Thatisacaseofreallyunjustifiablecompounding；
　　becauseitnotonlysavesnotimeortrouble，butconfersatitleonMrs。Johnsonwhichshehasnorightto。
　　Buttheselittleinstancesaretriflesindeed，contrastedwiththeponderousanddismalGermansystemofpilingjumbledcompoundstogether。Iwishtosubmitthefollowinglocalitem，fromaMannheimjournal，bywayofillustration:
　　"Inthedaybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno'clockNight，theinthistownstandingtaverncalled'TheWagoner'wasdownburnt。
　　WhenthefiretotheonthedownburninghouserestingStork'sNestreached，flewtheparentStorksaway。Butwhenthebytheraging，firesurroundedNestITSELFcaughtFire，straightwayplungedthequickreturningMother-StorkintotheFlamesanddied，herWingsoverheryoungonesoutspread。"
　　EventhecumbersomeGermanconstructionisnotabletotakethepathosoutofthatpicture——indeed，itsomehowseemstostrengthenit。Thisitemisdatedawaybackyondermonthsago。Icouldhaveuseditsooner，butI
　　waswaitingtohearfromtheFather-stork。Iamstillwaiting。
　　"ALSO!"IfIhadnotshownthattheGermanisadifficultlanguage，Ihaveatleastintendedtodoso。
　　IhaveheardofanAmericanstudentwhowasaskedhowhewasgettingalongwithhisGerman，andwhoansweredpromptly:"Iamnotgettingalongatall。Ihaveworkedatithardforthreelevelmonths，andallIhavegottoshowforitisonesolitaryGermanphrase——'ZWEIGLAS'"
　　twoglassesofbeer。Hepausedforamoment，reflectively；
　　thenaddedwithfeeling:"ButI'vegotthatSOLID!"
　　AndifIhavenotalsoshownthatGermanisaharassingandinfuriatingstudy，myexecutionhasbeenatfault，andnotmyintent。IheardlatelyofawornandsorelytriedAmericanstudentwhousedtoflytoacertainGermanwordforreliefwhenhecouldbearupunderhisaggravationsnolonger——theonlywordwhosesoundwassweetandprecioustohisearandhealingtohislaceratedspirit。
　　ThiswasthewordDAMIT。ItwasonlytheSOUNDthathelpedhim，notthemeaning；[3]andso，atlast，whenhelearnedthattheemphasiswasnotonthefirstsyllable，hisonlystayandsupportwasgone，andhefadedawayanddied。
　　3。Itmerelymeans，initsgeneralsense，"herewith。"
　　Ithinkthatadescriptionofanyloud，stirring，tumultuousepisodemustbetamerinGermanthaninEnglish。
　　Ourdescriptivewordsofthischaracterhavesuchadeep，strong，resonantsound，whiletheirGermanequivalentsdoseemsothinandmildandenergyless。
　　Boom，burst，crash，roar，storm，bellow，blow，thunder，explosion；howl，cry，shout，yell，groan；battle，hell。
　　Thesearemagnificentwords；thehaveaforceandmagnitudeofsoundbefittingthethingswhichtheydescribe。
　　ButtheirGermanequivalentswouldbeeversonicetosingthechildrentosleepwith，orelsemyawe-inspiringearsweremadefordisplayandnotforsuperiorusefulnessinanalyzingsounds。WouldanymanwanttodieinabattlewhichwascalledbysotameatermasaSCHLACHT?
　　Orwouldnotacomsumptivefeeltoomuchbundledup，whowasabouttogoout，inashirt-collarandaseal-ring，intoastormwhichthebird-songwordGEWITTERwasemployedtodescribe?AndobservethestrongestoftheseveralGermanequivalentsforexplosion——AUSBRUCH。OurwordToothbrushismorepowerfulthanthat。ItseemstomethattheGermanscoulddoworsethanimportitintotheirlanguagetodescribeparticularlytremendousexplosionswith。
　　TheGermanwordforhell——Ho"lle——soundsmorelikeHELLY
　　thananythingelse；therefore，hownecessarychipper，frivolous，andunimpressiveitis。IfamanweretoldinGermantogothere，couldhereallyrisetotheedignityoffeelinginsulted?
　　Havingpointedout，indetail，theseveralvicesofthislanguage，Inowcometothebriefandpleasanttaskofpointingoutitsvirtues。ThecapitalizingofthenounsIhavealreadymentioned。Butfarbeforethisvirtuestandsanother——thatofspellingawordaccordingtothesoundofit。
　　Afteroneshortlessoninthealphabet，thestudentcantellhowanyGermanwordispronouncedwithouthavingtoask；
　　whereasinourlanguageifastudentshouldinquireofus，"WhatdoesB，O，W，spell?"weshouldbeobligedtoreply，"Nobodycantellwhatitspellswhenyousetifoffbyitself；
　　youcanonlytellbyreferringtothecontextandfindingoutwhatitsignifies——whetheritisathingtoshootarrowswith，oranodofone'shead，ortheforwardendofaboat。"
　　TherearesomeGermanwordswhicharesingularlyandpowerfullyeffective。Forinstance，thosewhichdescribelowly，peaceful，andaffectionatehomelife；
　　thosewhichdealwithlove，inanyandallforms，frommerekindlyfeelingandhonestgoodwilltowardthepassingstranger，clearuptocourtship；thosewhichdealwithoutdoorNature，initssoftestandloveliestaspects——withmeadowsandforests，andbirdsandflowers，thefragranceandsunshineofsummer，andthemoonlightofpeacefulwinternights；inaword，thosewhichdealwithanyandallformsofrest，respose，andpeace；thosealsowhichdealwiththecreaturesandmarvelsoffairyland；
　　andlastlyandchiefly，inthosewordswhichexpresspathos，isthelanguagesurpassinglyrichandaffective。ThereareGermansongswhichcanmakeastrangertothelanguagecry。
　　ThatshowsthattheSOUNDofthewordsiscorrect——itinterpretsthemeaningswithtruthandwithexactness；
　　andsotheearisinformed，andthroughtheear，theheart。
　　TheGermansdonotseemtobeafraidtorepeatawordwhenitistherightone。theyrepeatitseveraltimes，iftheychoose。Thatiswise。ButinEnglish，whenwehaveusedawordacoupleoftimesinaparagraph，weimaginewearegrowingtautological，andsoweareweakenoughtoexchangeitforsomeotherwordwhichonlyapproximatesexactness，toescapewhatwewronglyfancyisagreaterblemish。Repetitionmaybebad，butsurelyinexactnessisworse——
　　Therearepeopleintheworldwhowilltakeagreatdealoftroubletopointoutthefaultsinareligionoralanguage，andthengoblandlyabouttheirbusinesswithoutsuggestinganyremedy。Iamnotthatkindofperson。IhaveshownthattheGermanlanguageneedsreforming。Verywell，Iamreadytoreformit。
　　AtleastIamreadytomakethepropersuggestions。
　　Suchacourseasthismightbeimmodestinanother；butI
　　havedevotedupwardofninefullweeks，firstandlast，toacarefulandcriticalstudyofthistongue，andthushaveacquiredaconfidenceinmyabilitytoreformitwhichnomeresuperficialculturecouldhaveconferreduponme。
　　Inthefirstplace，IwouldleaveouttheDativecase。
　　Itconfusestheplurals；and，besides，nobodyeverknowswhenheisintheDativecase，excepthediscoveritbyaccident——andthenhedoesnotknowwhenorwhereitwasthathegotintoit，orhowlonghehasbeeninit，orhowheisgoingtogetoutofitagain。TheDativecaseisbutanornamentalfolly——itisbettertodiscardit。
　　Inthenextplace，IwouldmovetheVerbfurtheruptothefront。YoumayloadupwitheversogoodaVerb，butInoticethatyouneverreallybringdownasubjectwithitatthepresentGermanrange——youonlycrippleit。
　　SoIinsistthatthisimportantpartofspeechshouldbebroughtforwardtoapositionwhereitmaybeeasilyseenwiththenakedeye。
　　Thirdly，IwouldimportsomestrongwordsfromtheEnglishtongue——toswearwith，andalsotouseindescribingallsortsofvigorousthingsinavigorousways。[4]
　　4。"Verdammt，"anditsvariationsandenlargements，arewordswhichhaveplentyofmeaning，buttheSOUNDS
　　aresomildandineffectualthatGermanladiescanusethemwithoutsin。Germanladieswhocouldnotbeinducedtocommitasinbyanypersuasionorcompulsion，promptlyripoutoneoftheseharmlesslittlewordswhentheyteartheirdressesordon'tlikethesoup。Itsoundsaboutaswickedasour"Mygracious。"Germanladiesareconstantlysaying，"Ach!Gott!""MeinGott!""GottinHimmel!""HerrGott"
　　"DerHerrJesus!"etc。Theythinkourladieshavethesamecustom，perhaps；forIonceheardagentleandlovelyoldGermanladysaytoasweetyoungAmericangirl:
　　"Thetwolanguagesaresoalike——howpleasantthatis；
　　wesay'Ach!Gott!'yousay'Goddamn。'"
　　Fourthly，Iwouldreorganizesthesexes，anddistributethemaccordinglytothewillofthecreator。Thisasatributeofrespect，ifnothingelse。
　　Fifthly，Iwoulddoawaywiththosegreatlongcompoundedwords；orrequirethespeakertodelivertheminsections，withintermissionsforrefreshments。
　　Towhollydoawaywiththemwouldbebest，forideasaremoreeasilyreceivedanddigestedwhentheycomeoneatatimethanwhentheycomeinbulk。Intellectualfoodislikeanyother；itispleasanterandmorebeneficialtotakeitwithaspoonthanwithashovel。
　　Sixthly，Iwouldrequireaspeakertostopwhenheisdone，andnothangastringofthoseuseless"havensindgewesengehabthabengewordenseins"totheendofhisoration。
　　Thissortofgewgawsundignifyaspeech，insteadofaddingagrace。Theyare，therefore，anoffense，andshouldbediscarded。
　　Seventhly，IwoulddiscardtheParenthesis。Alsothereparenthesis，there-reparenthesis，andthere-re-re-re-re-reparentheses，andlikewisethefinalwide-reachingall-enclosingking-parenthesis。Iwouldrequireeveryindividual，behehighorlow，tounfoldaplainstraightforwardtale，orelsecoilitandsitonitandholdhispeace。
　　Infractionsofthislawshouldbepunishablewithdeath。
　　Andeighthly，andlast，IwouldretainZUGandSCHLAG，withtheirpendants，anddiscardtherestofthevocabulary。
　　Thiswouldsimplifythelanguage。
　　IhavenownamedwhatIregardasthemostnecessaryandimportantchanges。TheseareperhapsallIcouldbeexpectedtonamefornothing；butthereareothersuggestionswhichIcanandwillmakeincasemyproposedapplicationshallresultinmybeingformallyemployedbythegovernmentintheworkofreformingthelanguage。
　　MyphilologicalstudieshavesatisfiedmethatagiftedpersonoughttolearnEnglishbarringspellingandpronouncing
　　inthirtyhours，Frenchinthirtydays，andGermaninthirtyyears。Itseemsmanifest，then，thatthelattertongueoughttobetrimmeddownandrepaired。
　　Ifitistoremainasitis，itoughttobegentlyandreverentlysetasideamongthedeadlanguages，foronlythedeadhavetimetolearnit。
　　AFOURTHOFJULYORATIONINTHEGERMANTONGUE，DELIVEREDAT
　　ABANQUETOFTHEANGLO-AMERICANCLUBOFSTUDENTSBYTHE
　　AUTHOROFTHISBOOK
　　Gentlemen:SinceIarrived，amonthago，inthisoldwonderland，thisvastgardenofGermany，myEnglishtonguehassooftenprovedauselesspieceofbaggagetome，andsotroublesometocarryaround，inacountrywheretheyhaven'tthecheckingsystemforluggage，thatI
　　finallysettowork，andlearnedtheGermanlanguage。
　　Also!Esfreutmichdassdiessoist，dennesmuss，ineinhaupts:achlichdegree，h:oflichsein，dassmanaufeinoccasionlikethis，seinRedeindieSprachedesLandesworinheboards，aussprechensoll。Daf:urhabeich，ausreinischeVerlegenheit——no，Vergangenheit——no，I
　　meanHoflichkeit——ausreinisheHoflichkeithabeichresolvedtotacklethisbusinessintheGermanlanguage，umGotteswillen!Also!Siemu"ssensofreundlichsein，undverzeihmichdieinterlardingvoneinoderzweiEnglischerWorte，hieundda，dennichfindedassdiedeutscheisnotaverycopiouslanguage，andsowhenyou'vereallygotanythingtosay，you'vegottodrawonalanguagethatcanstandthestrain。
　　WennhabermankannnichtmeinemRedeVerstehen，sowerdeichihmsp:aterdasselbe:ubersetz，wennersolcheDienstverlangenwollenhabenwerdensollenseinh:atte。Idon'tknowwhatwollenhabenwerdensollenseinha"ttemeans，butInoticetheyalwaysputitattheendofaGermansentence——merelyforgeneralliterarygorgeousness，Isuppose。
　　Thisisagreatandjustlyhonoredday——adaywhichisworthyofthevenerationinwhichitisheldbythetruepatriotsofallclimesandnationalities——adaywhichoffersafruitfulthemeforthoughtandspeech；undmeinemFreunde——no，meinENFreundEN——meinESFreundES——well，takeyourchoice，they'reallthesameprice；Idon'tknowwhichoneisright——also!ichhabegehabthabenwordengewesensein，asGoethesaysinhisParadiseLost——ich——ich——thatistosay——ich——butletuschangecars。
　　Also!DieAnblichsovieleGrossbrittanischerundAmerikanischerhierzusammengetroffeninBruderlicheconcord，istzwarawelcomeandinspiritingspectacle。Andwhathasmovedyoutoit?CantheterseGermantonguerisetotheexpressionofthisimpulse?IsitFreundschaftsbezeigungenstadtverordneten-
　　versammlungenfamilieneigenth:umlichkeiten?Nein，onein!Thisisacrispandnobleword，butitfailstopiercethemarrowoftheimpulsewhichhasgatheredthisfriendlymeetingandproduceddieseAnblick——eineAnblichwelcheistgutzusehen——gutfu"rdieAugeninaforeignlandandafarcountry——eineAnblicksolchealsindiegew:ohnlicheHeidelbergerphrasenenntmanein"scho"nesAussicht!"Ja，freilichnatu"rlichwahrscheinlichebensowohl!Also!DieAussichtaufdemK:onigsstuhlmehrgr:osserist，abergeistlischesprechendnichtsoscho"n，lob'Gott!Becausesiesindhierzusammengetroffen，inBruderlichemconcord，eingrossenTagzufeirn，whosehighbenefitswerenotforonelandandonelocality，buthaveconferredameasureofgooduponalllandsthatknowlibertytoday，andloveit。HundertJahrevoru"ber，warendieEngla"nderunddieAmerikanerFeinde；
　　aberheutsindsieherzlichenFreunde，GottseiDank!
　　Maythisgood-fellowshipendure；maythesebannershereblendedinamitysoremain；maytheyneveranymorewaveoveropposinghosts，orbestainedwithbloodwhichwaskindred，iskindred，andalwayswillbekindred，untilalinedrawnuponamapshallbeabletosay:
　　"THISbarstheancestralbloodfromflowingintheveinsofthedescendant!"
　　APPENDIXE
　　LegendoftheCastlesCalledthe"Swallow'sNest"and"TheBrothers，"
　　asCondensedfromtheCaptain'sTaleIntheneighborhoodofthreehundredyearsagotheSwallow'sNestandthelargercastlebetweenitandNeckarsteinachwereownedandoccupiedbytwooldknightswhoweretwinbrothers，andbachelors。Theyhadnorelatives。
　　Theywereveryrich。Theyhadfoughtthroughthewarsandretiredtoprivatelife——coveredwithhonorablescars。
　　Theywerehonest，honorablemenintheirdealings，butthepeoplehadgiventhemacoupleofnicknameswhichwereverysuggestive——HerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartless。
　　Theoldknightsweresoproudofthesenamesthatifaburghercalledthembytheirrightonestheywouldcorrectthem。
　　ThemostrenownedscholarinEurope，atthetime，wastheHerrDoctorFranzReikmann，wholivedinHeidelberg。
　　AllGermanywasproudofthevenerablescholar，wholivedinthesimplestway，forgreatscholarsarealwayspoor。
　　Hewaspoor，astomoney，butveryrichinhissweetyoungdaughterHildegardeandhislibrary。Hehadbeenallhislifecollectinghislibrary，bookandbook，andheliveditasamiserloveshishoardedgold。
　　Hesaidthetwostringsofhisheartwererooted，theoneinhisdaughter，theotherinhisbooks；andthatifeitherwereseveredhemustdie。Nowinanevilhour，hopingtowinamarriageportionforhischild，thissimpleoldmanhadentrustedhissmallsavingstoasharpertobeventuredinaglitteringspeculation。Butthatwasnottheworstofit:hesignedapaper——withoutreadingit。
　　Thatisthewaywithpoetsandscholars；theyalwayssignwithoutreading。Thiscunningpapermadehimresponsibleforheapsofthings。Therestwasthatonenighthefoundhimselfindebttothesharpereightthousandpiecesofgold!——anamountsoprodigiousthatitsimplystupefiedhimtothinkofit。Itwasanightofwoeinthathouse。
　　"Imustpartwithmylibrary——Ihavenothingelse。
　　Soperishesoneheartstring，"saidtheoldman。
　　"Whatwillitbring，father?"askedthegirl。
　　"Nothing!Itisworthsevenhundredpiecesofgold；
　　butbyauctionitwillgoforlittleornothing。"
　　"Thenyouwillhavepartedwiththehalfofyourheartandthejoyofyourlifetonopurpose，sincesomightyofburdenofdebtwillremainbehind。"
　　"Thereisnohelpforit，mychild。Ourdarlingsmustpassunderthehammer。Wemustpaywhatwecan。"
　　"Myfather，IhaveafeelingthatthedearVirginwillcometoourhelp。Letusnotloseheart。"
　　"ShecannotdeviseamiraclethatwillturnNOTHINGintoeightthousandgoldpieces，andlesserhelpwillbringuslittlepeace。"
　　"Shecandoevengreaterthings，myfather。Shewillsaveus，Iknowshewill。"
　　Towardmorning，whiletheoldmansatexhaustedandasleepinhischairwherehehadbeensittingbeforehisbooksasonewhowatchesbyhisbeloveddeadandprintsthefeaturesonhismemoryforasolaceintheaftertimeofemptydesolation，hisdaughtersprangintotheroomandgentlywokehim，saying——
　　"Mypresentimentwastrue!Shewillsaveus。
　　Threetimeshassheappearedtomeinmydreams，andsaid，'GototheHerrGivenaught，gototheHerrHeartless，askthemtocomeandbid。'There，didInottellyoushewouldsaveus，thethriceblessedVirgin!"
　　Sadastheoldmanwas，hewasobligedtolaugh。
　　"Thoumightestaswellappealtotherockstheircastlesstanduponastotheharderonesthatlieinthosemen'sbreasts，mychild。THEYbidonbookswritinthelearnedtongues!——theycanscarcereadtheirown。"
　　ButHildegarde'sfaithwasinnowiseshaken。
　　BrightandearlyshewasonherwayuptheNeckarroad，asjoyousasabird。
　　MeantimeHerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartlesswerehavinganearlybreakfastintheformer'scastle——theSparrow'sNest——andflavoringitwithaquarrel；foralthoughthesetwinsborealoveforeachotherwhichalmostamountedtoworship，therewasonesubjectuponwhichtheycouldnottouchwithoutcallingeachotherhardnames——
　　andyetitwasthesubjectwhichtheyoftenesttouchedupon。
　　"Itellyou，"saidGivenaught，"youwillbeggaryourselfyetwithyourinsanesquanderingsofmoneyuponwhatyouchoosetoconsiderpoorandworthyobjects。
　　AlltheseyearsIhaveimploredyoutostopthisfoolishcustomandhusbandyourmeans，butallinvain。
　　Youarealwayslyingtomeaboutthesesecretbenevolences，butyouneverhavemanagedtodeceivemeyet。EverytimeapoordevilhasbeensetuponhisfeetIhavedetectedyourhandinit——incorrigibleass!"
　　"Everytimeyoudidn'tsethimonhisfeetyourself，youmean。WhereIgiveoneunfortunatealittleprivatelift，youdothesameforadozen。TheideaofYOURswellingaroundthecountryandpettingyourselfwiththenicknameofGivenaught——intolerablehumbug!BeforeIwouldbesuchafraudasthat，Iwouldcutmyrighthandoff。
　　Yourlifeisacontinuallie。Butgoon，IhavetriedMY
　　besttosaveyoufrombeggaringyourselfbyyourriotouscharities——nowforthethousandthtimeIwashmyhandsoftheconsequences。Amaunderingoldfool!that'swhatyouare。"
　　"Andyouabletheringoldidiot!"roaredGivenaught，springingup。
　　"Iwon'tstayinthepresenceofamanwhohasnomoredelicacythantocallmesuchnames。Mannerlessswine!"
　　Sosaying，HerrHeartlesssprangupinapassion。
　　Butsomeluckyaccidentintervened，asusual，tochangethesubject，andthedailyquarrelendedinthecustomarydailylivingreconciliation。Thegray-headedoldeccentricsparted，andHerrHeartlesswalkedofftohisowncastle。
　　Halfanhourlater，HildegardewasstandinginthepresenceofHerrGivenaught。Heheardherstory，andsaid——
　　"Iamsorryforyou，mychild，butIamverypoor，Icarenothingforbookishrubbish，Ishallnotbethere。"
　　Hesaidthehardwordskindly，buttheynearlybrokepoorHildegarde'sheart，nevertheless。Whenshewasgonetheoldheartbreakermuttered，rubbinghishands——
　　"Itwasagoodstroke。Ihavesavedmybrother'spocketthistime，inspiteofhim。Nothingelsewouldhavepreventedhisrushingofftorescuetheoldscholar，theprideofGermany，fromhistrouble。Thepoorchildwon'tventurenearHIMaftertherebuffshehasreceivedfromhisbrothertheGivenaught。"
　　Buthewasmistaken。TheVirginhadcommanded，andHildegardewouldobey。ShewenttoHerrHeartlessandtoldherstory。Buthesaidcoldly——
　　"Iamverypoor，mychild，andbooksarenothingtome。
　　Iwishyouwell，butIshallnotcome。"
　　WhenHildegardewasgone，hechuckledandsaid——
　　"Howmyfoolofasoft-headedsoft-heartedbrotherwouldrageifheknewhowcunninglyIhavesavedhispocket。
　　Howhewouldhaveflowntotheoldman'srescue!Butthegirlwon'tventurenearhimnow。"
　　WhenHildegardereachedhome，herfatheraskedherhowshehadprospered。Shesaid——
　　"TheVirginhaspromised，andshewillkeepherword；
　　butnotinthewayIthought。Sheknowsherownways，andtheyarebest。"
　　Theoldmanpattedheronthehead，andsmiledadoubtingsmile，buthehonoredherforherbravefaith，nevertheless。
　　II
　　NextdaythepeopleassembledinthegreathalloftheRittertavern，towitnesstheauction——fortheproprietorhadsaidthetreasureofGermany'smosthonoredsonshouldbebarteredawayinnomeanerplace。
　　Hildegardeandherfathersatclosetothebooks，silentandsorrowful，andholdingeachother'shands。
　　Therewasagreatcrowdofpeoplepresent。Thebiddingbegan——
　　"Howmuchforthispreciouslibrary，justasitstands，allcomplete?"calledtheauctioneer。
　　"Fiftypiecesofgold!"
　　"Ahundred!"
　　"Twohundred。"
　　"Three!"
　　"Four!"
　　"Fivehundred!"
　　"Fivetwenty-five。"
　　Abriefpause。
　　"Fiveforty!"
　　Alongerpause，whiletheauctioneerredoubledhispersuasions。
　　"Five-forty-five!"
　　Aheavydrag——theauctioneerpersuaded，pleaded，implored——itwasuseless，everybodyremainedsilent——
　　"Well，then——going，going——one——two——"
　　"Fivehundredandfifty!"
　　Thisinashrillvoice，fromabentoldman，allhungwithrags，andwithagreenpatchoverhislefteye。
　　Everybodyinhisvicinityturnedandgazedathim。
　　ItwasGivenaughtindisguise。Hewasusingadisguisedvoice，too。
　　"Good!"criedtheauctioneer。"Going，going——one——two——"
　　"Fivehundredandsixty!"
　　This，inadeep，harshvoice，fromthemidstofthecrowdattheotherendoftheroom。Thepeoplenearbyturned，andsawanoldman，inastrangecostume，supportinghimselfoncrutches。Heworealongwhitebeard，andbluespectacles。ItwasHerrHeartless，indisguise，andusingadisguisedvoice。
　　"Goodagain!Going，going——one——"
　　"Sixhundred!"
　　Sensation。Thecrowdraisedacheer，andsomeonecriedout，"Goit，Green-patch!"Thistickledtheaudienceandascoreofvoicesshouted，"Goit，Green-patch!"
　　"Going——going——going——thirdandlastcall——one——two——"
　　"Sevenhundred!"
　　"Huzzah!——welldone，Crutches!"criedavoice。Thecrowdtookitup，andshoutedaltogether，"Welldone，Crutches!"
　　"Splendid，gentlemen!youaredoingmagnificently。
　　Going，going——"
　　"Athousand!"
　　"ThreecheersforGreen-patch!Upandathim，Crutches!"
　　"Going——going——"
　　"Twothousand!"
　　Andwhilethepeoplecheeredandshouted，"Crutches"muttered，"Whocanthisdevilbethatisfightingsotogettheseuselessbooks?——Butnomatter，hesha'n'thavethem。
　　TheprideofGermanyshallhavehisbooksifitbeggarsmetobuythemforhim。"
　　"Going，going，going——"
　　"Threethousand!"
　　"Come，everybody——givearouserforGreen-patch!"
　　Andwhiletheydidit，"Green-patch"muttered，"Thiscrippleisplainlyalunatic；buttheoldscholarshallhavehisbooks，nevertheless，thoughmypocketsweatforit。"
　　"Going——going——"
　　"Fourthousand!"
　　"Huzza!"
　　"Fivethousand!"
　　"Huzza!"
　　"Sixthousand!"
　　"Huzza!"
　　"Seventhousand!"
　　"Huzza!"
　　"EIGHTthousand!"
　　"Wearesaved，father!ItoldyoutheHolyVirginwouldkeepherword!""Blessedbehersacredname!"
　　saidtheoldscholar，withemotion。Thecrowdroared，"Huzza，huzza，huzza——athimagain，Green-patch!"
　　"Going——going——"
　　"TENthousand!"AsGivenaughtshoutedthis，hisexcitementwassogreatthatheforgothimselfandusedhisnaturalvoice。Hebrotherrecognizedit，andmuttered，undercoverofthestormofcheers——
　　"Aha，youarethere，areyou，besottedoldfool?Takethebooks，Iknowwhatyou'lldowiththem!"
　　Sosaying，heslippedoutoftheplaceandtheauctionwasatanend。GivenaughtshoulderedhiswaytoHildegarde，whisperedawordinherear，andthenhealsovanished。
　　Theoldscholarandhisdaughterembraced，andtheformersaid，"TrulytheHolyMotherhasdonemorethanshepromised，child，forshehasgiveyouasplendidmarriageportion——
　　thinkofit，twothousandpiecesofgold!"
　　"Andmorestill，"criedHildegarde，"forshehasgiveyoubackyourbooks；thestrangerwhisperedmethathewouldnoneofthem——'thehonoredsonofGermanymustkeepthem，'sohesaid。IwouldImighthaveaskedhisnameandkissedhishandandbeggedhisblessing；
　　buthewasOurLady'sangel，anditisnotmeetthatweofearthshouldventurespeechwiththemthatdwellabove。"
　　APPENDIXF
　　GermanJournalsThedailyjournalsofHamburg，Frankfort，Baden，Munich，andAugsburgareallconstructedonthesamegeneralplan。
　　IspeakofthesebecauseIammorefamiliarwiththemthanwithanyotherGermanpapers。Theycontainno"editorials"whatever；no"personals"——andthisisratherameritthanademerit，perhaps；nofunny-paragraphcolumn；
　　nopolice-courtreports；noreportsofproceedingsofhighercourts；noinformationaboutprize-fightsorotherdog-fights，horse-races，walking-machines，yachting-contents，rifle-matches，orothersportingmattersofanysort；noreportsofbanquetspeeches；
　　nodepartmentofcuriousoddsandendsoffloatingfactandgossip；no"rumors"aboutanythingoranybody；
　　noprognosticationsorpropheciesaboutanythingoranybody；
　　nolistsofpatentsgrantedorsought，oranyreferencetosuchthings；noabuseofpublicofficials，bigorlittle，orcomplaintsagainstthem，orpraisesofthem；noreligiouscolumnsSaturdays，norehashofcoldsermonsMondays；
　　no"weatherindications"；no"localitem"unveilingofwhatishappeningintown——nothingofalocalnature，indeed，ismentioned，beyondthemovementsofsomeprince，ortheproposedmeetingofsomedeliberativebody。
　　Aftersoformidablealistofwhatonecan'tfindinaGermandaily，thequestionmaywellbeasked，WhatCANbefoundinit?Itiseasilyanswered:Achild'shandfuloftelegrams，mainlyaboutEuropeannationalandinternationalpoliticalmovements；letter-correspondenceaboutthesamethings；marketreports。Thereyouhaveit。
　　ThatiswhataGermandailyismadeof。AGermandailyistheslowestandsaddestanddreariestoftheinventionsofman。Ourowndailiesinfuriatethereader，prettyoften；theGermandailyonlystupefieshim。
　　OnceaweektheGermandailyofthehighestclasslightensupitsheavycolumns——thatis，itthinksitlightensthemup——withaprofound，anabysmal，bookcriticism；
　　acriticismwhichcarriesyoudown，down，downintothescientificbowelsofthesubject——fortheGermancriticisnothingifnotscientific——andwhenyoucomeupatlastandscentthefreshairandseethebonnydaylightoncemore，youresolvewithoutadissentingvoicethatabookcriticismisamistakenwaytolightenupaGermandaily。Sometimes，inplaceofthecriticism，thefirst-classdailygivesyouwhatitthinksisagayandchipperessay——aboutancientGrecianfuneralcustoms，ortheancientEgyptianmethodoftarringamummy，orthereasonsforbelievingthatsomeofthepeopleswhoexistedbeforetheflooddidnotapproveofcats。
　　Thesearenotunpleasantsubjects；theyarenotuninterestingsubjects；theyareevenexcitingsubjects——
　　untiloneofthesemassivescientistsgetsholdofthem。
　　Hesoonconvincesyouthateventhesematterscanbehandledinsuchawayastomakeapersonlow-spirited。
　　AsIhavesaid，theaverageGermandailyismadeupsolelyofcorrespondences——atrifleofitbytelegraph，therestofitbymail。Everyparagraphhastheside-head，"London，""Vienna，"orsomeothertown，andadate。
　　Andalways，beforethenameofthetown，isplacedaletterorasign，toindicatewhothecorrespondentis，sothattheauthoritiescanfindhimwhentheywanttohanghim。
　　Stars，crosses，triangles，squares，half-moons，suns——
　　sucharesomeofthesignsusedbycorrespondents。
　　Someofthedailiesmovetoofast，otherstooslowly。
　　Forinstance，myHeidelbergdailywasalwaystwenty-fourhoursoldwhenitarrivedatthehotel；butoneofmyMunicheveningpapersusedtocomeafulltwenty-fourhoursbeforeitwasdue。
　　Someofthelessimportantdailiesgiveoneatablespoonfulofacontinuedstoryeveryday；itisstrungacrossthebottomofthepage，intheFrenchfashion。
　　BysubscribingforthepaperforfiveyearsIjudgethatamanmightsucceedingettingprettymuchallofthestory。
　　IfyouaskacitizenofMunichwhichisthebestMunichdailyjournal，hewillalwaystellyouthatthereisonlyonegoodMunichdaily，andthatitispublishedinAugsburg，fortyorfiftymilesaway。ItislikesayingthatthebestdailypaperinNewYorkispublishedoutinNewJerseysomewhere。Yes，theAugsburgALLGEMEINE
　　ZEITUNGis"thebestMunichpaper，"anditistheoneI
　　hadinmymindwhenIwasdescribinga"first-classGermandaily"above。Theentirepaper，openedout，isnotquiteaslargeasasinglepageoftheNewYorkHERALD。
　　Itisprintedonbothsides，ofcourse；butinsuchlargetypethatitsentirecontentscouldbeput，inHERALDtype，uponasinglepageoftheHERALD——andtherewouldstillberoomenoughonthepagefortheZEITUNG's"supplement"
　　andsomeportionoftheZEITUNG'snextday'scontents。
　　Suchisthefirst-classdaily。ThedailiesactuallyprintedinMunichareallcalledsecond-classbythepublic。
　　Ifyouaskwhichisthebestofthesesecond-classpaperstheysaythereisnodifference；oneisasgoodasanother。Ihavepreservedacopyofoneofthem；
　　itiscalledtheMU"NCHENERTAGES-ANZEIGER，andbearsdateJanuary25，1879。Comparisonsareodious，buttheyneednotbemalicious；andwithoutanymaliceIwishtocomparethisjournalsofothercountries。
　　Iknowofnootherwaytoenablethereaderto"size"
　　thething。
　　AcolumnofanaveragedailypaperinAmericacontainsfrom1，800to2，500words；thereading-matterinasingleissueconsistsoffrom25，000to50，000words。
　　Thereading-matterinmycopyoftheMunichjournalconsistsofatotalof1，654words——forIcountedthem。
　　Thatwouldbenearlyacolumnofoneofourdailies。
　　Asingleissueofthebulkiestdailynewspaperintheworld——theLondonTIMES——oftencontains100，000wordsofreading-matter。ConsideringthattheDAILYANZEIGER
　　issuestheusualtwenty-sixnumberspermonth，thereadingmatterinasinglenumberoftheLondonTIMESwouldkeepitin"copy"twomonthsandahalf。
　　TheANZEIGERisaneight-pagepaper；itspageisoneinchwiderandoneinchlongerthanafoolscappage；
　　thatistosay，thedimensionsofitspagearesomewherebetweenthoseofaschoolboy'sslateandalady'spockethandkerchief。One-fourthofthefirstpageistakenupwiththeheadingofthejournal；thisgivesitarathertop-heavyappearance；therestofthefirstpageisreading-matter；allofthesecondpageisreading-matter；
　　theothersixpagesaredevotedtoadvertisements。
　　Thereading-matteriscompressedintotwohundredandfivesmall-picalines，andislightedupwitheightpicaheadlines。Thebilloffareisasfollows:First，underapicaheadline，toenforceattentionandrespect，isafour-linesermonurgingmankindtorememberthat，althoughtheyarepilgrimsherebelow，theyareyetheirsofheaven；andthat"Whentheydepartfromearththeysoartoheaven。"Perhapsafour-linesermoninaSaturdaypaperisthesufficientGermanequivalentoftheeightortencolumnsofsermonswhichtheNew-YorkersgetintheirMondaymorningpapers。Thelatestnewstwodaysold
　　followsthefour-linesermon，underthepicaheadline"Telegrams"——theseare"telegraphed"withapairofscissorsoutoftheAUGSBURGERZEITUNGofthedaybefore。
　　Thesetelegramsconsistoffourteenandtwo-thirdslinesfromBerlin，fifteenlinesfromVienna，andtwoandfive-eightslinesfromCalcutta。Thirty-threesmall-picalinesnewsinadailyjournalinaKing'sCapitalofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsissurelynotanoverdose。
　　Nextwehavethepicaheading，"NewsoftheDay，"
　　underwhichthefollowingfactsaresetforth:PrinceLeopoldisgoingonavisittoVienna，sixlines；
　　PrinceArnulphiscomingbackfromRussia，twolines；
　　theLandtagwillmeetatteno'clockinthemorningandconsideranelectionlaw，threelinesandonewordover；
　　acitygovernmentitem，fiveandone-halflines；
　　pricesofticketstotheproposedgrandCharityBall，twenty-threelines——forthisoneitemoccupiesalmostone-fourthoftheentirefirstpage；thereistobeawonderfulWagnerconcertinFrankfurt-on-the-Main，withanorchestraofonehundredandeightinstruments，sevenandone-halflines。Thatconcludesthefirstpage。
　　Eighty-fivelines，altogether，onthatpage，includingthreeheadlines。Aboutfiftyofthoselines，asoneperceives，dealwithlocalmatters；sothereportersarenotoverworked。
　　Exactlyone-halfofthesecondpageisoccupiedwithanoperacriticism，fifty-threelinesthreeofthembeingheadlines，and"DeathNotices，"tenlines。
　　Theotherhalfofthesecondpageismadeupoftwoparagraphsundertheheadof"MiscellaneousNews。"
　　OneoftheseparagraphstellsaboutaquarrelbetweentheCzarofRussiaandhiseldestson，twenty-oneandahalflines；
　　andtheothertellsabouttheatrociousdestructionofapeasantchildbyitsparents，fortylines，orone-fifthofthetotalofthereading-mattercontainedinthepaper。
　　Considerwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofanAmericandailypaperissuedinacityofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsamountsto!Thinkwhatamassitis。
　　WouldanyonesupposeIcouldsosnuglytuckawaysuchamassinachapterofthisbookthatitwouldbedifficulttofinditagaininthereaderlosthisplace?Surelynot。
　　Iwilltranslatethatchild-murderwordforword，togivethereaderarealizingsenseofwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofaMunichdailyactuallyiswhenitcomesundermeasurementoftheeye:
　　"FromOberkreuzberg，January21st，theDONAUZEITUNG
　　receivesalongaccountofacrime，whichweshortenedasfollows:InRametuach，avillagenearEppenschlag，livedayoungmarriedcouplewithtwochildren，oneofwhich，aboyagedfive，wasbornthreeyearsbeforethemarriage。
　　Forthisreason，andalsobecausearelativeatIggensbachhadbequeathedM400$100totheboy，theheartlessfatherconsideredhimintheway；sotheunnaturalparentsdeterminedtosacrificehiminthecruelestpossiblemanner。Theyproceededtostarvehimslowlytodeath，meantimefrightfullymaltreatinghim——asthevillagepeoplenowmakeknown，whenitistoolate。
　　Theboywasshutinahole，andwhenpeoplepassedbyhecried，andimploredthemtogivehimbread。
　　Hislong-continuedtorturesanddeprivationsdestroyedhimatlast，onthethirdofJanuary。Thesuddensic
　　deathofthechildcreatedsuspicion，themoresoasthebodywasimmediatelyclothedandlaiduponthebier。
　　Thereforethecoronergavenotice，andaninquestwasheldonthe6th。Whatapitifulspectaclewasdisclosedthen!
　　Thebodywasacompleteskeleton。Thestomachandintestineswereutterlyempty；theycontainednothingwhatsoever。
　　Thefleshonthecorpsewasnotasthickasthebackofaknife，andincisionsinitbroughtnotonedropofblood。
　　Therewasnotapieceofsoundskinthesizeofadollaronthewholebody；wounds，scars，bruises，discoloredextravasatedblood，everywhere——evenonthesolesofthefeettherewerewounds。Thecruelparentsassertedthattheboyhadbeensobadthattheyhadbeenobligedtouseseverepunishments，andthathefinallyfelloverabenchandbrokehisneck。However，theywerearrestedtwoweeksaftertheinquestandputintheprisonatDeggendorf。"
　　Yes，theywerearrested"twoweeksaftertheinquest。"
　　Whatahomesoundthathas。ThatkindofpolicebrisknessrathermoreremindsmeofmynativelandthanGermanjournalismdoes。
　　IthinkaGermandailyjournaldoesn'tdoanygoodtospeakof，butatthesametimeitdoesn'tdoanyharm。
　　Thatisaverylargemerit，andshouldnotbelightlyweightednorlightlythoughtof。
　　TheGermanhumorouspapersarebeautifullyprinteduponfinepaper，andtheillustrationsarefinelydrawn，finelyengraved，andarenotvapidlyfunny，butdeliciouslyso。
　　Soalso，generallyspeaking，arethetwoorthreetersesentenceswhichaccompanythepictures。Irememberoneofthesepictures:Amostdilapidatedtrampisruefullycontemplatingsomecoinswhichlieinhisopenpalm。
　　Hesays:"Well，beggingisgettingplayedout。Onlyaboutfivemarks$1。25forthewholeday；manyanofficialmakesmore!"AndIcalltomindapictureofacommercialtravelerwhoisabouttounrollhissamples:
　　MERCHANTpettishly——NO，don't。Idon'twanttobuyanything!
　　DRUMMER——Ifyouplease，Iwasonlygoingtoshowyou——
　　MERCHANT——ButIdon'twishtoseethem!
　　DRUMMERafterapause，pleadingly——ButdoyouyoumindlettingMElookatthem!Ihaven'tseenthemforthreeweeks!