ANNAJANSKAisfranklyabravurapiece。Themodernvarietytheatredemandsforits"turns"littleplayscalledsketches，tolasttwentyminutesorso，andtoenablesomefavoriteperformertomakeabriefbutdazzlingappearanceonsomebarelypassabledramaticpretext。MissLillahMcCarthyandI，asauthorandactress，havehelpedtomakeoneanotherfamousonmanyseriousoccasions，fromManandSupermantoAndrocles;andMrCharlesRickettshasnotdisdainedtosnatchmomentsfromhispaintingandsculpturetodesignsomewonderfuldressesforus。WethreeunbentasMrsSiddons，SirJoshuaReynoldsandDrJohnsonmighthaveunbent，todeviseaturnfortheColiseumvarietytheatre。
　　Notthatwewouldsetdowntheartofthevarietytheatreassomethingtobecondescendedto，orourownartaselephantine。
　　Weshouldrathercraveindulgenceasthreenovicesfreshfromtheawfullegitimacyofthehighbrowtheatre。
　　Well，MissMcCarthyandMrRickettsjustifiedthemselveseasilyintheglamorofthefootlights，tothestrainsofTchaikovsky’s1812。IfearIdidnot。Ihavereceivedonlyonecomplimentonmyshare;andthatwasfromafriendwhosaid，"Itistheonlyoneofyourworksthatisnottoolong。"SoIhavemadeitapageortwolonger，accordingtomyownprecept:EMBRACEYOURREPROACHES:
　　THEYAREOFTENGLORIESINDISGUISE。
　　AnnajanskawasfirstperformedattheColiseumTheatreinLondononthe21stJanuary，1918，withLillahMcCarthyastheGrandDuchess，HenryMillerasSchneidekind，andRandleAyrtonasGeneralStrammfest。
　　ANNAJANSKA，THEBOLSHEVIKEMPRESS
　　TheGeneral’sofficeinamilitarystationontheeastfrontinBeotia。Anofficetablewithatelephone，writingmaterials，officialpapers，etc。，issetacrosstheroom。Attheendofthetable，acomfortablechairfortheGeneral。Behindthechair，awindow。Facingitattheotherendofthetable，aplainwoodenbench。Atthesideofthetable，withitsbacktothedoor，acommonchair，withatypewriterbeforeit。Besidethedoor，whichisoppositetheendofthebench，arackforcapsandcoats。
　　Thereisnobodyintheroom。
　　GeneralStrammfestenters，followedbyLieutenantSchneidekind。
　　Theyhanguptheircloaksandcaps。SchneidekindtakesalittlelongerthanStrammfest，whocomestothetable。
　　STRAMMFEST。Schneidekind。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Yes，sir。
　　STRAMMFEST。Haveyousentmyreportyettothegovernment？[Hesitsdown。]
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[comingtothetable]。Notyet，sir。Whichgovernmentdoyouwishitsentto？[Hesitsdown。]
　　STRAMMFEST。Thatdepends。What’sthelatest？Whichofthemdoyouthinkismostlikelytobeinpowertomorrowmorning？
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Well，theprovisionalgovernmentwasgoingstrongyesterday。ButtodaytheysaythatthePrimeMinisterhasshothimself，andthattheextremeleftfellowhasshotalltheothers。
　　STRAMMFEST。Yes:that’sallverywell;butthesefellowsalwaysshootthemselveswithblankcartridge。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Still，eventheblankcartridgemeansbackingdown。
　　IshouldsendthereporttotheMaximilianists。
　　STRAMMFEST。They’renostrongerthantheOppidoshavians;andinmyownopiniontheModerateRedRevolutionariesareaslikelytocomeoutontopaseitherofthem。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Icaneasilyputafewcarbonsheetsinthetypewriterandsendacopyeachtothelot。
　　STRAMMFEST。Wasteofpaper。Youmightaswellsendreportstoaninfantschool。[Hethrowshisheadonthetablewithagroan。]
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Tiredout，Sir？
　　STRAMMFEST。OSchneidekind，Schneidekind，howcanyoubeartolive？
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Atmyage，sir，IaskmyselfhowcanIbeartodie？
　　STRAMMFEST。Youareyoung，youngandheartless。Youareexcitedbytherevolution:youareattachedtoabstractthingslikeliberty。ButmyfamilyhasservedthePanjandrumsofBeotiafaithfullyforsevencenturies。ThePanjandrumshavekeptourplaceforusattheircourts，honoredus，promotedus，shedtheirgloryonus，madeuswhatweare。WhenIhearyouyoungmendeclaringthatyouarefightingforcivilization，fordemocracy，fortheoverthrowofmilitarism，Iaskmyselfhowcanamanshedhisbloodforemptywordsusedbyvulgartradesmenandcommonlaborers:merewindandstink。[Herises，exaltedbyhistheme。]
　　Akingisasplendidreality，amanraisedaboveuslikeagod。
　　Youcanseehim;youcankisshishand;youcanbecheeredbyhissmileandterrifiedbyhisfrown。IwouldhavediedformyPanjandrumasmyfatherdiedforhisfather。Yourtoilingmillionswereonlytoohonoredtoreceivethetoesofourbootsintheproperspotforthemwhentheydispleasedtheirbetters。
　　Andnowwhatisleftinlifeforme？[Herelapsesintohischairdiscouraged。]MyPanjandrumisdeposedandtransportedtoherdwithconvicts。Thearmy，hisprideandglory，isparadedtohearseditiousspeechesfrompennilessrebels，withthecolonelactuallyforcedtotakethechairandintroducethespeaker。I
　　myselfammadeCommander—in—Chiefbymyownsolicitor:aJew，Schneidekind！aHebrewJew！Itseemsonlyyesterdaythatthesethingswouldhavebeentheravingsofamadman:todaytheyarethecommonplacesofthegutterpress。Ilivenowforthreeobjectsonly:todefeattheenemy，torestorethePanjandrum，andtohangmysolicitor。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Becareful，sir:thesearedangerousviewstoutternowadays。WhatifIweretobetrayyou？
　　STRAMMFEST。What！
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Iwon’t，ofcourse:myownfathergoesonjustlikethat;butsupposeIdid？
　　STRAMMFEST[chuckling]。IshouldaccuseyouoftreasontotheRevolution，mylad;andtheywouldimmediatelyshootyou，unlessyoucriedandaskedtoseeyourmotherbeforeyoudied，whentheywouldprobablychangetheirmindsandmakeyouabrigadier。
　　Enough。[Herisesandexpandshischest。]Ifeelthebetterforlettingmyselfgo。Tobusiness。[Hetakesupatelegram:opensit:andisthunderstruckbyitscontents。]Greatheaven！[Hecollapsesintohischair。Thisistheworstblowofall。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Whathashappened？Arewebeaten？
　　STRAMMFEST。Man，doyouthinkthatameredefeatcouldstrikemedownasthisnewsdoes:I，whohavebeendefeatedthirteentimessincethewarbegan？O，mymaster，mymaster，myPanjandrum！[heisconvulsedwithsobs。]
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Theyhavekilledhim？
　　STRAMMFEST。Adaggerhasbeenstruckthroughhisheart——
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。GoodGod！
　　STRAMMFEST。——andthroughmine，throughmine。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[relieved]。Oh，ametaphoricaldagger！Ithoughtyoumeantarealone。Whathashappened？
　　STRAMMFEST。HisdaughtertheGrandDuchessAnnajanska，shewhomthePanjandrinalovedbeyondallherotherchildren，has——has——
　　[hecannotfinish。]
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Committedsuicide？
　　STRAMMFEST。No。Betterifshehad。Oh，farfarbetter。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[inhushedtones]。LefttheChurch？
　　STRAMMFEST[shocked]。Certainlynot。Donotblaspheme，youngman。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Askedforthevote？
　　STRAMMFEST。Iwouldhavegivenittoherwithbothhandstosaveherfromthis。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Saveherfromwhat？Dashit，sir，outwithit。
　　STRAMMFEST。ShehasjoinedtheRevolution。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Butsohaveyou，sir。We’vealljoinedtheRevolution。Shedoesn’tmeanitanymorethanwedo。
　　STRAMMFEST。Heavengrantyoumayberight！Butthatisnottheworst。Shehadelopedwithayoungofficer。Eloped，Schneidekind，eloped！
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[notparticularlyimpressed]。Yes，Sir。
　　STRAMMFEST。Annajanska，thebeautiful，theinnocent，mymaster’sdaughter！[Heburieshisfaceinhishands。]
　　Thetelephonerings。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[takingthereceiver]。Yes:G。H。Q。Yes……Don’tbawl:
　　I’mnotageneral。Whoisitspeaking？……Whydidn’tyousayso？
　　don’tyouknowyourduty？Nexttimeyouwillloseyourstripe……Oh，they’vemadeyouacolonel，havethey？Well，they’vemademeafield—marshal:nowwhathaveyoutosay？……Lookhere:
　　whatdidyouringupfor？Ican’tspendthedayherelisteningtoyourcheek……What！theGrandDuchess[Strammfeststarts。]Wheredidyoucatchher？
　　STRAMMFEST[snatchingthetelephoneandlisteningfortheanswer]。Speaklouder，willyou:IamaGeneralIknowthat，youdolt。Haveyoucapturedtheofficerthatwaswithher？……
　　Damnation！Youshallanswerforthis:youlethimgo:hebribedyou。Youmusthaveseenhim:thefellowisinthefulldresscourtuniformofthePanderobajenskyHussars。Igiveyoutwelvehourstocatchhimor……what’sthatyousayaboutthedevil？Areyouswearingatme，you……Thousandthunders！[ToSchneidekind。]
　　TheswinesaysthattheGrandDuchessisadevilincarnate。[Intothetelephone。]Filthytraitor:isthatthewayyoudarespeakofthedaughterofouranointedPanjandrum？I’ll——
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[pullingthetelephonefromhislips]。Takecare，sir。
　　STRAMMFEST。Iwon’ttakecare:I’llhavehimshot。Letgothattelephone。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Butforherownsake，sir——
　　STRAMMFEST。Eh？——
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Forherownsaketheyhadbettersendherhere。Shewillbesafeinyourhands。
　　STRAMMFEST[yieldingthereceiver]。Youareright。Beciviltohim。Ishouldchoke[hesitsdown]。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[intothetelephone]。Hullo。Nevermindallthat:
　　it’sonlyafellowherewhohasbeenfoolingwiththetelephone。
　　Ihadtoleavetheroomforamoment。Washout:andsendthegirlalong。We’lljollysoonteachhertobehaveherselfhere……Oh，you’vesentheralready。Thenwhythedevildidn’tyousayso，you——[hehangsupthetelephoneangrily]。Justfancy:theystartedheroffthismorning:andallthisisbecausethefellowlikestogetonthetelephoneandhearhimselftalknowthatheisacolonel。[Thetelephoneringsagain。Hesnatchesthereceiverfuriously。]What’sthematternow？……[TotheGeneral。]
　　It’sourownpeopledownstairs。[Intothereceiver。]Here！doyousupposeI’venothingelsetodothantohangontothetelephoneallday？……What’sthat？Notmenenoughtoholdher！Whatdoyoumean？[TotheGeneral。]Sheisthere，sir。
　　STRAMMFEST。Tellthemtosendherup。Ishallhavetoreceiveherwithoutevenrising，withoutkissingherhand，tokeepupappearancesbeforetheescort。Itwillbreakmyheart。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[intothereceiver]。Sendherup……Tcha！[Hehangsupthereceiver。]Hesayssheishalfwayupalready:theycouldn’tholdher。
　　TheGrandDuchessburstsintotheroom，draggingwithhertwoexhaustedsoldiershangingondesperatelytoherarms。Sheisenvelopedfromheadtofootbyafur—linedcloak，andwearsafurcap。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[pointingtothebench]。AtthewordGo，placeyourprisoneronthebenchinasittingposture;andtakeyourseatsrightandleftofher。Go。
　　Thetwosoldiersmakeasupremeefforttoforcehertositdown。
　　Sheflingsthembacksothattheyareforcedtositonthebenchtosavethemselvesfromfallingbackwardsoverit，andisherselfdraggedintosittingbetweenthem。Thesecondsoldier，holdingontighttotheGrandDuchesswithonehand，producespaperswiththeother，andwavesthemtowardsSchneidekind，whotakesthemfromhimandpassesthemontotheGeneral。Heopensthemandreadsthemwithagraveexpression。
　　SCHNEIDEKIN。Begoodenoughtowait，prisoner，untiltheGeneralhasreadthepapersonyourcase。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS[tothesoldiers]。Letgo。[ToStrammfest]。
　　Tellthemtoletgo，orI’llupsetthebenchbackwardsandbashourthreeheadsonthefloor。
　　FIRSTSOLDIER。No，littlemother。Havemercyonthepoor。
　　STRAMMFEST[growlingovertheedgeofthepaperheisreading]。
　　Holdyourtongue。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS[blazing]。Me，orthesoldier？
　　STRAMMFEST[horrified]。Thesoldier，madam。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Tellhimtoletgo。
　　STRAMMFEST。Releasethelady。
　　Thesoldierstaketheirhandsoffher。Oneofthemwipeshisfeveredbrow。Theothersuckshiswrist。
　　SCHNEIDKIND[fiercely]。’ttention！
　　Thetwosoldierssitupstiffly。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Oh，letthepoormansuckhiswrist。Itmaybepoisoned。Ibitit。
　　STRAMMFEST[shocked]。Youbitacommonsoldier！
　　GRANDDUCHESS。Well，Iofferedtocauterizeitwiththepokerintheofficestove。Buthewasafraid。WhatmorecouldIdo？
　　SCHNEIDEKIND。Whydidyoubitehim，prisoner？
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Hewouldnotletgo。
　　STRAMMFEST。Didheletgowhenyoubithim？
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。No。[Pattingthesoldierontheback]。Youshouldgivethemanacrossforhisdevotion。Icouldnotgooneatinghim;soIbroughthimalongwithme。
　　STRAMMFEST。Prisoner——
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Don’tcallmeprisoner，GeneralStrammfest。Mygrandmotherdandledyouonherknee。
　　STRAMMFEST[burstingintotears]。OGod，yes。Believeme，myheartiswhatitwasthen。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Yourbrainalsoiswhatitwasthen。Iwillnotbeaddressedbyyouasprisoner。
　　STRAMMFEST。Imaynot，foryourownsake，callyoubyyourrightfulandmostsacredtitles。WhatamItocallyou？
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。TheRevolutionhasmadeuscomrades。Callmecomrade。
　　STRAMMFEST。Ihadratherdie。
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。ThencallmeAnnajanska;andIwillcallyouPeterPiper，asgrandmammadid。
　　STRAMMFEST[painfullyagitated]。Schneidekind，youmustspeaktoher:Icannot——[hebreaksdown。]
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[officially]。TheRepublicofBeotiahasbeencompelledtoconfinethePanjandrumandhisfamily，fortheirownsafety，withincertainbounds。Youhavebrokenthosebounds。
　　STRAMMFEST[takingthewordfromhim]。YouareImustsayit——aprisoner。WhatamItodowithyou？
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。Youshouldhavethoughtofthatbeforeyouarrestedme。
　　STRAMMFEST。Come，come，prisoner！doyouknowwhatwillhappentoyouifyoucompelmetotakeasternertonewithyou？
　　THEGRANDDUCHESS。No。ButIknowwhatwillhappentoyou。
　　STRAMAIFEST。Praywhat，prisoner？
　　THEGLANDDUCHESS。Clergyman’ssorethroat。
　　Schneidekindsplutters;dropsapaper:andconcealshislaughterunderthetable。
　　STRAMMFEST[thunderously]。LieutenantSchneidekind。
　　SCHNEIDEKIND[inastifledvoice]。Yes，Sir。[Thetablevibratesvisibly。]
　　STRAMMFEST。Comeoutofit，youfool:you’reupsettingtheink。
　　Schneidekindemerges，redinthefacewithsuppressedmirth。