首页 >出版文学> S022>第1章

第1章

  Toasmallgirl—child,whomaylivetograspsomewhatofthatwhichforusisyetsight,nottouch。
  Note。
  TheseDreamsareprintedintheorderinwhichtheywerewritten。
  Inthecaseoftwotherewasalapseofsomeyearsbetweenthewritingofthefirstandlastparts;theseareplacedaccordingtothedateofthefirstpart。
  OliveSchreiner。
  Matjesfontein,CapeColony,SouthAfrica。
  November,1890。
  CONTENTS。
  I。TheLostJoy。
  II。TheHunter(From"TheStoryofofanAfricanFarm")。
  III。TheGardensofPleasure。
  IV。InaFar—offWorld。
  V。ThreeDreamsinaDesert。
  VI。ADreamofWildBees(Writtenasalettertoafriend)。
  VII。InaRuinedChapel。
  VIII。Life’sGifts。
  IX。TheArtist’sSecret。
  X。"IThoughtIStood。"
  XI。TheSunlightLayacrossMyBed。
  I。THELOSTJOY。
  Allday,wherethesunlightplayedonthesea—shore,Lifesat。
  Alldaythesoftwindplayedwithherhair,andtheyoung,youngfacelookedoutacrossthewater。Shewaswaiting——shewaswaiting;butshecouldnottellforwhat。
  Alldaythewavesranupanduponthesand,andranbackagain,andthepinkshellsrolled。Lifesatwaiting;allday,withthesunlightinhereyes,shesatthere,till,grownweary,shelaidherheaduponherkneeandfellasleep,waitingstill。
  Thenakeelgratedonthesand,andthenastepwasontheshore——Lifeawokeandheardit。Ahandwaslaiduponher,andagreatshudderpassedthroughher。Shelookedup,andsawoverherthestrange,wideeyesofLove——andLifenowknewforwhomshehadsattherewaiting。
  AndLovedrewLifeuptohim。
  Andofthatmeetingwasbornathingrareandbeautiful——Joy,First—Joywasitcalled。Thesunlightwhenitshinesuponthemerrywaterisnotsoglad;therosebuds,whentheyturnbacktheirlipsforthesun’sfirstkiss,arenotsoruddy。Itstinypulsesbeatquick。Itwassowarm,sosoft!Itneverspoke,butitlaughedandplayedinthesunshine:andLoveandLiferejoicedexceedingly。Neitherwhisperedittotheother,butdeepinitsownhearteachsaid,"Itshallbeoursforever。"
  Thentherecameatime——wasitafterweeks?wasitaftermonths?(LoveandLifedonotmeasuretime)——whenthethingwasnotasithadbeen。
  Stillitplayed;stillitlaughed;stillitstaineditsmouthwithpurpleberries;butsometimesthelittlehandshungweary,andthelittleeyeslookedoutheavilyacrossthewater。
  AndLifeandLovedarednotlookintoeachother’seyes,darednotsay,"Whatailsourdarling?"Eachheartwhisperedtoitself,"Itisnothing,itisnothing,tomorrowitwilllaughoutclear。"Buttomorrowandtomorrowcame。Theyjourneyedon,andthechildplayedbesidethem,butheavily,moreheavily。
  OnedayLifeandLovelaydowntosleep;andwhentheyawoke,itwasgone:
  only,nearthem,onthegrass,satalittlestranger,withwide—openeyes,verysoftandsad。Neithernoticedit;buttheywalkedapart,weepingbitterly,"Oh,ourJoy!ourlostJoy!shallweseeyounomoreforever?"
  Thelittlesoftandsad—eyedstrangerslippedahandintoonehandofeach,anddrewthemcloser,andLifeandLovewalkedonwithitbetweenthem。
  AndwhenLifelookeddowninanguish,shesawhertearsreflectedinitssofteyes。AndwhenLove,madwithpain,criedout,"Iamweary,Iamweary!Icanjourneynofurther。Thelightisallbehind,thedarkisallbefore,"alittlerosyfingerpointedwherethesunlightlayuponthehill—
  sides。Alwaysitslargeeyesweresadandthoughtful:alwaysthelittlebravemouthwassmilingquietly。
  WhenonthesharpstonesLifecutherfeet,hewipedtheblooduponhisgarments,andkissedthewoundedfeetwithhislittlelips。WheninthedesertLovelaydownfaint(forLoveitselfgrowsfaint),heranoverthehotsandwithhislittlenakedfeet,andeventhereinthedesertfoundwaterintheholesintherockstomoistenLove’slipswith。Hewasnoburden——heneverweightedthem;heonlyhelpedthemforwardontheirjourney。
  Whentheycametothedarkravinewheretheicicleshangfromtherocks——
  forLoveandLifemustpassthroughstrangedrearplaces——there,wherealliscold,andthesnowliesthick,hetooktheirfreezinghandsandheldthemagainsthisbeatinglittleheart,andwarmedthem——andsoftlyhedrewthemonandon。
  Andwhentheycamebeyond,intothelandofsunshineandflowers,strangelythegreateyeslitup,anddimplesbrokeoutupontheface。Brightlylaughing,itranoverthesoftgrass;gatheredhoneyfromthehollowtree;
  andbroughtitthemonthepalmofitshand;carriedthemwaterintheleavesofthelily,andgatheredflowersandwreathedthemroundtheirheads,softlylaughingallthewhile。HetouchedthemastheirJoyhadtouchedthem,buthisfingersclungmoretenderly。
  Sotheywanderedon,throughthedarklandsandthelight,alwayswiththatlittlebravesmilingonebetweenthem。SometimestheyrememberedthatfirstradiantJoy,andwhisperedtothemselves,"Oh!couldwebutfindhimalso!"
  AtlasttheycametowhereReflectionsits;thatstrangeoldwomanwhohasalwaysoneelbowonherknee,andherchininherhand,andwhostealslightoutofthepasttosheditonthefuture。
  AndLifeandLovecriedout,"Owiseone!tellus:whenfirstwemet,alovelyradiantthingbelongedtous——gladnesswithoutatear,sunshinewithoutashade。Oh!howdidwesinthatwelostit?Whereshallwegothatwemayfindit?"
  Andshe,thewiseoldwoman,answered,"Tohaveitback,willyougiveupthatwhichwalksbesideyounow?"
  AndinagonyLoveandLifecried,"No!"
  "Giveupthis!"saidLife。"Whenthethornshavepiercedme,whowillsuckthepoisonout?Whenmyheadthrobs,whowilllayhistinyhandsuponitandstillthebeating?Inthecoldandthedark,whowillwarmmyfreezingheart?"
  AndLovecriedout,"Betterletmedie!WithoutJoyIcanlive;withoutthisIcannot。Letmeratherdie,notloseit!"
  Andthewiseoldwomananswered,"Ofoolsandblind!Whatyouoncehadisthatwhichyouhavenow!WhenLoveandLifefirstmeet,aradiantthingisborn,withoutashade。Whentheroadsbegintoroughen,whentheshadesbegintodarken,whenthedaysarehard,andthenightscoldandlong——thenitbeginstochange。LoveandLifeWILLnotseeit,WILLnotknowit——tillonedaytheystartupsuddenly,crying,’OGod!OGod!wehavelostit!
  Whereisit?’Theydonotunderstandthattheycouldnotcarrythelaughingthingunchangedintothedesert,andthefrost,andthesnow。
  TheydonotknowthatwhatwalksbesidethemstillistheJoygrownolder。
  Thegrave,sweet,tenderthing——warminthecoldestsnows,braveinthedreariestdeserts——itsnameisSympathy;itisthePerfectLove。"
  SouthAfrica。
  II。THEHUNTER。
  Incertainvalleystherewasahunter。Daybydayhewenttohuntforwild—fowlinthewoods;anditchancedthatoncehestoodontheshoresofalargelake。Whilehestoodwaitingintherushesforthecomingofthebirds,agreatshadowfellonhim,andinthewaterhesawareflection。
  Helookeduptothesky;butthethingwasgone。Thenaburningdesirecameoverhimtoseeonceagainthatreflectioninthewater,andalldayhewatchedandwaited;butnightcameandithadnotreturned。Thenhewenthomewithhisemptybag,moodyandsilent。Hiscomradescamequestioningabouthimtoknowthereason,butheansweredthemnothing;hesataloneandbrooded。Thenhisfriendcametohim,andtohimhespoke。
  "Ihaveseentoday,"hesaid,"thatwhichIneversawbefore——avastwhitebird,withsilverwingsoutstretched,sailingintheeverlastingblue。Andnowitisasthoughagreatfireburntwithinmybreast。Itwasbutasheen,ashimmer,areflectioninthewater;butnowIdesirenothingmoreonearththantoholdher。"
  Hisfriendlaughed。
  "Itwasbutabeamplayingonthewater,ortheshadowofyourownhead。
  Tomorrowyouwillforgether,"hesaid。
  Buttomorrow,andtomorrow,andtomorrowthehunterwalkedalone。Hesoughtintheforestandinthewoods,bythelakesandamongtherushes,buthecouldnotfindher。Heshotnomorewildfowl;whatweretheytohim?
  "Whatailshim?"saidhiscomrades。
  "Heismad,"saidone。
  "No;butheisworse,"saidanother;"hewouldseethatwhichnoneofushaveseen,andmakehimselfawonder。"
  "Come,letusforswearhiscompany,"saidall。
  Sothehunterwalkedalone。
  Onenight,ashewanderedintheshade,veryheartsoreandweeping,anoldmanstoodbeforehim,granderandtallerthanthesonsofmen。
  "Whoareyou?"askedthehunter。
  "IamWisdom,"answeredtheoldman;"butsomemencallmeKnowledge。AllmylifeIhavegrowninthesevalleys;butnomanseesmetillhehassorrowedmuch。Theeyesmustbewashedwithtearsthataretobeholdme;
  and,accordingasamanhassuffered,Ispeak。"
  Andthehuntercried:
  "Oh,youwhohavelivedheresolong,tellme,whatisthatgreatwildbirdIhaveseensailingintheblue?Theywouldhavemebelievesheisadream;theshadowofmyownhead。"
  Theoldmansmiled。
  "HernameisTruth。Hewhohasonceseenherneverrestsagain。Tilldeathhedesiresher。"
  Andthehuntercried:
  "Oh,tellmewhereImayfindher。"
  Buttheoldmansaid:
  "Youhavenotsufferedenough,"andwent。
  ThenthehuntertookfromhisbreasttheshuttleofImagination,andwoundonitthethreadofhisWishes;andallnighthesatandwoveanet。
  Inthemorninghespreadthegoldennetupontheground,andintoithethrewafewgrainsofcredulity,whichhisfatherhadlefthim,andwhichhekeptinhisbreast—pocket。Theywerelikewhitepuff—balls,andwhenyoutrodonthemabrowndustflewout。Thenhesatbytoseewhatwouldhappen。Thefirstthatcameintothenetwasasnow—whitebird,withdove’seyes,andhesangabeautifulsong——"Ahuman—God!ahuman—God!ahuman—God!"itsang。Thesecondthatcamewasblackandmystical,withdark,lovelyeyes,thatlookedintothedepthsofyoursoul,andhesangonlythis——"Immortality!"
  Andthehuntertookthembothinhisarms,forhesaid——
  "TheyaresurelyofthebeautifulfamilyofTruth。"
  Thencameanother,greenandgold,whosanginashrillvoice,likeonecryinginthemarketplace,——"RewardafterDeath!RewardafterDeath!"
  Andhesaid——
  "Youarenotsofair;butyouarefairtoo,"andhetookit。
  Andotherscame,brightlycoloured,singingpleasantsongs,tillallthegrainswerefinished。Andthehuntergatheredallhisbirdstogether,andbuiltastrongironcagecalledanewcreed,andputallhisbirdsinit。
  Thenthepeoplecameaboutdancingandsinging。
  "Oh,happyhunter!"theycried。"Oh,wonderfulman!Oh,delightfulbirds!
  Oh,lovelysongs!"
  Nooneaskedwherethebirdshadcomefrom,norhowtheyhadbeencaught;
  buttheydancedandsangbeforethem。Andthehuntertoowasglad,forhesaid:
  "SurelyTruthisamongthem。Intimeshewillmoultherfeathers,andI
  shallseehersnow—whiteform。"
  Butthetimepassed,andthepeoplesanganddanced;butthehunter’sheartgrewheavy。Hecreptalone,asofold,toweep;theterribledesirehadawakenedagaininhisbreast。Oneday,ashesataloneweeping,itchancedthatWisdommethim。Hetoldtheoldmanwhathehaddone。
  AndWisdomsmiledsadly。
  "Manymen,"hesaid,"havespreadthatnetforTruth;buttheyhaveneverfoundher。Onthegrainsofcredulityshewillnotfeed;inthenetofwishesherfeetcannotbeheld;intheairofthesevalleysshewillnotbreathe。ThebirdsyouhavecaughtareofthebroodofLies。Lovelyandbeautiful,butstilllies;Truthknowsthemnot。"
  Andthehuntercriedoutinbitterness——
  "AndmustIthensitstill,tobedevouredofthisgreatburning?"
  Andtheoldmansaid,"Listen,andinthatyouhavesufferedmuchandweptmuch,IwilltellyouwhatIknow。HewhosetsouttosearchforTruthmustleavethesevalleysofsuperstitionforever,takingwithhimnotoneshredthathasbelongedtothem。AlonehemustwanderdownintotheLandofAbsoluteNegationandDenial;hemustabidethere;hemustresisttemptation;whenthelightbreakshemustariseandfollowitintothecountryofdrysunshine。Themountainsofsternrealitywillrisebeforehim;hemustclimbthem;beyondthemliesTruth。"
  "Andhewillholdherfast!hewillholdherinhishands!"thehuntercried。
  Wisdomshookhishead。
  "Hewillneverseeher,neverholdher。Thetimeisnotyet。"
  "Thenthereisnohope?"criedthehunter。
  "Thereisthis,"saidWisdom:"Somemenhaveclimbedonthosemountains;
  circleabovecircleofbarerocktheyhavescaled;and,wanderingthere,inthosehighregions,somehavechancedtopickuponthegroundonewhitesilverfeather,droppedfromthewingofTruth。Anditshallcometopass,"saidtheoldman,raisinghimselfpropheticallyandpointingwithhisfingertothesky,"itshallcometopass,thatwhenenoughofthosesilverfeathersshallhavebeengatheredbythehandsofmen,andshallhavebeenwovenintoacord,andthecordintoanet,thatinthatnetTruthmaybecaptured。NothingbutTruthcanholdTruth。"
  Thehunterarose。"Iwillgo,"hesaid。
  Butwisdomdetainedhim。
  "Markyouwell——wholeavesthesevalleysneverreturnstothem。Thoughheshouldweeptearsofbloodsevendaysandnightsupontheconfines,hecanneverputhisfootacrossthem。Left——theyareleftforever。Upontheroadwhichyouwouldtravelthereisnorewardoffered。Whogoes,goesfreely——forthegreatlovethatisinhim。Theworkishisreward。"
  "Igo"saidthehunter;"butuponthemountains,tellme,whichpathshallItake?"
  "IamthechildofThe—Accumulated—Knowledge—of—Ages,"saidtheman;"Icanwalkonlywheremanymenhavetrodden。Onthesemountainsfewfeethavepassed;eachmanstrikesoutapathforhimself。Hegoesathisownperil:
  myvoicehehearsnomore。Imayfollowafterhim,butcannotgobeforehim。"
  ThenKnowledgevanished。
  Andthehunterturned。Hewenttohiscage,andwithhishandsbrokedownthebars,andthejaggedirontorehisflesh。Itissometimeseasiertobuildthantobreak。
  Onebyonehetookhisplumedbirdsandletthemfly。Butwhenhecametohisdark—plumedbirdheheldit,andlookedintoitsbeautifuleyes,andthebirduttereditslow,deepcry——"Immortality!"
  Andhesaidquickly:"Icannotpartwithit。Itisnotheavy;iteatsnofood。Iwillhideitinmybreast;Iwilltakeitwithme。"Andheburieditthereandcovereditoverwithhiscloak。
  Butthethinghehadhiddengrewheavier,heavier,heavier——tillitlayonhisbreastlikelead。Hecouldnotmovewithit。Hecouldnotleavethosevalleyswithit。Thenagainhetookitoutandlookedatit。
  "Oh,mybeautiful!myheart’sown!"hecried,"mayInotkeepyou?"
  Heopenedhishandssadly。
  "Go!"hesaid。"ItmayhappenthatinTruth’ssongonenoteislikeyours;
  butIshallneverhearit。"
  Sadlyheopenedhishand,andthebirdflewfromhimforever。
  ThenfromtheshuttleofImaginationhetookthethreadofhiswishes,andthrewitontheground;andtheemptyshuttleheputintohisbreast,forthethreadwasmadeinthosevalleys,buttheshuttlecamefromanunknowncountry。Heturnedtogo,butnowthepeoplecameabouthim,howling。
  "Fool,hound,dementedlunatic!"theycried。"Howdaredyoubreakyourcageandletthebirdsfly?’
  Thehunterspoke;buttheywouldnothearhim。
  "Truth!whoisshe?Canyoueather?canyoudrinkher?Whohaseverseenher?Yourbirdswerereal:allcouldhearthemsing!Oh,fool!vilereptile!atheist!"theycried,"youpollutetheair。"
  "Come,letustakeupstonesandstonehim,"criedsome。
  "Whataffairisitofours?"saidothers。"Lettheidiotgo,"andwentaway。Buttherestgatheredupstonesandmudandthrewathim。Atlast,whenhewasbruisedandcut,thehuntercreptawayintothewoods。Anditwaseveningabouthim。
  Hewanderedonandon,andtheshadegrewdeeper。Hewasonthebordersnowofthelandwhereitisalwaysnight。Thenhesteppedintoit,andtherewasnolightthere。Withhishandshegroped;buteachbranchashetoucheditbrokeoff,andtheearthwascoveredwithcinders。Ateverystephisfootsankin,andafinecloudofimpalpableashesflewupintohisface;anditwasdark。Sohesatdownuponastoneandburiedhisfaceinhishands,towaitintheLandofNegationandDenialtillthelightcame。