THEDEVIL。[ironically]What！youaCatholic，SenorDonJuan！A
　　devotee！Mycongratulations。
　　THESTATUE。[seriously]Comecome！asasoldier，IcanlistentonothingagainsttheChurch。
　　DONJUAN。Havenofear，Commander：thisideaofaCatholicChurchwillsurviveIslam，willsurvivetheCross，willsurviveeventhatvulgarpageantofincompetentschoolboyishgladiatorswhichyoucalltheArmy。
　　THESTATUE。Juan：youwillforcemetocallyoutoaccountforthis。
　　DONJUAN。Useless：Icannotfence。EveryideaforwhichManwilldiewillbeaCatholicidea。WhentheSpaniardlearnsatlastthatheisnobetterthantheSaracen，andhisprophetnobetterthanMahomet，hewillarise，moreCatholicthanever，anddieonabarricadeacrossthefilthyslumhestarvesin，foruniversallibertyandequality。
　　THESTATUE。Bosh！
　　DONJUAN。Whatyoucallboshistheonlythingmendarediefor。
　　Lateron，LibertywillnotbeCatholicenough：menwilldieforhumanperfection，towhichtheywillsacrificealltheirlibertygladly。
　　THEDEVIL。Ay：theywillneverbeatalossforanexcuseforkillingoneanother。
　　DONJUAN。Whatofthat？Itisnotdeaththatmatters，butthefearofdeath。Itisnotkillinganddyingthatdegradeus，butbaseliving，andacceptingthewagesandprofitsofdegradation。
　　Bettertendeadmenthanoneliveslaveorhismaster。Menshallyetriseup，fatheragainstsonandbrotheragainstbrother，andkilloneanotherforthegreatCatholicideaofabolishingslavery。
　　THEDEVIL。Yes，whentheLibertyandEqualityofwhichyouprateshallhavemadefreewhiteChristianscheaperinthelabormarketthanbyauctionattheblock。
　　DONJUAN。Neverfear！thewhitelaborershallhavehisturntoo。
　　ButIamnotnowdefendingtheillusoryformsthegreatideastake。IamgivingyouexamplesofthefactthatthiscreatureMan，whoinhisownselfishaffairsisacowardtothebackbone，willfightforanidealikeahero。Hemaybeabjectasacitizen；butheisdangerousasafanatic。Hecanonlybeenslavedwhilstheisspirituallyweakenoughtolistentoreason。Itellyou，gentlemen，ifyoucanshowamanapieceofwhathenowcallsGod’sworktodo，andwhathewilllateroncallbymanynewnames，youcanmakehimentirelyrecklessoftheconsequencestohimselfpersonally。
　　ANA。Yes：heshirksallhisresponsibilities，andleaveshiswifetograpplewiththem。
　　THESTATUE。Wellsaid，daughter。Donotlethimtalkyououtofyourcommonsense。
　　THEDEVIL。Alas！SenorCommander，nowthatwehavegotontothesubjectofWoman，hewilltalkmorethanever。However，Iconfessitisformetheonesupremelyinterestingsubject。
　　DONJUAN。Toawoman，Senora，man’sdutiesandresponsibilitiesbeginandendwiththetaskofgettingbreadforherchildren。Toher，Manisonlyameanstotheendofgettingchildrenandrearingthem。
　　ANA。Isthatyourideaofawoman’smind？Icallitcynicalanddisgustingmaterialism。
　　DONJUAN。Pardonme，Ana：Isaidnothingaboutawoman’swholemind。IspokeofherviewofManasaseparatesex。ItisnomorecynicalthanherviewofherselfasaboveallthingsaMother。
　　Sexually，WomanisNature’scontrivanceforperpetuatingitshighestachievement。Sexually，ManisWoman’scontrivanceforfulfillingNature’sbehestinthemosteconomicalway。Sheknowsbyinstinctthatfarbackintheevolutionalprocesssheinventedhim，differentiatedhim，createdhiminordertoproducesomethingbetterthanthesingle—sexedprocesscanproduce。
　　Whilsthefulfilsthepurposeforwhichshemadehim，heiswelcometohisdreams，hisfollies，hisideals，hisheroisms，providedthatthekeystoneofthemallistheworshipofwoman，ofmotherhood，ofthefamily，ofthehearth。Buthowrashanddangerousitwastoinventaseparatecreaturewhosesolefunctionwasherownimpregnation！Formarkwhathashappened。
　　First，Manhasmultipliedonherhandsuntilthereareasmanymenaswomen；sothatshehasbeenunabletoemployforherpurposesmorethanafractionoftheimmenseenergyshehasleftathisdisposalbysavinghimtheexhaustinglaborofgestation。
　　Thissuperfluousenergyhasgonetohisbrainandtohismuscle。
　　Hehasbecometoostrongtobecontrolledbyherbodily，andtooimaginativeandmentallyvigoroustobecontentwithmereself—
　　reproduction。Hehascreatedcivilizationwithoutconsultingher，takingherdomesticlaborforgrantedasthefoundationofit。
　　ANA。THATistrue，atallevents。
　　THEDEVIL。Yes；andthiscivilization！whatisit，afterall？
　　DONJUAN。Afterall，anexcellentpegtohangyourcynicalcommonplaceson；butBEFOREall，itisanattemptonMan’sparttomakehimselfsomethingmorethanthemereinstrumentofWoman’spurpose。Sofar，theresultofLife’scontinualeffortnotonlytomaintainitself，buttoachievehigherandhigherorganizationandcompleterself—consciousness，isonly，atbest，adoubtfulcampaignbetweenitsforcesandthoseofDeathandDegeneration。Thebattlesinthiscampaignaremereblunders，mostlywon，likeactualmilitarybattles，inspiteofthecommanders。
　　THESTATUE。Thatisadigatme。Nomatter：goon，goon。
　　DONJUAN。Itisadigatamuchhigherpowerthanyou，Commander。
　　Still，youmusthavenoticedinyourprofessionthatevenastupidgeneralcanwinbattleswhentheenemy’sgeneralisalittlestupider。
　　THESTATUE。[veryseriously]Mosttrue，Juan，mosttrue。Somedonkeyshaveamazingluck。
　　DONJUAN。Well，theLifeForceisstupid；butitisnotsostupidastheforcesofDeathandDegeneration。Besides，theseareinitspayallthetime。AndsoLifewins，afterafashion。Whatmerecopiousnessoffecunditycansupplyandmeregreedpreserve，wepossess。Thesurvivalofwhateverformofcivilizationcanproducethebestrifleandthebestfedriflemenisassured。
　　THEDEVIL。Exactly！thesurvival，notofthemosteffectivemeansofLifebutofthemosteffectivemeansofDeath。Youalwayscomebacktomypoint，inspiteofyourwrigglingsandevasionsandsophistries，nottomentiontheintolerablelengthofyourspeeches。
　　DONJUAN。Ohcome！whobeganmakinglongspeeches？However，ifI
　　overtaxyourintellect，youcanleaveusandseekthesocietyofloveandbeautyandtherestofyourfavoriteboredoms。
　　THEDEVIL。[muchoffended]Thisisnotfair，DonJuan，andnotcivil。Iamalsoontheintellectualplane。NobodycanappreciateitmorethanIdo。Iamarguingfairlywithyou，and，Ithink，utterlyrefutingyou。Letusgoonforanotherhourifyoulike。
　　DONJUAN。Good：letus。
　　THESTATUE。NotthatIseeanyprospectofyourcomingtoanypointinparticular，Juan。Still，sinceinthisplace，insteadofmerelykillingtimewehavetokilleternity，goaheadbyallmeans。
　　DONJUAN。[somewhatimpatiently]Mypoint，youmarbleheadedoldmasterpiece，isonlyastepaheadofyou。AreweagreedthatLifeisaforcewhichhasmadeinnumerableexperimentsinorganizingitself；thatthemammothandtheman，themouseandthemegatherium，thefliesandthefleasandtheFathersoftheChurch，areallmoreorlesssuccessfulattemptstobuildupthatrawforceintohigherandhigherindividuals，theidealindividualbeingomnipotent，omniscient，infallible，andwithalcompletely，unilludedlyself—conscious：inshort，agod？
　　THEDEVIL。Iagree，forthesakeofargument。
　　THESTATUE。Iagree，forthesakeofavoidingargument。
　　ANA。ImostemphaticallydisagreeasregardstheFathersoftheChurch；andImustbegyounottodragthemintotheargument。
　　DONJUAN。Ididsopurelyforthesakeofalliteration，Ana；andIshallmakenofurtherallusiontothem。Andnow，sinceweare，withthatexception，agreedsofar，willyounotagreewithmefurtherthatLifehasnotmeasuredthesuccessofitsattemptsatgodheadbythebeautyorbodilyperfectionoftheresult，sinceinboththeserespectsthebirds，asourfriendAristophaneslongagopointedout，aresoextraordinarilysuperior，withtheirpowerofflightandtheirlovelyplumage，and，mayIadd，thetouchingpoetryoftheirlovesandnestings，thatitisinconceivablethatLife，havingonceproducedthem，should，ifloveandbeautywereherobject，startoffonanotherlineandlaborattheclumsyelephantandthehideousape，whosegrandchildrenweare？
　　ANA。Aristophaneswasaheathen；andyou，Juan，Iamafraid，areverylittlebetter。
　　THEDEVIL。Youconclude，then，thatLifewasdrivingatclumsinessandugliness？
　　DONJUAN。No，perversedevilthatyouare，athousandtimesno。
　　Lifewasdrivingatbrains——atitsdarlingobject：anorganbywhichitcanattainnotonlyself—consciousnessbutself—understanding。
　　THESTATUE。Thisismetaphysics，Juan。Whythedevilshould——[totheDevil]IBEGyourpardon。
　　THEDEVIL。Praydon’tmentionit。Ihavealwaysregardedtheuseofmynametosecureadditionalemphasisasahighcomplimenttome。Itisquiteatyourservice，Commander。
　　THESTATUE。Thankyou：that’sverygoodofyou。Eveninheaven，I
　　neverquitegotoutofmyoldmilitaryhabitsofspeech。WhatI
　　wasgoingtoaskJuanwaswhyLifeshouldbotheritselfaboutgettingabrain。Whyshoulditwanttounderstanditself？Whynotbecontenttoenjoyitself？
　　DONJUAN。Withoutabrain，Commander，youwouldenjoyyourselfwithoutknowingit，andsoloseallthefun。
　　THESTATUE。True，mosttrue。ButIamquitecontentwithbrainenoughtoknowthatI’menjoyingmyself。Idon’twanttounderstandwhy。Infact，I’drathernot。Myexperienceisthatone’spleasuresdon’tbearthinkingabout。
　　DONJUAN。Thatiswhyintellectissounpopular。ButtoLife，theforcebehindtheMan，intellectisanecessity，becausewithoutitheblundersintodeath。JustasLife，afteragesofstruggle，evolvedthatwonderfulbodilyorgantheeye，sothatthelivingorganismcouldseewhereitwasgoingandwhatwascomingtohelporthreatenit，andthusavoidathousanddangersthatformerlyslewit，soitisevolvingto—dayamind’seyethatshallsee，notthephysicalworld，butthepurposeofLife，andtherebyenabletheindividualtoworkforthatpurposeinsteadofthwartingandbafflingitbysettingupshortsightedpersonalaimsasatpresent。Evenasitis，onlyonesortofmanhaseverbeenhappy，haseverbeenuniversallyrespectedamongalltheconflictsofinterestsandillusions。
　　THESTATUE。Youmeanthemilitaryman。
　　DONJUAN。Commander：Idonotmeanthemilitaryman。Whenthemilitarymanapproaches，theworldlocksupitsspoonsandpacksoffitswomankind。No：Ising，notarmsandthehero，butthe，philosophicman：hewhoseeksincontemplationtodiscovertheinnerwilloftheworld，ininventiontodiscoverthemeansoffulfillingthatwill，andinactiontodothatwillbytheso—discoveredmeans。OfallothersortsofmenIdeclaremyselftired。They’retediousfailures。WhenIwasonearth，professorsofallsortsprowledroundmefeelingforanunhealthyspotinmeonwhichtheycouldfasten。ThedoctorsofmedicinebademeconsiderwhatImustdotosavemybody，andofferedmequackcuresforimaginarydiseases。IrepliedthatIwasnotahypochondriac；sotheycalledmeIgnoramusandwenttheirway。
　　ThedoctorsofdivinitybademeconsiderwhatImustdotosavemysoul；butIwasnotaspiritualhypochondriacanymorethanabodilyone，andwouldnottroublemyselfaboutthateither；sotheycalledmeAtheistandwenttheirway。Afterthemcamethepolitician，whosaidtherewasonlyonepurposeinNature，andthatwastogethimintoparliament。ItoldhimIdidnotcarewhetherhegotintoparliamentornot；sohecalledmeMugwumpandwenthisway。Thencametheromanticman，theArtist，withhislovesongsandhispaintingsandhispoems；andwithhimI
　　hadgreatdelightformanyyears，andsomeprofit；forI
　　cultivatedmysensesforhissake；andhissongstaughtmetohearbetter，hispaintingstoseebetter，andhispoemstofeelmoredeeply。ButheledmeatlastintotheworshipofWoman。
　　ANA。Juan！
　　DONJUAN。Yes：Icametobelievethatinhervoicewasallthemusicofthesong，inherfaceallthebeautyofthepainting，andinhersoulalltheemotionofthepoem。
　　ANA。Andyouweredisappointed，Isuppose。Well，wasitherfaultthatyouattributedalltheseperfectionstoher？
　　DONJUAN。Yes，partly。Forwithawonderfulinstinctivecunning，shekeptsilentandallowedmetoglorifyher；tomistakemyownvisions，thoughts，andfeelingsforhers。Nowmyfriendtheromanticmanwasoftentoopoorortootimidtoapproachthosewomenwhowerebeautifulorrefinedenoughtoseemtorealizehisideal；andsohewenttohisgravebelievinginhisdream。ButI
　　wasmorefavoredbynatureandcircumstance。Iwasofnoblebirthandrich；andwhenmypersondidnotplease，myconversationflattered，thoughIgenerallyfoundmyselffortunateinboth。
　　THESTATUE。Coxcomb！
　　DONJUAN。Yes；butevenmycoxcombrypleased。Well，IfoundthatwhenIhadtouchedawoman’simagination，shewouldallowmetopersuademyselfthatshelovedme；butwhenmysuitwasgrantedsheneversaid"Iamhappy：myloveissatisfied"：shealwayssaid，first，"Atlast，thebarriersaredown，"andsecond，"Whenwillyoucomeagain？"
　　ANA。Thatisexactlywhatmensay。
　　DONJUAN。IprotestIneversaidit。Butallwomensayit。Well，thesetwospeechesalwaysalarmedme；forthefirstmeantthatthelady’simpulsehadbeensolelytothrowdownmyfortificationsandgainmycitadel；andthesecondopenlyannouncedthathenceforthsheregardedmeasherproperty，andcountedmytimeasalreadywhollyatherdisposal。
　　THEDEVIL。Thatiswhereyourwantofheartcamein。
　　THESTATUE。[shakinghishead]Youshouldn’trepeatwhatawomansays，Juan。
　　ANA。[severely]Itshouldbesacredtoyou。
　　THESTATUE。Still，theycertainlydoalwayssayit。Inevermindedthebarriers；buttherewasalwaysaslightshockabouttheother，unlessonewasveryhardhitindeed。
　　DONJUAN。Thenthelady，whohadbeenhappyandidleenoughbefore，becameanxious，preoccupiedwithme，alwaysintriguing，conspiring，pursuing，watching，waiting，bentwhollyonmakingsureofherprey——Ibeingtheprey，youunderstand。NowthiswasnotwhatIhadbargainedfor。Itmayhavebeenveryproperandverynatural；butitwasnotmusic，painting，poetryandjoyincarnatedinabeautifulwoman。Iranawayfromit。Iranawayfromitveryoften：infactIbecamefamousforrunningawayfromit。
　　ANA。Infamous，youmean，DONJUAN。Ididnotrunawayfromyou。Doyoublamemeforrunningawayfromtheothers？
　　ANA。Nonsense，man。Youaretalkingtoawomanof77now。Ifyouhadhadthechance，youwouldhaverunawayfrommetoo——ifIhadletyou。Youwouldnothavefounditsoeasywithmeaswithsomeoftheothers。Ifmenwillnotbefaithfultotheirhomeandtheirduties，theymustbemadetobe。Idaresayyouallwanttomarrylovelyincarnationsofmusicandpaintingandpoetry。Well，youcan’thavethem，becausetheydon’texist。Iffleshandbloodisnotgoodenoughforyouyoumustgowithout：that’sall。Womenhavetoputupwithflesh—and—bloodhusbands——andlittleenoughofthattoo，sometimes；andyouwillhavetoputupwithflesh—and—bloodwives。TheDevillooksdubious。TheStatuemakesawryface。Iseeyoudon’tlikethat，anyofyou；butit’strue，forallthat；soifyoudon’tlikeityoucanlumpit。
　　DONJUAN。Mydearlady，youhaveputmywholecaseagainstromanceintoafewsentences。ThatisjustwhyIturnedmybackontheromanticmanwiththeartistnature，ashecalledhisinfatuation。Ithankedhimforteachingmetousemyeyesandears；butItoldhimthathisbeautyworshippingandhappinesshuntingandwomanidealizingwasnotworthadumpasaphilosophyoflife；sohecalledmePhilistineandwenthisway。
　　ANA。ItseemsthatWomantaughtyousomething，too，withallherdefects。
　　DONJUAN。Shedidmore：sheinterpretedalltheotherteachingforme。Ah，myfriends，whenthebarriersweredownforthefirsttime，whatanastoundingillumination！Ihadbeenpreparedforinfatuation，forintoxication，foralltheillusionsoflove’syoungdream；andlo！neverwasmyperceptionclearer，normycriticismmoreruthless。ThemostjealousrivalofmymistressneversaweveryblemishinhermorekeenlythanI。Iwasnotduped：Itookherwithoutchloroform。
　　ANA。Butyoudidtakeher。
　　DONJUAN。Thatwastherevelation。UptothatmomentIhadneverlostthesenseofbeingmyownmaster；neverconsciouslytakenasinglestepuntilmyreasonhadexaminedandapprovedit。IhadcometobelievethatIwasapurelyrationalcreature：athinker！
　　Isaid，withthefoolishphilosopher，"Ithink；thereforeIam。"
　　ItwasWomanwhotaughtmetosay"Iam；thereforeIthink。"Andalso"Iwouldthinkmore；thereforeImustbemore。"
　　THESTATUE。Thisisextremelyabstractandmetaphysical，Juan。Ifyouwouldsticktotheconcrete，andputyourdiscoveriesintheformofentertaininganecdotesaboutyouradventureswithwomen，yourconversationwouldbeeasiertofollow。
　　DONJUAN。Bah！whatneedIadd？DoyounotunderstandthatwhenI
　　stoodfacetofacewithWoman，everyfibreinmyclearcriticalbrainwarnedmetospareherandsavemyself。MymoralssaidNo。
　　MyconsciencesaidNo。MychivalryandpityforhersaidNo。MyprudentregardformyselfsaidNo。Myear，practisedonathousandsongsandsymphonies；myeye，exercisedonathousandpaintings；torehervoice，herfeatures，hercolortoshreds。I
　　caughtallthosetell—taleresemblancestoherfatherandmotherbywhichIknewwhatshewouldbelikeinthirtyyearstime。I
　　notedthegleamofgoldfromadeadtoothinthelaughingmouth：
　　Imadecuriousobservationsofthestrangeodorsofthechemistryofthenerves。Thevisionsofmyromanticreveries，inwhichI
　　hadtrodtheplainsofheavenwithadeathless，agelesscreatureofcoralandivory，desertedmeinthatsupremehour。I
　　rememberedthemanddesperatelystrovetorecovertheirillusion；
　　buttheynowseemedtheemptiestofinventions：myjudgmentwasnottobecorrupted：mybrainstillsaidNooneveryissue。AndwhilstIwasintheactofframingmyexcusetothelady，Lifeseizedmeandthrewmeintoherarmsasasailorthrowsascrapoffishintothemouthofaseabird。
　　THESTATUE。Youmightaswellhavegonewithoutthinkingsuchalotaboutit，Juan。Youarelikealltheclevermen：youhavemorebrainsthanisgoodforyou。
　　THEDEVIL。Andwereyounotthehappierfortheexperience，SenorDonJuan？
　　DONJUAN。Thehappier，no：thewiser，yes。Thatmomentintroducedmeforthefirsttimetomyself，and，throughmyself，totheworld。IsawthenhowuselessitistoattempttoimposeconditionsontheirresistibleforceofLife；topreachprudence，carefulselection，virtue，honor，chastity——
　　ANA。DonJuan：awordagainstchastityisaninsulttome。
　　DONJUAN。Isaynothingagainstyourchastity，Senora，sinceittooktheformofahusbandandtwelvechildren。Whatmorecouldyouhavedonehadyoubeenthemostabandonedofwomen？
　　ANA。Icouldhavehadtwelvehusbandsandnochildrenthat’swhatIcouldhavedone，Juan。AndletmetellyouthatthatwouldhavemadeallthedifferencetotheearthwhichIreplenished。
　　THESTATUE。BravoAna！Juan：youarefloored，quelled，annihilated。
　　DONJUAN。No；forthoughthatdifferenceisthetrueessentialdifference——DonaAnahas，Iadmit，gonestraighttotherealpoint——yetitisnotadifferenceofloveorchastity，orevenconstancy；fortwelvechildrenbytwelvedifferenthusbandswouldhavereplenishedtheearthperhapsmoreeffectively。SupposemyfriendOttaviohaddiedwhenyouwerethirty，youwouldneverhaveremainedawidow：youweretoobeautiful。SupposethesuccessorofOttaviohaddiedwhenyouwereforty，youwouldstillhavebeenirresistible；andawomanwhomarriestwicemarriesthreetimesifshebecomesfreetodoso。Twelvelawfulchildrenbornebyonehighlyrespectableladytothreedifferentfathersisnotimpossiblenorcondemnedbypublicopinion。Thatsuchaladymaybemorelawabidingthanthepoorgirlwhomweusedtospurnintothegutterforbearingoneunlawfulinfantisnodoubttrue；butdareyousaysheislessself—indulgent？
　　ANA。Sheislessvirtuous：thatisenoughforme。
　　DONJUAN。Inthatcase，whatisvirtuebuttheTradeUnionismofthemarried？Letusfacethefacts，dearAna。TheLifeForcerespectsmarriageonlybecausemarriageisacontrivanceofitsowntosecurethegreatestnumberofchildrenandtheclosestcareofthem。Forhonor，chastityandalltherestofyourmoralfigmentsitcaresnotarap。Marriageisthemostlicentiousofhumaninstitutions——
　　ANA。Juan！
　　THESTATUE。[protesting]Really！——
　　DONJUAN。[determinedly]Isaythemostlicentiousofhumaninstitutions：thatisthesecretofitspopularity。Andawomanseekingahusbandisthemostunscrupulousofallthebeastsofprey。Theconfusionofmarriagewithmoralityhasdonemoretodestroytheconscienceofthehumanracethananyothersingleerror。Come，Ana！donotlookshocked：youknowbetterthananyofusthatmarriageisamantrapbaitedwithsimulatedaccomplishmentsanddelusiveidealizations。Whenyoursaintedmother，bydintofscoldingsandpunishments，forcedyoutolearnhowtoplayhalfadozenpiecesonthespinetwhichshehatedasmuchasyoudid——hadsheanyotherpurposethantodeludeyoursuitorsintothebeliefthatyourhusbandwouldhaveinhishomeanangelwhowouldfillitwithmelody，oratleastplayhimtosleepafterdinner？YoumarriedmyfriendOttavio：well，didyoueveropenthespinetfromthehourwhentheChurchunitedhimtoyou？
　　ANA。Youareafool，Juan。Ayoungmarriedwomanhassomethingelsetodothansitatthespinetwithoutanysupportforherback；soshegetsoutofthehabitofplaying。
　　DONJUAN。Notifshelovesmusic。No：believeme，sheonlythrowsawaythebaitwhenthebirdisinthenet。
　　ANA。[bitterly]Andmen，Isuppose，neverthrowoffthemaskwhentheirbirdisinthenet。Thehusbandneverbecomesnegligent，selfish，brutal——ohnever！
　　DONJUAN。Whatdotheserecriminationsprove，Ana？Onlythattheheroisasgrossanimpostureastheheroine。
　　ANA。Itisallnonsense：mostmarriagesareperfectlycomfortable。
　　DONJUAN。"Perfectly"isastrongexpression，Ana。Whatyoumeanisthatsensiblepeoplemakethebestofoneanother。Sendmetothegalleysandchainmetothefelonwhosenumberhappenstobenextbeforemine；andImustaccepttheinevitableandmakethebestofthecompanionship。Manysuchcompanionships，theytellme，aretouchinglyaffectionate；andmostareatleasttolerablyfriendly。Butthatdoesnotmakeachainadesirableornamentnorthegalleysanabodeofbliss。Thosewhotalkmostabouttheblessingsofmarriageandtheconstancyofitsvowsaretheverypeoplewhodeclarethatifthechainwerebrokenandtheprisonersleftfreetochoose，thewholesocialfabricwouldflyasunder。Youcannothavetheargumentbothways。Iftheprisonerishappy，whylockhimin？Ifheisnot，whypretendthatheis？
　　ANA。Atallevents，letmetakeanoldwoman’sprivilegeagain，andtellyouflatlythatmarriagepeoplestheworldanddebaucherydoesnot。
　　DONJUAN。Howifatimecomeswhenthisshallceasetobetrue？Doyounotknowthatwherethereisawillthereisaway——thatwhateverManreallywishestodohewillfinallydiscoverameansofdoing？Well，youhavedoneyourbest，youvirtuousladies，andothersofyourwayofthinking，tobendMan’smindwhollytowardshonorableloveasthehighestgood，andtounderstandbyhonorableloveromanceandbeautyandhappinessinthepossessionofbeautiful，refined，delicate，affectionatewomen。Youhavetaughtwomentovaluetheirownyouth，health，shapeliness，andrefinementaboveallthings。Well，whatplacehavesquallingbabiesandhouseholdcaresinthisexquisiteparadiseofthesensesandemotions？Isitnottheinevitableendofitallthatthehumanwillshallsaytothehumanbrain：InventmeameansbywhichIcanhavelove，beauty，romance，emotion，passionwithouttheirwretchedpenalties，theirexpenses，theirworries，theirtrials，theirillnessesandagoniesandrisksofdeath，theirretinueofservantsandnursesanddoctorsandschoolmasters。
　　THEDEVIL。Allthis，SenorDonJuan，isrealizedhereinmyrealm。
　　DONJUAN。Yes，atthecostofdeath。Manwillnottakeitatthatprice：hedemandstheromanticdelightsofyourhellwhilstheisstillonearth。Well，themeanswillbefound：thebrainwillnotfailwhenthewillisinearnest。Thedayiscomingwhengreatnationswillfindtheirnumbersdwindlingfromcensustocensus；
　　whenthesixroomedvillawillriseinpriceabovethefamilymansion；whentheviciouslyrecklesspoorandthestupidlypiousrichwilldelaytheextinctionoftheraceonlybydegradingit；
　　whilsttheboldlyprudent，thethriftilyselfishandambitious，theimaginativeandpoetic，theloversofmoneyandsolidcomfort，theworshippersofsuccess，art，andoflove，willallopposetotheForceofLifethedeviceofsterility。
　　THESTATUE。Thatisallveryeloquent，myyoungfriend；butifyouhadlivedtoAna’sage，oreventomine，youwouldhavelearnedthatthepeoplewhogetridofthefearofpovertyandchildrenandalltheotherfamilytroubles，anddevotethemselvestohavingagoodtimeofit，onlyleavetheirmindsfreeforthefearofoldageanduglinessandimpotenceanddeath。Thechildlesslaborerismoretormentedbyhiswife’sidlenessandherconstantdemandsforamusementanddistractionthanhecouldbebytwentychildren；andhiswifeismorewretchedthanhe。I
　　havehadmyshareofvanity；forasayoungmanIwasadmiredbywomen；andasastatueIampraisedbyartcritics。ButIconfessthathadIfoundnothingtodointheworldbutwallowinthesedelightsIshouldhavecutmythroat。WhenImarriedAna’smother——orperhaps，tobestrictlycorrect，IshouldrathersaywhenIatlastgaveinandallowedAna’smothertomarryme——I
　　knewthatIwasplantingthornsinmypillow，andthatmarriageforme，aswaggeringyoungofficerthithertounvanquished，meantdefeatandcapture。
　　ANA。[scandalized]Father！
　　THESTATUE。Iamsorrytoshockyou，mylove；butsinceJuanhasstrippedeveryragofdecencyfromthediscussionImayaswelltellthefrozentruth。
　　ANA。Hmf！IsupposeIwasoneofthethorns。
　　THESTATUE。Bynomeans：youwereoftenarose。Yousee，yourmotherhadmostofthetroubleyougave。
　　DONJUAN。ThenmayIask，Commander，whyyouhaveleftHeaventocomehereandwallow，asyouexpressit，insentimentalbeatitudeswhichyouconfesswouldoncehavedrivenyoutocutyourthroat？
　　THESTATUE。[struckbythis]Egad，that’strue。
　　THEDEVIL。[alarmed]What！Youaregoingbackfromyourword。[ToDonJuan]Andallyourphilosophizinghasbeennothingbutamaskforproselytizing！[TotheStatue]HaveyouforgottenalreadythehideousdulnessfromwhichIamofferingyouarefugehere？[ToDonJuan]Anddoesyourdemonstrationoftheapproachingsterilizationandextinctionofmankindleadtoanythingbetterthanmakingthemostofthosepleasuresofartandlovewhichyouyourselfadmitrefinedyou，elevatedyou，developedyou？
　　DONJUAN。Ineverdemonstratedtheextinctionofmankind。Lifecannotwillitsownextinctioneitherinitsblindamorphousstateorinanyoftheformsintowhichithasorganizeditself。
　　IhadnotfinishedwhenHisExcellencyinterruptedme。
　　THESTATUE。Ibegintodoubtwhetheryoueverwillfinish，myfriend。Youareextremelyfondofhearingyourselftalk。
　　DONJUAN。True；butsinceyouhaveenduredsomuch。youmayaswellenduretotheend。LongbeforethissterilizationwhichI
　　describedbecomesmorethanaclearlyforeseenpossibility，thereactionwillbegin。Thegreatcentralpurposeofbreedingtherace，ay，breedingittoheightsnowdeemedsuperhuman：thatpurposewhichisnowhiddeninamephiticcloudofloveandromanceandpruderyandfastidiousness，willbreakthroughintoclearsunlightasapurposenolongertobeconfusedwiththegratificationofpersonalfancies，theimpossiblerealizationofboys’andgirls’dreamsofbliss，ortheneedofolderpeopleforcompanionshipormoney。Theplain—spokenmarriageservicesofthevernacularChurcheswillnolongerbeabbreviatedandhalfsuppressedasindelicate。Thesoberdecency，earnestnessandauthorityoftheirdeclarationoftherealpurposeofmarriagewillbehonoredandaccepted，whilsttheirromanticvowingsandpledgingsanduntil—death—do—us—partingsandthelikewillbeexpungedasunbearablefrivolities。Domysexthejusticetoadmit，Senora，thatwehavealwaysrecognizedthatthesexrelationisnotapersonalorfriendlyrelationatall。
　　ANA。Notapersonalorfriendlyrelation！Whatrelationismorepersonal？moresacred？moreholy？
　　DONJUAN。Sacredandholy，ifyoulike，Ana，butnotpersonallyfriendly。YourrelationtoGodissacredandholy：dareyoucallitpersonallyfriendly？Inthesexrelationtheuniversalcreativeenergy，ofwhichthepartiesareboththehelplessagents，over—ridesandsweepsawayallpersonalconsiderationsanddispenseswithallpersonalrelations。Thepairmaybeutterstrangerstooneanother，speakingdifferentlanguages，differinginraceandcolor，inageanddisposition，withnobondbetweenthembutapossibilityofthatfecundityforthesakeofwhichtheLifeForcethrowsthemintooneanother’sarmsattheexchangeofaglance。Dowenotrecognizethisbyallowingmarriagestobemadebyparentswithoutconsultingthewoman？
　　HaveyounotoftenexpressedyourdisgustattheimmoralityoftheEnglishnation，inwhichwomenandmenofnoblebirthbecomeacquaintedandcourteachotherlikepeasants？Andhowmuchdoeseventhepeasantknowofhisbrideorsheofhimbeforeheengageshimself？Why，youwouldnotmakeamanyourlawyeroryourfamilydoctoronsoslightanacquaintanceasyouwouldfallinlovewithandmarryhim！
　　ANA。Yes，Juan：weknowthelibertine’sphilosophy。Alwaysignoretheconsequencestothewoman。
　　DONJUAN。Theconsequences，yes：theyjustifyherfiercegripoftheman。Butsurelyyoudonotcallthatattachmentasentimentalone。Aswellcallthepoliceman’sattachmenttohisprisoneraloverelation。
　　ANA。Youseeyouhavetoconfessthatmarriageisnecessary，though，accordingtoyou，loveistheslightestofalltherelations。
　　DONJUAN。Howdoyouknowthatitisnotthegreatestofalltherelations？fartoogreattobeapersonalmatter。CouldyourfatherhaveservedhiscountryifhehadrefusedtokillanyenemyofSpainunlesshepersonallyhatedhim？Canawomanservehercountryifsherefusestomarryanymanshedoesnotpersonallylove？Youknowitisnotso：thewomanofnoblebirthmarriesasthemanofnoblebirthfights，onpoliticalandfamilygrounds，notonpersonalones。
　　THESTATUE。[impressed]Averycleverpointthat，Juan：Imustthinkitover。Youarereallyfullofideas。Howdidyoucometothinkofthisone？
　　DONJUAN。Ilearntitbyexperience。WhenIwasonearth，andmadethoseproposalstoladieswhich，thoughuniversallycondemned，havemademesointerestingaherooflegend，Iwasnotinfrequentlymetinsomesuchwayasthis。Theladywouldsaythatshewouldcountenancemyadvances，providedtheywerehonorable。Oninquiringwhatthatprovisomeant，IfoundthatitmeantthatIproposedtogetpossessionofherpropertyifshehadany，ortoundertakehersupportforlifeifshehadnot；
　　thatIdesiredhercontinualcompanionship，counselandconversationtotheendofmydays，andwouldbindmyselfunderpenaltiestobealwaysenrapturedbythem；and，aboveall，thatIwouldturnmybackonallotherwomenforeverforhersake。Ididnotobjecttotheseconditionsbecausetheywereexorbitantandinhuman：itwastheirextraordinaryirrelevancethatprostratedme。IinvariablyrepliedwithperfectfranknessthatIhadneverdreamtofanyofthesethings；thatunlessthelady’scharacterandintellectwereequalorsuperiortomyown，herconversationmustdegradeandhercounselmisleadme；thatherconstantcompanionshipmight，forallIknew，becomeintolerablytedioustome；thatIcouldnotanswerformyfeelingsforaweekinadvance，muchlesstotheendofmylife；
　　thattocutmeofffromallnaturalandunconstrainedrelationswiththerestofmyfellowcreatureswouldnarrowandwarpmeifIsubmittedtoit，and，ifnot，wouldbringmeunderthecurseofclandestinity；that，finally，myproposalstoherwerewhollyunconnectedwithanyofthesematters，andweretheoutcomeofaperfectlysimpleimpulseofmymanhoodtowardsherwomanhood。
　　ANA。Youmeanthatitwasanimmoralimpulse。
　　DONJUAN。Nature，mydearlady，iswhatyoucallimmoral。Iblushforit；butIcannothelpit。Natureisapandar，Timeawrecker，andDeathamurderer。Ihavealwayspreferredtostanduptothosefactsandbuildinstitutionsontheirrecognition。Youprefertopropitiatethethreedevilsbyproclaimingtheirchastity，theirthrift，andtheirlovingkindness；andtobaseyourinstitutionsontheseflatteries。Isitanywonderthattheinstitutionsdonotworksmoothly？
　　THESTATUE。Whatusedtheladiestosay，Juan？
　　DONJUAN。Oh，come！Confidenceforconfidence。Firsttellmewhatyouusedtosaytotheladies。
　　THESTATUE。I！Oh，IsworethatIwouldbefaithfultothedeath；
　　thatIshoulddieiftheyrefusedme；thatnowomancouldeverbetomewhatshewas——
　　ANA。She？Who？
　　THESTATUE。Whoeverithappenedtobeatthetime，mydear。IhadcertainthingsIalwayssaid。OneofthemwasthatevenwhenI
　　waseighty，onewhitehairofthewomanIlovedwouldmakemetremblemorethanthethickestgoldtressfromthemostbeautifulyounghead。AnotherwasthatIcouldnotbearthethoughtofanyoneelsebeingthemotherofmychildren。
　　DONJUAN。[revolted]Youoldrascal！
　　THESTATUE。[Stoutly]Notabit；forIreallybelieveditwithallmysoulatthemoment。Ihadaheart：notlikeyou。Anditwasthissinceritythatmademesuccessful。
　　DONJUAN。Sincerity！Tobefoolenoughtobelievearamping，stamping，thumpinglie：thatiswhatyoucallsincerity！Tobesogreedyforawomanthatyoudeceiveyourselfinyoureagernesstodeceiveher：sincerity，youcallit！
　　THESTATUE。Oh，damnyoursophistries！Iwasamaninlove，notalawyer。Andthewomenlovedmeforit，blessthem！
　　DONJUAN。Theymadeyouthinkso。WhatwillyousaywhenItellyouthatthoughIplayedthelawyersocallously，theymademethinksotoo？IalsohadmymomentsofinfatuationinwhichI
　　gushednonsenseandbelievedit。SometimesthedesiretogivepleasurebysayingbeautifulthingssoroseinmeonthefloodofemotionthatIsaidthemrecklessly。AtothertimesIarguedagainstmyselfwithadevilishcoldnessthatdrewtears。ButI
　　founditjustashardtoescapeintheonecaseasintheothers。
　　Whenthelady’sinstinctwassetonme，therewasnothingforitbutlifelongservitudeorflight。
　　ANA。Youdareboast，beforemeandmyfather，thateverywomanfoundyouirresistible。
　　DONJUAN。AmIboasting？ItseemstomethatIcutthemostpitiableoffigures。Besides，Isaid"whenthelady’sinstinctwassetonme。"Itwasnotalwaysso；andthen，heavens！whattransportsofvirtuousindignation！whatoverwhelmingdefiancetothedastardlyseducer！whatscenesofImogenandIachimo！
　　ANA。Imadenoscenes。Isimplycalledmyfather。
　　DONJUAN。Andhecame，swordinhand，tovindicateoutragedhonorandmoralitybymurderingme。
　　THESTATUE。Murdering！Whatdoyoumean？DidIkillyouordidyoukillme？
　　DONJUAN。Whichofuswasthebetterfencer？
　　THESTATUE。Iwas。
　　DONJUAN。Ofcourseyouwere。Andyetyou，theheroofthosescandalousadventuresyouhavejustbeenrelatingtous，youhadtheeffronterytoposeastheavengerofoutragedmoralityandcondemnmetodeath！Youwouldhaveslainmebutforanaccident。
　　THESTATUE。Iwasexpectedto，Juan。Thatishowthingswerearrangedonearth。Iwasnotasocialreformer；andIalwaysdidwhatitwascustomaryforagentlemantodo。
　　DONJUAN。Thatmayaccountforyourattackingme，butnotfortherevoltinghypocrisyofyoursubsequentproceedingsasastatue。
　　THESTATUE。ThatallcameofmygoingtoHeaven。
　　THEDEVIL。Istillfailtosee，SenorDonJuan，thattheseepisodesinyourearthlycareerandinthatoftheSenorCommanderinanywaydiscreditmyviewoflife。Here，Irepeat，youhaveallthatyousoughtwithoutanythingthatyoushrankfrom。
　　DONJUAN。Onthecontrary，hereIhaveeverythingthatdisappointedmewithoutanythingthatIhavenotalreadytriedandfoundwanting。ItellyouthataslongasIcanconceivesomethingbetterthanmyselfIcannotbeeasyunlessIamstrivingtobringitintoexistenceorclearingthewayforit。
　　Thatisthelawofmylife。ThatistheworkingwithinmeofLife’sincessantaspirationtohigherorganization，wider，deeper，intenserself—consciousness，andclearerself—understanding。Itwasthesupremacyofthispurposethatreducedloveformetothemerepleasureofamoment，artformetothemereschoolingofmyfaculties，religionformetoamereexcuseforlaziness，sinceithadsetupaGodwholookedattheworldandsawthatitwasgood，againsttheinstinctinmethatlookedthroughmyeyesattheworldandsawthatitcouldbeimproved。Itellyouthatinthepursuitofmyownpleasure，myownhealth，myownfortune，Ihaveneverknownhappiness。ItwasnotloveforWomanthatdeliveredmeintoherhands：itwasfatigue，exhaustion。WhenIwasachild，andbruisedmyheadagainstastone，Irantothenearestwomanandcriedawaymypainagainstherapron。WhenIgrewup，andbruisedmysoulagainstthebrutalitiesandstupiditieswithwhichIhadtostrive，IdidagainjustwhatIhaddoneasachild。Ihaveenjoyed，too，myrests，myrecuperations，mybreathingtimes，myveryprostrationsafterstrife；butratherwouldIbedraggedthroughallthecirclesofthefoolishItalian’sInfernothanthroughthepleasuresofEurope。Thatiswhathasmadethisplaceofeternalpleasuressodeadlytome。ItistheabsenceofthisinstinctinyouthatmakesyouthatstrangemonstercalledaDevil。Itisthesuccesswithwhichyouhavedivertedtheattentionofmenfromtheirrealpurpose，whichinonedegreeoranotheristhesameasmine，toyours，thathasearnedyouthenameofTheTempter。Itisthefactthattheyaredoingyourwill，orratherdriftingwithyourwantofwill，insteadofdoingtheirown，thatmakesthemtheuncomfortable，false，restless，artificial，petulant，wretchedcreaturestheyare。
　　THEDEVIL。[mortified]SenorDonJuan：youareunciviltomyfriends。
　　DONJUAN。Pooh！whyshouldIbeciviltothemortoyou？InthisPalaceofLiesatruthortwowillnothurtyou。YourfriendsareallthedullestdogsIknow。Theyarenotbeautiful：theyareonlydecorated。Theyarenotclean：theyareonlyshavedandstarched。Theyarenotdignified：theyareonlyfashionablydressed。Theyarenoteducatedtheyareonlycollegepassmen。
　　Theyarenotreligious：theyareonlypewrenters。Theyarenotmoral：theyareonlyconventional。Theyarenotvirtuous：theyareonlycowardly。Theyarenotevenvicious：theyareonly"frail。"Theyarenotartistic：theyareonlylascivious。Theyarenotprosperous：theyareonlyrich。Theyarenotloyal，theyareonlyservile；notdutiful，onlysheepish；notpublicspirited，onlypatriotic；notcourageous，onlyquarrelsome；notdetermined，onlyobstinate；notmasterful，onlydomineering；notself—controlled，onlyobtuse；notself—respecting，onlyvain；notkind，onlysentimental；notsocial，onlygregarious；notconsiderate，onlypolite；notintelligent，onlyopinionated；notprogressive，onlyfactious；notimaginative，onlysuperstitious；
　　notjust，onlyvindictive；notgenerous，onlypropitiatory；notdisciplined，onlycowed；andnottruthfulatall——liarseveryoneofthem，totheverybackboneoftheirsouls。
　　THESTATUE。Yourflowofwordsissimplyamazing，Juan。HowI
　　wishIcouldhavetalkedlikethattomysoldiers。
　　THEDEVIL。Itismeretalk，though。Ithasallbeensaidbefore；
　　butwhatchangehasitevermade？Whatnoticehastheworldevertakenofit？
　　DONJUAN。Yes，itismeretalk。Butwhyisitmeretalk？Because，myfriend，beauty，purity，respectability，religion，morality，art，patriotism，braveryandtherestarenothingbutwordswhichIoranyoneelsecanturninsideoutlikeaglove。Weretheyrealities，youwouldhavetopleadguiltytomyindictment；butfortunatelyforyourself—respect，mydiabolicalfriend，theyarenotrealities。Asyousay，theyaremerewords，usefulfordupingbarbariansintoadoptingcivilization，orthecivilizedpoorintosubmittingtoberobbedandenslaved。Thatisthefamilysecretofthegoverningcaste；andifwewhoareofthatcasteaimedatmoreLifefortheworldinsteadofatmorepowerandluxuryforourmiserableselves，thatsecretwouldmakeusgreat。Now，sinceI，beinganobleman，aminthesecrettoo，thinkhowtedioustomemustbeyourunendingcantaboutallthesemoralisticfigments，andhowsqualidlydisastrousyoursacrificeofyourlivestothem！Ifyouevenbelievedinyourmoralgameenoughtoplayitfairly，itwouldbeinterestingtowatch；butyoudon’t：
　　youcheatateverytrick；andifyouropponentoutcheatsyou，youupsetthetableandtrytomurderhim。
　　THEDEVIL。Onearththeremaybesometruthinthis，becausethepeopleareuneducatedandcannotappreciatemyreligionofloveandbeauty；buthere——
　　DONJUAN。Ohyes：Iknow。Herethereisnothingbutloveandbeauty。Ugh！itislikesittingforalleternityatthefirstactofafashionableplay，beforethecomplicationsbegin。NeverinmyworstmomentsofsuperstitiousterroronearthdidIdreamthatHellwassohorrible。Ilive，likeahairdresser，inthecontinualcontemplationofbeauty，toyingwithsilkentresses。I
　　breatheanatmosphereofsweetness，likeaconfectioner’sshopboy。Commander：arethereanybeautifulwomeninHeaven？
　　THESTATUE。None。Absolutelynone。Alldowdies。Nottwopennorthofjewelleryamongadozenofthem。Theymightbemenoffifty。
　　DONJUAN。Iamimpatienttogetthere。Isthewordbeautyevermentioned；andarethereanyartisticpeople？
　　THESTATUE。Igiveyoumywordtheywon’tadmireafinestatueevenwhenitwalkspastthem。
　　DONJUAN。Igo。
　　THEDEVIL。DonJuan：shallIbefrankwithyou？
　　DONJUAN。Wereyounotsobefore？
　　THEDEVIL。AsfarasIwent，yes。ButIwillnowgofurther，andconfesstoyouthatmengettiredofeverything，ofheavennolessthanofhell；andthatallhistoryisnothingbutarecordoftheoscillationsoftheworldbetweenthesetwoextremes。Anepochisbutaswingofthependulum；andeachgenerationthinkstheworldisprogressingbecauseitisalwaysmoving。ButwhenyouareasoldasIam；whenyouhaveathousandtimesweariedofheaven，likemyselfandtheCommander，andathousandtimesweariedofhell，asyouareweariednow，youwillnolongerimaginethateveryswingfromheaventohellisanemancipation，everyswingfromhelltoheavenanevolution。Whereyounowseereform，progress，fulfilmentofupwardtendency，continualascentbyManonthesteppingstonesofhisdeadselvestohigherthings，youwillseenothingbutaninfinitecomedyofillusion。
　　YouwilldiscovertheprofoundtruthofthesayingofmyfriendKoheleth，thatthereisnothingnewunderthesun。Vanitasvanitatum——
　　DONJUAN。[outofallpatience]ByHeaven，thisisworsethanyourcantaboutloveandbeauty。Cleverdoltthatyouare，isamannobetterthanaworm，oradogthanawolf，becausehegetstiredofeverything？Shallhegiveupeatingbecausehedestroyshisappetiteintheactofgratifyingit？Isafieldidlewhenitisfallow？CantheCommanderexpendhishellishenergyherewithoutaccumulatingheavenlyenergyforhisnexttermofblessedness？GrantedthatthegreatLifeForcehashitonthedeviceoftheclockmaker’spendulum，andusestheearthforitsbob；thatthehistoryofeachoscillation，whichseemssonoveltoustheactors，isbutthehistoryofthelastoscillationrepeated；naymore，thatintheunthinkableinfinitudeoftimethesunthrowsofftheearthandcatchesitagainathousandtimesasacircusriderthrowsupaball，andthatthetotalofallourepochsisbutthemomentbetweenthetossandthecatch，hasthecolossalmechanismnopurpose？
　　THEDEVIL。None，myfriend。Youthink，becauseyouhaveapurpose，Naturemusthaveone。Youmightaswellexpectittohavefingersandtoesbecauseyouhavethem。
　　DONJUAN。ButIshouldnothavethemiftheyservednopurpose。
　　AndI，myfriend，amasmuchapartofNatureasmyownfingerisapartofme。IfmyfingeristheorganbywhichIgrasptheswordandthemandoline，mybrainistheorganbywhichNaturestrivestounderstanditself。Mydog’sbrainservesonlymydog’spurposes；butmybrainlaborsataknowledgewhichdoesnothingformepersonallybutmakemybodybittertomeandmydecayanddeathacalamity。WereInotpossessedwithapurposebeyondmyownIhadbetterbeaploughmanthanaphilosopher；fortheploughmanlivesaslongasthephilosopher，eatsmore，sleepsbetter，andrejoicesinthewifeofhisbosomwithlessmisgiving。ThisisbecausethephilosopherisinthegripoftheLifeForce。ThisLifeForcesaystohim"Ihavedoneathousandwonderfulthingsunconsciouslybymerelywillingtoliveandfollowingthelineofleastresistance：nowIwanttoknowmyselfandmydestination，andchoosemypath；soIhavemadeaspecialbrain——aphilosopher’sbrain——tograspthisknowledgeformeasthehusbandman’shandgraspstheploughforme。"Andthis"saystheLifeForcetothephilosopher"mustthoustrivetodoformeuntilthoudiest，whenIwillmakeanotherbrainandanotherphilosophertocarryonthework。"
　　THEDEVIL。Whatistheuseofknowing？
　　DONJUAN。Why，tobeabletochoosethelineofgreatestadvantageinsteadofyieldinginthedirectionoftheleastresistance。Doesashipsailtoitsdestinationnobetterthanalogdriftsnowhither？ThephilosopherisNature’spilot。Andthereyouhaveourdifference：tobeinhellistodrift：tobeinheavenistosteer。
　　THEDEVIL。Ontherocks，mostlikely。
　　DONJUAN。Pooh！whichshipgoesoftenestontherocksortothebottom——thedriftingshiportheshipwithapilotonboard？
　　THEDEVIL。Well，well，goyourway，SenorDonJuan。Iprefertobemyownmasterandnotthetoolofanyblunderinguniversalforce。Iknowthatbeautyisgoodtolookat；thatmusicisgoodtohear；thatloveisgoodtofeel；andthattheyareallgoodtothinkaboutandtalkabout。Iknowthattobewellexercisedinthesesensations，emotions，andstudiesistobearefinedandcultivatedbeing。Whatevertheymaysayofmeinchurchesonearth，IknowthatitisuniversallyadmittedingoodsocietythattheprinceofDarknessisagentleman；andthatisenoughforme。AstoyourLifeForce，whichyouthinkirresistible，itisthemostresistiblethingintheworldforapersonofanycharacter。Butifyouarenaturallyvulgarandcredulous，asallreformersare，itwillthrustyoufirstintoreligion，whereyouwillsprinklewateronbabiestosavetheirsoulsfromme；thenitwilldriveyoufromreligionintoscience，whereyouwillsnatchthebabiesfromthewatersprinklingandinoculatethemwithdiseasetosavethemfromcatchingitaccidentally；thenyouwilltaketopolitics，whereyouwillbecomethecatspawofcorruptfunctionariesandthehenchmanofambitioushumbugs；andtheendwillbedespairanddecrepitude，brokennerveandshatteredhopes，vainregretsforthatworstandsilliestofwastesandsacrifices，thewasteandsacrificeofthepowerofenjoyment：inaword，thepunishmentofthefoolwhopursuesthebetterbeforehehassecuredthegood。
　　DONJUAN。ButatleastIshallnotbebored。TheserviceoftheLifeForcehasthatadvantage，atallevents。Sofareyouwell，SenorSatan。
　　THEDEVIL。[amiably]Fareyouwell，DonJuan。Ishalloftenthinkofourinterestingchatsaboutthingsingeneral。Iwishyoueveryhappiness：Heaven，asIsaidbefore，suitssomepeople。Butifyoushouldchangeyourmind，donotforgetthatthegatesarealwaysopenheretotherepentantprodigal。Ifyoufeelatanytimethatwarmthofheart，sincereunforcedaffection，innocentenjoyment，andwarm，breathing，palpitatingreality——
　　DONJUAN。Whynotsayfleshandbloodatonce，thoughwehaveleftthosetwogreasycommonplacesbehindus？
　　THEDEVIL。[angrily]Youthrowmyfriendlyfarewellbackinmyteeth，then，DonJuan？
　　DONJUAN。Bynomeans。Butthoughthereismuchtobelearntfromacynicaldevil，Ireallycannotstandasentimentalone。SenorCommander：youknowthewaytothefrontierofhellandheaven。
　　Begoodenoughtodirectme。
　　THESTATUE。Oh，thefrontierisonlythedifferencebetweentwowaysoflookingatthings。Anyroadwilltakeyouacrossitifyoureallywanttogetthere。
　　DONJUAN。Good。[salutingDonaAna]Senora：yourservant。
　　ANA。ButIamgoingwithyou。
　　DONJUAN。Icanfindmyownwaytoheaven，Ana；butIcannotfindyours[hevanishes]。
　　ANA。Howannoying！
　　THESTATUE。[callingafterhim]Bonvoyage，Juan！[Hewaftsafinalblastofhisgreatrollingchordsafterhimasapartingsalute。Afaintechoofthefirstghostlymelodycomesbackinacknowledgment]。Ah！therehegoes。[Puffingalongbreathoutthroughhislips]Whew！Howhedoestalk！They’llneverstanditinheaven。
　　THEDEVIL。[gloomily]Hisgoingisapoliticaldefeat。IcannotkeeptheseLifeWorshippers：theyallgo。ThisisthegreatestlossIhavehadsincethatDutchpainterwent——afellowwhowouldpaintahagof70withasmuchenjoymentasaVenusof20。
　　THESTATUE。Iremember：hecametoheaven。Rembrandt。
　　THEDEVIL。Ay，Rembrandt。Thereasomethingunnaturalaboutthesefellows。Donotlistentotheirgospel，SenorCommander：itisdangerous。BewareofthepursuitoftheSuperhuman：itleadstoanindiscriminatecontemptfortheHuman。Toaman，horsesanddogsandcatsaremerespecies，outsidethemoralworld。Well，totheSuperman，menandwomenareamerespeciestoo，alsooutsidethemoralworld。ThisDonJuanwaskindtowomenandcourteoustomenasyourdaughterherewaskindtoherpetcatsanddogs；butsuchkindnessisadenialoftheexclusivelyhumancharacterofthesoul。
　　THESTATUE。AndwhothedeuceistheSuperman？
　　THEDEVIL。Oh，thelatestfashionamongtheLifeForcefanatics。
　　DidyounotmeetinHeaven，amongthenewarrivals，thatGermanPolishmadman——whatwashisname？Nietzsche？
　　THESTATUE。Neverheardofhim。
　　THEDEVIL。Well，hecameherefirst，beforeherecoveredhiswits。Ihadsomehopesofhim；buthewasaconfirmedLifeForceworshipper。ItwashewhorakeduptheSuperman，whoisasoldasPrometheus；andthe20thcenturywillrunafterthisnewestoftheoldcrazeswhenitgetstiredoftheworld，theflesh，andyourhumbleservant。
　　THESTATUE。Supermanisagoodcry；andagoodcryishalfthebattle。IshouldliketoseethisNietzsche。
　　THEDEVIL。UnfortunatelyhemetWagnerhere，andhadaquarrelwithhim。
　　THESTATUE。Quiteright，too。Mozartforme！
　　THEDEVIL。Oh，itwasnotaboutmusic。WagneroncedriftedintoLifeForceworship，andinventedaSupermancalledSiegfried。Buthecametohissensesafterwards。Sowhentheymethere，Nietzschedenouncedhimasarenegade；andWagnerwroteapamphlettoprovethatNietzschewasaJew；anditendedinNietzsche’sgoingtoheaveninahuff。Andagoodriddancetoo。Andnow，myfriend，letushastentomypalaceandcelebrateyourarrivalwithagrandmusicalservice。
　　THESTATUE。Withpleasure：you’remostkind。
　　THEDEVIL。Thisway，Commander。Wegodowntheoldtrap[heplaceshimselfonthegravetrap]。
　　THESTATUE。Good。[Reflectively]Allthesame，theSupermanisafineconception。Thereissomethingstatuesqueaboutit。[HeplaceshimselfonthegravetrapbesideTheDevil。Itbeginstodescendslowly。Redglowfromtheabyss]。Ah，thisremindsmeofoldtimes。
　　THEDEVIL。Andmealso。
　　ANA。Stop！[Thetrapstops]。
　　THEDEVIL。You，Senora，cannotcomethisway。Youwillhaveanapotheosis。Butyouwillbeatthepalacebeforeus。
　　ANA。ThatisnotwhatIstoppedyoufor。TellmewherecanIfindtheSuperman？
　　THEDEVIL。Heisnotyetcreated，Senora。
　　THESTATUE。Andneverwillbe，probably。Letusproceed：theredfirewillmakemesneeze。[Theydescend]。
　　ANA。Notyetcreated！Thenmyworkisnotyetdone。[Crossingherselfdevoutly]IbelieveintheLifetoCome。[Cryingtotheuniverse]Afather——afatherfortheSuperman！
　　Shevanishesintothevoid；andagainthereisnothing：allexistenceseemssuspendedinfinitely。Then，vaguely，thereisalivehumanvoicecryingsomewhere。Onesees，withashock，amountainpeakshowingfaintlyagainstalighterbackground。Theskyhasreturnedfromafar；andwesuddenlyrememberwherewewere。Thecrybecomesdistinctandurgent：itsaysAutomobile，Automobile。Thecompleterealitycomesbackwitharush：inamomentitisfullmorningintheSierra；andthebrigandsarescramblingtotheirfeetandmakingfortheroadasthegoatherdrunsdownfromthehill，warningthemoftheapproachofanothermotor。TannerandMendozariseamazedlyandstareatoneanotherwithscatteredwits。Strakersitsuptoyawnforamomentbeforehegetsonhisfeet，makingitapointofhonornottoshowanyundueinterestintheexcitementofthebandits。Mendozagivesaquicklooktoseethathisfollowersareattendingtothealarm；
　　thenexchangesaprivatewordwithTanner。
　　MENDOZA。Didyoudream？
　　TANNER。Damnably。Didyou？
　　MENDOZA。Yes。Iforgetwhat。Youwereinit。
　　TANNER。Sowereyou。AmazingMENDOZA。Iwarnedyou。[ashotisheardfromtheroad]。Dolts！
　　theywillplaywiththatgun。[Thebrigandscomerunningbackscared]。Whofiredthatshot？[toDuval]Wasityou？
　　DUVAL。[breathless]Ihavenotshoot。Deyshootfirst。
　　ANARCHIST。ItoldyoutobeginbyabolishingtheState。Nowwearealllost。
　　THEROWDYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[stampedingacrosstheamphitheatre]
　　Run，everybody。
　　MENDOZA。[collaringhim；throwinghimonhisback；anddrawingaknife]Istabthemanwhostirs。[Heblockstheway。Thestampedeitchecked]。Whathashappened？
　　THESULKYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT，Amotor——
　　THEANARCHIST。Threemen——
　　DUVAL。Deuxfemmes——
　　MENDOZA。Threemenandtwowomen！Whyhaveyounotbroughtthemhere？Areyouafraidofthem？
　　THEROWDYONE。[gettingup]Thyveahescort。Ow，de—oohlut’sookit，Mendowza。
　　THESULKYONE。Twoarmoredcarsfullosoldiersattheendothevalley。
　　ANARCHIST。Theshotwasfiredintheair。Itwasasignal。
　　Strakerwhistleshisfavoriteair，whichfallsontheearsofthebrigandslikeafuneralmarch。
　　TANNER。Itisnotanescort，butanexpeditiontocaptureyou。Wewereadvisedtowaitforit；butIwasinahurry。
　　THEROWDYONE。[inanagonyofapprehension]AndOwmygoodLord，ereweare，wytinforem！Lut’stiketothemahntns。
　　MENDOZA。Idiot，whatdoyouknowaboutthemountains？AreyouaSpaniard？Youwouldbegivenupbythefirstshepherdyoumet。
　　Besides，wearealreadywithinrangeoftheirrifles。
　　THEROWDYONE。Bat——
　　MENDOZA。Silence。Leavethistome。[ToTanner]Comrade：youwillnotbetrayus。
　　STRAKER。Ooareyoucallincomrade？
　　MENDOZA。Lastnighttheadvantagewaswithme。Therobberofthepoorwasatthemercyoftherobberoftherich。Youofferedyourhand：Itookit。
　　TANNER。Ibringnochargeagainstyou，comrade。Wehavespentapleasanteveningwithyou：thatisall。
　　STRAKER。Igevmyandtonobody，see？
　　MENDOZA。[turningonhimimpressively]Youngman，ifIamtried，Ishallpleadguilty，andexplainwhatdrovemefromEngland，homeandduty。DoyouwishtohavetherespectablenameofStrakerdraggedthroughthemudofaSpanishcriminalcourt？Thepolicewillsearchme。TheywillfindLouisa’sportrait。Itwillbepublishedintheillustratedpapers。Youblench。Itwillbeyourdoing，remember。
　　STRAKER。[withbaffledrage]Idon’tcareaboutthecourt。It’savinournamemixedupwithyoursthatIobjectto，youblackmailinswine，you。
　　MENDOZA。LanguageunworthyofLouisa’sbrother！Butnomatter：
　　youaremuzzled：thatisenoughforus。[Heturnstofacehisownmen，whobackuneasilyacrosstheamphitheatretowardsthecavetotakerefugebehindhim，asafreshparty，muffledformotoring，comesfromtheroadinriotousspirits。Ann，whomakesstraightforTanner，comesfirst；thenViolet，helpedovertheroughgroundbyHectorholdingherrighthandandRamsdenherleft。Mendozagoestohispresidentialblockandseatshimselfcalmlywithhisrankandfilegroupedbehindhim，andhisStaff，consistingofDuvalandtheAnarchistonhisrightandthetwoSocial—Democratsonhisleft，supportinghiminflank]。
　　ANN。It’sJack！
　　TANNER。Caught！
　　HECTOR。Why，certainlyitis。Isaiditwasyou，Tanner，We’vejustbeenstoppedbyapuncture：theroadisfullofnails。
　　VIOLET。Whatareyoudoingherewithallthesemen？
　　ANN。Whydidyouleaveuswithoutawordofwarning？
　　HECTOR。Iwantthatbunchofroses，MissWhitefield。[ToTanner]
　　Whenwefoundyouweregone，MissWhitefieldbetmeabunchofrosesmycarwouldnotovertakeyoursbeforeyoureachedMonteCarlo。
　　TANNER。ButthisisnottheroadtoMonteCarlo。
　　HECTOR。Nomatter。MissWhitefieldtrackedyouateverystoppingplace：sheisaregularSherlockHolmes。
　　TANNER。TheLifeForce！Iamlost。
　　OCTAVIUS。[Boundinggailydownfromtheroadintotheamphitheatre，andcomingbetweenTannerandStraker]Iamsogladyouaresafe，oldchap。Wewereafraidyouhadbeencapturedbybrigands。
　　RAMSDEN。[whohasbeenstaringatMendoza]Iseemtorememberthefaceofyourfriendhere。[MendozarisespolitelyandadvanceswithasmilebetweenAnnandRamsden]。
　　HECTOR。Why，sodoI。
　　OCTAVIUS。Iknowyouperfectlywell，Sir；butIcan’tthinkwhereIhavemetyou。
　　MENDOZA。[toViolet]DoYOUrememberme，madam？
　　VIOLET。Oh，quitewell；butIamsostupidaboutnames。
　　MENDOZA。ItwasattheSavoyHotel。[ToHector]You，sir，usedtocomewiththislady[Violet]tolunch。[ToOctavius]You，sir，oftenbroughtthislady[Ann]andhermothertodinneronyourwaytotheLyceumTheatre。[ToRamsden]You，sir，usedtocometosupper，with[droppinghisvoicetoaconfidentialbutperfectlyaudiblewhisper]severaldifferentladies。
　　RAMSDEN。[angrily]Well，whatisthattoyou，pray？
　　OCTAVIUS。Why，Violet，Ithoughtyouhardlyknewoneanotherbeforethistrip，youandMalone！
　　VIOLET。[vexed]Isupposethispersonwasthemanager。
　　MENDOZA。Thewaiter，madam。Ihaveagratefulrecollectionofyouall。Igatheredfromthebountifulwayinwhichyoutreatedmethatyouallenjoyedyourvisitsverymuch。
　　VIOLET。Whatimpertinence！[Sheturnsherbackonhim，andgoesupthehillwithHector]。
　　RAMSDEN。Thatwilldo，myfriend。Youdonotexpecttheseladiestotreatyouasanacquaintance，Isuppose，becauseyouhavewaitedonthemattable。
　　MENDOZA。Pardonme：itwasyouwhoclaimedmyacquaintance。Theladiesfollowedyourexample。However，thisdisplayoftheunfortunatemannersofyourclassclosestheincident。Forthefuture，youwillpleaseaddressmewiththerespectduetoastrangerandfellowtraveller。[Heturnshaughtilyawayandresumeshispresidentialseat]。
　　TANNER。There！Ihavefoundonemanonmyjourneycapableofreasonableconversation；andyouallinstinctivelyinsulthim。
　　EventheNewManisasbadasanyofyou。Enry：youhavebehavedjustlikeamiserablegentleman。
　　STRAKER。Gentleman！Notme。
　　RAMSDEN。Really，Tanner，thistone——
　　ANN。Don’tmindhim，Granny：yououghttoknowhimbythistime[shetakeshisarmandcoaxeshimawaytothehilltojoinVioletandHector。Octaviusfollowsher，doglike]。
　　VIOLET。[callingfromthehill]Herearethesoldiers。Theyaregettingoutoftheirmotors。
　　DUVAL。[panicstricken]Oh，nomdeDieu！
　　THEANARCHIST。Fools：theStateisabouttocrushyoubecauseyouspareditatthepromptingofthepoliticalhangers—onofthebourgeoisie。
　　THESULKYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[argumentativetothelast]Onthecontrary，onlybycapturingtheStatemachine——
　　THEANARCHIST。Itisgoingtocaptureyou。
　　THEROWDYSOCIAL—DEMOCRAT。[hisanguishculminating]Ow，chockit。Wotareweerefor？WOTarewewytinfor？
　　MENDOZA。[betweenhisteeth]Goon。Talkpolitics，youidiots：
　　nothingsoundsmorerespectable。Keepitup，Itellyou。
　　Thesoldierslinetheroad，commandingtheamphitheatrewiththeirrifles。Thebrigands，strugglingwithanover—whelmingimpulsetohidebehindoneanother，lookasunconcernedastheycan。Mendozarisessuperbly，withundauntedfront。Theofficerincommandstepsdownfromtheroadintotheamphitheatre；
　　lookshardatthebrigands；andtheninquiringlyatTanner。