首页 >出版文学> The Roadmender>第7章

第7章

  itpointstoawayofholinesswherethefoolshallnoterr,andthesagemayfindtherealisationofhisfar-seeking;andyet,despiteitsinclusiveness,itisabeliefwhichcannotsavethebirdsfromdestruction,thesilentmountainsfromadvertisement,orthestreamfrompollution,inanavowedlyChristianland。JohnRuskinscoldedandfoughtanddidyeomanservice,somewhathinderedbyhisover-goodconceitofhimself;butitisnottheworshipofbeautyweneedsomuchasthebeautyofholiness。Littlebylittlethebarriergrowsand'religion'becomesaRULEoflife,notlifeitself,althoughtheBridestandsreadytointerpret,likenedinherlovelinesstothechieftreasuresofherhandmaid-Earth。Thereismoretruthinthebelievingcry,"Comefromthywhitecliffs,O
  Pan!"thaninthereligionthatmeasuresaman'slifebytheletteroftheTenCommandments,anderectsitselfasjudgeandruleroverhim,insteadofthrowingopenthegateofthegardenwhereGodwalkswithmanfrommorninguntilmorning。
  AsIwritethesunissetting;inthepaleradianceoftheskyabovehisglorytheredawnstheeveningstar;andearthlikeatiredchildturnsherfacetothebosomofthenight。
  CHAPTERIII
  ONCEagainIhavepaidararevisittomytreetofindmanythingschangedsincemylastsojournthere。Thebeesaresilent,forthehoney-ladenflowersofthesycamorearegoneandintheirplacehangdaintytwo-foldkeys。Thepoplarhaslostitsmetallicshimmer,thechestnutitstallwhitecandles;andthesoundofthewindinthefully-leavedbranchesislikethesighingofthesea。
  Themartins'nestsarefinished,andoneisoccupiedbyashrill-
  voicedbrood;butforthemostpartthebirds'parentalcaresareover,andthenestlingsinboldflightnolongerflutteroninefficientwingsacrossthelawnwithclamorous,openbill。Therobinsshowpromiseoftheirruddyvests,theslimyoungthrushisdiligentlypractisingmaturernotes,andsoonMaidJunewillhavefled。
  ItissuchawonderfulworldthatIcannotfinditinmyhearttosighforfreshbeautyamidthesegloriesoftheLordonwhichI
  look,seeingmenastreeswalking,inmymaterialimpotencewhichawaitsthefinalanointing。Themarigoldswiththeirorangesuns,thelilies'whiteflame,thecorncockle'sbluecrownofmanyflowers,thehoneysuckle'shornoffragrance-Icanparaphrasethem,name,class,dissectthem;andthen,saveforthepurposesofhumanintercourse,IstandwhereIstoodbefore,myworldboundedbymycapacity,thesecretofcolourandfragrancestillkept。Itisdifficulttobelievethatthesecondlessonwillnotbethesequenceofthefirst,anddeathprovea"feastofopeningeyes"toallthesewonders,insteadoftheheavy-liddedslumbertowhichwesooftenlikenit。"Earthtoearth?"Yes,"dustthouart,anduntodustthoushaltreturn,"butwhatoftherest?Whatofthefoldedgraveclothes,andtheFortyDays?Ifthenextstatebe,asitwellmight,spaceoffourdimensions,andthefirstveilwhichwillliftformebethematerialone,thenthe"other"worldwhichishiddenfromourgrossermaterialorganismwilllieopen,anddeclarestillfurthertomywideningeyesandunstoppedearsthegloryandpurposeofthemanifoldgarmentofGod。KnowledgewillgiveplacetounderstandinginthatsecondchamberoftheHouseofWisdomandLove。Revelationisalwaysmeasuredbycapacity:"Openthymouthwide,"anditshallbefilledwithasatisfactionthatinitselfisdesire。
  Thereisachildhere,ahappyquietlittlecreatureholdinggentlytoitstwomonthsoflife。Sometimestheylayitbesideme,Ithemorehelplessofthetwo-perhapsthemoreignorant-andequallydependentforthesupplyofmysmallestneed。IfeelindecentlylargeasIsurveyitsminuteperfectionsandthetinyballedfistlyinginmygreatpalm。Thelittlecreaturefixesmewiththewisewidestareofasoulinadvanceofitsmediumofexpression;andI,gazingbackatthemysteryinthoseeyes,feelthethrillofcontactbetweenmywornandsustainedselfandtheinnocenceofalittlewhitechild。Itiswonderfultowatchawoman'srapturousfamiliaritywiththesenewcomers。Aman'slovehasfarmoreaweinit,andthepassionateanimalinstinctofdefenceiswantinginhim。"Awomanshallbesavedthroughthechild-bearing,"saidStPaul;notnecessarilyherown,butbyparticipationinthegreatactofmotherhoodwhichisthecrownandgloryofhersex。Sheisthe"prisoneroflove,"caughtinanetofherownweaving;heldfastbylittlehandswhichrulebyimpotence,pursuedbyfeettheswifterfortheirfaltering。
  Itseemsincrediblethatthisiswhatawomanwillbarterfortherightto"liveherownlife"-surelythemostemptyofdesires。
  Man-VIR,woman-FEMINA,gotomakeupTHEman-HOMO。Therecanbenocomparison,norivalrybetweenthem;theyarethecomplementofeachother,andalittlechildshallleadthem。ItiseasytounderstandthatdesiretoshelterunderthedearmantleofmotherhoodwhichhasledtooneoftheabusesofmodernRomanism。
  ImetanoldpeasantcoupleatBornhofenwhohadtrampedmanywearymilestothefamousshrineofOurLadytopleadfortheironlyson。
  Theyhadafewpencesavedforacandle,andafterwardswhentheytoldmetheirtaletheoldwomanheavedasighofrelief,"Eswirdbaldgutgehen:Dieda,Sieversteht,"andIsawherlaterpayingafarewellvisittothegreatunderstandingMotherwhomshecouldtrust。Superstitiousmisapprehensionifyouwill,butalsotherecognitionofadivineprinciple。
  ItwasBehmen,Ibelieve,whocriedwiththebreathofinspiration,"OnlywhenIknowGodshallIknowmyself";andsomanremainsthelastofalltheriddles,tobesolveditmaybeonlyinHeaven'sperfectionandthelightoftheBeatificVision。"Knowthyself"isavainlegend,themoresowhenemphasisedbyaskull;andsoI
  companywithafriendandastranger,andlookingacrossatthewhitegateIwonderconcerningthequietpasturesandstillwatersthatliebeyond,evenasBrotherAmbrosewonderedlongyearsagointhemonasterybytheforest。
  TheBrotherAmbrosewaseverasaintlymanapprovedofGodandbelovedbytheBrethren。Tohimonenight,ashelayabedinthedormitory,camethewordoftheLord,saying,"Come,andIwillshowtheetheBride,theLamb'swife。"AndBrotherAmbrosearoseandwascarriedtoagreatandhighmountain,evenasintheVisionofBlessedJohn。'Twasastillnightofmanystars,andBrotherAmbrose,lookingup,sawaradiantpathintheheavens;andlo!thestarsgatheredthemselvestogetheroneithersideuntiltheystoodaswallsoflight,andthefourwindslappedhimaboutasinamantleandborehimtowardsthewondrousgleamingroadway。ThenbetweenthestarscametheHolyCitywithroofandpinnacleaflame,andwallsaglowwithsuchcoloursasnoearthlylimnerdreamsof,andmuchgold。BrotherAmbrosebeheldtheGatesofPearl,andbyeverygateanangelwithwingsofsnowandfire,andafacenomandarelookonbecauseofitsexceedingradiance。
  ThenasBrotherAmbrosestretchedouthisarmsbecauseofhisgreatlonging,alittlegreycloudcameoutofthenorthandhungbetweenthewallsoflight,sothathenolongerbeheldtheVision,butonlyheardasoundasofagreatmultitudecrying'Alleluia';andsuddenlythewindscameabouthimagain,andlo!hefoundhimselfinhisbedinthedormitory,anditwasmidnight,forthebellwasringingtoMatins;andheroseandwentdownwiththerest。ButwhentheBrethrenleftthechoirBrotherAmbrosestayedfastinhisplace,hearingandseeingnothingbecauseoftheVisionofGod;andatLaudstheyfoundhimandtoldthePrior。
  HequestionedBrotherAmbroseofthematter,andwhenheheardtheVisionbadehimlimntheHolyCityevenashehadseenit;andthePrecentorgavehimuterinevellumandmuchfinegoldandwhatcoloursheaskedforthework。ThenBrotherAmbroselimnedawondrousfaircityofgoldwithturretsandspires;andheinlaidblueforthesapphire,andgreenfortheemerald,andvermilionwherethecityseemedaflamewiththegloryofGod;buttheangelshecouldnotlimn,norcouldhesettherestofthecoloursashesawthem,northewallofstarsoneitherhand;andBrotherAmbrosefellsickbecauseoftheexceedinggreatlonginghehadtolimntheHolyCity,andwasverysad;butthePriorbadehimthankGod,andremembertheinfirmityoftheflesh,which,likethelittlegreycloud,veiledJerusalemtohissight。
  AsIwritethemonasterybellhardbyringsoutacrossthelark'ssong。Theystillhavetimeforvisionsbehindthoseguardingwalls,butformostofusitisnotso。Weletsliptheidealforwhatwecallthereal,andthegoldendreamsvanishwhileweclutchatphantoms:wespeedalonglife'spathway,countingtothefullthesixtyminutesofeveryhour,yettheraceisnottotheswiftnorthebattletothestrong。Lyinghereinthisquietbackwateritishardtobelievethattheworldwithoutisturbulentwithstormandstressandtheebbandflowofuncertaintides。Thelittleyellowcatrollingonitsbackamongthedaisies,thestaidtortoisemakingastatelymealoffthebuttercupsnearme,thesearegreateventsinthishavenofpeace。Andyet,lookingbacktotheworkingdays,Iknowhowmuchgoodnessandlovingkindnessthereisunderthefrothandfoam。Ifwedonotknowourselveswemostcertainlydonotknowourbrethren:thatrevelationawaitsus,itmaybe,firstinHeaven。Tohavefaithistocreate;tohavehopeistocalldownblessing;tohaveloveistoworkmiracles。Aboveallletusseevisions,visionsofcolourandlight,ofgreenfieldsandbroadrivers,ofpalaceslaidwithfaircolours,andgardenswhereaplaceisfoundforrosemaryandrue。
  Itisourprerogativetobedreamers,buttherewillalwaysbemenreadytoofferusdeathforourdreams。Andifitmustbesoletuschoosedeath;itisgain,notloss,andthegloomyportalwhenwereachitisbutawhitegate,thewhitegatemaybewehaveknownallourlivesbarredbythetendrilsofthewoodbine。
  CHAPTERIV
  RAIN,rain,rain:thelittleflaggedpathoutsidemywindowisastreamingway,wherethecomingraindropsmeetagainthegreycloudswhosestorehousetheyhavebutjustnowleft。ThegrassgrowsgreenerasIwatchit,theburntpatchesfade,athousandthirstybeadsareupliftedforthecoolingdraught。
  Thegreatthrushthatrobstheraspberrycanesisbusy;yesterdayhehadlittlebutdustforhisguerdon,butnowfresh,juicyfruitrepayshimasheswingstoandfroonthepliantbranches。Theblackbirdsandstarlingsfindthewormsaneasyprey-poorbrotherwormeverreadyforsacrifice。Icanhearthesoftexpectantchatterofthefamilyofmartinsundertheroof;therewillbegoodhunting,andtheyknowit,forthefliesareoutwhentherainisover,andthereareclamorousmouthsawaiting。Mylittlebrownbrothers,thesparrows,remainmychiefdelight。Ofallthebirdsthesenestleclosesttomyheart,betheygrimylittlecockneysortheirtrimanddaintycountrycousins。Theycomedaybydayfortheirmeedofcrumbsspreadforthemoutsidemywindow,andatthisseasontheyeatleisurelyandwithgoodappetite,fortherearenohungrybabiespesteringtobefed。VeryearlyinthemorningI
  hearthewhirrandrustleofeagerwings,andthetap,tap,oflittlebeaksuponthestone。Thesoundcarriesmeback,foritwasthefirsttogreetmewhenIrosetodrawwaterandgatherkindlinginmyroadmenderdays;andifIslipbackanotherdecadetheysurveyme,reprovingmylaziness,fromthefootofthenarrowbedinmylittleatticoverseas。
  Lookingalongtheroadwaythatwehavetravelledweseethelandmarks,greatandsmall,whichhavedeterminedthedirectionofourfeet。Forsomethoseofchildhoodstandoutabovealltherest;butIrememberfewnotableones,andthosefewtheemphaticchordoftheuniverse,ratherthananycommercewithmyfellows。
  Therewasthenightofmygreatdisappointment,whenIwasbornefrommycomfortablebedtoseethewondersofthemoon'seclipse。
  Disappointmentwassogreatthatitsealedmylips;but,oncebackonmypillow,IsobbedforgriefthatIhadseenawondersofarbelowmyexpectation。ThentherewasanightatWhitby,whenthewindmadespeechimpossible,andtheseasrushedupandoverthegreatlighthouselikethehungryspiritsofthedeep。Ilikebettertorememberthescentofthefirstcowslipfieldunderthewarmsideofthehedge,whenIsangtomyselfforpurejoyoftheircolourandfragrance。Again,therewerethebluebellsinthedesertedquarrylikethebackwashofasouthernsea,andbelowthemtheminiatureforestofshelteringbrackenwithitsquaintconceits;and,crownedaboveall,thedayIstoodonWatcombeDown,andlookedacrossastretchofgoldengorseandnew-turnedblood-
  redfield,thegreenoftheheadland,andbeyond,thesapphiresea。
  Timesped,andtherecameadaywhenIfirstsetfootonGermansoilandfeltthethrobofitspaternity,thebeatofourcommonLife。Englandismymother,andmostdearlydoIloveherswellingbreastsandwind-swept,salt-strewnhair。Scotlandgavememyname,withitshauntingderivationhandeddownbybravemen;butGermanyhasalwaysbeentometheFatherlandPAREXCELLENCE。True,myloveislimitedtothesouthernprovinces,withtheirmedievalmemories;fortheprogressivegutturalnorthIhavelittlesympathy,buttheRhineclaimedmefromthefirst,calling,calling,withthatwonderfulvoicewhichspeaksofdeathandlife,ofchivalryandgreedofgold。Ifyouwouldhavetheriver'scompanyyoushouldwander,ahappysolitary,alongitsbanks,watchingitsgleamingcurrentintheearlymorning,itsgoldengloryasitanswersthefarewellofpartingday。Then,inthesilenceofthenight,youcanhearthewashandeddycallingonetoanother,counttheheart-beatsofthegreatbearerofburdens,andwatchinthemoonlightthesistersofthemistastheylamentwithwringinghandsthedaysthataregone。
  Theforests,too,arereadywithstoryhidinthefastnessoftheirsolitude,anditisajoytothinkthatthosegreatpines,pointingeverupwards,goforthemostparttocarrythesailsofgreatshipsseekingafarunderopensky。Theforestholdsotherwondersstill。ItseemsbutlastnightthatIwandereddowntheroadwhichledtothelittleunheededvillagewhereIhadmademytemporaryhome。Thewarm-scentedbreathofthepinesandthestillnessofthenightwrappedmeingreatcontent;thesummerlightningleaptinalambentarchacrosstheeast,andthestars,seendimlythroughthesombretreecrests,wereoutrivalledbytheglow-wormswhichshoneincountlesspointsoflightfrombankandhedge;eventwocharcoal-burners,whopassedwithfriendlygreeting,hadwreathedtheirhatswiththelivingflame。Thetinyshiftinglampswereeverywhere;paleyellow,purelywhite,orgreenastheundersideofanorthernwave。Bydaybutanugly,repellentworm;
  butdarknesscomes,andlo,astaralight。Natureisfullforusofseeminginconsistenciesandgladsurprises。Theworld'sasleep,sayyou;onyourearfallsthenightingale'ssongandthestiroflivingcreaturesinbushandbrake。Themantleofnightfalls,andallunattendedthewindleapsupandscattersthecloudswhichveiltheconstantstars;orinthehourofthegreatdark,dawnpartsthecurtainwiththelongforegleamofthecomingday。Itishardtoturnone'sbackonnightwithherkissofpeacefortiredeye-
  lids,thekisswhichisnotsleepbutitsneglectedforerunner。I
  mademywayatlastdowntothevine-girtbridgeasleepunderthestarsandupthewindingstairsoftheoldgreytower;andastone's-throwawaytheRhineslippedquietlypastinthemidsummermoonlight。Switzerlandcameinitsturn,unearthlyinitswhitelovelinessandgloryoflakeandsky。ButperhapsthelandmarkwhichstandsoutmostclearlyisthesolitarybluegentianwhichI
  foundintheshortslipperygrassoftheRigi,gazingupattheskywhosebluecouldnothopetoexcelit。Itwasmyfirst;andwhatneedofanother,forfindingoneIhadgazedintothemysteryofall。ThissidethePass,snowandtheblueofheaven;laterI
  enteredItalythroughfieldsofmany-huedlilies,herpastgloriesblazonedintheflowersofthefield。
  NowitisastrangelyuneventfulroadthatleadstomyWhiteGate。
  Eachdayquestionsmeasitpasses;eachdaymakesanswerforme"notyet。"Thereisnomaterialpreparationtobemadeforthisjourneyofmineintoafarcountry-asimplefactwhichaddstothe'unknowableness'oftheotherside。DoItravelalone,oramI
  oneofagreatcompany,swiftyetunhurriedintheirpassage?ThevoicesofPenelope'ssuitorsshrilledontheearsofUlysses,astheyjourneyedtothenether-world,likenocturnalbirdsandbatsintheinarticulatenessoftheirspeech。Theyhadabusedthegift,andfledself-condemned。Maybesilencecommendsitselfasmostsuitableforthewayfarerstowardsthesunrise-silencebecausetheyseektheWord-butforthosehasteningtowardstheconfusiontheyhavewroughttherefallsalreadythesharponcomingofthecurse。
  Whilewearestillherethelanguageofworshipseemsfar,andyetliesverynigh;forwhatbetternotecanourfrailtongueslispthanthevoiceofwindandsea,riverandstream,thosegratefulservantsgivingallandaskingnothing,thesoftwhisperofsnowandraineagertoreplenish,orthethunderproclaimingamajestytoogreatforutterance?Here,too,standstheangelwiththecensergatheringupthefragranceofteemingearthandforest-tree,offlowerandfruit,andsweetlypungentherbdistilledbysunandrainforjoyfuluse。Here,too,comeacolyteslightingthedarkwithtapers-sun,moon,andstars-giftsoftheLordthatHissanctuarymaystandeverserved。
  Itliesherereadytoourhand,thislifeofadorationwhichweneedsmustlivehandinhandwithearth,forhasshenotbornethecursewithus?Butbeyondthewhitegateandthetrailofwoodbinefallsthesilencegreaterthanspeech,darknessgreaterthanlight,apauseof"alittlewhile";andthenthetouchofthathealinggarmentaswepasstotheKinginHisbeauty,inalandfromwhichthereisnoreturn。
  AtthegatewaythenIcryyoufarewell。