Myeyeshadbeenmeetingherswithout,asitwere,hersquitemeetingmine。Butatthistherehadtobeintercourse。"Bymyhusband。"
ItpulledMEupatrifle。"Brissendenknows?"
Shehesitated;then,asifatmytone,gavealaugh。"Don’tyousupposeI’vetoldhim?"
Ireallycouldn’tbutadmireher。"Ah——soyouHAVEtalked!"
Itdidn’tconfoundher。"One’shusbandisn’ttalk。You’recruelmoreover,"
shecontinued,"tomyjoke。ItwasBriss,poordear,whotalked——though,Imean,onlytome。HEknows。"
Icastabout。"Sincewhen?"
Butshehaditready。"Sincethisevening。"
OncemoreIcouldn’tbutsmile。"Justintimethen!AndtheWAYheknows——?"
"Oh,theway!"——shehadatthisaslightdrop。Butshecameupagain。
"Itakehisword。"
"Youhaven’tthenaskedhim?"
"Thebeautyofitwas——halfanhourago,upstairs——thatIHADN’Ttoask。Hecameoutwithithimself,andTHAT——togiveyouthewholething——was,ifyoulike,mymoment。Hedroppeditonme,"shecontinuedtoexplain,"withoutintheleast,sweetinnocent,knowingwhathewasdoing;more,atleast,thatis,thangiveheraway。"
"Which,"Iconcurred,"wascomparativelynothing!"
Butshehadnoearforirony,andshemadeoutstillmoreofherstory。
"He’ssimple——buthesees。"
"Andwhenhesees"——Icompletedthepicture——"heluckilytells。"
Shequiteagreedwithmethatitwaslucky,butwithoutprejudicetohisacutenessandtowhathadbeeninhimmoreoveranaturalrevulsion。
"Hehasseen,inshort;therecomessomechancewhenonedoes。His,asluckilyasyouplease,camethisevening。IfyouaskmewhatitshowedhimyouaskmorethanI’VEeithercaredorhadtimetoask。Doyouconsider,forthatmatter"——sheputittome——"thatonedoesask?"Asherhighsmoothness——suchwasthewonderofthisreascendancy——almostdeprivedmeofmymeans,shewaswiseandgentlewithme。"Letusleaveitalone。"
Ifairly,whilemylookatherturnedrueful,scratchedmyhead。"Don’tyouthinkitalittlelateforthat?"
"Lateforeverything!"sheimpatientlysaid。"Butthereyouare。"
Ifixedthefloor。ThereindeedIwas。ButItriedtostaythere——justthereonly——asshortatimeaspossible。Something,moreover,afterall,caughtmeup。"ButifBrissendenalreadyknew——?"
"Ifheknew?"Shestillgaveme,withoutprejudicetoheringenuity——andindeeditwasapartofthis——alltheworkshecould。
"Why,thatLongandLadyJohnwerethick?"
"Ah,then,"shecried,"youadmittheyARE!"
"AmInotadmittingeverythingyoutellme?ButthemoreIadmit,"I
explained,"themoreImustunderstand。It’sTOadmit,yousee,thatI
inquire。IfBrisscamedownwithLadyJohnyesterdaytoobligeMr。Long——"
"Hedidn’tcome,"sheinterrupted,"toobligeMr。Long!"
"Well,then,toobligeLadyJohnherself——"
"Hedidn’tcometoobligeLadyJohnherself!"
"Well,then,toobligehiscleverwife——"
"Hedidn’tcometoobligehiscleverwife!Hecame,"saidMrs。Briss,"justtoamusehimself。HeHAShisamusements,andit’sodd,"sheremarkablylaughed,"thatyoushouldgrudgethemtohim!"
"ItwouldbeoddindeedifIdid!Butputhisproceeding,"Icontinued,"onanygroundyoulike;youdescribedtomethepurposeofitasascreeningofthepair。"
"Idescribedtoyouthepurposeofitasnothingofthesort。Ididn’tdescribetoyouthepurposeofit,"saidMrs。Briss,"atall。Idescribedtoyou,"shetriumphantlysetforth,"theEFFECTofit——whichisaverydifferentthing。"
Icouldonlymeetherwithadmiration。"You’reofanastuteness——!"
"OfcourseI’mofanastuteness!ISEEeffects。AndIsawthatone。
HowmuchBrisshimselfhadseenitis,asI’vetoldyou,anothermatter;
andwhathehad,atanyrate,quitetakentheaffairforwasthesortofflirtationinwhich,ifoneisafriendtoeitherparty,andone’sownfeelingsarenotatstake,onemaynowandthengivepeoplealift。Haven’tIaskedyoubefore,"shedemanded,"ifyousupposehewouldhavegivenonehadhehadanideawherethesepeopleARE?"
"Iscarceknowwhatyouhaveaskedmebefore!"Isighed;"and’wheretheyare’isjustwhatyouhaven’ttoldme。"
"It’swheremyhusbandwassoannoyedunmistakablytodiscoverthem。"
Andasifshehadquitefixedthepointshepassedtoanother。"He’speculiar,dearoldBriss,butinawaybywhich,ifoneuseshim——bywhich,Imean,ifonedependsonhim——atall,onegains,Ithink,morethanoneloses。
Uptoacertainpoint,inanycasethat’stheleastacaseforsubtlety,heseesnothingatall;butbeyondit——whenoncehedoeswakeup——he’llgothroughahouse。Nothingthenescapeshim,andwhathedragstolightissometimesappalling。"
"Rather,"Ithoughtfullyresponded——"sincewitnessthisoccasion!"
"Butisn’ttheinterestofthisoccasion,asI’vealreadysuggested,"
shepropounded,"simplythatitmakesanend,burstsabubble,ridsusofanincubusandpermitsustogotobedinpeace?IthankGod,"shemoralised,"fordearoldBrissto—night。"
"SodoI,"Iafteramomentreturned;"butIshalldosowithstillgreaterfervourifyou’llhaveforthespaceofanotherquestionastillgreaterpatience。"Withwhich,asafinalmovementfromherseemedtosayhowmuchthiswastoask,IhadonmyownsideacertainexasperationofsorenessforallIhadtoacknowledge——evenwereitmereacknowledgment——thatshehadbroughtrattlingdown。"Remember,"Ipleaded,"thatyou’recostingmeaperfectpalaceofthought!"
Icouldseetoothat,heldunexpectedlybysomethinginmytone,shereallytookitin。Couldn’tIevenalmostseethat,foranoddinstant,sheregrettedtheblightedpleasureofthepursuitoftruthwithme?I
needed,atallevents,nobetterproofeitherofthesweetorofthebitterinhercomprehensionthantheaccentwithwhichshereplied:"Oh,thosewholiveinglasshouses——"
"Shouldn’t——no,Iknowtheyshouldn’t——throwstones;andthat’spreciselywhyIdon’t。"Ihadtakenherimmediatelyup,andIheldherbyitandbysomethingbetterstill。"You,fromyourfortressofgranite,canchuckthemaboutasyouwill!Allthemorereason,however,"Iquicklyadded,"that,beforemyfrail,but,asImaintain,quitesublimestructure,youhonourme,forafewseconds,withanintelligentlookatit。Iseemmyselftoseeitagain,perfectineverypart,"Ipursued,"evenwhileIthusspeaktoyou,andtofeelafreshthat,weren’tthewretchedaccidentofitsweakfoundation,itwouldn’thavetheshadowofaflaw。I’vespokenofitinmyconceivableregret,"Iconceded,"asalreadyamereheapofdisfiguredfragments;butthatwastheextravaganceofmyvexation,mydespair。It’sinpointoffactsobeautifullyfittedthatitcomesapartpiecebypiece——which,sofarasthatgoes,you’veseenitdointhelastquarterofanhouratyourowntouch,quitehandingmethepieces,onebyone,yourselfandwatchingmestackthemalongtheground。They’renoteveninthisstate——see!"Iwoundup——"apileofruins!"Iwoundup,asIsay,butonlyforlongenoughtohave,withthevibration,theexaltation,ofmyeloquence,mysmalltriumphasagainsthergreatone。"Ishouldalmostlike,piecebypiece,tohandthembacktoyou。"AndthistimeIcompletedmyfigure。"Ibelievethat,fortheverycharmofit,you’dfindyourselfplacingthembyyourownsenseintheirorderandrearingoncemorethesplendidpile。WillyoutakejustONEofthemfrommeagain,"Iinsisted,"andletmeseeifonlytohaveitinyourhandsdoesn’tpositivelystartyouoff?That’swhatImeantjustnowbyaskingyouforanotheranswer。"
Shehadremainedsilent,asifreallyinthepresenceoftherisingmagnificenceofmymetaphor,anditwasnottoolatefortheonechanceleftme。"Therewasnothing,youknow,IhadsofittedasyouraccountofpoorMrs。Serverwhen,onourseeingthem,fromtheterrace,togetherbelow,youstruckoffyourexplanationthatoldBrisswasHERscreenforLong。"
"Fitted?"——andtherewassincerityinhersurprise。"Ithoughtmystupidideatheoneforwhichyouhadexactlynouse!"
"Ihadnouse,"Iinstantlyconcurred,"foryourstupididea,butI
hadgreatuseforyourstupidly,alas!havingit。THATfittedbeautifully,"
Ismiled,"tillthepiececameout。Andevennow,"Iadded,"Idon’tfeelitquiteaccountedfor。"
"Theirbeingtheretogether?"
"No。Yournotlikingitthattheywere。"
Shestared。"Notlikingit?"
Icouldseehowlittleindeedshemindednow,butIalsokeptthethreadofmyownintellectualhistory。"Yes。YournotlikingitiswhatIspeakofasthepiece。Iholdit,yousee,upbeforeyou。What,artistically,wouldyoudowithit?"
Butonemighttakeahorsetowater——!Ihelditupbeforeher,butIcouldn’tmakeherlookatit。"HowdoyouknowwhatImayn’t,ormay,haveliked?"
Itdidbringmeto。"Becauseyouwereconsciousofnottellingme?Well,evenifyoudidn’t——!"
"Thatmadenodifference,"sheinquiredwithagenerousderision,"becauseyoucouldalwaysimagine?Ofcourseyoucouldalwaysimagine——whichispreciselywhatisthematterwithyou!ButI’msurprisedatyourcomingtomewithitoncemoreasevidenceofanything。"
Istoodrebuked,andevenmoresothanIshowedher,forsheneed,obviously,onlydeclinetotakeoneofmycounterstodepriveitofallvalueascoin。
WhenshepusheditacrossIhadbuttopocketitagain。"ItIStheweaknessofmycase,"IfeeblyandIdaresayawkwardlymusedather,"thatanyparticularthingyoudon’tgrantmebecomesstraightwaythestrengthofyours。Ofcourse,however"——andIgavemyselfashake——"I’mabsolutelyrejoicing(amInot?)inthestrengthofyours。Theweaknessofmyowniswhat,underyourinstruction,I’mnowgoinginto;butdon’tyouseehowmuchweakeritwillshowifIdrawfromyouthefullexpressionofyourindifference?
HowCOULDyouinfactcarewhenwhatyouwereattheverymomenturgingonmesohardwastheextravaganceofMrs。Server’sconduct?Thatextravagancethenprovedher,toyoureyes,thewomanwhohadaconnectionwithLongtokeeptheworldoffthescentof——thoughyoumaintainedthatinspiteofthedustshekickedupbyitshewas,atapinch,nowandthentobecaughtwithhim。ThatinsteadofbeingcaughtwithhimshewascaughtonlywithBrissendenannoyedyounaturallyforthemoment;butwhatwasthatannoyancecomparedtoyourappreciationofhershowing——byundertakingyourhusband,ofallpeople!——justthemoremarkedlyASextravagant?"
Shehadbeensufficientlyinterestedthistimetofollowme。"Whatwasitindeed?"
Igreetedheracquiescence,butIinsisted。"Andyetifsheisextravagant——whatdoyoudowithit?"
"Ithoughtyouwouldn’thearofit!"sheexclaimed。
Isoughttocombinefirmnesswithmymildness。"Whatdoyoudowithit?"
Butshecouldmatchmeatthis。"Ithoughtyouwouldn’thearofit!"
"It’snotaquestionofmydispositions。It’saquestionofherhavingbeen,ornotbeen,foryou’allovertheplace,’andofeveryone’salsobeing,foryou,onthechatteraboutit。YougobythatinrespecttoLong——byyourholding,thatis,thatnothinghasbeennoticed;thereforemustn’tyougobyitinrespecttoHER——sinceIunderstandfromyouthateverythinghas?"
"Everythingalwaysis,"Mrs。Brissagreeablyreplied,"inaplaceandapartylikethis;butsolittle——anythinginparticular——that,withpeoplemoving’everywhich’way,itcomestothesameasifnothingwas。Thingsarenot,also,gougedouttoYOURtune,anditdepends,stillfurther,onwhatyoumeanby’extravagant。"’
"Imeanwhateveryouyourselfmeant。"
"Well,Imyselfmeannolonger,youknow,whatIdidmean。"
"Sheisn’tthen——?"
Butsuddenlyshewasalmostsharpwithme。"Isn’twhat?"
"Whatthewomanwesoearnestlylookedforwouldhavetobe。"
"Allgone?"Shehadhesitated,butshewentonwithdecision。"No,sheisn’tallgone,sincetherewasenoughofherlefttomakeuptopoorBriss。"
"Precisely——andit’sjustwhatwesaw,andjustwhat,withherotherdashesofthesamesort,ledustohavetofacethequestionofherbeing——well,whatIsay。Orrather,"Iadded,"whatYOUsay。Thatis,"Iamended,tokeepperfectlystraight,"whatyousayyouDON’Tsay。"
Itookindeedtoomanyprecautionsformyfriendnottohavetolookatthem。"Extravagant?"Theirritationofthewordhadgrownforher,yetIriskedrepeatingit,andwiththeeffectofitsgivingheranotherpause。
"ItellyousheISN’Tthat!"
"Exactly;andit’sonlytoaskyouwhatintheworldthensheIS。"
"She’shorrid!"saidMrs。Briss。
"’Horrid’?"Igloomilyechoed。
"Horrid。Itwasn’t,"shethendevelopedwithdecision,"a’dash,’asyousay,’ofthesamesort’——thoughgoodnessknowsofwhatsortyoumean:
itwasn’t,tobeplain,a’dash’atall。"MycompanionWASplain。"Shesettled。Shestuck。"Andfinally,asIcouldbutechoheragain:"Shemadelovetohim。"
"But——a——really?"
"Really。That’showIknew。"
Iwasatsea。"’Knew’?Butyousaw。"
"Iknew——thatisIlearnt——morethanIsaw。Iknewshecouldn’tbegone。"
Itinfactbroughtlight。"KnewitbyHIM?"
"Hetoldme,"saidMrs。Briss。
Itbroughtlight,butitbroughtalso,Ifear,forme,anotherqueergrimace。"Doeshethenregularlytell?"
"Regularly。Butwhathetells,"shedidherselfthejusticetodeclare,"isnotalwayssomuchtothepointasthetwothingsI’verepeatedtoyou。"
TheirweightthensuggestedthatIshouldhavethemoveragain。"Hisrevelation,inthefirstplace,ofLongandLadyJohn?"
"Andhisrevelationinthesecond"——shespokeofitasabroadjoke——"ofMayServerandhimself。"
Therewassomethinginherjokethatwasachilltomymind;butIneverthelessplayedup。"Andwhatdoeshesaythat’sfurtherinterestingaboutTHAT?"
"Why,thatshe’sawfullysharp。"
Igasped——sheturneditoutso。"SHE——Mrs。Server?"
Itmadeher,however,equallystare。"Why,isn’tittheverythingyoumaintained?"
Ifeltherdreadfullogic,butIcouldn’t——withmyexquisiteimageallcontrasted,asinaflashfromflint,withthismonstrosity——somuchasentertainherquestion。Icouldonlystupidlyagainsoundit。"Awfullysharp?"
"Youafterallthennowdon’t?"Itwassheherselfwhomthewordsatpresentdescribed!"ThenwhatonearthDOyouthink?"Thestrangemixtureinmyfacenaturallymadeheraskit,buteverything,withinaminute,hadsomehowsogivenwayunderthetouchofhersupremeassurance,thepresentationofherownnowfinishedsystem,thatIdaresayIcouldn’tatthemomenthaveintheleasttrustedmyselftotellher。Sheleftme,however,infact,smalltime——sheonlytookenough,withhernegationsarrayedandherinsolencerecaptured,tojudgemeafresh,whichshedidasshegatheredherselfupintothestrengthoftwenty—five。Ididn’tafterall——itappearedpartofmysmash——knowtheweightofherhusband’syears,butIknewtheweightofmyown。Theymighthavebeenathousand,andnothingbutthesenseofthemwouldinamoment,Isaw,beleftme。"Mypoordear,youAREcrazy,andIbidyougood—night!"
Nothingbutthesenseofthem——onmytakingitfromherwithoutasoundandwatchingher,throughthelightedrooms,retreatanddisappear——WAS
atfirstleftme;butafteraminutesomethingelsecame,andIgrewconsciousthatherverdictlingered。Shehadsohadthelastwordthat,togetoutofitsplantedpresence,Ishookmyself,asIhaddonebefore,frommythought。WhenonceIhadstartedtomyroomindeed——andtopreparationforalivelierstartassoonasthehouseshouldstiragain——Ialmostbreathlesslyhurried。Suchalastword——thewordthatputmealtogethernowhere——wastoounacceptablenottoprescribeafreshthatprompttestofescapetootherairforwhichIhadearlierintheeveningseensomuchreason。I
SHOULDcertainlyneveragain,onthespot,quitehangtogether,eventhoughitwasn’treallythatIhadn’tthreetimeshermethod。WhatItoofatallylackedwashertone。
第16章