P。S。——WhichthissameinterferingIntootherfolks’wayIdespise；
YetifitsobeIwashearingThatit’sjustemptypocketsasliesBetwixtyouandJoseph，itfollersThat，havingnofamilyclaims，Here’smypile，whichit’ssixhundreddollars，AsisYOURS，withrespects，TRUTHFULJAMES。
"THERETURNOFBELISARIUS"
（MUDFLAT，1860）
Soyou’rebackfromyourtravels，oldfellow，Andyouleftbutatwelvemonthago；
You’vehobnobbedwithLouisNapoleon，Eugenie，andkissedthePope’stoe。
ByJove，itisperfectlystunning，Astounding，——andallthat，youknow；
Yes，thingsareaboutasyouleftthemInMudFlatatwelvemonthago。
Theboys！——they’reallright，——Oh！DickAshley，He’sburiedsomewhereinthesnow；
HewaslostontheSummitlastwinter，AndBobhasahardrowtohoe。
Youknowthathe’sgottheconsumption？
Youdidn’t！Well，come，that’sago；
IcertainlywroteyouatBaden，——
Dearme！thatwassixmonthsago。
Igotallyouroutlandishletters，AllstampedbysomeforeignP。O。
IhandedmyselftoMissMaryThatsketchofafamouschateau。
TomSaundersislivingat’Frisco，——
Theysaythathecutsquiteashow。
Youdidn’tmeetEuchre-deckBillyAnywhereonyourroadtoCairo？
Soyouthoughtoftherustyoldcabin，Thepines，andthevalleybelow，AndheardtheNorthForkoftheYubaAsyoustoodonthebanksofthePo？
’Twasjustlikeyourromance，oldfellow；
ButnowthereisstandingarowOfstoresonthesiteofthecabinThatyoulivedinatwelvemonthago。
Butit’sjollytoseeyou，oldfellow，——
Tothinkit’satwelvemonthago！
AndyouhaveseenLouisNapoleon，AndlooklikeaJohnnyCrapaud。
Comein。YouwillsurelyseeMary，——
Youknowwearemarried。What，no？
Oh，ay！IforgottherewassomethingBetweenyouatwelvemonthago。
FURTHERLANGUAGEFROMTRUTHFULJAMES
（NYE’SFORD，STANISLAUS，1870）
DoIsleep？doIdream？
DoIwonderanddoubt？
Arethingswhattheyseem？
Orisvisionsabout？
Isourcivilizationafailure？
OristheCaucasianplayedout？
Whichexpressionsarestrong；
YetwouldfeeblyimplySomeaccountofawrong——
Nottocallitalie——
AswasworkedoffonWilliam，mypardner，AndthesamebeingW。Nye。
HecamedowntotheFordOntheverysamedayOfthatlotterydrawedBythosesharpsattheBay；
Andhesaystome，"Truthful，howgoesit？"
Ireplied，"Itisfar，farfromgay；
"ForthecamphasgonewildOnthislotterygame，Andhasevenbeguiled’InjinDick’bythesame。"
ThensaidNyetome，"Injinsispizen：
Butwhatishisnumber，eh，James？"
Ireplied，"7，2，9，8，4，ishishand；"
Whenhestarted，anddrewOutalist，whichhescanned；
ThenhesoftlywentforhisrevolverWithlanguageIcannotcommand。
ThenIsaid，"WilliamNye！"
Butheturneduponme，AndthelookinhiseyeWasquitepainfultosee；
Andhesays，"Youmistake；thispoorInjinIprotectsfromsuchsharpsasYOUbe！"
Iwasshockedandwithdrew；
ButIgrievetorelate，WhenhenextmetmyviewInjinDickwashismate；
Andthetwoaroundtownwasa-lyingInafrightfullydissolutestate。
WhichthewardancetheyhadRoundatreeattheBendWasasightthatwassad；
AnditseemedthattheendWouldnotjustifytheproceedings，AsIquietremarkedtoafriend。
ForthatInjinhefledThenextdaytohisband；
AndwefoundWilliamspreadVerylooseonthestrand，Withapeaceful-likesmileonhisfeatures，Andadollargreenbackinhishand；
Whichthesame，whenrolledout，Weobserved，withsurprise，Waswhathe，nodoubt，Thoughtthenumberandprize——
Themfiguresinredinthecorner，Whichthenumberofnotesspecifies。
Wasitguile，oradream？
IsitNyethatIdoubt？
Arethingswhattheyseem？
Orisvisionsabout？
Isourcivilizationafailure？
OristheCaucasianplayedout？
AFTERTHEACCIDENT
（MOUTHOFTHESHAFT）
WhatIwantismyhusband，sir，——
Andifyou’reaman，sir，You’llgivemeananswer，——
WhereismyJoe？
Penrhyn，sir，Joe，——
Caernarvonshire。
SixmonthsagoSincewecamehere——
Eh？——Ah，youknow！
Well，IamquietAndstill，ButImuststandhere，Andwill！
Please，I’llbestrong，Ifyou’lljustletmewaitInsideo’thatgateTillthenewscomesalong。
"Negligence！"——
Thatwasthecause！——
Butchery！
Aretherenolaws，——
Lawstoprotectsuchaswe？
Well，then！
Iwon’traisemyvoice。
There，men！
Iwon’tmakenonoise，Onlyyoujustletmebe。
Four，onlyfour——didhesay——
Saved！andtheotherones？——Eh？
Whydotheycall？
WhyaretheyallLookingandcomingthisway？
What’sthat？——amessage？
I’lltakeit。
Iknowhiswife，sir，I’llbreakit。
"Foreman！"
Ay，ay！
"Outbyandby，——
Justsavedhislife。
SaytohiswifeSoonhe’llbefree。"
WillI？——Godblessyou！
It’sme！
THEGHOSTTHATJIMSAW
Why，astothat，saidtheengineer，Ghostsain’tthingsweareapttofear；
Spiritsdon’tfoolwithleversmuch，Andthrottle-valvesdon’ttaketosuch；
AndasforJim，WhathappenedtohimWasonehalffact，andt’otherhalfwhim！
Runningonenightontheline，hesawAhouse——asplainasthemorallaw——
Justbythemoonlitbank，andthenceCameadrunkenmanwithnomoresenseThantodropontherailFlatasaflail，AsJimdrovebywiththemidnightmail。
Downwentthepatents——steamreversed。
Toolate！fortherecamea"thud。"JimcursedAsthefireman，thereinthecabwithhim，KinderstaredinthefaceofJim，Andsays，"Whatnow？"
SaysJim，"Whatnow！
I’vejustrunoveraman，——that’show！"
ThefiremanstaredatJim。TheyranBack，buttheyneverfoundhousenorman，——
Naryashadowwithinamile。
Jimturnedpale，buthetriedtosmile，ThenonhetoreTenmileormore，Inquickertimethanhe’dmadeafore。
Wouldyoubelieveit！theverynextnightUprosethathouseinthemoonlightwhite，Outcomesthechapanddropsasbefore，Downgoesthebrakeandtherestencore；
Andso，infact，EachnightthatactOccurred，tillfolkssworeJimwascracked。
Humph！letmesee；it’sayearnow，’most，ThatImetJim，East，andsays，"How’syourghost？"
"Gone，"saysJim；"andmore，it’splainThatghostdon’ttroublemeagain。
IthoughtIshookThatghostwhenItookAplaceonanEasternline，——butlook！
"WhatshouldImeet，thefirsttripout，Buttheveryhousewetalkedabout，Andtheselfsameman！’Well，’saysI，’IguessIt’stimetostopthis’yerfoolishness。’
SoIcrammedonsteam，WhentherecameascreamFrommyfireman，thatjestbrokemydream：
"’You’vekilledsomebody！’SaysI，’Notmuch！
I’vebeentharoften，andtharain’tnosuch，AndnowI’llproveit！’Backweran，And——darnmyskin！——buttharWASamanOntherail，dead，Smashedinthehead！——
NowIcallthatmeanness！"That’sallJimsaid。
"SEVENTY-NINE"
（MR。INTERVIEWERINTERVIEWED）
Knowmenexttimewhenyouseeme，won’tyou，oldsmarty？
Oh，ImeanYOU，oldfigger-head，——justthesameparty！
Takeoutyourpensivil，d——nyou；sharpenit，do！
Anycomplaintstomake？Lotsof’em——oneof’em’sYOU。
You！whoareYOU，anyhow，goin’roundinthatsneakin’way？
Neverinjailbefore，wasyou，oldblatherskite，say？
Lookatit；don’titlookpooty？Oh，grin，andbed——dtoyou，do！
ButifIhadyouthissideo’thatgratin，’I’djustmakeitlivelyforyou。
HowdidIgetinhere？Wellwhat’udyougivetoknow？
’Twasn’tbysneakin’roundwhereIhadn’tnocalltogo；
’Twasn’tbyhangin’rounda-spyin’unfortnetmen。
Grin！butI’llstopyourjawifeveryoudothatagen。
Whydon’tyousaysuthin，blastyou？Speakyourmindifyoudare。
Ain’tIabadlot，sonny？Sayit，andcallitsquare。
Hain’tgotnotongue，hey，hevye？Oh，guard！here’salittleswellAcussin’andswearin’andyellin’，andbribin’menottotell。
There！Ithoughtthat’udfetchye！Andyouwanttoknowmyname？
"Seventy-nine"theycallme，butthatistheirlittlegame；
ForI’mwerryhighlyconnected，asagent，sir，canunderstand，Andmyfamilyholdtheirheadsupwiththeveryfurstintheland。
For’twasall，sir，aput-upjobonaporeyoungmanlikeme；
Andthejurywasbribedapuppos，andatfursttheycouldn’tagree；
AndIsedtothejudge，sezI，——Oh，grin！it’sallright，myson！
Butyou’reawerrylivelyyoungpup，andyouain’ttobeplayedupon！
Wot’sthatyougot？——tobacco？I’mcussedbutIthought’twasatract。
Thankye！Achapt’otherday——now，lookee，thisisafact——
Slingsmeatractontheevilso’keepin’badcompany，Asifallthesaintswashowlin’tostayherealongo’we。
No，Ihain’tnocomplaints。Stop，yes；doyouseethatchap，——
Himstandin’overthere，a-hidin’hiseyesinhiscap？
Well，thatman’sstumickisweak，andhecan’tstandthepris’nfare；
Forthecoffeeisjusthalfbeans，andthesugaritain’tnowhere。
Perhapsit’shisbringin’up；buthe’ssickenin’daybyday，Andhedoesn’ttakenofood，andI’mseein’himwasteaway。
Anditisn’tthethingtosee；for，whateverhe’sbeenanddone，Starvationisn’ttheplanashe’stobesavedupon。
Forhecannotroughitlikeme；andhehasn’tthestamps，Iguess，Tobuyhimhisextrygruboutsideo’thepris’nmess。
Andperhapsifagentlikeyou，withwhomI’vebeensorterfree，Would——thankyou！But，say！lookhere！Oh，blastit！don’tgiveittoME！
Don’tyougiveittome；now，don’tye，don’tye，DON’T！
Youthinkit’saput-upjob；soI’llthankye，sir，ifyouwon’t。
Buthandhimthestampsyourself：why，heisn’tevenmypal；
And，ifit’sacomforttoyou，why，Idon’tintendthatheshall。
THESTAGE-DRIVER’SSTORY
Itwasthestage-driver’sstory，ashestoodwithhisbacktothewheelers，Quietlyfleckinghiswhip，andturninghisquidoftobacco；
Whileonthedustyroad，andblentwiththeraysofthemoonlight，Wesawthelongcurlofhislashandthejuiceoftobaccodescending。
"Danger！Sir，Ibelieveyou，——indeed，Imaysay，onthatsubject，Youyourexistencemightputtothehazardandturnofawager。
Ihaveseendanger？Oh，no！notme，sir，indeed，Iassureyou：
’Twasonlythemanwiththedogthatissittingaloneinyonwagon。
"ItwastheGeigerGrade，amileandahalffromthesummit：
Blackasyourhatwasthenight，andneverastarintheheavens。
Thunderingdownthegrade，thegravelandstoneswesentflyingOvertheprecipiceside，——athousandfeetplumbtothebottom。
"Half-waydownthegradeIfelt，sir，athrillingandcreaking，Thenalurchtooneside，aswehungonthebankofthecanyon；
Then，lookinguptheroad，Isaw，inthedistancebehindme，Theoffhindwheelofthecoach，justloosedfromitsaxle，andfollowing。
"OneglancealoneIgave，thengatheredtogethermyribbons，Shouted，andflungthem，outspread，onthestrainingnecksofmycattle；
Screamedatthetopofmyvoice，andlashedtheairinmyfrenzy，WhiledowntheGeigerGrade，onTHREEwheels，thevehiclethundered。
"Speedwasouronlychance，whenagaincametheominousrattle：
Crack，andanotherwheelslippedaway，andwaslostinthedarkness。
TWOonlynowwereleft；yetsuchwasourfearfulmomentum，Upright，erect，andsustainedonTWOwheels，thevehiclethundered。
"Assomehugeboulder，unloosedfromitsrockyshelfonthemountain，Drivesbeforeitthehareandthetimoroussquirrel，farleaping，SodowntheGeigerGraderushedthePioneercoach，andbeforeitLeapedthewildhorses，andshriekedinadvanceofthedangerimpending。
"Buttobebriefinmytale。Again，erewecametothelevel，Slippedfromitsaxleawheel；sothat，tobeplaininmystatement，Amatteroftwelvehundredyardsormore，asthedistancemaybe，WetraveleduponONEwheel，untilwedroveuptothestation。
"Then，sir，wesankinaheap；but，pickingmyselffromtheruins，Iheardanoiseupthegrade；andlooking，IsawinthedistanceThethreewheelsfollowingstill，likemoonsonthehorizonwhirling，Till，circling，theygracefullysankontheroadatthesideofthestation。
"Thisismystory，sir；atrifle，indeed，Iassureyou。
Muchmore，perchance，mightbesaid——butIholdhimofallmenmostlightlyWhoswervesfromthetruthinhistale。No，thankyou——Well，sinceyouAREpressing，PerhapsIdon’tcareifIdo：youmaygivemethesame，Jim，——nosugar。"
AQUESTIONOFPRIVILEGE
REPORTEDBYTRUTHFULJAMES
ItwasAndrewJacksonSutterwho，despisingMr。Cutterforremarksheheardhimutterindebateuponthefloor，Swunghimupintotheskylight，inthepeaceful，pensivetwilight，andthenkeerlesslyproceeded，makin’noaccountwhatWEdid——
Towipeupwithhispersoncasualdustuponthefloor。
Nowasquarefightneverfretsme，norunpleasantnessupsetsme，butthesimplethingthatgetsme——nowthejobisdoneandgone，Andwe’vecomehomefreeandmerryfromthepeacefulcemetery，leavin’CuttertherewithSutter——thatmebbeejustastutterOnthepartofMr。Cuttercausedthelosswedeeplymourn。
Somebashfulhesitation，justlikespellin’punctooation——mighthaveworkedanaggravationontoSutter’smournfulmind，Forthewitnessesallvaryeztowotwassaidandnaryagalootwilltoothishornexceptthewayheisinclined。
ButtheyallallowthatSutterhadbegunakindofmutter，whenuproseMr。Cutterwithasickeningkindofease，Andproceededthentowadeintothesubjectthenprevadin’："IsProfanitydegradin’？"inwordslikeuntothese：
"Onlikethepreviousspeaker，Mr。SutterofYreka，hewasbutahumbleseeker——andnotlikehim——acuss"——
ItwasherethatMr。SuttersoftlyreachedforMr。Cutter，whenthelatterwithastuttersaid："ac-customedtodiscuss。"
ThenSutterherosegrimly，andsortersmilin’dimlybowedontotheChairmanprimly——（justlikeCutterezcouldbe！）
Drawled"heguessedhemustfall——back——as——Mr。Cutterownedthepack——as——hejusthadplayedthe——Jack——as——"（hereCutter’sgunwentcrack！asMr。Suttergaspedandended）"everymancansee！"
ButWilliamHenryPryor——justinrangeofSutter’sfire——hereevincedawilddesiretodosomebodyharm，AndinthegeneralscrimmagenoonethoughtifSutter’s"image"wasamisplacedpunctooation——liketheholeinPryor’sarm。
Forweallwaltzedintogether，nevercarin’toaskwhetheritwasSutterorwasCutterwewoztryin’toabate。
Butwecouldn’thelpperceivin’，whenwetooktoinkstandheavin’，thattheprocesswasrelievin’tothesharpnessofdebate，Sowe’vecomehomefreeandmerryfromthepeacefulcemetery，andI
makenocommentaryonthesesimplechildishgames；
Thingsisvariousandhuman——andthemanain’tbornofwomanwhoisfreetointermeddlewithhispal’sintentsandaims。
THETHOUGHT-READEROFANGELS
REPORTEDBYTRUTHFULJAMES
WehevtumbledezdustOrezwormsoftheyearth；
Wotwelookedforhezbust！
Weareobjectsofmirth！
Theyhaveplayedus——oldPardsoftheriver！——theyhevplayedusforallwewasworth！
WasiteuchreordrawCutusoffinourbloom？
Wasitfaro，whoselawIsuncertainezdoom？
Oraninnocent"Jackpot"that——opened——wastousezthejawsofthetomb？
Itwasnary！ItkemWithsomesharpsfromtheStates。
Ezfolkssez，"AllthingskemTothefellersezwaits；"
Andwe’dwaitedsixmonthsforthatsuthin’——hadmeandBillNye——insuchstraits！
Anditkem。Itwassmall；
Itwasdream-likeandweak；
Itworestoreclothes——that’sallThatweknew，sotospeak；
Butitcalleditself"Billson，Thought-Reader"——whichain’thalfanameforitscheek！
Hecouldreadwotyouthought，Andheknewwotyoudid；
Hecouldfindthingsuntaught，Nomatterwharhid；
Andhewenttoit，blindfoldandsmiling，beingledbythehandlikeakid！
ThenIglancedatBillNye，AndIsez，withoutpride，"You’llexcuseUS。We’venighOntonothin’tohide；
Butifsomegentwilllendusatwenty，we’llhideitwharfolksshalldecide。"
ItwasBillson’sownselfWhoforkedoverthegold，Withasmile。"Thar’sthepelf，"
Heremarked。"ImakeboldToadvanceit，andgotwentybetterthatI’llfinditwithoutbeingtold。"
ThenIpassedittoNye，Whorepassedittome。
AndwebandagedeacheyeOfthatBillson——ezweSoftlydroppedthatcoininhiscoatpocket，ezthehullcrowdarounduscouldsee。
Thatwasall。He’donehandLockedinmine。Thenhegroped。
WecouldnotunderstandWhythatminitNyesloped，Forweknewwe’dthedeadthingonBillson——evenmorethanwedreamedoforhoped。
ForhestoodtharindoubtWithhishandtohishead；
Thenheturned，andlitoutThroughthedoorwhereNyefled，Draggin’meandtherestofusarter，whilewelarfedtillwethoughtwewasdead，TillheovertookNyeAndwentthroughhim。WordsfailForwhatfollers！KinI
PaintouragonizedwailEzhedrewfromNye’spocketthattwentywotweswornwasinhisowncoat-tail！
AnditWAS！But，whenfound，Itprovedbogusandbrass！
AndthequestiongoesroundHowthethingkemtopass？
Or，ifPASSED，wozitpassedtharbyWilliam；andIlistens，andechoes"Alas！
"ForthedayswhentheskillOfthekeerdswasnoblind，WhennoeffortofwillCouldbeatfourofakind，Whenthethingwotyouheldinyourhand，Pard，wasworthmorethanthethinginyourmind。"
THESPELLINGBEEATANGELS
（REPORTEDBYTRUTHFULJAMES）
Waltzin，waltzin，yelittlekids，andgatherroundmyknee，Anddropthembooksandfirstpot-hooks，andhearayarnfromme。
IkinnotslingafairytaleofJinnys*fierceandwild，ForIholditisunchristiantodeceiveasimplechild；
Butasfromschoolyerdriftin’by，Ithowtye’dliketohearOfa"SpellingBee"atAngelsthatweorganizedlastyear。
Itwarn’tmadeupofgentlekids，ofprettykids，likeyou，Butgentsezhedtheirreg’largrowth，andsomeenoughfortwo。
TherewozLankyJimofSutter’sForkandBilsonofLagrange，And"PistolBob，"whoworethatdayaknifebywayofchange。
Youstart，youlittlekids，youthinkthesearenotprettynames，Buteachhadamanbehindit，and——mynameisTruthfulJames。
TherewasPokerDickfromWhiskyFlat，andSmithofShooter’sBend，AndBrownofCalaveras——whichIwantnobetterfriend；
Three-fingeredJack——yes，prettydears，threefingers——YOUhavefive。
Clappcutofftwo——it’ssing’lar，too，thatClappain’tnowalive。
’Twasverywrongindeed，mydears，andClappwasmuchtoblame；
LikewisewasJack，inafter-years，forshootin’ofthatsame。
Thenightswaskinderlengthenin’out，therainshadjestbegun，WhenallthecampcameuptoPete’stohavetheirusualfun；
Butweallsotkindersad-likearoundthebar-roomstoveTillSmithgotup，permiskiss-like，andthisremarkhehove：
"Thar’sanewgamedowninFrisco，thatezfarezIcanseeBeatseuchre，poker，andvan-toon，theycallsthe’Spellin’Bee。’"
ThenBrownofCalaverassimplyhitchedhischairandspake，"Pokerisgoodenoughforme，"andLankyJimsez，"Shake！"
AndBoballowedhewarn’tproud，buthe"mustsayrighttharThatthemanwhotackledeuchrehedhiseducationsquar。"
ThisbroughtupLennyFairchild，theschoolmaster，whosaidHeknewthegame，andhewouldgiveinstructionsonthathead。
"Forinstance，takesomesimpleword，"sezhe，"like’separate：’
Nowwhocanspellit？"Dogmyskin，eftharwasoneineight。
Thissettheboysallwildatonce。Thechairswasputinrow，AndattheheadwasLankyJim，andatthefootwasJoe，Andhighuponthebaritselftheschoolmasterwasraised，Andthebar-keepputhisglassesdown，andsatandsilentgazed。
Thefirstwordoutwas"parallel，"andsevenletitbe，TillJoewaltzedinhis"doublel"betwixtthe"a"and"e；"
ForsincehedrilledthemMexicansinSanJacinto’sfightTharwarn’tnoproudermangotupthanPistolJoethatnight——
Till"rhythm"came！Hetriedtosmile，thensaid"theyhadhimthere，"
AndLankyJim，withonelongstride，gotupandtookhischair。
Olittlekids，myprettykids，’twastouchin’tosurveyThesebeardedmen，withweppingson，likeschoolboysattheirplay。
They’dlaughwithglee，andshouttoseeeachotherleadthevan，AndBobsatupasmonitorwithacueforarattan，TilltheChairgaveout"incinerate，"andBrownsaidhe’dbedurnedIfanysuchblamedwordasthatinschoolwaseverlearned。
When"phthisis"cametheyallsprangup，andvowedthemanwhorungAnotherblamedGreekwordonthembetakenoutandhung。
AstheysatdownagainIsawinBilson’seyeaflash，AndBrownofCalaveraswasa-twistin’hismustache，AndwhenatlastBrownslippedon"gneiss，"andBilsontookhischair，Hedroppedsomecasualwordsaboutsomefolkswhodyedtheirhair。
AndthentheChairgrewverywhite，andtheChairsaidhe’dadjourn，ButPokerDickremarkedthatHEwouldwaitandgethisturn；
Thenwithatremblin’voiceandhand，andwithawanderin’eye，TheChairnextoffered"eider-duck，"andDickbeganwith"I"，AndBilsonsmiled——thenBilsonshrieked！JusthowthefightbegunIneverknowed，forBilsondropped，andDick，hemovedupone。
Thencertaingentsaroseandsaid"they’dbusinessdownincamp，"
And"eztheroadwasratherdark，andezthenightwasdamp，They’d"——heregotupThree-fingeredJackandlockedthedoorandyelled：
"No，notonemother’ssongoesouttillthattharwordisspelled！"
Butwhilethewordswereonhislips，hegroanedandsankinpain，AndsankwithWebsteronhischestandWorcesteronhisbrain。
BelowthebardodgedPokerDick，andtriedtolookezheWashuntin’upauthoritiesthetnooneelsecouldsee；
AndBrowngotdownbehindthestove，allowin’he"wascold，"
Tillitupsotanddownhislegsthecindersfreelyrolled，Andseveralgentscalled"Order！"tillinhissimplewayPoorSmithbeganwith"O-r"——"Or"——andhewasdraggedaway。
Olittlekids，myprettykids，downonyourkneesandpray！
You’vegotyoureddicationinapeacefulsortofway；
Andbearinmindtharmaybesharpsezslingstheirspellin’square，Butlikewiseslingstheirbowie-kniveswithoutathoughtorcare。
Youwantstoknowtherest，mydears？Thet’sall！InmeyouseeTheonlygentthatlivedtotellabouttheSpellin’Bee！
——————
Heceasedandpassed，thattruthfulman；thechildrenwenttheirwayWithdowncastheadsanddowncasthearts——butnottosportorplay。
Forwhenatevethelampswerelit，andsupperlesstobedEachchildwassent，withtasksundoneandlessonsallunsaid，Nomanmightknowtheawfulwoethatthrilledtheiryouthfulframes，AstheydreamedofAngelsSpellingBeeandthoughtofTruthfulJames。
*Qy。Genii。
ARTEMISINSIERRA
DRAMATISPERSONAE
Poet。Philosopher。JonesofMariposa。
POET
Halt！Hereweare。NowwheelyourmareatrifleJustwhereyoustand；thendoffyourhatandswearNeveryetwassceneyoumightcoverwithyourrifleHalfascompleteorasmarvelouslyfair。
PHILOSOPHER
DroppedfromOlympusorliftedoutofTempe，Swunglikeacenserbetwixttheearthandsky！
HewhoinGreecesangofflocksandflaxandhemp，——heHeremightrecallthem——sixthousandfeetonhigh！
POET
Wellyoumaysayso。Theclamoroftheriver，Humofbasetoil，andman’signoblestrife，Haltfarbelow，wherethestiflingsunbeamsquiver，Butneverclimbtothispurer，higherlife！
Nottothisglade，whereJonesofMariposa，Simpleandmeekashisflockswe’relookingat，Tendshissoftcharge；norwherehisdaughterRosa——
（Ashot。）
Hallo！What’sthat？
PHILOSOPHER
A——somethingthro’myhat——
Bullet，Ithink。Youwerespeakingofhisdaughter？
POET
Yes；but——yourhatyouweremovingthroughtheleaves；
Likelyhethoughtitsomeeaglebentonslaughter。
Lightlyheshoots——（Asecondshot。）
PHILOSOPHER
Asonereadilyperceives。
Still，heimproves！ThistimeYOURhathasgotit，Quiteneartheband！Eh？Oh，justasyouplease——
Stop，orgoon。
POET
Perhapswe’dbettertrotitDownthroughthehollow，andupamongthetrees。
BOTH
Trot，trot，trot，wherethebulletscannotfollow；
Trotdownandupagainamongthelaureltrees。
PHILOSOPHER
Thanks，thatisbetter；nowofthisshot-dispensingJonesandhisgirl——youweresaying——
POET
Well，yousee——
I——hangitall！——Oh！what’stheuseoffencing！
Sir，Iconfessit！——theseshotsweremeantforME。
PHILOSOPHER
Areyoumad！
POET
Godknows，Ishouldn’twonder！
Ilovethiscoynymph，who，coldly——asyonpeakShinesontheriveritfeeds，yetkeepsasunder——
LonghaveIworshiped，butneverdaredtospeak。
Tillshe，nodoubt，herlovenolongerhiding，Wakedbysomechancewordherfather’sjealousy；
Slipsherdisdain——asanavalanchedownglidingSweepsflocksandkinaway——toclearapathforME。
Hencehisattack。
PHILOSOPHER
Isee。WhatIadmireChiefly，Ithink，inyouridyl，sotospeak，Isthecoolmodestythatchecksyouryouthfulfire，——
Absenceofself-loveandabstinenceofcheek！
Still，Imightmention，I’vemetthegentleRosa，——
Dancedwithherthrice，toherfather’sjealousdread；
And，itispossible，she’shappenedtodisclosea——
Ahem！YoucanfancywhyheshootsatMEinstead。
POET
YOU？
PHILOSOPHER
Me。Butkindlytakeyourhandfromyourrevolver，Iamnotcholeric——butaccidentsmaychance。
Andhere’sthefather，whoalonecanbethesolverOfthistwinriddleofthehatandtheromance。
EnterJONESOFMARIPOSA。
POET
Speak，shepherd——mine！
PHILOSOPHER
Hail！Time-and-cartridgewaster，Aimlessexploderoftheoriesandskill！
Whomdoyoushoot？
JONESOFMARIPOSA
Well，shootin’ain’tmytaste，orEFIshootanything——Ionlyshoottokill。
Thatain’twhat’sup。Ionlykemtotellye——
Sportin’orcourtin’——trothomewardforyourlife！
Galswillbegals，andp’r’apsit’sjustezwellyeLarnedtherewasonehadnowishtobe——awife。
POET
What？
PHILOSOPHER
Isthistrue？
JONESOFMARIPOSA
Ireckonitlookslikeit。
Shesawyecomin’。Mygunwasstandin’by；
Shemadeagrab，and’foreIupcouldstrikeit，Blazedatyeboth！ThecritterisSOshy！
POET
Who？
JONESOFMARIPOSA
Mydarter！
PHILOSOPHER
Rosa？
JONESOFMARIPOSA
Same！Good-by！
JACKOFTHETULES
（SOUTHERNCALIFORNIA）
Shrewdlyyouquestion，Senor，andIfancyYouarenonovice。ConfessthattolittleOfmypoorgossipofMissionandPuebloYouareastranger！
AmInotright？Ah！believeme，thateverSincewejoinedcompanyattheposadaI’vewatchedyouclosely，and——pardonanoldpriest——
I’vecaughtyousmiling！
SmilingtohearanoldfellowlikemetalkGossipofpillageandrobbers，andevenAirhisopinionoflawandalcaldesLikeanyother！
Now！——bythattwistofthewristonthebridle，Bythatstraightlinefromtheheeltotheshoulder，Bythatcurtspeech，——nay！nay！nooffense，son，——
Youareasoldier？
No？Thenamanofaffairs？SanSebastian！
’TwouldservemerightifIprattledthuswildlyTo——sayasheriff？No？——justcaballero？
Well，more’sthepity。
Ah！whatwewanthere’samanofyourpresence；
Sano，Secreto，——yes，allthefourS’s，Joinedwithaboldnessanddash，whenthetimecomes，And——mayIsayit？——
OnenotTOOhardonthepoorcountrypeople，Peonsandsillyvaqueros，who，dazzledByrecklessskill，and，perchance，recklesslargesse，Winkatsomequeerthings。
No？YouwouldcrushTHEMaswellastherobbers，——
Rootthemout，scatterthem？Ahyouarebitter——
Andyet——quiensabe，perhapsthat’stheonewayTocatchtheirleader。
Astomyself，now，I’dshareyourdispleasure；
ForIadmitinthisJackoftheTulesCertaingoodpoints。Hestillcomestoconfession——
You’d"liketocatchhim"？
Ah，ifyoudidatsuchtimes，youmightleadhimHomebyathread。Good！Againyouaresmiling：
Youhavenofaithinsuchshrift，andbutlittleInpriestorpenitent。
Bueno！Wetakenooffense，sir；whateverItpleaseyoutosay，itbecomesus，forChurchsake，Tobearinpeace。Yet，ifyouwerekinder——
Andlesssuspicious——
Imightstillprovetoyou，JackoftheTulesShamesnotourteaching；nay，evenmightshowyou，Hardbythisspot，hisoldcomrade，who，wounded，Livesonhisbounty。
If——ah，youlisten！——IseeIcantrustyou；
Then，onyourwordasagentleman——follow。
Underthatsycamorestandstheoldcabin；
Theresitshiscomrade。
Eh！——areyoumad？YouwouldtrytoARRESThim？
You，withawarrant？Oh，well，taketherestofthem：
Pedro，Bill，Murray，PatDoolan。Hey！——allofyou，Tumbleout，d——nit！
There！——that’lldo，boys！Standback！Easehiselbows；
Takethegagfromhismouth。Good！NowscatterlikedevilsAfterhisposse——fourstraggling，fourdrunken——
Attheposada。
You——helpmeoffwiththesetogs，andthenvamos！
Now，oleJeffDobbs！——Sheriff，Scout，andDetective！
You’resoderned’cute！Kindersick，ain’tye，bluffingJackoftheTules！
IV。MISCELLANEOUS
AGREYPORTLEGEND
（1797）
Theyranthroughthestreetsoftheseaporttown，Theypeeredfromthedecksoftheshipsthatlay；
Thecoldsea-fogthatcamewhiteningdownWasneverascoldorwhiteasthey。
"Ho，StarbuckandPinckneyandTenterden！
Runforyourshallops，gatheryourmen，Scatteryourboatsonthelowerbay。"
Goodcauseforfear！Inthethickmid-dayThehulkthatlaybytherottingpier，Filledwiththechildreninhappyplay，Parteditsmooringsanddriftedclear，Driftedclearbeyondreachorcall，——
Thirteenchildrentheywereinall，——
Alladriftinthelowerbay！
Saidahard-facedskipper，"Godhelpusall！
Shewillnotfloattilltheturningtide！"
Saidhiswife，"MydarlingwillhearMYcall，Whetherinseaorheavenshebide；"
Andsheliftedaquaveringvoiceandhigh，Wildandstrangeasasea-bird’scry，Tilltheyshudderedandwonderedatherside。
Thefogdrovedownoneachlaboringcrew，Veiledeachfromeachandtheskyandshore：
Therewasnotasoundbutthebreaththeydrew，Andthelapofwaterandcreakofoar；
Andtheyfeltthebreathofthedowns，freshblownO’erleaguesofcloverandcoldgraystone，Butnotfromthelipsthathadgonebefore。
Theycamenomore。ButtheytellthetaleThat，whenfogsarethickontheharborreef，Themackerelfishersshortensail——
Forthesignaltheyknowwillbringrelief；
Forthevoicesofchildren，stillatplayInaphantomhulkthatdriftsalwayThroughchannelswhosewatersneverfail。
Itisbutafoolishshipman’stale，Athemeforapoet’sidlepage；
Butstill，whenthemistsofDoubtprevail，AndweliebecalmedbytheshoresofAge，WehearfromthemistytroubledshoreThevoiceofthechildrengonebefore，Drawingthesoultoitsanchorage。
ANEWPORTROMANCE
Theysaythatshediedofabrokenheart（Itellthetaleas’twastoldtome）；
Butherspiritlives，andhersoulispartOfthissadoldhousebythesea。
HerloverwasfickleandfineandFrench：
ItwasnearlyahundredyearsagoWhenhesailedawayfromherarms——poorwench！——
WiththeAdmiralRochambeau。
ImarvelmuchwhatperiwiggedphraseWontheheartofthissentimentalQuaker，Atwhatgold-lacedspeechofthosemodishdaysShelistened——themischieftakeher！
ButshekepttheposiesofmignonetteThathegave；andeverastheirbloomfailedAndfaded（thoughwithhertearsstillwet）
Heryouthwiththeirownexhaled。
Tillonenight，whenthesea-fogwrappedashroudRoundsparandspireandtarnandtree，HersoulwentuponthatliftedcloudFromthissadoldhousebythesea。
Andeversincethen，whentheclockstrikestwo，Shewalksunbiddenfromroomtoroom，AndtheairisfilledthatshepassesthroughWithasubtle，sadperfume。
Thedelicateodorofmignonette，Theghostofadead-and-gonebouquet，Isallthattellsofherstory；yetCouldshethinkofasweeterway？
Isitinthesadoldhouseto-night，——
Myselfaghostfromafarthersea；
AndItrustthatthisQuakerwomanmight，Incourtesy，visitme。
Forthelaughisfledfromporchandlawn，Andthebuglediedfromthefortonthehill，Andthetwitterofgirlsonthestairsisgone，Andthegrandpianoisstill。
Somewhereinthedarknessaclockstrikestwo：
Andthereisnosoundinthesadoldhouse，Butthelongverandadrippingwithdew，Andinthewainscotamouse。
Thelightofmystudy-lampstreamsoutFromthelibrarydoor，buthasgoneastrayInthedepthsofthedarkenedhall。SmalldoubtButtheQuakeressknowstheway。
Wasitthetrickofasenseo’erwroughtWithoutwardwatchingandinwardfret？
ButIswearthattheairjustnowwasfraughtWiththeodorofmignonette！
Iopenthewindow，andseemalmost——
Sostillliestheocean——tohearthebeatOfitsGreatGulfarteryoffthecoast，Andtobaskinitstropicheat。
Inmyneighbor’swindowsthegas-lightsflare，AsthedancersswinginawaltzofStrauss；
AndIwondernowcouldIfitthatairTothesongofthissadoldhouse。
Andnoodorofmignonettethereis，Butthebreathofmornonthedewylawn；
AndmayhapfromcausesasslightasthisThequaintoldlegendisborn。
Butthesoulofthatsubtle，sadperfume，Asthespicedembalmings，theysay，outlastThemummylaidinhisrockytomb，Awakensmyburiedpast。
AndIthinkofthepassionthatshookmyyouth，Ofitsaimlesslovesanditsidlepains，AndamthankfulnowforthecertaintruthThatonlythesweetremains。
AndIhearnorustleofstiffbrocade，AndIseenofaceatmylibrarydoor；
Fornowthattheghostsofmyheartarelaid，Sheisviewlessforevermore。
Butwhethershecameasafaintperfume，Orwhetheraspiritinstoleofwhite，Ifeel，asIpassfromthedarkenedroom，Shehasbeenwithmysoulto-night！
SANFRANCISCO
（FROMTHESEA）
Serene，indifferentofFate，ThousittestattheWesternGate；
Uponthyheight，solatelywon，Stillslantthebannersofthesun；
Thouseestthewhiteseasstriketheirtents，OWarderoftwocontinents！
And，scornfulofthepeacethatfliesThyangrywindsandsullenskies，Thoudrawestallthings，small，orgreat，Tothee，besidetheWesternGate。
Olion’swhelp，thathidestfastInjunglegrowthofspireandmast！
Iknowthycunningandthygreed，Thyhardhighlustandwillfuldeed，AndallthyglorylovestotellOfspeciousgiftsmaterial。
Dropdown，OFleecyFog，andhideHerskepticsneerandallherpride！
Wrapher，OFog，ingownandhoodOfherFranciscanBrotherhood。
Hidemeherfaults，hersinandblame；
Withthygraymantlecloakhershame！
Soshallshe，cowled，sitandprayTillmorningbearshersinsaway。
Thenrise，OFleecyFog，andraiseThegloryofhercomingdays；
BeasthecloudthatfleckstheseasAbovehersmokyargosies；
WhenformsfamiliarshallgiveplaceTostrangerspeechandnewerface；
WhenallherthroesandanxiousfearsLiehushedinthereposeofyears；
WhenArtshallraiseandCultureliftThesensualjoysandmeanerthrift，AndallfulfilledthevisionweWhowatchandwaitshallneversee；
Who，inthemorningofherrace，Toiledfairormeanlyinourplace，But，yieldingtothecommonlot，Lieunrecordedandforgot。
THEMOUNTAINHEART’S-EASE
Byscatteredrocksandturbidwatersshifting，Byfurrowedgladeanddell，Tofeverishmenthycalm，sweetfaceuplifting，ThoustayestthemtotellThedelicatethoughtthatcannotfindexpression，Forruderspeechtoofair，That，likethypetals，tremblesinpossession，Andscattersontheair。
Theminerpausesinhisruggedlabor，And，leaningonhisspade，Laughinglycallsuntohiscomrade-neighborToseethycharmsdisplayed。
Butinhiseyesamistunwontedrises，AndforamomentclearSomesweethomefacehisfoolishthoughtsurprises，Andpassesinatear，——
SomeboyishvisionofhisEasternvillage，Ofuneventfultoil，WheregoldenharvestsfollowedquiettillageAboveapeacefulsoil。
Onemomentonly；forthepick，uplifting，Throughrootandfibrecleaves，AndonthemuddycurrentslowlydriftingAresweptbybruisedleaves。
Andyet，Opoet，inthyhomelyfashion，Thyworkthoudostfulfill，ForontheturbidcurrentofhispassionThyfaceisshiningstill！
GRIZZLY。
Coward，——ofheroicsize，InwhoselazymusclesliesStrengthwefearandyetdespise；
Savage，——whoserelentlesstusksArecontentwithacornhusks；
Robber，——whoseexploitsne’ersoaredO’erthebee’sorsquirrel’shoard；
Whiskeredchinandfeeblenose，Clawsofsteelonbabytoes，——
Here，insolitudeandshade，Shambling，shufflingplantigrade，Bethycoursesundismayed！
Here，whereNaturemakesthybed，Letthyrude，half-humantreadPointtohiddenIndiansprings，Lostinfernsandfragrantgrasses，Hoveredo’erbytimidwings，Wherethewood-ducklightlypasses，Wherethewildbeeholdshersweets，——
Epicureanretreats，Fitforthee，andbetterthanFearfulspoilsofdangerousman。
Inthyfat-jowleddeviltryFriarTuckshallliveinthee；
Thoumaystlevytitheanddole；
Thoushaltspreadthewoodlandcheer，Fromthepilgrimtakingtoll；
Matchthycunningwithhisfear；
Eat，anddrink，andhavethyfill；
Yetremainanoutlawstill！
MADRONO
CaptainoftheWesternwood，ThouthatapestRobinHood！
Greenabovethyscarlethose，Howthyvelvetmantleshows！
Nevertreeliketheearrayed，Othougallantoftheglade！
WhenthefervidAugustsunScorchesallitlooksupon，AndthebalsamofthepineDripsfromstemtoneedlefine，Roundthycompactshadearranged，Notaleafoftheeischanged！
WhentheyellowautumnsunSaddensallitlooksupon，Spreadsitssackclothonthehills，Strewsitsashesintherills，Thouthyscarlethosedostdoff，AndinlimbsofpurestbuffChallengestthesombregladeForasylvanmasquerade。
Where，oh，where，shallhebeginWhowouldpaintthee，Harlequin？
Withthywaxenburnishedleaf，Withthybranches’redrelief，Withthypolytintedfruit，——
Inthyspringorautumnsuit，——
Wherebegin，andoh，whereend，Thouwhosecharmsallarttranscend？
COYOTE
Blownoutoftheprairieintwilightanddew，Halfboldandhalftimid，yetlazyallthrough；
Loathevertoleave，andyetfearfultostay，Helimpsintheclearing，anoutcastingray。
Ashadeonthestubble，aghostbythewall，Nowleaping，nowlimping，nowriskingafall，Lop-earedandlarge-jointed，buteveralwayAthoroughlyvagabondoutcastingray。
Here，Carlo，oldfellow，——he’soneofyourkind，——
Go，seekhim，andbringhiminoutofthewind。
What！snarling，myCarlo！SoevendogsmayDenytheirownkinintheoutcastingray。