TheywerenamedBastinandBickley。Bastin——BasilwashisChristianname——wasanuncouth,shock—headed,flat—footedpersonoflarge,ruggedframeandequallyruggedhonesty,withamindalmostincrediblysimple。Nothingsurprisedhimbecausehelackedthefacultyofsurprise。Hewaslikethatkindoffishwhichliesatthebottomoftheseaandtakeseverykindoffoodintoitsgreatmawwithoutdistinguishingitsflavour。Metaphoricallyspeaking,heavenlymannaanddecayedcabbagewerejustthesametoBastin。Hewasnotfastidiousandbothwerementalpabulum——ofasort——togetherwithwhateverlaybetweentheseextremes。Yethewasgood,sopainfullygoodthatonefeltthatwithoutexertiontohimselfhehadbookedafirst—classticketstraighttoHeaven;
indeedthathisguardianangelhadtieditroundhisneckatbirthlestheshouldloseit,alreadynumberedanddatedlikeanidentificationdisc。
IamboundtoaddthatBastinneverwentwrongbecauseheneverfelttheslightesttemptationtodoso。ThisIsupposeconstitutesrealvirtue,since,inviewofcertainBiblesayings,thepersonwhoistemptedandwouldliketoyieldtothetemptation,isequallyasinnerwiththepersonwhodoesyield。
Tobetrulygoodoneshouldbetoogoodtobetempted,ortooweaktomaketheeffortworththetempter’swhile——inshortnotdeservingofhispowderandshot。
IneedhardlyaddthatBastinwentintotheChurch;indeed,hecouldnothavegoneanywhereelse;itabsorbedhimnaturally,asdoubtlessHeavenwilldoinduecourse。OnlyIthinkitlikelythatuntiltheygettoknowhimhewillboretheangelssomuchthattheywillcontinuallymovehimuphigher。Alsoiftheyhaveanysusceptibilitiesleft,probablyhewilltreadupontheirtoes——anartinwhichIneverknewhisequal。However,IalwayslovedBastin,perhapsbecausenooneelsedid,afactofwhichheremainedtotallyunconscious,orperhapsbecauseofhisbrutalwayoftellingonewhatheconceivedtobethetruth,which,ashehadlessimaginationthanadormouse,generallyitwasnot。
Forifthetruthisajewel,itisonecolouredandveiledbymanydifferentlightsandatmospheres。
Itonlyremainstoaddthathewaslearnedinhistheologicalfashionandthatamonghisfurtherpeculiaritiesweretheslow,monotonousvoiceinwhichheutteredhisviewsinlongsentences,andhistotalindifferencetoadverseargumenthoweversoundandconvincing。
Myotherfriend,Bickley,wasapersonofaquitedifferentcharacter。LikeBastin,hewaslearned,buthistendenciesfacedanotherway。IfBastin’somnivorousthroatcouldswallowacamel,especiallyatheologicalcamel,Bickley’swouldstrainatthesmallestgnat,especiallyatheologicalgnat。Theverybestandmostuprightofmen,yethebelievedinnothingthathecouldnottaste,seeorhandle。Hewasconvinced,forinstance,thatmanisabrute—descendedaccidentandnomore,thatwhatwecallthesoulorthemindisproducedbyacertainactionofthegreymatterofthebrain;thateverythingapparentlyinexplicablehasaperfectlymundaneexplanation,ifonlyonecouldfindit;thatmiraclescertainlyneverdidhappen,andneverwill;thatallreligionsarethefruitofhumanhopesandfearsandthemostconvincingproofofhumanweakness;thatnotwithstandingourinfinitevariationswearethesubjectsofNature’ssinglelawandthevictimsofblind,blackandbrutalchance。
SuchwasBickleywithhisclever,well—cutfacethatalwaysremindedmeofacameo,andthoughtfulbrow;hisstrong,capablehandsandhisrathersteelymouth,themeresetofwhichsuggestedcontroversyofanuncompromisingkind。NaturallyastheChurchhadclaimedBastin,somedicineclaimedBickley。
NowasithappenedthemanwhosucceededmyfatherasvicarofFulcombewasgivenabetterlivingandwentawayshortlyafterI
hadpurchasedtheplaceandwithittheadvowson。JustatthistimealsoIreceivedaletterwritteninthelarge,sprawlinghandofBastinfromwhomIhadnotheardforyears。Itwentstraighttothepoint,sayingthathe,Bastin,hadseeninaChurchpaperthatthelastincumbenthadresignedthelivingofFulcombewhichwasinmygift。HewouldthereforebeobligedifI
wouldgiveittohimastheplacehewasatinYorkshiredidnotsuithiswife’shealth。
HereImaystatethatafterwardsIlearnedthatwhatdidnotsuitMrs。Bastinwastheorganist,whowaspretty。ShewasbynatureawomanwithatemperamentsoinsanelyjealousthatactuallyshemanagedtobesuspiciousofBastin,whomshehadcapturedinanunguardedmomentwhenhewasthinkingofsomethingelseandwhowouldassoonhavethoughtofevenlookingatanywomanashewouldofworshippingBaal。Asamatteroffactittookhimmonthstoknowonefemalefromanother。ExceptaspossibleprovidersofsubscriptionsandpropsofMothers’
Meetings,womenhadnointerestforhim。
Toreturn——withthatengaginghonestywhichIhavementioned——
Bastin’sletterwentontosetoutallhisowndisabilities,which,headded,wouldprobablyrenderhimunsuitablefortheplacehedesiredtofill。HewasaHighChurchman,afactwhichwouldcertainlyoffendmany;hehadnoclaimstobeingapreacheralthoughhewasextraordinarilywellacquaintedwiththewritingsoftheEarlyFathers。(Whatonearthhadthattodowiththequestion,Iwondered。)Ontheotherhandhehadgenerallybeenconsideredagoodvisitorandwasfondofwalking(hemeanttocallondistantparishioners,butdidnotsayso)。
Thenfollowedapageandahalfontheevilsoftheexistingsystemofthepresentationtolivingsbyprivatepersons,endingwiththesuggestionthatIhadprobablycommittedasininbuyingthisparticularadvowsoninordertoincreasemylocalauthority,thatis,ifIhadboughtit,apointonwhichhewasignorant。
Finallyheinformedmethatashehadtochristenasickbabyfivemilesawayonacertainmooranditwastoowetforhimtoridehisbicycle,hemuststop。Andhestopped。
Therewas,however,aP。S。totheletter,whichranasfollows:
"Someonetoldmethatyouweredeadafewyearsago,andofcourseitmaybeanothermanofthesamenamewhoownsFulcombe。
Ifso,nodoubtthePostOfficewillsendbackthisletter。"
Thatwashisonlyallusiontomyhumbleselfinallthosediffusepages。ItwasalongwhilesinceIhadreceivedanepistlewhichmademelaughsomuch,andofcourseIgavehimthelivingbyreturnofpost,andeveninformedhimthatIwouldincreaseitsstipendtoasumwhichIconsideredsuitabletotheposition。
AbouttendayslaterIreceivedanotherletterfromBastinwhich,asascrawlontheflapoftheenvelopeinformedme,hehadcarriedforaweekinhispocketandforgottentopost。
Exceptbyinferenceitreturnednothanksformyintendedbenefits。Whatitdidsay,however,wasthathethoughtitwrongofmetohavesettledamatterofsuchspiritualimportanceinsogreatahurry,thoughhehadobservedthatrichmenwerenearlyalwaysselfishwheretheirtimewasconcerned。Moreover,heconsideredthatIoughtfirsttohavemadeinquiriesastohispresentcharacterandattainments,etc。,etc。
TothisepistleIrepliedbytelegraphtotheeffectthatI
shouldassoonthinkofmakinginquiriesaboutthecharacterofanarchangel,orthatofoneofhisHighChurchsaints。Thistelegram,hetoldmeafterwards,heconsideredunseemlyandevenribald,especiallyasithadgivengreatoffencetothepostmaster,whowasoneofthesidesmeninhischurch。
ThusitcameaboutthatIappointedtheRev。BasilBastintothelivingofFulcombe,feelingsurethathewouldprovidemewithendlessamusementandactasamoraltonicanddiscipline。
AlsoIappreciatedtheman’sbluntcandour。Induecoursehearrived,andIconfessthatafterafewSundaysofexperienceI
begantohavedoubtsastothewisdomofmychoice,gladasIwastoseehimpersonally。Hissermonsatonceboredme,and,whentheydidnotsendmetosleep,excitedinmeadesirefordebate。
Howcouldhebesoprofoundlyacquaintedwithmysteriesbeforewhichtheworldhadstoodamazedforages?Wastherenothingtoohotortooheavyinthespiritualwayforhimtodismissinafewblunderingandcasualwords,ashemightanyordinaryincidentofevery—daylife,Iwondered?AlsohisideaofHighChurchobservanceswasnotmine,or,Iimagine,thatofanybodyelse。
ButIwillnotattempttosetitout。
Hispeculiarities,however,wereeasytoexcuseandentirelyswallowedupbytheinnategoodnessofhisnaturewhichsoonmadehimbelovedofeveryoneintheplace,foralthoughhethoughtthatprobablymostthingsweresins,Ineverknewhimtodiscoverasinwhichheconsideredtobebeyondthereachofforgiveness。
Bastinwasindeedamostcharitablemanandinhiswaywide—minded。
ThepersonwhomIcouldnottolerate,however,washiswife,who,tomyfancy,moreresembledavessel,averyunattractivevessel,fullofvinegarthanawoman。HernamewasSarahandshewassmall,plain,flat,sandy—hairedandodious,quiteobsessed,moreover,withherjealousiesoftheRev。Basil,atwhomitpleasedhertosupposethateverywomaninthecountrysideunderfiftywasthrowingherself。
HereIwillconfessthattothebestofmyabilityItookcarethattheydidinoutwardseeming,thatis,whenevershewaspresent,instructingthemtositasidewithhimindarkenedcorners,topresenthimwithflowers,andsoforth。Severalofthemeasilyfellintothehumourofthething,andIhaveseenhimdepartfromadinner—partyfollowedbythatgloweringSarah,withahandfulofrosebudsandviolets,tosaynothingofthetraditionalofferingsofslippers,embroideredmarkersandthelike。Well,itwasmyonlywayofcomingevenwithher,whichI
thinksheknew,forshehatedmepoisonously。
SomuchforBasilBastin。NowforBickley。HimIhadmetonseveraloccasionssinceourcollegedays,andafterIwassettledatthePrioryfromtimetotimeIaskedhimtostaywithme。Atlengthhecame,andIfoundoutthathewasnotatallcomfortableinhisLondonpracticewhichwasofanatureuncongenialtohim;further,thathedidnotgetonwithhispartners。Then,afterreflection,Imadeasuggestiontohim。I
pointedoutthat,owingtoitspopularityamongstseasidevisitors,theneighbourhoodofFulcombewasarisingone,andthatalthoughthereweredoctorsinit,therewasnoreallyfirst—classsurgeonformiles。
NowBickleywasafirst—classsurgeon,havingheldveryhighhospitalappointments,andindeedstillholdingthem。Why,I
asked,shouldhenotcomeandsetuphereonhisown?IwouldappointhimdoctortotheestateandalsogivehimchargeofacottagehospitalwhichIwasendowing,withlibertytobuildandarrangeitasheliked。Further,asIconsideredthatitwouldbeofgreatadvantagetometohaveamanofrealabilitywithinreach,IwouldguaranteeforthreeyearswhateverincomehewasearninginLondon。
Hethankedmewarmlyandintheendactedontheidea,withstartlingresultssofarashisprospectswereconcerned。Verysoonhisreallyremarkableskillbecameknownandhewasearningmoremoneythanasanunmarriedmanhecouldpossiblywant。
Indeed,scarcelyabigoperationtookplaceatanytownwithintwentymiles,andevenmuchfartheraway,atwhichhewasnotcalledintoassist。
Needlesstosayhisadventwasagreatboontome,forashelivedinahouseIlethimquitenearby,wheneverhehadaspareeveninghewoulddropintodinner,andfromourabsolutelyoppositestandpointswediscussedallthingshumananddivine。
ThusIwasenabledtosharpenmywitsuponthehardsteelofhisclearintellectwhichwasyet,inasense,solimited。
ImustaddthatIneverconvertedhimtomywayofthinkingandheneverconvertedmetohis,anymorethanheconvertedBastin,forwhom,queerlyenough,hehadaliking。Theypoundedawayateachother,Bickleyfrequentlygettingthebestofitintheargument,andwhenatlastBastinrosetogo,hegenerallymadethesameremark。Itwas:
"Itreallyissad,mydearBickley,tofindamanofyourintellectsoutterlywrongheadedandmisguided。Ihaveconvictedyouoferroratleasthalfadozentimes,andnottoconfessitismerepigheadedness。Goodnight。IamsurethatSarahwillbesittingupforme。"
"Sillyoldidiot!"Bickleywouldsay,shakinghisfistafterhim。"Theonlywaytogethimtoseethetruthwouldbetosawhisheadopenandpouritin。"
Thenwewouldbothlaugh。
Suchweremytwomostintimatefriends,althoughIadmititwasratherliketheequatorcultivatingcloserelationshipswiththenorthandsouthpoles。CertainlyBastinwasasfarfromBickleyasthosepointsoftheearthareapart,whileI。asitwere,satequallydistantbetweenthetwo。However,wewereallveryhappytogether,sinceincertaincharacters,therearefewthingsthatbindmenmorecloselythanprofounddifferencesofopinion。
NowImustturntomymorepersonalaffairs。Afterall,itisimpossibleforamantosatisfyhissoul,ifhehasanythingofthesortabouthimwhichintheremotestdegreeanswerstothatdescription,withthehusksofwealth,luxuryandindolence,supplementedbyoccasionaltheologicalandotherargumentsbetweenhisfriends;Becomingprofoundlyconvincedofthistruth,Isearchedroundforsomethingtodoand,likeNoah’sdoveonthewasteofwaters,foundnothing。ThenIaskedBickleyandBastinfortheiropinionsastomybestfuturecourse。Bickleyprovedabarrendraw。HerubbedhisnoseandfeeblysuggestedthatImightgoinfor"researchwork,"which,ofcourse,onlyrepresentedhisownambitions。IaskedhimindignantlyhowIcoulddosuchathingwithoutanyscientificqualificationswhatever。Headmittedthedifficulty,butrepliedthatImightendowotherswhohadthequalifications。
"Inshort,becomeamuchcowforsuckingscientists,"I
replied,andbrokeofftheconversation。
Bastin’sideawas,first,thatIshouldteachinaSundaySchool;secondly,thatifthiscareerdidnotsatisfyallmyaspirations,Imightbeordainedandbecomeamissionary。
Onmyrejectionofthisbrilliantadvice,heremarkedthattheonlyotherthinghecouldthinkofwasthatIshouldgetmarriedandhavealargefamily,whichmightpossiblyadvantagethenationandultimatelyenrichtheKingdomofHeaven,thoughofsuchthingsnoonecouldbequitesure。Atanyrate,hewascertainthatatpresentIwasinpracticeneglectingmyduty,whateveritmightbe,andinfactoneofthosecumberersoftheearthwho,heobservedinthenewspaperhetookinandreadwhenhehadtime,were"veryhappilynamed——theidlerich。"
"Whichremindsme,"headded,"thattheclothing—clubfinancesareinaperfectlyscandalouscondition;infact,itis?5indebt,anamountthatasthesquireoftheparishIconsideritincumbentonyoutomakegood,notasacharitybutasanobligation。"
"Lookhere,myfriend,"Isaid,ignoringalltherest,"willyouanswermeaplainquestion?Haveyoufoundmarriagesuchasuccessthatyouconsiderityourdutytorecommendittoothers?
Andifyouhave,whyhaveyounotgotthelargefamilyofwhichyouspeak?"
"Ofcoursenot,"herepliedwithhisusualfrankness。"Indeed,itisinmanywayssodisagreeablethatIamconvinceditmustberightandforthegoodofallconcerned。AsregardsthefamilyI
amsureIdonotknow,butSarahneverlikedbabies,whichperhapshassomethingtodowithit。"
Thenhesighed,adding,"Yousee,Arbuthnot,wehavetotakethingsaswefindtheminthisworldandhopeforabetter。"
"WhichisjustwhatIamtryingtodo,youunilluminatingolddonkey!"Iexclaimed,andlefthimthereshakinghisheadovermattersingeneral,butIthinkprincipallyoverSarah。
Bytheway,Ithinkthatthevillagersrecognisedthisgoodlady’svinegarynature。Atleast,theyusedtocallher"SourSal。"
ChapterIII
NatalieNowwhatBastinhadsaidaboutmarriagestuckinmymindashisblunderingremarkshadawayofdoing,perhapsbecauseofthegrainofhonesttruthwithwhichtheywereoftenpermeated。
Probablyinmypositionitwasmoreorlessmydutytomarry。Butherecametherub;Ihadneverexperiencedanyleaningsthatway。
Iwasasmuchamanasothers,moresothanmanyare,perhaps,andIlikedwomen,butatthesametimetheyrepelledme。
Myoldfastidiousnesscamein;tomytastetherewasalwayssomethingwrongaboutthem。Whiletheyattractedonepartofmynaturetheyrevoltedanotherpart,andonthewholeIpreferredtodowithouttheirintimatesociety,ratherthanworkviolencetothissecondandhigherpartofme。Moreover,quiteatthebeginningofmycareerIhadconcludedfromobservationthatamangetsonbetterinlifealone,ratherthanwithanothertodragathisside,orbywhomperhapshemustbedragged。Stilltruemarriage,suchasmostmenandsomewomenhavedreamedofintheiryouth,hadalwaysbeenoneofmyideals;indeeditwasonandaroundthisvisionthatIwrotethatfirstbookofminewhichwassosuccessful。SinceIknewthistobeunattainableinourimperfectconditions,however,notwithstandingBastin’sstrictures,againIdismissedthewholematterfrommymindasavainimagination。
AsanalternativeIreflecteduponaparliamentarycareerwhichIwasnottoooldtobegin,andeventoyedwithoneortwoopportunitiesthatofferedthemselves,asthesedotomenofwealthandadvancedviews。Theynevercametoanything,forintheendIdecidedthatPartypoliticsweresohatefulandsodishonest,thatIcouldnotbringmyselftoputmyneckbeneaththeiryoke。IwassurethatifItriedtodoso,IshouldfailmorecompletelythanIhaddoneattheBarandinLiterature。
Here,too,IamquitecertainthatIwasright。
TheupshotofitallwasthatIsoughtrefugeinthatlastexpedientofwearyEnglishmen,travel,notasaglobe—trotter,butleisurelyandwithaninquiringmind,learningmuchbutagainfinding,liketheancientwriterwhomIhavequotedalready,thatthereisnonewthingunderthesun;thatwithcertainvariationsitisthesamethingoverandoveragain。
No,Iwillmakeanexception,theEastdidinterestmeenormously。Thereitwas,atBenares,thatIcameintotouchwithcertainthinkerswhoopenedmyeyestoagreatdeal。Theyreleasedsomehiddenspringinmynaturewhichhithertohadalwaysbeenstrivingtobreakthroughthecrustofourconventionsandinheritedideas。IknownowthatwhatIwasseekingwasnothinglessthantheInfinite;thatIhad"immortallongingsinme。"Ilistenedtoalltheirsolemntalkofepochsandyearsmeasurelesstoman,andreflectedwithathrillthatafterallmanmighthavehispartineveryoneofthem。Yes,thatbirdofpassageasheseemedtobe,flyingoutofdarknessintodarkness,stillhemighthavespreadhiswingsinthelightofothersunsmillionsuponmillionsofyearsago,andmightstillspreadthem,grownradiantandglorious,millionsuponmillionsofyearshenceinatimeunborn。
IfonlyIcouldknowthetruth。WasLife(accordingtoBickley)
merelyashortactivityboundedbynothingnessbeforeandbehind;
or(accordingtoBastin)aconventionalgolden—harpedandhaloedimmortality,awordofwhichhedidnotintheleastunderstandthemeaning?
Orwasitsomethingquitedifferentfromeitherofthese,somethingvastandsplendidbeyondthereachofvision,somethingGod—sent,beginningandendingintheEternalAbsoluteandatlastpartakingofHisattributesandnatureandfromaeontoaeonshotthroughwithHislight?Andhowwasthetruthtobelearned?IaskedmyEasternfriends,andtheytalkedvaguelyoflongasceticpreparation,ofyearsuponyearsoflearning,fromwhomIcouldnotquitediscover。Iwassureitcouldnotbefromthem,becauseclearlytheydidnotknow;theyonlypassedonwhattheyhadheardelsewhere,whenorhowtheyeithercouldnotorwouldnotexplain。SoatlengthIgaveitup,havingsatisfiedmyselfthatallthiswasbutaneffortofOrientalimaginationcalledintolifebythesweetinfluencesoftheEasternstars。
Igaveitupandwentaway,thinkingthatIshouldforget。ButIdidnotforget。Iwasquickwithanewhope,oratanyratewithanewaspiration,andthatsecretchildofholydesiregrewandgrewwithinmysoul,tillatlengthitflasheduponmethatthissoulofminewasitselfthehiddenMasterfromwhichImustlearnmylesson。NowonderthatthoseEasternfriendscouldnotgivehisname,seeingthatwhatevertheyreallyknew,asdistinguishedfromwhattheyhadheard,anditwaslittleenough,eachofthemhadlearnedfromtheteachingofhisownsoul。
Thus,then,Itoobecameadreamerwithonlyonelonging,thelongingforwisdom,forthatspirittouchwhichshouldopenmyeyesandenablemetosee。
YetnowithappenedstrangelyenoughthatwhenIseemedwithinmyselftohavelittlefurtherinterestinthethingsoftheworld,andleastofallinwomen,I,whohadtakenanotherguesttodwellwithme,thosethingsoftheworldcamebacktomeandintheshapeofWomantheInevitable。Probablyitwassodecreedsinceisitnotwrittenthatnomancanlivetohimselfalone,orlosehimselfinwatchingandnurturingthegrowthofhisownsoul?
Ithappenedthus。IwenttoRomeonmywayhomefromIndia,andstayedthereawhile。OnthedayaftermyarrivalIwrotemynameinthebookofourMinistertoItalyatthattime,SirAlfredUpton,notbecauseIwishedhimtoaskmetodinner,butforthereasonthatIhadheardofhimasamanofarcheologicaltastesandthoughtthathemightenablemetoseethingswhichotherwiseIshouldnotsee。
AsitchancedheknewaboutmethroughsomeofmyDevonshireneighbourswhowerefriendsofhis,anddidaskmetodinneronthefollowingnight。Iacceptedandfoundmyselfoneofaconsiderableparty,someofthemdistinguishedEnglishpeoplewhoworeOrders,asiscustomarywhenonedineswiththerepresentativeofourSovereign。Seeingthese,andthisshowsthatinthebestofusvanityisonlylatent,forthefirsttimeinmylifeIwassorrythatIhadnoneandwasonlyplainMr。
Arbuthnotwho,asSirAlfredexplainedtomepolitely,mustgointodinnerlast,becausealltheresthadtitles,andwithoutevenaladyastherewasnotonetospare。
NorwasmylotbetteredwhenIgotthere,asIfoundmyselfseatedbetweenanItaliancountessandaRussianprince,neitherofwhomcouldtalkEnglish,while,alas,Iknewnoforeignlanguage,notevenFrenchinwhichtheyaddressedme,seemingsurprisedthatIdidnotunderstandthem。Iwashumiliatedatmyownignorance,althoughinfactIwasnotignorant,onlymyeducationhadbeenclassical。IndeedIwasagoodclassicandhadkeptupmyknowledgemoreorless,especiallysinceIbecameanidleman。InmyconfusionitoccurredtomethattheItaliancountessmightknowLatinfromwhichherownlanguagewasderived,andaddressedherinthattongue。Shestared,andSirAlfred,whowasnotfaroffandoverheardme(healsoknewLatin),burstintolaughterandproceededtoexplainthejokeinaloudvoice,firstinFrenchandtheninEnglish,totheassembledcompany,whoallbecameinfectedwithmerrimentandalsostaredatmeasacuriosity。
ThenitwasthatforthefirsttimeIsawNatalie,forowingtoamistakeofmydriverIhadarrivedratherlateandhadnotbeenintroducedtoher。Asherfather’sonlydaughter,hermotherbeingdead,shewasseatedattheendofthetablebehindafan—likearrangementofwhiteMadonnalilies,andshehadbentforwardand,liketheothers,waslookingatme,butinsuchafashionthatherheadfromthatdistanceseemedasthoughitweresurroundedandcrownedwithlilies。Indeedthegreatestartcouldnothaveproducedamorebeautifuleffectwhichwas,however,reallyoneofnakedaccident。
AnangellookingdownuponearththroughtheliliesofHeaven——thatwastheratherabsurdthoughtwhichflashedintomymind。Ididnotquiterealiseherfaceatfirstexceptthatitseemedtobebothdarkandfair;asafactherwavinghairwhichgrewratherlowuponherforehead,wasdark,andherlarge,softeyesweregrey。Ididnotknow,andtothismomentIdonotknowifshewasreallybeautiful,butcertainlythelightthatshonethroughthoseeyesofhersandseemedtobereflecteduponherdelicatefeatures,wasbeautyitself。Itwaslikethatglowingthroughathinvaseofthepurestalabasterwithinwhichalampisplaced,andIfeltthiseffecttoarisefromnochance,likethatofthelily—setting,but,asitwere,fromthelampofthespiritwithin。
Oureyesmet,andIsupposethatshesawthewonderandadmirationinmine。Atanyrateheramusedsmilefaded,leavingthefaceratherserious,thoughstillsweetlyserious,andatingeofcolourcreptoveritasthefirsthueofdawncreepsintoapearlysky。ThenshewithdrewherselfbehindthescreenofliliesandfortherestofthatdinnerwhichIthoughtwasnevercomingtoanend,practicallyIsawhernomore。OnlyInotedasshepassedoutthatalthoughnottall,shewasroundedandgracefulinshapeandthatherhandswerepeculiarlydelicate。
Afterwardsinthedrawing—roomherfather,withwhomIhadtalkedatthetable,introducedmetoher,saying:
"Mydaughteristherealarchaeologist,Mr。Arbuthnot,andI
thinkifyouaskher,shemaybeabletohelpyou。"
Thenhebustledawaytospeaktosomeofhisimportantguests,fromwhomIthinkhewasseekingpoliticalinformation。
"Myfatherexaggerates,"shesaidinasoftandverysympatheticvoice,"butperhaps"——andshemotionedmetoaseatatherside。
ThenwetalkedoftheplacesandthingsthatImoreparticularlydesiredtoseeand,well,theendofitwasthatI
wentbacktomyhotelinlovewithNatalie;andassheafterwardsconfessed,shewenttobedinlovewithme。
Itwasacuriousbusiness,morelikemeetingaveryoldfriendfromwhomonehadbeenseparatedbycircumstancesforascoreofyearsorsothananythingelse。Wewere,sotospeak,intimatefromthefirst;weknewallabouteachother,althoughhereandtherewassomethingnew,somethingdifferentwhichwecouldnotremember,linesofthought,veinsofmemorywhichwedidnotpossessincommon。OnonepointIamabsolutelyclear:itwasnotsolelytheeverydayandancientappealofwomantomanandmantowomanwhichdrewustogether,thoughdoubtlessthishaditspartinourattachmentasunderourhumanconditionsitmustdo,seeingthatitisNature’sbaittoensurethecontinuanceoftherace。Itwassomethingmore,somethingquitebeyondthatelementaryimpulse。