Icamehereonewinter’sdaywhenthemiddaysunshonehotonthebricksoftheRomanroad。Iwasweary,andthewayseemedsteep。Iwalkedintothechapeltothebrokenwindow,andlookedoutacrossthebay。Faroff,acrosstheblue,bluewater,weretownsandvillages,hangingwhiteandreddots,uponthemountain—sides,andthebluemountainsroseupintothesky,andnowstoodoutfromitandnowmeltedbackagain。
Themountainsseemedcallingtome,butIknewtherewouldneverbeabridgebuiltfromthemtome;never,never,never!Ishadedmyeyeswithmyhandandturnedaway。Icouldnotbeartolookatthem。
IwalkedthroughtheruinedChapel,andlookedattheChristinredcarryinghiscross,andtheBlessedrubbed—outBambino,andtheRomansoldiers,andthefoldedhands,andthereed;andIwentandsatdownintheopenporchuponastone。Atmyfeetwasthesmallbay,withitswhiterowofhousesburiedamongtheolivetrees;thewaterbrokeinalong,thin,whitelineoffoamalongtheshore;andIleanedmyelbowsonmyknees。Iwastired,verytired;tiredwithatirednessthatseemedolderthantheheatofthedayandtheshiningofthesunonthebricksoftheRomanroad;andIlaymyheaduponmyknees;Iheardthebreakingofthewaterontherocksthreehundredfeetbelow,andtherustlingofthewindamongtheolivetreesandtheruinedarches,andthenIfellasleepthere。
Ihadadream。
AmancrieduptoGod,andGodsentdownanangeltohelphim;andtheangelcamebackandsaid,"Icannothelpthatman。"
Godsaid,"Howisitwithhim?"
Andtheangelsaid,"Hecriesoutcontinuallythatonehasinjuredhim;andhewouldforgivehimandhecannot。"
Godsaid,"Whathaveyoudoneforhim?"
Theangelsaid,"All——。Itookhimbythehand,andIsaid,’See,whenothermenspeakillofthatmandoyouspeakwellofhim;secretly,inwaysheshallnotknow,servehim;ifyouhaveanythingyouvalueshareitwithhim,so,servinghim,youwillatlastcometofeelpossessioninhim,andyouwillforgive。’Andhesaid,’Iwilldoit。’Afterwards,asIpassedbyinthedarkofnight,Iheardonecryingout,’Ihavedoneall。Ithelpsnothing!Myspeakingwellofhimhelpsmenothing!IfIsharemyheart’sbloodwithhim,istheburningwithinmeless?Icannotforgive;I
cannotforgive!Oh,God,Icannotforgive!’
"Isaidtohim,’Seehere,lookbackonallyourpast。Seefromyourchildhoodallsmallness,allindirectnessthathasbeenyours;lookwellatit,andinitslightdoyounotseeeverymanyourbrother?Areyousosinlessyouhaverighttohate?’
"Helooked,andsaid,’Yes,youareright;Itoohavefailed,andIforgivemyfellow。Go,Iamsatisfied;Ihaveforgiven;’andhelaidhimdownpeacefullyandfoldedhishandsonhisbreast,andIthoughtitwaswellwithhim。ButscarcelyhadmywingsrustledandIturnedtocomeuphere,whenIheardonecryingoutonearthagain,’Icannotforgive!Icannotforgive!Oh,God,God,Icannotforgive!Itisbettertodiethantohate!Icannotforgive!Icannotforgive!’AndIwentandstoodoutsidehisdoorinthedark,andIheardhimcry,’Ihavenotsinnedso,notso!
IfIhavetornmyfellows’flesheversolittle,Ihavekneeleddownandkissedthewoundwithmymouthtillitwashealed。Ihavenotwilledthatanysoulshallbelostthroughhateofme。IftheyhavebutfanciedthatI
wrongedthemIhavelaindownonthegroundbeforethemthattheymighttreadonme,andso,seeingmyhumiliation,forgiveandnotbelostthroughhatingme;theyhavenotcaredthatmysoulshouldbelost;theyhavenotwilledtosaveme;theyhavenottriedthatIshouldforgivethem!’
"Isaidtohim,’Seehere,bethoucontent;donotforgive:forgetthissoulanditsinjury;goonyourway。Inthenextworldperhaps——’
"Hecried,’Gofromme,youunderstandnothing!Whatisthenextworldtome!Iamlostnow,today。Icannotseethesunlightshine,thedustisinmythroat,thesandisinmyeyes!Gofromme,youknownothing!Oh,onceagainbeforeIdietoseethattheworldisbeautiful!Oh,God,God,I
cannotliveandnotlove。Icannotliveandhate。Oh,God,God,God!’SoIlefthimcryingoutandcamebackhere。"
Godsaid,"Thisman’ssoulmustbesaved。"
Andtheangelsaid"How?"
Godsaid,"Godownyou,andsaveit。"
Theangelsaid,"WhatmoreshallIdo?"
ThenGodbentdownandwhisperedintheangel’sear,andtheangelspreadoutitswingsandwentdowntoearth。
AndpartlyIwoke,sittingthereuponthebrokenstonewithmyheadonmyknee;butIwastoowearytorise。Iheardthewindroamthroughtheolivetreesandamongtheruinedarches,andthenIsleptagain。
Theangelwentdownandfoundthemanwiththebitterheartandtookhimbythehand,andledhimtoacertainspot。
Nowthemanwistnotwhereitwastheangelwouldtakehimnorwhathewouldshowhimthere。Andwhentheycametheangelshadedtheman’seyeswithhiswing,andwhenhemoveditthemansawsomewhatontheearthbeforethem。ForGodhadgivenittothatangeltounclotheahumansoul;
totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesofform,andcolour,andage,andsex,wherebyonemanisknownfromamonghisfellowsandismarkedofffromtherest,andthesoullaybeforethem,bare,asamanturninghiseyeinwardsbeholdshimself。
Theysawitspast,itschildhood,thetinylifewiththedewuponit;theysawitsyouthwhenthedewwasmelting,andthecreatureraiseditsLilliputianmouthtodrinkfromacuptoolargeforit,andtheysawhowthewaterspilt;theysawitshopesthatwereneverrealized;theysawitshoursofintellectualblindness,mencallsin;theysawitshoursofall—
radiatinginsight,whichmencallrighteousness;theysawitshourofstrength,whenitleapedtoitsfeetcrying,"Iamomnipotent;"itshourofweakness,whenitfelltotheearthandgraspeddustonly;theysawwhatitmighthavebeen,butneverwouldbe。
Themanbentforward。
Andtheangelsaid,"Whatisit?"
Heanswered,"ItisI!itismyself!"Andhewentforwardasifhewouldhavelainhisheartagainstit;buttheangelheldhimbackandcoveredhiseyes。
NowGodhadgivenpowertotheangelfurthertounclothethatsoul,totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesoftimeandplaceandcircumstancewherebytheindividuallifeismarkedofffromthelifeofthewhole。
Againtheangeluncoveredtheman’seyes,andhelooked。Hesawbeforehimthatwhichinitstinydropreflectsthewholeuniverse;hesawthatwhichmarkswithinitselfthestepofthefurtheststar,andtellshowthecrystalgrowsundergroundwherenoeyehasseenit;thatwhichiswherethegermintheeggstirs;whichmovestheoutstretchedfingersofthelittlenewbornbabe,andkeepstheleavesofthetreespointingupward;
whichmoveswherethejelly—fishsailaloneonthesunnyseas,andiswherethelichensformonthemountains’rocks。
Andthemanlooked。
Andtheangeltouchedhim。
Butthemanbowedhisheadandshuddered。Hewhispered——"ItisGod!"
Andtheangelre—coveredtheman’seyes。Andwhenheuncoveredthemtherewasonewalkingfromthemalittlewayoff;——fortheangelhadre—clothedthesoulinitsoutwardformandvesture——andthemanknewwhoitwas。
Andtheangelsaid,"Doyouknowhim?"
Andthemansaid,"Iknowhim,"andhelookedafterthefigure。
Andtheangelsaid,"Haveyouforgivenhim?"
Butthemansaid,"Howbeautifulmybrotheris!"
Andtheangellookedintotheman’seyes,andheshadedhisownfacewithhiswingfromthelight。HelaughedsoftlyandwentuptoGod。
Butthemenweretogetheronearth。
Iawoke。
Theblue,blueskywasovermyhead,andthewaveswerebreakingbelowontheshore。Iwalkedthroughthelittlechapel,andIsawtheMadonnainblueandred,andtheChristcarryinghiscross,andtheRomansoldierswiththerod,andtheBlessedBambinowithitsbrokenface;andthenI
walkeddowntheslopingrocktothebrickpathway。Theolivetreesstooduponeithersideoftheroad,theirblackberriesandpale—greenleavesstoodoutagainstthesky;andthelittleice—plantshungfromthecrevicesinthestonewall。ItseemedtomeasifitmusthaverainedwhileIwasasleep。IthoughtIhadneverseentheheavensandtheearthlooksobeautifulbefore。Iwalkeddowntheroad。Theold,old,oldtirednesswasgone。
Presentlytherecameapeasantboydownthepathleadinghisass;shehadtwolargepanniersfastenedtohersides;andtheywentdowntheroadbeforeme。
Ihadneverseenhimbefore;butIshouldhavelikedtowalkbyhimandtohaveheldhishand——only,hewouldnothaveknownwhy。
Alassio,Italy。
VIII。LIFE’SGIFTS。
Isawawomansleeping。InhersleepshedreamtLifestoodbeforeher,andheldineachhandagift——intheoneLove,intheotherFreedom。Andshesaidtothewoman,"Choose!"
Andthewomanwaitedlong:andshesaid,"Freedom!"
AndLifesaid,"Thouhastwellchosen。Ifthouhadstsaid,’Love,’Iwouldhavegiventheethatthoudidstaskfor;andIwouldhavegonefromthee,andreturnedtotheenomore。Now,thedaywillcomewhenIshallreturn。
InthatdayIshallbearbothgiftsinonehand。"
Iheardthewomanlaughinhersleep。
London。
IX。THEARTIST’SSECRET。
Therewasanartistonce,andhepaintedapicture。Otherartistshadcoloursricherandrarer,andpaintedmorenotablepictures。Hepaintedhiswithonecolour,therewasawonderfulredglowonit;andthepeoplewentupanddown,saying,"Welikethepicture,weliketheglow。"
Theotherartistscameandsaid,"Wheredoeshegethiscolourfrom?"Theyaskedhim;andhesmiledandsaid,"Icannottellyou";andworkedonwithhisheadbentlow。
AndonewenttothefarEastandboughtcostlypigments,andmadeararecolourandpainted,butafteratimethepicturefaded。Anotherreadintheoldbooks,andmadeacolourrichandrare,butwhenhehadputitonthepictureitwasdead。
Buttheartistpaintedon。Alwaystheworkgotredderandredder,andtheartistgrewwhiterandwhiter。Atlastonedaytheyfoundhimdeadbeforehispicture,andtheytookhimuptoburyhim。Theothermenlookedaboutinallthepotsandcrucibles,buttheyfoundnothingtheyhadnot。
Andwhentheyundressedhimtoputhisgrave—clothesonhim,theyfoundabovehisleftbreastthemarkofawound——itwasanold,oldwound,thatmusthavebeenthereallhislife,fortheedgeswereoldandhardened;butDeath,whosealsallthings,haddrawntheedgestogether,andcloseditup。
Andtheyburiedhim。Andstillthepeoplewentaboutsaying,"Wheredidhefindhiscolourfrom?"
Anditcametopassthatafterawhiletheartistwasforgotten——buttheworklived。
St。Leonards—on—Sea。
X。"ITHOUGHTISTOOD。"
IthoughtIstoodinHeavenbeforeGod’sthrone,andGodaskedmewhatI
hadcomefor。IsaidIhadcometoarraignmybrother,Man。
Godsaid,"Whathashedone?"
Isaid,"Hehastakenmysister,Woman,andhasstrickenher,andwoundedher,andthrustheroutintothestreets;sheliesthereprostrate。Hishandsareredwithblood。Iamheretoarraignhim;thatthekingdombetakenfromhim,becauseheisnotworthy,andgivenuntome。Myhandsarepure。"
Ishowedthem。
Godsaid,"Thyhandsarepure。——Liftupthyrobe。"
Iraisedit;myfeetwerered,blood—red,asifIhadtroddeninwine。
Godsaid,"Howisthis?"
Isaid,"DearLord,thestreetsoneartharefullofmire。IfIshouldwalkstraightoninthemmyouterrobemightbebespotted,youseehowwhiteitis!ThereforeIpickmyway。"
Godsaid,"Onwhat?"
Iwassilent,andIletmyrobefall。Iwrappedmymantleaboutmyhead。
Iwentoutsoftly。Iwasafraidthattheangelswouldseeme。
II。
OncemoreIstoodatthegateofHeaven,Iandanother。Weheldfastbyoneanother;wewereverytired。Welookedupatthegreatgates;theangelsopenedthem,andwewentin。Themudwasonourgarments。Wewalkedacrossthemarblefloor,anduptothegreatthrone。Thentheangelsdividedus。Her,theysetuponthetopstep,butme,uponthebottom;for,theysaid,"Lasttimethiswomancameheresheleftredfoot—
marksonthefloor;wehadtowashthemoutwithourtears。Lethernotgoup。"
Thenshe,withwhomIcame,lookedback,andstretchedoutherhandtome;
andIwentandstoodbesideher。Andtheangels,they,theshiningoneswhoneversinnedandneversuffered,walkedbyustoandfroandupanddown;Ithinkweshouldhavefeltalittlelonelythereifithadnotbeenforoneanother,theangelsweresobright。
GodaskedmewhatIhadcomefor;andIdrewmysisterforwardalittlethathemightseeher。
Godsaid,"Howisityouareheretogethertoday?"
Isaid,"Shewasuponthegroundinthestreet,andtheypassedoverher;I
laydownbyher,andsheputherarmsaroundmyneck,andsoIliftedher,andwetworosetogether。"
Godsaid,"Whomareyounowcometoaccusebeforeme?"
Isaid,"Wearecometoaccusenoman。"
AndGodbent,andsaid,"Mychildren——whatisitthatyeseek?"
AndshebesidemedrewmyhandthatIshouldspeakforboth。
Isaid,"WehavecometoaskthatthoushouldstspeaktoMan,ourbrother,andgiveusamessageforhimthathemightunderstand,andthathemight——"
Godsaid,"Go,takethemessagedowntohim!"
Isaid,"Butwhatisthemessage?"
Godsaid,"Uponyourheartsitiswritten;takeitdowntohim。"
Andweturnedtogo;theangelswentwithustothedoor。Theylookedatus。
Andonesaid——"Ai!buttheirdressesarebeautiful!"
Andtheothersaid,"Ithoughtitwasmirewhentheycamein,butsee,itisallgolden!"
Butanothersaid,"Hush,itisthelightfromtheirfaces!"
Andwewentdowntohim。
Alassio,Italy。
XI。THESUNLIGHTLAYACROSSMYBED。
InthedarkonenightIlayuponmybed。Iheardthepoliceman’sfeetbeatonthepavement;Iheardthewheelsofcarriagesrollhomefromhousesofentertainment;Iheardawoman’slaughbelowmywindow——andthenIfellasleep。AndinthedarkIdreamtadream。IdreamtGodtookmysoultoHell。
Hellwasafairplace;thewaterofthelakewasblue。
IsaidtoGod,"Ilikethisplace。"
Godsaid,"Ay,dostthou!"
Birdssang,turfcametothewater—edge,andtreesgrewfromit。AwayoffamongthetreesIsawbeautifulwomenwalking。Theirclotheswereofmanydelicatecoloursandclungtothem,andtheyweretallandgracefulandhadyellowhair。Theirrobestrailedoverthegrass。Theyglidedinandoutamongthetrees,andovertheirheadshungyellowfruitlikelargepearsofmeltedgold。
Isaid,"Itisveryfair;Iwouldgoupandtastethe——"
Godsaid,"Wait。"
AndafterawhileInoticedaveryfairwomanpass:shelookedthiswayandthat,anddrewdownabranch,anditseemedshekissedthefruituponitsoftly,andwentonherway,andherdressmadenorustleasshepassedoverthegrass。AndwhenIsawhernomore,fromamongthestemscameanotherwomanfairasshehadbeen,inadelicatetintedrobe;shelookedthiswayandthat。Whenshesawnoonethereshedrewdownthefruit,andwhenshehadlookedoverittofindaplace,sheputhermouthtoitsoftly,andwentaway。AndIsawotherandotherwomencome,makingnonoise,andtheyglidedawayalsooverthegrass。
AndIsaidtoGod,"Whataretheydoing?"
Godsaid,"Theyarepoisoning。"
第4章