PREFACE
　　’Nothinglikealittlejudiciouslevity，’saysMichaelFinsburyinthetext：norcananybetterexcusebefoundforthevolumeinthereader’shand。Theauthorscanbutaddthatoneofthemisoldenoughtobeashamedofhimself，andtheotheryoungenoughtolearnbetter。
　　R。L。S。
　　L。O。
　　CHAPTERI。InWhichMorrisSuspectsHowverylittledoestheamateur，dwellingathomeatease，comprehendthelaboursandperilsoftheauthor，and，whenhesmilinglyskimsthesurfaceofaworkoffiction，howlittledoesheconsiderthehoursoftoil，consultationofauthorities，researchesintheBodleian，correspondencewithlearnedandillegibleGermans——inoneword，thevastscaffoldingthatwasfirstbuiltupandthenknockeddown，towhileawayanhourforhiminarailwaytrain！ThusImightbeginthistalewithabiographyofTonti——birthplace，parentage，geniusprobablyinheritedfromhismother，remarkableinstanceofprecocity，etc——andacompletetreatiseonthesystemtowhichhebequeathedhisname。Thematerialisallbesidemeinapigeon—hole，butI
　　scorntoappearvainglorious。Tontiisdead，andIneversawanyonewhoevenpretendedtoregrethim;and，asforthetontinesystem，awordwillsufficeforallthepurposesofthisunvarnishednarrative。
　　Anumberofsprightlyyouths（themorethemerrier）putupacertainsumofmoney，whichisthenfundedinapoolundertrustees;comingonforacenturylater，theproceedsareflutteredforamomentinthefaceofthelastsurvivor，whoisprobablydeaf，sothathecannotevenhearofhissuccess——andwhoiscertainlydying，sothathemightjustaswellhavelost。
　　Thepeculiarpoetryandevenhumouroftheschemeisnowapparent，sinceitisonebywhichnobodyconcernedcanpossiblyprofit;butitsfine，sportsmanlikecharacterendearedittoourgrandparents。
　　WhenJosephFinsburyandhisbrotherMastermanwerelittleladsinwhite—frilledtrousers，theirfather——awell—to—domerchantinCheapside——causedthemtojoinasmallbutrichtontineofseven—and—thirtylives。Athousandpoundswastheentrancefee;
　　andJosephFinsburycanremembertothisdaythevisittothelawyer’s，wherethemembersofthetontine——allchildrenlikehimself——wereassembledtogether，andsatinturninthebigofficechair，andsignedtheirnameswiththeassistanceofakindoldgentlemaninspectaclesandWellingtonboots。Heremembersplayingwiththechildrenafterwardsonthelawnatthebackofthelawyer’shouse，andabattle—royalthathehadwithabrothertontinerwhohadkickedhisshins。Thesoundofwarcalledforththelawyerfromwherehewasdispensingcakeandwinetotheassembledparentsintheoffice，andthecombatantswereseparated，andJoseph’sspirit（forhewasthesmallerofthetwo）commendedbythegentlemanintheWellingtonboots，whovowedhehadbeenjustsuchanotheratthesameage。JosephwonderedtohimselfifhehadwornatthattimelittleWellingtonsandalittlebaldhead，andwhen，inbedatnight，hegrewtiredoftellinghimselfstoriesofsea—fights，heusedtodresshimselfupastheoldgentleman，andentertainotherlittleboysandgirlswithcakeandwine。
　　Intheyear1840thethirty—sevenwereallalive;in1850theirnumberhaddecreasedbysix;in1856and1857businesswasmorelively，fortheCrimeaandtheMutinycarriedoffnolessthannine。Thereremainedin1870butfiveoftheoriginalmembers，andatthedateofmystory，includingthetwoFinsburys，butthree。
　　BythistimeMastermanwasinhisseventy—thirdyear;hehadlongcomplainedoftheeffectsofage，hadlongsinceretiredfrombusiness，andnowlivedinabsoluteseclusionundertheroofofhissonMichael，thewell—knownsolicitor。Joseph，ontheotherhand，wasstillupandabout，andstillpresentedbutasemi—venerablefigureonthestreetsinwhichhelovedtowander。
　　ThiswasthemoretobedeploredbecauseMastermanhadled（eventotheleastparticular）amodelBritishlife。Industry，regularity，respectability，andapreferenceforthefourpercentsareunderstoodtobetheveryfoundationsofagreenoldage。AlltheseMastermanhademinentlydisplayed，andherehewas，abagendo，atseventy—three;whileJoseph，barelytwoyearsyounger，andinthemostexcellentpreservation，haddisgracedhimselfthroughlifebyidlenessandeccentricity。Embarkedintheleathertrade，hehadearlyweariedofbusiness，forwhichhewassupposedtohavesmallparts。Atasteforgeneralinformation，notpromptlychecked，hadsoonbeguntosaphismanhood。Thereisnopassionmoredebilitatingtothemind，unless，perhaps，itbethatitchofpublicspeakingwhichitnotinfrequentlyaccompaniesorbegets。ThetwowereconjoinedinthecaseofJoseph;theacutestageofthisdoublemalady，thatinwhichthepatientdeliversgratuitouslectures，soondeclareditselfwithseverity，andnotmanyyearshadpassedoverhisheadbeforehewouldhavetravelledthirtymilestoaddressaninfantschool。Hewasnostudent;hisreadingwasconfinedtoelementarytextbooksandthedailypapers;hedidnotevenflyashighascyclopedias;life，hewouldsay，washisvolume。Hislectureswerenotmeant，hewoulddeclare，forcollegeprofessors;theywereaddresseddirectto’thegreatheartofthepeople’，andtheheartofthepeoplemustcertainlybesounderthanitshead，forhislucubrationswerereceivedwithfavour。Thatentitled’HowtoLiveCheerfullyonFortyPoundsaYear’，createdasensationamongtheunemployed。’Education：ItsAims，Objects，Purposes，andDesirability’，gainedhimtherespectoftheshallow—minded。
　　Asforhiscelebratedessayon’LifeInsuranceRegardedinitsRelationtotheMasses’，readbeforetheWorkingMen’sMutualImprovementSociety，IsleofDogs，itwasreceivedwitha’literalovation’byanunintelligentaudienceofbothsexes，andsomarkedwastheeffectthathewasnextyearelectedhonorarypresidentoftheinstitution，anofficeoflessthannoemolument——sincetheholderwasexpectedtocomedownwithadonation——butonewhichhighlysatisfiedhisself—esteem。
　　WhileJosephwasthusbuildinghimselfupareputationamongthemorecultivatedportionoftheignorant，hisdomesticlifewassuddenlyoverwhelmedbyorphans。ThedeathofhisyoungerbrotherJacobsaddledhimwiththechargeoftwoboys，MorrisandJohn;
　　andinthecourseofthesameyearhisfamilywasstillfurtherswelledbytheadditionofalittlegirl，thedaughterofJohnHenryHazeltine，Esq。，agentlemanofsmallpropertyandfewerfriends。HehadmetJosephonlyonce，atalecture—hallinHolloway;butfromthatformativeexperiencehereturnedhometomakeanewwill，andconsignhisdaughterandherfortunetothelecturer。Josephhadakindlydisposition;andyetitwasnotwithoutreluctancethatheacceptedthisnewresponsibility，advertisedforanurse，andpurchasedasecond—handperambulator。
　　MorrisandJohnhemademorereadilywelcome;notsomuchbecauseofthetieofconsanguinityasbecausetheleatherbusiness（inwhichhehastenedtoinvesttheirfortuneofthirtythousandpounds）hadrecentlyexhibitedinexplicablesymptomsofdecline。
　　AyoungbutcapableScotwaschosenasmanagertotheenterprise，andthecaresofbusinessneveragainafflictedJosephFinsbury。
　　LeavinghischargesinthehandsofthecapableScot（whowasmarried），hebeganhisextensivetravelsontheContinentandinAsiaMinor。
　　WithapolyglotTestamentinonehandandaphrase—bookintheother，hegropedhiswayamongthespeakersofelevenEuropeanlanguages。Thefirstoftheseguidesishardlyapplicabletothepurposesofthephilosophictraveller，andeventhesecondisdesignedmoreexpresslyforthetouristthanfortheexpertinlife。Buthepressedinterpretersintohisservice——wheneverhecouldgettheirservicesfornothing——andbyonemeansandanotherfilledmanynotebookswiththeresultsofhisresearches。
　　Inthesewanderingshespentseveralyears，andonlyreturnedtoEnglandwhentheincreasingageofhischargesneededhisattention。Thetwoladshadbeenplacedinagoodbuteconomicalschool，wheretheyhadreceivedasoundcommercialeducation;
　　whichwassomewhatawkward，astheleatherbusinesswasbynomeansinastatetocourtenquiry。Infact，whenJosephwentoverhisaccountspreparatorytosurrenderinghistrust，hewasdismayedtodiscoverthathisbrother’sfortunehadnotincreasedbyhisstewardship;evenbymakingovertohistwowardseverypennyhehadintheworld，therewouldstillbeadeficitofseventhousandeighthundredpounds。Whenthesefactswerecommunicatedtothetwobrothersinthepresenceofalawyer，MorrisFinsburythreatenedhisunclewithalltheterrorsofthelaw，andwasonlypreventedfromtakingextremestepsbytheadviceoftheprofessionalman。’Youcannotgetbloodfromastone，’observedthelawyer。
　　AndMorrissawthepointandcametotermswithhisuncle。Ontheoneside，Josephgaveupallthathepossessed，andassignedtohisnephewhiscontingentinterestinthetontine，alreadyquiteahopefulspeculation。Ontheother，MorrisagreedtoharbourhisuncleandMissHazeltine（whohadcometogriefwiththerest），andtopaytoeachofthemonepoundamonthaspocket—money。Theallowancewasamplysufficientfortheoldman;itscarceappearshowMissHazeltinecontrivedtodressuponit;butshedid，and，whatismore，shenevercomplained。Shewas，indeed，sincerelyattachedtoherincompetentguardian。Hehadneverbeenunkind;
　　hisagespokeforhimloudly;therewassomethingappealinginhiswhole—souledquestofknowledgeandinnocentdelightinthesmallestmarkofadmiration;and，thoughthelawyerhadwarnedhershewasbeingsacrificed，JuliahadrefusedtoaddtotheperplexitiesofUncleJoseph。
　　Inalarge，drearyhouseinJohnStreet，Bloomsbury，thesefourdwelttogether;afamilyinappearance，inrealityafinancialassociation。JuliaandUncleJosephwere，ofcourse，slaves;
　　John，agentlemanwithatasteforthebanjo，themusic—hall，theGaietybar，andthesportingpapers，musthavebeenanywhereasecondaryfigure;andthecaresanddelightsofempiredevolvedentirelyuponMorris。Thattheseareinextricablyintermixedisoneofthecommonplaceswithwhichtheblandessayistconsolestheincompetentandtheobscure，butinthecaseofMorristhebittermusthavelargelyoutweighedthesweet。Hegrudgednotroubletohimself，hesparednonetoothers;hecalledtheservantsinthemorning，heservedoutthestoreswithhisownhand，hetooksoundingsofthesherry，henumberedtheremainderbiscuits;painfulscenestookplaceovertheweeklybills，andthecookwasfrequentlyimpeached，andthetradespeoplecameandhectoredwithhiminthebackparlouruponaquestionofthreefarthings。Thesuperficialmighthavedeemedhimamiser;inhisowneyeshewassimplyamanwhohadbeendefrauded;theworldowedhimseventhousandeighthundredpounds，andheintendedthattheworldshouldpay。
　　ButitwasinhisdealingswithJosephthatMorris’scharacterparticularlyshone。Hisunclewasarathergamblingstockinwhichhehadinvestedheavily;andhesparednopainsinnursingthesecurity。Theoldmanwasseenmonthlybyaphysician，whetherhewaswellorill。Hisdiet，hisraiment，hisoccasionaloutings，nowtoBrighton，nowtoBournemouth，weredoledouttohimlikepaptoinfants。Inbadweatherhemustkeepthehouse。
　　Ingoodweather，byhalf—pastnine，hemustbereadyinthehall;
　　Morriswouldseethathehadglovesandthathisshoesweresound;andthepairwouldstartfortheleatherbusinessarminarm。Thewaytherewasprobablydrearyenough，fortherewasnopretenceoffriendlyfeeling;MorrishadneverceasedtoupbraidhisguardianwithhisdefalcationandtolamenttheburthenofMissHazeltine;andJoseph，thoughhewasamildenoughsoul，regardedhisnephewwithsomethingverynearakintohatred。Butthewaytherewasnothingtothejourneyback;forthemeresightoftheplaceofbusiness，aswellaseverydetailofitstransactions，wasenoughtopoisonlifeforanyFinsbury。
　　Joseph’snamewasstilloverthedoor;itwashewhostillsignedthecheques;butthiswasonlypolicyonthepartofMorris，anddesignedtodiscourageothermembersofthetontine。Inrealitythebusinesswasentirelyhis;andhefounditaninheritanceofsorrows。Hetriedtosellit，andtheoffershereceivedwerequitederisory。Hetriedtoextendit，anditwasonlytheliabilitieshesucceededinextending;torestrictit，anditwasonlytheprofitshemanagedtorestrict。NobodyhadevermademoneyoutofthatconcernexceptthecapableScot，whoretired（afterhisdischarge）totheneighbourhoodofBanffandbuiltacastlewithhisprofits。ThememoryofthisfallaciousCaledonianMorriswouldreviledaily，ashesatintheprivateofficeopeninghismail，witholdJosephatanothertable，sullenlyawaitingorders，orsavagelyaffixingsignaturestoheknewnotwhat。Andwhenthemanoftheheatherpushedcynicismsofarastosendhimtheannouncementofhissecondmarriage（toDavida，eldestdaughteroftheRevd。AlexanderMcCraw），itwasreallysupposedthatMorriswouldhavehadafit。
　　Businesshours，intheFinsburyleathertrade，hadbeencuttothequick;evenMorris’sstrongsenseofdutytohimselfwasnotstrongenoughtodallywithinthosewallsandundertheshadowofthatbankruptcy;andpresentlythemanagerandtheclerkswoulddrawalongbreath，andcomposethemselvesforanotherdayofprocrastination。RawHaste，ontheauthorityofmyLordTennyson，ishalf—sistertoDelay;buttheBusinessHabitsarecertainlyheruncles。Meanwhile，theleathermerchantwouldleadhislivinginvestmentbacktoJohnStreetlikeapuppydog;and，havingthereimmuredhiminthehall，woulddepartforthedayonthequestofsealrings，theonlypassionofhislife。Josephhadmorethanthevanityofman，hehadthatoflecturers。Heownedhewasinfault，althoughmoresinnedagainst（bythecapableScot）thansinning;buthadhesteepedhishandsingore，hewouldstillnotdeservetobethusdraggedatthechariot—wheelsofayoungman，tositacaptiveinthehallsofhisownleatherbusiness，tobeentertainedwithmortifyingcommentsonhiswholecareer——tohavehiscostumeexamined，hiscollarpulledup，thepresenceofhismittensverified，andtobetakenoutandbroughthomeincustody，likeaninfantwithanurse。Atthethoughtofithissoulwouldswellwithvenom，andhewouldmakehastetohanguphishatandcoatandthedetestedmittens，andslinkupstairstoJuliaandhisnotebooks。Thedrawing—roomatleastwassacredfromMorris;itbelongedtotheoldmanandtheyounggirl;itwastherethatshemadeherdresses;itwastherethatheinkedhisspectaclesovertheregistrationofdisconnectedfactsandthecalculationofinsignificantstatistics。
　　Herehewouldsometimeslamenthisconnectionwiththetontine。
　　’Ifitwerenotforthat，’hecriedoneafternoon，’hewouldnotcaretokeepme。Imightbeafreeman，Julia。AndIcouldsoeasilysupportmyselfbygivinglectures。’
　　’Tobesureyoucould，’saidshe;’andIthinkitoneofthemeanestthingsheeverdidtodepriveyouofthatamusement。
　　TherewerethosenicepeopleattheIsleofCats（wasn’tit？）whowroteandaskedyousoverykindlytogivethemanaddress。IdidthinkhemighthaveletyougototheIsleofCats。’
　　’Heisamanofnointelligence，’criedJoseph。’Heliveshereliterallysurroundedbytheabsorbingspectacleoflife，andforallthegooditdoeshim，hemightjustaswellbeinhiscoffin。
　　Thinkofhisopportunities！Theheartofanyotheryoungmanwouldburnwithinhimatthechance。TheamountofinformationthatIhaveitinmypowertoconvey，ifhewouldonlylisten，isathingthatbeggarslanguage，Julia。’
　　’Whateveryoudo，mydear，youmustn’texciteyourself，’saidJulia;’foryouknow，ifyoulookatallill，thedoctorwillbesentfor。’
　　’Thatisverytrue，’returnedtheoldmanhumbly，’Iwillcomposemyselfwithalittlestudy。’Hethumbedhisgalleryofnotebooks。
　　’Iwonder，’hesaid，’Iwonder（sinceIseeyourhandsareoccupied）whetheritmightnotinterestyou——’
　　’Why，ofcourseitwould，’criedJulia。’Readmeoneofyournicestories，there’sadear。’
　　Hehadthevolumedownandhisspectaclesuponhisnoseinstanter，asthoughtoforestallsomepossibleretractation。
　　’WhatIproposetoreadtoyou，’saidhe，skimmingthroughthepages，’isthenotesofahighlyimportantconversationwithaDutchcourierofthenameofDavidAbbas，whichistheLatinforabbot。Itsresultsarewellworththemoneyitcostme，for，asAbbasatfirstappearedsomewhatimpatient，Iwasinducedto（whatis，Ibelieve，singularlycalled）standhimdrink。Itrunsonlytoaboutfive—and—twentypages。Yes，hereitis。’Heclearedhisthroat，andbegantoread。
　　MrFinsbury（accordingtohisownreport）contributedaboutfourhundredandninety—ninefive—hundredthsoftheinterview，andelicitedfromAbbasliterallynothing。ItwasdullforJulia，whodidnotrequiretolisten;fortheDutchcourier，whohadtoanswer，itmusthavebeenaperfectnightmare。Itwouldseemasifhehadconsoledhimselfbyfrequentappliancestothebottle;
　　itwouldevenseemthat（towardtheend）hehadceasedtodependonJoseph’sfrugalgenerosityandcalledfortheflagononhisownaccount。Theeffect，atleast，ofsomemellowinginfluencewasvisibleintherecord：Abbasbecamesuddenlyawillingwitness;hebegantovolunteerdisclosures;andJuliahadjustlookedupfromherseamwithsomethinglikeasmile，whenMorrisburstintothehouse，eagerlycallingforhisuncle，andthenextinstantplungedintotheroom，wavingintheairtheeveningpaper。
　　Itwasindeedwithgreatnewsthathecamecharged。ThedemisewasannouncedofLieutenant—GeneralSirGlasgowBiggar，KCSI，KCMG，etc。，andtheprizeofthetontinenowlaybetweentheFinsburybrothers。HerewasMorris’sopportunityatlast。Thebrothershadnever，itistrue，beencordial。WhenwordcamethatJosephwasinAsiaMinor，Mastermanhadexpressedhimselfwithirritation。’Icallitsimplyindecent，’hehadsaid。’Markmywords——weshallhearofhimnextattheNorthPole。’Andthesebitterexpressionshadbeenreportedtothetravelleronhisreturn。Whatwasworse，Mastermanhadrefusedtoattendthelectureon’Education：ItsAims，Objects，Purposes，andDesirability’，althoughinvitedtotheplatform。Sincethenthebrothershadnotmet。Ontheotherhand，theyneverhadopenlyquarrelled;Joseph（byMorris’sorders）waspreparedtowaivetheadvantageofhisjuniority;Mastermanhadenjoyedallthroughlifethereputationofamanneithergreedynorunfair。Here，then，werealltheelementsofcompromiseassembled;andMorris，suddenlybeholdinghisseventhousandeighthundredpoundsrestoredtohim，andhimselfdismissedfromthevicissitudesoftheleathertrade，hastenedthenextmorningtotheofficeofhiscousinMichael。
　　Michaelwassomethingofapubliccharacter。Launcheduponthelawataveryearlyage，andquitewithoutprotectors，hehadbecomeatraffickerinshadyaffairs。Hewasknowntobethemanforalostcause;itwasknownhecouldextracttestimonyfromastone，andinterestfromagold—mine;andhisofficewasbesiegedinconsequencebyallthatnumerousclassofpersonswhohavestillsomereputationtolose，andfindthemselvesuponthepointoflosingit;bythosewhohavemadeundesirableacquaintances，whohavemislaidacompromisingcorrespondence，orwhoareblackmailedbytheirownbutlers。InprivatelifeMichaelwasamanofpleasure;butitwasthoughthisdireexperienceattheofficehadgonefartosoberhim，anditwasknownthat（inthematterofinvestments）hepreferredthesolidtothebrilliant。
　　Whatwasyetmoretothepurpose，hehadbeenallhislifeaconsistentscofferattheFinsburytontine。
　　ItwasthereforewithlittlefearfortheresultthatMorrispresentedhimselfbeforehiscousin，andproceededfeverishlytosetforthhisscheme。Fornearuponaquarterofanhourthelawyersufferedhimtodwelluponitsmanifestadvantagesuninterrupted。ThenMichaelrosefromhisseat，and，ringingforhisclerk，utteredasingleclause：’Itwon’tdo，Morris。’
　　Itwasinvainthattheleathermerchantpleadedandreasoned，andreturneddayafterdaytopleadandreason。Itwasinvainthatheofferedabonusofonethousand，oftwothousand，ofthreethousandpounds;invainthatheoffered，inJoseph’sname，tobecontentwithonlyone—thirdofthepool。Stilltherecamethesameanswer：’Itwon’tdo。’
　　’Ican’tseethebottomofthis，’hesaidatlast。’Youanswernoneofmyarguments;youhaven’tawordtosay。Formypart，I
　　believeit’smalice。’
　　Thelawyersmiledathimbenignly。’Youmaybelieveonething，’
　　saidhe。’WhateverelseIdo，Iamnotgoingtogratifyanyofyourcuriosity。YouseeIamatriflemorecommunicativetoday，becausethisisourlastinterviewuponthesubject。’
　　’Ourlastinterview！’criedMorris。
　　’Thestirrup—cup，dearboy，’returnedMichael。’Ican’thavemybusinesshoursencroachedupon。And，bytheby，haveyounobusinessofyourown？Aretherenoconvulsionsintheleathertrade？’
　　’Ibelieveittobemalice，’repeatedMorrisdoggedly。’Youalwayshatedanddespisedmefromaboy。’
　　’No，no——nothated，’returnedMichaelsoothingly。’Iratherlikeyouthanotherwise;there’ssuchapermanentsurpriseaboutyou，youlooksodarkandattractivefromadistance。Doyouknowthattothenakedeyeyoulookromantic？——likewhattheycallamanwithahistory？Andindeed，fromallthatIcanhear，thehistoryoftheleathertradeisfullofincident。’
　　’Yes，’saidMorris，disregardingtheseremarks，’it’snousecominghere。Ishallseeyourfather。’
　　’Ono，youwon’t，’saidMichael。’Nobodyshallseemyfather。’
　　’Ishouldliketoknowwhy，’criedhiscousin。
　　’Inevermakeanysecretofthat，’repliedthelawyer。’Heistooill。’
　　’Ifheisasillasyousay，’criedtheother，’themorereasonforacceptingmyproposal。Iwillseehim。’
　　’Willyou？’saidMichael，andheroseandrangforhisclerk。
　　Itwasnowtime，accordingtoSirFaradayBond，themedicalbaronetwhosenameissofamiliaratthefootofbulletins，thatJoseph（thepoorGoldenGoose）shouldberemovedintothepurerairofBournemouth;andforthatunchartedwildernessofvillasthefamilynowshookoffthedustofBloomsbury;Juliadelighted，becauseatBournemouthshesometimesmadeacquaintances;Johnindespair，forhewasamanofcitytastes;Josephindifferentwherehewas，solongastherewaspenandinkanddailypapers，andhecouldavoidmartyrdomattheoffice;Morrishimself，perhaps，notdispleasedtopretermitthesevisitstothecity，andhaveaquiettimeforthought。Hewaspreparedforanysacrifice;allhedesiredwastogethismoneyagainandclearhisfeetofleather;anditwouldbestrange，sincehewassomodestinhisdesires，andthepoolamountedtoupwardofahundredandsixteenthousandpounds——itwouldbestrangeindeedifhecouldfindnowayofinfluencingMichael。’IfIcouldonlyguesshisreason，’herepeatedtohimself;andbyday，ashewalkedinBranksomeWoods，andbynight，asheturneduponhisbed，andatmeal—times，whenheforgottoeat，andinthebathingmachine，whenheforgottodresshimself，thatproblemwasconstantlybeforehim：WhyhadMichaelrefused？
　　Atlast，onenight，heburstintohisbrother’sroomandwokehim。
　　’What’sallthis？’askedJohn。
　　’Julialeavesthisplacetomorrow，’repliedMorris。’Shemustgouptotownandgetthehouseready，andfindservants。Weshallallfollowinthreedays。’
　　’Oh，brayvo！’criedJohn。’Butwhy？’
　　’I’vefounditout，John，’returnedhisbrothergently。
　　’It？What？’enquiredJohn。
　　’WhyMichaelwon’tcompromise，’saidMorris。’It’sbecausehecan’t。It’sbecauseMasterman’sdead，andhe’skeepingitdark。’
　　’Golly！’criedtheimpressionableJohn。’Butwhat’stheuse？Whydoeshedoit，anyway？’
　　’Todefraudusofthetontine，’saidhisbrother。
　　’Hecouldn’t;youhavetohaveadoctor’scertificate，’objectedJohn。
　　’Didyouneverhearofvenaldoctors？’enquiredMorris。’They’reascommonasblackberries：youcanpick’emupforthree—pound—tenahead。’
　　’Iwouldn’tdoitunderfiftyifIwereasawbones，’ejaculatedJohn。
　　’AndthenMichael，’continuedMorris，’isintheverythickofit。Allhisclientshavecometogrief;hiswholebusinessisrotteneggs。Ifanymancouldarrangeit，hecould;anddependuponit，hehashisplanallstraight;anddependuponit，it’sagoodone，forhe’sclever，andbedamnedtohim！ButI’mclevertoo;andI’mdesperate。IlostseventhousandeighthundredpoundswhenIwasanorphanatschool。’
　　’O，don’tbetedious，’interruptedJohn。’You’velostfarmorealreadytryingtogetitback。’
　　CHAPTERII。InWhichMorristakesActionSomedayslater，accordingly，thethreemalesofthisdepressingfamilymighthavebeenobserved（byareaderofG。P。R。James）
　　takingtheirdeparturefromtheEastStationofBournemouth。Theweatherwasrawandchangeable，andJosephwasarrayedinconsequenceaccordingtotheprinciplesofSirFaradayBond，amannolessstrict（asiswellknown）oncostumethanondiet。
　　Therearefewpoliteinvalidswhohavenotlived，ortriedtolive，bythatpunctiliousphysician’sorders。’Avoidtea，madam，’
　　thereaderhasdoubtlessheardhimsay，’avoidtea，friedliver，antimonialwine，andbakers’bread。Retirenightlyat10。45;andclotheyourself（ifyouplease）throughoutinhygienicflannel。
　　Externally，thefurofthemartenisindicated。DonotforgettoprocureapairofhealthbootsatMessrsDailandCrumbie’s。’Andhehasprobablycalledyouback，evenafteryouhavepaidyourfee，toaddwithstentorianemphasis：’Ihadforgottenonecaution：avoidkipperedsturgeonasyouwouldtheverydevil。’
　　TheunfortunateJosephwascuttothepatternofSirFaradayineverybutton;hewasshodwiththehealthboot;hissuitwasofgenuineventilatingcloth;hisshirtofhygienicflannel，asomewhatdingyfabric;andhewasdrapedtothekneesintheinevitablegreatcoatofmarten’sfur。TheveryrailwayportersatBournemouth（whichwasafavouritestationofthedoctor’s）
　　markedtheoldgentlemanforacreatureofSirFaraday。Therewasbutoneevidenceofpersonaltaste，avizardedforagecap;fromthisformofheadpiece，sincehehadfledfromadyingjackalontheplainsofEphesus，andweatheredaboraintheAdriatic，nothingcoulddivorceourtraveller。
　　ThethreeFinsburysmountedintotheircompartment，andfellimmediatelytoquarrelling，astepunseemlyinitselfand（inthiscase）highlyunfortunateforMorris。Hadhelingeredamomentlongerbythewindow，thistaleneedneverhavebeenwritten。Forhemightthenhaveobserved（astheportersdidnotfailtodo）thearrivalofasecondpassengerintheuniformofSirFaradayBond。Buthehadothermattersonhand，whichhejudged（Godknowshowerroneously）tobemoreimportant。
　　’Ineverheardofsuchathing，’hecried，resumingadiscussionwhichhadscarcelyceasedallmorning。’Thebillisnotyours;itismine。’
　　’Itispayabletome，’returnedtheoldgentleman，withanairofbitterobstinacy。’IwilldowhatIpleasewithmyownproperty。’
　　Thebillwasoneforeighthundredpounds，whichhadbeengivenhimatbreakfasttoendorse，andwhichhehadsimplypocketed。
　　’Hearhim，Johnny！’criedMorris。’Hisproperty！theveryclothesuponhisbackbelongtome。’
　　’Lethimalone，’saidJohn。’Iamsickofbothofyou。’
　　’Thatisnowaytospeakofyouruncle，sir，’criedJoseph。’I
　　willnotendurethisdisrespect。Youareapairofexceedinglyforward，impudent，andignorantyoungmen，andIhavequitemadeupmymindtoputanendtothewholebusiness。’。
　　’Oskittles！’saidthegracefulJohn。
　　ButMorriswasnotsoeasyinhismind。Thisunusualactofinsubordinationhadalreadytroubledhim;andthesemutinouswordsnowsoundedominouslyinhisears。Helookedattheoldgentlemanuneasily。Upononeoccasion，manyyearsbefore，whenJosephwasdeliveringalecture，theaudiencehadrevoltedinabody;findingtheirentertainersomewhatdry，theyhadtakenthequestionofamusementintotheirownhands;andthelecturer（alongwiththeboardschoolmaster，theBaptistclergyman，andaworking—man’scandidate，whomadeuphisbodyguard）wasultimatelydrivenfromthescene。Morrishadnotbeenpresentonthatfatalday;ifhehad，hewouldhaverecognizedacertainfightingglitterinhisuncle’seye，andacertainchewingmovementofhislips，asoldacquaintances。Buteventotheinexpertthesesymptomsbreathedofsomethingdangerous。
　　’Well，well，’saidMorris。’IhavenowishtobotheryoufurthertillwegettoLondon。’
　　Josephdidnotsomuchaslookathiminanswer;withtremuloushandsheproducedacopyoftheBritishMechanic，andostentatiouslyburiedhimselfinitsperusal。
　　’Iwonderwhatcanmakehimsocantankerous？’reflectedthenephew。’Idon’tlikethelookofitatall。’Andhedubiouslyscratchedhisnose。
　　Thetraintravelledforthintotheworld，bearingalongwithitthecustomaryfreightofobliteratedvoyagers，andalongwiththeseoldJoseph，affectingimmersioninhispaper，andJohnslumberingoverthecolumnsofthePinkUn，andMorrisrevolvinginhismindadozengrudges，andsuspicions，andalarms。ItpassedChristchurchbythesea，Hernewithitspinewoods，Ringwoodonitsmazyriver。Alittlebehindtime，butnotmuchfortheSouth—Western，itdrewupattheplatformofastation，inthemidstoftheNewForest，therealnameofwhich（incasetherailwaycompany’mighthavethelawofme’）IshallveilunderthealiasofBrowndean。
　　Manypassengersputtheirheadstothewindow，andamongtherestanoldgentlemanonwhomIwillinglydwell，forIamnearlydonewithhimnow，and（inthewholecourseofthepresentnarrative）
　　Iamnotintheleastlikelytomeetanothercharactersodecent。
　　Hisnameisimmaterial，notsohishabits。HehadpassedhislifewanderinginatweedsuitonthecontinentofEurope;andyearsofGalignani’sMessengerhavingatlengthunderminedhiseyesight，hesuddenlyrememberedtheriversofAssyriaandcametoLondontoconsultanoculist。Fromtheoculisttothedentist，andfrombothtothephysician，thestepappearsinevitable;
　　presentlyhewasinthehandsofSirFaraday，robedinventilatingclothandsenttoBournemouth;andtothatdomineeringbaronet（whowashisonlyfrienduponhisnativesoil）hewasnowreturningtoreport。Thecaseofthesetweedsuitedwanderersisunique。Wehaveallseenthementeringthetabled’hote（atSpezzia，orGrdtz，orVenice）withagenteelmelancholyandafaintappearanceofhavingbeentoIndiaandnotsucceeded。Intheofficesofmanyhundredhotelstheyareknownbyname;andyet，ifthewholeofthiswanderingcohortweretodisappeartomorrow，theirabsencewouldbewhollyunremarked。Howmuchmore，ifonlyone——saythisoneintheventilatingcloth——shouldvanish！HehadpaidhisbillsatBournemouth;hisworldlyeffectswereallinthevanintwoportmanteaux，andtheseaftertheproperintervalwouldbesoldasunclaimedbaggagetoaJew;SirFaraday’sbutlerwouldbeahalf—crownpoorerattheyear’send，andthehotelkeepersofEuropeaboutthesamedatewouldbemourningasmallbutquiteobservabledeclineinprofits。Andthatwouldbeliterallyall。Perhapstheoldgentlemanthoughtsomethingofthesort，forhelookedmelancholyenoughashepulledhisbare，greyheadbackintothecarriage，andthetrainsmokedunderthebridge，andforth，witheverquickeningspeed，acrossthemingledheathsandwoodsoftheNewForest。
　　NotmanyhundredyardsbeyondBrowndean，however，asuddenjarringofbrakesseteverybody’steethonedge，andtherewasabrutalstoppage。MorrisFinsburywasawareofaconfuseduproarofvoices，andsprangtothewindow。Womenwerescreaming，menweretumblingfromthewindowsonthetrack，theguardwascryingtothemtostaywheretheywere;atthesametimethetrainbegantogatherwayandmoveveryslowlybackwardtowardBrowndean;andthenextmoment——，allthesevarioussoundswereblottedoutintheapocalypticwhistleandthethunderingonslaughtofthedownexpress。
　　TheactualcollisionMorrisdidnothear。Perhapshefainted。Hehadawilddreamofhavingseenthecarriagedoubleupandfalltopieceslikeapantomimetrick;andsureenough，whenhecametohimself，hewaslyingonthebareearthandundertheopensky。Hisheadachedsavagely;hecarriedhishandtohisbrow，andwasnotsurprisedtoseeitredwithblood。Theairwasfilledwithanintolerable，throbbingroar，whichheexpectedtofinddieawaywiththereturnofconsciousness;andinsteadofthatitseemedbuttoswellthelouderandtopiercethemorecruellythroughhisears。Itwasaraging，bellowingthunder，likeaboiler—rivetingfactory。
　　Andnowcuriositybegantostir，andhesatupandlookedabouthim。Thetrackatthispointraninasharpcurveaboutawoodedhillock;allofthenearsidewasheapedwiththewreckageoftheBournemouthtrain;thatoftheexpresswasmostlyhiddenbythetrees;andjustattheturn，undercloudsofvomitingsteamandpiledaboutwithcairnsoflivingcoal，laywhatremainedofthetwoengines，oneupontheother。Ontheheathymarginofthelineweremanypeoplerunningtoandfro，andcryingaloudastheyran，andmanyotherslyingmotionlesslikesleepingtramps。
　　Morrissuddenlydrewaninference。’Therehasbeenanaccident’
　　thoughthe，andwaselatedathisperspicacity。AlmostatthesametimehiseyelightedonJohn，wholayclosebyaswhiteaspaper。’PooroldJohn！pooroldcove！’hethought，theschoolboyexpressionpoppingforthfromsomeforgottentreasury，andhetookhisbrother’shandinhiswithchildishtenderness。Itwasperhapsthetouchthatrecalledhim;atleastJohnopenedhiseyes，satsuddenlyup，andafterseveralineffectualmovementsofhislips，’What’stherow？’saidhe，inaphantomvoice。
　　Thedinofthatdevil’ssmithystillthunderedintheirears。
　　’Letusgetawayfromthat，’Morriscried，andpointedtothevomitofsteamthatstillspoutedfromthebrokenengines。Andthepairhelpedeachotherup，andstoodandquakedandwaveredandstaredaboutthematthesceneofdeath。
　　Justthentheywereapproachedbyapartyofmenwhohadalreadyorganizedthemselvesforthepurposesofrescue。
　　’Areyouhurt？’criedoneofthese，ayoungfellowwiththesweatstreamingdownhispallidface，andwho，bythewayhewastreated，wasevidentlythedoctor。
　　Morrisshookhishead，andtheyoungman，noddinggrimly，handedhimabottleofsomespirit。
　　’Takeadrinkofthat，’hesaid;’yourfriendlooksasifheneededitbadly。Wewanteverymanwecanget，’headded;
　　’there’sterribleworkbeforeus，andnobodyshouldshirk。Ifyoucandonomore，youcancarryastretcher。’
　　ThedoctorwashardlygonebeforeMorris，underthespurofthedram，awoketothefullpossessionofhiswits。
　　’MyGod！’hecried。’UncleJoseph！’
　　’Yes，’saidJohn，’wherecanhebe？Hecan’tbefaroff。Ihopetheoldpartyisn’tdamaged。’
　　’Comeandhelpmetolook，’saidMorris，withasnapofsavagedeterminationstrangelyforeigntohisordinarybearing;andthen，foronemoment，hebrokeforth。’Ifhe’sdead！’hecried，andshookhisfistatheaven。
　　Toandfrothebrothershurried，staringinthefacesofthewounded，orturningthedeadupontheirbacks。Theymusthavethusexaminedfortypeople，andstilltherewasnowordofUncleJoseph。Butnowthecourseoftheirsearchbroughtthemnearthecentreofthecollision，wheretheboilerswerestillblowingoffsteamwithadeafeningclamour。Itwasapartofthefieldnotyetgleanedbytherescuingparty。Theground，especiallyonthemarginofthewood，wasfullofinequalities——hereapit，thereahillocksurmountedwithabushoffurze。Itwasaplacewheremanybodiesmightlieconcealed，andtheybeatitlikepointersaftergame。SuddenlyMorris，whowasleading，pausedandreachedforthhisindexwithatragicgesture。Johnfollowedthedirectionofhisbrother’shand。
　　Inthebottomofasandyholelaysomethingthathadoncebeenhuman。Thefacehadsufferedseverely，anditwasunrecognizable;
　　butthatwasnotrequired。Thesnowyhair，thecoatofmarten，theventilatingcloth，thehygienicflannel——everythingdowntothehealthbootsfromMessrsDailandCrumbie’s，identifiedthebodyasthatofUncleJoseph。Onlytheforagecapmusthavebeenlostintheconvulsion，forthedeadmanwasbareheaded。
　　’Thepooroldbeggar！’saidJohn，withatouchofnaturalfeeling;’Iwouldgivetenpoundsifwehadn’tchivviedhiminthetrain！’
　　ButtherewasnosentimentinthefaceofMorrisashegazeduponthedead。Gnawinghisnails，withintrovertedeyes，hisbrowmarkedwiththestampoftragicindignationandtragicintellectualeffort，hestoodtheresilent。Herewasalastinjustice;hehadbeenrobbedwhilehewasanorphanatschool，hehadbeenlashedtoadecadentleatherbusiness，hehadbeensaddledwithMissHazeltine，hiscousinhadbeendefraudinghimofthetontine，andhehadborneallthis，wemightalmostsay，withdignity，andnowtheyhadgoneandkilledhisuncle！
　　’Here！’hesaidsuddenly，’takehisheels，wemustgethimintothewoods。I’mnotgoingtohaveanybodyfindthis。’
　　’O，fudge！’saidJohn，’where’stheuse？’
　　’DowhatItellyou，’spirtedMorris，ashetookthecorpsebytheshoulders。’AmItocarryhimmyself？’
　　Theywerecloseuponthebordersofthewood;intenortwelvepacestheywereundercover;andalittlefurtherback，inasandyclearingofthetrees，theylaidtheirburthendown，andstoodandlookedatitwithloathing。
　　’Whatdoyoumeantodo？’whisperedJohn。
　　’Buryhim，tobesure，’respondedMorris，andheopenedhispocket—knifeandbeganfeverishlytodig。
　　’You’llnevermakeahandofitwiththat，’objectedtheother。
　　’Ifyouwon’thelpme，youcowardlyshirk，’screamedMorris，’youcangotothedevil！’
　　’It’sthechildishestfolly，’saidJohn;’butnomanshallcallmeacoward，’andhebegantohelphisbrothergrudgingly。
　　Thesoilwassandyandlight，butmattedwiththerootsofthesurroundingfirs。Gorsetoretheirhands;andastheybaledthesandfromthegrave，itwasoftendiscolouredwiththeirblood。
　　AnhourpassedofunremittingenergyuponthepartofMorris，oflukewarmhelponthatofJohn;andstillthetrenchwasbarelynineinchesindepth。Intothisthebodywasrudelyflung：sandwaspileduponit，andthenmoresandmustbedug，andgorsehadtobecuttopileonthat;andstillfromoneendofthesordidmoundapairoffeetprojectedandcaughtthelightupontheirpatent—leathertoes。Butbythistimethenervesofbothwereshaken;evenMorrishadenoughofhisgrislytask;andtheyskulkedofflikeanimalsintothethickestoftheneighbouringcovert。
　　’It’sthebestthatwecando，’saidMorris，sittingdown。
　　’Andnow，’saidJohn，’perhapsyou’llhavethepolitenesstotellmewhatit’sallabout。’
　　’Uponmyword，’criedMorris，’ifyoudonotunderstandforyourself，Ialmostdespairoftellingyou。’
　　’O，ofcourseit’ssomerotaboutthetontine，’returnedtheother。’Butit’sthemerestnonsense。We’velostit，andthere’sanend。’
　　’Itellyou，’saidMorris，’UncleMastermanisdead。Iknowit，there’savoicethattellsmeso。’
　　’Well，andsoisUncleJoseph，’saidJohn。
　　’He’snotdead，unlessIchoose，’returnedMorris。
　　’Andcometothat，’criedJohn，’ifyou’reright，andUncleMasterman’sbeendeadeversolong，allwehavetodoistotellthetruthandexposeMichael。’
　　’YouseemtothinkMichaelisafool，’sneeredMorris。’Can’tyouunderstandhe’sbeenpreparingthisfraudforyears？Hehasthewholethingready：thenurse，thedoctor，theundertaker，allbought，thecertificateallreadybutthedate！Lethimgetwindofthisbusiness，andyoumarkmywords，UncleMastermanwilldieintwodaysandbeburiedinaweek。Butseehere，Johnny;whatMichaelcando，Icando。Ifheplaysagameofbluff，socanI。
　　Ifhisfatheristoliveforever，byGod，soshallmyuncle！’
　　’It’sillegal，ain’tit？’saidJohn。
　　’AmanmusthaveSOMEmoralcourage，’repliedMorriswithdignity。
　　’Andthensupposeyou’rewrong？SupposeUncleMasterman’saliveandkicking？’
　　’Well，eventhen，’respondedtheplotter，’wearenoworseoffthanwewerebefore;infact，we’rebetter。UncleMastermanmustdiesomeday;aslongasUncleJosephwasalive，hemighthavediedanyday;butwe’reoutofallthattroublenow：there’snosortoflimittothegamethatIpropose——itcanbekeptuptillKingdomCome。’
　　’IfIcouldonlyseehowyoumeanttosetaboutit’sighedJohn。
　　’Butyouknow，Morris，youalwaysweresuchabungler。’
　　’I’dliketoknowwhatIeverbungled，’criedMorris;’IhavethebestcollectionofsignetringsinLondon。’
　　’Well，youknow，there’stheleatherbusiness，’suggestedtheother。’That’sconsideredratherahash。’
　　Itwasamarkofsingularself—controlinMorristhathesufferedthistopassunchallenged，andevenunresented。
　　’Aboutthebusinessinhand，’saidhe，’oncewecangethimuptoBloomsbury，there’snosortoftrouble。Weburyhiminthecellar，whichseemsmadeforit;andthenallIhavetodoistostartoutandfindavenaldoctor。’
　　’Whycan’tweleavehimwhereheis？’askedJohn。
　　’Becauseweknownothingaboutthecountry，’retortedMorris。
　　’Thiswoodmaybearegularlovers’walk。Turnyourmindtotherealdifficulty。HowarewetogethimuptoBloomsbury？’
　　Variousschemesweremootedandrejected。TherailwaystationatBrowndeanwas，ofcourse，outofthequestion，foritwouldnowbeacentreofcuriosityandgossip，and（ofallthings）theywouldbeleastabletodispatchadeadbodywithoutremark。Johnfeeblyproposedgettinganale—caskandsendingitasbeer，buttheobjectionstothiscourseweresooverwhelmingthatMorrisscornedtoanswer。Thepurchaseofapacking—caseseemedequallyhopeless，forwhyshouldtwogentlemenwithoutbaggageofanykindrequireapacking—case？Theywouldbemorelikelytorequirecleanlinen。
　　’Weareworkingonwronglines，’criedMorrisatlast。’Thethingmustbegoneaboutmorecarefully。Supposenow，’headdedexcitedly，speakingbyfitsandstarts，asifhewerethinkingaloud，’supposewerentacottagebythemonth。Ahouseholdercanbuyapacking—casewithoutremark。Thensupposeweclearthepeopleouttoday，getthepacking—casetonight，andtomorrowI
　　hireacarriageoracartthatwecoulddriveourselves——andtakethebox，orwhateverweget，toRingwoodorLyndhurstorsomewhere;wecouldlabelit"specimens"，don’tyousee？Johnny，IbelieveI’vehitthenailatlast。’
　　’Well，itsoundsmorefeasible，’admittedJohn。
　　’Ofcoursewemusttakeassumednames，’continuedMorris。’Itwouldneverdotokeepourown。Whatdoyousayto"Masterman"
　　itself？Itsoundsquietanddignified。’
　　’IwillNOTtakethenameofMasterman，’returnedhisbrother;
　　’youmay，ifyoulike。IshallcallmyselfVance——theGreatVance;positivelythelastsixnights。There’ssomegoinanamelikethat。’
　　’Vance？’criedMorris。’Doyouthinkweareplayingapantomimeforouramusement？TherewasneveranybodynamedVancewhowasn’tamusic—hallsinger。’
　　’That’sthebeautyofit，’returnedJohn;’itgivesyousomestandingatonce。YoumaycallyourselfFortescuetillall’sblue，andnobodycares;buttobeVancegivesamananaturalnobility。’
　　’Butthere’slotsofothertheatricalnames，’criedMorris。
　　’Leybourne，Irving，Brough，Toole——’
　　’DevilaonewillItake！’returnedhisbrother。’Iamgoingtohavemylittlelarkoutofthisaswellasyou。’
　　’Verywell，’saidMorris，whoperceivedthatJohnwasdeterminedtocarryhispoint，’IshallbeRobertVance。’
　　’AndIshallbeGeorgeVance，’criedJohn，’theonlyoriginalGeorgeVance！Rallyroundtheonlyoriginal！’
　　Repairingaswellastheywereablethedisorderoftheirclothes，theFinsburybrothersreturnedtoBrowndeanbyacircuitousrouteinquestofluncheonandasuitablecottage。Itisnotalwayseasytodropatamoment’snoticeonafurnishedresidenceinaretiredlocality;butfortunepresentlyintroducedouradventurerstoadeafcarpenter，amanrichincottagesoftherequireddescription，andunaffectedlyeagertosupplytheirwants。Thesecondplacetheyvisited，standing，asitdid，aboutamileandahalffromanyneighbours，causedthemtoexchangeaglanceofhope。Onanearerview，theplacewasnotwithoutdepressingfeatures。Itstoodinamarshy—lookinghollowofaheath;talltreesobscureditswindows;thethatchvisiblyrottedontherafters;andthewallswerestainedwithsplashesofunwholesomegreen。Theroomsweresmall，theceilingslow，thefurnituremerelynominal;astrangechillandahauntingsmellofdamppervadedthekitchen;andthebedroomboastedonlyofonebed。
　　Morris，withaviewtocheapeningtheplace，remarkedonthisdefect。
　　’Well，’returnedtheman;’ifyoucan’tsleeptwoabed，you’dbettertakeavillaresidence。’
　　’Andthen，’pursuedMorris，’there’snowater。Howdoyougetyourwater？’
　　’WefillTHATfromthespring，’repliedthecarpenter，pointingtoabigbarrelthatstoodbesidethedoor。’Thespringain’tsoVERYfaroff，afterall，andit’seasybroughtinbuckets。
　　There’sabucketthere。’
　　Morrisnudgedhisbrotherastheyexaminedthewater—butt。Itwasnew，andverysolidlyconstructedforitsoffice。Ifanythinghadbeenwantingtodecidethem，thiseminentlypracticalbarrelwouldhaveturnedthescale。Abargainwaspromptlystruck，themonth’srentwaspaiduponthenail，andaboutanhourlatertheFinsburybrothersmighthavebeenobservedreturningtotheblightedcottage，havingalongwiththemthekey，whichwasthesymboloftheirtenancy，aspirit—lamp，withwhichtheyfondlytoldthemselvestheywouldbeabletocook，aporkpieofsuitabledimensions，andaquartoftheworstwhiskyinHampshire。Norwasthisalltheyhadeffected;already（underthepleathattheywerelandscape—painters）theyhadhiredfordawnonthemorrowalightbutsolidtwo—wheeledcart;sothatwhentheyenteredintheirnewcharacter，theywereabletotellthemselvesthatthebackofthebusinesswasalreadybroken。
　　Johnproceededtogettea;whileMorris，foragingaboutthehouse，waspresentlydelightedbydiscoveringthelidofthewater—buttuponthekitchenshelf。Here，then，wasthepacking—casecomplete;intheabsenceofstraw，theblankets（whichhehimself，atleast，hadnotthesmallestintentionofusingfortheirpresentpurpose）wouldexactlytaketheplaceofpacking;andMorris，asthedifficultiesbegantovanishfromhispath，rosealmosttothebrinkofexultation。Therewas，however，onedifficultynotyetfaced，oneuponwhichhiswholeschemedepended。WouldJohnconsenttoremainaloneinthecottage？Hehadnotyetdaredtoputthequestion。
　　Itwaswithhighgood—humourthatthepairsatdowntothedealtable，andproceededtofall—toontheporkpie。Morrisretailedthediscoveryofthelid，andtheGreatVancewaspleasedtoapplaudbybeatingonthetablewithhisforkintruemusic—hallstyle。
　　’That’sthedodge，’hecried。’Ialwayssaidawater—buttwaswhatyouwantedforthisbusiness。’
　　’Ofcourse，’saidMorris，thinkingthisafavourableopportunitytopreparehisbrother，’ofcourseyoumuststayoninthisplacetillIgivetheword;I’llgiveoutthatuncleisrestingintheNewForest。ItwouldnotdoforbothofustoappearinLondon;
　　wecouldneverconcealtheabsenceoftheoldman。’
　　John’sjawdropped。
　　’O，come！’hecried。’Youcanstayinthisholeyourself。I
　　won’t。’
　　ThecolourcameintoMorris’scheeks。Hesawthathemustwinhisbrotheratanycost。
　　’Youmustpleaseremember，Johnny，’hesaid，’theamountofthetontine。IfIsucceed，weshallhaveeachfiftythousandtoplacetoourbankaccount;ay，andnearersixty。’
　　’Butifyoufail，’returnedJohn，’whatthen？What’llbethecolourofourbankaccountinthatcase？’
　　’Iwillpayallexpenses，’saidMorris，withaninwardstruggle;
　　’youshalllosenothing。’
　　’Well，’saidJohn，withalaugh，’iftheex—sareyours，andhalf—profitsmine，Idon’tmindremaininghereforacoupleofdays。’
　　’Acoupleofdays！’criedMorris，whowasbeginningtogetangryandcontrolledhimselfwithdifficulty;’why，youwoulddomoretowinfivepoundsonahorse—race！’
　　’PerhapsIwould，’returnedtheGreatVance;’it’stheartistictemperament。’
　　’Thisismonstrous！’burstoutMorris。’Itakeallrisks;Ipayallexpenses;Idivideprofits;andyouwon’ttaketheslightestpainstohelpme。It’snotdecent;it’snothonest;it’snotevenkind。’
　　’Butsuppose，’objectedJohn，whowasconsiderablyimpressedbyhisbrother’svehemence，’supposethatUncleMastermanisaliveafterall，andlivestenyearslonger;mustIrothereallthattime？’
　　’Ofcoursenot，’respondedMorris，inamoreconciliatorytone;
　　’Ionlyaskamonthattheoutside;andifUncleMastermanisnotdeadbythattimeyoucangoabroad。’
　　’Goabroad？’repeatedJohneagerly。’Whyshouldn’tIgoatonce？
　　Tell’emthatJosephandIareseeinglifeinParis。’
　　’Nonsense，’saidMorris。
　　’Well，butlookhere，’saidJohn;’it’sthishouse，it’ssuchapig—sty，it’ssodrearyanddamp。Yousaidyourselfthatitwasdamp。’
　　’Onlytothecarpenter，’Morrisdistinguished，’andthatwastoreducetherent。Butreally，youknow，nowwe’reinit，I’veseenworse。’
　　’AndwhatamItodo？’complainedthevictim。’HowcanI
　　entertainafriend？’
　　’MydearJohnny，ifyoudon’tthinkthetontineworthalittletrouble，sayso，andI’llgivethebusinessup。’
　　’You’redeadcertainofthefigures，Isuppose？’askedJohn。
　　’Well’——withadeepsigh——’sendmethePinkUnandallthecomicpapersregularly。I’llfacethemusic。’
　　Asafternoondrewon，thecottagebreathedmorethrillinglyofitsnativemarsh;acreepingchillinhabiteditschambers;thefiresmoked，andashowerofrain，comingupfromthechannelonaslantofwind，tingledonthewindow—panes。Atintervals，whenthegloomdeepenedtowarddespair，Morriswouldproducethewhisky—bottle，andatfirstJohnwelcomedthediversion——notforlong。IthasbeensaidthisspiritwastheworstinHampshire;
　　onlythoseacquaintedwiththecountycanappreciatetheforceofthatsuperlative;andatlengtheventheGreatVance（whowasnoconnoisseur）wavedthedecoctionfromhislips。Theapproachofdusk，feeblycombatedwithasingletallowcandle，addedatouchoftragedy;andJohnsuddenlystoppedwhistlingthroughhisfingers——anarttothepracticeofwhichhehadbeenreduced——andbitterlylamentedhisconcessions。