I'mverygratefultoyou,andwe'llpartfriends。Good-night,sir。"
Thefatherheldouthishandinsilence。Theheavyportieredroppednoiselesslybehindtheson,andhewentupthewide,curvingstairwaytohisownroom。
MeantimeJohnWeightmansatinhiscarvedchairintheJacobeandining-room。Hefeltstrangelyoldanddull。TheportraitsofbeautifulwomenbyLawrenceandReynoldsandRaeburn,whichhadoftenseemedlikerealcompanytohim,lookedremoteanduninteresting。
Hefanciedsomethingcoldandalmostunfriendlyintheirexpression,asiftheywerestaringthroughhimorbeyondhim。Theycarednothingforhisprinciples,hishopes,hisdisappointments,hissuccesses;
theybelongedtoanotherworld,inwhichhehadnoplace。Atthishefeltavagueresentment,asenseofdiscomfortthathecouldnothavedefinedorexplained。Hewasusedtobeingconsidered,respected,appreciatedathisfullvalueineveryregion,eveninthatofhisowndreams。
Presentlyherangforthebutler,tellinghimtoclosethehouseandnottositup,andwalkedwithlaggingstepsintothelonglibrary,wheretheshadedlampswereburning。Hiseyefelluponthelowshelvesfullofcostlybooks,buthehadnodesiretoopenthem。Eventhecarefullychosenpicturesthathungabovethemseemedtohavelosttheirattraction。HepausedforamomentbeforeanidyllofCorot——adanceofnymphsaroundsomeforgottenaltarinavaporousglade——andlookedatitcuriously。Therewassomethingrapturousandsereneaboutthepicture,abreathofspring-timeinthemistytrees,aharmonyofjoyinthedancingfigures,thatwakenedinhimafeelingofhalf-pleasureandhalf-envy。Itrepresentedsomethingthathehadneverknowninhiscalculated,orderlylife。Hewasdimlymistrustfulofit。
"Itiscertainlyverybeautiful,"hethought,"butitisdistinctlypagan;
thataltarisbuilttosomeheathengod。ItdoesnotfitintotheschemeofaChristianlife。Idoubtwhetheritisconsistentwiththetoneofmyhouse。Iwillsellitthiswinter。ItwillbringthreeorfourtimeswhatIpaidforit。Thatwasagoodpurchase,averygoodbargain。"
Hedroppedintotherevolvingchairbeforehisbiglibrarytable。
Itwascoveredwithpamphletsandreportsofthevariousenterprisesinwhichhewasinterested。Therewasapileofnewspaperclippingsinwhichhisnamewasmentionedwithpraiseforhissustainingpowerasapillaroffinance,forhisjudiciousbenevolence,forhissupportofwiseandprudentreformmovements,forhisdiscretioninmakingpermanentpublicgifts——"theWeightmanCharities,"oneverycomplaisanteditorcalledthem,asiftheydeservedclassificationasadistinctspecies。
Heturnedhepapersoverlistlessly。Therewasadescriptionandapictureofthe"WeightmanWingoftheHospitalforCripples,"
ofwhichhewaspresident;andanarticleonthenewprofessorinthe"WeightmanChairofPoliticalJurisprudence"inJacksonUniversity,ofwhichhewasatrustee;andanillustratedaccountoftheopeningofthe"WeightmanGrammar-School"atDulwich-on-the-Sound,wherehehadhislegalresidenceforpurposesoftaxation。
ThislastwasperhapsthemostcarefullyplannedofalltheWeightmanCharities。Hedesiredtowintheconfidenceandsupportofhisruralneighbors。IthadpleasedhimmuchwhenthelocalnewspaperhadspokenofhimasanidealcitizenandthelogicalcandidatefortheGovernorshipoftheState;butuponthewholeitseemedtohimwisertokeepoutofactivepolitics。ItwouldbeeasierandbettertoputHaroldintotherunning,tohavehimsenttotheLegislaturefromtheDulwichdistrict,thentothenationalHouse,thentotheSenate。
Whynot?TheWeightmaninterestswerelargeenoughtoneedadirectrepresentativeandguardianatWashington。
Butto-nightalltheseplanscamebacktohimwithdustuponthem。
Theyweredryandcrumblinglikeforsakenhabitations。Thesonuponwhomhiscomplacentambitionhadrestedhadturnedhisbackuponthemansionofhisfather'shopes。Thebreakmightnotbefinal;
andinanyeventtherewouldbemuchtolivefor;thefortunesofthefamilywouldbesecure。ButthezestofitallwouldbegoneifJohnWeightmanhadtogiveuptheassuranceofperpetuatinghisnameandhisprinciplesinhisson。Itwasabitterdisappointment,andhefeltthathehadnotdeservedit。
Herosefromthechairandpacedtheroomwithleadenfeet。
Forthefirsttimeinhislifehisagewasvisiblyuponhim。
Hisheadwasheavyandhot,andthethoughtsthatrolledinitwereconfusedanddepressing。Coulditbethathehadmadeamistakeintheprinciplesofhisexistence?TherewasnoargumentinwhatHaroldhadsaid——itwasalmostchildish——andyetithadshakentheeldermanmoredeeplythanhecaredtoshow。
Itheldasilentattackwhichtouchedhimmorethanopencriticism。
Supposetheendofhislifewerenearerthanhethought——theendmustcomesometime——whatifitwerenow?Hadhenotfoundedhishouseuponarock?HadhenotkepttheCommandments?
Washenot,"touchingthelaw,blameless"?Andbeyondthis,evenifthereweresomefaultsinhischaracter——andallmenaresinners——
yethesurelybelievedinthesavingdoctrinesofreligion——theforgivenessofsins,theresurrectionofthebody,thelifeeverlasting。
Yes,thatwasthetruesourceofcomfort,afterall。HewouldreadabitintheBible,ashedideverynight,andgotobedandtosleep。
Hewentbacktohischairatthelibrarytable。Astrangeweightofwearinessresteduponhim,butheopenedthebookatafamiliarplace,andhiseyesfellupontheverseatthebottomofthepage。
"Laynotupforyourselvestreasuresuponearth。"
Thathadbeenthetextofthesermonafewweeksbefore。
Sleepily,heavily,hetriedtofixhisminduponitandrecallit。
WhatwasitthatDoctorSnodgrasshadsaid?Ah,yes——thatitwasamistaketopausehereinreadingtheverse。Wemustreadonwithoutapause——Laynotuptreasuresuponearthwheremothandrustdocorruptandwherethievesbreakthroughandsteal——thatwasthetruedoctrine。
Wemayhavetreasuresuponearth,buttheymustnotbeputintounsafeplaces,butintosafeplaces。Amostcomfortingdoctrine!
Hehadalwaysfollowedit。Mothsandrustandthieveshaddonenoharmtohisinvestments。
JohnWeightman'sdroopingeyesturnedtothenextverse,atthetopofthesecondcolumn。
"Butlayupforyourselvestreasuresinheaven。"
NowwhathadtheDoctorsaidaboutthat?Howwasittobeunderstood——inwhatsense——treasures——inheaven?
Thebookseemedtofloatawayfromhim。Thelightvanished。
HewondereddimlyifthiscouldbeDeath,comingsosuddenly,soquietly,soirresistibly。Hestruggledforamomenttoholdhimselfup,andthensankslowlyforwarduponthetable。Hisheadresteduponhisfoldedhands。Heslippedintotheunknown。
Howlongafterwardconsciouslifereturnedtohimhedidnotknow。
第4章