Godhelphim，whoyetmakeslightofthis！Thereisgreatertemerityrequiredinthisageofours，whichouryoungmenexcuseunderthenameofheat;butshouldwomenexamineitmorestrictly，theywouldfindthatitratherproceedsfromcontempt。Iwasalwayssuperstitiouslyafraidofgivingoffence，andhaveeverhadagreatrespectforherIloved:besides，hewhointhistraffictakesawaythereverence，defacesatthesametimethelustre。Iwouldinthisaffairhaveamanalittleplaythechild，thetimorous，andtheservant。Ifnotthis，IhaveinotherbashfulnesswhereofaltogetherinthingssomeairofthefoolishPlutarchmakesmention;andthecourseofmylifehasbeendiverswayshurtandblemishedwithit;aqualityveryillsuitingmyuniversalform:and，indeed，whatarewebutseditionanddiscrepancy？IamasmuchoutofcountenancetobedeniedasIamtodeny;anditsomuchtroublesmetobetroublesometoothersthatonoccasionwhendutycompelsmetotrythegood—willofanyoneinathingthatisdoubtfulandthatwillbechargeabletohim，Idoitveryfaintly，andverymuchagainstmywill:
　　butifitbeformyownparticular（whateverHomertrulysays，thatmodestyisafoolishvirtueinanindigentperson），Icommonlycommitittoathirdpersontoblushforme，anddenythosewhoemploymewiththesamedifficulty:sothatithassometimesbefallenmetohavehadamindtodeny，whenIhadnotthepowertodoit。
　　’Tisfolly，then，toattempttobridleinwomenadesirethatissopowerfulinthem，andsonaturaltothem。AndwhenIhearthembragofhavingsomaidenlyandsotemperateawill，Ilaughatthem:theyretiretoofarback。Ifitbeanoldtoothlesstrot，orayoungdryconsumptivething，thoughitbenotaltogethertobebelieved，atleasttheysayitwithmoresimilitudeoftruth。Buttheywhostillmoveandbreathe，talkatthatridiculousratetotheirownprejudice，byreasonthatinconsiderateexcusesareakindofself—accusation;likeagentleman，aneighbourofmine，suspectedtobeinsufficient:
　　"Languidiorteneracuipendenssiculabeta，Numquamsemediamsustulitadtunicam，"
　　[Catullus，lxvii。2，i。——Thesenseisinthecontext。]
　　whothreeorfourdaysafterhewasmarried，tojustifyhimself，wentaboutboldlyswearingthathehadriddentwentystagesthenightbefore:
　　anoaththatwasafterwardsmadeuseoftoconvicthimofhisignoranceinthataffair，andtodivorcehimfromhiswife。Besides，itsignifiesnothing，forthereisneithercontinencynorvirtuewheretherearenoopposingdesires。Itistrue，theymaysay，butwewillnotyield;
　　saintsthemselvesspeakafterthatmanner。Imeanthosewhoboastingoodgravityoftheircoldnessandinsensibility，andwhoexpecttobebelievedwithaseriouscountenance;forwhen’tisspokenwithanaffectedlook，whentheireyesgivethelietotheirtongue，andwhentheytalkinthecantoftheirprofession，whichalwaysgoesagainstthehair，’tisgoodsport。Iamagreatservantoflibertyandplainness;
　　butthereisnoremedy;ifitbenotwhollysimpleorchildish，’tissilly，andunbecomingladiesinthiscommerce，andpresentlyrunsintoimpudence。Theirdisguisesandfiguresonlyservetocosenfools;lyingisthereinitsseatofhonour;’tisaby—way，thatbyaback—doorleadsustotruth。Ifwecannotcurbtheirimagination，whatwouldwehavefromthem。Effects？Thereareenoughofthemthatevadeallforeigncommunication，bywhichchastitymaybecorrupted:
　　"Illudsaepefacit，quodsinetestefacit;"
　　["Heoftendoesthatwhichhedoeswithoutawitness。"
　　——Martial，vii。62，6。]
　　andthosewhichwefeartheleastare，peradventure，mosttobefeared;
　　theirsinsthatmaketheleastnoisearetheworst:
　　"Offendormaechasimplicioreminus。"
　　["Iamlessoffendedwithamoreprofessedstrumpet。"
　　——Idem，vi。7，6。]
　　Therearewaysbywhichtheymaylosetheirvirginitywithoutprostitution，and，whichismore，withouttheirknowledge:
　　"Obsterix，virginiscujusdamintegritatemmanuvelutexplorans，sivemalevolentia，siveinscitia，sivecasu，duminspicit，perdidit。"
　　["Bymalevolence，orunskilfulness，oraccident，themidwife，seekingwiththehandtotestsomemaiden’svirginity，hassometimesdestroyedit。"——St。Augustine，DeCivit。Dei，i。18。]
　　Suchaone，byseekinghermaidenhead，haslostit;anotherbyplayingwithithasdestroyedit。Wecannotpreciselycircumscribetheactions，weinterdictthem;theymustguessatourmeaningundergeneralanddoubtfulterms;theveryideaweinventfortheirchastityisridiculous:
　　for，amongstthegreatestpatternsthatIhaveisFatua，thewifeofFaunus:whonever，afterhermarriage，sufferedherselftobeseenbyanymanwhatever;andthewifeofHiero，whoneverperceivedherhusband’sstinkingbreath，imaginingthatitwascommontoallmen。Theymustbecomeinsensibleandinvisibletosatisfyus。
　　Nowletusconfessthattheknotofthisjudgmentofdutyprincipallyliesinthewill;therehavebeenhusbandswhohavesufferedcuckoldom，notonlywithoutreproachortakingoffenceattheirwives，butwithsingularobligationtothemandgreatcommendationoftheirvirtue。
　　Suchawomanhasbeen，whoprizedherhonouraboveherlife，andyethasprostitutedittothefuriouslustofamortalenemy，tosaveherhusband’slife，andwho，insodoing，didthatforhimshewouldnothavedoneforherself！Thisisnottheplacewhereinwearetomultiplytheseexamples;theyaretoohighandrichtobesetoffwithsopoorafoilasIcangivethemhere;letusreservethemforanoblerplace;butforexamplesofordinarylustre，dowenoteverydayseewomenamongstuswhosurrenderthemselvesfortheirhusbandssolebenefit，andbytheirexpressorderandmediation？and，ofold，PhauliustheArgian，whoofferedhistoKingPhilipoutofambition;asGalbadiditoutofcivility，who，havingentertainedMaecenasatsupper，andobservingthathiswifeandhebegantocastglancesatoneanotherandtomakeeyesandsigns，lethimselfsinkdownuponhiscushion，likeoneinaprofoundsleep，togiveopportunitytotheirdesires:whichhehandsomelyconfessed，forthereuponaservanthavingmadeboldtolayhandsontheplateuponthetable，hefranklycried，"What，yourogue？doyounotseethatIonlysleepforMaecenas？"Suchtheremaybe，whosemannersmaybelewdenough，whosewillmaybemorereformedthananother，whooutwardlycarriesherselfafteramoreregularmanner。Asweseesomewhocomplainofhavingvowedchastitybeforetheyknewwhattheydid;andIhavealsoknownothersreally，complainofhavingbeengivenuptodebaucherybeforetheywereoftheyearsofdiscretion。Theviceoftheparentsortheimpulseofnature，whichisaroughcounsellor，maybethecause。
　　IntheEastIndies，thoughchastityisofsingularreputation，yetcustompermittedamarriedwomantoprostituteherselftoanyonewhopresentedherwithanelephant，andthatwithglory，tohavebeenvaluedatsohigharate。Phaedothephilosopher，amanofbirth，afterthetakingofhiscountryElis，madeithistradetoprostitutethebeautyofhisyouth，solongasitlasted，toanyonethatwould，formoneytherebytogainhisliving:andSolonwasthefirstinGreece，’tissaid，whobyhislawsgavelibertytowomen，attheexpenseoftheirchastity，toprovideforthenecessitiesoflife;acustomthatHerodotussayshadbeenreceivedinmanygovernmentsbeforehistime。Andbesides，whatfruitisthereofthispainfulsolicitude？Forwhatjusticesoeverthereisinthispassion，weareyettoconsiderwhetheritturnstoaccountorno:doesanyonethinktocurbthem，withallhisindustry？
　　"Poneseram;cohibe:sedquiscustodietipsosCustodes？cautaest，etabillisincipituxor。"
　　["Putonalock;shutthemupunderaguard;butwhoshallguardtheguard？sheknowswhatsheisabout，andbeginswiththem。"
　　——Juvenal，vi。346。]
　　Whatcommoditywillnotservetheirturn，insoknowinganage？
　　Curiosityisviciousthroughout;but’tispernicioushere。’Tisfollytoexamineintoadiseaseforwhichthereisnophysicthatdoesnotinflameandmakeitworse;ofwhichtheshamegrowsstillgreaterandmorepublicbyjealousy，andofwhichtherevengemorewoundsourchildrenthanithealsus。Youwitheranddieinthesearchofsoobscureaproof。Howmiserablyhavetheyofmytimearrivedatthatknowledgewhohavebeensounhappyastohavefounditout？Iftheinformerdoesnotatthesametimeapplyaremedyandbringrelief，’tisaninjuriousinformation，andthatbetterdeservesastabthanthelie。Wenolesslaughathimwhotakespainstopreventit，thanathimwhoisacuckoldandknowsitnot。
　　Thecharacterofcuckoldisindelible:whooncehasitcarriesittohisgrave;thepunishmentproclaimsitmorethanthefault。Itistomuchpurposetodragoutofobscurityanddoubtourprivatemisfortunes，thencetoexposethemontragicscaffolds;andmisfortunesthatonlyhurtusbybeingknown;forwesayagoodwifeorahappymarriage，notthattheyarereallyso，butbecausenoonesaystothecontrary。Menshouldbesodiscreetastoevadethistormentingandunprofitableknowledge:
　　andtheRomanshadacustom，whenreturningfromanyexpedition，tosendhomebeforetoacquainttheirwiveswiththeircoming，thattheymightnotsurprisethem;andtothispurposeitisthatacertainnationhasintroducedacustom，thatthepriestshallonthewedding—dayopenthewaytothebride，tofreethehusbandfromthedoubtandcuriosityofexamininginthefirstassault，whethershecomesavirgintohisbed，orhasbeenatthetradebefore。
　　Buttheworldwillbetalking。Iknow，ahundredhonestmencuckolds，honestlyandnotunbeseemingly;aworthymanispitied，notdisesteemedforit。Orderitsothatyourvirtuemayconqueryourmisfortune;thatgoodmenmaycursetheoccasion，andthathewhowrongsyoumaytremblebuttothinkon’t。And，moreover，whoescapesbeingtalkedofatthesamerate，fromtheleasteventothegreatest？
　　"Totquilegionibusimperitivit"Etmeliorquamtomultisfuit，improbe，rebus。"
　　["Manywhohavecommandedlegions，manyamanmuchbetterfarthanyou，yourascal。"——Lucretius，iii。1039，1041。]
　　Seestthouhowmanyhonestmenarereproachedwiththisinthypresence;
　　believethatthouartnomoresparedelsewhere。But，theveryladieswillbelaughingtoo;andwhataretheysoapttolaughatinthisvirtuousageofoursasatapeaceableandwell—composedmarriage？Eachamongstyouhasmadesomebodycuckold;andnaturerunsmuchinparallel，incompensation，andturnforturn。Thefrequencyofthisaccidentoughtlongsincetohavemadeitmoreeasy;’tisnowpassedintocustom。
　　Miserablepassion！whichhasthisalso，thatitisincommunicable，"Forsetiamnostrisinviditquestibusaures;"
　　["Fortunealsorefuseseartoourcomplaints。"
　　——Catullus，lxvii。]
　　fortowhatfrienddareyouintrustyourgriefs，who，ifhedoesnotlaughatthem，willnotmakeuseoftheoccasiontogetashareofthequarry？Thesharps，aswellasthesweetsofmarriage，arekeptsecretbythewise;andamongstitsothertroublesomeconditionsthistoapratingfellow，asIam，isoneofthechief，thatcustomhasrendereditindecentandprejudicialtocommunicatetoanyoneallthatamanknowsandallthatamanfeels。Togivewomenthesamecounselagainstjealousywouldbesomuchtimelost;theirverybeingissomadeupofsuspicion，vanity，andcuriosity，thattocurethembyanylegitimatewayisnottobehoped。Theyoftenrecoverofthisinfirmitybyaformofhealthmuchmoretobefearedthanthediseaseitself;forasthereareenchantmentsthatcannottakeawaytheevilbutbythrowingituponanother，theyalsowillinglytransferthisevertotheirhusbands，whentheyshakeitoffthemselves。AndyetIknownot，tospeaktruth，whetheramancansufferworsefromthemthantheirjealousy;’tisthemostdangerousofalltheirconditions，astheheadisofalltheirmembers。Pittacususedtosay，——[Plutarch，OnContentment，c。II。]——
　　thateveryonehadhistrouble，andthathiswasthejealousheadofhiswife;butforwhichheshouldthinkhimselfperfectlyhappy。Amightyinconvenience，sure，whichcouldpoisonthewholelifeofsojust，sowise，andsovaliantaman;whatmustweotherlittlefellowsdo？ThesenateofMarseilleshadreasontogranthimhisrequestwhobeggedleavetokillhimselfthathemightbedeliveredfromtheclamourofhiswife;
　　for’tisamischiefthatisneverremovedbutbyremovingthewholepiece;andthathasnoremedybutflightorpatience，thoughbothofthemveryhard。Hewas，methinks，anunderstandingfellowwhosaid，’twasahappymarriagebetwixtablindwifeandadeafhusband。
　　Letusalsoconsiderwhetherthegreatandviolentseverityofobligationweenjointhemdoesnotproducetwoeffectscontrarytoourdesignnamely，whetheritdoesnotrenderthepursuantsmoreeagertoattack，andthewomenmoreeasytoyield。Forastothefirst，byraisingthevalueoftheplace，weraisethevalueandthedesireoftheconquest。
　　MightitnotbeVenusherself，whosocunninglyenhancedthepriceofhermerchandise，bymakingthelawsherbawds;knowinghowinsipidadelightitwouldbethatwasnotheightenedbyfancyandhardnesstoachieve？
　　Inshort，’tisallswine’sflesh，variedbysauces，asFlaminius’hostsaid。Cupidisaroguishgod，whomakesithissporttocontendwithdevotionandjustice:’tishisglorythathispowermatesallpowers，andthatallotherrulesgiveplacetohis:
　　"Materiamculpaeprosequiturquesuae。"
　　["Andseeksoutamatter（motive）forhiscrimes。"
　　——Ovid，Trist。，iv。I。34。]
　　Astothesecondpoint;shouldwenotbelesscuckolds，ifwelessfearedtobeso？accordingtothehumourofwomenwhominterdictionincites，andwhoaremoreeager，beingforbidden:
　　"Ubivelis，nolunt;ubinolis，voluntultro;
　　Concessapudetirevia。"
　　["Wherethouwilt，theywon’t;wherethouwiltnot，theyspontaneouslyagree;theyareashamedtogointhepermittedpath。"
　　——Terence，Eunuchus，activ。，sc。8，v43]
　　WhatbetterinterpretationcanwemakeofMessalina’sbehaviour？She，atfirst，madeherhusbandacuckoldinprivate，asisthecommonuse;
　　but，bringingherbusinessaboutwithtoomuchease，byreasonofherhusband’sstupidity，shesoonscornedthatway，andpresentlyfelltomakingopenlove，toownherlovers，andtofavourandentertaintheminthesightofall:shewouldmakehimknowandseehowsheusedhim。Thisanimal，nottoberousedwithallthis，andrenderingherpleasuresdullandflatbyhistoostupidfacility，bywhichheseemedtoauthoriseandmakethemlawful;whatdoesshe？Beingthewifeofalivingandhealthfulemperor，andatRome，thetheatreoftheworld，inthefaceofthesun，andwithsolemnceremony，andtoSilius，whohadlongbeforeenjoyedher，shepubliclymarriesherselfonedaythatherhusbandwasgoneoutofthecity。Doesitnotseemasifshewasgoingtobecomechastebyherhusband’snegligence？orthatshesoughtanotherhusbandwhomightsharpenherappetitebyhisjealousy，andwhobywatchingshouldinciteher？Butthefirstdifficultyshemetwithwasalsothelast:thisbeastsuddenlyrousedthesesleepy，sluggishsortofmenareoftenthemostdangerous:Ihavefoundbyexperiencethatthisextremetoleration，whenitcomestodissolve，producesthemostsevererevenge;
　　fortakingfireonasudden，angerandfurybeingcombinedinone，dischargetheirutmostforceatthefirstonset，"Irarumqueomneseffundithabenas:"
　　["Heletloosehiswholefury。"——AEneid，xii。499。]
　　heputhertodeath，andwithheragreatnumberofthosewithwhomshehadintelligence，andevenoneofthemwhocouldnothelpit，andwhomshehadcausedtobeforcedtoherbedwithscourges。
　　WhatVirgilsaysofVenusandVulcan，LucretiushadbetterexpressedofastolenenjoymentbetwixtherandMars:
　　"BelliferamoeneraMavorsArmipotensregit，ingremiumquisaepetuumseRejictt，aeternodevinctusvulnereamoris……
　　Pascitamoreavidosinhiansinte，Dea，visus，EquetuopendetresupinispiritusoreHunctu，Diva，tuorecubantemcorporesanctoCircumfusasuper，suaveisexoreloquelasFunde。"
　　["Mars，thegodofwars，whocontrolsthecrueltasksofwar，oftenreclinesonthybosom，andgreedilydrinksloveatbothhiseyes，vanquishedbytheeternalwoundoflove:andhisbreath，ashereclines，hangsonthylips;bendingthyheadoverhimasheliesuponthysacredperson，pourforthsweetandpersuasivewords。"
　　——Lucretius，i。23。]
　　WhenIconsiderthisrejicit，fiascit，inhians，ynolli，fovet，medullas，labefacta，pendet，percurrit，andthatnoblecircumfusa，motheroftheprettyinfuses;Idisdainthoselittlequibblesandverbalallusionsthathavesincesprungup。Thoseworthypeoplestoodinneedofnosubtletytodisguisetheirmeaning;theirlanguageisdownright，andfullofnaturalandcontinuedvigour;theyareallepigram;notonlythetail，butthehead，body，andfeet。Thereisnothingforced，nothinglanguishing，buteverythingkeepsthesamepace:
　　"Contextustotesvirilisest;nonsuntcircaflosculosoccupati。"
　　["Thewholecontextureismanly;theydon’toccupythemselveswithlittleflowersofrhetoric。"——Seneca，Ep。，33。]
　　’Tisnotasofteloquence，andwithoutoffenceonly;’tisnervousandsolid，thatdoesnotsomuchplease，asitfillsandravishesthegreatestminds。WhenIseethesebraveformsofexpression，solively，soprofound，Idonotsaythat’tiswellsaid，butwellthought。’Tisthesprightlinessoftheimaginationthatswellsandelevatesthewords:
　　"PectusestquoddisertumTacit。"
　　["Theheartmakesthemaneloquent。"——Quintilian，x。7。]
　　Ourpeoplecalllanguage，judgment，andfinewords，fullconceptions。
　　Thispaintingisnotsomuchcarriedonbydexterityofhandasbyhavingtheobjectmorevividlyimprintedinthesoul。Gallusspeakssimplybecauseheconceivessimply:Horacedoesnotcontenthimselfwithasuperficialexpression;thatwouldbetrayhim;heseesfartherandmoreclearlyintothings;hismindbreaksintoandrummagesallthemagazineofwordsandfigureswherewithtoexpresshimself，andhemusthavethemmorethanordinary，becausehisconceptionisso。Plutarchsays’thatheseestheLatintonguebythethings:’tisherethesame:thesenseilluminatesandproducesthewords，nomorewordsofair，butoffleshandbone;theysignifymorethantheysay。Moreover，thosewhoarenotwellskilledinalanguagepresentsomeimageofthis;forinItalyI
　　saidwhateverIhadamindtoincommondiscourse，butinmoreserioustalk，IdurstnothavetrustedmyselfwithanidiomthatIcouldnotwindandturnoutofitsordinarypace;Iwouldhaveapowerofintroducingsomethingofmyown。
　　Thehandlingandutteranceoffinewitsisthatwhichsetsofflanguage;
　　notsomuchbyinnovatingit，asbyputtingittomorevigorousandvariousservices，andbystraining，bending，andadaptingittothem。
　　Theydonotcreatewords，buttheyenrichtheirown，andgivethemweightandsignificationbytheusestheyputthemto，andteachthemunwontedmotions，butwithalingeniouslyanddiscreetly。AndhowlittlethistalentisgiventoallismanifestbythemanyFrenchscribblersofthisage:theyareboldandproudenoughnottofollowthecommonroad，butwantofinventionanddiscretionruinsthem;thereisnothingseenintheirwritingsbutawretchedaffectationofastrangenewstyle，withcoldandabsurddisguises，which，insteadofelevating，depressthematter:providedtheycanbuttrickthemselvesoutwithnewwords，theycarenotwhattheysignify;andtobringinanewwordbytheheadandshoulders，theyleavetheoldone，veryoftenmoresinewyandsignificantthantheother。
　　Thereisstuffenoughinourlanguage，butthereisadefectincuttingout:forthereisnothingthatmightnotbemadeoutofourtermsofhuntingandwar，whichisafruitfulsoiltoborrowfrom;andformsofspeaking，likeherbs，improveandgrowstrongerbybeingtransplanted。
　　Ifinditsufficientlyabundant，butnotsufficientlypliableandvigorous;itcommonlyquailsunderapowerfulconception;ifyouwouldmaintainthedignityofyourstyle，youwilloftenperceiveittoflagandlanguishunderyou，andthereLatinstepsintoitsrelief，asGreekdoestoothers。OfsomeofthesewordsIhavejustpickedoutwedonotsoeasilydiscerntheenergy，byreasonthatthefrequentuseofthemhasinsomesortabasedtheirbeauty，andrendereditcommon;asinourordinarylanguagetherearemanyexcellentphrasesandmetaphorstobemetwith，ofwhichthebeautyiswitheredbyage，andthecolourissulliedbytoocommonhandling;butthatnothinglessenstherelishtoanunderstandingman，nordoesitderogatefromthegloryofthoseancientauthorswho，’tislikely，firstbroughtthosewordsintothatlustre。
　　Thesciencestreatofthingstoorefinedly，afteranartificial，verydifferentfromthecommonandnatural，way。Mypagemakeslove，andunderstandsit;butreadtohimLeoHebraeus——[LeotheJew，Ficinus，CardinalBembo，andMarioEquicolaallwroteTreatisesonLove。]——
　　andFicinus，wheretheyspeakoflove，itsthoughtsandactions，heunderstandsitnot。IdonotfindinAristotlemostofmyordinarymotions;theyaretherecoveredanddisguisedinanotherrobefortheuseoftheschools。Goodspeedthem！wereIofthetrade，Iwouldasmuchnaturaliseartastheyartificialisenature。LetusletBemboandEquicolaalone。
　　WhenIwrite，Icanverywellspareboththecompanyandtheremembranceofbooks，lesttheyshouldinterruptmyprogress;andalso，intruth，thebestauthorstoomuchhumbleanddiscourageme:Iamverymuchofthepainter’smind，who，havingrepresentedcocksmostwretchedlyill，chargedallhisboysnottosufferanynaturalcocktocomeintohisshop;andhadratherneedtogivemyselfalittlelustre，oftheinventionofAntigenidesthemusician，who，whenhewasaskedtosingorplay，tookcarebeforehandthattheauditoryshould，eitherbeforeorafter，besatiatedwithsomeotherillmusicians。ButIcanhardlybewithoutPlutarch;heissouniversalandsofull，thatuponalloccasions，andwhatextravagantsubjectsoeveryoutakeinhand，hewillstillbeatyourelbow，andholdouttoyoualiberalandnottobeexhaustedhandofrichesandembellishments。Itvexesmethatheissoexposedtobethespoilofthosewhoareconversantwithhim:IcanscarcecastaneyeuponhimbutIpurloineitheralegorawing。
　　Andalsoforthisdesignofmine’tisconvenientformeformetowriteathome，inawildcountry，whereIhavenobodytoassistorrelieveme;
　　whereIhardlyseeamanwhounderstandstheLatinofhisPaternoster，andofFrenchalittleless。Imighthavemadeitbetterelsewhere，butthentheworkwouldhavebeenlessmyown;anditsprincipalendandperfectionistobeexactlymine。Ireadilycorrectanaccidentalerror，ofwhichIamfull，asIruncarelesslyon;butformyordinaryandconstantimperfections，itwereakindoftreasontoputthemout。Whenanothertellsme，orthatIsaytomyself，"Thouarttoothickoffigures:thisisawordofroughGascon:thatisadangerousphrase（IdonotrejectanyofthosethatareusedinthecommonstreetsofFrance;
　　theywhowouldfightcustomwithgrammararetriflers）:thisisanignorantdiscourse:thisisaparadoxicaldiscourse:thatisgoingtoofar:thoumakestthyselftoomerryattimes:menwillthinkthousayestathingingoodearnestwhichthouonlyspeakestinjest。"——"Yes，Iknow，butIcorrectthefaultsofinadvertence，notthoseofcustom。DoInottalkatthesameratethroughout？DoInotrepresentmyselftothelife？
　　’TisenoughthatIhavedonewhatIdesigned;alltheworldknowsmeinmybook，andmybookinme。"
　　NowIhaveanapish，imitativequality:whenIusedtowriteverses（andInevermadeanybutLatin），theyevidentlydiscoveredthepoetIhadlastread，andsomeofmyfirstessayshavealittleexotictaste:I
　　speaksomethinganotherkindoflanguageatParisthanIdoatMontaigne。
　　WhoeverIsteadfastlylookuponeasilyleavessomeimpressionofhisuponme;whateverIconsiderIusurp，whetherafoolishcountenance，adisagreeablelook，oraridiculouswayofspeaking;andvicesmostofall，becausetheyseizeandsticktome，andwillnotleaveholdwithoutshaking。Iswearmorebyimitationthanbycomplexion:amurderousimitation，likethatoftheapessoterriblebothinstatureandstrength，thatAlexandermetwithinacertaincountryoftheIndies，andwhichhewouldhavehadmuchadoanyotherwaytohavesubdued;buttheyaffordedhimthemeansbythatinclinationoftheirstoimitatewhatevertheysawdone;forbythatthehuntersweretaughttoputonshoesintheirsight，andtotiethemfastwithmanyknots，andtomuffleuptheirheadsincapsallcomposedofrunningnooses，andtoseemtoanointtheireyeswithglue;sodidthosepoorbeastsemploytheirimitationtotheirownruintheyglueduptheirowneyes，halteredandboundthemselves。
　　Theotherfacultyofplayingthemimic，andingeniouslyactingthewordsandgesturesofanother，purposelytomakepeoplemerryandtoraisetheiradmiration，isnomoreinmethaninastock。WhenIswearmyownoath，’tisonly，byGod！ofalloathsthemostdirect。TheysaythatSocratessworebythedog;ZenohadforhisoaththesameinterjectionatthistimeinuseamongsttheItalians，Cappari！PythagorassworeBywaterandair。Iamsoapt，withoutthinkingofit，toreceivethesesuperficialimpressions，thatifIhaveMajestyorHighnessinmymouththreedaystogether，theycomeoutinsteadofExcellencyandLordshipeightdaysafter;andwhatIsayto—dayinsportandfoolingIshallsaythesameto—morrowseriously。Wherefore，inwriting，Imoreunwillinglyundertakebeatenarguments，lestIshouldhandlethematanother’sexpense。Everysubjectisequallyfertiletome:aflywillservethepurpose，and’tiswellifthisIhaveinhandhasnotbeenundertakenattherecommendationofasflightyawill。Imaybegin，withthatwhichpleasesmebest，forthesubjectsarealllinkedtooneanother。
　　Butmysouldispleasesme，inthatitordinarilyproducesitsdeepestandmostairyconceitsandwhichpleasemebest，whenIleastexpectorstudyforthem，andwhichsuddenlyvanish，havingattheinstant，nothingtoapplythemto;onhorseback，attable，andinbed:butmostonhorseback，whereIammostgiventothink。Myspeakingisalittlenicelyjealousofsilenceandattention:ifIamtalkingmybest，whoeverinterruptsme，stopsme。Intravelling，thenecessityofthewaywilloftenputastoptodiscourse;besideswhichI，forthemostpart，travelwithoutcompanyfitforregulardiscourses，bywhichmeansIhavealltheleisureIwouldtoentertainmyself。Itfallsoutasitdoesinmydreams;whilstdreamingIrecommendthemtomymemory（forIamapttodreamthatI
　　dream），but，thenextmorning，Imayrepresenttomyselfofwhatcomplexiontheywere，whethergay，orsad，orstrange，butwhattheywere，astotherest，themoreIendeavourtoretrievethem，thedeeperI
　　plungetheminoblivion。Soofthoughtsthatcomeaccidentallyintomyhead，Ihavenomorebutavainimageremaininginmymemory;onlyenoughtomakemetormentmyselfintheirquesttonopurpose。
　　Well，then，layingbooksaside，andmoresimplyandmateriallyspeaking，Ifind，afterall，thatLoveisnothingelsebutthethirstofenjoyingtheobjectdesired，orVenusanyotherthingthanthepleasureofdischargingone’svessels，justasthepleasurenaturegivesindischargingotherparts，thateitherbyimmoderationorindiscretionbecomevicious。AccordingtoSocrates，loveistheappetiteofgenerationbythemediationofbeauty。AndwhenIconsidertheridiculoustitillationofthispleasure，theabsurd，crack—brained，wildmotionswithwhichitinspiresZenoandCratippus，theindiscreetrage，thecountenanceinflamedwithfuryandcrueltyinthesweetesteffectsoflove，andthenthataustereair，sograve，severe，ecstatic，insowantonanaction;thatourdelightsandourexcrementsarepromiscuouslyshuffledtogether;andthatthesupremepleasurebringsalongwithit，asinpain，faintingandcomplaining;Ibelieveittobetrue，asPlatosays，thatthegodsmademanfortheirsport:
　　"QuaenamistajocandiSaevitia！"
　　["Withasportivecruelty"（Or:）"Whatanunkindnessthereisinjesting！"——ClaudianinEutrop。i。24。]
　　andthatitwasinmockerythatnaturehasorderedthemostagitativeofactionsandthemostcommon，tomakeusequal，andtoputfoolsandwisemen，beastsandus，onalevel。Eventhemostcontemplativeandprudentman，whenIimaginehiminthisposture，Iholdhimanimpudentfellowtopretendtobeprudentandcontemplative;theyarethepeacocks’feetthatabatehispride:
　　"RidentemdicereverumQuidvetat？"
　　["Whatpreventsusfromspeakingtruthwithasmile？"
　　——Horace，Sat。，i。I，24。]
　　Theywhobanishseriousimaginationsfromtheirsports，do，saysone，likehimwhodaresnotadorethestatueofasaint，ifnotcoveredwithaveil。Weeatanddrink，indeed，asbeastsdo;butthesearenotactionsthatobstructthefunctionsofthesoul，inthesewemaintainouradvantageoverthem;thisotheractionsubjectsallotherthought，andbyitsimperiousauthoritymakesanassofallPlato’sdivinityandphilosophy;andyetthereisnocomplaintofit。Ineverythingelseamanmaykeepsomedecorum，allotheroperationssubmittotherulesofdecency;thiscannotsomuchasinimaginationappearotherthanviciousorridiculous:findout，ifyoucan，thereinanyseriousanddiscreetprocedure。Alexandersaid，thathechieflyknewhimselftobemortalbythisactandsleeping;sleepsuffocatesandsuppressesthefacultiesofthesoul;thefamiliaritywithwomenlikewisedissipatesandexhauststhem:doubtless’tisamark，notonlyofouroriginalcorruption，butalsoofourvanityanddeformity。
　　Ontheoneside，naturepushesusontoit，havingfixedthemostnoble，useful，andpleasantofallherfunctionstothisdesire:and，ontheotherside，leavesustoaccuseandavoidit，asinsolentandindecent，toblushatit，andtorecommendabstinence。Arewenotbrutestocallthatworkbrutishwhichbegetsus？Peopleofsomanydifferingreligionshaveconcurredinseveralproprieties，assacrifices，lamps，burningincense，fasts，andofferings;andamongstothers，inthecondemningthisact:allopinionstendthatway，besidesthewidespreadcustomofcircumcision，whichmayberegardedasapunishment。Wehave，peradventure，reasontoblameourselvesforbeingguiltyofsofoolishaproductionasman，andtocalltheact，andthepartsthatareemployedintheact，shameful（mine，truly，arenowshamefulandpitiful）。TheEssenians，ofwhomPlinyspeaks，keptuptheircountryforseveralageswithouteithernurseorbaby—clouts，bythearrivalofstrangerswho，followingthisprettyhumour，camecontinuallytothem:awholenationbeingresolute，rathertohazardatotalextermination，thantoengagethemselvesinfemaleembraces，andrathertolosethesuccessionofmen，thantobegetone。’Tissaid，thatZenoneverhadtodowithawomanbutonceinhislife，andthenoutofcivility，thathemightnotseemtooobstinatelytodisdainthesex。
　　[DiogenesLaertius，vii。13。——Whatistheresaid，however，isthatZenoseldomhadcommercewithboys，lestheshouldbedeemedaverymisogynist。]
　　Everyoneavoidsseeingamanborn，everyonerunstoseehimdie;todestroyhimaspaciousfieldissoughtoutinthefaceofthesun，but，tomakehim，wecreepintoasdarkandprivateacorneraswecan:’tisaman’sdutytowithdrawhimselfbashfullyfromthelighttocreate;but’tisgloryandthefountainofmanyvirtuestoknowhowtodestroywhatwehavemade:theoneisinjury，theotherfavour:forAristotlesaysthattodoanyoneakindness，inacertainphraseofhiscountry，istokillhim。TheAthenians，tocouplethedisgraceofthesetwoactions，havingtopurgetheIsleofDelos，andtojustifythemselvestoApollo，interdictedatonceallbirthsandburialsintheprecinctsthereof:
　　"Nostrinosmetpaenitet。"
　　["Weareashamedofourselves。"——Terence，Phoymio，i。3，20。]
　　Therearesomenationsthatwillnotbeseentoeat。Iknowalady，andofthebestquality，whohasthesameopinion，thatchewingdisfigurestheface，andtakesawaymuchfromtheladies’graceandbeauty;andthereforeunwillinglyappearsatapublictablewithanappetite;andI
　　knowamanalso，whocannotenduretoseeanothereat，norhimselftobeseeneating，andwhoismoreshyofcompanywhenputtinginthanwhenputtingout。IntheTurkishempire，thereareagreatnumberofmenwho，toexcelothers，neversufferthemselvestobeseenwhentheymaketheirrepast:whoneverhaveanymorethanoneaweek;whocutandmangletheirfacesandlimbs;whoneverspeaktoanyone:fanaticpeoplewhothinktohonourtheirnaturebydisnaturingthemselves;whovaluethemselvesupontheircontemptofthemselves，andpurporttogrowbetterbybeingworse。
　　Whatmonstrousanimalisthis，thatisahorrortohimself，towhomhisdelightsaregrievous，andwhowedshimselftomisfortune？Therearepeoplewhoconcealtheirlife:
　　"Exilioquedomosetdulcialiminamutant，"
　　["Andchangeforexiletheirhomesandpleasantabodes。"
　　——Virgil，Georg。，ii。511。]
　　andwithdrawthemfromthesightofothermen;whoavoidhealthandcheerfulness，asdangerousandprejudicialqualities。Notonlymanysects，butmanypeoples，cursetheirbirth，andblesstheirdeath;andthereisaplacewherethesunisabominatedanddarknessadored。Weareonlyingeniousinusingourselvesill:’tistherealquarryourintellectsflyat;andintellect，whenmisapplied，isadangeroustool！
　　"Omiseri！quorumgaudiacrimenhabent！"
　　["Owretchedmen，whosepleasuresareacrime！"
　　——PseudoGallus，i。180。]
　　Alas，poorman！thouhastenoughinconveniencesthatareinevitable，withoutincreasingthembythroeowninvention;andartmiserableenoughbynature，withoutbeingsobyart;thouhastrealandessentialdeformitiesenough，withoutforgingthosethatareimaginary。Dostthouthinkthouarttoomuchateaseunlesshalfthyeaseisuneasy？dostthoufindthatthouhastnotperformedallthenecessaryofficesthatnaturehasenjoinedthee，andthatsheisidleinthee，ifthoudostnotobligethyselftootherandnewoffices？Thoudostnotsticktoinfringeheruniversalandundoubtedlaws;butstickesttothyownspecialandfantasticrules，andbyhowmuchmoreparticular，uncertain，andcontradictorytheyare，bysomuchthouemployestthywholeendeavourinthem:thelawsofthyparishoccupyandbindthee:thoseofGodandtheworldconcerntheenot。Runbutalittleovertheexamplesofthiskind;
　　thylifeisfullofthem。
　　Whilsttheversesofthesetwopoets，treatsoreservedlyanddiscreetlyofwantonnessastheydo，methinkstheydiscoveritmuchmoreopenly。
　　Ladiescovertheirneckswithnetwork，priestscoverseveralsacredthings，andpaintersshadowtheirpicturestogivethemgreaterlustre:
　　and’tissaidthatthesunandwindstrikemoreviolentlybyreflectionthaninadirectline。TheEgyptianwiselyansweredhimwhoaskedhimwhathehadunderhiscloak，"Itishidundermycloak，"saidhe，"thatthoumayestnotknowwhatitis:"buttherearecertainotherthingsthatpeoplehideonlytoshowthem。Hearthatone，whospeaksplainer，"Etnudumpressicorpusadusquemeum:"
　　["Andpressedhernakedbodytomine"（Or:）"MybodyIappliedeventohernakedside"——Ovid，Amor。，i。5，24。]
　　methinksthatheemasculatesme。LetMartialturnupVenusashighashemay，hecannotshewhersonaked:hewhosaysallthatistobesaidglutsanddisgustsus。Hewhoisafraidtoexpresshimself，drawsusontoguessatmorethanismeant;thereistreacheryinthissortofmodesty，andspeciallywhentheyhalfopen，asthesedo，sofairapathtoimagination。Boththeactionanddescriptionshouldrelishoftheft。
　　Themorerespectful，moretimorous，morecoy，andsecretloveoftheSpaniardsandItalianspleasesme。Iknownotwhoofoldwishedhisthroataslongasthatofacrane，thathemightthelongertastewhatheswallowed;ithadbeenbetterwishedastothisquickandprecipitouspleasure，especiallyinsuchnaturesasminethathavethefaultofbeingtooprompt。Tostayitsflightanddelayitwithpreambles:allthings——
　　aglance，abow，aword，asign，standforfavourandrecompensebetwixtthem。Wereitnotanexcellentpieceofthriftinhimwhocoulddineonthesteamoftheroast？’Tisapassionthatmixeswithverylittlesolidessence，farmorevanityandfeverishraving;andweshouldserveandpayitaccordingly。Letusteachtheladiestosetabettervalueandesteemuponthemselves，toamuseandfoolus:wegivethelastchargeatthefirstonset;theFrenchimpetuositywillstillshowitself;byspinningouttheirfavours，andexposingtheminsmallparcels，evenmiserableoldageitselfwillfindsomelittleshareofreward，accordingtoitsworthandmerit。Hewhohasnofruitionbutinfruition，whowinsnothingunlesshesweepsthestakes，whotakesnopleasureinthechasebutinthequarry，oughtnottointroducehimselfinourschool:themorestepsanddegreesthereare，somuchhigherandmorehonourableistheuppermostseat:weshouldtakeapleasureinbeingconductedtoit，asinmagnificentpalaces，byvariousporticoesandpassages，longandpleasantgalleries，andmanywindings。Thisdispositionofthingswouldturntoouradvantage;weshouldtherelongerstayandlongerlove;withouthopeandwithoutdesireweproceednotworthapin。Ourconquestandentirepossessioniswhattheyoughtinfinitelytodread:whentheywhollysurrenderthemselvesuptothemercyofourfidelityandconstancytheyrunamightyhazard;theyarevirtuesveryrareandhardtobefound;theladiesarenosoonerours，thanwearenomoretheirs:
　　"Postquamcupidaementissatiatalibidoest，Verbanihilmetuere，nihilperjuriacurant;"
　　["Whenourdesiresareoncesatisfied，wecarelittleforoathsandpromises。"——Catullus，lxiv。147。]
　　AndThrasonides，ayoungmanofGreece，wassoinlovewithhispassionthat，having，gainedamistress’sconsent，herefusedtoenjoyher，thathemightnotbyfruitionquenchandstupefytheunquietardourofwhichhewassoproud，andwithwhichhesofedhimself。Dearnessisagoodsaucetomeat:dobutobservehowmuchthemannerofsalutation，particulartoournation，has，byitsfacilities，madekisses，whichSocratessaysaresopowerfulanddangerousforthestealingofhearts，ofnoesteem。Itisadispleasingcustomandinjuriousfortheladies，thattheymustbeobligedtolendtheirlipstoeveryfellowwhohasthreefootmenathisheels，howeverill—favouredhemaybeinhimself:
　　"CujuslividanaribuscaninisDependetglacies，rigetquebarba……
　　Centumoccurreremaloculilingis:"
　　Martial，vii。94。
　　andweourselvesbarelygainbyit;forastheworldisdivided，forthreebeautifulwomenwemustkissfiftyuglyones;andtoatenderstomach，likethoseofmyage，anillkissoverpaysagoodone。
　　InItalytheypassionatelycourteventheircommonwomenwhosellthemselvesformoney，andjustifythedoingsobysaying，"thattherearedegreesoffruition，andthatbysuchservicetheywouldprocureforthemselvesthatwhichismostentire;thewomensellnothingbuttheirbodies;thewillistoofreeandtoomuchofitsowntobeexposedtosale。"Sothatthesesay，’tisthewilltheyundertakeandtheyhavereason。’Tisindeedthewillthatwearetoserveandgainbywooing。
　　Iabhortoimaginemine，abodywithoutaffection:andthismadnessis，methinks，cousin—germantothatoftheboywhowouldneedspollutethebeautifulstatueofVenusmadebyPraxiteles;orthatofthefuriousEgyptian，whoviolatedthedeadcarcaseofawomanhewasembalming:
　　whichwastheoccasionofthelawthenmadeinEgypt，thatthecorpsesofbeautifulyoungwomen，ofthoseofgoodquality，shouldbekeptthreedaysbeforetheyshouldbedeliveredtothosewhoseofficeitwastotakecarefortheinterment。Perianderdidmorewonderfully，whoextendedhisconjugalaffection（moreregularandlegitimate）totheenjoymentofhiswifeMelissaaftershewasdead。DoesitnotseemalunatichumourintheMoon，seeingshecouldnootherwiseenjoyherdarlingEndymion，tolay—himforseveralmonthsasleep，andtopleaseherselfwiththefruitionofaboywhostirrednotbutinhissleep？Ilikewisesaythatweloveabodywithoutasoulorsentimentwhenweloveabodywithoutitsconsentanddesire。Allenjoymentsarenotalike:therearesomethatarehecticandlanguishing:athousandothercausesbesidesgood—