"Dearme，"saidI，"howveryextraordinary！Doyouthinkthatyourgoingtosleepiscausedbythemeadoworthebook？""Isupposebyboth，"saidmynewacquaintance，"actinginco—operation。""Itmaybeso，"saidI；"themagicinfluencedoescertainlynotproceedfromthemeadowalone；
　　forsinceIhavebeenhere，Ihavenotfelttheslightestinclinationtosleep。Doesthebookconsistofproseorpoetry？""Itconsistsofpoetry，"saidtheindividual。"NotByron’s？"saidI。"Byron’s！"repeatedtheindividual，withasmileofcontempt；"no，no；thereisnothingnarcoticinByron’spoetry。Idon’tlikeit。Iusedtoreadit，butitthrilled，agitated，andkeptmeawake。No；thisisnotByron’spoetry，buttheinimitable—’s"—mentioninganamewhichIhadneverheardtillthen。"Willyoupermitmetolookatit？"saidI。"Withpleasure，"heanswered，politelyhandingmethebook。Itookthevolume，andglancedoverthecontents。Itwaswritteninblankverse，andappearedtoaboundindescriptionsofscenery；therewasmuchmentionofmountains，valleys，streams，andwaterfalls，harebellsanddaffodils。Thesedescriptionswereinterspersedwithdialogues，which，thoughtheyproceededfromthemouthsofpedlarsandrustics，wereofthemostedifyingdescription；
　　mostlyonsubjectsmoralormetaphysical，andcouchedinthemostgentlemanlyandunexceptionablelanguage，withouttheslightestmixtureofvulgarity，coarseness，orpie—baldgrammar。Suchappearedtometobethecontentsofthebook；
　　butbeforeIcouldformaveryclearideaofthem，Ifoundmyselfnodding，andasurprisingdesiretosleepcomingoverme。Rousingmyself，however，byastrongeffort，Iclosedthebook，and，returningittotheowner，inquiredofhim，"Whetherhehadanymotiveincomingandlyingdowninthemeadow，besidesthewishofenjoyingsleep？""Nonewhatever，"hereplied；"indeed，Ishouldbeverygladnottobecompelledtodoso，alwaysprovidedIcouldenjoytheblessingofsleep；forbylyingdownundertrees，Imaypossiblycatchtherheumatism，orbestungbyserpents；and，moreover，intherainyseasonandwinterthethingwillbeimpossible，unlessIerectatent，whichwillpossiblydestroythecharm。""Well，"saidI，"youneedgiveyourselfnofurthertroubleaboutcominghere，asIamfullyconvincedthatwiththisbookinyourhand，youmaygotosleepanywhere，asyourfriendwasdoubtlessaware，thoughhewishedtointerestyourimaginationforatimebypersuadingyoutolieabroad；therefore，infuture，wheneveryoufeeldisposedtosleep，trytoreadthebook，andyouwillbesoundasleepinaminute；thenarcoticinfluenceliesinthebook，andnotinthefield。""Iwillfollowyouradvice，"
　　saidtheindividual；"andthisverynighttakeitwithmetobed；thoughIhopeintimetobeabletosleepwithoutit，mynervesbeingalreadymuchquietedfromtheslumbersIhaveenjoyedinthisfield。"Hethenmovedtowardsthegate，whereweparted；hegoingoneway，andIandmyhorsetheother。
　　Morethantwentyyearssubsequenttothisperiod，aftermuchwanderingabouttheworld，returningtomynativecountry，I
　　wasinvitedtoaliterarytea—party，where，thediscourseturninguponpoetry，I，inordertoshowthatIwasnotmoreignorantthanmyneighbours，begantotalkaboutByron，forwhosewritingsIreallyentertainedconsiderableadmiration，thoughIhadnoparticularesteemforthemanhimself。Atfirst，IreceivednoanswertowhatIsaid—thecompanymerelysurveyingmewithakindofsleepystare。Atlengthalady，abouttheageofforty，withalargewartonherface，observed，inadrawlingtone，"ThatshehadnotreadByron—
　　atleast，sincehergirlhood—andthenonlyafewpassages；
　　butthattheimpressiononhermindwas，thathiswritingswereofahighlyobjectionablecharacter。""Ialsoreadalittleofhiminmyboyhood，"saidagentlemanaboutsixty，butwhoevidently，fromhisdressanddemeanour，wishedtoappearaboutthirty，"butIhighlydisapprovedofhim；for，notwithstandinghewasanobleman，heisfrequentlyverycoarse，andveryfondofraisingemotion。NowemotioniswhatIdislike；"drawlingoutthelastsyllableoftheworddislike。"Thereisonlyonepoetforme—thedivine—"andthenhementionedanamewhichIhadonlyonceheard，andafterwardsquiteforgotten；thesamementionedbythesnorerinthefield。"Ah！thereisnoonelikehim！"murmuredsomemoreofthecompany；"thepoetofnature—ofnaturewithoutitsvulgarity。"Iwishedverymuchtoaskthesepeoplewhethertheywereeverbadsleepers，andwhethertheyhadreadthepoet，socalled，fromadesireofbeingsettosleep。Withinafewdays，however，Ilearntthatithadoflatebecomeveryfashionableandgenteeltoappearhalfasleep，andthatonecouldexhibitnobettermarkofsuperfinebreedingthanbyoccasionallyincompanysettingone’srhomalorganinaction。Ithenceasedtowonderatthepopularity，whichIfoundnearlyuniversal，of—’spoetry；
　　for，certainlyinordertomakeone’sselfappearsleepyincompany，oroccasionallytoinducesleep，nothingcouldbemoreefficaciousthanaslightprelectionofhispoems。SopoorByron，withhisfireandemotion—tosaynothingofhismouthingsandcoxcombry—wasdethroned，asIprophesiedhewouldbemorethantwentyyearsbefore，onthedayofhisfuneral，thoughIhadlittleideathathishumiliationwouldhavebeenbroughtaboutbyone，whosesolestrengthconsistsinsettingpeopletosleep。Well，allthingsaredoomedtoterminateinsleep。Beforethattermination，however，Iwillventuretoprophesythatpeoplewillbecomealittlemoreawake—snoringandyawningbealittlelessinfashion—andpoorByronbeoncemorereinstatedonhisthrone，thoughhisrivalwillalwaysstandagoodchanceofbeingworshippedbythosewhoseruinednervesareinsensibletothenarcoticpowersofopiumandmorphine。
　　CHAPTERXXIII
　　DriversandFrontOutsidePassengers—FatigueofBodyandMind—UnexpectedGreeting—MyInn—TheGovernor—
　　Engagement。
　　ICONTINUEDmyjourney，passingthroughoneortwovillages。
　　Thedaywasexceedinglyhot，andtheroadsdusty。Inordertocausemyhorseaslittlefatigueaspossible，andnottochafehisback，Iledhimbythebridle，mydoingwhichbroughtuponmeashowerofremarks，jests，andwould—bewitticismsfromthedriversandfrontoutsidepassengersofsundrystage—coacheswhichpassedmeinonedirectionortheother。InthiswayIproceededtillconsiderablypastnoon，whenIfeltmyselfveryfatigued，andmyhorseappearednolessso；anditisprobablethatthelazyandlistlessmannerinwhichweweremovingon，tiredusbothmuchmoreeffectuallythanhurryingalongataswifttrotwouldhavedone，forIhaveobservedthatwhentheenergiesofthebodyarenotexertedalanguorfrequentlycomesoverit。Atlengtharrivingataverylargebuildingwithanarchway，neartheentranceofatown，Isatdownonwhatappearedtobeastepping—block，andpresentlyexperiencedagreatdepressionofspirits。IbegantoaskmyselfwhitherIwasgoing，andwhatIshoulddowithmyselfandthehorsewhichI
　　heldbythebridle？ItappearedtomethatIwasaloneintheworldwiththepooranimal，wholookedforsupporttome，whoknewnothowtosupportmyself。ThentheimageofIsopelBernerscameintomymind，andwhenIthoughthowIhadlostherforever，andhowhappyImighthavebeenwithherintheNewWorldhadshenotdesertedme，Ibecameyetmoremiserable。
　　AsIsatinthisstateofmind，Isuddenlyfeltsomeoneclapmeontheshoulder，andheardavoicesay，"Ha！comradeofthedingle，whatchancehasbroughtyouintotheseparts？"I
　　turnedround，andbeheldamaninthedressofapostillion，whomIinstantlyrecognizedashetowhomIhadrenderedassistanceonthenightofthestorm。
　　"Ah！"saidI，"isityou？Iamgladtoseeyou，forIwasfeelingverylonelyandmelancholy。"
　　"Lonelyandmelancholy，"hereplied，"howisthat？howcananyonebelonelyandmelancholywithsuchanoblehorseasthatyouholdbythebridle？"
　　"Thehorse，"saidI，"isonecauseofmymelancholy，forI
　　knownotintheworldwhattodowithit。"
　　"Itisyourown？"
　　"Yes，"saidI，"Imaycallitmyown，thoughIborrowedthemoneytopurchaseit。"
　　"Well，whydon’tyousellit？"
　　"Itisnotalwayseasytofindapurchaserforahorselikethis，"saidI；"canyourecommendmeone？"
　　"I？Whyno，notexactly；butyou’llfindapurchasershortly—pooh！ifyouhavenoothercausefordisquietthanthathorse，cheerup，man，don’tbecastdown。Haveyounothingelseonyourmind？Bythebye，what’sbecomeoftheyoungwomanyouwerekeepingcompanywithinthatqueerlodgingplaceofyours？"
　　"Shehasleftme，"saidI。
　　"Youquarrelled，Isuppose？"
　　"No，"saidI，"wedidnotexactlyquarrel，butweareparted。"
　　"Well，"repliedhe，"butyouwillsooncometogetheragain。"
　　"No，"saidI，"wearepartedforever。"
　　"Forever！Pooh！youlittleknowhowpeoplesometimescometogetheragainwhothinktheyarepartedforever。Here’ssomethingonthatpointrelatingtomyself。Youremember，whenItoldyoumystoryinthatdingleofyours，thatI
　　mentionedayoungwoman，myfellow—servantwhenIlivedwiththeEnglishfamilyinMumboJumbo’stown，andhowsheandI，whenourfoolishgovernorswerethinkingofchangingtheirreligion，agreedtostandbyeachother，andbetruetooldChurchofEngland，andtogiveourgovernorswarning，providedtheytriedtomakeusrenegades。Well，sheandI
　　partedsoonafterthat，andnevertomeetagain，yetwemettheotherdayinthefields，forshelatelycametolivewithagreatfamilynotfarfromhere，andwehavesinceagreedtomarry，totakealittlefarm，forwehavebothatrifleofmoney，andlivetogethertill’deathusdopart。’Somuchforpartingforever！ButwhatdoImeanbykeepingyoubroilinginthesunwithyourhorse’sbridleinyourhand，andyouonmyownground？Doyouknowwhereyouare？Why，thatgreathouseismyinn，thatis，it’smymaster’s，thebestfellowin—。Comealong，youandyourhorsebothwillfindawelcomeatmyinn。"
　　Thereuponheledthewayintoalargecourtinwhichtherewerecoaches，chaises，andagreatmanypeople；takingmyhorsefromme，heleditintoanicecoolstall，andfastenedittotherack—hethenconductedmeintoapostillion’skeeping—room，whichatthattimechancedtobeempty，andhethenfetchedapotofbeerandsatdownbyme。
　　AfteralittleconversationheaskedmewhatIintendedtodo，andItoldhimfranklythatIdidnotknow；whereuponheobservedthat，providedIhadnoobjection，hehadlittledoubtthatIcouldbeaccommodatedforsometimeathisinn。
　　"Ourupperostler，"saidhe，"diedaboutaweekago；hewasacleverfellow，and，besideshistrade，understoodreadingandaccounts。"
　　"Dearme，"saidI，interruptinghim，"Iamnotfittedfortheplaceofostler—moreover，Irefusedtheplaceofostleratapublic—house，whichwasofferedtomeonlyafewdaysago。"
　　Thepostillionburstintoalaugh。"Ostleratapublic—
　　house，indeed！why，youwouldnotcompareaberthataplacelikethatwiththesituationofostleratmyinn，thefirstroad—houseinEngland！However，Iwasnotthinkingoftheplaceofostlerforyou；youare，asyousay，notfittedforit，atanyrate，notatahouselikethis。Wehave，moreover，thebestunder—ostlerinallEngland—oldBill，withthedrawbackthatheisratherfondofdrink。Wecouldmakeshiftwithhimverywell，providedwecouldfallinwithamanofwritingandfigures，whocouldgiveanaccountofthehayandcornwhichcomesinandgoesout，andwouldn’tobjecttogivealookoccasionallyattheyard。Nowitappearstomethatyouarejustsuchakindofman，and，ifyouwillallowmetospeaktothegovernor，Idon’tdoubtthathewillgladlytakeyou，ashefeelskindlydisposedtowardsyoufromwhathehasheardmesayconcerningyou。"
　　"AndwhatshouldIdowithmyhorse？"saidI。
　　"Thehorseneedgiveyounouneasiness，"saidthepostillion；
　　"Iknowhewillbewelcomeherebothforbedandmanger，and，perhaps，inalittletimeyoumayfindapurchaser，asavastnumberofsportingpeoplefrequentthishouse。"Iofferedtwoorthreemoreobjections，whichthepostillionovercamewithgreatforceofargument，andthepotbeingnearlyempty，hedrainedittothebottomdrop，andthenstartingup，leftmealone。
　　Inabouttwentyminuteshereturned，accompaniedbyahighlyintelligent—lookingindividual，dressedinblueandblack，withaparticularlywhitecravat，andwithoutahatonhishead：thisindividual，whomIshouldhavemistakenforagentlemanbutfortheintelligencedepictedinhisface，heintroducedtomeasthemasteroftheinn。Themasteroftheinnshookmewarmlybythehand，toldmethathewashappytoseemeinhishouse，andthankedmeinthehandsomesttermsforthekindnessIhadshowntohisservantintheaffairofthethunderstorm。ThensayingthathewasinformedIwasoutofemploy，heassuredmethatheshouldbemosthappytoengagemetokeephishayandcornaccount，andasgeneralsuperintendentoftheyard，andthatwithrespecttothehorse，whichhewastoldIhad，hebeggedtoinformmethatI
　　wasperfectlyatlibertytokeepitattheinnupontheverybest，untilIcouldfindapurchaser，—thatwithregardtowages—buthehadnosoonermentionedwagesthanIcuthimshort，saying，thatprovidedIstayedIshouldbemosthappytoservehimforbedandboard，andrequestedthathewouldallowmeuntilthenextmorningtoconsiderofhisoffer；hewillinglyconsentedtomyrequest，and，beggingthatIwouldcallforanythingIpleased，leftmealonewiththepostillion。
　　Ipassedthatnightuntilaboutteno’clockwiththepostillion，whenheleftme，havingtodriveafamilyabouttenmilesacrossthecountry；beforehisdeparture，however，ItoldhimthatIhaddeterminedtoaccepttheofferofhisgovernor，ashecalledhim。AtthebottomofmyheartIwasmosthappythatanofferhadbeenmade，whichsecuredtomyselfandtheanimalacomfortableretreatatamomentwhenIknewnotwhitherintheworldtotakemyselfandhim。
　　CHAPTERXXIV
　　AnInnofTimesgoneby—AFirst—ratePublican—HayandCorn—Old—fashionedOstler—Highwaymen—MountedPolice—
　　Grooming。
　　THEinn，ofwhichIhadbecomeaninhabitant，wasaplaceofinfinitelifeandbustle。Travellersofalldescriptions，fromallthecardinalpoints，werecontinuallystoppingatit；andtoattendtotheirwants，andministertotheirconvenience，anarmyofservants，ofonedescriptionorother，waskept；waiters，chambermaids，grooms，postillions，shoe—blacks，cooks，scullions，andwhatnot，fortherewasabarberandhair—dresser，whohadbeenatParis，andtalkedFrenchwithacockneyaccent；theFrenchsoundingallthebetter，asnoaccentissomelodiousasthecockney。Jackscreakedinthekitchensturningroundspits，onwhichlargejointsofmeatpipedandsmokedbeforegreatbigfires。
　　Therewasrunningupanddownstairs，andalonggalleries，slammingofdoors，criesof"Coming，sir，"and"Pleasetostepthisway，ma’am，"duringeighteenhoursofthefour—and—
　　twenty。Trulyaverygreatplaceforlifeandbustlewasthisinn。Andofteninafterlife，whenlonelyandmelancholy，IhavecalledupthetimeIspentthere，andneverfailedtobecomecheerfulfromtherecollection。
　　Ifoundthemasterofthehouseaverykindandcivilperson。
　　Beforebeinganinn—keeperhehadbeeninsomeotherlineofbusiness；butonthedeathoftheformerproprietoroftheinnhadmarriedhiswidow，whowasstillalive，but，beingsomewhatinfirm，livedinaretiredpartofthehouse。I
　　havesaidthathewaskindandcivil；hewas，however，notoneofthosepeoplewhosufferthemselvestobemadefoolsofbyanybody；heknewhiscustomers，andhadacalm，cleareye，whichwouldlookthroughamanwithoutseemingtodoso。Theaccommodationofhishousewasoftheverybestdescription；
　　hiswinesweregood，hisviandsequallyso，andhischargesnotimmoderate；thoughheveryproperlytookcareofhimself。
　　Hewasnovulgarinn—keeper，hadahostoffriends，anddeservedthemall。DuringthetimeIlivedwithhim，hewaspresentedbyalargeassemblageofhisfriendsandcustomerswithadinnerathisownhouse，whichwasverycostly，andatwhichthebestofwinesweresported，andafterthedinnerwithapieceofplateestimatedatfiftyguineas。Hereceivedtheplate，madeaneatspeechofthanks，andwhenthebillwascalledfor，madeanotherneatspeech，inwhichherefusedtoreceiveonefarthingfortheentertainment，orderinginatthesametimetwodozenmoreofthebestchampagne，andsittingdownamidstuproariousapplause，andcriesof"Youshallbenoloserbyit！"Nothingverywonderfulinsuchconduct，somepeoplewillsay；Idon’tsaythereis，norhaveIanyintentiontoendeavourtopersuadethereaderthatthelandlordwasaCarloBoromeo；hemerelygaveaquidproquo；butitisnoteverypersonwhowillgiveyouaquidproquo。Hadhebeenavulgarpublican，hewouldhavesentinaswingingbillafterreceivingtheplate；"butthennovulgarpublicanwouldhavebeenpresentedwithplate；"perhapsnot，butmanyavulgarpubliccharacterhasbeenpresentedwithplate，whoseadmirersneverreceivedaquidproquo，exceptintheshapeofaswingingbill。
　　Ifoundmydutiesofdistributinghayandcorn，andkeepinganaccountthereof，anythingbutdisagreeable，particularlyafterIhadacquiredthegood—willoftheoldostler，whoatfirstlookeduponmewithratheranevileye，consideringmesomewhatinthelightofonewhohadusurpedanofficewhichbelongedtohimselfbytherightofsuccession；buttherewaslittlegallintheoldfellow，and，byspeakingkindlytohim，nevergivingmyselfanyairsofassumption；but，aboveall，byfrequentlyreadingthenewspaperstohim—forthoughpassionatelyfondofnewsandpolitics，hewasunabletoread—Isoonsucceededinplacingmyselfonexcellenttermswithhim。Aregularcharacterwasthatoldostler；hewasaYorkshiremanbybirth，buthadseenagreatdealoflifeinthevicinityofLondon，towhich，onthedeathofhisparents，whowereverypoorpeople，hewentataveryearlyage。AmongstotherplaceswherehehadservedasostlerwasasmallinnatHounslow，muchfrequentedbyhighwaymen，whoseexploitshewasfondofnarrating，especiallythoseofJerryAbershaw，who，hesaid，wasacapitalrider；andonhearinghisaccountsofthatworthy，IhalfregrettedthattheoldfellowhadnotbeeninLondon，andIhadnotformedhisacquaintanceaboutthetimeIwasthinkingofwritingthelifeofthesaidAbershaw，notdoubtingthatwithhisassistance，IcouldhaveproducedabookatleastasremarkableasthelifeandadventuresofthatentirelyimaginarypersonageJosephSell；perhaps，however，Iwasmistaken；andwheneverAbershaw’slifeshallappearbeforethepublic—andmypublishercrediblyinformsmethatithasnotyetappeared—Ibegandentreatthepublictostatewhichitlikesbest，thelifeofAbershaw，orthatofSell，forwhichlatterworkIaminformedthatduringthelastfewmonthstherehasbeenaprodigiousdemand。Myoldfriend，however，aftertalkingofAbershaw，wouldfrequentlyadd，that，goodriderasAbershawcertainlywas，hewasdecidedlyinferiortoRichardFerguson，generallycalledGallopingDick，whowasapalofAbershaw’s，andhadenjoyedacareeraslong，andnearlyasremarkableashisown。IlearnedfromhimthatbothwerecapitalcustomersattheHounslowinn，andthathehadfrequentlydrankwiththeminthecorn—room。Hesaidthatnomancoulddesiremorejollyorentertainingcompanionsoveraglassof"summut；"butthatupontheroaditwasanythingbutdesirabletomeetthem；theretheywereterrible，cursingandswearing，andthrustingthemuzzlesoftheirpistolsintopeople’smouths；andatthispartofhislocutiontheoldmanwinked，andsaid，inasomewhatlowervoice，thatuponthewholetheywererightindoingso，andthatwhenapersonhadoncemadeuphismindtobecomeahighwayman，hisbestpolicywastogothewholehog，fearingnothing，butmakingeverybodyafraidofhim；thatpeopleneverthoughtofresistingasavage—faced，foul—mouthedhighwayman，andifheweretaken，wereafraidtobearwitnessagainsthim，lestheshouldgetoffandcuttheirthroatssometimeorotherupontheroads；whereaspeoplewouldresistbeingrobbedbyasneaking，pale—visagedrascal，andwouldswearbodilyagainsthimonthefirstopportunity，—
　　adding，thatAbershawandFerguson，twomostawfulfellows，hadenjoyedalongcareer，whereastwodisbandedofficersofthearmy，whowishedtorobacoachlikegentlemen，hadbeggedthepassengers’pardon，andtalkedofhardnecessity，hadbeensetuponbythepassengersthemselves，amongstwhomwerethreewomen，pulledfromtheirhorses，conductedtoMaidstone，andhangedwithaslittlepityassuchcontemptiblefellowsdeserved。"Thereisnothinglikegoingthewholehog，"herepeated，"andifeverIhadbeenahighwayman，Iwouldhavedoneso；Ishouldhavethoughtmyselfallthemoresafe；and，moreover，shouldn’thavedespisedmyself。Tocurryfavourwiththoseyouarerobbing，sometimesattheexpenseofyourowncomrades，asIhaveknownfellowsdo，why，itisthegreatest—"
　　"Soitis，"interposedmyfriendthepostillion，whochancedtobepresentataconsiderablepartoftheoldostler’sdiscourse；"itis，asyousay，thegreatestofhumbug，andmerely，afterall，getsafellowintotrouble；butnoregularbredhighwaymanwoulddoit。Isay，George，catchthePopeofRometryingtocurryfavourwithanybodyherobs；catcholdMumboJumbocurryingfavourwiththeArchbishopofCanterburyandtheDeanandChapter，shouldhemeettheminastage—coach；itwouldbewithhim，BricconiAbbasso，asheknockedtheirteethoutwiththebuttofhistrombone；andtheoldregular—builtruffianwouldbeallthesaferforit，asBillwouldsay，astentoonetheArchbishopandChapter，aftersuchaspiceofhisquality，wouldbeafraidtoswearagainsthim，andtohanghim，evenifhewereintheirpower，thoughthatwouldbetheproperway；for，ifitisthegreatestofallhumbugforahighwaymantocurryfavourwiththoseherobs，thenextgreatestistotrytocurryfavourwithahighwaymanwhenyouhavegothim，bylettinghimoff。"
　　Findingtheoldmansowellacquaintedwiththehistoryofhighwaymen，andtakingconsiderableinterestinthesubject，havingmyselfeditedabookcontainingthelivesofmanyremarkablepeoplewhohadfiguredonthehighway，IforthwithaskedhimhowitwasthatthetradeofhighwaymenhadbecomeextinctinEngland，asatpresentweneverheardofanyonefollowingit。Whereuponhetoldmethatmanycauseshadcontributedtobringaboutthatresult；theprincipalofwhichwerethefollowing：—therefusaltolicensehouseswhichwereknowntoaffordsheltertohighwaymen，which，amongstmanyothers，hadcausedtheinnatHounslowtobeclosed；theinclosureofmanyawildheathinthecountry，onwhichtheywereinthehabitoflurking，andparticularlytheestablishingintheneighbourhoodofLondonofawell—armedmountedpatrol，whorodethehighwaymendown，anddeliveredthemuptojustice，whichhangedthemwithoutceremony。
　　"AndthatwouldbethewaytodealwithMumboJumboandhisgang，"saidthepostillion，"shouldtheyshowtheirvisagesintheserealms；andIhearbythenewspapersthattheyarebecomingeverydaymoredesperate。Takeawaythelicensefromtheirpublic—houses，cutdowntherookeriesandshadowyoldavenuesinwhichtheyarefondoflyinginwait，inordertosallyoutuponpeopleastheypassintheroads；but，aboveall，establishagoodmountedpolicetorideaftertheruffiansanddragthembythescruffofthenecktothenextclink，wheretheymightlietilltheycouldbeproperlydealtwithbylaw；insteadofwhich，theGovernmentarerepealingthewiseoldlawsenactedagainstsuchcharacters，givingfreshlicenseseverydaytotheirpublic—houses，andsayingthatitwouldbeapitytocutdowntheirrookeriesandthicketsbecausetheylooksoverypicturesque；and，infact，givingthemallkindofencouragement；why，ifsuchbehaviourisnotenoughtodriveanhonestmanmad，Iknownotwhatis。
　　Itisofnousetalking，Ionlywishthepowerwereinmyhands，andifIdidnotmakeshortworkofthem，mightIbeamerejackasspostillionalltheremainderofmylife。"
　　Besidesacquiringfromtheancientostleragreatdealofcuriousinformationrespectingthewaysandhabitsoftheheroesoftheroad，withwhomhehadcomeincontactintheearlyportionofhislife，Ipickedupfromhimmanyexcellenthintsrelatingtotheartofgroominghorses。
　　Whilstattheinn，Ifrequentlygroomedthestageandpost—
　　horses，andthosedrivenupbytravellersintheirgigs：I
　　wasnotcompelled，norindeedexpected，todoso；butItookpleasureintheoccupation；andIrememberatthatperiodoneoftheprincipalobjectsofmyambitionwastobeafirst—
　　rategroom，andtomaketheskinsofthecreaturesItookinhandlooksleekandglossylikethoseofmoles。IhavesaidthatIderivedvaluablehintsfromtheoldman，and，indeed，becameaverytolerablegroom，buttherewasacertainfinishingtouchwhichIcouldneverlearnfromhim，thoughhepossessedithimself，andwhichIcouldneverattaintobymyownendeavours；thoughmywantofsuccesscertainlydidnotproceedfromwantofapplication，forIhaverubbedthehorsesdown，purringandbuzzingallthetime，afterthegenuineostlerfashion，untiltheperspirationfellinheavydropsuponmyshoes，andwhenIhaddonemybestandaskedtheoldfellowwhathethoughtofmywork，Icouldneverextractfromhimmorethanakindofgrunt，whichmightbetranslated，"Notsoverybad，butIhaveseenahorsegroomedmuchbetter，"whichleadsmetosupposethataperson，inordertobeafirst—rategroom，musthavesomethinginhimwhenheisbornwhichIhadnot，and，indeed，whichmanyotherpeoplehavenotwhopretendtobegrooms。Whatdoesthereaderthink？