yellonyellgiedthelaird，ilkanemairawfu’thantheither。Mygudesireknewnotwhethertostandorflee，butheventuredbackintotheparlour，wherea’wasgaunhirdie-girdie——naebodytosay"comein"
or"gaeout。"Terriblythelairdroaredforcauldwatertohisfeet，andwinetocoolhisthroat;and’Hell，hell，hell，anditsflames’，wasayethewordinhismouth。Theybroughthimwater，andwhentheyplungedhisswolnfeetintothetub，hecriedoutitwasburning;andfolkssaythatit/did/bubbleandsparklelikeaseethingcauldron。
HeflungthecupatDougal’sheadandsaidhehadgivenhimbloodinsteadofBurgundy;and，sureaneugh，thelasswashedclottedbloodaffthecarpettheneistday。Thejackanapetheycaa’dMajorWeir，itjibberedandcriedasifitwasmockingitsmaster。Mygudesire’sheadwasliketoturn;heforgotbaithsillerandreceipt，anddownstairshebanged;but，asheran，theshriekscamefainterandfainter;therewasadeep-drawnshiveringgroan，andwordgaedthroughthecastlethatthelairdwasdead。
Weel，awaycamemygudesirewi’hisfingerinhismouth，andhisbesthopewasthatDougalhadseenthemoney-bagandheardthelairdspeakofwritingthereceipt。Theyounglaird，nowSirJohn，camefromEdinburghtoseethingsputtorights。SirJohnandhisfathernever’greedweel。SirJohnhadbeenbredanadvocate，andafterwardsatinthelastScotsParliamentandvotedfortheUnion，havinggotten，itwasthought，arugofthecompensations——ifhisfathercouldhavecomeoutofhisgravehewouldhavebrainedhimforitonhisawnhearthstane。Somethoughtitwaseasiercountingwiththeauldroughknightthanthefair-spokenyoungane——butmairofthatanon。
DougalMacCallum，poorbody，neithergratnorgraned，butgaedaboutthehouselookinglikeacorpse，butdirecting，aswashisduty，a’
theorderofthegrandfuneral。NowDougallookedayewaurandwaurwhennightwascoming，andwasayethelasttogangtohisbed，whilkwasinalittleroundjustoppositethechamberofdais，whilkhismasteroccupiedwhilehewasliving，andwherehenowlayinstate，astheycan’dit，weeladay！ThenightbeforethefuneralDougalcouldkeephisawncounselnaelonger;hecamedounwi’hisproudspirit，andfairlyaskedauldHutcheontositinhisroomwithhimforanhour。Whentheywereintheround，Dougaltookatassofbrandytohimsell，andgaveanothertoHutcheon，andwishedhimallhealthandlanglife，andsaidthat，forhimsell，hewasnalangforthiswarld;
forthateverynightsinceSirRobert’sdeathhissilvercallhadsoundedfromthestatechamberjustasitusedtodoatnightsinhislifetimetocallDougaltohelptoturnhiminhisbed。Dougalsaidthatbeingalonewiththedeadonthatfloorofthetower（fornaebodycaredtowakeSirRobertRedgauntletlikeanothercorpse），hehadneverdauredtoanswerthecall，butthatnowhisconsciencecheckedhimforneglectinghisduty;for，"thoughdeathbreaksservice，"saidMacCallum，"itshallneverweakmyservicetoSirRobert;andIwillanswerhisnextwhistle，sobeyouwillstandbyme，Hutcheon。"
Hutcheonhadnaewilltothewark，buthehadstoodbyDougalinbattleandbroil，andhewadnotfailhimatthispinch;sodounthecarlessatowerastoupofbrandy，andHutcheon，whowassomethingofaclerk，wouldhavereadachapteroftheBible;butDougalwouldhearnaethingbutablaudofDavieLindsay，whilkwasthewaurpreparation。
Whenmidnightcame，andthehousewasquietasthegrave，sureenoughthesilverwhistlesoundedassharpandshrillasifSirRobertwasblowingit;andupgotthetwaauldserving-men，andtotteredintotheroomwherethedeadmanlay。Hutcheonsawaneughatthefirstglance;
forthereweretorchesintheroom，whichshowedhimthefoulfiend，inhisainshape，sittingonthelaird’scoffin！Owerhecoupedasifhehadbeendead。Hecouldnottellhowlanghelayinatranceatthedoor，butwhenhegatheredhimsellhecriedonhisneighbour，andgettingnaeanswerraisedthehouse，whenDougalwasfoundlyingdeadwithintwastepsofthebedwherehismaster’scoffinwasplaced。Asforthewhistle，itwasganeanesandaye;butmonyatimewasitheardatthetopofthehouseonthebartizan，andamangtheauldchimneysandturretswherethehowletshavetheirnests。SirJohnhushedthematterup，andthefuneralpassedoverwithoutmairbogiewark。
Butwhena’wasower，andthelairdwasbeginningtosettlehisaffairs，everytenantwascalledupforhisarrears，andmygudesireforthefullsumthatstoodagainsthimintherental-book。Weel，awayhetrotstothecastletotellhisstory，andthereheisintroducedtoSirJohn，sittinginhisfather’schair，indeepmourning，withweepersandhangingcravat，andasmallwalking-rapierbyhisside，insteadoftheauldbroadswordthathadahunderweightofsteelaboutit，whatwithblade，chape，andbasket-hilt。IhaveheardtheircommuningssooftentauldowerthatIalmostthinkIwastheremysell，thoughIcouldnabebornatthetime。（Infact，Alan，mycompanion，mimicked，withagooddealofhumour，theflattering，conciliatingtoneofthetenant’saddressandthehypocriticalmelancholyofthelaird’sreply。Hisgrandfather，hesaid，hadwhilehespoke，hiseyefixedontherental-book，asifitwereamastiff-dogthathewasafraidwouldspringupandbitehim。）
"Iwussyejoy，sir，oftheheadseatandthewhiteloafandthebridlairdship。Yourfatherwasakindmantofreendsandfollowers;mucklegracetoyou，SirJohn，tofillhisshoon——hisboots，Isuldsay，forheseldomworeshoon，unlessitweremuilswhenhehadthegout。"
"Ay，Steenie，"quoththelaird，sighingdeeply，andputtinghisnapkintohiseen，"hiswasasuddencall，andhewillbemissedinthecountry;notimetosethishouseinorder——weelpreparedGodward，nodoubt，whichistherootofthematter;butleftusbehindatangledhesptowind，Steenie。Hem！Hem！Wemaungotobusiness，Steenie;muchtodo，andlittletimetodoitin。"
Hereheopenedthefatalvolume。IhaveheardofathingtheycallDoomsdaybook——Iamclearithasbeenarentalofback-gangingtenants。
"Stephen，"saidSirJohn，stillinthesamesoft，sleekittoneofvoice——"StephenStevenson，orSteenson，yearedownhereforayear’srentbehindthehand——dueatlastterm。"
/Stephen。/Pleaseyourhonour，SirJohn，Ipaidittoyourfather。
/SirJohn。/Yetookareceipt，then，doubtless，Stephen，andcanproduceit？
/Stephen。/Indeed，Ihadnatime，anitlikeyourhonour;fornaesoonerhadIsetdounthesiller，andjustashishonour，SirRobert，that’sgaen，drewitillhimtocountitandwriteoutthereceipt，hewasta’enwi’thepainsthatremovedhim。
"Thatwasunlucky，"saidSirJohn，afterapause。"Butyemaybepaiditinthepresenceofsomebody。Iwantbuta/talisqualis/evidence，Stephen。Iwouldgoower-strictlytoworkwithnopoorman。"
/Stephen。/Troth，SirJohn，therewasnaebodyintheroombutDougalMacCallum，thebutler。But，asyourhonourkens，hehase’enfollowedhisauldmaster。
"Veryunluckyagain，Stephen，"saidSirJohn，withoutalteringhisvoiceasinglenote。"Themantowhomyepaidthemoneyisdead，andthemanwhowitnessedthepaymentisdeadtoo;andthesiller，whichshouldhavebeentothefore，isneitherseennorheardtellofintherepositories。HowamItobelievea’this？"
/Stephen。/Idinnaken，yourhonour;butthereisabitmemorandumnoteoftheverycoins，for，Godhelpme！Ihadtoborrowoutoftwentypurses;andIamsurethatilkamantheresetdownwilltakehisgritoathforwhatpurposeIborrowedthemoney。
/SirJohn。/Ihavelittledoubtye/borrowed/themoney，Steenie。Itisthe/payment/thatIwanttohaveproofof。
/Stephen。/Thesillermaunbeaboutthehouse，SirJohn。Andsinceyourhonournevergotit，andhishonourthatwascannahaveta’enitwi’him，maybesomeofthefamilymayhaeseenit。
/SirJohn。/Wewillexaminetheservants，Stephen;thatisbutreasonable。
Butlackeyandlass，andpageandgroom，alldeniedstoutlythattheyhadeverseensuchabagofmoneyasmygudesiredescribed。Whatsawwaur，hehadunluckilynotmentionedtoanylivingsoulofthemhispurposeofpayinghisrent。Aequeanhadnoticedsomethingunderhisarm，butshetookitforthepipes。
SirJohnRedgauntletorderedtheservantsoutoftheroomandthensaidtomygudesire，"Now，Steenie，yeseeyehavefairplay;and，asIhavelittledoubtyekenbetterwheretofindthesillerthanonyotherbody，Ibeginfairterms，andforyourownsake，thatyouwillendthisfasherie;for，Stephen，yemaunpayorflit。"
"TheLordforgieyouropinion，"saidStephen，drivenalmosttohiswits’end——"Iamanhonestman。"
"SoamI，Stephen，"saidhishonour;"andsoareallthefolksinthehouse，Ihope。Butiftherebeaknaveamongus，itmustbehethattellsthestoryhecannotprove。"Hepaused，andthenadded，mairsternly："IfIunderstandyourtrick，sir，youwanttotakeadvantageofsomemaliciousreportsconcerningthingsinthisfamily，andparticularlyrespectingmyfather’ssuddendeath，therebytocheatmeoutofthemoney，andperhapstakeawaymycharacterbyinsinuatingthatIhavereceivedtherentIamdemanding。Wheredoyousupposethemoneytobe？Iinsistuponknowing。"
Mygudesiresaweverythinglooksomuckleagainsthimthathegrewnearlydesperate。However，heshiftedfromonefoottoanother，lookedtoeverycorneroftheroom，andmadenoanswer。
"Speakout，sirrah，"saidthelaird，assumingalookofhisfather’s，averyparticularane，whichhehadwhenhewasangry——itseemedasifthewrinklesofhisfrownmadethatselfsamefearfulshapeofahorse’sshoeinthemiddleofhisbrow;"speakout，sir！I/will/knowyourthoughts;doyousupposethatIhavethismoney？"
"Farbeitfraemetosayso，"saidStephen。
"Doyouchargeanyofmypeoplewithhavingtakenit？"
"Iwadbelaithtochargethemthatmaybeinnocent，"saidmygudesire;"andiftherebeanyonethatisguilty，Ihavenaeproof。"
"Somewherethemoneymustbe，ifthereisawordoftruthinyourstory，"saidSirJohn;"Iaskwhereyouthinkitis——anddemandacorrectanswer！"
"Inhell，ifyou/will/havemythoughtsofit，"saidmygudesire，driventoextremity——"inhell！withyourfather，hisjackanape，andhissilverwhistle。"
Downthestairsheran（fortheparlourwasnaeplaceforhimaftersuchaword），andheheardthelairdswearingbloodandwoundsbehindhim，asfastaseverdidSirRobert，androaringforthebailieandthebaron-officer。
Awayrodemygudesiretohischiefcreditor（himtheycaa’dLaurieLapraik），totryifhecouldmakeonythingoutofhim;butwhenhetauldhisstory，hegottheworstwordinhiswame——thief，beggar，anddyvourwerethesaftestterms;andtothebootofthesehardterms，LauriebroughtuptheauldstoryofdippinghishandinthebloodofGod’ssaunts，justasifatenantcouldhavehelpedridingwiththelaird，andthatalairdlikeSirRobertRedgauntlet。Mygudesirewas，bythistime，farbeyondtheboundsofpatience，and，whileheandLauriewereatdeilspeedtheliars，hewaswanchancieaneughtoabuseLapraik’sdoctrineasweelastheman，andsaidthingsthatgarr’dfolks’fleshgruethatheardthem——hewasnajusthimsell，andhehadlivedwi’awildsetinhisday。
Atlasttheyparted，andmygudesirewastoridehamethroughthewoodofPitmurkie，thatisa’fouofblackfirs，astheysay。Ikenthewood，butthefirsmaybeblackorwhiteforwhatIcantell。Attheentryofthewoodthereisawildcommon，andontheedgeofthecommonalittlelonelychange-house，thatwaskeepitthenbyanhostlerwife，——theysuldhaecaa’dherTibbieFaw，——andtherepuirSteeniecriedforamutchkinofbrandy，forhehadhadnorefreshmentthehaillday。Tibbiewasearnestwi’himtotakeabiteofmeat，buthecouldnathinko’’t，norwouldhetakehisfootoutofthestirrup，andtookoffthebrandy，wholelyattwadraughts，andnamedatoastateach。Thefirstwas，thememoryofSirRobertRedgauntlet，andmayheneverliequietinhisgravetillhehadrightedhispoorbond-tenant;
andthesecondwas，ahealthtoMan’sEnemy，ifhewouldbutgethimbackthepockofsiller，ortellhimwhatcameo’’t，forhesawthehaillworldwasliketoregardhimasathiefandacheat，andhetookthatwaurthaneventheruinofhishouseandhauld。
Onherode，littlecaringwhere。Itwasadarknightturned，andthetreesmadeityetdarker，andheletthebeasttakeitsainroadthroughthewood;whenallofasudden，fromtiredandweariedthatitwasbefore，thenagbegantospringandfleeandstend，thatmygudesirecouldhardlykeepthesaddle。Uponthewhilk，ahorseman，suddenlyridingupbesidehim，said，"That’samettlebeastofyours，freend;willyousellhim？"Sosaying，hetouchedthehorse’sneckwithhisriding-wand，anditfellintoitsauldheigh-hoofastumblingtrot。"Buthisspunk’ssoonoutofhim，Ithink，"continuedthestranger，"andthatislikemonyaman’scourage，thatthinkshewaddogreatthings。"
Mygudesirescarcelistenedtothis，butspurredhishorse，with"Gude-e’entoyou，freend。"
Butit’slikethestrangerwasanethatdoesnalightlyyieldhispoint;for，rideasSteenieliked，hewasayebesidehimattheselfsamepace。Atlastmygudesire，SteenieSteenson，grewhalfangry，and，tosaythetruth，halffeard。
"Whatisitthatyouwantwithme，freend？"hesaid。"Ifyebearobber，Ihavenaemoney;ifyebealealman，wantingcompany，Ihavenaehearttomirthorspeaking;andifyewanttokentheroad，I
scarcekenitmysell。"
"Ifyouwilltellmeyourgrief，"saidthestranger，"Iamonethat，thoughIhavebeensairmiscaa’dintheworld，amtheonlyhandforhelpingmyfreends。"
Somygudesire，toeasehisainheart，mairthanfromanyhopeofhelp，toldhimthestoryfrombeginningtoend。
"It’sahardpinch，"saidthestranger;"butIthinkIcanhelpyou。"
"Ifyoucouldlendmethemoney，sir，andtakealangday——Ikennaeotherhelponearth，"saidmygudesire。
"Buttheremaybesomeundertheearth，"saidthestranger。"Come，I’llbefrankwi’you;Icouldlendyouthemoneyonbond，butyouwouldmaybescruplemyterms。NowIcantellyouthatyourauldlairdisdisturbedinhisgravebyyourcursesandthewailingofyourfamily，andifyedaurventuretogotoseehim，hewillgiveyouthereceipt。"
Mygudesire’shairstoodonendatthisproposal，buthethoughthiscompanionmightbesomehumoursomechieldthatwastryingtofrightenhim，andmightendwithlendinghimthemoney。Besides，hewasbauldwi’brandy，anddesperatewi’distress;andhesaidhehadcouragetogotothegateofhell，andastepfarther，forthatreceipt。Thestrangerlaughed。
Weel，theyrodeonthroughthethickestofthewood，when，allofasudden，thehorsestoppedatthedoorofagreathouse;and，butthatheknewtheplacewastenmilesoff，myfatherwouldhavethoughthewasatRedgauntletCastle。Theyrodeintotheoutercourtyard，throughthemucklefauldingyetts，andaneaththeauldportcullis;andthewholefrontofthehousewaslighted，andtherewerepipesandfiddles，andasmuchdancingandderaywithinasusedtobeatSirRobert’shouseatPaceandYule，andsuchhighseasons。Theylapoff，andmygudesire，asseemedtohim，fastenedhishorsetotheveryringhehadtiedhimtothatmorningwhenhegaedtowaitontheyoungSirJohn。
"God！"saidmygudesire，"ifSirRobert’sdeathbebutadream！"
Heknockedattheha’doorjustashewaswont，andhisauldacquaintance，DougalMacCallum——justafterhiswont，too——cametoopenthedoor，andsaid，"PiperSteenie，areyetherelad？SirRoberthasbeencryingforyou。"
Mygudesirewaslikeamaninadream——helookedforthestranger，buthewasganeforthetime。Atlasthejusttriedtosay，"Ha！DougalDriveower，areyouliving？Ithoughtyehadbeendead。"
"Neverfashyoursellwi’me，"saidDougal，"butlooktoyoursell;andseeyetak’naethingfraeonybodyhere，neithermeat，drink，orsiller，exceptthereceiptthatisyourain。"
Sosaying，heledthewayoutthroughthehallsandtrancesthatwereweelkendtomygudesire，andintotheauldoakparlour;andtherewasasmuchsingingofprofanesangs，andbirlingofredwine，andblasphemyandsculduddery，ashadeverbeeninRedgauntletCastlewhenitwasattheblythest。
ButLordtakeusinkeeping！Whatasetofghastlyrevellerstherewerethatsataroundthattable！Mygudesirekendmonythathadlongbeforeganetotheirplace，foroftenhadhepipedtothemostpartinthehallofRedgauntlet。TherewasthefierceMiddleton，andthedissoluteRothes，andthecraftyLauderdale;andDalyell，withhisbaldheadandabeardtohisgirdle;andEarlshall，withCameron’sbludeonhishand;andwildBonshaw，thattiedblessedMr。Cargill’slimbstillthebludesprung;andDumbartonDouglas，thetwiceturnedtraitorbaithtocountryandking。TherewastheBludyAdvocateMacKenyie，who，forhisworldlywitandwisdom，hadbeentotherestasagod。AndtherewasClaverhouse，asbeautifulaswhenhelived，withhislong，dark，curledlocksstreamingdownoverhislacedbuff-
coat，andwithhislefthandalwaysonhisrightspule-blade，tohidethewoundthatthesilverbullethadmade。Hesatapartfromthemall，andlookedatthemwithamelancholy，haughtycountenance;whiletheresthallooedandsangandlaughed，thattheroomrang。Buttheirsmileswerefearfullycontortedfromtimetotime;andtheirlaughterpassedintosuchwildsoundsasmademygudesire’sverynailsgrowblue，andchilledthemarrowinhisbanes。
Theythatwaitedatthetablewerejustthewickedserving-menandtroopersthathaddonetheirworkandcruelbiddingonearth。TherewastheLangLadoftheNethertown，thathelpedtotakeArgyle;andthebishop’ssummoner，thattheycalledtheDeil’sRattlebag;andthewickedguardsmenintheirlacedcoats;andthesavageHighlandAmorites，thatshedbloodlikewater;andmonyaproudserving-man，haughtyofheartandbloodyofhand，cringingtotherich，andmakingthemwickederthantheywouldbe;grindingthepoortopowderwhentherichhadbrokenthemtofragments。Andmony，monymairwerecomingandganging，a’asbusyintheirvocationasiftheyhadbeenalive。
SirRobertRedgauntlet，inthemidstofa’thisfearfulriot，cried，wi’avoicelikethunder，onSteeniePipertocometotheboard-headwherehewassitting，hislegsstretchedoutbeforehim，andswathedupwithflannel，withhisholsterpistolsasidehim，whilethegreatbroadswordrestedagainsthischair，justasmygudesirehadseenhimthelasttimeuponearth;theverycushionforthejackanapewasclosetohim，butthecreatureitsellwasnotthere——itwasnaitshour，it’slikely;forheheardthemsay，ashecameforward，"Isnotthemajorcomeyet？"Andanotheranswered，"Thejackanapewillbeherebetimesthemorn。"Andwhenmygudesirecameforward，SirRobertorhisghaist，orthedeevilinhislikeness，said，"Weel，piper，haeyesettledwi’mysonfortheyear’srent？"
WithmuchadomyfathergatbreathtosaythatSirJohnwouldnotsettlewithouthishonour’sreceipt。
"Yeshallhaethatforatuneofthepipes，Steenie，"saidtheappearanceofSirRobert——"playusup’WeelHoddled，Luckie。’"
Nowthiswasatunemygudesirelearnedfraeawarlock，thathearditwhentheywereworshippingSatanattheirmeetings;andmygudesirehadsometimesplayeditattherantingsuppersinRedgauntletCastle，butneververywillingly;andnowhegrewcauldattheverynameofit，andsaid，forexcuse，hehadnahispipeswi’him。
"MacCallum，yelimbofBeelzebub，"saidthefearfu’SirRobert，"bringSteeniethepipesthatIamkeepingforhim！"
MacCallumbroughtapairofpipesmighthaveservedthepiperofDonaldoftheIsles。Buthegavemygudesireanudgeasheofferedthem;andlookingsecretlyandclosely，Steeniesawthatthechanterwasofsteel，andheatedtoawhiteheat;sohehadfairwarningnottotrusthisfingerswithit。Soheexcusedhimsellagain，andsaidhewasfaintandfrightened，andhadnotwindaneughtofillthebag。
"Thenyemauneatanddrink，Steenie，"saidthefigure;"forwedolittleelsehere;andit’sillspeakingbetweenafoumanandafasting。"NowtheseweretheverywordsthatthebloodyEarlofDouglassaidtokeeptheking’smessengerinhandwhilehecuttheheadoffMacLellanofBombie，attheThreaveCastle;andputSteeniemairandmaironhisguard。Sohespokeuplikeaman，andsaidhecameneithertoeatnordrink，normakeminstrelsy;butsimplyforhisain——tokenwhatwascomeo’themoneyhehadpaid，andtogetadischargeforit;andhewassostout-heartedbythistimethathechargedSirRobertforconscience’ssake（hehadnopowertosaytheholyname），andashehopedforpeaceandrest，tospreadnosnaresforhim，butjusttogivehimhisain。
Theappearancegnasheditsteethandlaughed，butittookfromalargepocket-bookthereceipt，andhandedittoSteenie。"Thereisyourreceipt，yepitifulcur;andforthemoney，mydog-whelpofasonmaygolookforitintheCat’sCradle。"
Mygudesireutteredmonythanks，andwasabouttoretire，whenSirRobertroaredaloud，"Stop，though，thousack-doudlingsonofa——！I
amnotdonewiththee。HEREwedonothingfornothing;andyoumustreturnonthisverydaytwelvemonthtopayyourmasterthehomagethatyouowemeformyprotection。"
Myfather’stonguewasloosedofasuddenty，andhesaidaloud，"I
refermyselftoGod’spleasure，andnottoyours。"
Hehadnosoonerutteredthewordthanallwasdarkaroundhim;andhesankontheearthwithsuchasuddenshockthathelostbothbreathandsense。
HowlangSteenielaytherehecouldnottell;butwhenhecametohimsellhewaslyingintheauldkirkyardofRedgauntletparochine，justatthedoorofthefamilyaisle，andthescutcheonoftheauldknight，SirRobert，hangingoverhishead。Therewasadeepmorningfogongrassandgravestanearoundhim，andhishorsewasfeedingquietlybesidetheminister’stwacows。Steeniewouldhavethoughtthewholewasadream，buthehadthereceiptinhishandfairlywrittenandsignedbytheauldlaird;onlythelastlettersofhisnamewerealittledisorderly，writtenlikeoneseizedwithsuddenpain。
Sorelytroubledinhismind，heleftthatdrearyplace，rodethroughthemisttoRedgauntletCastle，andwithmuchadohegotspeechofthelaird。
"Well，youdyvourbankrupt，"wasthefirstword，"haveyoubroughtmemyrent？"
"No，"answeredmygudesire，"Ihavenot;butIhavebroughtyourhonourSirRobert’sreceiptforit。"
"How，sirrah？SirRobert’sreceipt！Youtoldmehehadnotgivenyouone。"
"Willyourhonourpleasetoseeifthatbitlineisright？"
SirJohnlookedateveryline，andateveryletter，withmuchattention;andatlastatthedate，whichmygudesirehadnotobserved——"Frommyappointedplace，"heread，"thistwenty-fifthofNovember。"
"What！Thatisyesterday！Villain，thoumusthavegonetohellforthis！"
"Igotitfromyourhonour’sfather;whetherhebeinheavenorhell，Iknownot，"saidSteenie。
"IwilldebateyouforawarlocktothePrivyCouncil！"saidSirJohn。
"Iwillsendyoutoyourmaster，thedevil，withthehelpofatar-
barrelandatorch！"
"IintendtodebatemyselltothePresbytery，"saidSteenie，"andtellthemallIhaveseenlastnight，whilkarethingsfitterforthemtojudgeofthanaborrelmanlikeme。"
SirJohnpaused，composedhimsell，anddesiredtohearthefullhistory;andmygudesiretoldithimfrompointtopoint，asIhavetoldityou——neithermorenorless。
SirJohnwassilentagainforalongtime，andatlasthesaid，verycomposedly："Steenie，thisstoryofyoursconcernsthehonourofmanyanoblefamilybesidesmine;andifitbealeasing-making，tokeepyourselfoutofmydanger，theleastyoucanexpectistohaveared-
hotirondriventhroughyourtongue，andthatwillbeasbadasscauldingyourfingerswi’ared-hotchanter。Butyetitmaybetrue，Steenie;andifthemoneycastup，Ishallnotknowwhattothinkofit。ButwhereshallwefindtheCat’sCradle？Therearecatsenoughabouttheoldhouse，butIthinktheykittenwithouttheceremonyofbedorcradle。"
"WewerebestaskHutcheon，"saidmygudesire;"hekensa’theoddcornersaboutasweelas——anotherserving-manthatisnowgane，andthatIwadnotliketoname。"
Aweel，Hutcheon，whenhewasasked，toldthemthataruinousturretlangdisused，nexttotheclock-house，onlyaccessiblebyaladder，fortheopeningwasontheoutside，abovethebattlements，wascalledofoldtheCat’sCradle。
"TherewillIgoimmediately，"saidSirJohn;andhetook——withwhatpurposeHeavenkens——oneofhisfather’spistolsfromthehalltable，wheretheyhadlainsincethenighthedied，andhastenedtothebattlements。
Itwasadangerousplacetoclimb，fortheladderwasauldandfrail，andwantedaneortwarounds。However，upgotSirJohn，andenteredattheturretdoor，wherehisbodystoppedtheonlylittlelightthatwasinthebitturret。Somethingfleesathimwi’avengeance，maistdanghimbackower——bang！gaedtheknight’spistol，andHutcheon，thatheldtheladder，andmygudesire，thatstoodbesidehim，hearsaloudskelloch。Aminuteafter，SirJohnflingsthebodyofthejackanapedowntothem，andcriesthatthesillerisfund，andthattheyshouldcomeupandhelphim。Andtherewasthebagofsillersureaneaugh，andmonyorrathingbesides，thathadbeenmissingformonyaday。AndSirJohn，whenhehadripedtheturretweel，ledmygudesireintothedining-parlour，andtookhimbythehand，andspokekindlytohim，andsaidhewassorryheshouldhavedoubtedhisword，andthathewouldhereafterbeagoodmastertohim，tomakeamends。
"Andnow，Steenie，"saidSirJohn，"althoughthisvisionofyourstends，onthewhole，tomyfather’screditasanhonestman，thatheshould，evenafterhisdeath，desiretoseejusticedonetoapoormanlikeyou，yetyouaresensiblethatill-dispositionedmenmightmakebadconstructionsuponitconcerninghissoul’shealth。So，Ithink，wehadbetterlaythehailldirdumonthatill-deediecreature，MajorWeir，andsaynaethingaboutyourdreaminthewoodofPitmurkie。Youhadtaenower-mucklebrandytobeverycertainaboutonything;and，Steenie，thisreceipt"——hishandshookwhilehehelditout——"it’sbutaqueerkindofdocument，andwewilldobest，Ithink，toputitquietlyinthefire。"
"Od，butforasqueerasitis，it’sa’thevoucherIhaveformyrent，"saidmygudesire，whowasafraid，itmaybe，oflosingthebenefitofSirRobert’sdischarge。
"Iwillbearthecontentstoyourcreditintherental-book，andgiveyouadischargeundermyownhand，"saidSirJohn，"andthatonthespot。And，Steenie，ifyoucanholdyourtongueaboutthismatter，youshallsit，fromthistimedownward，ataneasierrent。"
"Monythankstoyourhonour，"saidSteenie，whosaweasilyinwhatcornerthewindwas;"doubtlessIwillbeconformabletoallyourhonour’scommands;onlyIwouldwillinglyspeakwi’somepowerfulministeronthesubject，forIdonotlikethesortofsoumonsofappointmentwhilkyourhonour’sfather——"
"Donotcallthephantommyfather！"saidSirJohn，interruptinghim。
"Wellthen，thethingthatwassolikehim，"saidmygudesire;"hespokeofmycomingbacktoseehimthistimetwelvemonth，andit’saweightonmyconscience。"
"Aweelthen，"saidSirJohn，"ifyoubesomuchdistressedinmind，youmayspeaktoourministeroftheparish;heisadouceman，regardsthehonourofourfamily，andthemairthathemaylookforsomepatronagefromme。"
Wi’that，myfatherreadilyagreedthatthereceiptshouldbeburnt;
andthelairdthrewitintothechimneywithhisainhand。Burnitwouldnotforthem，though;butawayitflewupthelum，wi’alangtrainofsparksatitstail，andahissingnoiselikeasquib。
Mygudesiregaeddowntothemanse，andtheminister，whenhehadheardthestory，saiditwashisrealopinionthat，thoughmygudesirehadganeveryfarintamperingwithdangerousmatters，yetashehadrefusedthedevil’sarles（forsuchwastheofferofmeatanddrink），andhadrefusedtodohomagebypipingathisbidding，hehopedthat，ifheheldacircumspectwalkhereafter，Satancouldtakelittleadvantagebywhatwascomeandgane。And，indeed，mygudesire，ofhisainaccord，langforsworebaiththepipesandthebrandy——itwasnoteventilltheyearwasout，andthefataldaypast，thathewouldsomuchastakethefiddleordrinkusquebaughortippenny。
SirJohnmadeuphisstoryaboutthejackanapeashelikedhimsell;
andsomebelievetillthisdaytherewasnomoreinthematterthanthefilchingnatureofthebrute。Indeed，ye’llnohindersometothreadthatitwasnaneo’theauldEnemythatDougalandHutcheonsawinthelaird’sroom，butonlythatwanchanciecreaturethemajor，caperingonthecoffin;andthat，astotheblawingonthelaird’swhistlethatwasheardafterhewasdead，thefilthybrutecoulddothatasweelasthelairdhimsell，ifnobetter。ButHeavenkensthetruth，whilkfirstcameoutbytheminister’swife，afterSirJohnandheraingudemanwerebaithinthemoulds。Andthenmygudesire，whawasfailedinhislimbs，butnotinhisjudgmentormemory，——atleastnothingtospeakof，——wasobligedtotelltherealnarrativetohisfreends，forthecreditofhisgoodname。Hemightelsehavebeenchargedforawarlock。
Theshadesofeveningweregrowingthickeraroundusasmyconductorfinishedhislongnarrativewiththismoral："Yousee，birkie，itisnaechancythingtotak’astrangertravellerforaguidewhenyouareinanuncouthland。"
"Ishouldnothavemadethatinference，"saidI。"Yourgrandfather’sadventurewasfortunateforhimself，whomitsavesfromruinanddistress;andfortunateforhislandlord。"
"Ay，buttheyhadbaithtosupthesauceo’’tsoonerorlater，"saidWanderingWillie;"whatwasfristedwasnaforgiven。SirJohndiedbeforehewasmuchoverthreescore;anditwasjustlikeamoment’sillness。Andformygudesire，thoughhedepartedinfulnessoflife，yettherewasmyfather，ayauldmanofforty-five，felldownbetwixtthestiltsofhisplough，andraseneveragain，andleftnaebairnbutme，apuir，sightless，fatherless，motherlesscreature，couldneitherworknorwant。Thingsgaedweelaneughatfirst;forSirRegwaldRedgauntlet，theonlysonofSirJohn，andtheoyeofauldSirRobert，and，wae’sme！thelastofthehonourablehouse，tookthefarmaffourhands，andbroughtmeintohishouseholdtohavecareofme。MyheadneversettledsinceIlosthim;andifIsayanotherwordaboutit，deilabarwillIhavethehearttoplaythenight。Lookout，mygentlechap，"heresumed，inadifferenttone;"yeshouldseethelightsatBrokenburnGlenbythistime。"
THEGLENMUTCHKINRAILWAY
BY
PROFESSORAYTOUN
[Thefollowingtaleappearedin"Blackwood’sMagazine"forOctober，1845。Itwasintendedbythewriterasasketchofsomeofthemorestrikingfeaturesoftherailwaymania（theninfullprogressthroughoutGreatBritain），asexhibitedinGlasgowandEdinburgh。
Althoughbearingtheappearanceofaburlesque，itwasintruthanaccuratedelineation（aswillbeacknowledgedbymanyagentlemanwhohadthemisfortunetobe"outintheForty-five"）;andsubsequentdisclosureshaveshownthatitwasinnowayexaggerated。
Althoughthe"Glenmutchkinline"waspurelyimaginary，andwasnotintendedbythewritertoapplytoanyparticularschemethenbeforethepublic，itwasidentifiedinScotlandwithmorethanonerecklessandimpracticableproject;andeventhecharactersintroducedweresupposedtobetypicalofpersonageswhohadattainedsomenotorietyinthethrongofspeculation。Anysuchresemblancesmustbeconsideredasfortuitous;forthewritercannotchargehimselfwiththediscourtesyofindividualsatireorallusion。]
Iwasconfoundedlyhardup。Mypatrimony，neverofthelargest，hadbeenforthelastyearonthedecrease，——aheraldwouldhaveemblazonedit，"ARGENT，amoney-bagimproper，indetriment，"——andthoughtheattenuatingprocesswasnotexcessivelyrapid，itwas，nevertheless，proceedingatasteadyratio。Asfortheordinarymeansandappliancesbywhichmencontrivetorecruittheirexhaustedexchequers，Iknewnoneofthem。WorkIabhorredwithadetestationworthyofascionofnobility;and，Ibelieve，youcouldjustassoonhavepersuadedthelinealrepresentativeoftheHowardsorPercystoexhibithimselfinthecharacterofamountebank，ashavegotmetotrustmypersononthepinnacleofathree-leggedstool。Theruleofthreeisallverywellforbasemechanicalsouls;butIflattermyselfIhaveanintellecttoolargetobelimitedtoaledger。"Augustus，"
saidmypoormothertome，whilestrokingmyhyacinthinetresses，onefinemorning，intheverydawnandbudding-timeofmyexistence——
"Augustus，mydearboy，whateveryoudo，neverforgetthatyouareagentleman。"Thematernalmaximsankdeeplyintomyheart，andIneverforamomenthaveforgottenit。
Notwithstandingthisaristocraticresolution，thegreatpracticalquestion，"HowamItolive？"begantothrustitselfunpleasantlybeforeme。Iamoneofthatunfortunateclasswhohaveneitherunclesnoraunts。Forme，noyellowliverlessindividual，withcharacteristicbambooandpigtail，——emblemsofhalfamillion，——returnedtohisnativeshoresfromCeylonorremotePenang。Forme，novenerablespinsterhoardedintheTrongate，permittingherselffewluxuriesduringalongprotractedlife，savealassandalanthorn，aparrot，andtheinvariablebaudronsofantiquity。Nosuchluckwasmine。HadallGlasgowperishedbysomevastepidemic，Ishouldnothavefoundmyselfonefarthingthericher。TherewouldhavebeennogoldenbalsamformeintheaccumulatedwoesofTradestown，Shettleston，andCamlachie。Thetimehasbeenwhen——accordingtoWashingtonIrvingandotherveracioushistorians——ayoungmanhadnosoonergotintodifficultiesthanaguardianangelappearedtohiminadream，withtheinformationthatatsuchandsuchabridge，orundersuchandsuchatree，hemightfind，ataslightexpenditureoflabour，agallipotsecuredwithbladder，andfilledwithglitteringtomans;or，intheextremityofdespair，theyouthhadonlytoappendhimselftoacord，andstraightwaytheotherendthereof，forsakingitsstapleintheroof，woulddiscloseamidthefracturedceilingthegloriesofaprofitablepose。Theseblesseddayshavelongsincegoneby——atanyrate，nosuchluckwasmine。Myguardianangelwaseitherwofullyignorantofmetallurgy，orthestoreshadbeensurreptitiouslyransacked;andastotheotherexpedient，IfranklyconfessIshouldhavelikedsomebettersecurityforitsresultthantheprecedentofthe"HeirofLynn。"
Itisagreatconsolation，amidalltheevilsoflife，toknowthat，howeverbadyourcircumstancesmaybe，thereisalwayssomebodyelseinnearlythesamepredicament。Mychosenfriendandally，BobM’Corkindale，wasequallyhardupwithmyself，and，ifpossible，moreaversetoexertion。Bobwasessentiallyaspeculativeman——thatis，inaphilosophicalsense。HehadoncegotholdofastrayvolumeofAdamSmith，andmuddledhisbrainsforawholeweekovertheintricaciesofthe"WealthofNations。"Theresultwasacrudefarragoofnotionsregardingthetruenatureofmoney，thesoundnessofcurrency，andrelativevalueofcapital，withwhichhenightlyfavouredanadmiringaudienceat"TheCrow";forBobwasbynomeans——intheliteralacceptationoftheword——adryphilosopher。Onthecontrary，heperfectlyappreciatedthemeritsofeachdistinctdistillery，andwasunderstoodtobethecompilerofastatisticalworkentitled"ATourthroughtheAlcoholicDistrictsofScotland。"Ithadveryearlyoccurredtome，whoknewasmuchofpoliticaleconomyasofthebagpipes，thatagentlemansowellversedintheartofaccumulatingnationalwealthmusthavesomeremoteideasofapplyinghisprinciplesprofitablyonasmallerscale。AccordinglyIgaveM’Corkindaleanunlimitedinvitationtomylodgings;and，likeagoodheartyfellowashewas，heavailedhimselfeveryeveningofthelicense;forIhadlaidinafourteen-galloncaskofObanwhisky，andthequalityofthemaltwasundeniable。
Thesewerethefirstgloriousdaysofgeneralspeculation。Railroadswereemergingfromthehandsofthegreaterintothefingersofthelessercapitalists。Twosuccessfulharvestshadgivenafearfulstimulustothenationalenergy;anditappearedperfectlycertainthatallthepopuloustownswouldbeunited，andtherichagriculturaldistrictsintersected，bythemagicalbandsofiron。Thecolumnsofthenewspapersteemedeveryweekwiththeparturitionofnovelschemes;andtheshareswerenosoonerannouncedthantheywererapidlysubscribedfor。Butwhatistheuseofmysayinganythingmoreaboutthehistoryoflastyear？Everyoneofusremembersitperfectlywell。Itwasacapitalyearonthewhole，andputmoneyintomanyapocket。Aboutthattime，BobandIcommencedoperations。Ouravailablecapital，ornegotiablebullion，inthelanguageofmyfriend，amountedtoaboutthreehundredpounds，whichwesetasideasajointfundforspeculation。Bob，inaseriesoflearneddiscourses，hadconvincedmethatitwasnotonlyfolly，butapositivesin，toleavethissumlyinginthebankatapitifulrateofinterest，andotherwiseunemployed，whileeveryoneelseinthekingdomwashavingapluckatthepublicpigeon。Somehoworother，wewereunluckyinourfirstattempts。Speculatorsarelikewasps;forwhentheyhaveoncegotholdofaripeningandpeach-likeproject，theykeepitrigidlyfortheirownswarm，andrepeltheapproachofinterlopers。Notwithstandingallourefforts，andveryingeniousonestheywere，wenever，inasingleinstance，succeededinprocuringanallocationoforiginalshares;andthoughwedidnowandthenmakeabitbypurchase，wemorefrequentlyboughtatapremium，andpartedwithourscripatadiscount。Attheendofsixmonthswewerenottwentypoundsricherthanbefore。
"Thiswillneverdo，"saidBob，ashesatoneeveninginmyroomscompoundinghissecondtumbler。"Ithoughtwewerelivinginanenlightenedage;butIfindIwasmistaken。Thatbrutalspiritofmonopolyisstillabroadanduncurbed。Theprinciplesoffreetradeareutterlyforgotten，ormisunderstood。ElsehowcomesitthatDavidSpreulreceivedbutyesterdayanallocationoftwohundredsharesintheWestermiddenJunction，whileyourapplicationandmine，forathousandeachwereoverlooked？Isthisastateofthingstobetolerated？Whyshouldhe，withhisfiftythousandpounds，receiveaslappingpremium，whileourthreehundredofavailablecapitalremainsunrepresented？Thefactismonstrous，anddemandstheimmediateandseriousinterferenceofthelegislature。"
"Itisaburningshame，"saidI，fullyalivetothemanifoldadvantagesofapremium。
"I’lltellyouwhat，Dunshunner，"rejoinedM’Corkindale，"it’snousegoingoninthisway。Wehaven’tshownhalfpluckenough。Thesefellowsconsiderusassnobsbecausewedon’ttakethebullbythehorns。Now’sthetimeforaboldstroke。Thepublicarequitereadytosubscribeforanything——andwe’llstartarailwayforourselves。"
"Startarailwaywiththreehundredpoundsofcapital！"
"Pshaw，man！youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout——we’veagreatdealmorecapitalthanthat。HavenotItoldyou，seventytimesover，thateverythingamanhas——hiscoat，hishat，thetumblershedrinksfrom，nay，hisverycorporealexistence——isabsolutemarketablecapital？Whatdoyoucallthatfourteen-galloncask，Ishouldliketoknow？"
"Acompoundofhoopsandstaves，containingaboutaquartandahalfofspirits——youhaveeffectuallyaccountedfortherest。"
"Thenithasgonetothefundofprofitandloss，that’sall。Neverletmehearyousportthoseoldtheoriesagain。Capitalisindestructible，asIamreadytoprovetoyouanyday，inhalfanhour。Butletussitdownseriouslytobusiness。Wearerichenoughtopayfortheadvertisements，andthatisallweneedcareforinthemeantime。Thepublicissuretostepin，andbearusouthandsomelywiththerest。"
"Butwhereinthefaceofthehabitableglobeshalltherailwaybe？
Englandisoutofthequestion，andIhardlyknowaspotintheLowlandsthatisnotoccupiedalready。"
"WhatdoyousaytoaSpanishscheme——theAlcantaraUnion？HangmeifIknowwhetherAlcantaraisinSpainorPortugal;butnobodyelsedoes，andtheoneisquiteasgoodastheother。OrwhatwouldyouthinkofthePalermoRailway，withabranchtothesulphur-mines？——
thatwouldbepopularinthenorth——orthePyreneesDirect？Theywouldallgotoapremium。"
"ImustconfessIshouldpreferalineathome。"
"Wellthen，whynottrytheHighlands？Theremustbelotsoftrafficthereintheshapeofsheep，grouse，andCockneytourists，nottomentionsalmonandotheretceteras。Couldn’twetipthemarailwaysomewhereinthewest？"
"There’sGlenmutchkin，forinstance——"
"Capital，mydearfellow！Glorious！ByJove，first-rate！"shoutedBob，inanecstasyofdelight。"There’sadistillerythere，youknow，andafishing-villageatthefoot——atleast，thereusedtobesixyearsago，whenIwaslivingwiththeexciseman。Theremaybesomebotheraboutthepopulation，though。Thelastlairdshippedeverymother’ssonoftheaboriginalCeltstoAmerica;but，afterall，that’snotofmuchconsequence。Iseethewholething！Unrivalledscenery——stupendouswaterfalls——herdsofblackcattle——spotwherePrinceCharlesEdwardmetMacgrugarofGlengrugarandhisclan！Wecouldnotpossiblyhavelightedonamorepromisingplace。Handusoverthatsheetofpaper，likeagoodfellow，andapen。Thereisnotimetobelost，andthesoonerwegetouttheprospectusthebetter。"
"But，Heavenblessyou，Bob，there’sagreatdealtobethoughtoffirst。Whoarewetogetforaprovisionalcommittee？"
"That’sverytrue，"saidBob，musingly。"We/must/treatthemtosomerespectablenames，thatis，good-soundingones。I’mafraidthereislittlechanceofourproducingapeertobeginwith？"
"Nonewhatever——unlesswecouldinventone，andthat’shardlysafe;
’Burke’sPeerage’hasgonethroughtoomanyeditions。Couldn’twetrytheDormants？"
"Thatwouldberatherdangerousintheteethofthestandingorders。
Butwhatdoyousaytoabaronet？There’sSirPolloxfenTremens。HegothimselfservedtheotherdaytoaNovaScotiabaronetcy，withjustasmuchtitleasyouorIhave;andhehassportedtheriband，anddinedoutonthestrengthofiteversince。He’lljoinusatonce，forhehasnotasixpencetolose。"
"Downwithhim，then，"andweheadedtheprovisionallistwiththepseudoOrangetawny。
"Now，"saidBob，"it’squiteindispensable，asthisisaHighlandline，thatweshouldputforwardachiefortwo。ThathasalwaysagreateffectupontheEnglish，whosefeudalnotionsareratherofthemistiest，andprincipallyderivedfromWaverley。"
"WhynotwriteyourselfdownasthelairdofM’Corkindale？"saidI。"I
daresayyouwouldnotbenegativedbyacounter-claim。"
"Thatwouldhardlydo，"repliedBob，"asIintendtobesecretary。
Afterall，what’stheuseofthinkingaboutit？Heregoesforanextemporechief;"andthevillainwrotedownthenameofTavishM’TavishofInvertavish。
"Isay，though，"saidI，"wemusthavearealHighlanderonthelist。
Ifwegoonthisway，itwillbecomeajusticiarymatter。"
"You’redevilishscrupulous，Gus，"saidBob，who，iflefttohimself，wouldhavestuckinthenamesoftheheathengodsandgoddesses，orborrowedhisdirectorsfromtheOssianicchronicles，ratherthanhavedelayedtheprospectus。"Wherethemischiefarewetofindthemen？I
canthinkofnootherslikelytogothewholehog;canyou？"
"Idon’tknowasingleCeltinGlasgowexceptoldM’Closkie，thedrunkenporteratthecornerofJamaicaStreet。"
"He’stheveryman！Isuppose，afterthemannerofhistribe，hewilldoanythingforapintofwhisky。Butwhatshallwecallhim？JamaicaStreet，Ifear，willhardlydoforadesignation。"
"CallhimTHEM’CLOSKIE。ItwillbesonorousintheearsoftheSaxon！"
"Bravo！"andanotherchiefwasaddedtotherolloftheclans。
"Now，"saidBob，"wemustputyoudown。Recollect，allthemanagement，thatis，theallocation，willbeintrustedtoyou。Augustus——youhaven’tamiddlename，Ithink？——wellthen，supposeweinterpolate’Reginald’;ithasasmackofthecrusades。AugustusReginaldDunshunner，Esq。of——where，inthenameofMunchausen！"
"I’msureIdon’tknow。Ineverhadanylandbeyondthecontentsofaflower-pot。Stay——IratherthinkIhaveasuperioritysomewhereaboutPaisley。"
"Justthething！"criedBob。"It’sheritableproperty，andthereforetitular。What’sthedenomination？"
"St。Mirrens。"
"Beautiful！DunshunnerofSt。Mirrens，Igiveyoujoy！Hadyoudiscoveredthatalittlesooner——andIwonderyoudidnotthinkofit——wemightbothofushavehadlotsofallocations。Thesearenotthetimestoconcealhereditarydistinctions。Butnowcomestheseriouswork。Wemusthaveoneortwomenofknownwealthuponthelist。Thechaffisnothingwithoutadecoy-bird。Now，can’tyouhelpmewithaname？"
"Inthatcase，"saidI，"thegameisup，andthewholeschemeexploded。IwouldassoonundertaketoevoketheghostofCroesus。"
"Dunshunner，"saidBob，veryseriously，"tobeamanofinformation，youarepossessedofmarvellousfewresources。Iamquiteashamedofyou。Nowlistentome。Ihavethoughtdeeplyuponthissubject，andamquiteconvincedthat，withsomelittletrouble，wemaysecurethecooperationofamostwealthyandinfluentialbody——one，too，thatisgenerallysupposedtohavestoodalooffromallspeculationofthekind，andwhosenamewouldbeatowerofstrengthinthemoneyedquarters。Iallude，"continuedBob，reachingacrossforthekettle，"tothegreatdissentinginterest。"
"Thewhat？"criedI，aghast。
"Thegreatdissentinginterest。Youcan’thavefailedtoobservetherowtheyhavelatelybeenmakingaboutSundaytravellingandeducation。OldSamSawley，thecoffin-maker，istheirprincipalspokesmanhere;andwhereverhegoestherestwillfollow，likeaflockofsheepboundingafterapatriarchalram。Ipropose，therefore，towaituponhimto-morrow，andrequesthiscooperationinaschemewhichisnotonlytoproveprofitable，buttomakeheadagainstthelaxprinciplesofthepresentage。Leavemealonetoticklehim。I
considerhisname，andthoseofoneortwoothersbelongingtothesamemeeting-house，——fellowswithbank-stockandallsortsoftin，——asperfectlysecure。Thesedissenterssmellapremiumfromanalmostincredibledistance。Wecanfilluptherestofthecommitteewithciphers，andthewholethingisdone。"
"Buttheengineer——wemustannouncesuchanofficerasamatterofcourse。"
"Ineverthoughtofthat，"saidBob。"Couldn’twehireafellowfromoneofthesteamboats？"
"Ifearthatmightgetusintotrouble。Youknowtherearesuchthingsasgradientsandsectionstobeprepared。Butthere’sWattySolder，thegas-fitter，whofailedtheotherday。He’sasortofcivilengineerbytrade，andwilljumpattheproposallikeatroutatthetailofaMay-fly。"
"Agreed。Nowthen，let’sfixthenumberofshares。Thisisourfirstexperiment，andIthinkweoughttobemoderate。Nosoundpoliticaleconomistisavaricious。Letussaytwelvethousand，attwentypoundsapiece。"
"Sobeit。"
"Wellthen，that’sarranged。I’llseeSawleyandtherestto-morrow，settlewithSolder，andthenwriteouttheprospectus。Youlookinuponmeintheevening，andwe’llreviseittogether。Now，byyourleave，let’shaveaWelshrabbitandanothertumblertodrinksuccessandprosperitytotheGlenmutchkinRailway。"
Iconfessthat，whenIroseonthemorrow，withaslightheadacheandatongueindifferentlyparched，Irecalledtomemory，notwithoutperturbationofconscienceandsomeinternalqualms，theconversationofthepreviousevening。Ifeltrelieved，however，aftertwospoonfulsofcarbonateofsoda，andaglanceatthenewspaper，whereinI
perceivedtheannouncementofnolessthanfourotherschemesequallypreposterouswithourown。But，afterall，whatrighthadItoassumethattheGlenmutchkinprojectwouldproveanultimatefailure？Ihadnotascrapofstatisticalinformationthatmightentitlemetoformsuchanopinion。Atanyrate，Parliament，bysubstitutingtheBoardofTradeasaninitiatingbodyofinquiry，hadcreatedaresponsibletribunal，andfreedusfromthechanceofobloquy。Isawbeforemeavisionofsixmonths’steadygambling，atmanifestadvantage，intheshares，beforeareportcouldpossiblybepronounced，orourproceedingsbeinanywayoverhauled。Ofcourse，IattendedthateveningpunctuallyatmyfriendM’Corkindale’s。Bobwasinhighfeather;forSawleynosoonerheardoftheprinciplesuponwhichtherailwaywastobeconducted，andhisownnominationasadirector，thanhegaveinhisadhesion，andpromisedhisunflinchingsupporttotheuttermost。Theprospectusranasfollows：
"DIRECTGLENMUTCHKINRAILWAY。
IN12，000SHARESOFL20EACH。DEPOSITL1PERSHARE。
ProvisionalCommittee。
SIRPOLLOXFENTREMENS，Bart。OfToddymains。
TAVISHM’TAVISHofInvertavish。
THEM’CLOSKIE。
AUGUSTREGINALDDUNSHUNNER，Esq。ofSt。Mirrens。
SAMUELSAWLEY，Esq。，Merchant。
MHIC-MHAC-VICH-INDUIBH。
PHELIMO’FINLAN，Esq。ofCastle-Rock，Ireland。
THECAPTAINofM’ALCOHOL。
FACTORforGLENTUMBLERS。
JOHNJOBJOBSON，Esq。，Manufacturer。
EVANM’CLAWofGlenscartandInveryewky。
JOSEPHHECKLES，Esq。
HABAKKUKGRABBIE，PortionerinRamoth-Drumclog。
/Engineer/，WALTERSOLDER，Esq。
/InterimSecretary/，ROBERTM’CORKINDALE，Esq。
"ThenecessityofadirectlineofRailwaycommunicationthroughthefertileandpopulousdistrictknownastheVALLEYOFGLENMUTCHKINhasbeenlongfeltanduniversallyacknowledged。Independentlyofthesurpassinggrandeurofitsmountainscenery，whichshallimmediatelybereferredto，andotherconsiderationsofevengreaterimportance，GLENMUTCHKINisknowntothecapitalistasthemostimportantBREEDING-STATIONintheHighlandsofScotland，andindeedasthegreatemporiumfromwhichthesouthernmarketsaresupplied。Ithasbeencalculatedbyamosteminentauthoritythateveryacreinthestrathiscapableofrearingtwentyheadofcattle;andasithasbeenascertained，afteracarefuladmeasurement，thattherearenotlessthanTWOHUNDREDTHOUSANDimprovableacresimmediatelycontiguoustotheproposedlineofRailway，itmayconfidentlybeassumedthatthenumberofCattletobeconveyedalongthelinewillamounttoFOUR
MILLIONSannually，which，atthelowestestimate，wouldyieldarevenuelarger，inproportiontothecapitalsubscribed，thanthatofanyRailwayasyetcompletedwithintheUnitedKingdom。FromthisestimatethetrafficinSheepandGoats，withwhichthemountainsareliterallycovered，hasbeencarefullyexcluded，ithavingbeenfoundquiteimpossible（fromitsextent）tocomputetheactualrevenuetobedrawnfromthatmostimportantbranch。Itmay，however，beroughlyassumedasfromseventeentonineteenpercent。uponthewhole，afterdeductionoftheworkingexpenses。
"ThepopulationofGlenmutchkinisextremelydense。ItssituationonthewestcoasthasaffordeditthemeansofdirectcommunicationwithAmerica，ofwhichformanyyearstheinhabitantshaveactivelyavailedthemselves。Indeed，theamountofexportationoflivestockfromthispartoftheHighlandstotheWesterncontinenthasmorethanonceattractedtheattentionofParliament。TheManufacturesarelargeandcomprehensive，andincludethemostfamousdistilleriesintheworld。
TheMineralsaremostabundant，andamongthesemaybereckonedquartz，porphyry，felspar，malachite，manganese，andbasalt。
"Atthefootofthevalley，andclosetothesea，liestheimportantvillageknownastheCLACHANofINVERSTARVE。ItissupposedbyvariouseminentantiquariestohavebeenthecapitalofthePicts，and，amongthebusyinroadsofcommercialprosperity，itstillretainssomeinterestingtracesofitsformergrandeur。Thereisalargefishingstationhere，towhichvesselsfromeverynationresort，andthedemandforforeignproduceisdailyandsteadilyincreasing。
"AsasportingcountryGlenmutchkinisunrivalled;butitisbythetouriststhatitsbeautieswillmostgreedilybesought。Theseconsistofeverycombinationwhichplasticnaturecanafford：cliffsofunusualmagnitudeandgrandeur;waterfallsonlysecondtothesublimecascadesofNorway;woodsofwhichthebarkisaremarkablyvaluablecommodity。Itneedscarcelybeadded，torousetheenthusiasminseparablefromthisgloriousglen，thathere，in1745，PrinceCharlesEdwardStuart，theninthezenithofhishopes，wasjoinedbythebraveSirGrugarM’Grugarattheheadofhisdevotedclan。
"TheRailwaywillbetwelvemileslong，andcanbecompletedwithinsixmonthsaftertheActofParliamentisobtained。Thegradientsareeasy，andthecurvesobtuse。Therearenoviaductsofanyimportance，andonlyfourtunnelsalongthewholelengthoftheline。Theshortestofthesedoesnotexceedamileandahalf。
"Inconclusion，theprojectorsofthisRailwaybegtostatethattheyhavedetermined，asaprinciple，tosettheirfaceAGAINSTALLSUNDAY
TRAVELLINGWHATSOEVER，andtoopposeEVERYBILLwhichmayhereafterbebroughtintoParliament，unlessitshallcontainaclausetothateffect。ItisalsotheirintentiontotakeupthecauseofthepoorandneglectedSTOKER，forwhoseaccommodation，andsocial，moral，religious，andintellectualimprovement，alargestockofevangelicaltractswillspeedilyberequired。Tendersofthese，inquantitiesofnotlessthan12，000，maybesentintotheInterimSecretary。Sharesmustbeappliedforwithintendaysfromthepresentdate。
"ByorderoftheProvisionalCommittee，"ROBERTM’CORKINDALE，/Secretary/。"
"There！"saidBob，slappingdowntheprospectusonthetablewithasmuchtriumphasifithadbeentheoriginalofMagnaCharta，"whatdoyouthinkofthat？Ifitdoesn’tdothebusinesseffectually，IshallsubmittobecalledaDutchman。Thatlasttouchaboutthestokerwillbringusinthesubscriptionsoftheoldladiesbythescore。"
"Verymasterlyindeed，"saidI。"ButwhothedeuceisMhic-Mhac-vich-
Induibh？"
"Abona-fidechief，Iassureyou，thoughalittlereduced。IpickedhimupupontheBroomielaw。HisgrandfatherhadanislandsomewheretothewestoftheHebrides;butitisnotlaiddowninthemaps。"
"AndtheCaptainofM’Alcohol？"
"Acrackdistiller。"
"AndtheFactorforGlentumblers？"
"Hisprincipalcustomer。But，blessyou，mydearSt。Mirrens！Don’tbotheryourselfanymoreaboutthecommittee。Theyareasrespectableaset——onpaperatleast——asyouwouldwishtoseeofasummer’smorning，andthebeautyofitisthattheywillgiveusnomanneroftrouble。Nowabouttheallocation。YouandImustrestrictourselvestoacoupleofthousandsharesapiece。That’sonlyathirdofthewhole，butitwon’tdotobegreedy。"
"But，Bob，consider！Whereoneartharewetofindthemoneytopayupthedeposits？"
"Canyou，theprincipaldirectoroftheGlenmutchkinRailway，askme，thesecretary，suchaquestion？Don’tyouknowthatanyofthebankswillgiveusticktotheamount’ofhalfthedeposits。’Allthatissettledalready，andyoucangetyourtwothousandpoundswheneveryoupleasemerelyforthesigningofabill。Sawleymustgetathousandaccordingtostipulation;Jobson，Heckles，andGrabbie，atleastfivehundredapiece;andanotherfivehundred，Ishouldthink，willexhausttheremainingmeansofthecommittee。Sothat，outofourwholestock，thereremainjustfivethousandsharestobeallocatedtothespeculativeandevangelicalpublic。Myeyes！Won’ttherebeascrambleforthem！"
Nextdayourprospectusappearedinthenewspapers。Itwasread，canvassed，andgenerallyapprovedof。DuringtheafternoonItookanopportunityoflookingintotheTontine，and，whileundershelteroftheGlasgow"Herald，"myearsweresolacedwithsuchejaculationsasthefollowing：
"Isay，Jimsy，haeyeseenthisgrandnewprospectusforarailwaytaeGlenmutchkin？"
"Ay。Itlooksnothatill。TheHielandlairdsarepittingtheirbestforemost。Willyeapplyforshares？"
"IthinkI’lltak’twahundred。Wha’sSirPolloxfenTremens？"
"He’llbeyino’theAyrshirefolk。HeusedtorinhorsesatthePaisleyraces。"
（"Thedevilhedid！"thoughtI。）
"D’yekenonyo’thedirectors，Jimsy？"
"IkenSawleyfine。Yemaydependon’t，it’sagudethingifhe’sin’t，forhe’sahowkin’body。
"Thenit’ssuretogaeup。Whatprem。d’yethinkitwillbring？"
"Twapundashare，andmaybemair。"
"’Od，I’llapplyforthreehundred！"
"Heavenblessyou，mydearcountrymen！"thoughtI，asIsalliedforthtorefreshmyselfwithabasinofsoup，"dobutmaintainthisliberalandpatrioticfeeling——thisthirstfornationalimprovement，internalcommunication，andpremiums——ashortwhilelonger，andIknowwhosefortunewillbemade。"
Onthefollowingmorningmybreakfast-tablewascoveredwithshoalsofletters，fromfellowswhomIscarcelyeverhadspokento，——orwho，touseafrankerphraseology，hadscarcelyevercondescendedtospeaktome，——entreatingmyinfluenceasadirectortoobtainthemsharesinthenewundertaking。Ineverboremaliceinmylife，soIchalkedthemdown，withoutfavouritism，foracertainproportion。Whileengagedinthischaritablework，thedoorflewopen，andM’Corkindale，lookingutterlyhaggardwithexcitement，rushedin。
"Youmaybuyanestatewheneveryouplease，Dunshunner，"criedhe;
"theworld’sgoneperfectlymad！IhavebeentoBlazes，thebroker，andhetellsmethatthewholeamountofthestockhasbeensubscribedforfourtimesoveralready，andhehasnotyetgotinthereturnsfromEdinburghandLiverpool！"
"Aretheygoodnames，though，Bob——surecards——noneofyourM’CloskiesandM’Alcohols？"
"Thefirstnamesinthecity，Iassureyou，andmostofthemholdersforinvestment。Iwouldn’ttaketenmillionsfortheircapital。"
"Thenthesoonerweclosethelistthebetter。"
"Ithinksotoo。Isuspectarivalcompanywillbeoutbeforelong。