Everycarriagewindowwasfullofthosebrownfiguresandred—brownfaces,handswerewavingvaguely,voicescallingvaguely,hereandthereonecheered;someoneleaningfaroutstartedtosing:"Ifauldacquaintance——"ButNoelstoodquitestillintheshadowofthemilk—cans,herlipsdrawnin,herhandshardclenchedinfrontofher;andyoungMorlandathiswindowgazedbackather。
2
HowshecametobesittinginTrafalgarSquareshedidnotknow。
Tearshadformedamistbetweenherandallthatseething,summer—
eveningcrowd。Hereyesmechanicallyfollowedthewanderingsearch—
lights,thosenewmilkyways,quarteringtheheavensandleadingnowhere。Allwaswonderfullybeautiful,theskyadeepdarkblue,themoonlightwhiteningthespireofSt。Martin’s,andeverywhereendowingthegreatblacked—outbuildingswithdream—life。Eventhelionshadcometolife,andstaredoutoverthismoonlitdesertoflittlehumanfigurestoosmalltobeworththestretchingoutofapaw。Shesatthere,achingdreadfully,asifthelongingofeverybereavedheartinallthetownhadsettledinher。Shefeltittonightathousandtimesworse;forlastnightshehadbeendruggedonthenewsensationoflovetriumphantlyfulfilled。Nowshefeltasiflifehadplacedherinthecornerofahugesilentroom,blownouttheflameofjoy,andlockedthedoor。Alittledrysobcamefromher。Thehay—fieldsandCyril,withshirtunbuttonedattheneck,pitchinghayandgazingatherwhileshedabbledherforkinthethinleavings。Thebrightriver,andtheirboatgroundedontheshallows,andtheswallowsflittingoverthem。Andthatlongdance,withthefeelofhishandbetweenhershoulder—blades!Memoriessosweetandsharpthatshealmostcriedout。ShesawagaintheirdarkgrassycourtyardintheAbbey,andthewhiteowlflyingoverthem。Thewhiteowl!Flyingthereagainto—night,withnoloversonthegrassbelow!ShecouldonlypictureCyrilnowasabrownatominthatswirlingbrownfloodofmen,flowingtoahugebrownsea。Thosecruelminutesontheplatform,whenshehadsearchedandsearchedthewalkingwoodforher,onetree,seemedtohaveburnedthemselvesintohereyes。Cyrilwaslost,shecouldnotsinglehimout,allblurredamongthosethousandothershapes。Andsuddenlyshethought:’AndI
——I’mlosttohim;he’sneverseenmeathome,neverseenmeinLondon;hewon’tbeabletoimagineme。It’sallinthepast,onlythepast——forbothofus。Isthereanybodysounhappy?’Andthetown’svoices—wheels,andpassingfeet,whistles,talk,laughter—
seemedtoanswercallously:’Notone。’Shelookedatherwrist—
watch;likehis,ithadluminoushands:’Half—pastten’wasgreenishlyimprintedthere。Shegotupindismay。Theywouldthinkshewaslost,orrunover,orsomethingsilly!Shecouldnotfindanemptytaxi,andbegantowalk,uncertainofherwayatnight。Atlastshestoppedapoliceman,andsaid:
"WhichisthewaytowardsBloomsbury,please?Ican’tfindataxi。"
Themanlookedather,andtooktimetothinkitover;thenhesaid:
"They’relinin’upforthetheatres,"andlookedatheragain。
Somethingseemedtomoveinhismechanism:
"I’mgoin’thatway,miss。Ifyoulike,youcanstepalongwithme。"
Noelsteppedalong。
"Thestreetsaren’twhattheyoughttobe,"thepolicemansaid。
"Whatwiththedarkness,andthewarturningthegirlsheads——you’dbesurprisedthenumberofthemthatcomesout。It’sthesoldiers,ofcourse。"
Noelfelthercheeksburning。
"Idaresayyouwouldn’thavenoticedit,"thepolicemanwenton:"butthiswar’safunnything。ThestreetsaregayerandmorecrowdedatnightthanI’veeverseenthem;it’safairpicnicallthetime。
Whatwe’regoin’tosettledowntowhenpeacecomes,Idon’tknow。I
supposeyoufinditquietenoughupyourway,miss?"
"Yes,"saidNoel;"quitequiet。"
"NosoldiersupinBloomsbury。YougotanyoneintheArmy,miss?"
Noelnodded。
"Ah!It’sanxioustimesforladies。WhatwiththeZeps,andtheirbrothersandallinFrance,it’s’arassin’。I’velostabrothermeself,andI’vegotaboyoutthereintheGardenofEden;hismothercarriesondreadfulabouthim。Whatweshallthinkofitwhenit’sallover,Ican’ttell。TheseHunsareawickedtoughlot!"
Noellookedathim;atallman,regularandorderly,withoneofthoseperfectlydecentfacessooftenseenintheLondonpolice。
"I’msorryyou’velostsomeone,"shesaid。"Ihaven’tlostanyoneverynear,yet。"
"Well,let’s’opeyouwon’t,miss。Thesetimesmakeyoufeelforothers,an’that’ssomething。I’venoticedagreatchangeinfolksyou’dneverthinkwouldfeelforanyone。AndyetI’veseensomewickedthingstoo;wedo,inthepolice。SomeoftheseEnglishwivesofaliens,and’armlesslittleGermanbakers,an’Austrians,andwhat—not:theygetacrooltime。It’stheirmisfortune,nottheirfault,that’swhatIthink;andthewaytheygetserved——well,itmakesyouashamedo’bein’Englishsometimes——itdoesstraight:Andthewomenaretheworst。Isaidtomywifeonlylastnight,Isaid:
’TheycallthemselvesChristians,’Isaid,’butforallthecharitythat’sin’emtheymightaswellbeHuns。’Shecouldn’tseeit—notshe!’Well,whydotheydropbombs?’shesays。’What!’Isaid,’thoseEnglishwivesandbakersdropbombs?Don’tbesilly,’Isaid。
’They’reasinnocentaswe。’It’stheinnocentthatgetspunishedfortheguilty。’Butthey’reallspies,’shesays。’Oh!’Isaid,’oldlady!Nowreally!Atyourtimeoflife!’Butthereitis;youcan’tgetawomantoseereason。It’sreadin’thepapers。Ioftenthinktheymustbewrittenbywomen——beggin’yourpardon,miss——butreely,the’ystericsandthe’atred——they’reafairknockout。D’youfindmuchhatredinyourhousehold,miss?"
Noelshookherhead。"No;myfather’saclergyman,yousee。"
"Ah!"saidthepoliceman。Andintheglancehebestowedonhercouldbeseenanaddedrespect。
"Ofcourse,"hewenton,"you’reboundtohaveasenseofjusticeagainsttheseHuns;someoftheirwaysofgoin’onhavebeenabovethelimit。ButwhatIalwaysthinkis——ofcourseIdon’tsaythesethings——nousetomakeyourselfunpopular——buttomeselfIoftenthink:Take’emmanforman,andyou’dfind’emmuchthesameasweare,Idaresay。It’stheviciouswaythey’rebroughtup,ofactin’
inthemass,that’smade’emsuchacroollot。Iseeagoodbitofcrowdsinmyprofession,andI’veaverylowopinionofthem。Crowdsarethemostblunderin’blightedthingsthateverwas。They’relikeanangrywomanwithabandageoverhereyes,an’youcan’thaveanythingmoredangerousthanthat。TheseGermans,itseems,arealwaysinacrowd。Theygetastateo’mindreadouttothembyBillKaserandallthatbloody—mindedlot,an’theyneverstoptothinkforthemselves。"
"Isupposethey’dbeshotiftheydid,"saidNoel。
"Well,thereisthat,"saidthepolicemanreflectively。"They’vebroughtdisciplinetoan’ighpitch,nodoubt。An’ifyouaskme,"——
heloweredhisvoicetillitwasalmostlostinhischin—strap,"we’llberunnin’’emagoodsecond’ere,beforelong。Thethingswe’avetoprotectnowaregettin’beyondajoke。There’stheCityagainstlights,there’sthestreetsagainstdarkness,there’sthealiens,there’sthealiens’shops,there’stheBelgians,there’stheBritishwives,there’sthesoldiersagainstthewomen,there’sthewomenagainstthesoldiers,there’sthePeaceParty,there’s’orsesagainstcroolty,there’saCabinetMinistereverynowan’then;andnowwe’vegottheseConchies。And,mindyou,theyhaven’traisedourpay;nowarwagesinthepolice。SofarasIcansee,there’sonlyonegoodresultofthewar——theburglariesareoff。Butthereagain,youwaitabitandseeifwedon’thaveaprizecropof’m,ormyname’snot’Arris。"
"Youmusthaveanawfullyexcitinglife!"saidNoel。
Thepolicemanlookeddownathersideways,withoutloweringhisface,asonlyapolicemancan,andsaidindulgently:
"We’reusedtoit,yousee;there’snoexcitementinwhatyou’reusedto。Theyfindthatinthetrenches,I’mtold。Takeourseamen——
there’slotsof’embeenblownupoverandoveragain,andtheretheygoandsignonagainnextday。That’swheretheGermansmaketheirmistake!Englandinwar—time!Ithinkalot,youknow,onmygo;
youcan’t’elpit——themindwillwork——an’themoreIthink,themoreIseethefightin’spiritinthepeople。Wedon’tmakeafussaboutitlikeBillKaser。Butyouwatchalittleshopman,oneo’thosefellowswho’shadhishousebombed;youwatchthewayhelooksatthemess——sortofdisgusted。Youwatchhisface,andyouseehe’sgothisteethintoit。YouwatchoneofourTommieson’iscrutches,withthesweatpourin’offhisforeheadan’’iseyesallstrainy,stumpin’along——thatgivesyouanidea!IpitythesePeacefellows,reelyIpitythem;theydon’tknowwhatthey’reupagainst。Iexpectthere’stimeswhenyouwishyouwasaman,don’tyou,miss?I’msurethere’stimeswhenIfeelI’dliketogointhetrenches。That’stheworsto’myjob;youcan’tbeahumanbein’——notinthefullsenseoftheword。Youmustn’tletyourpassionsrise,youmustn’tdrink,youmustn’ttalk;it’sanarrowwalko’life。Well,hereyouare,miss;
yourSquare’sthenextturnin’totheright。Goodnightandthankyouforyourconversation。"
Noelheldoutherhand。"Goodnight!"shesaid。
Thepolicemantookherhandwithaqueer,flatteredembarrassment。
"Goodnight,miss,"hesaidagain。"Iseeyou’vegotatrouble;andI’msureIhopeit’llturnoutforthebest。"
Noelgavehishugehandasqueeze;hereyeshadfilledwithtears,andsheturnedquicklyuptowardstheSquare,whereadarkfigurewascomingtowardsher,inwhomsherecognisedherfather。Hisfacewaswornandharassed;hewalkedirresolutely,likeamanwhohaslostsomething。
"Nollie!"hesaid。"ThankGod!"Inhisvoicewasaninfiniterelief。"Mychild,wherehaveyoubeen?"
"It’sallright,Daddy。Cyrilhasjustgonetothefront。I’vebeenseeinghimofffromCharingCross。"
Piersonslippedhisarmroundher。Theyenteredthehousewithoutspeaking……
3
Bytherailofhistransport,asfar——abouttwofeet——ashecouldgetfromanyone,CyrilMorlandstoodwatchingCalais,adreamcity,brightenoutoftheheatandgrowsolid。Hecouldhearthegunsalready,thevoiceofhisnewlife—talkinginthedistance。Itcamewithitsstrangeexcitementintoabeingheldbysoftandmarvellousmemories,byonelongvisionofNoelandthemoonlitgrass,underthedarkAbbeywall。Thismomentofpassagefromwondertowonderwasquitetoomuchforaboyunusedtointrospection,andhestoodstaringstupidlyatCalais,whilethethunderofhisnewlifecamerollinginonthatpassionatemoonlitdream。
VII
AftertheemotionsofthoselastthreedaysPiersonwokewiththefeelingashipmusthavewhenitmakeslandfall。Suchreliefsarenatural,andasaruledelusive;foreventsareasmuchtheparentsofthefutureastheywerethechildrenofthepast。Tobeathomewithbothhisgirls,andresting——forhisholidaywouldnotbeoverfortendays——waslikeoldtimes。NowGeorgewasgoingonsowellGratianwouldbeherselfagain;nowCyrilMorlandwasgoneNoelwouldlosethatsuddenyouthfullovefever。PerhapsintwoorthreedaysifGeorgecontinuedtoprogress,onemightgooffwithNoelsomewhereforone’slastweek。Inthemeantimetheoldhouse,whereinwasgatheredsomuchremembranceofhappinessandpain,wasjustasrestfulasanywhereelse,andthecompanionshipofhisgirlswouldbeassweetasonanyoftheirpastramblingholidaysinWalesorIreland。Andthatfirstmorningofperfectidleness——fornooneknewhewasbackinLondon——pottering,andplayingthepianointhehomelydrawing—roomwherenothingtospeakofwaschangedsincehiswife’sday,wasverypleasant。Hehadnotyetseenthegirls,forNoeldidnotcomedowntobreakfast,andGratianwaswithGeorge。
Discoverythattherewasstilla,barrierbetweenhimandthemcamebutslowlyinthenexttwodays。Hewouldnotacknowledgeit,yetitwasthere,intheirvoices,intheirmovements——ratheranabsenceofsomethingoldthanthepresenceofsomethingnew。Itwasasifeachhadsaidtohim:"Weloveyou,butyouarenotinoursecrets——andyoumustnotbe,foryouwouldtrytodestroythem。"Theyshowednofearofhim,butseemedtobepushinghimunconsciouslyaway,lestheshouldrestrainoralterwhatwasverydeartothem。Theywerebothfondofhim,buttheirnatureshadsetfootondefinitelydivergingpaths。Theclosertheaffection,themorewatchfultheywereagainstinterferencebythataffection。Noelhadalookonherface,halfdazed,halfproud,whichtouched,yetvexedhim。Whathadhedonetoforfeitherconfidence——surelyshemustseehownaturalandrighthisoppositionhadbeen!Hemadeonegreatefforttoshowtherealsympathyhefeltforher。Butsheonlysaid:"Ican’ttalkofCyril,Daddy;Isimplycan’t!"Andhe,whoeasilyshrankintohisshell,couldnotbutacquiesceinherreserve。
WithGratianitwasdifferent。Heknewthatanencounterwasbeforehim;astrugglebetweenhimandherhusband——forcharacteristicallyhesetthechangeinher,thedefectionofherfaith,downtoGeorge,nottospontaneousthoughtandfeelinginherself。Hedreadedandyetlookedforwardtothisencounter。Itcameonthethirdday,whenLairdwasup,lyingonthatverysofawherePiersonhadsatlisteningtoGratian’sconfessionofdisbelief。Exceptforputtinginhisheadtosaygoodmorning,hehadnotyetseenhisson—in—law:Theyoungdoctorcouldnotlookfragile,thebuildofhisface,withthatlawandthoseheavycheekboneswastoomuchagainstit,buttherewasabouthimenoughofthelookofhavingcomethroughahardfighttogivePierson’sheartasqueeze。
"Well,George,"hesaid,"yougaveusadreadfulfright!IthankGod’smercy。"Withthathalf—mechanicalphrasehehadflunganunconsciouschallenge。Lairdlookedupwhimsically。
"SoyoureallythinkGodmerciful,sir?"
"Don’tletusargue,George;you’renotstrongenough。"
"Oh!I’mpiningforsomethingtobiteon。"
PiersonlookedatGratian,andsaidsoftly:
"God’smercyisinfinite,andyouknowitis。"
LairdalsolookedatGratian,beforeheanswered:
"God’smercyissurelytheamountofmercymanhassucceededinarrivingat。Howmuchthatis,thiswartellsyou,sir。"
Piersonflushed。"Idon’tfollowyou,"hesaidpainfully。"Howcanyousaysuchthings,whenyouyourselfareonlyjustNo;Irefusetoargue,George;Irefuse。"
Lairdstretchedouthishandtohiswife,whocametohim,andstoodclaspingitwithherown。"Well,I’mgoingtoargue,"hesaid;"I’msimplyburstingwithit。Ichallengeyou,sir,toshowmewherethere’sanysignofaltruisticpity,exceptinman。Motherlovedoesn’tcount——motherandchildaretoomuchone。"
Thecurioussmilehadcomealready,onboththeirfaces。
"MydearGeorge,isnotmanthehighestworkofGod,andmercythehighestqualityinman?"
"Notabit。Ifgeologicaltimebetakenastwenty—fourhours,man’sexistenceonearthsofarequalsjusttwosecondsofit;afterafewmoreseconds,whenmanhasbeenfrozenofftheearth,geologicaltimewillstretchforaslongagain,beforetheearthbumpsintosomething,andbecomesnebulaoncemore。God’shandshaven’tbeenparticularlyfull,sir,havethey——twosecondsoutoftwenty—fourhours——ifmanisHispetconcern?Andastomercybeingthehighestqualityin,man,that’sonlyamodernfashionoftalking。Man’shighestqualityisthesenseofproportion,forthat’swhatkeepshimalive;andmercy,logicallypursued,wouldkillhimoff。It’sasortofaluxuryorby—product。"
"George!Youcanhavenomusicinyoursoul!Scienceissuchalittlething,ifyoucouldonlysee。"
"Showmeabigger,sir。"
"Faith。"
"Inwhat?"
"Inwhathasbeenrevealedtous。"
"Ah!Thereitisagain!Bywhom——how?
"ByGodHimself——throughourLord。"
AfaintflushroseinLaird’syellowface,andhiseyesbrightened。
"Christ,"hesaid;"ifHeexisted,whichsomepeople,asyouknow,doubt,wasaverybeautifulcharacter;therehavebeenothers。ButtoaskustobelieveinHissupernaturalnessordivinityatthistimeofdayistoaskustowalkthroughtheworldblindfold。Andthat’swhatyoudo,don’tyou?"
AgainPiersonlookedathisdaughter’sface。Shewasstandingquitestill,withhereyesfixedonherhusband。Somehowhewasawarethatallthesewordsofthesickman’swereforherbenefit。Anger,andasortofdespairrosewithinhim,andhesaidpainfully:
"Icannotexplain。TherearethingsthatIcan’tmakeclear,becauseyouarewilfullyblindtoallthatIbelievein。Forwhatdoyouimaginewearefightingthisgreatwar,ifitisnottoreestablishthebeliefinloveastheguidingprincipleoflife?"
Lairdshookhishead。"Wearefightingtoredressabalance,whichwasindangerofbeinglost。"
"Thebalanceofpower?"
"Heavens!——no!Thebalanceofphilosophy。"
Piersonsmiled。"Thatsoundsveryclever,George;butagain,Idon’tfollowyou。"
"Thebalancebetweenthesayings:’MightisRight,’and’RightisMight。’They’rebothhalf—truth,butthefirstwasbeatingtheotheroutofthefield。Alltherestofitiscant,youknow。Andbytheway,sir,yourChurchissolidforpunishmentoftheevildoer。
Where’smercythere?EitheritsGodisnotmerciful,orelseitdoesn’tbelieveinitsGod。"
"Justpunishmentdoesnotprecludemercy,George。"
"ItdoesinNature。"
"Ah!Nature,George——alwaysNature。GodtranscendsNature。"
"ThenwhydoesHegiveitafreerein?Amantoofondofdrink,orwomen——howmuchmercydoeshegetfromNature?Hisoverindulgencebringsitsexactequivalentofpenalty;lethimpraytoGodasmuchashelikes——unlesshealtershiswayshegetsnomercy。Ifhedoesalterhisways,hegetsnomercyeither;hejustgetsNature’sduereward。WeEnglishwhohaveneglectedbrainandeducation——howmuchmercyarewegettinginthiswar?Mercy’saman—madeornament,disease,orluxury——callitwhatyouwill。Exceptthat,I’venothingtosayagainstit。Onthecontrary,Iamallforit。"
OncemorePiersonlookedathisdaughter。Somethinginherfacehurthim——thesilentintensitywithwhichshewashangingonherhusband’swords,theeagersearchofhereyes。Andheturnedtothedoor,saying:
"Thisisbadforyou,George。"
HesawGratianputherhandonherhusband’sforehead,andthought——
jealously:’HowcanIsavemypoorgirlfromthisinfidelity?Aremytwentyyearsofcaretogofornothing,againstthismodernspirit?’
Downinhisstudy,thewordswentthroughhismind:"Holy,holy,holy,MercifulandMighty!"Andgoingtothelittlepianointhecorner,heopenedit,andbeganplayingthehymn。Heplayeditsoftlyontheshabbykeysofthisthirty—yearoldfriend,whichhadbeenwithhimsinceCollegedays;andsangitsoftlyinhiswornvoice。
Asoundmadehimlookup。Gratianhadcomein。Sheputherhandonhisshoulder,andsaid:
"Iknowithurtsyou,Dad。Butwe’vegottofindoutforourselves,。
haven’twe?AllthetimeyouandGeorgeweretalking,Ifeltthatyoudidn’tseethatit’sIwho’vechanged。It’snotwhathethinks,butwhatI’vecometothinkofmyownaccord。Iwishyou’dunderstandthatI’vegotamindofmyown,Dad。"
Piersonlookedupwithamazement。
"Ofcourseyouhaveamind。"
Gratianshookherhead。"No,youthoughtmymindwasyours;andnowyouthinkit’sGeorge’s。Butit’smyown。Whenyouweremyageweren’tyoutryinghardtofindthetruthyourself,anddifferingfromyourfather?"
Piersondidnotanswer。Hecouldnotremember。Itwaslikestirringastickamongstadriftoflastyear’sleaves,toawakenbutadryrustling,avaguesenseofunsubstantiality。Searched?Nodoubthehadsearched,buttheprocesshadbroughthimnothing。Knowledgewasallsmoke!Emotionalfaithalonewastruth——reality"Ah,Gracie!"hesaid,"searchifyoumust,butwherewillyoufindbottom?Thewellistoodeepforus。YouwillcomebacktoGod,mychild,whenyou’retiredout;theonlyrestisthere。"
"Idon’twanttorest。Somepeoplesearchalltheirlives,anddiesearching。Whyshouldn’tI。
"Youwillbemostunhappy,mychild。"
"IfI’munhappy,Dad,it’llbebecausetheworld’sunhappy。Idon’tbelieveitoughttobe;Ithinkitonlyis,becauseitshutsitseyes。"
Piersongotup。"YouthinkIshutmyeyes?"
Gratiannodded。
"IfIdo,itisbecausethereisnootherwaytohappiness。"
"Areyouhappy;Dad?"
"Ashappyasmynaturewillletmebe。Imissyourmother。IfI
loseyouandNoel——"
"Oh,butwewon’tletyou!"
Piersonsmiled。"Mydear,"hesaid,"IthinkIhave!"
VIII
1
Somewag,withabitofchalk,hadwrittentheword"Peace"onthreesuccessivedoorsofalittlestreetoppositeBuckinghamPalace。
ItcaughttheeyeofJimmyFort,limpinghometohisroomsfromaverylatediscussionathisClub,andtwistedhisleanshavenlipsintoasortofsmile。Hewasoneofthoserolling—stoneEnglishmen,whoseearlylivesarespentinallpartsoftheworld,andinallkindsofphysicalconflict——amanlikeahickorystick,tall,thin,bolt—upright,knotty,hardasnails,withacurvedfightingbacktohisheadandastraightfightingfronttohisbrownface。Hiswasthetypewhichbecomes,inagenerationorso,typicallyColonialorAmerican;butnoonecouldpossiblyhavetakenJimmyFortforanythingbutanEnglishman。Thoughhewasnearlyforty,therewasstillsomethingoftheboyinhisface,somethingfrankandcurly—
headed,gallantandfullofsteam,andhissmallsteadygreyeyeslookedoutonlifewithasortofcombativehumour。Hewasstillinuniform,thoughtheyhadgivenhimupasabadjobafterkeepinghimninemonthstryingtomendawoundedlegwhichwouldneverbesoundagain;andhewasnowintheWarOfficeinconnectionwithhorses,aboutwhichheknew。Hedidnotlikeit,havinglivedtoolongwithallsortsandconditionsofmenwhowereneitherEnglishnorofficial,acombinationwhichhefoundtrying。Hislifeindeed,justnow,boredhimtodistraction,andhewouldtentimesratherhavebeenbackinFrance。Thiswaswhyhefoundtheword"Peace"soexceptionallytantalising。
Reachinghisrooms,hethrewoffhistunic,towhosestiffregularityhestillhadarootedaversion;and,pullingoutapipe,filleditandsatdownathiswindow。
Moonshinecouldnotcoolthehottown,anditseemedsleepingbadly——thesevenmillionsleepersintheirmillionhomes。Soundlingeredon,neverquiteceased;thestaleodoursclunginthenarrowstreetbelow,thoughalittlewindwascreepingabouttosweetentheair。
’Cursethewar!’hethought。’Whatwouldn’tIgivetobesleepingout,insteadofinthisdamnedcity!’Theywhosleptintheopen,neglectingmorality,wouldcertainlyhavethebestofittonight,fornomoredewwasfallingthanfellintoJimmyFort’shearttocoolthefretofthatceaselessthought:’Thewar!Thecursedwar!’Intheunendingrowsoflittlegreyhouses,inhugecaravanserais,andthemansionsofthegreat,invillas,andhighslumtenements;inthegovernmentoffices,andfactories,andrailwaystationswheretheyworkedallnight;inthelonghospitalswheretheylayinrows;inthecampprisonsoftheinterned;inbarracks,work—houses,palaces——nohead,sleepingorwaking,wouldbefreeofthatthought:’The,cursedwar!’Aspirecaughthiseye,risingghostlyovertheroofs。
Ah!churchesalone,voidofthehumansoul,wouldbeunconscious!
Butfortherest,evensleepwouldnotfreethem!Hereamotherwouldbewhisperingthenameofherboy;thereamerchantwouldsnoreanddreamhewasdrowning,weightedwithgold;andawifewouldbeturningtostretchoutherarmsto—noone;andawoundedsoldierwakeoutofadreamtrenchwithsweatonhisbrow;andanewsvendorinhisgarretmutterhoarsely。Bythousandsthebereavedwouldbetossing,stiflingtheirmoans;bythousandstheruinedwouldbegazingintothedarkfuture;andhousewivesstrugglingwithsums;andsoldierssleepinglikelogs——fortomorrowtheydied;andchildrendreamingofthem;andprostituteslyinginstalewonderatthebusynessoftheirlives;andjournalistssleepingthesleepofthejust。Andoverthemall,inthemoonlightthatthought’Thecursedwar!’flappeditsblackwings,likeanoldcrow!"IfChristwerereal,"hemused,"He’dreachthatmoondown,andgochalking’Peace’withitoneverydoorofeveryhouse,alloverEurope。ButChrist’snotreal,andHindenburgandHarmsworthare!"AsrealtheywereastwogreatbullshehadonceseeninSouthAfrica,fighting。Heseemedtohearagainthestampandsnortandcrashofthosethickskulls,toseethebeastsrecoilinganddrivingateachother,andthelittleredeyesofthem。Andpullingaletteroutofhispocket,hereaditagainbythelightofthemoon:
"15,CamelotMansions,"St。John’sWood。
"DEARMR。FORT,"IcameacrossyourClubaddressto—night,lookingatsomeoldletters。DidyouknowthatIwasinLondon?IleftSteenbokwhenmyhusbanddied,fiveyearsago。I’vehadasimplyterrifictimesince。
WhiletheGermanSouthWestcampaignwasonIwasnursingoutthere,butcamebackaboutayearagotolendahandhere。Itwouldbeawfullynicetomeetyouagain,ifbyanychanceyouareinEngland。
I’mworkinginaV。A。D。hospitalintheseparts,butmyeveningsareusuallyfree。Doyourememberthatmoonlitnightatgrapeharvest?Thenightsherearen’tscentedquitelikethat。Listerine!
Oh!Thiswar!
"Withallgoodremembrances,"LEILALYNCH。"
Aterrifictime!Ifhedidnotmistake,LeilaLynchhadalwayshadaterrifictime。Andhesmiled,seeingagainthestoepofanoldDutchhouseatHighConstantia,andawomansittingthereunderthewhiteflowersofasweet—scentedcreeper——aprettywoman,witheyeswhichcouldputaspellonyou,awomanhewouldhavegotentangledwithifhehadnotcutandrunforit!Tenyearsago,andhereshewasagain,refreshinghimoutofthepast。Hesniffedthefragranceofthelittleletter。Howeverybodyalwaysmanagedtoworkintoaletterwhattheyweredoinginthewar!Ifheansweredherhewouldbesuretosay:"SinceIgotlamed,I’vebeenattheWarOffice,workingonremounts,andadulljobitis!"LeilaLynch!Womendidn’tgetyounger,andhesuspectedherofbeingolderthanhimself。
第4章