Ifshewasnotthatnow,shewouldgrowintothatthroughthelapsefromthepersonaltotheancestralwhichweallundergointheprocessoftheyears。
Thesightofherfaceashehadpicturedit,andofthesoulwhichbehadimaginedforit,restoredhimtoabettersenseofher,buthefelttheneedofescapingfromthesuggestionofherfather’spresence,andtakingfurtherthought。Perhapsheshouldneveragainreachthepointthathewasawareofdeflectingfromnow;hefilledhislungswithlongbreaths,whichheexhaledinsighsofrelief。Itmighthavebeenamistakeonthespiritualaswellastheworldlyside;itwouldcertainlynothavepromotedhiscareer;itmighthaveimpededit。Thesemisgivingsflittedoverthesurfaceofthoughtthatmoreprofoundlywasoccupiedwithaquestionofotherthings。Inthetimesincehehadseenherlastitmightverywellbethatayoungandprettygirlhadmetsomeonewhohadtakenherfancy;andhecouldnotbesurethatherfancyhadeverbeenhis,evenifthishadnothappened。Hehadnoproofatallthatshehadevercaredorcouldcareforhimexceptgratefully,respectfully,almostreverentially,withthatminglingoffilialandmaternalanxietywhichhadhithertobeenthewarmestexpressionofherregard。Hetriedtoreasonitout,andcouldnot。Hesuddenlyfoundhimselfbitterlydisappointedthathehadmissedseeingher,foriftheyhadmet,hewouldhaveknownbythistimewhattothink,whattohope。Hefeltold——
hefeltfullythirty—sixyearsold——ashepassedhishandoverhiscrown,whosegossamergrowthopposedsolittleresistancetohistouch。Hehadbeguntolosehishairearly,buttillthenhehadnotmuchregrettedhisbaldness。Heenteredintoalittlequestionoftheircomparativeages,whichledhimtotheconclusionthatCynthiamustnowbeabouttwenty—
five。
Almostatthesamemomenthesawhercomingupthewalktowardhimfromfardowntheavenue。Forareason,orratheramotive,ofhisownhepretendedtohimselfthatitwasnotshe,butheknewinstantlythatitwas,andheputonhishat。Hecouldseethatshedidnotknowhim,anditwasaprettythingtowitnesstherecognitiondawnonher。Whenithaditsfulleffect,hewasawareofaflutter,apauseinherwholefigurebeforeshecameontowardhim,andhehurriedhisstepsforthecharmofherbeautifulblushingface。
Itwasthespiritualeffectoffigureandfacethathehadcarriedinhisthoughteversincehehadarrivedatthatone—sidedintimacythroughhisstudyofherforthepicturehehadjustseen。Hehadoftenhadtoaskhimselfwhetherhehadreallyperceivedoronlyimaginedthecharacterhehadtranslatedintoit;buthere,forthemomentatleast,waswhathehadseen。Hehurriedforwardandjoyfullytookthehandshegavehim。
Hethoughtheshouldspeakofthatatonce,butitwasnotpossible,ofcourse。Therehadtocomefirsttheunheededquestionsandanswersabouteachother’shealth,andmanyothercommonplaces。Heturnedandwalkedhomewithher,andatthegateofthelittleuglyhousesheaskedhimifhewouldnotcomeinandtaketeawiththem。
Herfathertalkedwithhimwhileshegotthetea,andwhenitwasreadyherbrothercameinfromhiswalkhomeoutofOldCambridgeandhelpedherputitonthetable。HehadgrownmuchtallerthanWestover,andhewasveryecclesiasticalinhismanner;moresothanhewouldbe,probably,ifheeverbecameabishop,Westoverdecided。Jombateeste,inanintervalofsuspendedworkatthebrickyard,waspayingavisittohispeopleinCanada,andWestoverdidnotseehim。
AllthetimewhiletheysatattableandtalkedtogetherWestoverrealizedmoreandmorethatforhim,atleast,theseparationofthelasttwoyearshadputthatspacebetweenthemwhichalonemadeitpossibleforthemtoapproacheachotheronnewground。Akindofhorror,ofrepulsion,forherengagementtoJeffDurginhadceasedfromhissenseofher;itwasasifshehadbeenunhappilymarried,andtheman,whohadbeenunworthyandunkind,waslikeaghostwhocouldnevercometotroublehisjoy。Hewasmorehercontemporary,hefound,thanformerly;
shehadgrownagreatdealinthepasttwoyears,andacertainafflictionwhichherfather’sfixityhadgivenhimconcerningherpassedintheassuranceofchangewhichsheherselfgavehim。
Shehadchangedherworld,andgrowntoit,buthernaturehadnotchanged。Evenherlookhadnotchanged,andhetoldherhowhehadseenhispictureinheratthemomentoftheirmeetinginthestreet。Theyallwentintoverifyhisimpressionfromthepainting。"Yes,thatisthewayyoulooked。"
"ItseemstomethatisthewayIfelt,"sheasserted。
Frankwentaboutthehouse—work,andlefthertotheirguest。WhenWhitwellcamebackfromthepost—office,wherehesaidhewouldonlybegoneaminute,hedidnotrejoinWestoverandCynthiaintheparlor。
Theparlordoorwasshut;hehadriskedhisfate,andtheyweretalkingitover。Cynthiawasnotsure;shewassureofnothingbutthattherewasnooneintheworldshecaredforsomuch;butshewasnotsurethatwasenough。Shedidnotpretendthatshewassurprised;sheownedthatshehadsometimesexpectedit;sheblamedherselffornotexpectingitthen。
Westoversaidthathedidnotblameherfornotknowinghermind;hehadbeenfifteenyearslearninghisownfully。Heaskedhertotakeallthetimeshewished。Ifshecouldnotmakesureafterall,heshouldalwaysbesurethatshewaswiseandgood。ShetoldhimeverythingtherewastotellofherbreakingwithJeff,andhethoughtthelastepisodeasupremeproofofherwisdomandgoodness。
Afteracertaintimetheywentforawalkinthewarmsummermoonlightundertheelms,wheretheyhadmetontheavenue。
"Isuppose,"shesaid,astheydrewnearherdooragain,"thatpeopledon’toftentalkitoveraswe’vedone。"
"Weonlyknowfromthenovels,"heanswered。"Perhapspeopledo,oftenerthaniseverknown。Idon’tseewhytheyshouldn’t。"
"No。"
"I’veneverwishedtobesureofyousomuchassinceyou’vewishedtobesureofyourself。"
"AndI’veneverbeensosureassinceyouwerewillingtoletme,"saidCynthia。
"Iamgladofthat。Trytothinkofme,ifthatwillhelpmycause,assomeoneyoumighthavealwaysknowninthisway。Wedon’treallyknoweachotheryet。I’magreatdealolderthanyou,butstillI’mnotsoveryold。"
"Oh,Idon’tcareforthat。AllIwanttobecertainofisthatthefeelingIhaveisreally——thefeeling。"
"Iknow,dear,"saidWestover,andhisheartsurgedtowardherinhistendernessforhersimpleconscience,herwisequestion。"Taketime。
Don’thurry。ForgetwhatI’vesaid——orno;that’sabsurd!Thinkofit;
butdon’tletanythingbutthetruthpersuadeyou。Now,good—night,Cynthia。"
"Good—night——Mr。Westover。"
"Mr。Westover"hereproachedher。
Shestoodthinking,asifthequestionwerecrucial。Thenshesaid,firmly,"IshouldalwayshavetocallyouMr。Westover。"
"Oh,well,"hereturned,"ifthat’sall!"
End