CHAPTERI
INSOMNIA
Oneafternoon,atlowwater,Mr。Isbister,ayoungartistlodgingatBoscastle,walkedfromthatplacetothepicturesquecoveofPentargen,desiringtoexaminethecavesthere。HalfwaydowntheprecipitouspathtothePentargenbeachhecamesuddenlyuponamansittinginanattitudeofprofounddistressbeneathaprojectingmassofrock。Thehandsofthismanhunglimplyoverhisknees,hiseyeswereredandstaringbeforehim,andhisfacewaswetwithtears。
HeglancedroundatIsbister’sfootfall。Bothmenweredisconcerted,Isbisterthemoreso,and,tooverridetheawkwardnessofhisinvoluntarypause,heremarked,withanairofmatureconviction,thattheweatherwashotforthetimeofyear。
"Very,"answeredthestrangershortly,hesitatedasecond,andaddedinacolourlesstone,"Ican’tsleep。"
Isbisterstoppedabruptly。"No?"wasallhesaid,buthisbearingconveyedhishelpfulimpulse。
"Itmaysoundincredible,"saidthestranger,turningwearyeyestoIsbister’sfaceandemphasizinghiswordswithalanguidhand,"butIhavehadnosleep———nosleepatallforsixnights。"
"Hadadvice?"
"Yes。Badadviceforthemostpart。Drugs。Mynervoussystem……Theyareallverywellfortherunofpeople。It’shardtoexplain。Idarenottake……sufficientlypowerfuldrugs。"
"Thatmakesitdifficult,"saidIsbister。
Hestoodhelplesslyinthenarrowpath,perplexedwhattodo。Clearlythemanwantedtotalk。Anideanaturalenoughunderthecircumstances,promptedhimtokeeptheconversationgoing。"I’veneversufferedfromsleeplessnessmyself,"hesaidinatoneofcommonplacegossip,"butinthosecasesIhaveknown,peoplehaveusuallyfoundsomething——"
"Idaremakenoexperiments。"
Hespokewearily。Hegaveagestureofrejection,andforaspacebothmenweresilent。
"Exercise?"suggestedIsbisterdiffidently,withaglancefromhisinterlocutor’sfaceofwretchednesstothetouringcostumehewore。
"ThatiswhatIhavetried。Unwiselyperhaps。I
havefollowedthecoast,dayafterday——fromNewQuay。Ithasonlyaddedmuscularfatiguetothemental。
Thecauseofthisunrestwasoverwork——trouble。
Therewassomething——"
Hestoppedasiffromsheerfatigue。Herubbedhisforeheadwithaleanhand。Heresumedspeechlikeonewhotalkstohimself。
"Iamalonewolf,asolitaryman,wanderingthroughaworldinwhichIhavenopart。Iamwifeless——
childless——whoisitspeaksofthechildlessasthedeadtwigsonthetreeoflife?Iamwifeless,Ichildless——Icouldfindnodutytodo。Nodesireeveninmyheart。OnethingatlastIsetmyselftodo。
"Isaid,Iwilldothis,andtodoit,toovercometheinertiaofthisdullbody,Iresortedtodrugs。GreatGod,I’vehadenoughofdrugs!Idon’tknowif__you__
feeltheheavyinconvenienceofthebody,itsexasperatingdemandoftimefromthemind——time——
life!Live!Weonlyliveinpatches。Wehavetoeat,andthencomesthedulldigestivecomplacencies——
orirritations。Wehavetotaketheairorelseourthoughtsgrowsluggish,stupid,runintogulfsandblindalleys。Athousanddistractionsarisefromwithinandwithout,andthencomesdrowsinessandsleep。Menseemtoliveforsleep。Howlittleofaman’sdayishisown——evenatthebest!Andthencomethosefalsefriends,thoseThughelpers,thealkaloidsthatstiflenaturalfatigueandkillrest——
blackcoffee,cocaine——"
"Isee,"saidIsbister。
"Ididmywork,"saidthesleeplessmanwithaquerulousintonation。
"Andthisistheprice?"
"Yes。"
Foralittlewhilethetworemainedwithoutspeaking。
"YoucannotimaginethecravingforrestthatI
feel——ahungerandthirst。Forsixlongdays,sincemyworkwasdone,mymindhasbeenawhirlpool,swift,unprogressiveandincessant,atorrentofthoughtsleadingnowhere,spinningroundswiftandsteady——"
Hepaused。"Towardsthegulf。"
"Youmustsleep,"saidIsbisterdecisively,andwithanairofaremedydiscovered。"Certainlyyoumustsleep。"
"Mymindisperfectlylucid。Itwasneverclearer。
ButIknowIamdrawingtowardsthevortex。
Presently——"
"Yes?"
"Youhaveseenthingsgodownaneddy?Outofthelightoftheday,outofthissweetworldofsanity——
down——"
"But,"expostulatedIsbister。
Themanthrewoutahandtowardshim,andhiseyeswerewild,andhisvoicesuddenlyhigh。"Ishallkillmyself。Ifinnootherway——atthefootofyonderdarkprecipicethere,wherethewavesaregreen,andthewhitesurgeliftsandfalls,andthatlittlethreadofwatertremblesdown。Thereatanyrateis……sleep。"
"That’sunreasonable,"saidIsbister,startledattheman’shystericalgustofemotion。"Drugsarebetterthanthat。"
"Thereatanyrateissleep,"repeatedthestranger,notheedinghim。
IsbisterlookedathimandwonderedtransitorilyifsomecomplexProvidencehadindeedbroughtthemtogetherthatafternoon。"It’snotacert,youknow,"
heremarked。"There’saclifflikethatatLulworthCove——ashigh,anyhow——andalittlegirlfellfromtoptobottom。Andlivesto—day——soundandwell。"
"Butthoserocksthere?"
"Onemightlieonthemratherdismallythroughacoldnight,brokenbonesgratingasoneshivered,chillwatersplashingoveryou。Eh?"
Theireyesmet。"Sorrytoupsetyourideals,"saidIsbisterwithasenseofdevil—may—careishbrilliance。
"Butasuicideoverthatcliff(oranycliffforthematterofthat),really,asanartist——"Helaughed。
"It’ssodamnedamateurish。"
"Buttheotherthing,"saidthesleeplessmanirritably,"theotherthing。Nomancankeepsaneifnightafternight——"
"Haveyoubeenwalkingalongthiscoastalone?"
"Yes。"
"Sillysortofthingtodo。Ifyou’llexcusemysayingso。Alone!Asyousay;bodyfagisnocureforbrainfag。Whotoldyouto?Nowonder;
walking!Andthesunonyourhead,heat,fag,solitude,allthedaylong,andthen,Isuppose,yougotobedandtryveryhard——eh?"
Isbisterstoppedshortandlookedatthesuffererdoubtfully。
"Lookattheserocks!"criedtheseatedmanwithasuddenforceofgesture。"Lookatthatseathathasshoneandquiveredthereforever!Seethewhitespumerushintodarknessunderthatgreatcliff。Andthisbluevault,withtheblindingsunpouringfromthedomeofit。Itisyourworld。Youacceptit,yourejoiceinit。Itwarmsandsupportsanddelightsyou。
Andforme——"
Heturnedhisheadandshowedaghastlyface,bloodshotpallideyesandbloodlesslips。Hespokealmostinawhisper。"Itisthegarmentofmymisery。
Thewholeworld……isthegarmentofmymisery。"
IsbisterlookedatallthewildbeautyofthesunlitcliffsaboutthemandbacktothatfaceofdespairForamomenthewassilent。
Hestarted,andmadeagestureofimpatientrejection。
"Yougetanight’ssleep,"hesaid,"andyouwon’tseemuchmiseryouthere。Takemywordforit。"
Hewasquitesurenowthatthiswasaprovidentialencounter。Onlyhalfanhouragohehadbeenfeelinghorriblybored。Herewasemploymentthebarethoughtofwhichwasrighteousself—applause。Hetookpossessionforthwith。ItseemedtohimthatthefirstneedofthisexhaustedbeingwascompanionshipHeflunghimselfdownonthesteeplyslopingturfbesidethemotionlessseatedfigure,anddeployedforthwithintoaskirmishinglineofgossip。
Hishearerseemedtohavelapsedintoapathy;
hestareddismallyseaward,andspokeonlyinanswertoIsbister’sdirectquestions——andnottoallofthoseButhemadenosignofobjectiontothisbenevolentintrusionuponhisdespair。
Inahelplesswayheseemedevengrateful,andwhenpresentlyIsbister,feelingthathisunsupportedtalkwaslosingvigour,suggestedthattheyshouldreascendthesteepandreturntowardsBoscastle,allegingtheviewintoBlackapit,hesubmittedquietly。
Halfwayuphebegantalkingtohimself,andabruptlyturnedaghastlyfaceonhishelper。"Whatcanbehappening?"heaskedwithagauntillustrativehand。
"Whatcanbehappening?Spin,spin,spin,spin。Itgoesroundandround,roundandroundforevermore。"
Hestoodwithhishandcircling"It’sallright,oldchap,"saidIsbisterwiththeairofanoldfriend。"Don’tworryyourself。Trusttome。"
Themandroppedhishandandturnedagain。TheywentoverthebrowinsinglefileandtotheheadlandbeyondPenally,withthesleeplessmangesticulatingeverandagain,andspeakingfragmentarythingsconcerninghiswhirlingbrain。AttheheadlandtheystoodforaspacebytheseatthatlooksintothedarkmysteriesofBlackapit,andthenhesatdown。Isbisterhadresumedhistalkwheneverthepathhadwidenedsufficientlyforthemtowalkabreast。HewasenlarginguponthecomplexdifficultyofmakingBoscastleHarbourinbadweather,whensuddenlyandquiteirrelevantlyhiscompanioninterruptedhimagain。
"Myheadisnotlikewhatitwas,"hesaid,gesticulatingforwantofexpressivephrases。"It’snotlikewhatitwas。Thereisasortofoppression,aweight。
No——notdrowsiness,wouldGoditwere!Itislikeashadow,adeepshadowfallingsuddenlyandswiftlyacrosssomethingbusy。Spin,spinintothedarknessThetumultofthought,theconfusion,theeddyandeddy。Ican’texpressit。Icanhardlykeepmymindonit——steadilyenoughtotellyou。"
Hestoppedfeebly。
"Don’ttrouble,oldchap,"saidIsbister。"IthinkIcanunderstand。Atanyrate,itdon’tmatterverymuchjustatpresentabouttellingme,youknow。"
Thesleeplessmanthrusthisknucklesintohiseyesandrubbedthem。Isbistertalkedforawhilewhilethisrubbingcontinued,andthenhehadafreshidea。
"Comedowntomyroom,"hesaid,"andtryapipe。
IcanshowyousomesketchesofthisBlackapit。Ifyou’dcare?"
Theotherroseobedientlyandfollowedhimdownthesteep。
SeveraltimesIsbisterheardhimstumbleastheycamedown,andhismovementswereslowandhesitating。
"Comeinwithme,"saidIsbister,"andtrysomecigarettesandtheblessedgiftofalcohol。Ifyoutakealcohol?"
Thestrangerhesitatedatthegardengate。Heseemednolongerclearlyawareofhisactions。"I
don’tdrink,"hesaidslowly,comingupthegardenpath,andafteramoment’sintervalrepeatedabsently,"No——Idon’tdrink。Itgoesround。Spin,itgoes——spin——"
Hestumbledatthedoorstepandenteredtheroomwiththebearingofonewhoseesnothing。
Thenhesatdownabruptlyandheavilyintheeasychair,seemedalmosttofallintoit。Heleantforwardwithhisbrowsonhishandsandbecamemotionless。
Presentlyhemadeafaintsoundinhisthroat。
Isbistermovedabouttheroomwiththenervousnessofaninexperiencedhost,makinglittleremarksthatscarcelyrequiredanswering。Hecrossedtheroomtohisportfolio,placeditonthetableandnoticedthemantelclock。
"Idon’tknowifyou’dcaretohavesupperwithme,"hesaidwithanunlightedcigaretteinhishand——
hismindtroubledwithadesignofthefurtiveadministrationofchloral。"Onlycoldmutton,youknow,butpassingsweet。Welsh。Andatart,Ibelieve。"
Herepeatedthisaftermomentarysilence。
Theseatedmanmadenoanswer。Isbisterstopped,matchinhand,regardinghim。
Thestillnesslengthened。Thematchwentout,thecigarettewasputdownunlit。Themanwascertainlyverystill。Isbistertookuptheportfolio,openedit,putitdown,hesitated,seemedabouttospeak。
"Perhaps,"hewhispereddoubtfully。Presentlyheglancedatthedoorandbacktothefigure。Thenhestoleontiptoeoutoftheroom,glancingathiscompanionaftereachelaboratepace。
Heclosedthedoornoiselessly。Thehousedoorwasstandingopen,andhewentoutbeyondtheporch,andstoodwherethemonkshoodroseatthecornerofthegardenbed。Fromthispointhecouldseethestrangerthroughtheopenwindow,stillanddim,sittingheadonhand。Hehadnotmoved。
Anumberofchildrengoingalongtheroadstoppedandregardedtheartistcuriously。Aboatmanexchangedcivilitieswithhim。Hefeltthatpossiblyhiscircumspectattitudeandpositionseemedpeculiarandunaccountable。Smoking,perhaps,mightseemmorenatural。Hedrewpipeandpouchfromhispocket,filledthepipeslowly。
"Iwonder,"……hesaid,withascarcelyperceptiblelossofcomplacency。"Atanyratewemustgivehimachance。"Hestruckamatchinthevirileway,andproceededtolighthispipe。
Presentlyheheardhislandladybehindhim,comingwithhislamplitfromthekitchen。Heturned,gesticulatingwithhispipe,andstoppedheratthedoorofhissitting—room。Hehadsomedifficultyinexplainingthesituationinwhispers,forshedidnotknowhehadavisitor。Sheretreatedagainwiththelamp,stillalittlemystifiedtojudgefromhermanner,andheresumedhishoveringatthecorneroftheporch,flushedandlessathisease。
Longafterhehadsmokedouthispipe,andwhenthebatswereabroad,hiscuriositydominatedhiscomplexhesitations,andhestolebackintohisdarklingsitting—room。Hepausedinthedoorway。Thestrangerwasstillinthesameattitude,darkagainstthewindow。Saveforthesingingofsomesailorsaboardoneofthelittleslate—carryingshipsintheharbour,theeveningwasverystill。Outside,thespikesofmonkshoodanddelphiniumstooderectandmotionlessagainsttheshadowofthehillside。SomethingflashedintoIsbister’smind;hestarted,andleaningoverthetable,listened。Anunpleasantsuspiciongrewstronger;becameconviction。Astonishmentseizedhimandbecame——dread!
Nosoundofbreathingcamefromtheseatedfigure!
Hecreptslowlyandnoiselesslyroundthetable,pausingtwicetolisten。Atlasthecouldlayhishandonthebackofthearmchair。Hebentdownuntilthetwoheadswereeartoear。
Thenhebentstilllowertolookupathisvisitor’sface。Hestartedviolentlyandutteredanexclamation。
Theeyeswerevoidspacesofwhite。
Helookedagainandsawthattheywereopenandwiththepupilsrolledunderthelids。Hewassuddenlyafraid。Overcomebythestrangenessoftheman’scondition,hetookhimbytheshoulderandshookhim。"Areyouasleep?"hesaid,withhisvoicejumpingintoalto,andagain,"Areyouasleep?"
Aconvictiontookpossessionofhismindthatthismanwasdead。Hesuddenlybecameactiveandnoisy,strodeacrosstheroom,blunderingagainstthetableashedidso,andrangthebell。
"Pleasebringalightatonce,"hesaidinthepassage。
"Thereissomethingwrongwithmyfriend。"
Thenhereturnedtothemotionlessseatedfigure,graspedtheshoulder,shookit,andshouted。Theroomwasfloodedwithyellowglareashisastonishedlandladyenteredwiththelight。Hisfacewaswhiteasheturnedblinkingtowardsher。"Imustfetchadoctoratonce,"hesaid。"Itiseitherdeathorafit。Isthereadoctorinthevillage?Whereisadoctortobefound?"
THETRANCE
Thestateofcatalepticrigourintowhichthismanhadfallen,lastedforanunprecedentedlengthoftime,andthenhepassedslowlytotheflaccidstate,toalaxattitudesuggestiveofprofoundrepose。Thenitwashiseyescouldbeclosed。
HewasremovedfromthehoteltotheBoscastlesurgery,andfromthesurgery,aftersomeweeks,toLondon。Buthestillresistedeveryattemptatreanimation。Afteratime,forreasonsthatwillappearlater,theseattemptswerediscontinued。Foragreatspacehelayinthatstrangecondition,inertandstillneitherdeadnorlivingbut,asitwere,suspended,hangingmidwaybetweennothingnessandexistence。
Hiswasadarknessunbrokenbyarayofthoughtorsensation,adreamlessinanition,avastspaceofpeace。
Thetumultofhismindhadswelledandrisentoanabruptclimaxofsilence。Wherewastheman?
Whereisanymanwheninsensibilitytakesholdofhim?
"Itseemsonlyyesterday,"saidIsbister。"I
rememberitallasthoughithappenedyesterday——
clearerperhaps,thanifithadhappenedyesterday。"
ItwastheIsbisterofthelastchapter,buthewasnolongerayoungman。Thehairthathadbeenbrownandatrifleinexcessofthefashionablelength,wasirongreyandclippedclose,andthefacethathadbeenpinkandwhitewasbuffandruddy。Hehadapointedbeardshotwithgrey。Hetalkedtoanelderlymanwhoworeasummersuitofdrill(thesummerofthatyearwasunusuallyhot)。ThiswasWarming,aLondonsolicitorandnextofkintoGraham,themanwhohadfallenintothetrance。AndthetwomenstoodsidebysideinaroominahouseinLondonregardinghisrecumbentfigure。
ItwasayellowfigureIyinglaxuponawater—bedandcladinaflowingshirt,afigurewithashrunkenfaceandastubbybeard,leanlimbsandlanknails,andaboutitwasacaseofthinglass。Thisglassseemedtomarkoffthesleeperfromtherealityoflifeabouthim,hewasathingapart,astrange,isolatedabnormality。
Thetwomenstoodclosetotheglass,peeringin。
"Thethinggavemeashock,"saidIsbister"I
feelaqueersortofsurpriseevennowwhenIthinkofhiswhiteeyes。Theywerewhite,youknow,rolledup。Cominghereagainbringsitallbacktome。
"Haveyouneverseenhimsincethattime?"askedWarming。
"Oftenwantedtocome,"saidIsbister;"butbusinessnowadaysistooseriousathingformuchholidaykeeping。I’vebeeninAmericamostofthetime。"
"IfIrememberrightly,"saidWarming,"youwereanartist?"
"Was。AndthenIbecameamarriedman。Isawitwasallupwithblackandwhite,verysoon——atleastforamediocreman,andIjumpedontoprocess。
ThosepostersontheCliffsatDoverarebymypeople。"
"Goodposters,"admittedthesolicitor,"thoughI
wassorrytoseethemthere。"I
"Lastaslongasthecliffs,ifnecessary,"exclaimedIsbisterwithsatisfaction。"Theworldchanges。
Whenhefellasleep,twentyyearsago,IwasdownatBoscastlewithaboxofwater—coloursandanoble,old—fashionedambition。Ididn’texpectthatsomedaymypigmentswouldglorifythewholeblessedcoastofEngland,fromLand’sEndroundagaintotheLizard。
Luckcomestoamanveryoftenwhenhe’snotlooking。"
Warmingseemedtodoubtthequalityoftheluck。
"Ijustmissedseeingyou,ifIrecollectaright。"
"YoucamebackbythetrapthattookmetoCamelfordrailwaystation。ItwascloseontheJubilee,Victoria’sJubilee,becauseIremembertheseatsandflagsinWestminster,andtherowwiththecabmanatChelsea。"
"TheDiamondJubilee,itwas,"saidWarming;
"thesecondone。"
"Ah,yes!AttheproperJubilee——theFiftyYearaffair——IwasdownatWookey——aboy。Imissedallthat……Whatafusswehadwithhim!Mylandladywouldn’ttakehimin,wouldn’tlethimstay——
helookedsoqueerwhenhewasrigid。Wehadtocarryhiminachairuptothehotel。AndtheBoscastledoctor——itwasn’tthepresentchap,buttheG。P。beforehim——wasathimuntilnearlytwo,with,meandthelandlordholdinglightsandsoforth。"
"Itwasacatalepticrigouratfirst,wasn’tit?"
"Stiff!——whereveryoubenthimhestuck。Youmighthavestoodhimonhisheadandhe’dhavestopped。Ineversawsuchstiffness。Ofcoursethis"
——heindicatedtheprostratefigurebyamovementofhishead——"isquitedifferent。And,ofcourse,thelittledoctor——whatwashisname?"
"Smithers?"
"Smithersitwas——wasquitewrongintryingtofetchhimroundtoosoon,accordingtoallaccounts。
Thethingshedid。Evennowitmakesmefeelall——
ugh!Mustard,snuff,pricking。Andoneofthosebeastlylittlethings,notdynamos——"
"Inductioncoils。"
"Yes。Youcouldseehismusclesthrobandjump,andhetwistedabout。Therewasjusttwoflaringyellowcandles,andalltheshadowswereshivering,andthelittledoctornervousandputtingonside,andhim——starkandsquirminginthemostunnaturalways。Well,itmademedream。"
Pause。
"It’sastrangestate,"saidWarming。
"It’sasortofcompleteabsence,"saidIsbister。
"Here’sthebody,empty。Notdeadabit,andyetnotalive。It’slikeaseatvacantandmarked’engaged。’
Nofeeling,nodigestion,nobeatingoftheheart——notaflutter。__That__doesn’tmakemefeelasiftherewasamanpresent。Inasenseit’smoredeadthandeath,forthesedoctorstellmethateventhehairhasstoppedgrowing。Nowwiththeproperdead,thehairwillgoongrowing——"
"Iknow,"saidWarming,withaflashofpaininhisexpression。
Theypeeredthroughtheglassagain。Grahamwasindeedinastrangestate,intheflaccidphaseofatrance,butatranceunprecedentedinmedicalhistory。
Tranceshadlastedforasmuchasayearbefore——butattheendofthattimeithadeverbeenwakingoradeath;sometimesfirstoneandthentheother。Isbisternotedthemarksthephysicianshadmadeininjectingnourishment,forthatdevicehadbeenresortedtotopostponecollapse;hepointedthemouttoWarming,whohadbeentryingnottoseethem。
"AndwhilehehasbeenIyinghere,"saidIsbister,withthezestofalifefreelyspent,"Ihavechangedmyplansinlife;married,raisedafamily,myeldestlad——
Ihadn’tbeguntothinkofsonsthen——isanAmericancitizen,andlookingforwardtoleavingHarvard。
There’satouchofgreyinmyhair。Andthisman,notadayoldernorwiser(practically)thanIwasinmydownydays。It’scurioustothinkof。"
Warmingturned。"AndIhavegrownoldtoo。I
playedcricketwithhimwhenIwasstillonlyalad。
Andhelooksayoungmanstill。Yellowperhaps。
Butthatisayoungmannevertheless。"
"Andthere’sbeentheWar,"saidIsbister。
"Frombeginningtoend。"
"AndtheseMartians。"
"I’veunderstood,"saidIsbisterafterapause,"thathehadsomemoderatepropertyofhisown?"
"Thatisso,"saidWarming。Hecoughedprimly。
"Asithappens——havechargeofit。"
"Ah!"Isbisterthought,hesitatedandspoke:
"Nodoubt——hiskeephereisnotexpensive——nodoubtitwillhaveimproved——accumulated?"
"Ithas。Hewillwakeupverymuchbetteroff——
ifhewakes——thanwhenheslept。"
"Asabusinessman,"saidIsbister,"thatthoughthasnaturallybeeninmymind。Ihave,indeed,sometimesthoughtthat,speakingcommercially,ofcourse,thissleepmaybeaverygoodthingforhim。Thatheknowswhatheisabout,sotospeak,inbeinginsensiblesolong。Ifhehadlivedstraighton——"
"Idoubtifhewouldhavepremeditatedasmuch,"
saidWarming。"Hewasnotafar—sightedman。Infact——"
"Yes?"