ThefirstspeciesoffalsewitwhichIhavemetwithisveryvenerableforitsantiquity，andhasproducedseveralpieceswhichhavelivedverynearaslongasthe"Iliad"itself：Imean，thoseshortpoemsprintedamongtheminorGreekpoets，whichresemblethefigureofanegg，apairofwings，anaxe，ashepherd’spipe，andanaltar。
　　Asforthefirst，itisalittleovalpoem，andmaynotimproperlybecalledascholar’segg。Iwouldendeavourtohatchit，or，inmoreintelligiblelanguage，totranslateitintoEnglish，didnotI
　　findtheinterpretationofitverydifficult;fortheauthorseemstohavebeenmoreintentuponthefigureofhispoemthanuponthesenseofit。
　　Thepairofwingsconsistsoftwelveverses，orratherfeathers，everyversedecreasinggraduallyinitsmeasureaccordingtoitssituationinthewing。Thesubjectofit，asintherestofthepoemswhichfollow，bearssomeremoteaffinitywiththefigure，foritdescribesagodoflove，whoisalwayspaintedwithwings。
　　Theaxe，methinks，wouldhavebeenagoodfigureforalampoon，hadtheedgeofitconsistedofthemostsatiricalpartsofthework;
　　butasitisintheoriginal，ItakeittohavebeennothingelsebutthepoesyofanaxewhichwasconsecratedtoMinerva，andwasthoughttobethesamethatEpeusmadeuseofinthebuildingoftheTrojanhorse;whichisahintIshallleavetotheconsiderationofthecritics。Iamapttothinkthatthepoesywaswrittenoriginallyupontheaxe，likethosewhichourmoderncutlersinscribeupontheirknives;andthat，therefore，thepoesystillremainsinitsancientshape，thoughtheaxeitselfislost。
　　Theshepherd’spipemaybesaidtobefullofmusic，foritiscomposedofninedifferentkindsofverses，whichbytheirseverallengthsresembletheninestopsoftheoldmusicalinstrument，thatislikewisethesubjectofthepoem。
　　ThealtarisinscribedwiththeepitaphofTroilusthesonofHecuba;which，bytheway，makesmebelievethatthesefalsepiecesofwitaremuchmoreancientthantheauthorstowhomtheyaregenerallyascribed;atleast，IwillneverbepersuadedthatsofineawriterasTheocrituscouldhavebeentheauthorofanysuchsimpleworks。
　　Itwasimpossibleforamantosucceedintheseperformanceswhowasnotakindofpainter，oratleastadesigner。Hewasfirstofalltodrawtheoutlineofthesubjectwhichheintendedtowriteupon，andafterwardsconformthedescriptiontothefigureofhissubject。
　　Thepoetrywastocontractordilateitselfaccordingtothemouldinwhichitwascast。Inaword，theversesweretobecrampedorextendedtothedimensionsoftheframethatwaspreparedforthem;
　　andtoundergothefateofthosepersonswhomthetyrantProcrustesusedtolodgeinhisironbed：iftheyweretooshort，hestretchedthemonarack;andiftheyweretoolong，choppedoffapartoftheirlegs，tilltheyfittedthecouchwhichhehadpreparedforthem。
　　Mr。Drydenhintsatthisobsoletekindofwitinoneofthefollowingversesinhis"MacFlecknoe;"whichanEnglishreadercannotunderstand，whodoesnotknowthattherearethoselittlepoemsabovementionedintheshapeofwingsandaltars：——
　　ChooseforthycommandSomepeacefulprovinceinacrosticland;
　　Theremay’stthouwingsdisplay，andaltarsraise，Andtortureonepoorwordathousandways。
　　Thisfashionoffalsewitwasrevivedbyseveralpoetsofthelastage，andinparticularmaybemetwithamongMr。Herbert’spoems;
　　and，ifIamnotmistaken，inthetranslationofDuBartas。IdonotrememberanyotherkindofworkamongthemodernswhichmoreresemblestheperformancesIhavementionedthanthatfamouspictureofKingCharlestheFirst，whichhasthewholeBookofPsalmswritteninthelinesoftheface，and，thehairofthehead。WhenI
　　waslastatOxfordIperusedoneofthewhiskers，andwasreadingtheother，butcouldnotgosofarinitasIwouldhavedone，byreasonoftheimpatienceofmyfriendsandfellow-travellers，whoallofthempressedtoseesuchapieceofcuriosity。Ihavesinceheard，thatthereisnowaneminentwriting-masterintown，whohastranscribedalltheOldTestamentinafull-bottomedperiwig：andifthefashionshouldintroducethethickkindofwigswhichwereinvoguesomefewyearsago，hepromisestoaddtwoorthreesupernumerarylocksthatshouldcontainalltheApocrypha。HedesignedthiswigoriginallyforKingWilliam，havingdisposedofthetwoBooksofKingsinthetwoforksoftheforetop;butthatgloriousmonarchdyingbeforethewigwasfinished，thereisaspaceleftinitforthefaceofanyonethathasamindtopurchaseit。
　　Buttoreturntoourancientpoemsinpicture。Iwouldhumblypropose，forthebenefitofourmodernsmatterersinpoetry，thattheywouldimitatetheirbrethrenamongtheancientsinthoseingeniousdevices。Ihavecommunicatedthisthoughttoayoungpoeticalloverofmyacquaintance，whointendstopresenthismistresswithacopyofversesmadeintheshapeofherfan;and，ifhetellsmetrue，hasalreadyfinishedthethreefirststicksofit。
　　Hehaslikewisepromisedmetogetthemeasureofhismistress’smarriagefingerwithadesigntomakeaposyinthefashionofaring，whichshallexactlyfitit。Itissoveryeasytoenlargeuponagoodhint，thatIdonotquestionbutmyingeniousreaderswillapplywhatIhavesaidtomanyotherparticulars;andthatweshallseethetownfilledinaverylittletimewithpoeticaltippets，handkerchiefs，snuff-boxes，andthelikefemaleornaments。
　　IshallthereforeconcludewithawordofadvicetothoseadmirableEnglishauthorswhocallthemselvesPindaricwriters，thattheywouldapplythemselvestothiskindofwitwithoutlossoftime，asbeingprovidedbetterthananyotherpoetswithversesofallsizesanddimensions。
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　　Operosenihilaguat。
　　SENECA。
　　Busyaboutnothing。
　　Thereisnothingmorecertainthanthateverymanwouldbeawitifhecould;andnotwithstandingpedantsofpretendeddepthandsolidityareapttodecrythewritingsofapoliteauthor，asflashandfroth，theyallofthemshow，uponoccasion，thattheywouldsparenopainstoarriveatthecharacterofthosewhomtheyseemtodespise。Forthisreasonweoftenfindthemendeavouringatworksoffancy，whichcosttheminfinitepangsintheproduction。Thetruthofitis，amanhadbetterbeagalley-slavethanawit，wereonetogainthattitlebythoseelaboratetrifleswhichhavebeentheinventionsofsuchauthorsaswereoftenmastersofgreatlearning，butnogenius。
　　InmylastpaperImentionedsomeofthesefalsewitsamongtheancients;andinthisshallgivethereadertwoorthreeotherspeciesofthem，thatflourishedinthesameearlyagesoftheworld。ThefirstIshallproducearethelipogrammatistsorletter-
　　droppersofantiquity，thatwouldtakeanexception，withoutanyreason，againstsomeparticularletterinthealphabet，soasnottoadmititonceintoawholepoem。OneTryphiodoruswasagreatmasterinthiskindofwriting。Hecomposedan"Odyssey"orepicpoemontheadventuresofUlysses，consistingoffour-and-twentybooks，havingentirelybanishedtheletterAfromhisfirstbook，whichwascalledAlpha，aslucusanonlucendo，becausetherewasnotanAlphainit。HissecondbookwasinscribedBetaforthesamereason。Inshort，thepoetexcludedthewholefour-and-twentylettersintheirturns，andshowedthem，oneafteranother，thathecoulddohisbusinesswithoutthem。
　　Itmusthavebeenverypleasanttohaveseenthispoetavoidingthereprobateletter，asmuchasanotherwouldafalsequantity，andmakinghisescapefromitthroughtheseveralGreekdialects，whenhewaspressedwithitinanyparticularsyllable。Forthemostaptandelegantwordinthewholelanguagewasrejected，likeadiamondwithaflawinit，ifitappearedblemishedwithawrongletter。I
　　shallonlyobserveuponthishead，thatiftheworkIhaveherementionedhadbeennowextant，the"Odyssey"ofTryphiodorus，inallprobability，wouldhavebeenoftenerquotedbyourlearnedpedantsthanthe"Odyssey"ofHomer。Whataperpetualfundwouldithavebeenofobsoletewordsandphrases，unusualbarbarismsandrusticities，absurdspellingsandcomplicateddialects！ImakenoquestionbutthatitwouldhavebeenlookeduponasoneofthemostvaluabletreasuriesoftheGreektongue。
　　Ifindlikewiseamongtheancientsthatingeniouskindofconceitwhichthemodernsdistinguishbythenameofarebus，thatdoesnotsinkaletter，butawholeword，bysubstitutingapictureinitsplace。WhenCaesarwasoneofthemastersoftheRomanmint，heplacedthefigureofanelephantuponthereverseofthepublicmoney;thewordCaesarsignifyinganelephantinthePuniclanguage。
　　ThiswasartificiallycontrivedbyCaesar，becauseitwasnotlawfulforaprivatemantostamphisownfigureuponthecoinofthecommonwealth。Cicero，whowassocalledfromthefounderofhisfamily，thatwasmarkedonthenosewithalittlewenlikeavetch，whichisCicerinLatin，insteadofMarcusTulliusCicero，orderedthewordsMarcusTullius，withafigureofavetchattheendofthem，tobeinscribedonapublicmonument。Thiswasdoneprobablytoshowthathewasneitherashamedofhisnamenorfamily，notwithstandingtheenvyofhiscompetitorshadoftenreproachedhimwithboth。Inthesamemannerwereadofafamousbuildingthatwasmarkedinseveralpartsofitwiththefiguresofafrogandalizard;thosewordsinGreekhavingbeenthenamesofthearchitects，whobythelawsoftheircountrywereneverpermittedtoinscribetheirownnamesupontheirworks。Forthesamereasonitisthoughtthattheforelockofthehorse，intheantiqueequestrianstatueofMarcusAurelius，representsatadistancetheshapeofanowl，tointimatethecountryofthestatuary，who，inallprobability，wasanAthenian。Thiskindofwitwasverymuchinvogueamongourowncountrymenaboutanageortwoago，whodidnotpractiseitforanyobliquereason，astheancientsabove-mentioned，butpurelyforthesakeofbeingwitty。Amonginnumerableinstancesthatmaybegivenofthisnature，IshallproducethedeviceofoneMr。Newberry，asIfinditmentionedbyourlearnedCamdeninhisRemains。Mr。Newberry，torepresenthisnamebyapicture，hungupathisdoorthesignofayew-tree，thathasseveralberriesuponit，andinthemidstofthemagreatgoldenNhunguponaboughofthetree，whichbythehelpofalittlefalsespellingmadeupthewordNewberry。
　　Ishallconcludethistopicwitharebus，whichhasbeenlatelyhewnoutinfreestone，anderectedovertwooftheportalsofBlenheimHouse，beingthefigureofamonstrousliontearingtopiecesalittlecock。ForthebetterunderstandingofwhichdeviceImustacquaintmyEnglishreaderthatacockhasthemisfortunetobecalledinLatinbythesamewordthatsignifiesaFrenchman，asalionistheemblemoftheEnglishnation。Suchadeviceinsonobleapileofbuildinglookslikeapuninanheroicpoem;andIamverysorrythetrulyingeniousarchitectwouldsufferthestatuarytoblemishhisexcellentplanwithsopooraconceit。ButIhopewhatIhavesaidwillgainquarterforthecock，anddeliverhimoutofthelion’spaw。
　　Ifindlikewiseinancienttimestheconceitofmakinganechotalksensibly，andgiverationalanswers。Ifthiscouldbeexcusableinanywriter，itwouldbeinOvidwhereheintroducestheEchoasanymph，beforeshewaswornawayintonothingbutavoice。ThelearnedErasmus，thoughamanofwitandgenius，hascomposedadialogueuponthissillykindofdevice，andmadeuseofanEcho，whoseemstohavebeenaveryextraordinarylinguist，forsheanswersthepersonshetalkswithinLatin，Greek，andHebrew，accordingasshefoundthesyllableswhichshewastorepeatinanyofthoselearnedlanguages。Hudibras，inridiculeofthisfalsekindofwit，hasdescribedBruinbewailingthelossofhisbeartothesolitaryEcho，whoisofgreatusetothepoetinseveraldistiches，asshedoesnotonlyrepeatafterhim，buthelpsouthisverse，andfurnisheshimwithrhymes：-
　　Heraged，andkeptasheavyacoilasStoutHerculesforlossofHylas;
　　ForcingthevalleystorepeatTheaccentsofhissadregret;
　　Hebeathisbreast，andtorehishair，Forlossofhisdearcronybear：
　　ThatEchofromthehollowgroundHisdolefulwailingsdidresoundMorewistfullybymanytimes，Thaninsmallpoets’splay-footrhymes，Thatmakeher，intheirruefulstories，Toanswertoint’rogatories，AndmostunconscionablydeposeThingsofwhichshenothingknows;
　　Andwhenshehassaidallshecansay，’Tiswrestedtothelover’sfancy。
　　Quothhe，"Owhither，wickedBruin，Artthoufledtomy"——Echo，Ruin？
　　"Ithoughtth’hadstscorn’dtobudgeastepForfear。"QuothEcho，Marryguep。
　　"AmInotheretotakethypart？"
　　Thenwhathasquell’dthystubbornheart？
　　Havethesebonesrattled，andthisheadSoofteninthyquarrelbled？
　　NordidIeverwinchorgrudgeit，Forthydearsake。"Quothshe，Mumbudget。
　　Think’stthou’twillnotbelaidi’th’dish，Thouturn’dstthyback？"QuothEcho，Pish。
　　Torunfromthoseth’hadstovercomeThuscowardly？"QuothEcho，Mum。
　　"Butwhata-vengeancemakestheeflyFrommetooasthineenemy？
　　Orifthouhadstnothoughtofme，NorwhatIhaveenduredforthee，YetshameandhonourmightprevailTokeeptheethusfromturningtail：
　　ForwhowouldgrudgetospendhisbloodinHishonour’scause？"Quothshe，Apudding。
　　PartI。，Cant。3，183。
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　　Hocestquodpalles？Curquisnonprandeat，hocest？
　　PERS。，Sat。iii。85。
　　Isitforthisyougainthosemeagrelooks，Andsacrificeyourdinnertoyourbooks？
　　Severalkindsoffalsewitthatvanishedintherefinedagesoftheworld，discoveredthemselvesagaininthetimesofmonkishignorance。
　　Asthemonkswerethemastersofallthatlittlelearningwhichwasthenextant，andhadtheirwholelivesentirelydisengagedfrombusiness，itisnowonderthatseveralofthem，whowantedgeniusforhigherperformances，employedmanyhoursinthecompositionofsuchtricksinwritingasrequiredmuchtimeandlittlecapacity。I
　　haveseenhalfthe"AEneid"turnedintoLatinrhymesbyoneofthebeauxespritsofthatdarkage：whosays，inhisprefacetoit，thatthe"AEneid"wantednothingbutthesweetsofrhymetomakeitthemostperfectworkinitskind。IhavelikewiseseenahymninhexameterstotheVirginMary，whichfilledawholebook，thoughitconsistedbutoftheeightfollowingwordsTottibisunt，Virgo，dotes，quotsideracoelo。
　　Thouhastasmanyvirtues，OVirgin，astherearestarsinheaven。
　　Thepoetrangthechangesupontheseeightseveralwords，andbythatmeansmadehisversesalmostasnumerousasthevirtuesandstarswhichtheycelebrated。Itisnowonderthatmenwhohadsomuchtimeupontheirhandsdidnotonlyrestorealltheantiquatedpiecesoffalsewit，butenrichedtheworldwithinventionsoftheirown。Itistothisagethatweowetheproductionofanagrams，whichisnothingelsebutatransmutationofonewordintoanother，ortheturningofthesamesetoflettersintodifferentwords;
　　whichmaychangenightintoday，orblackintowhite，ifchance，whoisthegoddessthatpresidesoverthesesortsofcomposition，shallsodirect。Irememberawittyauthor，inallusiontothiskindofwriting，callshisrival，who，itseems，wasdistorted，andhadhislimbssetinplacesthatdidnotproperlybelongtothem，"theanagramofaman。"
　　Whentheanagrammatisttakesanametoworkupon，heconsidersitatfirstasaminenotbrokenup，whichwillnotshowthetreasureitcontainstillheshallhavespentmanyhoursinthesearchofit;
　　foritishisbusinesstofindoutonewordthatconcealsitselfinanother，andtoexaminethelettersinallthevarietyofstationsinwhichtheycanpossiblyberanged。Ihaveheardofagentlemanwho，whenthiskindofwitwasinfashion，endeavouredtogainhismistress’sheartbyit。Shewasoneofthefinestwomenofherage，andknownbythenameoftheLadyMaryBoon。ThelovernotbeingabletomakeanythingofMary，bycertainlibertiesindulgedtothiskindofwritingconverteditintoMoll;andafterhavingshuthimselfupforhalfayear，withindefatigableindustryproducedananagram。Uponthepresentingittohismistress，whowasalittlevexedinherhearttoseeherselfdegradedintoMollBoon，shetoldhim，tohisinfinitesurprise，thathehadmistakenhersurname，forthatitwasnotBoon，butBohun-
　　IbiomnisEffususlabor。——
　　Theloverwasthunder-struckwithhismisfortune，insomuchthatinalittletimeafterhelosthissenses，which，indeed，hadbeenverymuchimpairedbythatcontinualapplicationhehadgiventohisanagram。
　　Theacrosticwasprobablyinventedaboutthesametimewiththeanagram，thoughitisimpossibletodecidewhethertheinventoroftheoneortheotherwerethegreaterblockhead。Thesimpleacrosticisnothingbutthenameortitleofaperson，orthing，madeoutoftheinitiallettersofseveralverses，andbythatmeanswritten，afterthemanneroftheChinese，inaperpendicularline。
　　Butbesidesthesetherearecompoundacrostics，whentheprincipallettersstandtwoorthreedeep。Ihaveseensomeofthemwheretheverseshavenotonlybeenedgedbyanameateachextremity，buthavehadthesamenamerunningdownlikeaseamthroughthemiddleofthepoem。
　　Thereisanothernearrelationoftheanagramsandacrostics，whichiscommonlycalledachronogram。Thiskindofwitappearsveryoftenonmanymodernmedals，especiallythoseofGermany，whentheyrepresentintheinscriptiontheyearinwhichtheywerecoined。
　　ThusweseeonamedalofGustavusAdolphustimefollowingwords，CHRISTVSDUXERGOTRIVMPHVS。Ifyoutakethepainstopickthefiguresoutoftheseveralwords，andrangethemintheirproperorder，youwillfindtheyamounttoMDCXVVVII，or1627，theyearinwhichthemedalwasstamped：forassomeofthelettersdistinguishthemselvesfromtherest，andovertoptheirfellows，theyaretobeconsideredinadoublecapacity，bothaslettersandasfigures。
　　YourlaboriousGermanwitswillturnoverawholedictionaryforoneoftheseingeniousdevices。Amanwouldthinktheyweresearchingafteranaptclassicalterm，butinsteadofthattheyarelookingoutawordthathasanL，anM，oraDinit。When，therefore，wemeetwithanyoftheseinscriptions，wearenotsomuchtolookinthemforthethought，asfortheyearoftheLord。
　　Thebouts-rimeswerethefavouritesoftheFrenchnationforawholeagetogether，andthatatatimewhenitaboundedinwitandlearning。Theywerealistofwordsthatrhymetooneanother，drawnupbyanotherhand，andgiventoapoet，whowastomakeapoemtotherhymesinthesameorderthattheywereplaceduponthelist：themoreuncommontherhymeswere，themoreextraordinarywasthegeniusofthepoetthatcouldaccommodatehisversestothem。I
　　donotknowanygreaterinstanceofthedecayofwitandlearningamongtheFrench，whichgenerallyfollowsthedeclensionofempire，thantheendeavouringtorestorethisfoolishkindofwit。Ifthereaderwillbeattroubletoseeexamplesofit，lethimlookintothenewMercureGallant，wheretheauthoreverymonthgivesalistofrhymestobefilledupbytheingenious，inordertobecommunicatedtothepublicintheMercureforthesucceedingmonth。
　　ThatforthemonthofNovemberlast，whichnowliesbeforeme，isasfollowsLauriersGuerriersMusetteLisetteCaesarsEtendarsHouletteFoletteOnewouldbeamazedtoseesolearnedamanasMenagetalkingseriouslyonthiskindoftrifleinthefollowingpassage：-
　　"MonsieurdelaChambrehastoldmethatheneverknewwhathewasgoingtowritewhenhetookhispenintohishand;butthatonesentencealwaysproducedanother。Formyownpart，IneverknewwhatIshouldwritenextwhenIwasmakingverses。InthefirstplaceIgotallmyrhymestogether，andwasafterwardsperhapsthreeorfourmonthsinfillingthemup。IonedayshowedMonsieurGombaudacompositionofthisnature，inwhich，amongothers，Ihadmadeuseofthefourfollowingrhymes，Amaryllis，Phyllis，Maine，Arne;desiringhimtogivemehisopinionofit。Hetoldmeimmediatelythatmyversesweregoodfornothing。Anduponmyaskinghisreason，hesaid，becausetherhymesaretoocommon，andforthatreasoneasytobeputintoverse。’Marry，’saysI，’ifitbeso，IamverywellrewardedforallthepainsIhavebeenat！’
　　ButbyMonsieurGombaud’sleave，notwithstandingtheseverityofthecriticism，theversesweregood。"（Vide"Menagiana。"）ThusfarthelearnedMenage，whomIhavetranslatedwordforword。
　　Thefirstoccasionofthesebouts-rimesmadetheminsomemannerexcusable，astheyweretaskswhichtheFrenchladiesusedtoimposeontheirlovers。Butwhenagraveauthor，likehimabove-mentioned，taskedhimself，couldtherebeanythingmoreridiculous？Orwouldnotonebeapttobelievethattheauthorplayedbooty，anddidnotmakehislistofrhymestillhehadfinishedhispoem？
　　IshallonlyaddthatthispieceoffalsewithasbeenfinelyridiculedbyMonsieurSarasin，inapoementitled"LaDefaitedesBouts-Rimes。"（TheRoutoftheBouts-Rimes）。
　　Imustsubjointothislastkindofwitthedoublerhymes，whichareusedindoggrelpoetry，andgenerallyapplaudedbyignorantreaders。
　　Ifthethoughtofthecoupletinsuchcompositionsisgood，therhymeaddslittletoit;andifbad，itwillnotbeinthepoweroftherhymetorecommendit。Iamafraidthatgreatnumbersofthosewhoadmiretheincomparable"Hudibras，"doitmoreonaccountofthesedoggrelrhymesthanofthepartsthatreallydeserveadmiration。IamsureIhaveheardthePulpit，drumecclesiastic，Wasbeatwithfist，insteadofastick（CantoI，II），and——
　　TherewasanancientphilosopherWhohadreadAlexanderRossover（PartI。，Canto2，1），morefrequentlyquotedthanthefinestpiecesofwitinthewholepoem。
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　　NonequidemhocstudeobullatisutmihinugisPaginaturgescat，darepondusidoneafumo。
　　PERS。，Sat。v。19。
　　’TisnotindeedmytalenttoengageInloftytrifles，ortoswellmypageWithwindandnoise。
　　DRYDEN。
　　Thereisnokindoffalsewitwhichhasbeensorecommendedbythepracticeofallagesasthatwhichconsistsinajingleofwords，andiscomprehendedunderthegeneralnameofpunning。Itisindeedimpossibletokillaweedwhichthesoilhasanaturaldispositiontoproduce。Theseedsofpunningareinthemindsofallmen，andthoughtheymaybesubduedbyreason，reflection，andgoodsense，theywillbeveryapttoshootupinthegreatestgeniusthatisnotbrokenandcultivatedbytherulesofart。Imitationisnaturaltous，andwhenitdoesnotraisethemindtopoetry，painting，music，orothermorenoblearts，itoftenbreaksoutinpunsandquibbles。
　　Aristotle，intheeleventhchapterofhisbookofrhetoric，describestwoorthreekindsofpuns，whichhecallsparagrams，amongthebeautiesofgoodwriting，andproducesinstancesofthemoutofsomeofthegreatestauthorsintheGreektongue。Cicerohassprinkledseveralofhisworkswithpuns，and，inhisbookwherehelaysdowntherulesoforatory，quotesabundanceofsayingsaspiecesofwit，whichalso，uponexamination，provearrantpuns。ButtheageinwhichthepunchieflyflourishedwasinthereignofKingJamestheFirst。Thatlearnedmonarchwashimselfatolerablepunster，andmadeveryfewbishopsorPrivyCouncillorsthathadnotsometimeorothersignalisedthemselvesbyaclinch，oraconundrum。Itwas，therefore，inthisagethatthepunappearedwithpompanddignity。Ithadbeenbeforeadmittedintomerryspeechesandludicrouscompositions，butwasnowdeliveredwithgreatgravityfromthepulpit，orpronouncedinthemostsolemnmanneratthecouncil-table。Thegreatestauthors，intheirmostseriousworks，madefrequentuseofpuns。ThesermonsofBishopAndrews，andthetragediesofShakespeare，arefullofthem。Thesinnerwaspunnedintorepentancebytheformer;asinthelatter，nothingismoreusualthantoseeaheroweepingandquibblingforadozenlinestogether。
　　Imustaddtothesegreatauthorities，whichseemtohavegivenakindofsanctiontothispieceoffalsewit，thatallthewritersofrhetorichavetreatedofpunningwithverygreatrespect，anddividedtheseveralkindsofitintohardnames，thatarereckonedamongthefiguresofspeech，andrecommendedasornamentsindiscourse。Irememberacountryschoolmasterofmyacquaintancetoldmeonce，thathehadbeenincompanywithagentlemanwhomhelookedupontobethegreatestparagrammatistamongthemoderns。
　　Uponinquiry，IfoundmylearnedfriendhaddinedthatdaywithMr。
　　Swan，thefamouspunster;anddesiringhimtogivemesomeaccountofMr。Swan’sconversation，hetoldmethathegenerallytalkedintheParanomasia，thathesometimesgaveintothePloce，butthatinhishumbleopinionheshonemostintheAntanaclasis。
　　Imustnothereomitthatafamousuniversityofthislandwasformerlyverymuchinfestedwithpuns;butwhetherornotthismightarisefromthefensandmarshesinwhichitwassituated，andwhicharenowdrained，Imustleavetothedeterminationofmoreskilfulnaturalists。
　　Afterthisshorthistoryofpunning，onewouldwonderhowitshouldbesoentirelybanishedoutofthelearnedworldasitisatpresent，especiallysinceithadfoundaplaceinthewritingsofthemostancientpoliteauthors。Toaccountforthiswemustconsiderthatthefirstraceofauthors，whowerethegreatheroesinwriting，weredestituteofallrulesandartsofcriticism;andforthatreason，thoughtheyexcellaterwritersingreatnessofgenius，theyfallshortoftheminaccuracyandcorrectness。Themodernscannotreachtheirbeauties，butcanavoidtheirimperfections。Whentheworldwasfurnishedwiththeseauthorsofthefirsteminence，theregrewupanothersetofwriters，whogainedthemselvesareputationbytheremarkswhichtheymadeontheworksofthosewhoprecededthem。Itwasoneoftheemploymentsofthesesecondaryauthorstodistinguishtheseveralkindsofwitbytermsofart，andtoconsiderthemasmoreorlessperfect，accordingastheywerefoundedintruth。Itisnowonder，therefore，thatevensuchauthorsasIsocrates，Plato，andCicero，shouldhavesuchlittleblemishesasarenottobemetwithinauthorsofamuchinferiorcharacter，whohavewrittensincethoseseveralblemisheswerediscovered。Idonotfindthattherewasaproperseparationmadebetweenpunsandtruewitbyanyoftheancientauthors，exceptQuintilianandLonginus。Butwhenthisdistinctionwasoncesettled，itwasverynaturalforallmenofsensetoagreeinit。
　　Asfortherevivalofthisfalsewit，ithappenedaboutthetimeoftherevivalofletters;butassoonasitwasoncedetected，itimmediatelyvanishedanddisappeared。Atthesametimethereisnoquestionbut，asithassunkinoneageandroseinanother，itwillagainrecoveritselfinsomedistantperiodoftime，aspedantryandignoranceshallprevailuponwitandsense。And，tospeakthetruth，Idoverymuchapprehend，bysomeofthelastwinter’sproductions，whichhadtheirsetsofadmirers，thatourposteritywillinafewyearsdegenerateintoaraceofpunsters：atleast，amanmaybeveryexcusableforanyapprehensionsofthiskind，thathasseenacrosticshandedaboutthetownwithgreatsecresyandapplause;towhichImustalsoaddalittleepigramcalledthe"Witches’Prayer，"thatfellintoversewhenitwasreadeitherbackwardorforward，exceptingonlythatitcursedoneway，andblessedtheother。WhenoneseesthereareactuallysuchpainstakersamongourBritishwits，whocantellwhatitmayendin？
　　Ifwemustlashoneanother，letitbewiththemanlystrokesofwitandsatire：forIamoftheoldphilosopher’sopinion，that，ifI
　　mustsufferfromoneortheother，Iwouldratheritshouldbefromthepawofalionthanfromthehoofofanass。Idonotspeakthisoutofanyspiritofparty。Thereisamostcryingdulnessonbothsides。IhaveseenToryacrosticsandWhiganagrams，anddonotquarrelwitheitherofthembecausetheyareWhigsorTories，butbecausetheyareanagramsandacrostics。
　　Buttoreturntopunning。Havingpursuedthehistoryofapun，fromitsoriginaltoitsdownfall，Ishallheredefineittobeaconceitarisingfromtheuseoftwowordsthatagreeinthesound，butdifferinthesense。Theonlyway，therefore，totryapieceofwitistotranslateitintoadifferentlanguage。Ifitbearsthetest，youmaypronounceittrue;butifitvanishesintheexperiment，youmayconcludeittohavebeenapun。Inshort，onemaysayofapun，asthecountrymandescribedhisnightingale，thatitis"voxetpraetereanihil"——"asound，andnothingbutasound。"Onthecontrary，onemayrepresenttruewitbythedescriptionwhichAristaenetusmakesofafinewoman：-"Whensheisdressedsheisbeautiful：whensheisundressedsheisbeautiful;"or，asMercerushastranslateditmoreemphatically，Induitur，formosaest：
　　exuitur，ipsaformaest。
　　NEXTESSAY
　　Scribendirectesapereestetprincipium，etfons。
　　HOR。，ArsPoet。309。
　　Soundjudgmentisthegroundofwritingwell。——ROSCOMMON。
　　Mr。Lockehasanadmirablereflectionuponthedifferenceofwitandjudgment，wherebyheendeavourstoshowthereasonwhytheyarenotalwaysthetalentsofthesameperson。Hiswordsareasfollow：-
　　"Andhence，perhaps，maybegivensomereasonofthatcommonobservation，’Thatmenwhohaveagreatdealofwit，andpromptmemories，havenotalwaystheclearestjudgmentordeepestreason。’
　　Forwitlyingmostintheassemblageofideas，andputtingthosetogetherwithquicknessandvarietywhereincanbefoundanyresemblanceorcongruity，therebytomakeuppleasantpicturesandagreeablevisionsinthefancy：judgment，onthecontrary，liesquiteontheotherside，inseparatingcarefullyonefromanother，ideaswhereincanbefoundtheleastdifference，therebytoavoidbeingmisledbysimilitude，andbyaffinitytotakeonethingforanother。Thisisawayofproceedingquitecontrarytometaphorandallusion，wherein，forthemostpart，liesthatentertainmentandpleasantryofwitwhichstrikessolivelyonthefancy，andisthereforesoacceptabletoallpeople。"
　　Thisis，Ithink，thebestandmostphilosophicalaccountthatI
　　haveevermetwithofwit，whichgenerally，thoughnotalways，consistsinsucharesemblanceandcongruityofideasasthisauthormentions。Ishallonlyaddtoit，bywayofexplanation，thateveryresemblanceofideasisnotthatwhichwecallwit，unlessitbesuchanonethatgivesdelightandsurprisetothereader。Thesetwopropertiesseemessentialtowit，moreparticularlythelastofthem。Inorder，therefore，thattheresemblanceintheideasbewit，itisnecessarythattheideasshouldnotlietoonearoneanotherinthenatureofthings;for，wherethelikenessisobvious，itgivesnosurprise。Tocompareoneman’ssingingtothatofanother，ortorepresentthewhitenessofanyobjectbythatofmilkandsnow，orthevarietyofitscoloursbythoseoftherainbow，cannotbecalledwit，unless，besidesthisobviousresemblance，therebesomefurthercongruitydiscoveredinthetwoideasthatiscapableofgivingthereadersomesurprise。Thus，whenapoettellsusthebosomofhismistressisaswhiteassnow，thereisnowitinthecomparison;butwhenheadds，withasigh，itisascoldtoo，itthengrowsintowit。Everyreader’smemorymaysupplyhimwithinnumerableinstancesofthesamenature。Forthisreason，thesimilitudesinheroicpoets，whoendeavourrathertofillthemindwithgreatconceptionsthantodivertitwithsuchasarenewandsurprising，haveseldomanythinginthemthatcanbecalledwit。
　　Mr。Locke’saccountofwit，withthisshortexplanation，comprehendsmostofthespeciesofwit，asmetaphors，similitudes，allegories，enigmas，mottoes，parables，fables，dreams，visions，dramaticwritings，burlesque，andallthemethodsofallusion：astherearemanyotherpiecesofwit，howremotesoevertheymayappearatfirstsightfromtheforegoingdescription，whichuponexaminationwillbefoundtoagreewithit。
　　Astruewitgenerallyconsistsinthisresemblanceandcongruityofideas，falsewitchieflyconsistsintheresemblanceandcongruitysometimesofsingleletters，asinanagrams，chronograms，lipograms，andacrostics;sometimesofsyllables，asinechoesanddoggrelrhymes;sometimesofwords，asinpunsandquibbles;andsometimesofwholesentencesorpoems，castintothefiguresofeggs，axes，oraltars;nay，somecarrythenotionofwitsofarastoascribeiteventoexternalmimicry，andtolookuponamanasaningeniouspersonthatcanresemblethetone，posture，orfaceofanother。
　　Astruewitconsistsintheresemblanceofideas，andfalsewitintheresemblanceofwords，accordingtotheforegoinginstances，thereisanotherkindofwitwhichconsistspartlyintheresemblanceofideasandpartlyintheresemblanceofwords，whichfordistinctionsakeIshallcallmixedwit。ThiskindofwitisthatwhichaboundsinCowleymorethaninanyauthorthateverwrote。Mr。Wallerhaslikewiseagreatdealofit。Mr。Drydenisverysparinginit。Miltonhadageniusmuchaboveit。SpenserisinthesameclasswithMilton。TheItalians，evenintheirepicpoetry，arefullofit。MonsieurBoileau，whoformedhimselfupontheancientpoets，haseverywhererejecteditwithscorn。IfwelookaftermixedwitamongtheGreekwriters，weshallfinditnowherebutintheepigrammatists。ThereareindeedsomestrokesofitinthelittlepoemascribedtoMusaeus，whichbythataswellasmanyothermarksbetraysitselftobeamoderncomposition。IfwelookintotheLatinwriterswefindnoneofthismixedwitinVirgil，Lucretius，orCatullus;verylittleinHorace，butagreatdealofitinOvid，andscarceanythingelseinMartial。
　　Outoftheinnumerablebranchesofmixedwit，Ishallchooseoneinstancewhichmaybemetwithinallthewritersofthisclass。
　　Thepassionofloveinitsnaturehasbeenthoughttoresemblefire，forwhichreasonthewords"fire"and"flame"aremadeuseoftosignifylove。Thewittypoets，therefore，havetakenanadvantage，fromthedoubtfulmeaningoftheword"fire，"tomakeaninfinitenumberofwitticisms。Cowleyobservingthecoldregardofhismistress’seyes，andatthesametimethepowerofproducingloveinhim，considersthemasburning-glassesmadeofice;and，findinghimselfabletoliveinthegreatestextremitiesoflove，concludesthetorridzonetobehabitable。Whenhismistresshasreadhisletterwritteninjuiceoflemon，byholdingittothefire，hedesireshertoreaditoverasecondtimebylove’sflames。Whensheweeps，hewishesitwereinwardheatthatdistilledthosedropsfromthelimbec。Whensheisabsent，heisbeyondeighty，thatis，thirtydegreesnearerthepolethanwhensheiswithhim。Hisambitiousloveisafirethatnaturallymountsupwards;hishappyloveisthebeamsofheaven，andhisunhappyloveflamesofhell。
　　Whenitdoesnotlethimsleep，itisaflamethatsendsupnosmoke;whenitisopposedbycounselandadvice，itisafirethatragesthemorebythewindsblowinguponit。Uponthedyingofatree，inwhichhehadcuthisloves，heobservesthathiswrittenflameshadburntupandwitheredthetree。Whenheresolvestogiveoverhispassion，hetellsusthatoneburntlikehimforeverdreadsthefire。HisheartisanAEtna，that，insteadofVulcan’sshop，enclosesCupid’sforgeinit。Hisendeavouringtodrownhisloveinwineisthrowingoiluponthefire。Hewouldinsinuatetohismistressthatthefireoflove，likethatofthesun，whichproducessomanylivingcreatures，shouldnotonlywarm，butbeget。
　　LoveinanotherplacecooksPleasureathisfire。Sometimesthepoet’sheartisfrozenineverybreast，andsometimesscorchedineveryeye。Sometimesheisdrownedintearsandburntinlove，likeashipsetonfireinthemiddleofthesea。
　　Thereadermayobserveineveryoneoftheseinstancesthatthepoetmixesthequalitiesoffirewiththoseoflove;andinthesamesentence，speakingofitbothasapassionandasrealfire，surprisesthereaderwiththoseseemingresemblancesorcontradictionsthatmakeupallthewitinthiskindofwriting。
　　Mixedwit，therefore，isacompositionofpunandtruewit，andismoreorlessperfectastheresemblanceliesintheideasorinthewords。Itsfoundationsarelaidpartlyinfalsehoodandpartlyintruth;reasonputsinherclaimforonehalfofit，andextravagancefortheother。Theonlyprovince，therefore，forthiskindofwitisepigram，orthoselittleoccasionalpoemsthatintheirownnaturearenothingelsebutatissueofepigrams。Icannotconcludethisheadofmixedwitwithoutowningthattheadmirablepoet，outofwhomIhavetakentheexamplesofit，hadasmuchtruewitasanyauthorthateverwrote;andindeedallothertalentsofanextraordinarygenius。
　　Itmaybeexpected，sinceIamuponthissubject，thatIshouldtakenoticeofMr。Dryden’sdefinitionofwit，which，withallthedeferencethatisduetothejudgmentofsogreataman，isnotsoproperlyadefinitionofwitasofgoodwritingingeneral。Wit，ashedefinesit，is"aproprietyofwordsandthoughtsadaptedtothesubject。"Ifthisbeatruedefinitionofwit，IamapttothinkthatEuclidwasthegreatestwitthateversetpentopaper。ItiscertainthereneverwasagreaterproprietyofwordsandthoughtsadaptedtothesubjectthanwhatthatauthorhasmadeuseofinhisElements。Ishallonlyappealtomyreaderifthisdefinitionagreeswithanynotionhehasofwit。Ifitbeatrueone，IamsureMr。Drydenwasnotonlyabetterpoet，butagreaterwitthanMr。Cowley，andVirgilamuchmorefacetiousmanthaneitherOvidorMartial。
　　Bouhours，whomIlookupontobethemostpenetratingofalltheFrenchcritics，hastakenpainstoshowthatitisimpossibleforanythoughttobebeautifulwhichisnotjust，andhasnotitsfoundationinthenatureofthings;thatthebasisofallwitistruth;andthatnothoughtcanbevaluableofwhichgoodsenseisnotthegroundwork。Boileauhasendeavouredtoinculcatethesamenotioninseveralpartsofhiswritings，bothinproseandverse。
　　Thisisthatnaturalwayofwriting，thatbeautifulsimplicitywhichwesomuchadmireinthecompositionsoftheancients，andwhichnobodydeviatesfrombutthosewhowantstrengthofgeniustomakeathoughtshineinitsownnaturalbeauties。Poetswhowantthisstrengthofgeniustogivethatmajesticsimplicitytonature，whichwesomuchadmireintheworksoftheancients，areforcedtohuntafterforeignornaments，andnottoletanypieceofwitofwhatkindsoeverescapethem。IlookuponthesewritersasGothsinpoetry，who，likethoseinarchitecture，notbeingabletocomeuptothebeautifulsimplicityoftheoldGreeksandRomans，haveendeavouredtosupplyitsplacewithalltheextravaganciesofanirregularfancy。Mr。DrydenmakesaveryhandsomeobservationonOvid’swritingaletterfromDidotoAEneas，inthefollowingwords：
　　"Ovid，"sayshe，speakingofVirgil’sfictionofDidoandAEneas，"takesitupafterhim，eveninthesameage，andmakesanancientheroineofVirgil’snew-createdDido;dictatesaletterforherjustbeforeherdeathtotheungratefulfugitive，and，veryunluckilyforhimself，isformeasuringaswordwithamansomuchsuperiorinforcetohimonthesamesubject。IthinkImaybejudgeofthis，becauseIhavetranslatedboth。Thefamousauthorof’TheArtofLove’hasnothingofhisown;heborrowsallfromagreatermasterinhisownprofession，and，whichisworse，improvesnothingwhichhefinds。Naturefailshim;and，beingforcedtohisoldshift，hehasrecoursetowitticism。Thispassesindeedwithhissoftadmirers，andgiveshimthepreferencetoVirgilintheiresteem。"
　　WerenotIsupportedbysogreatanauthorityasthatofMr。Dryden，IshouldnotventuretoobservethatthetasteofmostofourEnglishpoets，aswellasreaders，isextremelyGothic。HequotesMonsieurSegraisforathreefolddistinctionofthereadersofpoetry;inthefirstofwhichhecomprehendstherabbleofreaders，whomhedoesnottreatassuchwithregardtotheirquality，buttotheirnumbersandthecoarsenessoftheirtaste。Hiswordsareasfollows："Segraishasdistinguishedthereadersofpoetry，accordingtotheircapacityofjudging，intothreeclasses。"[Hemighthavesaidthesameofwriterstooifhehadpleased。]"InthelowestformheplacesthosewhomhecallsLesPetitsEsprits，suchthingsasourupper-galleryaudienceinaplayhouse，wholikenothingbutthehuskandrindofwit，andpreferaquibble，aconceit，anepigram，beforesolidsenseandelegantexpression。
　　Thesearemobreaders。IfVirgilandMartialstoodforParliament-
　　men，weknowalreadywhowouldcarryit。Butthoughtheymadethegreatestappearanceinthefield，andcriedtheloudest，thebestofitistheyarebutasortofFrenchHuguenots，orDutchboors，broughtoverinherds，butnotnaturalised：whohavenotlandsoftwopoundsperannuminParnassus，andthereforearenotprivilegedtopoll。Theirauthorsareofthesamelevel，fittorepresentthemonamountebank’sstage，ortobemastersoftheceremoniesinabear-garden;yetthesearetheywhohavethemostadmirers。Butitoftenhappens，totheirmortification，thatastheirreadersimprovetheirstockofsense，astheymaybyreadingbetterbooks，andbyconversationwithmenofjudgment，theysoonforsakethem。"
　　Imustnotdismissthissubjectwithoutobservingthat，asMr。
　　Locke，inthepassageabove-mentioned，hasdiscoveredthemostfruitfulsourceofwit，sothereisanotherofaquitecontrarynaturetoit，whichdoeslikewisebranchitselfintoseveralkinds。
　　Fornotonlytheresemblance，buttheoppositionofideasdoesveryoftenproducewit，asIcouldshowinseverallittlepoints，turns，andantithesesthatImaypossiblyenlargeuponinsomefuturespeculation。
　　NEXTESSAY
　　HumanocapiticervicempictorequinamJungeresivelit，etvariasinducereplumas，Undiquecollatismembris，utturpiteratrumDesinatinpiscemmulierformosasuperne;
　　Spectatumadmissirisumteneatis，amici？
　　Credite，Pisones，istitabulae，forelibrumPersimilem，cujus，velutaegrisomnia，vanaeFingenturspecies。
　　HOR。，ArsPoet。1。
　　Ifinapicture，Piso，youshouldseeAhandsomewomanwithafish’stail，Oraman’sheaduponahorse’sneck，Orlimbsofbeasts，ofthemostdifferentkinds，Cover’dwithfeathersofallsortsofbirds，-
　　Wouldyounotlaugh，andthinkthepaintermad？
　　Trustme，thatbookisasridiculousWhoseincoherentstyle，likesickmen’sdreams，Variesallshapes，andmixesallextremes。
　　ROSCOMMON。
　　Itisveryhardforthemindtodisengageitselffromasubjectinwhichithasbeenlongemployed。Thethoughtswillberisingofthemselvesfromtimetotime，thoughwegivethemnoencouragement：
　　asthetossingsandfluctuationsoftheseacontinueseveralhoursafterthewindsarelaid。
　　ItistothisthatIimputemylastnight’sdreamorvision，whichformedintoonecontinuedallegorytheseveralschemesofwit，whetherfalse，mixed，ortrue，thathavebeenthesubjectofmylatepapers。
　　MethoughtIwastransportedintoacountrythatwasfilledwithprodigiesandenchantments，governedbythegoddessofFalsehood，andentitledtheRegionofFalseWit。Therewasnothinginthefields，thewoods，andtherivers，thatappearednatural。Severalofthetreesblossomedinleaf-gold，someofthemproducedbone-
　　lace，andsomeofthempreciousstones。Thefountainsbubbledinanoperatune，andwerefilledwithstags，wildbears，andmermaids，thatlivedamongthewaters;atthesametimethatdolphinsandseveralkindsoffishplayeduponthebanks，ortooktheirpastimeinthemeadows。Thebirdshadmanyofthemgoldenbeaks，andhumanvoices。Theflowersperfumedtheairwithsmellsofincense，ambergris，andpulvillios;andweresointerwovenwithoneanother，thattheygrewupinpiecesofembroidery。Thewindswerefilledwithsighsandmessagesofdistantlovers。AsIwaswalkingtoandfrointhisenchantedwilderness，Icouldnotforbearbreakingoutintosoliloquiesupontheseveralwonderswhichlaybeforeme，when，tomygreatsurprise，Ifoundtherewereartificialechoesineverywalk，that，byrepetitionsofcertainwordswhichIspoke，agreedwithmeorcontradictedmeineverythingIsaid。Inthemidstofmyconversationwiththeseinvisiblecompanions，IdiscoveredinthecentreofaverydarkgroveamonstrousfabricbuiltaftertheGothicmanner，andcoveredwithinnumerabledevicesinthatbarbarouskindofsculpture。Iimmediatelywentuptoit，andfoundittobeakindofheathentempleconsecratedtothegodofDulness。
　　UponmyentranceIsawthedeityoftheplace，dressedinthehabitofamonk，withabookinonehandandarattleintheother。UponhisrighthandwasIndustry，withalampburningbeforeher;andonhisleft，Caprice，withamonkeysittingonhershoulder。Beforehisfeettherestoodanaltarofaveryoddmake，which，asI
　　afterwardsfound，wasshapedinthatmannertocomplywiththeinscriptionthatsurroundedit。Uponthealtartherelayseveralofferingsofaxes，wings，andeggs，cutinpaper，andinscribedwithverses。Thetemplewasfilledwithvotaries，whoappliedthemselvestodifferentdiversions，astheirfanciesdirectedthem。InonepartofitIsawaregimentofanagrams，whowerecontinuallyinmotion，turningtotherightortotheleft，facingabout，doublingtheirranks，shiftingtheirstations，andthrowingthemselvesintoallthefiguresandcounter-marchesofthemostchangeableandperplexedexercise。
　　Notfarfromthesewasthebodyofacrostics，madeupofverydisproportionedpersons。Itwasdisposedintothreecolumns，theofficersplantingthemselvesinalineonthelefthandofeachcolumn。Theofficerswereallofthematleastsixfeethigh，andmadethreerowsofverypropermen;butthecommonsoldiers，whofilledupthespacesbetweentheofficers，weresuchdwarfs，cripples，andscarecrows，thatonecouldhardlylookuponthemwithoutlaughing。Therewerebehindtheacrosticstwoorthreefilesofchronograms，whichdifferedonlyfromtheformerastheirofficerswereequipped，likethefigureofTime，withanhour-glassinonehand，andascytheintheother，andtooktheirpostspromiscuouslyamongtheprivatemenwhomtheycommanded。
　　Inthebodyofthetemple，andbeforetheveryfaceofthedeity，methoughtIsawthephantomofTryphiodorus，thelipogrammatist，engagedinaballwithfour-and-twentypersons，whopursuedhimbyturnsthroughalltheintricaciesandlabyrinthsofacountrydance，withoutbeingabletoovertakehim。
　　Observingseveraltobeverybusyatthewesternendofthetemple，Iinquiredintowhattheyweredoing，andfoundtherewasinthatquarterthegreatmagazineofrebuses。Thesewereseveralthingsofthemostdifferentnaturestiedupinbundles，andthrownupononeanotherinheapslikefagots。Youmightbeholdananchor，anight-
　　rail，andahobby-horsebounduptogether。Oneoftheworkmen，seeingmeverymuchsurprised，toldmetherewasaninfinitedealofwitinseveralofthosebundles，andthathewouldexplainthemtomeifIpleased;Ithankedhimforhiscivility，buttoldhimIwasinverygreathasteatthattime。AsIwasgoingoutofthetemple，Iobservedinonecornerofitaclusterofmenandwomenlaughingveryheartily，anddivertingthemselvesatagameofcrambo。I
　　heardseveraldoublerhymesasIpassedbythem，whichraisedagreatdealofmirth。
　　Notfarfromthesewasanothersetofmerrypeopleengagedatadiversion，inwhichthewholejestwastomistakeonepersonforanother。Togiveoccasionfortheseludicrousmistakes，theyweredividedintopairs，everypairbeingcoveredfromheadtofootwiththesamekindofdress，thoughperhapstherewasnottheleastresemblanceintheirfaces。Bythismeansanoldmanwassometimesmistakenforaboy，awomanforaman，andablackamoorforanEuropean，whichveryoftenproducedgreatpealsoflaughter。TheseIguessedtobeapartyofpuns。Butbeingverydesiroustogetoutofthisworldofmagic，whichhadalmostturnedmybrain，IleftthetempleandcrossedoverthefieldsthatlayaboutitwithallthespeedIcouldmake。IwasnotgonefarbeforeIheardthesoundoftrumpetsandalarms，whichseemedtoproclaimthemarchofanenemy：
　　and，asIafterwardsfound，wasinrealitywhatIapprehendedit。
　　Thereappearedatagreatdistanceaveryshininglight，andinthemidstofitapersonofamostbeautifulaspect;hernamewasTruth。
　　Onherrighthandtheremarchedamaledeity，whoboreseveralquiversonhisshoulders，andgraspedseveralarrowsinhishand;
　　hisnamewasWit。TheapproachofthesetwoenemiesfilledalltheterritoriesofFalseWitwithanunspeakableconsternation，insomuchthatthegoddessofthoseregionsappearedinpersonuponherfrontiers，withtheseveralinferiordeitiesandthedifferentbodiesofforceswhichIhadbeforeseeninthetemple，whowerenowdrawnupinarray，andpreparedtogivetheirfoesawarmreception。
　　Asthemarchoftheenemywasveryslow，itgavetimetotheseveralinhabitantswhoborderedupontheregionsofFalsehoodtodrawtheirforcesintoabody，withadesigntostandupontheirguardasneuters，andattendtheissueofthecombat。
　　Imusthereinformmyreaderthatthefrontiersoftheenchantedregion，whichIhavebeforedescribed，wereinhabitedbythespeciesofMixedWit，whomadeaveryoddappearancewhentheyweremusteredtogetherinanarmy。Thereweremenwhosebodieswerestuckfullofdarts，andwomenwhoseeyeswereburning-glasses;menthathadheartsoffire，andwomenthathadbreastsofsnow。Itwouldbeendlesstodescribeseveralmonstersofthelikenaturethatcomposedthisgreatarmy，whichimmediatelyfellasunder，anddivideditselfintotwoparts，theonehalfthrowingthemselvesbehindthebannersofTruth，andtheothersbehindthoseofFalsehood。
　　ThegoddessofFalsehoodwasofagiganticstature，andadvancedsomepacesbeforethefrontofthearmy;butasthedazzlinglightwhichflowedfromTruthbegantoshineuponher，shefadedinsensibly;insomuchthatinalittlespaceshelookedratherlikeahugephantomthanarealsubstance。Atlength，asthegoddessofTruthapproachedstillnearertoher，shefellawayentirely，andvanishedamidstthebrightnessofherpresence;sothattheredidnotremaintheleasttraceorimpressionofherfigureintheplacewhereshehadbeenseen。
　　Asattherisingofthesuntheconstellationsgrowthin，andthestarsgooutoneafteranother，tillthewholehemisphereisextinguished;suchwasthevanishingofthegoddess，andnotonlyofthegoddessherself，butofthewholearmythatattendedher，whichsympathisedwiththeirleader，andshrunkintonothing，inproportionasthegoddessdisappeared。Atthesametimethewholetemplesunk，thefishbetookthemselvestothestreams，andthewildbeaststothewoods，thefountainsrecoveredtheirmurmurs，thebirdstheirvoices，thetreestheirleaves，theflowerstheirscents，andthewholefaceofnatureitstrueandgenuineappearance。ThoughIstillcontinuedasleep，Ifanciedmyself，asitwere，awakenedoutofadream，whenIsawthisregionofprodigiesrestoredtowoodsandrivers，fieldsandmeadows。
　　Upontheremovalofthatwildsceneofwonders，whichhadverymuchdisturbedmyimagination，ItookafullsurveyofthepersonsofWitandTruth;forindeeditwasimpossibletolookuponthefirstwithoutseeingtheotheratthesametime。Therewasbehindthemastrongcompactbodyoffigures。ThegeniusofHeroicPoetryappearedwithaswordinherhand，andalaurelonherhead。
　　Tragedywascrownedwithcypress，andcoveredwithrobesdippedinblood。Satirehadsmilesinherlook，andadaggerunderhergarment。Rhetoricwasknownbyherthunderbolt，andComedybyhermask。Afterseveralotherfigures，Epigrammarchedupintherear，whohadbeenpostedthereatthebeginningoftheexpedition，thathemightnotrevolttotheenemy，whomhewassuspectedtofavourinhisheart。IwasverymuchawedanddelightedwiththeappearanceofthegodofWit;therewassomethingsoamiable，andyetsopiercinginhislooks，asinspiredmeatoncewithloveandterror。
　　AsIwasgazingonhim，tomyunspeakablejoy，hetookaquiverofarrowsfromhisshoulder，inordertomakemeapresentofit;butasIwasreachingoutmyhandtoreceiveitofhim，Iknockeditagainstachair，andbythatmeansawaked。
　　FRIENDSHIP。
　　Nosduoturbasumus。
　　OVID，Met。i。355。
　　Wetwoareamultitude。
　　Onewouldthinkthatthelargerthecompanyis，inwhichweareengaged，thegreatervarietyofthoughtsandsubjectswouldbestartedindiscourse;butinsteadofthis，wefindthatconversationisneversomuchstraitenedandconfinedasinnumerousassemblies。
　　Whenamultitudemeettogetheruponanysubjectofdiscourse，theirdebatesaretakenupchieflywithformsandgeneralpositions;nay，ifwecomeintoamorecontractedassemblyofmenandwomen，thetalkgenerallyrunsupontheweather，fashions，news，andthelikepublictopics。Inproportionasconversationgetsintoclubsandknotsoffriends，itdescendsintoparticulars，andgrowsmorefreeandcommunicative：butthemostopen，instructive，andunreserveddiscourseisthatwhichpassesbetweentwopersonswhoarefamiliarandintimatefriends。Ontheseoccasions，amangivesaloosetoeverypassionandeverythoughtthatisuppermost，discovershismostretiredopinionsofpersonsandthings，triesthebeautyandstrengthofhissentiments，andexposeshiswholesoultotheexaminationofhisfriend。
　　Tullywasthefirstwhoobservedthatfriendshipimproveshappinessandabatesmisery，bythedoublingofourjoyanddividingofourgrief;athoughtinwhichhehathbeenfollowedbyalltheessayistsuponfriendshipthathavewrittensincehistime。SirFrancisBaconhasfinelydescribedotheradvantages，or，ashecallsthem，fruitsoffriendship;and，indeed，thereisnosubjectofmoralitywhichhasbeenbetterhandledandmoreexhaustedthanthis。Amongtheseveralfinethingswhichhavebeenspokenofit，Ishallbegleavetoquotesomeoutofaveryancientauthor，whosebookwouldberegardedbyourmodernwitsasoneofthemostshiningtractsofmoralitythatisextant，ifitappearedunderthenameofaConfucius，orofanycelebratedGrecianphilosopher;ImeanthelittleapocryphaltreatiseentitledTheWisdomoftheSonofSirach。
　　Howfinelyhashedescribedtheartofmakingfriendsbyanobligingandaffablebehaviour;andlaiddownthatprecept，whichalateexcellentauthorhasdeliveredashisown，Thatweshouldhavemanywell-wishers，butfewfriends。"Sweetlanguagewillmultiplyfriends;andafair-speakingtonguewillincreasekindgreetings。
　　Beinpeacewithmany，neverthelesshavebutonecounsellorofathousand。"Withwhatprudencedoeshecautionusinthechoiceofourfriends！Andwithwhatstrokesofnature，Icouldalmostsayofhumour，hashedescribedthebehaviourofatreacherousandself-
　　interestedfriend！"Ifthouwouldestgetafriend，provehimfirst，andbenothastytocredithim：forsomemanisafriendforhisownoccasion，andwillnotabideinthedayofthytrouble。Andthereisafriendwho，beingturnedtoenmityandstrife，willdiscoverthyreproach。"Again，"Somefriendisacompanionatthetable，andwillnotcontinueinthedayofthyaffliction：butinthyprosperityhewillbeasthyself，andwillbeboldoverthyservants。Ifthoubebroughtlow，hewillbeagainstthee，andhidehimselffromthyface。"Whatcanbemorestrongandpointedthanthefollowingverse？——"Separatethyselffromthineenemies，andtakeheedofthyfriends。"Inthenextwordsheparticularisesoneofthosefruitsoffriendshipwhichisdescribedatlengthbythetwofamousauthorsabove-mentioned，andfallsintoageneraleulogiumoffriendship，whichisveryjustaswellasverysublime。"Afaithfulfriendisastrongdefence;andhethathathfoundsuchanonehathfoundatreasure。Nothingdothcountervailafaithfulfriend，andhisexcellencyisunvaluable。Afaithfulfriendisthemedicineoflife;andtheythatfeartheLordshallfindhim。WhosefeareththeLordshalldirecthisfriendshiparight;forasheis，soshallhisneighbour，thatishisfriend，bealso。"Idonotremembertohavemetwithanysayingthathaspleasedmemorethanthatofafriend’sbeingthemedicineoflife，toexpresstheefficacyoffriendshipinhealingthepainsandanguishwhichnaturallycleavetoourexistenceinthisworld;andamwonderfullypleasedwiththeturninthelastsentence，thatavirtuousmanshallasablessingmeetwithafriendwhoisasvirtuousashimself。Thereisanothersayinginthesameauthor，whichwouldhavebeenverymuchadmiredinaheathenwriter："Forsakenotanoldfriend，forthenewisnotcomparabletohim：anewfriendisasnewwine;whenitisoldthoushaltdrinkitwithpleasure。"Withwhatstrengthofallusionandforceofthoughthashedescribedthebreachesandviolationsoffriendship！——"Whosocastethastoneatthebirds，frayeththemaway;
　　andhethatupbraidethhisfriend，breakethfriendship。Thoughthoudrawestaswordatafriend，yetdespairnot，fortheremaybeareturningtofavour。Ifthouhastopenedthymouthagainstthyfriend，fearnot，fortheremaybeareconciliation：exceptforupbraiding，orpride，ordisclosingofsecrets，oratreacherouswound;for，forthesethingseveryfriendwilldepart。"Wemayobserveinthis，andseveralotherpreceptsinthisauthor，thoselittlefamiliarinstancesandillustrationswhicharesomuchadmiredinthemoralwritingsofHoraceandEpictetus。Thereareverybeautifulinstancesofthisnatureinthefollowingpassages，whicharelikewisewrittenuponthesamesubject："Whosediscoverethsecrets，losethhiscredit，andshallneverfindafriendtohismind。Lovethyfriend，andbefaithfuluntohim;butifthoubewrayethhissecrets，follownomoreafterhim：forasamanhathdestroyedhisenemy，sohastthoulosttheloveofthyfriend;asonethatlettethabirdgooutofhishand，sohastthouletthyfriendgo，andshallnotgethimagain：followafterhimnomore，forheistoofaroff;heisasaroeescapedoutofthesnare。Asforawounditmaybeboundup，andafterrevilingtheremaybereconciliation;buthethatbewrayethsecrets，iswithouthope。"
　　Amongtheseveralqualificationsofagoodfriend，thiswisemanhasveryjustlysingledoutconstancyandfaithfulnessastheprincipal：
　　tothese，othershaveaddedvirtue，knowledge，discretion，equalityinageandfortune，and，asCicerocallsit，Morumcomitas，"apleasantnessoftemper。"IfIweretogivemyopinionuponsuchanexhaustedsubject，Ishouldjointotheseotherqualificationsacertainequabilityorevennessofbehaviour。Amanoftencontractsafriendshipwithonewhomperhapshedoesnotfindouttillafterayear’sconversation;whenonasuddensomelatentill-humourbreaksoutuponhim，whichheneverdiscoveredorsuspectedathisfirstenteringintoanintimacywithhim。Thereareseveralpersonswhoinsomecertainperiodsoftheirlivesareinexpressiblyagreeable，andinothersasodiousanddetestable。Martialhasgivenusaveryprettypictureofoneofthisspecies，inthefollowingepigram：
　　Difficilis，facilis，jucundus，acerbusesidem，Nectecumpossumvivere，necsinete。
　　Ep。xii。47。
　　Inallthyhumours，whethergraveormellow，Thou’rtsuchatouchy，testy，pleasantfellow;
　　Hastsomuchwit，andmirth，andspleenaboutthee，Thereisnolivingwiththee，norwithoutthee。
　　Itisveryunluckyforamantobeentangledinafriendshipwithonewho，bythesechangesandvicissitudesofhumour，issometimesamiableandsometimesodious：andasmostmenareatsometimesinadmirableframeanddispositionofmind，itshouldbeoneofthegreatesttasksofwisdomtokeepourselveswellwhenweareso，andnevertogooutofthatwhichistheagreeablepartofourcharacter。
　　CHEVY-CHASE。
　　Interdumvulgusrectumvidet。
　　HOR。，Ep。ii。1，63。
　　Sometimesthevulgarseeandjudgearight。WhenItravelledItookaparticulardelightinhearingthesongsandfablesthatarecomefromfathertoson，andaremostinvogueamongthecommonpeopleofthecountriesthroughwhichIpassed;foritisimpossiblethatanythingshouldbeuniversallytastedandapprovedbyamultitude，thoughtheyareonlytherabbleofanation，whichhathnotinitsomepeculiaraptnesstopleaseandgratifythemindofman。Humannatureisthesameinallreasonablecreatures;andwhateverfallsinwithitwillmeetwithadmirersamongstreadersofallqualitiesandconditions。Moliere，aswearetoldbyMonsieurBoileau，usedtoreadallhiscomediestoanoldwomanwhowashishousekeeperasshesatwithhimatherworkbythechimney-corner，andcouldforetellthesuccessofhisplayinthetheatrefromthereceptionitmetathisfireside;forhetellsustheaudiencealwaysfollowedtheoldwoman，andneverfailedtolaughinthesameplace。
　　Iknownothingwhichmoreshowstheessentialandinherentperfectionofsimplicityofthought，abovethatwhichIcalltheGothicmannerinwriting，thanthis，thatthefirstpleasesallkindsofpalates，andthelatteronlysuchashaveformedtothemselvesawrongartificialtasteuponlittlefancifulauthorsandwritersofepigram。Homer，Virgil，orMilton，sofarasthelanguageoftheirpoemsisunderstood，willpleaseareaderofplaincommonsense，whowouldneitherrelishnorcomprehendanepigramofMartial，orapoemofCowley;so，onthecontrary，anordinarysongorballadthatisthedelightofthecommonpeoplecannotfailtopleaseallsuchreadersasarenotunqualifiedfortheentertainmentbytheiraffectationofignorance;andthereasonisplain，becausethesamepaintingsofnaturewhichrecommendittothemostordinaryreaderwillappearbeautifultothemostrefined。
　　Theoldsongof"Chevy-Chase"isthefavouriteballadofthecommonpeopleofEngland，andBenJonsonusedtosayhehadratherhavebeentheauthorofitthanofallhisworks。SirPhilipSidney，inhisdiscourseofPoetry，speaksofitinthefollowingwords："I
　　neverheardtheoldsongofPercyandDouglasthatIfoundnotmyheartmoremovedthanwithatrumpet;andyetitissungbysomeblindcrowderwithnoroughervoicethanrudestyle，whichbeingsoevilapparelledinthedustandcobwebofthatuncivilage，whatwoulditworktrimmedinthegorgeouseloquenceofPindar？"Formyownpart，Iamsoprofessedanadmirerofthisantiquatedsong，thatIshallgivemyreaderacritiqueuponitwithoutanyfurtherapologyforsodoing。