"Hesaidso。"
"That’sveryniceofhim。Ifhecoulddevotehimselftoher;but——Andwouldsheliketogo?"
"Topleasehim,shewould。"Westoverwassilent,andthegirlsurprisedhimbytheappealshesuddenlymadetohim。"Mr。Westover,doyoubelieveitwouldbeverywellforeitherofustogo?Ithinkitwouldbebetterforustoleaveallthatpartofhislifealone。It’snouseinpretendingthatwe’relikethekindofpeopleheknows,orthatweknowtheirways,andIdon’tbelieve——"
Westoverfelthisheartriseinindignantsympathy。"Thereisn’tanyoneheknowstocomparewithyou!"hesaid,andinthishewasthinkingmainlyofBessieLynde。"You’reworthathousand——IfIwere——ifhe’shalfamanhewouldbeproud——Ibegyourpardon!Idon’tmean——butyouunderstand——"
Cynthiaputherheadfaroutofthewindowandlookedalongthesteeproofbeforethem。"Thereisablindoffoneofthewindows。Ihearditclappinginthewindtheothernight。Imustgoandseethenumberoftheroom。"Shedrewherheadinquicklyandranawaywithoutlettinghimseeherface。
Hefollowedher。"Letmehelpyouputitonagain!"
"No,no!"shecalledback。"Frankwilldothat,orJombateeste,whentheycometoshutupthehouse。"
XLI。
Westover,didnotmeetDurginforseveraldaysafterhisreturnfromLion’sHead。HebroughtmessagesforhimfromhismotherandfromWhitwell,andhewaitedforhimtocomeandgetthemsolongthathehadtoblamehimselffornotsendingthemtohim。WhenJeffappeared,attheendofaweek,Westoverhadacertainembarrassmentinmeetinghim,andtheefforttoovercomethiscarriedhimbeyondhissincerity。Hewasawareoffeigningthecordialityheshowed,andofhavinglessreallikingforhimthaneverbefore。Hesuggestedthathemustbebusiereveryday,now,withhiscollegework,andheresentedtheairofsocialprosperitywhichJeffputoninsaying,Yes,therewasthat,andthenhehadsomeengagementswhichkepthimfromcominginsooner。
Hedidnotsaywhattheengagementswere,andtheydidnotrecurtothethingstheyhadlastspokenof。WestovercouldnotdosowithoutJeff’sleading,andhewasrathergladthathegavenone。Hestayedonlyalittletime,whichwasspentmostlyinashowofinterestonbothsides,andthehollowhilaritieswhichpeopleusetomasktheirindifferencetooneanother’sbeinganddoing。JeffdeclaredthathehadneverseenWestoverlookingsowell,andsaidhemustgouptoLion’sHeadagain;ithaddonehimgood。Asforhispicture,itwasacorker;itmadehimfeelasifhewerethere!Heaskedaboutallthefolks,andreceivedWestover’sreplieswithvaguelaughter,andanabsenceinhisboldeye,whichmadethepainterwonderwhathismindwason,withoutthewishtofindout。Hewasgladtohavehimgo,thoughhepressedhimtodropinsoonagain,andsaidtheywouldtakeinaplaytogether。
Jeffsaidhewouldliketodothat,andheaskedatthedoorwhetherWestoverwasgoingtotheteaatMrs。Bellingham’s。Hesaidhehadtolookinthere,beforehewentouttoCambridge;andleftWestoverinmuteamazeatthelengthhehadapparentlygoneinaroadthathadonceseemednothoroughfareforhim。Jeff’ssocialacceptance,evenaftertheEnderbyball,whichwasnowsomesixorsevenweekspast,hadbeenslow;
butoflate,fornoreasonthatheoranyoneelsecouldhavegiven,ithadgainedasuddenprecipitance;andpeoplewhowonderedwhytheymethimatotherhousesbegantoaskhimtotheirown。
Hedidnotcaretogototheirhouses,andhewentatfirstinthehopeofseeingBessieLyndeagain。Butthisdidnothappenforsometime,anditwasamid—Lententeathatbroughtthemtogether。Assoonashecaughtsightofherhewentuptoherandbegantotalkasiftheyhadbeeninthehabitofmeetingconstantly。Shecouldnotcontrolalittlestartathisapproach,andhefranklyrecognizedit。
"What’sthematter?"
"Oh——thewindow!"
"Itisn’topen,"hesaid,tryingit。"Doyouwanttotryityourself?"
"IthinkIcantrustyou,"sheanswered,butshesankalittleintotheshelterofthecurtains,nottobeseentalkingwithhim,perhaps,ornottobeinterrupted——shedidnotanalyzehermotiveclosely。
Heremainedtalkingtoheruntilshewentaway,andthenhecontrivedtogowithher。Shedidnottrytoescapehimafterthat;eachtimetheymetshehadthepleasureofrealizingthattherehadneverbeenanydangerofwhatneverhappened。Butbeyondthisshecouldperhapshavegivennobetterreasonforherwillingnesstomeethimagainandagainthanthebewilderedwitnessesofthefact。Inhersetpeoplenotonlynevermarriedoutsideofit,buttheyneverflirtedoutsideofit。Foroneofthemselves,evenforagirllikeBessie,whomtheyhadnotquiteknownfromchildhood,tobeapparentlyamusingherselfwithamanlikethat,sowhollyalieninorigin,intradition,wassomethingunheardof;
anditbegantolookasifBessieLyndewasmorethanamused。ItseemedtoMaryEnderbythatwherevershewentshesawthatmantalkingtoBessie。ShecouldhavebelievedthatitwasbysomeevilartthathealwayscontrivedtoreachBessie’sside,ifanythingcouldhavebeenlesslikeanykindofartthantheboldpushhemadeforherassoonashesawherinaroom。ButsometimesMissEnderbyfearedthatitwasBessiewhousedsuchfinesseastherewas,andalwaysputherselfwherehecouldseeher。Shewaitedwithtremblingforhertogivetheaffairsanctionbymakingherauntaskhimtosomethingatherhouse。Ontheotherhand,shecouldnothelpfeelingthatBessie’sflirtationwasallthemoredeplorableforthewantofsomesuchlegitimation。
ShedidnotevenknowcertainlywhetherJeffevercalleduponBessieatheraunt’shouse,tillonedaythemanlethimoutatthesametimeheletherin。
"Oh,comeup,Molly!"Bessiesangoutfromthefloorabove,andmetherhalf—waydownthestairs,whereshekissedherandledherembracedintothelibrary。
"Youdon’tlikemyjay,doyou,dear?"sheasked,promptly。
MaryEnderbyturnedherface,themirrorofconscience,uponher,andasked:"Isheyourjay?"
"Well,no;notjustinthatsense,Molly。Butsupposehewas?"
"ThenIshouldhavenothingtosay。"
"Andsupposehewasn’t?"
StillMaryEnderbyfoundherselfwithnothingofallshehadathousandtimesthoughtsheshouldsaytoBessieifshehadevertheslightestchance。Italwaysseemedsoeasy,tillnow,totakeBessieinherarms,andappealtohergoodsense,herself—respect,herregardforherfamilyandfriends;andnowitseemedsoimpossible。
Sheheardherselfanswering,verystiffly:"PerhapsI’dbetterapologizeforwhatI’vesaidalready。YoumustthinkIwasveryunjustthelasttimewementionedhim。"
"Notatall!"criedBessie,withalaughthatsoundedverymockingandveryunworthytoherfriend。"He’sallthatyousaid,andworse。Buthe’smorethanyousaid,andbetter。"
"Idon’tunderstand,"saidMary,coldly。
"He’sveryinteresting;he’soriginal;he’sdifferent!"
"Oh,everyonesaysthat。"
Andhedoesn’tflatterme,orpretendtothinkmuchofme。Ifhedid,I
couldn’tbearhim。YouknowhowIam,Molly。Hekeepsmeinterested,don’tyouunderstand,andprowlingaboutinthegreatunknownwherebehashisweirdbeing。"
Bessieputherhandtohermouth,andlaughedatMaryEnderbywithherslantedeyes;asortofParisianversionofaChinesemotiveineyes。
"Isuppose,"herfriendsaid,sadly,"youwon’ttellmemorethanyouwish。"
"Iwon’ttellyoumorethanIknow——thoughI’dliketo,"saidBessie。
ShegaveMaryasuddenhug。"Youdear!Thereisn’tanythingofit,ifthat’swhatyoumean。"
"Butisn’ttheredangerthattherewillbe,Bessie?"herfriendentreated。
"Danger?Ishouldn’tcallitdanger,exactly!"
"Butifyoudon’trespecthim,Bessie——"
"Why,howcanI?Hedoesn’trespectme!"
"Iknowyou’reteasing,now,"saidMaryEnderby,gettingup,"andyou’requiteright。Ihavenobusinessto——"
Bessiepulledherdownupontheseatagain。"Yes,youhave!Don’tI
tellyou,overandover?Hedoesn’trespectme,becauseIdon’tknowhowtomakehim,andhewouldn’tlikeitifIdid。ButnowI’lltrytomakeyouunderstand。Idon’tbelieveIcareforhimtheleast;butmind,I’mnotcertain,forI’venevercaredforanyone,andIdon’tknowwhatit’slike。YouknowI’mnotsentimental;Ithinksentiment’sfunny;andI’mnotdignified——"
"You’redivine,"murmuredMaryEnderby,withreproachfuladoration。
"Yes,butyouseehowmydivinitycouldbeimproved,"saidBessie,withawildlaugh。"I’mnotsentimental,butI’memotional,andhegivesmeemotions。He’sariddle,andI’mallthetimeguessingathim。Yougettheanswertothekindofmenweknoweasily;andit’sverynice,butitdoesn’tamuseyousomuchastrying。Now,Mr。Durgin——whataname!
Icanseeitmakesyoucreep——isnomorelikeoneofusthana——bearis——andhisattitudetowardusisthatofabearwho’sgonesomuchwithhumanbeingsthathethinkshe’sahumanbeing。He’sdelightful,thatway。And,doyouknow,he’sintellectual!Heactuallybringsmebooks,andwantstoreadpassagestomeoutofthem!Hehasbroughtmetheplansofthenewhotelhe’sgoingtobuild。It’stobeveryaesthetic,andit’sgoingtobecalledTheLion’sHeadInn。There’stobealittletheatre,foramateurdramatics,whichIcouldconduct,andforallsortsofprofessionalamusements。Ifyoushouldevercome,Molly,I’msureweshalldoourbesttomakeyoucomfortable。"
MaryEnderbywouldnotletBessielaughuponhershoulderaftershesaidthis。"BessieLynde,"shesaid,severely,"ifyouhavenoregardforyourself,yououghttohavesomeregardforhim。Youmaysayyouarenotencouraginghim,andyoumaybelieveit——"
"Oh,Ishouldn’tsayitifIdidn’tbelieveit,"Bessiebrokein,withamockairofseriousness。
"Imustbegoing,"saidMary,stiffly,andthistimeshesucceededingettingtoherfeet。
Bessielaidholdofheragain。"Youthinkyou’vebeentrifledwith,don’tyou,dear?"
"No——"
"Yes,youdo!Don’tyoutrytobeslippery,Molly。Theplainpikestaffisyourstyle,morallyspeaking——ifanyoneknowswhatapikestaffis。
Well,now,listen!You’reanxiousaboutme。"
"YouknowhowIfeel,Bessie,"saidMaryEnderby,lookingherintheeyes。
"Yes,Ido,"saidBessie。"Thetroubleis,Idon’tknowhowIfeel。
ButifIeverdo,Molly,I’lltellyou!Isthatfair?"
"Yes"
"I’llgiveyouamplewarning。Attheleastlittleconsciousnessintheregionofthepericardium,offwillgoanotebyadistrictmessenger,andwhenyoucomeI’lldowhateveryousay。There!"
"Oh,Bessie!"criedherfriend,andshethrewherarmsroundher,"youalwayswerethemostfascinatingcreatureintheworld!"
"Yes,"saidBessie,"that’swhatItrytohavehimthink。"
XLII。
TowardtheendofAprilmostpeoplewhohadplacesattheShoreweremostlyinthem,buttheycameuptotownonfrequenterrands,andhadoneeffectofevanescencewithpeoplewhostillremainedintheirBostonhousesprovisionally,andseemedmorethanhalfabsent。TheEnderbyshadbeenattheShoreforafortnight,andtheLyndesweregoingtobeafortnightlongerinBoston,yet,asBessiemadeherfriendobserve,whenMary,raninforlunch,orstoppedforamomentonherwaytothetrain,everyfewdays,theywerebothofthesametransitoryquality。
"ItmightaswellbeIasyou,"Bessiesaidoneday,"ifweonlythinkso。It’sallveryweird,dear,andI’mnotsurebutitisyouwhositdayafterdayatmylonelycasementandwatchthesparrowsexaminingthefuzzybudsoftheJapivytoseejusthowsoontheycanhopetobuildinthevines。Doyouobjecttotheivybudslookingsoverymuchlikesnippedwoollenrags?Ifyoudo,I’msureit’syou,hereinmyplace,forwhenIcomeuptotowninyourpersonalityitsetsmyteethonedge。
Infact,that’stheworstthingaboutBostonnow——thefuzzyivybuds;
there’ssomuchivy!Whenyoucanforgetthebuds,thereareagreatmanythingstomakeyouhappy。IfeelquiteasifwewerespendingthesummerintownandIfeelveryadventurousandveryvirtuous,likesomesortofself—righteousbohemian。Youdon’tknowhowIlookdownonpeoplewhohavegoneoutoftown。Iconsiderthemveryselfishandheartless;
Idon’tknowwhy,exactly。Butwhenwehaveagoodmarrow—freezingnortheasterlystorm,andthenewspaperscomeoutwiththeirironicalcongratulationstothetax—dodgersattheShore,IfeelthatProvidenceisonmyside,andI’mgettingmyreward,eveninthisworld。"Bessiesuddenlylaughed。"Iseebyyourexpressionoffixedinattention,Molly,thatyou’rethinkingofMr。Durgin!"
Marygaveastartofprotest,butshewastoohonesttodenythefactoutright,andBessieranon:
"No,wedon’tsitonabenchintheCommon,orevenintheGarden,oronthewalkinCommonwealthAvenue。Ifwecometoitlater,astheseasonadvances,Ishallmakehimstayquiteattheotherendofthebench,andnotputhishandalongthetop。Youneedn’tbeafraid,Molly;alltheproprietiesshallbereligiouslyobserved。PerhapsIshallaskAuntLouisatoletussitoutonherfrontsteps,whentheeveningsgetwarmer;butIassureyouit’smuchmorecomfortablein—doorsyet,evenintown,thoughyou’llhardly,believeitattheShore。ShallyoucomeuptoClassDay?"
"Oh,Idon’tknow,"Marybegan,withasighofthebaffledhopeandtheinextinguishableexpectationwhichthementionofClassDaystirsintheheartofeveryBostongirlpasttwenty。
"Yes!"saidBessie,withasighburlesquedfromMary’s。"Thatiswhatweallsay,anditiscertainlythemostmaddeningofhumanfestivals。
Isuppose,ifwewerequitelefttoourselves,weshouldn’tgo;butweseemnevertobe,quite。AftereveryClassDayIsaytomyselfthatnothingonearthcouldinducemetogotoanother;butwhenitcomesroundagain,Ifindmyselfgraspingatanystrawofapretext。I’mpretendingnowthatI’veatenderobligationtogobecauseit’shisClassDay。"
"Bessie!"criedMaryEnderby。"Youdon’tmeanit!"
"NotifIsayit,Marydear。WhatdidIpromiseyouaboutthepericardiacsymptoms?ButIfeel——IfeelthatifheasksmeImustgo。
Shouldn’tyouliketogoandseeajayClassDay——bepartofit?ThinkofgoingoncetothePiUtespread——orwhateveritis!Anddancingintheirtent!AndbeingleftoutoftheGym,andBeck!Yes,Ioughttogo,sothatitcanbebroughthometome,andIcanhavearealizingsenseofwhatIamdoing,andbestayedinmymadcareer。"
"Perhaps,"MaryEnderbysuggested,colorlessly,"hewillbedevotedtohisownpeople。"ShehadacoldfascinationinthepictureBessie’swordshadconjuredup,andshewassayingthislesstoBessiethantoherself。
"AndIshouldmeetthem——hismothersandsisters!"Bessiedramatizedanexcessofanguish。"Oh,Mary,thatistheverythornIhavebeentryingnottopressmyheartagainst;anddoesyourhandcommendittomyembrace?Hisfolks!Yes,theywouldbefolks;andwhatfolks!IthinkIamgettingarealizingsense。Wait!Don’tspeakdon’tmove,Molly!"
Bessiedroppedherchinintoherhand,andstaredstraightforward,grippingMaryEnderby’shand。
Marywithdrewit。"Ishallhavetogo,Bessie,"shesaid。"Howisyouraunt?"
"Mustyou?ThenIshallalwayssaythatitwasyourfaultthatI
couldn’tgetarealizingsense——thatyoupreventedme,justwhenIwasabouttoseemyselfasothersseeme——asyouseeme。She’sverywell!"
Bessiesighedinearnest,andherfriendgaveherhandalittlepressureoftruesympathy。"Butofcourseit’sratherdullhere,now。"
"Ihatetohaveyoustayingon。Couldn’tyoucomedowntousforaweek?"
"No。Weboththinkit’sbesttobeherewhenAlangetsback。Wewanthimtogodownwithus。"BessiehadseldomspokenopenlywithMaryEnderbyaboutherbrother;butthatwasratherfromMary’sshrinkingthanherown;sheknewthateverybodyunderstoodhiscase。Shewentsofarnowastosay:"He’seversomuchbetterthanhehasbeen。Wehavesuchhopesofhim,ifhecankeepwell,whenhegetsbackthistime。"
"Oh,Iknowhewill,"saidMary,fervently。"I’msureofit。Couldn’twedosomethingforyou,Bessie?"
"No,thereisn’tanything。But——thankyou。Iknowyoualwaysthinkofme,andthat’sworlds。Whenareyoucomingupagain?"
"Idon’tknow。Nextweek,sometime。"
"Comeinandseeme——andAlan,ifheshouldbeathome。Helikesyou,andhewillbesoglad。"
MarykissedBessieforconsent。"YouknowhowmuchIadmireAlan。Hecouldbeanything。"
"Yes,hecould。Ifhecould!"
Bessieseldomputsomuchearnestinanything,andMaryloved(asshewouldhavesaid)thesadsincerity,thehonesthopelessnessofhertone。
"Wemusthelphim。Iknowwecan。"
"Wemusttry。Butpeoplewhocould——iftheycould——"Bessiestopped。
Herfrienddivinedthatshewasnolongerspeakingwhollyofherbrother,butshesaid:"Thereisn’tanyifaboutit;andtherearenoifsaboutanythingifweonlythinkso。It’sasinnottothinkso。"
ThemixtureofseverityandofoptimisminthenatureofherfriendhadoftenamusedBessie,anditdidnotescapehertacitnoticeinevensoseriousamomentasthis。Hertheorywasthatshewasshockedtorecognizeitnow,becauseofitsrelationtoherbrother,buthertheoriesdidnotalwaysagreewiththefacts。
Thatevening,however,shewastrulysurprisedwhen,afteraratherbelatedringatthedoor,thecardofMr。ThomasJeffersonDurgincameuptoherfromthereception—room。Heraunthadgonetobed,andshehadaluxuriousmomentinwhichshereapedalltherewardofself—denialbysupposingherselftohaveforegonethepleasureofseeinghim,andsendingdownwordthatshewasnotathome。Shedidnotwish,indeed,toseehim,butshewishedtoknowhowhefeltwarrantedincallingintheevening,anditwasthisunworthy,curiositywhichshestifledforthatluxuriousmoment。Thenext,withundiminisheddignity,shesaid,"Askhimtocomeup,Andrew,"andshewaitedinthelibraryforhimtoofferajustificationofthelibertyhehadtaken。
Heofferednonewhatever,butbehavedatonceasifhehadalwayshadthehabitofcallingintheevening,orasifitwasageneralcustomwhichheneednotaccountforinhisowncase。Hebroughtherabookwhichtheyhadtalkedofattheirlastmeeting,buthemadenoexcuseorpretextofit。
Hesaiditwasabeautifulnight,andthathehadfounditratherwarmwalkinginfromCambridge。Theexercisehadmoistenedhiswholerich,redcolor,andfinedropsofperspirationstoodonhisclean—shavenupperlipandinthehollowbetweenhisunderlipandhisboldchin;hepushedbackthecoarse,dark—yellowhairfromhisforeheadwithhishandkerchief,andlethiseyesmockherfromunderhisthick,straw—
coloredeyebrows。Sheknewthathewasenjoyinghisownimpudence,andhewassohandsomethatshecouldnotrefusetoenjoyitwithhim。Sheaskedhimifhewouldnothaveafan,andheallowedhertogetitforhimfromthemantel。"Willyouhavesometea?"
"No;butaglassofwater,ifyouplease,"hesaid,andBessierangandsentforsomeapollinaris,whichJeffdrankagreatgobletofwhenitcame。Thenhelaybackinthedeepchairhehadtaken,withtheairofbeingreadyforanylittleamusingthingshehadtosay。
"Areyoustillapessimist,Mr。Durgin?"sheasked,tentatively,withtheeffectofinnocencethatheknewmeantmischief。
"No,"hesaid。"I’mareformedoptimist。"
"Whatisthat?"
"It’samanwhocan’tbelieveallthegoodhewouldlike,butlikestobelieveallthegoodhecan。"
Bessiesaiditover,withburlesquethoughtfulness。"Therewasagirlhereto—day,"shesaid,solemnly,"whomusthavebeenareformedpessimist,then,forshesaidthesamething。"
"Oh!MissEnderby,"saidJeff。
Bessiestarted。"You’repreternatural!Butwhatapityyoushouldbemistaken。Howcameyoutothinkofher?"
"Shedoesn’tlikeme,andyoualwaysputmeontrialaftershe’sbeenhere。"
"AmIputtingyouontrialnow?It’syourguiltyconscience!Whyshouldn’tMaryEnderbylikeyou?"
"BecauseI’mnotgoodenough。"
"Oh!Andwhathasthattodowithpeople’slikingyou?Ifthatwasareason,howmanyfriendsdoyouthinkyouwouldhave?"
"I’mnotsurethatIshouldhaveany。"
"Anddoesn’tthatmakeyoufeelbadly?"
"Very。"Jeff’sconfessionwasasmilingone。
"Youdon’tshowit!"
"Idon’twanttogrieveyou。"
"Oh,I’mnotsurethatwouldgrieveme。"
"Well,IthoughtIwouldn’triskit。"
"Howconsiderateofyou!"
Theyhadcometoalittlebarrier,upthatway,andcouldgonofurther。
Jeffsaid:"I’vejustbeeninterviewinganotherreformedpessimist。"
"Mr。Westover?"
"You’repreternatural,too。Andyou’renotmistaken,either。Doyouevergotohisstudio?"
"No;Ihaven’tbeentheresincehetoldmeitwouldbeofnousetocomeasastudent。Hecanbeterriblyfrank。"
"NobodyknowsthatbetterthanIdo,"saidJeff,withasmileforthenotionofWestover’sfranknessashehadrepeatedlyexperiencedit。"Buthemeanswell。"
"Oh,that’swhattheyalwayssay。Butallthefranknesscan’tbewellmeant。Whyshoulduncandorbetheonlyformofmalevolence?"
"That’sagoodidea。IbelieveI’llputthatuponWestoverthenexttimehe’sfrank。"
"Andwillyoutellmewhathesays?"
"Oh,Idon’tknowaboutthat。"Jefflaybackinhischairatlargeeaseandchuckled。"Ishouldliketotellyouwhathe’sjustbeensayingtome,butIdon’tbelieveIcan。"
"Do!"