Amanwhoisbornwiththenovel-writinggifthasatroublesometimeofitwhenhetriestobuildanovel。Iknowthisfromexperience。Hehasnoclearideaofhisstory；infacthehasnostory。Hemerelyhassomepeopleinhismind，andanincidentortwo，alsoalocality。Heknowsthesepeople，heknowstheselectedlocality，andhetruststhathecanplungethosepeopleintothoseincidentswithinterestingresults。Sohegoestowork。Towriteanovel？No——thatisathoughtwhichcomeslater；inthebeginningheisonlyproposingtotellalittletale；averylittletale；asix-pagetale。Butasitisatalewhichheisnotacquaintedwith，andcanonlyfindoutwhatitisbylisteningasitgoesalongtellingitself，itismorethanapttogoonandonandontillitspreadsitselfintoabook。Iknowaboutthis，becauseithashappenedtomesomanytimes。
　　AndIhavenoticedanotherthing：thatastheshorttalegrowsintothelongtale，theoriginalintention（ormotif）isapttogetabolishedandfinditselfsupersededbyaquitedifferentone。ItwassointhecaseofamagazinesketchwhichIoncestartedtowrite——afunnyandfantasticsketchaboutaprinceandapauper；itpresentlyassumedagravecastofitsownaccord，andinthatnewshapespreaditselfoutintoabook。
　　Muchthesamethinghappenedwith"Pudd’nheadWilson。"Ihadasufficientlyhardtimewiththattale，becauseitchangeditselffromafarcetoatragedywhileIwasgoingalongwithit——amostembarrassingcircumstance。Butwhatwasagreatdealworsewas，thatitwasnotonestory，buttwostoriestangledtogether；andtheyobstructedandinterruptedeachotherateveryturnandcreatednoendofconfusionandannoyance。Icouldnotofferthebookforpublication，forIwasafraiditwouldunseatthereader’sreason。Ididnotknowwhatwasthematterwithit，forIhadnotnoticed，asyet，thatitwastwostoriesinone。
　　Ittookmemonthstomakethatdiscovery。IcarriedthemanuscriptbackandforthacrosstheAtlantictwoorthreetimes，andreaditandstudiedoveritonshipboard；andatlastIsawwherethedifficultylay。Ihadnofurthertrouble。Ipulledoneofthestoriesoutbytheroots，andlefttheotherone——akindofliteraryCaesareanoperation。
　　WouldthereadercaretoknowsomethingaboutthestorywhichIpulledout？Hehasbeentoldmanyatimehowtheborn-and-trainednovelistworks。Won’theletmeroundandcompletehisknowledgebytellinghimhowthejack-legdoesit？
　　Originallythestorywascalled"ThoseExtraordinaryTwins。"Imeanttomakeitveryshort。IhadseenapictureofayouthfulItalian"freak"
　　or"freaks"whichwas——orwhichwere——onexhibitioninourcities——acombinationconsistingoftwoheadsandfourarmsjoinedtoasinglebodyandasinglepairoflegs——andIthoughtIwouldwriteanextravagantlyfantasticlittlestorywiththisfreakofnatureforhero——orheroes——
　　asillyyoungmissforheroine，andtwooldladiesandtwoboysfortheminorparts。Ilavishlyelaboratedthesepeopleandtheirdoings，ofcourse。Butthetalekeptspreadingalong，andspreadingalong，andotherpeoplegottointrudingthemselvesandtakingupmoreandmoreroomwiththeirtalkandtheiraffairs。AmongthemcameastrangernamedPudd’nheadWilson，andawomannamedRoxana；andpresentlythedoingsofthesetwopushedupintoprominenceayoungfellownamedTomDriscoll，whoseproperplacewasawayintheobscurebackground。Beforethebookwashalffinishedthosethreeweretakingthingsalmostentirelyintotheirownhandsandworkingthewholetaleasaprivateventureoftheirown——atalewhichtheyhadnothingatalltodowith，byrights。
　　WhenthebookwasfinishedandIcametolookaroundtoseewhathadbecomeoftheteamIhadoriginallystartedoutwith——AuntPatsyCooper，AuntBetsyHale，thetwoboys，andRowenathelight-weightheroine——theywerenowheretobeseen；theyhaddisappearedfromthestorysometimeorother。Ihuntedaboutandfoundthemfoundthemstranded，idle，forgotten，andpermanentlyuseless。Itwasveryawkward。Itwasawkwardallaround；butmoreparticularlyinthecaseofRowena，becausetherewasalove-matchon，betweenherandoneofthetwinsthatconstitutedthefreak，andIhadworkedituptoablisteringheatandthrowninaquitedramaticlove-quarrel，whereinRowenascathinglydenouncedherbetrothedforgettingdrunk，andscoffedathisexplanationofhowithadhappened，andwouldn’tlistentoit，andhaddrivenhimfromherintheusual"forever"way；andnowhereshesatcryingandbroken-hearted；forshehadfoundthathehadspokenonlythetruth；thatitwasnothe，buttheotherhalfofthefreak，thathaddrunktheliquorthatmadehimdrunk；thatherhalfwasaprohibitionistandhadneverdrunkadropinhislife，and，althoughtightasabrickthreedaysintheweek，waswhollyinnocentofblame；andindeed，whensober，wasconstantlydoingallhecouldtoreformhisbrother，theotherhalf，whonevergotanysatisfactionoutofdrinking，anyway，becauseliquorneveraffectedhim。
　　Yes，hereshewas，strandedwiththatdeepinjusticeofherstorturingherpoortornheart。
　　Ididn’tknowwhattodowithher。Iwasassorryforherasanybodycouldbe，butthecampaignwasover，thebookwasfinished，shewassidetracked，andtherewasnopossiblewayofcrowdingherin，anywhere。
　　Icouldnotleaveherthere，ofcourse；itwouldnotdo。Afterspreadingheroutso，andmakingsuchato-dooverheraffairs，itwouldbeabsolutelynecessarytoaccounttothereaderforher。Ithoughtandthoughtandstudiedandstudied；butIarrivedatnothing。Ifinallysawplainlythattherewasreallynowaybutone——Imustsimplygiveherthegrandbounce。Itgrievedmetodoit，forafterassociatingwithhersomuchIhadcometokindoflikeherafterafashion，notwithstandingshewassuchanassandsaidsuchstupidirritatingthingsandwassonauseatinglysentimental。Stillithadtobedone。So，atthetopofChapterXVII，Iputina"Calendar"remarkconcerningJulyFourth，andbeganthechapterwiththisstatistic：
　　"Rowenawentoutinthebackyardaftersuppertoseethefireworksandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。"
　　Itseemedabrupt，butIthoughtmaybethereaderwouldn’tnoticeit，becauseIchangedthesubjectrightawaytosomethingelse。AnywayitloosenedupRowenafromwhereshewasstuckandgotheroutoftheway，andthatwasthemainthing。Itseemedapromptgoodwayofweedingoutpeoplethathadgotstalled，andaplentygoodenoughwayforthoseothers；soIhuntedupthetwoboysandsaid"theywentoutbackonenighttostonethecatandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。"NextI
　　searchedaroundandfoundoldAuntPatsyCooperandAuntBetsyHalewheretheywereaground，andsaid"theywentoutbackonenighttovisitthesickandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。"Iwasgoingtodrownsomeoftheothers，butIgaveuptheidea，partlybecauseIbelievedthatifIkeptthatupitwouldarouseattention，andperhapssympathywiththosepeople，andpartlybecauseitwasnotalargewellandwouldnotholdanymoreanyway。
　　Stillthestorywasunsatisfactory。Herewasasetofnewcharacterswhowerebecomeinordinatelyprominentandwhopersistedinremainingsototheend；andbackyonderwasanoldersetwhomadealargenoiseandagreatto-doforalittlewhileandthensuddenlyplayedoututterlyandfelldownthewell。Therewasaradicaldefectsomewhere，andImustsearchitoutandcureit。
　　Thedefectturnedouttobetheonealreadyspokenof——twostoriesinone，afarceandatragedy。SoIpulledoutthefarceandleftthetragedy。Thislefttheoriginalteamin，butonlyasmerenames，notascharacters。Theirprominencewaswhollygone；theywerenotevenworthdrowning；soIremovedthatdetail。AlsoItookthosetwinsapartandmadetwoseparatemenofthem。Theyhadnooccasiontohaveforeignnamesnow，butitwastoomuchtroubletoremovethemallthrough，soI
　　leftthemchristenedastheywereandmadenoexplanation。
　　CHAPTERI
　　THETWINSASTHEYREALLYWERE
　　TheconglomeratetwinswerebroughtonthethestageinChapterIoftheoriginalextravaganza。AuntPatsyCooperhasreceivedtheirletterapplyingforboardandlodging，andRowena，herdaughter，insanewithjoy，isbeggingforahearingofit：
　　"Well，setdownthen，andbequietaminuteanddon’tflyaroundso；itfairlymakesmetiredtoseeyou。Itstartsoffso：’HONOREDMADAM’——"
　　"Ilikethat，ma，don’tyou？Itshowsthey’rehigh-bred。"
　　"Yes，InoticedthatwhenIfirstreadit。’MybrotherandIhaveseenyouradvertisement，bychance，inacopyofyourlocaljournal——’
　　"It’ssobeautifulandsmooth，ma-don’tyouthinkso？"
　　"Yes，seemssotome——’andbegleavetotaketheroomyouoffer。Wearetwenty-fouryearsofage，andtwins——’"
　　"Twins！Howsweet！Idohopetheyarehandsome，andIjustknowtheyare！Don’tyouhopetheyare，ma？"
　　"Land，Iain’tparticular。’WeareItaliansbybirth——’"
　　"It’ssoromantic！Justthinkthere’sneverbeenoneinthistown，andeverybodywillwanttoseethem，andthey’reallours！Thinkofthat！"
　　"——’buthavelivedlonginthevariouscountriesofEurope，andseveralyearsintheUnitedStates。’"
　　"Oh，justthinkwhatwondersthey’veseen，ma！Won’titbegoodtohearthemtalk？"
　　"Ireckonso；yes，Ireckonso。’OurnamesareLuigiandAngeloCapello——
　　’"
　　"Beautiful，perfectlybeautiful！NotlikeJonesandRobinsonandthosehorriblenames。"
　　"’Youdesirebutoneguest，butdearmadam，ifyouwillallowustopayfortwowewillnotdiscommodeyou。Wewillsleeptogetherinthesamebed。Wehavealwaysbeenusedtothis，andpreferit。AndthenhegoesontosaytheywillbedownThursday。"
　　"AndthisisTuesday——Idon’tknowhowI’mevergoingtowait，ma！Thetimedoesdragalongso，andI’msodyingtoseethem！Whichofthemdoyoureckonisthetallest，ma？"
　　"Howdoyous’poseIcantell，child？Mostlytheyarethesamesize-twinsare。"
　　"’Wellthen，whichdoyoureckonisthebestlooking？"
　　"Goodnessknows——Idon’t。"
　　"IthinkAngelois；it’stheprettiestname，anyway。Don’tyouthinkit’sasweetname，ma？"
　　"Yes，it’swellenough。I’dlikebothofthembetterifIknewthewaytopronouncethem——theEyetalianway，Imean。TheMissouriwayandtheEyetalianwayisdifferent，Ijudge。"
　　"Maybe——yes。It’sLuigithatwritestheletter。WhatdoyoureckonisthereasonAngelodidn’twriteit？"
　　"Why，howcanItell？What’sthedifferencewhowritesit，solongasit’sdone？"
　　"Oh，Ihopeitwasn’tbecauseheissick！Youdon’tthinkheissick，doyou，ma？"
　　"Sickyourgranny；what’stomakehimsick？"
　　"Oh，there’sneveranytelling。Theseforeignerswiththatkindofnamesaresodelicate，andofcoursethatkindofnamesarenotsuitedtoourclimate——youwouldn’texpectit。"
　　[Andso-onandso-on，noend。Thetimedragsalong；Thursdaycomes：theboatarrivesinapouringstormtowardmidnight。]
　　Atlasttherewasaknockatthedoorandtheanxiousfamilyjumpedtoopenit。Twonegromenentered，eachcarryingatrunk，andproceededupstairstowardtheguest-room。Thenfollowedastupefyingapparition——
　　adouble-headedhumancreaturewithfourarms，onebody，andasinglepairoflegs！It——orthey，asyouplease——bowedwithelaborateforeignformality，buttheCooperscouldnotrespondimmediately；theywereparalyzed。Atthismomenttherecamefromtherearofthegroupaferventejaculation——"Mylan’！"——followedbyacrashofcrockery，andtheslave-wenchNancystoodpetrifiedandstaring，withatrayofwreckedtea-thingsatherfeet。Theincidentbrokethespell，andbroughtthefamilytoconsciousness。Thebeautifulheadsofthenew-comerbowedagain，andoneofthemsaidwitheasygraceanddignity：
　　"Icravethehonor，madamandmiss，tointroducetoyoumybrother，CountLuigiCapello，"（theotherheadbowed）"andmyself——CountAngelo；andatthesametimeoffersincereapologiesforthelatenessofourcoming，whichwasunavoidable，"andbothheadsbowedagain。
　　Thepooroldladywasinawhirlofamazementandconfusion，butshemanagedtostammerout：
　　"I’msureI’mgladtomakeyouracquaintance，sir——Imean，gentlemen。
　　Asforthedelay，itisnothing，don’tmentionit。ThisismydaughterRowena，sir——gentlemen。Pleasestepintotheparlorandsitdownandhaveabiteandsup；youaredreadfulwetandmustbeuncomfortable——
　　bothofyou，Imean。"
　　Buttotheoldlady’srelieftheycourteouslyexcusedthemselves，sayingitwouldbewrongtokeepthefamilyoutoftheirbedslonger；theneachheadbowedinturnandutteredafriendlygoodnight，andthesingularfiguremovedawayinthewakeofRowena’ssmallbrothers，whoborecandles，anddisappearedupthestairs。
　　Thewidowtotteredintotheparlorandsankintoachairwithagasp，andRowenafollowed，tongue-tiedanddazed。Thetwosatsilentinthethrobbingsummerheatunconsciousofthemillion-voicedmusicofthemosquitoes，unconsciousoftheroaringgale，thelashingandthrashingoftherainalongthewindowsandtheroof，thewhiteglareofthelightning，thetumultuousboomingandbellowingofthethunder；consciousofnothingbutthatprodigy，thatuncannyapparitionthathadcomeandgonesosuddenly——thatweirdstrangethingthatwassosoft-spokenandsogentleofmannerandyethadshakenthemuplikeanearthquakewiththeshockofitsgruesomeaspect。Atlastacoldlittleshudderquiveredalongdownthewidow’smeagerframeandshesaidinaweakvoice：
　　"Ugh，itwasawfuljustthemerelookofthatphillipene！"
　　Rowenadidnotanswer。Herfacultieswerestillcaked；shehadnotyetfoundhervoice。Presentlythewidowsaid，alittleresentfully：
　　"Alwaysbeenusedtosleepingtogether——in-fact，preferit。AndIwasthinkingitwastoaccommodateme。Ithoughtitwasverygoodofthem，whereasapersonsituatedasthatyoungmanis——"
　　"Ma，yououghtn’ttobeginbygettingupaprejudiceagainsthim。
　　I’msureheisgood-heartedandmeanswell。Bothofhisfacesshowit。"
　　"I’mnotsocertainaboutthat。Theoneontheleft——Imeantheoneonit’sleft——hasn’tnearasgoodaface，inmyopinion，asitsbrother。"
　　"That’sLuigi。"
　　"Yes，Luigi；anywayit’sthedark-skinnedone；theonethatwaswestofhisbrotherwhentheystoodinthedoor。Uptoallkindsofmischiefanddisobediencewhenhewasaboy，I’llbebound。Ilayhismotherhadtroubletolayherhandonhimwhenshewantedhim。Buttheoneontherightisasgoodasgold，Icanseethat。"
　　"That’sAngelo。"
　　"Yes，Angelo，Ireckon，thoughIcan’ttellt’otherfromwhichbytheirnames，yetawhile。Butit’stheright-handone——theblondone。Hehassuchkindblueeyes，andcurlycopperhairandfreshcomplexion——"
　　"Andsuchanobleface！——oh，itisanobleface，ma，justroyal，youmaysay！Andbeautifuldearyme，howbeautiful！Butbotharethat；thedarkone’sasbeautifulas——apicture。There’snosuchwonderfulfacesandhandsomeheadsinthistownnonethatevenbegin。Andsuchhands，especiallyAngelo’s——soshapelyand——"
　　"Stuff，howcouldyoutellwhichtheybelongedto？——theyhadgloveson。"
　　"Why，didn’tIseethemtakeofftheirhats？"
　　"Thatdon’tsignify。Theymighthavetakenoffeachother’shats。
　　Nobodycouldtell。Therewasjustawormysquirmingofarmsintheair——seemedtobeacoupleofdozenofthem，allwrithingatonce，anditjustmademedizzytoseethemgo。"
　　"Why，ma，Ihadn’tanydifficulty。There’stwoarmsoneachshoulder——"
　　"There，now。Onearmoneachshoulderbelongstoeachofthecreatures，don’tit？Forapersontohavetwoarmsononeshoulderwouldn’tdohimanygood，wouldit？Ofcoursenot。Eachhasanarmoneachshoulder。
　　Nowthen，youtellmewhichofthembelongstowhich，ifyoucan。Theydon’tknow，themselves——theyjustworkwhicheverarmcomeshandy。Ofcoursetheydo；especiallyiftheyareinahurryandcan’tstoptothinkwhichbelongstowhich。"
　　Themotherseemedtohavetherightsoftheargument，sothedaughterabandonedthestruggle。Presentlythewidowrosewithayawnandsaid：
　　"Poorthing，Ihopeitwon’tcatchcold；itwaspowerfulwet，justdrenched，youmaysay。Ihopeithasleftitsbootsoutside，sotheycanbedried。"
　　Thenshegavealittlestart，andlookedperplexed。
　　"NowIrememberIheardoneofthemaskJoetocallhimathalfafterseven——Ithinkitwastheoneontheleft——no，itwastheonetotheeastoftheotherone——butIdidn’theartheotheronesayanything。I
　　wonderifhewantstobecalledtoo。Doyoureckonit’stoolatetoask？"
　　"Why，ma，it’snotnecessary。Callingoneiscallingboth。Ifonegetsup，theother’sgotto。"
　　"Sho，ofcourse；Ineverthoughtofthat。Well，comealong，maybewecangetsomesleep，butIdon’tknow，I’msoshookupwithwhatwe’vebeenthrough。"
　　Thestrangerhadmadeanimpressionontheboys，too。Theyhadawordoftalkastheyweregettingtobed。Henry，thegentle，thehumane，said：
　　"Ifeeleversosorryforit，don’tyou，Joe？"
　　ButJoewasaboyofthisworld，active，enterprising，andhadatheatricalsidetohim：
　　"Sorry？Why，howyoutalk！Itcan’tstirastepwithoutattractingattention。It’sjustgrand！"
　　Henrysaid，，reproachfully：
　　"Insteadofpityingit，Joe，youtalkasif——"
　　"Talkasifwhat？Iknowonethingmightycertain：ifyoucanfixmesoIcaneatfortwoandonlyhavetostubtoesforone，Iain’tgoingtofoolawaynosuchchancejustforsentiment。"
　　Thetwinswerewetandtired，andtheyproceededtoundresswithout-anypreliminaryremarks。Theabundanceofsleevemadethepartnershipcoathardtogetoff，foritwaslikeskinningatarantula；butitcameatlast，aftermuchtuggingandperspiring。Themutualvestfollowed。Thenthebrothersstoodupbeforetheglass，andeachtookoffhisowncravatandcollar。Thecollarswereofthestandingkind，andcamehighupundertheears，likethesidesofawheelbarrow，asrequiredbythefashionoftheday。Thecravatswereasbroadasabank-bill，withfringedendswhichstoodfarouttorightandleftlikethewingsofadragon-fly，andthisalsowasstrictlyinaccordancewiththefashionofthetime。Eachcravat，astocolor，wasinperfecttaste，sofarasitsowner’scomplexionwasconcerned——adelicatepink，inthecaseoftheblondbrother，aviolentscarletinthecaseofthebrunette——butasacombinationtheybrokeallthelawsoftasteknowntocivilization。
　　Nothingmorefiendishandirreconcilablethanthoseshriekingandblasphemingcolorscouldhavebeencontrived，Thewetbootsgavenoendoftrouble——toLuigi。Whentheywereoffatlast，Angelosaid，withbitterness：
　　"Iwishyouwouldn’twearsuchtightboots，theyhurtmyfeet。"
　　Luigiansweredwithindifference：
　　"Myfriend，whenIamincommandofourbody，Ichoosemyapparelaccordingtomyownconvenience，asIhaveremarkedmorethanseveraltimesalready。Whenyouareincommand，Ibegyouwilldoasyouplease。"
　　Angelowashurt，andthetearscameintohiseyes。Therewasgentlereproachinhisvoice，but，notanger，whenhereplied：
　　"Luigi，Ioftenconsultyourwishes，butyouneverconsultmine。WhenI
　　amincommandItreatyouasaguest；Itrytomakeyoufeelathome；
　　whenyouareincommandyoutreatmeasanintruder，youmakemefeelunwelcome。Itembarrassesmecruellyincompany，forIcan，seethatpeoplenoticeitandcommentonit。"
　　"Oh，damnthepeople，"respondedthebrotherlanguidly，andwiththeairofonewhoistiredofthesubject。
　　AslightshuddershooktheframeofAngelo，buthesaidnothingandtheconversationceased。Eachbuttonedhisownshareofthenightshirtinsilence；thenLuigi，withPaine’sAgeofReasoninhishand，satdowninonechairandputhisfeetinanotherandlithispipe，whileAngelotookhisWholeDutyofMan，andbothbegantoread。Angelopresentlybegantocough；hiscoughingincreasedandbecamemixedwithgaspingsforbreath，andhewasfinallyobligedtomakeanappealtohisbrother’shumanity：
　　"Luigi，ifyouwouldonlysmokealittlemildertobacco，IamsureI
　　couldlearnnottominditintime，butthisissostrong，andthepipeissorankthat——"
　　"Angelo，Iwouldn’tbesuchababy！Ihavelearnedtosmokeinaweek，andthetroubleisalreadyoverwithme；ifyouwouldtry，youcouldlearntoo，andthenyouwouldstopspoilingmycomfortwithyoureverlastingcomplaints。"
　　"Ah，brother，thatisastrongword——everlasting——andisn’tquitefair。
　　IonlycomplainwhenIsuffocate；youknowIdon’tcomplainwhenweareintheopenair。"
　　"Well，anyway，youcouldlearntosmokeyourself。"
　　"Butmyprinciples，Luigi，youforgetmyprinciples。YouwouldnothavemedoathingwhichIregardasasin？"
　　"Oh，bosh！"
　　Theconversationceasedagain，forAngelowassickanddiscouragedandstrangling；butaftersometimeheclosedhisbookandaskedLuigitosing"FromGreenland’sIcyMountains"withhim，buthewouldnot，andwhenhetriedtosingbyhimselfLuigididhisbesttodrownhisplaintivetenorwitharudeandrollickingsongdeliveredinathunderingbass。
　　Afterthesingingtherewassilence，andneitherbrotherwashappy。
　　BeforeblowingthelightoutLuigiswallowedhalfatumblerofwhisky，andAngelo，whosesensitiveorganizationcouldnotendureintoxicantsofanykind，tookapilltokeepitfromgivinghimtheheadache。
　　CHAPTERII
　　MACOOPERGETSALLMIXEDUP
　　Thefamilysatinthebreakfast-roomwaitingforthetwinstocomedown。
　　Thewidowwasquiet，thedaughterwasalivewithhappyexcitement。Shesaid：
　　"Ah，they’reaboon，ma，justaboon！don’tyouthinkso？"
　　"Laws，Ihopeso，Idon’tknow。"
　　"Why，ma，yesyoudo。They’resofineandhandsome，andhigh-bredandpolite，soeverywaysuperiortoourgawkshereinthisvillage；why，they’llmakelifedifferentfromwhatitwas——sohumdrumandcommonplace，youknow——oh，youmaybesurethey’refullofaccomplishments，andknowledgeoftheworld，andallthat，thatwillbeanimmenseadvantagetosocietyhere。Don’tyouthinkso，ma？"
　　"Mercyonme，howshouldIknow，andI’vehardlyseteyesonthemyet。"
　　Afterapausesheadded，"Theymadeconsiderablenoiseaftertheywentup。"
　　"Noise？Why，ma，theyweresinging！Anditwasbeautiful，too。"
　　"Oh，itwaswellenough，buttoomixed-up，seemedtome。"
　　"Now，ma，honorbright，didyoueverhear’Greenland’sIcyMountains’
　　sungsweeter——nowdidyou？"
　　"Ifithadbeensungbyitself，itwouldhavebeenuncommonsweet，I
　　don’tdenyit；butwhattheywantedtomixitupwith’OldBobRidley’
　　for，Ican’tmakeout。Why，theydon’tgotogether，atall。Theyarenotofthesamenature。’BobRidley’isacommonracketyslam-bangsecularsong，oneoftherippingestandrantingestandnoisiestthereis。
　　Iamnojudgeofmusic，andIdon’tclaimit，butinmyopinionnobodycanmakethosetwosongsgotogetherright。"
　　"Why，ma，Ithought——"
　　"Itdon’tmakeanydifferencewhatyouthought，itcan’tbedone。Theytriedit，andtomyminditwasafailure。Ineverheardsuchacrazyuproar；seemedtome，sometimes，theroofwouldcomeoff；andasforthecats——well，I’velivedamanyayear，andseencatsaggravatedinmorewaysthanone，butI’veneverseencatstakeonthewaytheytookonlastnight。"
　　"Well，Idon’tthinkthatthatgoesforanything，ma，becauseitisthenatureofcatsthatanysoundthatisunusual——"
　　"Unusual！Youmaywellcallitso。Nowiftheyaregoingtosingduetseverynight，Idohopetheywillbothsingthesametuneatthesametime，forinmyopinionaduetthatismadeupoftwodifferenttunesisamistake；especiallywhenthetunesain’tanykintooneanother，thatway。"
　　"But，ma，Ithinkitmustbeaforeigncustom；anditmustberighttoo；
　　andthebestway，becausetheyhavehadeveryopportunitytoknowwhatisright，anditdon’tstandtoreasonthatwiththeireducationtheywoulddoanythingbutwhatthehighestmusicalauthoritieshavesanctioned。
　　Youcan’thelpbutadmitthat，ma。"
　　Theargumentwasformidablystrong；theoldladycouldnotfindanywayaroundit；so，afterthinkingitoverawhileshegaveinwithasighofdiscontent，andadmittedthatthedaughter’spositionwasprobablycorrect。Beingvanquished，shehadnomindtocontinuethetopicatthatdisadvantage，andwasabouttoseekachangewhenachangecameofitself。Afootstepwasheardonthestairs，andshesaid：
　　"There-he’scoming！"
　　"They，ma——yououghttosaythey——it’snearerright。"
　　Thenewlodger，rathershoutinglydressedbutlookingsuperblyhandsome，steppedwithcourtlycarnageintothetrimlittlebreakfast-roomandputoutallhiscordialarmsatonce，likeoneofthosepocket-kniveswithamultiplicityofblades，andshookhandswiththewholefamilysimultaneously。Hewassoeasyandpleasantandheartythatallembarrassmentpresentlythawedawayanddisappeared，andacheeryfeelingoffriendlinessandcomradeshiptookitsplace。He——orpreferablythey——wereaskedtooccupytheseatofhonoratthefootofthetable。Theyconsentedwiththanks，andcarvedthebeefsteakwithonesetoftheirhandswhiletheydistributeditatthesametimewiththeotherset。
　　"Willyouhavecoffee，gentlemen，ortea？"
　　"CoffeeforLuigi，ifyouplease，madam，teaforme。"
　　"Creamandsugar？"
　　"Forme，yes，madam；Luigitakeshiscoffee，black。Ournaturesdifferagooddealfromeachother，andourtastesalso。"
　　ThefirsttimethenegrogirlNancyappearedinthedoorandsawthetwoheadsturnedinoppositedirectionsandbothtalkingatonce，thensawthecomminglingarmsfeedpotatoesintoonemouthandcoffeeintotheotheratthesametime，shehadtopauseandpullherselfoutofafaintnessthatcameoverher；butafterthatsheheldhergripandwasabletowaitonthetablewithfaircourage。
　　Conversationfellnaturallyintothecustomarygrooves。Itwasalittlejerky，atfirst，becausenoneofthefamilycouldgetsmoothlythroughasentencewithoutawabbleinithereandabreakthere，causedbysomenewsurpriseinthewayofattitudeorgestureonthepartofthetwins。
　　Theweathersufferedthemost。Theweatherwasallfinishedupanddisposedof，asasubject，beforethesimpleMissourianshadgottensufficientlywontedtothespectacleofonebodyfeedingtwoheadstofeelcomposedandreconciledinthepresenceofsobizarreamiracle。
　　Andevenaftereverybody’smindbecametranquilizedtherewasstilloneslightdistractionleft：thehandthatpickedupabiscuitcarriedittothewronghead，asoftenasanyotherway，andthewrongmouthdevouredit。Thiswasapuzzlingthing，andmarredthetalkalittle。Itbotheredthewidowtosuchadegreethatshepresentlydroppedoutoftheconversationwithoutknowingit，andfelltowatchingandguessingandtalkingtoherself：
　　"Nowthathandisgoingtotakethatcoffeetono，it’sgonetotheothermouth；Ican’tunderstandit；andhow，hereisthedark-complectedhandwithapotatoinitsfork，I’llseewhatgoeswithit——there，thelight-complectedhead’sgotit，assureasIlive！"
　　FinallyRowenasaid：
　　"Ma，whatisthematterwithyou？Areyoudreamingaboutsomething？"
　　Theoldladycametoherselfandblushed；thensheexplainedwiththefirstrandomthingthatcameintohermind："IsawMr。AngelotakeupMr。
　　Luigi’scoffee，andIthoughtmaybehe——sha’n’tIgiveyouacup，Mr。
　　Angelo？"
　　"Ohno，madam，Iamverymuchobliged，butIneverdrinkcoffee，muchasIwouldliketo。YoudidseemetakeupLuigi’scup，itistrue，butifyounoticed，Ididn’tcarryittomymouth，buttohis。"
　　"Y-es，Ithoughtyoudid：Didyoumeanto？"
　　"How？"
　　Thewidowwasalittleembarrassedagain。Shesaid：
　　"Idon’tknowbutwhatI’mfoolish，andyoumustn’tmind；butyousee，hegotthecoffeeIwasexpectingtoseeyoudrink，andyougotapotatothatIthoughthewasgoingtoget。SoIthoughtitmightbeamistakeallaround，andeverybodygettingwhatwasn’tintendedforhim。"
　　BothtwinslaughedandLuigisaid：
　　"Dearmadam，therewasn’tanymistake。Wearealwayshelpingeachotherthatway。Itisagreateconomyforusboth；itsavestimeandlabor。
　　Wehaveasystemofsignswhichnobodycannoticeorunderstandbutourselves。IfIamusingbothmyhandsandwantsomecoffee，ImakethesignandAngelofurnishesittome；andyousawthatwhenheneededapotatoIdeliveredit。"
　　"Howconvenient！"
　　"Yes，andoftenoftheextremestvalue。TaketheMississippiboats，forinstance。Theyarealwaysovercrowded。Thereistable-roomforonlyhalfofthepassengers，thereforetheyhavetosetasecondtableforthesecondhalf。Thestewardsrushbothparties，theygivethemnotimetoeatasatisfyingmeal，bothdivisionsleavethetablehungry。Itisn’tsowithus。Angelobookshimselffortheonetable，Ibookmyselffortheother。Neitherofuseatsanythingattheother’stable，butjustsimplyworks——works。Thus，youseetherearefourhandstofeedAngelo，andthesamefourtofeedme。Eachofuseatstwomeals。"
　　Theoldladywasdazedwithadmiration，andkeptsaying，"Itisperfectlywonderful，perfectlywonderful"andtheboyJoelickedhischopsenviously，butsaidnothing——atleastaloud。
　　"Yes，"continuedLuigi，"ourconstructionmayhaveitsdisadvantages——infact，hasbutitalsohasitscompensationsofonesortandanother。Taketravel，forinstance。Travelisenormouslyexpensive，inallcountries；
　　wehavebeenobligedtodoavastdealofit——come，Angelo，don’tputanymoresugarinyourtea，I’mjustoveroneindigestionanddon’twantanotherrightaway——beenobligedtodoadealofit，asIwassaying。
　　Well，wealwaystravelasoneperson，sinceweoccupybutoneseat；sowesavehalfthefare。"
　　"Howromantic！"interjectedRowena，witheffusion。
　　"Yes，mydearyounglady，andhowpracticaltoo，andeconomical。InEurope，bedsinthehotelsarenotchargedwiththeboard，butseparately——anothersaving，forwestoodtoourrightsandpaidfortheonebedonly。Thelandlordsofteninsistedthatasbothofusoccupiedthebedweought——"
　　"No，theydidn’t，"saidAngelo。"Theydiditonlytwice，andinbothcasesitwasadoublebed——ararethinginEurope——andthedoublebedgavethemsomeexcuse。Befairtothelandlords；twicedoesn’tconstitute’often。’"
　　"Well，thatdepends——thatdepends。Iknewamanwhofelldownawelltwice。Hesaidhedidn’tmindthefirsttime，buthethoughtthesecondtimewasoncetoooften。HaveImisusedthatword，Mrs。Cooper？"
　　"Totellthetruth，Iwasafraidyouhad，butitseemstolook，now，likeyouhadn’t。"Shestopped，andwasevidentlystrugglingwiththedifficultproblemamoment，thensheaddedinthetoneofonewhoisconvincedwithoutbeingconverted，"Itseemsso，butIcan’tsomehowtellwhy。"
　　RowenathoughtLuigi’sretortwaswonderfullyquickandbright，andsheremarkedtoherselfwithsatisfactionthattherewasn’tanyyoungnativeofDawson’sLandingthatcouldhaverisentotheoccasionlikethat。
　　Luigidetectedtheapplauseinherface，andexpressedhispleasureandhisthankswithhiseyes；andsoeloquentlywithal，thatthegirlwasproudandpleased，andhungoutthedelicatesignofitonhercheeks。
　　Luigiwenton，withanimation：
　　"Bothofusgetabathforoneticket，theaterseatforoneticket，pew-rentisonthesamebasis，butatpeep-showswepaydouble。"
　　"Wehavemuchto’bethankfulfor，"saidAngelo，impressively，withareverentlightinhiseyeandareminiscenttoneinhisvoice，"wehavebeengreatlyblessed。Asarule，whatoneofushaslacked，theother，bythebountyofProvidence，hasbeenabletosupply。Mybrotherishardy，Iamnot；heisverymasculine，assertive，aggressive；Iammuchlessso。Iamsubjecttoillness，heisneverill。Icannotabidemedicines，andcannottakethem，buthehasnoprejudiceagainstthem，and——"
　　"Why，goodnessgracious，"interruptedthewidow，"whenyouaresick，doeshetakethemedicineforyou？"
　　"Always，madam。"
　　"Why，Ineverheardsuchathinginmylife！Ithinkit’sbeautifulofyou。"
　　"Oh，madam，it’snothing，don’tmentionit，it’sreallynothingatall。"
　　"ButIsayit’sbeautiful，andIsticktoit！"criedthewidow，withaspeakingmoistureinhereye。
　　"Awellbrothertotakethemedicineforhispoorsickbrother——IwishI
　　hadsuchason，"andsheglancedreproachfullyatherboys。"IdeclareI’llneverresttillI’veshookyoubythehand，"andshescrambledoutofherchairinafeverofgenerousenthusiasm，andmadeforthetwins，blindwithhertears，andbegantoshake。TheboyJoecorrectedher：
　　"You’reshakingthewrongone，ma。"
　　Thisflurriedher，butshemadeaswiftchangeandwentonshaking。
　　"Gotthewrongoneagain，ma，"saidtheboy。
　　"Oh，shutup，can’tyou！"saidthewidow，embarrassedandirritated。
　　"Givemeallyourhands，Iwanttoshakethemall；forIknowyouarebothjustasgoodasyoucanbe。"
　　Itwasavictoriousthought，amaster-strokeofdiplomacy，thoughthatneveroccurredtoherandshecarednothingfordiplomacy。Sheshookthefourhandsinturncordially，andwentbacktoherplaceinastateofhighandfineexultationthatmadeherlookyoungandhandsome。
　　"IndeedIoweeverythingtoLuigi，"saidAngelo，affectionately。
　　"ButforhimIcouldnothavesurvivedourboyhooddays，whenwewerefriendlessandpoor——ah，sopoor！Welivedfromhandtomouth-livedonthecoarsefareofunwillingcharity，andforweeksandweekstogethernotamorseloffoodpassedmylips，foritscharacterrevoltedmeandI
　　couldnoteatit。ButforLuigiIshouldhavedied。Heateforusboth。"
　　"Hownoble！"sighedRowena。
　　"Doyouhearthat？"saidthewidow，severely，toherboys。"Letitbeanexampletoyou——Imeanyou，Joe。"
　　Joegavehisheadabarelyperceptibledisparagingtossandsaid："Etforboth。Itain’tanythingI’d’a’doneit。"
　　"Hush，ifyouhaven’tgotanybettermannersthanthat。Youdon’tseethepointatall。Itwasn’tgoodfood。"
　　"Idon’tcare——itwasfood，andI’d’a’etitifitwasrotten。"
　　"Shame！Suchlanguage！Can’tyouunderstand？Theywerestarving-
　　actuallystarving——andheateforboth，and——"
　　"Shucks！yougimmeachanceandI’ll——"
　　"There，now——closeyourhead！anddon’tyouopenitagaintillyou’reasked。"
　　[AngelogoesonandtellshowhisparentstheCountandCountesshadtoflyfromFlorenceforpoliticalreasons，anddiedpoorinBerlinbereftoftheirgreatpropertybyconfiscation；andhowheandLuigihadtotravelwithafreak-showduringtwoyearsandsuffersemi-starvation。]
　　"Thathatefulblack-bread；butIseldomateanythingduringthattime；
　　thatwaspoorLuigi’saffair——"
　　"I’llneverMisterhimagain！"criedthewidow，withstrongemotion，"he’sLuigitome，fromthisout！"
　　"Thankyouathousandtimes，madam，athousandtimes！thoughintruthI
　　don’tdeserveit。"
　　"Ah，Luigiisalwaysthefortunateonewhenhonorsareshowering，"saidAngelo，plaintively；"nowwhathaveIdone，Mrs。Cooper，thatyouleavemeout？Come，youmuststrainapointinmyfavor。"
　　"CallyouAngelo？Why，certainlyIwill；whatareyouthinkingof！Inthecaseoftwins，why——"
　　"But，ma，you’rebreakingupthestory——dolethimgoon。"
　　"Youkeepstill，RowenaCooper，andhecangoonallthebetter，I
　　reckon。Oneinterruptiondon’thurt，it’stwothatmakesthetrouble。"
　　"Butyou’veaddedone，now，andthatisthree。"
　　"Rowena！Iwillnotallowyoutotalkbackatmewhenyouhavegotnothingrationaltosay。"
　　CHAPTERIII
　　ANGELOISBLUE
　　[Afterbreakfastthewholevillagecrowdedin，andtherewasagrandreceptioninhonorofthetwins；andatthecloseofitthegifted"freak"capturedeverybody’sadmirationbysittingdownatthepianoandknockingoutaclassicfour-handedpieceingreatstyle。Thenthejudgetookit——orthem——drivinginhisbuggyandshowedoffhisvillage。]
　　Allalongthestreetsthepeoplecrowdedthewindowsandstaredattheamazingtwins。Troopsofsmallboysflockedafterthebuggy，excitedandyelling。Atfirstthedogsshowednointerest。Theythoughttheymerelysawthreemeninabuggy——amatterofnoconsequence；butwhentheyfoundoutthefactsofthecase，theyalteredtheiropinionprettyradically，andjoinedtheboys，expressingtheirmindsastheycame。Otherdogsgotinterested；indeed，allthedogs。Itwasaspiritedsighttoseethemcomeleapingfences，tearingaroundcorners，swarmingoutofeverybystreetandalley。Thenoisetheymadewassomethingbeyondbelief——
　　orpraise。Theydidnotseemtobemovedbymalicebutonlybyprejudice，thecommonhumanprejudiceagainstlackofconformity。Ifthetwinsturnedtheirheads，theybrokeandfledineverydirection，butstoppedatasafedistanceandfacedabout；andthenformedandcameonagainassoonasthestrangersshowedthemtheirback。Negroesandfarmers’wivestooktothewoodswhenthebuggycameuponthemsuddenly，andaltogetherthedrivewaspleasantandanimated，andarefreshmentallaround。
　　[Itwasalongandlivelydrive。AngelowasaMethodist，LuigiwasaFree-thinker。ThejudgewasveryproudofhisFreethinkers’
　　Society，whichwasflourishingalonginamostprosperouswayandalreadyhadtwomembers——himselfandtheobscureandneglectedPudd’nheadWilson。Itwastomeetthatevening，andheinvitedLuigitojoin；athingwhichLuigiwasgladtodo，partlybecauseitwouldpleasehimself，andpartlybecauseitwouldgravelAngelo。]
　　Theyhadnowarrivedatthewidow’sgate，andtheexcursionwasended。
　　Thetwinspolitelyexpressedtheirobligationsforthepleasantoutingwhichhadbeenaffordedthem；towhichthejudgebowedhisthanks，andthensaidhewouldnowgoandarrangefortheFree-thinkers’meeting，andwouldcallforCountLuigiintheevening。
　　"Foryoualso，dearsir，"headdedhastily，turningtoAngeloandbowing。
　　"Inaddressingmyselfparticularlytoyourbrother，Iwasnotmeaningtoleaveyouout。Itwasanunintentionalrudeness，Iassureyou，andduewhollytoaccident——accidentandpreoccupation。Ibegyoutoforgiveme。"
　　HisquickeyehadseenthesensitivebloodmountintoAngelo’sface，betrayingthewoundthathadbeeninflicted。Thestingoftheslighthadgonedeep，buttheapologywassoprompt，andsoevidentlysincere，thatthehurtwasalmostimmediatelyhealed，andaforgivingsmiletestifiedtothekindlyjudgethatallwaswellagain。
　　ConcealedbehindAngelo’smodestandunassumingexterior，andunsuspectedbyanybuthisintimates，wasaloftypride，aprideofalmostabnormalproportions，indeed，andthisrenderedhimeverthepreyofslights；andalthoughtheywerealmostalwaysimaginaryones，theyhurtnonethelessonthataccount。ByillfortunejudgeDriscollhadhappenedtotouchhissorestpoint，i。e。，hisconvictionthathisbrother’spresencewaswelcomereverywherethanhisown；thathewasofteninvited，outofmerecourtesy，whereonlyhisbrotherwaswanted，andthatinamajorityofcaseshewouldnotbeincludedinaninvitationifhecouldbeleftoutwithoutoffense。Asensitivenaturelikethisisnecessarilysubjecttomoods；moodswhichtraversethewholegamutoffeeling；moodswhichknowalltheclimesofemotion，fromthesunnyheightsofjoytotheblackabyssesofdespair。Attimes，inhisseasonsofdeepestdepressions，Angeloalmostwishedthatheandhisbrothermightbecomesegregatedfromeachotherandbeseparateindividuals，likeothermen。Butofcourseassoonashismindclearedandthesediseasedimaginingspassedaway，heshudderedattherepulsivethought，andearnestlyprayedthatitmightvisithimnomore。Tobeseparate，andasothermenare！Howawkwarditwouldseem；howunendurable。Whatwouldhedowithhishands，hisarms？
　　Howwouldhislegsfeel？Howodd，andstrange，andgrotesqueeveryaction，attitude，movement，gesturewouldbe。Tosleepbyhimself，eatbyhimself，walkbyhimself——howlonely，howunspeakablylonely！No，no，anyfatebutthat。Ineverywayandfromeverypoint，theideawasrevolting。
　　Thiswasofcoursenatural；tohavefeltotherwisewouldhavebeenunnatural。Hehadknownnolifebutacombinedone；hehadbeenfamiliarwithitfromhisbirth；hewasnotabletoconceiveofanyotherasbeingagreeable，orevenbearable。Tohim，intheprivacyofhissecretthoughts，allothermenweremonsters，deformities：andduringthree-fourthsofhislifetheiraspecthadfilledhimwithwhatpromisedtobeanunconquerableaversion。Butateighteenhiseyebegantotakenoteoffemalebeauty；andlittlebylittle，undefinedlongingsgrewupinhisheart，underwhosesofteninginfluencestheoldstubbornaversiongraduallydiminished，andfinallydisappeared。Menwerestillmonstrositiestohim，stilldeformities，andinhissobermomentshehadnodesiretobelikethem，buttheirstrangeandunsocialanduncannyconstructionwasnolongeroffensivetohim。
　　Thishadbeenaharddayforhim，physicallyandmentally。HehadbeencalledinthemorningbeforehehadquitesleptofftheeffectsoftheliquorwhichLuigihaddrunk；andso，forthefirsthalf-hourhadhadtheseedyfeeling，andlanguor，thebroodingdepression，thecobwebbymouthanddruggytastethatcomeofdissipationandaresoillapreparationforbodilyorintellectualactivities；thelongviolentstrainofthereceptionhadfollowed；andthishadbeenfollowed，inturn，bythedrearysight-seeing，thejudge’swearyingexplanationsandlaudationsofthesights，andthestupefyingclamorofthedogs。Asacongruousconclusion，afittingend，hisfeelingshadbeenhurt，aslighthadbeenputuponhim。Hewouldhavebeengladtoforegodinnerandbetakehimselftorestandsleep，butheheldhispeaceandsaidnoword，forheknewhisbrother，Luigi，wasfresh，unweary，fulloflife，spirit，energy；hewouldhavescoffedattheideaofwastingvaluabletimeonabedorasofa，andwouldhaverefusedpermission。