Itisaninsolencetowardthemajorityofthepurchasers，foritisaveryfrankandimpudentwayofsaying，'Getthetranslationsmadeyourselfifyouwantthem，thisbookisnotwrittenfortheignorantclasses。'TherearemenwhoknowaforeignlanguagesowellandhaveuseditsolongintheirdailylifethattheyseemtodischargewholevolleysofitintotheirEnglishwritingsunconsciously，andsotheyomittotranslate，asmuchashalfthetime。
　　Thatisagreatcrueltytonineoutoftenoftheman'sreaders。Whatistheexcuseforthis?ThewriterwouldsayheonlyusestheforeignlanguagewherethedelicacyofhispointcannotbeconveyedinEnglish。
　　Verywell，thenhewriteshisbestthingsforthetenthman，andheoughttowarnthenineothernottobuyhisbook。
　　However，theexcuseheoffersisatleastanexcuse；
　　butthereisanothersetofmenwhoarelikeYOU；
　　theyknowaWORDhereandthere，ofaforeignlanguage，orafewbeggarlylittlethree-wordphrases，filchedfromthebackoftheDictionary，andthesearecontinuallypepperingintotheirliterature，withapretenseofknowingthatlanguage——whatexcusecantheyoffer?Theforeignwordsandphraseswhichtheyusehavetheirexactequivalentsinanoblerlanguage——English；yettheythinkthey'adorntheirpage'whentheysaySTRASSEforstreet，andBAHNHOFforrailway-station，andsoon——flauntingtheseflutteringragsofpovertyinthereader'sfaceandimagininghewillbeassenoughtotakethemforthesignofuntoldrichesheldinreserve。Iwillletyour'learning'remaininyourreport；youhaveasmuchright，Isuppose，to'adornyourpage'withZuluandChineseandChoctawrubbishasothersofyoursorthavetoadorntheirswithinsolentoddsandendssmouchedfromhalfadozenlearnedtongueswhoseA-BABStheydon'tevenknow。"
　　Whenthemusingspiderstepsuponthered-hotshovel，hefirstexhibitsawildsurprise，thenheshrivelsup。
　　SimilarwastheeffectoftheseblisteringwordsuponthetranquilandunsuspectingAgent。Icanbedreadfullyroughonapersonwhenthemoodtakesme。
　　CHAPTERXXXI
　　[Alp-scalingbyCarriage]
　　Wenowpreparedforaconsiderablewalk——fromLucernetoInterlaken，overtheBru"nigPass。ButatthelastmomenttheweatherwassogoodthatIchangedmymindandhiredafour-horsecarriage。Itwasahugevehicle，roomy，aseasyinitsmotionasapalanquin，andexceedinglycomfortable。
　　Wegotawayprettyearlyinthemorning，afterahotbreakfast，andwentbowlingoverahard，smoothroad，throughthesummerlovelinessofSwitzerland，withnearanddistantlakesandmountainsbeforeandaboutusfortheentertainmentoftheeye，andthemusicofmultitudinousbirdstocharmtheear。Sometimestherewasonlythewidthoftheroadbetweentheimposingprecipicesontherightandtheclearcoolwaterontheleftwithitsshoalsofuncatchablefishskimmingaboutthroughthebarsofsunandshadow；
　　andsometimes，inplaceoftheprecipices，thegrassylandstretchedaway，inanapparentlyendlessupwardslant，andwasdottedeverywherewithsnuglittlechalets，thepeculiarlycaptivatingcottageofSwitzerland。
　　Theordinarychaletturnsabroad，honestgableendtotheroad，anditsampleroofhoversoverthehomeinaprotecting，caressingway，projectingitsshelteringeavesfaroutward。Thequaintwindowsarefilledwithlittlepanes，andgarnishedwithwhitemuslincurtains，andbrightenedwithboxesofbloomingflowers。
　　Acrossthefrontofthehouse，andupthespreadingeavesandalongthefancifulrailingsoftheshallowporch，areelaboratecarvings——wreaths，fruits，arabesques，versesfromScripture，names，dates，etc。Thebuildingiswhollyofwood，reddishbrownintint，averypleasingcolor。Itgenerallyhasvinesclimbingoverit。
　　Setsuchahouseagainstthefreshgreenofthehillside，anditlookseversocozyandinvitingandpicturesque，andisadecidedlygracefuladditiontothelandscape。
　　Onedoesnotfindoutwhataholdthechalethastakenuponhim，untilhepresentlycomesuponanewhouse——
　　ahousewhichisapingthetownfashionsofGermanyandFrance，aprim，hideous，straight-up-and-downthing，plasteredalloverontheoutsidetolooklikestone，andaltogethersostiff，andformal，andugly，andforbidding，andsooutoftunewiththegraciouslandscape，andsodeafanddumbanddeadtothepoetryofitssurroundings，thatitsuggestsanundertakeratapicnic，acorpseatawedding，apuritaninParadise。
　　InthecourseofthemorningwepassedthespotwherePontiusPilateissaidtohavethrownhimselfintothelake。
　　ThelegendgoesthataftertheCrucifixionhisconsciencetroubledhim，andhefledfromJerusalemandwanderedabouttheearth，wearyoflifeandapreytotorturesofthemind。Eventually，hehidhimselfaway，ontheheightsofMountPilatus，anddweltaloneamongthecloudsandcragsforyears；butrestandpeacewerestilldeniedhim，sohefinallyputanendtohismiserybydrowninghimself。
　　Presentlywepassedtheplacewhereamanofbetterodorwasborn。Thiswasthechildren'sfriend，SantaClaus，orSt。Nicholas。Therearesomeunaccountablereputationsintheworld。Thissaint'sisaninstance。Hehasrankedforagesasthepeculiarfriendofchildren，yetitappearshewasnotmuchofafriendtohisown。
　　Hehadtenofthem，andwhenfiftyyearsoldheleftthem，andsoughtoutasdismalarefugefromtheworldaspossible，andbecameahermitinorderthathemightreflectuponpiousthemeswithoutbeingdisturbedbythejoyousandothernoisesfromthenursery，doubtless。
　　JudgingbyPilateandSt。Nicholas，thereexistsnorulefortheconstructionofhermits；theyseemmadeoutofallkindsofmaterial。ButPilateattendedtothematterofexpiatinghissinwhilehewasalive，whereasSt。Nicholaswillprobablyhavetogoonclimbingdownsootychimneys，Christmaseve，forever，andconferringkindnessonotherpeople'schildren，tomakeupfordesertinghisown。
　　HisbonesarekeptinachurchinavillageSachseln
　　whichwevisited，andarenaturallyheldingreatreverence。
　　Hisportraitiscommoninthefarmhousesoftheregion，butisbelievedbymanytobebutanindifferentlikeness。
　　Duringhishermitlife，accordingtolegend，hepartookofthebreadandwineofthecommuniononceamonth，butalltherestofthemonthhefasted。
　　Aconstantmarvelwithus，aswespedalongthebasesofthesteepmountainsonthisjourney，was，notthatavalanchesoccur，butthattheyarenotoccurringallthetime。Onedoesnotunderstandwhyrocksandlandslidesdonotplungedownthesedeclivitiesdaily。Alandslipoccurredthreequartersofacenturyago，ontheroutefromArthtoBrunnen，whichwasaformidablething。
　　Amassofconglomeratetwomileslong，athousandfeetbroad，andahundredfeetthick，brokeawayfromacliffthreethousandfeethighandhurleditselfintothevalleybelow，buryingfourvillagesandfivehundredpeople，asinagrave。
　　Wehadsuchabeautifulday，andsuchendlesspicturesoflimpidlakes，andgreenhillsandvalleys，andmajesticmountains，andmilkycataractsdancingdownthesteepsandgleaminginthesun，thatwecouldnothelpfeelingsweettowardalltheworld；sowetriedtodrinkallthemilk，andeatallthegrapesandapricotsandberries，andbuyallthebouquetsofwildflowerswhichthelittlepeasantboysandgirlsofferedforsale；
　　butwehadtoretirefromthiscontract，foritwastooheavy。
　　Atshortdistances——andtheywereentirelytooshort——allalongtheroad，weregroupsofneatandcomelychildren，withtheirwaresnicelyandtemptinglysetforthinthegrassundertheshadetrees，andassoonasweapproachedtheyswarmedintotheroad，holdingouttheirbasketsandmilkbottles，andranbesidethecarriage，barefootandbareheaded，andimportunedustobuy。
　　Theyseldomdesistedearly，butcontinuedtorunandinsist——besidethewagonwhiletheycould，andbehindituntiltheylostbreath。Thentheyturnedandchasedareturningcarriagebacktotheirtrading-postagain。
　　Afterseveralhoursofthis，withoutanyintermission，itbecomesalmostannoying。Idonotknowwhatweshouldhavedonewithoutthereturningcarriagestodrawoffthepursuit。However，therewereplentyofthese，loadedwithdustytouristsandpiledhighwithluggage。
　　Indeed，fromLucernetoInterlakenwehadthespectacle，amongotherscenery，ofanunbrokenprocessionoffruit-peddlersandtouristscarriages。
　　Ourtalkwasmostlyanticipatoryofwhatweshouldseeonthedown-gradeoftheBru"nig，byandby，afterweshouldpassthesummit。AllourfriendsinLucernehadsaidthattolookdownuponMeiringen，andtherushingblue-grayriverAar，andthebroadlevelgreenvalley；
　　andacrossatthemightyAlpineprecipicesthatrisestraightuptothecloudsoutofthatvalley；andupatthemicroscopicchaletspercheduponthedizzyeavesofthoseprecipicesandwinkingdimlyandfitfullythroughthedriftingveilofvapor；andstillupandup，atthesuperbOltschibackandtheotherbeautifulcascadesthatleapfromthoseruggedheights，robedinpowderyspray，ruffledwithfoam，andgirdledwithrainbows——tolookuponthesethings，theysay，wastolookuponthelastpossibilityofthesublimeandtheenchanting。Therefore，asIsay，wetalkedmainlyofthesecomingwonders；ifwewereconsciousofanyimpatience，itwastogetthereinfavorableseason；
　　ifwefeltanyanxiety，itwasthatthedaymightremainperfect，andenableustoseethosemarvelsattheirbest。
　　AsweapproachedtheKaiserstuhl，apartoftheharnessgaveway。
　　Wewereindistressforamoment，butonlyamoment。
　　Itwasthefore-and-aftgearthatwasbroken——thethingthatleadsaftfromtheforwardpartofthehorseandismadefasttothethingthatpullsthewagon。InAmericathiswouldhavebeenaheavyleathernstrap；but，alloverthecontinentitisnothingbutapieceofropethesizeofyourlittlefinger——clothes-lineiswhatitis。
　　Cabsuseit，privatecarriages，freight-cartsandwagons，allsortsofvehicleshaveit。InMunichIafterwardsawitusedonalongwagonladenwithfifty-fourhalf-barrelsofbeer；IhadbeforenoticedthatthecabsinHeidelbergusedit——notnewrope，butropethathadbeeninusesinceAbraham'stime——andIhadfeltnervous，sometimes，behinditwhenthecabwastearingdownahill。ButI
　　hadlongbeenaccustomedtoitnow，andhadevenbecomeafraidoftheleatherstrapwhichbelongedinitsplace。
　　Ourdrivergotafreshpieceofclothes-lineoutofhislockerandrepairedthebreakintwominutes。
　　SomuchforoneEuropeanfashion。Everycountryhasitsownways。Itmayinterestthereadertoknowhowthey"puthorsesto"onthecontinent。Themanstandsupthehorsesoneachsideofthethingthatprojectsfromthefrontendofthewagon，andthenthrowsthetangledmessofgearforwardthrougharing，andhaulsitaft，andpassestheotherthingthroughtheotherringandhaulsitaftontheothersideoftheotherhorse，oppositetothefirstone，aftercrossingthemandbringingthelooseendback，andthenbucklestheotherthingunderneaththehorse，andtakesanotherthingandwrapsitaroundthethingIspokeofbefore，andputsanotherthingovereachhorse'shead，withbroadflapperstoittokeepthedustoutofhiseyes，andputstheironthinginhismouthforhimtogrithisteethon，uphill，andbringstheendsofthesethingsaftoverhisback，afterbucklinganotheronearoundunderhisnecktoholdhisheadup，andhitchinganotherthingonathingthatgoesoverhisshoulderstokeephisheadupwhenheisclimbingahill，andthentakestheslackofthethingwhichImentionedawhileago，andfetchesitaftandmakesitfasttothethingthatpullsthewagon，andhandstheotherthingsuptothedrivertosteerwith。
　　Ineverhavebuckledupahorsemyself，butIdonotthinkwedoitthatway。
　　Wehadfourveryhandsomehorses，andthedriverwasveryproudofhisturnout。Hewouldbowlalongonareasonabletrot，onthehighway，butwhenheenteredavillagehediditonafuriousrun，andaccompanieditwithafrenzyofceaselesswhip-crackingsthatsoundedlikevolleysofmusketry。
　　Hetorethroughthenarrowstreetsandaroundthesharpcurveslikeamovingearthquake，showeringhisvolleysashewent，andbeforehimsweptacontinuoustidalwaveofscamperingchildren，ducks，cats，andmothersclaspingbabieswhichtheyhadsnatchedoutofthewayofthecomingdestruction；andasthislivingwavewashedaside，alongthewalls，itselements，beingsafe，forgottheirfearsandturnedtheiradmiringgazeuponthatgallantdrivertillhethunderedaroundthenextcurveandwaslosttosight。
　　Hewasagreatmantothosevillagers，withhisgaudyclothesandhisterrificways。Wheneverhestoppedtohavehiscattlewateredandfedwithloavesofbread，thevillagersstoodaroundadmiringhimwhileheswaggeredabout，thelittleboysgazedupathisfacewithhumblehomage，andthelandlordbroughtoutfoamingmugsofbeerandconversedproudlywithhimwhilehedrank。
　　Thenhemountedhisloftybox，swunghisexplosivewhip，andawayhewentagain，likeastorm。IhadnotseenanythinglikethisbeforesinceIwasaboy，andthestageusedtoflourishthevillagewiththedustflyingandthehorntooting。
　　WhenwereachedthebaseoftheKaiserstuhl，wetooktwomorehorses；wehadtotoilalongwithdifficultyforanhourandahalfortwohours，fortheascentwasnotverygradual，butwhenwepassedthebackboneandapproachedthestation，thedriversurpassedallhispreviouseffortsinthewayofrushandclatter。
　　Hecouldnothavesixhorsesallthetime，sohemadethemostofhischancewhilehehadit。
　　UptothispointwehadbeenintheheartoftheWilliamTellregion。Theheroisnotforgotten，byanymeans，orheldindoubtfulveneration。Hiswoodenimage，withhisbowdrawn，abovethedoorsoftaverns，wasafrequentfeatureofthescenery。
　　AboutnoonwearrivedatthefootoftheBru"nigPass，andmadeatwo-hourstopatthevillagehotel，anotherofthoseclean，pretty，andthoroughlywell-keptinnswhicharesuchanastonishmenttopeoplewhoareaccustomedtohotelsofadismallydifferentpatterninremotecountry-towns。
　　Therewasalakehere，inthelapofthegreatmountains，thegreenslopesthatrosetowardthelowercragsweregracedwithscatteredSwisscottagesnestlingamongminiaturefarmsandgardens，andfromoutaleafyambuscadeintheupperheightstumbledabrawlingcataract。
　　Carriageaftercarriage，ladenwithtouristsandtrunks，arrived，andthequiethotelwassoonpopulous。
　　Wewereearlyatthetabled'ho^teandsawthepeopleallcomein。Thereweretwenty-five，perhaps。Theywereofvariousnationalities，butweweretheonlyAmericans。
　　NexttomesatanEnglishbride，andnexttohersathernewhusband，whomshecalled"Neddy，"thoughhewasbigenoughandstalwartenoughtobeentitledtohisfullname。
　　Theyhadaprettylittlelovers'quarreloverwhatwinetheyshouldhave。Neddywasforobeyingtheguide-bookandtakingthewineofthecountry；butthebridesaid:
　　"What，thatnahstystuff!"
　　"Itisn'tnahsty，pet，it'squitegood。"
　　"ItISnahsty。"
　　"No，itISN'Tnahsty。"
　　"It'sOfulnahsty，Neddy，andIshahn'tdrinkit。"
　　Thenthequestionwas，whatshemusthave。Shesaidheknewverywellthatsheneverdrankanythingbutchampagne。
　　Sheadded:
　　"Youknowverywellpapaalwayshaschampagneonhistable，andI'vealwaysbeenusedtoit。"
　　Neddymadeaplayfulpretenseofbeingdistressedabouttheexpense，andthisamusedhersomuchthatshenearlyexhaustedherselfwithlaughter——andthispleasedHIM
　　somuchthatherepeatedhisjestacoupleoftimes，andaddednewandkillingvarietiestoit。Whenthebridefinallyrecovered，shegaveNeddyalove-boxonthearmwithherfan，andsaidwitharchseverity:
　　"Well，youwouldHAVEme——nothingelsewoulddo——
　　soyou'llhavetomakethebestofabadbargain。
　　DOorderthechampagne，I'mOfuldry。"
　　Sowithamockgroanwhichmadeherlaughagain，Neddyorderedthechampagne。
　　Thefactthatthisyoungwomanhadnevermoistenedtheselvedgeedgeofhersoulwithalessplebeiantipplethanchampagne，hadamarkedandsubduingeffectonHarris。Hebelievedshebelongedtotheroyalfamily。
　　ButIhadmydoubts。
　　Weheardtwoorthreedifferentlanguagesspokenbypeopleatthetableandguessedoutthenationalitiesofmostofthegueststooursatisfaction，butwefailedwithanelderlygentlemanandhiswifeandayounggirlwhosatoppositeus，andwithagentlemanofaboutthirty-fivewhosatthreeseatsbeyondHarris。
　　Wedidnothearanyofthesespeak。Butfinallythelast-namedgentlemanleftwhilewewerenotnoticing，butwelookedupashereachedthefarendofthetable。
　　Hestoppedthereamoment，andmadehistoiletwithapocketcomb。SohewasaGerman；orelsehehadlivedinGermanhotelslongenoughtocatchthefashion。
　　Whentheelderlycoupleandtheyounggirlrosetoleave，theybowedrespectfullytous。SotheywereGermans，too。
　　Thisnationalcustomisworthsixoftheotherone，forexport。
　　AfterdinnerwetalkedwithseveralEnglishmen，andtheyinflamedourdesiretoahotterdegreethanever，toseethesightsofMeiringenfromtheheightsoftheBru"nigPass。Theysaidtheviewwasmarvelous，andthatonewhohadseenitoncecouldneverforgetit。
　　Theyalsospokeoftheromanticnatureoftheroadoverthepass，andhowinoneplaceithadbeencutthroughaflankofthesolidrock，insuchawaythatthemountainoverhungthetouristashepassedby；andtheyfurthermoresaidthatthesharpturnsintheroadandtheabruptnessofthedescentwouldaffordusathrillingexperience，forweshouldgodowninaflyinggallopandseemtobespinningaroundtheringsofawhirlwind，likeadropofwhiskeydescendingthespiralsofacorkscrew。
　　Igotalltheinformationoutofthesegentlementhatwecouldneed；andthen，tomakeeverythingcomplete，Iaskedthemifabodycouldgetholdofalittlefruitandmilkhereandthere，incaseofnecessity。Theythrewuptheirhandsinspeechlessintimationthattheroadwassimplypavedwithrefreshment-peddlers。Wewereimpatienttogetaway，now，andtherestofourtwo-hourstopratherdragged。
　　Butfinallythesettimearrivedandwebegantheascent。
　　Indeeditwasawonderfulroad。Itwassmooth，andcompact，andclean，andthesidenexttheprecipiceswasguardedallalongbydressedstonepostsaboutthreefeethigh，placedatshortdistancesapart。TheroadcouldnothavebeenbetterbuiltifNapoleontheFirsthadbuiltit。
　　HeseemstohavebeentheintroducerofthesortofroadswhichEuropenowuses。AllliteraturewhichdescribeslifeasitexistedinEngland，France，andGermanyuptothecloseofthelastcentury，isfilledwithpicturesofcoachesandcarriageswallowingthroughthesethreecountriesinmudandslushhalf-wheeldeep；butafterNapoleonhadflounderedthroughaconqueredkingdomhegenerallyarrangedthingssothattherestoftheworldcouldfollowdry-shod。
　　Wewentonclimbing，higherandhigher，andcurvinghitherandthither，intheshadeofnoblewoods，andwitharichvarietyandprofusionofwildflowersallaboutus；
　　andglimpsesofroundedgrassybackbonesbelowusoccupiedbytrimchaletsandnibblingsheep，andotherglimpsesoffarloweraltitudes，wheredistancediminishedthechaletstotoysandobliteratedthesheepaltogether；
　　andeverynowandthensomeerminedmonarchoftheAlpsswungmagnificentlyintoviewforamoment，thendriftedpastaninterveningspuranddisappearedagain。
　　Itwasanintoxicatingtripaltogether；theexceedingsenseofsatisfactionthatfollowsagooddinneraddedlargelytotheenjoyment；thehavingsomethingespecialtolookforwardtoandmuseabout，liketheapproachinggrandeursofMeiringen，sharpenedthezest。Smokingwasneversogoodbefore，solidcomfortwasneversolider；
　　welaybackagainstthethickcushionssilent，meditative，steepedinfelicity。
　　Irubbedmyeyes，openedthem，andstarted。IhadbeendreamingIwasatsea，anditwasathrillingsurprisetowakeupandfindlandallaroundme。Ittookmeacouplesecondsto"cometo，"asyoumaysay；thenItookinthesituation。
　　Thehorsesweredrinkingatatroughintheedgeofatown，thedriverwastakingbeer，Harriswassnoringatmyside，thecourier，withfoldedarmsandbowedhead，wassleepingonthebox，twodozenbarefootedandbareheadedchildrenweregatheredaboutthecarriage，withtheirhandscrossedbehind，gazingupwithseriousandinnocentadmirationatthedozingtouristsbakingthereinthesun。
　　Severalsmallgirlsheldnight-cappedbabiesnearlyasbigasthemselvesintheirarms，andeventhesefatbabiesseemedtotakeasortofsluggishinterestinus。
　　Wehadsleptanhourandahalfandmissedallthescenery!
　　Ididnotneedanybodytotellmethat。IfIhadbeenagirl，Icouldhavecursedforvexation。Asitwas，Iwokeuptheagentandgavehimapieceofmymind。
　　Insteadofbeinghumiliated，heonlyupbraidedmeforbeingsowantinginvigilance。HesaidhehadexpectedtoimprovehismindbycomingtoEurope，butamanmighttraveltotheendsoftheearthwithmeandneverseeanything，forI
　　wasmanifestlyendowedwiththeverygeniusofillluck。
　　Heeventriedtogetupsomeemotionaboutthatpoorcourier，whonevergotachancetoseeanything，onaccountofmyheedlessness。ButwhenIthoughtIhadborneaboutenoughofthiskindoftalk，IthreatenedtomakeHarristrampbacktothesummitandmakeareportonthatscenery，andthissuggestionspikedhisbattery。
　　WedrovesullenlythroughBrienz，deadtotheseductionsofitsbewilderingarrayofSwisscarvingsandtheclamorousHOO-hooingofitscuckooclocks，andhadnotentirelyrecoveredourspiritswhenwerattledacrossabridgeovertherushingblueriverandenteredtheprettytownofInterlaken。Itwasjustaboutsunset，andwehadmadethetripfromLucerneintenhours。
　　CHAPTERXXXII
　　[TheJungfrau，theBride，andthePiano]
　　WelocatedourselvesattheJungfrauHotel，oneofthosehugeestablishmentswhichtheneedsofmoderntravelhavecreatedineveryattractivespotonthecontinent。
　　Therewasagreatgatheringatdinner，and，asusual，oneheardallsortsoflanguages。
　　Thetabled'ho^tewasservedbywaitressesdressedinthequaintandcomelycostumeoftheSwisspeasants。
　　Thisconsistsofasimplegrosdelaine，trimmedwithashesofroses，withoverskirtofscarebleuventresaintgris，cutbiasontheoff-side，withfacingsofpetitpolonaiseandnarrowinsertionsofpa^tedefoiegrasbackstitchedtothemiseensce`neintheformofajeud'esprit。Itgivestothewearerasingularlypiquantandalluringaspect。
　　Oneofthesewaitresses，awomanofforty，hadside-whiskersreachinghalf-waydownherjaws。
　　Theyweretwofingersbroad，darkincolor，prettythick，andthehairswereaninchlong。Oneseesmanywomenonthecontinentwithquiteconspicuousmustaches，butthiswastheonlywomanIsawwhohadreachedthedignityofwhiskers。
　　Afterdinnertheguestsofbothsexesdistributedthemselvesaboutthefrontporchesandtheornamentalgroundsbelongingtothehotel，toenjoythecoolair；but，asthetwilightdeepenedtowarddarkness，theygatheredthemselvestogetherinthatsaddestandsolemnestandmostconstrainedofallplaces，thegreatblankdrawing-roomwhichisthechieffeatureofallcontinentalsummerhotels。Theretheygroupedthemselvesabout，incouplesandthrees，andmumbledinbatedvoices，andlookedtimidandhomelessandforlorn。
　　Therewasasmallpianointhisroom，aclattery，wheezy，asthmaticthing，certainlytheveryworstmiscarriageinthewayofapianothattheworldhasseen。Inturn，fiveorsixdejectedandhomesickladiesapproacheditdoubtingly，gaveitasingleinquiringthump，andretiredwiththelockjaw。Butthebossofthatinstrumentwastocome，nevertheless；andfrommyowncountry——fromArkansaw。
　　Shewasabrand-newbride，innocent，girlish，happyinherselfandhergraveandworshipingstriplingofahusband；shewasabouteighteen，justoutofschool，freefromaffections，unconsciousofthatpassionlessmultitudearoundher；
　　andtheveryfirsttimeshesmotethatoldwreckonerecognizedthatithadmetitsdestiny。Herstriplingbroughtanarmfulofagedsheet-musicfromtheirroom——
　　forthisbridewent"heeled，"asyoumightsay——andbenthimselflovinglyoverandgotreadytoturnthepages。
　　Thebridefetchedaswoopwithherfingersfromoneendofthekeyboardtotheother，justtogetherbearings，asitwere，andyoucouldseethecongregationsettheirteethwiththeagonyofit。Then，withoutanymorepreliminaries，sheturnedonallthehorrorsofthe"BattleofPrague，"
　　thatvenerableshivaree，andwadedchin-deepinthebloodoftheslain。Shemadeafairandhonorableaverageoftwofalsenotesineveryfive，buthersoulwasinarmsandsheneverstoppedtocorrect。Theaudiencestooditwithprettyfairgritforawhile，butwhenthecannonadewaxedhotterandfiercer，andthediscordaveragerosetofourinfive，theprocessionbegantomove。
　　Afewstragglersheldtheirgroundtenminuteslonger，butwhenthegirlbegantowringthetrueinwardnessoutofthe"criesofthewounded，"theystrucktheircolorsandretiredinakindofpanic。
　　Thereneverwasacompletervictory；Iwastheonlynon-combatantleftonthefield。Iwouldnothavedesertedmycountrywomananyhow，butindeedIhadnodesiresinthatdirection。Noneofuslikemediocrity，butweallreverenceperfection。Thisgirl'smusicwasperfectioninitsway；itwastheworstmusicthathadeverbeenachievedonourplanetbyamerehumanbeing。
　　Imovedupclose，andneverlostastrain。Whenshegotthrough，Iaskedhertoplayitagain。Shediditwithapleasedalacrityandaheightenedenthusiasm。
　　ShemadeitALLdiscords，thistime。Shegotanamountofanguishintothecriesofthewoundedthatshedanewlightonhumansuffering。Shewasonthewar-pathalltheevening。Allthetime，crowdsofpeoplegatheredontheporchesandpressedtheirnosesagainstthewindowstolookandmarvel，butthebravestneverventuredin。
　　Thebridewentoffsatisfiedandhappywithheryoungfellow，whenherappetitewasfinallygorged，andthetouristsswarmedinagain。
　　WhatachangehascomeoverSwitzerland，andinfactallEurope，duringthiscentury!SeventyoreightyyearsagoNapoleonwastheonlymaninEuropewhocouldreallybecalledatraveler；hewastheonlymanwhohaddevotedhisattentiontoitandtakenapowerfulinterestinit；
　　hewastheonlymanwhohadtraveledextensively；
　　butnoweverybodygoeseverywhere；andSwitzerland，andmanyotherregionswhichwereunvisitedandunknownremotenessesahundredyearsago，areinourdaysabuzzinghiveofrestlessstrangerseverysummer。
　　ButIdigress。
　　Inthemorning，whenwelookedoutofourwindows，wesawawonderfulsight。Acrossthevalley，andapparentlyquiteneighborlyandcloseathand，thegiantformoftheJungfraurosecoldandwhiteintotheclearsky，beyondagatewayinthenearerhighlands。
　　Itremindedme，somehow，ofoneofthosecolossalbillowswhichswellssuddenlyupbesideone'sship，atsea，sometimes，withitscrestandshoulderssnowywhite，andtherestofitsnobleproportionsstreakeddownwardwithcreamyfoam。
　　Itookoutmysketch-bookandmadealittlepictureoftheJungfrau，merelytogettheshape。[Figure9]
　　Idonotregardthisasoneofmyfinishedworks，infactI
　　donotrankitamongmyWorksatall；itisonlyastudy；
　　itishardlymorethanwhatonemightcallasketch。
　　Otherartistshavedonemethegracetoadmireit；butI
　　amsevereinmyjudgmentsofmyownpictures，andthisonedoesnotmoveme。
　　ItwashardtobelievethatthatloftywoodedrampartontheleftwhichsoovertopstheJungfrauwasnotactuallythehigherofthetwo，butitwasnot，ofcourse。
　　Itisonlytwoorthreethousandfeethigh，andofcoursehasnosnowuponitinsummer，whereastheJungfrauisnotmuchshorteroffourteenthousandfeethighandthereforethatlowestvergeofsnowonherside，whichseemsnearlydowntothevalleylevel，isreallyaboutseventhousandfeethigherupintheairthanthesummitofthatwoodedrampart。
　　Itisthedistancethatmakesthedeception。Thewoodedheightisbutfourorfivemilesremovedfromus，buttheJungfrauisfourorfivetimesthatdistanceaway。
　　Walkingdownthestreetofshops，inthefore-noon，I
　　wasattractedbyalargepicture，carved，frameandall，fromasingleblockofchocolate-coloredwood。
　　Therearepeoplewhoknoweverything。SomeofthesehadtoldusthatcontinentalshopkeepersalwaysraisetheirpricesonEnglishandAmericans。Manypeoplehadtoldusitwasexpensivetobuythingsthroughacourier，whereasIhadsupposeditwasjustthereverse。
　　WhenIsawthispicture，IconjecturedthatitwasworthmorethanthefriendIproposedtobuyitforwouldliketopay，butstillitwasworthwhiletoinquire；
　　soItoldthecouriertostepinandasktheprice，asifhewanteditforhimself；ItoldhimnottospeakinEnglish，andaboveallnottorevealthefactthathewasacourier。
　　ThenImovedonafewyards，andwaited。
　　Thecouriercamepresentlyandreportedtheprice。
　　Isaidtomyself，"Itisahundredfrancstoomuch，"
　　andsodismissedthematterfrommymind。ButintheafternoonIwaspassingthatplacewithHarris，andthepictureattractedmeagain。Westeppedin，toseehowmuchhigherbrokenGermanwouldraisetheprice。
　　Theshopwomannamedafigurejustahundredfrancslowerthanthecourierhadnamed。Thiswasapleasantsurprise。
　　IsaidIwouldtakeit。AfterIhadgivendirectionsastowhereitwastobeshipped，theshipped，theshopwomansaid，appealingly:
　　"Ifyourplease，donotletyourcourierknowyouboughtit。"
　　Thiswasanunexpectedremark。Isaid:
　　"WhatmakesyouthinkIhaveacourier?"
　　"Ah，thatisverysimple；hetoldmehimself。"
　　"Hewasverythoughtful。Buttellme——whydidyouchargehimmorethanyouarechargingme?"
　　"Thatisverysimple，also:Idonothavetopayyouapercentage。"
　　"Oh，Ibegintosee。Youwouldhavehadtopaythecourierapercentage。"
　　"Undoubtedly。Thecourieralwayshashispercentage。
　　Inthiscaseitwouldhavebeenahundredfrancs。"
　　"Thenthetradesmandoesnotpayapartofit——
　　thepurchaserpaysallofit?"
　　"Thereareoccasionswhenthetradesmanandthecourieragreeuponapricewhichistwiceorthricethevalueofthearticle，thenthetwodivide，andbothgetapercentage。"
　　"Isee。Butitseemstomethatthepurchaserdoesallthepaying，eventhen。"
　　"Oh，tobesure!Itgoeswithoutsaying。"
　　"ButIhaveboughtthispicturemyself；thereforewhyshouldn'tthecourierknowit?"
　　Thewomanexclaimed，indistress:
　　"Ah，indeeditwouldtakeallmylittleprofit!Hewouldcomeanddemandhishundredfrancs，andIshouldhavetopay。"
　　"Hehasnotdonethebuying。Youcouldrefuse。"
　　"Icouldnotdaretorefuse。Hewouldneverbringtravelershereagain。Morethanthat，hewoulddenouncemetotheothercouriers，theywoulddivertcustomfromme，andmybusinesswouldbeinjured。"
　　Iwentawayinathoughtfulframeofmind。Ibegantoseewhyacouriercouldaffordtoworkforfifty-fivedollarsamonthandhisfares。AmonthortwolaterIwasabletounderstandwhyacourierdidnothavetopayanyboardandlodging，andwhymyhotelbillswerealwayslargerwhenIhadhimwithmethanwhenIlefthimbehind，somewhere，forafewdays。
　　Anotherthingwasalsoexplained，now，apparently。
　　InonetownIhadtakenthecouriertothebanktodothetranslatingwhenIdrewsomemoney。Ihadsatinthereading-roomtillthetransactionwasfinished。
　　Thenaclerkhadbroughtthemoneytomeinperson，andhadbeenexceedinglypolite，evengoingsofarastoprecedemetothedoorandholdingitopenformeandbowmeoutasifIhadbeenadistinguishedpersonage。
　　Itwasanewexperience。ExchangehadbeeninmyfavoreversinceIhadbeeninEurope，butjustthatonetime。
　　Igotsimplythefaceofmydraft，andnoextrafrancs，whereasIhadexpectedtogetquiteanumberofthem。
　　ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverusedthecourieratthebank。Ihadsuspectedsomethingthen，andaslongasheremainedwithmeafterwardImanagedbankmattersbymyself。
　　Still，ifIfeltthatIcouldaffordthetax，Iwouldnevertravelwithoutacourier，foragoodcourierisaconveniencewhosevaluecannotbeestimatedindollarsandcents。Withouthim，travelisabitterharassment，apurgatoryoflittleexasperatingannoyances，aceaselessandpitilesspunishment——Imeantoanirasciblemanwhohasnobusinesscapacityandisconfusedbydetails。
　　Withoutacourier，travelhasn'tarayofpleasureinit，anywhere；butwithhimitisacontinuousandunruffleddelight。Heisalwaysathand，neverhastobesentfor；ifyourbellisnotansweredpromptly——anditseldomis——youhaveonlytoopenthedoorandspeak，thecourierwillhear，andhewillhavetheorderattendedtoorraiseaninsurrection。Youtellhimwhatdayyouwillstart，andwhitheryouaregoing——leavealltheresttohim。Youneednotinquireabouttrains，orfares，orcarchanges，orhotels，oranythingelse。
　　Atthepropertimehewillputyouinacaboranomnibus，anddriveyoutothetrainortheboat；hehaspackedyourluggageandtransferredit，hehaspaidallthebills。
　　Otherpeoplehaveprecededyouhalfanhourtoscrambleforimpossibleplacesandlosetheirtempers，butyoucantakeyourtime；thecourierhassecuredyourseatsforyou，andyoucanoccupythematyourleisure。
　　Atthestation，thecrowdmashoneanothertopulpintheefforttogettheweigher'sattentiontotheirtrunks；
　　theydisputehotlywiththesetyrants，whoarecoolandindifferent；theygettheirbaggagebillets，atlast，andthenhaveanothersqueezeandanotherrageoverthedishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetthemrecordedandpaidfor，andstillanotherovertheequallydishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetnearenoughtotheticketofficetobuyaticket；andnow，withtheirtempersgonetothedogs，theymuststandpennedupandpackedtogether，ladenwithwrapsandsatchelsandshawl-straps，withthewearywifeandbabies，inthewaiting-room，tillthedoorsarethrownopen——andthenallhandsmakeagrandfinalrushtothetrain，finditfull，andhavetostandontheplatformandfretuntilsomemorecarsareputon。
　　Theyareinaconditiontokillsomebodybythistime。
　　Meantime，youhavebeensittinginyourcar，smoking，andobservingallthismiseryintheextremestcomfort。
　　Onthejourneytheguardispoliteandwatchful——won'tallowanybodytogetintoyourcompartment——tellsthemyouarejustrecoveringfromthesmall-poxanddonotliketobedisturbed。Forthecourierhasmadeeverythingrightwiththeguard。Atway-stationsthecouriercomestoyourcompartmenttoseeifyouwantaglassofwater，oranewspaper，oranything；ateating-stationshesendsluncheonouttoyou，whiletheotherpeoplescrambleandworryinthedining-rooms。Ifanythingbreaksaboutthecaryouarein，andastation-masterproposestopackyouandyouragentintoacompartmentwithstrangers，thecourierrevealstohimconfidentiallythatyouareaFrenchdukeborndeafanddumb，andtheofficialcomesandmakesaffablesignsthathehasorderedachoicecartobeaddedtothetrainforyou。
　　Atcustom-housesthemultitudefiletediouslythrough，hotandirritated，andlookonwhiletheofficersburrowintothetrunksandmakeamessofeverything；
　　butyouhandyourkeystothecourierandsitstill。
　　Perhapsyouarriveatyourdestinationinarain-stormattenatnight——yougenerallydo。Themultitudespendhalfanhourverifyingtheirbaggageandgettingittransferredtotheomnibuses；butthecourierputsyouintoavehiclewithoutamoment'slossoftime，andwhenyoureachyourhotelyoufindyourroomshavebeensecuredtwoorthreedaysinadvance，everythingisready，youcangoatoncetobed。Someofthoseotherpeoplewillhavetodriftaroundtotwoorthreehotels，intherain，beforetheyfindaccommodations。
　　Ihavenotsetdownhalfofthevirtuesthatarevestedinagoodcourier，butIthinkIhavesetdownasufficiencyofthemtoshowthatanirritablemanwhocanaffordoneanddoesnotemployhimisnotawiseeconomist。MycourierwastheworstoneinEurope，yethewasagooddealbetterthannoneatall。
　　Itcouldnotpayhimtobeabetteronethanhewas，becauseIcouldnotaffordtobuythingsthroughhim。
　　Hewasagoodenoughcourierforthesmallamounthegotoutofhisservice。Yes，totravelwithacourierisbliss，totravelwithoutoneisthereverse。
　　Ihavehaddealingswithsomeverybadcouriers；butIhavealsohaddealingswithonewhomightfairlybecalledperfection。
　　HewasayoungPolander，namedJosephN。Verey。Hespokeeightlanguages，andseemedtobeequallyathomeinallofthem；hewasshrewd，prompt，posted，andpunctual；
　　hewasfertileinresources，andsingularlygiftedinthematterofovercomingdifficulties；henotonlyknewhowtodoeverythinginhisline，butheknewthebestwaysandthequickest；hewashandywithchildrenandinvalids；
　　allhisemployerneededtodowastotakelifeeasyandleaveeverythingtothecourier。Hisaddressis，careofMessrs。Gay&Son，Strand，London；hewasformerlyaconductorofGay'stouristparties。Excellentcouriersaresomewhatrare；ifthereaderisabouttotravel，hewillfindittohisadvantagetomakeanoteofthisone。
　　CHAPTERXXXIII
　　[WeClimbFar——byBuggy]
　　ThebeautifulGiesbachFallisnearInterlaken，ontheothersideofthelakeofBrienz，andisilluminatedeverynightwiththosegorgeoustheatricalfireswhosenameIcannotcalljustatthismoment。Thiswassaidtobeaspectaclewhichthetouristoughtbynomeanstomiss。Iwasstronglytempted，butIcouldnotgotherewithpropriety，becauseonegoesinaboat。
　　ThetaskwhichIhadsetmyselfwastowalkoverEuropeonfoot，notskimoveritinaboat。Ihadmadeatacitcontractwithmyself；itwasmydutytoabidebyit。
　　Iwaswillingtomakeboattripsforpleasure，butIcouldnotconscientiouslymaketheminthewayofbusiness。
　　Itcostmesomethingofapangtolosethatfinesight，butIliveddownthedesire，andgainedinmyself-respectthroughthetriumph。Ihadafinerandagrandersight，however，whereIwas。ThiswasthemightydomeoftheJungfrausoftlyoutlinedagainsttheskyandfaintlysilveredbythestarlight。Therewassomethingsubduingintheinfluenceofthatsilentandsolemnandawfulpresence；oneseemedtomeettheimmutable，theindestructible，theeternal，facetoface，andtofeelthetrivialandfleetingnatureofhisownexistencethemoresharplybythecontrast。
　　Onehadthesenseofbeingunderthebroodingcontemplationofaspirit，notaninertmassofrocksandice——aspiritwhichhadlookeddown，throughtheslowdriftoftheages，uponamillionvanishedracesofmen，andjudgedthem；
　　andwouldjudgeamillionmore——andstillbethere，watching，unchangedandunchangeable，afteralllifeshouldbegoneandtheearthhavebecomeavacantdesolation。