Itwassomuchmoreregularandnaturallikethat,and"her"babyinvestedwithhisproperdignity。Shewentdownstairstogeta"cupo’tea,"thinking:’Apicturetheymake——thattheydo,blesshislittleheart;andhisprettylittlemother——nomorethanachild,allsaidanddone。’
Noelhadbeenstandingtheresomeminutesinthefailinglight,absorbedinthefaceofthesleepingbaby,when,raisinghereyes,shesawinamirrortherefectionofherfather’sdarkfigurebythedoor。Shecouldhearhimbreathingasiftheascentofthestairshadtiredhim;andmovingtotheheadofthecot,sherestedherhandonit,andturnedherfacetowardshim。Hecameupandstoodbesideher,lookingsilentlydownatthebaby。ShesawhimmakethesignoftheCrossaboveit,andthemovementofhislipsinprayer。Loveforherfather,andrebellionagainstthisintercessionforherperfectbabyfoughtsohardinthegirl’sheartthatshefeltsuffocated,andgladofthedark,sothathecouldnotseehereyes。
Thenhetookherhandandputittohislips,butstillwithoutaword;andforthelifeofhershecouldnotspeakeither。Insilence,hekissedherforehead;andtheremountedinNoelasuddenpassionoflongingtoshowhimherprideandloveforherbaby。Sheputherfingerdownandtouchedoneofhishands。Thetinysleepingfingersuncurledand,likesomelittleseaanemone,clutchedroundit。Sheheardherfatherdrawhisbreathin;sawhimturnawayquickly,silently,andgoout。Andshestayed,hardlybreathing,withthehandofherbabysqueezingherfinger。
II
1
WhenEdwardPierson,afraidofhisownemotion,leftthetwilitnursery,heslippedintohisownroom,andfellonhiskneesbesidehisbed,absorbedinthevisionhehadseen。ThatyoungfigureinMadonnablue,withthehaloofbrighthair;thesleepingbabeinthefinedusk;thesilence,theadorationinthatwhiteroom!Hesaw,too;avisionofthepast,whenNoelherselfhadbeenthesleepingbabewithinhermother’sarm,andhehadstoodbesidethem,wonderingandgivingpraise。Itpassedwithitsother—worldlinessandthefineholinesswhichbelongstobeauty,passedandleftthetormentingrealismoflife。Ah!tolivewithonlytheinnermeaning,spiritualandbeautifed,inararewondermentsuchashehadexperiencedjustnow!
Hisalarumclock,whilehekneltinhisnarrow,monkishlittleroom——
tickedtheeveninghourawayintodarkness。Andstillheknelt,dreadingtocomebackintoitall,tofacetheworld’seyes,andthesoundoftheworld’stongue,andthetouchoftherough,thegross,theunseemly。Howcouldheguardhischild?Howpreservethatvisioninherlife,inherspirit,abouttoentersuchcold,roughwaters?Butthegongsounded;hegotup,andwentdownstairs。
Butthisfirstfamilymoment,whichallhaddreaded,wasrelieved,asdreadedmomentssooftenare,bytheunexpectedappearanceoftheBelgianpainter。Hehadageneralinvitation,ofwhichheoftenavailedhimself;buthewassosilent,andhisthin,beardlessface,whichseemedalleyesandbrow,somournful,thatallthreefeltinthepresenceofasorrowdeepereventhantheirownfamilygrief。
DuringthemealhegazedsilentlyatNoel。Oncehesaid:"Youwillletmepaintyounow,mademoiselle,Ihope?"andhisfacebrightenedalittlewhenshenodded。Therewasnevermuchtalkwhenhecame,foranydepthofdiscussion,evenofart,broughtoutatoncetoowideadifference。AndPiersoncouldneveravoidavagueirritationwithonewhoclearlyhadspirituality,butofasortwhichhecouldnotunderstand。Afterdinnerheexcusedhimself,andwentofftohisstudy。Monsieurwouldbehappieralonewiththetwogirls!Gratian,too,gotup。ShehadrememberedNoel’swords:"Imindhimlessthananybody。"ItwasachanceforNollietobreaktheice。
2
"Ihavenotseenyouforalongtime,mademoiselle,"saidthepainter,whentheywerealone。
Noelwassittinginfrontoftheemptydrawing—roomhearth,withherarmsstretchedoutasiftherehadbeenafirethere。
"I’vebeenaway。Howareyougoingtopaintme,monsieur?"
"Inthatdress,mademoiselle;Justasyouarenow,warmingyourselfatthefireoflife。"
"Butitisn’tthere。"
"Yes,firessoongoout。Mademoiselle,willyoucomeandseemywife?Sheisill。"
"Now?"askedNoel,startled。
"Yes,now。Sheisreallyill,andIhavenoonethere。ThatiswhatIcametoaskofyoursister;but——nowyouarehere,it’sevenbetter。Shelikesyou。"
Noelgotup。"Waitoneminute!"shesaid,andranupstairs。Herbabywasasleep,andtheoldnursedozing。Puttingonacloakandcapofgreyrabbit’sfur,sherandownagaintothehallwherethepainterwaswaiting;andtheywentouttogether。
"IdonotknowifIamtoblame,"hesaid,"mywifehasbeennorealwifetomesincesheknewIhadamistressandwasnorealhusbandtoher。"
Noelstaredroundathisfacelightedbyaqueer,smile。
"Yes,"hewenton,"fromthathascomehertragedy。ButsheshouldhaveknownbeforeImarriedher。Nothingwasconcealed。BonDieu!
sheshouldhaveknown!Whycannotawomanseethingsastheyare?
Mymistress,mademoiselle,isnotathingofflesh。Itismyart。
Ithasalwaysbeenfirstwithme,andalwayswill。Shehasneveracceptedthat,sheisincapableofacceptingit。Iamsorryforher。
Butwhatwouldyou?Iwasafooltomarryher。Cheremademoiselle,notroublesareanythingbesidethetroublewhichgoesondayandnight,mealaftermeal,year,afteryear,betweentwopeoplewhoshouldneverhavemarried,becauseonelovestoomuchandrequiresall,andtheotherlovesnotatall——no,notatall,now,itislongdead——andcangivebutlittle。"
"Can’tyouseparate?"askedNoel,wondering。
"Itishardtoseparatefromonewhocravesforyouasshecravesherdrugs——yes,shetakesdrugsnow,mademoiselle。Itisimpossibleforonewhohasanycompassioninhissoul。Besides,whatwouldshedo?
Welivefromhandtomouth,inastrangeland。Shehasnofriendshere,notone。HowcouldIleaveherwhilethiswarlasts?Aswellcouldtwopersonsonadesertislandseparate。Sheiskillingherself,too,withthesedrugs,andIcannotstopher。"
"Poormadame!"murmuredNoel。"Poormonsieur!"
Thepainterdrewhishandacrosshiseyes。
"Icannotchangemynature,"hesaidinastifledvoice,"norshehers。Sowegoon。Butlifewillstopsuddenlysomedayforoneofus。Afterall,itismuchworseforherthanforme。Enter,mademoiselle。DonottellherIamgoingtopaintyou;shelikesyou,becauseyourefusedtoletme。"
Noelwentupthestairs,shuddering;shehadbeenthereoncebefore,andrememberedthatsicklyscentofdrugs。Onthethirdfloortheyenteredasmallsitting—roomwhosewallswerecoveredwithpaintingsanddrawings;fromonecorneratriangularstackofcanvasesjuttedout。Therewaslittlefurnituresaveanoldredsofa,andonthiswasseatedastoutishmaninthegarbofaBelgiansoldier,withhiselbowsonhiskneesandhisbeardedcheeksrestingonhisdoubledfists。Besidehimonthesofa,nursingadoll,wasalittlegirl,wholookedupatNoel。Shehadamoststrange,attractive,palelittleface,withpointedchinandlargeeyes,whichnevermovedfromthisapparitioningreyrabbits’skins。
"Ah,Barra!Youhere!"saidthepainter:
"Mademoiselle,thisisMonsieurBarra,afriendofoursfromthefront;andthisisourlandlady’slittlegirl。Alittlerefugee,too,aren’tyou,Chica?"
Thechildgavehimasuddenbrilliantsmileandresumedhergravescrutinyofthevisitor。Thesoldier,whohadrisenheavily,offeredNoeloneofhispodgyhands,withasadandheavygiggle。
"Sitdown,mademoiselle,"saidLavendie,placingachairforher:"I
willbringmywifein,"andhewentoutthroughsomedoubledoors。
Noelsatdown。Thesoldierhadresumedhisoldattitude,andthelittlegirlhernursingofthedoll,thoughherbigeyesstillwatchedthevisitor。Overcomebystrangeness,Noelmadenoattempttotalk。Andpresentlythroughthedoubledoorsthepainterandhiswifecamein。Shewasathinwomaninaredwrapper,withhollowcheeks,highcheek—bones,andhungryeyes;herdarkhairhungloose,andonehandplayedrestlesslywithafoldofhergown。ShetookNoel’shand;andherupliftedeyesseemedtodigintothegirl’sface,toletgosuddenly,andflutter。
"Howdoyoudo?"shesaidinEnglish。"SoPierrebroughtyou,toseemeagain。Irememberyousowell。Youwouldnotlethimpaintyou。Ah!quec’estdrole!Youaresopretty,too。Hein,MonsieurBarra,isnotmademoisellepretty?"
Thesoldiergavehisheavygiggle,andresumedhisscrutinyofthefloor。
"Henriette,"saidLavendie,"sitdownbesideChica——youmustnotstand。Sitdown,mademoiselle,Ibeg。"
"I’msosorryyou’renotwell,"saidNoel,andsatdownagain。
Thepainterstoodleaningagainstthewall,andhiswifelookedupathistall,thinfigure,witheyeswhichhadinthemanger,andasortofcunning。
"Agreatpainter,myhusband,ishenot?"shesaidtoNoel。"Youwouldnotimaginewhatthatmancando。Andhowhepaints——alldaylong;andallnightinhishead。Andsoyouwouldnotlethimpaintyou,afterall?"
Lavendiesaidimpatiently:"Voyons,Henriette,causezd’autrechose。"
Hiswifepluckednervouslyatafoldinherredgown,andgavehimthelookofadogthathasbeenrebuked。
"Iamaprisonerhere,mademoiselle,Ineverleavethehouse。HereI
livedayafterday——myhusbandisalwayspainting。Whowouldgooutaloneunderthisgreyskyofyours,andthehatredsofthewarineveryface?Iprefertokeepmyroom。Myhusbandgoespainting;
everyfaceheseesinterestshim,exceptthatwhichheseeseveryday。ButIamaprisoner。MonsieurBarraisourfirstvisitorforalongtime。"
Thesoldierraisedhisfacefromhisfists。"Prisonnier,madame!
Whatwouldyousayifyouwereoutthere?"Andhegavehisthickgiggle。"Wearetheprisoners,weothers。Whatwouldyousaytoimprisonmentbyexplosiondayandnight;neveraminutefree。Bom!
Bom!Bom!Ah!lestranchees!It’snotsofreeasallthat,there。"
"Everyonehashisownprison,"saidLavendiebitterly。
"Mademoiselleeven,hasherprison——andlittleChica,andherdoll。
Everyonehashisprison,Barra。MonsieurBarraisalsoapainter,mademoiselle。"
"Moi!"saidBarra,liftinghisheavyhairyhand。"Ipaintpuddles,star—bombs,horses’ribs——Ipaintholesandholesandholes,wireandwireandwire,andwater——longwhiteuglywater。Ipaintsplinters,andmen’ssoulsnaked,andmen’sbodiesdead,andnightmare——
nightmare——alldayandallnight——Ipainttheminmyhead。"Hesuddenlyceasedspeakingandrelapsedintocontemplationofthecarpet,withhisbeardedcheeksrestingonhisfists。"Andtheirsoulsaswhiteassnow,lescamarades,"headdedsuddenlyandloudly,"millionsofBelgians,English,French,eventheBoches,withwhitesouls。Ipaintthosesouls!"
AlittleshiverranthroughNoel,andshelookedappealinglyatLavendie。
"Barra,"hesaid,asifthesoldierwerenotthere,"isagreatpainter,buttheFronthasturnedhisheadalittle。Whathesaysistrue,though。Thereisnohatredoutthere。Itisherethatweareprisonersofhatred,mademoiselle;avoidhatreds——theyarepoison!"
Hiswifeputoutherhandandtouchedthechild’sshoulder。
"Whyshouldwenothate?"shesaid。"WhokilledChica’sfather,andblewherhometo—rags?WhothrewheroutintothishorribleEngland—
—pardon,mademoiselle,butitishorrible。Ah!lesBoches!Ifmyhatredcoulddestroythemtherewouldnotbeoneleft。Evenmyhusbandwasnotsomadabouthispaintingwhenwelivedathome。Buthere——!"Hereyesdartedathisfaceagain,andthensankasifrebuked。Noelsawthepainter’slipsmove。Thesickwoman’swholefigurewrithed。
"Itismania,yourpainting!"ShelookedatNoelwithasmile。
"Willyouhavesometea,mademoiselle?MonsieurBarra,sometea?"
Thesoldiersaidthickly:"No,madame;inthetrencheswehaveteaenough。Itconsolesus。Butwhenwegetaway——giveuswine,lebonvin;lebonpetitvin!"
"Getsomewine,Pierre!"
Noelsawfromthepainter’sfacethattherewasnowine,andperhapsnomoneytogetany;buthewentquicklyout。Sheroseandsaid:
"Imustbegoing,madame。"
MadameLavendieleanedforwardandclutchedherwrist。"Waitalittle,mademoiselle。Weshallhavesomewine,andPierreshalltakeyoubackpresently。Youcannotgohomealone——youaretoopretty。
Isshenot,MonsieurBarra?"
Thesoldierlookedup:"Whatwouldyousay,"hesaid,"tobottlesofwineburstingintheair,burstingredandburstingwhite,alldaylong,allnightlong?Greatsteelbottles,largeasChica:bitsofbottles,carryingoffmen’sheads?Bsum,garra—a—a,andahousecomesdown,andlittlebitsofpeopleeversosmall,eversosmall,tinybitsintheairandallovertheground。Greatsoulsoutthere,madame。ButIwilltellyouasecret,"andagainhegavehisheavygiggle,"allalittle,littlemad;nothingtospeakof——justalittlebitmad;likeawatch,youknow,thatyoucanwindforever。Thatisthediscoveryofthiswar,mademoiselle,"hesaid,addressingNoelforthefirsttime,"youcannotgainagreatsoultillyouarealittlemad。"Andloweringhispiggygreyeyesatonce,heresumedhisformerattitude。"ItisthatmadnessIshallpaintsomeday,"heannouncedtothecarpet;"lurkinginonetinycornerofeachsoulofallthosemillions,asitcreeps,asitpeeps,eversosudden,eversolittlewhenweallthinkithasbeenputtobed,here——there,now——then,whenyouleastthink;inandoutlikeamousewithbrighteyes。Millionsofmenwithwhitesouls,allalittlemad。Agreatsubject,Ithink,"headdedheavily。InvoluntarilyNoelputherhandtoherheart,whichwasbeatingfast。Shefeltquitesick。
"HowlonghaveyoubeenattheFront,monsieur?"
"Twoyears,mademoiselle。Timetogohomeandpaint,isitnot?Butart——!"heshruggedhisheavyroundshoulders,hiswholebear—likebody。"Alittlemad,"hemutteredoncemore。"Iwilltellyouastory。OnceinwinterafterIhadrestedafortnight,Igobacktothetrenchesatnight,andIwantsomeearthtofillupaholeinthegroundwhereIwassleeping;whenonehassleptinabedonebecomesparticular。Well,Iscratchitfrommyparapet,andIcometosomethingfunny。Istrikemybriquet,andthereisaBoche’sfaceallfrozenandearthyanddeadandgreeny—whiteintheflamefrommybriquet。"
"Oh,no!"
"Oh!butyes,mademoiselle;trueasIsithere。Veryusefulintheparapet——deadBoche。Onceamanlikeme。ButinthemorningIcouldnotstandhim;wedughimoutandburiedhim,andfilledtheholeupwithotherthings。ButthereIstoodinthenight,andmyfaceasclosetohisasthis"——andheheldhisthickhandafootbeforehisface。"Wetalkedofourhomes;hehadasoul,thatman。Ilmedisaitdescboses,howhehadsuffered;andI,too,toldhimmysufferings。DearGod,weknowall;weshallneverknowmorethanweknowoutthere,weothers,forwearemad——nothingtospeakof,butjustalittle,littlemad。Whenyouseeus,mademoiselle,walkingthestreets,rememberthat。"Andhedroppedhisfaceontohisfistsagain。
Asilencehadfallenintheroom—veryqueerandcomplete。Thelittlegirlnursedherdoll,thesoldiergazedatthefloor,thewoman’smouthmovedstealthily,andinNoelthethoughtrushedcontinuallytothevergeofaction:’Couldn’tIgetupandrundownstairs?’Butshesaton,hypnotisedbythatsilence,tillLavendiereappearedwithabottleandfourglasses。
"Todrinkourhealth,andwishusluck,mademoiselle,"hesaid。
Noelraisedtheglasshehadgivenher。"Iwishyouallhappiness。"
"Andyou,mademoiselle,"thetwomenmurmured。
Shedrankalittle,androse。
"Andnow,mademoiselle,"saidLavendie,"ifyoumustgo,Iwillseeyouhome。"
NoeltookMadameLavendie’shand;itwascold,andreturnednopressure;hereyeshadtheglazedlookthatsheremembered。Thesoldierhadputhisemptyglassdownonthefloor,andwasregardingitunconsciousofher。Noelturnedquicklytothedoor;thelastthingshesawwasthelittlegirlnursingherdoll。
InthestreetthepainterbeganatonceinhisrapidFrench:
’Ioughtnottohaveaskedyoutocome,mademoiselle;IdidnotknowourfriendBarrawasthere。Besides,mywifeisnotfittoreceivealady;vousvoyezqu’ilyadelamaniedanscettepauvretote。I
shouldnothaveaskedyou;butIwassomiserable。"
"Oh!"murmuredNoel,"Iknow。"
"Inourhomeoverthereshehadinterests。Inthisgreattownshecanonlynursehergriefagainstme。Ah!thiswar!Itseemstomeweareallinthestomachofagreatcoilingserpent。Weliethere,beingdigested。Inawayitisbetteroutthereinthetrenches;
theyarebeyondhate,theyhaveattainedaheightthatwehavenot。
ItiswonderfulhowtheystillcanbeforgoingontilltheyhavebeatentheBoche;thatiscuriousanditisverygreat。DidBarratellyouhow,whentheycomeback——allthesefighters——theyaregoingtorule,andmanagethefutureoftheworld?Butitwillnotbeso。
Theywillmixinwithlife,separate——bescattered,andtheywillberuledastheywerebefore。Thetongueandthepenwillrulethem:
thosewhohavenotseenthewarwillrulethem。"
"Oh!"’criedNoel,"surelytheywillbethebravestandstrongestinthefuture。"
Thepaintersmiled。
"Warmakesmensimple,"hesaid,"elemental;lifeinpeaceisneithersimplenorelemental,itissubtle,fullofchangingenvironments,towhichmanmustadapthimself;thecunning,theastute,theadaptable,willeverruleintimesofpeace。Itispathetic,thebeliefofthosebravesoldiersthatthe—futureistheirs。"
"Hesaid,astrangething,"murmuredNoel;"thattheywereallalittlemad。"
"Heisamanofqueergenius——Barra;youshouldseesomeofhisearlierpictures。Madisnotquitetheword,butsomethingisloosened,israttlingroundinthem,theyhavelostproportion,theyarebeingforcedinonedirection。Itellyou,mademoiselle,thiswarisonegreatforcing—house;everylivingplantisbeingmadetogrowtoofast,eachquality,eachpassion;hateandlove,intoleranceandlustandavarice,courageandenergy;yes,andself—sacrifice——
allarebeingforcedandforcedbeyondtheirstrength,beyondthenaturalflowofthesap,forcedtilltherehascomeagreatwildluxuriantcrop,andthen——Psum!Presto!Thechangecomes,andtheseplantswillwitherandrotandstink。ButwewhoseeLifeinformsofArtaretheonlyoneswhofeelthat;andwearesofew。Thenaturalshapeofthingsislost。Thereisamistofbloodbeforealleyes。Menareafraidofbeingfair。Seehowweallhatenotonlyourenemies,butthosewhodifferfromus。Lookatthestreetstoo——seehowmenandwomenrushtogether,howVenusreignsinthisforcing—house。IsitnotnaturalthatYouthabouttodieshouldyearnforpleasure,forlove,forunion,beforedeath?"
Noelstaredupathim。’Now!’shethought:Iwill。’
"Yes,"shesaid,"Iknowthat’strue,becauseIrushed,myself。I’dlikeyoutoknow。Wecouldn’tbemarried——therewasn’ttime。And——
hewaskilled。Buthissonisalive。That’swhyI’vebeenawaysolong。Iwanteveryonetoknow。"Shespokeverycalmly,buthercheeksfeltburninghot。
Thepainterhadmadeanupwardmovementofhishands,asiftheyhadbeenjerkedbyanelectriccurrent,thenhesaidquitequietly:
"Myprofoundrespect,mademoiselle,andmygreatsympathy。Andyourfather?"
"It’sawfulforhim。"
Thepaintersaidgently:"Ah!mademoiselle,Iamnotsosure。
Perhapshedoesnotsuffersogreatly。Perhapsnotevenyourtroublecanhurthimverymuch。Helivesinaworldapart。That,Ithink,ishistruetragedytobealive,andyetnotlivingenoughtofeelreality。DoyouknowAnatoleFrance’sdescriptionofanoldwoman:
’Ellevivait,maissipeu。’WouldthatnotbewellsaidoftheChurchinthesedays:’Ellevivait,maissipeu。’Iseehimalwayslikearatherbeautifuldarkspireinthenight—timewhenyoucannotseehowitisattachedtotheearth。Hedoesnotknow,heneverwillknow,Life。"
Noellookedroundathim。"WhatdoyoumeanbyLife,monsieur?I’malwaysreadingaboutLife,andpeopletalkofseeingLife!Whatisit——whereisit?IneverseeanythingthatyoucouldcallLife。"
Thepaintersmiled。
"To’seelife’!"hesaid。"Ah!thatisdifferent。Toenjoyyourself!Well,itismyexperiencethatwhenpeopleare’seeinglife’astheycallit,theyarenotenjoyingthemselves。Youknowwhenoneisverythirstyonedrinksanddrinks,butthethirstremainsallthesame。Thereareplaceswhereonecanseelifeasitiscalled,buttheonlypersonsyouwillseeenjoyingthemselvesatsuchplacesareafewhumdrumslikemyself,whogothereforatalkoveracupofcoffee。Perhapsatyourage,though,itisdifferent。"
Noelclaspedherhands,andhereyesseemedtoshineinthegloom。
"Iwantmusicanddancingandlight,andbeautifulthingsandfaces;
butInevergetthem。"
"No,theredoesnotexistinthistown,orinanyother,aplacewhichwillgiveyouthat。Fox—trotsandragtimeandpaintandpowderandglareandhalf—drunkenyoungmen,andwomenwithredlipsyoucangettheminplenty。Butrhythmandbeautyandcharmnever。InBrusselswhenIwasyoungerIsawmuch’life’astheycallit,butnotonelovelythingunspoiled;itwasallasashesinthemouth。
Ah!youmaysmile,butIknowwhatIamtalkingof。Happinessnevercomeswhenyouarelookingforit,mademoiselle;beautyisinNatureandinrealart,neverinthesefalsesillymakebelieves。ThereisaplacejustherewhereweBelgiansgo;wouldyouliketoseehowtruemywordsare?
"Oh,yes!"
"Tres—bien!Letusgoin?"
Theypassedintoarevolvingdoorwaywithlittleglasscompartmentswhichshotthemoutintoashiningcorridor。AttheendofthisthepainterlookedatNoelandseemedtohesitate,thenheturnedofffromtheroomtheywereabouttoenterintoaroomontheright。Itwaslarge,fullofgiltandplushandmarbletables,wherecoupleswereseated;youngmeninkhakiandoldermeninplainclothes,togetherorwithyoungwomen。AttheselastNoellooked,faceafterface,whiletheywerepassingdownalongwaytoanemptytable。Shesawthatsomewerepretty,andsomeonlytryingtobe,thatnearlyallwerepowderedandhadtheireyesdarkenedandtheirlipsreddened,tillshefeltherownfacetobedreadfullyungarnished:Upinagalleryasmallbandwasplayinganattractivejinglinghollowlittletune;andthebuzzoftalkandlaughterwasalmostdeafening。
"Whatwillyouhave,mademoiselle?"saidthepainter。"Itisjustnineo’clock;wemustorderquickly。"
"MayIhaveoneofthosegreenthings?"
"Deuxcremesdementhe,"saidLavendietothewaiter。
Noelwastooabsorbedtoseethequeer,bitterlittlesmilehoveringabouthisface。Shewasbusylookingatthefacesofwomenwhoseeyes,furtivelycoldandenquiring,werefixedonher;andatthefacesofmenwitheyesthatwerefurtivelywarmandwondering。
"IwonderifDaddywaseverinaplacelikethis?"shesaid,puttingtheglassofgreenstufftoherlips。"Isitnice?Itsmellsofpeppermint。"
"Abeautifulcolour。Goodluck,mademoiselle!"andhechinkedhisglasswithhers。
Noelsipped,helditaway,andsippedagain。
"It’snice;butawfullysticky。MayIhaveacigarette?"
"Descigarettes,"saidLavendietothewaiter,"Etdeuxcafesnoirs。
Now,mademoiselle,"hemurmuredwhentheywerebrought,"ifweimaginethatwehavedrunkabottleofwineeach,weshallhaveexhaustedallthepreliminariesofwhatiscalledVice。Amusing,isn’tit?"Heshruggedhisshoulders。
HisfacestruckNoelsuddenlyastarnishedandalmostsullen。
"Don’tbeangry,monsieur,it’sallnewtome,yousee。"
Thepaintersmiled,hisbright,skin—deepsmile。
"Pardon!Iforgetmyself。Only,ithurtsmetoseebeautyinaplacelikethis。Itdoesnotgowellwiththattune,andthesevoices,andthesefaces。Enjoyyourself,mademoiselle;drinkitallin!Seethewaythesepeoplelookateachother;whatloveshinesintheireyes!Apity,too,wecannothearwhattheyaresaying。
Believeme,theirtalkismostsubtle,tres—spirituel。Theseyoungwomenare’doingtheirbit,’asyoucallit;bringingleplaisirtoallthesewhoareservingtheircountry。Eat,drink,love,fortomorrowwedie。Whocaresfortheworldsimpleortheworldbeautiful,indayslikethese?Thehouseofthespiritisempty。"
Hewaslookingathersidelongasifhewouldenterherverysoul。
Noelgotup。"I’mreadytogo,monsieur。"
Heputhercloakonhershoulders,paidthebill,andtheywentout,threadingagainthroughthelittletables,throughthebuzzoftalkandlaughterandthefumesoftobacco,whileanotherhollowlittletunejingledawaybehindthem。
"Throughthere,"saidthepainter,pointingtoanotherdoor,"theydance。Soitgoes。Londoninwar—time!Well,afterall,itisneververydifferent;nogreattownis。Didyouenjoyyoursightof’life,’mademoiselle?"
"Ithinkonemustdance,tobehappy。Isthatwhereyourfriendsgo?"
"Oh,no!Toaroommuchrougher,andplaydominoes,anddrinkcoffeeandbeer,andtalk。Theyhavenomoneytothrowaway。"
"Whydidn’tyoushowme?"
"Mademoiselle,inthatroomyoumightseesomeoneperhapswhomonedayyouwouldmeetagain;intheplacewevisitedyouweresafeenoughatleastIhopeso。"
Noelshrugged。"Isupposeitdoesn’tmatternow,whatIdo。"
Andarushofemotioncaughtatherthroat——awavefromthepast——themoonlitnight,thedarkoldAbbey,thewoodsandtheriver。Twotearsrolleddownhercheeks。
"Iwasthinkingof——something,"shesaidinamuffledvoice。"It’sallright。"
"Cheremademoiselle!"Lavendiemurmured;andallthewayhomehewastimidanddistressed。Shakinghishandatthedoor,shemurmured:
"I’msorryIwassuchafool;andthankyouawfully,monsieur。Goodnight。"
"Goodnight;andbetterdreams。Thereisagoodtimecoming——PeaceandHappinessoncemoreintheworld。ItwillnotalwaysbethisForcing—House。Goodnight,cheremademoiselle!"
Noelwentuptothenursery,andstolein。Anight—lightwasburning,Nurseandbabywerefastasleep。Shetiptoedthroughintoherownroom。Oncethere,shefeltsuddenlysotiredthatshecouldhardlyundress;andyetcuriouslyrested,asifwiththatrushofemotion,Cyrilandthepasthadslippedfromherforever。
第12章