InthisdilemmaIhadrecoursetotheadviceofmynoblefriendHilaroFrosticos。InhisgoodsenseInowexpectedsomeresource，fortherestofthecouncil，whohadadvisedmetotheformermethod，hadgivenbutapoorspecimenoftheirabilitiesanddiscernment，orI
　　shouldhavesucceededmorehappily。Inshort，headdressedhimselftomeandtothecouncilasfollows：——
　　"Itisinvain，mostnobleMunchausen，thatyourExcellencyendeavourstocompelorforcethesepeopletoalifetowhichtheyhaveneverbeenaccustomed。Invaindoyoutellthemthatapple—pies，pudding，roastbeef，mincedpies，ortarts，aredelicious，thatsugarissweet，thatwineisexquisite。Alas！theycannot，theywillnotcomprehendwhatdeliciousnessis，whatsweetness，orwhattheflavourofthegrape。Andeveniftheywereconvincedofthesuperiorexcellenceofyourwayoflife，never，neverwouldtheybepersuaded;andthatiffornootherreason，butbecauseforceorpersuasionisemployedtoinducethemtoit。Abandonthatideaforthepresent，andletustryanothermethod。Myopinion，therefore，is，thatweshouldatonceceaseallendeavourstocompelorpersuadethem。Butletus，ifpossible，procureaquantityof/fudge/fromEngland，andcarelesslyscatteritoverallthecountry;andfromthisdisposalofmattersI
　　presume——nay，Ihaveamoralcertainty，thatweshallreclaimthispeoplefromhorrorandbarbarity。"
　　Hadthisbeenproposedatanyothertime，itwouldhavebeenviolentlyopposedinthecouncil;butnow，wheneveryotherattempthadfailed，whenthereseemednootherresource，themajoritywillinglysubmittedtotheyknewnotwhat，fortheyabsolutelyhadnoideaofthemanner，thepossibilitiesofsuccess，orhowtheycouldbringmatterstobear。
　　However，’twasascheme，andassuchtheysubmitted。Formypart，I
　　listenedwithecstasytothewordsofHilaroFrosticos，forIknewthathehadamostsingularknowledgeofhumankind，andcouldhumourandpersuadethemontotheirownhappinessanduniversalgood。
　　Therefore，accordingtotheadviceofHilaro，IdespatchedaballoonwithfourmenoverthedeserttotheCapeofGoodHope，withletterstobeforwardedtoEngland，requiring，withoutdelay，afewcargoesoffudge。
　　Thepeoplehadallthistimeremainedinageneralstateoffermentandmurmur。Everythingthatrancour，lowwit，anddeplorableignorancecouldconceivetoaspersemygovernment，wasputinexecution。Themostworthy，eventhemostbeneficentactions，everythingthatwasamiable，werepervertedintoopposition。
　　TheheartofMunchausenwasnotmadeofsuchimpenetrablestuffastobeinsensibletothehatredofeventhemostworthlesswretchinthewholekingdom;andonce，atageneralassemblyofthestates，filledwithanideaofsuchcontinuedingratitude，Ispokeaspatheticaspossible，not，methought，beneathmydignity，tomakethemfeelforme：thattheuniversalgoodandhappinessofthepeoplewereallI
　　wishedordesired;thatifmyactionshadbeenmistaken，orimpropersurmisesformed，stillIhadnowish，nodesire，butthepublicwelfare，&c。&c。&c。
　　HilaroFrosticoswasallthistimemuchdisturbed;helookedsternlyatme——hefrowned，butIwassoengrossedwiththewarmthofmyheart，myintentions，thatIunderstoodhimnot：inaminuteIsawnothingbutasifthroughacloud（suchistheforceofamiablesensibility）——
　　lords，ladies，chiefs——thewholeassemblyseemedtoswimbeforemysight。ThemoreIthoughtonmygoodintentions，thelampoonswhichsomuchaffectedmydelicacy，goodnature，tenderness——Iforgotmyself——I
　　spokerapid，violent——beneficence——fire——tenderness——alas！Imeltedintotears！
　　"Pish！pish！"saidHilaroFrosticos。
　　Now，indeed，wasmygovernmentlampooned，satirised，carribonadoed，bepickled，andbedevilled。Oneday，withmyarmfulloflampoons，I
　　startedupasHilaroenteredtheroom，thetearsinmyeyes："Look，lookhere，Hilaro！——howcanIbearallthis？Itisimpossibletopleasethem;Iwillleavethegovernment——Icannotbearit！Seewhatpitifulanecdotes——whatsurmises：Iwillmakemypeoplefeelforme——I
　　willleavethegovernment！"
　　"Pshaw！"saysHilaro。Atthatsimplemono—syllableIfoundmyselfchangedasifbymagic！forIeverlookedonHilaroasapersonsoexperienced——suchfortitude，suchgoodsense。"Therearethreesails，undertheconvoyofafrigate，"addedHilaro，"justarrivedattheCape，afterafortunatepassage，ladenwiththefudgethatwedemanded。Notimeistobelost;letitbeimmediatelyconductedhither，anddistributedthroughtheprincipalgranariesoftheempire。"
　　CHAPTERXXVII
　　/AproclamationbytheBaron——Excessivecuriosityofthepeopletoknowwhatfudgewas——Thepeopleinageneralfermentaboutit——
　　Theybreakopenallthegranariesintheempire——Theaffectionsofthepeopleconciliated——AnodeperformedinhonouroftheBaron——
　　HisdiscoursewithFragrantiaontheexcellenceofthemusic。/
　　SometimeafterIorderedthefollowingproclamationtobepublishedintheCourtGazette，andinalltheotherpapersoftheempire：——
　　BYTHEMOSTMIGHTYANDPUISSANTLORD，HISEXCELLENCYTHE
　　LORDBARONMUNCHAUSEN。
　　Whereasaquantityoffudgehasbeendistributedthroughallthegranariesoftheempireforparticularuses;andasthenativeshaveeverexpressedtheiraversiontoallmannerofEuropeaneatables，itisherebystrictlyforbidden，underpainoftheseverestpenalties，foranyoftheofficerschargedwiththekeepingofthesaidfudgetogive，sell，orsuffertobesold，anypartorquantitywhateverofthesaidmaterial，untilitbeagreeableuntoourgoodwillandpleasure。
　　DatedinourCastleofGristariskathisTriskillofthemonthofGriskish，intheyearMoulikasra—
　　navas—kashna—vildash。
　　Thisproclamationexcitedthemostardentcuriosityallovertheempire。"Doyouknowwhatthisfudgeis？"saidLadyMooshilgaroustitoLordDarnarlaganl。"Fudge！"saidhe，"Fudge！no：whatfudge？""I
　　mean，"repliedherLadyship，"theenormousquantityoffudgethathasbeendistributedunderguardsinallthestrongplacesintheempire，andwhichisstrictlyforbiddentobesoldorgiventoanyofthenativesundertheseverestpenalties。""Lord！"repliedhe，"whatinthenameofwondercanitbe？Forbidden！whyitmust，butpraydoyou，LadyFashashash，doyouknowwhatthisfudgeis？Doyou，LordTrastillauex？oryou，MissGristilarkask？What！nobodyknowwhatthisfudgecanbe？"
　　Itengrossedforseveraldaysthechit—chatofthewholeempire。
　　Fudge，fudge，fudge，resoundedinallcompaniesandinallplaces，fromtherisinguntilthesettingofthesun;andevenatnight，whengentlesleeprefreshedtherestofmortals，theladiesofallthatcountryweredreamingoffudge！
　　"Uponmyhonour，"saidKitty，asshewasadjustinghermodestypiecebeforetheglass，justaftergettingoutofbed，"thereisscarceanythingIwouldnotgivetoknowwhatthisfudgecanbe。""La！mydear，"repliedMissKillnariska，"Ihavebeendreamingthewholenightofnothingbutfudge;Ithoughtmyloverkissedmyhand，andpressedittohisbosom，whileI，frowning，endeavouredtowrestitfromhim：
　　thathekneeledatmyfeet。No，never，neverwillIlookatyou，criedI，tillyoutellmewhatthisfudgecanbe，orgetmesomeofit。
　　Begone！criedI，withallthedignityofoffendedbeauty，majesty，andatragicqueen。Begone！neverseememore，orbringmethisdeliciousfudge。Heswore，onthehonourofaknight，thathewouldwandero’ertheworld，encountereverydanger，perishintheattempt，orsatisfytheangelofhissoul。"
　　Thechiefsandnobilityofthenation，whentheymettogethertodrinktheirkava，spokeofnothingbutfudge。Men，women，andchildrenall，alltalkedofnothingbutfudge。’Twasafuryofcuriosity，onegeneralferment，anduniversalfever——nothingbutfudgecouldallayit。
　　Butinonerespecttheyallagreed，thatgovernmentmusthavehadsomeinterestedview，ingivingsuchpositiveorderstopreserveit，andkeepitfromthenativesofthecountry。Petitionswereaddressedtomefromallquarters，fromeverycorporationandbodyofmeninthewholeempire。Themajorityofthepeopleinstructedtheirconstituents，andtheparliamentpresentedapetition，prayingthatI
　　wouldbepleasedtotakethestateofthenationunderconsideration，andgiveorderstosatisfythepeople，orthemostdreadfulconsequencesweretobeapprehended。Totheserequests，attheentreatyofmycouncil，Imadenoreply，oratbestbutunsatisfactoryanswers。Curiositywasontherack;theyforgottolampoonthegovernment，soengagedweretheyaboutthefudge。Thegreatassemblyofthestatescouldthinkofnothingelse。Insteadofenactinglawsfortheregulationofthepeople，insteadofconsultingwhatshouldseemmostwise，mostexcellent，theycouldthink，talk，andharangueofnothingbutfudge。InvaindidtheSpeakercalltoorder;themorecheckstheygotthemoreextravagantandinquisitivetheywere。
　　Inshort，thepopulaceinmanyplacesroseinthemostoutrageousandtumultuousmanner，forcedopenthegranariesinallplacesinoneday，andtriumphantlydistributedthefudgethroughthewholeempire。
　　Whetheronaccountofthelonging，thegreatcuriosity，imagination，orthedispositionofthepeople，Icannotsay——buttheyfounditinfinitelytotheirtaste;’twasintoxicationofjoy，satisfaction，andapplause。
　　Findinghowmuchtheylikedthisfudge，IprocuredanotherquantityfromEngland，muchgreaterthantheformer，andcautiouslybestoweditoverallthekingdom。Thusweretheaffectionsofthepeopleregained;
　　andthey，fromhence，begantovenerate，applaud，andadmiremygovernmentmorethanever。Thefollowingodewasperformedatthecastle，inthemostsuperbstyle，anduniversallyadmired：——
　　ODE。
　　Yebullsandcrickets，andGog，Magog，Andtrump’tshighchiminganthrophog，Comesingblithechoralallin/og/，Caralog，basilog，fog，andbog！
　　Greatandsuperbappearsthycapsublime，Admiredandworshipp’dastherisingsun;
　　Solemn，majestic，wise，likehoaryTime，Andfam’dalikeforvirtue，sense，andfun。
　　Thenswellthenoblestrainwithsong，Andelegancedivine，Whilegoddessesaroundshallthrong，Andallthemusesnine。
　　Andbulls，andcrickets，andGog，Magog，Andtrumpetschiminganthrophog，Shallsingblithechoralallin/og/，Caralog，basilog，fog，andbog！
　　Thispieceofpoetrywasmuchapplauded，admired，and/encored/ineverypublicassembly，celebratedasanastonishingeffortofgenius;
　　andthemusic，composedbyMinheerGastrashbarkGkrghhbarwskhk，wasthoughtequaltothesense！——Neverwasthereanythingsouniversallyadmired，thesummitofthemostexquisitewit，thekeenestpraise，themostexcellentmusic。
　　"Uponmyhonour，andthefaithIowemylove，"saidI，"musicmaybetalkedofinEngland，buttopossesstheverysoulofharmonytheworldshouldcometotheperformanceofthisode。"LadyFragrantiawasatthatmomentdrummingwithherfingersontheedgeofherfan，lostinareverie，thinkingshewasplayingupon————Wasitafortepiano？
　　"No，mydearFragrantia，"saidI，tenderlytakingherinmyarmswhileshemeltedintotears;"never，never，willIplayuponanyother————！"
　　Oh！’twasdivine，toseeherlikeasummer’smorning，allblushingandfullofdew！
　　CHAPTERXXVIII
　　/TheBaronsetsallthepeopleoftheempiretoworktobuildabridgefromtheircountrytoGreatBritain——Hiscontrivancetorenderthearchsecure——Ordersaninscriptiontobeengravedonthebridge——Returnswithallhiscompany，chariot，etc。，toEngland——Surveysthekingdomsandnationsunderhimfromthemiddleofthebridge。/
　　"Andnow，mostnobleBaron，"saidtheillustriousHilaroFrosticos，"nowisthetimetomakethispeopleproceedinanybusinessthatwefindconvenient。Takethematthispresentfermentofthemind，letthemnotthink，butatoncesetthemtowork。"Inshort，thewholenationwentheartilytothebusiness，tobuildanedificesuchaswasneverseeninanyothercountry。Itookcaretosupplythemwiththeirfavouritekavaandfudge，andtheyworkedlikehorses。ThetowerofBabylon，which，accordingtoHermogastricus，wassevenmileshigh，ortheChinesewall，wasameretrifle，incomparisontothisstupendousedifice，whichwascompletedinaveryshortspaceoftime。
　　Itwasofanimmenseheight，farbeyondanythingthateverhadbeenbeforeerected，andofsuchgentleascent，thataregimentofcavalrywithatrainofcannoncouldascendwithperfecteaseandfacility。Itseemedlikearainbowintheheavens，thebaseofwhichappearedtoriseinthecentreofAfrica，andtheotherextremityseemedtostoopintogreatBritain。Amostnoblebridgeindeed，andapieceofmasonrythathasoutdoneSirChristopherWren。Wonderfulmustithavebeentoformsotremendousanarch，especiallyastheartistshadcertaindifficultiestolabouragainstwhichtheycouldnothaveintheformationofanyotherarchintheworld——Imean，theattractionofthemoonandplanets：Becausethearchwasofsogreataheight，andinsomepartssoelongatedfromtheearth，asinagreatmeasuretodiminishinitsgravitationtothecentreofourglobe;orrather，seemedmoreeasilyoperateduponbytheattractionoftheplanets：Sothatthestonesofthearch，onewouldthink，atcertaintimes，werereadytofall/up/tothemoon，andatothertimestofalldowntotheearth。Butastheformerwasmoretobedreaded，Isecuredstabilitytothefabricbyaverycuriouscontrivance：Iorderedthearchitectstogettheheadsofsomehundrednumbskullsandblockheads，andfixthemtotheinteriorsurfaceofthearch，atcertainintervals，allthewholelength，bywhichmeansthearchwasheldtogetherfirm，anditsinclinationtotheeartheternallyestablished;becauseofallthethingsintheworld，theskullsofthesekindofanimalshaveastrangefacilityoftendingtothecentreoftheearth。
　　Thebuildingbeingcompleted，Icausedaninscriptiontobeengravedinthemostmagnificentstyleuponthesummitofthearch，inletterssogreatandluminous，thatallvesselssailingtotheEastorWestIndiesmightreadthemdistinctintheheavens，likethemottoofConstantine。
　　KARDOLBAGARLANKAITONFARINGOSARGAIRA
　　MOPASHROLVATINEACCALCOLNITOSRONAFILNAT
　　AGASTRASADINGANNALFANO。
　　Thatistosay，"Aslongasthisarchandbondofunionshallexist，solongshallthepeoplebehappy。Norcanallthepoweroftheworldaffectthem，unlessthemoon，advancingfromherusualsphere，shouldsomuchattracttheskullsastocauseasuddenelevation，onwhichthewholewillfallintothemosthorribleconfusion。"
　　AneasyintercoursebeingthusestablishedbetweenGreatBritainandthecentreofAfrica，numberstravelledcontinuallytoandfrombothcountries，andatmyrequestmailcoacheswereorderedtorunonthebridgebetweenbothempires。Aftersometime，havingsettledthegovernmenttomysatisfaction，Irequestedpermissiontoresign，asagreatcabalhadbeenexcitedagainstmeinEngland;Ithereforereceivedmylettersofrecall，andpreparedtoreturntoOldEngland。
　　Infine，Isetoutuponmyjourney，coveredwithapplauseandgeneraladmiration。IproceededwiththesameretinuethatIhadbefore——
　　Sphinx，GogandMagog，&c。，andadvancedalongthebridge，linedoneachsidewithrowsoftrees，adornedwithfestoonsofvariousflowers，andilluminatedwithcolouredlights。Weadvancedatagreatratealongthebridge，whichwassoveryextensivethatwecouldscarcelyperceivetheascent，butproceededinsensiblyuntilwearrivedonthecentreofthearch。Theviewfromthencewasgloriousbeyondconception;’twasdivinetolookdownonthekingdomsandseasandislandsunderus。Africaseemedingeneralofatawnybrownishcolour，burnedupbythesun：Spainseemedmoreincliningtoayellow，onaccountofsomefieldsofcornscatteredoverthekingdom;Franceappearedmoreincliningtoabrightstraw—colour，intermixedwithgreen;andEnglandappearedcoveredwiththemostbeautifulverdure。I
　　admiredtheappearanceoftheBalticSea，whichevidentlyseemedtohavebeenintroducedbetweenthosecountriesbythesuddensplittingoftheland，andthatoriginallySwedenwasunitedtothewesterncoastofDenmark;inshort，thewholeintersticeoftheGulfofFinlandhadnobeing，untilthesecountries，bymutualconsent，separatedfromoneanother。SuchweremyphilosophicalmeditationsasIadvanced，whenIobservedamaninarmourwithatremendousspearorlance，andmounteduponasteed，advancingagainstme。IsoondiscoveredbyatelescopethatitcouldbenootherthanDonQuixote，andpromisedmyselfmuchamusementintherencounter。
　　CHAPTERXXIX
　　/TheBaron’sretinueisopposedinaheroicstylebyDonQuixote，whoinhisturnisattackedbyGogandMagog——LordWhittington，withtheLordMayor’sshow，comestotheassistanceofDonQuixote——GogandMagogassailhisLordship——LordWhittingtonmakesaspeech，anddeludesGogandMagogtohisparty——Ageneralsceneofuproarandbattleamongthecompany，untiltheBaron，withgreatpresenceofmind，appeasesthetumult。/
　　"Whatartthou？"exclaimedDonQuixoteonhispotentsteed。"Whoartthou？Speak！or，bytheeternalvengeanceofminearm，thywholemachineryshallperishatsoundofthismytrumpet！"
　　Astonishedatsorudeasalutation，thegreatSphinxstoppedshort，andbridlingupherself，drewinherhead，likeasnailwhenittouchessomethingthatitdoesnotlike：thebullssetupahorridbellowing，thecricketssoundedanalarm，andGogandMagogadvancedbeforetherest。Oneofthesepowerfulbrothershadinhishandagreatpole，totheextremityofwhichwasfastenedacordofabouttwofeetinlength，andtotheendofthecordwasfastenedaballofiron，withspikesshootingfromitliketheraysofastar;withthisweaponhepreparedtoencounter，andadvancingthushespoke：——
　　"Audaciouswight！thatthus，incompletesteelarrayed，dothdaretoventurecrossmyway，tostopthegreatMunchausen。Knowthen，proudknight，thatthoushaltinstantperish’neathmypotentarm。"
　　WhenQuixote，Mancha’sknight，respondedfirm：——
　　"Giganticmonster！leaderofwitches，crickets，andchimerasdire！
　　knowthou，thatherebeforeyonazureheaventhecauseoftruth，ofvalour，andoffaithrightpureshallordealcountertryit！"
　　Thushespoke，andbrandishinghismightyspear，wouldinstantprodigiessublimeperform，hadnotsomewightplaced’neaththetailofdarkRosinantefurzeallthornybase;atwhich，quadrupedanting，plungedthesteed，andinstantontheearththeknightroared/credo/
　　forhislife。
　　AtthatsamemomenttenthousandfrogsstartedfromthemorionsofGogandMagog，andfuriouslyassailedtheknightoneveryside。Invainheroared，andinvokedfairDulcineadelToboso：forfrogs’wildcroakingseemedmoreloud，moresonorousthanallhisinvocations。Andthusinbattleviletheknightwasovercome，andspawnallswarmeduponhisglitteringhelmet。
　　"Detestedmiscreants！"roaredtheknight;"avaunt！Enchantersdireandgoblinscouldalonethisarduoustaskperform;torouttheknightofMancha，fouldefeat，andwar，evensuchasne’erwasknownbefore。
　　Thenhear，OdelToboso！hearmyvows，thatthusinanguishofmysoulIurge，midstfrogs，Gridalbin，Hecaton，Kai，Talon，andtheRove！
　　[forsuchthenamesanddefinitionsoftheirqualities，theirseparatepowers。]ForMerlinplumedtheirairyflight，andtheninwaterymoonbeamdyedhisrodeccentric。Atthetouchtenthousandfrogs，strangemetamorphosed，croakedeventhus：Andheretheycome，onhighbehest，tovilifytheknightthaterstdefendedfamedvirginity，andmatronsallbewronged，andpilgrimshoar，andcourteousguiseofall！
　　Buttheageofchivalryisgone，andthegloryofEuropeisextinguishedforever？"
　　Hespake，andsuddengoodLordWhittington，atheadofallhisraree—
　　show，cameforth，armourantiqueofchivalry，andhelmetsold，andtroops，allstreamers，flagsandbannersglitteringgay，red，gold，andpurple;andineveryhandasquareofgingerbread，allgildednice，wasbrandishedawful。Ataword，tenthousandthousandNaplesbiscuits，crackers，buns，andflannel—cakes，andhatsofgingerbreadencounteredinmidairingloriousexaltation，likesomehugestormofmill—stones，orwhenitrainswholecloudsofdogsandcats。
　　Thefrogs，astonished，thunderstruck，forgottheirnotesandmusic，thatbeforehadseemedsoterrible，anddrownedthecriesofknightrenown，andmuteinwonderheardthewordsofWhittington，pronouncingsolemn：——"Goblins，chimerasdire，orfrogs，orwhatsoe’erenchantmentthuspresentsinantiqueshape，attendandhearthewordsofpeace;
　　andthou，goodherald，readaloudtheRiotAct！"
　　Heceased，anddismalwasthetonethatsoftlybreathedfromallthefrogsinchorus，whoquickhadpetrifiedwithfright，unlessredoubtedGogandMagog，bothwithpoles，hightoppedwithairybladdersbyastringdependent，hadnotstormedagainsthislordship。Everandanonthebladders，loudresoundingonhischaps，proclaimedtheirfuryagainstallpotentlaw，coercivemayoralty;whenhe，submissive，thusincunningguileaddressedtheknightsassailant：——"Gog，Magog，renownedandfamous！what，mysons，shallyouassailyourfather，friend，andchiefconfessed？Shallyou，thusarmedwithbladdersvile，attackmytitle，eminence，andpompsublime？Subside，vilediscord，andagainreturntoyourtrue’legiance。Think，myfriends，howoftyourgorgeouspouchI’vecrammed，allcalapash，greenfat，andcalapee。Rememberhowyou’vefeasted，stoodinertforages，untilsizeimmenseyou’vegained。Andthink，howdifferentistheserviceofMunchausen，whereyouo’erseas，cold，briny，floatalongthetide，eternaltoilingliketoslavesofAlgiersandTripoli。Andev’nonhigh，balloonlike，throughtheheavenshavejourneyedlate，uponarainboworsomeawfulbridgestretchedeminent，asifonearthhehadnotworksufficienttodistressyourpotentservitudes，butheshouldalsoseekinheavendirecauseoflabour！Recollect，myfriends，evenwhyorwhereforeshouldyouthusassailyourlawfulmagistrate，orwhydeserthislivery？orforwhatorwhereforeservethisGermanLordMunchausen，whoforallyourlabourshallalonebestowsomefudgeandheroicblowsinwar？Thencease，andthusinamityreturntofriendshipaldermanic，bungy，brown，andsober。"
　　Ceasedhethen，rightworshipful，whenboththewarringchampionsinstantstemmedtheirbattle，andinsignofpeaceandunityreturning，’neaththeirfeetreclinedtheirweapons。Suddenatasignaleitherstampedhisfootsinistrine，andtheloudreportofburstenbladderstunnedeachearsurrounding，liketheroarofthunderfromonhighconvulsingheavenandearth。
　　’TwasnowuponthesaddleonceagaintheknightofMancharose，andinhishandfarbalancinghislance，fulltiltagainstthetroopsofbullsopposingrun。Andthou，shrillCrillitrilkril，thanwhomnocrickete’eronhobofruralcottage，orchimneyblack，moregladsometurnedhismerrynote，e’enthoudidstperish，shriekinggavetheghostinemptyair，thesportofeverywind;fore’enthatheartsojocundandsogaywaspierced，harshspittedbythelanceofMancha，whileundauntedthoudidstsitbetweenthehornsthatcrownedMowmowsky。AndnowWhittingtonadvanced，’midstarmourantiqueandthepowersMagogandGog，andwithhisrodenchantingtouchedtheheadofeveryfrog，longmuteandthunderstruck，atwhich，inuniversalchorusandsalute，theysungblithejocund，andamainadvancedrebellious’gainstmytroop。
　　WhileSphinx，thoughgreat，gigantic，seemedinstinctivebaseandcowardly，andatthesightofstorminggingerbread，andpowers，MagogandGog，andQuixote，allagainsther，startedfierce，o’erturningboat，balloons，andall;loudroaredthebulls，hideous，andthecrashofwheels，andchaosofconfusiondrear，resoundedfarfromearthtoheaven。AndstillmorefierceinchargethegreatLordWhittington，frompokeoferminehisfamedGrimalkintook。Shescreamed，andharshattackedmybullsconfounded;lightning—likeshedarted，andfromhalfthetrooptheireyesdevouringtore。Norcouldtheriders，cricketsthronedsublime，escapefromrage，fromfurylessaversethancannonsmurdero’erthestormysea。ThegreatMowmowskyroaredamainandplungedinanguish，shunningeverydartoffire—eyedfierceGrimalkin。
　　Diretherageofwarfareandcontendingcrickets，QuixoteandgreatMagog;whenWhittingtonadvancing——"Good，myfriendsandwarriors，headlongonthefoebeardownimpetuous。"Hespoke，andwavinghighthemightyrod，tippedwonderfuleachbull，atwhichmorefiercethecreaturesbellowed，whileenchantmentdreardevouredtheirvitals。Andallhadgonetowreckinmorethanmortalstrife，unless，likeNeptuneorientfromthestormydeep，Irose，e’entoweringo’ertheruinsofmyfightingtroops。SereneandcalmIstood，andgazedaroundundaunted;nordidaughtopposeagainstmyfoesimpetuous。Butsuddenfromchariotpursesplentifuloffudgepouredforth，andscattereditamaino’erallthecrowdcontending。AswhenoldCatherineorthecarefulJoandothscattertothechickensbitsofbreadandcrumbsfragmented，whilerejoicedtheygobblefasttheprofferedscrapsingeneralplentyandfraternalpeace，and"hush，"shecries，"hush！
　　hush！"
　　CHAPTERXXX
　　/TheBaronarrivesinEngland——theColossusofRhodescomestocongratulatehim——GreatrejoicingsontheBaron’sreturn，andatremendousconcert——TheBaron’sdiscoursewithFragrantia，andheropinionoftheTourtotheHebrides。/
　　HavingarrivedinEnglandoncemore，thegreatestrejoicingsweremadeformyreturn;thewholecityseemedonegeneralblazeofillumination，andtheColossusofRhodes，hearingofmyastonishingfeats，cameonpurposetoEnglandtocongratulatemeonsuchunparalleledachievements。Butaboveallotherrejoicingsonmyreturn，themusicaloratorioandsongoftriumphweremagnificentintheextreme。GogandMagogwereorderedtotakethemaidentowerofWindsor，andmakeatambourineorgreatdrumofit。Forthispurposetheyextendedanelephant’shide，tannedandpreparedforthedesign，acrossthesummitofthetower，fromparapettoparapet，sothatinproportionthisextendedelephant’shidewastothewholeofthecastlewhattheparchmentistoadrum，insuchamannerthatthewholebecameonegreatinstrumentofwar。
　　Tocorrespondwiththis，ColossustookGuildhallandWestminsterAbbey，andturningthefoundationstowardstheheavens，sothattheroofsoftheedificeswereupontheground，hestrungthemacrosswithbrassandsteelwirefromsidetoside，andthus，whenstrung，theyhadtheappearanceofmostnobledulcimers。HethentookthegreatdomeofSt。Paul’s，raisingitofftheearthwithasmuchfacilityasyouwouldadecanterofclaret。Andwhenoncerisenupithadtheappearanceofaquartbottle。Colossusinstantly，withhisteeth，crackedoffthesuperiorpartofthecupola，andthenapplyinghislipstotheinstrument，begantosounditlikeatrumpet。’Twasmartialbeyonddescription——/tantara！/——/tara！/——/ta！/
　　DuringtheconcertIwalkedintheparkwithLadyFragrantia：shewasdressedthatmorningina/chemiseàlareine/。"Ilike，"saidshe，"thedewofthemorning，’tisdelicateandethereal，and，bythusbespanglingme，Ithinkitwillmoreapproximatemetothenatureoftherose[forherlookswerelikeAurora];andtoconfirmthevermilionIshallgotoSpa。""AnddrinkthePodhonspring？"addedI，gazingatherfromtoptotoe。"Yes，"repliedthelovelyFragrantia，"withallmyheart;’tisthedrinkofsweetnessanddelicacy。Neverwerethereanycreatureslikethewater—drinkersatspa;theyseemlikesomanythirstyblossomsonapeach—tree，thatsuckuptheshowerinthescorchingheat。Thereisacertainsomethinginthewatersthatgivesvigourtothewholeframe，andexpandseveryheartwithraptureandbenevolence。Theydrink！goodgods！howtheydodrink！andthen，howtheysleep！Pray，mydearBaron，wereyoueveratthefallsofNiagara？""Yes，mylady，"repliedI，surprisedatsuchastrangeassociationofideas;"Ihavebeen，manyyearsago，attheFallsofNiagara，andfoundnomoredifficultyinswimmingupanddownthecataractsthanIshouldtomoveaminuet。"Atthatmomentshedroppedhernosegay。"Ah，"saidshe，asIpresentedittoher，"thereisnogreatvarietyinthesepolyanthuses。Idoassureyou，mydearBaron，thatthereistasteintheselectionofflowersaswellaseverythingelse，andwereIagirlofsixteenIshouldwearsomerosebudsinmybosom，butatfive—and—twentyIthinkitwouldbemore/apropos/towearafull—blownrose，quiteripe，andreadytodropoffthestalkforwantofbeingpulled——heigh—ho！""Butpray，mylady，"saidI，"howdoyouliketheconcert？""Alas！"saidshe，languishingly，whileshelaidherhanduponmyshoulder，"whatarethesebodilesssoundsandvibrationtome？andyetwhatanexquisitesweetnessinthesongsofthenorthernpartofourisland：——’/Thouartgoneawa’fromme，Mary！/’HowpatheticanddivinethelittleairsofScotlandandtheHebrides！Butnever，nevercanIthinkofthatsameDoctorJohnson——
　　thatCONSTABLE，asFergusMacLeodcallshim——butIhaveanideaofagreatbrownfull—bottomedwigandahogsheadofporter！Oh，’twasbase！tobetreatedeverywherewithpolitenessandhospitality，andinreturninvidiouslytosmellfungusthemallover;togotothecountryofKateofAberdeen，ofAuldRobinGray，’midstruralinnocenceandsweetness，takeuptheirplaids，anddance。Oh！Doctor，Doctor！"
　　"Andwhatwouldyousay，Fragrantia，ifyouweretowriteatourtotheHebrides？""Peacetotheheroes，"repliedshe，inadelicateandtheatricaltone;"peacetotheheroeswhosleepintheisleofIona;
　　thesonsofthewave，andthechiefsofthedark—brownshield！Thetearofthesympathisingstrangerisscatteredbythewindoverthehoarystonesasshemeditatessorrowfullyonthetimesofold！SuchcouldIsay，sittinguponsomedruidicalheaportumulus。Thefactisthis，thereisarightandwronghandletoeverything，andthereismorepleasureinthinkingwithpurenobilityofheartthanwiththeilliberalenmitiesandsarcasmofablackguard。"
　　CHAPTERXXXI
　　/AlitigatedcontentionbetweenDonQuixote，Gog，Magog，&c。——A
　　grandcourtassembleduponit——Theappearanceofthecompany——Thematrons，judges，&c。——Themethodofwriting，andtheuseofthefashionableamusementquizzes——WauwauarrivesfromthecountryofPresterJohn，andleadsthewholeAssemblyawild—goosechasetothetopofPlinlimmon，andthencetoVirginia——TheBaronmeetsafloatingislandinhisvoyagetoAmerica——PursuesWauwauwithhiswholecompanythroughthedesertsofNorthAmerica——HiscuriouscontrivancetoseizeWauwauinamorass。/
　　ThecontentionbetweenGogandMagog，andSphinx，HilaroFrosticos，theLordWhittington，&c。，wasproductiveofinfinitelitigation。Allthelawyersinthekingdomwereemployed，torendertheaffairascomplexandgloriouslyuncertainaspossible;and，infine，thewholenationbecameinterested，andweredividedonbothsidesofthequestion。ColossustookthepartofSphinx，andtheaffairwasatlengthsubmittedtothedecisionofagrandcouncilinagreathall，adornedwithseatsoneverysideinformofanamphitheatre。Theassemblyappearedthemostmagnificentandsplendidintheworld。A
　　courtorjuryofonehundredmatronsoccupiedtheprincipalandmosthonourablepartoftheamphitheatre;theyweredressedinflowingrobesofsky—bluevelvetadornedwithfestoonsofbrilliantsanddiamondstars;graveandsedate—lookingmatrons，allinuniform，withspectaclesupontheirnoses;andoppositetothesewereplacedonehundredjudges，withcurlywhitewigsflowingdownoneachsideofthemtotheirveryfeet，sothatSolomoninallhisglorywasnotsowiseinappearance。AttheardentrequestofthewholeempireI
　　condescendedtobethepresidentofthecourt，andbeingarrayedaccordingly，Itookmyseatbeneathacanopyerectedinthecentre。
　　Beforeeveryjudgewasplacedasquareinkstand，containingagallonofink，andpensofaproportionablesize;andalsorightbeforehimanenormousfolio，solargeastoservefortableandbookatthesametime。Buttheydidnotmakemuchuseoftheirpensandink，excepttoblotanddaubthepaper;for，thattheyshouldbethemoreimpartial，Ihadorderedthatnonebuttheblindshouldbehonouredwiththeemployment：sothatwhentheyattemptedtowriteanything，theyuniformlydippedtheirpensintothemachinecontainingsand，andhavingscrawledoverapageastheythought，desiringthemtodryitwithsand，wouldspillhalfagallonofinkuponthepaper，andtherebydaubingtheirfingers，wouldtransfertheinktotheirfacewheneverthyleanedtheircheekupontheirhandforgreatergravity。
　　Astothematrons，topreventaneternalprattlethatwoulddrownallmannerofintelligibility，Ifounditabsolutelynecessarytosewuptheirmouths;sothatbetweentheblindjudgesandthedumbmatronsmethoughtthetrialhadachanceofbeingterminatedsoonerthanitotherwisewould。Thematrons，insteadoftheirtongues，hadotherinstrumentstoconveytheirideas：eachofthemhadthreequizzes，onequizpendentfromthestringthatseweduphermouth，andanotherquizineitherhand。Whenshewishedtoexpresshernegative，shedartedandrecoiledthequizzesinherrightandlefthand;andwhenshedesiredtoexpressheraffirmative，she，nodding，madethequizpendentfromhermouthflowdownandrecoilagain。Thetrialproceededinthismannerforalongtime，totheadmirationofthewholeempire，whenatlengthIthoughtpropertosendtomyoldfriendandally，PresterJohn，entreatinghimtoforwardtomeoneofthespeciesofwildandcuriousbirdsfoundinhiskingdom，calledaWauwau。Thiscreaturewasbroughtoverthegreatbridgebeforementioned，fromtheinteriorofAfrica，byaballoon。Theballoonwasplaceduponthebridge，extendingovertheparapetsoneachside，withgreatwingsoroarstoassistitsvelocity，andundertheballoonwasplacedpendantakindofboat，inwhichwerethepersonstomanagethesteerageofthemachine，andprotectWauwau。Thisoracularbird，arrivinginEngland，instantlydartedthroughoneofthewindowsofthegreathall，andpercheduponthecanopyinthecentretotheadmirationofallpresent。Hercacklingappearedquitepropheticandoracular;andthefirstquestionproposedtoherbytheunanimousconsentofthematronsandjudgeswas，Whetherornotthemoonwascomposedofgreencheese？Thesolutionofthisquestionwasdeemedabsolutelynecessarybeforetheycouldproceedfartheronthetrial。
　　Wauwauseemedinfigurenotverymuchdifferingfromaswan，exceptthattheneckwasnotnearsolong，andshestoodafteranadmirablefashionliketoVestris。Shebegancacklingmostsonorously，andthewholeassemblyagreedthatitwasabsolutelynecessarytocatchher，andhavingherintheirimmediatepossession，nothingmorewouldberequisitefortheterminationofthislitigatedaffair。Forthispurposethewholehouseroseuptocatchher，andapproachedintumult，thejudgesbrandishingtheirpens，andshakingtheirbigwigs，andthematronsquizzingasmuchaspossibleineverydirection，whichverymuchstartledWauwau，who，clappingherwings，instantlyflewoutofthehall。Theassemblybegantoproceedafterherinorderandstyleofprecedence，togetherwithmywholetrainofGogandMagog，Sphinx，HilaroFrosticos，QueenMab’schariot，thebullsandcrickets，&c。，precededbybandsofmusic;whileWauwau，descendingontheearth，ranonlikeanostrichbeforethetroop，cacklingalltheway。
　　Thinkingsuddenlytocatchthisferociousanimal，thejudgesandmatronswouldsuddenlyquickentheirpace，butthecreaturewouldasquicklyoutrunthem，orsometimesflyawayformanymilestogether，andthenalighttotakebreathuntilwecamewithinsightofheragain。Ourtrainjourneyedoveramostprodigioustractofcountryinadirectline，overhillsanddales，tothesummitofPlinlimmon，wherewethoughttohaveseizedWauwau;butsheinstantlytookflight，andneverceaseduntilshearrivedatthemouthofthePotomacriverinVirginia。
　　Ourcompanyimmediatelyembarkedinthemachinesbeforedescribed，inwhichwehadjourneyedintoAfrica，andafterafewdays’sailarrivedinNorthAmerica。Wemetwithnothingcuriousonourvoyage，exceptafloatingisland，containingsomeverydelightfulvillages，inhabitedbyafewwhitesandnegroes;thesugarcanedidnotthrivetherewell，onaccount，asIwasinformed，ofthevarietyoftheclimates;theislandbeingsometimesdrivenupasfarasthenorthpole，andatothertimeswaftedundertheequinoctial。Inpitytothepoorislanders，Igotahugestakeofiron，anddrivingitthroughthecentreoftheisland，fastenedittotherocksandmudatthebottomofthesea，sincewhichtimetheislandhasbecomestationary，andiswellknownatpresentbythenameofSt。Christopher’s，andthereisnotanislandintheworldmoresecure。
　　ArrivinginNorthAmerica，wewerereceivedbythePresidentoftheUnitedStateswitheveryhonourandpoliteness。HewaspleasedtogiveusalltheinformationpossiblerelativetothewoodsandimmenseregionsofAmerica，andorderedtroopsofthedifferenttribesoftheEsquimauxtoguideusthroughtheforestsinpursuitofWauwau，who，weatlengthfound，hadtakenrefugeinthecentreofamorass。Theinhabitantsofthecountry，wholovedhunting，weremuchdelightedtobeholdthemannerinwhichweattemptedtoseizeuponWauwau;thechasewasnobleanduncommon。Ideterminedtosurroundtheanimaloneveryside，andforthispurposeorderedthejudgesandmatronstosurroundthemorasswithnetsextendingamileinheight，onvariouspartsofwhichnetthecompanydisposedthemselves，floatingintheairlikesomanyspidersupontheircobwebs。Magog，atmycommand，putonakindofarmourthathehadcarriedwithhimforthepurpose，corseletofsteel，withgauntlets，helmet，&c。，soasnearlytoresembleamole。Heinstantlyplungedintotheearth，makingwaywithhissharpsteelhead—piece，andtearingupthegroundwithhisironclaws，andfoundnotmuchdifficultytherein，asmorassingeneralisofasoftandyieldingtexture。ThushehopedtoundermineWauwau，andsuddenlyrising，seizeherbythefoot，whilehisbrotherGogascendedtheairinaballoon，hopingtocatchherifshecouldescapeMagog。
　　Thustheanimalwassurroundedoneveryside，andatfirstwasverymuchterrified，knowingnotwhichwayshehadbesttogo。Atlengthhearinganobscurenoiseunderground，WauwautookflightbeforeMagogcouldhavetimetocatchherbythefoot。Sheflewtotheright，thentotheleft，north，east，west，andsouth，butfoundoneverysidethecompanypreparedupontheirnets。Atlengthsheflewrightup，soaringatamostastonishingratetowardsthesun，whilethecompanyoneverysidesetuponegeneralacclamation。ButGoginhisballoonsoonstoppedWauwauinthemidstofhercareer，andsnaredherinanet，thecordsofwhichhecontinuedtoholdinhishand。Wauwaudidnottotallyloseherpresenceofmind，butafteralittleconsideration，madeseveralviolentdartsagainstthevolumeoftheballoon;sofierce，asatlengthtotearopenagreatspace，onwhichtheinflammableairrushingout，thewholeapparatusbegantotumbletotheearthwithamazingrapidity。Goghimselfwasthrownoutofthevehicle，andlettinggothereinsofthenet，Wauwaugotlibertyagain，andflewoutofsightinaninstant。
　　Goghadbeenaboveamileelevatedfromtheearthwhenhebegantofall，andasheadvancedtherapidityincreased，sothathewentlikeaballfromacannonintothemorass，andhisnosestrikingagainstoneoftheiron—cappedhandsofhisbrotherMagog，justthenrisingfromthedepths，hebegantobleedviolently，and，butforthesoftnessofthemorass，wouldhavelosthislife。
　　CHAPTERXXXII
　　/TheBaronharanguesthecompany，andtheycontinuethepursuit——
　　TheBaron，wanderingfromhisretinue，istakenbythesavages，scalped，andtiedtoastaketoberoasted;buthecontrivestoextricatehimself，andkillsthesavages——TheBarontravelsoverlandthroughtheforestsofNorthAmerica，totheconfinesofRussia——ArrivesatthecastleoftheNareskinRowskimowmowsky，andgallopsintothekingdomofLoggerheads——Abattle，inwhichtheBaronfightstheNareskininsinglecombat，andgenerouslygiveshimhislife——ArrivesattheFriendlyIslands，anddiscourseswithOmai——TheBaron，withallhisattendants，goesfromOtaheitetotheisthmusofDarien，andhavingcutacanalacrosstheisthmus，returnstoEngland。/
　　"Myfriends，andverylearnedandprofoundJudiciarii，"saidI，"benotdisheartenedthatWauwauhasescapedfromyouatpresent：
　　persevere，andweshallyetsucceed。Youshouldneverdespair，Munchausenbeingyourgeneral;andthereforebebrave，becourageous，andfortuneshallsecondyourendeavours。Letusadvanceundauntedinpursuit，andfollowthefierceWauwaueventhreetimesroundtheglobe，untilweentrapher。"
　　Mywordsfilledthemwithconfidenceandvalour，andtheyunanimouslyagreedtocontinuethechase。WepenetratedthefrightfuldesertsandgloomywoodsofAmerica，beyondthesourceoftheOhio，throughcountriesutterlyunknownbefore。Ifrequentlytookthediversionofshootinginthewoods，andonedaythatIhappenedwiththreeattendantstowanderfarfromourtroop，weweresuddenlysetuponbyanumberofsavages。Aswehadexpendedourpowderandshot，andhappenedtohavenoside—arms，itwasinvaintomakeanyresistanceagainsthundredsofenemies。Inshort，theyboundus，andmadeuswalkbeforethemtoagloomycaverninarock，wheretheyfeasteduponwhatgametheyhadkilled，butwhichnotbeingsufficient，theytookmythreeunfortunatecompanionsandmyself，andscalpedus。Thepainoflosingthefleshfrommyheadwasmosthorrible;itmademeleapinagonies，androarlikeabull。Theythentiedustostakes，andmakinggreatfiresaroundus，begantodanceinacircle，singingwithmuchdistortionandbarbarity，andattimesputtingthepalmsoftheirhandstotheirmouths，setupthewar—whoop。Astheyhadonthatdayalsomadeagreatprizeofsomewineandspiritsbelongingtoourtroop，thesebarbarians，findingitdelicious，andunconsciousofitsintoxicatingquality，begantodrinkitinprofusion，whiletheybeheldusroasting，andinaveryshorttimetheywereallcompletelydrunk，andfellasleeparoundthefires。Perceivingsomehopes，IusedmostastonishingeffortstoextricatemyselffromthecordswhichI
　　wastied，andatlengthsucceeded。Iimmediatelyunboundmycompanions，andthoughhalfroasted，theystillhadpowerenoughtowalk。Wesoughtaboutforthefleshthathadbeentakenoffourheads，andhavingfoundthescalps，weimmediatelyadaptedthemtoourbloodyheads，stickingthemonwithakindofglueofasovereignquality，thatflowsfromatreeinthatcountry，andthepartsunitedandhealedinafewhours。Wetookcaretorevengeourselvesonthesavages，andwiththeirownhatchetsputeveryoneofthemtodeath。
　　Wethenreturnedtoourtroop，whohadgivenusupforlost，andtheymadegreatrejoicingsonourreturn。Wenowproceededinourjourneythroughthisprodigiouswilderness，GogandMagogactingaspioneers，hewingdownthetrees，&c。，atagreatrateasweadvanced。Wepassedovernumberlessswampsandlakesandrivers，untilatlengthwediscoveredahabitationatsomedistance。Itappearedadarkandgloomycastle，surroundedwithstrongramparts，andabroadditch。Wecalledacouncilofwar，anditwasdeterminedtosendadeputationwithatrumpettothewallsofthecastle，anddemandfriendshipfromthegovernor，whoeverhemightbe，andanaccountifaughtheknewofWauwau。Forthispurposeourwholecaravanhaltedinthewood，andGogandMagogreclinedamongstthetrees，thattheirenormousstrengthandsizeshouldnotbediscovered，andgiveumbragetothelordofthecastle。Ourembassyapproachedthecastle，andhavingdemandedadmittanceforsometime，atlengththedrawbridgewasletdown，andtheyweresufferedtoenter。Assoonastheyhadpassedthegateitwasimmediatelyclosedafterthem，andoneithersidetheyperceivedranksofhalberdiers，whomadethemtremblewithfear。"Wecome，"theheraldproclaimed，"onthepartofHilaroFrosticos，DonQuixote，LordWhittington，andthethrice—renownedBaronMunchausen，toclaimfriendshipfromthegovernorofthispuissantcastle，andtoseekWauwau。""Themostnoblethegovernor，"repliedtheofficer，"isatalltimeshappytoentertainsuchtravellersaspassthroughtheseimmensedeserts，andwillesteemitanhonourthatthegreatHilaroFrosticos，DonQuixote，LordWhittington，andthethrice—renownedBaronMunchausen，enterhiscastlewalls。"
　　Inshort，weenteredthecastle。Thegovernorsatwithallourcompanytotable，surroundedbyhisfriends，ofaveryfierceandwarlikeappearance。Theyspokebutlittle，andseemedveryaustereandreserved，untilthefirstcoursewasservedup。Thedisheswerebroughtinbyanumberofbearswalkingontheirhind—legs，andoneverydishwasafricasseeofpistols，pistol—bullets，sauceofgunpowder，andaqua—vit？。Thisentertainmentseemedratherindigestiblebyevenanostrich’sstomach，whenthegovernoraddressedus，andinformedmethatitwaseverhiscustomtostrangerstoofferthemforthefirstcourseaservicesimilartothatbeforeus;andiftheywereinclinedtoaccepttheinvitation，hewouldfightthemasmuchastheypleased，butiftheycouldnotrelishthepistol—bullets，&c。，hewouldconcludethempeaceable，andtrywhatbetterpolitenesshecouldshowtheminhiscastle。Inshort，thefirstcoursebeingremoveduntouched，wedined，andafterdinnerthegovernorforcedthecompanytopushthebottleaboutwithalacrityandtoexcess。HeinformedusthathewastheNareskinRowskimowmowsky，whohadretiredamidstthesewilds，disgustedwiththecourtofPetersburgh。Iwasrejoicedtomeethim;Irecollectedmyoldfriend，whomIhadknownatthecourtofRussia，whenIrejectedthehandoftheEmpress。TheNareskin，withallhisknights—companions，dranktoanastonishingdegree，andweallsetoffuponhobbyhorsesinfullcryoutofthecastle。Neverwasthereseensuchacavalcadebefore。Infrontgallopedahundredknightsbelongingtothecastle，withhuntinghornsandapackofexcellentdogs;andthencametheNareskinRowskimowmowsky，GogandMagog，HilaroFrosticos，andyourhumbleservant，hallooingandshoutinglikesomanydemoniacs，andspurringourhobbyhorsesataninfernalrateuntilwearrivedinthekingdomofLoggerheads。ThekingdomofLoggerheadswaswilderthananypartofSiberia，andtheNareskinhadherebuiltaromanticsummer—houseinaGothictaste，towhichhewouldfrequentlyretirewithhiscompanyafterdinner。TheNareskinhadadozenbearsofenormousstaturethatdancedforouramusement，andtheirchiefsperformedthe/minuetdelacour/toadmiration。AndherethemostnobleHilaroFrosticosthoughtpropertoasktheNareskinsomeintelligenceaboutWauwau，inquestofwhomwehadtravelledoversuchatractofcountry，andencounteredsomanydangerousadventures，andalsoinvitedtheNareskinRowskimowmowskytoattenduswithallhisbearsintheexpedition。TheNareskinappearedastonishedattheidea;helookedwithinfinitehauteurandferocityonHilaro，andaffectingaviolentpassionaskedhim，"DidheimaginethattheNareskinRowskimowmowskycouldcondescendtotakenoticeofaWauwau，letherflywhatwayshewould！
　　Ordidhethinkachiefpossessingsuchbloodinhisveinscouldengageinsuchaforeignpursuit？Bythebloodandbytheashesofmygreatgrandmother，Iwouldcutoffyourhead！"
　　HilaroFrosticosresentedthisoration，andinshortageneralriotcommenced。Thebears，togetherwiththehundredknights，tookthepartoftheNareskin，andGogandMagog，DonQuixote，theSphinx，LordWhittington，thebulls，thecrickets，thejudges，thematrons，andHilaroFrosticos，madenoblewarfareagainstthem。
　　Idrewmysword，andchallengedtheNareskintosinglecombat。Hefrowned，whilehiseyessparkledfireandindignation，andbracingabuckleronhisleftarm，headvancedagainstme。Imadeablowathimwithallmyforce，whichhereceiveduponhisbuckler，andmyswordbrokeshort。
　　UngenerousNareskin;seeingmedisarmed，hestillpushedforward，dealinghisblowsuponmewiththeutmostviolence，whichIparriedwithmyshieldandthehiltofmybrokensword，andfoughtlikeagame—cock。
　　Anenormousbearatthesametimeattackedme，butIranmyhandstillretainingthehiltofmybrokensworddownhisthroat，andtoreuphistonguebytheroots。Ithenseizedhiscarcasebythehind—legs，andwhirlingitovermyhead，gavetheNareskinsuchablowwithhisownbearasevidentlystunnedhim。Irepeatedmyblows，knockingthebear’sheadagainsttheNareskin’shead，until，byonehappyblow，I
　　gothisheadintothebear’sjaws，andthecreaturebeingstillsomewhataliveandconvulsive，theteethcloseduponhimlikenutcrackers。Ithrewthebearfromme，buttheNareskinremainedsprawling，unabletoextricatehisheadfromthebear’sjaws，imploringformercy。Igavethewretchhislife：alionpreysnotuponcarcases。
　　Atthesametimemytroophadeffectuallyroutedthebearsandtherestoftheiradversaries。Iwasmerciful，andorderedquartertobegiven。
　　AtthatmomentIperceivedWauwauflyingatagreatheightthroughtheheavens，andweinstantlysetoutinpursuitofher，andneverstoppeduntilwearrivedatKamschatka;thencewepassedtoOtaheite。ImetmyoldacquaintanceOmai，whohadbeeninEnglandwiththegreatnavigator，Cook，andIwasgladtofindhehadestablishedSundayschoolsoveralltheislands。ItalkedtohimofEurope，andhisformervoyagetoEngland。"Ah！"saidhe，mostemphatically，"theEnglish，thecruelEnglish，tomurdermewithgoodness，andrefineuponmytorture——tookmetoEurope，andshowedmethecourtofEngland，thedelicacyofexquisitelife;theyshowedmegods，andshowedmeheaven，asifonpurposetomakemefeelthelossofthem。"
　　Fromtheseislandswesetout，attendedbyafleetofcanoeswithfighting—stagesandthechiefestwarriorsoftheislands，commandedbyOmai。ThusthechariotofQueenMab，myteamofbullsandthecrickets，theark，theSphinx，andtheballoons，withHilaroFrosticos，GogandMagog，LordWhittington，andtheLordMayor’sshow，DonQuixote，&c。，withmyfleetofcanoes，altogethercutaveryformidableappearanceonourarrivalattheIsthmusofDarien。
　　Sensibleofwhatgeneralbenefititwouldbetomankind，Iimmediatelyformedaplanofcuttingacanalacrosstheisthmusfromseatosea。
　　ForthispurposeIdrovemychariotwiththegreatestimpetuosityrepeatedlyfromshoretoshore，inthesametrack，tearinguptherocksandearththereby，andformingatolerablebedforthewater。
　　GogandMagognextadvancedattheheadofamillionofpeoplefromtherealmsofNorthandSouthAmerica，andfromEurope，andwithinfinitelabourclearedawaytheearth，&c。，thatIhadploughedupwithmychariot。Ithenagaindrovemychariot，makingthecanalwideranddeeper，andorderedGogandMagogtorepeattheirlabourasbefore。Thecanalbeingaquarterofamilebroad，andthreehundredyardsindepth，Ithoughtitsufficient，andimmediatelyletinthewatersofthesea。Ididimagine，thatfromtherotatorymotionoftheearthonitsaxisfromwesttoeasttheseawouldbehigherontheeasternthanthewesterncoast，andthatontheunitingofthetwoseastherewouldbeastrongcurrentfromtheeast，andithappenedjustasIexpected。Theseacameinwithtremendousmagnificence，andenlargedtheboundsofthecanal，soastomakeapassageofsomemilesbroadfromoceantoocean，andmakeanislandofSouthAmerica。
　　Severalsailoftradingvesselsandmen—of—warsailedthroughthisnewchanneltotheSouthSeas，China，&c。，andsalutedmewithalltheircannonastheypassed。
　　Ilookedthroughmytelescopeatthemoon，andperceivedthephilosophersthereingreatcommotion。Theycouldplainlydiscernthealterationonthesurfaceofourglobe，andthoughtthemselvessomehowinterestedintheenterpriseoftheirfellow—mortalsinaneighbouringplanet。Theyseemedtothinkitadmirablethatsuchlittlebeingsaswemenshouldattemptsomagnificentaperformance，thatwouldbeobservableeveninaseparateworld。
　　ThushavingweddedtheAtlanticOceantotheSouthSea，IreturnedtoEngland，andfoundWauwaupreciselyintheveryspotwhenceshehadsetout，afterhavingledusachaseallroundtheworld。
　　CHAPTERXXXIII
　　/TheBarongoestoPetersburgh，andconverseswiththeEmpress——
　　PersuadestheRussiansandTurkstoceasecuttingoneanother’sthroats，andinconcertcutacanalacrosstheIsthmusofSuez——
　　TheBarondiscoverstheAlexandrineLibrary，andmeetswithHermesTrismegistus——BesiegesSeringapatam，andchallengesTippooSahibtosinglecombat——Theyfight——TheBaronreceivessomewoundstohisface，butatlastvanquishesthetyrant——TheBaronreturnstoEurope，andraisesthehullofthe"RoyalGeorge。"/
　　Seizedwithafuryofcanal—cutting，ItookitinmyheadtoformanimmediatecommunicationbetweentheMediterraneanandtheRedSea，andthereforesetoutforPetersburgh。
　　ThesanguinaryambitionoftheEmpresswouldnotlistentomyproposals，untilItookaprivateopportunity，takingacupofcoffeewithherMajesty，totellherthatIwouldabsolutelysacrificemyselfforthegeneralgoodofmankind，andifshewouldaccedetomyproposals，would，onthecompletionofthecanal，/ipsofacto/，givehermyhandinmarriage！
　　"Mydear，dearBaron，"saidshe，"Iaccedetoeverythingyouplease，andagreetomakepeacewiththePorteontheconditionsyoumention。
　　And，"addedshe，risingwithallthemajestyoftheCzarina，Empressofhalftheworld，"beitknowntoallsubjects，thatWeordaintheseconditions，forsuchisourroyalwillandpleasure。"
　　InowproceededtotheIsthmusofSuez，attheheadofamillionofRussianpioneers，andthereunitedmyforceswithamillionofTurks，armedwithshovelsandpickaxes。Theydidnotcometocuteachother’sthroats，butfortheirmutualinterest，tofacilitatecommerceandcivilisation，andpourallthewealthofIndiabyanewchannelintoEurope。"Mybravefellows，"saidI，"considertheimmenselabouroftheChinesetobuildtheircelebratedwall;thinkofwhatsuperiorbenefittomankindisourpresentundertaking;persevere，andfortunewillsecondyourendeavours。RememberitisMunchausenwholeadsyouon，andbeconvincedofsuccess。"
　　Sayingthesewords，Idrovemychariotwithallmymightinmyformertrack，thatvestigementionedbytheBarondeTott，andwhenIwasadvancedconsiderably，Ifeltmychariotsinkingunderme。Iattemptedtodriveon，buttheground，orratherimmensevault，givingway，mychariotandallwentdownprecipitately。Stunnedbythefall，itwassomemomentsbeforeIcouldrecollectmyself，whenatlength，tomyamazement，IperceivedmyselffallenintotheAlexandrineLibrary，overwhelmedinanoceanofbooks;thousandsofvolumescametumblingonmyheadamidsttheruinsofthatpartofthevaultthroughwhichmychariothaddescended，andforatimeburiedmybullsandallbeneathaheapoflearning。However，Icontrivedtoextricatemyself，andadvancedwithawfuladmirationthroughthevastavenuesofthelibrary。Iperceivedoneverysideinnumerablevolumesandrepositoriesofancientlearning，andallthescienceoftheAntediluvianworld。HereImetwithHermesTrismegistus，andaparcelofoldphilosophersdebatinguponthepoliticsandlearningoftheirdays。Igavetheminexpressibledelightintellingthem，inafewwords，allthediscoveriesofNewton，andthehistoryoftheworldsincetheirtime。Thesegentry，onthecontrary，toldmeathousandstoriesofantiquitythatsomeofourantiquarianswouldgivetheirveryeyestohear。
　　Inshort，Iorderedthelibrarytobepreserved，andIintendmakingapresentofit，assoonasitarrivesinEngland，totheRoyalSociety，togetherwithHermesTrismegistus，andhalfadozenoldphilosophers。
　　Ihavegotabeautifulcagemade，inwhichIkeeptheseextraordinarycreatures，andfeedthemwithbreadandhoney，astheyseemtobelieveinakindofdoctrineoftransmigration，andwillnottouchflesh。
　　HermesTrismegistusespeciallyisamostantiquelookingbeing，withabeardhalfayardlong，coveredwitharobeofgoldenembroidery，andprateslikeaparrot。HewillcutaverybrilliantfigureintheMuseum。
　　Havingmadeatrackwithmychariotfromseatosea，IorderedmyTurksandRussianstobegin，andinafewhourswehadthepleasureofseeingafleetofBritishEastIndiameninfullsailthroughthecanal。Theofficersofthisfleetwereverypolite，andpaidmeeveryapplauseandcongratulationmyexploitscouldmerit。TheytoldmeoftheiraffairsinIndia，andtheferocityofthatdreadfulwarrior，TippooSahib，onwhichIresolvedtogotoIndiaandencounterthetyrant。ItravelleddowntheRedSeatoMadras，andattheheadofafewSepoysandEuropeanspursuedtheflyingarmyofTippootothegatesofSeringapatam。Ichallengedhimtomortalcombat，and，mountedonmysteed，rodeuptothewallsofthefortressamidstastormofshellsandcannon—balls。Asfastasthebombsandcannon—ballscameuponme，Icaughttheminmyhandslikesomanypebbles，andthrowingthemagainstthefortress，demolishedthestrongestrampartsoftheplace。Itookmymarksodirect，thatwheneverIaimedacannon—ballorashellatanypersonontherampartsIwassuretohithim：andonetimeperceivingatremendouspieceofartillerypointedagainstme，andknowingtheballmustbesogreatitwouldcertainlystunme，Itookasmallcannon—ball，andjustasIperceivedtheengineergoingtoorderthemtofire，andopeninghismouthtogivethewordofcommand，Itookaimanddrovemyballpreciselydownhisthroat。
　　Tippoo，fearingthatallwouldbelost，thatageneralandsuccessfulstormwouldensueifIcontinuedtobattertheplace，cameforthuponhiselephanttofightme;Isalutedhim，andinsistedheshouldfirefirst。
　　Tippoo，thoughabarbarian，wasnotdeficientinpoliteness，anddeclinedthecompliment;uponwhichItookoffmyhat，andbowing，toldhimitwasanadvantageMunchausenshouldneverbesaidtoacceptfromsogallantawarrior：onwhichTippooinstantlydischargedhiscarbine，theballfromwhich，hittingmyhorse’sear，madehimplungewithrageandindignation。InreturnIdischargedmypistolatTippoo，andshotoffhisturban。Hehadasmallfield—piecemountedwithhimonhiselephant，whichhethendischargedatme，andthegrape—shotcominginashower，rattledinthelaurelsthatcoveredandshadedmeallover，andremainedpendantlikeberriesonthebranches。Ithen，advancing，tooktheproboscisofhiselephant，andturningitagainsttherider，struckhimrepeatedlywiththeextremityofitoneithersideofthehead，untilIatlengthdismountedhim。Nothingcouldequaltherageofthebarbarianfindinghimselfthrownfromhiselephant。Heroseinafitofdespair，andrushedagainstmysteedandmyself：butIscornedtofighthimatsogreatadisadvantageonhisside，anddirectlydismountedtofighthimhandtohand。NeverdidI
　　fightwithanymanwhoborehimselfmorenoblythanthisadversary;heparriedmyblows，anddealthomehisowninreturnwithastonishingprecision。ThefirstblowofhissabreIreceiveduponthebridgeofmynose，andbutforthebonyfirmnessofthatpartofmyface，itwouldhavedescendedtomymouth。Istillbearthemarkuponmynose。
　　Henextmadeafuriousblowatmyhead，butI，parrying，deadenedtheforceofhissabre，sothatIreceivedbutonescaronmyforehead，andatthesameinstant，byablowofmysword，cutoffhisarm，andhishandandsabrefelltotheearth;hetotteredforsomepaces，anddroppedatthefootofhiselephant。Thatsagaciousanimal，seeingthedangerofhismaster，endeavouredtoprotecthimbyflourishinghisproboscisroundtheheadoftheSultan。
　　FearlessIadvancedagainsttheelephant，desiroustotakealivethehaughtyTippooSahib;buthedrewapistolfromhisbelt，anddischargeditfullinmyfaceasIrusheduponhim，whichdidmenofurtherharmthanwoundmycheek—bone，whichdisfiguresmesomewhatundermylefteye。Icouldnotwithstandtherageandimpulseofthatmoment，andwithoneblowofmyswordseparatedhisheadfromhisbody。
　　IreturnedoverlandfromIndiatoEuropewithadmirablevelocity，sothattheaccountofTippoo’sdefeatbymehasnotasyetarrivedbytheordinarypassage，norcanyouexpecttohearofitforaconsiderabletime。IsimplyrelatetheencounterasithappenedbetweentheSultanandme;andiftherebeanyonewhodoubtsthetruthofwhatIsay，heisaninfidel，andIwillfighthimatanytimeandplace，andwithanyweaponhepleases。
　　Hearingsomanypersonstalkaboutraisingthe"RoyalGeorge，"IbegantotakepityonthatfineoldruinofBritishplank，anddeterminedtohaveherup。Iwassensibleofthefailureofthevariousmeanshithertoemployedforthepurpose，andthereforeinclinedtotryamethoddifferentfromanybeforeattempted。Igotanimmenseballoon，madeofthetoughestsail—cloth，andhavingdescendedinmydiving—
　　bell，andproperlysecuredthehullwithenormouscables，Iascendedtothesurface，andfastenedmycablestotheballoon。Prodigiousmultitudeswereassembledtobeholdtheelevationofthe"RoyalGeorge，"andassoonasIbegantofillmyballoonwithinflammableairthevesselevidentlybegantomove：butwhenmyballoonwascompletelyfilled，shecarriedupthe"RoyalGeorge"withthegreatestrapidity。Thevesselappearingonthesurfaceoccasionedauniversalshoutoftriumphfromthemillionsassembledontheoccasion。Stilltheballooncontinuedascending，trailingthehullafterlikealanternatthetailofakite，andinafewminutesappearedfloatingamongtheclouds。
　　Itwasthentheopinionofmanyphilosophersthatitwouldbemoredifficulttogetherdownthenithadbeentodrawherup。ButI
　　convincedthemtothecontrarybytakingmyaimsoexactlywithatwelve—pounder，thatIbroughtherdowninaninstant。
　　Iconsidered，thatifIshouldbreaktheballoonwithacannon—ballwhilesheremainedwiththevesselovertheland，thefallwouldinevitableoccasionthedestructionofthehull，andwhich，initsfall，mightcrushsomeofthemultitude;thereforeIthoughtitsafertotakemyaimwhentheballoonwasoverthesea，andpointingmytwelve—pounder，drovetheballrightthroughtheballoon，onwhichtheinflammableairrushedoutwithgreatforce，andthe"RoyalGeorge"
　　descendedlikeafallingstarintotheveryspotfromwhenceshehadbeentaken。Thereshestillremains，andIhaveconvincedallEuropeofthepossibilityoftakingherup。
　　CHAPTERXXXIV
　　/TheBaronmakesaspeechtotheNationalAssembly，anddrivesoutallthemembers——RoutsthefishwomenandtheNationalGuards——
　　PursuesthewholeroutintoaChurch，wherehedefeatstheNationalAssembly，&c。，withRousseau，Voltaire，andBeelzebubattheirhead，andliberatesMarieAntoinetteandtheRoyalFamily。/
　　PassingthroughSwitzerlandonmyreturnfromIndia，IwasinformedthatseveraloftheGermannobilityhadbeendeprivedofthehonoursandimmunitiesoftheirFrenchestates。IheardofthesufferingsoftheamiableMarieAntoinette，andsworetoavengeeverylookthathadthreatenedherwithinsult。IwenttothecavernoftheseAnthropophagi，assembledtodebate，andgracefullyputtingthehiltofmyswordtomylips——"Iswear，"criedI，"bythesacredcrossofmysword，thatifyoudonotinstantlyreinstateyourkingandhisnobility，andyourinjuredqueen，Iwillcuttheonehalfofyoutopieces。"
　　OnwhichthePresident，takingupaleadeninkstand，flungitatmyhead。Istoopedtoavoidtheblow，andrushingtothetribunalseizedtheSpeaker，whowasfulminatingagainsttheAristocrats，andtakingthecreaturebyoneleg，flunghimatthePresident。Ilaidaboutmemostnobly，drovethemalloutofthehouse，andlockingthedoorsputthekeyinmypocket。
　　Ithenwenttothepoorking，andmakingmyobeisancetohim——"Sire，"
　　saidI，"yourenemieshaveallfled。IaloneamtheNationalAssemblyatpresent，andIshallregisteryouredictstorecalltheprincesandthenobility;andinfuture，ifyourmajestypleases，IwillbeyourParliamentandCouncil。"Hethankedme，andtheamiableMarieAntoinette，smiling，gavemeherhandtokiss。
　　AtthatmomentIperceivedapartyoftheNationalAssembly，whohadralliedwiththeNationalGuards，andavastprocessionoffishwomen，advancingagainstme。IdepositedtheirMajestiesinaplaceofsafety，andwithmydrawnswordadvancedagainstmyfoes。Threehundredfishwomen，withbushesdressedwithribbonsintheirhands，camehallooingandroaringagainstmelikesomanyfuries。Iscornedtodefilemyswordwiththeirblood，butseizedthefirstthatcameup，andmakingherkneeldownIknightedherwithmysword，whichsoterrifiedtherestthattheyallsetupafrightfulyellandranawayasfastastheycouldforfearofbeingaristocratedbyknighthood。
　　AstotheNationalGuardsandtherestoftheAssembly，Isoonputthemtoflight;andhavingmadeprisonersofsomeofthem，compelledthemtotakedowntheirnational，andputtheoldroyalcockadeinitsplace。
　　Ithenpursuedtheenemytothetopofahill，whereamostnobleedificedazzledmysight;nobleandsacreditwasbutnowconvertedtothevilestpurposes，theirmonument/degrandshommes/，aChristianchurchthattheseSaracenshadpervertedintoabomination。Iburstopenthedoors，andenteredswordinhand。HereIobservedalltheNationalAssemblymarchingroundagreataltarerectedtoVoltaire;
　　therewashisstatueintriumph，andthefishwomenwithgarlandsdeckingit，andsinging"Caira！"Icouldbearthesightnolonger;
　　butrusheduponthesepagans，andsacrificedthembydozensonthespot。ThemembersoftheAssembly，andthefishwomen，continuedtoinvoketheirgreatVoltaire，andalltheirmastersinthismonument/degrandshommes/，imploringthemtocomedownandsuccourthemagainsttheAristocratsandtheswordofMunchausen。Theircrieswerehorrible，liketheshrieksofwitchesandenchantersversedinmagicandtheblackart，whilethethundergrowled，andstormsshookthebattlements，andRousseau，Voltaire，andBeelzebubappeared，threehorriblespectres;oneallmeagre，mereskinandbone，andcadaverous，seemeddeath，thathideousskeleton;itwasVoltaire，andinhishandwerealyreandadagger。OntheothersidewasRousseau，withachaliceofsweetpoisoninhishand，andbetweenthemwastheirfatherBeelzebub！
　　Ishudderedatthesight，andwithalltheenthusiasmofrage，horror，andpiety，rushedinamongthem。IseizedthatcursedskeletonVoltaire，andsooncompelledhimtorenouncealltheerrorshehadadvanced;andwhilehespokethewords，asifbymagiccharm，thewholeassemblyshrieked，andthepandemoniumbegantotumbleinhideousruinontheirheads。
　　Ireturnedintriumphtothepalace，wheretheQueenrushedintomyarms，weepingtenderly。"Ah，thouflowerofnobility，"criedshe，"wereallthenoblesofFrancelikethee，weshouldneverhavebeenbroughttothis！"
　　Ibadethelovelycreaturedryhereyes，andwiththeKingandDauphinascendmycarriage，anddriveposttoMont—Medi，asnotaninstantwastobelost。Theytookmyadviceanddroveaway。IconveyedthemwithinafewmilesofMont—Medi，whentheKing，thankingmeformyassistance，hopedIwouldnottroublemyselfanyfarther，ashewasthen，hepresumed，outofdanger;andtheQueenalso，withtearsinhereyes，thankedmeonherknees，andpresentedtheDauphinformyblessing。Inshort，IlefttheKingeatingamuttonchop。Iadvisedhimnottodelay，orhewouldcertainlybetaken，andsettingspurstomyhorse，wishedthemagoodevening，andreturnedtoEngland。IftheKingremainedtoolongattable，andwastaken，itwasnotmyfault。