首页 >出版文学> Women in Love>第33章

第33章

  `WouldyouliketogototheReunionsaaltobeintroducedtotheotherladiesandgentlemen?'heasked,bendingforwardandsmiling,showinghislarge,strongteeth。Hisblueeyeswentquicklyfromonetotheother——
  hewasnotquitesureofhisgroundwiththeseEnglishpeople。HewasunhappytoobecausehespokenoEnglishandhewasnotsurewhethertotryhisFrench。
  `ShallwegototheReunionsaal,andbeintroducedtotheotherpeople?'
  repeatedGerald,laughing。
  Therewasamoment'shesitation。
  `Isupposewe'dbetter——betterbreaktheice,'saidBirkin。
  Thewomenrose,ratherflushed。AndtheWirt'sblack,beetle—like,broad—shoulderedfigurewentonignominiouslyinfront,towardsthenoise。Heopenedthedoorandusheredthefourstrangersintotheplay—room。
  Instantlyasilencefell,aslightembarrassmentcameoverthecompany。
  Thenewcomershadasenseofmanyblondfaceslookingtheirway。Then,thehostwasbowingtoashort,energetic—lookingmanwithlargemoustaches,andsayinginalowvoice:
  `HerrProfessor,darfichvorstellen——'
  TheHerrProfessorwaspromptandenergetic。HebowedlowtotheEnglishpeople,smiling,andbegantobeacomradeatonce。
  `NehmendieHerrschaftenteilanunsererUnterhaltung?'hesaid,withavigoroussuavity,hisvoicecurlingupinthequestion。
  ThefourEnglishpeoplesmiled,loungingwithanattentiveuneasinessinthemiddleoftheroom。Gerald,whowasspokesman,saidthattheywouldwillinglytakepartintheentertainment。GudrunandUrsula,laughing,excited,felttheeyesofallthemenuponthem,andtheyliftedtheirheadsandlookednowhere,andfeltroyal。
  TheProfessorannouncedthenamesofthosepresent,sansceremonie。Therewasabowingtothewrongpeopleandtotherightpeople。Everybodywasthere,exceptthemanandwife。Thetwotall,clear—skinned,athleticdaughtersoftheprofessor,withtheirplain—cut,darkblueblousesandlodenskirts,theirratherlong,strongnecks,theirclearblueeyesandcarefullybandedhair,andtheirblushes,bowedandstoodback;thethreestudentsbowedverylow,inthehumblehopeofmakinganimpressionofextremegood—breeding;thentherewasathin,dark—skinnedmanwithfulleyes,anoddcreature,likeachild,andlikeatroll,quick,detached;
  hebowedslightly;hiscompanion,alargefairyoungman,stylishlydressed,blushedtotheeyesandbowedverylow。
  Itwasover。
  `HerrLoerkewasgivingusarecitationintheColognedialect,'saidtheProfessor。
  `Hemustforgiveusforinterruptinghim,'saidGerald,`weshouldlikeverymuchtohearit。'
  Therewasinstantlyabowingandanofferingofseats。GudrunandUrsula,GeraldandBirkinsatinthedeepsofasagainstthewall。Theroomwasofnakedoiledpanelling,liketherestofthehouse。Ithadapiano,sofasandchairs,andacoupleoftableswithbooksandmagazines。Initscompleteabsenceofdecoration,saveforthebig,bluestove,itwascosyandpleasant。
  HerrLoerkewasthelittlemanwiththeboyishfigure,andtheround,full,sensitive—lookinghead,andthequick,fulleyes,likeamouse's。
  Heglancedswiftlyfromonetotheotherofthestrangers,andheldhimselfaloof。
  `Pleasegoonwiththerecitation,'saidtheProfessor,suavely,withhisslightauthority。Loerke,whowassittinghunchedonthepianostool,blinkedanddidnotanswer。
  `Itwouldbeagreatpleasure,'saidUrsula,whohadbeengettingthesentenceready,inGerman,forsomeminutes。
  Then,suddenly,thesmall,unrespondingmanswungaside,towardshispreviousaudienceandbrokeforth,exactlyashehadbrokenoff;inacontrolled,mockingvoice,givinganimitationofaquarrelbetweenanoldColognewomanandarailwayguard。
  Hisbodywasslightandunformed,likeaboy's,buthisvoicewasmature,sardonic,itsmovementhadtheflexibilityofessentialenergy,andofamockingpenetratingunderstanding。Gudruncouldnotunderstandawordofhismonologue,butshewasspell—bound,watchinghim。Hemustbeanartist,nobodyelsecouldhavesuchfineadjustmentandsingleness。TheGermansweredoubledupwithlaughter,hearinghisstrangedrollwords,hisdrollphrasesofdialect。Andinthemidstoftheirparoxysms,theyglancedwithdeferenceatthefourEnglishstrangers,theelect。GudrunandUrsulawereforcedtolaugh。Theroomrangwithshoutsoflaughter。
  TheblueeyesoftheProfessor'sdaughterswereswimmingoverwithlaughter—tears,theirclearcheekswereflushedcrimsonwithmirth,theirfatherbrokeoutinthemostastonishingpealsofhilarity,thestudentsbowedtheirheadsontheirkneesinexcessofjoy。Ursulalookedroundamazed,thelaughterwasbubblingoutofherinvoluntarily。ShelookedatGudrun。Gudrunlookedather,andthetwosistersburstoutlaughing,carriedaway。Loerkeglancedatthemswiftly,withhisfulleyes。Birkinwassniggeringinvoluntarily。
  GeraldCrichsaterect,withaglisteninglookofamusementonhisface。
  Andthelaughtercrashedoutagain,inwildparoxysms,theProfessor'sdaughterswerereducedtoshakinghelplessness,theveinsoftheProfessor'sneckwereswollen,hisfacewaspurple,hewasstrangledinultimate,silentspasmsoflaughter。Thestudentswereshoutinghalf—articulatedwordsthattailedoffinhelplessexplosions。Thensuddenlytherapidpatteroftheartistceased,therewerelittlewhoopsofsubsidingmirth,UrsulaandGudrunwerewipingtheireyes,andtheProfessorwascryingloudly。
  `Daswarausgezeichnet,daswarfamos——'
  `Wirklichfamos,'echoedhisexhausteddaughters,faintly。
  `Andwecouldn'tunderstandit,'criedUrsula。
  `Ohleider,leider!'criedtheProfessor。
  `Youcouldn'tunderstandit?'criedtheStudents,letlooseatlastinspeechwiththenewcomers。`Ja,dasistwirklichschade,dasistschade,gnadigeFrau。WissenSie——'
  Themixturewasmade,thenewcomerswerestirredintotheparty,likenewingredients,thewholeroomwasalive。Geraldwasinhiselement,hetalkedfreelyandexcitedly,hisfaceglistenedwithastrangeamusement。
  PerhapsevenBirkin,intheend,wouldbreakforth。Hewasshyandwithheld,thoughfullofattention。
  Ursulawasprevailedupontosing`AnnieLowrie,'astheProfessorcalledit。Therewasahushofextremedeference。Shehadneverbeensoflatteredinherlife。Gudrunaccompaniedheronthepiano,playingfrommemory。
  Ursulahadabeautifulringingvoice,butusuallynoconfidence,shespoiledeverything。Thiseveningshefeltconceitedanduntrammelled。Birkinwaswellinthebackground,sheshonealmostinreaction,theGermansmadeherfeelfineandinfallible,shewasliberatedintooverweeningself—confidence。
  Shefeltlikeabirdflyingintheair,ashervoicesoaredout,enjoyingherselfextremelyinthebalanceandflightofthesong,likethemotionofabird'swingsthatisupinthewind,slidingandplayingontheair,sheplayedwithsentimentality,supportedbyrapturousattention。Shewasveryhappy,singingthatsongbyherself,fullofaconceitofemotionandpower,workinguponallthosepeople,anduponherself,exertingherselfwithgratification,givingimmeasurablegratificationtotheGermans。
  Attheend,theGermanswerealltouchedwithadmiring,deliciousmelancholy,theypraisedherinsoft,reverentvoices,theycouldnotsaytoomuch。
  `Wieschon,wieruhrend!Ach,dieSchottischenLieder,siehabensovielStimmung!AberdiegnadigeFrauhateinewunderbareStimme;
  diegnadigeFrauistwirklicheineKunstlerin,aberwirklich!'
  Shewasdilatedandbrilliant,likeaflowerinthemorningsun。ShefeltBirkinlookingather,asifhewerejealousofher,andherbreaststhrilled,herveinswereallgolden。Shewasashappyasthesunthathasjustopenedaboveclouds。Andeverybodyseemedsoadmiringandradiant,itwasperfect。
  Afterdinnershewantedtogooutforaminute,tolookattheworld。
  Thecompanytriedtodissuadeher——itwassoterriblycold。Butjusttolook,shesaid。
  Theyallfourwrappedupwarmly,andfoundthemselvesinavague,unsubstantialoutdoorsofdimsnowandghostsofanupper—world,thatmadestrangeshadowsbeforethestars。Itwasindeedcold,bruisingly,frighteningly,unnaturallycold。Ursulacouldnotbelievetheairinhernostrils。Itseemedconscious,malevolent,purposiveinitsintensemurderouscoldness。
  Yetitwaswonderful,anintoxication,asilenceofdim,unrealisedsnow,oftheinvisibleinterveningbetweenherandthevisible,betweenherandtheflashingstars。ShecouldseeOrionslopingup。Howwonderfulhewas,wonderfulenoughtomakeonecryaloud。
  Andallaroundwasthiscradleofsnow,andtherewasfirmsnowunderfoot,thatstruckwithheavycoldthroughherboot—soles。Itwasnight,andsilence。
  Sheimaginedshecouldhearthestars。Sheimagineddistinctlyshecouldhearthecelestial,musicalmotionofthestars,quitenearathand。Sheseemedlikeabirdflyingamongsttheirharmoniousmotion。
  AndsheclungclosetoBirkin。Suddenlysherealisedshedidnotknowwhathewasthinking。Shedidnotknowwherehewasranging。
  `Mylove!'shesaid,stoppingtolookathim。
  Hisfacewaspale,hiseyesdark,therewasafaintsparkofstarlightonthem。Andhesawherfacesoftandupturnedtohim,verynear。Hekissedhersoftly。
  `Whatthen?'heasked。
  `Doyouloveme?'sheasked。
  `Toomuch,'heansweredquietly。
  Sheclungalittlecloser。
  `Nottoomuch,'shepleaded。
  `Fartoomuch,'hesaid,almostsadly。
  `Anddoesitmakeyousad,thatIameverythingtoyou?'sheasked,wistful。Heheldherclosetohim,kissingher,andsaying,scarcelyaudible:
  `No,butIfeellikeabeggar——Ifeelpoor。'
  Shewassilent,lookingatthestarsnow。Thenshekissedhim。
  `Don'tbeabeggar,'shepleaded,wistfully。`Itisn'tignominiousthatyouloveme。'
  `Itisignominioustofeelpoor,isn'tit?'hereplied。
  `Why?Whyshoulditbe?'sheasked。Heonlystoodstill,intheterriblycoldairthatmovedinvisiblyoverthemountaintops,foldingherroundwithhisarms。
  `Icouldn'tbearthiscold,eternalplacewithoutyou,'hesaid。`I
  couldn'tbearit,itwouldkillthequickofmylife。'
  Shekissedhimagain,suddenly。
  `Doyouhateit?'sheasked,puzzled,wondering。
  `IfIcouldn'tcomeneartoyou,ifyouweren'there,Ishouldhateit。Icouldn'tbearit,'heanswered。
  `Butthepeoplearenice,'shesaid。
  `Imeanthestillness,thecold,thefrozeneternality,'hesaid。
  Shewondered。Thenherspiritcamehometohim,nestlingunconsciousinhim。
  `Yes,itisgoodwearewarmandtogether,'shesaid。
  Andtheyturnedhomeagain。Theysawthegoldenlightsofthehotelglowingoutinthenightofsnow—silence,smallinthehollow,likeaclusterofyellowberries。Itseemedlikeabunchofsun—sparks,tinyandorangeinthemidstofthesnow—darkness。Behind,wasahighshadowofapeak,blottingoutthestars,likeaghost。
  Theydrewneartotheirhome。Theysawamancomefromthedarkbuilding,withalightedlanternwhichswunggolden,andmadethathisdarkfeetwalkedinahaloofsnow。Hewasasmall,darkfigureinthedarkenedsnow。
  Heunlatchedthedoorofanouthouse。Asmellofcows,hot,animal,almostlikebeef,cameoutontheheavilycoldair。Therewasaglimpseoftwocattleintheirdarkstalls,thenthedoorwasshutagain,andnotachinkoflightshowed。IthadremindedUrsulaagainofhome,oftheMarsh,ofherchildhood,andofthejourneytoBrussels,and,strangely,ofAntonSkrebensky。
  Oh,God,couldonebearit,thispastwhichwasgonedowntheabyss?
  Couldshebear,thatiteverhadbeen!Shelookedroundthissilent,upperworldofsnowandstarsandpowerfulcold。Therewasanotherworld,likeviewsonamagiclantern;TheMarsh,Cossethay,Ilkeston,litupwithacommon,unreallight。TherewasashadowyunrealUrsula,awholeshadow—playofanunreallife。Itwasasunreal,andcircumscribed,asamagic—lanternshow。Shewishedtheslidescouldallbebroken。Shewisheditcouldbegoneforever,likealantern—slidewhichwasbroken。Shewantedtohavenopast。Shewantedtohavecomedownfromtheslopesofheaventothisplace,withBirkin,nottohavetoiledoutofthemurkofherchildhoodandherupbringing,slowly,allsoiled。Shefeltthatmemorywasadirtytrickplayeduponher。Whatwasthisdecree,thatsheshould`remember'!
  Whynotabathofpureoblivion,anewbirth,withoutanyrecollectionsorblemishofapastlife。ShewaswithBirkin,shehadjustcomeintolife,hereinthehighsnow,againstthestars。Whathadshetodowithparentsandantecedents?Sheknewherselfnewandunbegotten,shehadnofather,nomother,noanteriorconnections,shewasherself,pureandsilvery,shebelongedonlytotheonenesswithBirkin,aonenessthatstruckdeepernotes,soundingintotheheartoftheuniverse,theheartofreality,whereshehadneverexistedbefore。
  EvenGudrunwasaseparateunit,separate,separate,havingnothingtodowiththisself,thisUrsula,inhernewworldofreality。Thatoldshadow—world,theactualityofthepast——ah,letitgo!Sherosefreeonthewingsofhernewcondition。
  GudrunandGeraldhadnotcomein。Theyhadwalkedupthevalleystraightinfrontofthehouse,notlikeUrsulaandBirkin,ontothelittlehillattheright。Gudrunwasdrivenbyastrangedesire。Shewantedtoplungeonandon,tillshecametotheendofthevalleyofsnow。Thenshewantedtoclimbthewallofwhitefinality,climbover,intothepeaksthatspranguplikesharppetalsintheheartofthefrozen,mysteriousnaveloftheworld。Shefeltthatthere,overthestrangeblind,terriblewallofrockysnow,thereinthenavelofthemysticworld,amongthefinalclusterofpeaks,there,intheinfoldednavelofitall,washerconsummation。Ifshecouldbutcomethere,alone,andpassintotheinfoldednavelofeternalsnowandofuprising,immortalpeaksofsnowandrock,shewouldbeaonenesswithall,shewouldbeherselftheeternal,infinitesilence,thesleeping,timeless,frozencentreoftheAll。
  Theywentbacktothehouse,totheReunionsaal。Shewascurioustoseewhatwasgoingon。Thementheremadeheralert,rousedhercuriosity。
  Itwasanewtasteoflifeforher,theyweresoprostratebeforeher,yetsofulloflife。
  Thepartywasboisterous;theyweredancingalltogether,dancingtheSchuhplatteln,theTyrolesedanceoftheclappinghandsandtossingthepartnerintheairatthecrisis。TheGermanswereallproficient——theywerefromMunichchiefly。Geraldalsowasquitepassable。Therewerethreezitherstwangingawayinacorner。Itwasasceneofgreatanimationandconfusion。TheProfessorwasinitiatingUrsulaintothedance,stamping,clapping,andswingingherhigh,withamazingforceandzest。WhenthecrisiscameevenBirkinwasbehavingmanfullywithoneoftheProfessor'sfresh,strongdaughters,whowasexceedinglyhappy。Everybodywasdancing,therewasthemostboisterousturmoil。
  Gudrunlookedonwithdelight。Thesolidwoodenfloorresoundedtotheknockingheelsofthemen,theairquiveredwiththeclappinghandsandthezithermusic,therewasagoldendustaboutthehanginglamps。
  Suddenlythedancefinished,Loerkeandthestudentsrushedouttobringindrinks。Therewasanexcitedclamourofvoices,aclinkingofmug—lids,agreatcryingof`Prosit——Prosit!'Loerkewaseverywhereatonce,likeagnome,suggestingdrinksforthewomen,makinganobscure,slightlyriskyjokewiththemen,confusingandmystifyingthewaiter。
  HewantedverymuchtodancewithGudrun。Fromthefirstmomenthehadseenher,hewantedtomakeaconnectionwithher。Instinctivelyshefeltthis,andshewaitedforhimtocomeup。Butakindofsulkinesskepthimawayfromher,soshethoughthedislikedher。
  `Willyouschuhplatteln,gnadigeFrau?'saidthelarge,fairyouth,Loerke'scompanion。Hewastoosoft,toohumbleforGudrun'staste。Butshewantedtodance,andthefairyouth,whowascalledLeitner,washandsomeenoughinhisuneasy,slightlyabjectfashion,ahumilitythatcoveredacertainfear。Sheacceptedhimasapartner。
  Thezitherssoundedoutagain,thedancebegan。Geraldledthem,laughing,withoneoftheProfessor'sdaughters。Ursuladancedwithoneofthestudents,BirkinwiththeotherdaughteroftheProfessor,theProfessorwithFrauKramer,andtherestofthemendancedtogether,withquiteasmuchzestasiftheyhadhadwomenpartners。
  BecauseGudrunhaddancedwiththewell—built,softyouth,hiscompanion,Loerke,wasmorepettishandexasperatedthanever,andwouldnotevennoticeherexistenceintheroom。Thispiquedher,butshemadeuptoherselfbydancingwiththeProfessor,whowasstrongasamature,well—seasonedbull,andasfullofcoarseenergy。Shecouldnotbearhim,critically,andyetsheenjoyedbeingrushedthroughthedance,andtossedupintotheair,onhiscoarse,powerfulimpetus。TheProfessorenjoyedittoo,heeyedherwithstrange,largeblueeyes,fullofgalvanicfire。Shehatedhimfortheseasoned,semi—paternalanimalismwithwhichheregardedher,butsheadmiredhisweightofstrength。
  Theroomwaschargedwithexcitementandstrong,animalemotion。LoerkewaskeptawayfromGudrun,towhomhewantedtospeak,asbyahedgeofthorns,andhefeltasardonicruthlesshatredforthisyounglove—companion,Leitner,whowashispennilessdependent。Hemockedtheyouth,withanacidridicule,thatmadeLeitnerredinthefaceandimpotentwithresentment。
  Gerald,whohadnowgotthedanceperfectly,wasdancingagainwiththeyoungeroftheProfessor'sdaughters,whowasalmostdyingofvirginexcitement,becauseshethoughtGeraldsohandsome,sosuperb。Hehadherinhispower,asifshewereapalpitatingbird,afluttering,flushing,bewilderedcreature。Anditmadehimsmile,assheshrankconvulsivelybetweenhishands,violently,whenhemustthrowherintotheair。Attheend,shewassoovercomewithprostrateloveforhim,thatshecouldscarcelyspeaksensiblyatall。
  BirkinwasdancingwithUrsula。Therewereoddlittlefiresplayinginhiseyes,heseemedtohaveturnedintosomethingwickedandflickering,mocking,suggestive,quiteimpossible。Ursulawasfrightenedofhim,andfascinated。Clear,beforehereyes,asinavision,shecouldseethesardonic,licentiousmockeryofhiseyes,hemovedtowardsherwithsubtle,animal,indifferentapproach。Thestrangenessofhishands,whichcamequickandcunning,inevitablytothevitalplacebeneathherbreasts,and,liftingwithmocking,suggestiveimpulse,carriedherthroughtheairasifwithoutstrength,throughblackmagic,madeherswoonwithfear。Foramomentsherevolted,itwashorrible。Shewouldbreakthespell。Butbeforetheresolutionhadformedshehadsubmittedagain,yieldedtoherfear。Heknewallthetimewhathewasdoing,shecouldseeitinhissmiling,concentratedeyes。
  Itwashisresponsibility,shewouldleaveittohim。
  Whentheywerealoneinthedarkness,shefeltthestrange,licentiousnessofhimhoveringuponher。Shewastroubledandrepelled。Whyshouldheturnlikethis?
  `Whatisit?'sheaskedindread。
  Buthisfaceonlyglistenedonher,unknown,horrible。Andyetshewasfascinated。Herimpulsewastorepelhimviolently,breakfromthisspellofmockingbrutishness。Butshewastoofascinated,shewantedtosubmit,shewantedtoknow。Whatwouldhedotoher?
  Hewassoattractive,andsorepulsiveatone。Thesardonicsuggestivitythatflickeredoverhisfaceandlookedfromhisnarrowedeyes,madeherwanttohide,tohideherselfawayfromhimandwatchhimfromsomewhereunseen。
  `Whyareyoulikethis?'shedemandedagain,rousingagainsthimwithsuddenforceandanimosity。
  Theflickeringfiresinhiseyesconcentratedashelookedintohereyes。Thenthelidsdroopedwithafaintmotionofsatiriccontempt。Thentheyroseagaintothesameremorselesssuggestivity。Andshegaveway,hemightdoashewould。Hislicentiousnesswasrepulsivelyattractive。
  Buthewasself—responsible,shewouldseewhatitwas。
  Theymightdoastheyliked——thissherealisedasshewenttosleep。
  Howcouldanythingthatgaveonesatisfactionbeexcluded?Whatwasdegrading?
  Whocared?Degradingthingswerereal,withadifferentreality。Andhewassounabashedandunrestrained。Wasn'titratherhorrible,amanwhocouldbesosoulfulandspiritual,nowtobeso——shebalkedatherownthoughtsandmemories:thensheadded——sobestial?Sobestial,theytwo!
  ——sodegraded!Shewinced。Butafterall,whynot?Sheexultedaswell。
  Whynotbebestial,andgothewholeroundofexperience?Sheexultedinit。Shewasbestial。Howgooditwastobereallyshameful!Therewouldbenoshamefulthingshehadnotexperienced。Yetshewasunabashed,shewasherself。Whynot?Shewasfree,whenshekneweverything,andnodarkshamefulthingsweredeniedher。
  Gudrun,whohadbeenwatchingGeraldintheReunionsaal,suddenlythought:
  `Heshouldhaveallthewomenhecan——itishisnature。Itisabsurdtocallhimmonogamous——heisnaturallypromiscuous。Thatishisnature。'
  Thethoughtcametoherinvoluntarily。Itshockedhersomewhat。ItwasasifshehadseensomenewMene!Mene!uponthewall。Yetitwasmerelytrue。Avoiceseemedtohavespokenittohersoclearly,thatforthemomentshebelievedininspiration。
  `Itisreallytrue,'shesaidtoherselfagain。
  Sheknewquitewellshehadbelieveditallalong。Sheknewitimplicitly。
  Butshemustkeepitdark——almostfromherself。Shemustkeepitcompletelysecret。Itwasknowledgeforheralone,andscarcelyeventobeadmittedtoherself。
  Thedeepresolveformedinher,tocombathim。Oneofthemmusttriumphovertheother。Whichshoulditbe?Hersoulsteeleditselfwithstrength。
  Almostshelaughedwithinherself,atherconfidence。Itwokeacertainkeen,halfcontemptuouspity,tendernessforhim:shewassoruthless。
  Everybodyretiredearly。TheProfessorandLoerkewentintoasmallloungetodrink。TheybothwatchedGudrungoalongthelandingbytherailingupstairs。
  `EinschonesFrauenzimmer,'saidtheProfessor。
  `Ja!'assertedLoerke,shortly。
  Geraldwalkedwithhisqueer,longwolf—stepsacrossthebedroomtothewindow,stoopedandlookedout,thenroseagain,andturnedtoGudrun,hiseyessharpwithanabstractsmile。Heseemedverytalltoher,shesawtheglistenofhiswhitisheyebrows,thatmetbetweenhisbrows。
  `Howdoyoulikeit?'hesaid。
  Heseemedtobelaughinginsidehimself,quiteunconsciously。Shelookedathim。Hewasaphenomenontoher,notahumanbeing:asortofcreature,greedy。
  `Ilikeitverymuch,'shereplied。
  `Whodoyoulikebestdownstairs?'heasked,standingtallandglisteningaboveher,withhisglisteningstiffhairerect。
  `WhodoIlikebest?'sherepeated,wantingtoanswerhisquestion,andfindingitdifficulttocollectherself。`WhyIdon'tknow,Idon'tknowenoughaboutthemyet,tobeabletosay。Whodoyoulikebest?'
  `Oh,Idon'tcare——Idon'tlikeordislikeanyofthem。Itdoesn'tmatteraboutme。Iwantedtoknowaboutyou。'
  `Butwhy?'sheasked,goingratherpale。Theabstract,unconscioussmileinhiseyeswasintensified。
  `Iwantedtoknow,'hesaid。
  Sheturnedaside,breakingthespell。Insomestrangeway,shefelthewasgettingpoweroverher。
  `Well,Ican'ttellyoualready,'shesaid。
  Shewenttothemirrortotakeoutthehairpinsfromherhair。Shestoodbeforethemirroreverynightforsomeminutes,brushingherfinedarkhair。Itwaspartoftheinevitableritualofherlife。
  Hefollowedher,andstoodbehindher。Shewasbusywithbenthead,takingoutthepinsandshakingherwarmhairloose。Whenshelookedup,shesawhimintheglassstandingbehindher,watchingunconsciously,notconsciouslyseeingher,andyetwatching,withfinepupilledeyesthatseemedtosmile,andwhichwerenotreallysmiling。
  Shestarted。Ittookallhercourageforhertocontinuebrushingherhair,asusual,forhertopretendshewasatherease。Shewasfar,farfrombeingathereasewithhim。Shebeatherbrainswildlyforsomethingtosaytohim。
  `Whatareyourplansfortomorrow?'sheaskednonchalantly,whilstherheartwasbeatingsofuriously,hereyesweresobrightwithstrangenervousness,shefelthecouldnotbutobserve。Butsheknewalsothathewascompletelyblind,blindasawolflookingather。Itwasastrangebattlebetweenherordinaryconsciousnessandhisuncanny,black—artconsciousness。
  `Idon'tknow,'hereplied,`whatwouldyouliketodo?'
  Hespokeemptily,hismindwassunkaway。
  `Oh,'shesaid,witheasyprotestation,`I'mreadyforanything——anythingwillbefineforme,I'msure。'
  Andtoherselfshewassaying:`God,whyamIsonervous——whyareyousonervous,youfool。IfheseesitI'mdoneforforever——youknowyou'redoneforforever,ifheseestheabsurdstateyou'rein。'
  Andshesmiledtoherselfasifitwereallchild'splay。Meanwhileherheartwasplunging,shewasalmostfainting。Shecouldseehim,inthemirror,ashestoodtherebehindher,tallandover—arching——blondandterriblyfrightening。Sheglancedathisreflectionwithfurtiveeyes,willingtogiveanythingtosavehimfromknowingshecouldseehim。Hedidnotknowshecouldseehisreflection。Hewaslookingunconsciously,glisteninglydownatherhead,fromwhichthehairfellloose,asshebrusheditwithwild,nervoushand。Sheheldherheadasideandbrushedandbrushedherhairmadly。Forherlife,shecouldnotturnroundandfacehim。Forherlife,shecouldnot。Andtheknowledgemadeheralmostsinktothegroundinafaint,helpless,spent。Shewasawareofhisfrightening,impendingfigurestandingclosebehindher,shewasawareofhishard,strong,unyieldingchest,closeuponherback。Andshefeltshecouldnotbearitanymore,inafewminutesshewouldfalldownathisfeet,grovellingathisfeet,andlettinghimdestroyher。
  Thethoughtprickedupallhersharpintelligenceandpresenceofmind。
  Shedarednotturnroundtohim——andtherehestoodmotionless,unbroken。
  Summoningallherstrength,shesaid,inafull,resonant,nonchalantvoice,thatwasforcedoutwithallherremainingself—control:
  `Oh,wouldyoumindlookinginthatbagbehindthereandgivingmemy——'
  Hereherpowerfellinert。`Mywhat——mywhat——?'shescreamedinsilencetoherself。
  Buthehadstartedround,surprisedandstartledthatsheshouldaskhimtolookinherbag,whichshealwayskeptsoveryprivatetoherself。
  Sheturnednow,herfacewhite,herdarkeyesblazingwithuncanny,overwroughtexcitement。Shesawhimstoopingtothebag,undoingthelooselybuckledstrap,unattentive。
  `Yourwhat?'heasked。
  `Oh,alittleenamelbox——yellow——withadesignofacormorantpluckingherbreast——'
  Shewenttowardshim,stoopingherbeautiful,barearm,anddeftlyturnedsomeofherthings,disclosingthebox,whichwasexquisitelypainted。
  `Thatisit,see,'shesaid,takingitfromunderhiseyes。
  Andhewasbafflednow。Hewaslefttofastenupthebag,whilstsheswiftlydidupherhairforthenight,andsatdowntounfastenhershoes。
  Shewouldnotturnherbacktohimanymore。
  Hewasbaffled,frustrated,butunconscious。Shehadthewhiphandoverhimnow。Sheknewhehadnotrealisedherterriblepanic。Herheartwasbeatingheavilystill。Fool,foolthatshewas,togetintosuchastate!
  HowshethankedGodforGerald'sobtuseblindness。ThankGodhecouldseenothing。
  Shesatslowlyunlacinghershoes,andhetoocommencedtoundress。
  ThankGodthatcrisiswasover。Shefeltalmostfondofhimnow,almostinlovewithhim。
  `Ah,Gerald,'shelaughed,caressively,teasingly,`Ah,whatafinegameyouplayedwiththeProfessor'sdaughter——didn'tyounow?'
  `Whatgame?'heasked,lookinground。
  `Isn'tsheinlovewithyou——ohdear,isn'tsheinlovewithyou!'saidGudrun,inhergayest,mostattractivemood。
  `Ishouldn'tthinkso,'hesaid。
  `Shouldn'tthinkso!'sheteased。`Whythepoorgirlislyingatthismomentoverwhelmed,dyingwithloveforyou。Shethinksyou'rewonderful——ohmarvellous,beyondwhatmanhaseverbeen。Really,isn'titfunny?'
  `Whyfunny,whatisfunny?'heasked。
  `Whytoseeyouworkingitonher,'shesaid,withahalfreproachthatconfusedthemaleconceitinhim。`ReallyGerald,thepoorgirl——!'
  `Ididnothingtoher,'hesaid。
  `Oh,itwastooshameful,thewayyousimplysweptheroffherfeet。'
  `ThatwasSchuhplatteln,'hereplied,withabrightgrin。
  `Ha——ha——ha!'laughedGudrun。