Theyfoundacottage，wheretheysatinthecoldparlour。
　　Shepouredouthistea。Shewasveryquiet。Hefeltshehadwithdrawn，againfromhim。Aftertea，shestaredbroodinglyintohertea-cup，twistingherweddingringallthetime。Inherabstractionshetook，theringoffherfinger，stooditup，andspunituponthetable。
　　Thegoldbecameadiaphanous，glitteringglobe。Itfell，andthe，ringwasquiveringuponthetable。Shespunitagainandagain。
　　Paulwatched，fascinated。
　　Butshewasamarriedwoman，andhebelievedinsimplefriendship。
　　Andheconsideredthathewasperfectlyhonourablewithregardtoher。
　　Itwasonlyafriendshipbetweenmanandwoman，suchasanycivilised，personsmighthave。
　　Hewaslikesomanyyoungmenofhisownage。Sexhadbecome，socomplicatedinhimthathewouldhavedeniedthatheever，couldwantClaraorMiriamoranywomanwhomheknew。Sexdesire，wasasortofdetachedthing，thatdidnotbelongtoawoman。
　　HelovedMiriamwithhissoul。Hegrewwarmatthethought，ofClara，hebattledwithher，heknewthecurvesofherbreast，andshouldersasiftheyhadbeenmouldedinsidehim;andyethe，didnotpositivelydesireher。Hewouldhavedenieditforever。
　　HebelievedhimselfreallyboundtoMiriam。Ifeverheshouldmarry，sometimeinthefarfuture，itwouldbehisdutytomarryMiriam。
　　ThathegaveClaratounderstand，andshesaidnothing，butlefthim，tohiscourses。Hecametoher，Mrs。Dawes，wheneverhecould。
　　ThenhewrotefrequentlytoMiriam，andvisitedthegirloccasionally。
　　Sohewentonthroughthewinter;butheseemednotsofretted。
　　Hismotherwaseasierabouthim。Shethoughthewasgettingaway，fromMiriam。
　　MiriamknewnowhowstrongwastheattractionofClaraforhim;
　　butstillshewascertainthatthebestinhimwouldtriumph。
　　HisfeelingforMrs。Dawes——who，moreover，wasamarriedwoman——
　　wasshallowandtemporal，comparedwithhisloveforherself。
　　Hewouldcomebacktoher，shewassure;withsomeofhisyoung，freshnessgone，perhaps，butcuredofhisdesireforthelesserthings，whichotherwomenthanherselfcouldgivehim。Shecouldbearall，ifhewereinwardlytruetoherandmustcomeback。
　　Hesawnoneoftheanomalyofhisposition。Miriamwashis，oldfriend，lover，andshebelongedtoBestwoodandhomeandhisyouth。
　　Clarawasanewerfriend，andshebelongedtoNottingham，tolife，totheworld。Itseemedtohimquiteplain。
　　Mrs。Dawesandhehadmanyperiodsofcoolness，whentheysaw，littleofeachother;buttheyalwayscametogetheragain。
　　“WereyouhorridwithBaxterDawes？”heaskedher。Itwas，athingthatseemedtotroublehim。
　　“Inwhatway？”
　　“Oh，Idon’tknow。Butweren’tyouhorridwithhim？
　　Didn’tyoudosomethingthatknockedhimtopieces？”
　　“What，pray？”
　　“Makinghimfeelasifhewerenothing——Iknow，“Pauldeclared。
　　“Youaresoclever，myfriend，“shesaidcoolly。
　　Theconversationbrokeoffthere。Butitmadehercool，withhimforsometime。
　　SheveryrarelysawMiriamnow。Thefriendshipbetween，thetwowomenwasnotbrokenoff，butconsiderablyweakened。
　　“WillyoucomeintotheconcertonSundayafternoon？”
　　ClaraaskedhimjustafterChristmas。
　　“IpromisedtogouptoWilleyFarm，“hereplied。
　　“Oh，verywell。”
　　“Youdon’tmind，doyou？”heasked。
　　“WhyshouldI？”sheanswered。
　　Whichalmostannoyedhim。
　　“Youknow，“hesaid，“MiriamandIhavebeenalottoeach，othereversinceIwassixteen——that’ssevenyearsnow。”
　　“It’salongtime，“Clarareplied。
　　“Yes;butsomehowshe——itdoesn’tgoright——“
　　“How？”askedClara。
　　“Sheseemstodrawmeanddrawme，andshewouldn’tleave，asinglehairofmefreetofalloutandblowaway——she’dkeepit。”
　　“Butyouliketobekept。”
　　“No，“hesaid，“Idon’t。Iwishitcouldbenormal，giveandtake——
　　likemeandyou。Iwantawomantokeepme，butnotinherpocket。”
　　“Butifyouloveher，itcouldn’tbenormal，likemeandyou。”
　　“Yes;Ishouldloveherbetterthen。Shesortofwantsme，somuchthatIcan’tgivemyself。”
　　“Wantsyouhow？”
　　“Wantsthesouloutofmybody。Ican’thelpshrinkingback，fromher。”
　　“Andyetyouloveher！”
　　“No，Idon’tloveher。Ineverevenkissher。”
　　“Whynot？”Claraasked。
　　“Idon’tknow。”
　　“Isupposeyou’reafraid，“shesaid。
　　“I’mnot。Somethinginmeshrinksfromherlikehell——she’s，sogood，whenI’mnotgood。”
　　“Howdoyouknowwhatsheis？”
　　“Ido！，Iknowshewantsasortofsoulunion。”
　　“Buthowdoyouknowwhatshewants？”
　　“I’vebeenwithherforsevenyears。”
　　“Andyouhaven’tfoundouttheveryfirstthingabouther。”
　　“What’sthat？”
　　“Thatshedoesn’twantanyofyoursoulcommunion。
　　That’syourownimagination。Shewantsyou。”
　　Heponderedoverthis。Perhapshewaswrong。
　　“Butsheseems——“hebegan。
　　“You’venevertried，“sheanswered。
　　CHAPTERXI
　　THETESTONMIRIAM
　　WITHthespringcameagaintheoldmadnessandbattle。Nowhe，knewhewouldhavetogotoMiriam。Butwhatwashisreluctance？
　　Hetoldhimselfitwasonlyasortofoverstrongvirginityinher，andhimwhichneithercouldbreakthrough。Hemighthavemarriedher;
　　buthiscircumstancesathomemadeitdifficult，and，moreover，hedid，notwanttomarry。Marriagewasforlife，andbecausetheyhadbecome，closecompanions，heandshe，hedidnotseethatitshouldinevitably，followtheyshouldbemanandwife。Hedidnotfeelthathewanted，marriagewithMiriam。Hewishedhedid。Hewouldhavegivenhis，headtohavefeltajoyousdesiretomarryherandtohaveher。
　　Thenwhycouldn’thebringitoff？，Therewassomeobstacle;
　　andwhatwastheobstacle？，Itlayinthephysicalbondage。
　　Heshrankfromthephysicalcontact。Butwhy？，Withherhefeltbound，upinsidehimself。Hecouldnotgoouttoher。Somethingstruggled，inhim，buthecouldnotgettoher。Why？，Shelovedhim。
　　Clarasaidsheevenwantedhim;thenwhycouldn’thegotoher，makelovetoher，kissher？，Why，whensheputherarminhis，timidly，astheywalked，didhefeelhewouldburstforthinbrutality，andrecoil？，Heowedhimselftoher;hewantedtobelongtoher。
　　Perhapstherecoilandtheshrinkingfromherwasloveinitsfirst，fiercemodesty。Hehadnoaversionforher。No，itwastheopposite;
　　itwasastrongdesirebattlingwithastillstrongershyness，andvirginity。Itseemedasifvirginitywereapositiveforce，whichfoughtandwoninbothofthem。Andwithherhefeltit，sohardtoovercome;yethewasnearesttoher，andwithheralone，couldhedeliberatelybreakthrough。Andheowedhimselftoher。
　　Then，iftheycouldgetthingsright，theycouldmarry;buthe，wouldnotmarryunlesshecouldfeelstronginthejoyofit——never。
　　Hecouldnothavefacedhismother。Itseemedtohimthat，tosacrificehimselfinamarriagehedidnotwantwouldbe，degrading，andwouldundoallhislife，makeitanullity。
　　HewouldtrywhatheCOULDdo。
　　AndhehadagreattendernessforMiriam。Always，shewassad，dreamingherreligion;andhewasnearlyareligiontoher。Hecould，notbeartofailher。Itwouldallcomerightiftheytried。
　　Helookedround。Agoodmanyofthenicestmenheknewwere，likehimself，boundinbytheirownvirginity，whichtheycouldnot，breakoutof。Theyweresosensitivetotheirwomenthattheywould，gowithoutthemforeverratherthandothemahurt，aninjustice。
　　Beingthesonsofmotherswhosehusbandshadblunderedrather，brutallythroughtheirfemininesanctities，theywerethemselves，toodiffidentandshy。Theycouldeasierdenythemselvesthanincur，anyreproachfromawoman;forawomanwasliketheirmother，andthey，werefullofthesenseoftheirmother。Theypreferredthemselves，tosufferthemiseryofcelibacy，ratherthanrisktheotherperson。
　　Hewentbacktoher。Somethinginher，whenhelookedather，broughtthetearsalmosttohiseyes。Onedayhestoodbehindher，asshesang。Anniewasplayingasongonthepiano。AsMiriamsang，hermouthseemedhopeless。Shesanglikeanunsingingtoheaven。
　　Itremindedhimsomuchofthemouthandeyesofonewhosings，besideaBotticelliMadonna，sospiritual。Again，hotassteel，cameupthepaininhim。Whymustheaskherfortheotherthing？
　　Whywastherehisbloodbattlingwithher？，Ifonlyhecouldhavebeen，alwaysgentle，tenderwithher，breathingwithhertheatmosphere，ofreverieandreligiousdreams，hewouldgivehisrighthand。
　　Itwasnotfairtohurther。Thereseemedaneternalmaidenhood，abouther;andwhenhethoughtofhermother，hesawthegreat，browneyesofamaidenwhowasnearlyscaredandshockedoutofher，virginmaidenhood，butnotquite，inspiteofhersevenchildren。
　　Theyhadbeenbornalmostleavingheroutofcount，notofher，butuponher。Soshecouldneverletthemgo，becausesheneverhad，possessedthem。
　　Mrs。MorelsawhimgoingagainfrequentlytoMiriam，andwasastonished。Hesaidnothingtohismother。Hedidnotexplain，norexcusehimself。Ifhecamehomelate，andshereproachedhim，hefrownedandturnedonherinanoverbearingway：
　　“IshallcomehomewhenIlike，“hesaid;“Iamoldenough。”
　　“Mustshekeepyoutillthistime？”
　　“ItisIwhostay，“heanswered。
　　“Andsheletsyou？，Butverywell，“shesaid。
　　Andshewenttobed，leavingthedoorunlockedforhim;
　　butshelaylisteninguntilhecame，oftenlongafter。
　　ItwasagreatbitternesstoherthathehadgonebacktoMiriam。
　　Sherecognised，however，theuselessnessofanyfurtherinterference。
　　HewenttoWilleyFarmasamannow，notasayouth。Shehad，norightoverhim。Therewasacoldnessbetweenhimandher。
　　Hehardlytoldheranything。Discarded，shewaitedonhim，cookedfor，himstill，andlovedtoslaveforhim;butherfaceclosedagain，likeamask。Therewasnothingforhertodonowbutthehousework;
　　foralltheresthehadgonetoMiriam。Shecouldnotforgivehim。
　　Miriamkilledthejoyandthewarmthinhim。Hehadbeensucha，jollylad，andfullofthewarmestaffection;nowhegrewcolder，moreandmoreirritableandgloomy。ItremindedherofWilliam;
　　butPaulwasworse。Hedidthingswithmoreintensity，andmore，realisationofwhathewasabout。Hismotherknewhowhewas，sufferingforwantofawoman，andshesawhimgoingtoMiriam。
　　Ifhehadmadeuphismind，nothingonearthwouldalterhim。
　　Mrs。Morelwastired。Shebegantogiveupatlast;shehadfinished。
　　Shewasintheway。
　　Hewentondeterminedly。Herealisedmoreorlesswhathis，motherfelt。Itonlyhardenedhissoul。Hemadehimselfcallous，towardsher;butitwaslikebeingcalloustohisownhealth。
　　Itunderminedhimquickly;yethepersisted。
　　Helaybackintherocking-chairatWilleyFarmoneevening。
　　HehadbeentalkingtoMiriamforsomeweeks，buthadnotcometo，thepoint。Nowhesaidsuddenly：
　　“Iamtwenty-four，almost。”
　　Shehadbeenbrooding。Shelookedupathimsuddenlyinsurprise。
　　“Yes。Whatmakesyousayit？”
　　Therewassomethinginthechargedatmospherethatshedreaded。
　　“SirThomasMoresaysonecanmarryattwenty-four。”
　　Shelaughedquaintly，saying：
　　“DoesitneedSirThomasMore’ssanction？”
　　“No;butoneoughttomarryaboutthen。”
　　“Ay，“sheansweredbroodingly;andshewaited。
　　“Ican’tmarryyou，“hecontinuedslowly，“notnow，becausewe’ve，nomoney，andtheydependonmeathome。”
　　Shesathalf-guessingwhatwascoming。
　　“ButIwanttomarrynow——“
　　“Youwanttomarry？”sherepeated。
　　“Awoman——youknowwhatImean。”
　　Shewassilent。
　　“Now，atlast，Imust，“hesaid。
　　“Ay，“sheanswered。
　　“Andyouloveme？”
　　Shelaughedbitterly。
　　“Whyareyouashamedofit，“heanswered。”Youwouldn’t，beashamedbeforeyourGod，whyareyoubeforepeople？”
　　“Nay，“sheanswereddeeply，“Iamnotashamed。”
　　“Youare，“herepliedbitterly;“andit’smyfault。Butyou，knowIcan’thelpbeing——asIam——don’tyou？”
　　“Iknowyoucan’thelpit，“shereplied。
　　“Iloveyouanawfullot——thenthereissomethingshort。”
　　“Where？”sheanswered，lookingathim。
　　“Oh，inme！，ItisIwhooughttobeashamed——like，aspiritualcripple。AndIamashamed。Itismisery。Whyisit？”
　　“Idon’tknow，“repliedMiriam。
　　“AndIdon’tknow，“herepeated。”Don’tyouthinkwehave，beentoofierceinourwhattheycallpurity？，Don’tyouthink，thattobesomuchafraidandaverseisasortofdirtiness？”
　　Shelookedathimwithstartleddarkeyes。
　　“Yourecoiledawayfromanythingofthesort，andItook，themotionfromyou，andrecoiledalso，perhapsworse。”
　　Therewassilenceintheroomforsometime。
　　“Yes，“shesaid，“itisso。”
　　“Thereisbetweenus，“hesaid，“alltheseyearsofintimacy。
　　Ifeelnakedenoughbeforeyou。Doyouunderstand？”
　　“Ithinkso，“sheanswered。
　　“Andyouloveme？”
　　Shelaughed。
　　“Don’tbebitter，“hepleaded。
　　Shelookedathimandwassorryforhim;hiseyesweredark，withtorture。Shewassorryforhim;itwasworseforhimtohavethis，deflatedlovethanforherself，whocouldneverbeproperlymated。
　　Hewasrestless，foreverurgingforwardandtryingtofindawayout。
　　Hemightdoasheliked，andhavewhathelikedofher。
　　“Nay，“shesaidsoftly，“Iamnotbitter。”
　　Shefeltshecouldbearanythingforhim;shewouldsufferforhim。
　　Sheputherhandonhiskneeasheleanedforwardinhischair。
　　Hetookitandkissedit;butithurttodoso。Hefelthewas，puttinghimselfaside。Hesattheresacrificedtoherpurity，whichfeltmorelikenullity。Howcouldhekissherhandpassionately，whenitwoulddriveheraway，andleavenothingbutpain？，Yetslowly，hedrewhertohimandkissedher。
　　Theykneweachothertoowelltopretendanything。
　　Asshekissedhim，shewatchedhiseyes;theywerestaringacross，theroom，withapeculiardarkblazeinthemthatfascinatedher。
　　Hewasperfectlystill。Shecouldfeelhisheartthrobbingheavily，inhisbreast。
　　“Whatareyouthinkingabout？”sheasked。
　　Theblazeinhiseyesshuddered，becameuncertain。
　　“Iwasthinking，allthewhile，Iloveyou。Ihavebeenobstinate。”
　　Shesankherheadonhisbreast。
　　“Yes，“sheanswered。
　　“That’sall，“hesaid，andhisvoiceseemedsure，andhismouth，waskissingherthroat。
　　Thensheraisedherheadandlookedintohiseyeswithher，fullgazeoflove。Theblazestruggled，seemedtotrytogetaway，fromher，andthenwasquenched。Heturnedhisheadquicklyaside。
　　Itwasamomentofanguish。
　　“Kissme，“shewhispered。
　　Heshuthiseyes，andkissedher，andhisarmsfoldedher，closerandcloser。
　　Whenshewalkedhomewithhimoverthefields，hesaid：
　　“IamgladIcamebacktoyou。Ifeelsosimplewithyou——as，iftherewasnothingtohide。Wewillbehappy？”
　　“Yes，“shemurmured，andthetearscametohereyes。
　　“Somesortofperversityinoursouls，“hesaid，“makesus，notwant，getawayfrom，theverythingwewant。Wehavetofight，againstthat。”
　　“Yes，“shesaid，andshefeltstunned。
　　Asshestoodunderthedrooping-thorntree，inthedarknessby，theroadside，hekissedher，andhisfingerswanderedoverherface。
　　Inthedarkness，wherehecouldnotseeherbutonlyfeelher，hispassionfloodedhim。Heclaspedherveryclose。
　　“Sometimeyouwillhaveme？”hemurmured，hidinghisface，onhershoulder。Itwassodifficult。
　　“Notnow，“shesaid。
　　Hishopesandhisheartsunk。Adrearinesscameoverhim。
　　“No，“hesaid。
　　Hisclaspofherslackened。
　　“IlovetofeelyourarmTHERE！”shesaid，pressinghisarm，againstherback，whereitwentroundherwaist。”Itrestsmeso。”
　　Hetightenedthepressureofhisarmuponthesmallofher，backtoresther。
　　“Webelongtoeachother，“hesaid。
　　“Yes。”
　　“Thenwhyshouldn’twebelongtoeachotheraltogether？”
　　“But——“shefaltered。
　　“Iknowit’salottoask，“hesaid;“butthere’snotmuchrisk，foryoureally——notintheGretchenway。Youcantrustmethere？”
　　“Oh，Icantrustyou。”，Theanswercamequickandstrong。
　　“It’snotthat——it’snotthatatall——but——“
　　“What？”
　　Shehidherfaceinhisneckwithalittlecryofmisery。
　　“Idon’tknow！”shecried。
　　Sheseemedslightlyhysterical，butwithasortofhorror。
　　Hisheartdiedinhim。
　　“Youdon’tthinkitugly？”heasked。
　　“No，notnow。YouhaveTAUGHTmeitisn’t。”
　　“Youareafraid？”
　　Shecalmedherselfhastily。
　　“Yes，Iamonlyafraid，“shesaid。
　　Hekissedhertenderly。
　　“Nevermind，“hesaid。”Youshouldpleaseyourself。”
　　Suddenlyshegrippedhisarmsroundher，andclenchedher，bodystiff。
　　“YouSHALLhaveme，“shesaid，throughhershutteeth。
　　Hisheartbeatupagainlikefire。Hefoldedherclose，andhis，mouthwasonherthroat。Shecouldnotbearit。Shedrewaway。
　　Hedisengagedher。
　　“Won’tyoubelate？”sheaskedgently。
　　Hesighed，scarcelyhearingwhatshesaid。Shewaited，wishinghewouldgo。Atlasthekissedherquicklyandclimbed，thefence。Lookingroundhesawthepaleblotchofherfacedown，inthedarknessunderthehangingtree。Therewasnomoreofher，butthispaleblotch。
　　“Good-bye！”shecalledsoftly。Shehadnobody，onlya，voiceandadimface。Heturnedawayandrandowntheroad，hisfistsclenched;andwhenhecametothewalloverthelake，heleanedthere，almoststunned，lookinguptheblackwater。
　　Miriamplungedhomeoverthemeadows。Shewasnotafraid，ofpeople，whattheymightsay;butshedreadedtheissue，withhim。Yes，shewouldlethimhaveherifheinsisted;
　　andthen，whenshethoughtofitafterwards，herheartwentdown。
　　Hewouldbedisappointed，hewouldfindnosatisfaction，andthenhe，wouldgoaway。Yethewassoinsistent;andoverthis，whichdid，notseemsoall-importanttoher，wastheirlovetobreakdown。
　　Afterall，hewasonlylikeothermen，seekinghissatisfaction。
　　Oh，buttherewassomethingmoreinhim，somethingdeeper！，Shecould，trusttoit，inspiteofalldesires。Hesaidthatpossessionwas，agreatmomentinlife。Allstrongemotionsconcentratedthere。
　　Perhapsitwasso。Therewassomethingdivineinit;thenshe，wouldsubmit，religiously，tothesacrifice。Heshouldhaveher。
　　Andatthethoughtherwholebodyclencheditselfinvoluntarily，hard，asifagainstsomething;butLifeforcedherthroughthis，gateofsuffering，too，andshewouldsubmit。Atanyrate，itwouldgivehimwhathewanted，whichwasherdeepestwish。
　　Shebroodedandbroodedandbroodedherselftowardsacceptinghim。
　　Hecourtedhernowlikealover。Often，whenhegrewhot，sheputhisfacefromher，helditbetweenherhands，andlookedin，hiseyes。Hecouldnotmeethergaze。Herdarkeyes，fulloflove，earnestandsearching，madehimturnaway。Notforaninstant，wouldshelethimforget。Backagainhehadtotorturehimself，intoasenseofhisresponsibilityandhers。Neveranyrelaxing，neveranyleavinghimselftothegreathungerandimpersonality，ofpassion;hemustbebroughtbacktoadeliberate，reflectivecreature。
　　Asiffromaswoonofpassionshecagedhimbacktothelittleness，thepersonalrelationship。Hecouldnotbearit。”Leaveme，alone——leavemealone！”hewantedtocry;butshewantedhimto，lookatherwitheyesfulloflove。Hiseyes，fullofthedark，impersonalfireofdesire，didnotbelongtoher。
　　Therewasagreatcropofcherriesatthefarm。Thetreesat，thebackofthehouse，verylargeandtall，hungthickwithscarlet，andcrimsondrops，underthedarkleaves。PaulandEdgarweregathering，thefruitoneevening。Ithadbeenahotday，andnowtheclouds，wererollinginthesky，darkandwarm。Paulcombedhighinthetree，abovethescarletroofsofthebuildings。Thewind，moaningsteadily，madethewholetreerockwithasubtle，thrillingmotionthatstirred，theblood。Theyoungman，perchedinsecurelyintheslenderbranches，rockedtillhefeltslightlydrunk，reacheddowntheboughs，wherethescarletbeadycherrieshungthickunderneath，andtore，offhandfulafterhandfulofthesleek，cool-fleshedfruit。
　　Cherriestouchedhisearsandhisneckashestretchedforward，theirchillfinger-tipssendingaflashdownhisblood。Allshades，ofred，fromagoldenvermiliontoarichcrimson，glowedandmet，hiseyesunderadarknessofleaves。
　　Thesun，goingdown，suddenlycaughtthebrokenclouds。
　　Immensepilesofgoldflaredoutinthesouth-east，heapedinsoft，glowingyellowrightupthesky。Theworld，tillnowduskandgrey，reflectedthegoldglow，astonished。Everywherethetrees，andthegrass，andthefar-offwater，seemedrousedfromthetwilight，andshining。
　　Miriamcameoutwondering。
　　“Oh！”Paulheardhermellowvoicecall，“isn’titwonderful？”
　　Helookeddown。Therewasafaintgoldglimmeronherface，thatlookedverysoft，turneduptohim。
　　“Howhighyouare！”shesaid。
　　Besideher，ontherhubarbleaves，werefourdeadbirds，thievesthathadbeenshot。Paulsawsomecherrystoneshanging，quitebleached，likeskeletons，pickedclearofflesh。Helooked，downagaintoMiriam。
　　“Cloudsareonfire，“hesaid。
　　“Beautiful！”shecried。
　　Sheseemedsosmall，sosoft，sotender，downthere。Hethrew，ahandfulofcherriesather。Shewasstartledandfrightened。
　　Helaughedwithalow，chucklingsound，andpeltedher。Sheran，forshelter，pickingupsomecherries。Twofineredpairsshehung，overherears;thenshelookedupagain。
　　“Haven’tyougotenough？”sheasked。
　　“Nearly。Itislikebeingonashipuphere。”
　　“Andhowlongwillyoustay？”
　　“Whilethesunsetlasts。”
　　Shewenttothefenceandsatthere，watchingthegoldcloudsfall，topieces，andgoinimmense，rose-colouredruintowardsthedarkness。
　　Goldflamedtoscarlet，likepaininitsintensebrightness。
　　Thenthescarletsanktorose，androsetocrimson，andquickly，thepassionwentoutofthesky。Alltheworldwasdarkgrey。
　　Paulscrambledquicklydownwithhisbasket，tearinghisshirt-sleeve，ashedidso。
　　“Theyarelovely，“saidMiriam，fingeringthecherries。
　　“I’vetornmysleeve，“heanswered。
　　Shetookthethree-corneredrip，saying：
　　“Ishallhavetomendit。”，Itwasneartheshoulder。
　　Sheputherfingersthroughthetear。”Howwarm！”shesaid。
　　Helaughed。Therewasanew，strangenoteinhisvoice，onethatmadeherpant。
　　“Shallwestayout？”hesaid。
　　“Won’titrain？”sheasked。
　　“No，letuswalkalittleway。”
　　Theywentdownthefieldsandintothethickplantation，oftreesandpines。
　　“Shallwegoinamongthetrees？”heasked。
　　“Doyouwantto？”
　　“Yes。”
　　Itwasverydarkamongthefirs，andthesharpspinespricked，herface。Shewasafraid。Paulwassilentandstrange。
　　“Ilikethedarkness，“hesaid。”Iwishitwerethicker——good，thickdarkness。”
　　Heseemedtobealmostunawareofherasaperson：，shewas，onlytohimthenawoman。Shewasafraid。
　　Hestoodagainstapine-treetrunkandtookherinhisarms。
　　Sherelinquishedherselftohim，butitwasasacrificeinwhichshe，feltsomethingofhorror。Thisthick-voiced，obliviousmanwas，astrangertoher。
　　Lateritbegantorain。Thepine-treessmelledverystrong。
　　Paullaywithhisheadontheground，onthedeadpineneedles，listeningtothesharphissoftherain——asteady，keennoise。
　　Hisheartwasdown，veryheavy。Nowherealisedthatshehad，notbeenwithhimallthetime，thathersoulhadstoodapart，inasortofhorror。Hewasphysicallyatrest，butnomore。
　　Verydrearyatheart，verysad，andverytender，hisfingerswandered，overherfacepitifully。Nowagainshelovedhimdeeply。Hewastender，andbeautiful。
　　“Therain！”hesaid。
　　“Yes——isitcomingonyou？”
　　Sheputherhandsoverhim，onhishair，onhisshoulders，tofeel，iftheraindropsfellonhim。Shelovedhimdearly。He，ashelay，withhisfaceonthedeadpine-leaves，feltextraordinarilyquiet。
　　Hedidnotmindiftheraindropscameonhim：，hewouldhavelain，andgotwetthrough：，hefeltasifnothingmattered，asifhis，livingweresmearedawayintothebeyond，nearandquitelovable。
　　Thisstrange，gentlereaching-outtodeathwasnewtohim。
　　“Wemustgo，“saidMiriam。
　　“Yes，“heanswered，butdidnotmove。
　　Tohimnow，lifeseemedashadow，dayawhiteshadow;night，anddeath，andstillness，andinaction，thisseemedlikeBEING。
　　Tobealive，tobeurgentandinsistent——thatwasNOT-TO-BE。The，highestofallwastomeltoutintothedarknessandswaythere，identifiedwiththegreatBeing。
　　“Therainiscominginonus，“saidMiriam。
　　Herose，andassistedher。
　　“Itisapity，“hesaid。
　　“What？”
　　“Tohavetogo。Ifeelsostill。”
　　“Still！”sherepeated。
　　“StillerthanIhaveeverbeeninmylife。”
　　Hewaswalkingwithhishandinhers。Shepressedhisfingers，feelingaslightfear。Nowheseemedbeyondher;shehadafear，lestsheshouldlosehim。
　　“Thefir-treesarelikepresencesonthedarkness：，eachone，onlyapresence。”
　　Shewasafraid，andsaidnothing。
　　“Asortofhush：，thewholenightwonderingandasleep：
　　Isupposethat’swhatwedoindeath——sleepinwonder。”
　　Shehadbeenafraidbeforeofthebruteinhim：，nowofthemystic。
　　Shetrodbesidehiminsilence。Therainfellwithaheavy“Hush！”
　　onthetrees。Atlasttheygainedthecartshed。
　　“Letusstayhereawhile，“hesaid。
　　Therewasasoundofraineverywhere，smotheringeverything。
　　“Ifeelsostrangeandstill，“hesaid;“alongwitheverything。”
　　“Ay，“sheansweredpatiently。
　　Heseemedagainunawareofher，thoughheheldherhandclose。
　　“Toberidofourindividuality，whichisourwill，whichis，oureffort——toliveeffortless，akindofcurioussleep——thatis，verybeautiful，Ithink;thatisourafter-life——ourimmortality。”
　　“Yes？”
　　“Yes——andverybeautifultohave。”
　　“Youdon’tusuallysaythat。”
　　“No。”
　　Inawhiletheywentindoors。Everybodylookedatthemcuriously。
　　Hestillkeptthequiet，heavylookinhiseyes，thestillness，inhisvoice。Instinctively，theyalllefthimalone。
　　AboutthistimeMiriam’sgrandmother，wholivedinatinycottage，inWoodlinton，fellill，andthegirlwassenttokeephouse。
　　Itwasabeautifullittleplace。Thecottagehadabiggardeninfront，withredbrickwalls，againstwhichtheplumtreeswerenailed。
　　Atthebackanothergardenwasseparatedfromthefieldsbyatall，oldhedge。Itwasverypretty。Miriamhadnotmuchtodo，soshefoundtimeforherbelovedreading，andforwritinglittle，introspectivepieceswhichinterestedher。
　　Attheholiday-timehergrandmother，beingbetter，wasdriven，toDerbytostaywithherdaughterforadayortwo。Shewasa，crotchetyoldlady，andmightreturntheseconddayorthethird;
　　soMiriamstayedaloneinthecottage，whichalsopleasedher。
　　Paulusedoftentocycleover，andtheyhadasarule，peacefulandhappytimes。Hedidnotembarrasshermuch;butthen，ontheMondayoftheholidayhewastospendawholedaywithher。
　　Itwasperfectweather。Helefthismother，tellingherwherehe，wasgoing。Shewouldbealonealltheday。Itcastashadowoverhim;
　　buthehadthreedaysthatwereallhisown，whenhewas，goingtodoasheliked。Itwassweettorush，throughthemorninglanesonhisbicycle。
　　Hegottothecottageatabouteleveno’clock。Miriamwasbusy，preparingdinner。Shelookedsoperfectlyinkeepingwiththe，littlekitchen，ruddyandbusy。Hekissedherandsatdowntowatch。
　　Theroomwassmallandcosy。Thesofawascoveredalloverwitha，sortoflineninsquaresofredandpaleblue，old，muchwashed，butpretty。Therewasastuffedowlinacaseoveracornercupboard。
　　Thesunlightcamethroughtheleavesofthescentedgeraniums，inthewindow。Shewascookingachickeninhishonour。
　　Itwastheircottagefortheday，andtheyweremanandwife。
　　Hebeattheeggsforherandpeeledthepotatoes。Hethoughtshe，gaveafeelingofhomealmostlikehismother;andnoonecould，lookmorebeautiful，withhertumbledcurls，whenshewasflushed，fromthefire。
　　Thedinnerwasagreatsuccess。Likeayounghusband，hecarved。
　　Theytalkedallthetimewithunflaggingzest。Thenhewiped，thedishesshehadwashed，andtheywentoutdownthefields。
　　Therewasabrightlittlebrookthatranintoabogatthefoot，ofaverysteepbank。Heretheywandered，pickingstillafew，marsh-marigoldsandmanybigblueforget-me-nots。Thenshesaton，thebankwithherhandsfullofflowers，mostlygoldenwater-blobs。
　　Assheputherfacedownintothemarigolds，itwasallovercast，withayellowshine。
　　“Yourfaceisbright，“hesaid，“likeatransfiguration。”
　　Shelookedathim，questioning。Helaughedpleadinglytoher，layinghishandsonhers。Thenhekissedherfingers，thenherface。
　　Theworldwasallsteepedinsunshine，andquitestill，yetnotasleep，butquiveringwithakindofexpectancy。
　　“Ihaveneverseenanythingmorebeautifulthanthis，“hesaid。
　　Heheldherhandfastallthetime。
　　“Andthewatersingingtoitselfasitruns——doyouloveit？”
　　Shelookedathimfulloflove。Hiseyeswereverydark，verybright。
　　“Don’tyouthinkit’sagreatday？”heasked。
　　Shemurmuredherassent。SheWAShappy，andhesawit。
　　“Andourday——justbetweenus，“hesaid。
　　Theylingeredalittlewhile。Thentheystoodupupon，thesweetthyme，andhelookeddownathersimply。
　　“Willyoucome？”heasked。
　　Theywentbacktothehouse，handinhand，insilence。
　　Thechickenscamescamperingdownthepathtoher。
　　Helockedthedoor，andtheyhadthelittlehousetothemselves。
　　Heneverforgotseeingherasshelayonthebed，whenhewas，unfasteninghiscollar。Firsthesawonlyherbeauty，andwasblind，withit。Shehadthemostbeautifulbodyhehadeverimagined。
　　Hestoodunabletomoveorspeak，lookingather，hisfacehalf-smiling，withwonder。Andthenhewantedher，butashewentforwardtoher，herhandsliftedinalittlepleadingmovement，andhelooked，atherface，andstopped。Herbigbrowneyeswerewatchinghim，stillandresignedandloving;shelayasifshehadgivenherselfup，tosacrifice：，therewasherbodyforhim;butthelookattheback，ofhereyes，likeacreatureawaitingimmolation，arrestedhim，andallhisbloodfellback。
　　“Youaresureyouwantme？”heasked，asifacoldshadow，hadcomeoverhim。
　　“Yes，quitesure。”
　　Shewasveryquiet，verycalm。Sheonlyrealisedthatshe，wasdoingsomethingforhim。Hecouldhardlybearit。Shelay，tobesacrificedforhimbecauseshelovedhimsomuch。Andhehad，tosacrificeher。Forasecond，hewishedheweresexlessordead。
　　Thenheshuthiseyesagaintoher，andhisbloodbeatbackagain。
　　Andafterwardshelovedher——lovedhertothelastfibre，ofhisbeing。Helovedher。Buthewanted，somehow，tocry。
　　Therewassomethinghecouldnotbearforhersake。Hestayed，withhertillquitelateatnight。Asherodehomehefeltthat，hewasfinallyinitiated。Hewasayouthnolonger。Butwhy，hadhethedullpaininhissoul？，Whydidthethoughtofdeath，theafter-life，seemsosweetandconsoling？
　　HespenttheweekwithMiriam，andworeheroutwithhispassion，beforeitwasgone。Hehadalways，almostwilfully，toputherout，ofcount，andactfromthebrutestrengthofhisownfeelings。
　　Andhecouldnotdoitoften，andthereremainedafterwardsalways，thesenseoffailureandofdeath。Ifhewerereallywithher，hehadtoputasidehimselfandhisdesire。Ifhewouldhaveher，hehadtoputheraside。
　　“WhenIcometoyou，“heaskedher，hiseyesdarkwithpain，andshame，“youdon’treallywantme，doyou？”
　　“Ah，yes！”sherepliedquickly。
　　Helookedather。
　　“Nay，“hesaid。
　　Shebegantotremble。
　　“Yousee，“shesaid，takinghisfaceandshuttingitout，againsthershoulder——“yousee——asweare——howcanIgetusedtoyou？
　　Itwouldcomeallrightifweweremarried。”
　　Heliftedherhead，andlookedather。
　　“Youmean，now，itisalwaystoomuchshock？”
　　“Yes——and——“
　　“Youarealwaysclenchedagainstme。”
　　Shewastremblingwithagitation。
　　“Yousee，“shesaid，“I’mnotusedtothethought——“
　　“Youarelately，“hesaid。
　　“Butallmylife。Mothersaidtome：，’Thereisonething，inmarriagethatisalwaysdreadful，butyouhavetobearit。’
　　AndIbelievedit。”
　　“Andstillbelieveit，“hesaid。
　　“No！”shecriedhastily。”Ibelieve，asyoudo，thatloving，eveninTHATway，isthehigh-watermarkofliving。”
　　“Thatdoesn’talterthefactthatyouneverwantit。”
　　“No，“shesaid，takinghisheadinherarmsandrockingindespair。
　　“Don’tsayso！，Youdon’tunderstand。”，Sherockedwithpain。
　　“Don’tIwantyourchildren？”
　　“Butnotme。”
　　“Howcanyousayso？，Butwemustbemarriedtohavechildren——“
　　“Shallwebemarried，then？，Iwantyoutohavemychildren。”
　　Hekissedherhandreverently。Sheponderedsadly，watchinghim。
　　“Wearetooyoung，“shesaidatlength。
　　“Twenty-fourandtwenty-three——“
　　“Notyet，“shepleaded，assherockedherselfindistress。
　　“Whenyouwill，“hesaid。
　　Shebowedherheadgravely。Thetoneofhopelessnessin，whichhesaidthesethingsgrievedherdeeply。Ithadalwaysbeen，afailurebetweenthem。Tacitly，sheacquiescedinwhathefelt。
　　Andafteraweekoflovehesaidtohismothersuddenlyone，Sundaynight，justastheyweregoingtobed：
　　“Ishan’tgosomuchtoMiriam’s，mother。”
　　Shewassurprised，butshewouldnotaskhimanything。
　　“Youpleaseyourself，“shesaid。
　　Sohewenttobed。Buttherewasanewquietnessabout，himwhichshehadwonderedat。Shealmostguessed。Shewould，leavehimalone，however。Precipitationmightspoilthings。
　　Shewatchedhiminhisloneliness，wonderingwherehewouldend。
　　Hewassick，andmuchtooquietforhim。Therewasaperpetuallittle，knittingofhisbrows，suchasshehadseenwhenhewasasmallbaby，andwhichhadbeengoneformanyyears。Nowitwasthesameagain。
　　Andshecoulddonothingforhim。Hehadtogoonalone，makehis，ownway。
　　HecontinuedfaithfultoMiriam。Foronedayhehadlovedher，utterly。Butitnevercameagain。Thesenseoffailuregrewstronger。
　　Atfirstitwasonlyasadness。Thenhebegantofeelhecouldnot，goon。Hewantedtorun，togoabroad，anything。Graduallyheceased，toaskhertohavehim。Insteadofdrawingthemtogether，itput，themapart。Andthenherealised，consciously，thatitwasnogood。
　　Itwasuselesstrying：，itwouldneverbeasuccessbetweenthem。
　　ForsomemonthshehadseenverylittleofClara。Theyhad，occasionallywalkedoutforhalfanhouratdinner-time。Buthealways，reservedhimselfforMiriam。WithClara，however，hisbrowcleared，andhewasgayagain。Shetreatedhimindulgently，asifhewere，achild。Hethoughthedidnotmind。Butdeepbelowthesurface，itpiquedhim。
　　SometimesMiriamsaid：
　　“WhataboutClara？，Ihearnothingofherlately。”
　　“Iwalkedwithherabouttwentyminutesyesterday，“hereplied。
　　“Andwhatdidshetalkabout？”
　　“Idon’tknow。IsupposeIdidallthejawing——Iusuallydo。
　　IthinkIwastellingheraboutthestrike，andhowthewomen，tookit。”
　　“Yes。”
　　Sohegavetheaccountofhimself。
　　Butinsidiously，withouthisknowingit，thewarmthhefelt，forClaradrewhimawayfromMiriam，forwhomhefeltresponsible，andtowhomhefelthebelonged。Hethoughthewasbeingquite，faithfultoher。Itwasnoteasytoestimateexactlythestrength，andwarmthofone’sfeelingsforawomantilltheyhaverunaway，withone。
　　Hebegantogivemoretimetohismenfriends。TherewasJessop，attheartschool;Swain，whowaschemistrydemonstrator，attheuniversity;Newton，whowasateacher;besidesEdgarand，Miriam’syoungerbrothers。Pleadingwork，hesketchedandstudied，withJessop。HecalledintheuniversityforSwain，andthetwowent，“downtown“together。HavingcomehomeinthetrainwithNewton，hecalledandhadagameofbilliardswithhimintheMoon，andStars。IfhegavetoMiriamtheexcuseofhismenfriends，hefeltquitejustified。Hismotherbegantoberelieved。
　　Healwaystoldherwherehehadbeen。
　　DuringthesummerClaraworesometimesadressofsoftcotton，stuffwithloosesleeves。Whensheliftedherhands，hersleeves，fellback，andherbeautifulstrongarmsshoneout。
　　“Halfaminute，“hecried。”Holdyourarmstill。”
　　Hemadesketchesofherhandandarm，andthedrawings，containedsomeofthefascinationtherealthinghadforhim。
　　Miriam，whoalwayswentscrupulouslythroughhisbooksandpapers，sawthedrawings。
　　“IthinkClarahassuchbeautifularms，“hesaid。
　　“Yes！，Whendidyoudrawthem？”
　　“OnTuesday，inthework-room。Youknow，I’vegotacorner，whereIcanwork。OftenIcandoeverysinglethingtheyneed，inthedepartment，beforedinner。ThenIworkformyself，intheafternoon，andjustseetothingsatnight。”
　　“Yes，“shesaid，turningtheleavesofhissketch-book。
　　FrequentlyhehatedMiriam。Hehatedherasshebentforward，andporedoverhisthings。Hehatedherwayofpatientlycasting，himup，asifhewereanendlesspsychologicalaccount。Whenhe，waswithher，hehatedherforhavinggothim，andyetnotgothim，andhetorturedher。Shetookallandgavenothing，hesaid。Atleast，shegavenolivingwarmth。Shewasneveralive，andgivingofflife。
　　Lookingforherwaslikelookingforsomethingwhichdidnotexist。
　　Shewasonlyhisconscience，nothismate。Hehatedherviolently，andwasmorecrueltoher。Theydraggedontillthenextsummer。
　　HesawmoreandmoreofClara。
　　Atlasthespoke。Hehadbeensittingworkingathome，oneevening。Therewasbetweenhimandhismotherapeculiarcondition，ofpeoplefranklyfindingfaultwitheachother。Mrs。Morelwas，strongonherfeetagain。HewasnotgoingtosticktoMiriam。
　　Verywell;thenshewouldstandalooftillhesaidsomething。
　　Ithadbeencomingalongtime，thisburstingofthestorminhim，whenhewouldcomebacktoher。Thiseveningtherewasbetweenthem，apeculiarconditionofsuspense。Heworkedfeverishlyandmechanically，sothathecouldescapefromhimself。Itgrewlate。Throughthe，opendoor，stealthily，camethescentofmadonnalilies，almostas，ifitwereprowlingabroad。Suddenlyhegotupandwentoutofdoors。
　　Thebeautyofthenightmadehimwanttoshout。Ahalf-moon，duskygold，wassinkingbehindtheblacksycamoreattheendof，thegarden，makingtheskydullpurplewithitsglow。Nearer，adim，whitefenceoflilieswentacrossthegarden，andtheairallround，seemedtostirwithscent，asifitwerealive。Hewentacross，thebedofpinks，whosekeenperfumecamesharplyacrosstherocking，heavyscentofthelilies，andstoodalongsidethewhitebarrier，offlowers。Theyflaggedallloose，asiftheywerepanting。
　　Thescentmadehimdrunk。Hewentdowntothefieldtowatch，themoonsinkunder。
　　Acorncrakeinthehay-closecalledinsistently。Themoon，slidquitequicklydownwards，growingmoreflushed。Behindhim，thegreatflowersleanedasiftheywerecalling。Andthen，likeashock，hecaughtanotherperfume，somethingrawandcoarse。
　　Huntinground，hefoundthepurpleiris，touchedtheirfleshythroats，andtheirdark，graspinghands。Atanyrate，hehadfoundsomething。
　　Theystoodstiffinthedarkness。Theirscentwasbrutal。
　　Themoonwasmeltingdownuponthecrestofthehill。Itwasgone;
　　allwasdark。Thecorncrakecalledstill。
　　Breakingoffapink，hesuddenlywentindoors。
　　“Come，myboy，“saidhismother。”I’msureit’stimeyouwent，tobed。”
　　Hestoodwiththepinkagainsthislips。
　　“IshallbreakoffwithMiriam，mother，“heansweredcalmly。
　　Shelookedupathimoverherspectacles。Hewasstaringback，ather，unswerving。Shemethiseyesforamoment，thentookoff，herglasses。Hewaswhite。Themalewasupinhim，dominant。
　　Shedidnotwanttoseehimtooclearly。
　　“ButIthought——“shebegan。
　　“Well，“heanswered，“Idon’tloveher。Idon’twanttomarry，her——soIshallhavedone。”
　　“But，“exclaimedhismother，amazed，“Ithoughtlatelyyou，hadmadeupyourmindtohaveher，andsoIsaidnothing。”
　　“Ihad——Iwantedto——butnowIdon’twant。It’snogood。
　　IshallbreakoffonSunday。Ioughtto，oughtn’tI？”
　　“Youknowbest。YouknowIsaidsolongago。”
　　“Ican’thelpthatnow。IshallbreakoffonSunday。”
　　“Well，“saidhismother，“Ithinkitwillbebest。Butlately，Idecidedyouhadmadeupyourmindtohaveher，soIsaidnothing，andshouldhavesaidnothing。ButIsayasIhavealwayssaid，IDON’Tthinksheissuitedtoyou。”
　　“OnSundayIbreakoff，“hesaid，smellingthepink。
　　Heputtheflowerinhismouth。Unthinking，hebaredhisteeth，closedthemontheblossomslowly，andhadamouthfulofpetals。
　　Thesehespatintothefire，kissedhismother，andwenttobed。
　　OnSundayhewentuptothefarmintheearlyafternoon。
　　HehadwrittenMiriamthattheywouldwalkoverthefieldstoHucknall。
　　Hismotherwasverytenderwithhim。Hesaidnothing。Butshe，sawtheeffortitwascosting。Thepeculiarsetlookonhisface，stilledher。
　　“Nevermind，myson，“shesaid。”Youwillbesomuchbetter，whenitisallover。”
　　Paulglancedswiftlyathismotherinsurpriseandresentment。
　　Hedidnotwantsympathy。
　　Miriammethimatthelane-end。Shewaswearinganewdress，offiguredmuslinthathadshortsleeves。Thoseshortsleeves，andMiriam’sbrown-skinnedarmsbeneaththem——suchpitiful，resigned，arms——gavehimsomuchpainthattheyhelpedtomakehimcruel。
　　Shehadmadeherselflooksobeautifulandfreshforhim。Sheseemed，toblossomforhimalone。Everytimehelookedather——amatureyoung，womannow，andbeautifulinhernewdress——ithurtsomuchthathis，heartseemedalmosttobeburstingwiththerestraintheputonit。
　　Buthehaddecided，anditwasirrevocable。
　　Onthehillstheysatdown，andhelaywithhisheadinherlap，whilstshefingeredhishair。Sheknewthat“hewasnotthere，“
　　assheputit。Often，whenshehadhimwithher，shelookedforhim，andcouldnotfindhim。Butthisafternoonshewasnotprepared。
　　Itwasnearlyfiveo’clockwhenhetoldher。Theyweresitting，onthebankofastream，wherethelipofturfhungoverahollow，bankofyellowearth，andhewashackingawaywithastick，ashe，didwhenhewasperturbedandcruel。
　　“Ihavebeenthinking，“hesaid，“weoughttobreakoff。”
　　“Why？”shecriedinsurprise。
　　“Becauseit’snogoodgoingon。”
　　“Whyisitnogood？”
　　“Itisn’t。Idon’twanttomarry。Idon’twantevertomarry。
　　Andifwe’renotgoingtomarry，it’snogoodgoingon。”
　　“Butwhydoyousaythisnow？”
　　“BecauseI’vemadeupmymind。”
　　“Andwhatabouttheselastmonths，andthethingsyoutold，methen？”
　　“Ican’thelpit！，Idon’twanttogoon。”
　　“Youdon’twantanymoreofme？”
　　“Iwantustobreakoff——youbefreeofme，Ifreeofyou。”
　　“Andwhatabouttheselastmonths？”
　　“Idon’tknow。I’venottoldyouanythingbutwhatIthought，wastrue。”
　　“Thenwhyareyoudifferentnow？”
　　“I’mnot——I’mthesame——onlyIknowit’snogoodgoingon。”
　　“Youhaven’ttoldmewhyit’snogood。”
　　“BecauseIdon’twanttogoon——andIdon’twanttomarry。”
　　“Howmanytimeshaveyouofferedtomarryme，andIwouldn’t？”
　　“Iknow;butIwantustobreakoff。”
　　Therewassilenceforamomentortwo，whilehedugviciouslyat，theearth。Shebentherhead，pondering。Hewasanunreasonablechild。
　　Hewaslikeaninfantwhich，whenithasdrunkitsfill，throwsaway，andsmashesthecup。Shelookedathim，feelingshecouldgethold，ofhimandWRINGsomeconsistencyoutofhim。Butshewashelpless。
　　Thenshecried：
　　“Ihavesaidyouwereonlyfourteen——youareonlyFOUR！”
　　Hestilldugattheearthviciously。Heheard。
　　“Youareachildoffour，“sherepeatedinheranger。
　　Hedidnotanswer，butsaidinhisheart：，“Allright;
　　ifI’machildoffour，whatdoyouwantmefor？，Idon’twant，anothermother。”，Buthesaidnothingtoher，andtherewassilence。
　　“Andhaveyoutoldyourpeople？”sheasked。
　　“Ihavetoldmymother。”
　　Therewasanotherlongintervalofsilence。
　　“ThenwhatdoyouWANT？”sheasked。
　　“Why，Iwantustoseparate。Wehavelivedoneachotherall，theseyears;nowletusstop。Iwillgomyownwaywithoutyou，andyouwillgoyourwaywithoutme。Youwillhaveanindependent，lifeofyourownthen。”
　　Therewasinitsometruththat，inspiteofherbitterness，shecouldnothelpregistering。Sheknewshefeltinasortof，bondagetohim，whichshehatedbecauseshecouldnotcontrolit。
　　Shehatedherloveforhimfromthemomentitgrewtoostrong，forher。And，deepdown，shehadhatedhimbecausesheloved，himandhedominatedher。Shehadresistedhisdomination。
　　Shehadfoughttokeepherselffreeofhiminthelastissue。
　　Andshewasfreeofhim，evenmorethanheofher。
　　“And，“hecontinued，“weshallalwaysbemoreorless，eachother’swork。Youhavedonealotforme，Iforyou。
　　Nowletusstartandlivebyourselves。”
　　“Whatdoyouwanttodo？”sheasked。
　　“Nothing——onlytobefree，“heanswered。
　　She，however，knewinherheartthatClara’sinfluencewas，overhimtoliberatehim。Butshesaidnothing。
　　“AndwhathaveItotellmymother？”sheasked。
　　“Itoldmymother，“heanswered，“thatIwasbreakingoff——clean，andaltogether。”
　　“Ishallnottellthemathome，“shesaid。
　　Frowning，“Youpleaseyourself，“hesaid。
　　Heknewhehadlandedherinanastyhole，andwasleaving，herinthelurch。Itangeredhim。
　　“Tellthemyouwouldn’tandwon’tmarryme，andhavebrokenoff，“
　　hesaid。”It’strueenough。”
　　Shebitherfingermoodily。Shethoughtovertheirwholeaffair。
　　Shehadknownitwouldcometothis;shehadseenitallalong。
　　Itchimedwithherbitterexpectation。
　　“Always——ithasalwaysbeenso！”shecried。”Ithasbeen，onelongbattlebetweenus——youfightingawayfromme。”
　　Itcamefromherunawares，likeaflashoflightning。
　　Theman’sheartstoodstill。Wasthishowshesawit？
　　“Butwe’vehadSOMEperfecthours，SOMEperfecttimes，whenweweretogether！”hepleaded。
　　“Never！”shecried;“never！，Ithasalwaysbeenyoufighting，meoff。”
　　“Notalways——notatfirst！”hepleaded。
　　“Always，fromtheverybeginning——alwaysthesame！”
　　Shehadfinished，butshehaddoneenough。Hesataghast。
　　Hehadwantedtosay：，“Ithasbeengood，butitisatanend。”
　　Andshe——shewhoselovehehadbelievedinwhenhehaddespised，himself——deniedthattheirlovehadeverbeenlove。”Hehad，alwaysfoughtawayfromher？”Thenithadbeenmonstrous。
　　Therehadneverbeenanythingreallybetweenthem;allthetime，hehadbeenimaginingsomethingwheretherewasnothing。Andshe，hadknown。Shehadknownsomuch，andhadtoldhimsolittle。
　　Shehadknownallthetime。Allthetimethiswasatthebottom，ofher！
　　Hesatsilentinbitterness。Atlastthewholeaffairappeared，inacynicalaspecttohim。Shehadreallyplayedwithhim，nothewithher。Shehadhiddenallhercondemnationfromhim，hadflatteredhim，anddespisedhim。Shedespisedhimnow。
　　Hegrewintellectualandcruel。
　　“Yououghttomarryamanwhoworshipsyou，“hesaid;“thenyou，coulddoasyoulikedwithhim。Plentyofmenwillworshipyou，ifyougetontheprivatesideoftheirnatures。Yououghttomarry，onesuch。Theywouldneverfightyouoff。”
　　“Thankyou！”shesaid。”Butdon’tadvisemetomarrysomeone，elseanymore。You’vedoneitbefore。”
　　“Verywell，“hesaid;“Iwillsaynomore。”
　　Hesatstill，feelingasifhehadhadablow，insteadof，givingone。Theireightyearsoffriendshipandlove，THEeight，yearsofhislife，werenullified。
　　“Whendidyouthinkofthis？”sheasked。
　　“IthoughtdefinitelyonThursdaynight。”
　　“Iknewitwascoming，“shesaid。
　　Thatpleasedhimbitterly。”Oh，verywell！，Ifsheknewthen，itdoesn’tcomeasasurprisetoher，“hethought。
　　“AndhaveyousaidanythingtoClara？”sheasked。
　　“No;butIshalltellhernow。”
　　Therewasasilence。
　　“Doyourememberthethingsyousaidthistimelastyear，inmygrandmother’shouse——naylastmontheven？”
　　“Yes，“hesaid;“Ido！，AndImeantthem！，Ican’thelp，thatit’sfailed。”
　　“Ithasfailedbecauseyouwantsomethingelse。”
　　“Itwouldhavefailedwhetherornot。YOUneverbelieved，inme。”
　　Shelaughedstrangely。
　　Hesatinsilence。Hewasfullofafeelingthatshehad，deceivedhim。Shehaddespisedhimwhenhethoughtsheworshippedhim。
　　Shehadlethimsaywrongthings，andhadnotcontradictedhim。
　　Shehadlethimfightalone。Butitstuckinhisthroatthatshehad，despisedhimwhilsthethoughtsheworshippedhim。Sheshouldhave，toldhimwhenshefoundfaultwithhim。Shehadnotplayedfair。
　　Hehatedher。Alltheseyearsshehadtreatedhimasifhewere，ahero，andthoughtofhimsecretlyasaninfant，afoolishchild。
　　Thenwhyhadsheleftthefoolishchildtohisfolly？，Hisheartwas，hardagainsther。
　　Shesatfullofbitterness。Shehadknown——oh，wellshe，hadknown！，Allthetimehewasawayfromhershehadsummed，himup，seenhislittleness，hismeanness，andhisfolly。
　　Evenshehadguardedhersoulagainsthim。Shewasnotoverthrown，notprostrated，notevenmuchhurt。Shehadknown。Onlywhy，ashesatthere，hadhestillthisstrangedominanceoverher？
　　Hisverymovementsfascinatedherasifshewerehypnotisedbyhim。
　　Yethewasdespicable，false，inconsistent，andmean。Whythisbondage，forher？，Whywasitthemovementofhisarmstirredherasnothing，elseintheworldcould？，Whywasshefastenedtohim？，Why，evennow，ifhelookedatherandcommandedher，wouldshehavetoobey？
　　Shewouldobeyhiminhistriflingcommands。Butoncehewasobeyed，thenshehadhiminherpower，sheknew，toleadhimwhereshewould。
　　Shewassureofherself。Only，thisnewinfluence！，Ah，hewas，notaman！，Hewasababythatcriesforthenewesttoy。