INTRODUCTION
JamesSheridanKnowleswasbornatCorkin1784,anddiedatTorquayinDecember,1862,attheageof78。Hisfatherwasateacherofelocution,whocompiledadictionary,andwhowasrelatedtotheSheridans。HemovedtoLondonwhenhissonwaseightyearsold,andtherebecameacquaintedwithWilliamHazlittandCharlesLamb。Theson,afterhisschooleducation,obtainedacommissioninthearmy,butgaveupeverythingforthestage,andmadehisfirstappearanceattheCrowStreetTheatre,inDublin。Hedidnotbecomeagreatactor,andwhenhetooktowritingplayshedidnotprovehimselfagreatpoet,buthisskillincontrivingsituationsthroughwhichagoodactorcanmakehispowerstelluponthepublic,wontheheartofthegreatactorofhisday,andasMacready’sownpoetherosetofame。
BeforeMacreadyhaddiscoveredhim,SheridanKnowleslivedpartlybyteachingelocutionatBelfastandGlasgow,partlybypracticeofelocutionasanactor。In1815heproducedattheBelfastTheatrehisfirstplay,CaiusGracchus。Hisnextplay,VirginiuswasproducedatGlasgowwithgreatsuccess。Macready,whohad,attheageofseventeen,begunhiscareerasanactorathisfather’stheatreinBirmingham,had,onMonday,October5th,1819,attheageoftwenty-six,takentheLondonersbystorminthecharacterofRichardIIICoventGardenreopeneditsclosedtreasury。ItwaspromptlyfollowedbyasuccessinCoriolanus,andMacready’splacewasmade。HewasatonceofferedfiftypoundsanightforappearingononeeveningaweekatBrighton。ItwasjustafterthatturninMacready’sfortunesthatafriendatGlasgowrecommendedtohimthepartofVirginiusinSheridanKnowles’splaylatelyproducedthere。
Heagreedunwillinglytolookatit,andsaysthatinApril,1820,theparcelcontainingtheMS。cameashewasgoingout。Hehesitated,thensatdowntoreaditthathemightgetawearisomejobover。Asheread,hesays,"Thefreshnessandsimplicityofthedialoguefixedmyattention;Ireadonandon,andwassoonabsorbedintheinterestofthestoryandthepassionofitsscenes,tillatitscloseIfoundmyselfinsuchastateofexcitementthatforatimeIwasundecidedwhatsteptotake。Impulsewasintheascendant,andsnatchingupmypenIhurriedlywrote,asmyagitatedfeelingsprompted,alettertotheauthor,tomethenaperfectstranger。"BryanProcter(BarryCornwall)readtheplaynextdaywithMacready,andconfirmedhiminhisadmirationofit。
Macreadyatoncegotitacceptedatthetheatre,wherenothingwasspentonscenery,buttherewasagoodcast,andtheenthusiasmofMacreadyasstagemanagerfortheoccasionhalfaffrontedsomeofhisseniors。Onthe17thofMay,1820,aboutamonthafteritcameintoMacready’shands,VirginiuswasproducedatCoventGarden,where,saystheactorinhis"Reminiscences,""thecurtainfellamidstthemostdeafeningapplauseofahighly-excitedauditory。"
SheridanKnowles’sfame,therefore,wasmade,likethatofhisfriendMacready,andthefriendshipbetweenauthorandactorcontinued。SheridanKnowleshadakindlysimplicityofcharacter,andthetwoqualitiesforwhichanactormostprizesadramatist,skillinprovidingopportunitiesforactingthatwilltell,andreadinesstomakeanychangesthattheactorasksfor。ThepostscripttohisfirstlettertoMacreadywas,"Makeanyalterationsyoulikeinanypartoftheplay,andIshallbeobligedtoyou。"WhenhebroughttothegreatactorhisplayofWilliamTell——CaiusGracchushadbeenproducedinNovember,1823——therewerepassagesofwritinginitthatstoppedthecourseofaction,and,saysMacready,"Knowleshadlessofthetenacityofauthorshipthanmostwriters,"sothattherewasnodifficultyaboutalterations,Macreadyhavinginaveryhighdegreethetenacityofactorship。
Andso,in1825,TellbecameanotherofMacready’sbestsuccesses。
SheridanKnowlescontinuedtowriteforthestageuntil1845,whenhewasdrawnwhollyfromthetheatrebyareligiousenthusiasmthatcausedhim,in1851,toessaythebreakingofalancewithCardinalWisemanonthesubjectofTransubstantiation。SirRobertPeelgaveeasetohislatterdaysbyapensionof200poundsayearfromtheCivilList,whichhehadhonourablyearnedbyacareerasdramatist,inwhichhesoughttoappealonlytothehighersenseofliterature,andtodrawenjoymentfromthepurestsource。Ofhisplaystimetwocomedies{1}heregivenareallthathavekepttheirplaceuponthestage。Asoneofthemostearnestdramaticwritersofthepresentcenturyheisentitledtoalittlecornerinourmemory。WorseworkofthepasthaslastedlongerthantheplaysofSheridanKnowlesarelikelytolastthroughthefuture。
H。M。
THEHUNCHBACK。
DRAMATISPERSONAE。
(ASORIGINALLYPERFORMEDATCOVENTGARDENIN1832。)
JuliaMissF。KEMBLE。
HelenMissTAYLOR。
MasterWalterMr。J。S。KNOWLES。
SirThomasCliffordMr。C。KEMBLE。
LordTinselMr。WRENCH。
MasterWilfordMr。J。MASON。
ModusMr。ABBOTT。
MasterHeartwellMr。EVANS。
GayloveMr。HENRY。
FathomMr。MEADOWS。
ThomasMr。BARNES。
StephenMr。PAYNE。
WilliamsMr。IRWIN。
SimpsonMr。BRADY。
WaiterMr。HEATH。
HoldwellMr。BENDER。
{Mr。J。COOPER。
Servants{Mr。LOLLETT。
ACTI。
SCENEI。——ATavern。
OnonesideSIRTHOMASCLIFFORD,atatable,withwinebeforehim;
ontheother,MASTERWILFORD,GAYLOVE,HOLDWELL,andSIMPSON,likewisetakingwine。
Wilf。Yourwine,sirs!yourwine!YoudonotjusticetominehostoftheThreeTuns,norcredittoyourselves;Iswearthebeverageisgood!ItisaspalatablepoisonasyouwillpurchasewithinamileroundLudgate!Drink,gentlemen;makefree。YouknowIamamanofexpectations;andholdmymoneyaslightasthepurseinwhichI
carryit。
Gay。Wedrink,MasterWilford。Notamanofushasbeenchasedasyet。
Wilf。Butyoufillnotfairly,sirs!Lookatmymeasure!
Whereforealargeglass,ifnotforalargedraught?Fill,Iprayyou,elseletusdrinkoutofthimbles!ThiswillneverdoforthefriendsofthenearestofkintothewealthiestpeerinBritain。
Gay。Wegiveyoujoy,MasterWilford,oftheprospectofadvancementwhichhassounexpectedlyopenedtoyou。
Wilf。Unexpectedlyindeed!ButyesterdayarrivedthenewsthattheEarl’sonlysonandheirhaddied;andto-dayhastheEarlhimselfbeenseizedwithamortalillness。Hisdissolutionislookedforhourly;andI,hiscousininonlythethirddegree,knowntohimbuttobeunnoticedbyhim——adecayedgentleman’sson——gladofthetitleandrevenuesofascrivener’sclerk——amtheundoubtedsuccessortohisestatesandcoronet。
Gay。Haveyoubeensentfor?
Wilf。No;butIhavecertifiedtohisagent,MasterWalter,theHunchback,myexistence,andpeculiarpropinquity;andmomentarilyexpecthimhere。
Gay。Livesthereanyonethatmaydisputeyourclaim——Imeanvexatiously?
Wilf。Notaman,MasterGaylove。Iamthesoleremainingbranchofthefamilytree。
Gay。Doubtlessyoulookformuchhappinessfromthischangeoffortune?
Wilf。Aworld!ThreethingshaveIanespecialpassionfor。Thefinesthound,thefinesthorse,andthefinestwifeinthekingdom,MasterGaylove!
Gay。Thefinestwife?
Wilf。Yes,sir;Imarry。Oncetheearldomcomesintomyline,I
shalltakemeasurestoperpetuateitsremainingthere。Imarry,sir!IdonotsaythatIshalllove。Myhearthaschangedmistressestoooftentosettledowninoneservitudenow,sir。Butfill,Iprayyou,friends。This,ifImistakenot,isthedaywhenceIshalldatemynewfortunes;and,forthatreason,hitherhaveIinvitedyou,that,havingbeensolongmybooncompanions,youshallbethefirsttocongratulateme。
[EnterWaiter]
Waiter。Youarewanted,MasterWilford。
Wilf。Bywhom?
Waiter。OneMasterWalter。
Wilf。Hislordship’sagent!News,sirs!Showhimin!
[Waitergoesout]
Myheart’saprophet,sirs——TheEarlisdead。
[EnterMASTERWALTER]
Well,MasterWalter。Howaccostyoume?
Wal。Asyourimpatienceshowsmeyouwouldhaveme。
MyLord,theEarlofRochdale!
Gay。Giveyoujoy!
Hold。Allhappiness,mylord!
Simp。Longlifeandhealthuntoyourlordship!
Gay。Come!
We’lldrinktohislordship’shealth!’Tistwoo’clock,We’lle’encarousetillmidnight!Health,mylord!
Hold。Mylord,muchjoytoyou!
Simp。Allgoodtoyourlordship!
Wal。Givesomethingtothedead!
Gay。Givewhat?
Wal。Respect!
Hehasmadetheliving!Firsttohimthat’sgone,Say"Peace!"——andthenwithdecencytorevels!
Gay。Whatmeanstheknavebyrevels?
Wal。Knave?
Gay。Ay,knave!
Wal。Goto!Thou’rtflushedwithwine!
Gay。Thousayestfalse!
Thoughdidstthouneedaproofthouspeakesttrue,I’dgivetheeone。Thouseestbutonelordhere,AndIseetwo!
Wal。Reflect’stthouonmyshape?
Thouartavillain!
Gay。[Startingup。]Ha!
Wal。Acoward,too!
Draw!
[Drawinghissword。]
Gay。Onlymarkhim!howhestrutsabout!
Howlaughshisstraightswordathisnobleback。
Wal。Doesit?Itcuffstheeforaliarthen!
[StrikesGAYLOVEwithhissword。]
Gay。Ablow!
Wal。Another,lestyoudoubtthefirst!
Gay。Hisbloodonhisownhead!I’mforyou,sir!
[Draws。]
Clif。Hold,sir!Thisquarrel’smine!
[Comingforwardanddrawing。]
Wal。Nomanshallfightforme,sir!
Clif。Byyourleave,Yourpatience,pray!Mylord,forsoIlearnBehovesmetoaccostyou——foryourownsakeDrawoffyourfriend!
Wal。Nottillwehaveabout,sir!
Clif。Mylord,yourhappyfortuneillyougreet!
Illgreetitthosewholoveyou——greetingthusTheheraldofit!
Wal。Sir,what’sthattoyou?
Letgomysleeve!
Clif。Mylord,ifbloodbeshedOnthefairdawnofyourprosperity,Looknottoseethebrightnessofitsday。
’Twillbeo’ercastthroughout!
Gay。Mylord,I’mstruck!
Clif。Yougavethefirstblow,andthehardestone!
Look,sir;ifswordsyouneedsmustmeasure,I’mYourmate,nothe!
Wal。I’mmateforanyman!
Clif。Drawoffyourfriend,mylord,foryourownsake!
Wilf。Come,Gaylove!let’shaveanotherroom。
Gay。Withallmyheart,since’tisyourlordship’swill。
Wilf。That’sright!Putup!Come,friends!
[WILFORDandFriendsgoout。]
Wal。I’llfollowhim!
Whydoyouholdme?’Tisnotcourteousofyou!
Think’stthouIfearthem?Fear!IratethembutAsdust!dross!offals!Letmeatthem!——Nay,Callyouthiskind?thenkindnessknowInot;
NordoIthankyoufor’t!Letgo,Isay!
Clif。Nay,MasterWalter,they’renotworthyourwrath。
Wal。HowknowyoumeforMasterWalter?ByMyhunchback,eh!——mystiltsoflegsandarms,Thefashionmoreofape’sthanman’s?Aha!
Soyouhaveheardthem,too——theirsavagegibesAsIpasson,——"Theregoesmylord!"aha!
Godmademe,sir,aswellasthemandyou。
’Sdeath!Idemandofyou,unhandme,sir!
Clif。There,sir,you’refreetofollowthem!Goforth,AndI’llgotoo:soonyourwilfulnessShallfallwhate’erofevilmayensue。
Is’tfityouwasteyourcholeronaburr?
Thenothingsofthetown;whosesportitisTobreaktheirvillainjestsonworthymen,Thegraverstillthefitter!Fieforshame!
Regardwhatsuchwouldsay?SowouldnotI,Nomorethanheedacur。
Wal。You’reright,sir;right,Fortwentycrowns!Sothere’smyrapierup!
You’vedonemeagoodturnagainstmywill;
Which,likeawaywardchild,whosepetisoff,Thatmadehimrestiveunderwholesomecheck,Inowrighthumblyown,andthankyoufor。
Clif。Nothanks,goodMasterWalter,oweyoume!
I’mgladtoknowyou,sir。
Wal。Iprayyou,now,Howdidyoulearnmyname?GuessedInotright?
Was’tnotmycomelyhunchthattaughtityou?
Clif。Iownit。
Wal。Right,Iknowit;youtelltruth。Ilikeyoufor’t。
Clif。ButwhenIhearditsaidThatMasterWalterwasaworthyman,Whosewordwouldpasson’changesoonashisbond;
Aliberalman——forschemesofpublicgoodThatsetsdowntens,whereothersunitswrite;
Acharitableman——thegoodhedoes,That’stoldof,notthehalf;InevermoreCouldseethehunchonMasterWalter’sback!
Wal。Youwouldnotflatterapoorcitizen?
Clif。Indeed,Iflatternot!
Wal。Ilikeyourface-
Afrankandhonestone!Yourframe’swellknit,Proportioned,shaped!
Clif。Goodsir!
Wal。YournameisClifford-
SirThomasClifford。Humph!You’renottheheirDirecttothefairbaronetcy?HeThatwas,wasdrownedabroad。AmInotright?
Yourcousin,was’tnot?——sosucceededyouTorankandwealth,yourbirthne’erpromisedyou。
Clif。Iseeyouknowmyhistory。
Wal。Ido。
You’reluckywhoconjointhebenefitsOfpenuryandabundance;forIknowYourfatherwasamanofslendermeans。
Youdonotblush,Isee。That’sright!Whyshouldyou?
Whatmerittobedroppedonfortune’shill?
Thehonouristomountit。You’dhavedoneit;
Foryouweretrainedtoknowledge,industry,Frugality,andhonesty,——thesinewsThatsuresthelptheclimbertothetop,Andkeephimthere。Ihaveaclerk,SirThomas,Onceservedyourfather;there’stheriddleforyou。
Humph!Imaythankyouformylifeto-day。
Clif。Iprayyousaynotso。
Wal。ButIwillsayso!
BecauseIthinkso,knowso,feelso,sir!
Yourfortune,Ihaveheard,Ithink,isample!
Anddoubtlessyouliveupto’t?
Clif。’Twasmyrule,Andissostill,tokeepmyoutlay,sir,Aspanwithinmymeans。
Wal。Aprudentrule!
Theturfisaseductivepastime!
Clif。Yes。
Wal。Youkeeparacingstud?Youbet?
Clif。No,neither。
’Twasstillmyfather’sprecept——"BetteroweAyardoflandtolabour,thantochanceBedebtorforarood!"
Wal。’Twasawiseprecept。
You’veafairhouse——you’llgetamistressforit?
Clif。Intime!
Wal。Intime!’Tistimethychoiceweremade。
Is’tnotsoyet?OristhyladyloveTheneweststillthouseest?
Clif。Nay,notso。
I’dmarry,MasterWalter,butolduse-
ForsincetheageofthirteenIhavelivedIntheworld——hasmademejealousofthethingThatflatteredmewithhopeofprofit。BargainsAnotherwouldsnapup,mightbeforme:
TillIhadturnedandturnedthem!Speculations,Thatpromised,twenty,thirty,forty,fifty,Ay,cent-per-cent。returns,Iwouldnotlaunchin,Whenotherswereafloat,andoutatsea;
WherebyImadesmallgains,butmissedgreatlosses。
Asever,then,IlookedbeforeIleaped,SodoInow。
Wal。Thou’rtallthebetterforit!
Let’ssee!Handfree——heartwhole——well-favoured——so!
Rich,titled!Letthatpass!——kind,valiant,prudent-
SirThomas,Icanhelptheetoawife,Hastthouthelucktowinher!
Clif。MasterWalter!
Youjest!
Wal。Idonotjest。Ilikeyou!mark-
Ilikeyou,andIlikenoteveryone!
Isayawife,sir,canIhelpyouto,ThepearlytextureofwhosedaintyskinAlonewereworththybaronetcy!FormAndfeaturehasshe,whereinmoveandglowThecharms,thatinthemarble,coldandstill,Culledbythesculptor’sjealousskillandjoinedthere,Inspireus!Sir,amaid,beforewhosefeet,Aduke——adukemightlayhiscoronet,Tolifthertohisstate,andpartnerher!
Afreshhearttoo!——ayoungfreshheart,sir;oneThatCupidhasnottoyedwith,andawarmone-
Fresh,young,andwarm!markthat!amindtoboot;
Wit,sir;sense,taste;——agardenstrictlytended-
Wherenoughtbutwhatiscostlyflourishes!
Aconsortforaking,sir!Thoushaltseeher!
Clif。Ithankyou,MasterWalter!Asyouspeak,MethinksIseemeatthealtar-foot!
Herhandfastlockedinmine!——theringputon!
Mywedding-bellringsmerryinmyear;
AndroundmethronggladtonguesthatgivemejoyTobethebridegroomofsofairabride!
Wal。What!sparkssothick?We’llhaveablazeanon!
Servant。[Entering。]Thechariot’satthedoor。
Wal。Itwaitsintime!
SirThomas,itshallbeartheetothebowerWheredwellsthisfair——forshe’snocitybelle,Bute’enasylvangoddess!
Clif。Havewithyou!
Wal。You’llblessthedayyouservedtheHunchback,sir!
[Theygoout。]
SCENEII。——AGardenbeforeaCountryHouse。
[EnterJULIAandHELEN。]
Helen。Ilikenot,Julia,thisyourcountrylife。
I’mwearyon’t!
Julia。Indeed?SoamnotI!
Iknownoother;wouldnootherknow!
Helen。Youwouldnootherknow!WouldyounotknowAnotherrelative?——anotherfriend-
Anotherhouse——anotheranything,Becausetheonesyouhavealreadypleaseyou?
That’spoorcontent!Wouldyounotbemorerich,Morewise,morefair?ThesongthatlastyoulearnedYoufancywell;andthereforeshallyoulearnNoothersong?Yourvirginal,’tistrue,Hathasweettone;butdoesitfollowthence,Youshallnothaveanothervirginal?
Youmay,love,andasweeterone;andsoAsweeterlifemayfindthanthisyoulead!
Julia。Iseekitnot。Helen,I’mconstancy!
Helen。Soisacat,adog,asillyhen,Anowl,abat,——wheretheyarewonttolodgeThatstillsojourn,norcaretoshifttheirquarters。
Thou’rtconstancy?IamgladIknowthyname!
Thespidercomesofthesamefamily,Thatinhismeshyfortressspendshislife,Unlessyoupullitdownandscarehimfromit。
Andsothou’rtconstancy?Ar’tproudofthat?
I’llwarranttheeI’llmatchtheewithasnailFromyeartoyearthatneverleaveshishouse!
Suchconstancyforsooth!——aconstantgrubThathouseseverintheself-samenutWherehewasborn,tillhungerdriveshimout,Orplunderbreakeththroughhiscastlewall!
Andso,inverydeed,thou’rtconstancy!
Julia。Helen,youknowtheadageofthetree;-
I’veta’enthebend。Thisrurallifeofmine,Enjoinedmebyanunknownfather’swill,I’veledfrominfancy。DebarredfromhopeOfchange,Ine’erhavesighedforchange。ThetownTomewaslikethemoon,foranythoughtIe’ershouldvisitit——norwasIschooledTothinkithalfsofair!
Helen。Nothalfsofair!
Thetown’sthesun,andthouhastdweltinnightE’ersincethybirth,nottohaveseenthetown!
Theirwomentherearequeens,andkingstheirmen;
Theirhousespalaces!
Julia。Andwhatofthat?
Haveyourtown-palacesahalllikethis?
Couchessofragrant?wallssohigh-adorned?
Casementswithsuchfestoons,suchprospects,Helen,Asthesefairvistashave?Yourkingsandqueens!
SeemeaMay-dayqueen,andtalkofthem!
Helen。Extremesareeverneighbours。’TisastepFromonetotheother!WerethyconstancyAreasonablething——alittlelessOfconstancy——awoman’sconstancy-
IshouldnotwonderwertthoutenyearshenceThemaidIknowtheenow;but,asitis,Theoddsaretentoone,thatthisdayyearWillseeourMay-dayqueenacityone!
Julia。Never!I’mweddedtoacountrylife:
O,didyouhearwhatMasterWaltersays!
Ninetimesintenthetown’sahollowthing,Wherewhatthingsareisnoughttowhattheyshow;
Wheremerit’snamelaughsmerit’sselftoscorn!
WherefriendshipandesteemthatoughttobeThetenantsofmen’shearts,lodgeintheirlooksAndtonguesalone。Wherelittlevirtue,withAcostlykeeper,passesforaheap;
Aheapfornonethathasahomelyone!
Wherefashionmakesthelaw——yourumpirewhichYoubowto,whetherithasbrainsornot!
WhereFollytakethoffhiscapandbells,ToclaponWisdom,whichmustbearthejest!
Wheretopasscurrentyoumustseemthething,Thepassivething,thatothersthink;andnotYoursimple,honest,independentself!
Helen。Ay:sosaysMasterWalter。SeeInotWhatcanyoufindinMasterWalter,Julia,Tobesofondofhim!
Julia。He’sfondofme!
I’veknownhimsinceIwasachild。E’enthen,TheweekIthoughtaweary,heavyone,ThatbroughtnotMasterWalter。IhadthoseAboutmethenthatmadeafoolofme,Aschildrenoftarefooled;butmoreIlovedGoodMasterWalter’slessonthantheplayWithwhichthey’dsurfeitme。AsIgrewup,MorefrequentMasterWaltercame,andmoreIlovedtoseehim!Ihadtutorsthen,Menofgreatskillandlearning——butnotoneThattaughtlikeMasterWalter。Whatthey’dshowme,AndI,dullasIwas,butdoubtfulsaw,-
AwordfromMasterWaltermadeasclearAsdaylight!Whenmyschoolingdayswereo’er-
That’snowgoodthreeyearspast——threeyears——IvowI’mtwenty,Helen!——well,asIwassaying,WhenIhaddonewithschool,andallweregone,StillMasterWaltercame!andstillhecomes,Summerorwinter——frostorrain!I’veseenThesnowuponalevelwiththehedge,YettherewasMasterWalter!
Helen。Whocomeshere?
Acarriage,andagayone——whoalights?
Pshaw!OnlyMasterWalter!Whatseeyou,Whichthusrepairsthearchofthefairbrow,Afrownwasliketospoil?——Agentleman!
Oneofourtownkings!Mark!——Howsayyounow?
Wouldstbeatownqueen,Julia?Whichofus,Iwonder,comeshefor?
Julia。Forneitherofus;
He’sMasterWalter’sclerk,mostlike。
Helen。Mostlike!
Markhimashecomesuptheavenue;
Solooksaclerk!Aclerkhassuchagait!
Sodoesaclerkdress,Julia!——mindhishose-
They’reverylikeaclerk’s!adiamondloopAndbutton,noteyou,forhisclerkship’shat,-
O,certainlyaclerk!Avelvetcloak,Jerkinofsilk,anddoubletofthesame,-
Foralltheworldaclerk!See,Julia,see,HowMasterWalterbows,andyieldshimplace,Thathemayfirstgoin——averyclerk!
I’lllearnofthee,love,whenI’dknowaclerk!
Julia。Iwonderwhoheis!
Helen。Wouldstliketoknow?
Wouldstforafancyridetotownwithhim?
Iprophesyhecomestotaketheethither!
Julia。Hene’ertakesmetotown!No,Helen,no!
Totownwhowill,acountrylifeforme!
Helen。We’llsee!
[EnterFATHOM。]
Fath。You’rewanted,madam。
Julia。[Embarrassed。]Whichofus?
Fath。You,madam。
Helen。Julia!what’sthematter?Nay,Mountnottherosesosoon!HemustnotseeitAmonthhence。’Tislovesflower,whichonceshewears,Themaidisallhisown。
Julia。Goto!
Helen。BesureHecomestowoothee!Hewillbeartheehence;
He’llmaketheechangethecountryforthetown。
Julia。I’mconstancy。Namehethetowntome,I’lltellwhatIthinkon’t!
Helen。ThenyouguessHecomesawooing?
Julia。Iguessnought。
Helen。Youdo!
Atyourgravewords,yourlips,morehonest,smile,Andshowthemtobetraitors。Hietohim。
Julia。Hietheetosoberness。
[Goesout。]
Helen。Ay,willI,when,Thybridemaid,Ishallhietochurchwiththee。
Well,Fathom,whoiscome?
Fath。Iknownot。
Helen。What!Didstthounothearhisname?
Fath。Idid。
Helen。Whatis’t?
Fath。Inotednot。
Helen。Whathastthouearsfor,then?
Fath。Whatgoodwereitformetomindhisname?
IdobutwhatImustdo。TodothatIslabourquiteenough!
Wal。[Without。]What,Fathom!
Fath。Here。
Wal。[Entering。]Here,sirrah!Whereforedidstnotcometome?
Fath。Youdidnotbidmecome。
Wal。Icalledthee。
Fath。Yes。
AndIsaid"Here;"andwaitedthentoknowYourworship’swillwithme。
Wal。Wegototown。
Thymistress,thou,andallthehouse。
Fath。Well,sir?
Wal。Mak’stthounotreadythentogototown?
Hence,knave,despatch!
[FATHOMgoesout。]
Helen。Gowetotown?
Wal。Wedo;
’Tisnowherfather’swillsheseesthetown。
Helen。I’mgladon’t。Goesshetoherfather?
Wal。No:
Atthedesireofthinesheforatermsharesroofwiththee。
Helen。I’mverygladon’t。
Wal。What!
Youlikeher,then?Ithoughtyouwould。’TistimeSheseesthetown。
Helen。IthasbeentimeforthatThesesixyears。
Wal。Bythywisdom’scount。NodoubtYou’vetoldherwhatapreciousplaceitis。
Helen。Ihave。
Wal。Ievenguessedasmuch。ForthatItoldtheeofher;broughttheeheretoseeher;
Andprayedtheetosojournaspacewithher;
Thatitsfairspace,fromthytoofairreport,Mightstrikeanoviceless——solessdeceiveher。
Ididnotputtheeundercheck。
Helen。’Twasright,-
ElsehadIbrokenloose,andrunthewilder!
Soknowsshenotherfatheryet:that’sstrange。
Ipritheehowdoesmine?
Wal。Well——verywell。
Newsforthee。
Helen。What?
Wal。Thycousinisintown。
Helen。MycousinModus?
Wal。MuchdoIsuspectThatcousin’snearertothyheartthanblood。
Helen。Pshaw!Wedmetoamustylibrary!
LovehimwhonothinglovesbutGreekandLatin!
But,MasterWalter,youforgetthemainSurpassingpointofall!Who’scomewithyou?
Wal。Ay,that’sthequestion!
Helen。IshesoldierorCivilian?lordorgentleman?He’srich,Ifthat’shischariot!Whereishisestate?
Whatbringsitin?Sixthousandpoundsayear?
Twelvethousand,maybe!Ishebachelor,Orhusband?BachelorI’msureheisComeshenothitherwooing,MasterWalter?
Nay,prithee,answerme!
Wal。WhosaysthysexArecurious?Thatthey’repatient,I’llbesworn;
Andreasonable——veryreasonable-
Tolookfortwentyanswersinabreath!
Come,thoushaltbeenlightened——butpropoundThyquestionsonebyone!Thou’rtfartooaptAscholar!MyabilitytoteachWillne’erkeeppace,Ifear,withthinetolearn。
[Theygoout。]
SCENEIII。——AnApartmentintheHouse。
[EnterJULIA,followedbyCLIFFORD。]
Julia。Nomore!Iprayyou,sir,nomore!
Clif。Iloveyou!
Julia。Youmockme,sir!
Clif。ThenistherenosuchthingOnearthasreverence;honourfilial,thefearOfkings,theaweofsupremeheavenitself,Areonlyshowsandsoundsthatstandfornothing。
Iloveyou!
Julia。Youhaveknownmescarceaminute!
Clif。Saybutamoment,stillIsayIloveyou!
Love’snotaflowerthatgrowsonthedullearth;
Springsbythecalendar;mustwaitforthesun-
Forrain;——maturesbyparts;——musttakeitstimeTostem,toleaf,tobud,toblow。ItownsArichersoil,andboastsaquickerseed!
Youlookforit,andseeitnot;andlo!
E’enwhileyoulook,thepeerlessflowerisup。
Consummateinthebirth!
Julia。Is’tfearIfeel?
Whyelseshouldbeatmyheart?Itcan’tbefear!
SomethingIneedsmustsay。You’refromthetown;
Howcomesit,sir,youseekacountrywife?
Methinks’twilltaxhiswittoanswerthat。
Clif。Injoiningcontrastsliethlove’sdelight。
Complexion,stature,nature,matethit,Notwiththeirkinds,butwiththeiropposites。
Hencehandsofsnowinpalmsofrussetlie;
TheformofHerculesaffectsthesylph’s;
Andbreasts,thatcasethelion’sfear-proofheart,Findtheirmeetlodgeinarmswheretremorsdwell!
Haplyforthis,onAfric’sswarthyneck,HathEurope’spricelesspearlbeenseentohang,Thatmakestheorientpoor!Sowithdegrees,Rankpassesbythecirclet-gracedbrow,Upontheforehead,bare,ofnotelessnessToprintthenuptialkiss。AswithdegreesSois’twithhabits;thereforeI,indeedAgallantofthetown,thetownforsake,Towinacountrywife。
Julia。HispromptreplyMybackwardchallengeshames!MustIgiveo’er?
I’lltryhiswitagain。WhomarriesmeMustleadacountrylife。
Clif。ThelifeI’dlead!
Butfoolswouldflyfromit;forO!’tissweet!
Itfindstheheartout,bethereonetofind;
Andcornersin’twherestoreofpleasureslodge,Weneverdreamedwerethere!Itistodwell’Midsmilesthatarenotneighbourstodeceit;
Music,whosemelodyisoftheheart;
Andgifts,thatarenotmadeforinterest,-
AbundantlybestowedbyNature’scheek,Andvoice,andhand!Itistoliveonlife,Andhusbandit!ItistoconstantscanThehandiworkofHeaven。ItistoconItsmercy,bounty,wisdom,power!ItisTonearerseeourGod!
Julia。HowlikehetalksToMasterWalter!ShallIgiveito’er?
Notyet。Thouwouldstnotliveonehalfayear!
AquartermightstthouforthenoveltyOffieldsandtrees;butthenitneedsmustbeInsummertime,whentheygodressed。
Clif。Notit!
Inanytime——saywinter!FieldsandtreesHavecharmsformeinverywintertime。
Julia。Butsnowmayclothethemthen。
Clif。IlikethemfullAswellinsnow!
Julia。Youdo?
Clif。Ido。
Julia。ButnightWillhidebothsnowandthem,andthatsetsinEreafternoonisout。Aheavything,Acountryfiresideinawinter’snight,Toonebredinthetown,——wherewinter’ssaid,Forsunofgaietyandsportiveness,Tobeggarshiningsummer。
Clif。IshouldlikeAcountrywinter’snightespecially!
Julia。You’dsleepbythefire。
Clif。NotI;I’dtalktothee。
Julia。You’dtireofthat!
Clif。I’dreadtothee。
Julia。Andthat!
Clif。I’dtalktotheeagain。
Julia。AndsoonertireThanfirstyoudid,andfallasleepatlast。
You’dneverdotoleadacountrylife。
Clif。Youdealtooharshlywithme!Matchlessmaid,Aslovedinstructorbrightensdullestwit,Fearnottoundertakethechargeofme!
Awillingpupilkneelstothee,andlaysHistitleandhisfortuneatyourfeet。
Julia。Histitleandhisfortune!
[EnterMASTERWALTERandHELEN。——JULIA,disconcerted,retireswiththelatter。——CLIFFORDrises。]
Wal。So,SirThomas!
Aha!youhusbandtime!Well,wasIright?
Is’tnotthejewelthatItoldyou’twas?
Wouldstthounotgivethineeyestowearit?Eh?
Ithasanowner,though,——nay,startnot,——oneThatmaybeboughttopartwith’t,andwithwhomI’llstandthyfriend——Iwill——Isay,Iwill!
Astrangeman,sir,andunaccountable:
ButIcanhumourhim——willhumourhimForthysake,goodSirThomas;forIlikethee。
Well,is’tabargain?Come,thyhanduponit。
Awordortwowiththee。
[Theyretire。JULIAandHELENcomeforward。]
Julia。Gouptotown!
Helen。HaveInotsaidittentimeso’ertothee?
Butifthoulikestitnot,protestagainstit。
Julia。Notif’tisMasterWalter’swill。
Helen。Whatthen?
ThouwouldstnotbreakthyheartforMasterWalter?
Julia。Thatfollowsnot!
Helen。Whatfollowsnot?
Julia。ThatI
Shouldbreakmyheart,becausewegototown。
Helen。Indeed?——Oh,that’sanothermatter。Well,I’de’enadvisetheethentodohiswill;
And,everafter,whenIprophesy,Believeme,Julia!
[Theyretire。MASTERWALTERcomesforward。]
[EnterFATHOM。]
Fath。Sopleaseyou,sir,aletter,——apost-hasteletter!Thebeareronhorseback,thehorseinafoam——smokinglikeaboilerattheheat——besureaposthasteletter!
Wal。Looktothehorseandrider。
[Openstheletterandreads。]
What’sthis?Atestamentaddressedtome,Foundinhislordship’sescritoire,andthenceDirectedtobetakenbynohandButmine。Mypresenceinstantlyrequired。
[SIRTHOMAS,JULIA,andHELENcomeforward。]
Come,mymistresses,Youdineintownto-day。Yourfather’swill,Itis,myJulia,thatyouseetheworld;
Andthoushaltseeitinitsbestattire。
Itsgayestlooks——itsrichestfineryItshallputonforthee,thatthoumay’stjudgeBetwixtit,andthisrurallifeyou’velived。
BusinessofmomentI’mbutthusadvisedof,Touchingthewillofmylatenoblemaster,TheEarlofRochdale,recentlydeceased,Commandsmeforatimetoleavetheethere。
SirThomas,handhertothechariot。Nay,Itelltheetrue。Wegoindeedtotown!
[Theygoout。]
ACTII。
SCENEI。——AnApartmentinMasterHeartwell’sHouse。
[EnterFATHOMandTHOMAS。]
Thos。Well,Fathom,isthymistressup?
Fath。Sheis,MasterThomas,andbreakfasted。
Thos。Shestandsitwell!’Twasfive,yousay,whenshecamehome;
andwantsitnowthree-quartersofanhouroften?Waittillherstockofcountryhealthisout。
Fath。’Twillcometothat,MasterThomas,beforeshelivesanothermonthintown!three,four,fivesixo’clockarenowthehoursshekeeps。’Twasotherwisewithherinthecountry。There,mymistressusedtorisewhattimeshenowliesdown。
Thos。Why,yes;she’schangedsinceshecamehither。
Fath。Changed,doyousay,MasterThomas?Changed,forsooth!I
knownotthethinginwhichsheisnotchanged,savingthatsheisstillawoman。Itelltheethereisnokeepingpacewithhermoods。
Inthecountryshehadnoneofthem。WhenIbroughtwhatsheaskedfor,itwas"Thankyou,Fathom,"andnomoretodo;butnow,nothingcontentsher。Harkye!wereyouagentleman,MasterThomas,——forthenyouknowyouwouldbeadifferentkindofman,——howmanytimeswouldyouhaveyourcoataltered?
Thos。Why,MasterFathom,asmanytimesasitwouldtaketomakeitfitme。
Fath。Good!But,supposingitfittedtheeatthefirst?
Thos。ThenwouldIhaveitalterednotatall。
Fath。Good!Thouwouldstbeareasonablegentleman。Thouwouldsthaveaconscience。Nowharktoataleaboutmylady’slastgown。
Howmanytimes,thinkyou,tookIitbacktothesempstress?
Thos。Thrice,maybe。
Fath。Thrice,maybe!Twentytimes,maybe;andnotaturntoomany,forthetruthon’t。Twentytimes,ontheoathofthesempstress。Nowmarkme——canyoucount?
Thos。Afterafashion。
Fath。Youhavemuchtobethankfulfor,MasterThomas。YouLondonserving-menhaveaworldofthings,whichweinthecountryneverdreamof。Nowmark:-FourtimestookIitbackfortheflounce;
twiceforthesleeves;threeforthetucker——Howmanytimesinallisthat?
Thos。Eighttimestoafraction,MasterFathom。
Fath。Whatamasteroffiguresyouare!Eighttimes——nowrecollectthat!Andthenfoundshefaultwiththetrimmings。Nowtellme,howmanytimestookIbackthegownforthetrimmings?
Thos。Eighttimesmore,perhaps!
Fath。Tentimestoacertainty。Howmanytimesmakesthat?
Thos。Eighteen,MasterFathom,bytheruleofaddition。
Fath。Andhowmanytimesmorewillmaketwenty?
Thee。Twice,bythesamerule。
Fath。Thouhastworkedwiththypencilandslate,MasterThomas!
Well,tentimes,asIsaid,tookIbackthegownforthetrimmings;
andwasshecontentafterall?Iwarrantyouno,ormyearsdidnotpayforit。Shewished,shesaid,thattheslatternsempstresshadnottouchedthegown,fornoughthadshedonebutbotchedit。Nowwhatthinkyouhadthesempstressdonetothegown?
Thos。Tosurmisethat,Imustbelearnedinthesempstress’sart。
Fath。Thesempstress’sart!Thouhasthitit!Oh,thesweetsempstress!theexcellentsempstress!Mistressofherscissorsandneedles,whicharepointlessandedgelesstoherart!Thesempstresshaddonenothingtothegown;yetravesandstormsmymistressatherforhavingbotcheditinthemakingandmending;andordersherstraighttomakeanotherone,whichhomethesempstressbringsonTuesdaylast。
Thos。Andfoundthyfairmistressasmanyfaultswiththat?
Fath。Notone!Shefindsitaverypatternofagown!Awell-
sittingflounce!Thesleevesafit——thetuckerafit——thetrimmingsherfancytoaT——ha!ha!ha!andshepraisedthesempstress——ha!
ha!ha!andshesmilesatme,andIsmile——ha!ha!ha!andthesempstresssmiles——ha!ha!ha!Now,whydidthesempstresssmile?
Thos。Thatshehadsucceededsowellinherart。
Fath。Thouhasthititagain!Thejademusthavebeenbornasempstress!IfeverImarry,sheshallworkformywife。Thegownwasthesamegown,andtherewasmymistress’stwentiethmood!
Thos。WhatthinkyouwillMasterWaltersaywhenhecomesback?I
fearhe’llhardlyknowhiscountrymaidagain。Hassheyetfixedherwedding-day?
Fath。Shehas,MasterThomas。Icoaxeditfromhermaid。Shemarries,Mondayweek。
Thos。ComesnotMasterWalterbackto-day?
Fath。Yourmasterexpectshim。[Aringing。]Perhapsthat’she。I
pritheegoandopenthedoor;do,MasterThomas,do;forprovesitmymaster,he’llsurelyquestionme。
Thos。AndwhatshouldIdo?
Fath。Answerhim,MasterThomas,andmakehimnonethewiser。
He’llgomad,whenhelearnshowmyladyflauntsit!Go!openthedoor,Iprithee。Fiftythings,MasterThomas,knowyou,foronethingthatIknow!Youcanturnandtwistamatterintoanyotherkindofmatter;andthentwistandturnitbackagain,ifneedsbe;
somuchyouservantsofthetownbeatusofthecountry,MasterThomas。Openthedoor,now;do,MasterThomas,do!
[Theygoout。]
SCENEII。——AGardenwithtwoArbours。
[EnterMASTERHEARTWELLandMASTERWALTERmeeting。]
Heart。GoodMasterWalter,welcomebackagain!
Wal。I’mgladtoseeyou,MasterHeartwell!
Heart。How,Iprayyou,spedthemightybusinesswhichSosuddencalledyouhence?
Wal。Weighty,indeed!
Whatthouwouldstne’erexpect——wiltscarcebelieve!
Long-hiddenwrong,wondrouslycometolight,Andgreatrightdone!Butmoreofthisanon。
Nowofmywarddiscourse!Likesshethetown?
Howdoesshe?Isshewell?CanstmatchmeherAmongyourcitymaids?
Heart。Norcourtonesneither!
Shefaroutstripsthemall!
Wal。Iknewshewould。
Whatelsecouldfollowinamaidsobred?
Apuremind,MasterHeartwell!——notataintFromintercoursewiththedistemperedtown;
Withwhichallcontactwaswalledout,until,Maturedinsoundness,Icouldtrusthertoit,Andsleepamidstinfection!
Heart。MasterWalter!
Wal。Well?
Heart。Tellme,prithee,whichislikelierToploughaseainsafety?——hethat’swontTosailinit,——orhethatbythechartIsmasterofitssoundings,bearings,——knowsIsheadlands,havens,currents——where’tisbold,Andwherebehovestokeepagoodlook-out。
Theonewillswim,wheresinkstheotherone?
Wal。Thedriftofthis?
Heart。Doyounotguessit?
Wal。Humph!
Heart。Ifyouwouldtrainamaidtoliveintown,Breedhernotinthecountry!
Wal。Sayyouso?
Andstandsshenotthetest?
Heart。Assnowstandsfire!
Yourcountrymaidhasmeltedallaway,Andplaysthecityladytotheheight;
Hermorningsgivestomercers,milliners,Shoemakers,jewellers,andhaberdashers;
Hernoons,tocalls;herafternoons,todressing;
Evenings,toplaysanddrums;andnights,torouts,Balls,masquerades!Sleeponlyendstheriot,Whichwakingstillbegins!
Wal。I’mallamaze!
HowbearsSirThomasthis?
Heart。Why,patiently;
Thoughonecanseewithpain。
Wal。Sheloveshim?Ha!
Thatshrugisdoubt!She’dne’erconsenttowedhimUnlessshelovedhim!——never!HeryoungfancyThepleasuresofthetown——newthings——havecaught,Anontheirholdwillslacken;she’llbecomeHerformerselfagain;toitsoldtrainOfsoberfeelingswillherheartreturn;
Andthenshe’llgiveitwhollytothemanHervirginwisheschose!
Heart。HerecomesSirThomas;
AndwithhimMasterModus。
Wal。Letthempass:
IwouldnotseehimtillIspeakwithher。
[TheyretireintooneoftheArbours。]
[EnterCLIFFORDandMODUS。]
Clif。Adreadfulquestionisit,whenwelove,Toaskiflove’sreturned!IdidbelieveFairJulia’sheartwasmine——Idoubtitnow!
Butoncelastnightshedancedwithme,herhand,Tothisgallantandthatengaged,assoonAsaskedfor?Maidthatlovedwouldscarcedothis?
Norvisitwetogetherasweused,Whenfirstshecametotown。ShelovesmelessThanonceshedid——orlovesmenotatall。
Mod。I’mlittleskilled,SirThomas,intheworld:
Whatmeanyounowtodo?
Clif。Remonstratewithher;
Cometoanunderstanding,and,atonce,Ifsherepentsherpromisetobemine,Absolveherfromit——andsayfarewelltoher。
Mod。Lo,then,youropportunity——shecomes-
Mycousinalso:——herwillIengage,Whilstyouconversetogether。
Clif。Nay,notyet!
Myheartturnscowardatthesightofher。
Staytillitfindsnewcourage!Letthempass。
[CLIFFORDandMODUSretireintotheotherArbour。]
[EnterJULIAandHELEN。]
Helen。So,MondayweekwillsaygoodmorntotheeAmaid,andbidgoodnightasoberwife!
Julia。ThatMondayweek,Itrust,willnevercome,Thatbragstomakeasoberwifeofme!
Helen。Howchangedyouare,myJulia!
Julia。Changemakeschange。
Helen。Whywedd’stthou,then?
Julia。BecauseIpromisedhim!
Helen。Thoulovesthim?
Julia。DoI?
Helen。He’samantolove!
Arightwell-favouredman!
Julia。Yourpoint’swellfavoured。
Wheredidyoupurchaseit?InGracechurchStreet?
Helen。Pshaw!nevermindmypoint,buttalkofhim。
Julia。I’drathertalkwiththeeaboutthelace。
Whereboughtyouit?InGracechurchStreet,Cheapside,Whitechapel,LittleBritain?Can’tyousayWhere’twasyouboughtthelace?
Helen。InCheapside,then。
Andnow,then,toSirThomas!HeisjustTheheightIlikeaman。
Julia。Thyfeather’sjustTheheightIlikeafeather!Mine’stooshort!
WhatshallIgivetheeinexchangeforit?
Helen。WhatshallIgivetheeforaminute’stalkAboutSirThomas?
Julia。Why,thyfeather。
Helen。Takeit!
Clif。[AsidetoModus。]What,likesshenottospeakofme?
Helen。AndnowLet’stalkaboutSirThomas——muchI’msureHelovesyou。
Julia。MuchI’msure,hehasaright!
ThoseknowIwhowouldgivetheireyestobeSirThomas,formysake!
Helen。Suchtoo,knowI。
But’mongthemnonethatcancomparewithhim,Notonesograceful。
Julia。WhatagracefulsetYourfeatherhas!
Helen。Nay,giveitbacktome,Unlessyoupaymefor’t。
Julia。Whatwas’ttoget?
Helen。Aminute’stalkwiththeeaboutSirThomas。
Julia。Talkofhistitle,andhisfortunethen。
Clif。[Aside。]Indeed!Iwouldnotlisten,yetImust!
Julia。Anamplefortune,Helen——IshallbeAhappywife!Whatrouts,whatballs,whatmasques,Whatgala-days!
Clif。[Aside。]Fortheseshemarriesme!
She’lltalkofthese!
Julia。Thinknot,whenIamwed,I’llkeepthehouseasowletdoeshertower,Alone,——wheneveryotherbird’sonwing。
I’llusemypalfrey,Helen;andmycoach;
Mybarge,too,forexcursionontheThames:
WhatdrivestoBarnet,Hackney,Islington!
WhatridestoEpping,Hounslow,andBlackheath!
WhatsailstoGreenwich,Woolwich,Fulham,Kew!
I’llsetapatterntoyourladywives!
Clif。[Aside。]Ay,lady?Trustme,notatmyexpense。
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