PrefaceI
TheHostelryofMr。SmithII
TheSpeculationsofJeffersonThorpeIIITheMarineExcursionoftheKnightsofPythiasIVTheMinistrationsoftheRev。Mr。DroneVTheWhirlwindCampaigninMariposaVITheBeaconontheHillVIITheExtraordinaryEntanglementofMr。PupkinVIIITheFore—ordainedAttachmentofZenaPepperleighandPeterPupkinIXTheMariposaBankMysteryXTheGreatElectioninMissinabaCountyXITheCandidacyofMr。SmithXIIL’Envoi。TheTraintoMariposaPrefaceIknownowayinwhichawritermaymorefittinglyintroducehisworktothepublicthanbygivingabriefaccountofwhoandwhatheis。
Bythismeanssomeoftheblameforwhathehasdoneisveryproperlyshiftedtotheextenuatingcircumstancesofhislife。
IwasbornatSwanmoor，Hants，England，onDecember30，1869。Iamnotawarethattherewasanyparticularconjunctionoftheplanetsatthetime，butshouldthinkitextremelylikely。MyparentsmigratedtoCanadain1876，andIdecidedtogowiththem。MyfathertookupafarmnearLakeSimcoe，inOntario。ThiswasduringthehardtimesofCanadianfarming，andmyfatherwasjustablebygreatdiligencetopaythehiredmenand，inyearsofplenty，toraiseenoughgraintohaveseedforthenextyear’scropwithoutbuyingany。BythisprocessmybrothersandIwereinevitablydrivenofftheland，andhavebecomeprofessors，businessmen，andengineers，insteadofbeingabletogrowupasfarmlabourers。YetIsawenoughoffarmingtospeakexuberantlyinpoliticaladdressesofthejoyofearlyrisingandthedeepsleep，bothofbodyandintellect，thatisinducedbyhonestmanualtoil。
IwaseducatedatUpperCanadaCollege，Toronto，ofwhichIwasheadboyin1887。FromthereIwenttotheUniversityofToronto，whereI
graduatedin1891。AttheUniversityIspentmyentiretimeintheacquisitionoflanguages，living，dead，andhalf—dead，andknewnothingoftheoutsideworld。InthisdiligentpursuitofwordsI
spentaboutsixteenhoursofeachday。VerysoonaftergraduationI
hadforgottenthelanguages，andfoundmyselfintellectuallybankrupt。InotherwordsIwaswhatiscalledadistinguishedgraduate，and，assuch，ItooktoschoolteachingastheonlytradeI
couldfindthatneedneitherexperiencenorintellect。Ispentmytimefrom1891to1899onthestaffofUpperCanadaCollege，anexperiencewhichhasleftmewithaprofoundsympathyforthemanygiftedandbrilliantmenwhoarecompelledtospendtheirlivesinthemostdreary，themostthankless，andtheworstpaidprofessionintheworld。Ihavenotedthatofmypupils，thosewhoseemedthelaziestandtheleastenamouredofbooksarenowrisingtoeminenceatthebar，inbusiness，andinpubliclife;thereallypromisingboyswhotookalltheprizesarenowablewithdifficultytoearnthewagesofaclerkinasummerhoteloradeckhandonacanalboat。
In1899Igaveupschoolteachingindisgust，borrowingenoughmoneytoliveuponforafewmonths，andwenttotheUniversityofChicagotostudyeconomicsandpoliticalscience。IwassoonappointedtoaFellowshipinpoliticaleconomy，andbymeansofthisandsometemporaryemploymentbyMcGillUniversity，IsurviveduntilItookthedegreeofDoctorofPhilosophyin1903。Themeaningofthisdegreeisthattherecipientofinstructionisexaminedforthelasttimeinhislife，andispronouncedcompletelyfull。Afterthis，nonewideascanbeimpartedtohim。
Fromthistime，andsincemymarriage，whichhadoccurredatthisperiod，IhavebelongedtothestaffofMcGillUniversity，firstaslecturerinPoliticalScience，andlaterasheadofthedepartmentofEconomicsandPoliticalScience。Asthispositionisoneoftheprizesofmyprofession，Iamabletoregardmyselfassingularlyfortunate。Theemolumentissohighastoplacemedistinctlyabovethepolicemen，postmen，street—carconductors，andothersalariedofficialsoftheneighbourhood，whileIamabletomixwiththepoorerofthebusinessmenofthecityontermsofsomethinglikeequality。Inpointofleisure，Ienjoymoreinthefourcornersofasingleyearthanabusinessmanknowsinhiswholelife。Ithushavewhatthebusinessmancanneverenjoy，anabilitytothink，and，whatisstillbetter，tostopthinkingaltogetherformonthsatatime。
Ihavewrittenanumberofthingsinconnectionwithmycollegelife——abookonPoliticalScience，andmanyessays，magazinearticles，andsoon。IbelongtothePoliticalScienceAssociationofAmerica，totheRoyalColonialInstitute，andtotheChurchofEngland。Thesethings，surely，areaproofofrespectability。Ihavehadsomesmallconnectionwithpoliticsandpubliclife。AfewyearsagoIwentallroundtheBritishEmpiredeliveringaddressesonImperialorganization。WhenIstatethattheselectureswerefollowedalmostimmediatelybytheUnionofSouthAfrica，theBananaRiotsinTrinidad，andtheTurco—Italianwar，Ithinkthereadercanformsomeideaoftheirimportance。InCanadaIbelongtotheConservativeparty，butasyetIhavefailedentirelyinCanadianpolitics，neverhavingreceivedacontracttobuildabridge，ormakeawharf，nortoconstructeventhesmallestsectionoftheTranscontinentalRailway。
This，however，isaformofnationalingratitudetowhichonebecomesaccustomedinthisDominion。
Apartfrommycollegework，Ihavewrittentwobooks，onecalled"LiteraryLapses"andtheother"NonsenseNovels。"EachoftheseispublishedbyJohnLane（LondonandNewYork），andeitherofthemcanbeobtained，absurdthoughitsounds，forthemeresumofthreeshillingsandsixpence。Anyreaderofthispreface，forexample，ridiculousthoughitappears，couldwalkintoabookstoreandbuybothofthesebooksforsevenshillings。Yettheseworksareofsohumorousacharacterthatformanyyearsitwasfoundimpossibletoprintthem。Thecompositorsfellbackfromtheirtasksuffocatedwithlaughterandgaspingforair。Nothingbuttheinterventionofthelinotypemachine——orrather，ofthekindofmenwhooperateit——madeitpossibletoprintthesebooks。Evennowpeoplehavetobeverycarefulincirculatingthem，andthebooksshouldneverbeputintothehandsofpersonsnotinrobusthealth。
ManyofmyfriendsareundertheimpressionthatIwritethesehumorousnothingsinidlemomentswhentheweariedbrainisunabletoperformtheseriouslaboursoftheeconomist。Myownexperienceisexactlytheotherway。Thewritingofsolid，instructivestufffortifiedbyfactsandfiguresiseasyenough。Thereisnotroubleinwritingascientifictreatiseonthefolk—loreofCentralChina，orastatisticalenquiryintothedecliningpopulationofPrinceEdwardIsland。Buttowritesomethingoutofone’sownmind，worthreadingforitsownsake，isanarduouscontrivanceonlytobeachievedinfortunatemoments，fewandfarbetween。Personally，Iwouldsoonerhavewritten"AliceinWonderland"thanthewholeEncyclopaediaBritannica。
InregardtothepresentworkImustdisclaimatonceallintentionsoftryingtodoanythingsoridiculouslyeasyaswritingaboutarealplaceandrealpeople。Mariposaisnotarealtown。Onthecontrary，itisaboutseventyoreightyofthem。YoumayfindthemallthewayfromLakeSuperiortothesea，withthesamesquarestreetsandthesamemapletreesandthesamechurchesandhotels，andeverywherethesunshineofthelandofhope。
Similarly，theReverendMr。Droneisnotonepersonbutabouteightorten。TomakehimIclappedthegaitersofoneecclesiasticroundthelegsofanother，addedthesermonsofathirdandthecharacterofafourth，andsolethimstartonhiswayinthebooktopickupsuchindividualattributesashemightfindforhimself。MullinsandBagshawandJudgePepperleighandtherestare，itistrue，personalfriendsofmine。ButIhaveknowntheminsuchavarietyofforms，withsuchalternationsoftallandshort，darkandfair，that，individually，Ishouldhavemuchadotoknowthem。Mr。PupkinisfoundwheneveraCanadianbankopensabranchinacountytownandneedsateller。AsforMr。Smith，withhistwohundredandeightypounds，hishoarsevoice，hisloudchecksuit，hisdiamonds，theroughnessofhisaddressandthegoodnessofhisheart，——allofthisisknownbyeverybodytobeanecessaryanduniversaladjunctofthehotelbusiness。
Theinspirationofthebook，——alandofhopeandsunshinewherelittletownsspreadtheirsquarestreetsandtheirtrimmapletreesbesideplacidlakesalmostwithinechooftheprimevalforest，——islargeenough。Ifitfailsinitsportrayalofthescenesandthecountrythatitdepictsthefaultliesratherwithanartthatisdeficientthaninanaffectionthatiswanting。
StephenLeacock。McGillUniversity，June，1912。
ONE
TheHostelryofMr。SmithIdon’tknowwhetheryouknowMariposa。Ifnot，itisofnoconsequence，forifyouknowCanadaatall，youareprobablywellacquaintedwithadozentownsjustlikeit。
Thereitliesinthesunlight，slopingupfromthelittlelakethatspreadsoutatthefootofthehillsideonwhichthetownisbuilt。
Thereisawharfbesidethelake，andlyingalongsideofitasteamerthatistiedtothewharfwithtworopesofaboutthesamesizeastheyuseontheLusitania。Thesteamergoesnowhereinparticular，forthelakeislandlockedandthereisnonavigationfortheMariposaBelleexceptto"runtrips"onthefirstofJulyandtheQueen’sBirthday，andtotakeexcursionsoftheKnightsofPythiasandtheSonsofTemperancetoandfromtheLocalOptionTownships。
InpointofgeographythelakeiscalledLakeWissanottiandtheriverrunningoutofittheOssawippi，justasthemainstreetofMariposaiscalledMissinabaStreetandthecountyMissinabaCounty。
Butthesenamesdonotreallymatter。Nobodyusesthem。Peoplesimplyspeakofthe"lake"andthe"river"andthe"mainstreet，"muchinthesamewayastheyalwayscalltheContinentalHotel，"PeteRobinson’s"andthePharmaceuticalHall，"Eliot’sDrugStore。"ButI
supposethisisjustthesameineveryoneelse’stownasinmine，soIneedlaynostressonit。
Thetown，Isay，hasonebroadstreetthatrunsupfromthelake，commonlycalledtheMainStreet。Thereisnodoubtaboutitswidth。
WhenMariposawaslaidouttherewasnoneofthatshortsightednesswhichisseeninthecrampeddimensionsofWallStreetandPiccadilly。MissinabaStreetissowidethatifyouweretorollJeffThorpe’sbarbershopoveronitsfaceitwouldn’treachhalfwayacross。UpanddowntheMainStreetaretelegraphpolesofcedarofcolossalthickness，standingatavarietyofanglesandcarryingrathermorewiresthanarecommonlyseenatatransatlanticcablestation。
OntheMainStreetitselfareanumberofbuildingsofextraordinaryimportance，——Smith’sHotelandtheContinentalandtheMariposaHouse，andthetwobanks（theCommercialandtheExchange），tosaynothingofMcCarthy’sBlock（erectedin1878），andGlover’sHardwareStorewiththeOddfellows’Hallaboveit。Thenonthe"cross"streetthatintersectsMissinabaStreetatthemaincornerthereisthePostOfficeandtheFireHallandtheYoungMen’sChristianAssociationandtheofficeoftheMariposaNewspacket，——infact，totheeyeofdiscernmentaperfectjostleofpublicinstitutionscomparableonlytoThreadneedleStreetorLowerBroadway。Onallthesidestreetstherearemapletreesandbroadsidewalks，trimgardenswithuprightcallalilies，houseswithverandahs，whicharehereandtherebeingreplacedbyresidenceswithpiazzas。
TothecarelesseyethesceneontheMainStreetofasummerafternoonisoneofdeepandunbrokenpeace。Theemptystreetsleepsinthesunshine。ThereisahorseandbuggytiedtothehitchingpostinfrontofGlover’shardwarestore。Thereis，usuallyandcommonly，theburlyfigureofMr。Smith，proprietorofSmith’sHotel，standinginhischequeredwaistcoatonthestepsofhishostelry，andperhaps，furtherupthestreet，LawyerMacartneygoingforhisafternoonmail，ortheRev。Mr。Drone，theRuralDeanoftheChurchofEnglandChurch，goinghometogethisfishingrodafteramothers’auxiliarymeeting。
Butthisquietismereappearance。Inreality，andtothosewhoknowit，theplaceisaperfecthiveofactivity。Why，atNetley’sbutchershop（establishedin1882）therearenolessthanfourmenworkingonthesausagemachinesinthebasement;attheNewspacketofficethereareasmanymorejob—printing;thereisalongdistancetelephonewithfourdistractinggirlsonhighstoolswearingsteelcapsandtalkingincessantly;intheofficesinMcCarthy’sblockaredentistsandlawyerswiththeircoatsoff，readytoworkatanymoment;andfromthebigplaningfactorydownbesidethelakewheretherailroadsidingis，youmayhearallthroughthehoursofthesummerafternoonthelong—drawnmusicoftherunningsaw。
Busy——well，Ishouldthinkso！AskanyofitsinhabitantsifMariposaisn’tabusy，hustling，thrivingtown。AskMullins，themanageroftheExchangeBank，whocomeshustlingovertohisofficefromtheMariposaHouseeverydayat10。30andhasscarcelytimeallmorningtogooutandtakeadrinkwiththemanageroftheCommercial;orask——well，forthematterofthat，askanyofthemiftheyeverknewamorerushinggo—a—headtownthanMariposa。
OfcourseifyoucometotheplacefreshfromNewYork，youaredeceived。Yourstandardofvisionisallastray，Youdothinktheplaceisquiet。YoudoimaginethatMr。Smithisasleepmerelybecausehecloseshiseyesashestands。ButliveinMariposaforsixmonthsorayearandthenyouwillbegintounderstanditbetter;thebuildingsgethigherandhigher;theMariposaHousegrowsmoreandmoreluxurious;McCarthy’sblocktowerstothesky;the’busesroarandhumtothestation;thetrainsshriek;thetrafficmultiplies;
thepeoplemovefasterandfaster;adensecrowdswirlstoandfrointhepost—officeandthefiveandtencentstore——andamusements！
well，now！lacrosse，baseball，excursions，dances，theFireman’sBalleverywinterandtheCatholicpicniceverysummer;andmusic——thetownbandintheparkeveryWednesdayevening，andtheOddfellows’
brassbandonthestreeteveryotherFriday;theMariposaQuartette，theSalvationArmy——why，afterafewmonths’residenceyoubegintorealizethattheplaceisameremadroundofgaiety。
Inpointofpopulation，ifonemustcomedowntofigures，theCanadiancensusputsthenumberseverytimeatsomethingroundfivethousand。ButitisverygenerallyunderstoodinMariposathatthecensusislargelytheoutcomeofmaliciousjealousy。ItisusualthatafterthecensustheeditoroftheMariposaNewspacketmakesacarefulreestimate（basedonthedataofrelativenon—paymentofsubscriptions），andbringsthepopulationupto6，000。AfterthattheMariposaTimes—Heraldmakesanestimatethatrunsthefiguresupto6，500。ThenMr。Gingham，theundertaker，whocollectsthevitalstatisticsfortheprovincialgovernment，makesanestimatefromthenumberofwhathecallsthe"demised"ascomparedwiththelessinterestingpersonswhoarestillalive，andbringsthepopulationto7，000。Afterthatsomebodyelseworksitoutthatit’s7，500;thenthemanbehindthebaroftheMariposaHouseofferstobetthewholeroomthatthereare9，000peopleinMariposa。Thatsettlesit，andthepopulationiswellonthewayto10，000，whendownswoopsthefederalcensustakeronhisnextroundandthetownhastobeginalloveragain。
Still，itisathrivingtownandthereisnodoubtofit。Eventhetranscontinentalrailways，asanytownsmanwilltellyou，runthroughMariposa。Itistruethatthetrainsmostlygothroughatnightanddon’tstop。ButinthewakefulsilenceofthesummernightyoumayhearthelongwhistleofthethroughtrainforthewestasittearsthroughMariposa，rattlingovertheswitchesandpastthesemaphoresandendinginalong，sullenroarasittakesthetrestlebridgeovertheOssawippi。Or，betterstill，onawintereveningabouteighto’clockyouwillseethelongrowofthePullmansanddinersofthenightexpressgoingnorthtotheminingcountry，thewindowsflashingwithbrilliantlight，andwithinthemavistaofcutglassandsnow—whitetablelinen，smilingnegroesandmillionaireswithnapkinsattheirchinswhirlingpastinthedrivingsnowstorm。
IcantellyouthepeopleofMariposaareproudofthetrains，eveniftheydon’tstop！ThejoyofbeingonthemainlineliftstheMariposapeopleabovetheleveloftheirneighboursinsuchplacesasTecumsehandNicholsCornersintothecosmopolitanatmosphereofthroughtrafficandthelargerlife。Ofcourse，theyhavetheirowntrain，too——theMariposaLocal，madeuprightthereinthestationyard，andrunningsouthtothecityahundredmilesaway。That，ofcourse，isarealtrain，withaboxstoveonendinthepassengercar，fedwithcordwoodupsidedown，andwithseventeenflatcarsofpinelumbersetbetweenthepassengercarandthelocomotivesoastogivethetrainitsfullimpactwhenshunting。
OutsideofMariposatherearefarmsthatbeginwellbutgetthinnerandmeanerasyougoon，andendsoonerorlaterinbushandswampandtherockofthenorthcountry。Andbeyondthatagain，asthebackgroundofitall，thoughit’sfaraway，youaresomehowawareofthegreatpinewoodsofthelumbercountryreachingendlesslyintothenorth。
Notthatthelittletownisalwaysgayoralwaysbrightinthesunshine。Thereneverwassuchaplaceforchangingitscharacterwiththeseason。Darkenoughanddullitseemsofawinternight，thewoodensidewalkscreakingwiththefrost，andthelightsburningdimbehindtheshopwindows。Inoldentimesthelightswerecoaloillamps;now，ofcourse，theyare，oraresupposedtobe，electricity，broughtfromthepowerhouseonthelowerOssawippinineteenmilesaway。But，somehow，thoughitstartsoffaselectricityfromtheOssawippirapids，bythetimeitgetstoMariposaandfiltersintothelittlebulbsbehindthefrostywindowsoftheshops，ithasturnedintocoaloilagain，asyellowandblearedasever。
Afterthewinter，thesnowmeltsandtheicegoesoutofthelake，thesunshineshighandtheshanty—mencomedownfromthelumberwoodsandlierounddrunkonthesidewalkoutsideofSmith’sHotel——andthat’sspringtime。Mariposaisthenafierce，dangerouslumbertown，calculatedtoterrorizethesoulofanewcomerwhodoesnotunderstandthatthisalsoisonlyanappearanceandthatpresentlytherough—lookingshanty—menwillchangetheirclothesandturnbackagainintofarmers。
ThenthesunshineswarmerandthemapletreescomeoutandLawyerMacartneyputsonhistennistrousers，andthat’ssummertime。Thelittletownchangestoasortofsummerresort。Therearevisitorsupfromthecity。Everyoneofthesevencottagesalongthelakeisfull。TheMariposaBellechurnsthewatersoftheWissanottiintofoamasshesailsoutfromthewharf，inacloudofflags，thebandplayingandthedaughtersandsistersoftheKnightsofPythiasdancinggailyonthedeck。
Thatchangestoo。Thedaysshorten。Thevisitorsdisappear。Thegoldenrodbesidethemeadowdroopsandwithersonitsstem。Themaplesblazeingloryanddie。Theeveningclosesdarkandchill，andinthegloomofthemaincornerofMariposatheSalvationArmyaroundanaphthalampliftuptheconfessionoftheirsins——andthatisautumn。Thustheyearrunsitsround，movingandchanginginMariposa，muchasitdoesinotherplaces。
If，then，youfeelthatyouknowthetownwellenoughtobeadmittedintotheinnerlifeandmovementofit，walkdownthisJuneafternoonhalfwaydowntheMainStreet——or，ifyoulike，halfwayupfromthewharf——towhereMr。Smithisstandingatthedoorofhishostelry。
Youwillfeelasyoudrawnearthatitisnoordinarymanthatyouapproach。ItisnotalonethehugebulkofMr。Smith（twohundredandeightypoundsastestedonNetley’sscales）。Itisnotmerelyhiscostume，thoughthechequeredwaistcoatofdarkbluewithafloweredpatternforms，withhisshepherd’splaidtrousers，hisgreyspatsandpatent—leatherboots，acolourschemeofnomeanorder。NorisitmerelyMr。Smith’sfinelymottledface。Theface，nodoubt，isanotableone，——solemn，inexpressible，unreadable，thefaceoftheheaven—bornhotelkeeper。Itismorethanthat。Itisthestrangedominatingpersonalityofthemanthatsomehowholdsyoucaptive。I
knownothinginhistorytocomparewiththepositionofMr。Smithamongthosewhodrinkoverhisbar，except，thoughinalesserdegree，therelationoftheEmperorNapoleontotheImperialGuard。
WhenyoumeetMr。Smithfirstyouthinkhelookslikeanover—dressedpirate。Thenyoubegintothinkhimacharacter。Youwonderathisenormousbulk。ThentheutterhopelessnessofknowingwhatSmithisthinkingbymerelylookingathisfeaturesgetsonyourmindandmakestheMonaLisaseemanopenbookandtheordinaryhumancountenanceassuperficialasapuddleinthesunlight。AfteryouhavehadadrinkinMr。Smith’sbar，andhehascalledyoubyyourChristianname，yourealizethatyouaredealingwithoneofthegreatestmindsinthehotelbusiness。
Take，forinstance，thebigsignthatsticksoutintothestreetaboveMr。Smith’sheadashestands。Whatisonit？"JOS。SMITH，PROP。"Nothingmore，andyetthethingwasaflashofgenius。OthermenwhohadhadthehotelbeforeMr。SmithhadcalleditbysuchfeeblenamesastheRoyalHotelandtheQueen’sandtheAlexandria。
Everyoneofthemfailed。WhenMr。Smithtookoverthehotelhesimplyputupthesignwith"JOS。SMITH，PROP。，"andthenstoodunderneathinthesunshineasalivingproofthatamanwhoweighsnearlythreehundredpoundsisthenaturalkingofthehotelbusiness。
Butonthisparticularafternoon，inspiteofthesunshineanddeeppeace，therewassomethingasneartoprofoundconcernandanxietyasthefeaturesofMr。Smithwereeverknowntoexpress。
Themomentwasindeedananxiousone。Mr。Smithwasawaitingatelegramfromhislegaladviserwhohadthatdayjourneyedtothecountytowntorepresenttheproprietor’sinterestbeforetheassembledLicenseCommissioners。Ifyouknowanythingofthehotelbusinessatall，youwillunderstandthatasbesidethedecisionsoftheLicenseCommissionersofMissinabaCounty，theopinionsoftheLordsofthePrivyCouncilaremeretrifles。
Thematterinquestionwasverygrave。TheMariposaCourthadjustfinedMr。Smithforthesecondtimeforsellingliquorsafterhours。
TheCommissioners，therefore，wereentitledtocancelthelicense。
Mr。Smithknewhisfaultandacknowledgedit。Hehadbrokenthelaw。
Howhehadcometodoso，itpassedhisimaginationtorecall。Crimealwaysseemsimpossibleinretrospect。Bywhatsheermadnessofthemomentcouldhehaveshutupthebaronthenightinquestion，andshutJudgePepperleigh，thedistrictjudgeinMissinabaCounty，outsideofit？Themoresoinasmuchastheclosingupofthebarundertherigidlicenselawoftheprovincewasamatterthattheproprietornevertrustedtoanyhandsbuthisown。Punctuallyeverynightat11o’clockMr。Smithstrolledfromthedeskofthe"rotunda"tothedoorofthebar。Ifitseemedproperlyfullofpeopleandallwasbrightandcheerful，thenheclosedit。Ifnot，hekeptitopenafewminuteslongertillhehadenoughpeopleinsidetowarrantclosing。Butnever，neverunlesshewasassuredthatPepperleigh，thejudgeofthecourt，andMacartney，theprosecutingattorney，werebothsafelyinthebar，orthebarparlour，didtheproprietorventuretocloseup。YetonthisfatalnightPepperleighandMacartneyhadbeenshutout——actuallyleftonthestreetwithoutadrink，andcompelledtohammerandbeatatthestreetdoorofthebartogainadmittance。
Thiswasthekindofthingnottobetolerated。Eitherahotelmustberundecentlyorquit。AninformationwaslaidnextdayandMr。
Smithconvictedinfourminutes，——hislawyerspracticallyrefusingtoplead。TheMariposacourt，whenthepresidingjudgewascoldsober，andithadtheforceofpublicopinionbehindit，wasaterribleengineofretributivejustice。
SonowonderthatMr。Smithawaitedwithanxietythemessageofhislegaladviser。
Helookedalternatelyupthestreetanddownitagain，hauledouthiswatchfromthedepthsofhisembroideredpocket，andexaminedthehourhandandtheminutehandandthesecondhandwithfrowningscrutiny。
Thenwearily，andasonemindfulthatahotelmanisevertheservantofthepublic，heturnedbackintothehotel。
"Billy，"hesaidtothedeskclerk，"ifawirecomesbringitintothebarparlour。"
ThevoiceofMr。SmithisofadeepgutturalsuchasPlanconorEdouarddeReskemighthaveobtainedhadtheyhadtheadvantagesofthehotelbusiness。Andwiththat，Mr。Smith，aswashiscustominoffmoments，joinedhisguestsinthebackroom。Hisappearance，totheuntrainedeye，wasmerelythatofanextremelystouthotelkeeperwalkingfromtherotundatothebackbar。Inreality，Mr。Smithwasontheeveofoneofthemostbrilliantanddaringstrokesevereffectedinthehistoryoflicensedliquor。WhenIsaythatitwasoutoftheagitationofthissituationthatSmith’sLadies’andGent’sCafeoriginated，anybodywhoknowsMariposawillunderstandthemagnitudeofthemoment。
Mr。Smith，then，movedslowlyfromthedoorwayofthehotelthroughthe"rotunda，"ormoresimplythefrontroomwiththedeskandthecigarcaseinit，andsotothebarandthencetothelittleroomorbackbarbehindit。Inthisroom，asIhavesaid，thebrightestmindsofMariposamightcommonlybefoundinthequieterpartofasummerafternoon。
To—daytherewasagroupoffourwholookedupasMr。Smithentered，somewhatsympathetically，andevidentlyawareoftheperplexitiesofthemoment。
HenryMullinsandGeorgeDuff，thetwobankmanagers，werebothpresent。Mullinsisarathershort，ratherround，smooth—shavenmanoflessthanforty，wearingoneofthoseroundbankingsuitsofpepperandsalt，witharoundbankinghatofhardstraw，andwiththekindofgoldtie—pinandheavywatch—chainandsealsnecessarytoinspireconfidenceinmattersofforeignexchange。Duffisjustasroundandjustasshort，andequallysmoothlyshaven，whilehissealsandstrawhatarecalculatedtoprovethattheCommercialisjustassoundabankastheExchange。Fromthetechnicalpointofviewofthebankingbusiness，neitherofthemhadanyobjectiontobeinginSmith’sHotelortotakingadrinkaslongastheotherwaspresent。
This，ofcourse，wasoneofthecardinalprinciplesofMariposabanking。
ThentherewasMr。Diston，thehighschoolteacher，commonlyknownasthe"onewhodrank。"Noneoftheotherteacherseverenteredahotelunlessaccompaniedbyaladyorprotectedbyachild。ButasMr。
DistonwasknowntodrinkbeeronoccasionsandtogoinandoutoftheMariposaHouseandSmith’sHotel，hewaslookeduponasamanwhoselifewasamerewreck。WhenevertheSchoolBoardraisedthesalariesoftheotherteachers，fiftyorsixtydollarsperannumatonelift，itwaswellunderstoodthatpublicmoralitywouldn’tpermitofanincreaseforMr。Diston。
Stillmorenoticeable，perhaps，wasthequiet，sallowlookingmandressedinblack，withblackglovesandwithblacksilkhatheavilycrapedandplacedhollow—side—uponachair。ThiswasMr。GolgothaGingham，theundertakerofMariposa，andhisdresswasduetothefactthathehadjustcomefromwhathecalledan"interment。"Mr。
Ginghamhadthetruespiritofhisprofession，andsuchwordsas"funeral"or"coffin"or"hearse"neverpassedhislips。Hespokealwaysof"interments，"of"caskets，"and"coaches，"usingtermsthatwerecalculatedrathertobringoutthemajestyandsublimityofdeaththantoparadeitshorrors。
TobepresentatthehotelwasinaccordwithMr。Gingham’sgeneralconceptionofhisbusiness。NomanhadevergraspedthetrueprinciplesofundertakingmorethoroughlythanMr。Gingham。Ihaveoftenheardhimexplainthattoassociatewiththeliving，uninterestingthoughtheyappear，istheonlywaytosecurethecustomofthedead。
"Gettoknowpeoplereallywellwhiletheyarealive，"saidMr。
Gingham;"befriendswiththem，closefriendsandthenwhentheydieyoudon’tneedtoworry。You’llgettheordereverytime。"
So，naturally，asthemomentwasoneofsympathy，itwasMr。
Ginghamwhospokefirst。
"What’llyoudo，Josh，"hesaid，"iftheCommissionersgoagainstyou？"
"Boys，"saidMr。Smith，"Idon’trightlyknow。IfIhavetoquit，thenextmoveistothecity。ButIdon’treckonthatIwillhavetoquit。I’vegotanideethatIthink’sgoodeverytime。"
"Couldyourunahotelinthecity？"askedMullins。
"Icould，"saidMr。Smith。"I’lltellyou。There’sbigthingsdoin’
inthehotelbusinessrightnow，bigchancesifyougointoitright。
Hotelsinthecityisbranchingout。Why，youtakethedining—roomsideofit，"continuedMr。Smith，lookingroundatthegroup，"there’sthousandsinit。Theoldplan’sallgone。Folkswon’teatnowinanordinarydining—roomwithahighceilingandwindows。Youhavetoget’emdownundergroundinaroomwithnowindowsandlotsofsawdustroundandwaitersthatcan’tspeakEnglish。IseenthemplaceslasttimeIwasinthecity。Theycall’emRats’Coolers。AndforlightmealstheywantaCaff，arealFrenchCaff，andforfolksthatcomeinlateanotherplacethattheycallaGirlRoomthatdon’tshutupatall。IfIgotothecitythat’sthekindofplaceImeantorun。What’syours，Gol？It’sonthehouse？"
AnditwasjustatthemomentwhenMr。SmithsaidthisthatBilly，thedesk—clerk，enteredtheroomwiththetelegraminhishand。
Butstop——itisimpossibleforyoutounderstandtheanxietywithwhichMr。SmithandhisassociatesawaitedthenewsfromtheCommissioners，withoutfirstrealizingtheastoundingprogressofMr。
Smithinthethreepastyears，andthepinnacleofpubliceminencetowhichhehadattained。
Mr。SmithhadcomedownfromthelumbercountryoftheSpanishRiver，wherethedivideistowardtheHudsonBay，——"backnorth"astheycalleditinMariposa。
Hehadbeen，itwassaid，acookinthelumbershanties。TothisdayMr。Smithcanfryaneggonbothsideswithalightnessoftouchthatisthedespairofhisown"help。"
Afterthat，hehadrunariverdriver’sboarding—house。
Afterthat，hehadtakenafoodcontractforagangofrailroadnavviesonthetranscontinental。
Afterthat，ofcourse，thewholeworldwasopentohim。
HecamedowntoMariposaandboughtoutthe"inside"ofwhathadbeentheRoyalHotel。
Thosewhoareeducatedunderstandthatbythe"inside"ofahotelismeanteverythingexceptthefourouterwallsofit——thefittings，thefurniture，thebar，Billythedesk—clerk，thethreedining—roomgirls，andaboveallthelicensegrantedbyKingEdwardVII。，andratifiedfurtherbyKingGeorge，forthesaleofintoxicatingliquors。
TillthentheRoyalhadbeenamerenothing。As"Smith’sHotel"itbrokeintoablazeofeffulgence。
Fromthefirst，Mr。Smith，asaproprietor，wasawild，rapturoussuccess。
Hehadallthequalifications。
Heweighedtwohundredandeightypounds。
Hecouldhaultwodrunkenmenoutofthebareachbythescruffoftheneckwithoutthefaintestangerorexcitement。
Hecarriedmoneyenoughinhistrouserspocketstostartabank，andspentitonanything，betitonanything，andgaveitawayinhandfuls。
Hewasneverdrunk，and，asapointofchivalrytohiscustomers，neverquitesober。Anybodywasfreeofthehotelwhocaredtocomein。Anybodywhodidn’tlikeitcouldgoout。Drinksofallkindscostfivecents，orsixforaquarter。Mealsandbedswerepracticallyfree。Anypersonsfoolishenoughtogotothedeskandpayforthem，Mr。Smithchargedaccordingtotheexpressionoftheirfaces。
Atfirsttheloafersandtheshantymensettleddownontheplaceinashower。Butthatwasnotthe"trade"thatMr。Smithwanted。Heknewhowtogetridofthem。Anarmyofcharwomen，turnedintothehotel，scrubbeditfromtoptobottom。Avacuumcleaner，thefirstseeninMariposa，hissedandscreamedinthecorridors。Fortybrassbedswereimportedfromthecity，not，ofcourse，forthegueststosleepin，buttokeepthemout。Abar—tenderwithastarchedcoatandwickersleeveswasputbehindthebar。
Theloaferswereputoutofbusiness。Theplacehadbecometoo"hightoned"forthem。
Togetthehighclasstrade，Mr。Smithsethimselftodressthepart。
Heworewidecutcoatsoffilmyserge，lightasgossamer;chequeredwaistcoatswithapatternforeverydayintheweek;fedorahatslightasautumnleaves;four—in—handtiesofsaffronandmyrtlegreenwithadiamondpinthesizeofahazelnut。OnhisfingerstherewereasmanygemsaswouldgraceanativeprinceofIndia;acrosshiswaistcoatlayagoldwatch—chaininhugesquarelinksandinhispocketagoldwatchthatweighedapoundandahalfandmarkedminutes，secondsandquarterseconds。JusttolookatJoshSmith’swatchbroughtatleasttenmentothebareveryevening。
EverymorningMr。SmithwasshavedbyJeffersonThorpe，acrosstheway。Allthatartcoulddo，allthatFloridawatercouldeffect，waslavishedonhisperson。
Mr。Smithbecamealocalcharacter。Mariposawasathisfeet。Allthereputablebusiness—mendrankatMr。Smith’sbar，andinthelittleparlourbehindityoumightfindatanytimeagroupofthebrightestintellectsinthetown。
Notbutwhattherewasoppositionatfirst。Theclergy，forexample，whoacceptedtheMariposaHouseandtheContinentalasanecessaryandusefulevil，lookedaskanceattheblazinglightsandthesurgingcrowdofMr。Smith’ssaloon。Theypreachedagainsthim。WhentheRev。
DeanDroneledoffwithasermononthetext"LordbemercifulevenuntothispublicanMatthewSix，"itwasgenerallyunderstoodasaninvitationtostrikeMr。Smithdead。InthesamewaythesermonatthePresbyterianchurchtheweekafterwasonthetext"LowhatnowdoethAbiraminthelandofMelchisideckKingsEightandNine？"anditwasperfectlyplainthatwhatwasmeantwas，"Lo，whatisJoshSmithdoinginMariposa？"
Butthisoppositionhadbeencounteredbyawideandsagaciousphilanthropy。IthinkMr。Smithfirstgottheideaofthatonthenightwhenthesteammerry—go—roundcametoMariposa。Justbelowthehostelry，onanemptylot，itwhirledandwhistled，steamingforthitstunesonthesummereveningwhilethechildrencrowdedrounditinhundreds。DownthestreetstrolledMr。Smith，wearingasoftfedoratoindicatethatitwasevening。
"Whatd’youchargeforaride，boss？"saidMr。Smith。
"Twoforanickel，"saidtheman。
"Takethat，"saidMr。Smith，handingoutaten—dollarbillfromarollofmoney，"andridethelittlefolksfreeallevening。"
Thatnightthemerry—go—roundwhirledmadlytillaftermidnight，freightedtocapacitywithMariposachildren，whileupinSmith’sHotel，parents，friendsandadmirers，asthenewsspread，werestandingfourdeepalongthebar。Theysoldfortydollars’worthoflageralonethatnight，andMr。Smithlearned，ifhehadnotalreadysuspectedit，theblessednessofgiving。
Theusesofphilanthropywentfurther。Mr。Smithsubscribedtoeverything，joinedeverything，gavetoeverything。HebecameanOddfellow，aForester，AKnightofPythiasandaWorkman。HegaveahundreddollarstotheMariposaHospitalandahundreddollarstotheYoungMen’sChristianAssociation。
HesubscribedtotheBallClub，theLacrosseClub，theCurlingClub，toanything，infact，andespeciallytoallthosethingswhichneededpremisestomeetinandgrewthirstyintheirdiscussions。
AsaconsequencetheOddfellowsheldtheirannualbanquetatSmith’sHotelandtheOysterSupperoftheKnightsofPythiaswascelebratedinMr。Smith’sdining—room。
Evenmoreeffective，perhaps，wereMr。Smith’ssecretbenefactions，thekindofgivingdonebystealthofwhichnotasoulintownknewanything，often，foraweekafteritwasdone。ItwasinthiswaythatMr。SmithputthenewfontinDeanDrone’schurch，andhandedoverahundreddollarstoJudgePepperleighfortheunrestraineduseoftheConservativeparty。
Soitcameaboutthat，littlebylittle，theantagonismhaddieddown。Smith’sHotelbecameanacceptedinstitutioninMariposa。EventhetemperancepeoplewereproudofMr。Smithasasortofcharacterwhoaddeddistinctiontothetown。Thereweremoments，intheearlierquietofthemorning，whenDeanDronewouldgosofarastostepintothe"rotunda"andcollectasubscription。AsfortheSalvationArmy，theyraninandoutallthetimeunreproved。
Ononlyonepointdifficultystillremained。Thatwastheclosingofthebar。Mr。Smithcouldneverbringhismindtoit，——notasamatterofprofit，butasapointofhonour。ItwastoomuchforhimtofeelthatJudgePepperleighmightbeoutonthesidewalkthirstyatmidnight，thatthenighthandsoftheTimes—HeraldonWednesdaymightbecompelledtogohomedry。OnthispointMr。Smith’smoralcodewassimplicityitself，——dowhatisrightandtaketheconsequences。Sothebarstayedopen。
Everytown，Isuppose，hasitsmeanerspirits。Ineverygenialbosomsomesnakeiswarmed，——or，asMr。SmithputittoGolgothaGingham——"therearesomefellerseveninthistownskunksenoughtoinform。"
AtfirsttheMariposacourtquashedallindictments。Thepresidingjudge，withhisspectaclesonandapileofbooksinfrontofhim，threatenedtheinformerwiththepenitentiary。ThewholebarofMariposawaswithMr。Smith。Butbysheeriterationtheinformationshadprovedsuccessful。JudgePepperleighlearnedthatMr。SmithhadsubscribedahundreddollarsfortheLiberalpartyandatoncefinedhimforkeepingopenafterhours。Thatmadeoneconviction。Onthetopofthishadcometheuntowardincidentjustmentionedandthatmadetwo。Beyondthatwasthedeluge。ThisthenwastheexactsituationwhenBilly，thedeskclerk，enteredthebackbarwiththetelegraminhishand。
"Here’syourwire，sir，"hesaid。
"Whatdoesitsay？"saidMr。Smith。
Healwaysdealtwithwrittendocumentswithafineairofdetachment。
Idon’tsupposethereweretenpeopleinMariposawhoknewthatMr。
Smithcouldn’tread。
Billyopenedthemessageandread，"Commissionersgiveyouthreemonthstoclosedown。"
"Letmereadit，"saidMr。Smith，"that’sright，threemonthstoclosedown。"
Therewasdeadsilencewhenthemessagewasread。EverybodywaitedforMr。Smithtospeak。Mr。Ginghaminstinctivelyassumedtheprofessionalairofhopelessmelancholy。
Asitwasafterwardsrecorded，Mr。Smithstoodand"studied"withthetrayinhishandforatleastfourminutes。Thenhespoke。
"Boys，"hesaid，"I’llbedarnedifIclosedowntillI’mreadytoclosedown。I’vegotanidee。YouwaitandI’llshowyou。"
Andbeyondthat，notanotherworddidMr。Smithsayonthesubject。
Butwithinforty—eighthoursthewholetownknewthatsomethingwasdoing。Thehotelswarmedwithcarpenters，bricklayersandpainters。
Therewasanarchitectupfromthecitywithabundleofblueprintsinhishand。Therewasanengineertakingthestreetlevelwithatheodolite，andagangofnavvieswithshovelsdigginglikefuryasiftodigoutthebackfoundationsofthehotel。
"That’llfool’em，"saidMr。Smith。
Halfthetownwasgatheredroundthehotelcrazywithexcitement。Butnotawordwouldtheproprietorsay。Greatdrayloadsofsquaretimber，andtwo—by—eightpinejoistskeptarrivingfromtheplaningmill。Therewasapileofmatchedsprucesixteenfeethighlyingbythesidewalk。
Thentheexcavationdeepenedandthedirtflew，andthebeamswentupandthejoistsacross，andallthedayfromdawntillduskthehammersofthecarpentersclatteredaway，workingovertimeattimeandahalf。
"Itdon’tmatterwhatitcosts，"saidMr。Smith;"getitdone。"
Rapidlythestructuretookform。Itextendeddownthesidestreet，joiningthehotelatarightangle。Spaciousandgracefulitlookedasitreareditsuprightsintotheair。
Alreadyyoucouldseetheplacewheretherowofwindowswastocome，averitablepalaceofglass，itmustbe，sowideandcommodiouswerethey。Belowit，youcouldseethebasementshapingitself，withalowceilinglikeavaultandbigbeamsrunningacross，dressed，smoothed，andreadyforstaining。Alreadyinthestreetthereweresevencratesofredandwhiteawning。
Andeventhennobodyknewwhatitwas，anditwasnottilltheseventeenthdaythatMr。Smith，intheprivacyofthebackbar，brokethesilenceandexplained。
"Itellyou，boys，"hesays，"it’sacaff——likewhattheyhaveinthecity——aladies’andgent’scaff，andthatunderneath（what’syours，Mr。Mullins？）isaRats’Cooler。AndwhenIgetherstarted，I’llhireaFrenchChieftodothecooking，andforthewinterIwillputina’girlroom，’likewhattheyhaveinthecityhotels。AndI’dliketoseewho’sgoingtocloseherupthen。"
Withintwomoreweekstheplanwasinoperation。Notonlywasthecaffbuiltbuttheveryhotelwastransformed。Awningshadbrokenoutinaredandwhiteclouduponitsface，itseverywindowcarriedaboxofhangingplants，andaboveingloryfloatedtheUnionJack。
Theverystationerywaschanged。TheplacewasnowSmith’sSummerPavilion。ItwasadvertisedinthecityasSmith’sTourists’
Emporium，andSmith’sNorthernHealthResort。Mr。SmithgottheeditoroftheTimes—HeraldtowriteupacircularallaboutozoneandtheMariposapinewoods，withillustrationsofthemaskinonge（piscismariposis）ofLakeWissanotti。
TheSaturdayafterthatcircularhitthecityinJuly，thereweremenwithfishingrodsandlandingnetspouringinoneverytrain，almosttoofasttoregister。Andif，inthefaceofthat，afewlittledropsofwhiskeyweresoldoverthebar，whothoughtofit？
Butthecaff！that，ofcourse，wasthecrowninggloryofthething，thatandtheRats’Coolerbelow。
Lightandcool，withswingingwindowsopentotheair，tableswithmarbletops，palms，waitersinwhitecoats——itwasthestandingmarvelofMariposa。NotasoulinthetownexceptMr。Smith，whoknewitbyinstinct，everguessedthatwaitersandpalmsandmarbletablescanberentedoverthelongdistancetelephone。
Mr。Smithwasasgoodashisword。HegotaFrenchChiefwithanaristocraticsaturninecountenance，andamoustacheandimperialthatrecalledthelateNapoleonIII。NooneknewwhereMr。Smithgothim。
SomepeopleinthetownsaidhewasaFrenchmarquis。Otherssaidhewasacountandexplainedthedifference。
NooneinMariposahadeverseenanythinglikethecaff。Alldownthesideofitwerethegrillfires，withgreatpewterdishcoversthatwentupanddownonachain，andyoucouldwalkalongtherowandactuallypickoutyourowncutletandthenseetheFrenchmarquisthrowitontothebroilingiron;youcouldwatchabuckwheatpancakewhirledintoexistenceunderyoureyesandseefowls’legsdevilled，peppered，grilled，andtormentedtilltheylostallsemblanceoftheoriginalMariposachicken。
Mr。Smith，ofcourse，wasinhisglory。
"Whathaveyougotto—day，Alf？"hewouldsay，ashestrolledovertothemarquis。ThenameoftheChiefwas，IbelieveAlphonse，but"Alf"
wasnearenoughforMr。Smith。
Themarquiswouldextendtotheproprietorthemenu，"Voila，m’sieu，lacartedujour。"
Mr。Smith，bytheway，encouragedtheuseoftheFrenchlanguageinthecaff。Heviewedit，ofcourse，solelyinitsrelationtothehotelbusiness，and，Ithink，regardeditasarecentinvention。
"It’scomin’inallthetimeinthecity，"hesaid，"andy’aintexpectedtounderstandit。"
Mr。Smithwouldtakethecartebetweenhisfingerandthumbandstareatit。ItwasallcoveredwithsuchdevicesasPotagelaMariposa——FiletMignonalaproprietaire——CotelletealaSmith，andsoon。
Butthegreatestthingaboutthecaffweretheprices。Thereinlay，aseverybodysawatonce，thehopelesssimplicityofMr。Smith。
Thepricesstoodfastat25centsameal。Youcouldcomeinandeatalltheyhadinthecaffforaquarter。
"No，sir，"Mr。Smithsaidstoutly，"Iain’tgoingtotrytoraisenopricesonthepublic。Thehotel’salwaysbeenaquarterandthecaff’saquarter。"
Full？Fullofpeople？
Well，Ishouldthinkso！Fromthetimethecaffopenedat11tillitclosedat8。30，youcouldhardlyfindatable。Tourists，visitors，travellers，andhalfthepeopleofMariposacrowdedatthelittletables;crockeryrattling，glassestinklingontrays，corkspopping，thewaitersintheirwhitecoatsflyingtoandfro，Alphonsewhirlingthecutletsandpancakesintotheair，andinandthroughitall，Mr。
Smith，inawhiteflannelsuitandabroadcrimsonsashabouthiswaist。Crowdedandgayfrommorningtonight，andevennoisyinitshilarity。