Iguessitwon’ttakeagreatmanytofetchyou。"
"Allright,"saidLapham,andpaidandwentout。
"Idon’tknowbutISHALLwantsomeofit,"hesaid,withajoylesslaugh。
Irenecamecloseruptohimandtookhisarm。Helaidhisheavypawonherglovedfingers。Afterawhileshesaid,"IwantyoushouldletmegouptoLaphamto—morrow。"
"ToLapham?Why,to—morrow’sSunday,Irene!Youcan’tgoto—morrow。"
"Well,Monday,then。Icanlivethroughonedayhere。"
"Well,"saidthefatherpassively。Hemadenopretenceofaskingherwhyshewishedtogo,noranyattempttodissuadeher。
"Givemethatbottle,"shesaid,whenheopenedthedoorathomeforher,andsheranuptoherownroom。
ThenextmorningIrenecametobreakfastwithhermother;
theColonelandPenelopedidnotappear,andMrs。Laphamlookedsleep—brokenandcareworn。
Thegirlglancedather。"Don’tyoufretaboutme,mamma,"shesaid。"Ishallgetalong。"Sheseemedherselfassteadyandstrongasrock。
"Idon’tliketoseeyoukeepingupso,Irene,"
repliedhermother。"It’llbealltheworseforyouwhenyoudobreak。Bettergivewayalittleatthestart"
"Ishan’tbreak,andI’vegivenwayallI’mgoingto。
I’mgoingtoLaphamto—morrow,——Iwantyoushouldgowithme,mamma,——andIguessIcankeepuponedayhere。
Allaboutitis,Idon’twantyoushouldsayanything,orLOOKanything。And,whateverIdo,Idon’twantyoushouldtrytostopme。And,thefirstthing,I’mgoingtotakeherbreakfastuptoher。Don’t!"shecried,interceptingtheprotestonhermother’slips。"IshallnotletithurtPen,ifIcanhelpit。She’sneverdoneathingnorthoughtathingtowrongme。Ihadtoflyoutatherlastnight;butthat’sallovernow,andIknowjustwhatI’vegottobear。"
Shehadherwayunmolested。ShecarriedPenelope’sbreakfasttoher,andomittednocareorattentionthatcouldmakethesacrificecomplete,withanheroicpretencethatshewasperformingnounusualservice。
Theydidnotspeak,beyondhersaying,inacleardrynote,"Here’syourbreakfast,Pen,"andhersister’sanswering,hoarselyandtremulously,"Oh,thankyou,Irene。"And,thoughtwoorthreetimestheyturnedtheirfacestowardeachotherwhileIreneremainedintheroom,mechanicallyputtingitsconfusiontorights,theireyesdidnotmeet。
ThenIrenedescendedupontheotherrooms,whichshesetinorder,andsomeofwhichshefiercelysweptanddusted。
Shemadethebeds;andshesentthetwoservantsawaytochurchassoonastheyhadeatentheirbreakfast,tellingthemthatshewouldwashtheirdishes。
Throughoutthemorningherfatherandmotherheardherabouttheworkofgettingdinner,withcertainsilenceswhichrepresentedthemomentswhenshestoppedandstoodstock—still,andthen,readjustingherburden,forcedherselfforwardunderitagain。
Theysataloneinthefamilyroom,outofwhichtheirtwogirlsseemedtohavedied。LaphamcouldnotreadhisSundaypapers,andshehadnohearttogotochurch,asshewouldhavedoneearlierinlifewhenintrouble。
JustthenshewasobscurelyfeelingthatthechurchwassomehowtoblameforthatcounselofMr。Sewell’sonwhichtheyhadacted。
"Ishouldliketoknow,"shesaid,havingbroughtthematterup,"whetherhewouldhavethoughtitwassuchalightmatterifithadbeenhisownchildren。
Doyousupposehe’dhavebeensoreadytoactonhisownadviceifitHADbeen?"
"Hetoldustherightthingtodo,Persis,——theonlything。
Wecouldn’tletitgoon,"urgedherhusbandgently。
"Well,itmakesmedespisePen!Irene’sshowingtwicethecharacterthatsheis,thisveryminute。"
Themothersaidthissothatthefathermightdefendherdaughtertoher。Hedidnotfail。"Irene’sgottheeasiestpart,thewayIlookatit。Andyou’llseethatPen’llknowhowtobehavewhenthetimecomes。"
"Whatdoyouwantsheshoulddo?"
"Ihaven’tgotsofarasthatyet。WhatarewegoingtodoaboutIrene?"
"WhatdoyouwantPenshoulddo,"repeatedMrs。Lapham,"whenitcomestoit?"
"Well,Idon’twantsheshouldtakehim,forONEthing,"
saidLapham。
ThisseemedtosatisfyMrs。Laphamastoherhusband,andshesaidindefenceofCorey,"Why,Idon’tseewhatHE’Sdone。It’sallbeenourdoing。"
"Nevermindthatnow。WhataboutIrene?"
"Shesaysshe’sgoingtoLaphamto—morrow。Shefeelsthatshe’sgottogetawaysomewhere。It’snaturalsheshould。"
"Yes,andIpresumeitwillbeaboutthebestthingFORher。
Shallyougowithher?"
"Yes。"
"Well。"Hecomfortlesslytookupanewspaperagain,andsherosewithasigh,andwenttoherroomtopacksomethingsforthemorrow’sjourney。
Afterdinner,whenIrenehadclearedawaythelasttraceofitinkitchenanddining—roomwithunsparingpunctilio,shecamedownstairs,dressedtogoout,andbadeherfathercometowalkwithheragain。Itwasarepetitionoftheaimlessnessofthelastnight’swanderings。
Theycameback,andshegotteaforthem,andafterthattheyheardherstirringaboutinherownroom,asifshewerebusyaboutmanythings;buttheydidnotdaretolookinuponher,evenafterallthenoiseshadceased,andtheyknewshehadgonetobed。
"Yes;it’sathingshe’sgottofightoutbyherself,"
saidMrsLapham。
"Iguessshe’llgetalong,"saidLapham。"ButIdon’twantyoushouldmisjudgePeneither。She’sallrighttoo。
Sheain’ttoblame。"
"Yes,Iknow。ButIcan’tworkroundtoitallatonce。
Ishan’tmisjudgeher,butyoucan’texpectmetogetoveritrightaway。"
"Mamma,"saidIrene,whenshewashurryingtheirdeparturethenextmorning,"whatdidshetellhimwhenheaskedher?"
"Tellhim?"echoedthemother;andafterawhilesheadded,"Shedidn’ttellhimanything。"
"Didshesayanything,aboutme?"
"Shesaidhemustn’tcomehereanymore。"
Ireneturnedandwentintohersister’sroom。
"Good—bye,Pen,"shesaid,kissingherwithaneffectofnotseeingortouchingher。"Iwantyoushouldtellhimallaboutit。Ifhe’shalfaman,hewon’tgiveuptillheknowswhyyouwon’thavehim;andhehasarighttoknow。"
"Itwouldn’tmakeanydifference。Icouldn’thavehimafter————"
"That’sforyoutosay。Butifyoudon’ttellhimaboutme,Iwill。"
"’Rene!""Yes!Youneedn’tsayIcaredforhim。
Butyoucansaythatyouallthoughthe——caredfor——me。"
"OIrene————"
"Don’t!"Ireneescapedfromthearmsthattriedtocastthemselvesabouther。"Youareallright,Pen。Youhaven’tdoneanything。You’vehelpedmeallyoucould。
ButIcan’t——yet。"
ShewentoutoftheroomandsummonedMrs。Laphamwithasharp"Now,mamma!"andwentonputtingthelastthingsintohertrunks。
TheColonelwenttothestationwiththem,andputthemonthetrain。HegotthemalittlecompartmenttothemselvesinthePullmancar;andashestoodleaningwithhisliftedhandsagainstthesidesofthedoorway,hetriedtosaysomethingconsolingandhopeful:"Iguessyou’llhaveaneasyride,Irene。Idon’tbelieveit’llbedusty,any,aftertherainlastnight。"
"Don’tyoustaytillthetrainstarts,papa,"returnedthegirl,inrigidrejectionofhisfutilities。"Getoff,now。"
"Well,ifyouwantIshould,"hesaid,gladtobeabletopleaseherinanything。Heremainedontheplatformtillthecarsstarted。HesawIrenebustlingaboutinthecompartment,makinghermothercomfortableforthejourney;butMrs。Laphamdidnotliftherhead。
Thetrainmovedoff,andhewentheavilybacktohisbusiness。
Fromtimetotimeduringtheday,whenhecaughtaglimpseofhim,CoreytriedtomakeoutfromhisfacewhetherheknewwhathadtakenplacebetweenhimandPenelope。
WhenRogerscameinabouttimeofclosing,andshuthimselfupwithLaphaminhisroom,theyoungmanremainedtillthetwocameouttogetherandpartedintheirsalutationlessfashion。
LaphamshowednosurpriseatseeingCoreystillthere,andmerelyanswered,"Well!"whentheyoungmansaidthathewishedtospeakwithhim,andledthewaybacktohisroom。
Coreyshutthedoorbehindthem。"Ionlywishtospeaktoyouincaseyouknowofthematteralready;
forotherwiseI’mboundbyapromise。"
"IguessIknowwhatyoumean。It’saboutPenelope。"
"Yes,it’saboutMissLapham。Iamgreatlyattachedtoher——you’llexcusemysayingit;Icouldn’texcusemyselfifIwerenot。"
"Perfectlyexcusable,"saidLapham。"It’sallright。"
"Oh,I’mgladtohearyousaythat!"criedtheyoungfellowjoyfully。"Iwantyoutobelievethatthisisn’tanewthingoranunconsideredthingwithme——thoughitseemedsounexpectedtoher。"
Laphamfetchedadeepsigh。"It’sallrightasfarasI’mconcerned——orhermother。We’vebothlikedyoufirst—rate。"
"Yes?"
"ButthereseemstobesomethinginPenelope’smind——I
don’tknow"TheColonelconsciouslydroppedhiseyes。
"Shereferredtosomething——Icouldn’tmakeoutwhat——butI
hoped——Ihoped——thatwithyourleaveImightovercomeit——thebarrier——whateveritwas。MissLapham——Penelope——gavemethehope——thatIwas——wasn’t——indifferenttoher————"
"Yes,Iguessthat’sso,"saidLapham。Hesuddenlyliftedhishead,andconfrontedtheyoungfellow’shonestfacewithhisownface,sodifferentinitshonesty。
"Sureyounevermadeuptoanyoneelseatthesametime?"
"NEVER!Whocouldimaginesuchathing?Ifthat’sall,Icaneasily"
"Idon’tsaythat’sall,northatthat’sit。Idon’twantyoushouldgouponthatidea。Ijustthought,maybe——youhadn’tthoughtofit。"
"No,Icertainlyhadn’tthoughtofit!SuchathingwouldhavebeensoimpossibletomethatIcouldn’thavethoughtofit;andit’ssoshockingtomenowthatIdon’tknowwhattosaytoit。"
"Well,don’ttakeittoomuchtoheart,"saidLapham,alarmedatthefeelinghehadexcited;"Idon’tsayshethoughtso。Iwastryingtoguess——tryingto————"
"IfthereisanythingIcansayordotoconvinceyou———
—
"Oh,itain’tnecessarytosayanything。I’mallright。"
"ButMissLapham!Imayseeheragain?Imaytrytoconvinceherthat————"
Hestoppedindistress,andLaphamafterwardstoldhiswifethathekeptseeingthefaceofIreneasitlookedwhenhepartedwithherinthecar;andwheneverhewasgoingtosayyes,hecouldnotopenhislips。
AtthesametimehecouldnothelpfeelingthatPenelopehadarighttowhatwasherown,andSewell’swordscamebacktohim。Besides,theyhadalreadyputIrenetotheworstsuffering。Laphamcompromised,asheimagined。
"Youcancomeroundto—nightandseeME,ifyouwantto,"
hesaid;andheboregrimlythegratitudethattheyoungmanpouredoutuponhim。
Penelopecamedowntosupperandtookhermother’splaceattheheadofthetable。
Laphamsatsilentinherpresenceaslongashecouldbearit。Thenheasked,"Howdoyoufeelto—night,Pen?"
"Oh,likeathief,"saidthegirl。"Athiefthathasn’tbeenarrestedyet。"
Laphamwaitedawhilebeforehesaid,"Well,now,yourmotherandIwantyoushouldholduponthatawhile。"
"Itisn’tforyoutosay。It’ssomethingIcan’tholdupon。"
"Yes,Iguessyoucan。IfIknowwhat’shappened,thenwhat’shappenedisathingthatnobodyistoblamefor。
Andwewantyoushouldmakethebestofitandnottheworst。
Heigh?ItaintgoingtohelpIreneanyforyoutohurtyourself——oranybodyelse;andIdon’twantyoushouldtakeupwithanysuchcrazynotion。Asfarasheardfrom,youhaven’tstolenanything,andwhateveryou’vegotbelongstoyou。"
"Hashebeenspeakingtoyou,father?"
"Yourmother’sbeenspeakingtome。"
"HasHEbeenspeakingtoyou?"
"That’sneitherherenorthere。"
"Thenhe’sbrokenhisword,andIwillneverspeaktohimagain!"
"Ifhewasanysuchfoolastopromisethathewouldn’ttalktomeonasubject"——Laphamdrewadeepbreath,andthenmadetheplunge——"thatIbroughtup————"
"Didyoubringitup?"
"Thesameasbroughtup——thequickerhebrokehiswordthebetter;andIwantyoushouldactuponthatidea。
Recollectthatit’smybusiness,andyourmother’sbusiness,aswellasyours,andwe’regoingtohaveoursay。
Hehain’tdoneanythingwrong,Pen,noranythingthathe’sgoingtobepunishedfor。Understandthat。
He’sgottohaveareason,ifyou’renotgoingtohavehim。
Idon’tsayyou’vegottohavehim;Iwantyoushouldfeelperfectlyfreeaboutthat;butIDOsayyou’vegottogivehimareason。"
"Ishecominghere?"
"Idon’tknowasyou’dcallitCOMING————"
"Yes,youdo,father!"saidthegirl,inforlornamusementathisshuffling。
"He’scomingheretoseeME————"
"When’shecoming?"
"Idon’tknowbuthe’scomingto—night。"
"AndyouwantIshouldseehimI"
"Idon’tknowbutyou’dbetter。"
"Allright。I’llseehim。"
Laphamdrewalongdeepbreathofsuspicioninspiredbythisacquiescence。"Whatyougoingtodo?"
heaskedpresently。
"Idon’tknowyet,"answeredthegirlsadly。"Itdependsagooddealuponwhathedoes。"
"Well,"saidLapham,withthehungrinessofunsatisfiedanxietyinhistone。WhenCorey’scardwasbroughtintothefamily—roomwhereheandPenelopeweresitting,hewentintotheparlourtofindhim。"IguessPenelopewantstoseeyou,"hesaid;and,indicatingthefamily—room,headded,"She’sinthere,"anddidnotgobackhimself。
Coreymadehiswaytothegirl’spresencewithopentrepidation,whichwasnotallayedbyhersilenceandlanguor。
Shesatinthechairwhereshehadsattheothernight,butshewasnotplayingwithafannow。
Hecametowardher,andthenstoodfaltering。
Afaintsmilequiveredoverherfaceatthespectacleofhissubjection。"Sitdown,Mr。Corey,"shesaid。
"There’snoreasonwhyweshouldn’ttalkitoverquietly;
forIknowyouwillthinkI’mright。"
"I’msureofthat,"heansweredhopefully。"WhenIsawthatyourfatherknewofitto—day,Iaskedhimtoletmeseeyouagain。I’mafraidthatIbrokemypromisetoyou——technically————"
"Ithadtobebroken。"Hetookmorecourageatherwords。
"ButI’veonlycometodowhateveryousay,andnottobean——annoyancetoyou————"
"Yes,youhavetoknow;butIcouldn’ttellyoubefore。
NowtheyallthinkIshould。"
Atremorofanxietypassedovertheyoungman’sface,onwhichshekepthereyessteadilyfixed。
"Wesupposedit——itwas——Irene————"
Heremainedblankamoment,andthenhesaidwithasmileofrelief,ofdeprecation,ofprotest,ofamazement,ofcompassion——
"OH!Never!Neverforaninstant!Howcouldyouthinksuchathing?Itwasimpossible!Ineverthoughtofher。
ButIsee——Isee!Icanexplain——no,there’snothingtoexplain!Ihaveneverknowinglydoneorsaidathingfromfirsttolasttomakeyouthinkthat。
Iseehowterribleitis!"hesaid;buthestillsmiled,asifhecouldnottakeitseriously。"Iadmiredherbeauty——whocouldhelpdoingthat?——andIthoughtherverygoodandsensible。Why,lastwinterinTexas,ItoldStantonaboutourmeetinginCanada,andweagreed——I
onlytellyoutoshowyouhowfarIalwayswasfromwhatyouthought——thathemustcomeNorthandtrytoseeher,and——and——ofcourse,itallsoundsverysilly!——andhesentheranewspaperwithanaccountofhisranchinit————"
"Shethoughtitcamefromyou。"
"Oh,goodheavens!Hedidn’ttellmetillafterhe’ddoneit。
Buthediditforapartofourfoolishjoke。AndwhenI
metyoursisteragain,Ionlyadmiredherasbefore。
Icansee,now,howImusthaveseemedtobeseekingherout;
butitwastotalkofyouwithher——InevertalkedofanythingelseifIcouldhelpit,exceptwhenIchangedthesubjectbecauseIwasashamedtobealwaystalkingofyou。Iseehowdistressingitisforallofyou。
Buttellmethatyoubelieveme!"
"Yes,Imust。It’sallbeenourmistake————"
"Ithasindeed!Butthere’snomistakeaboutmylovingyou,Penelope,"hesaid;andtheold—fashionedname,atwhichshehadoftenmocked,wassweettoherfromhislips。
"Thatonlymakesitworse!"sheanswered。
"Ohno!"hegentlyprotested。"Itmakesitbetter。
Itmakesitright。Howisitworse?Howisitwrong?"
"Can’tyousee?Youmustunderstandallnow!Don’tyouseethatifshebelievedsotoo,andifshe————"
Shecouldnotgoon。
"Didshe——didyoursister——thinkthattoo?"gaspedCorey。
"Sheusedtotalkwithmeaboutyou;andwhenyousayyoucareformenow,itmakesmefeellikethevilesthypocriteintheworld。Thatdayyougaveherthelistofbooks,andshecamedowntoNantasket,andwentonaboutyou,Ihelpedhertoflatterherself——oh!I
don’tseehowshecanforgiveme。ButsheknowsIcanneverforgivemyself!That’sthereasonshecandoit。
Icanseenow,"shewenton,"howImusthavebeentryingtogetyoufromher。Ican’tendureit!Theonlywayisformenevertoseeyouorspeaktoyouagain!"
Shelaughedforlornly。"Thatwouldbeprettyhardonyou,ifyoucared。"
"Idocare——alltheworld!"
"Well,then,itwouldifyouweregoingtokeeponcaring。
Youwon’tlong,ifyoustopcomingnow。"
"Isthisall,then?Isittheend?"
"It’s——whateveritis。Ican’tgetoverthethoughtofher。
OnceIthoughtIcould,butnowIseethatIcan’t。Itseemstogrowworse。SometimesIfeelasifitwoulddrivemecrazy。"
Hesatlookingatherwithlacklustreeyes。Thelightsuddenlycamebackintothem。"DoyouthinkIcouldloveyouifyouhadbeenfalsetoher?Iknowyouhavebeentruetoher,andtruerstilltoyourself。Inevertriedtoseeher,exceptwiththehopeofseeingyoutoo。
IsupposedshemustknowthatIwasinlovewithyou。
FromthefirsttimeIsawyoutherethatafternoon,youfilledmyfancy。DoyouthinkIwasflirtingwiththechild,or——no,youdon’tthinkthat!Wehavenotdonewrong。
Wehavenotharmedanyoneknowingly。Wehavearighttoeachother————"
"No!no!youmustneverspeaktomeofthisagain。
Ifyoudo,Ishallknowthatyoudespiseme。"
"Buthowwillthathelpher?Idon’tloveHER。"
"Don’tsaythattome!Ihavesaidthattomyselftoomuch。"
"Ifyouforbidmetoloveyou,itwon’tmakemeloveher,"
hepersisted。
Shewasabouttospeak,butshecaughtherbreathwithoutdoingso,andmerelystaredathim。"Imustdowhatyousay,"
hecontinued。"Butwhatgoodwillitdoher?Youcan’tmakeherhappybymakingyourselfunhappy。"
"Doyouaskmetoprofitbyawrong?"
"Notfortheworld。Butthereisnowrong!"
"Thereissomething——Idon’tknowwhat。There’sawallbetweenus。IshalldashmyselfagainstitaslongasIlive;butthatwon’tbreakit。"
"Oh!"hegroaned。"Wehavedonenowrong。Whyshouldwesufferfromanother’smistakeasifitwereoursin?"
"Idon’tknow。Butwemustsuffer。"
"Well,then,IWILLnot,formypart,andIwillnotletyou。
Ifyoucareforme————"
"Youhadnorighttoknowit。"
"Youmakeitmyprivilegetokeepyoufromdoingwrongfortheright’ssake。I’msorry,withallmyheartandsoul,forthiserror;butIcan’tblamemyself,andIwon’tdenymyselfthehappinessIhaven’tdoneanythingtoforfeit。
Iwillnevergiveyouup。Iwillwaitaslongasyoupleaseforthetimewhenyoushallfeelfreefromthismistake;
butyoushallbemineatlast。Rememberthat。Imightgoawayformonths——ayear,even;butthatseemsacowardlyandguiltything,andI’mnotafraid,andI’mnotguilty,andI’mgoingtostayhereandtrytoseeyou。"
Sheshookherhead。"Itwon’tchangeanything?Don’tyouseethatthere’snohopeforus?"
"Whenisshecomingback?"heasked。
"Idon’tknow。MotherwantsfathertocomeandtakeheroutWestforawhile。"
"She’supthereinthecountrywithyourmotheryet?"
"Yes。"
Hewassilent;thenhesaiddesperately——
"Penelope,sheisveryyoung;andperhaps——perhapsshemightmeet————"
"Itwouldmakenodifference。Itwouldn’tchangeitforme。"
"Youarecruel——crueltoyourself,ifyouloveme,andcrueltome。Don’tyourememberthatnight——beforeIspoke——youweretalkingofthatbook;andyousaiditwasfoolishandwickedtodoasthatgirldid。Whyisitdifferentwithyou,exceptthatyougivemenothing,andcannevergivemeanythingwhenyoutakeyourselfaway?
Ifitwereanybodyelse,Iamsureyouwouldsay————"
"Butitisn’tanybodyelse,andthatmakesitimpossible。
SometimesIthinkitmightbeifIwouldonlysaysotomyself,andthenallthatIsaidtoheraboutyoucomesup————"
"Iwillwait。Itcan’talwayscomeup。Iwon’turgeyouanylongernow。Butyouwillseeitdifferently——
moreclearly。Good—bye——no!Goodnight!Ishallcomeagainto—morrow。Itwillsurelycomeright,and,whateverhappens,youhavedonenowrong。Trytokeepthatinmind。
Iamsohappy,inspiteofall!"
Hetriedtotakeherhand,butsheputitbehindher。
"No,no!Ican’tletyou——yet!"
XX。