Evewon’tgetanyleavetillEaster;andIcanbequitealone,andseetoNolliehere。Theservantscanhaveaholiday——,NurseandI
willrunthehousetogether。Ishallenjoyit。"
"You’reagoodwoman,Thirza!"Takinghiswife’shand,heputittohislips。"Thereisn’tanotherwomanlikeyouintheworld。"
Thirza’seyessmiled。"Passmeyourcup;I’llgiveyousomefreshcoffee。"
Itwasdecidedtoputtheplanintooperationatmid—month,andshebentallherwitstoinstillingintoherhusbandthethoughtthatababymoreorlesswasnogreatmatterinaworldwhichalreadycontainedtwelvehundredmillionpeople。Withaman’skeenersenseoffamilypropriety,hecouldnotseethatthisbabywouldbethesameasanyotherbaby。"Byheaven!"hewouldsay,"Isimplycan’tgetusedtoit;inourfamily!AndTedaparson!Whatthedevilshallwedowithit?"
"IfNolliewillletus,whyshouldn’tweadoptit?It’llbesomethingtotakemythoughtsofftheboys。"
"That’sanidea!ButTed’safunnyfellow。He’llhavesomedoctrineofatonement,orotherinhisbonnet。"
"Oh,bother!"saidThirzawithasperity。
ThethoughtofsojourningintownforaspellwasnotunpleasanttoBobPierson。HisTribunalworkwasover,hisearly,potatoesin,andhehadvisionsofworkingfortheCountry,ofbeingaspecialconstable,anddiningathisClub。Thenearerhewastothefront,andthemorehecouldtalkaboutthewar,thegreatertheservicehefelthewouldbedoing。Hewouldaskforajobwherehisbrainswouldbeofuse。HeregrettedkeenlythatThirzawouldn’tbewithhim;alongseparationlikethiswouldbeagreattrial。Andhewouldsighandrunhisfingersthroughhiswhiskers。StillfortheCountry,andforNollie,onemustputupwithit!
WhenThirzafinallysawhimintothetrain,tearsstoodintheeyesofboth,fortheywerehonestlyattached,andknewwellenoughthatthisjob,oncetakeninhand,wouldhavetobeseenthrough;athreemonths’separationatleast。
"Ishallwriteeveryday。"
"SoshallI,Bob。"
"Youwon’tfret,oldgirl?"
"Onlyifyoudo。"
"Ishallbeupat5。5,andshe’llbedownat4。50。Giveusakiss——
damntheporters。Godblessyou!Isupposeshe’dmindif——I——weretocomedownnowandthen?"
"I’mafraidshewould。It’s——it’s——well,youknow。"
"Yes,Yes;Ido。"Andhereallydid;forunderneath,hehadtruedelicacy。
Herlastwords:"You’reverysweet,Bob,"remainedinhisearsallthewaytoSevernJunction。
Shewentbacktothehouse,emptiedofherhusband,daughter,boys,andmaids;onlythedogsleftandtheoldnursewhomshehadtakenintoconfidence。Eveninthatsheltered,woodedvalleyitwasverycoldthiswinter。Thebirdshidthemselves,notoneflowerbloomed,andthered—brownriverwasfullandswift。Thesoundoftreesbeingfelledfortrenchprops,inthewoodabovethehouseresoundedalldaylonginthefrostyair。Shemeanttodothecookingherself;andfortherestofthemorningandearlyafternoonsheconcoctednicethings,andthoughtouthowsheherselfwouldfeelifshewereNoelandNoelshe,soastosmoothoutofthewayanythingwhichwouldhurtthegirl。Intheafternoonshewentdowntothestationinthevillagecar,thesamewhichhadborneCyrilMorlandawaythatJulynight,fortheircoachmanhadbeentakenforthearmy,andthehorseswereturnedout。
Noellookedtiredandwhite,butcalm——toocalm。HerfaceseemedtoThirzatohavefineddown,andwiththosebroodingeyes,tobemorebeautiful。Inthecarshepossessedherselfofthegirl’shand,andsqueezedithard;theironlyallusiontothesituation,exceptNoel’sformal:
"Thankyousomuch,Auntie,forhavingme;it’smostawfullysweetofyouandUncleBob。"
"There’snooneinthehouse,mydear,exceptoldNurse。It’llbeverydullforyou;butIthoughtI’dteachyoutocook;it’sratheruseful。"
ThesmilewhichslippedontoNoel’sfacegaveThirzaquiteaturn。
Shehadassignedthegirladifferentroom,andhadmadeitextraordinarilycheerfulwithalogfire,chrysanthemums,brightcoppercandlesticks,warming—pans,andsuchlike。
Shewentupwithheratbedtime,andstandingbeforethefire,said:
"Youknow,Nollie,Iabsolutelyrefusetoregardthisasanysortoftragedy。Tobringlifeintotheworldsinthesedays,nomatter—
how,oughttomakeanyonehappy。IonlywishIcoulddoitagain,thenIshouldfeelsomeuse。Goodnightdear;andifyouwantanything,knockonthewall。I’mnextdoor。Blessyou!"Shesawthatthegirlwasgreatlymoved,underneathherpalemask;andwentoutastonishedatherniece’spowersofself—control。
Butshedidnotsleepatallwell;forinimagination,shekeptonseeingNoelturningfromsidetosideinthebigbed,andthosegreateyesofhersstaringatthedark。
2
ThemeetingofthebrothersPiersontookplaceatthedinner—hour,andwascharacterisedbyatrulyEnglishlackofdisplay。Theyweresoextremelydifferent,andhadbeentogethersolittlesinceearlydaysintheiroldBuckinghamshirehome,thattheywerepracticallystrangers,withjustthepotentlinkoffar—distantmemoriesincommon。Itwasofthesetheytalked,andaboutthewar。Onthissubjecttheyagreedinthelarge,anddifferedinthenarrow。Forinstance,boththoughttheyknewaboutGermanyandothercountries,andneitherofcoursehadanyrealknowledgeofanycountryoutsidetheirown;for,thoughbothhadpassedthroughconsiderabletractsofforeigngroundatonetimeoranother,theyhadneverremarkedanythingexceptitssurface,——itschurches,anditssunsets。Again,bothassumedthattheyweredemocrats,butneitherknewthemeaningoftheword,norfeltthattheworkingmancouldbereallytrusted;
andbothreveredChurchand,King:Bothdislikedconscription,butconsidereditnecessary。BothfavouredHomeRuleforIreland,butneitherthoughtitpossibletograntit。Bothwishedforthewartoend,butwereforprosecutingittoVictory,andneitherknewwhattheymeantbythatword。Somuchforthelarge。Onthenarrowerissues,suchasstrategy,andthepersonalityoftheircountry’sleaders,theywereopposed。EdwardwasaWesterner,RobertanEasterner,aswasnaturalinonewhohadlivedtwenty—fiveyearsinCeylon。Edwardfavouredthefallengovernment,Roberttherisen。
Neitherhadanyparticularreasonsfortheirpartisanshipexceptwhathehadreadinthejournals。Afterall——whatotherreasonscouldtheyhavehad?EdwarddislikedtheHarmswortbPress;Robertthoughtitwasdoinggood。Robertwasexplosive,andrathervague;Edwarddreamy,andalittledidactic。RobertthoughtpoorTedlookinglikeaghost;EdwardthoughtpoorBoblookinglikethesettingsun。Theirfaceswereindeedascuriouslycontrastedastheirviewsandvoices;
thepale—dark,hollowed,narrowfaceofEdward,withitsshort,pointedbeard,andthered—skinned,broad,full,whiskeredfaceofRobert。Theypartedforthenightwithanaffectionatehand—clasp。
Sobeganaqueerpartnershipwhichconsisted,asthedayswenton,ofhalfanhour’scompanionshipatbreakfast,eachreadingthepaper;
andofdinnertogetherperhapsthreetimesaweek。Eachthoughthisbrotherveryodd,butcontinuedtoholdthehighestopinionofhim。
And,behinditall,thedeeptribalsensethattheystoodtogetherintrouble,grew。Butofthattroubletheyneverspoke,thoughnotseldomRobertwouldlowerhisjournal,andabovetheglassesperchedonhiswell—shapednose,contemplatehisbrother,andalittlefrownofsympathywouldridgehisforeheadbetweenhisbushyeyebrows。AndonceinawayhewouldcatchEdward’seyescomingoffdutyfromhisjournal,tolook,notathisbrother,butat——theskeleton;whenthathappened,Robertwouldadjusthisglasseshastily,damnthenewspapertype,andapologisetoEdwardforswearing。Andhewouldthink:
’PoorTed!Heoughttodrinkport,and——andenjoyhimself,andforgetit。Whatapityhe’saparson!’
InhisletterstoThirzahewoulddeploreEdward’sasceticism。"Heeatsnothing,hedrinksnothing,hesmokesamiserablecigaretteonceinabluemoon。He’saslonelyasacoot;it’sathousandpitiesheeverlosthiswife。Iexpecttoseehiswingssproutanyday;but—
dashitallI——Idon’tbelievehe’sgotthefleshtogrowthemon。
Sendhimupsomeclottedcream;I’llseeifIcangethimtoeatit。"
Whenthecreamcame,hegotEdwardtoeatsomethefirstmorning,andatteatimefoundthathehadfinishedithimself。"WenevertalkaboutNollie,"hewrote,"I’malwaysmeaningtohaveitoutwithhimandtellhimtobuckup,butwhenitcomestothepointIdryup;
because,afterall,Ifeelittoo;itsticksinmygizzardhorribly。
WePiersonsareprettyold,andwe’vealwaysbeenrespectable,eversinceSt。Bartholomew,whenthatHuguenotchapcameoverandfoundedus。TheonlyblacksheepIeverheardofisCousinLeila。Bytheway,Isawhertheotherday;shecameroundheretoseeTed。I
remembergoingtostaywithherandherfirsthusband;youngFane,atSimla,whenIwascominghome,justbeforeweweremarried。Phew!
Thatwasaqueermenage;alltheyoungchapsflutteringroundher,andyoungFanelookinglikeacynicalghost。Evennowshecan’thelpsettinghercapalittleatTed,andheswallowsherwhole;thinksheradevotedcreaturereformedtothenineswithherhospitalandallthat。PooroldTed;heisthemostdreamychapthateverwas。"
"WehavehadGratianandherhusbandupfortheweek—end,"hewrotealittlelater;"Idon’tlikehersowellasNollie;tooseriousanddownrightforme。Herhusbandseemsasensiblefellow,though;butthedevilofafree—thinker。HeandpoorTedarelikecatanddog。
WehadLeilaintodinneragainonSaturday,andamancalledFortcametoo。She’ssweetonhim,Icouldseewithhalfaneye,butpooroldTedcan’t。ThedoctorandTedtalkeduphillanddowndale。Thedoctorsaidathingwhichstruckme。’Whatdividesusfromthebeasts?Willpower:nothingelse。What’sthiswar,really,butadeathcarnivalofproofthatman’swillisinvincible?’Istuckitdowntotellyou,whenIgotupstairs。He’sacleverfellow。I
believeinGod,asyouknow,butImustsaywhenitcomestoanargument,pooroldTeddoesseemabitweak,withhis:’We’retoldthis,’and’We’retoldthat:NobodymentionedNollie。ImusthavethewholethingoutwithTed;wemustknowhowtoactwhenit’sallover。"
ButnottillthemiddleofMarch,whenthebrothershadbeensittingoppositeeachotheratmealsfortwomonths,wasthesubjectbroachedbetweenthem,andthennotbyRobert。Edward,standingbythehearthafterdinner,inhisfamiliarattitude,onefootonthefender,onehandgraspingthemantel—shelf,andhiseyesfixedontheflames,said:"I’veneveraskedyourforgiveness,Bob。"
Robert,lingeringatthetableoverhisglassofport,started,lookedatEdward’sbackinitsparson’scoat,andanswered:
"Mydearoldchap!"
"Ithasbeenverydifficulttospeakofthis。"
"Ofcourse,ofcourse!"Andtherewasasilence,whileRobert’seyestravelledroundthewallsforinspiration。TheyencounteredonlytheeffigiesofpastPiersonsveryoilyworks,andfellbackonthedining—table。Edwardwentonspeakingtothefire:
"Itstillseemstomeincredible。DayandnightIthinkofwhatit’smydutytodo。"
"Nothing!"ejaculatedRobert。"LeavethebabywithThirza;we’lltakecareofit,andwhenNollie’sfit,lethergobacktoworkinahospitalagain。She’llsoongetoverit。"Hesawhisbrothershakehishead,andthought:’Ah!yes;nowthere’sgoingtobesomed——dconscientiouscomplication。’
Edwardturnedroundonhim:"Thatisverysweetofyouboth,butitwouldbewrongandcowardlyformetoallowit。"
Theresentmentwhichspringsupinfatherswhenotherfathersdisposeofyounglives,roseinRobert。
"Dashitall,mydearTed,that’sforNollietosay。She’sawomannow,remember。"
Asmilewentstrayingaboutintheshadowsofhisbrother’sface。"A
woman?LittleNollie!Bob,I’vemadeaterriblemessofitwithmygirls。"Hehidhislipswithhishand,andturnedagaintotheflames。Robertfeltalumpinhisthroat。"Oh!Hangit,oldboy,I
don’tthinkthat。Whatelsecouldyouhavedone?Youtaketoomuchonyourself。Afterall,they’refinegirls。I’msureNollie’sadarling。It’sthesemodernnotions,andthiswar。Cheerup!It’llalldrystraight。"Hewentuptohisbrotherandputahandonhisshoulder。Edwardseemedtostiffenunderthattouch。
"Nothingcomesstraight,"hesaid,"unlessit’sfaced;youknowthat,Bob。"
Robert’sfacewasastudyatthatmoment。Hischeeksfilledandcollapsedagainlikeadog’swhenithasbeenrebuked。Hiscolourdeepened,andherattledsomemoneyinatrouserpocket。
"Somethinginthat,ofcourse,"hesaidgruffly。"Allthesame,thedecision’swithNollie。We’llseewhatThirzasays。Anyway,there’snohurry。It’sathousandpitiesyou’reaparson;thetrouble’senoughwithoutthat:"
Edwardshookhishead。"Mypositionisnothing;it’sthethoughtofmychild,mywife’schild。It’ssheerpride;andIcan’tsubdueit。
Ican’tfightitdown。Godforgiveme,Irebel。"
AndRobertthought:’ByGeorge,hedoestakeittoheart!Well,soshouldI!Ido,asitis!’Hetookouthispipe,andfilledit,pushingthetobaccodownanddown。
"I’mnotamanoftheworld,"heheardhisbrothersay;"I’moutoftouchwithmanythings。It’salmostunbearabletometofeelthatI’mjoiningwiththeworldtocondemnmyowndaughter;notfortheirreasons,perhaps——Idon’tknow;Ihopenot,butstill,I’magainsther。"
Robertlithispipe。
"Steady,oldman!"hesaid。"It’samisfortune。ButifIwereyouIshouldfeel:’She’sdoneawild,sillything,but,hangit,ifanybodysaysawordagainsther,I’llwringhisneck。’Andwhat’smore,you’llfeelmuchthesame,whenitcomestothepoint。"Heemittedahugepuffofsmoke,whichobscuredhisbrother’sface,andtheblood,buzzinginhistemples,seemedtothickenthesoundofEdward’svoice。
"Idon’tknow;I’vetriedtoseeclearly。Ihaveprayedtobeshownwhatherdutyis,andmine。Itseemstometherecanbenopeaceforheruntilshehasatoned,byopensuffering;thattheworld’sjudgmentishercross,andshemustbearit;especiallyinthesedays,whenalltheworldisfacingsufferingsonobly。Andthenitseemssohard—sobitter;mypoorlittleNollie!"
Therewasasilence,brokenonlybythegurglingofRobert’spipe,tillhesaidabruptly:
"Idon’tfollowyou,Ted;no,Idon’t。Ithinkamanshouldscreenhischildrenallhecan。Talktoherasyoulike,butdon’tlettheworlddoit。Dashit,theworld’sarottengabblingplace。Icallmyselfamanoftheworld,butwhenitcomestoprivatematters——
well,thenIdrawtheline。Itseemstomeitseemstomeinhuman。
WhatdoesGeorgeLairdthinkaboutit?He’saknowingchap。I
supposeyou’ve——no,Isupposeyouhaven’t——"ForapeculiarsmilehadcomeonEdward’sface。
"No,"hesaid,"IshouldhardlyaskGeorgeLaird’sopinion。"
AndRobertrealisedsuddenlythestubbornlonelinessofthatthinblackfigure,whosefingerswereplayingwithalittlegoldcross。
’ByJove!’hethought,’IbelieveoldTed’slikeoneofthoseEasternchapswhogointolonelyplaces。He’sgothimselfsurroundedbyvisionsofthingsthataren’tthere。Helivesinunreality——
somethingwecan’tunderstand。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifheheardvoices,like——whowasit?Tt,tt!Whatapity!’Tedwasdeceptive。
Hewasgentleand——allthat,agentlemanofcourse,andthatdisguisedhim;butunderneath;whatwasthere——aregularascetic,afakir!Andasenseofbewilderment,ofdealingwithsomethingwhichhecouldnotgrasp,besetBobPierson,sothathewentbacktothetable,andsatdownagainbesidehisport。
"Itseemstome,"hesaidrathergruffly,"thatthechickenhadbetterbehatchedbeforewecountit。"Andthen,sorryforhisbrusqueness,emptiedhisglass。Asthefluidpassedoverhispalate,hethought:’PooroldTed!Hedoesn’tevendrink——hasn’tapleasureinlife,sofarasIcansee,exceptdoinghisduty,anddoesn’tevenseemtoknowwhatthatis。Therearen’tmanylikehim——luckily!AndyetIlovehim——patheticchap!’
The"patheticchap"wasstillstaringattheflames。
3
Andatthisveryhour,whenthebrothersweretalking——forthoughtandfeelingdopassmysteriouslyovertheinvisiblewiresofspaceCyrilMorland’ssonwasbeingbornofNoel,alittlebeforehistime。
PARTIII
I
DownbytheRiverWye,amongplum—treesinblossom,Noelhadlaidherbabyinahammock,andstoodreadingaletter:
"MYDEARESTNOLLIE,"Nowthatyouarestrongagain,IfeelthatImustputbeforeyoumyfeelingastoyourdutyinthiscrisisofyourlife。Yourauntandunclehavemadethemostkindandgenerousoffertoadoptyourlittleboy。Ihaveknownthatthiswasintheirmindsforsometime,andhavethoughtitoverdayandnightforweeks。Intheworldlysenseitwouldbethebestthing,nodoubt。Butthisisaspiritualmatter。Thefutureofoursoulsdependsonhowwemeettheconsequencesofourconduct。Andpainful,dreadful,indeed,astheymustbe,Iamdriventofeelthatyoucanonlyreachtruepeacebyfacingtheminaspiritofbravehumility。Iwantyoutothinkandthink——tillyouarriveatacertaintywhichsatisfiesyourconscience。Ifyoudecide,asItrustyouwill,tocomebacktomeherewithyourboy,Ishalldoallinmypowertomakeyouhappywhilewefacethefuturetogether。Todoasyourauntanduncleintheirkindnesswish,would,Iamsoreafraid,endindeprivingyouoftheinnerstrengthandhappinesswhichGodonlygivestothosewhodotheirdutyandtrycourageouslytorepairtheirerrors。Ihaveconfidenceinyou,mydearchild。
"Everyourmostlovingfather,"EDWARDPIERSON。"
Shereaditthroughasecondtime,andlookedatherbaby。Daddyseemedtothinkthatshemightbewillingtopartfromthiswonderfulcreature!Sunlightfellthroughtheplumblossom,inanextrapatchworkquiltoverthebundlelyingthere,touchedthebaby’snoseandmouth,sothathesneezed。Noellaughed,andputherlipsclosetohisface。’Giveyouup!’shethought:’Oh,no!AndI’mgoingtobehappytoo。Theyshan’tstopme:
Inanswertothelettershesaidsimplythatshewascomingup;andaweeklatershewent,tothedismayofheruncleandaunt。Theoldnursewenttoo。EverythinghadhithertobeensocarefullywatchedandguardedagainstbyThirza,thatNoeldidnotreallycomefacetofacewithherpositiontillshereachedhome。
Gratian,whohadmanagedtogettransferredtoaLondonHospital,wasnowlivingathome。Shehadprovidedthehousewithnewmaidsagainsthersister’sreturn;andthoughNoelwasrelievednottomeetheroldfamiliars,sheencounteredwithdifficultythestolidcuriosityofnewfaces。ThatmorningbeforesheleftKestrel,heraunthadcomeintoherroomwhileshewasdressing,takenherlefthandandslippedalittlegoldbandontoitsthirdfinger。
"Topleaseme,Nollie,nowthatyou’regoing,justforthefoolish,whoknownothingaboutyou。"
Noelhadsuffereditwiththethought:’It’sallverysilly!’Butnow,whenthenewmaidwaspouringoutherhotwater,shewassuddenlyawareofthegirl’sroundblueeyeswandering,asitwere,mechanicallytoherhand。Thislittlehoopofgold,then,hadanawfulpower!Arushofdisgustcameoverher。Alllifeseemedsuddenlyathingofformsandsham。Everybodythenwouldlookatthatlittlering;andshewasacoward,savingherselffromthem!
Whenshewasaloneagain,sheslippeditoff,andlaiditonthewashstand,wherethesunlightfell。Onlythislittleshiningbandofmetal,thislittleyellowring,stoodbetweenherandtheworld’shostilescorn!Herlipstrembled。Shetookupthering,andwenttotheopenwindow;tothrowitout。Butshedidnot,uncertainandunhappy——halfrealisingthecrueltyoflife。Aknockatthedoorsentherflyingbacktothewashstand。ThevisitorwasGratian。
"I’vebeenlookingathim,"shesaidsoftly;"he’slikeyou,Nollie,exceptforhisnose。"
"He’shardlygotoneyet。Butaren’thiseyesintelligent?Ithinkthey’rewonderful。"Sheheldupthering:"WhatshallIdoaboutthis,Gratian?"
Gratianflushed。"Wearit。Idon’tseewhyoutsidersshouldknow。
ForthesakeofDadIthinkyouought。There’stheparish。"
Noelslippedtheringbackontoherfinger。"Wouldyou?"
"Ican’ttell。IthinkIwould。"
Noellaughedsuddenly。"I’mgoingtogetcynical;Icanfeelitinmybones。HowisDaddylooking?"
"Verythin;Mr。LauderisbackagainfromtheFrontforabit,andtakingsomeoftheworknow。"
"DoIhurthimverymuchstill?"
"He’sawfullypleasedthatyou’vecome。He’sassweetashecanbeaboutyou。"
"Yes,"murmuredNoel,"that’swhat’sdreadful。I’mgladhewasn’tinwhenIcame。Hashetoldanyone?"
Gratianshookherhead。"Idon’tthinkanybodyknows;unless——
perhapsCaptainFort。Hecameinagaintheothernight;andsomehow——"
Noelflushed。"Leila!"shesaidenigmatically。"Haveyouseenher?"
"IwenttoherflatlastweekwithDad——helikesher。"
"Delilahisherrealname,youknow。Allmenlikeher。AndCaptainFortisherlover。"
Gratiangasped。Noelwouldsaythingssometimeswhichmadeherfeeltheyoungerofthetwo。
"Ofcourseheis,"wentonNoelinahardvoice。"Shehasnomenfriends;hersortneverhave,onlylovers。Whydoyouthinkheknowsaboutme?"
"Whenheaskedafteryouhelooked——"
"Yes;I’veseenhimlooklikethatwhenhe’ssorryforanything。I
don’tcare。HasMonsieurLavendiebeeninlately?"
"Yes;helooksawfullyunhappy。"
"Hiswifedrugs。"
"Oh,Nollie!Howdoyouknow?"
"Isawheronce;I’msureshedoes;therewasasmell;andshe’sgotwanderingeyesthatgoallglassy。Hecanpaintmenow,ifhelikes。
Iwouldn’tlethimbefore。Doesbeknow?"
"Ofcoursenot。"
"Heknowstherewassomething;he’sgotsecondsight,Ithink。ButI
mindhimlessthananybody。IshispictureofDaddygood?"
"Powerful,butithurts,somehow。"
"Let’sgodownandseeit。"
Thepicturewashunginthedrawing—room,anditsintensemodernitymadethatold—fashionedroomseemlifelessandstrange。Theblackfigure,withlongpalefingerstouchingthepalerpianokeys,hadafrighteningactuality。Theface,three—quartersfull,wasraisedasifforinspiration,andtheeyesrested,dreamyandunseeing,onthefaceofagirlpaintedandhungonabackgroundofwallabovethepiano。
"It’sthefaceofthatgirl,"saidGratian,whentheyhadlookedatthepictureforsometimeinsilence:
"No,"saidNoel,"it’sthelookinhiseyes。"
"Butwhydidhechoosesuchahorrid,commongirl?Isn’tshefearfullyalive,though?Shelooksasifsheweresaying:
’Cheerio!’"
"Sheis;it’sawfullypathetic,Ithink。PoorDaddy!"
"It’salibel,"saidGratianstubbornly。
"No。That’swhathurts。Heisn’tquite——quiteallthere。Willhebecominginsoon?"
Gratiantookherarm,andpressedithard。"Wouldyoulikemeatdinnerornot;Icaneasilybeout?"
Noelshookherhead。"It’snogoodtofunkit。Hewantedme,andnowhe’sgotme。Oh!whydidhe?It’llbeawfulforhim。"
Gratiansighed。"I’vetriedmybest,buthealwayssaid:’I’vethoughtsolongaboutitallthatIcan’tthinkanylonger。Icanonlyfeelthebravercourseisthebest。Whenthingsarebravelyandhumblymet,therewillbecharityandforgiveness。’"
"Therewon’t,"saidNoel,"Daddy’sasaint,andhedoesn’tsee。"
"Yes,heisasaint。Butonemustthinkforoneself——onesimplymust。Ican’tbelieveashedoes,anymore;canyou,Nollie?"
"Idon’tknow。WhenIwasgoingthroughit,Iprayed;butIdon’tknowwhetherIreallybelieved。Idon’tthinkImindmuchaboutthat,onewayortheother。"
"Imindterribly,"saidGratian,"Iwantthetruth。"
"Idon’tknowwhatIwant,"saidNoelslowly,"exceptthatsometimesIwant——life;awfully。"
Andthetwosistersweresilent,lookingateachotherwithasortofwonder。
Noelhadafancytoputonabright—colouredbluefrockthatevening,andatherneckshehungaBretoncrossofoldpaste,whichhadbelongedtohermother。Whenshehadfinisheddressingshewentintothenurseryandstoodbythebaby’scot。Theoldnursewhowassittingtherebesidehim,gotupatonceandsaid:
"He’ssleepingbeautiful——thelamb。I’llgodownandgetacupo’
tea,andcomeup,ma’am,whenthegonggoes。"Inthewaypeculiartothosewhohavenevertoinitiate,butonlytosupportpositionsinwhichtheyareplacedbyothers,shehadadoptedforherselfthetheorythatNoelwasarealwar—widow。Sheknewthetruthperfectly;
forshehadwatchedthathurriedlittleromanceatKestrel,butbydintofcharityandblurredmeditationsitwaseasyforhertoimaginethemarriageceremonywhichwouldandshouldhavetakenplace;andshewaszealousthatotherpeopleshouldimagineittoo。
第11章