"Ifhedies,Dad——"shewhispered。
"HewillhavediedfortheCountry,mylove,asmuchaseveroursoldiersdo。"
"Iknow;butthat’snocomfort。I’vebeenwatchinghereallday;
I’vebeenthinking;menwillbejustasbrutalafterwards——morebrutal。Theworldwillgoonthesame。"
"Wemusthopenot。Shallwepray,Gracie?"
Gratianshookherhead。
"IfIcouldbelievethattheworld——ifIcouldbelieveanything!
I’velostthepower,Dad;Idon’tevenbelieveinafuturelife。IfGeorgedies,weshallnevermeetagain。"
Piersonstaredatherwithoutaword。
Gratianwenton:"Thelasttimewetalked,IwasangrywithGeorgebecausehelaughedatmybelief;nowthatIreallywantbelief,I
feelthathewasright。"
Piersonsaidtremulously:
"No,no,mydear;it’sonlythatyou’reoverwrought。GodinHismercywillgiveyoubackbelief。"
"ThereisnoGod,Dad"
"Mydarlingchild,whatareyousaying?"
"NoGodwhocanhelpus;Ifeelit。IftherewereanyGodwhocouldtakepartinourlives,alteranythingwithoutourwill,kneworcaredwhatwedid——Hewouldn’tlettheworldgoonasitdoes。"
"But,mydear,Hispurposesareinscrutable。WedarenotsayHeshouldnotdothisorthat,ortrytofathomtowhatendsHeisworking。"
"ThenHe’snogoodtous。It’sthesameasifHedidn’texist。WhyshouldIprayforGeorge’slifetoOnewhoseendsarejustHisown?
IknowGeorgeoughtn’ttodie。Ifthere’saGodwhocanhelp,itwillbeawickedshameifGeorgedies;ifthere’saGodwhocanhelp,it’sawickedshamewhenbabiesdie,andallthesemillionsofpoorboys。Iwouldratherthinkthere’snoGodthanahelplessorawickedGod——"
Herfatherhadsuddenlythrownuphishandstohisears。Shemovedcloser,andputherarmroundhim。
"Daddear,I’msorry。Ididn’tmeantohurtyou。
Piersonpressedherfacedowntohisshoulder;andsaidinadullvoice:
"Whatdoyouthinkwouldhavehappenedtome,Gracie,ifIhadlostbeliefwhenyourmotherdied?Ihaveneverlostbelief。PrayGodI
nevershall!"
Gratianmurmured:
"GeorgewouldnotwishmetopretendIbelieve——hewouldwantmetobehonest。IfI’mnothonest,Ishan’tdeservethatheshouldlive。
Idon’tbelieve,andIcan’tpray。"
"Mydarling,you’reovertired。"
"No,Dad。"Sheraisedherheadfromhisshoulderand,claspingherhandsroundherknees,lookedstraightbeforeher。"Wecanonlyhelpourselves;andIcanonlybearitifIrebel。"
Piersonsatwithtremblinglips,feelingthatnothinghecouldsaywouldtouchherjustthen。Thesickman’sfacewashardlyvisiblenowinthetwilight,andGratianwentovertohisbed。Shestoodlookingdownathimalongtime。
"Goandrest,Dad;thedoctor’scomingagainateleven。I’llcallyouifIwantanything。Ishallliedownalittle,besidehim。"
Piersonkissedher,andwentout。Tolietherebesidehimwouldbethegreatestcomfortshecouldget。Hewenttothebarenarrowlittleroomhehadoccupiedeversincehiswifedied;and,takingoffhisboots,walkedupanddown,withafeelingofalmostcrushingloneliness。Bothhisdaughtersinsuchtrouble,andheofnousetothem!ItwasasifLifewerepushinghimutterlyaside!Hefeltconfused,helpless,bewildered。SurelyifGratianlovedGeorge,shehadnotleftGod’sside,whatevershemightsay。Then,consciousoftheprofoundheresyofthisthought,hestoodstillattheopenwindow。
Earthlylove——heavenlylove;wasthereanyanalogybetweenthem?
>FromtheSquareGardenstheindifferentwhisperoftheleavesanswered;andanewsvendoratthefarend,bawlinghisnightlytaleofmurder。
3
GeorgeLairdpassedthecrisisofhisillnessthatnight,andinthemorningwaspronouncedoutofdanger。Hehadasplendidconstitution,and——Scotsmanonhisfather’sside——afightingcharacter。Hecamebacktolifeveryweak,butavidofrecovery;andhisfirstwordswere:"I’vebeenhangingovertheedge,Gracie!"
Averyhighcliff,andhisbodyhalfover,balancing;oneinch,themerestfractionofaninchmore,andoverhewouldhavegone。Deucedrumsensation!Butnotsohorribleasitwouldhavebeeninreallife。Withtheslipofthatlastinchhefelthewouldhavepassedatonceintooblivion,withoutthelonghorrorofafall。Sothiswaswhatitwasforallthepoorfellowshehadseenslipinthepasttwoyears!Mercifully,attheend,onewasnotaliveenoughtobeconsciousofwhatonewasleaving,notaliveenougheventocare。Ifhehadbeenabletotakeinthepresenceofhisyoungwife,abletorealisethathewaslookingatherface,touchingherforthelasttime——itwouldhavebeenhell;ifhehadbeenuptorealisingsunlight,moonlight,thesoundoftheworld’slifeoutside,thesoftnessofthebedhelayon——itwouldhavemeantthemostpoignantanguishofdefraudment。Lifewasararegoodthing,andtobesquashedoutofitwithyourpowersatfull,awretchedmistakeinNature’sarrangements,awretchedvillainyonthepartofMan——forhisowndeath,likeallthoseothermillionsofprematuredeaths,wouldhavebeenduetotheidiocyandbrutalityofmen!Hecouldsmilenow,withGratianlookingdownathim,buttheexperiencehadheapedfuelonafirewhichhadalwayssmoulderedinhisdoctor’ssoulagainstthathalfemancipatedbreedofapes,thehumanrace。
Well,nowhewouldgetafewdaysofffromhisdeath—carnival!Andhelay,feastinghisreturningsensesonhiswife。Shemadeaprettynurse,andhispractisedeyejudgedheragoodone——firmandquiet。
GeorgeLairdwasthirty。AttheopeningofthewarhewasinanEast—Endpractice,andhadvolunteeredatonceforservicewiththeArmy。Forthefirstninemonthshehadbeenrightupinthethickofit。Apoisonedarm;ratherthantheauthorities,hadsenthimhome。
DuringthatleavehemarriedGratian。HehadknownthePiersonssometime;and,madeconsciousoftheinstabilityoflife,hadresolvedtomarryheratthefirstchancehegot。Forhisfather—in—lawhehadrespectandliking,evermixedwithwhatwasnotquitecontemptandnotquitepity。Theblendofauthoritywithhumility,clericwithdreamer,monkwithartist,mysticwithmanofaction,inPierson,excitedinhimaninterested,butoftenirritated,wonder。Hesawthingssodifferentlyhimself,andhadlittleofthehumorouscuriositywhichenjoyswhatisstrangesimplybecauseitisstrange。
Theycouldnevertalktogetherwithoutsoonreachingapointwhenhewantedtosay:"Ifwe’renottotrustourreasonandoursensesforwhatthey’reworth,sir——willyoukindlytellmewhatwearetotrust?Howcanweexertthemtotheutmostinsomematters,andinotherssuddenlyturnourbacksonthem?"Once,inoneoftheirdiscussions,whichoftenborderedonacrimony,hehadexpoundedhimselfatlength。
"Igrant,"hehadsaid,"thatthere’sagreatultimateMystery,thatweshallneverknowanythingforcertainabouttheoriginoflifeandtheprincipleoftheUniverse;butwhyshouldwesuddenlyshutupourenquiringapparatusanddenyalltheevidenceofourreason——say,aboutthestoryofChrist,orthequestionofafuturelife,orourmoralcode?Ifyouwantmetoenteratempleoflittlemysteries,leavingmyreasonandsensesbehind——asaMohammedanleaveshisshoes——itwon’tdotosaytomesimply:’Thereitis!Enter!’Youmustshowmethedoor;andyoucan’t!AndI’lltellyouwhy,sir。
Becauseinyourbrainthere’salittletwistwhichisnotinmine,orthelackofalittletwistwhichisinmine。Nothingmorethanthatdividesusintothetwomainspeciesofmankind,oneofwhomworships,andoneofwhomdoesn’t。Oh,yes!Iknow;youwon’tadmitthat,becauseitmakesyourreligionsnaturalinsteadofwhatyoucallsupernatural。ButIassureyouthere’snothingmoretoit。
Youreyeslookuportheylookdown——theyneverlookstraightbeforethem。Well,minedojusttheopposite。"
ThatdayPiersonhadbeenfeelingverytired,andthoughtomeetthisattackwasvital,hehadbeenunabletomeetit。Hisbrainhadstammered。Hehadturnedalittleaway,leaninghischeekonhishand,asiftocoverthatmomentarybreakinhisdefences。Somedayslaterhehadsaid:
"Iamablenowtoansweryourquestions,George。IthinkIcanmakeyouunderstand。"
Lairdhadanswered:"Allright,sir;goahead。"
"Youbeginbyassumingthatthehumanreasonisthefinaltestofallthings。Whatrighthaveyoutoassumethat?Supposeyouwereanant。Youwouldtakeyourant’sreasonasthefinaltest,wouldn’tyou?Wouldthatbethetruth?"Andasmilehadfixeditselfonhislipsabovehislittlegravebeard。
GeorgeLairdalsohadsmiled。
"Thatseemsagoodpoint,sir,"hesaid,"untilyourecognisethatI
don’ttake,thehumanreasonasfinaltestinanyabsolutesense。I
onlysayit’sthehighesttestwecanapply;andthat,behindthattestallisquitedarkandunknowable。"
"Revelation,then,meansnothingtoyou?"
"Nothing,sir。"
"Idon’tthinkwecanusefullygoon,George。"
"Idon’tthinkwecan,sir。Intalkingwithyou,Ialwaysfeellikefightingamanwithonehandtiedbehindhisback。"
"AndI,perhaps,feelthatIamarguingwithonewhowasblindfrombirth。"
Forallthat,theyhadoftenarguedsince;butneverwithoutthosepeculiarsmilescomingontheirfaces。Still,theyrespectedeachother,andPiersonhadnotopposedhisdaughter’smarriagetothisheretic,whomheknewtobeanhonestandtrustworthyman。IthadtakenplacebeforeLaird’sarmwaswell,andthetwohadsnatchedamonth’shoneymoonbeforehewentbacktoFrance,andshetoherhospitalinManchester。Sincethen,justoneFebruaryfortnightbytheseahadbeenalltheirtimetogether……
Intheafternoonhehadaskedforbeeftea,and,havingdrunkacup,said:
"I’vegotsomethingtotellyourfather。"
Butwarnedbythepallorofhissmilinglips,Gratiananswered:
"Tellmefirst,George。"
"Ourlasttalk,Gracie;well——there’snothing——ontheotherside。I
lookedover;it’sasblackasyourhat。"
Gratianshivered。
"Iknow。Whileyouwerelyingherelastnight,Itoldfather。"
Hesqueezedherhand,andsaid:"Ialsowanttotellhim。"
"Dadwillsaythemotiveforlifeisgone。"
"Isayitleapsoutallthemore,Gracie。Whatamesswemakeofit——weangel—apes!Whenshallwebemen,Iwonder?YouandI,Gracie,willfightforadecentlifeforeverybody。Nohands—uppingaboutthat!Benddown!It’sgoodtotouchyouagain;everything’sgood。
I’mgoingtohaveasleep……"
Afterthereliefofthedoctor’sreportintheearlymorningPiersonhadgonethroughahardstruggle。WhatshouldhewiretoNoel?Helongedtogetherbackhome,awayfromtemptationtotheburningindiscretionofthismarriage。ButoughthetosuppressreferencetoGeorge’sprogress?Wouldthatbehonest?Atlasthesentthistelegram:"Georgeoutofdangerbutveryweak。Comeup。"
Bytheafternoonpost,however,hereceivedaletterfromThirza:
"IhavehadtwolongtalkswithNoelandCyril。Itisimpossibletobudgethem。AndIreallythink,dearEdward,thatitwillbeamistaketoopposeitrigidly。Hemaynotgooutassoonaswethink。
Howwoulditbetoconsenttotheirhavingbannspublished?——thatwouldmeananotherthreeweeksanyway,andinabsencefromeachothertheymightbeinfluencedtoputitoff。I’mafraidthisistheonlychance,forifyousimplyforbidit,Ifeeltheywillrunoffandgetmarriedsomewhereataregistrar’s。"
PiersontookthisletteroutwithhimintotheSquareGarden,forpainfulcogitation。Nomancanholdapositionofspiritualauthorityforlongyearswithoutdevelopingthehabitofjudgment。
HejudgedNoel’sconducttobeheadlongandundisciplined,andtheveinofstubbornnessinhischaracterfortifiedthefatherandthepriestwithinhim。Thirzadisappointedhim;shedidnotseemtoseetheirretrievablegravityofthishastymarriage。Sheseemedtolookonitassomethingmuchlighterthanitwas,toconsiderthatitmightbelefttoChance,andthatifChanceturnedoutunfavourable,therewouldstillbeawayout。Tohimtherewouldbenowayout。
Helookedupatthesky,asifforinspiration。Itwassuchabeautifulday,andsobittertohurthischild,evenforhergood!
Whatwouldhermotherhaveadvised?SurelyAgneshadfeltatleastasdeeplyashimselftheuttersolemnityofmarriage!And,sittingthereinthesunlight,hepainfullyhardenedhisheart。Hemustdowhathethoughtright,nomatterwhattheconsequences。Sohewentinandwrotethathecouldnotagree,andwishedNoeltocomebackhomeatonce。
V
1
Butonthesameafternoon,justaboutthathour,Noelwassittingontheriver—bankwithherarmsfoldedtightacrossherchest,andbyhersideCyrilMorland,withdespairinhisface,wastwistingatelegram"Rejointonight。Regimentleavesto—morrow。"
Whatconsolationthatamillionsuchtelegramshadbeenreadandsorrowedovertheselasttwoyears!Whatcomfortthatthesunwasdailyblotteddimforhundredsofbrighteyes;thejoyoflifepouredoutandsoppedupbythesandsofdesolation!
"Howlonghavewegot,Cyril?"
"I’veengagedacarfromtheInn,soIneedn’tleavetillmidnight。
I’vepackedalready,tohavemoretime。"
"Let’shaveittoourselves,then。Let’sgooffsomewhere。I’vegotsomechocolate。"
Morlandansweredmiserably:
"Icansendthecaruphereformythings,andhaveitpickmeupattheInn,ifyou’llsaygoodbyetothemforme,afterwards。We’llwalkdowntheline,thenweshan’tmeetanyone。"
Andinthebrightsunlighttheywalkedhandinhandoneachsideofashiningrail。AboutsixtheyreachedtheAbbey。
"Let’sgetaboat,"saidNoel。"Wecancomebackherewhenit’smoonlight。Iknowawayofgettingin,afterthegate’sshut。"
Theyhiredaboat,rowedovertothefarbank,andsatonthesternseat,sidebysideunderthetreeswherethewaterwasstaineddeepgreenbythehighwoods。Iftheytalked,itwasbutawordoflovenowandthen,ortodraweachother’sattentiontoafish,abird,adragon—fly。Whatusemakingplans——forloversthechieftheme?
Longingparalysedtheirbrains。Theycoulddonothingbutpressclosetoeachother,theirhandsenlaced,theirlipsmeetingnowandthen。OnNoel’sfacewasastrangefixedstillness,asifshewerewaiting——expecting!Theyatetheirchocolates。Thesunset,dewbegantofall;theriverchanged,andgrewwhiter;theskypaledtothecolourofanamethyst;shadowslengthened,dissolvedslowly。Itwaspastninealready;awater—ratcameout,awhiteowlflewovertheriver,towardstheAbbey。Themoonhadcomeup,butshednolightasyet。Theysawnobeautyinallthis——tooyoung,toopassionate,toounhappy。
Noelsaid:"Whenshe’soverthosetrees,Cyril,let’sgo。It’llbehalfdark。"
Theywaited,watchingthemoon,whichcreptwithinfiniteslownessupandup,brighteningeversolittleeveryminute。
"Now!"saidNoel。AndMorlandrowedacross。
Theylefttheboat,andsheledthewaypastanemptycottage,toashedwitharoofslopinguptotheAbbey’slowouterwall。
"Wecangetoverhere,"shewhispered。
Theyclamberedup,andover,toapieceofgrassycourtyard,andpassedontoaninnercourt,undertheblackshadowofthehighwalls。
"What’sthetime?"saidNoel。
"Half—pastten。"
"Already!Let’ssithereinthedark,andwatchforthemoon。"
Theysatdownclosetogether。Noel’sfacestillhadonitthatstrangelookofwaiting;andMorlandsatobedient,withhishandonherheart,andhisownheartbeatingalmosttosuffocation。Theysat,stillasmice,andthemooncreptup。Itlaidafirstvaguegreynessonthehighwall,whichspreadslowlydown,andbrightenedtillthelichenandthegrassesuptherewerevisible;thencrepton,silveringthedarkabovetheirheads。Noelpulledhissleeve,andwhispered:"See!"Therecamethewhiteowl,softasasnowflake,driftingacrossinthatunearthlylight,asifflyingtothemoon。
Andjustthenthetopofthemoonitselflookedoverthewall,ashavingofsilverygold。Itgrew,becameabrightspreadfan,thenbalancedthere,fullandround,thecolourofpalehoney。
"Ours!"Noelwhispered。
2
>FromthesideoftheroadNoellistenedtillthesoundofthecarwaslostinthefoldsofthevalley。Shedidnotcry,butpassedherhandsoverherface,andbegantowalkhome,keepingtotheshadowofthetrees。Howmanyyearshadbeenaddedtoherageinthosesixhourssincethetelegramcame!Severaltimesinthatmileandahalfshesteppedintoapatchofbrightermoonlight,totakeoutandkissalittlephotograph,thenslipitbacknextherheart,heedlessthatsowarmaplacemustdestroyanyeffigy。Shefeltnotthefaintestcompunctionfortherecklessnessofherlove——itwasheronlycomfortagainstthecrushinglonelinessofthenight。Itkeptherup,madeherwalkonwithasortofpride,asifshehadgotthebestofFate。
Hewashersforevernow,inspiteofanythingthatcouldbedone。
Shedidnoteventhinkwhatshewouldsaywhenshegotin。Shecametotheavenue,andpassedupitstillinasortofdream。Herunclewasstandingbeforetheporch;shecouldhearhismutterings。Shemovedoutoftheshadowofthetrees,wentstraightuptohim,and,lookinginhisperturbedface,saidcalmly:
"Cyrilaskedmetosaygood—byetoyouall,Uncle。Goodnight!"
"But,Isay,Nollielookhereyou!"
Shehadpassedon。Shewentuptoherroom。There,bythedoor,herauntwasstanding,andwouldhavekissedher。Shedrewback:
"No,Auntie。Notto—night!"And,slippingby,shelockedherdoor。
BobandThirzaPierson,meetingintheirownroom,lookedateachotheraskance。Reliefattheirniece’ssafereturnwasconfusedbyotheremotions。BobPiersonexpressedhisfirst:
"Phew!Iwasbeginningtothinkweshouldwhavetodragtheriver。
Whatgirlsarecomingto!"
"It’sthewar,Bob。"
"Ididn’tlikeherface,oldgirl。Idon’tknowwhatitwas,butI
didn’tlikeherface。"
NeitherdidThirza,butshewouldnotadmitit,andencourageBobtotakeittoheart。Hetookthingssohardly,andwithsuchanoise!
Sheonlysaid:"Pooryoungthings!IsupposeitwillbearelieftoEdward!"
"IloveNollie!"saidBobPiersonsuddenly。"She’sanaffectionatecreature。D—nit,I’msorryaboutthis。It’snotsobadforyoungMorland;he’sgottheexcitement——thoughIshouldn’tliketobeleavingNollie,ifIwereyoungagain。ThankGod,neitherofourboysisengaged。ByGeorge!whenIthinkofthemoutthere,andmyselfhere,Ifeelasifthetopofmyheadwouldcomeoff。Andthosepoliticianchapsspoutingawayineverycountry——howtheycanhavethecheek!"
Thirzalookedathimanxiously。
"Andnodinner!"hesaidsuddenly。"Whatd’youthinkthey’vebeendoingwiththemselves?"
"Holdingeachother’shands,poordears!D’youknowwhattimeitis,Bob?Nearlyoneo’clock。"
"Well,allIcansayis,I’vehadawretchedevening。Gettobed,oldgirl。You’llbefitfornothing。"
Hewassoonasleep,butThirzalayawake,notexactlyworrying,forthatwasnothernature,butseeingNoel’sface,pale,languid,passionate,possessedbymemory。
VI
1
Noelreachedherfather’shousenextdaylateintheafternoon。
Therewasaletterinthehallforher。Shetoreitopen,andread:
"MYDARLINGLOVE,"Igotbackallright,andampostingthisatoncetotellyouweshallpassthroughLondon,andgofromCharingCross,Iexpectaboutnineo’clockto—night。Ishalllookoutforyou,there,incaseyouareupintime。EveryminuteIthinkofyou,andoflastnight。Oh!
Noel!
"Yourdevotedlover,"C。"
Shelookedatthewrist—watchwhich,likeeveryotherlittlepatriot,shepossessed。Pastseven!Ifshewaited,Gratianorherfatherwouldseizeonher。
"Takemythingsup,Dinah。I’vegotaheadachefromtravelling;I’mgoingtowalkitoff。PerhapsIshan’tbeintillpastnineorso。
Givemylovetothemall。"
"Oh,MissNoel,youcan’t,——"
ButNoelwasgone。ShewalkedtowardsCharingCross;and,tokilltime,wentintoarestaurantandhadthatsimplerepast,coffeeandabun,whichthoseinlovewouldalwaystakeifSocietydidnotforciblyfeedthemonotherthings。Foodwasridiculoustoher。Shesatthereinthemidstofaperfecthiveofcreatureseatinghideously。Theplacewasshapedlikeamodernprison,havingtiersofgalleryroundanopenspace,andintheairwasthesmellofviandsandtheclatterofplatesandthemusicofaband。Meninkhakieverywhere,andNoelglancedfromformtoformtoseeifbychanceonemightbethatwhichrepresented,forher,LifeandtheBritishArmy。Athalf—pasteightshewentoutandmadeherway:
throughthecrowd,stillmechanicallysearching"khaki"forwhatshewanted;anditwasperhapsfortunatethattherewasaboutherfaceandwalksomethingwhichtouchedpeople。Atthestationshewentuptoanoldporter,and,puttingashillingintohisastonishedhand,askedhimtofindoutforherwhenceMorland’sregimentwouldstart。
Hecamebackpresently,andsaid:
"Comewithme,miss。"
Noelwent。Hewasratherlame,hadgreywhiskers,andaghostlythinresemblancetoheruncleBob,whichperhapshadbeenthereasonwhyshehadchosenhim。64
"Brothergoin’out,miss?"
Noelnodded。
"Ah!It’sacroolwar。Ishan’tbesorrywhenit’sover。Goin’outandcomin’in,weseesomesadsights’ere。Wonderfulspiritthey’vegot,too。IneverlookattheclocknowbutwhatIthink:’Thereyougo,slow—coach!I’dliketosetyouontothedaytheboyscomeback!’WhenIputsabagin:’Anotherfor’ell"Ithinks。Andsoitis,miss,fromallIcan’ear。I’vegotasonouttheremeself。
It’s’erethey’llcomealong。Youstandquietandkeepalookout,andyou’llgetafewminuteswithhimwhenhe’sdonewith’ismen。I
wouldn’tmove,ifIwereyou;he’llcometoyou,allright——can’tmissyou,there。"And,lookingatherface,hethought:’Astonishin’
whataloto’brothersgo。Wotoh!Poorlittlemissy!Alittlelady,too。Wonderfulcollectedsheis。It’s’ard!’Andtryingtofindsomethingconsolingtosay,hemumbledout:"Youcouldn’tbeinabetterplaceforseen’imoff。Goodnight,miss;anythingelseI
candoforyou?"
"No,thankyou;you’reverykind。"
Helookedbackonceortwiceatherblue—cladfigurestandingverystill。Hehadleftheragainstalittleoasisofpiled—upemptymilk—cans,fardowntheplatformwhereafewciviliansinsimilarcasewerescattered。Thetrainwaywasemptyasyet。Inthegreyimmensityofthestationandtheturmoilofitsnoise,shefeltneitherlonelynorconsciousofotherswaiting;tooabsorbedintheonethoughtofseeinghimandtouchinghimagain。Theemptytrainbeganbackingin,stopped,andtelescopedwithaseriesoflittleclatteringbangs,backedonagain,andsubsidedtorest。Noelturnedhereyestowardsthestationarchways。Alreadyshefelttremulous,asthoughtheregimentweresendingbeforeitthevibrationofitsmarch。
Shehadnotasyetseenatroop—trainstart,andvagueimagesofbravearray,ofaflagfluttering,andthestirofdrums,besether。
Suddenlyshesawabrownswirlingmassdownthereattheveryedge,outofwhichathinbrowntrickleemergedtowardsher;nosoundofmusic,nowavedflag。Shehadalongingtorushdowntothebarrier,butrememberingthewordsoftheporter,stayedwhereshewas,withherhandstightlysqueezedtogether。Thetricklebecameastream,aflood,theheadofwhichbegantoreachher。Withaturbulenceofvoices,sunburntmen,burdeneduptothenose,passed,withriflesjuttingatallangles;shestrainedhereyes,staringintothatstreamasonemightintoawalkingwood,toisolateasingletree。
Herheadreeledwiththestrainofit,andtheefforttocatchhisvoiceamongthehubbubofallthosecheery,common,happy—go—luckysounds。Somewhosawhercluckedtheirtongues,somewentbysilent,othersseemedtoscanherasthoughshemightbewhattheywerelookingfor。Andeverthestreamandthehubbubmeltedintothetrain,andyetcamepouringon。Andstillshewaitedmotionless,withanawfulfear。Howcouldheeverfindher,orshehim?Thenshesawthatothersofthosewaitinghadfoundtheirmen。Andthelongingtorushupanddowntheplatformalmostovercameher;butstillshewaited。Andsuddenlyshesawhimwithtwootherofficerboys,closetothecarriages,comingslowlydowntowardsher。Shestoodwithhereyesfixedonhisface;theypassed,andshenearlycriedout。Thenheturned,brokeawayfromtheothertwo,andcamestraighttoher。Hehadseenherbeforeshehadseenhim。Hewasveryflushed,hadalittlefixedfrownbetweenhisblueeyesandasetjaw。Theystoodlookingateachother,theirhandshardgripped;
alltheemotionoflastnightwellingupwithinthem,sothattospeakwouldhavebeentobreakdown。Themilk—cansformedakindofshelter,andtheystoodsoclosetogetherthatnonecouldseetheirfaces。Noelwasthefirsttomasterherpowerofspeech;herwordscameout,daintyasever,throughtremblinglips:
"Writetomeasmuchaseveryoucan,Cyril。I’mgoingtobeanurseatonce。Andthefirstleaveyouget,Ishallcometoyou——don’tforget。"
"Forget!Movealittleback,darling;theycan’tseeushere。Kissme!"Shemovedback,thrustherfaceforwardsothatheneednotstoop,andputherlipsuptohis。Then,feelingthatshemightswoonandfalloveramongthecans,shewithdrewhermouth,leavingherforeheadagainsthislips。Hemurmured:
"Wasitallrightwhenyougotinlastnight?"
"Yes;Isaidgood—byeforyou。"
"Oh!Noel——I’vebeenafraid——Ioughtn’t——Ioughtn’t——"
"Yes,yes;nothingcantakeyoufrommenow。"
"Youhavegotpluck。Morethan!"
Alongwhistlesounded。Morlandgraspedherhandsconvulsively:
"Good—bye,mylittlewife!Don’tfret。Goodbye!Imustgo。Godblessyou,Noel!"
"Iloveyou。"
Theylookedateachother,justanothermoment,thenshetookherhandsfromhisandstoodbackintheshadowofthemilk—cans,rigid,followinghimwithhereyestillhewaslostinthetrain。
第3章