Storiesofhumourdonottellwellinbooks;andwhatmadeimpressiononthefriendswhoheardajestwillseldommuchdelightthedistantacquaintanceorsullencriticwhoreadsit。ThecorkmodelofParisisnotmoredespicableasaresemblanceofagreatcity，thanthisbook，leviorcortice，asaspecimenofJohnson’scharacter。Yeteverybodynaturallylikestogatherlittlespecimensoftheraritiesfoundinagreatcountry;
　　andcouldIcarryhomefromItalysquarepiecesofallthecuriousmarbleswhicharethejustgloryofthissurprisingpartoftheworld，Icouldscarcelycontrive，perhaps，toarrangethemsomeanlyasnottogainsomeattentionfromtherespectduetotheplacestheyoncebelongedto。SuchapieceofmotleyMosaicworkwilltheseanecdotesinevitablymake。Butletthereaderrememberthathewaspromisednothingbetter，andsobeascontentedashecan。
　　AnIrishtraderatourhouseonedayheardDr。JohnsonlaunchoutintoverygreatandgreatlydeservedpraisesofMr。EdmundBurke。Delightedtofindhiscountrymanstoodsohighintheopinionofamanhehadbeentoldsomuchof，"Sir，"saidhe，"giveMEleavetotellsomethingofMr。Burkenow。"Wewereallsilent，andthehonestHibernianbegantorelatehowMr。
　　Burkewenttoseethecollieriesinadistantprovince;andhewouldgodownintothebowelsoftheearth（inabag），andhewouldexamineeverything。"Hewentinabag，sir，andventuredhishealthandhislifeforknowledge：buthetookcareofhisclothes，thattheyshouldnotbespoiled，forhewentdowninabag。""Well，sir，"saysMr。Johnson，good—humouredly，"ifourfriendMundshoulddieinanyofthesehazardousexploits，youandIwouldwritehislifeandpanegyrictogether;andyourchapterofitshouldbeentitledthus：’BurkeinaBag。’"
　　HehadalwaysaverygreatpersonalregardandparticularaffectionforMr。
　　EdmundBurke，aswellasanesteemdifficultformetorepeat，thoughforhimonlyeasytoexpress。Andwhenattheendoftheyear1774theGeneralElectioncalledusalldifferentways，andbrokeupthedelightfulsocietyinwhichwehadspentsometimeatBeaconsfield，Dr。Johnsonshookthehospitablemasterofthehousekindlybythehand，andsaid，"Farewell，mydearsir，andrememberthatIwishyouallthesuccesswhichoughttobewishedyou，whichcanpossiblybewishedyou，indeed——BYANHONESTMAN。"
　　Imustheretakeleavetoobserve，thatingivinglittlememoirsofMr。
　　Johnson’sbehaviourandconversation，suchasIsawandheardit，mybookliesundermanifestdisadvantages，comparedwiththeirs，whohavingseenhiminvarioussituations，andobservedhisconductinnumberlesscases，areabletothrowstrongerandmorebrilliantlightsuponhischaracter。
　　Virtuesarelikeshrubs，whichyieldtheirsweetsindifferentmannersaccordingtothecircumstanceswhichsurroundthem;andwhilegenerosityofsoulscattersitsfragrancelikethehoneysuckle，anddelightsthesensesofmanyoccasionalpassengers，whofeelthepleasure，andhalfwonderhowthebreezehasblownitfromsofar，themoresullenbutnotlessvaluablemyrtlewaitslikefortitudetodiscoveritsexcellence，tillthehandarrivesthatwillCRUSHit，andforceoutthatperfumewhosedurabilitywellcompensatesthedifficultyofproduction。
　　IsawMr。Johnsoninnonebutatranquil，uniformstate，passingtheeveningofhislifeamongfriends，wholoved，honoured，andadmiredhim。I
　　sawnoneofthethingshedid，exceptsuchactsofcharityashavebeenoftenmentionedinthisbook，andsuchwritingsasareuniversallyknown。
　　WhathesaidisallIcanrelate;andfromwhathesaid，thosewhothinkitworthwhiletoreadtheseanecdotesmustbecontentedtogatherhischaracter。MineisamereCANDLE—LIGHTpictureofhislatterdays，whereeverythingfallsindarkshadowexcepttheface，theindexofthemind;buteventhatisseenunfavourably，andwithapalenessbeyondwhatnaturegaveit。
　　WhenIhavetoldhowmanyfolliesDr。Johnsonknewofothers，Imustnotomittomentionwithhowmuchfidelityhewouldalwayshavekeptthemconcealed，couldtheyofwhomheknewtheabsurditieshavebeencontented，inthecommonphrase，tokeeptheirowncounsel。Butreturninghomeonedayfromdiningatthechaplain’stable，hetoldmethatDr。Goldsmithhadgivenaverycomicalandunnecessarilyexactrecitalthereofhisownfeelingswhenhisplaywashissed：tellingthecompanyhowhewent，indeed，totheLiteraryClubatnight，andchattedgailyamonghisfriends，asifnothinghadhappenedamiss;thattoimpressthemstillmoreforciblywithanideaofhismagnanimity，heevensunghisfavouritesongaboutanoldwomantossedinablanketseventeentimesashighasthemoon;"butallthiswhileIwassufferinghorridtortures，"saidhe，"andverilybelievethatifIhadputabitinmymouthitwouldhavestrangledmeonthespot，Iwassoexcessivelyill。ButImademorenoisethanusualtocoverallthat，andsotheyneverperceivedmynoteating，norIbelieveatallimagedtothemselvestheanguishofmyheart;butwhenallweregoneexceptJohnsonhere，Iburstouta—crying，andevensworeby———thatIwouldneverwriteagain。""Allwhich，Doctor，"saysMr。Johnson，amazedathisoddfrankness，"Ithoughthadbeenasecretbetweenyouandme;andIamsureIwouldnothavesaidanythingaboutitfortheworld。Nowsee，"
　　repeatedhe，whenhetoldthestory，"whatafigureamanmakeswhothusunaccountablychoosestobethefrigidnarratorofhisowndisgrace。Ilvoltosciolto，edipensieristretti，wasaproverbmadeonpurposeforsuchmortals，tokeeppeople，ifpossible，frombeingthustheheraldsoftheirownshame;forwhatcompassioncantheygainbysuchsillynarratives？Nomanshouldbeexpectedtosympathisewiththesorrowsofvanity。If，then，youaremortifiedbyanyill—usage，whetherrealorsupposed，keepatleasttheaccountofsuchmortificationstoyourself，andforbeartoproclaimhowmeanlyyouarethoughtonbyothers，unlessyoudesiretobemeanlythoughtofbyall。"
　　Thelittlehistoryofanotherfriend’ssuperfluousingenuitywillcontributetointroduceasimilarremark。Hehadadaughterofaboutfourteenyearsold，asIremember，fatandclumsy;andthoughthefatheradored，anddesiredotherstoadoreher，yetbeingaware，perhaps，thatshewasnotwhattheFrenchcallpaitriedesgraces，andthinking，Isuppose，thattheoldmaximofbeginningtolaughatyourselffirstwhenyouhaveanythingridiculousaboutyouwasagoodone，hecomicallyenoughcalledhisgirlTRUNDLEwhenhespokeofher;andmanywhoboreneitherofthemanyill—willfeltdisposedtolaughatthehappinessoftheappellation。
　　"See，now，"saysDr。Johnson，"whathastepeopleareintobehooted。
　　Nobodyeverthoughtofthisfellownorofhisdaughter，couldhebuthavebeenquiethimself，andforbornetocalltheeyesoftheworldonhisdowdyandherdeformity。Butitteachesonetoseeatleastthatifnobodyelsewillnicknameone’schildren，theparentswille’endoitthemselves。"
　　AllthisheldtrueinmatterstoMr。Johnsonofmoreseriousconsequence。
　　WhenSirJoshuaReynoldshadpaintedhisportraitlookingintotheslitofhispen，andholdingitalmostclosetohiseye，aswashisgeneralcustom，hefeltdispleased，andtoldme"hewouldnotbeknownbyposterityforhisDEFECTSonly，letSirJoshuadohisworst。"IsaidinreplythatReynoldshadnosuchdifficultiesabouthimself，andthathemightobservethepicturewhichhungupintheroomwhereweweretalkingrepresentedSirJoshuaholdinghisearinhishandtocatchthesound。"Hemaypainthimselfasdeafifhechooses，"repliedJohnson，"butIwillnotbeBLINKINGSAM。"
　　ItischieflyforthesakeofevincingtheregularityandsteadinessofMr。
　　Johnson’smindthatIhavegiventhesetriflingmemoirs，toshowthathissoulwasnotdifferentfromthatofanotherperson，but，asitwas，greater;andtogivethosewhodidnotknowhimajustideaofhisacquiescenceinwhatwecallvulgarprejudices，andofhisextremedistancefromthosenotionswhichtheworldhasagreed，Iknownotverywellwhy，tocallromantic。ItisindeedobservableinhisprefacetoShakespeare，thatwhileothercriticsexpatiateonthecreativepowersandvividimaginationofthatmatchlesspoet，Dr。Johnsoncommendshimforgivingsojustarepresentationofhumanmanners，"thatfromhisscenesahermitmightestimatethevalueofsociety，andaconfessorpredicttheprogressofthepassions。"Ihavenotthebookwithmehere，butamprettysurethatsuchishisexpression。
　　Thegeneralandconstantadvicehegave，too，whenconsultedaboutthechoiceofawife，aprofession，orwhateverinfluencesaman’sparticularandimmediatehappiness，wasalwaystorejectnopositivegoodfromfearsofitscontraryconsequences。"Donot，"saidhe，"forbeartomarryabeautifulwomanifyoucanfindsuch，outofafancythatshewillbelessconstantthananuglyone;orcondemnyourselftothesocietyofcoarsenessandvulgarityforfearoftheexpensesorotherdangersofeleganceandpersonalcharms，whichhavebeenalwaysacknowledgedasapositivegood，andforthewantofwhichthereshouldbealwaysgivensomeweightycompensation。Ihave，however，"continuedMr。Johnson，"seensomeprudentfellowswhoforboretoconnectthemselveswithbeautylestcoquetryshouldbenear，andwithwitorbirthlestinsolenceshouldlurkbehindthem，tilltheyhavebeenforcedbytheirdiscretiontolingerlifeawayintastelessstupidity，andchoosetocountthemomentsbyremembranceofpaininsteadofenjoymentofpleasure。"
　　Whenprofessionsweretalkedof，"Scorn，"saidMr。Johnson，"toputyourbehaviourunderthedominionofcanters;neverthinkitclevertocallphysicameanstudy，orlawadryone;oraskababyofsevenyearsoldwhichwayhisGENIUSleadshim，whenweallknowthataboyofsevenyearsoldhasnoGENIUSforanythingexceptapegtopandanapple—pie;butfixonsomebusinesswheremuchmoneymaybegot，andlittlevirtuerisked：
　　followthatbusinesssteadily，anddonotliveasRogerAschamsaysthewitsdo，’menknownothow;andatlastdieobscurely，menmarknotwhere。’"
　　Dr。Johnsonhadindeedavenerationforthevoiceofmankindbeyondwhatmostpeoplewillown;andasheliberallyconfessedthatallhisowndisappointmentsproceededfromhimself，hehatedtohearotherscomplainofgeneralinjustice。IrememberwhenlamentationwasmadeoftheneglectshowedtoJeremiahMarkland，agreatphilologist，assomeoneventuredtocallhim。"Heisascholar，undoubtedly，sir，"repliedDr。Johnson，"butrememberthathewouldrunfromtheworld，andthatitisnottheworld’sbusinesstorunafterhim。Ihateafellowwhompride，orcowardice，orlazinessdrivesintoacorner，anddoesnothingwhenheistherebutsitandGROWL;lethimcomeoutasIdo，andBARK。Theworld，"addedhe，"ischieflyunjustandungenerousinthis，thatallarereadytoencourageamanwhooncetalksofleavingit，andfewthingsdoreallyprovokememorethantohearpeopleprateofretirement，whentheyhaveneitherskilltodiscerntheirownmotives，orpenetrationtoestimatetheconsequences。
　　Butwhileafellowisactivetogaineitherpowerorwealth，"continuedhe，"everybodyproducessomehindrancetohisadvancement，somesageremark，orsomeunfavourableprediction;butlethimoncesayslightly，Ihavehadenoughofthistroublesome，bustlingworld，’tistimetoleaveitnow：
　　’Ah，dearsir！’criesthefirstoldacquaintancehemeets，’Iamgladtofindyouinthishappydisposition：yes，dearfriend！DOretireandthinkofnothingbutyourownease。There’sMr。Williamwillfinditapleasuretosettleallyouraccountsandrelieveyoufromthefatigue;MissDollymakesthecharmingestchicken—brothintheworld，andthecheesecakesweateofhersonce，howgoodtheywere。Iwillbecomingeverytwoorthreedaysmyselftochatwithyouinaquietway;SOSNUG！andtellyouhowmattersgoupon’Change，orintheHouse，oraccordingtotheblockhead’sfirstpursuits，whetherlucrativeorpolitic，whichthusheleaves;andlayshimselfdownavoluntarypreytohisownsensualityandsloth，whiletheambitionandavariceofthenephewsandnieces，withtheirrascallyadherentsandcoadjutors，reaptheadvantage，whiletheyfattentheirfool。’"
　　AsthevotariesofretirementhadlittleofMr。Johnson’sapplause，unlessthatheknewthatthemotivesweremerelydevotional，andunlesshewasconvincedthattheirritualswereaccompaniedbyamortifiedstateofthebody，thesoleproofoftheirsinceritywhichhewouldadmit，asacompensationforsuchfatigueasaworldlylifeofcareandactivityrequires;soofthevariousstatesandconditionsofhumanity，hedespisednonemore，Ithink，thanthemanwhomarriesforamaintenance。Andofafriendwhomadehisallianceonnohigherprinciples，hesaidonce，"Nowhasthatfellow（itwasanoblemanofwhomwewerespeaking）atlengthobtainedacertaintyofthreemealsaday，andforthatcertainty，likehisbrotherdoginthefable，hewillgethisneckgalledforlifewithacollar。"
　　Thatpovertywasaneviltobeavoidedbyallhonestmeans，however，nomanwasmorereadytoavow：concealedpovertyparticularly，whichhesaidwasthegeneralcorrosivethatdestroyedthepeaceofalmosteveryfamily;towhichnoeveningperhapseverreturnedwithoutsomenewprojectforhidingthesorrowsanddangersofthenextday。"Wantofmoney，"saysDr。
　　Johnson，"issometimesconcealedunderpretendedavarice，andslyhintsofaversiontopartwithit;sometimesunderstormyanger，andaffectationofboundlessrage，butoftenerstillunderashowofthoughtlessextravaganceandgayneglect，whiletoapenetratingeyenoneofthesewretchedveilssufficetokeepthecrueltruthfrombeingseen。Povertyishicetubique，"sayshe，"andifyoudoshutthejadeoutofthedoor，shewillalwayscontriveinsomemannertopokeherpale，leanfaceinatthewindow。"
　　IhavementionedbeforethatoldagehadverylittleofMr。Johnson’sreverence。"Amancommonlygrewwickederashegrewolder，"hesaid，"atleasthebutchangedthevicesofyouth;headstrongpassionandwildtemerity，fortreacherouscaution，anddesiretocircumvent。Iamalways，"
　　saidhe，"ontheyoungpeople’sside，whenthereisadisputebetweenthemandtheoldones，foryouhaveatleastachanceforvirtuetillagehaswithereditsveryroot。"Whileweweretalking，mymother’sspaniel，whomheneverloved，stoleourtoastandbutter;"Fie，Belle！"saidI，"youusedtobeuponhonour。""Yes，madam，"repliesJohnson，"BUTBELLEGROWSOLD。"
　　Hisreasonforhatingthedogwas，"becauseshewasaprofessedfavourite，"
　　hesaid，"andbecauseherladyorderedherfromtimetotimetobewashedandcombed，afoolishtrick，"saidhe，"andanassumptionofsuperioritythateveryone’snaturerevoltsat;sobecauseonemustnotwishilltotheladyinsuchcases，"continuedhe，"onecursesthecur。"Thetruthis，Bellewasnotwellbehaved，andbeingalargespaniel，wastroublesomeenoughatdinnerwithfrequentsolicitationstobefed。"Thisanimal，"
　　saidDr。Johnsononeday，"wouldhavebeenofextraordinarymeritandvalueinthestateofLycurgus;forshecondemnsonetotheexertionofperpetualvigilance。"
　　Hehad，indeed，thatstrongaversionfeltbyallthelowerranksofpeopletowardsfour—footedcompanionsverycompletely，notwithstandinghehadformanyyearsacatwhichhecalledHodge，thatkeptalwaysinhisroomatFleetStreet;butsoexactwashenottooffendthehumanspeciesbysuperfluousattentiontobrutes，thatwhenthecreaturewasgrownsickandold，andcouldeatnothingbutoysters，Mr。JohnsonalwayswentouthimselftobuyHodge’sdinner，thatFrancistheblack’sdelicacymightnotbehurt，atseeinghimselfemployedfortheconvenienceofaquadruped。
　　Noonewas，indeed，soattentivenottooffendinallsuchsortofthingsasDr。Johnson;norsocarefultomaintaintheceremoniesoflife：andthoughhetoldMr。Thraleoncethathehadneversoughttopleasetillpastthirtyyearsold，consideringthematterashopeless，hehadbeenalwaysstudiousnottomakeenemiesbyapparentpreferenceofhimself。Ithappenedverycomicallythatthemomentthiscuriousconversationpassed，ofwhichIwasasilentauditress，wasinthecoach，insomedistantprovince，eitherShropshireorDerbyshire，Ibelieve;andassoonasitwasover，Mr。Johnsontookoutofhispocketalittlebookandread，whileagentlemanofnosmalldistinctionforhisbirthandelegancesuddenlyrodeuptothecarriage，andpayingusallhispropercompliments，wasdesirousnottoneglectDr。Johnson;butobservingthathedidnotseehim，tappedhimgentlyontheshoulder。"’TisMr。Ch—lm———ley，"saysmyhusband。
　　"Well，sir！andwhatifitisMr。Ch—lm———ley！"saystheother，sternly，justliftinghiseyesamomentfromhisbook，andreturningtoitagainwithrenewedavidity。
　　Hehadsometimesfitsofreadingveryviolent;andwhenhewasinearnestaboutgettingthroughsomeparticularpages，forIhaveheardhimsayheneverreadbutonebook，whichhedidnotconsiderasobligatory，throughinhiswholelife（and"LadyMaryWortley’sLetters，"wasthebook）;hewouldbequitelosttothecompany，andwithdrawallhisattentiontowhathewasreading，withoutthesmallestknowledgeorcareaboutthenoisemaderoundhim。Hisdeafnessmadesuchconductlessoddandlessdifficulttohimthanitwouldhavebeentoanotherman：buthisadvisingotherstotakethesamemethod，andpullalittlebookoutwhentheywerenotentertainedwithwhatwasgoingforwardinsociety，seemedmorelikelytoadvancethegrowthofsciencethanofpolishedmanners，forwhichhealwayspretendedextremeveneration。
　　Mr。Johnson，indeed，alwaysmeasuredotherpeople’snotionsofeverythingbyhisown，andnothingcouldpersuadehimtobelievethatthebookswhichhedislikedwereagreeabletothousands，orthatairandexercisewhichhedespisedwerebeneficialtothehealthofothermortals。WhenpoorSmart，sowellknownforhiswitandmisfortunes，wasfirstobligedtobeputinprivatelodgings，acommonfriendofbothlamentedintendertermsthenecessitywhichhadtornsopleasingacompanionfromtheiracquaintance。
　　"Amadmanmustbeconfined，sir，"repliesDr。Johnson。"But，"saystheother，"Iamnowapprehensiveforhisgeneralhealth，hewilllosethebenefitofexercise。""Exercise！"returnstheDoctor，"Ineverheardthatheusedany：hemight，foraughtIknow，walkTOthealehouse;butI
　　believehewasalwaysCARRIEDhomeagain。"
　　Itwas，however，unluckyforthosewhodelightedtoechoJohnson’ssentiments，thathewouldnotendurefromthemto—daywhatperhapshehadyesterday，byhisownmanneroftreatingthesubject，madethemfondofrepeating;andIfancyMr。B————hasnotforgottenthatthoughhisfriendoneeveninginagayhumourtalkedinpraiseofwineasoneoftheblessingspermittedbyheaven，whenusedwithmoderation，tolightentheloadoflife，andgivemenstrengthtoendureit;yet，wheninconsequenceofsuchtalkhethoughtfittomakeaBacchanaliandiscourseinitsfavour，Mr。Johnsoncontradictedhimsomewhatroughly，asIremember;andwhen，toassurehimselfofconquest，headdedthesewords："Youmustallowme，sir，atleastthatitproducestruth;invinoveritas，youknow，sir。""That，"
　　repliedMr。Johnson，"wouldbeuselesstoamanwhoknewhewasnotaliarwhenhewassober。"
　　Whenonetalksofgivingandtakingtheliefamiliarly，itisimpossibletoforbearrecollectingthetransactionsbetweentheeditorof"Ossian，"andtheauthorofthe"JourneytotheHebrides。"Itwasmostobservabletome，however，thatMr。Johnsonneverborehisantagonisttheslightestdegreeofill—will。Healwayskeptthosequarrelswhichbelongedtohimasawriterseparatefromthosewhichhehadtodowithasaman;butIneverdidhearhimsayinprivateonemaliciouswordofapublicenemy;andofMr。
　　MacphersonIonceheardhimspeakrespectfully，thoughhisreplytothefriendwhoaskedhimifANYMANLIVINGcouldhavewrittensuchabook，iswellknown，andhasbeenoftenrepeated——"Yes，sir，manymen，manywomen，andmanychildren。"
　　Iinquiredofhimmyselfifthisstorywasauthentic，andhesaiditwas。
　　ImadethesameinquiryconcerninghisaccountofthestateofliteratureinScotland，whichwasrepeatedupanddownatonetimebyeverybody——"HowknowledgewasdividedamongtheScots，likebreadinabesiegedtown，toeverymanamouthful，tonomanabellyful。"Thisstoryhelikewiseacknowledged，andsaid，besides，"thatsomeofficiousfriendhadcarriedittoLordBute，whoonlyanswered，’Well，well！nevermindwhathesays，hewillhavethepensionallone。’"
　　AnotherfamousreplytoaScotsmanwhocommendedthebeautyanddignityofGlasgow，tillMr。Johnsonstoppedhimbyobserving，"thatheprobablyhadneveryetseenBrentford，"wasoneofthejokesheowned;andsaidhimself"thatwhenagentlemanofthatcountryoncementionedthelovelyprospectscommoninhisnation，hecouldnothelptellinghimthattheviewoftheLondonroadwastheprospectinwhicheveryScotsmanmostnaturallyandmostrationallydelighted。"
　　Mrs。Brookereceivedananswernotunlikethis，whenexpatiatingontheaccumulationofsublimeandbeautifulobjects，whichformthefineprospectUPtheRiverSt。Lawrence，inNorthAmerica。"Come，madam，"saysDr。
　　Johnson，"confessthatnothingeverequalledyourpleasureinseeingthatsightreversed;andfindingyourselflookingatthehappyprospectDOWNtheRiverSt。Lawrence。"Thetruthis，hehatedtohearaboutprospectsandviews，andlayingoutgroundandtasteingardening。"Thatwasthebestgarden，"hesaid，"whichproducedmostrootsandfruits;andthatwaterwasmosttobeprizedwhichcontainedmostfish。"HeusedtolaughatShenstonemostunmercifullyfornotcaringwhethertherewasanythinggoodtoEATinthestreamshewassofondof，"asif，"saysJohnson，"onecouldfillone’sbellywithhearingsoftmurmurs，orlookingatroughcascades！"
　　Helovedthesightoffineforesttrees，however，anddetestedBrighthelmstoneDowns，"becauseitwasacountrysotrulydesolate，"hesaid，"thatifonehadamindtohangone’sselffordesperationatbeingobligedtolivethere，itwouldbedifficulttofindatreeonwhichtofastentherope。"Walkinginawoodwhenitrainedwas，Ithink，theonlyruralimagehepleasedhisfancywith;"for，"sayshe，"afteronehasgatheredtheapplesinanorchard，onewishesthemwellbaked，andremovedtoaLondoneating—houseforenjoyment。"
　　Withsuchnotions，whocanwonderhepassedhistimeuncomfortablyenoughwithus，whoheoftencomplainedofforlivingsomuchinthecountry，"feedingthechickens，"ashesaidIdid，"tillIstarvedmyownunderstanding。Get，however，"saidhe，"abookaboutgardening，andstudyithard，sinceyouwillpassyourlifewithbirdsandflowers，andlearntoraisetheLARGESTturnips，andtobreedtheBIGGESTfowls。"Itwasvaintoassurehimthatthegoodnessofsuchdishesdidnotdependupontheirsize。
　　Helaughedatthepeoplewhocoveredtheircanalswithforeignfowls，"when，"sayshe，"ourowngeeseandgandersaretwiceaslarge。Ifwefetchedbetteranimalsfromdistantnations，theremightbesomesenseinthepreference;buttogetcowsfromAlderney，orwater—fowlfromChina，onlytoseenaturedegeneratingroundone，isapoorambitionindeed。"
　　NorwasMr。Johnsonmoremercifulwithregardtotheamusementspeoplearecontentedtocallsuch。"Youhuntinthemorning，"sayshe，"andcrowdtothepublicroomsatnight，andcallitDIVERSION，whenyourheartknowsitisperishingwithpovertyofpleasures，andyourwitsgetbluntedforwantofsomeothermindtosharpenthemupon。Thereisinthisworldnorealdelight（exceptingthoseofsensuality），butexchangeofideasinconversation;andwhoeverhasonceexperiencedthefullflowofLondontalk，whenheretirestocountryfriendships，andruralsports，musteitherbecontentedtoturnbabyagainandplaywiththerattle，orhewillpineawaylikeagreatfishinalittlepond，anddieforwantofhisusualfood。""Bookswithouttheknowledgeoflifeareuseless，"Ihaveheardhimsay;"forwhatshouldbooksteachbuttheartofLIVING？Tostudymanners，however，onlyincoffee—houses，ismorethanequallyimperfect;themindsofmenwhoacquirenosolidlearning，andonlyexistonthedailyforagethattheypickupbyrunningabout，andsnatchingwhatdropsfromtheirneighboursasignorantasthemselves，willneverfermentintoanyknowledgevaluableordurable;butlikethelightwineswedrinkinhotcountries，pleaseforthemoment，thoughincapableofkeeping。Inthestudyofmankindmuchwillbefoundtoswimasfroth，andmuchmustsinkasfeculence，beforethewinecanhaveitseffect，andbecomethatnoblestliquorwhichrejoicestheheart，andgivesvigourtotheimagination。"
　　IamwellawarethatIdonotandcannotgiveeachexpressionofDr。
　　Johnsonwithallitsforceorallitsneatness;butIhavedonemybesttorecordsuchofhismaxims，andrepeatsuchofhissentiments，asmaygivetothosewhoknowhimnotajustideaofhischaracterandmannerofthinking。Toendeavouratadorning，oradding，orsoftening，ormelioratingsuchanecdotes，byanytricksmyinexperiencedpencouldplay，wouldbeweaknessindeed;worsethantheFrenchmanwhopresidesovertheporcelainmanufactoryatSeve，towhom，whensomeGreekvasesweregivenhimasmodels，helamentedlatristessedetellesformes;andendeavouredtoassistthembyclustersofflowers，whileflyingCupidsservedforthehandlesofurnsoriginallyintendedtocontaintheashesofthedead。Themiseryis，thatIcanrecollectsofewanecdotes，andthatIhaverecordednomoreaxiomsofamanwhoseeverywordmeritedattention，andwhoseeverysentimentdidhonourtohumannature。Remotefromaffectationasfromerrororfalsehood，thecomfortareaderhasinlookingoverthesepapersisthecertaintythatthesewerereallytheopinionsofJohnson，whicharerelatedassuch。
　　Fearofwhatothersmaythinkisthegreatcauseofaffectation;andhewasnotlikelytodisguisehisnotionsoutofcowardice。Hehateddisguise，andnobodypenetrateditsoreadily。Ishowedhimaletterwrittentoacommonfriend，whowasatsomelossfortheexplanationofit。"Whoeverwroteit，"saysourdoctor，"could，ifhechoseit，makehimselfunderstood;but’tistheletterofanEMBARRASSEDMANsir;"andsotheeventprovedittobe。
　　Mysteriousnessintriflesoffendedhimoneveryside。"Itcommonlyendedinguilt，"hesaid;"forthosewhobeginbyconcealmentofinnocentthingswillsoonhavesomethingtohidewhichtheydarenotbringtolight。"Hethereforeencouragedanopennessofconduct，inwomenparticularly，"who，"
　　heobserved，"wereoftenledawaywhenchildren，bytheirdelightandpowerofsurprising。"Herecommended，onsomethinglikethesameprinciple，thatwhenonepersonmeanttoserveanother，heshouldnotgoaboutitslily，oraswesay，underhand，outofafalseideaofdelicacy，tosurpriseone’sfriendwithanunexpectedfavour，"which，tentoone，"sayshe，"failstoobligeyouracquaintance，whohadsomereasonsagainstsuchamodeofobligation，whichyoumighthaveknownbutforthatsuperfluouscunningwhichyouthinkanelegance。Oh！neverbeseducedbysuchsillypretences，"continuedhe;"ifawenchwantsagoodgown，donotgiveherafinesmelling—bottle，becausethatismoredelicate：asIonceknewaladylendthekeyofherlibrarytoapoorscribblingdependant，asifshetookthewomanforanostrichthatcoulddigestiron。"Hesaid，indeed，"thatwomenwereverydifficulttobetaughtthepropermannerofconferringpecuniaryfavours;thattheyalwaysgavetoomuchmoneyortoolittle;forthattheyhadanideaofdelicacyaccompanyingtheirgifts，sothattheygenerallyrenderedthemeitheruselessorridiculous。"
　　Hedid，indeed，sayverycontemptuousthingsofoursex，butwasexceedinglyangrywhenItoldMissReynoldsthathesaid"Itwaswellmanagedofsomeonetoleavehisaffairsinthehandsofhiswife，because，inmattersofbusiness，"saidhe，"nowomanstopsatintegrity。"Thiswas，Ithink，theonlysentenceIeverobservedhimsolicitoustoexplainawayafterhehadutteredit。Hewasnotatalldispleasedattherecollectionofasarcasmthrownonawholeprofessionatonce;whenagentlemanleavingthecompany，somebodywhosatnextDr。Johnsonaskedhim，whohewas？"I
　　cannotexactlytellyou，sir，"repliedhe，"andIwouldbelothtospeakillofanypersonwhoIdonotknowdeservesit，butIamafraidheisanATTORNEY。"Hedidnot，however，encouragegeneralsatire，andforthemostpartprofessedhimselftofeeldirectlycontrarytoDr。Swift;"who，"sayshe，"hatestheworld，thoughhelovesJohnandRobert，andcertainindividuals。"
　　Johnsonsaidalways，"thattheworldwaswellconstructed，butthattheparticularpeopledisgracedtheeleganceandbeautyofthegeneralfabric。"
　　InthesamemannerIwasrelatingoncetohimhowDr。Collierobservedthattheloveoneboretochildrenwasfromtheanticipationone’smindmadewhileonecontemplatedthem。"Wehope，"sayshe，"thattheywillsometimemakewisemenoramiablewomen;andwesuffer’emtotakeupouraffectionbeforehand。OnecannotloveLUMPSOFFLESH，andlittleinfantsarenothingmore。""Onthecontrary，"saysJohnson，"onecanscarcelyhelpwishing，whileonefondlesababy，thatitmayneverlivetobecomeaman;foritissoprobablethatwhenhebecomesaman，heshouldbesuretoendinascoundrel。"Girlswerelessdispleasingtohim;"forastheirtemptationswerefewer，"hesaid，"theirvirtueinthislife，andhappinessinthenext，werelessimprobable;andheloved，"hesaid，"toseeaknotoflittlemissesdearly。"
　　NeedleworkhadastrenuousapproverinDr。Johnson，whosaid"thatoneofthegreatfelicitiesoffemalelifewasthegeneralconsentoftheworldthattheymightamusethemselveswithpettyoccupations，whichcontributedtothelengtheningtheirlives，andpreservingtheirmindsinastateofsanity。""Amancannothemapocket—handkerchief，"saidaladyofqualitytohimoneday，"andsoherunsmad，andtormentshisfamilyandfriends。"
　　Theexpressionstruckhimexceedingly，andwhenoneacquaintancegrewtroublesome，andanotherunhealthy，heusedtoquoteLadyFrances’sobservation，"Thatamancannothemapocket—handkerchief。"
　　ThenicepeoplefoundnomercyfromMr。Johnson;such，Imean，ascanonlydineatfouro’clock，whocannotbeartobewakedatanunusualhour，ormissastatedmealwithoutinconvenience。HEhadnosuchprejudiceshimself，andwithdifficultyforgavetheminanother。"Delicacydoesnotsurelyconsist，"sayshe，"inimpossibilitytobepleased，andthatisfalsedignityindeedwhichiscontenttodependuponothers。"
　　Thesayingoftheoldphilosopherwhoobserves，"Thathewhowantsleastismostlikethegods，whowantnothing，"wasafavouritesentencewithDr。
　　Johnson，whoonhisownpartrequiredlessattendance，sickorwell，thaneverIsawanyhumancreature。Conversationwasallherequiredtomakehimhappy;andwhenhewouldhaveteamadeattwoo’clockinthemorning，itwasonlythattheremightbeacertaintyofdetaininghiscompanionsroundhim。Onthatprincipleitwasthathepreferredwintertosummer，whentheheatoftheweathergavepeopleanexcusetostrollaboutandwalkforpleasureintheshade，whilehewishedtositstillonachairandchatdayafterday，tillsomebodyproposedadriveinthecoach，andthatwasthemostdeliciousmomentofhislife。"Butthecarriagemuststopsometime，"hesaid，"andthepeoplewouldcomehomeatlast，"sohispleasurewasofshortduration。
　　Iaskedhimwhyhedoatedonacoachso？andreceivedforanswer，"ThatinthefirstplacethecompanywereshutinwithhimTHERE，andcouldnotescape，asoutofaroom。Inthenextplace，heheardallthatwassaidinacarriage，whereitwasmyturntobedeaf，"andveryimpatientwasheatmyoccasionaldifficultyofhearing。Onthisaccounthewishedtotravelallovertheworld，fortheveryactofgoingforwardwasdelightfultohim，andhegavehimselfnoconcernaboutaccidents，whichhesaidneverhappened。NordidtherunningawayofthehorsesontheedgeofaprecipicebetweenVernonandSt。Denis，inFrance，convincehimtothecontrary，"fornothingcameofit，"hesaid，"exceptthatMr。Thraleleapedoutofthecarriageintoachalk—pit，andthencameupagainlookingAS
　　WHITE！"Whenthetruthwas，alltheirlivesweresavedbythegreatestProvidenceeverexertedinfavourofthreehumancreatures;andthepartMr。Thraletookfromdesperationwasthelikeliestthingintheworldtoproducebrokenlimbsanddeath。
　　FearwasindeedasensationtowhichMr。Johnsonwasanutterstranger，exceptingwhensomesuddenapprehensionsseizedhimthathewasgoingtodie，andeventhenhekeptallhiswitsabouthimtoexpressthemosthumbleandpatheticpetitionstotheAlmighty。Andwhenthefirstparalyticstroketookhisspeechfromhim，heinstantlysetaboutcomposingaprayerinLatin，atoncetodeprecateGod’smercy，tosatisfyhimselfthathismentalpowersremainedunimpaired，andtokeeptheminexercise，thattheymightnotperishbypermittedstagnation。Thiswasafterweparted;buthewrotemeanaccountofit，andIintendtopublishthatletter，withmanymore。
　　Whenonedayhehadatmyhousetakentinctureofantimonyinsteadofemeticwine，foravomit，hewashimselfthepersontodirectuswhattodoforhim，andmanagedwithasmuchcoolnessanddeliberationasifhehadbeenprescribingforanindifferentperson。Thoughonanotheroccasion，whenhehadlamentedinthemostpiercingtermshisapproachingdissolution，andconjuredmesolemnlytotellhimwhatIthought，whileSirRichardJebbwasperpetuallyontheroadtoStreatham，andMr。Johnsonseemedtothinkhimselfneglectedifthephysicianlefthimforanhouronly，Imadehimasteady，butasIthoughtaverygentleharangue，inwhichIconfirmedallthatthedoctorhadbeensaying;hownopresentdangercouldbeexpected，butthathisageandcontinuedill—healthmustnaturallyacceleratethearrivalofthathourwhichcanbeescapedbynone。
　　"Andthis，"saysJohnson，risingingreatanger，"isthevoiceoffemalefriendship，Isuppose，whenthehandofthehangmanwouldbesofter。"
　　Anotherday，whenhewasill，andexceedinglylow—spirited，andpersuadedthatdeathwasnotfardistant，Iappearedbeforehiminadark—colouredgown，whichhisbadsight，andworseapprehensions，madehimmistakeforaniron—grey。"Whydoyoudelight，"saidhe，"thustothickenthegloomofmiserythatsurroundsme？Isnotheresufficientaccumulationofhorrorwithoutanticipatedmourning？""Thisisnotmourning，sir，"saidI，drawingthecurtain，thatthelightmightfalluponthesilk，andshowitwasapurplemixedwithgreen。"Well，well，"repliedhe，changinghisvoice，"youlittlecreaturesshouldneverwearthosesortofclothes，however;theyareunsuitableineveryway。What！havenotallinsectsgaycolours？"Irelatetheseinstanceschieflytoshowthatthefearsofdeathitselfcouldnotsuppresshiswit，hissagacity，orhistemptationtosuddenresentment。
　　Mr。Johnsondidnotlikethathisfriendsshouldbringtheirmanuscriptsforhimtoread，andhelikedstilllesstoreadthemwhentheywerebrought。Sometimes，however，whenhecouldnotrefuse，hewouldtaketheplayorpoem，orwhateveritwas，andgivethepeoplehisopinionfromsomeonepagehehadpeepedinto。Agentlemancarriedhimhistragedy，which，becausehelovedtheauthor，Johnsontook，anditlayaboutourroomssometime。"Whatanswerdidyougiveyourfriend，sir？"saidI，afterthebookhadbeencalledfor。"Itoldhim，"repliedhe，"thattherewastoomuchTIGandTIRRYinit！"Seeingmelaughmostviolently，"Why，whatwould’sthave，child？"saidhe。"Ilookedatthedramatis，andtherewasTIGranesandTIRIdates，orTeribazus，orsuchstuff。Amancantellbutwhatheknows，andInevergotanyfartherthanthefirstpage。Alas，madam！"
　　continuedhe，"howfewbooksarethereofwhichoneevercanpossiblyarriveattheLASTpage。Wasthereeveryetanythingwrittenbymeremanthatwaswishedlongerbyitsreaders，excepting’DonQuixote，’’RobinsonCrusoe，’andthe’Pilgrim’sProgress？’"AfterHomer’sIliad，Mr。JohnsonconfessedthattheworkofCervanteswasthegreatestintheworld，speakingofitImeanasabookofentertainment。Andwhenweconsiderthateveryotherauthor’sadmirersareconfinedtohiscountrymen，andperhapstotheliteraryclassesamongTHEM，while"DonQuixote"isasortofcommonproperty，anuniversalclassic，equallytastedbythecourtandthecottage，equallyapplaudedinFranceandEnglandasinSpain，quotedbyeveryservant，theamusementofeveryagefrominfancytodecrepitude;thefirstbookyouseeoneveryshelf，ineveryshop，wherebooksaresold，throughallthestatesofItaly;whocanrefusehisconsenttoanavowalofthesuperiorityofCervantestoallothermodernwriters？Shakespearehimselfhas，tilllately，beenworshippedonlyathome，thoughhisplaysarenowthefavouriteamusementsofVienna;andwhenIwasatPaduasomemonthsago，RomeoandJulietwasactedthereunderthenameofTragediaVeronese;whileengraversandtranslatorsLIVEbytheheroofLaManchaineverynation，andthesidesofmiserableinnsalloverEnglandandFrance，andIhaveheardGermanytoo，areadornedwiththeexploitsofDonQuixote。
　　Mayhiscelebrityprocuremypardonforadigressioninpraiseofawriterwho，throughfourvolumesofthemostexquisitepleasantryandgenuinehumour，hasneverbeenseducedtooverstepthelimitsofpropriety，hasnevercalledinthewretchedauxiliariesofobscenityorprofaneness;whotruststonatureandsentimentalone，andnevermissesofthatapplausewhichVoltaireandSternelabourtoproduce，whilehonestmerrimentbestowsherunfadingcrownuponCervantes。
　　Dr。JohnsonwasagreatreaderofFrenchliterature，anddelightedexceedinglyinBoileau’sworks。Moliere，Ithink，hehadhardlysufficienttasteof，andheusedtocondemnmeforpreferringLaBruyeretotheDucdeRochefoucault，who，hesaid，wastheonlygentlemanwriterwhowrotelikeaprofessedauthor。Theasperityofhisharshsentences，eachofthemasentenceofcondemnation，usedtodisgustme，however;thoughitmustbeownedthat，amongthenecessariesofhumanlife，araspisreckonedoneaswellasarazor。
　　Mr。Johnsondidnotlikeanyonewhosaidtheywerehappy，orwhosaidanyoneelsewasso。"Itisallcant，"hewouldcry;"thedogknowsheismiserableallthetime。"Afriendwhomhelovedexceedingly，toldhimonsomeoccasion，notwithstanding，thathiswife’ssisterwasREALLYhappy，andcalledupontheladytoconfirmhisassertion，whichshedidsomewhatroundly，aswesay，andwithanaccentandmannercapableofoffendingMr。
　　Johnson，ifherpositionhadnotbeensufficient，withoutanythingmore，toputhiminveryill—humour。"Ifyoursister—in—lawisreallythecontentedbeingsheprofessesherself，sir，"saidhe，"herlifegivesthelietoeveryresearchofhumanity;forsheishappywithouthealth，withoutbeauty，withoutmoney，andwithoutunderstanding。"Thisstoryhetoldmehimself，andwhenIexpressedsomethingofthehorrorIfelt，"Thesamestupidity，"saidhe，"whichpromptedhertoextolfelicitysheneverfelt，hinderedherfromfeelingwhatshocksyouonrepetition。Itellyou，thewomanisuglyandsicklyandfoolishandpoor;andwoulditnotmakeamanhanghimselftohearsuchacreaturesayitwashappy？
　　"Thelifeofasailorwasalsoacontinualsceneofdangerandexertion，"
　　hesaid;"andthemannerinwhichtimewasspentshipboardwouldmakeallwhosawacabinenvyagaol。"Theroughnessofthelanguageusedonboardaman—of—war，wherehepassedaweekonavisittoCaptainKnight，disgustedhimterribly。Heaskedanofficerwhatsomeplacewascalled，andreceivedforanswer，thatitwaswheretheloplollymankepthisloplolly，areplyheconsidered，notunjustly，asdisrespectful，gross，andignorant;forthoughinthecourseofthesememoirsIhavebeenledtomentionDr。Johnson’stendernesstowardsPOORpeople，Idonotwishtomisleadmyreaders，andmakethemthinkhehadanydelightinMEANmannersorcoarseexpressions。Evendressitself，whenitresembledthatofthevulgar，offendedhimexceedingly;andwhenhehadcondemnedmemanytimesfornotadorningmychildrenwithmoreshowthanIthoughtusefulorelegant，Ipresentedalittlegirltohimwhocameo’visitingoneeveningcoveredwithshiningornaments，toseeifhewouldapproveoftheappearanceshemade。Whentheyweregonehome，"Well，sir，"saidI，"howdidyoulikelittlemiss？IhopeshewasFINEenough。""Itwasthefineryofabeggar，"saidhe，"andyouknowitwas;shelookedlikeanativeofCowLanedresseduptobecarriedtoBartholomewFair。"
　　Hisreprimandtoanotherladyforcrossingherlittlechild’shandkerchiefbefore，andbythatoperationdraggingdownitsheadoddlyandunintentionally，wasonthesameprinciple。"Itisthebeggar’sfearofcold，"saidhe，"thatprevailsoversuchparents，andsotheypullthepoorthing’sheaddown，andgiveitthelookofababythatplaysaboutWestminsterBridge，whilethemothersitsshiveringinaniche。"
　　Icommendedayoungladyforherbeautyandprettybehaviouroneday，however，towhomIthoughtnoobjectioncouldhavebeenmade。"Isawher，"
　　saysDr。Johnson，"takeapairofscissorsinherlefthand，though;andforallherfatherisnowbecomeanobleman，andasyousay，excessivelyrich，Ishould，wereIayouthofqualitytenyearshence，hesitatebetweenagirlsoneglected，andaNEGRO。"
　　ItwasindeedastonishinghowheCOULDremarksuchminutenesseswithasightsomiserablyimperfect;butnoaccidentalpositionofaribbandescapedhim，sonicewashisobservation，andsorigoroushisdemandsofpropriety。WhenIwentwithhimtoLichfieldandcamedownstairstobreakfastattheinn，mydressdidnotpleasehim，andhemademealteritentirelybeforehewouldstirastepwithusaboutthetown，sayingmostsatiricalthingsconcerningtheappearanceImadeinariding—habit，andadding，"’Tisverystrangethatsucheyesasyourscannotdiscernproprietyofdress。IfIhadasightonlyhalfasgood，IthinkIshouldseetothecentre。"
　　Mycompliances，however，wereoflittleworth。Whatreallysurprisedmewasthevictoryhegainedoveraladylittleaccustomedtocontradiction，whohaddressedherselfforchurchatStreathamoneSundaymorninginamannerhedidnotapprove，andtowhomhesaidsuchsharpandpungentthingsconcerningherhat，hergown，etc。，thatshehastenedtochangethem，andreturningquiteanotherfigurereceivedhisapplause，andthankedhimforhisreproofs，muchtotheamazementofherhusband，whocouldscarcelybelievehisownears。
　　Anotherlady，whoseaccomplishmentsheneverdenied，cametoourhouseonedaycoveredwithdiamonds，feathers，etc。，andhedidnotseeminclinedtochatwithherasusual。Iaskedhimwhy，whenthecompanywasgone。"Why，herheadlookedsolikethatofawomanwhoshowspuppets，"saidhe，"andhervoicesoconfirmedthefancy，thatIcouldnotbearhertoday。WhenshewearsalargecapIcantalktoher。"
　　Whentheladiesworelacetrimmingstotheirclothesheexpressedhiscontemptofthereigningfashionintheseterms："ABrusselstrimmingislikebreadsauce，"saidhe，"ittakesawaytheglowofcolourfromthegown，andgivesyounothinginsteadofit。Butsaucewasinventedtoheightentheflavourofourfood，andtrimmingisanornamenttothemanteauoritisnothing。Learn，"saidhe，"thatthereisproprietyorimproprietyineverythinghowslightsoever，andgetatthegeneralprinciplesofdressandofbehaviour;ifyouthentransgressthemyouwillatleastknowthattheyarenotobserved。"
　　Alltheseexactnessesinamanwhowasnothinglessthanexacthimselfmadehimextremelyimpracticableasaninmate，thoughmostinstructiveascompanionandusefulasafriend。Mr。Thrale，too，couldsometimesoverrulehisrigiditybysayingcoldly，"There，there，nowwehavehadenoughforonelecture，Dr。Johnson。Wewillnotbeuponeducationanymoretillafterdinner，ifyouplease，"orsomesuchspeech。Butwhentherewasnobodytorestrainhisdislikesitwasextremelydifficulttofindanybodywithwhomhecouldconversewithoutlivingalwaysonthevergeofaquarrel，orofsomethingtoolikeaquarreltobepleasing。Icameintotheroom，forexample，oneeveningwhereheandagentleman，whoseabilitiesweallrespectexceedingly，weresitting。Aladywhowalkedintwominutesbeforemehadblown’embothintoaflamebywhisperingsomethingtoMr。S———d，whichheendeavouredtoexplainawaysoasnottoaffronttheDoctor，whosesuspicionswereallalive。"Andhaveacare，sir，"saidhe，justasIcamein，"theOldLionwillnotbeartobetickled。"Theotherwaspalewithrage，theladyweptattheconfusionshehadcaused，andIcouldonlysaywithLadyMacbeth——
　　"Soh！you’vedisplac’dthemirth，brokethegoodmeetingWithmostadmir’ddisorder。"
　　Suchaccidents，however，occurredtoooften，andIwasforcedtotakeadvantageofmylostlawsuitandpleadinabilityofpursetoremainlongerinLondonoritsvicinage。Ihadbeencrossedinmyintentionsofgoingabroad，andfounditconvenient，foreveryreasonofhealth，peace，andpecuniarycircumstances，toretiretoBath，whereIknewMr。Johnsonwouldnotfollowme，andwhereIcouldforthatreasoncommandsomelittleportionoftimeformyownuse，athingimpossiblewhileIremainedatStreathamoratLondon，asmyhours，carriage，andservantshadlongbeenathiscommand，whowouldnotriseinthemorningtilltwelveo’clock，perhaps，andobligemetomakebreakfastforhimtillthebellrungfordinner，thoughmuchdispleasedifthetoiletwasneglected，andthoughmuchofthetimewepassedtogetherwasspentinblamingorderiding，veryjustly，myneglectofeconomyandwasteofthatmoneywhichmightmakemanyfamilieshappy。Theoriginalreasonofourconnection，hisPARTICULARLY
　　DISORDEREDHEALTHANDSPIRITS，hadbeenlongatanend，andhehadnootherailmentsthanoldageandgeneralinfirmity，whicheveryprofessorofmedicinewasardentlyzealousandgenerallyattentivetopalliate，andtocontributeallintheirpowerfortheprolongationofalifesovaluable。
　　Venerationforhisvirtue，reverenceforhistalents，delightinhisconversation，andhabitualenduranceofayokemyhusbandfirstputuponme，andofwhichhecontentedlyborehisshareforsixteenorseventeenyears，mademegoonsolongwithMr。Johnson;buttheperpetualconfinementIwillowntohavebeenterrifyinginthefirstyearsofourfriendshipandirksomeinthelast。NorcouldIpretendtosupportitwithouthelp，whenmycoadjutorwasnomore。Totheassistancewegavehim，theshelterourhouseaffordedtohisuneasyfancies，andtothepainswetooktosootheorrepressthem，theworldperhapsisindebtedforthethreepoliticalpamphlets，theneweditionandcorrectionofhis"Dictionary，"andforthe"Poets’Lives，"whichhewouldscarcehavelived，Ithink，andkepthisfacultiesentiretohavewritten，hadnotincessantcarebeenexertedatthetimeofhisfirstcomingtobeourconstantguestinthecountry，andseveraltimesafterthat，whenhefoundhimselfparticularlyoppressedwithdiseasesincidenttothemostvividandferventimaginations。IshallforeverconsideritasthegreatesthonourwhichcouldbeconferredonanyonetohavebeentheconfidentialfriendofDr。
　　Johnson’shealth，andtohaveinsomemeasure，withMr。Thrale’sassistance，savedfromdistressatleast，ifnotworse，amindgreatbeyondthecomprehensionofcommonmortals，andgoodbeyondallhopeofimitationfromperishablebeings。
　　Manyofourfriendswereearnestthatheshouldwritethelivesofourfamousproseauthors;buthenevermadeanyanswerthatIcanrecollecttotheproposal，exceptingwhenSirRichardMusgraveoncewassingularlywarmaboutit，gettingupandentreatinghimtosetabouttheworkimmediately，hecoldlyreplied，"SITDOWN，SIR！"
　　WhenMr。ThralebuiltthenewlibraryatStreatham，andhungupoverthebookstheportraitsofhisfavouritefriends，thatofDr。Johnsonwaslastfinished，andclosedthenumber。ItwasalmostimpossibleNOTtomakeversesonsuchanaccidentalcombinationofcircumstances，soImadethefollowingones。Butasacharacterwritteninversewillforthemostpartbefoundimperfectasacharacter，Ihavethereforewrittenaproseone，withwhichImean，nottocomplete，buttoconcludethese"Anecdotes"ofthebestandwisestmanthatevercamewithinthereachofmypersonalacquaintance，andIthinkImightventuretoadd，thatofalloranyofmyreaders：——
　　Giganticinknowledge，invirtue，instrength，OurcompanycloseswithJOHNSONatlength;
　　SotheGreeksfromthecavernofPolyphemepast，Whenwisest，andgreatest，Ulyssescamelast。
　　Tohiscomradescontemptuousweseehimlookdown，Ontheirwitandtheirworthwithageneralfrown。
　　SincefromScience’proudtreetherichfruithereceives，Whocouldshakethewholetrunkwhiletheyturnedafewleaves。
　　Hispietypure，hismoralitynice——
　　Protectorofvirtue，andterrorofvice;
　　InthesefeaturesReligion’sfirmchampiondisplayed，Shallmakeinfidelsfearforamoderncrusade。
　　Whileth’inflammabletemper，thepositivetongue，Tooconsciousofrightforenduranceofwrong：
　　WesufferfromJOHNSON，contentedtofind，Thatsomenoticewegainfromsonobleamind;
　　Andpardonourhurts，sincesooftenwe’vefoundThebalmofinstructionpouredintothewound。
　　’TisthusforitsvirtuesthechemistsextolPurerectifiedspirit，sublimealcohol;
　　Fromnoxiousputrescence，preservativepure，Acordialinhealth，andinsicknessacure;
　　Butexposedtothesun，takingfireathisrays，Burnsbrighttothebottom，andendsinablaze。
　　Itisusual，Iknownotwhy，whenacharacterisgiven，tobeginwithadescriptionoftheperson。ThatwhichcontainedthesoulofMr。Johnsondeservestobeparticularlydescribed。Hisstaturewasremarkablyhigh，andhislimbsexceedinglylarge。Hisstrengthwasmorethancommon，I
　　believe，andhisactivityhadbeengreater，Ihaveheard，thansuchaformgaveonereasontoexpect。Hisfeatureswerestronglymarked，andhiscountenanceparticularlyrugged;thoughtheoriginalcomplexionhadcertainlybeenfair，acircumstancesomewhatunusual。Hissightwasnear，andotherwiseimperfect;yethiseyes，thoughofalightgreycolour，weresowild，sopiercing，andattimessofierce，thatfearwas，Ibelieve，thefirstemotionintheheartsofallhisbeholders。Hismindwassocomprehensive，thatnolanguagebutthatheusedcouldhaveexpresseditscontents;andsoponderouswashislanguage，thatsentimentslessloftyandlesssolidthanhiswerewouldhavebeenencumbered，notadornedbyit。
　　Mr。Johnsonwasnotintentionally，however，apompousconverser;andthoughhewasaccusedofusingbigwords，astheyarecalled，itwasonlywhenlittleoneswouldnotexpresshismeaningasclearly，orwhen，perhaps，theelevationofthethoughtwouldhavebeendisgracedbyadresslesssuperb。
　　Heusedtosay，"thatthesizeofaman’sunderstandingmightalwaysbejustlymeasuredbyhismirth，"andhisownwasnevercontemptible。Hewouldlaughatastrokeofgenuinehumour，orsuddensallyofoddabsurdity，asheartilyandfreelyasIeveryetsawanyman;andthoughthejestwasoftensuchasfewfeltbesideshimself，yethislaughwasirresistible，andwasobservedimmediatelytoproducethatofthecompany，notmerelyfromthenotionthatitwaspropertolaughwhenhedid，butpurelyoutofwantofpowertoforbearit。Hewasnoenemytosplendourofapparelorpompofequipage。"Life，"hewouldsay，"isbarrenenoughsurelywithallhertrappings;letusthereforebecautioushowwestripher。"Inmattersofstillhighermomentheonceobserved，whenspeakingonthesubjectofsuddeninnovation，"Hewhoplantsaforestmaydoubtlesscutdownahedge;yetIcouldwish，methinks，thatevenhewouldwaittillheseeshisyoungplantsgrow。"
　　Withregardtocommonoccurrences，Mr。Johnsonhad，whenIfirstknewhim，lookedonthestill—shiftingscenesoflifetillhewasweary;forasamindslowinitsownnature，orunenlivenedbyinformation，willcontentedlyreadinthesamebookfortwentytimes，perhaps，theveryactofreadingitbeingmorethanhalfthebusiness，andeveryperiodbeingateveryreadingbetterunderstood;whileamindmoreactiveormoreskilfultocomprehenditsmeaningismadesincerelysickatthesecondperusal;soasoullikehis，acutetodiscernthetruth，vigoroustoembrace，andpowerfultoretainit，soonseesenoughoftheworld’sdullprospect，whichatfirst，likethatofthesea，pleasesbyitsextent，butsoon，likethat，too，fatiguesfromitsuniformity;acalmandastormbeingtheonlyvariationsthatthenatureofeitherwilladmit。
　　OfMr。Johnson’seruditiontheworldhasbeenthejudge，andwewhoproduceeachascoreofhissayings，asproofsofthatwitwhichinhimwasinexhaustible，resembletravellerswho，havingvisitedDelhiorGolconda，bringhomeeachahandfulofOrientalpearltoevincetherichesoftheGreatMogul。MaythepubliccondescendtoacceptmyILL—STRUNGselectionwithpatienceatleast，rememberingonlythattheyarerelicsofhimwhowasgreatonalloccasions，and，likeacubeinarchitecture，youbeheldhimoneachside，andhissizestillappearedundiminished。
　　Ashispursewaseveropentoalmsgiving，sowashishearttendertothosewhowantedrelief，andhissoulsusceptibleofgratitude，andofeverykindimpression：yetthoughhehadrefinedhissensibilityhehadnotendangeredhisquiet，byencouraginginhimselfasolicitudeabouttrifles，whichhetreatedwiththecontempttheydeserve。
　　Itwaswellenoughknownbeforethesesheetswerepublished，thatMr。
　　Johnsonhadaroughnessinhismannerwhichsubduedthesaucy，andterrifiedthemeek;thiswas，whenIknewhim，theprominentpartofacharacterwhichfewdurstventuretoapproachsonearly;andwhichwasforthatreasoninmanyrespectsgrosslyandfrequentlymistaken，anditwasperhapspeculiartohim，thattheloftyconsciousnessofhisownsuperioritywhichanimatedhislooks，andraisedhisvoiceinconversation，castlikewiseanimpenetrableveiloverhimwhenhesaidnothing。Histalk，therefore，hadcommonlythecomplexionofarrogance，hissilenceofsuperciliousness。Hewas，however，seldominclinedtobesilentwhenanymoralorliteraryquestionwasstarted;anditwasonsuchoccasionsthat，likethesagein"Rasselas，"hespoke，andattentionwatchedhislips;hereasoned，andconvictionclosedhisperiods;ifpoetrywastalkedof，hisquotationswerethereadiest;andhadhenotbeeneminentformoresolidandbrilliantqualities，mankindwouldhaveunitedtoextolhisextraordinarymemory。Hismannerofrepeatingdeservestobedescribed，thoughatthesametimeitdefeatsallpowerofdescription;butwhoeveronceheardhimrepeatanodeofHoracewouldbelongbeforetheycouldenduretohearitrepeatedbyanother。
　　Hisequityingivingthecharacteroflivingacquaintanceoughtnotundoubtedlytobeomittedinhisown，whencepartialityandprejudiceweretotallyexcluded，andtruthalonepresidedinhistongue，asteadinessofconductthemoretobecommended，asnomanhadstrongerlikingsoraversions。Hisveracitywas，indeed，fromthemosttrivialtothemostsolemnoccasions，strict，eventoseverity;hescornedtoembellishastorywithfictitiouscircumstances，which，heusedtosay，tookofffromitsrealvalue。"Astory，"saysJohnson，"shouldbeaspecimenoflifeandmanners;butifthesurroundingcircumstancesarefalse，asitisnomorearepresentationofreality，itisnolongerworthyourattention。"
　　Fortherest——thatbeneficencewhichduringhislifeincreasedthecomfortsofsomanymayafterhisdeathbe，perhaps，ungratefullyforgotten;butthatpietywhichdictatedtheseriouspapersinthe"Rambler"willbeforeverremembered;forever，Ithink，revered。Thatamplerepositoryofreligioustruth，moralwisdom，andaccuratecriticism，breathes，indeed，thegenuineemanationsofitsgreatauthor’smind，expressed，too，inastylesonaturaltohim，andsomuchlikehiscommonmodeofconversing，thatIwasmyselfbutlittleastonishedwhenhetoldmethathehadscarcelyreadoveroneofthoseinimitableessaysbeforetheywenttothepress。
　　IwilladdoneortwopeculiaritiesmorebeforeIlaydownmypen。Thoughatanimmeasurabledistancefromcontentinthecontemplationofhisownuncouthformandfigure，hedidnotlikeanothermanmuchthelessforbeingacoxcomb。Imentionedtwofriendswhowereparticularlyfondoflookingatthemselvesinaglass。"Theydonotsurprisemeatallbysodoing，"saidJohnson;"theysee，reflectedinthatglass，menwhohaverisenfromalmostthelowestsituationsinlife;onetoenormousriches，theothertoeverythingthisworldcangive——rank，fame，andfortune。Theysee，likewise，menwhohavemeritedtheiradvancementbytheexertionandimprovementofthosetalentswhichGodhadgiventhem;andIseenotwhytheyshouldavoidthemirror。"
　　TheothersingularityIpromisedtorecordisthis：Thatthoughamanofobscurebirthhimself，hispartialitytopeopleoffamilywasvisibleoneveryoccasion;hiszealforsubordinationwarmeventobigotry;hishatredtoinnovation，andreverencefortheoldfeudaltimes，apparent，wheneveranypossiblemannerofshowingthemoccurred。Ihavespokenofhispiety，hischarity，andhistruth，theenlargementofhisheart，andthedelicacyofhissentiments;andwhenIsearchforshadowtomyportrait，nonecanI
　　findbutwhatwasformedbypride，differentlymodifiedasdifferentoccasionsshowedit;yetneverwaspridesopurifiedasJohnson’s，atoncefrommeannessandfromvanity。Themindofthismanwas，indeed，expandedbeyondthecommonlimitsofhumannature，andstoredwithsuchvarietyofknowledge，thatIusedtothinkitresembledaroyalpleasureground，whereeveryplant，ofeverynameandnation，flourishedinthefullperfectionoftheirpowers，andwhere，thoughloftywoodsandfallingcataractsfirstcaughttheeye，andfixedtheearliestattentionofbeholders，yetneitherthetrimparterrenorthepleasingshrubbery，noreventheantiquatedevergreens，weredeniedaplaceinsomefitcornerofthehappyvalley。