Butthestrangestpartofitwastheunexpectedsequel。Idon’tknowthroughwhaterroroftheDean’sfiguresithappened,throughwhatlackofmathematicaltrainingthethingturnedoutasitdid。Nodoubtthememoryofthemathematicalprofessorwasheavilytoblameforit,butthesolidfactisthattheChurchofEnglandChurchofMariposaturnedouttobeinsuredforahundredthousand,andtherewerethereceiptsandthevouchers,allsignedandregular,justastheyfoundtheminadraweroftherector’sstudy。Therewasnodoubtaboutit。Theinsurancepeoplemightprotestastheyliked。Thestraight,plainfactwasthatthechurchwasinsuredforabouttwicethewholeamountofthecostandthedebtandtherector’ssalaryandtheboarding—schoolfeesofthelittlestoftheDronesallputtogether。
TherewasaWhirlwindCampaignforyou!Talkofraisingmoney,——thatwassomethinglike!IwonderiftheuniversitiesandthecityinstitutionsthatgoroundtryingtoraisemoneybytheslowandpainfulmethodcalledaWhirlwindCampaign,thattakesperhapsalldaytoraisefiftythousanddollars,everthoughtofanythingsobeautifullysimpleasthis。
TheGreaterTestimonythathadlainsoheavilyonthecongregationwentflamingtoitsend,andburnedupitsdebtsanditsobligationsandenricheditsworshippersbyitsdestruction。Talkofabeacononahill!Youcanhardlybeatthatone。
IwishyoucouldhaveseenhowthewardensandthesidesmenandMullins,thechairmanofthevestry,smiledandchuckledatthethoughtofit。Hadn’ttheysaidallalongthatallthatwasneededwasalittlefaithandeffort?Andhereitwas,justastheysaid,andthey’dbeenrightafterall。
Protestfromtheinsurancepeople?Legalproceedingstopreventpayment?Mydearsir!IseeyouknownothingabouttheMariposacourt,inspiteofthefactthatIhavealreadysaidthatitwasoneofthemostpreciseinstrumentsofBritishfairplayeverestablished。Why,JudgePepperleighdisposedofthecaseanddismissedtheprotestofthecompanyinlessthanfifteenminutes!
JustwhatthejurisdictionofJudgePepperleigh’scourtisIdon’tknow,butIdoknowthatinupholdingtherightsofaChristiancongregation——Iamquotingherethetextofthedecision——againsttheintriguesofasetofinfernalskunksthatmaketoomuchmoney,anyway,theMariposacourtiswithoutanequal。Pepperleigheventhreatenedtheplaintiffswiththepenitentiary,orworse。
Howthefirestartednooneeverknew。TherewasaqueerstorythatwentabouttotheeffectthatMr。SmithandMr。Gingham’sassistanthadbeenseenverylatethatnightcarryinganautomobilecanofkeroseneupthestreet。Butthatwasamplydisprovedbytheproceedingsofthecourt,andbytheevidenceofMr。Smithhimself。
Hetookhisdyingoath,——nothisordinaryoneasusedintheLicensecases,buthisdyingone,——thathehadnotcarriedacanofkeroseneupthestreet,andthatanywayitwastherottenestkindofkerosenehehadeverseenandnomoreusethansomuchmolasses。Sothatpointwassettled。
DeanDrone?Didhegetwellagain?Why,whatmakesyouaskthat?Youmean,washisheadatallaffectedafterthestroke?No,itwasnot。
Absolutelynot。Itwasnotaffectedintheleast,thoughhowanybodywhoknowshimnowinMariposacouldhavethefaintestideathathismindwasinanywayimpairedbythestrokeismorethanIcantell。
TheengagingofMr。Uttermost,thecurate,whomperhapsyouhaveheardpreachinthenewchurch,hadnothingwhatevertodowithDeanDrone’shead。Itwasmerelyacaseofthepressureofoverwork。Itwasfeltverygenerallybythewardensthat,inthesedaysofspecialization,therectorwascoveringtoowideafield,andthatifheshouldabandonsomeofthelesserdutiesofhisoffice,hemightdevotehisenergiesmoreintentlytotheInfantClass。Thatwasall。
Youmayhearhimthereanyafternoon,talkingtothem,ifyouwillstandunderthemapletreesandlistenthroughtheopenwindowsofthenewInfantSchool。
And,asforaudiences,forintelligence,forattentionwell,ifI
wanttofindlistenerswhocanhearandunderstandaboutthegreatspacesofLakeHuron,letmetellofit,everytimefacetofacewiththeblueeyesoftheInfantClass,freshfromtheinfinityofspacesgreaterstill。Talkofgrown—uppeopleallyoulike,butforlistenersletmehavetheInfantClasswiththeirpinaforesandtheirTeddyBearsandtheirfeetnoteventouchingthefloor,andMr。
Uttermostmaypreachtohisheart’scontentofthenewerformsofdoubtrevealedbythehighercriticism。
SoyouwillunderstandthattheDean’smindis,ifanything,evenkeener,andhisheadevenclearerthanbefore。Andifyouwantproofofit,noticehimtherebeneaththeplumblossomsreadingintheGreek:hehastoldmethathefindsthathecanread,Withthegreatestease,worksintheGreekthatseemeddifficultbefore。
Becausehisheadissoclearnow。
Andsometimes,——whenhisheadisveryclear,——ashesitstherereadingbeneaththeplumblossomshecanhearthemsingingbeyond,andhiswife’svoice。
SEVEN
TheExtraordinaryEntanglementofMr。PupkinJudgePepperleighlivedinabighousewithhardwoodfloorsandawidepiazzathatlookedoverthelakefromthetopofOneidaStreet。
Everydayabouthalf—pastfiveheusedtocomehomefromhisofficeintheMariposaCourtHouse。Onsomedaysashegotnearthehousehewouldcallouttohiswife:
"AlmightyMoses,Martha!wholeftthesprinkleronthegrass?"
Onotherdayshewouldcalltoherfromquitealittledistanceoff:
"Hullo,mother!Gotanysupperforahungryman?"
AndMrs。Pepperleighneverknewwhichitwouldbe。Onthedayswhenhesworeatthesprinkleryoucouldseehisspectaclesflashlikedynamite。Butonthedayswhenhecalled:"Hullo,mother,"theyweresimplyirradiatedwithkindliness。
Somedays,Isay,hewouldcryoutwithaperfectwhineofindignation:"SufferingCaesar!hasthatinfernaldogtornupthosegeraniumsagain?"Andotherdaysyouwouldhearhimsingingout:
"Hullo,Rover!Well,doggie,well,oldfellow!"
Inthesamewayatbreakfast,thejudge,ashelookedoverthemorningpaper,wouldsometimesleaptohisfeetwithaperfecthowlofsuffering,andcry:"EverlastingMoses!theLiberalshavecarriedEastElgin。"Orelsehewouldleanbackfromthebreakfasttablewiththemostgood—humouredlaughyoueverheardandsay:"Ha!ha!theConservativeshavecarriedSouthNorfolk。"
Andyethewasperfectlylogical,whenyoucometothinkofit。Afterall,whatismoreannoyingtoasensitive,highly—strungmanthananinfernalsprinklerplayingallovertheplace,andwhatmoreagreeabletoagood—natured,even—temperedfellowthanawell—preparedsupper?Or,whatismorelikeablethanone’sgood,old,affectionatedogboundingdownthepathfromsheerdelightatseeingyou,——ormoreexecrablethananinfernalwhelpthathastornupthegeraniumsandistoooldtokeep,anyway?
Asforpolitics,well,itallseemedreasonableenough。WhentheConservativesgotinanywhere,Pepperleighlaughedandenjoyedit,simplybecauseitdoesonegoodtoseeastraight,fine,honestfightwherethebestmanwins。WhenaLiberalgotin,itmadehimmad,andhesaidso,——not,mindyou;fromanypoliticalbias,forhisofficeforbidit,——butsimplybecauseonecan’tbeartoseethecountrygoabsolutelytothedevil。
Isuppose,too,itwaspartlytheeffectofsittingincourtalldaylisteningtocases。Onegetswhatyoumightcallthejudicialtemperofmind。PepperleighhaditsostronglydevelopedthatI’veseenhimkickahydrangeapottopieceswithhisfootbecausetheaccursedthingwouldn’tflower。Heoncethrewthecanarycageclearintothelilacbushesbecausethe"blastedbirdwouldn’tstopsinging。"Itwasastraightcaseofjudicialtemper。Lotsofjudgeshaveit,developedinjustthesamebroad,all—roundwayaswithJudgePepperleigh。
Ithinkitmustbepassingsentencesthatdoesit。Anyway,Pepperleighhadtheaptitudeforpassingsentencessohighlyperfectedthathespenthiswholetimeatitinsideofcourtandout。
I’veheardhimhandoutsentencesfortheSultanofTurkeyandMrs。
PankhurstandtheEmperorofGermanythatmadeone’sbloodruncold。
Hewouldsitthereonthepiazzaofasummereveningreadingthepaper,withdynamitesparksflyingfromhisspectaclesashesentencedtheCzarofRussiatotenyearsinthesaltmines——andmadeitfifteenafewminutesafterwards。Pepperleighalwaysreadtheforeignnews——thenewsofthingsthathecouldn’talter——asaformofwildandstimulatingtorment。
Soyoucanimaginethatinsomewaysthejudge’shousewasaprettydifficulthousetogoto。ImeanyoucanseehowawfullyharditmusthavebeenforMr。Pupkin。Itellyouittooksomenervetostepuponthatpiazzaandsay,inaperfectlynatural,off—handway:"Oh,howdoyoudo,judge?IsMissZenain?No,Iwon’tstay,thanks;I
thinkIoughttobegoing。Isimplycalled。"Amanwhocandothathasgottohaveaprettyfairamountofsavoirwhatdoyoucallit,andhe’sgottobemightywellshavedandhavehiscameopinputinhistieataprettyundeniableanglebeforehecantackleit。Yes,andeventhenhemayneedtohangroundbehindthelilacbushesforhalfanhourfirst,andcooloff。Andhe’sapttomakeprettygoodtimedownOneidaStreetonthewayback。
Still,that’swhatyoucalllove,andifyou’vegotit,andarewellshaved,andyourbootswellblacked,youcandothingsthatseemalmostimpossible。Yes,youcandoanything,evenifyoudotripoverthedogingettingoffthepiazza。
Don’tsupposeforamomentthatJudgePepperleighwasanunapproachableoraharshmanalwaysandtoeverybody。EvenMr。
Pupkinhadtoadmitthatthatcouldn’tbeso。Toknowthat,youhadonlytoseeZenaPepperleighputherarmroundhisneckandcallhimDaddy。Shewoulddothatevenwhenthereweretwoorthreeyoungmensittingontheedgeofthepiazza。Youknow,Ithink,thewaytheysitontheedgeinMariposa。Itismeanttoindicatewhatpartofthefamilytheyhavecometosee。ThuswhenGeorgeDuff,thebankmanager,cameuptothePepperleighhouse,healwayssatinachairontheverandahandtalkedtothejudge。ButwhenPupkinorMalloryTompkinsoranyfellowlikethatcame,hesatdowninasidelongfashionontheedgeoftheboardsandthentheyknewexactlywhathewastherefor。Ifheknewthehousewell,heleanedhisbackagainsttheverandahpostandsmokedacigarette。Butthattooknerve。
ButIamafraidthatthisisadigression,and,ofcourse,youknowallaboutitjustaswellasIdo。AllthatIwastryingtosaywasthatIdon’tsupposethatthejudgehadeverspokenacrosswordtoZenainhislife。——Oh,hethrewhernoveloverthegrape—vine,I
don’tdenythat,butthenwhyonearthshouldagirlreadtrashliketheErrantQuestofthePalladinPilgrim,andtheLifeofSirGalahad,whenthehousewasfullofgoodreadinglikeTheLifeofSirJohnA。Macdonald,andPioneerDaysinTecumsehTownship?
Still,whatImeanisthatthejudgeneverspokeharshlytoZena,exceptperhapsunderextremeprovocation;andIamquitesurethathenever,neverhadtoNeil。ButthenwhatfathereverwouldwanttospeakangrilytosuchaboyasNeilPepperleigh?Thejudgetooknocredithimselfforthat;thefinestgrownboyinthewholecountyandsobroadandbigthattheytookhimintotheMissinabaHorsewhenhewasonlyseventeen。Andclever,——socleverthathedidn’tneedtostudy;socleverthatheusedtocomeoutatthefootoftheclassinmathematicsattheMariposahighschoolthroughsheersurplusofbrainpower。I’veheardthejudgeexplainitadozentimes。Why,NeilwassocleverthatheusedtobeabletoplaybilliardsattheMariposaHousealleveningwhentheotherboyshadtostayathomeandstudy。
Suchapowerfullookingfellow,too!EverybodyinMariposaremembershowNeilPepperleighsmashedinthefaceofPeterMcGinnis,theLiberalorganizer,atthebigelection——yourecallit——whentheoldMacdonaldGovernmentwentout。JudgePepperleighhadtotryhimforitthenextmorning——hisownson。TheysaythereneverwassuchasceneevenintheMariposacourt。Therewas,Ibelieve,somethinglikeitonasmallerscaleinRomanhistory,butitwasn’thalfasdramatic。IrememberJudgePepperleighleaningforwardtopassthesentence,——forajudgeisbound,youknow,byhisoath,——andhowgravehelookedandyetsoproudandhappy,likeamandoinghisdutyandsustainedbyit,andhesaid:
"Myboy,youareinnocent。YousmashedinPeterMcGinnis’sface,butyoudiditwithoutcriminalintent。Youputafaceonhim,byJehoshaphat!thathewon’tloseforsixmonths,butyoudiditwithoutevilpurposeormaligndesign。Myboy,lookup!Givemeyourhand!Youleavethiscourtwithoutastainuponyourname。"
TheysaiditwasoneofthemostmovingsceneseverenactedintheMariposaCourt。
ButthestrangestthingisthatifthejudgehadknownwhateveryoneelseinMariposaknew,itwouldhavebrokenhisheart。IfhecouldhaveseenNeilwiththedrunkenflushonhisfaceinthebilliardroomoftheMariposaHouse,——ifhehadknown,aseveryoneelsedid,thatNeilwascrazedwithdrinkthenighthestrucktheLiberalorganizerwhentheoldMacdonaldGovernmentwentout,——ifhecouldhaveknownthatevenonthatlastdayNeilwasdrunkwhenherodewiththeMissinabaHorsetothestationtojointheThirdContingentforthewar,andallthestreetofthelittletownwasonegreatroarofpeople——
Butthejudgeneverknew,andnowheneverwill。Forifyoucouldfinditinthemeannessofyoursoultotellhim,itwouldservenopurposenowexcepttobreakhisheart,andtherewouldriseuptorebukeyouthepicturedvisionofanuntendedgravesomewhereinthegreatsilencesofSouthAfrica。
DidIsayabove,orseemtoimply,thatthejudgesometimesspokeharshlytohiswife?Ordidyougatherforaminutethatherlotwasonetolamentoverorfeelsorryfor?Ifso,itjustshowsthatyouknownothingaboutsuchthings,andthatmarriage,atleastasitexistsinMariposa,isasealedbooktoyou。YouareasignorantasMissSpiffkins,thebiologyteacheratthehighschool,whoalwayssayshowsorrysheisforMrs。Pepperleigh。YougetthatimpressionsimplybecausethejudgehowledlikeanAlgonquinIndianwhenhesawthesprinklerrunningonthelawn。Butareyousureyouknowtheothersideofit?AreyouquitesurewhenyoutalklikeMissSpiffkinsdoesabouttherightsofit,thatyouaretakingallthingsintoaccount?YoumighthavethoughtdifferentlyperhapsofthePepperleighs,anyway,ifyouhadbeentherethateveningwhenthejudgecamehometohiswifewithonehandpressedtohistempleandintheotherthecablegramthatsaidthatNeilhadbeenkilledinactioninSouthAfrica。Thatnighttheysattogetherwithherhandinhis,justastheyhadsattogetherthirtyyearsagowhenhewasalawstudentinthecity。
GoandtellMissSpiffkinsthat!Hydrangeas,——canaries,——
temper,——blazes!WhatdoesMissSpiffkinsknowaboutitall?
Butinanycase,ifyoutriedtotellJudgePepperleighaboutNeilnowhewouldn’tbelieveit。He’dlaughittoscorn。ThatisNeil’spicture,inuniform,hanginginthedining—roombesidetheFathersofConfederation。Thatmilitary—lookingmaninthepicturebesidehimisGeneralKitchener,whomyoumayperhapshaveheardof,forhewasveryhighlyspokenofinNeil’sletters。Allroundtheroom,infact,andstillmoreinthejudge’slibraryupstairs,youwillseepicturesofSouthAfricaandthedepartureoftheCanadians(therearenoneofthereturn),andofMountedInfantryandofUnmountedCavalryandalotofthingsthatonlysoldiersandthefathersofsoldiersknowabout。
Soyoucanrealizethatforafellowwhoisn’tmilitary,andwhowearsnothingnearertoauniformthanadaffodiltennisblazer,thejudge’shouseisadevilofahousetocometo。
IthinkyourememberyoungMr。Pupkin,doyounot?IhavereferredtohimseveraltimesalreadyasthejuniortellerintheExchangeBank。
ButifyouknowMariposaatallyouhaveoftenseenhim。Youhavenoticedhim,Iamsure,goingforthebankmailinthemorninginanofficesuiteffectofclinginggreywithagoldnecktiepinshapedlikearidingwhip。Youhaveseenhimoftenenoughgoingdowntothelakefrontaftersupper,intennisthings,smokingacigaretteandwithapaddleandacrimsoncanoecushionunderhisarm。YouhaveseenhimenteringDeanDrone’schurchinatophatandalongfrockcoatnearlytohisfeet。Youhaveseenhim,perhaps,playingpokerinPeterGlover’sroomoverthehardwarestoreandtryingtolookasifhedidn’tholdthreeaces,——infact,givingabsolutelynosignofitbeyondthewildflushinhisfaceandthefactthathishairstandsonend。
Thatkindofreticenceisathingyousimplyhavetolearninbanking。Imean,ifyou’vegottobeinapositionwhereyouknowforafactthattheMariposaPackingCompany’saccountisoverdrawnbysixty—fourdollars,andyetdaren’tsayanythingaboutit,noteventothegirlsthatyouplaytenniswith,——Idon’tsay,notacasualhintasareference,butnotreallytellthem,not,forinstance,bringdownthebankledgertothetenniscourtandshowthem,——youlearnasortofreticenceandself—controlthatpeopleoutsideofbankingcirclesnevercanattain。
Why,I’veknownPupkinattheFireman’sBallleanagainstthewallinhisdresssuitandtalkawaytoJimEliot,thedruggist,withoutgivingthefaintesthintorindicationthatEliot’snotefortwenty—sevendollarshadbeenprotestedthatverymorning。Notahintofit。Idon’tsayhedidn’tmentionit,inasortofway,inthesupperroom,justtooneortwo,butImeantherewasnothinginthewayheleantupagainstthewalltosuggestit。
But,however,Idon’tmentionthataseitherfororagainstMr。
Pupkin。ThatsortofthingismerelytheABCofbanking,ashehimselftoldmewhenexplainingwhyitwasthathehesitatedtodivulgetheexactstandingoftheMariposaCarriageCompany。Ofcourse,onceyougetpasttheABCyoucanlearnalotthatismightyinteresting。
SoIthinkthatifyouknowMariposaandunderstandeventherudimentsofbanking,youareperfectlyacquaintedwithMr。Pupkin。
What?YourememberhimasbeinginlovewithMissLawson,thehighschoolteacher?InlovewithHER?Whataridiculousidea。YoumeanmerelybecauseonthenightwhentheMariposaBellesankwitheverysoulonboard,PupkinputofffromthetowninaskifftorescueMissLawson。Oh,butyou’requitewrong。Thatwasn’tLOVE。I’veheardPupkinexplainithimselfadozentimes。Thatsortofthing,——paddlingouttoasinkingsteameratnightinacrazyskiff,——mayindicateasortofattraction,butnotreallove,notwhatPupkincametofeelafterwards。Indeed,whenhebegantothinkofit,itwasn’tevenattraction,itwasmerelyrespect,——that’sallitwas。Andanyway,thatwaslongbefore,sixorsevenmonthsback,andPupkinadmittedthatatthetimehewasamereboy。
Mr。Pupkin,Imustexplain,livedwithMalloryTompkinsinroomsovertheExchangeBank,ontheverytopfloor,thethird,withMullins’sownroomsbelowthem。Extremelycomfortablequarterstheywere,withtwobedroomsandasitting—roomthatwasallfixedupwithsnowshoesandtennisracketsonthewallsanddanceprogrammesandcanoeclubbadgesandallthatsortofthing。
MalloryTompkinswasayoungmanwithlonglegsandchecktrouserswhoworkedontheMariposaTimes—Herald。Thatwaswhatgavehimhisliterarytaste。HeusedtoreadIbsenandthatotherDutchauthor——BumstoneBumstone,isn’tit?——andyoucanjudgethathewasamightyintellectualfellow。Hewassointellectualthathewas,ashehimselfadmitted,acompleteeggnostic。HeandPupkinusedtohavethemosttremendousargumentsaboutcreationandevolution,andhowifyoustudyataschoolofappliedscienceyoulearnthatthere’snohellbeyondthepresentlife。
MalloryTompkinsusedtoproveabsolutelythatthemiracleswereonlyelectricity,andPupkinusedtoadmitthatitwasanawfullygoodargument,butclaimedthathehadhearditawfullywellansweredinasermon,thoughunfortunatelyhehadforgottenhow。
Tompkinsusedtoshowthatthefloodwascontrarytogeology,andPupkinwouldacknowledgethatthepointwasanexcellentone,butthathehadreadabook,——thetitleofwhichheoughttohavewrittendown,——whichexplainedgeologyawayaltogether。
MalloryTompkinsgenerallygotthebestofthemerelylogicalsideofthearguments,butPupkin——whowasatremendousChristian——wasmuchstrongerinthethingshehadforgotten。Sothediscussionsoftenlastedtillfarintothenight,andMr。Pupkinwouldfallasleepanddreamofasplendidargument,whichwouldhavesettledthewholecontroversy,onlyunfortunatelyhecouldn’trecallitinthemorning。
Ofcourse,PupkinwouldneverhavethoughtofconsideringhimselfonanintellectualparwithMalloryTompkins。Thatwouldhavebeenridiculous。MalloryTompkinshadreadallsortsofthingsandhadhalfamindtowriteanovelhimself——eitherthatoraplay。Allheneeded,hesaid,wastohaveachancetogetawaysomewherebyhimselfandthink。EverytimehewentawaytothecityPupkinexpectedthathemightreturnwiththenovelallfinished;butthoughheoftencamebackwithhiseyesredfromthinking,thenovelasyetremainedincomplete。
Meantime,MalloryTompkins,asIsay,wasamightyintellectualfellow。Youcouldseethatfromthebooksonthebamboobookshelvesinthesitting—room。Therewas,forinstance,the"EncyclopaediaMetropolitana"infortyvolumes,thatheboughtontheinstalmentplanfortwodollarsamonth。Thenwhentheytookthataway,therewasthe"HistoryofCivilization,"infiftyvolumesatfiftycentsaweekforfiftyyears。Tompkinshadreadinithalf—waythroughtheStoneAgebeforetheytookitfromhim。Afterthattherewasthe"LivesofthePainters,"onevolumeatatime——asplendidthinginwhichyoucouldreadallaboutAahrens,andAachenthal,andAaxandmenofthatclass。
Afterall,there’snothinglikeeducatingoneself。MalloryTompkinsknewabouttheopeningperiodofallsortsofthings,andinregardtopeoplewhosenamesbeganwith"A"youcouldn’tstickhim。
Idon’tmeanthatheandMr。Pupkinlivedamereroutineofstudiousevenings。Thatwouldbeuntrue。Quiteoftentheirtimewasspentinmuchlesscommendablewaysthanthat,andtherewerepokerpartiesintheirsitting—roomthatdidn’tbreakuptillnearlymidnight。
Card—playing,afterall,isaslowbusiness,unlessyouputmoneyonit,and,besides,ifyouareinabankandarehandlingmoneyallday,gamblinghasafascination。
I’veseenPupkinandMalloryTompkinsandJoeMilligan,thedentist,andMitchelltheticketagent,andtheother"boys"sittingroundthetablewithmatchesenoughpiledupinfrontofthemtostockafactory。Tenmatchescountedforonechipandtenchipsmadeacent——soyouseetheyweren’tmerelyplayingforthefunofthething。Ofcourseit’sahollowpleasure。Yourealizethatwhenyouwakeupatnightparchedwiththirst,tenthousandmatchestothebad。Butbankingisawildlifeandeverybodyknowsit。
SometimesPupkinwouldswearoffandkeepawayfromthecursedthingforweeks,andthenperhapshe’dseebysheeraccidentapileofmatchesonthetable,oramatchlyingontheflooranditwouldstartthecrazeinhim。Iamusinghisownwords——a"craze"——that’swhathecalleditwhenhetoldMissLawsonallaboutit,andshepromisedtocurehimofit。Shewouldhave,too。Only,asIsay,Pupkinfoundthatwhathehadmistakenforattractionwasonlyrespect。Andthere’snouseworryingawomanthatyourespectaboutyourcrazes。
ItwasfromMalloryTompkinsthatPupkinlearnedallabouttheMariposapeople,becausePupkincamefromawayoff——somewheredownintheMaritimeProvinces——anddidn’tknowasoul。MalloryTompkinsusedtotellhimaboutJudgePepperleigh,andwhatawonderfullyclevermanhewasandhowhewouldhavebeenintheSupremeCourtforcertainiftheConservativeGovernmenthadstayedinanotherfifteenortwentyyearsinsteadofcomingtoaprematureend。HeusedtotalksomuchaboutthePepperleighs,thatPupkinwassickoftheveryname。ButjustassoonashehadseenZenaPepperleighhecouldn’thearenoughofthem。HewouldhavetalkedwithTompkinsforhoursaboutthejudge’sdogRover。AndasforZena,ifhecouldhavebroughthernameoverhislips,hewouldhavetalkedofherforever。
Hefirstsawher——byoneofthestrangestcoincidencesintheworld——ontheMainStreetofMariposa。Ifhehadn’thappenedtobegoingupthestreetandshetobecomingdownit,thethingwouldn’thavehappened。Afterwardstheybothadmittedthatitwasoneofthemostpeculiarcoincidencestheyeverheardof。Pupkinownedthathehadhadthestrangestfeelingthatmorningasifsomethingweregoingtohappen——afeelingnotatalltobeclassedwiththeoneofwhichhehadoncespokentoMissLawson,andwhichwas,atthemost,amereanticipationofrespect。
But,asIsay,PupkinmetZenaPepperleighonthe26thofJune,attwenty—fiveminutestoeleven。Andatoncethewholeworldchanged。
Thepastwasallblottedout。Eveninthenewfortyvolumeeditionofthe"InstalmentRecordofHumanity"thatMalloryTompkinshadjustreceivedPupkinwouldn’thavebotheredwithit。
She——thatwordhenceforthmeantZena——hadjustcomebackfromherboarding—school,andofalltimesofyearcomingbackfromaboarding—schoolandforwearingawhiteshirtwaistandacrimsontieandforcarryingatennisracketonthestrickenstreetofatown——commendmetothemonthofJuneinMariposa。
And,forPupkin,straightawaythewholetownwasirradiatedwithsunshine,andtherewassuchasingingofthebirds,andsuchadancingoftherippledwatersofthelake,andsuchakindlinessinthefacesofallthepeople,thatonlythosewhohavelivedinMariposa,andbeenyoungthere,canknowatallwhathefelt。
ThesimplefactisthatjustthemomenthesawZenaPepperleigh,Mr。Pupkinwasclean,plumb,straight,flat,absolutelyinlovewithher。
Whichfactissoimportantthatitwouldbefollynottoclosethechapterandthinkaboutit。
EIGHT
TheFore—ordainedAttachmentofZenaPepperleighandPeterPupkinZenaPepperleighusedtositreadingnovelsonthepiazzaofthejudge’shouse,halfhiddenbytheVirginiacreepers。Attimesthebookwouldfalluponherlapandtherewassuchalookofunstilledyearninginhervioleteyesthatitdidnotentirelydisappearevenwhenshepickeduptheapplethatlaybesideherandtookanotherbiteoutofit。
Withhandsclaspedshewouldsittheredreamingallthebeautifulday—dreamsofgirlhood。Whenyousawthatfarawaylookinhereyes,itmeantthatshewasdreamingthataplumedandarmouredknightwasrescuingherfromtheembattledkeepofacastlebesidetheDanube。
AtothertimesshewasbeingborneawaybyanAlgeriancorsairoverthebluewatersoftheMediterraneanandwasreachingoutherarmstowardsFrancetosayfarewelltoit。
Sometimeswhenyounoticedasweetlookofresignationthatseemedtorestuponherfeatures,itmeantthatLordRonalddeChevereuxwaskneelingatherfeet,andthatshewastellinghimtorise,thatherhumblerbirthmusteverbeabartotheirhappiness,andLordRonaldwasgettingintoanawfulstateaboutit,asEnglishpeersdoattheleastsuggestionofanythingofthesort。
Or,ifitwasn’tthat,thenherloverhadjustreturnedtoherside,tallandsoldierlyandsunburned,afterfightingfortenyearsintheSoudanforhersake,andhadcomebacktoaskherforheranswerandtotellherthatfortenyearsherfacehadbeenwithhimeveninthewatchesofthenight。Hewasaskingherforasign,anykindofsign,——tenyearsintheSoudanentitlesthemtoasign,——andZenawaspluckingawhiterose,justone,fromherhair,whenshewouldhearherfather’ssteponthepiazzaandmakeagrabforthePioneersofTecumsehTownship,andstartreadingitlikemad。
Shewasalways,asIsay,beingrescuedandbeingborneaway,andbeingparted,andreachingoutherarmstoFranceandtoSpain,andsayinggood—byeforevertoValladolidortheoldgreytowersofHohenbranntwein。
AndIdon’tmeanthatshewasintheleastexceptionalorromantic,becauseallthegirlsinMariposawerejustlikethat。AnAlgeriancorsaircouldhavecomeintothetownandhadadozenofthemfortheasking,andasforawoundedEnglishofficer,——well,perhapsit’sbetternottotalkaboutitoutsideorthelittletownwouldbecomearegularmilitaryhospital。
Because,mindyou,theMariposagirlsareallright。You’veonlytolookatthemtorealizethat。Yousee,youcangetinMariposaaprintdressofpaleblueorpalepinkforadollartwentythatlooksinfinitelybetterthananythingyoueverseeinthecity,——especiallyifyoucanwearwithitabroadstrawhatandabackgroundofmapletreesandthegreengrassofatenniscourt。Andifyouremember,too,thatthesearecultivatedgirlswhohaveallbeentotheMariposahighschoolandcandodecimalfractions,youwillunderstandthatanAlgeriancorsairwouldsharpenhisscimitarattheverysightofthem。
Don’tthinkeitherthattheyarealldyingtogetmarried;becausetheyarenot。Idon’tsaytheywouldn’ttakeanerrantknight,orabuccaneeroraHungarianrefugee,butfortheordinarymarriagesofordinarypeopletheyfeelnothingbutapityingdisdain。Soitisthateachoneoftheminduetimemarriesanenchantedprinceandgoestoliveinoneofthelittleenchantedhousesinthelowerpartofthetown。
Idon’tknowwhetheryouknowit,butyoucanrentanenchantedhouseinMariposaforeightdollarsamonth,andsomeofthemostcompletelyenchantedarethecheapest。Asfortheenchantedprinces,theyfindtheminthestrangestplaces,whereyouneverexpectedtoseethem,working——underaspell,youunderstand,——indrug—storesandprintingoffices,andevensellingthingsinshops。ButtobeabletofindthemyouhavefirsttoreadeversomanynovelsaboutSirGalahadandtheErrantQuestandthatsortofthing。
NaturallythenZenaPepperleigh,asshesatonthepiazza,dreamedofbanditsandofwoundedofficersandofLordRonaldsridingonfoam—fleckedchargers。Butthatsheeverdreamedofajuniorbanktellerinadaffodilblazerridingpastonabicycle,isprettyhardtoimagine。So,whenMr。PupkincametearingpastuptheslopeofOneidaStreetataspeedthatprovedthathewasn’tridingtheremerelytopassthehouse,Idon’tsupposethatZenaPepperleighwasawareofhisexistence。
Thatmaybeaslightexaggeration。Sheknew,perhaps,thathewasthenewjuniortellerintheExchangeBankandthathecamefromtheMaritimeProvinces,andthatnobodyknewwhohispeoplewere,andthathehadneverbeeninacanoeinhislifetillhecametoMariposa,andthathesatfourpewsbackinDeanDrone’schurch,andthathissalarywaseighthundreddollars。Beyondthat,shedidn’tknowathingabouthim。Shepresumed,however,thatthereasonwhyhewentpastsofastwasbecausehedidn’tdaretogoslow。
This,ofcourse,wasperfectlycorrect。EversincethedaywhenMr。
PupkinmetZenaintheMainStreetheusedtocomepastthehouseonhisbicyclejustafterbankhours。Hewouldhavegonepasttwentytimesadaybuthewasafraidto。AshecameupOneidaStreet,heusedtopedalfasterandfaster,——henevermeantto,buthecouldn’thelpit,——tillhewentpastthepiazzawhereZenawassittingatanawfulspeedwithhislittleyellowblazerflyinginthewind。Inasecondhehaddisappearedinabuzzandacloudofdust,andthemomentumofitcarriedhimclearoutintothecountryformilesandmilesbeforeheeverdaredtopauseorlookback。
ThenMr。Pupkinwouldrideinahugecircuitaboutthecountry,tryingtothinkhewaslookingatthecrops,andsoonerorlaterhisbicyclewouldbeturnedtowardsthetownagainandheadedforOneidaStreet,andwouldgetgoingquickerandquickerandquicker,tillthepedalswhirledroundwithabuzzandhecamepastthejudge’shouseagain,likeabulletoutofagun。Herodefifteenmilestopassthehousetwice,andeventhenittookallthenervethathehad。
ThepeopleonOneidaStreetthoughtthatMr。Pupkinwascrazy,butZenaPepperleighknewthathewasnot。Already,yousee,therewasasortofdimparallelbetweenthepassingofthebicycleandthelastrideofTancredtheInconsolablealongthebanksoftheDanube。
Ihavealreadymentioned,Ithink,howMr。PupkinandZenaPepperleighfirstcametoknowoneanother。Likeeverythingelseaboutthem,itwasasheermatterofcoincidence,quiteinexplicableunlessyouunderstandthatthesethingsarefore—ordained。
That,ofcourse,isthewaywithfore—ordainedaffairsandthat’swheretheydifferfromordinarylove。
Iwon’teventrytodescribehowMr。PupkinfeltwhenhefirstspokewithZenaandsatbesideherastheycopiedoutthe"endlesschain"
letteraskingfortencents。Theywroteout,asIsaid,nolessthaneightofthelettersbetweenthem,andtheyfoundoutthattheirhandwritingsweresoalikethatyoucouldhardlytellthemapart,exceptthatPupkin’sletterswereroundandZena’sletterswerepointedandPupkinwrotestraightupanddownandZenawroteonaslant。Beyondthatthewritingwassoalikethatitwasthestrangestcoincidenceintheworld。OfcoursewhentheymadefiguresitwasdifferentandPupkinexplainedtoZenathatinthebankyouhavetobeabletomakeasevensothatitdoesn’tlooklikeanine。
So,asIsay,theywrotethelettersallafternoonandwhenitwasovertheywalkedupOneidaStreettogether,eversoslowly。Whentheygotnearthehouse,ZenaaskedPupkintocomeintotea,withsuchaneasyoff—handwaythatyoucouldn’thavetoldthatshewashalfanhourlateandwastakingawfulchancesonthejudge。Pupkinhadn’thadtimetosayyesbeforethejudgeappearedatthedoor,justastheyweresteppingupontothepiazza,andhehadatablenapkininhishandandthedynamitesparkswereflyingfromhisspectaclesashecalledout:
"Greatheaven!Zena,whyineverlastingblazescan’tyougetintoteaataChristianhour?"
ZenagaveonelookofappealtoPupkin,andPupkinlookedoneglanceofcomprehension,andturnedandfleddownOneidaStreet。Andifthescenewasn’tquiteasdramaticastherenunciationofTancredtheTroubadour,itatleasthadsomethingofthesameelementsinit。
PupkinwalkedhometohissupperattheMariposaHouseonair,andthateveningtherewasagentledistanceinhismannertowardsSadie,thedining—roomgirl,thatIsupposenobankclerkinMariposaevershowedbefore。ItwaslikeSirGalahadtalkingwiththetire—womenofQueenGuinevereandreceivinghuckleberrypieattheirhands。
AfterthatMr。PupkinandZenaPepperleighconstantlymettogether。
TheyplayedtennisaspartnersonthegrasscourtbehindDr。
Gallagher’shouse,——theMariposaTennisClubrentit,youremember,forfiftycentsamonth,——andPupkinusedtoperformperfectprodigiesofvalour,leapingintheairtoservewithhislittlebodyhookedlikealetterS。Sometimes,too,theywentoutonLakeWissanottiintheeveninginPupkin’scanoe,withZenasittinginthebowandPupkinpaddlinginthesternandtheywentouteversofaranditwasafterdarkandthestarswereshiningbeforetheycamehome。Zenawouldlookatthestarsandsayhowinfinitelyfarawaytheyseemed,andPupkinwouldrealizethatagirlwithamindlikethatcouldn’thaveanyuseforafoolsuchashim。ZenausedtoaskhimtopointoutthePleiadesandJupiterandUrsaminor,andPupkinshowedherexactlywheretheywere。Thatimpressedthembothtremendously,becausePupkindidn’tknowthatZenarememberedthenamesoutoftheastronomybookatherboarding—school,andZenadidn’tknowthatPupkinsimplytookachanceonwherethestarswere。
AndeversomanytimestheytalkedsointimatelythatPupkincamemightyneartellingherabouthishomeintheMaritimeProvincesandabouthisfatherandmother,andthenkickedhimselfthathehadn’tthemanlinesstospeakstraightoutaboutitandtaketheconsequences。
Pleasedon’timaginefromanyofthisthatthecourseofMr。Pupkin’sloveransmooth。Onthecontrary,Pupkinhimselffeltthatitwasabsolutelyhopelessfromthestart。
Therewere,itmightbeadmitted,certainthingsthatseemedtoindicateprogress。
InthecourseofthemonthsofJuneandJulyandAugust,hehadtakenZenaoutinhiscanoethirty—onetimes。Allowinganaverageoftwomilesforeachevening,PupkinhadpaddledZenasixty—twomiles,ormorethanahundredthousandyards。Thatsurelywassomething。
Hehadplayedtenniswithheronsixteenafternoons。Threetimeshehadlefthistennisracketupatthejudge’shouseinZena’scharge,andoncehehad,withherfullconsent,lefthisbicyclethereallnight。Thismustcountforsomething。Nogirlcouldtriflewithamantotheextentofhavinghisbicycleleaningagainsttheverandahpostallnightandmeannothingbyit。
Morethanthat——hehadbeentoteaatthejudge’shousefourteentimes,andseventimeshehadbeenaskedbyLilianDronetotherectorywhenZenawascoming,andfivetimesbyNoraGallaghertoteaatthedoctor’shousebecauseZenawasthere。
AltogetherhehadeatensomanymealswhereZenawasthathismealticketattheMariposalastednearlydoubleitspropertime,andthefaceofSadie,thedining—roomgirl,hadgrowntowearalookofmelancholyresignation;sadderthanromance。
Stillmorethanthat,PupkinhadboughtforZena,reckoningitaltogether,abouttwobucketsoficecreamandperhapshalfabushelofchocolate。NotthatPupkingrudgedtheexpenseofit。Onthecontrary,overandabovetheicecreamandthechocolatehehadboughtherawhitewaistcoatandawalkingstickwithagoldtop,alotofnewnecktiesandapairofpatentleatherboots——thatis,theywereallboughtonaccountofher,whichisthesamething。
AddtoallthisthatPupkinandZenahadbeentotheChurchofEnglandChurchnearlyeverySundayeveningfortwomonths,andoneeveningtheyhadevengonetothePresbyterianChurch"forfun,"
which,ifyouknowMariposa,youwillrealizetobeawildsortofescapadethatoughttospeakvolumes。
Yetinspiteofthis,Pupkinfeltthatthethingwashopeless:whichonlyillustratesthedreadfulupsanddowns,thewildalternationsofhopeanddespairthatcharacteriseanexceptionalaffairofthissort。
Yes,itwashopeless。
EverytimethatPupkinwatchedZenaprayinginchurch,heknewthatshewastoogoodforhim。EverytimethathecametocallforherandfoundherreadingBrowningandOmarKhayyamheknewthatshewastoocleverforhim。Andeverytimethathesawheratallherealizedthatshewastoobeautifulforhim。
Yousee,Pupkinknewthathewasn’tahero。WhenZenawouldclaspherhandsandtalkrapturouslyaboutcrusadersandsoldiersandfiremenandheroesgenerally,Pupkinknewjustwherehecamein。Notinit,thatwasall。IfawarcouldhavebrokenoutinMariposa,orthejudge’shousebeeninvadedbytheGermans,hemighthavehadachance,butasitwas——hopeless。
ThentherewasZena’sfather。HeavenknowsPupkintriedhardtopleasethejudge。HeagreedwitheverytheorythatJudgePepperleighadvanced,andthattookaprettypliableintellectinitself。Theydenouncedfemalesuffrageonedayandtheyfavoureditthenext。Onedaythejudgewouldclaimthatthelabourmovementwaseatingouttheheartofthecountry,andthenextdayhewouldholdthatthehopeoftheworldlayintheorganizationofthetoilingmasses。Pupkinshiftedhisopinionsliketheglassinakaleidoscope。Indeed,theonlythingsonwhichhewasallowedtomaintainasteadfastconvictionwerethepurityoftheConservativepartyofCanadaandtheawfulwickednessoftherecallofjudges。
ButwithallthatthejudgewashardlyciviltoPupkin。Hehadn’taskedhimtothehousetillZenabroughthimthere,though,asarule,allthebankclerksinMariposatreatedJudgePepperleigh’spremisesastheirown。HeusedtositandsneeratPupkinafterhehadgonetillZenawouldthrowdownthePioneersofTecumsehTownshipinatemperandflounceoffthepiazzatoherroom。Afterwhichthejudge’smannerwouldchangeinstantlyandhewouldrelighthiscorncobpipeandsitandpositivelybeamwithcontentment。InallofwhichtherewassomethingsomysteriousastoprovethatMr。Pupkin’schanceswerehopeless。
Norwasthatallofit。Pupkin’ssalarywaseighthundreddollarsayearandtheExchangeBanklimitformarriagewasathousand。
IsupposeyouareawareofthegrindingcapitalistictyrannyofthebanksinMariposawherebymarriageisputbeyondthereachofeversomanymatureandexperiencedmenofnineteenandtwentyandtwenty—one,whoarecompelledtogooneatingonamealticketattheMariposaHouseandlivingoverthebanktosuitthewhimofagroupofcapitalists。
WheneverPupkinthoughtofthistwohundreddollarsheunderstoodallthatitmeantbysocialunrest。Infact,heinterpretedallformsofsocialdiscontentintermsofit。RussianAnarchism,GermanSocialism,theLabourMovement,HenryGeorge,LloydGeorge,——heunderstoodthewholelotofthembythinkingofhistwohundreddollars。
WhenItellyouthatatthisperiodMr。PupkinreadMemoirsoftheGreatRevolutionistsandeventhoughtofblowingupHenryMullinswithdynamite,youcanappreciatehisstateofmind。
ButnotevenbyallthesehindrancesandobstaclestohisloveforZenaPepperleighwouldPeterPupkinhavebeendriventocommitsuicide(oh,yes;hecommitteditthreetimes,asI’mgoingtotellyou),haditnotbeenforanotherthingthatheknewstoodonceandforallandincoldrealitybetweenhimandZena。
Hefeltitinasortofway,assoonasheknewher。Eachtimethathetriedtotalktoherabouthishomeandhisfatherandmotherandfoundthatsomethingheldhimback,herealizedmoreandmorethekindofthingthatstoodbetweenthem。Mostofalldidherealizeit,withasuddensicknessofheart,whenhegotwordthathisfatherandmotherwantedtocometoMariposatoseehimandhehadallhecoulddotoheadthemofffromit。
Why?Whystopthem?Thereasonwas,simpleenough,thatPupkinwasashamedofthem,bitterlyashamed。ThepictureofhismotherandfatherturningupinMariposaandbeingseenbyhisfriendsthereandgoinguptothePepperleigh’shousemadehimfeelfaintwithshame。
No,Idon’tsayitwasn’twrong。Itonlyshowswhatdifferenceoffortune,thedifferenceofbeingrichandbeingpoor,meansinthisworld。Youperhapshavebeensoluckythatyoucannotappreciatewhatitmeanstofeelshameatthestationofyourownfatherandmother。
Youthinkitdoesn’tmatter,thathonestyandkindlinessofheartareallthatcounts。Thatonlyshowsthatyouhaveneverknownsomeofthebitterestfeelingsofpeoplelessfortunatethanyourself。
SoitwaswithMr。Pupkin。WhenhethoughtofhisfatherandmotherturningupinMariposa,hisfacereddenedwithunworthyshame。
Hecouldjustpicturethescene!HecouldseethemgettingoutoftheirLimousinetouringcar,withthechauffeurholdingopenthedoorforthem,andhisfatheraskingforasuiteofrooms,——justthinkofit,asuiteofrooms!——attheMariposaHouse。
Theverythoughtofitturnedhimill。
What!Youhavemistakenmymeaning?Ashamedofthembecausetheywerepoor?Goodheavens,no,butbecausetheywererich!AndnotrichinthesenseinwhichtheyusetheterminMariposa,wherearichpersonmerelymeansamanwhohasmoneyenoughtobuildahousewithapiazzaandtohaveeverythinghewants;butrichintheothersense,——motorcars,Ritzhotels,steamyachts,summerislandsandallthatsortofthing。
Why,Pupkin’sfather,——what’stheuseoftryingtoconcealitanylonger?——wastheseniorpartnerinthelawfirmofPupkin,PupkinandPupkin。IfyouknowtheMaritimeProvincesatall,you’veheardofthePupkins。ThenameisahouseholdwordfromChedabuctotoChidabecto。And,forthematterofthat,thelawfirmandthefactthatPupkinseniorhadbeenanAttorneyGeneralwastheleastpartofit。AttorneyGeneral!Why,there’snomoneyinthat!It’snobetterthantheSenate。No,no,Pupkinsenior,likesomanylawyers,waspracticallyapromoter,andheblewcompanieslikebubbles,andwhenhewasn’tintheMaritimeProvinceshewasinBostonandNewYorkraisingmoneyandfloatingloans,andwhentheyhadnomoneyleftinNewYorkhefloateditinLondon:andwhenhehadit,hefloatedontopofitbigraftsoflumberontheMiramichiandcodfishontheGrandBanksandlesserfishintheFundyBay。You’veheardperhapsoftheTidalTransportationCompany,andFundyFisheriesCorporation,andthePaspebiacPulpandPaperUnlimited?Well;allofthosewerePupkinseniorunderothernames。SojustimaginehiminMariposa!
Wouldn’thebeutterlyfoolishthere?JustimaginehimmeetingJimEliotandtreatinghimlikeadruggistmerelybecauseheranadrugstore!orspeakingtoJeffersonThorpeasifhewereabarbersimplybecauseheshavedformoney!Why,amanlikethatcouldruinyoungPupkininMariposainhalfaday,andPupkinknewit。
Thatwouldn’tmattersomuch,butthinkofthePepperleighsandZena!Everything。wouldbeoverwiththematonce。Pupkinknewjustwhatthejudgethoughtofrichesandluxuries。HowoftenhadheheardthejudgepasssentencesoflifeimprisonmentonPierpontMorganandMr。Rockefeller。HowoftenhadPupkinheardhimsaythatanymanwhoreceivedmorethanthreethousanddollarsayear(thatwasthejudicialsalaryintheMissinabadistrict)wasamererobber,unfittoshakethehandofanhonestman。Bitter!Ishouldthinkhewas!
Hewasnotsobitter,perhaps,asMr。Muddleson,theprincipaloftheMariposahighschool,whosaidthatanymanwhoreceivedmorethanfifteenhundreddollarswasapublicenemy。HewascertainlynotsobitterasTrelawney,thepost—master,whosaidthatanymanwhogotfromsocietymorethanthirteenhundreddollars(apartfromalegitimateincreaseinrecognitionofasuccessfulelection)wasadangertosociety。Still,hewasbitter。TheyallwereinMariposa。
Pupkincouldjustimaginehowtheywoulddespisehisfather!
AndZena!Thatwastheworstofall。Howoftenhad,Pupkinheardhersaythatshesimplyhateddiamondswouldn’twearthem,despisedthem,wouldn’tgiveathankyouforawholetiaraofthem!Asformotorcarsandsteamyachts,——well,itwasprettyplainthatthatsortofthinghadnochancewithZenaPepperleigh。Why,shehadtoldPupkinonenightinthecanoethatshewouldonlymarryamanwhowaspoorandhadhiswaytomakeandwouldhewdowndifficultiesforhersake。