首页 >出版文学> S022>第4章

第4章

  Icamehereonewinter’sdaywhenthemiddaysunshonehotonthebricksoftheRomanroad。Iwasweary,andthewayseemedsteep。Iwalkedintothechapeltothebrokenwindow,andlookedoutacrossthebay。Faroff,acrosstheblue,bluewater,weretownsandvillages,hangingwhiteandreddots,uponthemountain—sides,andthebluemountainsroseupintothesky,andnowstoodoutfromitandnowmeltedbackagain。
  Themountainsseemedcallingtome,butIknewtherewouldneverbeabridgebuiltfromthemtome;never,never,never!Ishadedmyeyeswithmyhandandturnedaway。Icouldnotbeartolookatthem。
  IwalkedthroughtheruinedChapel,andlookedattheChristinredcarryinghiscross,andtheBlessedrubbed—outBambino,andtheRomansoldiers,andthefoldedhands,andthereed;andIwentandsatdownintheopenporchuponastone。Atmyfeetwasthesmallbay,withitswhiterowofhousesburiedamongtheolivetrees;thewaterbrokeinalong,thin,whitelineoffoamalongtheshore;andIleanedmyelbowsonmyknees。Iwastired,verytired;tiredwithatirednessthatseemedolderthantheheatofthedayandtheshiningofthesunonthebricksoftheRomanroad;andIlaymyheaduponmyknees;Iheardthebreakingofthewaterontherocksthreehundredfeetbelow,andtherustlingofthewindamongtheolivetreesandtheruinedarches,andthenIfellasleepthere。
  Ihadadream。
  AmancrieduptoGod,andGodsentdownanangeltohelphim;andtheangelcamebackandsaid,"Icannothelpthatman。"
  Godsaid,"Howisitwithhim?"
  Andtheangelsaid,"Hecriesoutcontinuallythatonehasinjuredhim;andhewouldforgivehimandhecannot。"
  Godsaid,"Whathaveyoudoneforhim?"
  Theangelsaid,"All——。Itookhimbythehand,andIsaid,’See,whenothermenspeakillofthatmandoyouspeakwellofhim;secretly,inwaysheshallnotknow,servehim;ifyouhaveanythingyouvalueshareitwithhim,so,servinghim,youwillatlastcometofeelpossessioninhim,andyouwillforgive。’Andhesaid,’Iwilldoit。’Afterwards,asIpassedbyinthedarkofnight,Iheardonecryingout,’Ihavedoneall。Ithelpsnothing!Myspeakingwellofhimhelpsmenothing!IfIsharemyheart’sbloodwithhim,istheburningwithinmeless?Icannotforgive;I
  cannotforgive!Oh,God,Icannotforgive!’
  "Isaidtohim,’Seehere,lookbackonallyourpast。Seefromyourchildhoodallsmallness,allindirectnessthathasbeenyours;lookwellatit,andinitslightdoyounotseeeverymanyourbrother?Areyousosinlessyouhaverighttohate?’
  "Helooked,andsaid,’Yes,youareright;Itoohavefailed,andIforgivemyfellow。Go,Iamsatisfied;Ihaveforgiven;’andhelaidhimdownpeacefullyandfoldedhishandsonhisbreast,andIthoughtitwaswellwithhim。ButscarcelyhadmywingsrustledandIturnedtocomeuphere,whenIheardonecryingoutonearthagain,’Icannotforgive!Icannotforgive!Oh,God,God,Icannotforgive!Itisbettertodiethantohate!Icannotforgive!Icannotforgive!’AndIwentandstoodoutsidehisdoorinthedark,andIheardhimcry,’Ihavenotsinnedso,notso!
  IfIhavetornmyfellows’flesheversolittle,Ihavekneeleddownandkissedthewoundwithmymouthtillitwashealed。Ihavenotwilledthatanysoulshallbelostthroughhateofme。IftheyhavebutfanciedthatI
  wrongedthemIhavelaindownonthegroundbeforethemthattheymighttreadonme,andso,seeingmyhumiliation,forgiveandnotbelostthroughhatingme;theyhavenotcaredthatmysoulshouldbelost;theyhavenotwilledtosaveme;theyhavenottriedthatIshouldforgivethem!’
  "Isaidtohim,’Seehere,bethoucontent;donotforgive:forgetthissoulanditsinjury;goonyourway。Inthenextworldperhaps——’
  "Hecried,’Gofromme,youunderstandnothing!Whatisthenextworldtome!Iamlostnow,today。Icannotseethesunlightshine,thedustisinmythroat,thesandisinmyeyes!Gofromme,youknownothing!Oh,onceagainbeforeIdietoseethattheworldisbeautiful!Oh,God,God,I
  cannotliveandnotlove。Icannotliveandhate。Oh,God,God,God!’SoIlefthimcryingoutandcamebackhere。"
  Godsaid,"Thisman’ssoulmustbesaved。"
  Andtheangelsaid"How?"
  Godsaid,"Godownyou,andsaveit。"
  Theangelsaid,"WhatmoreshallIdo?"
  ThenGodbentdownandwhisperedintheangel’sear,andtheangelspreadoutitswingsandwentdowntoearth。
  AndpartlyIwoke,sittingthereuponthebrokenstonewithmyheadonmyknee;butIwastoowearytorise。Iheardthewindroamthroughtheolivetreesandamongtheruinedarches,andthenIsleptagain。
  Theangelwentdownandfoundthemanwiththebitterheartandtookhimbythehand,andledhimtoacertainspot。
  Nowthemanwistnotwhereitwastheangelwouldtakehimnorwhathewouldshowhimthere。Andwhentheycametheangelshadedtheman’seyeswithhiswing,andwhenhemoveditthemansawsomewhatontheearthbeforethem。ForGodhadgivenittothatangeltounclotheahumansoul;
  totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesofform,andcolour,andage,andsex,wherebyonemanisknownfromamonghisfellowsandismarkedofffromtherest,andthesoullaybeforethem,bare,asamanturninghiseyeinwardsbeholdshimself。
  Theysawitspast,itschildhood,thetinylifewiththedewuponit;theysawitsyouthwhenthedewwasmelting,andthecreatureraiseditsLilliputianmouthtodrinkfromacuptoolargeforit,andtheysawhowthewaterspilt;theysawitshopesthatwereneverrealized;theysawitshoursofintellectualblindness,mencallsin;theysawitshoursofall—
  radiatinginsight,whichmencallrighteousness;theysawitshourofstrength,whenitleapedtoitsfeetcrying,"Iamomnipotent;"itshourofweakness,whenitfelltotheearthandgraspeddustonly;theysawwhatitmighthavebeen,butneverwouldbe。
  Themanbentforward。
  Andtheangelsaid,"Whatisit?"
  Heanswered,"ItisI!itismyself!"Andhewentforwardasifhewouldhavelainhisheartagainstit;buttheangelheldhimbackandcoveredhiseyes。
  NowGodhadgivenpowertotheangelfurthertounclothethatsoul,totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesoftimeandplaceandcircumstancewherebytheindividuallifeismarkedofffromthelifeofthewhole。
  Againtheangeluncoveredtheman’seyes,andhelooked。Hesawbeforehimthatwhichinitstinydropreflectsthewholeuniverse;hesawthatwhichmarkswithinitselfthestepofthefurtheststar,andtellshowthecrystalgrowsundergroundwherenoeyehasseenit;thatwhichiswherethegermintheeggstirs;whichmovestheoutstretchedfingersofthelittlenewbornbabe,andkeepstheleavesofthetreespointingupward;
  whichmoveswherethejelly—fishsailaloneonthesunnyseas,andiswherethelichensformonthemountains’rocks。
  Andthemanlooked。
  Andtheangeltouchedhim。
  Butthemanbowedhisheadandshuddered。Hewhispered——"ItisGod!"
  Andtheangelre—coveredtheman’seyes。Andwhenheuncoveredthemtherewasonewalkingfromthemalittlewayoff;——fortheangelhadre—clothedthesoulinitsoutwardformandvesture——andthemanknewwhoitwas。
  Andtheangelsaid,"Doyouknowhim?"
  Andthemansaid,"Iknowhim,"andhelookedafterthefigure。
  Andtheangelsaid,"Haveyouforgivenhim?"
  Butthemansaid,"Howbeautifulmybrotheris!"
  Andtheangellookedintotheman’seyes,andheshadedhisownfacewithhiswingfromthelight。HelaughedsoftlyandwentuptoGod。
  Butthemenweretogetheronearth。
  Iawoke。
  Theblue,blueskywasovermyhead,andthewaveswerebreakingbelowontheshore。Iwalkedthroughthelittlechapel,andIsawtheMadonnainblueandred,andtheChristcarryinghiscross,andtheRomansoldierswiththerod,andtheBlessedBambinowithitsbrokenface;andthenI
  walkeddowntheslopingrocktothebrickpathway。Theolivetreesstooduponeithersideoftheroad,theirblackberriesandpale—greenleavesstoodoutagainstthesky;andthelittleice—plantshungfromthecrevicesinthestonewall。ItseemedtomeasifitmusthaverainedwhileIwasasleep。IthoughtIhadneverseentheheavensandtheearthlooksobeautifulbefore。Iwalkeddowntheroad。Theold,old,oldtirednesswasgone。
  Presentlytherecameapeasantboydownthepathleadinghisass;shehadtwolargepanniersfastenedtohersides;andtheywentdowntheroadbeforeme。
  Ihadneverseenhimbefore;butIshouldhavelikedtowalkbyhimandtohaveheldhishand——only,hewouldnothaveknownwhy。
  Alassio,Italy。
  VIII。LIFE’SGIFTS。
  Isawawomansleeping。InhersleepshedreamtLifestoodbeforeher,andheldineachhandagift——intheoneLove,intheotherFreedom。Andshesaidtothewoman,"Choose!"
  Andthewomanwaitedlong:andshesaid,"Freedom!"
  AndLifesaid,"Thouhastwellchosen。Ifthouhadstsaid,’Love,’Iwouldhavegiventheethatthoudidstaskfor;andIwouldhavegonefromthee,andreturnedtotheenomore。Now,thedaywillcomewhenIshallreturn。
  InthatdayIshallbearbothgiftsinonehand。"
  Iheardthewomanlaughinhersleep。
  London。
  IX。THEARTIST’SSECRET。
  Therewasanartistonce,andhepaintedapicture。Otherartistshadcoloursricherandrarer,andpaintedmorenotablepictures。Hepaintedhiswithonecolour,therewasawonderfulredglowonit;andthepeoplewentupanddown,saying,"Welikethepicture,weliketheglow。"
  Theotherartistscameandsaid,"Wheredoeshegethiscolourfrom?"Theyaskedhim;andhesmiledandsaid,"Icannottellyou";andworkedonwithhisheadbentlow。
  AndonewenttothefarEastandboughtcostlypigments,andmadeararecolourandpainted,butafteratimethepicturefaded。Anotherreadintheoldbooks,andmadeacolourrichandrare,butwhenhehadputitonthepictureitwasdead。
  Buttheartistpaintedon。Alwaystheworkgotredderandredder,andtheartistgrewwhiterandwhiter。Atlastonedaytheyfoundhimdeadbeforehispicture,andtheytookhimuptoburyhim。Theothermenlookedaboutinallthepotsandcrucibles,buttheyfoundnothingtheyhadnot。
  Andwhentheyundressedhimtoputhisgrave—clothesonhim,theyfoundabovehisleftbreastthemarkofawound——itwasanold,oldwound,thatmusthavebeenthereallhislife,fortheedgeswereoldandhardened;butDeath,whosealsallthings,haddrawntheedgestogether,andcloseditup。
  Andtheyburiedhim。Andstillthepeoplewentaboutsaying,"Wheredidhefindhiscolourfrom?"
  Anditcametopassthatafterawhiletheartistwasforgotten——buttheworklived。
  St。Leonards—on—Sea。
  X。"ITHOUGHTISTOOD。"
  IthoughtIstoodinHeavenbeforeGod’sthrone,andGodaskedmewhatI
  hadcomefor。IsaidIhadcometoarraignmybrother,Man。
  Godsaid,"Whathashedone?"
  Isaid,"Hehastakenmysister,Woman,andhasstrickenher,andwoundedher,andthrustheroutintothestreets;sheliesthereprostrate。Hishandsareredwithblood。Iamheretoarraignhim;thatthekingdombetakenfromhim,becauseheisnotworthy,andgivenuntome。Myhandsarepure。"
  Ishowedthem。
  Godsaid,"Thyhandsarepure。——Liftupthyrobe。"
  Iraisedit;myfeetwerered,blood—red,asifIhadtroddeninwine。
  Godsaid,"Howisthis?"
  Isaid,"DearLord,thestreetsoneartharefullofmire。IfIshouldwalkstraightoninthemmyouterrobemightbebespotted,youseehowwhiteitis!ThereforeIpickmyway。"
  Godsaid,"Onwhat?"
  Iwassilent,andIletmyrobefall。Iwrappedmymantleaboutmyhead。
  Iwentoutsoftly。Iwasafraidthattheangelswouldseeme。
  II。
  OncemoreIstoodatthegateofHeaven,Iandanother。Weheldfastbyoneanother;wewereverytired。Welookedupatthegreatgates;theangelsopenedthem,andwewentin。Themudwasonourgarments。Wewalkedacrossthemarblefloor,anduptothegreatthrone。Thentheangelsdividedus。Her,theysetuponthetopstep,butme,uponthebottom;for,theysaid,"Lasttimethiswomancameheresheleftredfoot—
  marksonthefloor;wehadtowashthemoutwithourtears。Lethernotgoup。"
  Thenshe,withwhomIcame,lookedback,andstretchedoutherhandtome;
  andIwentandstoodbesideher。Andtheangels,they,theshiningoneswhoneversinnedandneversuffered,walkedbyustoandfroandupanddown;Ithinkweshouldhavefeltalittlelonelythereifithadnotbeenforoneanother,theangelsweresobright。
  GodaskedmewhatIhadcomefor;andIdrewmysisterforwardalittlethathemightseeher。
  Godsaid,"Howisityouareheretogethertoday?"
  Isaid,"Shewasuponthegroundinthestreet,andtheypassedoverher;I
  laydownbyher,andsheputherarmsaroundmyneck,andsoIliftedher,andwetworosetogether。"
  Godsaid,"Whomareyounowcometoaccusebeforeme?"
  Isaid,"Wearecometoaccusenoman。"
  AndGodbent,andsaid,"Mychildren——whatisitthatyeseek?"
  AndshebesidemedrewmyhandthatIshouldspeakforboth。
  Isaid,"WehavecometoaskthatthoushouldstspeaktoMan,ourbrother,andgiveusamessageforhimthathemightunderstand,andthathemight——"
  Godsaid,"Go,takethemessagedowntohim!"
  Isaid,"Butwhatisthemessage?"
  Godsaid,"Uponyourheartsitiswritten;takeitdowntohim。"
  Andweturnedtogo;theangelswentwithustothedoor。Theylookedatus。
  Andonesaid——"Ai!buttheirdressesarebeautiful!"
  Andtheothersaid,"Ithoughtitwasmirewhentheycamein,butsee,itisallgolden!"
  Butanothersaid,"Hush,itisthelightfromtheirfaces!"
  Andwewentdowntohim。
  Alassio,Italy。
  XI。THESUNLIGHTLAYACROSSMYBED。
  InthedarkonenightIlayuponmybed。Iheardthepoliceman’sfeetbeatonthepavement;Iheardthewheelsofcarriagesrollhomefromhousesofentertainment;Iheardawoman’slaughbelowmywindow——andthenIfellasleep。AndinthedarkIdreamtadream。IdreamtGodtookmysoultoHell。
  Hellwasafairplace;thewaterofthelakewasblue。
  IsaidtoGod,"Ilikethisplace。"
  Godsaid,"Ay,dostthou!"
  Birdssang,turfcametothewater—edge,andtreesgrewfromit。AwayoffamongthetreesIsawbeautifulwomenwalking。Theirclotheswereofmanydelicatecoloursandclungtothem,andtheyweretallandgracefulandhadyellowhair。Theirrobestrailedoverthegrass。Theyglidedinandoutamongthetrees,andovertheirheadshungyellowfruitlikelargepearsofmeltedgold。
  Isaid,"Itisveryfair;Iwouldgoupandtastethe——"
  Godsaid,"Wait。"
  AndafterawhileInoticedaveryfairwomanpass:shelookedthiswayandthat,anddrewdownabranch,anditseemedshekissedthefruituponitsoftly,andwentonherway,andherdressmadenorustleasshepassedoverthegrass。AndwhenIsawhernomore,fromamongthestemscameanotherwomanfairasshehadbeen,inadelicatetintedrobe;shelookedthiswayandthat。Whenshesawnoonethereshedrewdownthefruit,andwhenshehadlookedoverittofindaplace,sheputhermouthtoitsoftly,andwentaway。AndIsawotherandotherwomencome,makingnonoise,andtheyglidedawayalsooverthegrass。
  AndIsaidtoGod,"Whataretheydoing?"
  Godsaid,"Theyarepoisoning。"