansofescapehadcome。
　　“Yes,ameansofescapehadcome!Ithadbeentoostifling,toocramping,theburdenhadbeentooagonising。Alethargyhadcomeuponhimattimes。FromthemomentofthescenewithNikolayatPorfiry'shehadbeensuffocating,pennedinwithouthopeofescape。
　　AfterNikolay'sconfession,onthatverydayhadcomethescenewithSonia;hisbehaviourandhislastwordshadbeenutterlyunlikeanythinghecouldhaveimaginedbeforehand;hehadgrownfeebler,instantlyandfundamentally!AndhehadagreedatthetimewithSonia,hehadagreedinhishearthecouldnotgoonlivingalonewithsuchathingonhismind!
　　“AndSvidrigailovwasariddle……Heworriedhim,thatwastrue,butsomehownotonthesamepoint。HemightstillhaveastruggletocomewithSvidrigailov。Svidrigailov,too,mightbeameansofescape;
　　butPorfirywasadifferentmatter。
　　“AndsoPorfiryhimselfhadexplainedittoRazumihin,hadexplaineditpsychologically。Hehadbegunbringinginhisdamnedpsychologyagain!Porfiry?ButtothinkthatPorfiryshouldforonemomentbelievethatNikolaywasguilty,afterwhathadpassedbetweenthembeforeNikolay'sappearance,afterthattete-a-teteinterview,whichcouldhaveonlyoneexplanation?DuringthosedaysRaskolnikovhadoftenrecalledpassagesinthatscenewithPorfiry;hecouldnotbeartolethismindrestonit。Suchwords,suchgestureshadpassedbetweenthem,theyhadexchangedsuchglances,thingshadbeensaidinsuchatoneandhadreachedsuchapass,thatNikolay,whomPorfiryhadseenthroughatthefirstword,atthefirstgesture,couldnothaveshakenhisconviction。
　　“AndtothinkthatevenRazumihinhadbeguntosuspect!Thesceneinthecorridorunderthelamphadproduceditseffectthen。HehadrushedtoPorfiry……Butwhathadinducedthelattertoreceivehimlikethat?WhathadbeenhisobjectinputtingRazumihinoffwithNikolay?Hemusthavesomeplan;therewassomedesign,butwhatwasit?Itwastruethatalongtimehadpassedsincethatmorning-toolongatime-andnosightnorsoundofPorfiry。Well,thatwasabadsign……“
　　Raskolnikovtookhiscapandwentoutoftheroom,stillpondering。Itwasthefirsttimeforalongwhilethathehadfeltclearinhismind,atleast。“ImustsettleSvidrigailov,“hethought,“andassoonaspossible;he,too,seemstobewaitingformetocometohimofmyownaccord。“Andatthatmomenttherewassucharushofhateinhiswearyheartthathemighthavekilledeitherofthosetwo-PorfiryorSvidrigailov。Atleasthefeltthathewouldbecapableofdoingitlater,ifnotnow。
　　“Weshallsee,weshallsee,“herepeatedtohimself。
　　ButnosoonerhadheopenedthedoorthanhestumbleduponPorfiryhimselfinthepassage。Hewascomingintoseehim。Raskolnikovwasdumbfoundedforaminute,butonlyforoneminute。Strangetosay,hewasnotverymuchastonishedatseeingPorfiryandscarcelyafraidofhim。Hewassimplystartled,butwasquickly,instantly,onhisguard。“Perhapsthiswillmeantheend?ButhowcouldPorfiryhaveapproachedsoquietly,likeacat,sothathehadheardnothing?Couldhehavebeenlisteningatthedoor？”
　　“Youdidn'texpectavisitor,RodionRomanovitch,“Porfiryexplained,laughing。“I'vebeenmeaningtolookinalongtime;I
　　waspassingbyandthoughtwhynotgoinforfiveminutes。Areyougoingout?Iwon'tkeepyoulong。Justletmehaveonecigarette。“
　　“Sitdown,PorfiryPetrovitch,sitdown。“Raskolnikovgavehisvisitoraseatwithsopleasedandfriendlyanexpressionthathewouldhavemarvelledathimself,ifhecouldhaveseenit。
　　Thelastmomenthadcome,thelastdropshadtobedrained!Soamanwillsometimesgothroughhalfanhourofmortalterrorwithabrigand,yetwhentheknifeisathisthroatatlast,hefeelsnofear。
　　RaskolnikovseatedhimselfdirectlyfacingPorfiry,andlookedathimwithoutflinching。Porfiryscreweduphiseyesandbeganlightingacigarette。
　　“Speak,speak,“seemedasthoughitwouldburstfromRaskolnikov'sheart。“Come,whydon'tyouspeak？”
　　ChapterTwo“AHTHESEcigarettes！”PorfiryPetrovitchejaculatedatlast,havinglightedone。“Theyarepernicious,positivelypernicious,andyetI
　　can'tgivethemup!Icough,Ibegintohaveticklinginmythroatandadifficultyinbreathing。YouknowIamacoward,IwentlatelytoDr。B__n;healwaysgivesatleasthalfanhourtoeachpatient。Hepositivelylaughedlookingatme;hesoundedme：'Tobacco'sbadforyou,'hesaid,'yourlungsareaffected。'ButhowamItogiveitup?Whatistheretotakeitsplace?Idon'tdrink,that'sthemischief,he-he-he,thatIdon't。Everythingisrelative,RodionRomanovitch,everythingisrelative！”
　　“Why,he'splayinghisprofessionaltricksagain,“Raskolnikovthoughtwithdisgust。Allthecircumstancesoftheirlastinterviewsuddenlycamebacktohim,andhefeltarushofthefeelingthathadcomeuponhimthen。
　　“Icametoseeyouthedaybeforeyesterday,intheevening;youdidn'tknow？”PorfiryPetrovitchwenton,lookingroundtheroom。“I
　　cameintothisveryroom。Iwaspassingby,justasIdidto-day,andIthoughtI'dreturnyourcall。Iwalkedinasyourdoorwaswideopen,Ilookedround,waitedandwentoutwithoutleavingmynamewithyourservant。Don'tyoulockyourdoor？”
　　Raskolnikov'sfacegrewmoreandmoregloomy。Porfiryseemedtoguesshisstateofmind。
　　“I'vecometohaveitoutwithyou,RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow!Ioweyouanexplanationandmustgiveittoyou,“hecontinuedwithaslightsmile,justpattingRaskolnikov'sknee。
　　Butalmostatthesameinstantaseriousandcarewornlookcameintohisface;tohissurpriseRaskolnikovsawatouchofsadnessinit。Hehadneverseenandneversuspectedsuchanexpressioninhisface。
　　“Astrangescenepassedbetweenuslasttimewemet,RodionRomanovitch。Ourfirstinterview,too,wasastrangeone;butthen……andonethingafteranother!Thisisthepoint：Ihaveperhapsactedunfairlytoyou;Ifeelit。Doyourememberhowweparted?
　　Yournerveswereunhingedandyourkneeswereshakingandsoweremine。And,youknow,ourbehaviourwasunseemly,evenungentlemanly。
　　Andyetwearegentlemen,aboveall,inanycase,gentlemen;thatmustbeunderstood。Doyourememberwhatwecameto?……itwasquiteindecorous。“
　　“Whatisheupto,whatdoeshetakemefor？”Raskolnikovaskedhimselfinamazement,raisinghisheadandlookingwithopeneyesonPorfiry。
　　“I'vedecidedopennessisbetterbetweenus,“PorfiryPetrovitchwenton,turninghisheadawayanddroppinghiseyes,asthoughunwillingtodisconcerthisformervictimandasthoughdisdaininghisformerwiles。“Yes,suchsuspicionsandsuchscenescannotcontinueforlong。Nikolayputastoptoit,orIdon'tknowwhatwemightnothavecometo。Thatdamnedworkmanwassittingatthetimeinthenextroom-canyourealisethat?Youknowthat,ofcourse;andIamawarethathecametoyouafterwards。Butwhatyousupposedthenwasnottrue：Ihadnotsentforanyone,Ihadmadenokindofarrangements。YouaskwhyIhadn't?WhatshallIsaytoyou：ithadallcomeuponmesosuddenly。Ihadscarcelysentfortheportersyounoticedthemasyouwentout,Idaresay。Anideaflasheduponme;
　　Iwasfirmlyconvincedatthetime,yousee,RodionRomanovitch。Come,Ithought-evenifIletonethingslipforatime,Ishallgetholdofsomethingelse-Ishan'tlosewhatIwant,anyway。Youarenervouslyirritable,RodionRomanovitch,bytemperament;it'soutofproportionwithotherqualitiesofyourheartandcharacter,whichI
　　flattermyselfIhavetosomeextentdivined。OfcourseIdidreflecteventhenthatitdoesnotalwayshappenthatamangetsupandblurtsouthiswholestory。Itdoeshappensometimes,ifyoumakeamanloseallpatience,thougheventhenit'srare。Iwascapableofrealisingthat。IfIonlyhadafact,Ithought,theleastlittlefacttogoupon,somethingIcouldlayholdof,somethingtangible,notmerelypsychological。Forifamanisguilty,youmustbeabletogetsomethingsubstantialoutofhim;onemayreckonuponmostsurprisingresultsindeed。Iwasreckoningonyourtemperament,RodionRomanovitch,onyourtemperamentaboveallthings!Ihadgreathopesofyouatthattime。“
　　“Butwhatareyoudrivingatnow？”Raskolnikovmutteredatlast,askingthequestionwithoutthinking。
　　“Whatishetalkingabout？”hewondereddistractedly,“doeshereallytakemetobeinnocent？”
　　“WhatamIdrivingat?I'vecometoexplainmyself,Iconsideritmyduty,sotospeak。Iwanttomakecleartoyouhowthewholebusiness,thewholemisunderstandingarose。I'vecausedyouagreatdealofsuffering,RodionRomanovitch。Iamnotamonster。Iunderstandwhatitmustmeanforamanwhohasbeenunfortunate,butwhoisproud,imperiousandaboveall,impatient,tohavetobearsuchtreatment!