首页 >出版文学> Women in Love>第35章

第35章

  `Notnow,'hereplied。`Ihavedoneallsorts——exceptportraits——
  Ineverdidportraits。Butotherthings——'
  `Whatkindofthings?'askedGudrun。
  Hepausedamoment,thenrose,andwentoutoftheroom。Hereturnedalmostimmediatelywithalittlerollofpaper,whichhehandedtoher。
  Sheunrolledit。Itwasaphotogravurereproductionofastatuette,signedF。Loerke。
  `Thatisquiteanearlything——notmechanical,'hesaid,`morepopular。'
  Thestatuettewasofanakedgirl,small,finelymade,sittingonagreatnakedhorse。Thegirlwasyoungandtender,amerebud。Shewassittingsidewaysonthehorse,herfaceinherhands,asifinshameandgrief,inalittleabandon。Herhair,whichwasshortandmustbeflaxen,fellforward,divided,halfcoveringherhands。
  Herlimbswereyoungandtender。Herlegs,scarcelyformedyet,thelegsofamaidenjustpassingtowardscruelwomanhood,dangledchildishlyoverthesideofthepowerfulhorse,pathetically,thesmallfeetfoldedoneovertheother,asiftohide。Buttherewasnohiding。Thereshewasexposednakedonthenakedflankofthehorse。
  Thehorsestoodstockstill,stretchedinakindofstart。Itwasamassive,magnificentstallion,rigidwithpent—uppower。Itsneckwasarchedandterrible,likeasickle,itsflankswerepressedback,rigidwithpower。
  Gudrunwentpale,andadarknesscameoverhereyes,likeshame,shelookedupwithacertainsupplication,almostslave—like。Heglancedather,andjerkedhisheadalittle。
  `Howbigisit?'sheasked,inatonelessvoice,persistinginappearingcasualandunaffected。
  `Howbig?'hereplied,glancingagainather。`Withoutpedestal——sohigh——'hemeasuredwithhishand——`withpedestal,so——'
  Helookedathersteadily。Therewasalittlebrusque,turgidcontemptforherinhisswiftgesture,andsheseemedtocringealittle。
  `Andwhatisitdonein?'sheasked,throwingbackherheadandlookingathimwithaffectedcoldness。
  Hestillgazedathersteadily,andhisdominancewasnotshaken。
  `Bronze——greenbronze。'
  `Greenbronze!'repeatedGudrun,coldlyacceptinghischallenge。Shewasthinkingoftheslender,immature,tenderlimbsofthegirl,smoothandcoldingreenbronze。
  `Yes,beautiful,'shemurmured,lookingupathimwithacertaindarkhomage。
  Heclosedhiseyesandlookedaside,triumphant。
  `Why,'saidUrsula,`didyoumakethehorsesostiff?Itisasstiffasablock。'
  `Stiff?'herepeated,inarmsatonce。
  `Yes。Lookhowstockandstupidandbrutalitis。Horsesaresensitive,quitedelicateandsensitive,really。'
  Heraisedhisshoulders,spreadhishandsinashrugofslowindifference,asmuchastoinformhershewasanamateurandanimpertinentnobody。
  `WissenSie,'hesaid,withaninsultingpatienceandcondescensioninhisvoice,`thathorseisacertainform,partofawholeform。
  Itispartofaworkofart,apieceofform。Itisnotapictureofafriendlyhorsetowhichyougivealumpofsugar,doyousee——itispartofaworkofart,ithasnorelationtoanythingoutsidethatworkofart。'
  Ursula,angryatbeingtreatedquitesoinsultinglydehautenbas,fromtheheightofesotericarttothedepthofgeneralexotericamateurism,replied,hotly,flushingandliftingherface。
  `Butitisapictureofahorse,nevertheless。'
  Heliftedhisshouldersinanothershrug。
  `Asyoulike——itisnotapictureofacow,certainly。'
  HereGudrunbrokein,flushedandbrilliant,anxioustoavoidanymoreofthis,anymoreofUrsula'sfoolishpersistenceingivingherselfaway。
  `Whatdoyoumeanby"itisapictureofahorse?"'shecriedathersister。`Whatdoyoumeanbyahorse?Youmeananideayouhaveinyourhead,andwhichyouwanttoseerepresented。Thereisanotherideaaltogether,quiteanotheridea。Callitahorseifyoulike,orsayitisnotahorse。
  Ihavejustasmuchrighttosaythatyourhorseisn'tahorse,thatitisafalsityofyourownmake—up。'
  Ursulawavered,baffled。Thenherwordscame。
  `Butwhydoeshehavethisideaofahorse?'shesaid。`Iknowitishisidea。Iknowitisapictureofhimself,really——'
  Loerkesnortedwithrage。
  `Apictureofmyself!'herepeated,inderision。`Wissensie,gnadigeFrau,thatisaKunstwerk,aworkofart。Itisaworkofart,itisapictureofnothing,ofabsolutelynothing。Ithasnothingtodowithanythingbutitself,ithasnorelationwiththeeverydayworldofthisandother,thereisnoconnectionbetweenthem,absolutelynone,theyaretwodifferentanddistinctplanesofexistence,andtotranslateoneintotheotherisworsethanfoolish,itisadarkeningofallcounsel,amakingconfusioneverywhere。Doyousee,youmustnotconfusetherelativeworkofaction,withtheabsoluteworldofart。Thatyoumustnotdo。'
  `Thatisquitetrue,'criedGudrun,letlooseinasortofrhapsody。
  `Thetwothingsarequiteandpermanentlyapart,theyhavenothingtodowithoneanother。Iandmyart,theyhavenothingtodowitheachother。Myartstandsinanotherworld,Iaminthisworld。'
  Herfacewasflushedandtransfigured。Loerkewhowassittingwithhisheadducked,likesomecreatureatbay,lookedupather,swiftly,almostfurtively,andmurmured,`Ja——soistes,soistes。'
  Ursulawassilentafterthisoutburst。Shewasfurious。Shewantedtopokeaholeintothemboth。
  `Itisn'tawordofittrue,ofallthisharangueyouhavemademe,'
  sherepliedflatly。`Thehorseisapictureofyourownstock,stupidbrutality,andthegirlwasagirlyoulovedandtorturedandthenignored。'
  Helookedupatherwithasmallsmileofcontemptinhiseyes。Hewouldnottroubletoanswerthislastcharge。
  Gudruntoowassilentinexasperatedcontempt。Ursulawassuchaninsufferableoutsider,rushinginwhereangelswouldfeartotread。
  Butthen——foolsmustbesuffered,ifnotgladly。
  ButUrsulawaspersistenttoo。
  `Asforyourworldofartandyourworldofreality,'shereplied,`youhavetoseparatethetwo,becauseyoucan'tbeartoknowwhatyouare。
  Youcan'tbeartorealisewhatastock,stiff,hide—boundbrutalityyouarereally,soyousay"it'stheworldofart。"Theworldofartisonlythetruthabouttherealworld,that'sall——butyouaretoofargonetoseeit。'
  Shewaswhiteandtrembling,intent。GudrunandLoerkesatinstiffdislikeofher。Geraldtoo,whohadcomeupinthebeginningofthespeech,stoodlookingatherincompletedisapprovalandopposition。Hefeltshewasundignified,sheputasortofvulgarityovertheesotericismwhichgavemanhislastdistinction。Hejoinedhisforceswiththeothertwo。
  Theyallthreewantedhertogoaway。Butshesatoninsilence,hersoulweeping,throbbingviolently,herfingerstwistingherhandkerchief。
  Theothersmaintainedadeadsilence,lettingthedisplayofUrsula'sobtrusivenesspassby。ThenGudrunasked,inavoicethatwasquitecoolandcasual,asifresumingacasualconversation:
  `Wasthegirlamodel?'
  `Nein,siewarkeinModell。SiewareinekleineMalschulerin。'
  `Anart—student!'repliedGudrun。
  Andhowthesituationrevealeditselftoher!Shesawthegirlart—student,unformedandofperniciousrecklessness,tooyoung,herstraightflaxenhaircutshort,hangingjustintoherneck,curvinginwardsslightly,becauseitwasratherthick;andLoerke,thewell—knownmaster—sculptor,andthegirl,probablywell—brought—up,andofgoodfamily,thinkingherselfsogreattobehismistress。Ohhowwellsheknewthecommoncallousnessofitall。Dresden,Paris,orLondon,whatdiditmatter?Sheknewit。
  `Whereisshenow?'Ursulaasked。
  Loerkeraisedhisshoulders,toconveyhiscompleteignoranceandindifference。
  `Thatisalreadysixyearsago,'hesaid;`shewillbetwenty—threeyearsold,nomoregood。'
  Geraldhadpickedupthepictureandwaslookingatit。Itattractedhimalso。Hesawonthepedestal,thatthepiecewascalled`LadyGodiva。'
  `Butthisisn'tLadyGodiva,'hesaid,smilinggood—humouredly。`Shewasthemiddle—agedwifeofsomeEarlorother,whocoveredherselfwithherlonghair。'
  `AlaMaudAllan,'saidGudrunwithamockinggrimace。
  `WhyMaudAllan?'hereplied。`Isn'titso?Ialwaysthoughtthelegendwasthat。'
  `Yes,Geralddear,I'mquitesureyou'vegotthelegendperfectly。'
  Shewaslaughingathim,withalittle,mock—caressivecontempt。
  `Tobesure,I'dratherseethewomanthanthehair,'helaughedinreturn。
  `Wouldn'tyoujust!'mockedGudrun。
  Ursularoseandwentaway,leavingthethreetogether。
  GudruntookthepictureagainfromGerald,andsatlookingatitclosely。
  `Ofcourse,'shesaid,turningtoteaseLoerkenow,`youunderstoodyourlittleMalschulerin。'
  Heraisedhiseyebrowsandhisshouldersinacomplacentshrug。
  `Thelittlegirl?'askedGerald,pointingtothefigure。
  Gudrunwassittingwiththepictureinherlap。ShelookedupatGerald,fullintohiseyes,sothatheseemedtobeblinded。
  `Didn'theunderstandher!'shesaidtoGerald,inaslightlymocking,humorousplayfulness。`You'veonlytolookatthefeet——aren'ttheydarling,soprettyandtender——oh,they'rereallywonderful,theyarereally——'
  Sheliftedhereyesslowly,withahot,flaminglookintoLoerke'seyes。
  Hissoulwasfilledwithherburningrecognition,heseemedtogrowmoreuppishandlordly。
  Geraldlookedatthesmall,sculpturedfeet。Theywereturnedtogether,halfcoveringeachotherinpatheticshynessandfear。Helookedatthemalongtime,fascinated。Then,insomepain,heputthepictureawayfromhim。Hefeltfullofbarrenness。
  `Whatwashername?'GudrunaskedLoerke。
  `AnnettevonWeck,'Loerkerepliedreminiscent。`Ja,siewarhubsch。
  Shewaspretty——butshewastiresome。Shewasanuisance,——notforaminutewouldshekeepstill——notuntilI'dslappedherhardandmadehercry——thenshe'dsitforfiveminutes。'
  Hewasthinkingoverthework,hiswork,theallimportanttohim。
  `Didyoureallyslapher?'askedGudrun,coolly。
  Heglancedbackather,readingherchallenge。
  `Yes,Idid,'hesaid,nonchalant,`harderthanIhaveeverbeatanythinginmylife。Ihadto,Ihadto。ItwastheonlywayIgottheworkdone。'
  Gudrunwatchedhimwithlarge,dark—filledeyes,forsomemoments。Sheseemedtobeconsideringhisverysoul。Thenshelookeddown,insilence。
  `WhydidyouhavesuchayoungGodivathen?'askedGerald。`Sheissosmall,besides,onthehorse——notbigenoughforit——suchachild。'
  AqueerspasmwentoverLoerke'sface。
  `Yes,'hesaid。`Idon'tlikethemanybigger,anyolder。Thentheyarebeautiful,atsixteen,seventeen,eighteen——afterthat,theyarenousetome。'
  Therewasamoment'spause。
  `Whynot?'askedGerald。
  Loerkeshruggedhisshoulders。
  `Idon'tfindtheminteresting——orbeautiful——theyarenogoodtome,formywork。'
  `Doyoumeantosayawomanisn'tbeautifulaftersheistwenty?'askedGerald。
  `Forme,no。Beforetwenty,sheissmallandfreshandtenderandslight。
  Afterthat——letherbewhatshelikes,shehasnothingforme。TheVenusofMiloisabourgeoise——soaretheyall。'
  `Andyoudon'tcareforwomenatallaftertwenty?'askedGerald。
  `Theyarenogoodtome,theyareofnouseinmyart,'Loerkerepeatedimpatiently。`Idon'tfindthembeautiful。'
  `Youareanepicure,'saidGerald,withaslightsarcasticlaugh。
  `Andwhataboutmen?'askedGudrunsuddenly。
  `Yes,theyaregoodatallages,'repliedLoerke。`Amanshouldbebigandpowerful——whetherheisoldoryoungisofnoaccount,sohehasthesize,somethingofmassivenessand——andstupidform。'
  Ursulawentoutaloneintotheworldofpure,newsnow。Butthedazzlingwhitenessseemedtobeatuponhertillithurther,shefeltthecoldwasslowlystranglinghersoul。Herheadfeltdazedandnumb。
  Suddenlyshewantedtogoaway。Itoccurredtoher,likeamiracle,thatshemightgoawayintoanotherworld。Shehadfeltsodoomeduphereintheeternalsnow,asiftherewerenobeyond。
  Nowsuddenly,asbyamiraclesherememberedthatawaybeyond,belowher,laythedarkfruitfulearth,thattowardsthesouththerewerestretchesoflanddarkwithorangetreesandcypress,greywitholives,thatilextreesliftedwonderfulplumytuftsinshadowagainstabluesky。Miracleofmiracles!——thisutterlysilent,frozenworldofthemountain—topswasnotuniversal!Onemightleaveitandhavedonewithit。Onemightgoaway。
  Shewantedtorealisethemiracleatonce。Shewantedatthisinstanttohavedonewiththesnow—world,theterrible,staticice—builtmountaintops。Shewantedtoseethedarkearth,tosmellitsearthyfecundity,toseethepatientwintryvegetation,tofeelthesunshinetoucharesponseinthebuds。
  Shewentbackgladlytothehouse,fullofhope。Birkinwasreading,lyinginbed。
  `Rupert,'shesaid,burstinginonhim。`Iwanttogoaway。'
  Helookedupatherslowly。
  `Doyou?'herepliedmildly。
  Shesatbyhimundputherarmsroundhisneck。Itsurprisedherthathewassolittlesurprised。
  `Don'tyou?'sheaskedtroubled。
  `Ihadn'tthoughtaboutit,'hesaid。`ButI'msureIdo。'
  Shesatup,suddenlyerect。
  `Ihateit,'shesaid。`Ihatethesnow,andtheunnaturalnessofit,theunnaturallightitthrowsoneverybody,theghastlyglamour,theunnaturalfeelingsitmakeseverybodyhave。'
  Helaystillandlaughed,meditating。
  `Well,'hesaid,`wecangoaway——wecangotomorrow。We'llgotomorrowtoVerona,andfindRomeoandJuliet,andsitintheamphitheatre——shallwe?'
  Suddenlyshehidherfaceagainsthisshoulderwithperplexityandshyness。
  Helaysountrammelled。
  `Yes,'shesaidsoftly,filledwithrelief。Shefelthersoulhadnewwings,nowhewassouncaring。`IshalllovetobeRomeoandJuliet,'shesaid。`Mylove!'
  `ThoughafearfullycoldwindblowsinVerona,'hesaid,`fromoutoftheAlps。Weshallhavethesmellofthesnowinournoses。'
  Shesatupandlookedathim。
  `Areyougladtogo?'sheasked,troubled。
  Hiseyeswereinscrutableandlaughing。Shehidherfaceagainsthisneck,clingingclosetohim,pleading:
  `Don'tlaughatme——don'tlaughatme。'
  `Whyhow'sthat?'helaughed,puttinghisarmsroundher。
  `BecauseIdon'twanttobelaughedat,'shewhispered。
  Helaughedmore,ashekissedherdelicate,finelyperfumedhair。
  `Doyouloveme?'shewhispered,inwildseriousness。
  `Yes,'heanswered,laughing。
  Suddenlysheliftedhermouthtobekissed。Herlipsweretautandquiveringandstrenuous,hisweresoft,deepanddelicate。Hewaitedafewmomentsinthekiss。Thenashadeofsadnesswentoverhissoul。
  `Yourmouthissohard,'hesaid,infaintreproach。
  `Andyoursissosoftandnice,'shesaidgladly。
  `Butwhydoyoualwaysgripyourlips?'heasked,regretful。
  `Nevermind,'shesaidswiftly。`Itismyway。'
  Sheknewhelovedher;shewassureofhim。Yetshecouldnotletgoacertainholdoverherself,shecouldnotbearhimtoquestionher。Shegaveherselfupindelighttobeinglovedbyhim。Sheknewthat,inspiteofhisjoywhensheabandonedherself,hewasalittlebitsaddenedtoo。
  Shecouldgiveherselfuptohisactivity。Butshecouldnotbeherself,shedarednotcomeforthquitenakedlytohisnakedness,abandoningalladjustment,lapsinginpurefaithwithhim。Sheabandonedherselftohim,orshetookholdofhimandgatheredherjoyofhim。Andsheenjoyedhimfully。Buttheywereneverquitetogether,atthesamemoment,onewasalwaysalittleleftout。Neverthelessshewasgladinhope,gloriousandfree,fulloflifeandliberty。Andhewasstillandsoftandpatient,forthetime。
  Theymadetheirpreparationstoleavethenextday。FirsttheywenttoGudrun'sroom,wheresheandGeraldwerejustdressedreadyfortheeveningindoors。
  `Prune,'saidUrsula,`Ithinkweshallgoawaytomorrow。Ican'tstandthesnowanymore。Ithurtsmyskinandmysoul。'
  `Doesitreallyhurtyoursoul,Ursula?'askedGudrun,insomesurprise。
  `Icanbelievequiteithurtsyourskin——itisterrible。ButI
  thoughtitwasadmirableforthesoul。'
  `No,notformine。Itjustinjuresit,'saidUrsula。
  `Really!'criedGudrun。
  Therewasasilenceintheroom。AndUrsulaandBirkincouldfeelthatGudrunandGeraldwererelievedbytheirgoing。
  `Youwillgosouth?'saidGerald,alittleringofuneasinessinhisvoice。
  `Yes,'saidBirkin,turningaway。Therewasaqueer,indefinablehostilitybetweenthetwomen,lately。Birkinwasonthewholedimandindifferent,driftingalonginadim,easyflow,unnoticingandpatient,sincehecameabroad,whilstGeraldontheotherhand,wasintenseandgrippedintowhitelight,agonistes。Thetwomenrevokedoneanother。
  GeraldandGudrunwereverykindtothetwowhoweredeparting,solicitousfortheirwelfareasiftheyweretwochildren。GudruncametoUrsula'sbedroomwiththreepairsofthecolouredstockingsforwhichshewasnotorious,andshethrewthemonthebed。Butthesewerethicksilkstockings,vermilion,cornflowerblue,andgrey,boughtinParis。Thegreyoneswereknitted,seamlessandheavy。Ursulawasinraptures。SheknewGudrunmustbefeelingveryloving,togiveawaysuchtreasures。
  `Ican'ttakethemfromyou,Prune,'shecried。`Ican'tpossiblydepriveyouofthem——thejewels。'
  `Aren'ttheyjewels!'criedGudrun,eyeinghergiftswithanenviouseye。`Aren'ttheyreallambs!'
  `Yes,youmustkeepthem,'saidUrsula。
  `Idon'twantthem,I'vegotthreemorepairs。Iwantyoutokeepthem——Iwantyoutohavethem。They'reyours,there——'
  Andwithtrembling,excitedhandssheputthecovetedstockingsunderUrsula'spillow。
  `Onegetsthegreatestjoyofalloutofreallylovelystockings,'saidUrsula。
  `Onedoes,'repliedGudrun;`thegreatestjoyofall。'
  Andshesatdowninthechair。Itwasevidentshehadcomeforalasttalk。Ursula,notknowingwhatshewanted,waitedinsilence。
  `Doyoufeel,Ursula,'Gudrunbegan,rathersceptically,thatyouaregoing—away—for—ever,never—to—return,sortofthing?'
  `Oh,weshallcomeback,'saidUrsula。`Itisn'taquestionoftrain—journeys。'
  `Yes,Iknow。Butspiritually,sotospeak,youaregoingawayfromusall?'
  Ursulaquivered。
  `Idon'tknowabitwhatisgoingtohappen,'shesaid。`Ionlyknowwearegoingsomewhere。'
  Gudrunwaited。
  `Andyouareglad?'sheasked。
  Ursulameditatedforamoment。
  `IbelieveIamveryglad,'shereplied。
  ButGudrunreadtheunconsciousbrightnessonhersister'sface,ratherthantheuncertaintonesofherspeech。
  `Butdon'tyouthinkyou'llwanttheoldconnectionwiththeworld——fatherandtherestofus,andallthatitmeans,Englandandtheworldofthought——don'tyouthinkyou'llneedthat,reallytomakeaworld?'
  Ursulawassilent,tryingtoimagine。
  `Ithink,'shesaidatlength,involuntarily,`thatRupertisright——onewantsanewspacetobein,andonefallsawayfromtheold。'
  Gudrunwatchedhersisterwithimpassivefaceandsteadyeyes。
  `Onewantsanewspacetobein,Iquiteagree,'shesaid。`ButIthinkthatanewworldisadevelopmentfromthisworld,andthattoisolateoneselfwithoneotherperson,isn'ttofindanewworldatall,butonlytosecureoneselfinone'sillusions。'
  Ursulalookedoutofthewindow。Inhersoulshebegantowrestle,andshewasfrightened。Shewasalwaysfrightenedofwords,becausesheknewthatmereword—forcecouldalwaysmakeherbelievewhatshedidnotbelieve。
  `Perhaps,'shesaid,fullofmistrust,ofherselfandeverybody。`But,'
  sheadded,`Idothinkthatonecan'thaveanythingnewwhilstonecaresfortheold——doyouknowwhatImean?——evenfightingtheoldisbelongingtoit。Iknow,oneistemptedtostopwiththeworld,justtofightit。
  Butthenitisn'tworthit。'
  Gudrunconsideredherself。
  `Yes,'shesaid。`Inaway,oneisoftheworldifonelivesinit。
  Butisn'titreallyanillusiontothinkyoucangetoutofit?Afterall,acottageintheAbruzzi,orwhereveritmaybe,isn'tanewworld。No,theonlythingtodowiththeworld,istoseeitthrough。'
  Ursulalookedaway。Shewassofrightenedofargument。
  `Buttherecanbesomethingelse,can'tthere?'shesaid。`Onecanseeitthroughinone'ssoul,longenoughbeforeitseesitselfthroughinactuality。Andthen,whenonehasseenone'ssoul,oneissomethingelse。'
  `Canoneseeitthroughinone'ssoul?'askedGudrun。`Ifyoumeanthatyoucanseetotheendofwhatwillhappen,Idon'tagree。I
  reallycan'tagree。Andanyhow,youcan'tsuddenlyflyoffontoanewplanet,becauseyouthinkyoucanseetotheendofthis。'
  Ursulasuddenlystraightenedherself。
  `Yes,'shesaid。`Yes——oneknows。Onehasnomoreconnectionshere。
  Onehasasortofotherself,thatbelongstoanewplanet,nottothis。
  You'vegottohopoff。'
  Gudrunreflectedforafewmoments。Thenasmileofridicule,almostofcontempt,cameoverherface。
  `Andwhatwillhappenwhenyoufindyourselfinspace?'shecriedinderision。`Afterall,thegreatideasoftheworldarethesamethere。
  Youaboveeverybodycan'tgetawayfromthefactthatlove,forinstance,isthesupremething,inspaceaswellasonearth。'
  `No,'saidUrsula,`itisn't。Loveistoohumanandlittle。Ibelieveinsomethinginhuman,ofwhichloveisonlyalittlepart。Ibelievewhatwemustfulfilcomesoutoftheunknowntous,anditissomethinginfinitelymorethanlove。Itisn'tsomerelyhuman。'
  GudrunlookedatUrsulawithsteady,balancingeyes。Sheadmiredanddespisedhersistersomuch,both!Then,suddenlysheavertedherface,sayingcoldly,uglily:
  `Well,I'vegotnofurtherthanlove,yet。'
  OverUrsula'smindflashedthethought:`Becauseyouneverhaveloved,youcan'tgetbeyondit。'
  Gudrunrose,cameovertoUrsulaandputherarmroundherneck。
  `Goandfindyournewworld,dear,'shesaid,hervoiceclangingwithfalsebenignity。`Afterall,thehappiestvoyageisthequestofRupert'sBlessedIsles。'
  HerarmrestedroundUrsula'sneck,herfingersonUrsula'scheekforafewmoments。Ursulawassupremelyuncomfortablemeanwhile。TherewasaninsultinGudrun'sprotectivepatronagethatwasreallytoohurting。
  Feelinghersister'sresistance,Gudrundrewawkwardlyaway,turnedoverthepillow,anddisclosedthestockingsagain。
  `Ha——ha!'shelaughed,ratherhollowly。`Howwedotalkindeed——
  newworldsandold——!'
  Andtheypassedtothefamiliarworldlysubjects。
  GeraldandBirkinhadwalkedonahead,waitingforthesledgetoovertakethem,conveyingthedepartingguests。
  `Howmuchlongerwillyoustayhere?'askedBirkin,glancingupatGerald'sveryred,almostblankface。
  `Oh,Ican'tsay,'Geraldreplied。`Tillwegettiredofit。'
  `You'renotafraidofthesnowmeltingfirst?'askedBirkin。
  Geraldlaughed。
  `Doesitmelt?'hesaid。
  `Thingsareallrightwithyouthen?'saidBirkin。
  Geraldscreweduphiseyesalittle。
  `Allright?'hesaid。`Ineverknowwhatthosecommonwordsmean。Allrightandallwrong,don'ttheybecomesynonymous,somewhere?'
  `Yes,Isuppose。Howaboutgoingback?'askedBirkin。
  `Oh,Idon'tknow。Wemaynevergetback。Idon'tlookbeforeandafter,'
  saidGerald。
  `Norpineforwhatisnot,'saidBirkin。
  Geraldlookedintothedistance,withthesmall—pupilled,abstracteyesofahawk。
  `No。There'ssomethingfinalaboutthis。AndGudrunseemsliketheend,tome。Idon'tknow——butsheseemssosoft,herskinlikesilk,herarmsheavyandsoft。Anditwithersmyconsciousness,somehow,itburnsthepithofmymind。'Hewentonafewpaces,staringahead,hiseyesfixed,lookinglikeamaskusedinghastlyreligionsofthebarbarians。`Itblastsyoursoul'seye,'hesaid,`andleavesyousightless。Yetyouwanttobesightless,youwanttobeblasted,youdon'twantitanydifferent。'
  Hewasspeakingasifinatrance,verbalandblank。Thensuddenlyhebracedhimselfupwithakindofrhapsody,andlookedatBirkinwithvindictive,cowedeyes,saying:
  `Doyouknowwhatitistosufferwhenyouarewithawoman?She'ssobeautiful,soperfect,youfindhersogood,ittearsyoulikeasilk,andeverystrokeandbitcutshot——ha,thatperfection,whenyoublastyourself,youblastyourself!Andthen——'hestoppedonthesnowandsuddenlyopenedhisclenchedhands——`it'snothing——yourbrainmighthavegonecharredasrags——and——'helookedroundintotheairwithaqueerhistrionicmovement`it'sblasting——youunderstandwhatImean——itisagreatexperience,somethingfinal——andthen——you'reshrivelledasifstruckbyelectricity。'Hewalkedoninsilence。Itseemedlikebragging,butlikeamaninextremitybraggingtruthfully。