首页 >出版文学> Saint’s Progress>第15章
  Unwontedsilencereigned。Hetappedonthenurserydoor。Itwasdeserted;hepassedthroughtoNoel’sroom;butthattoowasempty。
  Thewardrobestoodopenasifithadbeenhastilyransacked,andherdressing—tablewasbare。Inalarmhewenttothebellandpulleditsharply。Theold—fashionedringofitjingledoutfarbelow。Theparlour—maidcameup。
  "WhereareMissNoelandNurse,Susan?"
  "Ididn’tknowyouwerein,sir。MissNoelleftmethisnotetogiveyou。They——I——"
  Piersonstoppedherwithhishand。"Thankyou,Susan;getmesometea,please。"Withthenoteunopenedinhishand,hewaitedtillshewasgone。Hisheadwasgoinground,andhesatdownonthesideofNoel’sbedtoread:
  "DARLINGDADDY,"Themanwhocamethismorningtoldmeofwhatisgoingtohappen。I
  simplywon’thaveit。I’msendingNurseandbabydowntoKestrelatonce,andgoingtoLeila’sforthenight,untilI’vemadeupmymindwhattodo。Iknewitwasamistakemycomingback。Idon’tcarewhathappenstome,butIwon’thaveyouhurt。Ithinkit’shatefulofpeopletotryandinjureyouformyfault。I’vehadtoborrowmoneyfromSusan—sixpounds。Oh!Daddydear,forgiveme。
  "YourlovingNOLLIE。"
  Hereaditwithunutterablerelief;atalleventsheknewwhereshewas——poor,wilful,rushing,loving—heartedchild;knewwhereshewas,andcouldgetather。Afterhisbathandsometea,hewouldgotoLeila’sandbringherback。PoorlittleNollie,thinkingthatbyjustleavinghishouseshecouldsettlethisdeepmatter!Hedidnothurry,feelingdecidedlyexhausted,anditwasnearlyeightbeforehesetout,leavingamessageforGratian,whodidnotasarulecomeinfromherhospitaltillpastnine。
  Thedaywasstillglowing,andnow,inthecoolofevening,hisrefreshedsensessoakedupitsbeauty。’Godhassomadethisworld,’
  hethought,’that,nomatterwhatourstrugglesandsufferings,it’severajoytolivewhenthesunshines,orthemoonisbright,orthenightstarry。Evenwecan’tspoilit。’InRegent’sParkthelilacsandlaburnumswerestillinbloomthoughJunehadcome,andhegazedattheminpassing,asalovermightathislady。Hisconscienceprickedhimsuddenly。Mrs。Mitchettandthedark—eyedgirlshehadbroughttohimonNewYear’sEve,theverynighthehadlearnedofhisowndaughter’stragedy——hadheeverthoughtofthemsince?Howhadthatpoorgirlfared?Hehadbeentooimpatientofherimpenetrablemood。Whatdidheknowoftheheartsofothers,whenhedidnotevenknowhisown,couldnotrulehisfeelingsofangerandrevolt,hadnotguidedhisowndaughterintothewatersofsafety!
  AndLeila!Hadhenotbeentoocensoriousinthought?Howpowerful,howstrangewasthisinstinctofsex,whichhoveredandswoopedonlives,seizedthem,borethemaway,thendroppedthemexhaustedanddefenceless!Somemunition—wagons,paintedadullgrey,lumberedpast,drivenbysunburnedyouthsindrab。Life—force,Death—force——
  wasitallone;thegreatunknowablemomentumfromwhichtherewasbuttheoneescape,inthearmsoftheirHeavenlyFather?Blake’slittleoldstanzascameintohismind:
  "Andweareputonearthalittlespace,Thatwemaylearntobearthebeamsoflove;
  AndtheseblackbodiesandthissunburntfaceArebutacloud,andlikeashadygrove。
  "Forwhenoursoulshavelearnedtheheattobear,Thecloudwillvanish,weshallhearHisvoice,Saying:Comeoutfromthegrove,myloveandcare,Androundmygoldententlikelambsrejoice!"
  Learnedtheheattobear!Thoselambshehadwatchedinafieldthatafternoon,theirsuddenlittleleapsandrushes,theirfunnyquiveringwrigglingtails,theirtinynuzzlingblacksnouts——whatlittlemiraclesofcarelessjoyamongthemeadowflowers!Lambs,andflowers,andsunlight!Famine,lust,andthegreatgreyguns!A
  maze,awilderness;andbutforfaith,whatissue,whatpathformantotakewhichdidnotkeephimwanderinghopeless,initsthicket?
  ’Godpreserveourfaithinlove,incharity,andthelifetocome!’
  hethought。Andablindmanwithadog,towhoseneckwastiedalittledeepdishforpennies,groundahurdy—gurdyashepassed。
  Piersonputashillinginthedish。Themanstoppedplaying,hiswhitisheyeslookedup。"Thankyoukindly,sir;I’llgohomenow。
  Comeon,Dick!"Hetappedhiswayroundthecorner,withhisdogstraininginfront。Ablackbirdhiddenamongtheblossomsofanacacia,burstintoeveningsong,andanothergreatgreymunition—
  wagonrumbledoutthroughtheParkgate。
  2
  TheChurch—clockwasstrikingninewhenhereachedLeila’sflat,wentup,andknocked。Soundsfrom—apianoceased;thedoorwasopenedbyNoel。Sherecoiledwhenshesawwhoitwas,andsaid:
  "Whydidyoucome,Daddy?Itwasmuchbetternot。"
  "Areyoualonehere?"
  "Yes;Leilagavemeherkey。Shehastobeatthehospitaltilltento—night"
  "Youmustcomehomewithme,mydear。"
  Noelclosedthepiano,andsatdownonthedivan。HerfacehadthesameexpressionaswhenhehadtoldherthatshecouldnotmarryCyrilMorland。
  "Come,Nollie,"hesaid;"don’tbeunreasonable。Wemustseethisthroughtogether。"
  "No。"
  "Mydear,that’schildish。Doyouthinkthemereaccidentofyourbeingornotbeingathomecanaffectmydecisionastowhatmydutyis?"
  "Yes;it’smybeingtherethatmatters。Thosepeopledon’tcare,solongasitisn’tanopenscandal"
  "Nollie!"
  "Butitisso,Daddy。Ofcourseit’sso,andyouknowit。IfI’mawaythey’lljustpityyouforhavingabaddaughter。Andquiterighttoo。Iamabaddaughter。"
  Piersonsmiled。"Justlikewhenyouwereatiny。"
  "IwishIwereatinyagain,ortenyearsolder。It’sthishalfage——ButI’mnotcomingbackwithyou,Daddy;soit’snogood。"
  Piersonsatdownbesideher。
  "I’vebeenthinkingthisoverallday,"hesaidquietly。"PerhapsinmyprideImadeamistakewhenIfirstknewofyourtrouble。PerhapsIoughttohaveacceptedtheconsequencesofmyfailure,then,andhavegivenup,andtakenyouawayatonce。Afterall,ifamanisnotfittohavethecareofsouls,heshouldhavethegracetoknowit。"
  "Butyouarefit,"criedNoelpassionately;"Daddy,youarefit!"
  "I’mafraidnot。Thereissomethingwantinginme,Idon’tknowexactlywhat;butsomethingverywanting。"
  "Thereisn’t。It’sonlythatyou’retoogood——that’swhy!"
  Piersonshookhishead。"Don’t,Nollie!"
  "Iwill,"criedNoel。"You’retoogentle,andyou’retoogood。
  You’recharitable,andyou’resimple,andyoubelieveinanotherworld;that’swhat’sthematterwithyou,Daddy。Doyouthinktheydo,thosepeoplewhowanttochaseusout?Theydon’tevenbegintobelieve,whatevertheysayorthink。Ihatethem,andsometimesI
  hatetheChurch;eitherit’shardandnarrow,orelseit’sworldly。"
  Shestoppedattheexpressiononherfather’sface,themoststrangelookofpain,andhorror,asifanunspokentreacheryofhisownhadbeendraggedforthforhisinspection。
  "You’retalkingwildly,"hesaid,buthislipsweretrembling。"Youmustn’tsaythingslikethat;they’reblasphemousandwicked。"
  Noelbitherlips,sittingverystiffandstill,againstahighbluecushion。Thensheburstoutagain:
  "You’veslavedforthosepeopleyearsandyears,andyou’vehadnopleasureandyou’vehadnolove;andtheywouldn’tcarethatifyoubrokeyourheart。Theydon’tcareforanything,solongasitallseemsproper。Daddy,ifyouletthemhurtyou,Iwon’tforgiveyou!"
  "Andwhatifyouhurtmenow,Nollie?"
  Noelpressedhishandagainstherwarmcheek。
  "Oh,no!Oh,no!Idon’t——Iwon’t。Notagain。I’vedonethatalready。"
  "Verywell,mydear!thencomehomewithme,andwe’llseewhat’sbesttobedone。Itcan’tbesettledbyrunningaway。"
  Noeldroppedhishand。"No。TwiceI’vedonewhatyouwanted,andit’sbeenamistake。IfIhadn’tgonetoChurchonSundaytopleaseyou,perhapsitwouldneverhavecometothis。Youdon’tseethings,Daddy。Icouldtell,thoughIwassittingrightinfront。Iknewwhattheirfaceswerelike,andwhattheywerethinking。"
  "Onemustdoright,Nollie,andnotmind。"
  "Yes;butwhatisright?It’snotrightformetohurtyou,andI’mnotgoingto。"
  Piersonunderstoodallatoncethatitwasuselesstotryandmoveher。
  "Whatareyougoingtodo,then?"
  "IsupposeIshallgotoKestrelto—morrow。Auntiewillhaveme,I
  know;IshalltalktoLeila。"
  "Whateveryoudo,promisetoletmeknow。"
  Noelnodded。
  "Daddy,you——lookawfully,awfullytired。I’mgoingtogiveyousomemedicine。"Shewenttoalittlethree—corneredcupboard,andbentdown。Medicine!Themedicinehewantedwasnotforthebody;
  knowledgeofwhathisdutywas——thatalonecouldhealhim!
  Theloudpoppingofacorkrousedhim。"Whatareyoudoing,Nollie?"
  Noelrosewithaflushedface,holdinginonehandaglassofchampagne,intheotherabiscuit。
  "You’retotakethis;andI’mgoingtohavesomemyself。"
  "Mydear,"saidPiersonbewildered;"it’snotyours。"
  "Drinkit;Daddy!Don’tyouknowthatLeilawouldneverforgivemeifIletyougohomelookinglikethat。Besides,shetoldmeIwastoeat。Drinkit。Youcansendheranicepresent。Drinkit!"Andshestampedherfoot。
  Piersontooktheglass,andsattherenibblingandsipping。Itwasnice,very!Hehadnotquiterealisedhowmuchheneededfoodanddrink。Noelreturnedfromthecupboardasecondtime;shetoohadaglassandabiscuit。
  "There,youlookbetteralready。Nowyou’retogohomeatonce,inacabifyoucangetone;andtellGratiantomakeyoufeedup,oryouwon’thaveabodyatall;youcan’tdoyourdutyifyouhaven’tone,youknow。"
  Piersonsmiled,andfinishedthechampagne。
  Noeltooktheglassfromhim。"You’remychildto—night,andI’mgoingtosendyoutobed。Don’tworry,Daddy;it’llallcomeright。"
  And,takinghisarm,shewentdownstairswithhim,andblewhimakissfromthedoorway。
  Hewalkedawayinasortofdream。Daylightwasnotquitegone,butthemoonwasup,justpastitsfull,andthesearch—lightshadbeguntheirnightlywanderings。Itwasaskyofghostsandshadows,fittingtothethoughtwhichcametohim。ThefingerofProvidencewasinallthis,perhaps!WhyshouldhenotgoouttoFrance!Atlast;whynot?Somebetterman,whounderstoodmen’shearts,whoknewtheworld,wouldtakehisplace;andhecouldgowheredeathmadeallthingssimple,andhecouldnotfail。Hewalkedfasterandfaster,fullofanintoxicatingrelief。ThirzaandGratianwouldtakecareofNolliefarbetterthanhe。Yes,surelyitwasordained!
  Moonlighthadthetownnow;andallwassteelblue,theveryairsteel—blue;adream—cityofmarvellousbeauty,throughwhichhepassed,exalted。Soonhewouldbewherethatpoorboy,andamillionothers,hadgiventheirlives;withthemudandtheshellsandthescarredgreyground,andthejaggedtrees,whereChristwasdailycrucified——therewherehehadsooftenlongedtobethesethreeyearspast。Itwasordained!
  Andtwowomenwhomhemetlookedateachotherwhenhehadgoneby,andthosewords’theblightedcrow’whichtheyhadbeenabouttospeak,diedontheirlips。
  VIII
  Noelfeltlight—heartedtoo,asifshehadwonavictory。Shefoundsomepottedmeat,spreaditonanotherbiscuit,ateitgreedily,andfinishedthepintbottleofchampagne。Thenshehuntedforthecigarettes,andsatdownatthepiano。Sheplayedoldtunes——"ThereisaTavernintheTown,""OnceILovedaMaidenFair,""MowingtheBarley,""Clementine,""Lowlands,"andsangtothemsuchwordsassheremembered。Therewasadeliciousrunninginherveins,andonceshegotupanddanced。Shewaskneelingatthewindow,lookingout,whensheheardthedooropen,andwithoutgettingup,criedout:
  "Isn’titagorgeousnight!I’vehadDaddyhere。Igavehimsomeofyourchampagne,anddranktherest——"thenwasconsciousofafigurefartootallforLeila,andaman’svoicesaying:
  "I’mawfullysorry。It’sonlyI,JimmyFort。"
  Noelscrambledup。"Leilaisn’tin;butshewillbedirectly——it’spastten。"
  Hewasstandingstock—stillinthemiddleoftheroom。
  "Won’tyousitdown?Oh!andwon’tyouhaveacigarette?"
  "Thanks。"
  Bytheflashofhisbriquetteshesawhisfaceclearly;thelookonitfilledherwithasortofmaliciousglee。
  "I’mgoingnow,"shesaid。"WouldyoumindtellingLeilathatI
  foundIcouldn’tstop?"Shemadetowardsthedivantogetherhat。
  Whenshehadputiton,shefoundhimstandingjustinfrontofher。
  "Noel—ifyoudon’tmindmecallingyouthat?"
  "Notabit。"
  "Don’tgo;I’mgoingmyself。"
  "Oh,no!Notforworlds。"Shetriedtoslippast,buthetookholdofherwrist。
  "Please;justoneminute!"
  Noelstayedmotionless,lookingathim,whilehishandstillheldherwrist。Hesaidquietly:
  "Doyoumindtellingmewhyyoucamehere?"
  "Oh,justtoseeLeila。"
  "Thingshavecometoaheadathome,haven’tthey?"
  Noelshruggedhershoulders。
  "Youcameforrefuge,didn’tyou?"
  "Fromwhom?"
  "Don’tbeangry;fromtheneedofhurtingyourfather。"
  Shenodded。
  "Iknewitwouldcometothat。Whatareyougoingtodo?"
  "Enjoymyself。"Shewassayingsomethingfatuous,yetshemeantit。
  "That’sabsurd。Don’tbeangry!You’requiteright。Only,youmustbeginattherightend,mustn’tyou?Sitdown!"
  Noeltriedtofreeherwrist。
  "No;sitdown,please。"
  Noelsatdown;butasheloosedherwrist,shelaughed。ThiswaswherehesatwithLeila,wheretheywouldsitwhenshewasgone。
  "It’sawfullyfunny,isn’tit?"shesaid。
  "Funny?"hemutteredsavagely。"Mostthingsare,inthisfunnyworld。"
  Thesoundofataxistoppingnotfaroffhadcometoherears,andshegatheredherfeetunderher,plantingthemfirmly。Ifshesprangup,couldsheslipbyhimbeforehecaughtherarmagain,andgetthattaxi?
  "IfIgonow,"hesaid,"willyoupromisemetostoptillyou’veseenLeila?"
  "No。"
  "That’sfoolish。Come,promise!"
  Noelshookherhead。Shefeltaperversepleasureathisembarrassment。
  "Leila’slucky,isn’tshe?Nochildren,nohusband,nofather,noanything。Lovely!"
  Shesawhisarmgoupasiftowardoffablow。"PoorLeila!"hesaid。
  "Whyareyousorryforher?Shehasfreedom!Andshehasyou!"
  Sheknewitwouldhurt;butshewantedtohurthim。
  "Youneedn’tenvyherforthat。"
  Hehadjustspoken,whenNoelsawafigureoverbythedoor。
  Shejumpedup,andsaidbreathlessly:
  "Oh,hereyouare,Leila!Father’sbeenhere,andwe’vehadsomeofyourchampagne!"
  "Capital!Youareinthedark!"
  Noelfeltthebloodrushintohercheeks。Thelightleapedup,andLeilacameforward。Shelookedextremelypale,calm,andself—
  contained,inhernurse’sdress;herfulllipsweretightlypressedtogether,butNoelcouldseeherbreastheavingviolently。Aturmoilofshameandwoundedpridebeganraginginthegirl。Whyhadshenotflownlongago?Whyhadsheletherselfbetrappedlikethis?Leilawouldthinkshehadbeenmakinguptohim!Horrible!Disgusting!
  Whydidn’the——whydidn’tsomeone,speak?ThenLeilasaid:
  "Ididn’texpectyou,Jimmy;I’mgladyouhaven’tbeendull。Noelisstayinghereto—night。Givemeacigarette。Sitdown,bothofyou。
  I’mawfullytired!"
  Shesankintoachair,leaningback,withherkneescrossed;andatthatmomentNoeladmiredher。Shehadsaiditbeautifully;shelookedsocalm。Fortwaslightinghercigarette;hishandwasshaking,hisfaceallsorryandmortified。
  "GiveNoelone,too,anddrawthecurtains,Jimmy。Quick!Notthatitmakesanydifference;it’saslightasday。Sitdown,dear。"
  ButNoelremainedstanding。
  "Whathaveyoubeentalkingof?LoveandChineselanterns,oronlyme?"
  AtthosewordsFort,whowasdrawingthelastcurtain,turnedround;
  histallfigurewaspoisedawkwardlyagainstthewall,hisface,unsuitedtodiplomacy,hadalookasoffleshbeingbeaten。Ifwealshadstartedupacrossit,Noelwouldnothavebeensurprised。
  Hesaidwithpainfulslowness:
  "Idon’texactlyknow;wehadhardlybegun,hadwe?"
  "Thenightisyoung,"saidLeila。"GoonwhileIjusttakeoffmythings。"
  Sherosewiththecigarettebetweenherlips,andwentintotheinnerroom。Inpassing,shegaveNoelalook。Whattherewasinthatlook,thegirlcouldnevermakecleareventoherself。Perhapsacreatureshotwouldgazelikethat,withasortofprofoundanddistantquestioning,reproach,andanger,withasortofpride,andthequiverofdeath。Asthedoorclosed,Fortcamerightacrosstheroom。
  "Gotoher;"criedNoel;"shewantsyou。Can’tyousee,shewantsyou?"
  Andbeforehecouldmove,shewasatthedoor。Sheflewdownstairs,andoutintothemoonlight。Thetaxi,alittlewayoff,wasjustbeginningtomoveaway;sherantowardsit,callingout:
  "Anywhere!Piccadilly!"andjumpingin,blottedherselfagainstthecushionsinthefarcorner。
  Shedidnotcometoherself,asitwere,forseveralminutes,andthenfeelingshe’couldnolongerbearthecab,stoppedit,andgotout。Wherewasshe?BondStreet!Shebegan,idly,wanderingdownitsnarrowlength;thefulleststreetbyday,theemptiestbynight。
  Oh!ithadbeenhorrible!Nothingsaidbyanyofthem——nothing,andyeteverythingdraggedout——ofhim,ofLeila,ofherself!Sheseemedtohavenoprideordecencyleft,asifshehadbeencaughtstealing。
  Allherhappyexhilarationwasgone,leavingamiserablerecklessness。Nothingshedidwasright,nothingturnedoutwell,sowhatdiditallmatter?Themoonlightfloodingdownbetweenthetallhousesgaveherapeculiarheadyfeeling。"Fey"herfatherhadcalledher。Shelaughed。’ButI’mnotgoinghome,’shethought。
  Boredwiththestreet’slength;sheturnedoff,andwassuddenlyinHanoverSquare。TherewastheChurch,grey—white,whereshehadbeenbridesmaidtoasecondcousin,whenshewasfifteen。Sheseemedtoseeitallagain——herfrock,theliliesinherhand,thesurplicesofthechoir,thebride’sdress,allmoonlight—coloured,andunreal。
  ’Iwonderwhat’sbecomeofher!’shethought。’He’sdead,Iexpect,likeCyril!’Shesawherfather’sfaceashewasmarryingthem,heardhisvoice:"Forbetter,forworse,forricher,forpoorer,insicknessandinhealth,tilldeathdoyoupart。"AndthemoonlightontheChurchseemedtoshiftandquiver—somepigeonsperhapshadbeendisturbedupthere。Theninsteadofthatweddingvision,shesawMonsieurBarra,sittingonhischair,gazingatthefloor,andChicanursingherdoll。"Allmad,mademoiselle,alittlemad。
  Millionsofmenwithwhitesouls,butallalittletinybitmad,youknow。"ThenLeila’sfacecamebeforeher,withthatlookinhereyes。ShefeltagainthehotclaspofFort’sfingersonherwrist,andwalkedon,rubbingitwiththeotherhand。SheturnedintoRegentStreet。ThewidecurveoftheQuadrantsweptintoaskyofunrealblue,andtheorange—shadedlampsmerelyaddedtotheunreality。’LoveandChineselanterns!Ishouldlikesomecoffee,’
  shethoughtsuddenly。ShewasquiteclosetotheplacewhereLavendiehadtakenher。Shouldshegointhere?Whynot?Shemustgosomewhere。Sheturnedintotherevolvingcageofglass。ButnosoonerwassheimprisonedtherethaninaflashLavendie’sfaceofdisgust;andthered—lippedwomen,thegreenstuffthatsmelledofpeppermintcameback,fillingherwitharushofdismay。Shemadethefullcircleintherevolvingcage;andcameoutintothestreetagainwithalaugh。Atallyoungmaninkhakistoodthere:"Hallo!"
  hesaid。"Comeinanddance!"Shestarted,recoiledfromhimandbegantowalkawayasfastasevershecould。Shepassedawomanwhoseeyesseemedtoscorchher。Awomanlikeaswiftvisionofruinwiththoseeyes,andthicklypowderedcheeks,andlooseredmouth。
  Noelshudderedandfledalong,feelingthatheronlysafetylayinspeed。Butshecouldnotwalkaboutallnight。TherewouldbenotrainforKestreltillthemorning——anddidshereallywanttogothere,andeatherheartout?SuddenlyshethoughtofGeorge。Whyshouldshenotgodowntohim?Hewouldknowwhatwasbestforhertodo。AtthefootofthestepsbelowtheWaterlooColumnshestoodstill。Allwasquietthereandempty,thegreatbuildingswhitened,thetreesblurredandblue;andsweeterairwascomingacrosstheirfloweringtops。Thequeer"fey"moonysensationwasstillwithher;
  sothatshefeltsmallandlight,asifshecouldhavefloatedthrougharing。FaintrimsoflightshowedroundthewindowsoftheAdmiralty。Thewar!Howeverlovelythenight,howeversweetthelilacsmelt—thatneverstopped!Sheturnedawayandpassedoutunderthearch,makingforthestation。Thetrainofthewoundedhadjustcomein,andshestoodinthecheeringcrowdwatchingtheambulancesrunout。Tearsofexcitedemotionfilledhereyes,andtrickleddown。Steady,smooth,grey,oneaftertheothertheycamegliding,withalittleburstofcheersgreetingeachone。Allweregonenow,andshecouldpassin。Shewenttothebuffetandgotalargecupofcoffee,andabun。Then,havingnotedthetimeofherearlymorningtrain,shesoughttheladies’waiting—room,andsittingdowninacorner,tookoutherpurseandcountedhermoney。Twopoundsfifteen—enoughtogotothehotel,ifsheliked。But,withoutluggage——itwassoconspicuous,andshecouldsleepinthiscornerallright,ifshewanted。Whatdidgirlsdowhohadnomoney,andnofriendstogoto?Tuckedawayinthecornerofthatempty,heavy,varnishedroom,sheseemedtoseethecrueltyandhardnessoflifeasshehadneverbeforeseenit,notevenwhenfacingherconfinement。
  Howluckyshehadbeen,andwas!Everyonewasgoodtoher。Shehadnorealwantordangers,toface。But,forwomen——yes,andmentoo——
  whohadnoonetofallbackon,nothingbuttheirownhandsandhealthandluck,itmustbeawful。Thatgirlwhoseeyeshadscorchedher——perhapsshehadnoone——nothing。Andpeoplewhowerebornill,andthemillionsofpoorwomen,likethosewhomshehadgonevisitingwithGratiansometimesinthepoorerstreetsofherfather’sparish——
  forthefirsttimesheseemedtoreallyknowandfeelthesortoflivestheyled。Andthen,Leila’sfacecamebacktoheroncemore——
  Leilawhomshehadrobbed。Andtheworstofitwas,that,alongsideherremorsefulsympathy,shefeltasortofsatisfaction。ShecouldnothelphisnotlovingLeila,shecouldnothelpitifhelovedherself!Andhedid——sheknewit!Tofeelthatanyonelovedherwassocomforting。Butitwasallawful!Andshe——thecauseofit!Andyet——shehadneverdoneorsaidanythingtoattracthim。No!Shecouldnothavehelpedit。
  Shehadbeguntofeeldrowsy,andclosedhereyes。Andgraduallytherecameonheracoseysensation,asifshewereleaningupagainstsomeonewithherheadtuckedinagainsthisshoulder,asshehadsooftenleanedasachildagainstherfather,comingbackfromsomelongdarkeningdriveinWalesorScotland。SheseemedeventofeelthewetsoftWesterlyaironherfaceandeyelids,andtosniffthescentofafriezecoat;tohearthejogofhoofsandtherollingofthewheels;tofeeltheclosinginofthedarkness。Then,sodimlyanddrowsily,sheseemedtoknowthatitwasnotherfather,butsomeone——someone——thennomore,nomoreatall。