"Don’tyoutalktomelikethat，SimRobinson——Iwon’thaveit。HowdoIknow，indeed！Howdoyouknowwhatyouknow？Becausesomebodytoldyou。Youdidn’tinventitoutofyourownhead，didyou？Why，thesetwinsarethetruthfulestpeopleintheworld；andIdon’tthinkitbecomesyoutositupthereandthrowslursatthemwhentheyhaven’tbeendoinganythingtoyou。Andtheyareorphansbesides——bothofthem。
　　All——"
　　ButAuntBetsywasupagainnow，andbotholdladiesweretalkingatonceandwithalltheirmight；butasthehousewaswelteringinastormoflaughter，andthejudgewashammeringhisdeskwithanironpaper-weight，onecouldonlyseethemtalk，nothearthem。Atlast，whenquietwasrestored，thecourtsaid：
　　"Lettheladiesretire。"
　　"But，yourhonor，Ihavetheright，intheinterestofmyclients，——tocross-exam——"
　　"You’llnotneedtoexerciseit，Mr。Wilson——theevidenceisthrownout。"
　　"Thrownout！"saidAuntPatsy，ruffled；"andwhat’sitthrownoutfor，I’dliketoknow。"
　　"AndsowouldI，PatsyCooper。Itseemstomethatifwecansavethesepoorpersecutedstrangers，itisourboundendutytostanduphereandtalkforthemtill——"
　　"There，there，there，dositdown！"
　　Itcostsometroubleandagooddealofcoaxing，buttheyweregotintotheirseatsatlast。Thetrialwassoonendednow。Thetwinsthemselvesbecamewitnessesintheirowndefense。Theyestablishedthefact，uponoath，thattheleg-powerpassedfromonetotheothereverySaturdaynightattwelveo’clocksharp。Butorcross-examinationtheircounselwouldnotallowthemtotellwhoseweekofpowerthecurrentweekwas。
　　Thejudgeinsistedupontheiranswering，andproposedtocompelthem，buteventheprosecutiontookfrightandcametotherescuethen，andhelpedstaythesturdyjurist’srevolutionaryhand。Sothecasehadtogotothejurywiththatimportantpointhangingintheair。Theywereoutanhourandbroughtinthisverdict：
　　"Wethejurydofind：1，thatanassaultwascommitted，ascharged；
　　2，thatitwascommittedbyoneofthepersonsaccused，hehavingbeenseentodoitbyseveralcrediblewitnesses；3，butthathisidentityissomergedinhisbrother’sthatwehavenotbeenabletotellwhichwashim。Wecannotconvictboth，foronlyoneisguilty。Wecannotacquitboth，foronlyoneisinnocent。OurverdictisthatjusticehasbeendefeatedbythedispensationofGod，andasktobedischargedfromfurtherduty。"
　　Thiswasreadaloudincourtandbroughtoutaburstofheartyapplause。
　　Theoldladiesmadeaspringatthetwins，toshakeandcongratulate，butweregentlydisengagedbyMr。Wilsonandsoftlycrowdedbackintotheirplaces。
　　Thejudgeroseinhislittletribune，laidasidehissilver-bowedspectacles，roachedhisgrayhairupwithhisfingers，andsaid，withdignityandsolemnity，andevenwithacertainpathos：
　　"Inallmyexperienceonthebench，Ihavenotseenjusticebowherheadinshameinthiscourtuntilthisday。Youlittlerealizewhatfar-
　　reachingharmhasjustbeenwroughthereunderthefickleformsoflaw。
　　Imitationisthebaneofcourts——IthankGodthatthisoneisfreefromthecontaminationofthatvice——andinnolongtimeyouwillseethefatalworkofthishourseizeduponbyprofligateso-calledguardiansofjusticeinallthewidecircumstanceofthisplanetandperpetuatedintheirperniciousdecisions。Iwashmyhandsofthisiniquity。Iwouldhavecompelledtheseculpritstoexposetheirguilt，butsupportfailedmewhereIhadmostrighttoexpectaidandencouragement。AndIwasconfrontedbyalawmadeintheinterestofcrime，whichprotectsthecriminalfromtestifyingagainsthimself。YetIhadprecedentsofmyownwherebyIhadsetasidethatlawontwodifferentoccasionsandthussucceededinconvictingcriminalstowhosecrimestherewerenowitnessesbutthemselves。Whathaveyouaccomplishedthisday？Doyourealizeit？
　　Youhavesetadrift，unadmonished，inthiscommunity，twomenendowedwithanawfulandmysteriousgift，ahiddenandgrislypowerforevil——
　　apowerbywhicheachinhisturnmaycommitcrimeaftercrimeofthemostheinouscharacter，andnomanbeabletotellwhichistheguiltyorwhichtheinnocentpartyinanycaseofthemall。Looktoyourhomeslooktoyourpropertylooktoyourlivesforyouhaveneed！
　　"Prisonersatthebar，standup。Throughsuppressionofevidence，ajuryofyour——our——countrymenhavebeenobligedtodeliveraverdictconcerningyourcasewhichstinkstoheavenwiththeranknessofitsinjustice。Byitstermsyou，theguiltyone，gofreewiththeinnocent。
　　Departinpeace，andcomenomore！Thecostsdevolveupontheoutragedplaintiff——anotheriniquity。Thecourtstandsdissolved。"
　　Almosteverybodycrowdedforwardtooverwhelmthetwinsandtheircounselwithcongratulations；butpresentlythetwooldauntiesdugtheduplicatesoutandborethemawayintriumphthroughthehurrahingcrowd，whilelotsofnewfriendscarriedPudd’nheadWilsonofftavernwardtofeasthimand"wetdown"hisgreatandvictoriousentryintothelegalarena。ToWilson，solongfamiliarwithneglectanddepreciation，thisstrangenewincenseofpopularityandadmirationwasasafragranceblownfromthefieldsofparadise。AhappymanwasWilson。
　　CHAPTERVI
　　THEAMAZINGDUEL
　　AdeputationcameintheeveningandconferreduponWilsonthewelcomehonorofanominationformayor；forthevillagehasjustbeenconvertedintoacitybycharter。Tomskulksoutofchallengingthetwins。JudgeDriscollthereuponchallengesAngelo（accusedbyTomofdoingthekicking）；hedeclines，butLuigiacceptsinhisplaceagainstAngelo’stimidprotest。
　　ItwaslateSaturdaynightnearingeleven。
　　Thejudgeandhissecondfoundtherestofthewarpartyatthefurtherendofthevacantground，nearthehauntedhouse。Pudd’nheadWilsonadvancedtomeetthem，andsaidanxiously：
　　"Imustsayawordinbehalfofmyprincipal’sproxy，CountLuigi，towhomyouhavekindlygrantedtheprivilegeoffightingmyprincipal’sbattleforhim。Itisgrowinglate，andCountLuigiisingreattroublelestmidnightshallstrikebeforethefinish。"
　　"Itisanothertestimony，"saidHoward，approvingly。"Thatyoungmanisfineallthrough。HewishestosavehisbrotherthesorrowoffightingontheSabbath，andheisright；itistherightandmanlyfeelinganddoeshimcredit。Wewillmakeallpossiblehaste。"
　　Wilsonsaid："Thereisalsoanotherreason——aconsideration，infact，whichdeeplyconcernsCountLuigihimself。Thesetwinshavecommandoftheirmutuallegsturnabout。CountLuigiisincommandnow；butatmidnight，possessionwillpasstomyprincipal，CountAngelo，and——well，youcanforeseewhatwillhappen。Hewillmarchstraightoffthefield，andcarryLuigiwithhim。"
　　"Why！sureenough！"criedthejudge，"wehaveheardsomethingaboutthatextraordinarylawoftheirbeing，already——nothingverydefinite，itistrue，asregardsdatesanddurationsofpower，butIseeitisdefiniteenoughasregardsto-night。OfcoursewemustgiveLuigieverychance。
　　Omitalltheceremonialpossible，gentlemen，andplaceusinposition。"
　　Thesecondsatoncetossedupacoin；Howardwonthechoice。Heplacedthejudgesixtyfeetfromthehauntedhouseandfacingit；Wilsonplacedthetwinswithinfifteenfeetofthehouseandfacingthejudge——
　　necessarily。Thepistol-casewasopenedandthelongslimtubestakenout；whenthemoonlightglintedfromthemashiverwentthroughAngelo。
　　Thedoctorwasafool，butathoroughlywell-meaningone，withakindheartandasinceredispositiontooblige，butalongwithitanabsenceoftactwhichoftenhurtitseffectiveness。Hebroughthisboxoflintandbandages，andaskedAngelotofeelandseehowsoftandcomfortabletheywere。Angelo’sheadfelloveragainstLuigi’sinafaint，andprecioustimewaslostinbringinghimto；whichprovokedLuigiintoexpressinghismindtothedoctorwithagooddealofvigorandfrankness。AfterAngelocametohewasstillsoweakthatLuigiwasobligedtodrinkastiffhornofbrandytobracehimup。
　　Thesecondsnowsteppedatoncetotheirposts，halfwaybetweenthecombatants，oneofthemoneachsideofthelineoffire。Wilsonwastocount，verydeliberately，"One-two-three-fire！——stop！"andtheduelistscouldbangawayatanytimetheychoseduringthatrecitation，butnotafterthelastword。AngelogrewverynervouswhenhesawWilson’shandrisingslowlyintotheairasasigntomakeready，andheleanedhisheadagainstLuigi’sandsaid：
　　"Oh，pleasetakemeawayfromhere，Ican’tstay，IknowIcan’t！"
　　"Whatintheworldareyoudoing？Straightenup！What’sthematterwithyou？——you’reinnodanger——nobody’sgoingtoshootatyou。Straightenup，Itellyou！"
　　Angeloobeyed，justintimetohear：
　　"One——！"
　　"Bang！"Justonereport，andalittletuftofwhitehairfloatedslowlytothejudge’sfeetinthemoonlight。Thejudgedidnotswerve；hestillstooderectandmotionless，likeastatue，withhispistol-armhangingstraightdownathisside。Hewasreservinghisfire。
　　"Two——！"
　　"Three——"！
　　"Fire——！"
　　Upcamethepistol-arminstantly-Angelododgedwiththereport。Hesaid"Ouch！"andfaintedagain。
　　Thedoctorexaminedandbandagedthewound。
　　Itwasofnoconsequence，hesaid——bulletthroughfleshypartofarm——nobonesbrokenthegentlemanwasstillabletofightlettheduelproceed。
　　NexttimeAngelojumpedjustasLuigifired，whichdisorderedhisaimandcausedhimtocutachipoffofHoward’sear。Thejudgetookhistimeagain，andwhenhefiredAngelojumpedandgotaknuckleskinned。Thedoctorinspectedanddressedthewounds。Angelonowspokeoutandsaidhewascontentwiththesatisfactionhehadgot，andifthejudge——butLuigishuthimroughlyup，andaskedhimnottomakeanassofhimself；
　　adding：
　　"AndIwantyoutostopdodging。Youtakeagreatdealtooprominentapartinthisthingforapersonwhohasgotnothingtodowithit。Youshouldrememberthatyouarehereonlybycourtesy，andarewithoutofficialrecognition；officiallyyouarenothereatall；officiallyyoudonotevenexist。Toallintentsandpurposesyouareabsentfromthisplace，andyououghtforyourownmodesty’ssaketoreflectthatitcannotbecomeapersonwhoisnotpresentheretobetakingthissortofpublicandindecentprominenceinamatterinwhichheisnotintheslightestdegreeconcerned。Now，don’tdodgeagain；thebulletsarenotforyou，theyareforme；ifIwantthemdodgedIwillattendtoitmyself。Ineversawapersonactso。"
　　Angelosawthereasonablenessofwhathisbrotherhadsaid，andhedidtrytoreform，butitwasofnouse；bothpistolswentoffatthesameinstant，andhejumpedoncemore；hegotasharpscrapealonghischeekfromthejudge’sbullet，andsodeflectedLuigi’saimthathisballwentwideandchippedflakeofskinfromPudd’nheadWilson’schin。Thedoctorattendedtothewounded。
　　Bytheterms，theduelwasover。ButLuigiwasentirelyoutofpatience，andbeggedforoneexchangeofshots，insistingthathehadhadnofairchance，onaccountofhisbrother’sindelicatebehavior。Howardwasopposedtograntingsounusualaprivilege，butthejudgetookLuigi’spart，andaddedthatindeedhehimselfmightfairlybeconsideredentitledtoanothertrial，becausealthoughtheproxyontheothersidewasinnowaytoblameforhis（thejudge’s）humiliatinglyresultlesswork，thegentlemanwithwhomhewasfightingthisduelwastoblameforit，sinceifhehadplayednoadvantagesandhadheldhisheadstill，hisproxywouldhavebeendisposedofearly。Headded：
　　"CountLuigi’srequestforanotherexchangeisanotherproofthatheisabraveandchivalrousgentleman，andIbegthatthecourtesyheasksmaybeaccordedhim。"
　　"Ithankyoumostsincerelyforthisgenerosity，JudgeDriscoll，"saidLuigi，withapolitebow，andmovingtohisplace。ThenheaddedtoAngelo，"Nowholdyourgrip，holdyourgrip，Itellyou，andI’lllandhimsure！"
　　Themenstooderect，theirpistol-armsattheirsides，thetwosecondsstoodattheirofficialposts，thedoctorstoodfivepacesinWilson’srearwithhisinstrumentsandbandagesinhishands。Thedeepstillness，thepeacefulmoonlight，themotionlessfigures，madeanimpressivepictureandtheimpendingfatalpossibilitiesaugmentedthisimpressivenesssolemnity。Wilson’shandbegantorise——slowly——stillhigher——stillhigher——inanothermoment：
　　"Boom！"thefirststrokeofmidnightswungupoutofthedistance；
　　Angelowasofflikeadeer！
　　"Oh，youunspeakabletraitor！"wailedhisbrother，astheywentsoaringoverthefence。
　　Theothersstoodastonishedandgazing；andsostood，watchingthatstrangespectacleuntildistancedissolveditandsweptitfromtheirview。Thentheyrubbedtheireyeslikepeoplewakingoutofadream，"Well，I’veneverseenanythinglikethatbefore！"saidthejudge。
　　"Wilson，Iamgoingtoconfessnow，thatIwasn’tquiteabletobelieveinthatlegbusiness，andhadasuspicionthatitwasaput-upconveniencebetweenthosetwins；andwhenCountAngelofaintedIthoughtIsawthewholescheme——thoughtitwaspretextNo。2，andwouldbefollowedbyotherstilltwelveo’clockshouldarrive，andLuigiwouldgetoffwithallthecreditofseemingtowanttofightandyetnothavetofight，afterall。ButIwasmistaken。Hispluckprovedit。He’sabravefellowanddidwanttofight。"
　　"Thereisn’tanydoubtaboutthat，"saidHoward，andadded，inagrievedtone，"butwhatanunworthysortofChristianthatAngelois——Ihopeandbelievetherearenotmanylikehim。ItisnotrighttoengageinaduelontheSabbath——Icouldnotapproveofthatmyself；buttofinishonethathasbeenbegun——thatisaduty，letthedaybewhatitmay。"
　　Theystrolledalong，stillwondering，stilltalking。
　　"Itisacurious，circumstance，"remarkedthesurgeon，haltingWilsonamomenttopastesomorecourt-plasteronhischin，whichhadgonetoleakingbloodagain，"thatinthisduelneitherofthepartieswhohandledthepistolslostbloodwhilenearlyallthepersonspresentinthemerecapacityofguestsgothit。Ihavenotheardofsuchathingbefore。Don’tyouthinkitunusual？"
　　"Yes，"saidtheJudge，"ithasstruckmeaspeculiar。Peculiarandunfortunate。Iwasannoyedatit，allthetime。InthecaseofAngeloitmadenogreatdifference，becausehewasinameasureconcerned，thoughnotofficially；butittroubledmetoseethesecondscompromised，andyetIknewnowaytomendthematter。
　　"Therewasnowaytomendit，"saidHoward，whoseearwasbeingreadjustednowbythedoctor；"thecodefixesourplace，anditwouldnothavebeenlawfultochangeit。Ifwecouldhavestoodatyourside，orbehindyou，orinfrontofyou，it——butitwouldnothavebeenlegitimateandtheotherpartieswouldhavehadajustrighttocomplainofourtryingtoprotectourselvesfromdanger；infractionsofthecodearecertainlynotpermissibleinanycasewhatever。"
　　Wilsonofferednoremarks。Itseemedtohimthattherewasverylittleplacehereforsomuchsolemnity，buthejudgedthatifaduelwherenobodywasindangerorgotcrippledbutthesecondsandtheoutsidershadnothingridiculousaboutitforthesegentlemen，hispointingoutthatfeaturewouldprobablynothelpthemtoseeit。
　　Heinvitedthemintotakeanightcap，andHowardandthejudgeaccepted，butthedoctorsaidhewouldhavetogoandseehowAngelo’sprincipalwoundwasgettingon。
　　[ItwasnowSunday，andintheafternoonAngelowastobereceivedintotheBaptistcommunionbyimmersion——adoubtfulprospect，thedoctorfeared。]
　　CHAPTERVII
　　LUIGIDEFIESGALEN
　　WhenthedoctorarrivedatAuntPatsyCooper’shouse，hefoundthelightsgoingandeverybodyupanddressedandinagreatstateofsolicitudeandexcitement。Thetwinswerestretchedonasofainthesitting-room，AuntPatsywasfussingatAngelo’sarm，Nancywasflyingaroundunderhercommands，thetwoyoungboysweretryingtokeepoutofthewayandalwaysgettinginit，inordertoseeandwonder，Rowenastoodapart，helplesswithapprehensionandemotion，andLuigiwasgrowlinginunappeasablefuryoverAngelo’sshamefulflight。
　　Ashasbeenreportedbefore，thedoctorwasafool——akind-heartedandwell-meaningone，butwithnotact；andashewasbylongoddsthemostlearnedphysicianinthetown，andwasquitewellawareofit，andcouldtalkhislearningwitheaseandprecision，andlikedtoshowoffwhenhehadanaudience，hewassometimestemptedintorevealingmoreofacasethanwasgoodforthepatient。
　　HeexaminedAngelo’swound，andwasreallymindedtosaynothingforonce；butAuntPatsywassoanxiousandsopressingthatheallowedhiscautiontobeovercome，andproceededtoemptyhimselfasfollows，withscientificrelish：
　　"Withoutgoingtoomuchintodetail，madam——foryouwouldprobablynotunderstandit，anyway——Iconcedethatgreatcareisgoingtobenecessaryhere；otherwiseexudationoftheesophagusisnearlysuretoensue，andthiswillbefollowedbyossificationandextraditionofthemaxillarissuperioris，whichmustdecomposethegranularsurfacesofthegreatinfusorialganglionicsystem，thusobstructingtheactionoftheposteriorvarioloidarteries，andprecipitatingcompoundstrangulatedsorosisofthevalvulartissues，andendingunavoidablyinthedispersionandcombustionofthemarsupialfluxesandtheconsequentembrocationofthebicuspidpopuloredaxreferendumrotulorum。"
　　Amiserablesilencefollowed。AuntPatsy’sheartsank，thepallorofdespairinvadedherface，shewasnotabletospeak；poorRowenawrungherhandsinprivacyandsilence，andsaidtoherselfinthebitternessofheryounggrief，"Thereisnohope——itisplainthereisnohope"；thegood-heartednegrowench，Nancy，paledtochocolate，thentoorange，thentoamber，andthoughttoherselfwithyearningsympathyandsorrow，"Po’
　　thing，heain’gwynetolas’throodehalfo’dat"；smallHenrychokedup，andturnedhisheadawaytohidehisrisingtears，andhisbrotherJoesaidtohimself，withasenseofloss，"Thebaptizing’sbusted，that’ssure。"Luigiwastheonlypersonwhohadanyhearttospeak。Hesaid，alittlebitsharply，tothedoctor：
　　"Well，well，there’snothingtobegainedbywastingprecioustime；givehimabarrelofpills——I’lltakethemforhim。"
　　"You？"askedthedoctor。
　　"Yes。Didyousupposehewasgoingtotakethemhimself？"
　　"Why，ofcourse。"
　　"Well，it’samistake。Henevertookadoseofmedicineinhislife。Hecan’t。"
　　"Well，uponmyword，it’sthemostextraordinarythingIeverheardof！"
　　"Oh，"saidAuntPatsy，aspleasedasamotherwhosechildisbeingadmiredandwonderedat；"you’llfindthatthere’smoreaboutthemthat’swonderfulthantheirjustbeingmadeintheimageofGodliketherestofHiscreatures，nowyoucandependonthat，Itellyou，"andshewaggedhercomplacentheadlikeonewhocouldrevealmarvelousthingsifshechose。
　　TheboyJoebegan：
　　"Why，ma，theyain’tmadeintheim——"
　　"Youshutup，andwaittillyou’reasked，Joe。I’llletyouknowwhenI
　　wanthelp。Areyoulookingforsomething，doctor？"
　　Thedoctoraskedforafewsheetsofpaperandapen，andsaidhewouldwriteaprescription；whichhedid。ItwasoneofGalen’s；infact，itwasGalen’sfavorite，andhadbeenslayingpeopleforsixteenthousandyears。Galenuseditforeverything，appliedittoeverything，saiditwouldremoveeverything，fromwartsallthewaythroughtolungsanditgenerallydid。GalenwasstilltheonlymedicalauthorityrecognizedinMissouri；hispracticewastheonlypracticeknowntotheMissouridoctors，andhisprescriptionsweretheonlyammunitiontheycarriedwhentheywentoutforgame。
　　ByandbyDr。Claypoollaiddownhispenandreadtheresultofhislaborsaloud，carefullyanddeliberately，forthisbatterymustbeconstructedonthepremisesbythefamily，andmistakescouldoccur；
　　forhewroteadoctor’shandthehandwhichfromthebeginningoftimehasbeensodisastroustotheapothecaryandsoprofitabletotheundertaker：
　　"Takeofafarabocca，henbane，corpobalsamum，eachtwodramsandahalf：
　　ofcloves，opium，myrrh，cyperus，eachtwodrams；ofopobalsamum，Indianleaf，cinnamon，zedoary，ginger，coftus，coral，cassia，euphorbium，gumtragacanth，frankincense，styraxcalamita，Celtic，nard，spignel，hartwort，mustard，saxifrage，dill，anise，eachonedram；ofxylaloes，rheumponticum，alipta，moschata，castor，spikenard，galangals，opoponax，anacardium，mastich，brimstone，peony，eringo，pulpofdates，redandwhitehermodactyls，roses，thyme，acorns，pennyroyal，gentian，thebarkoftherootofmandrake，germander，valerian，bishop’s-weed，bayberries，longandwhitepepper，xylobalsamum，carnabadium，macedonian，parsleyseeds，lovage，theseedsofrue，andsinon，ofeachadramandahalf；ofpuregold，puresilver，pearlsnotperforated，theblattabyzantina，theboneofthestag’sheart，ofeachthequantityoffourteengrainsofwheat；ofsapphire，emeraldandjasperstones，eachonedram；ofhazel-
　　nuts，twodrams；ofpellitoryofSpain，shavingsofivory，calamusodoratus，eachthequantityoftwenty-ninegrainsofwheat；ofhoneyorsugarasufficientquantity。Boildownandskimoff。"
　　"There，"hesaid，"thatwillfixthepatient；givehisbrotheradipperfuleverythree-quartersofanhour——"
　　"——whilehesurvives，"mutteredLuigi——
　　"——andseethattheroomiskeptwholesomelyhot，andthedoorsandwindowsclosedtight。KeepCountAngelonicelycoveredupwithsixorsevenblankets，andwhenheisthirsty——whichwillbefrequently——moistena’raginthevaporoftheteakettleandlethisbrothersuckit。Whenheishungry——whichwillalsobefrequentlyhemustnotbehumoredoftenerthaneverysevenoreighthours；thentoastpartofacrackeruntilitbeginstobrown，andgiveittohisbrother。"
　　"Thatisallverywell，asfarasAngeloisconcerned，"saidLuigi，"butwhatamItoeat？"
　　"Idonotseethatthereisanythingthematterwithyou，"thedoctoranswered，"youmay，ofcourse，eatwhatyouplease。"
　　"AndalsodrinkwhatIplease，Isuppose？"
　　"Oh，certainly——atpresent。Whentheviolentandcontinuousperspiringhasreducedyourstrength，Ishallhavetoreduceyourdiet，ofcourse，andalsobleedyou，butthereisnooccasionforthatyetawhile。"HeturnedtoAuntPatsyandsaid："Hemustbeputtobed，andsatupwith，andtendedwiththegreatestcare，andnotallowedtostirforseveraldaysandnights。"
　　"Forone，I’msacredlythankfulforthat，"saidLuigi，"itpostponesthefuneral——I’mnottobedrownedto-day，anyhow。"
　　Angelosaidquietlytothedoctor：
　　"Iwillcheerfullysubmittoallyourrequirements，sir，uptotwoo’clockthisafternoon，andwillresumethemafterthree，butcannotbeconfinedtothehouseduringthatintermediatehour。"
　　"Why，mayIask？"
　　"BecauseIhaveenteredtheBaptistcommunion，andbyappointmentamtobebaptisedintheriveratthathour。"
　　"Oh，insanity！——itcannotbeallowed！"
　　Angeloansweredwithplacidfirmness：
　　"Nothingshallpreventit，ifIamalive。"
　　"Why，consider，mydearsir，inyourconditionitmightprovefatal。"
　　AtenderandecstaticsmilebeamedfromAngelo’seyes，andhebrokeforthinatoneofjoyousfervency：
　　"Ah，howblesseditwouldbetodieforsuchacause——itwouldbemartyrdom！"
　　"Butyourbrother——consideryourbrother；youwouldberiskinghislife，too。"
　　"Heriskedmineanhourago，"respondedAngelo，gloomily；"didheconsiderme？"Athoughtsweptthroughhismindthatmadehimshudder。
　　"IfIhadnotrun，ImighthavebeenkilledinaduelontheSabbathday，andmysoulwouldhavebeenlost——lost。"
　　"Oh，don’tfret，itwasn’tinanydanger，"saidLuigi，irritably；"theywouldn’twasteitforalittlethinglikethat；there’saglasscaseallreadyforitintheheavenlymuseum，andapintostickitupwith。"
　　AuntPatsywasshocked，andsaid：
　　"Looy，Looy！——don’ttalkso，dear！"
　　Rowena’ssoftheartwaspiercedbyLuigi’sunfeelingwords，andshemurmuredtoherself，"Oh，ifIbuthadthedearprivilegeofprotectinganddefendinghimwithmyweakvoice！——butalas！thissweetboonisdeniedmebythecruelconventionsofsocialintercourse。"
　　"Gettheirbedready，"saidAuntPatsytoNancy，"andshutupthewindowsanddoors，andlighttheircandles，andseethatyoudriveallthemosquitoesoutoftheirbar，andmakeupagoodfireintheirstove，andcarryupsomebagsofhotashestolaytohisfeet——"
　　"——andashoveloffireforhishead，andamustardplasterforhisneck，andsomegumshoesforhisears，"Luigiinterrupted，withtemper；andadded，tohimself，"Damnation，I’mgoingtoberoastedalive，Ijustknowit！"
　　"Why，Looy！Dobequiet；Ineversawsuchafractiousthing。Abodywouldthinkyoudidn’tcareforyourbrother。"
　　"Idon’t——tothatextent，AuntPatsy。Iwasgladthedrowningwaspostponedaminuteago，butI’mnotnow。No，thatisallgoneby；Iwanttobedrowned。"
　　"You’llbringajudgmentonyourselfjustassureasyoulive，ifyougoonlikethat。Why，Ineverheardthebeatofit。Now，there——there！
　　you’vesaidenough。Notanotherwordoutofyou——Iwon’thaveit！"
　　"But，AuntPatsy——"
　　"Luigi！Didn’tyouhearwhatItoldyou？"
　　"But，AuntPatsy，I——why，I’mnotgoingtosetmyheartandlungsafloatinthatpailofsewagewhichthiscriminalherehasbeenprescri——"
　　"Yes，youare，too。Youaregoingtobegood，anddoeverythingItellyou，likeadear，"andshetappedhischeekaffectionatelywithherfinger。"Rowena，taketheprescriptionandgointhekitchenandhuntupthethingsandlaythemoutforme。I’llsitupwithmypatienttherestofthenight，doctor；Ican’ttrustNancy，shecouldn’tmakeLuigitakethemedicine。Ofcourse，you’lldropinagainduringtheday。Haveyougotanymoredirections？"
　　"No，Ibelievenot，AuntPatsy。IfIdon’tgetinearlier，I’llbealongbyearlycandle-light，anyway。Meantime，don’tallowhimtogetoutofhisbed。"
　　Angelosaid，withcalmdetermination：
　　"Ishallbebaptizedattwoo’clock。Nothingbutdeathshallpreventme。"
　　Thedoctorsaidnothingaloud，buttohimselfhesaid：
　　"Why，thischap’sgotamanlyside，afterall！Physicallyhe’sacoward，butmorallyhe’salion。I’llgoandtelltheothersaboutthis；itwillraisehimagooddealintheirestimation——andthepublicwillfollowtheirlead，ofcourse。"
　　Privately，AuntPatsyapplaudedtoo，andwasproudofAngelo’scourageinthemoralfieldasshewasofLuigi’sinthefieldofhonor。
　　TheboyHenrywastroubled，buttheboyJoesaid，inaudibly，andgratefully，"We’reallhonky，afterall；andnopostponementonaccountoftheweather。"
　　CHAPTERVIII
　　BAPTISMOFTHEBETTERHALF
　　Bynineo’clockthetownwashummingwiththenewsofthemidnightduel，andtherewerebuttwoopinionsaboutit：one，thatLuigi’spluckinthefieldwasmostpraiseworthyandAngela’sflightmostscandalous；theother，thatAngelo’scourageinflyingthefieldforconscience’sakewasasfineandcreditableaswasLuigi’sinholdingthefieldinthefaceofthebullets。Theoneopinionwasheldbyhalfofthetown，theotheronewasmaintainedbytheotherhalf。Thedivisionwascleanandexact，anditmadetwoparties，anAngelapartyandaLuigiparty。ThetwinshadsuddenlybecomepopularidolsalongwithPudd’nheadWilson，andhaloedwithagloryasintenseashis。ThechildrentalkedtheduelallthewaytoSunday-school，theirelderstalkeditallthewaytochurch，thechoirdiscusseditbehindtheirredcurtain，itusurpedtheplaceofpiousthoughtinthe"niggergallery。"
　　Bynoonthedoctorhadaddedthenews，andspreadit，thatCountAngelo，inspiteofhiswoundandallwarningsandsupplications，wasresoluteinhisdeterminationtobebaptizedatthehourappointed。Thissweptthetownlikewildfire，andmightilyreinforcedtheenthusiasmoftheAngelofaction，whosaid，"Ifanydoubtedthatitwasmoralcouragethattookhimfromthefield，whathavetheytosaynow！"
　　Stilltheexcitementgrew。Allthemorningitwastravelingcountryward，towardallpointsofthecompass；so，whereasbeforeonlythefarmersandtheirwiveswereintendingtocomeandwitnesstheremarkablebaptism，ageneralholidaywasnowproclaimedandthechildrenandnegroesadmittedtotheprivilegesoftheoccasion。Allthefarmsfortenmilesaroundwerevacated，alltheconvergingroadsemptiedlongprocessionsofwagons，horses，andyeomanryintothetown。Thepackandcramofpeoplevastlyexceededanythathadeverbeenseeninthatsleepyregionbefore。
　　Theonlythingthathadeverevenapproachedit，wasthetimelonggoneby，butneverforgotten，norevenreferredtowithoutwonderandpride，whentwocircusesandaFourthofJulyfelltogether。Butthegloryofthatoccasionwasextinguishednowforgood。Itwasbutafreshettothisdeluge。
　　Thegreatinvasionmasseditselfontheriver-bankandwaitedhungrilyfortheimmenseevent。Waited，andwonderedifitwouldreallyhappen，orifthetwinwhowasnota"professor"wouldstandoutandpreventit。
　　Buttheywerenottobedisappointed。Angelawasasgoodashisword。
　　Hecameattendedbyanescortofhonorcomposedofseveralhundredofthebestcitizens，alloftheAngeloparty；andwhentheimmersionwasfinishedtheyescortedhimbackhomeandwouldevenhavecarriedhimontheirshoulders，butthatpeoplemightthinktheywerecarryingLuigi。
　　Farintothenightthecitizenscontinuedtodiscussandwonderoverthestrangelymatedpairofincidentsthathaddistinguishedandexaltedthepasttwenty-fourhoursaboveanyothertwenty-fourinthehistoryoftheirtownforpicturesquenessandsplendidinterest；andlongbeforethelightswereoutandburghersasleepithadbeendecidedonallhandsthatincapturingthesetwinsDawson’sLandinghaddrawnaprizeinthegreatlotteryofmunicipalfortune。
　　AtmidnightAngelowassleepingpeacefully。Hisimmersionhadnotharmedhim，ithadmerelymadehimwholesomelydrowsy，andhehadbeendeadasleepmanyhoursnow。IthadmadeLuigidrowsy，too，buthehadgotonlybriefnaps，onaccountofhishavingtotakethemedicineeverythree-quartersofanhour-andAuntBetsyHalewastheretoseethathedidit。Whenhecomplainedandresisted，shewasquietlyfirmwithhim，andsaidinalowvoice：
　　"No-no，thatwon’tdo；youmustn’ttalk，andyoumustn’tretchandgagthatway，either——you’llwakeupyourpoorbrother。"
　　"Well，whatofit，AuntBetsy，he——"
　　"’Sh-h！Don’tmakeanoise，dear。Youmustn’t：forgetthatyourpoorbrotherissickand——"
　　"Sick，ishe？Well，IwishI——"
　　"’Sh-h-h！Willyoubequiet，Luigi！Here，now，taketherestofit——
　　don’tkeepmeholdingthedipperallnight。Ideclareifyouhaven’tleftagoodfourthofitinthebottom！Come-that’sagood——
　　"AuntBetsy，don’tmakeme！IfeellikeI’veswallowedacemetery；Ido，indeed。Doletmerestalittle——justalittle；Ican’ttakeanymoreofthedevilishstuffnow。"
　　"Luigi！Usingsuchlanguagehere，andhimjustbaptized！Doyouwanttherooftofallonyou？"
　　"Iwishtogoodnessitwould！"
　　"Why，youdreadfulthing！I’veagoodnotionto——letthatblanketalone；
　　doyouwantyour，brothertocatchhisdeath？"
　　"AuntBetsy，I’vegottohaveitoff，I’mbeingroastedalive；nobodycouldstandit——youcouldn’tyourself。"
　　"Now，then，you’resneezingagain——Ijustexpectedit。"
　　"BecauseI’vecaughtacoldinmyhead。Ialwaysdo，whenIgointhewaterwithmyclotheson。Andittakesmeweekstogetoverit，too。
　　Ithinkitwasashametoservemeso。"
　　"Luigi，youareunreasonable；youknowverywelltheycouldn’tbaptizehimdry。Ishouldthinkyouwouldbewillingtoundergoalittleinconvenienceforyourbrother’ssake。"
　　"Inconvenience！Nowhowyoutalk，AuntBetsy。Icameasnearasanythingtogettingdrownedyousawthatyourself；anddoyoucallthisinconvenience？——theroomshutupastightasadrum，andsohotthemosquitoesaretryingtogetout；andacoldinthehead，anddyingforsleepandnochancetogetany——onaccountofthisinfamousmedicinethatthatassassinprescri——"
　　"There，you’resneezingagain。I’mgoingdownandmixsomemoreofthistruckforyou，dear。"
　　CHAPTERIX
　　THEDRINKLESSDRUNK
　　DuringMonday，Tuesday，andWednesdaythetwinsgrewsteadilyworse；butthenthedoctorwassummonedSouthtoattendhismother’sfuneral，andtheygotwellinforty-eighthours。TheyappearedonthestreetonFriday，andwerewelcomedwithenthusiasmbythenew-bornparties，theLuigiandAngelofactions。TheLuigifactioncarrieditsstrengthintotheDemocraticparty，theAngelofactionenteredintoacombinationwiththeWhigs。TheDemocratsnominatedLuigiforaldermanunderthenewcitygovernment，andtheWhigsputupAngeloagainsthim。TheDemocratsnominatedPudd’nheadWilsonformayor，andhewasleftaloneinthisglory，fortheWhigshadnomanwhowaswillingtoenterthelistsagainstsuchaformidableopponent。NopoliticianhadscoredsuchacomplimentasthisbeforeinthehistoryoftheMississippiValley。
　　ThepoliticalcampaigninDawson’sLandingopenedinaprettywarmfashion，andwanedhottereveryweek。Luigi’swholeheartwasinit，andevenAngelodevelopedasurprisingamountofinterest-whichwasnatural，becausehewasnotmerelyrepresentingWhigism，amatterofnoconsequencetohim；buthewasrepresentingsomethingimmenselyfinerandgreater——towit，Reform。Inhimwascenteredthehopesofthewholereformelementofthetown；hewasthechosenandadmiredchampionofeverycliquethathadapetreformofanysortorkindatheart。HewaspresidentofthegreatTeetotalers’Union，itschiefestprophetandmouthpiece。
　　Butasthecanvasswenton，troublesbegantospringupallaround——
　　troublesforthetwins，andthroughthemforallthepartiesandsegmentsandfactionsofparties。WheneverLuigihadpossessionofthelegs，hecarriedAngelotoballs，rumshops，SonsofLibertyparades，horse-
　　races，campaignriots，andeverywhereelsethatcoulddamagehimwithhispartyandthechurch；andwhenitwasAngelo’sweekhecarriedLuigidiligentlytoallmannerofmoralandreligiousgatherings，doinghisbesttoregainthegroundhehadlostbefore。Asaresultofthesedoubleperformances，therewasastormblowingallthetime，anever-
　　risingstorm，too——astormoffranticcriticismofthetwins，andrageovertheirextravagant，incomprehensibleconduct。
　　Luigihadthefinalchance。Thelegswerehisfortheclosingweekofthecanvass。Heledhisbrotherafearfuldance。
　　Buthesavedhisbestcardfortheveryeveoftheelection。TherewastobeagrandturnoutoftheTeetotalers’Unionthatday，andAngelowastomarchattheheadoftheprocessionanddeliveragreatorationafterward。Luigidrankacoupleofglassesofwhisky——whichsteadiedhisnervesandclarifiedhismind，butmadeAngelodrunk。Everybodywhosawthemarch，sawthattheChampionoftheTeetotalerswashalfseasover，andnotedalsothathisbrother，whomadenohypocriticalpretensionstoextratemperancevirtues，wasdignifiedandsober。Thiseloquentfactcouldnotbeunfruitfulattheendofahotpoliticalcanvass。Atthemass-meetingAngelotriedtomakehisgreattemperanceoration，butwassodiscommoded——byhiccoughsandthicknessoftonguethathehadtogiveitup；thendrowsinessovertookhimandhisheaddroopedagainstLuigi’sandhewenttosleep。Luigiapologizedforhim，andwasgoingontoimprovehisopportunitywithanappealforamoderationofwhathecalled"theprevailingteetotalmadness，"butpersonsintheaudiencebegantohowlandthrowthingsathim，andthenthemeetingroseinwrathandchasedhimhome。
　　ThisepisodewasacrusherforAngeloinanotherway。ItdestroyedhischanceswithRowena。Thosechanceshadbeengrowing，rightalong，fortwomonths。Rowenahadpartlyconfessedthatshelovedhim，butwantedtimetoconsider。Nowthetenderdreamwasended，andshetoldhimsothemomenthewassoberenoughtounderstand。Shesaidshewouldnevermarryamanwhodrank。
　　"ButIdon’tdrink，"hepleaded。
　　"Thatisnothingtothepoint，"shesaid，coldly，"yougetdrunk，andthatisworse。"
　　[Therewasalongandsufficientlyidioticdiscussionhere，whichendedasreportedinapreviousnote。]
　　CHAPTERX
　　SOTHEYHANGEDLUIGI
　　Dawson’sLandinghadaweekofrepose，aftertheelection，anditneededit，forthefranticandvariegatednightmarewhichhadtormenteditallthroughtheprecedingweekhadleftitlimp，haggard，andexhaustedattheend。ItgottheweekofreposebecauseAngelohadthelegs，andwasintoosubduedaconditiontowanttogooutandminglewithanirritatedcommunitythathadcometodisgustanddetesthimbecausetherewassuchalackofharmonybetweenhismorals，whichwereconfessedlyexcellent，andhismethodsofillustratingthem，whichweredistinctlydamnable。
　　ThenewcityofficersweresworninonthefollowingMonday——atleastallbutLuigi。Therewasacomplicationinhiscase。Hiselectionwasconceded，buthecouldnotsitintheboardofaldermenwithouthisbrother，andhisbrothercouldnotsittherebecausehewasnotamember。
　　Thereseemedtobenowayoutofthedifficultybuttocarrythematterintothecourts，sothiswasresolvedupon。
　　ThecasewassetfortheMondayfortnight。Induecoursethetimearrived。Inthemeantimethecitygovernmenthadbeenatastandstill，becausewithoutLuigitherewasatieintheboardofaldermen，whereaswithhimtheliquorinterest——therichestinthepoliticalfield——wouldhaveonemajority。ButthecourtdecidedthatAngelocouldnotsitintheboardwithhim，eitherinpublicorexecutivesessions，andatthesametimeforbadetheboardtodenyadmissiontoLuigi，afairlyandlegallychosenalderman。Thecasewascarriedupandupfromcourttocourt，yetstillthesameoldoriginaldecisionwasconfirmedeverytime。
　　Asaresult，thecitygovernmentnotonlystoodstill，withitshandstied，buteverythingitwascreatedtoprotectandcareforwentasteadygaittowardrackandruin。Therewasnowaytolevyatax，sotheminorofficialshadtoresignorstarve；thereforetheyresigned。Therebeingnocitymoney，theenormouslegalexpensesonbothsideshadtobedefrayedbyprivatesubscription。Butatlastthepeoplecametotheirsenses，andsaid：
　　"Pudd’nheadwasrightatthestart——weoughttohavehiredtheofficialhalfofthathumanphillipenetoresign；butit’stoolatenow；someofushaven’tgotanythinglefttohirehimwith。"
　　"Yes，wehave，"saidanothercitizen，"we’vegotthis"——andheproducedahalter。
　　Manyshouted："That’stheticket。"Butotherssaid："No——CountAngeloisinnocent；wemustn’thanghim。"
　　"Whosaidanythingabouthanginghim？Weareonlygoingtohangtheotherone。"
　　"Thenthatisallright——thereisnoobjectiontothat。"
　　SotheyhangedLuigi。Andsoendsthehistoryof"ThoseExtraordinaryTwins。"
　　FINALREMARKS
　　Asyousee，itwasanextravagantsortofatale，andhadnopurposebuttoexhibitthatmonstrous"freak"inallsortsofgrotesquelights。ButwhenRoxywanderedintothetaleshehadtobefurnishedwithsomethingtodo；soshechangedthechildreninthecradle；thisnecessitatedtheinventionofareasonforit；this，inturn，resultedinmakingthechildrenprominentpersonages——nothingcouldpreventitofcourse。Theircareerbegantotakeatragicaspect，andsomeonehadtobebroughtintohelpworkthemachinery；soPudd’nheadWilsonwasintroducedandtakenontrial。Bythistimethewholeshowwasbeingrunbythenewpeopleandintheirinterest，andtheoriginalshowwasbecomeside-trackedandforgotten；thetwin-monster，andtheheroine，andthelads，andtheoldladieshaddwindledtoinconsequentialitiesandweremerelyintheway。
　　Theirstorywasonestory，thenewpeople’sstorywasanotherstory，andtherewasnoconnectionbetweenthem，nointerdependence，nokinship。
　　Itisnotpracticableorrationaltotrytotelltwostoriesatthesametime；soIdugoutthefarceandleftthetragedy。
　　Thereaderalreadyknewhowtheexpertworks；heknowsnowhowtheotherkinddoit。
　　MARKTWAIN。