首页 >出版文学> THE DAWN OF A TO—MORROW>第1章
  I
  Therearealwaystwowaysoflookingatathing,frequentlytherearesixorseven;buttwowaysoflookingataLondonfogarequiteenough。Whenitisthickandyellowinthestreetsandstingsaman’sthroatandlungsashebreathesit,anawakeningintheearlymorningiseitheranunearthlyandgrewsome,oramysteriouslyenclosing,secluding,andcomfortablething。Ifoneawakensinahealthybody,andwithaclearbrainrestedbynormalsleepandretainingmemoriesofanormallyagreeableyesterday,onemayliewatchingthehousemaidbuildingthefire;
  andaftershehassweptthehearthandputthingsinorder,liewatchingtheflamesoftheblazingandcracklingwoodcatchthecoalsandsetthemblazingalso,anddancingmerrilyandfillingcornerswithaglow;andinsolyingandrealizingthatleapinglightandwarmthandasoftbedaregoodthings,onemayturnoveronone’sback,stretchingarmsandlegsluxuriously,drawingdeepbreathsandsmilingataknowledgeofthefogoutsidewhichmakeshalf—pasteighto’clockonaDecembermorningasdarkastwelveo’clockonaDecembernight。Undersuchconditionsthesoft,thick,yellowgloomhasitspicturesqueandevenhumorousaspect。
  Onefeelsenclosedbyitatoncefantasticallyandcosily,andisinclinedtorevelinimaginingsofthepictureoutside,itsRembrandtlightsandorangeyellows,thehalosaboutthestreet—lamps,theilluminationofshop—
  windows,theflareoftorchesstuckupovercosterbarrowsandcoffee—
  stands,theshadowsonthefacesofthemenandwomensellingandbuyingbesidethem。Refreshedbysleepandcomfortandsurroundedbylight,warmth,andgoodcheer,itiseasytofacetheday,toconfrontgoingoutintothefogandfeelingasortofpleasureinitsmysteries。Thisisonewayoflookingatit,butonlyone。
  Theotherwayismarkedbyenormousdifferences。
  Aman——hehadgivenhisnametothepeopleofthehouseasAntonyDart——awakenedinathird—storybedroominalodging—houseinapoorstreetinLondon,andashisconsciousnessreturnedtohim,itsslowandreluctantmovingsconfrontedthesecondpointofview——markedbyenormousdifferences。Hehadnotslepttwoconsecutivehoursthroughthenight,andwhenhehadslepthehadbeentormentedbydrearydreams,whichweremorefullofmiserybecauseoftheirelusivevagueness,whichkepthistorturedbrainonawearyingstrainofefforttoreachsomedefiniteunderstandingofthem。Yetwhenheawakenedtheconsciousnessofbeingagainalivewasanawfulthing。
  Ifthedreamscouldhavefadedintoblanknessandallhavepassedwiththepassingofthenight,howhecouldhavethankedwhatevergodstherebe!Onlynottoawake——
  onlynottoawake!Buthehadawakened。
  Theclockstrucknineashedidso,consequentlyheknewthehour。
  Thelodging—houseslaveyhadarousedhimbycomingtolightthefire。Shehadsethercandleonthehearthanddoneherworkasstealthilyaspossible,buthehadbeendisturbed,thoughhehadmadeadesperateefforttostrugglebackintosleep。Thatwasnouse——nouse。Hewasawakeandhewasinthemidstofitallagain。
  Withoutthesenseofluxuriouscomfortheopenedhiseyesandturneduponhisback,throwingouthisarmsflatly,sothathelayasintheformofacross,inheavywearinessandanguish。Formonthshehadawakenedeachmorningaftersuchanightandhadsolainlikeacrucifiedthing。
  Ashewatchedthepainfulflickeringofthedampandsmokingwoodandcoalherememberedthisandthoughtthattherehadbeenalifetimeofsuchawakenings,notknowingthatthemorbidnessofafaggedbrainblottedoutthememoryofmorenormaldaysandtoldhimfantasticlieswhichwerebutahundredthparttruth。Hecouldseeonlythehundredthparttruth,anditassumedproportionssohugethathecouldseenothingelse。Insuchastatethehumanbrainisaninfernalmachineanditsworkingscanonlybeconqueredifthemortalthingwhichliveswithit——dayandnight,nightandday——haslearnedtoseparateitscontrollablefromitsseeminglyuncontrollableatoms,andcansilenceitsclamoronitswaytomadness。
  AntonyDarthadnotlearnedthisthingandtheclamorhadhaditshideouswaywithhim。Physicianswouldhavegivenanametohismentalandphysicalcondition。Hehadheardthesenamesoften——appliedtomenthestrainofwhoseliveshadbeenlikethestrainofhisown,andhadleftthemasithadlefthim——
  jaded,joyless,breakingthings。Someofthemhadbeenbrokenandhaddiedorweredraggingoutbruisedandtormenteddaysintheirownhomesorinmad—houses。Healwaysshudderedwhenheheardtheirnames,andrebelledwithsickfearagainstthemerementionofthem。Theyhadworkedashehadworked,theyhadbeenstrickenwiththedeliriumofaccumulation——accumulation——
  ashehadbeen。Theyhadbeencaughtintherushandswirlofthegreatmaelstrom,andhadbeenborneroundandroundinit,untilhavinggraspedeverycovetedthingtossinguponitscirclingwaters,theythemselveshadbeenflungupontheshorewithbothhandsfull,therocksaboutthemstrewnwithrichpossessions,whiletheylayprostrateandgazedatalllifehadbroughtwithdull,hopeless,anguishedeyes。Heknew——iftheworstcametotheworst——
  whatwouldbesaidofhim,becausehehadhearditsaidofothers。"Heworkedtoohard——heworkedtoohard。"Hewassickofhearingit。
  Whatwaswrongwiththeworld——
  whatwaswrongwithman,asMan——ifworkcouldbreakhimlikethis?
  IfonebelievedinDeity,thelivingcreatureItbreathedintobeingmustbeaperfectthing——notonetobewearied,sickened,torturedbythelifeItsbreathinghadcreated。A
  meremanwoulddisdaintobuildathingsopoorandincomplete。
  Amerehumanengineerwhoconstructedanenginewhoseworkingswereperpetuallyatfault——whichwentwrongwhencalledupontodothelaboritwasmadefor——whowouldnotscoffatitandcastitasideasapieceofworthlessbungling?
  "Somethingiswrong,"hemut—
  tered,lyingflatuponhiscrossandstaringattheyellowhazewhichhadcreptthroughcranniesinwindow—
  sashesintotheroom。"Someoneiswrong。IsitI——orYou?"
  Histhinlipsdrewthemselvesbackagainsthisteethinamirthlesssmilewhichwaslikeagrin。
  "Yes,"hesaid。"Iamprettyfargone。IambeginningtotalktomyselfaboutGod。BryandiditjustbeforehewastakentoDr。Hewletts’
  placeandcuthisthroat。"
  Hehadnotledaspeciallyevillife;hehadnotbrokenlaws,butthesubjectofDeitywasnotonewhichhisschemeofexistencehadincluded。Whenithadhauntedhimoflatehehadfeltitanuntowardandmorbidsign。Thethinghaddrawnhim——drawnhim;hehadcomplainedagainstit,hehadargued,sometimesheknew——shuddering——
  thathehadraved。Somethinghadseemedtostandasideandwatchhisbeingandhisthinking。
  Somethingwhichfilledtheuniversehadseemedtowait,andtohavewaitedthroughalltheeternalages,toseewhathe——oneman——woulddo。Attimesagreatappalledwonderhadsweptoverhimathisrealizationthathehadneverknownorthoughtofitbefore。Ithadbeentherealways——throughalltheagesthathadpassed。Andsometimes——
  onceortwice——thethoughthadinsomeunspeakable,untranslatablewaybroughthimamoment’scalm。
  Butatothertimeshehadsaidtohimself——withashiveringsoulcoweringwithinhim——thatthiswasonlypartofitallandwasabeginning,perhaps,ofreligiousmonomania。
  Duringthelastweekhehadknownwhathewasgoingtodo——
  hehadmadeuphismind。Thisabjecthorrorthroughwhichothershadletthemselvesbedraggedtomadnessordeathhewouldnotendure。Theendshouldcomequickly,andnooneshouldbesmittenaghastbyseeingorknowinghowitcame。
  InthecrowdedshabbierstreetsofLondontherewerelodging—houseswhereone,bytakingprecautions,couldendhislifeinsuchamanneraswouldblothimoutofanyworldwheresuchamanashimselfhadbeenknown。Apistol,properlymanaged,wouldobliterateresemblancetoanyhumanthing。Monthsagothroughchancetalkhehadheardhowitcouldbedone——anddonequickly。
  Hecouldleaveamisleadingletter。
  Hehadplannedwhatitshouldbe——
  thestoryitshouldtellofadisheartenedmediocreventurerofhispoorallreturningbankruptandhumiliatedfromAustralia,endingexistenceinsuchpennilessnessthattheparishmustgivehimapauper’sgrave。Whatdiditmatterwhereamanlay,sothatheslept——slept——
  slept?Surelywithone’sbrainsscatteredonewouldsleepsoundlyanywhere。
  Hehadcometothehousethenightbefore,dressedshabbilywiththepitiablerespectabilityofadefeatedman。Hehadentereddroopinglywithbentshouldersandhopelesshangofhead。Inhisownspherehewasamanwhoheldhimselfwell。Hehadletfallafewdispiritedsentenceswhenhehadengagedhisbackroomfromthewomanofthehouse,andshehadrecognizedhimasoneoftheluckless。
  Infact,shehadhesitatedamomentbeforehisunreliablelookuntilhehadtakenoutmoneyfromhispocketandpaidhisrentforaweekinadvance。Shewouldhavethatatleastforhertrouble,hehadsaidtohimself。Heshouldnotoccupytheroomafterto—morrow。Inhisownhomesomedayswouldpassbeforehishouseholdbegantomakeinquiries。HehadtoldhisservantsthathewasgoingovertoParisforachange。Hewouldbesafeanddeepinhispauper’sgraveaweekbeforetheyaskedeachotherwhytheydidnothearfromhim。Allwasinorder。Oneofthemockingagonieswasthatlivingwasdonefor。Hehadceasedtolive。Work,pleasure,sun,moon,andstarshadlosttheirmeaning。Hestoodandlookedatthemostradiantlovelinessoflandandskyandseaandfeltnothing。
  Successbroughtgreaterwealtheachdaywithoutstirringapulseofpleasure,evenintriumph。Therewasnothingleftbuttheawfuldaysandawfulnightstowhichheknewphysicianscouldgivetheirscientificname,buthadnohealingfor。Hehadgonefarenough。Hewouldgonofarther。To—morrowitwouldhavebeenoverlonghours。Andtherewouldhavebeennopublicdeclaimingoverthehumiliatingpitifulnessofhisend。Andwhatdiditmatter?
  Howthickthefogwasoutside——
  thickenoughforamantolosehimselfinit。Theyellowmistwhichhadcreptinunderthedoorsandthroughthecrevicesofthewindow—
  sashesgaveaghostlylooktotheroom——aghastly,abnormallook,hesaidtohimself。Thefirewassmoulderinginsteadofblazing。Butwhatdiditmatter?Hewasgoingout。Hehadnotboughtthepistollastnight——likeafool。Somehowhisbrainhadbeensotiredandcrowdedthathehadforgotten。
  "Forgotten。"Hementallyrepeatedthewordashegotoutofbed。
  Bythistimeto—morrowheshouldhaveforgotteneverything。THIS
  TIMETO—MORROW。Hismindrepeatedthatalso,ashebegantodresshimself。Whereshouldhebe?Shouldhebeanywhere?Supposeheawakenedagain——tosomethingasbadasthis?Howdidamangetoutofhisbody?Afterthecrashandshockwhathappened?DidonefindoneselfstandingbesidetheThingandlookingdownatit?Itwouldnotbeagoodthingtostandandlookdownon——evenforthatwhichhaddesertedit。Buthavingtornoneselfloosefromitanditsdevilishachesandpains,onewouldnotcare——onewouldseehowlittleitallmattered。Anythingelsemustbebetterthanthis——thethingforwhichtherewasascientificnamebutnohealing。Hehadtakenallthedrugs,hehadobeyedallthemedicalorders,andherehewasafterthatlasthellofanight——dressinghimselfinabackbedroomofacheaplodging—housetogooutandbuyapistolinthisdamnedfog。
  Helaughedatthelastphraseofhisthought,thelaughwhichwasamirthlessgrin。
  "IamthinkingofitasifIwasafraidoftakingcold,"hesaid。
  "Andto—morrow——!"
  TherewouldbenoTo—morrow。
  To—morrowswereatanend。Nomorenights——nomoredays——nomoremorrows。
  Hefinisheddressing,puttingonhisdiscriminatinglychosenshabby—
  genteelclotheswithacarefortheeffectheintendedthemtoproduce。
  Thecollarandcuffsofhisshirtwerefrayedandyellow,andhefastenedhiscollarwithapinandtiedhiswornnecktiecarelessly。Hisovercoatwasbeginningtowearagreenishshadeandlookthreadbare,sowashishat。
  Whenhistoiletwascompletehelookedathimselfinthecrackedandhazyglass,bendingforwardtoscrutinizehisunshavenfaceundertheshadowofthedingyhat。
  "Itisallright,"hemuttered。
  "ItisnotfartothepawnshopwhereIsawit。"
  Thestillnessoftheroomasheturnedtogooutwasuncanny。Asitwasabackroom,therewasnostreetbelowfromwhichcouldarisesoundsofpassingvehicles,andthethicknessofthefogmuffledsuchsoundasmighthavefloatedfromthefront。Hestoppedhalf—waytothedoor,notknowingwhy,andlistened。
  Towhat——forwhat?Thesilenceseemedtospreadthroughallthehouse——outintothestreets——
  throughallLondon——throughalltheworld,andhetostandinthemidstofit,amanonthewaytoDeath——withnoTo—morrow。
  Whatdiditmean?Itseemedtomeansomething。Theworldwithdrawn——lifewithdrawn——soundwithdrawn——breathwithdrawn。Hestoodandwaited。Perhapsthiswasoneofthesymptomsofthemorbidthingforwhichtherewasthatname。Ifsohehadbettergetawayquicklyandhaveitover,lesthebefoundwanderingaboutnotknowing——notknowing。Butnowheknew——theSilence。Hewaited——waitedandtriedtohear,asifsomethingwascallinghim——callingwithoutsound。Itreturnedtohim——thethoughtofThatwhichhadwaitedthroughalltheagestoseewhathe——oneman——woulddo。
  Hehadneverexactlypitiedhimselfbefore——hedidnotknowthathepitiedhimselfnow,buthewasamangoingtohisdeath,andalight,coldsweatbrokeoutonhimanditseemedasifitwasnothewhodidit,butsomeother——heflungouthisarmsandcriedaloudwordshehadnotknownhewasgoingtospeak。
  "Lord!Lord!WhatshallIdotobesaved?"
  ButtheSilencegavenoanswer。
  ItwastheSilencestill。
  Andafterstandingafewmomentspanting,hisarmsfellandhisheaddropped,andturningthehandleofthedoor,hewentouttobuythepistol。
  II
  Ashewentdownthenarrowstaircase,coveredwithitsdingyandthreadbarecarpet,hefoundthehousesofullofdirtyyellowhazethatherealizedthatthefogmustbeoftheextraordinaryoneswhicharerememberedinafter—yearsasabnormalspecimensoftheirkind。Herecalledthattherehadbeenoneofthesortthreeyearsbefore,andthattrafficandbusinesshadbeenalmostentirelystoppedbyit,thataccidentshadhappenedinthestreets,andthatpeoplehavinglosttheirwayhadwanderedaboutturningcornersuntiltheyfoundthemselvesfarfromtheirintendeddestinationsandobligedtotakerefugeinhotelsorthehousesofhospitablestrangers。Curiousincidentshadoccurredandoddstoriesweretoldbythosewhohadfeltthemselvesobligedbycircumstancestogooutintothebafflinggloom。
  Heguessedthatsomethingofalikenaturehadfallenuponthetownagain。Thegas—lightonthelandingsandinthemelancholyhallburnedfeebly——sofeeblythatonegotbutavagueviewofthericketyhat—standandtheshabbyovercoatsandhead—gearhanginguponit。Itwaswellforhimthathehadbutacornerorsototurnbeforehereachedthepawnshopinwhosewindowhehadseenthepistolheintendedtobuy。
  Whenheopenedthestreet—doorhesawthatthefogwas,uponthewhole,perhapsevenheavierandmoreobscuring,ifpossible,thantheonesowellremembered。Hecouldnotseeanythingthreefeetbeforehim,hecouldnotseewithdistinctnessanythingtwofeetahead。Thesensationofsteppingforwardwasuncertainandmysteriousenoughtobealmostappalling。Amannotsufficientlycautiousmighthavefallenintoanyopenholeinhispath。AntonyDartkeptascloselyaspossibletothesidesofthehouses。Itwouldhavebeeneasytowalkoffthepavementintothemiddleofthestreetbutfortheedgesofthecurbandthestepdownwardfromitslevel。Traffichadalmostabsolutelyceased,thoughinthemoreimportantstreetslink—
  boysweremakingeffortstoguidemenorfour—wheelersslowlyalong。
  Theblindfeelingofthethingwasratherawful。Thoughbutfewpedestrianswereout,Dartfoundhimselfonceortwicebrushingagainstorcomingintoforciblecontactwithmenfeelingtheirwayaboutlikehimself。
  "Oneturntotheright,"herepeatedmentally,"twototheleft,andtheplaceisatthecorneroftheothersideofthestreet。"
  Hemanagedtoreachitatlast,butithadbeenaslow,andtherefore,longjourney。Allthegas—jetsthelittleshopownedwerelighted,butevenundertheirflarethearticlesinthewindow——theoneortwooncecheaplygaudydressesandshawlsandmen’sgarments——hunginthehazelikethedreary,danglingghostsofthingsrecentlyexecuted。
  Amongwatchesandforlornpiecesofold—fashionedjewelryandoddsandends,thepistollayagainstthefoldsofadirtygauzeshawl。Thereitwas。Itwouldhavebeenannoyingifsomeoneelsehadbeenbeforehandandhadboughtit。