首页 >出版文学> Some Reminiscences>第1章
  AFamiliarPreface。
  Asageneralrulewedonotwantmuchencouragementtotalkaboutourselves;yetthislittlebookistheresultofafriendlysuggestion,andevenofalittlefriendlypressure。Idefendedmyselfwithsomespirit;but,withcharacteristictenacity,thefriendlyvoiceinsisted:"Youknow,youreallymust。"
  Itwasnotanargument,butIsubmittedatonce。Ifonemust!……
  Youperceivetheforceofaword。Hewhowantstopersuadeshouldputhistrust,notintherightargument,butintherightword。Thepowerofsoundhasalwaysbeengreaterthanthepowerofsense。Idon’tsaythisbywayofdisparagement。Itisbetterformankindtobeimpressionablethanreflective。Nothinghumanelygreat——great,Imean,asaffectingawholemassoflives——hascomefromreflection。Ontheotherhand,youcannotfailtoseethepowerofmerewords;suchwordsasGlory,forinstance,orPity。Iwon’tmentionanymore。Theyarenotfartoseek。Shoutedwithperseverance,withardour,withconviction,thesetwobytheirsoundalonehavesetwholenationsinmotionandupheavedthedry,hardgroundonwhichrestsourwholesocialfabric。There’s"virtue"foryouifyoulike!……
  Ofcoursetheaccentmustbeattendedto。Therightaccent。
  That’sveryimportant。Thecapaciouslung,thethunderingorthetendervocalchords。Don’ttalktomeofyourArchimedes’lever。
  Hewasanabsent-mindedpersonwithamathematicalimagination。
  Mathematicscommandallmyrespect,butIhavenouseforengines。GivemetherightwordandtherightaccentandIwillmovetheworld。
  Whatadream——forawriter!Becausewrittenwordshavetheiraccenttoo。Yes!Letmeonlyfindtherightword!Surelyitmustbelyingsomewhereamongstthewreckageofalltheplaintsandalltheexultationspouredoutaloudsincethefirstdaywhenhope,theundying,camedownonearth。Itmaybethere,closeby,disregarded,invisible,quiteathand。Butit’snogood。I
  believetherearemenwhocanlayholdofaneedleinapottleofhayatthefirsttry。Formyself,Ihaveneverhadsuchluck。
  Andthenthereisthataccent。Anotherdifficulty。Forwhoisgoingtotellwhethertheaccentisrightorwrongtillthewordisshouted,andfailstobeheard,perhaps,andgoesdown-windleavingtheworldunmoved。OnceuponatimetherelivedanEmperorwhowasasageandsomethingofaliteraryman。Hejotteddownonivorytabletsthoughts,maxims,reflectionswhichchancehaspreservedfortheedificationofposterity。Amongstothersayings——Iamquotingfrommemory——Irememberthissolemnadmonition:"Letallthywordshavetheaccentofheroictruth。"
  Theaccentofheroictruth!Thisisveryfine,butIamthinkingthatitisaneasymatterforanaustereEmperortojotdowngrandioseadvice。Mostoftheworkingtruthsonthiseartharehumble,notheroic:andtherehavebeentimesinthehistoryofmankindwhentheaccentsofheroictruthhavemovedittonothingbutderision。
  Nobodywillexpecttofindbetweenthecoversofthislittlebookwordsofextraordinarypotencyoraccentsofirresistibleheroism。Howeverhumiliatingformyself-esteem,ImustconfessthatthecounselsofMarcusAureliusarenotforme。Theyaremorefitforamoralistthanforanartist。TruthofamodestsortIcanpromiseyou,andalsosincerity。Thatcomplete,praise-worthysinceritywhich,whileitdeliversoneintothehandsofone’senemies,isaslikelyasnottoembroilonewithone’sfriends。
  "Embroil"isperhapstoostronganexpression。Ican’timagineeitheramongstmyenemiesormyfriendsabeingsohardupforsomethingtodoastoquarrelwithme。"Todisappointone’sfriends"wouldbenearerthemark。Most,almostall,friendshipsofthewritingperiodofmylifehavecometomethroughmybooks;andIknowthatanovelistlivesinhiswork。Hestandsthere,theonlyrealityinaninventedworld,amongstimaginarythings,happenings,andpeople。Writingaboutthem,heisonlywritingabouthimself。Butthedisclosureisnotcomplete。Heremainstoacertainextentafigurebehindtheveil;asuspectedratherthanaseenpresence——amovementandavoicebehindthedraperiesoffiction。Inthesepersonalnotesthereisnosuchveil。AndIcannothelpthinkingofapassageinthe"ImitationofChrist"wheretheasceticauthor,whoknewlifesoprofoundly,saysthat"therearepersonsesteemedontheirreputationwhobyshowingthemselvesdestroytheopiniononehadofthem。"Thisisthedangerincurredbyanauthoroffictionwhosetsouttotalkabouthimselfwithoutdisguise。
  WhilethesereminiscentpageswereappearingseriallyIwasremonstratedwithforbadeconomy;asifsuchwritingwereaformofself-indulgencewastingthesubstanceoffuturevolumes。ItseemsthatIamnotsufficientlyliterary。Indeedamanwhoneverwrotealineforprinttillhewasthirty-sixcannotbringhimselftolookuponhisexistenceandhisexperience,uponthesumofhisthoughts,sensationsandemotions,uponhismemoriesandhisregrets,andthewholepossessionofhispast,asonlysomuchmaterialforhishands。Oncebefore,somethreeyearsago,whenIpublished"TheMirroroftheSea,"avolumeofimpressionsandmemories,thesameremarksweremadetome。Practicalremarks。But,truthtosay,Ihaveneverunderstoodthekindofthrifttheyrecommended。Iwantedtopaymytributetothesea,itsshipsanditsmen,towhomIremainindebtedforsomuchwhichhasgonetomakemewhatIam。ThatseemedtometheonlyshapeinwhichIcouldofferittotheirshades。Therecouldnotbeaquestioninmymindofanythingelse。ItisquitepossiblethatIamabadeconomist;butitiscertainthatIamincorrigible。
  Havingmaturedinthesurroundingsandunderthespecialconditionsofsea-life,Ihaveaspecialpietytowardsthatformofmypast;foritsimpressionswerevivid,itsappealdirect,itsdemandssuchascouldberespondedtowiththenaturalelationofyouthandstrengthequaltothecall。Therewasnothinginthemtoperplexayoungconscience。Havingbrokenawayfrommyoriginsunderastormofblamefromeveryquarterwhichhadthemerestshadowofrighttovoiceanopinion,removedbygreatdistancesfromsuchnaturalaffectionsaswerestilllefttome,andevenestranged,inameasure,fromthembythetotallyunintelligiblecharacterofthelifewhichhadseducedmesomysteriouslyfrommyallegiance,Imaysafelysaythatthroughtheblindforceofcircumstancestheseawastobeallmyworldandthemerchantservicemyonlyhomeforalongsuccessionofyears。Nowonderthenthatinmytwoexclusivelyseabooks,"TheNiggerofthe’Narcissus’"and"TheMirroroftheSea"(andinthefewshortseastorieslike"Youth"and"Typhoon"),Ihavetriedwithanalmostfilialregardtorenderthevibrationoflifeinthegreatworldofwaters,intheheartsofthesimplemenwhohaveforagestraverseditssolitudes,andalsothatsomethingsentientwhichseemstodwellinships——thecreaturesoftheirhandsandtheobjectsoftheircare。
  One’sliterarylifemustturnfrequentlyforsustenancetomemoriesandseekdiscoursewiththeshades;unlessonehasmadeupone’smindtowriteonlyinordertoreprovemankindforwhatitis,orpraiseitforwhatitisnot,or——generally——toteachithowtobehave。Beingneitherquarrelsome,noraflatterer,norasage,Ihavedonenoneofthesethings;andIampreparedtoputupserenelywiththeinsignificancewhichattachestopersonswhoarenotmeddlesomeinsomewayorother。Butresignationisnotindifference。Iwouldnotliketobeleftstandingasamerespectatoronthebankofthegreatstreamcarryingonwardssomanylives。Iwouldfainclaimformyselfthefacultyofsomuchinsightascanbeexpressedinavoiceofsympathyandcompassion。
  Itseemstomethatinone,atleast,authoritativequarterofcriticismIamsuspectedofacertainunemotional,grimacceptanceoffacts;ofwhattheFrenchwouldcallsecheresseducoeur。Fifteenyearsofunbrokensilencebeforepraiseorblametestifysufficientlytomyrespectforcriticism,thatfineflowerofpersonalexpressioninthegardenofletters。Butthisismoreofapersonalmatter,reachingthemanbehindthework,andthereforeitmaybealludedtoinavolumewhichisapersonalnoteinthemarginofthepublicpage。NotthatIfeelhurtintheleast。Thecharge——ifitamountedtoachargeatall——wasmadeinthemostconsiderateterms;inatoneofregret。
  Myansweristhatifitbetruethateverynovelcontainsanelementofautobiography——andthiscanhardlybedenied,sincethecreatorcanonlyexpresshimselfinhiscreation——thentherearesomeofustowhomanopendisplayofsentimentisrepugnant。
  Iwouldnotundulypraisethevirtueofrestraint。Itisoftenmerelytemperamental。Butitisnotalwaysasignofcoldness。
  Itmaybepride。Therecanbenothingmorehumiliatingthantoseetheshaftofone’semotionmissthemarkeitheroflaughterortears。Nothingmorehumiliating!Andthisforthereasonthatshouldthemarkbemissed,shouldtheopendisplayofemotionfailtomove,thenitmustperishunavoidablyindisgustorcontempt。Noartistcanbereproachedforshrinkingfromariskwhichonlyfoolsruntomeetandonlygeniusdareconfrontwithimpunity。Inataskwhichmainlyconsistsinlayingone’ssoulmoreorlessbaretotheworld,aregardfordecency,evenatthecostofsuccess,isbuttheregardforone’sowndignitywhichisinseparablyunitedwiththedignityofone’swork。
  Andthen——itisverydifficulttobewhollyjoyousorwhollysadonthisearth。Thecomic,whenitishuman,soontakesuponitselfafaceofpain;andsomeofourgriefs(someonly,notall,foritisthecapacityforsufferingwhichmakesmanaugustintheeyesofmen)havetheirsourceinweaknesseswhichmustberecognisedwithsmilingcompassionasthecommoninheritanceofusall。Joyandsorrowinthisworldpassintoeachother,minglingtheirformsandtheirmurmursinthetwilightoflifeasmysteriousasanover-shadowedocean,whilethedazzlingbrightnessofsupremehopesliesfaroff,fascinatingandstill,onthedistantedgeofthehorizon。
  Yes!Itoowouldliketoholdthemagicwandgivingthatcommandoverlaughterandtearswhichisdeclaredtobethehighestachievementofimaginativeliterature。Only,tobeagreatmagicianonemustsurrenderoneselftooccultandirresponsiblepowers,eitheroutsideorwithinone’sownbreast。Wehaveallheardofsimplemensellingtheirsoulsforloveorpowertosomegrotesquedevil。Themostordinaryintelligencecanperceivewithoutmuchreflectionthatanythingofthesortisboundtobeafool’sbargain。Idon’tlayclaimtoparticularwisdombecauseofmydislikeanddistrustofsuchtransactions。Itmaybemysea-trainingactinguponanaturaldispositiontokeepgoodholdontheonethingreallymine,butthefactisthatIhaveapositivehorroroflosingevenforonemovingmomentthatfullpossessionofmyselfwhichisthefirstconditionofgoodservice。AndIhavecarriedmynotionofgoodservicefrommyearlierintomylaterexistence。I,whohaveneversoughtinthewrittenwordanythingelsebutaformoftheBeautiful,Ihavecarriedoverthatarticleofcreedfromthedecksofshipstothemorecircumscribedspaceofmydesk;andbythatact,Isuppose,Ihavebecomepermanentlyimperfectintheeyesoftheineffablecompanyofpureesthetes。
  Asinpoliticalsoinliteraryactionamanwinsfriendsforhimselfmostlybythepassionofhisprejudicesandbytheconsistentnarrownessofhisoutlook。ButIhaveneverbeenabletolovewhatwasnotlovableorhatewhatwasnothateful,outofdeferenceforsomegeneralprinciple。WhethertherebeanycourageinmakingthisadmissionIknownot。Afterthemiddleturnoflife’swayweconsiderdangersandjoyswithatranquilmind。SoIproceedinpeacetodeclarethatIhavealwayssuspectedintheefforttobringintoplaytheextremitiesofemotionsthedebasingtouchofinsincerity。Inordertomoveothersdeeplywemustdeliberatelyallowourselvestobecarriedawaybeyondtheboundsofournormalsensibility——innocentlyenoughperhapsandofnecessity,likeanactorwhoraiseshisvoiceonthestageabovethepitchofnaturalconversation——butstillwehavetodothat。Andsurelythisisnogreatsin。Butthedangerliesinthewriterbecomingthevictimofhisownexaggeration,losingtheexactnotionofsincerity,andintheendcomingtodespisetruthitselfassomethingtoocold,toobluntforhispurpose——as,infact,notgoodenoughforhisinsistentemotion。Fromlaughterandtearsthedescentiseasytosnivellingandgiggles。
  Thesemayseemselfishconsiderations;butyoucan’t,insoundmorals,condemnamanfortakingcareofhisownintegrity。Itishisclearduty。Andleastofallyoucancondemnanartistpursuing,howeverhumblyandimperfectly,acreativeaim。Inthatinteriorworldwherehisthoughtandhisemotionsgoseekingfortheexperienceofimaginedadventures,therearenopolicemen,nolaw,nopressureofcircumstanceordreadofopiniontokeephimwithinbounds。WhothenisgoingtosayNaytohistemptationsifnothisconscience?
  Andbesides——this,remember,istheplaceandthemomentofperfectlyopentalk——Ithinkthatallambitionsarelawfulexceptthosewhichclimbupwardsonthemiseriesorcredulitiesofmankind。Allintellectualandartisticambitionsarepermissible,uptoandevenbeyondthelimitofprudentsanity。
  Theycanhurtnoone。Iftheyaremad,thensomuchtheworsefortheartist。Indeed,asvirtueissaidtobe,suchambitionsaretheirownreward。Isitsuchaverymadpresumptiontobelieveinthesovereignpowerofone’sart,totryforothermeans,forotherwaysofaffirmingthisbeliefinthedeeperappealofone’swork?Totrytogodeeperisnottobeinsensible。Anhistorianofheartsisnotanhistorianofemotions,yethepenetratesfurther,restrainedashemaybe,sincehisaimistoreachtheveryfountoflaughterandtears。
  Thesightofhumanaffairsdeservesadmirationandpity。Theyareworthyofrespecttoo。Andheisnotinsensiblewhopaysthemtheundemonstrativetributeofasighwhichisnotasob,andofasmilewhichisnotagrin。Resignation,notmystic,notdetached,butresignationopen-eyed,consciousandinformedbylove,istheonlyoneofourfeelingsforwhichitisimpossibletobecomeasham。
  NotthatIthinkresignationthelastwordofwisdom。Iamtoomuchthecreatureofmytimeforthat。ButIthinkthattheproperwisdomistowillwhatthegodswillwithoutperhapsbeingcertainwhattheirwillis——oreveniftheyhaveawilloftheirown。AndinthismatteroflifeandartitisnottheWhythatmatterssomuchtoourhappinessastheHow。AstheFrenchmansaid,"Ilyatoujourslamaniere。"Verytrue。Yes。Thereisthemanner。Themannerinlaughter,intears,inirony,inindignationsandenthusiasms,injudgments——andeveninlove。
  Themannerinwhich,asinthefeaturesandcharacterofahumanface,theinnertruthisforeshadowedforthosewhoknowhowtolookattheirkind。
  Thosewhoreadmeknowmyconvictionthattheworld,thetemporalworld,restsonafewverysimpleideas;sosimplethattheymustbeasoldasthehills。Itrestsnotably,amongstothers,ontheideaofFidelity。AtatimewhennothingwhichisnotrevolutionaryinsomewayorothercanexpecttoattractmuchattentionIhavenotbeenrevolutionaryinmywritings。Therevolutionaryspiritismightyconvenientinthis,thatitfreesonefromallscruplesasregardsideas。Itshard,absoluteoptimismisrepulsivetomymindbythemenaceoffanaticismandintoleranceitcontains。Nodoubtoneshouldsmileatthesethings;but,imperfectEsthete,IamnobetterPhilosopher。Allclaimtospecialrighteousnessawakensinmethatscornandangerfromwhichaphilosophicalmindshouldbefree……
  IfearthattryingtobeconversationalIhaveonlymanagedtobeundulydiscursive。Ihaveneverbeenverywellacquaintedwiththeartofconversation——thatartwhich,Iunderstand,issupposedtobelostnow。Myyoungdays,thedayswhenone’shabitsandcharacterareformed,havebeenratherfamiliarwithlongsilences。Suchvoicesasbrokeintothemwereanythingbutconversational。No。Ihaven’tgotthehabit。Yetthisdiscursivenessisnotsoirrelevanttothehandfulofpageswhichfollow。They,too,havebeenchargedwithdiscursiveness,withdisregardofchronologicalorder(whichisinitselfacrime),withunconventionalityofform(whichisanimpropriety)。Iwastoldseverelythatthepublicwouldviewwithdispleasuretheinformalcharacterofmyrecollections。"Alas!"Iprotestedmildly。"CouldIbeginwiththesacramentalwords,’Iwasbornonsuchadateinsuchaplace’?Theremotenessofthelocalitywouldhaverobbedthestatementofallinterest。Ihaven’tlivedthroughwonderfuladventurestoberelatedseriatim。Ihaven’tknowndistinguishedmenonwhomIcouldpassfatuousremarks。I
  haven’tbeenmixedupwithgreatorscandalousaffairs。Thisisbutabitofpsychologicaldocument,andevenso,Ihaven’twrittenitwithaviewtoputforwardanyconclusionofmyown。"
  Butmyobjectorwasnotplacated。Theseweregoodreasonsfornotwritingatall——notadefenceofwhatstoodwrittenalready,hesaid。
  Iadmitthatalmostanything,anythingintheworld,wouldserveasagoodreasonfornotwritingatall。ButsinceIhavewrittenthem,allIwanttosayintheirdefenceisthatthesememoriesputdownwithoutanyregardforestablishedconventionshavenotbeenthrownoffwithoutsystemandpurpose。Theyhavetheirhopeandtheiraim。Thehopethatfromthereadingofthesepagestheremayemergeatlastthevisionofapersonality;
  themanbehindthebookssofundamentallydissimilaras,forinstance,"Almayer’sFolly"and"TheSecretAgent"——andyetacoherent,justifiablepersonalitybothinitsoriginandinitsaction。Thisisthehope。Theimmediateaim,closelyassociatedwiththehope,istogivetherecordofpersonalmemoriesbypresentingfaithfullythefeelingsandsensationsconnectedwiththewritingofmyfirstbookandwithmyfirstcontactwiththesea。
  Inthepurposelymingledresonanceofthisdoublestrainafriendhereandtherewillperhapsdetectasubtleaccord。
  J。C。K。
  ChapterI。
  Booksmaybewritteninallsortsofplaces。Verbalinspirationmayentertheberthofamarineronboardashipfrozenfastinariverinthemiddleofatown;andsincesaintsaresupposedtolookbenignantlyonhumblebelievers,IindulgeinthepleasantfancythattheshadeofoldFlaubert——whoimaginedhimselftobe(amongstotherthings)adescendantofVikings——mighthavehoveredwithamusedinterestoverthedecksofa2000-tonsteamercalledthe"Adowa,"onboardofwhich,grippedbytheinclementwinteralongsideaquayinRouen,thetenthchapterof"Almayer’sFolly"wasbegun。Withinterest,Isay,forwasnotthekindNormangiantwithenormousmoustachesandathunderingvoicethelastoftheRomantics?Washenot,inhisunworldly,almostascetic,devotiontohisartasortofliterary,saint-likehermit?
  "’Ithassetatlast,’saidNinatohermother,pointingtothehillsbehindwhichthesunhadsunk。"……ThesewordsofAlmayer’sromanticdaughterIremembertracingonthegreypaperofapadwhichrestedontheblanketofmybed-place。TheyreferredtoasunsetinMalayanIslesandshapedthemselvesinmymind,inahallucinatedvisionofforestsandriversandseas,farremovedfromacommercialandyetromantictownofthenorthernhemisphere。Butatthatmomentthemoodofvisionsandwordswascutshortbythethirdofficer,acheerfulandcasualyouth,cominginwithabangofthedoorandtheexclamation:
  "You’vemadeitjollywarminhere。"
  Itwaswarm。Ihadturnedonthesteam-heaterafterplacingatinundertheleakywater-cock——forperhapsyoudonotknowthatwaterwillleakwheresteamwillnot。Iamnotawareofwhatmyyoungfriendhadbeendoingondeckallthatmorning,butthehandsherubbedtogethervigorouslywereveryredandimpartedtomeachillyfeelingbytheirmereaspect。Hehasremainedtheonlybanjoistofmyacquaintance,andbeingalsoayoungersonofaretiredcolonel,thepoemofMr。Kipling,byastrangeaberrationofassociatedideas,alwaysseemstometohavebeenwrittenwithanexclusiveviewtohisperson。Whenhedidnotplaythebanjohelovedtositandlookatit。Heproceededtothissentimentalinspectionandaftermeditatingawhileoverthestringsundermysilentscrutinyinquiredairily:
  "Whatareyoualwaysscribblingthere,ifit’sfairtoask?"
  Itwasafairenoughquestion,butIdidnotanswerhim,andsimplyturnedthepadoverwithamovementofinstinctivesecrecy:IcouldnothavetoldhimhehadputtoflightthepsychologyofNinaAlmayer,heropeningspeechofthetenthchapterandthewordsofMrs。Almayer’swisdomwhichweretofollowintheominousoncomingofatropicalnight。IcouldnothavetoldhimthatNinahadsaid:"Ithassetatlast。"Hewouldhavebeenextremelysurprisedandperhapshavedroppedhispreciousbanjo。NeithercouldIhavetoldhimthatthesunofmysea-goingwassettingtoo,evenasIwrotethewordsexpressingtheimpatienceofpassionateyouthbentonitsdesire。Ididnotknowthismyself,anditissafetosayhewouldnothavecared,thoughhewasanexcellentyoungfellowandtreatedmewithmoredeferencethan,inourrelativepositions,Iwasstrictlyentitledto。
  HeloweredatendergazeonhisbanjoandIwentonlookingthroughtheport-hole。Theroundopeningframedinitsbrassrimafragmentofthequays,witharowofcasksrangedonthefrozengroundandthetail-endofagreatcart。Ared-nosedcarterinablouseandawoollennightcapleanedagainstthewheel。Anidle,strollingcustom-houseguard,beltedoverhisbluecapote,hadtheairofbeingdepressedbyexposuretotheweatherandthemonotonyofofficialexistence。Thebackgroundofgrimyhousesfoundaplaceinthepictureframedbymyport-hole,acrossawidestretchofpavedquaybrownwithfrozenmud。Thecolouringwassombre,andthemostconspicuousfeaturewasalittlecafewithcurtainedwindowsandashabbyfrontofwhitewoodwork,correspondingwiththesqualorofthesepoorerquartersborderingtheriver。WehadbeenshifteddowntherefromanotherberthintheneighbourhoodoftheOperaHouse,wherethatsameport-holegavemeaviewofquiteanothersortofcafe——thebestinthetown,Ibelieve,andtheveryonewheretheworthyBovaryandhiswife,theromanticdaughterofoldPereRenault,hadsomerefreshmentafterthememorableperformanceofanoperawhichwasthetragicstoryofLuciadiLammermoorinasettingoflightmusic。
  IcouldrecallnomorethehallucinationoftheEasternArchipelagowhichIcertainlyhopedtoseeagain。Thestoryof"Almayer’sFolly"gotputawayunderthepillowforthatday。I
  donotknowthatIhadanyoccupationtokeepmeawayfromit;
  thetruthofthematteristhatonboardthatshipwewereleadingjustthenacontemplativelife。Iwillnotsayanythingofmyprivilegedposition。Iwasthere"justtooblige,"asanactorofstandingmaytakeasmallpartinthebenefitperformanceofafriend。
  AsfarasmyfeelingswereconcernedIdidnotwishtobeinthatsteameratthattimeandinthosecircumstances。AndperhapsI
  wasnotevenwantedthereintheusualsenseinwhichaship"wants"anofficer。ItwasthefirstandlastinstanceinmysealifewhenIservedship-ownerswhohaveremainedcompletelyshadowytomyapprehension。Idonotmeanthisforthewell-
  knownfirmofLondonship-brokerswhichhadcharteredtheshiptothe,Iwillnotsayshort-lived,butephemeralFranco-CanadianTransportCompany。Adeathleavessomethingbehind,buttherewasneveranythingtangibleleftfromtheF。C。T。C。Itflourishednolongerthanroseslive,andunliketherosesitblossomedinthedeadofwinter,emittedasortoffaintperfumeofadventureanddiedbeforespringsetin。Butindubitablyitwasacompany,ithadevenahouse-flag,allwhitewiththelettersF。C。T。C。
  artfullytangledupinacomplicatedmonogram。Weflewitatourmain-masthead,andnowIhavecometotheconclusionthatitwastheonlyflagofitskindinexistence。Allthesameweonboard,formanydays,hadtheimpressionofbeingaunitofalargefleetwithfortnightlydeparturesforMontrealandQuebecasadvertisedinpamphletsandprospectuseswhichcameaboardinalargepackageinVictoriaDock,London,justbeforewestartedforRouen,France。AndintheshadowylifeoftheF。C。T。C。liesthesecretofthat,mylastemploymentinmycalling,whichinaremotesenseinterruptedtherhythmicaldevelopmentofNinaAlmayer’sstory。
  ThethensecretaryoftheLondonShipmasters’Society,withitsmodestroomsinFenchurchStreet,wasamanofindefatigableactivityandthegreatestdevotiontohistask。Heisresponsibleforwhatwasmylastassociationwithaship。Icallitthatbecauseitcanhardlybecalledasea-goingexperience。
  DearCaptainFroud——itisimpossiblenottopayhimthetributeofaffectionatefamiliarityatthisdistanceofyears——hadverysoundviewsastotheadvancementofknowledgeandstatusforthewholebodyoftheofficersofthemercantilemarine。Heorganisedforuscoursesofprofessionallectures,St。Johnambulanceclasses,correspondedindustriouslywithpublicbodiesandmembersofParliamentonsubjectstouchingtheinterestsoftheservice;andastotheoncomingofsomeinquiryorcommissionrelatingtomattersoftheseaandtotheworkofseamen,itwasaperfectgodsendtohisneedofexertinghimselfonourcorporatebehalf。Togetherwiththishighsenseofhisofficialdutieshehadinhimaveinofpersonalkindness,astrongdispositiontodowhatgoodhecouldtotheindividualmembersofthatcraftofwhichinhistimehehadbeenaveryexcellentmaster。Andwhatgreaterkindnesscanonedotoaseamanthantoputhiminthewayofemployment?CaptainFrouddidnotseewhytheShipmasters’Society,besidesitsgeneralguardianshipofourinterests,shouldnotbeunofficiallyanemploymentagencyoftheveryhighestclass。
  "Iamtryingtopersuadeallourgreatship-owningfirmstocometousfortheirmen。Thereisnothingofatrade-unionspiritaboutoursociety,andIreallydon’tseewhytheyshouldnot,"
  hesaidoncetome。"Iamalwaystellingthecaptains,too,thatallthingsbeingequaltheyoughttogivepreferencetothemembersofthesociety。InmypositionIcangenerallyfindforthemwhattheywantamongstourmembersorourassociatemembers。"
  InmywanderingsaboutLondonfromWesttoEastandbackagain(I
  wasveryidlethen)thetwolittleroomsinFenchurchStreetwereasortofresting-placewheremyspirit,hankeringafterthesea,couldfeelitselfnearertotheships,themen,andthelifeofitschoice——nearertherethanonanyotherspotofthesolidearth。Thisresting-placeusedtobe,ataboutfiveo’clockintheafternoon,fullofmenandtobaccosmoke,butCaptainFroudhadthesmallerroomtohimselfandtherehegrantedprivateinterviews,whoseprincipalmotivewastorenderservice。Thus,onemurkyNovemberafternoonhebeckonedmeinwithacrookedfingerandthatpeculiarglanceabovehisspectacleswhichisperhapsmystrongestphysicalrecollectionoftheman。
  "Ihavehadinhereashipmaster,thismorning,"hesaid,gettingbacktohisdeskandmotioningmetoachair,"whoisinwantofanofficer。It’sforasteamship。Youknow,nothingpleasesmemorethantobeasked,butunfortunatelyIdonotquiteseemyway……"
  AstheouterroomwasfullofmenIcastawonderingglanceatthecloseddoorbutheshookhishead。
  "Oh,yes,Ishouldbeonlytoogladtogetthatberthforoneofthem。Butthefactofthematteris,thecaptainofthatshipwantsanofficerwhocanspeakFrenchfluently,andthat’snotsoeasytofind。Idonotknowanybodymyselfbutyou。It’sasecondofficer’sberthand,ofcourse,youwouldnotcare……
  wouldyounow?Iknowthatitisn’twhatyouarelookingfor。"
  Itwasnot。Ihadgivenmyselfuptotheidlenessofahauntedmanwholooksfornothingbutwordswhereintocapturehisvisions。ButIadmitthatoutwardlyIresembledsufficientlyamanwhocouldmakeasecondofficerforasteamercharteredbyaFrenchcompany。IshowednosignofbeinghauntedbythefateofNinaandbythemurmursoftropicalforests;andevenmyintimateintercoursewithAlmayer(apersonofweakcharacter)hadnotputavisiblemarkuponmyfeatures。Formanyyearsheandtheworldofhisstoryhadbeenthecompanionsofmyimaginationwithout,I
  hope,impairingmyabilitytodealwiththerealitiesofsealife。Ihadhadthemanandhissurroundingswithmeeversincemyreturnfromtheeasternwaters,somefouryearsbeforethedayofwhichIspeak。
  Itwasinthefrontsitting-roomoffurnishedapartmentsinaPimlicosquarethattheyfirstbegantoliveagainwithavividnessandpoignancyquiteforeigntoourformerrealintercourse。Ihadbeentreatingmyselftoalongstayonshore,andinthenecessityofoccupyingmymornings,Almayer(thatoldacquaintance)camenoblytotherescue。Beforelong,aswasonlyproper,hiswifeanddaughterjoinedhimroundmytableandthentherestofthatPantaibandcamefullofwordsandgestures。
  Unknowntomyrespectablelandlady,itwasmypracticedirectlyaftermybreakfasttoholdanimatedreceptionsofMalays,Arabsandhalf-castes。Theydidnotclamouraloudformyattention。
  Theycamewithasilentandirresistibleappeal——andtheappeal,Iaffirmhere,wasnottomyself-loveormyvanity。Itseemsnowtohavehadamoralcharacter,forwhyshouldthememoryofthesebeings,seenintheirobscuresun-bathedexistence,demandtoexpressitselfintheshapeofanovel,exceptonthegroundofthatmysteriousfellowshipwhichunitesinacommunityofhopesandfearsallthedwellersonthisearth?
  Ididnotreceivemyvisitorswithboisterousraptureasthebearersofanygiftsofprofitorfame。TherewasnovisionofaprintedbookbeforemeasIsatwritingatthattable,situatedinadecayedpartofBelgravia。Afteralltheseyears,eachleavingitsevidenceofslowlyblackenedpages,Icanhonestlysaythatitisasentimentakintopietywhichpromptedmetorenderinwordsassembledwithconscientiouscarethememoryofthingsfardistantandofmenwhohadlived。
  But,comingbacktoCaptainFroudandhisfixedideaofneverdisappointingship-ownersorship-captains,itwasnotlikelythatIshouldfailhiminhisambition——tosatisfyatafewhours’noticetheunusualdemandforaFrench-speakingofficer。
  HeexplainedtomethattheshipwascharteredbyaFrenchcompanyintendingtoestablisharegularmonthlylineofsailingsfromRouen,forthetransportofFrenchemigrantstoCanada。
  But,frankly,thissortofthingdidnotinterestmeverymuch。
  IsaidgravelythatifitwerereallyamatterofkeepingupthereputationoftheShipmasters’Society,Iwouldconsiderit。Buttheconsiderationwasjustforform’ssake。ThenextdayI
  interviewedtheCaptain,andIbelievewewereimpressedfavourablywitheachother。Heexplainedthathischiefmatewasanexcellentmanineveryrespectandthathecouldnotthinkofdismissinghimsoastogivemethehigherposition;butthatifIconsentedtocomeassecondofficerIwouldbegivencertainspecialadvantages——andsoon。
  ItoldhimthatifIcameatalltherankreallydidnotmatter。
  "Iamsure,"heinsisted,"youwillgetonfirstratewithMr。
  Paramor。"
  Ipromisedfaithfullytostayfortwotripsatleast,anditwasinthosecircumstancesthatwhatwastobemylastconnectionwithashipbegan。Andafteralltherewasnotevenonesingletrip。Itmaybethatitwassimplythefulfilmentofafate,ofthatwrittenwordonmyforeheadwhichapparentlyforbademe,throughallmyseawanderings,evertoachievethecrossingoftheWesternOcean——usingthewordsinthatspecialsenseinwhichsailorsspeakofWesternOceantrade,ofWesternOceanpackets,ofWesternOceanhardcases。Thenewlifeattendedcloselyupontheoldandtheninechaptersof"Almayer’sFolly"wentwithmetotheVictoriaDock,whenceinafewdayswestartedforRouen。
  Iwon’tgosofarassayingthattheengagingofamanfatednevertocrosstheWesternOceanwastheabsolutecauseoftheFranco-CanadianTransportCompany’sfailuretoachieveevenasinglepassage。Itmighthavebeenthatofcourse;buttheobvious,grossobstaclewasclearlythewantofmoney。Fourhundredandsixtybunksforemigrantswereputtogetherinthe’tweendecksbyindustriouscarpenterswhilewelayintheVictoriaDock,butneveranemigrantturnedupinRouen——ofwhich,beingahumaneperson,IconfessIwasglad。SomegentlemenfromParis——Ithinktherewerethreeofthem,andonewassaidtobetheChairman——turnedupindeedandwentfromendtoendoftheship,knockingtheirsilkhatscruellyagainstthedeck-beams。Iattendedthempersonally,andIcanvouchforitthattheinteresttheytookinthingswasintelligentenough,though,obviously,theyhadneverseenanythingofthesortbefore。Theirfacesastheywentashoreworeacheerfullyinconclusiveexpression。Notwithstandingthatthisinspectingceremonywassupposedtobeapreliminarytoimmediatesailing,itwasthen,astheyfileddownourgangway,thatIreceivedtheinwardmonitionthatnosailingwithinthemeaningofourcharter-partywouldevertakeplace。
  Itmustbesaidthatinlessthanthreeweeksamovetookplace。
  Whenwefirstarrivedwehadbeentakenupwithmuchceremonywelltowardsthecentreofthetown,and,allthestreetcornersbeingplacardedwiththetricolourpostersannouncingthebirthofourcompany,thepetitbourgeoiswithhiswifeandfamilymadeaSundayholidayfromtheinspectionoftheship。IwasalwaysinevidenceinmybestuniformtogiveinformationasthoughI
  hadbeenaCook’stourists’interpreter,whileourquarter-
  mastersreapedaharvestofsmallchangefrompersonallyconductedparties。Butwhenthemovewasmade——thatmovewhichcarriedussomemileandahalfdownthestreamtobetieduptoanaltogethermuddierandshabbierquay——thenindeedthedesolationofsolitudebecameourlot。Itwasacompleteandsoundlessstagnation;for,aswehadtheshipreadyforseatothesmallestdetail,asthefrostwashardandthedaysshort,wewereabsolutelyidle——idletothepointofblushingwithshamewhenthethoughtstruckusthatallthetimeoursalarieswenton。YoungColewasaggrievedbecause,ashesaid,wecouldnotenjoyanysortoffunintheeveningafterloafinglikethisallday:eventhebanjolostitscharmsincetherewasnothingtopreventhisstrummingonitallthetimebetweenthemeals。ThegoodParamor——hewasreallyamostexcellentfellow——becameunhappyasfaraswaspossibletohischeerynature,tillonedrearydayIsuggested,outofsheermischief,thatheshouldemploythedormantenergiesofthecrewinhaulingbothcablesupondeckandturningthemendforend。
  ForamomentMr。Paramorwasradiant。"Excellentidea!"butdirectlyhisfacefell。"Why……Yes!Butwecan’tmakethatjoblastmorethanthreedays,"hemuttereddiscontentedly。I
  don’tknowhowlongheexpectedustobestuckontheriversideoutskirtsofRouen,butIknowthatthecablesgothauledupandturnedendforendaccordingtomysatanicsuggestion,putdownagain,andtheirveryexistenceutterlyforgotten,Ibelieve,beforeaFrenchriverpilotcameonboardtotakeourshipdown,emptyasshecame,intotheHavreroads。YoumaythinkthatthisstateofforcedidlenessfavouredsomeadvanceinthefortunesofAlmayerandhisdaughter。Yetitwasnotso。Asifitweresomesortofevilspell,mybanjoistcabin-mate’sinterruption,asrelatedabove,hadarrestedthemshortatthepointofthatfatefulsunsetformanyweekstogether。Itwasalwaysthuswiththisbook,begunin’89andfinishedin’94——withthatshortestofallthenovelswhichitwastobemylottowrite。BetweenitsopeningexclamationcallingAlmayertohisdinnerinhiswife’svoiceandAbdullah’s(hisenemy)mentalreferencetotheGodofIslam——"TheMerciful,theCompassionate"——whichclosesthebook,thereweretocomeseverallongseapassages,avisit(tousetheelevatedphraseologysuitabletotheoccasion)tothescenes(someofthem)ofmychildhoodandtherealisationofchildhood’svainwords,expressingalight-heartedandromanticwhim。
  Itwasin1868,whennineyearsoldorthereabouts,thatwhilelookingatamapofAfricaofthetimeandputtingmyfingerontheblankspacethenrepresentingtheunsolvedmysteryofthatcontinent,Isaidtomyselfwithabsoluteassuranceandanamazingaudacitywhicharenolongerinmycharacternow:
  "WhenIgrowupIshallgothere。"
  AndofcourseIthoughtnomoreaboutittillafteraquarterofacenturyorsoanopportunityofferedtogothere——asifthesinofchildishaudacityweretobevisitedonmymaturehead。Yes。
  Ididgothere:therebeingtheregionofStanleyFallswhichin’68wastheblankestofblankspacesontheearth’sfiguredsurface。AndtheMS。of"Almayer’sFolly,"carriedaboutmeasifitwereatalismanoratreasure,wenttheretoo。ThatitevercameoutofthereseemsaspecialdispensationofProvidence;becauseagoodmanyofmyotherproperties,infinitelymorevaluableandusefultome,remainedbehindthroughunfortunateaccidentsoftransportation。Icalltomind,forinstance,aspeciallyawkwardturnoftheCongobetweenKinchassaandLeopoldsville——moreparticularlywhenonehadtotakeitatnightinabigcanoewithonlyhalfthepropernumberofpaddlers。Ifailedinbeingthesecondwhitemanonrecorddrownedatthatinterestingspotthroughtheupsettingofacanoe。ThefirstwasayoungBelgianofficer,buttheaccidenthappenedsomemonthsbeforemytime,andhe,too,Ibelieve,wasgoinghome;notperhapsquitesoillasmyself——butstillhewasgoinghome。Igotroundtheturnmoreorlessalive,thoughI
  wastoosicktocarewhetherIdidornot,and,alwayswith"Almayer’sFolly"amongstmydiminishingbaggage,IarrivedatthatdelectablecapitalBoma,wherebeforethedepartureofthesteamerwhichwastotakemehomeIhadthetimetowishmyselfdeadoverandoveragainwithperfectsincerity。Atthatdatetherewereinexistenceonlysevenchaptersof"Almayer’sFolly,"
  butthechapterinmyhistorywhichfollowedwasthatofalong,longillnessandverydismalconvalescence。Geneva,ormorepreciselythehydropathicestablishmentofChampel,isrenderedforeverfamousbytheterminationoftheeighthchapterinthehistoryofAlmayer’sdeclineandfall。Theeventsoftheninthareinextricablymixedupwiththedetailsofthepropermanagementofawatersidewarehouseownedbyacertaincityfirmwhosenamedoesnotmatter。Butthatwork,undertakentoaccustommyselfagaintotheactivitiesofahealthyexistence,sooncametoanend。Theearthhadnothingtoholdmewithforverylong。Andthenthatmemorablestory,likeacaskofchoiceMadeira,gotcarriedforthreeyearstoandfrouponthesea。
  Whetherthistreatmentimproveditsflavourornot,ofcourseI
  wouldnotliketosay。Asfarasappearanceisconcerneditcertainlydidnothingofthekind。ThewholeMS。acquiredafadedlookandanancient,yellowishcomplexion。ItbecameatlastunreasonabletosupposethatanythingintheworldwouldeverhappentoAlmayerandNina。Andyetsomethingmostunlikelytohappenonthehighseaswastowakethemupfromtheirstateofsuspendedanimation。
  WhatisitthatNovalissays?"Itiscertainmyconvictiongainsinfinitelythemomentanothersoulwillbelieveinit。"Andwhatisanovelifnotaconvictionofourfellow-men’sexistencestrongenoughtotakeuponitselfaformofimaginedlifeclearerthanrealityandwhoseaccumulatedverisimilitudeofselectedepisodesputstoshametheprideofdocumentaryhistory?
  ProvidencewhichsavedmyMS。fromtheCongorapidsbroughtittotheknowledgeofahelpfulsoulfaroutontheopensea。Itwouldbeonmypartthegreatestingratitudeevertoforgetthesallow,sunkenfaceandthedeep-set,darkeyesoftheyoungCambridgeman(hewasa"passengerforhishealth"onboardthegoodshipTorrensoutwardboundtoAustralia)whowasthefirstreaderof"Almayer’sFolly"——theveryfirstreaderIeverhad。
  "WoulditboreyouverymuchreadingaMS。inahandwritinglikemine?"IaskedhimoneeveningonasuddenimpulseattheendofalongishconversationwhosesubjectwasGibbon’sHistory。
  Jacques(thatwashisname)wassittinginmycabinonestormydog-watchbelow,afterbringingmeabooktoreadfromhisowntravellingstore。
  "Notatall,"heansweredwithhiscourteousintonationandafaintsmile。AsIpulledadraweropenhissuddenlyarousedcuriositygavehimawatchfulexpression。Iwonderwhatheexpectedtosee。Apoem,maybe。Allthat’sbeyondguessingnow。
  Hewasnotacoldbutacalmman,stillmoresubduedbydisease——
  amanoffewwordsandofanunassumingmodestyingeneralintercourse,butwithsomethinguncommoninthewholeofhispersonwhichsethimapartfromtheundistinguishedlotofoursixtypassengers。Hiseyeshadathoughtfulintrospectivelook。
  Inhisattractivereservedmanner,andinaveiledsympatheticvoiceheasked:
  "Whatisthis?""Itisasortoftale,"Iansweredwithaneffort。"Itisnotevenfinishedyet。NeverthelessIwouldliketoknowwhatyouthinkofit。"HeputtheMS。inthebreast-
  pocketofhisjacket;Irememberperfectlyhisthinbrownfingersfoldingitlengthwise。"Iwillreadittomorrow,"heremarked,seizingthedoor-handle,andthen,watchingtherolloftheshipforapropitiousmoment,heopenedthedoorandwasgone。InthemomentofhisexitIheardthesustainedboomingofthewind,theswishofthewateronthedecksoftheTorrens,andthesubdued,asifdistant,roaroftherisingsea。Inotedthegrowingdisquietinthegreatrestlessnessoftheocean,andrespondedprofessionallytoitwiththethoughtthatateighto’clock,inanotherhalf-hourorsoatthefurthest,thetop-gallantsailswouldhavetocomeofftheship。
  Nextday,butthistimeinthefirstdog-watch,Jacquesenteredmycabin。Hehadathick,woollenmufflerroundhisthroatandtheMS。wasinhishand。Hetenderedittomewithasteadylookbutwithoutaword。Itookitinsilence。Hesatdownonthecouchandstillsaidnothing。Iopenedandshutadrawerundermydesk,onwhichafilled-uplog-slatelaywideopeninitswoodenframewaitingtobecopiedneatlyintothesortofbookI
  wasaccustomedtowritewithcare,theship’slog-book。Iturnedmybacksquarelyonthedesk。AndeventhenJacquesneverofferedaword。"Well,whatdoyousay?"Iaskedatlast。"Isitworthfinishing?"Thisquestionexpressedexactlythewholeofmythoughts。
  "Distinctly,"heansweredinhissedate,veiledvoiceandthencoughedalittle。
  "Wereyouinterested?"Iinquiredfurtheralmostinawhisper。
  "Verymuch!"
  InapauseIwentonmeetinginstinctivelytheheavyrollingoftheship,andJacquesputhisfeetuponthecouch。Thecurtainofmybed-placeswungtoandfroasitwereapunkah,thebulkheadlampcircledinitsgimbals,andnowandthenthecabindoorrattledslightlyinthegustsofwind。Itwasinlatitude40south,andnearlyinthelongitudeofGreenwich,asfarasI
  canremember,thatthesequietritesofAlmayer’sandNina’sresurrectionweretakingplace。Intheprolongedsilenceitoccurredtomethattherewasagooddealofretrospectivewritinginthestoryasfarasitwent。Wasitintelligibleinitsaction,Iaskedmyself,asifalreadythestory-tellerwerebeingbornintothebodyofaseaman。ButIheardondeckthewhistleoftheofficerofthewatchandremainedonthealerttocatchtheorderthatwastofollowthiscalltoattention。Itreachedmeasafaint,fierceshoutto"Squaretheyards。"
  "Aha!"Ithoughttomyself,"awesterlyblowcomingon。"ThenI
  turnedtomyveryfirstreaderwho,alas!wasnottolivelongenoughtoknowtheendofthetale。
  "Nowletmeaskyouonemorething:isthestoryquitecleartoyouasitstands?"
  Heraisedhisdark,gentleeyestomyfaceandseemedsurprised。
  "Yes!Perfectly。"
  ThiswasallIwastohearfromhislipsconcerningthemeritsof"Almayer’sFolly。"Weneverspoketogetherofthebookagain。A
  longperiodofbadweathersetinandIhadnothoughtsleftbutformyduties,whilstpoorJacquescaughtafatalcoldandhadtokeepcloseinhiscabin。WhenwearrivedinAdelaidethefirstreaderofmyprosewentatonceup-country,anddiedrathersuddenlyintheend,eitherinAustraliaoritmaybeonthepassagewhilegoinghomethroughtheSuezCanal。Iamnotsurewhichitwasnow,andIdonotthinkIeverheardprecisely;
  thoughImadeinquiriesabouthimfromsomeofourreturnpassengerswho,wanderingaboutto"seethecountry"duringtheship’sstayinport,hadcomeuponhimhereandthere。Atlastwesailed,homewardbound,andstillnotonelinewasaddedtothecarelessscrawlofthemanypageswhichpoorJacqueshadhadthepatiencetoreadwiththeveryshadowsofEternitygatheringalreadyinthehollowsofhiskind,steadfasteyes。
  Thepurposeinstilledintomebyhissimpleandfinal"Distinctly"remaineddormant,yetalivetoawaititsopportunity。IdaresayIamcompelled,unconsciouslycompelled,nowtowritevolumeaftervolume,asinpastyearsIwascompelledtogotoseavoyageaftervoyage。Leavesmustfollowuponeachotherasleaguesusedtofollowinthedaysgoneby,onandontotheappointedend,which,beingTruthitself,isOne——
  oneforallmenandforalloccupations。
  Idonotknowwhichofthetwoimpulseshasappearedmoremysteriousandmorewonderfultome。Still,inwriting,asingoingtosea,Ihadtowaitmyopportunity。LetmeconfessherethatIwasneveroneofthosewonderfulfellowsthatwouldgoafloatinawash-tubforthesakeofthefun,andifImaypridemyselfuponmyconsistency,itwaseverjustthesamewithmywriting。Somemen,Ihaveheard,writeinrailwaycarriages,andcoulddoit,perhaps,sittingcross-leggedonaclothes-line;butImustconfessthatmysybariticdispositionwillnotconsenttowritewithoutsomethingatleastresemblingachair。Linebyline,ratherthanpagebypage,wasthegrowthof"Almayer’sFolly。"
  AndsoithappenedthatIverynearlylosttheMS。,advancednowtothefirstwordsoftheninthchapter,intheFriedrichstrasserailwaystation(that’sinBerlin,youknow),onmywaytoPoland,ormorepreciselytoUkraine。Onanearly,sleepymorningchangingtrainsinahurryIleftmyGladstonebaginarefreshment-room。AworthyandintelligentKoffertragerrescuedit。YetinmyanxietyIwasnotthinkingoftheMS。butofalltheotherthingsthatwerepackedinthebag。
  InWarsaw,whereIspenttwodays,thosewanderingpageswereneverexposedtothelight,exceptonce,tocandle-light,whilethebaglayopenonachair。Iwasdressinghurriedlytodineatasportingclub。Afriendofmychildhood(hehadbeenintheDiplomaticService,buthadturnedtogrowingwheatonpaternalacres,andwehadnotseeneachotherforovertwentyyears)wassittingonthehotelsofawaitingtocarrymeoffthere。
  "Youmighttellmesomethingofyourlifewhileyouaredressing,"hesuggestedkindly。
  IdonotthinkItoldhimmuchofmylife-storyeitherthenorlater。Thetalkoftheselectlittlepartywithwhichhemademedinewasextremelyanimatedandembracedmostsubjectsunderheaven,frombig-gameshootinginAfricatothelastpoempublishedinaverymodernistreview,editedbytheveryyoungandpatronisedbythehighestsociety。Butitnevertouchedupon"Almayer’sFolly,"andnextmorning,inuninterruptedobscurity,thisinseparablecompanionwentonrollingwithmeinthesouth-
  eastdirectiontowardstheGovernmentofKiev。
  Atthattimetherewasaneight-hours’drive,ifnotmore,fromtherailwaystationtothecountryhousewhichwasmydestination。
  "Dearboy"(thesewordswerealwayswritteninEnglish),soranthelastletterfromthathousereceivedinLondon,——"Getyourselfdriventotheonlyinnintheplace,dineaswellasyoucan,andsometimeintheeveningmyownconfidentialservant,factotumandmajor-domo,aMr。V。S。(Iwarnyouheisofnobleextraction),willpresenthimselfbeforeyou,reportingthearrivalofthesmallsledgewhichwilltakeyouhereonthenextday。Isendwithhimmyheaviestfur,whichIsupposewithsuchovercoatsasyoumayhavewithyouwillkeepyoufromfreezingontheroad。"
  Sureenough,asIwasdining,servedbyaHebrewwaiter,inanenormousbarn-likebedroomwithafreshlypaintedfloor,thedooropenedand,inatravellingcostumeoflongboots,bigsheep-skincapandashortcoatgirtwithaleatherbelt,theMr。V。S。(ofnobleextraction),amanofaboutthirty-five,appearedwithanairofperplexityonhisopenandmoustachioedcountenance。I
  gotupfromthetableandgreetedhiminPolish,with,Ihope,therightshadeofconsiderationdemandedbyhisnoblebloodandhisconfidentialposition。Hisfaceclearedupinawonderfulway。Itappearedthat,notwithstandingmyuncle’searnestassurances,thegoodfellowhadremainedindoubtofourunderstandingeachother。HeimaginedIwouldtalktohiminsomeforeignlanguage。Iwastoldthathislastwordsongettingintothesledgetocometomeetmeshapedananxiousexclamation:
  "Well!Well!HereIamgoing,butGodonlyknowshowIamtomakemyselfunderstoodtoourmaster’snephew。"
  Weunderstoodeachotherverywellfromthefirst。HetookchargeofmeasifIwerenotquiteofage。Ihadadelightfulboyishfeelingofcominghomefromschoolwhenhemuffledmeupnextmorninginanenormousbear-skintravelling-coatandtookhisseatprotectivelybymyside。Thesledgewasaverysmalloneanditlookedutterlyinsignificant,almostlikeatoybehindthefourbigbaysharnessedtwoandtwo。Wethree,countingthecoachman,filleditcompletely。Hewasayoungfellowwithclearblueeyes;thehighcollarofhisliveryfurcoatframedhischeerycountenanceandstoodallroundlevelwiththetopofhishead。
  "Now,Joseph,"mycompanionaddressedhim,"doyouthinkweshallmanagetogethomebeforesix?"Hisanswerwasthatwewouldsurely,withGod’shelp,andprovidingtherewerenoheavydriftsinthelongstretchbetweencertainvillageswhosenamescamewithanextremelyfamiliarsoundtomyears。Heturnedoutanexcellentcoachmanwithaninstinctforkeepingtheroadamongstthesnow-coveredfieldsandanaturalgiftofgettingthebestoutofhishorses。
  "HeisthesonofthatJosephthatIsupposetheCaptainremembers。HewhousedtodrivetheCaptain’slategrandmotherofholymemory,"remarkedV。S。busytuckingfurrugsaboutmyfeet。
  IrememberedperfectlythetrustyJosephwhousedtodrivemygrandmother。Why!heitwaswholetmeholdthereinsforthefirsttimeinmylifeandallowedmetoplaywiththegreatfour-
  in-handwhipoutsidethedoorsofthecoach-house。
  "Whatbecameofhim?"Iasked。"Heisnolongerserving,I
  suppose。"
  "Heservedourmaster,"wasthereply。"Buthediedofcholeratenyearsagonow——thatgreatepidemicwehad。Andhiswifediedatthesametime——thewholehousefulofthem,andthisistheonlyboythatwasleft。"
  TheMS。of"Almayer’sFolly"wasreposinginthebagunderourfeet。
  IsawagainthesunsettingontheplainsasIsawitinthetravelsofmychildhood。Itset,clearandred,dippingintothesnowinfullviewasifitweresettingonthesea。Itwastwenty-threeyearssinceIhadseenthesunsetoverthatland;
  andwedroveoninthedarknesswhichfellswiftlyuponthelividexpanseofsnowstill,outofthewasteofawhiteearthjoiningabestarredsky,surgedupblackshapes,theclumpsoftreesaboutavillageoftheUkrainianplain。Acottageortwoglidedby,alowinterminablewallandthen,glimmeringandwinkingthroughascreenoffir-trees,thelightsofthemaster’shouse。
  ThatveryeveningthewanderingMS。of"Almayer’sFolly"wasunpackedandunostentatiouslylaidonthewriting-tableinmyroom,theguest-roomwhichhadbeen,Iwasinformedinanaffectedlycarelesstone,awaitingmeforsomefifteenyearsorso。Itattractednoattentionfromtheaffectionatepresencehoveringroundthesonofthefavouritesister。
  "Youwon’thavemanyhourstoyourselfwhileyouarestayingwithme,brother,"hesaid——thisformofaddressborrowedfromthespeechofourpeasantsbeingtheusualexpressionofthehighestgoodhumourinamomentofaffectionateelation。"Ishallbealwayscominginforachat。"
  Asamatteroffactwehadthewholehousetochatin,andwereeverlastinglyintrudinguponeachother。Iinvadedtheretirementofhisstudywheretheprincipalfeaturewasacolossalsilverinkstandpresentedtohimonhisfiftiethyearbyasubscriptionofallhiswardsthenliving。Hehadbeenguardianofmanyorphansofland-owningfamiliesfromthethreesouthernprovinces——eversincetheyear1860。Someofthemhadbeenmyschoolfellowsandplaymates,butnotoneofthem,girlsorboys,thatIknowofhaseverwrittenanovel。Oneortwowereolderthanmyself——considerablyolder,too。Oneofthem,avisitorIrememberinmyearlyyears,wasthemanwhofirstputmeonhorseback,andhisfour-horsebachelorturn-out,hisperfecthorsemanshipandgeneralskillinmanlyexerciseswasoneofmyearliestadmirations。Iseemtoremembermymotherlookingonfromacolonnadeinfrontofthedining-roomwindowsasIwaslifteduponthepony,held,forallIknow,bytheveryJoseph——
  thegroomattachedspeciallytomygrandmother’sservice——whodiedofcholera。Itwascertainlyayoungmaninadarkblue,tail-lesscoatandhugeCossacktrousers,thatbeingtheliveryofthemenaboutthestables。Itmusthavebeenin1864,butreckoningbyanothermodeofcalculatingtime,itwascertainlyintheyearinwhichmymotherobtainedpermissiontotravelsouthandvisitherfamily,fromtheexileintowhichshehadfollowedmyfather。Forthat,too,shehadhadtoaskpermission,andIknowthatoneoftheconditionsofthatfavourwasthatsheshouldbetreatedexactlyasacondemnedexileherself。Yetacoupleofyearslater,inmemoryofhereldestbrotherwhohadservedintheGuardsanddyingearlylefthostsoffriendsandalovedmemoryinthegreatworldofSt。
  Petersburg,someinfluentialpersonagesprocuredforherthispermission——itwasofficiallycalledthe"HighestGrace"——ofathreemonths’leavefromexile。
  ThisisalsotheyearinwhichIfirstbegintoremembermymotherwithmoredistinctnessthanamereloving,wide-browed,silent,protectingpresence,whoseeyeshadasortofcommandingsweetness;andIalsorememberthegreatgatheringofalltherelationsfromnearandfar,andthegreyheadsofthefamilyfriendspayingherthehomageofrespectandloveinthehouseofherfavouritebrotherwho,afewyearslater,wastotaketheplaceformeofbothmyparents。
  Ididnotunderstandthetragicsignificanceofitallatthetime,thoughindeedIrememberthatdoctorsalsocame。Therewerenosignsofinvalidismabouther——butIthinkthatalreadytheyhadpronouncedherdoomunlessperhapsthechangetoasouthernclimatecouldre-establishherdecliningstrength。Formeitseemstheveryhappiestperiodofmyexistence。Therewasmycousin,adelightfulquick-temperedlittlegirl,somemonthsyoungerthanmyself,whoselife,lovinglywatchedover,asifshewerearoyalprincess,cametoanendwithherfifteenthyear。
  Therewereotherchildren,too,manyofwhomaredeadnow,andnotafewwhoseverynamesIhaveforgotten。OverallthishungtheoppressiveshadowofthegreatRussianEmpire——theshadowloweringwiththedarknessofanew-bornnationalhatredfosteredbytheMoscowschoolofjournalistsagainstthePolesaftertheill-omenedrisingof1863。
  ThisisafarcrybackfromtheMS。of"Almayer’sFolly,"butthepublicrecordoftheseformativeimpressionsisnotthewhimofanuneasyegotism。These,too,arethingshuman,alreadydistantintheirappeal。Itismeetthatsomethingmoreshouldbeleftforthenovelist’schildrenthanthecoloursandfiguresofhisownhard-woncreation。Thatwhichintheirgrown-upyearsmayappeartotheworldaboutthemasthemostenigmaticsideoftheirnaturesandperhapsmustremainforeverobscureeventothemselves,willbetheirunconsciousresponsetothestillvoiceofthatinexorablepastfromwhichhisworkoffictionandtheirpersonalitiesareremotelyderived。
  Onlyinmen’simaginationdoeseverytruthfindaneffectiveandundeniableexistence。Imagination,notinvention,isthesuprememasterofartasoflife。Animaginativeandexactrenderingofauthenticmemoriesmayserveworthilythatspiritofpietytowardsallthingshumanwhichsanctionstheconceptionsofawriteroftales,andtheemotionsofthemanreviewinghisownexperience。
  ChapterII。
  AsIhavesaid,IwasunpackingmyluggageafterajourneyfromLondonintoUkraine。TheMS。of"Almayer’sFolly"——mycompanionalreadyforsomethreeyearsormore,andthenintheninthchapterofitsage——wasdepositedunostentatiouslyonthewriting-tableplacedbetweentwowindows。Itdidn’toccurtometoputitawayinthedrawerthetablewasfittedwith,butmyeyewasattractedbythegoodformofthesamedrawer’sbrasshandles。Twocandelabrawithfourcandleseachlightedupfestallytheroomwhichhadwaitedsomanyyearsforthewanderingnephew。Theblindsweredown。
  WithinfivehundredyardsofthechaironwhichIsatstoodthefirstpeasanthutofthevillage——partofmymaternalgrandfather’sestate,theonlypartremaininginthepossessionofamemberofthefamily;andbeyondthevillageinthelimitlessblacknessofawinter’snighttherelaythegreatunfencedfields——notaflatandsevereplain,butakindlybread-
  givinglandoflowroundedridges,allwhitenow,withtheblackpatchesoftimbernestlinginthehollows。TheroadbywhichI
  hadcomeranthroughthevillagewithaturnjustoutsidethegatesclosingtheshortdrive。Somebodywasabroadonthedeepsnowtrack;aquicktinkleofbellsstolegraduallyintothestillnessoftheroomlikeatunefulwhisper。
  Myunpackinghadbeenwatchedoverbytheservantwhohadcometohelpme,and,forthemostpart,hadbeenstandingattentivebutunnecessaryatthedooroftheroom。Ididnotwanthimintheleast,butIdidnotliketotellhimtogoaway。Hewasayoungfellow,certainlymorethantenyearsyoungerthanmyself;Ihadnotbeen——Iwon’tsayinthatplacebutwithinsixtymilesofit,eversincetheyear’67;yethisguilelessphysiognomyoftheopenpeasanttypeseemedstrangelyfamiliar。Itwasquitepossiblethathemighthavebeenadescendant,asonorevenagrandson,oftheservantswhosefriendlyfaceshadbeenfamiliartomeinmyearlychildhood。Asamatteroffacthehadnosuchclaimonmyconsideration。Hewastheproductofsomevillagenearbyandwasthereonhispromotion,havinglearnedtheserviceinoneortwohousesaspantry-boy。IknowthisbecauseIaskedtheworthyV——nextday。Imightwellhavesparedthequestion。Idiscoveredbeforelongthatallthefacesaboutthehouseandallthefacesinthevillage:thegravefaceswithlongmoustachesoftheheadsoffamilies,thedownyfacesoftheyoungmen,thefacesofthelittlefair-hairedchildren,thehandsome,tanned,wide-browedfacesofthemothersseenatthedoorsofthehutswereasfamiliartomeasthoughIhadknownthemallfromchildhood,andmychildhoodwereamatterofthedaybeforeyesterday。
  Thetinkleofthetraveller’sbels,aftergrowinglouder,hadfadedawayquickly,andthetumultofbarkingdogsinthevillagehadcalmeddownatlast。Myuncle,lounginginthecornerofasmallcouch,smokedhislongTurkishchiboukinsilence。
  "Thisisanextremelynicewriting-tableyouhavegotformyroom,"Iremarked。
  "Itisreallyyourproperty,"hesaid,keepinghiseyesonme,withaninterestedandwistfulexpressionashehaddoneeversinceIhadenteredthehouse。"Fortyyearsagoyourmotherusedtowriteatthisverytable。InourhouseinOratowitstoodinthelittlesitting-roomwhich,byatacitarrangement,wasgivenuptothegirls——Imeantoyourmotherandhersisterwhodiedsoyoung。ItwasapresenttothemjointlyfromouruncleNicholasB。whenyourmotherwasseventeenandyouraunttwoyearsyounger。Shewasaverydear,delightfulgirl,thatauntofyours,ofwhomIsupposeyouknownothingmorethanthename。
  Shedidnotshinesomuchbypersonalbeautyandacultivatedmind,inwhichyourmotherwasfarsuperior。Itwashergoodsense,theadmirablesweetnessofhernature,herexceptionalfacilityandeaseindailyrelationsthatendearedhertoeverybody。Herdeathwasaterriblegriefandaseriousmorallossforusall。Hadshelivedshewouldhavebroughtthegreatestblessingstothehouseitwouldhavebeenherlottoenter,aswife,motherandmistressofahousehold。Shewouldhavecreatedroundherselfanatmosphereofpeaceandcontentwhichonlythosewhocanloveunselfishlyareabletoevoke。
  Yourmother——offargreaterbeauty,exceptionallydistinguishedinperson,mannerandintellect——hadalesseasydisposition。
  Beingmorebrilliantlygiftedshealsoexpectedmorefromlife。
  Atthattryingtimeespecially,weweregreatlyconcernedaboutherstate。Sufferinginherhealthfromtheshockofherfather’sdeath(shewasaloneinthehousewithhimwhenhediedsuddenly),shewastornbytheinwardstrugglebetweenherloveforthemanwhomshewastomarryintheendandherknowledgeofherdeadfather’sdeclaredobjectiontothatmatch。Unabletobringherselftodisregardthatcherishedmemoryandthatjudgmentshehadalwaysrespectedandtrusted,and,ontheotherhand,feelingtheimpossibilitytoresistasentimentsodeepandsotrue,shecouldnothavebeenexpectedtopreservehermentalandmoralbalance。Atwarwithherself,shecouldnotgivetoothersthatfeelingofpeacewhichwasnotherown。Itwasonlylater,whenunitedatlastwiththemanofherchoicethatshedevelopedthoseuncommongiftsofmindandheartwhichcompelledtherespectandadmirationevenofourfoes。Meetingwithcalmfortitudethecrueltrialsofalifereflectingallthenationalandsocialmisfortunesofthecommunity,sherealisedthehighestconceptionsofdutyasawife,amotherandapatriot,sharingtheexileofherhusbandandrepresentingnoblytheidealofPolishwomanhood。OurUncleNicholaswasnotamanveryaccessibletofeelingsofaffection。ApartfromhisworshipforNapoleontheGreat,helovedreally,Ibelieve,onlythreepeopleintheworld:hismother——yourgreat-grandmother,whomyouhaveseenbutcannotpossiblyremember;hisbrother,ourfather,inwhosehousehelivedforsomanyyears;andofallofus,hisnephewsandniecesgrownuproundhim,yourmotheralone。Themodest,lovablequalitiesoftheyoungestsisterhedidnotseemabletosee。ItwasIwhofeltmostprofoundlythisunexpectedstrokeofdeathfallinguponthefamilylessthanayearafterI
  hadbecomeitshead。Itwasterriblyunexpected。Drivinghomeonewintryafternoontokeepmecompanyinouremptyhouse,whereIhadtoremainpermanentlyadministeringtheestateandattendingtothecomplicatedaffairs——(thegirlstookitinturnweekandweekabout)——driving,asIsaid,fromthehouseoftheCountessTeklaPotochka,whereourinvalidmotherwasstayingthentobenearadoctor,theylosttheroadandgotstuckinasnowdrift。ShewasalonewiththecoachmanandoldValery,thepersonalservantofourlatefather。Impatientofdelaywhiletheyweretryingtodigthemselvesout,shejumpedoutofthesledgeandwenttolookfortheroadherself。Allthishappenedin’51,nottenmilesfromthehouseinwhichwearesittingnow。
  Theroadwassoonfound,butsnowhadbeguntofallthicklyagain,andtheywerefourmorehoursgettinghome。Boththementookofftheirsheepskin-linedgreat-coatsandusedalltheirownrugstowrapherupagainstthecold,notwithstandingherprotests,positiveordersandevenstruggles,asValeryafterwardsrelatedtome。’HowcouldI,’heremonstratedwithher,’gotomeettheblessedsoulofmylatemasterifIletanyharmcometoyouwhilethere’sasparkoflifeleftinmybody?’
  Whentheyreachedhomeatlastthepooroldmanwasstiffandspeechlessfromexposure,andthecoachmanwasinnotmuchbetterplight,thoughhehadthestrengthtodriveroundtothestableshimself。Tomyreproachesforventuringoutatallinsuchweather,sheansweredcharacteristicallythatshecouldnotbearthethoughtofabandoningmetomycheerlesssolitude。Itisincomprehensiblehowitwasthatshewasallowedtostart。I
  supposeithadtobe!Shemadelightofthecoughwhichcameonnextday,butshortlyafterwardsinflammationofthelungssetin,andinthreeweeksshewasnomore!Shewasthefirsttobetakenawayoftheyounggenerationundermycare。Beholdthevanityofallhopesandfears!Iwasthemostfrailatbirthofallthechildren。ForyearsIremainedsodelicatethatmyparentshadbutlittlehopeofbringingmeup;andyetIhavesurvivedfivebrothersandtwosisters,andmanyofmycontemporaries;Ihaveoutlivedmywifeanddaughtertoo——andfromallthosewhohavehadsomeknowledgeatleastoftheseoldtimesyoualoneareleft。Ithasbeenmylottolayinanearlygravemanyhonesthearts,manybrilliantpromises,manyhopesfulloflife。"
  Hegotupbrusquely,sighed,andleftme,saying:"Wewilldineinhalfanhour。"WithoutmovingIlistenedtohisquickstepsresoundingonthewaxedfloorofthenextroom,traversingtheante-roomlinedwithbookshelves,wherehepausedtoputhischiboukinthepipe-standbeforepassingintothedrawing-room(thesewereallensuite),wherehebecameinaudibleonthethickcarpet。ButIheardthedoorofhisstudy-bedroomclose。Hewasthensixty-twoyearsoldandhadbeenforaquarterofacenturythewisest,thefirmest,themostindulgentofguardians,extendingovermeapaternalcareandaffection,amoralsupportwhichIseemedtofeelalwaysnearmeinthemostdistantpartsoftheearth。
  AstoMr。NicholasB。,sub-lieutenantof1808,lieutenantof1813
  intheFrenchArmy,andforashorttimeOfficierd’OrdonnanceofMarshalMarmont;afterwardsCaptaininthe2ndRegimentofMountedRiflesinthePolishArmy——suchasitexistedupto1830
  inthereducedkingdomestablishedbytheCongressofVienna——I
  mustsaythatfromallthatmoredistantpast,knowntometraditionallyandalittledevisu,andcalledoutbythewordsofthemanjustgoneaway,heremainsthemostincompletefigure。
  ItisobviousthatImusthaveseenhimin’64,foritiscertainthathewouldnothavemissedtheopportunityofseeingmymotherforwhathemusthaveknownwouldbethelasttime。Frommyearlyboyhoodtothisday,ifItrytocalluphisimage,asortofmistrisesbeforemyeyes,amistinwhichIperceivevaguelyonlyaneatlybrushedheadofwhitehair(whichisexceptionalinthecaseoftheB。family,whereitistheruleformentogobaldinabecomingmanner,beforethirty)andathin,curved,dignifiednose,afeatureinstrictaccordancewiththephysicaltraditionoftheB。family。Butitisnotbythesefragmentaryremainsofperishablemortalitythathelivesinmymemory。I
  knew,ataveryearlyage,thatmygrand-uncleNicholasB。wasaKnightoftheLegionofHonourandthathehadalsothePolishCrossforvalourVirtutiMilitari。Theknowledgeofthesegloriousfactsinspiredinmeanadmiringveneration;yetitisnotthatsentiment,strongasitwas,whichresumesformetheforceandthesignificanceofhispersonality。Itisoverbornebyanotherandcompleximpressionofawe,compassionandhorror。