首页 >出版文学> Saint’s Progress>第11章
  Evewon’tgetanyleavetillEaster;andIcanbequitealone,andseetoNolliehere。Theservantscanhaveaholiday——,NurseandI
  willrunthehousetogether。Ishallenjoyit。"
  "You’reagoodwoman,Thirza!"Takinghiswife’shand,heputittohislips。"Thereisn’tanotherwomanlikeyouintheworld。"
  Thirza’seyessmiled。"Passmeyourcup;I’llgiveyousomefreshcoffee。"
  Itwasdecidedtoputtheplanintooperationatmid—month,andshebentallherwitstoinstillingintoherhusbandthethoughtthatababymoreorlesswasnogreatmatterinaworldwhichalreadycontainedtwelvehundredmillionpeople。Withaman’skeenersenseoffamilypropriety,hecouldnotseethatthisbabywouldbethesameasanyotherbaby。"Byheaven!"hewouldsay,"Isimplycan’tgetusedtoit;inourfamily!AndTedaparson!Whatthedevilshallwedowithit?"
  "IfNolliewillletus,whyshouldn’tweadoptit?It’llbesomethingtotakemythoughtsofftheboys。"
  "That’sanidea!ButTed’safunnyfellow。He’llhavesomedoctrineofatonement,orotherinhisbonnet。"
  "Oh,bother!"saidThirzawithasperity。
  ThethoughtofsojourningintownforaspellwasnotunpleasanttoBobPierson。HisTribunalworkwasover,hisearly,potatoesin,andhehadvisionsofworkingfortheCountry,ofbeingaspecialconstable,anddiningathisClub。Thenearerhewastothefront,andthemorehecouldtalkaboutthewar,thegreatertheservicehefelthewouldbedoing。Hewouldaskforajobwherehisbrainswouldbeofuse。HeregrettedkeenlythatThirzawouldn’tbewithhim;alongseparationlikethiswouldbeagreattrial。Andhewouldsighandrunhisfingersthroughhiswhiskers。StillfortheCountry,andforNollie,onemustputupwithit!
  WhenThirzafinallysawhimintothetrain,tearsstoodintheeyesofboth,fortheywerehonestlyattached,andknewwellenoughthatthisjob,oncetakeninhand,wouldhavetobeseenthrough;athreemonths’separationatleast。
  "Ishallwriteeveryday。"
  "SoshallI,Bob。"
  "Youwon’tfret,oldgirl?"
  "Onlyifyoudo。"
  "Ishallbeupat5。5,andshe’llbedownat4。50。Giveusakiss——
  damntheporters。Godblessyou!Isupposeshe’dmindif——I——weretocomedownnowandthen?"
  "I’mafraidshewould。It’s——it’s——well,youknow。"
  "Yes,Yes;Ido。"Andhereallydid;forunderneath,hehadtruedelicacy。
  Herlastwords:"You’reverysweet,Bob,"remainedinhisearsallthewaytoSevernJunction。
  Shewentbacktothehouse,emptiedofherhusband,daughter,boys,andmaids;onlythedogsleftandtheoldnursewhomshehadtakenintoconfidence。Eveninthatsheltered,woodedvalleyitwasverycoldthiswinter。Thebirdshidthemselves,notoneflowerbloomed,andthered—brownriverwasfullandswift。Thesoundoftreesbeingfelledfortrenchprops,inthewoodabovethehouseresoundedalldaylonginthefrostyair。Shemeanttodothecookingherself;andfortherestofthemorningandearlyafternoonsheconcoctednicethings,andthoughtouthowsheherselfwouldfeelifshewereNoelandNoelshe,soastosmoothoutofthewayanythingwhichwouldhurtthegirl。Intheafternoonshewentdowntothestationinthevillagecar,thesamewhichhadborneCyrilMorlandawaythatJulynight,fortheircoachmanhadbeentakenforthearmy,andthehorseswereturnedout。
  Noellookedtiredandwhite,butcalm——toocalm。HerfaceseemedtoThirzatohavefineddown,andwiththosebroodingeyes,tobemorebeautiful。Inthecarshepossessedherselfofthegirl’shand,andsqueezedithard;theironlyallusiontothesituation,exceptNoel’sformal:
  "Thankyousomuch,Auntie,forhavingme;it’smostawfullysweetofyouandUncleBob。"
  "There’snooneinthehouse,mydear,exceptoldNurse。It’llbeverydullforyou;butIthoughtI’dteachyoutocook;it’sratheruseful。"
  ThesmilewhichslippedontoNoel’sfacegaveThirzaquiteaturn。
  Shehadassignedthegirladifferentroom,andhadmadeitextraordinarilycheerfulwithalogfire,chrysanthemums,brightcoppercandlesticks,warming—pans,andsuchlike。
  Shewentupwithheratbedtime,andstandingbeforethefire,said:
  "Youknow,Nollie,Iabsolutelyrefusetoregardthisasanysortoftragedy。Tobringlifeintotheworldsinthesedays,nomatter—
  how,oughttomakeanyonehappy。IonlywishIcoulddoitagain,thenIshouldfeelsomeuse。Goodnightdear;andifyouwantanything,knockonthewall。I’mnextdoor。Blessyou!"Shesawthatthegirlwasgreatlymoved,underneathherpalemask;andwentoutastonishedatherniece’spowersofself—control。
  Butshedidnotsleepatallwell;forinimagination,shekeptonseeingNoelturningfromsidetosideinthebigbed,andthosegreateyesofhersstaringatthedark。
  2
  ThemeetingofthebrothersPiersontookplaceatthedinner—hour,andwascharacterisedbyatrulyEnglishlackofdisplay。Theyweresoextremelydifferent,andhadbeentogethersolittlesinceearlydaysintheiroldBuckinghamshirehome,thattheywerepracticallystrangers,withjustthepotentlinkoffar—distantmemoriesincommon。Itwasofthesetheytalked,andaboutthewar。Onthissubjecttheyagreedinthelarge,anddifferedinthenarrow。Forinstance,boththoughttheyknewaboutGermanyandothercountries,andneitherofcoursehadanyrealknowledgeofanycountryoutsidetheirown;for,thoughbothhadpassedthroughconsiderabletractsofforeigngroundatonetimeoranother,theyhadneverremarkedanythingexceptitssurface,——itschurches,anditssunsets。Again,bothassumedthattheyweredemocrats,butneitherknewthemeaningoftheword,norfeltthattheworkingmancouldbereallytrusted;
  andbothreveredChurchand,King:Bothdislikedconscription,butconsidereditnecessary。BothfavouredHomeRuleforIreland,butneitherthoughtitpossibletograntit。Bothwishedforthewartoend,butwereforprosecutingittoVictory,andneitherknewwhattheymeantbythatword。Somuchforthelarge。Onthenarrowerissues,suchasstrategy,andthepersonalityoftheircountry’sleaders,theywereopposed。EdwardwasaWesterner,RobertanEasterner,aswasnaturalinonewhohadlivedtwenty—fiveyearsinCeylon。Edwardfavouredthefallengovernment,Roberttherisen。
  Neitherhadanyparticularreasonsfortheirpartisanshipexceptwhathehadreadinthejournals。Afterall——whatotherreasonscouldtheyhavehad?EdwarddislikedtheHarmswortbPress;Robertthoughtitwasdoinggood。Robertwasexplosive,andrathervague;Edwarddreamy,andalittledidactic。RobertthoughtpoorTedlookinglikeaghost;EdwardthoughtpoorBoblookinglikethesettingsun。Theirfaceswereindeedascuriouslycontrastedastheirviewsandvoices;
  thepale—dark,hollowed,narrowfaceofEdward,withitsshort,pointedbeard,andthered—skinned,broad,full,whiskeredfaceofRobert。Theypartedforthenightwithanaffectionatehand—clasp。
  Sobeganaqueerpartnershipwhichconsisted,asthedayswenton,ofhalfanhour’scompanionshipatbreakfast,eachreadingthepaper;
  andofdinnertogetherperhapsthreetimesaweek。Eachthoughthisbrotherveryodd,butcontinuedtoholdthehighestopinionofhim。
  And,behinditall,thedeeptribalsensethattheystoodtogetherintrouble,grew。Butofthattroubletheyneverspoke,thoughnotseldomRobertwouldlowerhisjournal,andabovetheglassesperchedonhiswell—shapednose,contemplatehisbrother,andalittlefrownofsympathywouldridgehisforeheadbetweenhisbushyeyebrows。AndonceinawayhewouldcatchEdward’seyescomingoffdutyfromhisjournal,tolook,notathisbrother,butat——theskeleton;whenthathappened,Robertwouldadjusthisglasseshastily,damnthenewspapertype,andapologisetoEdwardforswearing。Andhewouldthink:
  ’PoorTed!Heoughttodrinkport,and——andenjoyhimself,andforgetit。Whatapityhe’saparson!’
  InhisletterstoThirzahewoulddeploreEdward’sasceticism。"Heeatsnothing,hedrinksnothing,hesmokesamiserablecigaretteonceinabluemoon。He’saslonelyasacoot;it’sathousandpitiesheeverlosthiswife。Iexpecttoseehiswingssproutanyday;but—
  dashitallI——Idon’tbelievehe’sgotthefleshtogrowthemon。
  Sendhimupsomeclottedcream;I’llseeifIcangethimtoeatit。"
  Whenthecreamcame,hegotEdwardtoeatsomethefirstmorning,andatteatimefoundthathehadfinishedithimself。"WenevertalkaboutNollie,"hewrote,"I’malwaysmeaningtohaveitoutwithhimandtellhimtobuckup,butwhenitcomestothepointIdryup;
  because,afterall,Ifeelittoo;itsticksinmygizzardhorribly。
  WePiersonsareprettyold,andwe’vealwaysbeenrespectable,eversinceSt。Bartholomew,whenthatHuguenotchapcameoverandfoundedus。TheonlyblacksheepIeverheardofisCousinLeila。Bytheway,Isawhertheotherday;shecameroundheretoseeTed。I
  remembergoingtostaywithherandherfirsthusband;youngFane,atSimla,whenIwascominghome,justbeforeweweremarried。Phew!
  Thatwasaqueermenage;alltheyoungchapsflutteringroundher,andyoungFanelookinglikeacynicalghost。Evennowshecan’thelpsettinghercapalittleatTed,andheswallowsherwhole;thinksheradevotedcreaturereformedtothenineswithherhospitalandallthat。PooroldTed;heisthemostdreamychapthateverwas。"
  "WehavehadGratianandherhusbandupfortheweek—end,"hewrotealittlelater;"Idon’tlikehersowellasNollie;tooseriousanddownrightforme。Herhusbandseemsasensiblefellow,though;butthedevilofafree—thinker。HeandpoorTedarelikecatanddog。
  WehadLeilaintodinneragainonSaturday,andamancalledFortcametoo。She’ssweetonhim,Icouldseewithhalfaneye,butpooroldTedcan’t。ThedoctorandTedtalkeduphillanddowndale。Thedoctorsaidathingwhichstruckme。’Whatdividesusfromthebeasts?Willpower:nothingelse。What’sthiswar,really,butadeathcarnivalofproofthatman’swillisinvincible?’Istuckitdowntotellyou,whenIgotupstairs。He’sacleverfellow。I
  believeinGod,asyouknow,butImustsaywhenitcomestoanargument,pooroldTeddoesseemabitweak,withhis:’We’retoldthis,’and’We’retoldthat:NobodymentionedNollie。ImusthavethewholethingoutwithTed;wemustknowhowtoactwhenit’sallover。"
  ButnottillthemiddleofMarch,whenthebrothershadbeensittingoppositeeachotheratmealsfortwomonths,wasthesubjectbroachedbetweenthem,andthennotbyRobert。Edward,standingbythehearthafterdinner,inhisfamiliarattitude,onefootonthefender,onehandgraspingthemantel—shelf,andhiseyesfixedontheflames,said:"I’veneveraskedyourforgiveness,Bob。"
  Robert,lingeringatthetableoverhisglassofport,started,lookedatEdward’sbackinitsparson’scoat,andanswered:
  "Mydearoldchap!"
  "Ithasbeenverydifficulttospeakofthis。"
  "Ofcourse,ofcourse!"Andtherewasasilence,whileRobert’seyestravelledroundthewallsforinspiration。TheyencounteredonlytheeffigiesofpastPiersonsveryoilyworks,andfellbackonthedining—table。Edwardwentonspeakingtothefire:
  "Itstillseemstomeincredible。DayandnightIthinkofwhatit’smydutytodo。"
  "Nothing!"ejaculatedRobert。"LeavethebabywithThirza;we’lltakecareofit,andwhenNollie’sfit,lethergobacktoworkinahospitalagain。She’llsoongetoverit。"Hesawhisbrothershakehishead,andthought:’Ah!yes;nowthere’sgoingtobesomed——dconscientiouscomplication。’
  Edwardturnedroundonhim:"Thatisverysweetofyouboth,butitwouldbewrongandcowardlyformetoallowit。"
  Theresentmentwhichspringsupinfatherswhenotherfathersdisposeofyounglives,roseinRobert。
  "Dashitall,mydearTed,that’sforNollietosay。She’sawomannow,remember。"
  Asmilewentstrayingaboutintheshadowsofhisbrother’sface。"A
  woman?LittleNollie!Bob,I’vemadeaterriblemessofitwithmygirls。"Hehidhislipswithhishand,andturnedagaintotheflames。Robertfeltalumpinhisthroat。"Oh!Hangit,oldboy,I
  don’tthinkthat。Whatelsecouldyouhavedone?Youtaketoomuchonyourself。Afterall,they’refinegirls。I’msureNollie’sadarling。It’sthesemodernnotions,andthiswar。Cheerup!It’llalldrystraight。"Hewentuptohisbrotherandputahandonhisshoulder。Edwardseemedtostiffenunderthattouch。
  "Nothingcomesstraight,"hesaid,"unlessit’sfaced;youknowthat,Bob。"
  Robert’sfacewasastudyatthatmoment。Hischeeksfilledandcollapsedagainlikeadog’swhenithasbeenrebuked。Hiscolourdeepened,andherattledsomemoneyinatrouserpocket。
  "Somethinginthat,ofcourse,"hesaidgruffly。"Allthesame,thedecision’swithNollie。We’llseewhatThirzasays。Anyway,there’snohurry。It’sathousandpitiesyou’reaparson;thetrouble’senoughwithoutthat:"
  Edwardshookhishead。"Mypositionisnothing;it’sthethoughtofmychild,mywife’schild。It’ssheerpride;andIcan’tsubdueit。
  Ican’tfightitdown。Godforgiveme,Irebel。"
  AndRobertthought:’ByGeorge,hedoestakeittoheart!Well,soshouldI!Ido,asitis!’Hetookouthispipe,andfilledit,pushingthetobaccodownanddown。
  "I’mnotamanoftheworld,"heheardhisbrothersay;"I’moutoftouchwithmanythings。It’salmostunbearabletometofeelthatI’mjoiningwiththeworldtocondemnmyowndaughter;notfortheirreasons,perhaps——Idon’tknow;Ihopenot,butstill,I’magainsther。"
  Robertlithispipe。
  "Steady,oldman!"hesaid。"It’samisfortune。ButifIwereyouIshouldfeel:’She’sdoneawild,sillything,but,hangit,ifanybodysaysawordagainsther,I’llwringhisneck。’Andwhat’smore,you’llfeelmuchthesame,whenitcomestothepoint。"Heemittedahugepuffofsmoke,whichobscuredhisbrother’sface,andtheblood,buzzinginhistemples,seemedtothickenthesoundofEdward’svoice。
  "Idon’tknow;I’vetriedtoseeclearly。Ihaveprayedtobeshownwhatherdutyis,andmine。Itseemstometherecanbenopeaceforheruntilshehasatoned,byopensuffering;thattheworld’sjudgmentishercross,andshemustbearit;especiallyinthesedays,whenalltheworldisfacingsufferingsonobly。Andthenitseemssohard—sobitter;mypoorlittleNollie!"
  Therewasasilence,brokenonlybythegurglingofRobert’spipe,tillhesaidabruptly:
  "Idon’tfollowyou,Ted;no,Idon’t。Ithinkamanshouldscreenhischildrenallhecan。Talktoherasyoulike,butdon’tlettheworlddoit。Dashit,theworld’sarottengabblingplace。Icallmyselfamanoftheworld,butwhenitcomestoprivatematters——
  well,thenIdrawtheline。Itseemstomeitseemstomeinhuman。
  WhatdoesGeorgeLairdthinkaboutit?He’saknowingchap。I
  supposeyou’ve——no,Isupposeyouhaven’t——"ForapeculiarsmilehadcomeonEdward’sface。
  "No,"hesaid,"IshouldhardlyaskGeorgeLaird’sopinion。"
  AndRobertrealisedsuddenlythestubbornlonelinessofthatthinblackfigure,whosefingerswereplayingwithalittlegoldcross。
  ’ByJove!’hethought,’IbelieveoldTed’slikeoneofthoseEasternchapswhogointolonelyplaces。He’sgothimselfsurroundedbyvisionsofthingsthataren’tthere。Helivesinunreality——
  somethingwecan’tunderstand。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifheheardvoices,like——whowasit?Tt,tt!Whatapity!’Tedwasdeceptive。
  Hewasgentleand——allthat,agentlemanofcourse,andthatdisguisedhim;butunderneath;whatwasthere——aregularascetic,afakir!Andasenseofbewilderment,ofdealingwithsomethingwhichhecouldnotgrasp,besetBobPierson,sothathewentbacktothetable,andsatdownagainbesidehisport。
  "Itseemstome,"hesaidrathergruffly,"thatthechickenhadbetterbehatchedbeforewecountit。"Andthen,sorryforhisbrusqueness,emptiedhisglass。Asthefluidpassedoverhispalate,hethought:’PooroldTed!Hedoesn’tevendrink——hasn’tapleasureinlife,sofarasIcansee,exceptdoinghisduty,anddoesn’tevenseemtoknowwhatthatis。Therearen’tmanylikehim——luckily!AndyetIlovehim——patheticchap!’
  The"patheticchap"wasstillstaringattheflames。
  3
  Andatthisveryhour,whenthebrothersweretalking——forthoughtandfeelingdopassmysteriouslyovertheinvisiblewiresofspaceCyrilMorland’ssonwasbeingbornofNoel,alittlebeforehistime。
  PARTIII
  I
  DownbytheRiverWye,amongplum—treesinblossom,Noelhadlaidherbabyinahammock,andstoodreadingaletter:
  "MYDEARESTNOLLIE,"Nowthatyouarestrongagain,IfeelthatImustputbeforeyoumyfeelingastoyourdutyinthiscrisisofyourlife。Yourauntandunclehavemadethemostkindandgenerousoffertoadoptyourlittleboy。Ihaveknownthatthiswasintheirmindsforsometime,andhavethoughtitoverdayandnightforweeks。Intheworldlysenseitwouldbethebestthing,nodoubt。Butthisisaspiritualmatter。Thefutureofoursoulsdependsonhowwemeettheconsequencesofourconduct。Andpainful,dreadful,indeed,astheymustbe,Iamdriventofeelthatyoucanonlyreachtruepeacebyfacingtheminaspiritofbravehumility。Iwantyoutothinkandthink——tillyouarriveatacertaintywhichsatisfiesyourconscience。Ifyoudecide,asItrustyouwill,tocomebacktomeherewithyourboy,Ishalldoallinmypowertomakeyouhappywhilewefacethefuturetogether。Todoasyourauntanduncleintheirkindnesswish,would,Iamsoreafraid,endindeprivingyouoftheinnerstrengthandhappinesswhichGodonlygivestothosewhodotheirdutyandtrycourageouslytorepairtheirerrors。Ihaveconfidenceinyou,mydearchild。
  "Everyourmostlovingfather,"EDWARDPIERSON。"
  Shereaditthroughasecondtime,andlookedatherbaby。Daddyseemedtothinkthatshemightbewillingtopartfromthiswonderfulcreature!Sunlightfellthroughtheplumblossom,inanextrapatchworkquiltoverthebundlelyingthere,touchedthebaby’snoseandmouth,sothathesneezed。Noellaughed,andputherlipsclosetohisface。’Giveyouup!’shethought:’Oh,no!AndI’mgoingtobehappytoo。Theyshan’tstopme:
  Inanswertothelettershesaidsimplythatshewascomingup;andaweeklatershewent,tothedismayofheruncleandaunt。Theoldnursewenttoo。EverythinghadhithertobeensocarefullywatchedandguardedagainstbyThirza,thatNoeldidnotreallycomefacetofacewithherpositiontillshereachedhome。
  Gratian,whohadmanagedtogettransferredtoaLondonHospital,wasnowlivingathome。Shehadprovidedthehousewithnewmaidsagainsthersister’sreturn;andthoughNoelwasrelievednottomeetheroldfamiliars,sheencounteredwithdifficultythestolidcuriosityofnewfaces。ThatmorningbeforesheleftKestrel,heraunthadcomeintoherroomwhileshewasdressing,takenherlefthandandslippedalittlegoldbandontoitsthirdfinger。
  "Topleaseme,Nollie,nowthatyou’regoing,justforthefoolish,whoknownothingaboutyou。"
  Noelhadsuffereditwiththethought:’It’sallverysilly!’Butnow,whenthenewmaidwaspouringoutherhotwater,shewassuddenlyawareofthegirl’sroundblueeyeswandering,asitwere,mechanicallytoherhand。Thislittlehoopofgold,then,hadanawfulpower!Arushofdisgustcameoverher。Alllifeseemedsuddenlyathingofformsandsham。Everybodythenwouldlookatthatlittlering;andshewasacoward,savingherselffromthem!
  Whenshewasaloneagain,sheslippeditoff,andlaiditonthewashstand,wherethesunlightfell。Onlythislittleshiningbandofmetal,thislittleyellowring,stoodbetweenherandtheworld’shostilescorn!Herlipstrembled。Shetookupthering,andwenttotheopenwindow;tothrowitout。Butshedidnot,uncertainandunhappy——halfrealisingthecrueltyoflife。Aknockatthedoorsentherflyingbacktothewashstand。ThevisitorwasGratian。
  "I’vebeenlookingathim,"shesaidsoftly;"he’slikeyou,Nollie,exceptforhisnose。"
  "He’shardlygotoneyet。Butaren’thiseyesintelligent?Ithinkthey’rewonderful。"Sheheldupthering:"WhatshallIdoaboutthis,Gratian?"
  Gratianflushed。"Wearit。Idon’tseewhyoutsidersshouldknow。
  ForthesakeofDadIthinkyouought。There’stheparish。"
  Noelslippedtheringbackontoherfinger。"Wouldyou?"
  "Ican’ttell。IthinkIwould。"
  Noellaughedsuddenly。"I’mgoingtogetcynical;Icanfeelitinmybones。HowisDaddylooking?"
  "Verythin;Mr。LauderisbackagainfromtheFrontforabit,andtakingsomeoftheworknow。"
  "DoIhurthimverymuchstill?"
  "He’sawfullypleasedthatyou’vecome。He’sassweetashecanbeaboutyou。"
  "Yes,"murmuredNoel,"that’swhat’sdreadful。I’mgladhewasn’tinwhenIcame。Hashetoldanyone?"
  Gratianshookherhead。"Idon’tthinkanybodyknows;unless——
  perhapsCaptainFort。Hecameinagaintheothernight;andsomehow——"
  Noelflushed。"Leila!"shesaidenigmatically。"Haveyouseenher?"
  "IwenttoherflatlastweekwithDad——helikesher。"
  "Delilahisherrealname,youknow。Allmenlikeher。AndCaptainFortisherlover。"
  Gratiangasped。Noelwouldsaythingssometimeswhichmadeherfeeltheyoungerofthetwo。
  "Ofcourseheis,"wentonNoelinahardvoice。"Shehasnomenfriends;hersortneverhave,onlylovers。Whydoyouthinkheknowsaboutme?"
  "Whenheaskedafteryouhelooked——"
  "Yes;I’veseenhimlooklikethatwhenhe’ssorryforanything。I
  don’tcare。HasMonsieurLavendiebeeninlately?"
  "Yes;helooksawfullyunhappy。"
  "Hiswifedrugs。"
  "Oh,Nollie!Howdoyouknow?"
  "Isawheronce;I’msureshedoes;therewasasmell;andshe’sgotwanderingeyesthatgoallglassy。Hecanpaintmenow,ifhelikes。
  Iwouldn’tlethimbefore。Doesbeknow?"
  "Ofcoursenot。"
  "Heknowstherewassomething;he’sgotsecondsight,Ithink。ButI
  mindhimlessthananybody。IshispictureofDaddygood?"
  "Powerful,butithurts,somehow。"
  "Let’sgodownandseeit。"
  Thepicturewashunginthedrawing—room,anditsintensemodernitymadethatold—fashionedroomseemlifelessandstrange。Theblackfigure,withlongpalefingerstouchingthepalerpianokeys,hadafrighteningactuality。Theface,three—quartersfull,wasraisedasifforinspiration,andtheeyesrested,dreamyandunseeing,onthefaceofagirlpaintedandhungonabackgroundofwallabovethepiano。
  "It’sthefaceofthatgirl,"saidGratian,whentheyhadlookedatthepictureforsometimeinsilence:
  "No,"saidNoel,"it’sthelookinhiseyes。"
  "Butwhydidhechoosesuchahorrid,commongirl?Isn’tshefearfullyalive,though?Shelooksasifsheweresaying:
  ’Cheerio!’"
  "Sheis;it’sawfullypathetic,Ithink。PoorDaddy!"
  "It’salibel,"saidGratianstubbornly。
  "No。That’swhathurts。Heisn’tquite——quiteallthere。Willhebecominginsoon?"
  Gratiantookherarm,andpressedithard。"Wouldyoulikemeatdinnerornot;Icaneasilybeout?"
  Noelshookherhead。"It’snogoodtofunkit。Hewantedme,andnowhe’sgotme。Oh!whydidhe?It’llbeawfulforhim。"
  Gratiansighed。"I’vetriedmybest,buthealwayssaid:’I’vethoughtsolongaboutitallthatIcan’tthinkanylonger。Icanonlyfeelthebravercourseisthebest。Whenthingsarebravelyandhumblymet,therewillbecharityandforgiveness。’"
  "Therewon’t,"saidNoel,"Daddy’sasaint,andhedoesn’tsee。"
  "Yes,heisasaint。Butonemustthinkforoneself——onesimplymust。Ican’tbelieveashedoes,anymore;canyou,Nollie?"
  "Idon’tknow。WhenIwasgoingthroughit,Iprayed;butIdon’tknowwhetherIreallybelieved。Idon’tthinkImindmuchaboutthat,onewayortheother。"
  "Imindterribly,"saidGratian,"Iwantthetruth。"
  "Idon’tknowwhatIwant,"saidNoelslowly,"exceptthatsometimesIwant——life;awfully。"
  Andthetwosistersweresilent,lookingateachotherwithasortofwonder。
  Noelhadafancytoputonabright—colouredbluefrockthatevening,andatherneckshehungaBretoncrossofoldpaste,whichhadbelongedtohermother。Whenshehadfinisheddressingshewentintothenurseryandstoodbythebaby’scot。Theoldnursewhowassittingtherebesidehim,gotupatonceandsaid:
  "He’ssleepingbeautiful——thelamb。I’llgodownandgetacupo’
  tea,andcomeup,ma’am,whenthegonggoes。"Inthewaypeculiartothosewhohavenevertoinitiate,butonlytosupportpositionsinwhichtheyareplacedbyothers,shehadadoptedforherselfthetheorythatNoelwasarealwar—widow。Sheknewthetruthperfectly;
  forshehadwatchedthathurriedlittleromanceatKestrel,butbydintofcharityandblurredmeditationsitwaseasyforhertoimaginethemarriageceremonywhichwouldandshouldhavetakenplace;andshewaszealousthatotherpeopleshouldimagineittoo。