Theyhadlearnedthathisagentwasemployedinshowingthephonographinadistanthallontheboulevardstoanaudiencewhopaidanadmissionfee;but，althoughtheyhadtriedtwoorthreetimestohavehisapparatusshownthem，theyhadbeenunsuccessful，untilatlast，fromafeelingofwhatwasduetheirownself—respect，theypassedthematteroverentirely。Ofcoursemydutywastodowhatwaspossibleinrectifyingthisomission，andinasgoodFrenchasIcouldmusterImadeaspeechinEdison’sbehalf，describinghiscareer，outlininghiswork，andsayingthatIshouldreallybeashamedtoreturntoAmericawithoutsomerecognitionofhimandofhisinventions。Thiswaslistenedtomostcourteously，butmysuccesswasinsuredbyaremarkofalessseriouscharacter，whichwasthatifEdisonhadnotyetmadeasufficientnumberofinventionstoentitlehimtoagrandprize，hewouldcertainly，attheratehewasgoingon，havedonesobeforethecloseoftheexposition。Atthistherewasalaugh，andmyamendmentwasunanimouslycarried。
　　Manyfeaturesinmyworkinterestedme，butonehadamelancholytinge。Oneafternoon，havingbeensummonedtopassuponcertaincompetingworksinsculpture，wefinallystoodbeforethegreatbronzeentrance—
　　doorsoftheCathedralofStrasburg，which，havingbeendesignedbeforetheFranco—PrussianWar，hadbutjustbeenfinished。Theywereverybeautiful;butIcouldseethatmyFrenchassociatesfeltdeeplythechangedsituationofaffairswhichthisexhibitbroughttotheirminds。
　　Inordertopromotethesocialrelationswhichgoforsomuchatsuchtimes，IhadtakenthelargeapartmenttemporarilyrelinquishedbyourAmericanminister，GovernorNoyesofOhio，intheAvenueJosephine;andthere，atmyowntable，broughttogetherfromtimetotimeaconsiderablenumberofnotedmenfromvariouspartsofEurope。PerhapsthemostamusingoccurrenceduringtheseriesofdinnersIthengavewasthemeetingbetweenStory，theAmericansculptoratRome，andJudgeBradyofNewYork。Foryearseachhadbeentakenfortheother，invariouspartsoftheworld，buttheyhadnevermet。
　　Infact，socommonwasitforpeopletomistakeonefortheotherthatbothhad，asarule，ceasedtoexplainthemistake。IwasmyselfpresentwithStoryononeoccasionwhenagentlemancameuptohim，salutedhimasJudgeBrady，andaskedhimabouttheirfriendsinNewYork:
　　Storytooknotroubletoundeceivehisinterlocutor，butremarkedthat，sofarasheknew，theywereallwell，andendedtheinterviewwithcommonplaces。
　　ThesetwoDromiosevidentlyenjoyedmeeting，andnothingcouldbemoreamusingthantheiraccountsofvariousinstancesinwhicheachhadbeenmistakenfortheother。Eachhadarichveinofhumor，andbothpresentedthedetailsoftheseoccurrenceswithespecialzest。
　　AnotherAmerican，offoreignbirth，wasnotquitesocharming。Hewasamanofvalueinhisprofession;buthisdesireforpromotionoutranhisdiscretion。HavingservedasjurorattheViennaExposition，hehadnowbeenappointedtoasimilarplaceinParis;andafteroneofmydinnershecameuptoagroupinwhichthereweretwoorthreemembersoftheFrenchcabinet，andsaid:
　　``Mr。Vite，IvishyouvouldjoostdelldesezhentlemenvatIamdoingvorVrance。IvasondedastinggommitteeforvinesundpeersatVien，andit’mostkilledme;andnowIamheredoingdesameduty，andmystomachhasnearlygonepackonme。TelldesezhentlemendatdeFrenchGovernmentzurelyoughttogonferubonmedeLegionofHonor。’’Thiswasspokenwiththeutmostseriousness，andwasembarrassing，since，ofallsubjects，thatwhichaFrenchministerleastwishestodiscusspubliclyistheconferringoftheredribbon。
　　EmbarrassingalsowasthejubilationofsomeofourAmericanexhibitorsatourcelebrationoftheFourthofJulyintheBoisdeBoulogne。Doubtlesstheywereexcellentcitizens，butneverwasthereabetterexemplificationofDr。Arnold’ssayingthat``atravellerisaself—constitutedoutlaw。’’Agenerousbuffethadbeenprovided，aftertheFrenchfashion，withasufficiencyofviandsandwhateverwinewasneeded。Tomyamazement，thesemen，whoathomeweremostofthem，probably，steady—going``temperancemen，’’weresoovercomewiththeideathatchampagnewastobeservedadlibitum，thatthewholethingcameneardegeneratingintoanorgy。A
　　Europeanofthesamerank，accustomedtodrinkingwinemoderatelywithhisdinner，wouldhavesimplytakenaglassortwoandthoughtnomoreofit;butthesegentlemenseemedtoseeinittheoccasionoftheirlives。Bottleswereseizedandemptied，glassafterglass，downthethroatsofmyimpulsivefellow—citizens:inmanycasesabottleandmoretoaman。Thencametheworstofit。
　　IthadbeenarrangedthatspeechesshouldbemadeunderaneighboringtentbyleadingmembersoftheFrenchcabinetwhohadacceptedinvitationstoaddressus。Butwhentheyproceededtodothisdifficultiesarose。Anumberofourcompatriots，undulyexhilarated，andunderstandinglittlethatwassaid，firstapplaudedongeneralprinciples，butatthewrongplaces，andfinallybrokeoutintoapostrophessuchas``SpeakEnglish，oldboy！’’
　　``TalkYankeefashion！’’``RememberthegloriousFourth！’’``GiveittotheBritish！’’``Maketheeaglescream！’’andthelike。Theresultwasthatwewereobligedtomakemostearnestappealstothesegentlemen，beggingthemnottodisgraceourcountry;and，finally，theproceedingswerecutshort。
　　Norwasthistheend。AsIcamedowntheChampslysesafterward，Imetseveralgroupsofthesepatriots，whoshowedbytheirwalkandconversationthattheyweredecidedlytheworsefortheircelebrationoftheday;andthewholethingledmetoreflectseriouslyonthedrinkproblem，andtoaskwhetherourAmericansolutionofitisthebest。Ihavebeenpresentatmanylargefestiveassemblages，invariouspartsofEurope，wherewinewasofferedfreelyasamatterofcourse;butneverhaveIseenanythingtoapproachthisperformanceofmycountrymen。IhavebeenoneoffourthousandpeopleattheHteldeVilleinParisontheoccasionofagreatball，atotherentertainmentsalmostaslargeinotherContinentalcountries，andatdinnerpartiesinnumerableineveryEuropeancountry;butnever，saveinoneinstance，werethefestivitiesdisturbedbyanymanonaccountofdrink。
　　ThemosteminentofAmericantemperanceadvocatesduringmyyoungmanhood，Mr。Delavan，insistedthathefoundItaly，whereallpeople，men，women，andchildren，drinkwinewiththeirmeals，iftheycangetit，themosttemperatecountryhehadeverseen;and，havingmademorethantwelvedifferentsojournsinItaly，Icanconfirmthatopinion。
　　So，too，againandagain，whentravelingintheolddaysonthetopofadiligencethroughvillageaftervillageinFrance，wherethepeoplewerecommemoratingthepatronsaintoftheirdistrict，Ihavepassedthroughcrowdsofmen，women，andchildrenseatedbytheroadsidedrinkingwine，cider，andbeer，and，sofarasonecouldsee，therewasnodrunkenness;certainlynoneofthesqualid，brutal，swinishsort。Itmayindeedbesaidthat，inspiteoflightstimulants，drunkennesshasoflateyearsincreasedinFrance，especiallyamongartisansanddaylaborers。Ifthisbeso，itcomestostrengthenmyview。Forthemainreasonwilldoubtlessbefoundintheincreasedpricesoflightwines，duetovinediseasesandthelike，whichhavedriventhepoorerclassestoseekfarmorenoxiousbeverages。
　　So，too，inGermany。Likeeveryresidentinthatcountry，Ihaveseengreatcrowdsdrinkingmuchbeer，and，thoughIgreatlydislikethatsortofguzzling，Ineversawanythingofthebeastly，crazy，drunkenexhibitionswhicharesocommononIndependenceDayandcounty—
　　fairdayinmanyAmericantownswheretotalabstinenceisloudlypreachedandostensiblypractised。LeastofalldoIadmirethebeer—swillingpropensitiesoftheGermanstudents，andstillImustconfessthatIhaveneverseenanythingsowild，wicked，outrageous，anddestructivetosoulandbodyasthedrinkingofdistilledliquorsatbarswhich，inmystudentdays，IsawamongAmericanstudents。
　　ButImakehastetosaythatwithinthelasttwentyorthirtyyearsAmericanstudentshaveimprovedimmenselyinthisrespect。Athleticsandgreaterinterestinstudy，causedbythesubstitutionofthestudents’ownaimsandtastesfortheoldcast—ironcurriculum，aredoubtlessthemainreasonsforthisimprovement。[12]
　　[12]FurtherreasonsforthisimprovementIhaveendeavoredtogivemoreindetailelsewhere。
　　Yet，inspiteofthisredeemingthing，thefactremainsthatoneofthegreatestcursesofAmericanlifeisthedram—drinkingofdistilledliquorsatbars;andonekeyofthewholemiseryistheAmericanhabitof``treating，’’——ahabitunknowninothercountries。Forexample，inAmerica，ifTom，Dick，andHarryhappentomeetatahotel，orinthestreet，todiscusspoliticsorbusiness，TominvitesDickandHarrytodrinkwithhim，which，inaccordancewiththecodeexistingamonglargeclassesofourfellow—citizens，DickandHarryfeelboundtodo。
　　AfteralittlemoretalkDickinvitesHarryandTomtodrink;theyfeelobligedtoaccept;andfinallyHarryinvitesTomandDick，withlikeresult;sothatthesethreemenhavepoureddowntheirthroatsseveralglassesofburningstimulants，perhapsinthemorning，perhapsjustbeforethemiddaymeal，oratsomeotherespeciallyunsuitabletime，withresultsmoreorlessinjurioustoeachofthem，physicallyandmorally。
　　TheEuropean，moresensible，takeswithhisdinner，asarule，aglassortwoofwineorbeer，andislittle，ifatall，theworseforit。Ifheevertakesanydistilledliquor，hesipsaverysmallglassofitafterhisdinner，toaiddigestion。
　　Itismyearnestconviction，baseduponwideobservationinmyowncountryaswellasinmanyothersduringabouthalfacentury，thattheAmericantheoryandpracticeasregardsthedrinkquestionaregenerallymoreperniciousthanthoseofanyothercivilizednation。I
　　amnotnowspeakingofTOTALABSTINENCE——ofthat，morepresently。ButthebestTEMPERANCEworkersamongusthatIknowarethemenwhobrewlight，purebeer，andthevine—growersinCaliforniawhoraiseandsellataverylowpricewinespleasantandsalutary，ifanywinescanbeso。
　　Astothosewhohavenoself—restraint，beerandwine，likemanyotherthings，promotethe``survivalofthefittest，’’andare，likemanyotherthings，``fool—killers，’’
　　aidingtofreethenextgenerationfrommenofviciouspropensitiesandweakwill。
　　Irepeatit，thecurseofAmericansociallife，amongaveryconsiderableclassofourpeople，is``perpendiculardrinking’’——thatis，thepouringdownofglassafterglassofdistilledspirits，mostlyadulterated，atallsortsofinopportunetimes，andlargelyunderthesystemof``treating。’’
　　Thebestcureforthis，inmyjudgment，wouldbeforStatestoauthorizeandlocalauthoritiestoadoptthe``Swedishsystem，’’whichIfounddoingexcellentserviceatGothenburginSwedenafewyearssince，andwhichIamsorrytoseethefanaticstherehaverecentlywrecked。Underthisplanthevarioustownsallowedacompanytoopenacertainnumberofclean，tidydrinking—
　　places;obligedthemtopurchasepureliquors;forbadethem，underpenalties，toselltoanymanwhohadalreadytakentoomuch;madeitalsoobligatorytosellsomethingtoeatatthesametimewithsomethingtodrink;and，bestofall，restrictedtheprofitsoftheseestablishmentstoamoderatepercentage，——sevenoreightpercent。，ifIre—
　　memberrightly，——allthesurplusreceiptsgoingtopublicpurposes，andespeciallytolocalcharities。Themainpointwasthatthemenappointedtodispensethedrinkshadnomotivetoselladulterateddrinks，oranymoreliquorthanwasconsistentwiththesobrietyofthecustomer。
　　Imayaddthat，inmyopinion，theworstenemiesofrealtemperanceinAmerica，asinothercountries，havebeenthethoughtlessscreamersagainstintemperance，whohavedrivenvastnumbersoftheirfellow—citizenstodrinkinsecretoratbars。OfcourseIshallhavethehonorofbeingrailedatanddenouncedbyeveryfanaticwhoreadstheselines，butfrommyheartIbelievethemtrue。
　　IrememberthatsomeofthesepeoplebitterlyattackedGovernorStanfordofCaliforniafortheendowmentofStanfordUniversity，inpart，fromtherentofhisvineyards。
　　PeoplewhohadnotawordtosayagainstonetheologicalseminaryforacceptingtheDanielDrewendowment，oragainstanotherforacceptingtheJayGouldendowment，werehorrifiedthattheStanfordUniversityshouldreceiverevenuefromavineyard。ThevineyardsofCalifornia，iftheirproductwerelegallyprotectedfromadulteration，couldbemadeoneofthemostpotentinfluencesagainstdrunkennessthatourcountryhasseen。TheCaliforniawinesarepracticallytheonlypurewinesaccessibletoAmericans。Theyaresoplentifulthatthereisnomotivetoadulteratethem，andtheiruseamongthoseofuswhoaresounwiseastodrinkanythingexceptwateroughttobeeffectivelyadvocatedassupplantingthedrinkingofbeerpoisonedwithstrychnine，whiskypoisonedwithfusel—oil，and``Frenchclaret’’poisonedwithsalicylicacidandaniline。
　　Thetruewaytosupplantthe``saloon’’andthebarroom，asregardsworking—menwhoobeytheirsocialinstinctsbyseekingsomethinginthenatureofaclub，andthereforeresortingtoplaceswherestimulantsaresold，istotakethecoursesoablyadvocatedbyBishopPotter:
　　namely，tofurnishplacesofrefreshmentandamusementwhichshallbefreefromalltendencytobeastliness，andwhich，withcheerfulopenfireplaces，gamesofvarioussorts，goodcoffeeandtea，and，ifnecessary，lightbeerandwine，shallbemoreattractivethanthe``saloons’’
　　and``dives’’whicharedoingourcountrysuchvastharm。
　　Myadvicetoallmenistodrinknothingbutwater。
　　Thatiscertainlythewisestwayforninemenoutoften——andprobablyforallten。Indeed，onereasonwhythegreatbodyofourpeopleaccomplishsomuchmoreinagiventimethanthoseofanyothercountry，andwhytheaverageAmericanworking—man``catcheson’’and``gitsthar’’morecertainlyandquicklythanamanofthesamesortinanyothercountry（andcarefulcomparisonbetweenvariousothercountriesandourownhasshownthatthisisthecase），isthatamuchlargerproportionofourpeopledonotstupefythemselveswithstimulants。
　　InwhatIhavesaidaboveIhavehadinviewtheproblemasitreallystands:namely，theexistenceofaverylargenumberofpeoplewhoWILLhavestimulantsofsomekind。Insuchcasescommonsensewouldseemtodictatethat，inthecaseofthosewhopersistinusingdistilledliquors，somethingoughttobedonetosubstitutethosewhicharepureforthosewhichareabsolutelypoisonousandmaddening;and，inthecaseofthosewhomerelyseekamildstimulant，tosubstitutefordistilledliquorslightfermentedbeverages;and，inthecaseofthosewhoseekmerelyrecreationaftertoil，tosubstituteforbeverageswhichcontainalcohol，lightbeverageslikecoffee，tea，andchocolate。
　　Thisisalongdigression，butliberavianimammeam，andnowIreturntomymainsubject。
　　TheAmericancommissionersweretreatedwithgreatkindnessbytheFrenchauthorities。Therewereexceedinglyinterestingreceptionsbyvariousministers，andattheseonemetthemenbestworthknowinginFrance:
　　themenfamousinscience，literature，andart，whoredeemFrancefromthedisgraceheapeduponherbythewretchedcreatureswhomostnoisilyrepresentherthroughsensationalnewspapers。
　　OfthemenwhoimpressedmemostwasHenriMartin，theeminenthistorian。HediscussedwithmethehistoryofFranceinawaywhicharousedmanynewtrainsofthought。JulesSimon，eminentbothasascholarandastatesman，didmuchforme。OnoneoccasionhetookmeaboutParis，showingmeplacesofspecialinterestconnectedwiththemorestrikingscenesoftheRevolutionaryperiod;onanother，hewentwithmetothedistributionofprizesattheFrenchAcademy——amoststrikingscene;
　　andonstillanotherhepilotedmethroughhisbeautifullibrary，pointingoutvariousvolumesinwhichwereembeddedbulletswhichthecommunardshadfiredthroughhiswindowsfromtheroofoftheMadeleinejustopposite。
　　AnotherinterestingexperiencewasabreakfastwiththeeminentchemistSainte—ClaireDeville，atwhichImetPasteur，whoafterwardtookmethroughhislaboratories，wherehewasthenmakingsomeofhismostimportantexperiments。Inonepartofhisdomaintherewerecagescontainingdogs，andonmyaskingaboutthemhesaidthathewasbeginningacourseofexperimentsbearingonthecausesandcureofhydrophobia。Nothingcouldbemoresimpleandmodestthanthisannouncementofoneofthemostfruitfulinvestigationsevermade。
　　Visitstovariousinstitutionsoflearninginterestedmemuch，amongtheseasecondvisittotheAgriculturalCollegeatGrignonandthewonderfulConservatoiredesArtsetMtiers，whichgavemenewideasforthesimilardepartmentsatCornell，andamorningatthecoleNormale，whereIsawaltogetherthebestteachingofaLatinclassicthatIhaveeverknown。AsIheardProfessorDesjardinsdiscussingwithhisclassoneofCicero’slettersinthelightofmodernmonumentsintheLouvreandofrecentarchaeologicaldiscoveries，Ilongedtobeaboyagain。
　　AmongthestatesmenwhomImetatthattimeinFrance，astrongimpressionwasmadeuponmebyonewhohadplayedaleadingpartintheearlydaysofNapoleonIII，butwhowasatthistimelivinginretirement，M。DrouyndeLhuys。Hehadwondistinctionasministerofforeignaffairs，but，havingretiredfrompolitics，hadgivenhimselfupinhisoldagetovariousgoodenterprises，amongthese，tothegreatReformSchoolatMettray。
　　Thisheurgedmetovisit，and，althoughitwasataconsiderabledistancefromParis，Itookhisadvice，andwasmuchinterestedinit。Theschoolseemedtomewelldeservingthoroughstudybyallespeciallyinterestedintheproblemofcrimeinourowncountry。
　　ThereisinFranceasystemunderwhich，whenanyyoungmanisevidentlygoingallwrong，——squanderinghispatrimonyandbringinghisfamilyintodisgrace，——afamilycouncilcanbecalled，withpowertoplacethewaywardyouthunderrestraint;andhere，inonepartoftheMettrayestablishment，wereroomsinwhichsuchyouthsweredetainedinaccordancewiththerequestsoffamilycouncils。
　　Itappearedthatsomehadderivedbenefitfromthesedetentions，fortherewereshownmeoneortwolettersfromthem:one，indeed，writtenbyayoungmanonthebottomofadrawer，andintendedfortheeyeofhissuccessorintheapartment，whichwasthemostcontriteyetmanlyappealIhaveeverread。
　　AnothermanofgreateminencewhomImetinthosedayswasThiers。IwastakenbyanoldadmirerofhistohisfamoushouseinthePlaceSt。Georges，andtherefoundhim，inthemidstofhisdevotees，receivinghomage。
　　Hesaidbutlittle，andthatlittlewascommonplace;butIwasnotespeciallydisappointed:myopinionofhimwasmadeuplongbefore，andtimehasbutconfirmedit。ThemoreIhaveconsideredhisdoingsasministerorparliamentarian，andthemoreIhavereadhisworks，whetherhispoliticalpamphletknownasthe``HistoryoftheFrenchRevolution，’’whichdidsomuchtoarousesterilecivilstruggles，orhis``HistoryoftheConsulateandoftheEmpire，’’whichdidsomuchtorevivetheNapoleoniclegend，orhisspeechesundertheconstitutionalmonarchyofLouisPhilippe，undertheRepublic，andundertheSecondEmpire，whichdidsomuchtopromoteconfusionandanarchy，thelessIadmirehim。Heseemstomeeminentlyanarchitectofruin。
　　ItistruethatwhenFrancewaswallowinginthemiseryintowhichheandmenlikehimhaddonesomuchtoplungeher，heexertedhimselfwonderfullytoaccomplishherrescue;butwhenthehistoryofthatcountryduringthelastcenturyshallbefairlywritten，hiscareer，brilliantasitonceappeared，willbeadmiredbynothinkingpatriot。
　　IcametohavefarmorerespectforanotherstatesmanwhomIthenmet——Duruy，theeminenthistorianofFranceandofRome，whohadlaboredsoearnestlyundertheSecondEmpire，bothasahistorianandaministerofstate，todevelopabasisforrationalliberty。
　　Seatednextmeatdinner，hemadearemarkwhichthrewmuchlightononeofthemostseriousfaultsoftheFrenchRepublic。Saidhe，``Monsieur，IwasministerofpublicinstructionundertheEmpireforsevenyears;sincemyleavingthatpostsixyearshaveelapsed，andinthattimeIhavehadsevensuccessors。’’
　　OnanotheroccasionhediscoursedwithmeaboutthespecialdifficultiesofFrance;andasImentionedtohimthatIrememberedhiscontroversywithCardinaldeBonnechose，inwhichthelattertriedtodrivehimoutofofficebecausehedidnotfetterscientificteachingintheUniversityofParis，hespokequitefreelywithme。Althoughnotatallaradical，andevidentlywillingtoactinconcertwiththechurchasfaraspossible，hegavemetounderstandthatthedemandsmadebyecclesiasticsuponeveryFrenchministrywereabsolutelyunendurable;
　　thatFrancenevercouldyieldtothesedemands;andthat，soonerorlater，agreatbreakmustcomebetweenthechurchandmodernsociety。Hisprophecynowseemsnearingfulfilment。
　　Amongthevariousmeetingswhichwereheldinconnectionwiththeexpositionwasaconventionofliterarymenforthepurposeofsecuringbetterinternationalarrangementsregardingcopyright。Havingbeenelectedamemberofthis，IhadthesatisfactionofhearingmostinterestingspeechesfromVictorHugo，Tourgueneff，andEdmondAbout。Thelattermadethebestspeechofall，andbyhisexquisitewitandpleasinghumorfullyshowedhisrighttothenamewhichhisenemieshadgivenhim——
　　``theVoltaireofthenineteenthcentury。’’
　　TheproceedingsofthisconventionclosedwithabanquetoverwhichVictorHugopresided;andofallthetryingthingsinmylife，perhapsthemostsowasthespeechwhichIthenattemptedinFrench，withVictorHugolookingatme。
　　TherewerealsovariouseducationalcongressesattheSorbonne，inwhichthediscussionsinterestedmemuch;
　　butsundryreceptionsattheFrenchAcademywerefarmoreattractive。OfalltheexquisiteliteraryperformancesIhaveeverknown，thespeechesmadeonthoseoccasionsbyM。CharlesBlanc，M。GastonBoissier，andthememberswhoreceivedthemwerethemostentertaining。
　　ToseethesewittyFrenchmenattackingeachotherinthemostpointedway，yetstillobservingalltheformsofpoliteness，andevencoveringtheiradversarieswithcompliments，givesonenewconceptionsofhumaningenuity。
　　Butwhetheritiscalculatedtoincreaserespectforthemainactorsisanotherquestion。
　　Theformalclosingoftheexpositionwasabrilliantpageant。VariousinventorsandexhibitorsreceivedgiftsanddecorationsfromthehandofthePresidentoftheRepublic，and，amongthem，Dr。Barnard，Story，andmyselfweregivenofficers’crossesoftheLegionofHonorwhichnoneofushaseverthoughtofwearing;but，alas！mySwiss—Americanfriendwhohadpleadedsopatheticallyhisheroicservicesin``Dastingdevinesundpeers’’forFrancedidnotreceiveeventhechevalier’sribbon，andtheexpressionofhisdisappointmentwasloudandlong。
　　Norwashetheonlydisappointedvisitor。ItwasmyfortuneonedayattheAmericanlegationtoobserveonedifficultywhichatthewesterncapitalsofEuropehasbecomeverytrying，andwhichmaybementionedtoshowthatanAmericanrepresentativehassometimestomeet。
　　AsIwassittingwithourminister，GovernorNoyesofOhio，therewasshownintotheroomalady，verystately，anddressedintheheightoffashion。Itwassoonevidentthatshewasonthewar—path。Shesaid，``Mr。
　　Minister，IhavecometoaskyouwhyitisthatIdonotreceiveanyinvitationstoballsandreceptionsgivenbythecabinetministers？’’GovernorNoyesansweredverypolitely，``Mrs。————，wehaveplacedyournameonthelistofthosewhomwewouldespeciallyliketohaveinvited，andhaveeveryhopethatitwillreceiveattention。’’Sheanswered，``Whyisitthatyoucandosomuchlessthanyourpredecessordidatthelastexposition？THENI
　　receivedalargenumberofinvitations;NOWIreceivenone。’’
　　Theministeranswered，``Iamverysorryindeed，madam;
　　butthereareperhapstwentyorthirtythousandAmericansinParis;thenumberoftheminvitedoneachoccasioncannotexceedfiftyorsixty;andtheFrenchauthoritiesarejustnowgivingpreferencetothosewhohavecomefromtheUnitedStatestotakesomespecialpartintheexpositionascommissionersorexhibitors。’’Atthistheladywasveryindignant。Sheroseandsaid，``Iwillgiveyounomoretrouble，Mr。Minister;butIamgoingbacktoAmerica，andshalltellSenatorConkling，whogavememyletterofintroductiontoyou，thateitherhehasverylittleinfluencewithyou，oryouhaveverylittleinfluencewiththeFrenchGovernment。Goodmorning！’’
　　Andsheflouncedoutoftheroom。
　　ThisissimplyanindicationofwhatisperhapsthemostvexatiousplaguewhichafflictsAmericanrepresentativesintheleadingEuropeancapitals，——amultitudeofpeople，moreorlessworthy，pressingtobepresentedatcourtortobeinvitedtoofficialfunctions。Thewholematterhasaridiculouslook，andhasbeenusedbysundrydemagoguesasatextuponwhichtoorateagainstthediplomaticserviceandtoarousepopularprejudiceagainstit。ButIthinkthatapatrioticAmericanmaywelltakethegroundthatwhilethereissomuchsnobberyshownbyacertainsortofAmericansabroad，itisnotanunwisethingtohaveineachcapitalamanwhointheintervalsofhismoreimportantduties，cankeepthisstrugglingmassoffollyfrombecomingascandalandabywordthroughoutEurope。Noonecanknow，untilhehasseentheinnerworkingsofourdiplomaticservice，howmuchdutyofthiskindisquietlydonebyourrepresentatives，andhowmanythingsarethusavoidedwhichwouldtendtobringscornuponourcountryanduponrepublicaninstitutions。
　　CHAPTERXXX
　　ASMINISTERTOGERMANY——1879—1881
　　Inthespringof1879Iwasathirdtimebroughtintothediplomaticservice，andinawaywhichsurprisedme。
　　ThePresidentoftheUnitedStatesatthatperiodwasMr。
　　HayesofOhio。IhadmethimonceatCornellUniversity，andhadaninterestingconversationwithhim，butneveranyothercommunication，directlyorindirectly。Great，then，wasmyastonishmentwhen，uponthedeathofBayardTaylorjustatthebeginningofhiscareerasministertoGermany，therecametomeanofferofthepostthusmadevacant。
　　MyfirstdutyafteracceptingitwastovisitWashingtonandreceiveinstructions。CallingupontheSecretaryofState，Mr。Evarts，andfindinghisroomsfilledwithpeople，Isaid:``Mr。Secretary，youareevidentlyverybusy;Icancomeatanyothertimeyoumayname。’’
　　Thereuponheanswered:``Comein，comein;therearejusttworulesattheStateDepartment:oneisthatnobusinessiseverdoneoutofofficehours;andtheotheris，thatnobusinessiseverdoneINofficehours。’’Itwassoonevidentthatthiswasaphrasetoputmeatease，ratherthananexactstatementoffact;and，aftermyconferencewithhim，severaldaysweregiventofamiliarizingmyselfwiththecorrespondenceofmyimmediatepredecessors，andwiththeviewsofthedepartmentonquestionsthenpendingbetweenthetwocountries。
　　DiningattheWhiteHousenextday，IheardMr。EvartswithstandthePresidentonaquestionwhichhasalwaysinterestedme——theadmissionofcabinetministerstotakepartinthedebatesofCongress。Mr。Hayespresentedthecaseinfavoroftheiradmissioncogently;buttheSecretaryofStateovermatchedhischief。Thisgreatlypleasedme;forIhadbeenlongconvincedthatnexttothepowergiventheSupremeCourt，thebestthingintheConstitutionoftheUnitedStatesisthatcompleteseparationoftheexecutivefromthelegislativepowerwhichpreventseveryCongressionalsessionbecomingaperpetualgladiatorialcombator，say，rather，apermanentgameoffoot—ball。AgainandagainIhaveheardEuropeanstatesmenlamentthattheirconstitution—
　　makershadadopted，inthisrespect，theBritishratherthantheAmericansystem。WhatitisinFrance，withcabalsorganizedtoousteverynewministerassoonasheisappointed，andtoprovidefora``newdeal’’fromthefirstinstantofanoldone，withanaverageofoneortwochangesofministryeveryyearasaresult，weallknow;
　　and，withtheexceptionoftheGermanparliament，Continentallegislaturesgenerallyarejustaboutasbad;indeed，insomerespectstheItalianparliamentisworse。
　　TheBritishsystemwouldhavecertainlyexcludedsuchadmirableSecretariesofStateasThomasJeffersonandHamiltonFish;possiblysuchasJohnQuincyAdams，Seward，andJohnHay。InGreatBritain，havingbeenevolvedinconformitywithitsenvironment，itissuccessful;butitissuccessfulnowhereelse。IhavealwayslookedbackwithgreatcomplacencyuponsuchmenasthoseabovenamedintheStateDepartment，andsuchasHamilton，Gallatin，Chase，Stanton，andGageinotherdepartments，sittingquietlyintheiroffices，givingcalmthoughttogovernmentbusiness，andallowingtheheathentorageattheirownsweetwillinbothhousesofCongress。Undertheothersystem，ourRepublicmightperhapshavebecomealmostasdelectableasVenezuelawithitshundredandfourrevolutionsinseventyyears[13]
　　[13]SeeLordLansdowne’sspeech，December，1902。
　　OnthedayfollowingIdinedwiththeSecretaryofState，andfoundhiminhisusualpleasantmood。Notingonhisdinner—servicethewords，``Factanonverba，’’I
　　calledhisattentiontothemasasingularmottoforaneminentlawyerandorator;whereuponhesaidthat，twooldmembersofCongressdiningwithhimrecently，oneofthemaskedtheotherwhatthosewordsmeant，towhichthereplywasgiven，``Theymean，`Victuals，nottalk。’’’
　　Onthewaytomypost，IstoppedinLondonandwastakentovariousinterestingplaces。AtthehouseofmyoldfriendandYaleclassmate，GeorgeWashburnSmalley，Imetanumberofveryinterestingpeople，andamongthesewasespeciallyimpressedbyMr。MeredithTownshend，whoseknowledgeofAmericanaffairsseemedamazinglyextensiveandpreternaturallyaccurate。AtthehouseofSirWilliamHarcourtImetLordRipon，aboutthattimeViceroyofIndia，whoseviewsondealingswithOrientalsinterestedmemuch。AttheRoyalInstitutionanoldacquaintancewasrenewedwithTyndallandHuxley;
　　andduringaneveningwiththeeminentpainter，Mr。
　　Alma—Tadema，athishouseinthesuburbs，andespeciallywhenreturningfromit，ImadeaverypleasantacquaintancewiththepoetBrowning。Ashiscarriagedidnotarrive，Iofferedtotakehimhomeinmine;buthardlyhadwestartedwhenwefoundourselvesinadensefog，anditshortlybecameevidentthatourdriverhadlosthisway。Ashewanderedaboutforperhapsanhour，hopingtofindsomeindicationofit，Browning’sconversationwasveryagreeable。Itranatfirstoncurrentquestions，thenontravel，andfinallyonart，——allverysimplyandnaturally，withnotatraceofposingorparadox。Rememberingtheobscurityofhisverse，Iwassurprisedatthelucidityofhistalk。Butatlast，bothofusbecomingsomewhatanxious，wecalledahaltandquestionedthedriver，whoconfessedthathehadnoideawherehewas。
　　Asgood，orill，luckwouldhaveit，therejustthenemergedfromthefoganemptyhansom—cab，andfindingthatitsdriverknewmorethanours，Iengagedhimaspilot，firsttoBrowning’shouse，andthentomyown。
　　OneoldfriendtowhomIwasespeciallyindebtedwasSirCharlesReed，whohadbeenmyfellow—commissionerattheParisandPhiladelphiaexpositions。Thankstohim，IwasinvitedtothedinnerofthelordmayorattheGuildhall。Aswelingeredinthelibrarybeforegoingtothetable，opportunitywasgiventostudyvariouseminentguests。FirstcameCairns，thelordchancellor，inallthegloryofofficialrobesandwig;thenLordDerby;
　　thenLordSalisbury，who，ifIrememberrightly，wasministerofforeignaffairs;then，afterseveralotherdistinguishedpersonages，mostinterestingofall，LordBeaconsfield，theprimeminister。Hewasthelasttoarrive，andimmediatelyafterhiscominghepresentedhisarmtotheladymayoress，andtheprocessiontookitswaytowardthegreathall。Frommyseat，whichwasbutalittlewayfromthehightable，Ihadagoodopportunitytoobservethesemenandtoheartheirspeeches。