"Notintheleast，sofarasIamconcerned，"repliedJackHerring。
　　"Don’tleaveittoolateandmakeyourmotheranxious。"
　　"It’strueenough，"theBaberecountedafterwards。"Thedoorwasopenedbyamanservantandhewentstraightin。Wewalkedupanddownforhalfanhour，andunlesstheyputhimoutthebackway，he’stellingthetruth。"
　　"Didyouhearhimgivehisname？"askedSomerville，whowasstrokinghismoustache。
　　"No，weweretoofaroff，"explainedtheBabe。"But——I’llswearitwasJack——therecouldn’tbeanymistakeaboutthat。"
　　"Perhapsnot，"agreedSomervilletheBriefless。
　　SomervilletheBrieflesscalledattheofficesofGoodHumour，inCraneCourt，thefollowingmorning，andhealsoborrowedMissRamsbotham’sDebrett。
　　"What’sthemeaningofit？"demandedthesub—editor。
　　"Meaningofwhat？"
　　"ThissuddeninterestofallyoufellowsintheBritishPeerage。"
　　"Allofus？"
　　"Well，Herringwasherelastweek，poringoverthatbookforhalfanhour，withtheMorningPostspreadoutbeforehim。Nowyou’redoingthesamething。"
　　"Ah！JackHerring，washe？Ithoughtasmuch。Don’ttalkaboutit，Tommy。I’lltellyoulateron。"
　　OnthefollowingMonday，theBrieflessoneannouncedtotheClubthathehadreceivedaninvitationtodineattheLoveredges’onthefollowingWednesday。OnTuesday，theBrieflessoneenteredtheClubwithaslowandstatelystep。HaltingoppositeoldGoslintheporter，whohademergedfromhisboxwiththeideaofdiscussingtheOxfordandCambridgeboatrace，Somerville，removinghishatwithasweepofthearm，helditoutinsilence。OldGoslin，muchastonished，tookitmechanically，whereupontheBrieflessone，shakinghimselffreefromhisInvernesscape，flungitlightlyafterthehat，andstrolledon，notnoticingthatoldGoslin，unaccustomedtocoatslightlyandelegantlythrownathim，droppingthehat，hadcaughtitonhishead，andhadbeen，inthelanguageoftheprompt—book，"leftstruggling。"TheBrieflessone，enteringthesmoking—room，liftedachairandletitfallagainwithacrash，andsittingdownuponit，crossedhislegsandrangthebell。
　　"Ye’redoingitverraweel，"remarkedapprovinglytheWeeLaddie。
　　"Ye’rejustfittedforitbynature。"
　　"Fittedforwhat？"demandedtheBrieflessone，wakingupapparentlyfromadream。
　　"ForanAdelphiguestateighteenpencethenight，"assuredhimtheWeeLaddie。"Ye’rejustsplendidatit。"
　　TheBrieflessone，mutteringthattheworstofmixingwithjournalistswasthatifyoudidnotwatchyourself，youfellintotheirways，drankhiswhiskyinsilence。Later，theBabesworeonacopyofSell’sAdvertisingGuidethat，crossingthePark，hehadseentheBrieflessoneleaningovertherailingsofRottenRow，cladinapairofnewkidgloves，swingingasilver—headedcane。
　　Onemorningtowardstheendoftheweek，JosephLoveredge，lookingtwentyyearsyoungerthanwhenPeterhadlastseenhim，droppedinattheeditorialofficeofGoodHumouranddemandedofPeterHopehowhefeltandwhathethoughtofthepresentpriceofEmmaMines。
　　PeterHope’sfearwasthatthegamblingfeverwasspreadingtoallclassesofsociety。
　　"IwantyoutodinewithusonSunday，"saidJosephLoveredge。
　　"JackHerringwillbethere。YoumightbringTommywithyou。"
　　PeterHopegulpeddownhisastonishmentandsaidheshouldbedelighted;hethoughtthatTommyalsowasdisengaged。"Mrs。
　　Loveredgeoutoftown，Ipresume？"questionedPeterHope。
　　"Onthecontrary，"repliedJosephLoveredge，"Iwantyoutomeether。"
　　JosephLoveredgeremovedapileofbooksfromonechairandplacedthemcarefullyuponanother，afterwhichhewentandstoodbeforethefire。
　　"Don’tifyoudon’tlike，"saidJosephLoveredge;"butifyoudon’tmind，youmightcallyourself，justfortheevening——say，theDukeofWarrington。"
　　"Saythewhat？"demandedPeterHope。
　　"TheDukeofWarrington，"repeatedJoey。"Wearerathershortofdukes。TommycanbetheLadyAdelaide，yourdaughter。"
　　"Don’tbeanass！"saidPeterHope。
　　"I’mnotanass，"assuredhimJosephLoveredge。"HeiswinteringinEgypt。Youhaverunbackforaweektoattendtobusiness。
　　ThereisnoLadyAdelaide，sothat’squitesimple。"
　　"Butwhatinthenameof——"beganPeterHope。
　　"Don’tyouseewhatI’mdrivingat？"persistedJoey。"ItwasJack’sideaatthebeginning。Iwasfrightenedmyselfatfirst，butitisworkingtoperfection。Sheseesyou，andseesthatyouareagentleman。Whenthetruthcomesout——as，ofcourse，itmustlateron——thelaughwillbeagainsther。"
　　"Youthink——youthinkthat’llcomforther？"suggestedPeterHope。
　　"It’stheonlyway，anditisreallywonderfullysimple。Wenevermentionthearistocracynow——itwouldbeliketalkingshop。Wejustenjoyourselves。You，bytheway，Imetinconnectionwiththemovementforrationaldress。Youareabitofacrank，fondoffrequentingBohemiancircles。"
　　"Iamriskingsomething，Iknow，"continuedJoey;"butit’sworthit。Icouldn’thaveexistedmuchlonger。Wegoslowly，andareverycareful。JackisLordMount—Primrose，whohastakenupwithanti—vaccinationandwhonevergoesoutintoSociety。SomervilleisSirFrancisBaldwin，thegreatauthorityoncentipedes。TheWeeLaddieiscomingnextweekasLordGarrick，whomarriedthatdancing—girl，PrissySomething，andstartedafurnitureshopinBondStreet。Ihadsomedifficultyatfirst。Shewantedtosendoutparagraphs，butIexplainedthatwasonlydonebyvulgarpersons——thatwhenthenobilitycametoyouasfriends，itwasconsideredbadtaste。Sheisadeargirl，asIhavealwaystoldyou，withonlyonefault。Awomaneasiertodeceiveonecouldnotwishfor。Idon’tmyselfseewhythetrutheverneedcomeout——
　　providedwekeepourheads。"
　　"Seemstomeyou’velostthemalready，"commentedPeter;"you’reoverdoingit。"
　　"Themoreofusthebetter，"explainedJoey;"wehelpeachother。
　　Besides，Iparticularlywantyouinit。There’sasortofsuperiorPickwickianatmospheresurroundingyouthatdisarmssuspicion。"
　　"Youleavemeoutofit，"growledPeter。
　　"Seehere，"laughedJoey;"youcomeastheDukeofWarrington，andbringTommywithyou，andI’llwriteyourCityarticle。"
　　"Forhowlong？"snappedPeter。IncorruptibleCityeditorsarenoteasilypickedup。
　　"Oh，well，foraslongasyoulike。"
　　"Onthatunderstanding，"agreedPeter，"I’mwillingtomakeafoolofmyselfinyourcompany。"
　　"You’llsoongetusedtoit，"Joeytoldhim;"eighto’clock，then，onSunday;plaineveningdress。Ifyouliketowearabitofredribboninyourbuttonhole，why，doso。YoucangetitatEvans’，inCoventGarden。"
　　"AndTommyistheLady——"
　　"Adelaide。Letherhaveatasteforliterature，thensheneedn’tweargloves。Iknowshehatesthem。"Joeyturnedtogo。
　　"AmImarried？"askedPeter。
　　Joeypaused。"IshouldavoidallreferencetoyourmatrimonialaffairsifIwereyou，"wasJoey’sadvice。"Youdidn’tcomeoutofthatbusinesstoowell。"
　　"Oh！asbadasthat，wasI？Youdon’tthinkMrs。Loveredgewillobjecttome？"
　　"Ihaveaskedherthat。She’sadear，broad—mindedgirl。I’vepromisednottoleaveyoualonewithMissMontgomery，andWillishashadinstructionsnottoletyoumixyourdrinks。"
　　"I’dhavelikedtohavebeensomeoneatriflemorerespectable，"
　　grumbledPeter。
　　"Weratherwantedaduke，"explainedJoey，"andhewastheonlyonethatfittedinallround。"
　　Thedinnerawasacompletesuccess。Tommy，enteringintothespiritofthething，boughtanewpairofopen—workstockingsandassumedalanguiddrawl。Peter，whowasgrowingforgetful，introducedherastheLadyAlexandra;itdidnotseemtomatter，bothbeginningwithanA。ShegreetedLordMount—Primroseas"Billy，"andaskedaffectionatelyafterhismother。Joeytoldhisracieststories。TheDukeofWarringtoncalledeverybodybytheirChristiannames，andseemedwellacquaintedwithBohemiansociety——
　　amoreamiablenoblemanitwouldhavebeenimpossibletodiscover。
　　TheladywhoserealnamewasnotMissMontgomerysatinspeechlessadmiration。Thehostesswasthepersonificationofgraciousdevotion。
　　Otherlittledinners，equallysuccessful，followed。Joey’sacquaintanceshipappearedtobeconfinedexclusivelytothehighercirclesoftheBritisharistocracy——withoneexception：thatofaGermanbaron，ashort，stoutgentleman，whotalkedEnglishwell，butwithanaccent，andwho，whenhedesiredtobeimpressive，laidhisrightforefingerontherightsideofhisnoseandthrusthiswholefaceforward。Mrs。Loveredgewonderedwhyherhusbandhadnotintroducedthemsooner，butwastooblissfultobesuspicious。
　　TheAutolycusClubwasgraduallychangingitstone。Friendscouldnolongerrecogniseoneanotherbythevoice。Everycornerhaditssolitarystudentpractisinghigh—classintonation。Membersdroppedintothehabitofaddressingoneanotheras"dearchappie，"and，discardingpipes，tooktocheapcigars。Manyoftheolderhabituesresigned。
　　AllmighthavegonewelltotheendoftimeifonlyMrs。Loveredgehadleftallsocialarrangementsinthehandsofherhusband——hadnotsoughttoaidhisefforts。Toacertainpoliticalgarden—
　　party，onedayintheheightoftheseason，wereinvitedJosephLoveredgeandMrs。JosephLoveredge，hiswife。Mr。JosephLoveredgeatthelastmomentfoundhimselfunabletoattend。Mrs。
　　JosephLoveredgewentalone，mettherevariousmembersoftheBritisharistocracy。Mrs。JosephLoveredge，accustomedtofriendshipwiththearistocracy，feltathereaseandwasnaturalandagreeable。Thewifeofaneminentpeertalkedtoherandlikedher。ItoccurredtoMrs。JosephLoveredgethatthisladymightbeinducedtovisitherhouseinRegent’sPark，theretominglewiththoseofherownclass。
　　"LordMount—Primrose，theDukeofWarrington，andafewotherswillbediningwithusonSundaynext，"suggestedMrs。Loveredge。"Willnotyoudousthehonourofcoming？Weare，ofcourse，onlysimplefolkourselves，butsomehowpeopleseemtolikeus。"
　　ThewifeoftheeminentpeerlookedatMrs。Loveredge，lookedroundthegrounds，lookedatMrs。Loveredgeagain，andsaidshewouldliketocome。Mrs。JosephLoveredgeintendedatfirsttotellherhusbandofhersuccess，butalittledevilenteringintoherheadandwhisperingtoherthatitwouldbeamusing，sheresolvedtokeepitasasurprise，tobesprunguponhimateighto’clockonSunday。Thesurpriseprovedallshecouldhavehopedfor。
　　TheDukeofWarrington，havingjournalisticmatterstodiscusswithJosephLoveredge，arrivedathalf—pastseven，wearingonhisshirt—
　　frontasilverstar，purchasedinEagleStreetthedaybeforeforeight—and—six。ThereaccompaniedhimtheLadyAlexandra，wearingtheidenticalrubynecklacethateverynightforthepastsixmonths，andtwiceonSaturdays，"JohnStrongheart"hadbeenfalselyaccusedofstealing。LordGarrick，havingpickeduphiswife（MissRamsbotham）outsidetheMotherRedcap，arrivedwithheronfootataquartertoeight。LordMount—Primrose，togetherwithSirFrancisBaldwin，dashedupinahansomatseven—fifty。HisLordship，havinglostthetoss，paidthefare。TheHon。HarrySykes（commonlycalled"theBabe"）wasusheredinfiveminuteslater。
　　Thenoblecompanyassembledinthedrawing—roomchattedblithelywhilewaitingfordinnertobeannounced。TheDukeofWarringtonwastellingananecdoteaboutacat，whichnobodyappearedtobelieve。LordMount—Primrosedesiredtoknowwhetherbyanychanceitmightbethesameanimalthateverynightathalf—pastninehadbeeninthehabitofclimbinguphisGrace’srailingsandknockingathisGrace’sdoor。TheHonourableHarrywassayingthat，speakingofcats，heoncehadasortofterrier——whenthedoorwasthrownopenandWillisannouncedtheLadyMarySutton。
　　Mr。JosephLoveredge，whowassittingnearthefire，roseup。LordMount—Primrose，whowasstandingnearthepiano，satdown。TheLadyMarySuttonpausedinthedoorway。Mrs。Loveredgecrossedtheroomtogreether。
　　"Letmeintroduceyoutomyhusband，"saidMrs。Loveredge。"Joey，mydear，theLadyMarySutton。ImettheLadyMaryattheO’Meyers’theotherday，andshewasgoodenoughtoacceptmyinvitation。Iforgottotellyou。"
　　Mr。Loveredgesaidhewasdelighted;afterwhich，althoughasaruleachattyman，heseemedtohavenothingelsetosay。Andasilencefell。
　　SomervilletheBriefless——tillthen。Thateveninghasalwaysbeenreckonedthestarting—pointofhiscareer。Uptillthennobodythoughthehadmuchinhim——walkedupandheldouthishand。
　　"Youdon’trememberme，LadyMary，"saidtheBrieflessone。"Imetyousomeyearsago;wehadamostinterestingconversation——SirFrancisBaldwin。"
　　TheLadyMarystoodforamomenttryingapparentlytorecollect。
　　Shewasahandsome，fresh—complexionedwomanofaboutforty，withfrank，agreeableeyes。TheLadyMaryglancedatLordGarrick，whowastalkingrapidlytoLordMount—Primrose，whowasnotlistening，andwhocouldnothaveunderstoodevenifhehadbeen，LordGarrick，withoutbeingawareofit，havingdroppedintobroadScotch。FromhimtheLadyMaryglancedatherhostess，andfromherhostesstoherhost。
　　TheLadyMarytookthehandheldouttoher。"Ofcourse，"saidtheLadyMary;"howstupidofme！Itwasthedayofmyownwedding，too。Youreallymustforgiveme。Wetalkedofquitealotofthings。Iremembernow。"
　　Mrs。Loveredge，whopridedherselfuponmaintainingold—fashionedcourtesies，proceededtointroducetheLadyMarytoherfellow—
　　guests，alittlesurprisedthatherladyshipappearedtoknowsofewofthem。Herladyship’sgreetingoftheDukeofWarringtonwasaccompanied，itwasremarked，byasomewhatcurioussmile。TotheDukeofWarrington’sdaughteralonedidtheLadyMaryaddressremark。
　　"Mydear，"saidtheLadyMary，"howyouhavegrownsincelastwemet！"
　　Theannouncementofdinner，aseverybodyfelt，camenonetoosoon。
　　Itwasnotamerryfeast。Joeytoldbutonestory;hetolditthreetimes，andtwiceleftoutthepoint。LordMount—Primrosetooksiftedsugarwithpatedefoiegrasandateitwithaspoon。
　　LordGarrick，talkingamixtureofScotchandEnglish，urgedhiswifetogiveuphousekeepingandtakeaflatinGowerStreet，which，ashepointedout，wascentral。Shecouldhavehermealssentintoherandsoavoidalltrouble。TheLadyAlexandra’sbehaviourappearedtoMrs。Loveredgenotaltogetherwell—bred。AneccentricyoungnoblewomanMrs。Loveredgehadalwaysfoundher，butwishedonthisoccasionthatshehadbeenalittlelesseccentric。
　　EveryfewminutestheLadyAlexandraburiedherfaceinherserviette，andshookandrocked，emittingstifledsounds，apparentlythoseofacutephysicalpain。Mrs。Loveredgehopedshewasnotfeelingill，buttheLadyAlexandraappearedincapableofcoherentreply。TwiceduringthemealtheDukeofWarringtonrosefromthetableandbeganwanderingroundtheroom;oneachoccasion，askedwhathewanted，hadrepliedmeeklythathewasmerelylookingforhissnuff—box，andhadsatdownagain。TheonlypersonwhoseemedtoenjoythedinnerwastheLadyMarySutton。
　　Theladiesretiredupstairsintothedrawing—room。Mrs。Loveredge，breakingalongsilence，remarkeditasunusualthatnosoundofmerrimentreachedthemfromthedining—room。Theexplanationwasthattheentiremaleportionoftheparty，onbeinglefttothemselves，hadimmediatelyandinabodycreptontiptoeintoJoey’sstudy，which，fortunately，happenedtobeonthegroundfloor。Joey，unlockingthebookcase，hadtakenouthisDebrett，butappearedincapableofunderstandingit。SirFrancisBaldwinhadtakenitfromhisunresistinghands;theremainingaristocracyhuddledthemselvesintoacornerandwaitedinsilence。
　　"IthinkI’vegotitallclearly，"announcedSirFrancisBaldwin，afterfiveminutes，whichtotheothershadbeenanhour。"Yes，I
　　don’tthinkI’mmakinganymistake。She’sthedaughteroftheDukeofTruro，marriedin’53theDukeofWarrington，atSt。Peter’s，EatonSquare;gavebirthin’55toadaughter，theLadyGraceAlexandraWarbertonSutton，whichmakesthechildjustthirteen。
　　In’63divorcedtheDukeofWarrington。LordMount—Primrose，sofarasIcanmakeout，mustbehersecondcousin。Iappeartohavemarriedherin’66atHastings。Itdoesn’tseemtomethatwecouldhavegottogetherahomelierlittlepartytomeetherevenifwehadwantedto。"
　　Nobodyspoke;nobodyhadanythingparticularlyworthsaying。Thedooropened，andtheLadyAlexandra（otherwiseTommy）enteredtheroom。
　　"Isn’tittime，"suggestedtheLadyAlexandra，"thatsomeofyoucameupstairs？"
　　"Iwasthinkingmyself，"explainedJoey，thehost，withagrimsmile，"itwasabouttimethatIwentoutanddrownedmyself。Thecanalishandy。"
　　"Putitofftillto—morrow，"Tommyadvisedhim。"Ihaveaskedherladyshiptogivemealifthome，andshehaspromisedtodoso。
　　Sheisevidentlyawomanwithasenseofhumour。WaittillafterI
　　havehadatalkwithher。"
　　Sixmen，whisperingatthesametime，werepreparedwithadvice;
　　butTommywasnottakingadvice。
　　"Comeupstairs，allofyou，"insistedTommy，"andmakeyourselvesagreeable。She’sgoinginaquarterofanhour。"
　　Sixsilentmen，thehostleading，thetwohusbandsbringinguptherear，ascendedthestairs，eachwiththesensationofbeingtwicehisusualweight。Sixsilentmenenteredthedrawing—roomandsatdownonchairs。Sixsilentmentriedtothinkofsomethinginterestingtosay。
　　MissRamsbotham——itwasthatorhysterics，assheafterwardsexplained——stiflingasob，openedthepiano。Buttheonlythingshecouldrememberwas"ChampagneCharlieismyName，"asongthenpopularinthehalls。Fivemen，whenshehadfinished，beggedhertogoon。MissRamsbotham，speakinginashrillfalsetto，explaineditwastheonlytunesheknew。Fourofthembeggedhertoplayitagain。MissRamsbothamplayeditasecondtimewithinvoluntaryvariations。
　　TheLadyMary’scarriagewasannouncedbytheimperturbableWillis。
　　Theparty，withtheexceptionoftheLadyMaryandthehostess，suppressedwithdifficultyaninclinationtoburstintoacheer。
　　TheLadyMarythankedMrs。Loveredgeforamostinterestingevening，andbeckonedTommytoaccompanyher。Withherdisappearance，awildhilarity，uncannyinitssuddenness，tookpossessionoftheremainingguests。
　　Afewdayslater，theLadyMary’scarriageagaindrewupbeforethelittlehouseinRegent’sPark。Mrs。Loveredge，fortunately，wasathome。Thecarriageremainedwaitingforquitealongtime。Mrs。
　　Loveredge，afteritwasgone，lockedherselfinherownroom。Theunder—housemaidreportedtothekitchenthat，passingthedoor，shehaddetectedsoundsindicativeofstrongemotion。
　　ThroughwhatordealJosephLoveredgepassedwasneverknown。ForafewweekstheAutolycusClubmissedhim。Thengradually，asaidedbyTimetheyhaveahabitofdoing，thingsrightedthemselves。
　　JosephLoveredgereceivedhisoldfriends;hisfriendsreceivedJosephLoveredge。Mrs。Loveredge，asahostess，cametohaveonlyonefailing——amarkedcoldnessofdemeanourtowardsallpeoplewithtitles，wheneverintroducedtoher。
　　STORYTHESIXTH："TheBabe"appliesforSharesPeoplesaidofthenewjournal，GoodHumour——peopleoftasteandjudgment，thatitwasthebrightest，thecleverest，themostliterarypennyweeklythateverhadbeenofferedtothepublic。
　　ThismadePeterHope，editorandpart—proprietor，veryhappy。
　　WilliamClodd，businessmanager，andalsopart—proprietor，itleftlesselated。
　　"Mustbecareful，"saidWilliamClodd，"thatwedon’tmakeittooclever。Happymedium，that’stheideal。"
　　Peoplesaid——peopleoftasteandjudgment，thatGoodHumourwasmoreworthyofsupportthanalltheotherpennyweekliesputtogether。Peopleoftasteandjudgmentevenwentsofar，someofthem，astobuyit。PeterHope，lookingforward，sawfameandfortunecomingtohim。
　　WilliamClodd，lookingroundabouthim，said—
　　"Doesn’titoccurtoyou，Guv’nor，thatwe’regettingthisthingjustatrifletoohighclass？"
　　"Whatmakesyouthinkthat？"demandedPeterHope。
　　"Ourcirculation，foronething，"explainedClodd。"Thereturnsforlastmonth——"
　　"I’dratheryoudidn’tmentionthem，ifyoudon’tmind，"
　　interruptedPeterHope;"somehow，hearingtheactualfiguresalwaysdepressesme。"
　　"Can’tsayIfeelinspiredbythemmyself，"admittedClodd。
　　"Itwillcome，"saidPeterHope，"itwillcomeintime。Wemusteducatethepublicuptoourlevel。"
　　"Ifthereisonething，sofarasIhavenoticed，"saidWilliamClodd，"thatthepublicareinclinedtopaylessforthananother，itisforbeingeducated。"
　　"Whatarewetodo？"askedPeterHope。
　　"Whatyouwant，"answeredWilliamClodd，"isanoffice—boy。"
　　"Howwillourhavinganoffice—boyincreaseourcirculation？"
　　demandedPeterHope。"Besides，itwasagreedthatwecoulddowithoutoneforthefirstyear。Whysuggestmoreexpense？"
　　"Idon’tmeananordinaryoffice—boy，"explainedClodd。"ImeanthesortofboythatIrodewithinthetraingoingdowntoStratfordyesterday。"
　　"Whatwasthereremarkableabouthim？"
　　"Nothing。HewasreadingthecurrentnumberofthePennyNovelist。
　　Overtwohundredthousandpeoplebuyit。Heisoneofthem。Hetoldmeso。Whenhehaddonewithit，hedrewfromhispocketacopyoftheHalfpennyJoker——theyguaranteeacirculationofseventythousand。HesatandchuckledoverituntilwegottoBow。"
　　"But——"
　　"Youwaitaminute。I’mcomingtotheexplanation。Thatboyrepresentsthereadingpublic。Italkedtohim。Thepapershelikesbestarethepapersthathavethelargestsales。Henevermadeasinglemistake。Theothers——thoseofthemhehadseen——hedismissedas’rot。’Whathelikesiswhatthegreatmassofthejournal—buyingpubliclikes。Pleasehim——Itookhisnameandaddress，andheiswillingtocometousforeightshillingsaweek——andyoupleasethepeoplethatbuy。Notthepeoplethatglancethroughapaperwhenitislyingonthesmoking—roomtable，andtellyouitisdamnedgood，butthepeoplethatplankdowntheirpenny。That’sthesortwewant。"
　　PeterHope，ableeditor，withideals，wasshocked——indignant。
　　WilliamClodd，businessman，withoutideals，talkedfigures。
　　"There’stheadvertisertobethoughtof，"persistedClodd。"I
　　don’tpretendtobeaGeorgeWashington，butwhat’stheuseoftellingliesthatsoundlikelies，eventoone’sselfwhileone’stellingthem？Givemeagenuinesaleoftwentythousand，andI’llundertake，withoutcommittingmyself，toconveyanimpressionofforty。Butwhentheactualfiguresareundereightthousand——well，ithampersyou，ifyouhappentohaveaconscience。
　　"Givethemeveryweekadozencolumnsofgood，soundliterature，"
　　continuedCloddinsinuatingly，"butwrapitupintwenty—fourcolumnsofjam。It’stheonlywaythey’lltakeit，andyouwillbedoingthemgood——educatingthemwithouttheirknowingit。Allpowderandnojam！Well，theydon’topentheirmouths，that’sall。"
　　Cloddwasamanwhoknewhowtogethisway。Flipp——spelledPhilip——Tweetelarrivedinduecourseoftimeat23，CraneCourt，ostensiblytotakeupthepositionofGoodHumour’soffice—boy;inreality，andwithouthisbeingawareofit，toactasitsliterarytaster。StoriesinwhichFlippbecameabsorbedwereaccepted。
　　Petergroaned，butcontentedhimselfwithcorrectingonlytheirgrossergrammaticalblunders;theexperimentshouldbetriedinallgoodfaith。HumouratwhichFlipplaughedwasprinted。Petertriedtoeasehisconsciencebyincreasinghissubscriptiontothefundfordestitutecompositors，butonlypartiallysucceeded。
　　PoetrythatbroughtateartotheeyeofFlippwasgivenleadedtype。PeopleoftasteandjudgmentsaidGoodHumourhaddisappointedthem。Itscirculation，slowlybutsteadily，increased。
　　"See！"criedthedelightedClodd;"toldyouso！"
　　"It’ssadtothink——"beganPeter。
　　"Alwaysis，"interruptedCloddcheerfully。"Moral——don’tthinktoomuch。"
　　"Tellyouwhatwe’lldo，"addedClodd。"We’llmakeafortuneoutofthispaper。Thenwhenwecanaffordtolosealittlemoney，we’lllaunchapaperthatshallappealonlytotheintellectualportionofthepublic。Meanwhile——"
　　Asquatblackbottlewithalabelattached，standingonthedesk，arrestedClodd’sattention。
　　"Whendidthiscome？"askedClodd。
　　"Aboutanhourago，"Petertoldhim。
　　"Anyorderwithit？"
　　"Ithinkso。"Petersearchedforandfoundaletteraddressedto"WilliamClodd，Esq。，AdvertisingManager，GoodHumour。"Cloddtoreitopen，hastilydevouredit。
　　"Notclosedupyet，areyou？"
　　"No，nottilleighto’clock。"
　　"Good！Iwantyoutowritemeapar。Doitnow，thenyouwon’tforgetit。Forthe’WalnutsandWine’column。"
　　Petersatdown，headedasheetofpaper：’ForW。andW。Col。’
　　"Whatisit？"questionedPeter——"somethingtodrink？"
　　"It’sasortofport，"explainedClodd，"thatdoesn’tgetintoyourhead。"
　　"Youconsiderthatanadvantage？"queriedPeter。
　　"Ofcourse。Youcandrinkmoreofit。"
　　Petercontinuedtowrite：’Possessesallthequalitiesofanoldvintageport，withoutthosedeleteriousproperties——’"Ihaven’ttastedit，Clodd，"hintedPeter。
　　"That’sallright——Ihave。"
　　"Andwasitgood？"
　　"Splendidstuff。Sayit’s’deliciousandinvigorating。’They’llbesuretoquotethat。"
　　Peterwroteon：’PersonallyIhavefounditdeliciousand——’Peterleftoffwriting。"Ireallythink，Clodd，Ioughttotasteit。
　　Yousee，Iampersonallyrecommendingit。"
　　"Finishthatpar。Letmehaveittotakeroundtotheprinters。
　　Thenputthebottleinyourpocket。Takeithomeandmakeanightofit。"
　　Cloddappearedtobeinamightyhurry。Now，thismadePeteronlythemoresuspicious。Thebottlewasclosetohishand。Cloddtriedtointercepthim，butwasnotquickenough。
　　"You’renotusedtotemperancedrinks，"urgedClodd。"Yourpalateisnotaccustomedtothem。"
　　"Icantellwhetherit’s’delicious’ornot，surely？"pleadedPeter，whohadpulledoutthecork。
　　"It’saquarter—pageadvertisementforthirteenweeks。Putitdownanddon’tbeafool！"urgedClodd。
　　"I’mgoingtoputitdown，"laughedPeter，whowasfondofhisjoke。Peterpouredouthalfatumblerful，anddrank——someofit。
　　"Likeit？"demandedClodd，withasavagegrin。
　　"Youaresure——youaresureitwastherightbottle？"gaspedPeter。
　　"Bottle’sallright，"Cloddassuredhim。"Trysomemore。Judgeitfairly。"
　　Peterventuredonanothersip。"Youdon’tthinktheywouldbesatisfiedifIrecommendeditasamedicine？"insinuatedPeter——
　　"somethingtohaveaboutthehouseincaseofaccidentalpoisoning？"
　　"Bettergoroundandsuggesttheideatothemyourself。I’vedonewithit。"Cloddtookuphishat。
　　"I’msorry——I’mverysorry，"sighedPeter。"ButIcouldn’tconscientiously——"
　　Cloddputdownhishatagainwithabang。"Oh！confoundthatconscienceofyours！Don’titeverthinkofyourcreditors？
　　What’stheuseofmyworkingoutmylungsforyou，whenallyoudoistohampermeateverystep？"
　　"Wouldn’titbebetterpolicy，"urgedPeter，"togoforthebetterclassofadvertiser，whodoesn’taskyouforthissortofthing？"
　　"Goforhim！"snortedClodd。"DoyouthinkIdon’tgoforhim？
　　Theyarejustsheep。Getone，yougetthelot。Untilyou’vegottheone，theotherswon’tlistentoyou。"
　　"That’strue，"musedPeter。"IspoketoWilkinson，ofKingsley’s，myself。HeadvisedmetotryandgetLandor’s。HethoughtthatifIcouldgetanadvertisementoutofLandor，hemightpersuadehispeopletogiveustheirs。"
　　"AndifyouhadgonetoLandor，hewouldhavepromisedyoutheirsprovidedyougotKingsley’s。"
　　"Theywillcome，"thoughthopefulPeter。"Wearegoingupsteadily。Theywillcomewitharush。"
　　"Theyhadbettercomesoon，"thoughtClodd。"Theonlythingscomingwitharushjustnowarebills。"
　　"ThosearticlesofyoungMcTear’sattractedagooddealofattention，"expoundedPeter。"Hehaspromisedtowritemeanotherseries。"
　　"Jowettistheonetogetholdof，"musedClodd。"Jowett，alltheothersfollowlikeaflockofgeesewaddlingaftertheoldgander。
　　IfonlywecouldgetholdofJowett，therestwouldbeeasy。"
　　JowettwastheproprietorofthefamousMarbleSoap。Jowettspentonadvertisingeveryyearaquarterofamillion，itwassaid。
　　Jowettwasthestayandpropofperiodicalliterature。NewpapersthatsecuredtheMarbleSoapadvertisementlivedandprospered;thenewpapertowhichitwasdeniedlanguishedanddied。Jowett，andhowtogetholdofhim;Jowett，andhowtogetroundhim，formedthechieftopicofdiscussionatthecouncil—boardofmostnewpapers，GoodHumouramongstthenumber。
　　"Ihaveheard，"saidMissRamsbotham，whowrotetheLettertoClorindathatfilledeachweekthelasttwopagesofGoodHumour，andthattoldClorinda，wholivedsecludedinthecountry，thedailyhistoryofthehighestclasssociety，amongwhomMissRamsbothamappearedtoliveandhaveherbeing;whotheywere，andwhattheywore，thewiseandotherwisethingstheydid——"Ihaveheard，"saidMissRamsbothamonemorning，Jowettbeingasusualthesubjectunderdebate，"thattheoldmanissusceptibletofemaleinfluence。"
　　"WhatIhavealwaysthought，"saidClodd。"Aladyadvertising—
　　agentmightdowell。Atallevents，theycouldn’tkickherout。"
　　"Theymightintheend，"thoughtPeter。"Femaledoor—porterswouldbecomeaprofessionformuscularladiesifevertheideatookroot。"
　　"Thefirstonewouldgetagoodstart，anyhow，"thoughtClodd。
　　Thesub—editorhadprickedupherears。Onceuponatime，longago，thesub—editorhadsucceeded，whenallotherLondonjournalistshadfailed，insecuringaninterviewwithacertaingreatstatesman。Thesub—editorhadneverforgottenthis——norallowedanyoneelsetoforgetit，"IbelieveIcouldgetitforyou，"saidthesub—editor。
　　Theeditorandthebusiness—managerbothspoketogether。Theyspokewithdecisionandwithemphasis。
　　"Whynot？"saidthesub—editor。"Whennobodyelsecouldgetathim，itwasIwhointerviewedPrince——"
　　"We’veheardallaboutthat，"interruptedthebusiness—manager。
　　"IfIhadbeenyourfatheratthetime，youwouldneverhavedoneit。"
　　"HowcouldIhavestoppedher？"retortedPeterHope。"Sheneversaidawordtome。"
　　"Youcouldhavekeptaneyeonher。"
　　"Keptaneyeonher！Whenyou’vegotagirlofyourown，you’llknowmoreaboutthem。"
　　"WhenIhave，"assertedClodd，"I’llmanageher。"
　　"Weknowallaboutbachelor’schildren，"sneeredPeterHope，theeditor。
　　"Youleaveittome。I’llhaveitforyoubeforetheendoftheweek，"crowedthesub—editor。
　　"Ifyoudogetit，"returnedClodd，"Ishallthrowitout，that’sall。"
　　"Yousaidyourselfaladyadvertising—agentwouldbeagoodidea，"
　　thesub—editorremindedhim。
　　"Soshemightbe，"returnedClodd;"butsheisn’tgoingtobeyou。"
　　"Whynot？"
　　"Becausesheisn’t，that’swhy。"
　　"Butif——"
　　"Seeyouattheprinter’sattwelve，"saidCloddtoPeter，andwentoutsuddenly。
　　"Well，Ithinkhe’sanidiot，"saidthesub—editor。
　　"Idonotoften，"saidtheeditor，"butonthispointIagreewithhim。Cadgingforadvertisementsisn’tawoman’swork。"
　　"Butwhatisthedifferencebetween——"
　　"Allthedifferenceintheworld，"thoughttheeditor。
　　"Youdon’tknowwhatIwasgoingtosay，"returnedhissub。
　　"Iknowthedriftofit，"assertedtheeditor。
　　"Butyouletme——"
　　"IknowIdo——agooddealtoomuch。I’mgoingtoturnoveranewleaf。"
　　"AllIproposetodo——"
　　"Whateveritis，you’renotgoingtodoit，"declaredthechief。
　　"Shallbebackathalf—pasttwelve，ifanybodycomes。"
　　"Itseemstome——"ButPeterwasgone。
　　"Justlikethemall，"wailedthesub—editor。"Theycan’targue;
　　whenyouexplainthingstothem，theygoout。Itdoesmakemesomad！"
　　MissRamsbothamlaughed。"Youareadowntroddenlittlegirl，Tommy。"
　　"AsifIcouldn’ttakecareofmyself！"Tommy’schinwashighupintheair。
　　"Cheerup，"suggestedMissRamsbotham。"Nobodyevertellsmenottodoanything。IwouldchangewithyouifIcould。"
　　"I’dhavewalkedintothatofficeandhavehadthatadvertisementoutofoldJowettinfiveminutes，IknowIwould，"braggedTommy。
　　"Icanalwaysgetonwitholdmen。"
　　"Onlywiththeoldones？"queriedMissRamsbotham。
　　Thedooropened。"Anybodyin？"askedthefaceofJohnnyBulstrode，appearinginthejar。
　　"Can’tyouseetheyare？"snappedTommy。
　　"Figureofspeech，"explainedJohnnyBulstrode，commonlycalled"theBabe，"enteringandclosingthedoorbehindhim。
　　"Whatdoyouwant？"demandedthesub—editor。
　　"Nothinginparticular，"repliedtheBabe。
　　"Wrongtimeofthedaytocomeforit，half—pasteleveninthemorning，"explainedthesub—editor。
　　"What’sthematterwithyou？"askedtheBabe。
　　"Feelingverycross，"confessedthesub—editor。
　　ThechildlikefaceoftheBabeexpressedsympatheticinquiry。
　　"Weareveryindignant，"explainedMissRamsbotham，"becausewearenotallowedtorushofftoCannonStreetandcoaxanadvertisementoutofoldJowett，thesoapman。Wefeelsurethatifweonlyputonourbesthat，hecouldn’tpossiblyrefuseus。"
　　"Nocoaxingrequired，"thoughtthesub—editor。"Oncegetintoseetheoldfellowandputtheactualfiguresbeforehim，hewouldclamourtocomein。"
　　"Won’theseeClodd？"askedtheBabe。
　　"Won’tseeanybodyonbehalfofanythingnewjustatpresent，apparently，"answeredMissRamsbotham。"Itwasmyfault。IwasfoolishenoughtorepeatthatIhadheardhewassusceptibletofemalecharm。TheysayitwasMrs。SarkittthatgottheadvertisementforTheLampoutofhim。But，ofcourse，itmaynotbetrue。"
　　"WishIwasasoapmanandhadgotadvertisementstogiveaway，"
　　sighedtheBabe。
　　"Wishyouwere，"agreedthesub—editor。
　　"Youshouldhavethemall，Tommy。"
　　"Myname，"correctedhimthesub—editor，"isMissHope。"
　　"Ibegyourpardon，"saidtheBabe。"Idon’tknowhowitis，butonegetsintothewayofcallingyouTommy。"
　　"Iwillthankyou，"saidthesub—editor，"togetoutofit。"
　　"Iamsorry，"saidtheBabe。
　　"Don’tletitoccuragain，"saidthesub—editor。
　　TheBabestoodfirstononelegandthenontheother，butnothingseemedtocomeofit。"Well，"saidtheBabe，"Ijustlookedin，that’sall。NothingIcandoforyou？"
　　"Nothing，"thankedhimthesub—editor。
　　"Goodmorning，"saidtheBabe。
　　"Goodmorning，"saidthesub—editor。
　　ThechildlikefaceoftheBabeworeachastenedexpressionasitslowlydescendedthestairs。MostofthemembersoftheAutolycusClublookedinaboutonceadaytoseeiftheycoulddoanythingforTommy。Someofthemhadluck。Onlythedaybefore，Porson——aheavy，mostuninterestingman——hadbeensentdownallthewaytoPlaistowtoinquireafterthewoundedhandofamachine—boy。YoungAlexander，whosepoetrysomepeoplecouldnotevenunderstand，hadbeencommissionedtosearchLondonforasecond—handeditionofMaitland’sArchitecture。Sinceafortnightnearlynow，whenhehadbeensentouttodriveawayanorganthatwouldnotgo，Johnnyhadbeengivennothing。
　　JohnnyturnedthecornerintoFleetStreetfeelingbitterwithhislot。Aboycarryingaparcelstumbledagainsthim。
　　"Begyerpardon——"thesmallboylookedupintoJohnny’sface，"miss，"addedthesmallboy，dodgingtheblowanddisappearingintothecrowd。
　　TheBabe，byreasonofhischildlikeface，wasaccustomedtoinsultsofthischaracter，butto—dayitespeciallyirritatedhim。
　　Whyattwenty—twocouldhenotgrowevenamoustache？Whywasheonlyfivefeetfiveandahalf？WhyhadFatecursedhimwithapink—and—whitecomplexion，sothatthemembersofhisownclubhadnicknamedhim"theBabe，"whilestreet—boysastheypassedpleadedwithhimforakiss？Whywashisveryvoice，aflute—likealto，moresuitable——Suddenlyanideasprangtolifewithinhisbrain。
　　Theideagrew。Passingabarber’sshop，Johnnywentin。
　　"’Aircut，sir？"remarkedthebarber，fittingasheetroundJohnny’sneck。
　　"No，shave，"correctedJohnny。
　　"Begpardon，"saidthebarber，substitutingatowelforthesheet。
　　"Doyoushaveup，sir？"laterdemandedthebarber。
　　"Yes，"answeredJohnny。
　　"Pleasantweatherwearehaving，"saidthebarber。
　　"Very，"assentedJohnny。
　　Fromthebarber’s，JohnnywenttoStinchcombe’s，thecostumier’s，inDruryLane。
　　"Iamplayinginaburlesque，"explainedtheBabe。"Iwantyoutorigmeoutcompletelyasamoderngirl。"
　　"Peetho’luck！"saidtheshopman。"Goththeverybundleforyou。
　　Juthcomein。"
　　"Ishallwanteverything，"explainedtheBabe，"fromthebootstothehat;stays，petticoats——thewholebagoftricks。"
　　"Regulartroutheauthere，"saidtheshopman，emptyingoutthecanvasbaguponthecounter。"Thry’emon。"
　　TheBabecontentedhimselfwithtryingonthecostumeandtheboots。
　　"Juthmadeforyou！"saidtheshopman。
　　Alittlelooseaboutthechest，suggestedtheBabe。
　　"Thath’sallright，"saidtheshopman。"Coupleo’thmalltowelths，allthath’swanted。"
　　"Youdon’tthinkittooshowy？"queriedtheBabe。
　　"Thowy？Sthylish，thath’sall。"
　　"Youaresureeverything’shere？"
　　"Everythinkththere。’Theptthebito’meatinthide，"assuredhimtheshopman。
　　TheBabeleftadeposit，andgavehisnameandaddress。Theshopmanpromisedthethingsshouldbesentroundwithinanhour。
　　TheBabe，whohadenteredintothespiritofthething，boughtapairofglovesandasmallreticule，andmadehiswaytoBowStreet。
　　"Iwantawoman’slightbrownwig，"saidtheBabetoMr。Cox，theperruquier。
　　Mr。Coxtriedontwo。ThedeceptiveappearanceofthesecondMr。
　　Coxpronouncedasperfect。
　　"Looksmorenaturalonyouthanyourownhair，blessedifitdoesn’t！"saidMr。Cox。
　　Thewigalsowaspromisedwithinthehour。ThespiritofcompletenessdescendedupontheBabe。OnhiswaybacktohislodgingsinGreatQueenStreet，hepurchasedaladylikeumbrellaandaveil。
　　Now，aquarterofanhourafterJohnnyBulstrodehadmadehisexitbythedoorofMr。Stinchcombe’sshop，one，HarryBennett，actorandmemberoftheAutolycusClub，pusheditopenandentered。Theshopwasempty。HarryBennetthammeredwithhisstickandwaited。
　　Apiled—upbundleofclotheslayuponthecounter;asheetofpaper，withanameandaddressscrawledacrossit，restedonthebundle。HarryBennett，giventoidlecuriosity，approachedandreadthesame。HarryBennett，withhisstick，pokedthebundle，scatteringitsitemsoverthecounter。
　　"Donthdothath！"saidtheshopman，comingup。"Juthbeenputting’emtogether。"
　　"Whatthedevil，"saidHarryBennett，"isJohnnyBulstrodegoingtodowiththatrig—out？"
　　"HowthoudIknow？"answeredtheshopman。"Privatetheathricals，I
　　suppoth。Friendo’yourth？"
　　"Yes，"repliedHarryBennett。"ByJove！heoughttomakeagoodgirl。Shouldliketoseeit！"
　　"Wellarthkhimforaticket。Donthmake’emdirty，"suggestedtheshopman。
　　"Imust，"saidHarryBennett，andtalkedabouthisownaffairs。
　　Therig—outandthewigdidnotarriveatJohnny’slodgingswithinthehouraspromised，butarrivedtherewithinthreehours，whichwasasmuchasJohnnyhadexpected。IttookJohnnynearlyanhourtodress，butatlasthestoodbeforetheplate—glasspanelofthewardrobetransformed。Johnnyhadreasontobepleasedwiththeresult。Atall，handsomegirllookedbackathimoutoftheglass—
　　—alittleshowilydressed，perhaps，butdecidedlychic。
　　"WonderifIoughttohaveacloak，"musedJohnny，asarayofsunshine，streamingthroughthewindow，fellupontheimageintheglass。"Well，anyhow，Ihaven’t，"thoughtJohnny，asthesunlightdiedawayagain，"soit’snogoodthinkingaboutit。"
　　Johnnyseizedhisreticuleandhisumbrellaandopenedcautiouslythedoor。Outsideallwassilent。Johnnystealthilydescended;inthepassagepausedagain。Voicessoundedfromthebasement。
　　Feelinglikeanescapedburglar，Johnnyslippedthelatchofthebigdoorandpeepedout。Apoliceman，pasting，turnedandlookedathim。Johnnyhastilydrewbackandclosedthedooragain。
　　Somebodywasascendingfromthekitchen。Johnny，caughtbetweentwoterrors，nearertothefrontdoorthantothestairs，havingnotime，chosethestreet。ItseemedtoJohnnythatthestreetwasmakingforhim。Awomancamehurriedlytowardshim。Whatwasshegoingtosaytohim？Whatshouldheanswerher？Tohissurpriseshepassedhim，hardlynoticinghim。Wonderingwhatmiraclehadsavedhim，hetookafewstepsforward。Acoupleofyoungclerkscomingupfrombehindturnedtolookathim，butonencounteringhisansweringstareofangryalarm，appearedconfusedandwenttheirway。Itbegantodawnuponhimthatmankindwaslessdiscerningthanhehadfeared。Gainingcourageasheproceeded，hereachedHolborn。Herethelargercrowdsweptaroundhimindifferent。
　　"Ibegyourpardon，"saidJohnny，comingintocollisionwithastoutgentleman。
　　"Myfault，"repliedthestoutgentleman，as，smiling，hepickeduphisdamagedhat。
　　"Ibegyourpardon，"repeatedJohnnyagaintwominuteslater，collidingwithatallyounglady。
　　"Shouldadviseyoutotakesomethingforthatsquintofyours，"
　　remarkedthetallyoungladywithseverity。
　　"What’sthematterwithme？"thoughtJohnny。"Seemstobeasortofmist——"Theexplanationflashedacrosshim。"Ofcourse，"saidJohnnytohimself，"it’sthisconfoundedveil！"
　　JohnnydecidedtowalktotheMarbleSoapoffices。"I’llbemoreusedtothehangofthingsbythetimeIgetthereifIwalk，"
　　thoughtJohnny。"Hopetheoldbeggar’sin。"
　　InNewgateStreet，Johnnypausedandpressedhishandsagainsthischest。"FunnysortofpainI’vegot，"thoughtJohnny。"WonderifIshouldshockthemifIwentinsomewhereforadropofbrandy？"
　　"Itdon’tgetanybetter，"reflectedJohnny，withsomealarm，onreachingthecornerofCheapside。"HopeI’mnotgoingtobeill。
　　Whatever——"Theexplanationcametohim。"Ofcourse，it’sthesedamnedstays！Nowondergirlsareshort—tempered，attimes。"
　　AttheofficesoftheMarbleSoap，Johnnywastreatedwithmarkedcourtesy。Mr。Jowettwasout，wasnotexpectedbacktillfiveo’clock。Wouldtheladywait，orwouldshecallagain？Theladydecided，nowshewasthere，towait。Wouldtheladytaketheeasy—
　　chair？Wouldtheladyhavethewindowopenorwouldshehaveitshut？HadtheladyseenTheTimes？
　　"OrtheHa’pennyJoker？"suggestedajuniorclerk，whothereuponwaspromptlysentbacktohiswork。
　　Manyoftheseniorclerkshadoccasiontopassthroughthewaiting—
　　room。Twooftheseniorclerksheldviewsabouttheweatherwhichtheyappearedwishfultoexpressatlength。Johnnybegantoenjoyhimself。Thisthingwasgoingtobegoodfun。Bythetimetheslammingofdoorsandthehurryingoffeetannouncedtheadventofthechief，Johnnywaslookingforwardtohisinterview。
　　Itwasbrieferandlesssatisfactorythanhehadanticipated。Mr。
　　Jowettwasverybusy——didnotasaruleseeanybodyintheafternoon;butofcourse，alady——WouldMiss——"
　　"Montgomery。"
　　"WouldMissMontgomeryinformMr。Jowettwhatitwashemighthavethepleasureofdoingforher？"
　　MissMontgomeryexplained。
　　Mr。Jowettseemedhalfangry，halfamused。
　　"Really，"saidMr。Jowett，"thisishardlyplayingthegame。