BEINGANEXTRACTFROMTHE
LIFEOFASCHOLAR。
Fromthe"LondonMagazine"forSeptember1821。
TOTHEREADER
Iherepresentyou，courteousreader，withtherecordofaremarkableperiodinmylife：accordingtomyapplicationofit，I
trustthatitwillprovenotmerelyaninterestingrecord，butinaconsiderabledegreeusefulandinstructive。InTHAThopeitisthatIhavedrawnitup;andTHATmustbemyapologyforbreakingthroughthatdelicateandhonourablereservewhich，forthemostpart，restrainsusfromthepublicexposureofourownerrorsandinfirmities。Nothing，indeed，ismorerevoltingtoEnglishfeelingsthanthespectacleofahumanbeingobtrudingonournoticehismoralulcersorscars，andtearingawaythat"decentdrapery"whichtimeorindulgencetohumanfrailtymayhavedrawnoverthem;
accordingly，thegreaterpartofOURconfessions（thatis，spontaneousandextra-judicialconfessions）proceedfromdemireps，adventurers，orswindlers：andforanysuchactsofgratuitousself-humiliationfromthosewhocanbesupposedinsympathywiththedecentandself-respectingpartofsociety，wemustlooktoFrenchliterature，ortothatpartoftheGermanwhichistaintedwiththespuriousanddefectivesensibilityoftheFrench。AllthisIfeelsoforcibly，andsonervouslyamIalivetoreproachofthistendency，thatIhaveformanymonthshesitatedabouttheproprietyofallowingthisoranypartofmynarrativetocomebeforethepubliceyeuntilaftermydeath（when，formanyreasons，thewholewillbepublished）;anditisnotwithoutananxiousreviewofthereasonsforandagainstthisstepthatIhaveatlastconcludedontakingit。
Guiltandmiseryshrink，byanaturalinstinct，frompublicnotice：
theycourtprivacyandsolitude：andevenintheirchoiceofagravewillsometimessequesterthemselvesfromthegeneralpopulationofthechurchyard，asifdecliningtoclaimfellowshipwiththegreatfamilyofman，andwishing（intheaffectinglanguageofMr。Wordsworth）
HumblytoexpressApenitentialloneliness。
Itiswell，uponthewhole，andfortheinterestofusall，thatitshouldbeso：norwouldIwillinglyinmyownpersonmanifestadisregardofsuchsalutaryfeelings，norinactorworddoanythingtoweakenthem;but，ontheonehand，asmyself-accusationdoesnotamounttoaconfessionofguilt，so，ontheother，itispossiblethat，ifitDID，thebenefitresultingtoothersfromtherecordofanexperiencepurchasedatsoheavyapricemightcompensate，byavastoverbalance，foranyviolencedonetothefeelingsIhavenoticed，andjustifyabreachofthegeneralrule。Infirmityandmiserydonotofnecessityimplyguilt。Theyapproachorrecedefromshadesofthatdarkalliance，inproportiontotheprobablemotivesandprospectsoftheoffender，andthepalliations，knownorsecret，oftheoffence;inproportionasthetemptationstoitwerepotentfromthefirst，andtheresistancetoit，inactorineffort，wasearnesttothelast。Formyownpart，withoutbreachoftruthormodesty，Imayaffirmthatmylifehasbeen，onthewhole，thelifeofaphilosopher：frommybirthIwasmadeanintellectualcreature，andintellectualinthehighestsensemypursuitsandpleasureshavebeen，evenfrommyschoolboydays。Ifopium-eatingbeasensualpleasure，andifIamboundtoconfessthatIhaveindulgedinittoanexcessnotyetRECORDED{1}ofanyotherman，itisnolesstruethatIhavestruggledagainstthisfascinatingenthralmentwithareligiouszeal，andhaveatlengthaccomplishedwhatIneveryetheardattributedtoanyotherman——haveuntwisted，almosttoitsfinallinks，theaccursedchainwhichfetteredme。
Suchaself-conquestmayreasonablybesetoffincounterbalancetoanykindordegreeofself-indulgence。Nottoinsistthatinmycasetheself-conquestwasunquestionable，theself-indulgenceopentodoubtsofcasuistry，accordingasthatnameshallbeextendedtoactsaimingatthebarereliefofpain，orshallberestrictedtosuchasaimattheexcitementofpositivepleasure。
Guilt，therefore，Idonotacknowledge;andifIdid，itispossiblethatImightstillresolveonthepresentactofconfessioninconsiderationoftheservicewhichImaytherebyrendertothewholeclassofopium-eaters。Butwhoarethey？Reader，Iamsorrytosayaverynumerousclassindeed。OfthisIbecameconvincedsomeyearsagobycomputingatthattimethenumberofthoseinonesmallclassofEnglishsociety（theclassofmendistinguishedfortalents，orofeminentstation）whowereknowntome，directlyorindirectly，asopium-eaters;such，forinstance，astheeloquentandbenevolent-，thelateDeanof-，Lord-，Mr。——thephilosopher，alateUnder-
SecretaryofState（whodescribedtomethesensationwhichfirstdrovehimtotheuseofopiumintheverysamewordsastheDeanof-，viz。，"thathefeltasthoughratsweregnawingandabradingthecoatsofhisstomach"），Mr-，andmanyothershardlylessknown，whomitwouldbetedioustomention。Now，ifoneclass，comparativelysolimited，couldfurnishsomanyscoresofcases（andTHATwithintheknowledgeofonesingleinquirer），itwasanaturalinferencethattheentirepopulationofEnglandwouldfurnishaproportionablenumber。Thesoundnessofthisinference，however，I
doubted，untilsomefactsbecameknowntomewhichsatisfiedmethatitwasnotincorrect。Iwillmentiontwo。（1）ThreerespectableLondondruggists，inwidelyremotequartersofLondon，fromwhomI
happenedlatelytobepurchasingsmallquantitiesofopium，assuredmethatthenumberofAMATEURopium-eaters（asImaytermthem）wasatthistimeimmense;andthatthedifficultyofdistinguishingthosepersonstowhomhabithadrenderedopiumnecessaryfromsuchaswerepurchasingitwithaviewtosuicide，occasionedthemdailytroubleanddisputes。ThisevidencerespectedLondononly。But（2）——whichwillpossiblysurprisethereadermore——someyearsago，onpassingthroughManchester，Iwasinformedbyseveralcottonmanufacturersthattheirworkpeoplewererapidlygettingintothepracticeofopium-eating;somuchso，thatonaSaturdayafternoonthecountersofthedruggistswerestrewedwithpillsofone，two，orthreegrains，inpreparationfortheknowndemandoftheevening。
Theimmediateoccasionofthispracticewasthelownessofwages，whichatthattimewouldnotallowthemtoindulgeinaleorspirits，andwagesrising，itmaybethoughtthatthispracticewouldcease;butasIdonotreadilybelievethatanymanhavingoncetastedthedivineluxuriesofopiumwillafterwardsdescendtothegrossandmortalenjoymentsofalcohol，ItakeitforgrantedThatthoseeatnowwhoneveratebefore;
Andthosewhoalwaysate，noweatthemore。
Indeed，thefascinatingpowersofopiumareadmittedevenbymedicalwriters，whoareitsgreatestenemies。Thus，forinstance，Awsiter，apothecarytoGreenwichHospital，inhis"EssayontheEffectsofOpium"（publishedintheyear1763），whenattemptingtoexplainwhyMeadhadnotbeensufficientlyexplicitontheproperties，counteragents，&c。，ofthisdrug，expresseshimselfinthefollowingmysteriousterms（[Greektext]）："Perhapshethoughtthesubjectoftoodelicateanaturetobemadecommon;andasmanypeoplemightthenindiscriminatelyuseit，itwouldtakefromthatnecessaryfearandcautionwhichshouldpreventtheirexperiencingtheextensivepowerofthisdrug，FORTHEREAREMANYPROPERTIESINIT，IF
UNIVERSALLYKNOWN，THATWOULDHABITUATETHEUSE，ANDMAKEITMOREIN
REQUESTWITHUSTHANWITHTURKSTHEMSELVES;theresultofwhichknowledge，"headds，"mustproveageneralmisfortune。"InthenecessityofthisconclusionIdonotaltogetherconcur;butuponthatpointIshallhaveoccasiontospeakatthecloseofmyConfessions，whereIshallpresentthereaderwiththeMORALofmynarrative。
PRELIMINARYCONFESSIONS
Thesepreliminaryconfessions，orintroductorynarrativeoftheyouthfuladventureswhichlaidthefoundationofthewriter’shabitofopium-eatinginafter-life，ithasbeenjudgedpropertopremise，forthreeseveralreasons：
1。Asforestallingthatquestion，andgivingitasatisfactoryanswer，whichelsewouldpainfullyobtrudeitselfinthecourseoftheOpiumConfessions——"Howcameanyreasonablebeingtosubjecthimselftosuchayokeofmisery;voluntarilytoincuracaptivitysoservile，andknowinglytofetterhimselfwithsuchasevenfoldchain？"——aquestionwhich，ifnotsomewhereplausiblyresolved，couldhardlyfail，bytheindignationwhichitwouldbeapttoraiseasagainstanactofwantonfolly，tointerferewiththatdegreeofsympathywhichisnecessaryinanycasetoanauthor’spurposes。
2。AsfurnishingakeytosomepartsofthattremendousscenerywhichafterwardspeopledthedreamsoftheOpium-eater。
3。Ascreatingsomepreviousinterestofapersonalsortintheconfessingsubject，apartfromthematteroftheconfessions，whichcannotfailtorendertheconfessionsthemselvesmoreinteresting。
Ifaman"whosetalkisofoxen"shouldbecomeanopium-eater，theprobabilityisthat（ifheisnottoodulltodreamatall）hewilldreamaboutoxen;whereas，inthecasebeforehim，thereaderwillfindthattheOpium-eaterboastethhimselftobeaphilosopher;andaccordingly，thatthephantasmagoriaofHISdreams（wakingorsleeping，day-dreamsornight-dreams）issuitabletoonewhointhatcharacterHumaninihilasealienumputat。
ForamongsttheconditionswhichhedeemsindispensabletothesustainingofanyclaimtothetitleofphilosopherisnotmerelythepossessionofasuperbintellectinitsANALYTICfunctions（inwhichpartofthepretensions，however，Englandcanforsomegenerationsshowbutfewclaimants;atleast，heisnotawareofanyknowncandidateforthishonourwhocanbestyledemphaticallyA
SUBTLETHINKER，withtheexceptionofSAMUELTAYLORCOLERIDGE，andinanarrowerdepartmentofthoughtwiththerecentillustriousexception{2}ofDAVIDRICARDO）butalsoonsuchaconstitutionoftheMORALfacultiesasshallgivehimaninnereyeandpowerofintuitionforthevisionandthemysteriesofourhumannature：
THATconstitutionoffaculties，inshort，which（amongstallthegenerationsofmenthatfromthebeginningoftimehavedeployedintolife，asitwere，uponthisplanet）ourEnglishpoetshavepossessedinthehighestdegree，andScottishprofessors{3}inthelowest。
IhaveoftenbeenaskedhowIfirstcametobearegularopium-
eater，andhavesuffered，veryunjustly，intheopinionofmyacquaintancefrombeingreputedtohavebroughtuponmyselfallthesufferingswhichIshallhavetorecord，byalongcourseofindulgenceinthispracticepurelyforthesakeofcreatinganartificialstateofpleasurableexcitement。This，however，isamisrepresentationofmycase。TrueitisthatfornearlytenyearsIdidoccasionallytakeopiumforthesakeoftheexquisitepleasureitgaveme;butsolongasItookitwiththisviewIwaseffectuallyprotectedfromallmaterialbadconsequencesbythenecessityofinterposinglongintervalsbetweentheseveralactsofindulgence，inordertorenewthepleasurablesensations。Itwasnotforthepurposeofcreatingpleasure，butofmitigatingpainintheseverestdegree，thatIfirstbegantouseopiumasanarticleofdailydiet。Inthetwenty-eighthyearofmyageamostpainfulaffectionofthestomach，whichIhadfirstexperiencedabouttenyearsbefore，attackedmeingreatstrength。Thisaffectionhadoriginallybeencausedbyextremitiesofhunger，sufferedinmyboyishdays。Duringtheseasonofhopeandredundanthappinesswhichsucceeded（thatis，fromeighteentotwenty-four）ithadslumbered;forthethreefollowingyearsithadrevivedatintervals;andnow，underunfavourablecircumstances，fromdepressionofspirits，itattackedmewithaviolencethatyieldedtonoremediesbutopium。Astheyouthfulsufferingswhichfirstproducedthisderangementofthestomachwereinterestinginthemselves，andinthecircumstancesthatattendedthem，Ishallherebrieflyretracethem。
MyfatherdiedwhenIwasaboutsevenyearsold，andleftmetothecareoffourguardians。Iwassenttovariousschools，greatandsmall;andwasveryearlydistinguishedformyclassicalattainments，especiallyformyknowledgeofGreek。AtthirteenI
wroteGreekwithease;andatfifteenmycommandofthatlanguagewassogreatthatInotonlycomposedGreekversesinlyricmetres，butcouldconverseinGreekfluentlyandwithoutembarrassment——anaccomplishmentwhichIhavenotsincemetwithinanyscholarofmytimes，andwhichinmycasewasowingtothepracticeofdailyreadingoffthenewspapersintothebestGreekIcouldfurnishextempore;forthenecessityofransackingmymemoryandinventionforallsortsandcombinationsofperiphrasticexpressionsasequivalentsformodernideas，images，relationsofthings，&c。，gavemeacompassofdictionwhichwouldneverhavebeencalledoutbyadulltranslationofmoralessays，&c。"Thatboy，"saidoneofmymasters，pointingtheattentionofastrangertome，"thatboycouldharangueanAthenianmobbetterthanyouandIcouldaddressanEnglishone。"Hewhohonouredmewiththiseulogywasascholar，"andaripeandagoodone，"andofallmytutorswastheonlyonewhomIlovedorreverenced。Unfortunatelyforme（and，asI
afterwardslearned，tothisworthyman’sgreatindignation），Iwastransferredtothecare，firstofablockhead，whowasinaperpetualpaniclestIshouldexposehisignorance;andfinallytothatofarespectablescholarattheheadofagreatschoolonanancientfoundation。Thismanhadbeenappointedtohissituationby——College，Oxford，andwasasound，well-builtscholar，but（likemostmenwhomIhaveknownfromthatcollege）coarse，clumsy，andinelegant。Amiserablecontrasthepresented，inmyeyes，totheEtonianbrilliancyofmyfavouritemaster;andbeside，hecouldnotdisguisefrommyhourlynoticethepovertyandmeagrenessofhisunderstanding。Itisabadthingforaboytobeandtoknowhimselffarbeyondhistutors，whetherinknowledgeorinpowerofmind。Thiswasthecase，sofarasregardedknowledgeatleast，notwithmyselfonly，forthetwoboys，whojointlywithmyselfcomposedthefirstform，werebetterGreciansthanthehead-master，thoughnotmoreelegantscholars，noratallmoreaccustomedtosacrificetotheGraces。WhenIfirstenteredIrememberthatwereadSophocles;anditwasaconstantmatteroftriumphtous，thelearnedtriumvirateofthefirstform，toseeour"Archididascalus"
（ashelovedtobecalled）conningourlessonsbeforewewentup，andlayingaregulartrain，withlexiconandgrammar，forblowingupandblasting（asitwere）anydifficultieshefoundinthechoruses;
whilstWEnevercondescendedtoopenourbooksuntilthemomentofgoingup，andweregenerallyemployedinwritingepigramsuponhiswigorsomesuchimportantmatter。Mytwoclass-fellowswerepoor，anddependentfortheirfutureprospectsattheuniversityontherecommendationofthehead-master;butI，whohadasmallpatrimonialproperty，theincomeofwhichwassufficienttosupportmeatcollege，wishedtobesentthitherimmediately。Imadeearnestrepresentationsonthesubjecttomyguardians，butalltonopurpose。One，whowasmorereasonableandhadmoreknowledgeoftheworldthantherest，livedatadistance;twooftheotherthreeresignedalltheirauthorityintothehandsofthefourth;andthisfourth，withwhomIhadtonegotiate，wasaworthymaninhisway，buthaughty，obstinate，andintolerantofalloppositiontohiswill。Afteracertainnumberoflettersandpersonalinterviews，I
foundthatIhadnothingtohopefor，notevenacompromiseofthematter，frommyguardian。Unconditionalsubmissionwaswhathedemanded，andIpreparedmyself，therefore，forothermeasures。
Summerwasnowcomingonwithhastysteps，andmyseventeenthbirthdaywasfastapproaching，afterwhichdayIhadswornwithinmyselfthatIwouldnolongerbenumberedamongstschoolboys。MoneybeingwhatIchieflywanted，Iwrotetoawomanofhighrank，who，thoughyoungherself，hadknownmefromachild，andhadlatterlytreatedmewithgreatdistinction，requestingthatshewould"lend"
mefiveguineas。Forupwardsofaweeknoanswercame，andIwasbeginningtodespond，whenatlengthaservantputintomyhandsadoubleletterwithacoronetontheseal。Theletterwaskindandobliging。Thefairwriterwasonthesea-coast，andinthatwaythedelayhadarisen;sheencloseddoubleofwhatIhadasked，andgood-
naturedlyhintedthatifIshouldNEVERrepayher，itwouldnotabsolutelyruinher。Now，then，Iwaspreparedformyscheme。Tenguineas，addedtoabouttwowhichIhadremainingfrommypocket-
money，seemedtomesufficientforanindefinitelengthoftime;andatthathappyage，ifnoDEFINITEboundarycanbeassignedtoone’spower，thespiritofhopeandpleasuremakesitvirtuallyinfinite。
ItisajustremarkofDr。Johnson’s（and，whatcannotoftenbesaidofhisremarks，itisaveryfeelingone），thatweneverdoanythingconsciouslyforthelasttime（ofthings，thatis，whichwehavelongbeeninthehabitofdoing）withoutsadnessofheart。ThistruthIfeltdeeplywhenIcametoleave-，aplacewhichIdidnotlove，andwhereIhadnotbeenhappy。OntheeveningbeforeIleft——
forever，Igrievedwhentheancientandloftyschoolroomresoundedwiththeeveningservice，performedforthelasttimeinmyhearing;
andatnight，whenthemuster-rollofnameswascalledover，andmine（asusual）wascalledfirst，Isteppedforward，andpassingthehead-master，whowasstandingby，Ibowedtohim，andlookedearnestlyinhisface，thinkingtomyself，"Heisoldandinfirm，andinthisworldIshallnotseehimagain。"Iwasright;IneverDIDseehimagain，norevershall。Helookedatmecomplacently，smiledgood-naturedly，returnedmysalutation（orrathermyvalediction），andweparted（thoughheknewitnot）forever。I
couldnotreverencehimintellectually，buthehadbeenuniformlykindtome，andhadallowedmemanyindulgences;andIgrievedatthethoughtofthemortificationIshouldinflictuponhim。
Themorningcamewhichwastolaunchmeintotheworld，andfromwhichmywholesucceedinglifehasinmanyimportantpointstakenitscolouring。Ilodgedinthehead-master’shouse，andhadbeenallowedfrommyfirstentrancetheindulgenceofaprivateroom，whichIusedbothasasleeping-roomandasastudy。AthalfafterthreeIrose，andgazedwithdeepemotionattheancienttowersof-
，"drestinearliestlight，"andbeginningtocrimsonwiththeradiantlustreofacloudlessJulymorning。Iwasfirmandimmovableinmypurpose;butyetagitatedbyanticipationofuncertaindangerandtroubles;andifIcouldhaveforeseenthehurricaneandperfecthail-stormofafflictionwhichsoonfelluponme，wellmightIhavebeenagitated。Tothisagitationthedeeppeaceofthemorningpresentedanaffectingcontrast，andinsomedegreeamedicine。Thesilencewasmoreprofoundthanthatofmid-
night;andtomethesilenceofasummermorningismoretouchingthanallothersilence，because，thelightbeingbroadandstrongasthatofnoondayatotherseasonsoftheyear，itseemstodifferfromperfectdaychieflybecausemanisnotyetabroad;andthusthepeaceofnatureandoftheinnocentcreaturesofGodseemstobesecureanddeeponlysolongasthepresenceofmanandhisrestlessandunquietspiritarenottheretotroubleitssanctity。Idressedmyself，tookmyhatandgloves，andlingeredalittleintheroom。
Forthelastyearandahalfthisroomhadbeenmy"pensivecitadel"：hereIhadreadandstudiedthroughallthehoursofnight，andthoughtrueitwasthatforthelatterpartofthistimeI，whowasframedforloveandgentleaffections，hadlostmygaietyandhappinessduringthestrifeandfeverofcontentionwithmyguardian，yet，ontheotherhand，asaboysopassionatelyfondofbooks，anddedicatedtointellectualpursuits，Icouldnotfailtohaveenjoyedmanyhappyhoursinthemidstofgeneraldejection。I
weptasIlookedroundonthechair，hearth，writing-table，andotherfamiliarobjects，knowingtoocertainlythatIlookeduponthemforthelasttime。WhilstIwritethisitiseighteenyearsago，andyetatthismomentIseedistinctly，asifitwereyesterday，thelineamentsandexpressionoftheobjectonwhichI
fixedmypartinggaze。Itwasapictureofthelovely-，whichhungoverthemantelpiece，theeyesandmouthofwhichweresobeautiful，andthewholecountenancesoradiantwithbenignityanddivinetranquillity，thatIhadathousandtimeslaiddownmypenormybooktogatherconsolationfromit，asadevoteefromhispatronsaint。WhilstIwasyetgazinguponitthedeeptonesof——clockproclaimedthatitwasfouro’clock。Iwentuptothepicture，kissedit，andthengentlywalkedoutandclosedthedoorforever！
Soblendedandintertwistedinthislifeareoccasionsoflaughterandoftears，thatIcannotyetrecallwithoutsmilinganincidentwhichoccurredatthattime，andwhichhadnearlyputastoptotheimmediateexecutionofmyplan。Ihadatrunkofimmenseweight，for，besidesmyclothes，itcontainednearlyallmylibrary。Thedifficultywastogetthisremovedtoacarrier’s：myroomwasatanaerialelevationinthehouse，and（whatwasworse）thestaircasewhichcommunicatedwiththisangleofthebuildingwasaccessibleonlybyagallery，whichpassedthehead-master’schamberdoor。I
wasafavouritewithalltheservants，andknowingthatanyofthemwouldscreenmeandactconfidentially，Icommunicatedmyembarrassmenttoagroomofthehead-master’s。ThegroomsworehewoulddoanythingIwished，andwhenthetimearrivedwentupstairstobringthetrunkdown。ThisIfearedwasbeyondthestrengthofanyoneman;however，thegroomwasamanOfAtlanteanshoulders，fittobearTheweightofmightiestmonarchies;
andhadabackasspaciousasSalisburyPlain。Accordinglyhepersistedinbringingdownthetrunkalone，whilstIstoodwaitingatthefootofthelastflightinanxietyfortheevent。ForsometimeIheardhimdescendingwithslowandfirmsteps;butunfortunately，fromhistrepidation，ashedrewnearthedangerousquarter，withinafewstepsofthegallery，hisfootslipped，andthemightyburdenfallingfromhisshoulders，gainedsuchincreaseofimpetusateachstepofthedescent，thatonreachingthebottomittrundled，orratherleaped，rightacross，withthenoiseoftwentydevils，againsttheverybedroomdooroftheArchididascalus。
Myfirstthoughtwasthatallwaslost，andthatmyonlychanceforexecutingaretreatwastosacrificemybaggage。However，onreflectionIdeterminedtoabidetheissue。Thegroomwasintheutmostalarm，bothonhisownaccountandonmine，but，inspiteofthis，soirresistiblyhadthesenseoftheludicrousinthisunhappycontretempstakenpossessionofhisfancy，thathesangoutalong，loud，andcanorouspealoflaughter，thatmighthavewakenedtheSevenSleepers。Atthesoundofthisresonantmerriment，withintheveryearsofinsultedauthority，Icouldnotmyselfforbearjoininginit;subduedtothis，notsomuchbytheunhappyetourderieofthetrunk，asbytheeffectithaduponthegroom。Webothexpected，asamatterofcourse，thatDr。——wouldsally，outofhisroom，foringeneral，ifbutamousestirred，hesprangoutlikeamastifffromhiskennel。Strangetosay，however，onthisoccasion，whenthenoiseoflaughterhadceased，nosound，orrustlingeven，wastobeheardinthebedroom。Dr。——hadapainfulcomplaint，which，sometimeskeepinghimawake，madehissleepperhaps，whenitdidcome，thedeeper。Gatheringcouragefromthesilence，thegroomhoistedhisburdenagain，andaccomplishedtheremainderofhisdescentwithoutaccident。IwaiteduntilIsawthetrunkplacedonawheelbarrowandonitsroadtothecarrier’s;then，"withProvidencemyguide，"Isetoffonfoot，carryingasmallparcelwithsomearticlesofdressundermyarm;afavouriteEnglishpoetinonepocket，andasmall12movolume，containingaboutnineplaysofEuripides，intheother。
IthadbeenmyintentionoriginallytoproceedtoWestmoreland，bothfromtheloveIboretothatcountryandonotherpersonalaccounts。
Accident，however，gaveadifferentdirectiontomywanderings，andIbentmystepstowardsNorthWales。
AfterwanderingaboutforsometimeinDenbighshire，Merionethshire，andCarnarvonshire，ItooklodgingsinasmallneathouseinB。
HereImighthavestayedwithgreatcomfortformanyweeks，forprovisionswerecheapatB-，fromthescarcityofothermarketsforthesurplusproduceofawideagriculturaldistrict。Anaccident，however，inwhichperhapsnooffencewasdesigned，drovemeouttowanderagain。Iknownotwhethermyreadermayhaveremarked，butI
haveoftenremarked，thattheproudestclassofpeopleinEngland（oratanyratetheclasswhoseprideismostapparent）arethefamiliesofbishops。Noblemenandtheirchildrencarryaboutwiththem，intheirverytitles，asufficientnotificationoftheirrank。
Nay，theirverynames（andthisappliesalsotothechildrenofmanyuntitledhouses）areoften，totheEnglishear，adequateexponentsofhighbirthordescent。Sackville，Manners，Fitzroy，Paulet，Cavendish，andscoresofothers，telltheirowntale。Suchpersons，therefore，findeverywhereaduesenseoftheirclaimsalreadyestablished，exceptamongthosewhoareignorantoftheworldbyvirtueoftheirownobscurity："NottoknowTHEM，arguesone’sselfunknown。"Theirmannerstakeasuitabletoneandcolouring，andforoncetheyfinditnecessarytoimpressasenseoftheirconsequenceuponothers，theymeetwithathousandoccasionsformoderatingandtemperingthissensebyactsofcourteouscondescension。Withthefamiliesofbishopsitisotherwise：withthem，itisalluphillworktomakeknowntheirpretensions;fortheproportionoftheepiscopalbenchtakenfromnoblefamiliesisnotatanytimeverylarge，andthesuccessiontothesedignitiesissorapidthatthepublicearseldomhastimetobecomefamiliarwiththem，unlesswheretheyareconnectedwithsomeliteraryreputation。Henceitisthatthechildrenofbishopscarryaboutwiththemanaustereandrepulsiveair，indicativeofclaimsnotgenerallyacknowledged，asortofnolimetangeremanner，nervouslyapprehensiveoftoofamiliarapproach，andshrinkingwiththesensitivenessofagoutymanfromallcontactwiththe[Greektext]。Doubtless，apowerfulunderstanding，orunusualgoodnessofnature，willpreserveamanfromsuchweakness，butingeneralthetruthofmyrepresentationwillbeacknowledged;pride，ifnotofdeeperrootinsuchfamilies，appearsatleastmoreuponthesurfaceoftheirmanners。Thisspiritofmannersnaturallycommunicatesitselftotheirdomesticsandotherdependants。Now，mylandladyhadbeenalady’smaidoranurseinthefamilyoftheBishopof-，andhadbutlatelymarriedawayand"settled"（assuchpeopleexpressit）forlife。InalittletownlikeB-，merelytohavelivedinthebishop’sfamilyconferredsomedistinction;andmygoodlandladyhadrathermorethanhershareoftheprideIhavenoticedonthatscore。What"mylord"saidandwhat"mylord"did，howusefulhewasinParliamentandhowindispensableatOxford，formedthedailyburdenofhertalk。AllthisIboreverywell，forIwastoogood-naturedtolaughinanybody’sface，andIcouldmakeanampleallowanceforthegarrulityofanoldservant。Ofnecessity，however，Imusthaveappearedinhereyesveryinadequatelyimpressedwiththebishop’simportance，and，perhapstopunishmeformyindifference，orpossiblybyaccident，sheonedayrepeatedtomeaconversationinwhichIwasindirectlyapartyconcerned。Shehadbeentothepalacetopayherrespectstothefamily，and，dinnerbeingover，wassummonedintothedining-room。Ingivinganaccountofherhouseholdeconomyshehappenedtomentionthatshehadletherapartments。Thereuponthegoodbishop（itseemed）hadtakenoccasiontocautionherastoherselectionofinmates，"for，"saidhe，"youmustrecollect，Betty，thatthisplaceisinthehighroadtotheHead;sothatmultitudesofIrishswindlersrunningawayfromtheirdebtsintoEngland，andofEnglishswindlersrunningawayfromtheirdebtstotheIsleofMan，arelikelytotakethisplaceintheirroute。"Thisadvicecertainlywasnotwithoutreasonablegrounds，butratherfittedtobestoredupforMrs。Betty’sprivatemeditationsthanspeciallyreportedtome。Whatfollowed，however，wassomewhatworse。"Oh，mylord，"answeredmylandlady（accordingtoherownrepresentationofthematter），"Ireallydon’tthinkthisyounggentlemanisaswindler，because——""Youdon’tTHINKmeaswindler？"saidI，interruptingher，inatumultofindignation：
"forthefutureIshallspareyouthetroubleofthinkingaboutit。"
AndwithoutdelayIpreparedformydeparture。Someconcessionsthegoodwomanseemeddisposedtomake;butaharshandcontemptuousexpression，whichIfearthatIappliedtothelearneddignitaryhimself，rousedherindignationinturn，andreconciliationthenbecameimpossible。Iwasindeedgreatlyirritatedatthebishop’shavingsuggestedanygroundsofsuspicion，howeverremotely，againstapersonwhomhehadneverseen;andIthoughtoflettinghimknowmymindinGreek，which，atthesametimethatitwouldfurnishsomepresumptionthatIwasnoswindler，wouldalso（Ihoped）compelthebishoptoreplyinthesamelanguage;inwhichcaseIdoubtednottomakeitappearthatifIwasnotsorichashislordship，IwasafarbetterGrecian。Calmerthoughts，however，drovethisboyishdesignoutofmymind;forIconsideredthatthebishopwasintherighttocounselanoldservant;thathecouldnothavedesignedthathisadviceshouldbereportedtome;andthatthesamecoarsenessofmindwhichhadledMrs。Bettytorepeattheadviceatall，mighthavecoloureditinawaymoreagreeabletoherownstyleofthinkingthantotheactualexpressionsoftheworthybishop。
Ileftthelodgingstheverysamehour，andthisturnedoutaveryunfortunateoccurrenceforme，because，livinghenceforwardatinns，Iwasdrainedofmymoneyveryrapidly。InafortnightIwasreducedtoshortallowance;thatis，Icouldallowmyselfonlyonemealaday。Fromthekeenappetiteproducedbyconstantexerciseandmountainair，actingonayouthfulstomach，Isoonbegantosuffergreatlyonthisslenderregimen，forthesinglemealwhichI
couldventuretoorderwascoffeeortea。Eventhis，however，wasatlengthwithdrawn;andafterwards，solongasIremainedinWales，Isubsistedeitheronblackberries，hips，haws，&c。，oronthecasualhospitalitieswhichInowandthenreceivedinreturnforsuchlittleservicesasIhadanopportunityofrendering。
SometimesIwrotelettersofbusinessforcottagerswhohappenedtohaverelativesinLiverpoolorinLondon;moreoftenIwrotelove-
letterstotheirsweetheartsforyoungwomenwhohadlivedasservantsatShrewsburyorothertownsontheEnglishborder。OnallsuchoccasionsIgavegreatsatisfactiontomyhumblefriends，andwasgenerallytreatedwithhospitality;andonceinparticular，nearthevillageofLlan-y-styndw（orsomesuchname），inasequesteredpartofMerionethshire，Iwasentertainedforupwardsofthreedaysbyafamilyofyoungpeoplewithanaffectionateandfraternalkindnessthatleftanimpressionuponmyheartnotyetimpaired。
Thefamilyconsistedatthattimeoffoursistersandthreebrothers，allgrownup，andallremarkableforeleganceanddelicacyofmanners。Somuchbeauty，andsomuchnativegoodbreedingandrefinement，Idonotremembertohaveseenbeforeorsinceinanycottage，exceptonceortwiceinWestmorelandandDevonshire。TheyspokeEnglish，anaccomplishmentnotoftenmetwithinsomanymembersofonefamily，especiallyinvillagesremotefromthehighroad。HereIwrote，onmyfirstintroduction，aletteraboutprize-
money，foroneofthebrothers，whohadservedonboardanEnglishman-of-war;and，moreprivately，twolove-lettersfortwoofthesisters。Theywerebothinteresting-lookinggirls，andoneofuncommonloveliness。Inthemidstoftheirconfusionandblushes，whilstdictating，orrathergivingmegeneralinstructions，itdidnotrequireanygreatpenetrationtodiscoverthatwhattheywishedwasthattheirlettersshouldbeaskindaswasconsistentwithpropermaidenlypride。Icontrivedsototempermyexpressionsastoreconcilethegratificationofbothfeelings;andtheywereasmuchpleasedwiththewayinwhichIhadexpressedtheirthoughtsas（intheirsimplicity）theywereastonishedatmyhavingsoreadilydiscoveredthem。Thereceptiononemeetswithfromthewomenofafamilygenerallydeterminesthetenorofone’swholeentertainment。
InthiscaseIhaddischargedmyconfidentialdutiesassecretarysomuchtothegeneralsatisfaction，perhapsalsoamusingthemwithmyconversation，thatIwaspressedtostaywithacordialitywhichI
hadlittleinclinationtoresist。Isleptwiththebrothers，theonlyunoccupiedbedstandingintheapartmentoftheyoungwomen;
butinallotherpointstheytreatedmewitharespectnotusuallypaidtopursesaslightasmine——asifmyscholarshipweresufficientevidencethatIwasof"gentleblood。"ThusIlivedwiththemforthreedaysandgreatpartofafourth;and，fromtheundiminishedkindnesswhichtheycontinuedtoshowme，IbelieveI
mighthavestayedwiththemuptothistime，iftheirpowerhadcorrespondedwiththeirwishes。Onthelastmorning，however，I
perceivedupontheircountenances，astheysateatbreakfast，theexpressionofsomeunpleasantcommunicationwhichwasathand;andsoonafter，oneofthebrothersexplainedtomethattheirparentshadgone，thedaybeforemyarrival，toanannualmeetingofMethodists，heldatCarnarvon，andwerethatdayexpectedtoreturn;
"andiftheyshouldnotbesocivilastheyoughttobe，"hebegged，onthepartofalltheyoungpeople，thatIwouldnottakeitamiss。
Theparentsreturnedwithchurlishfaces，and"DymSassenach"（noEnglish）inanswertoallmyaddresses。Isawhowmattersstood;
andso，takinganaffectionateleaveofmykindandinterestingyounghosts，Iwentmyway;for，thoughtheyspokewarmlytotheirparentsinmybehalf，andoftenexcusedthemanneroftheoldpeoplebysayingitwas"onlytheirway，"yetIeasilyunderstoodthatmytalentforwritinglove-letterswoulddoaslittletorecommendmewithtwogravesexagenarianWelshMethodistsasmyGreeksapphicsoralcaics;andwhathadbeenhospitalitywhenofferedtomewiththegraciouscourtesyofmyyoungfriends，wouldbecomecharitywhenconnectedwiththeharshdemeanouroftheseoldpeople。Certainly，Mr。Shelleyisrightinhisnotionsaboutoldage：unlesspowerfullycounteractedbyallsortsofoppositeagencies，itisamiserablecorrupterandblightertothegenialcharitiesofthehumanheart。
SoonafterthisIcontrived，bymeanswhichImustomitforwantofroom，totransfermyselftoLondon。Andnowbeganthelatterandfiercerstageofmylongsufferings;withoutusingadisproportionateexpressionImightsay，ofmyagony。ForInowsuffered，forupwardsofsixteenweeks，thephysicalanguishofhungerin。Ivariousdegreesofintensity，butasbitterperhapsaseveranyhumanbeingcanhavesufferedwhohassurviveditwouldnotneedlesslyharassmyreader’sfeelingsbyadetailofallthatI
endured;forextremitiessuchasthese，underanycircumstancesofheaviestmisconductorguilt，cannotbecontemplated，evenindescription，withoutaruefulpitythatispainfultothenaturalgoodnessofthehumanheart。Letitsuffice，atleastonthisoccasion，tosaythatafewfragmentsofbreadfromthebreakfast-
tableofoneindividual（whosupposedmetobeill，butdidnotknowofmybeinginutterwant），andtheseatuncertainintervals，constitutedmywholesupport。Duringtheformerpartofmysufferings（thatis，generallyinWales，andalwaysforthefirsttwomonthsinLondon）Iwashouseless，andveryseldomsleptunderaroof。TothisconstantexposuretotheopenairIascribeitmainlythatIdidnotsinkundermytorments。Latterly，however，whencolderandmoreinclementweathercameon，andwhen，fromthelengthofmsufferings，Ihadbeguntosinkintoamorelanguishingcondition，itwasnodoubtfortunateformethatthesamepersontowhosebreakfast-tableIhadaccess，allowedmetosleepinalargeunoccupiedhouseofwhichhewastenant。UnoccupiedIcallit，fortherewasnohouseholdorestablishmentinit;noranyfurniture，indeed，exceptatableandafewchairs。ButIfound，ontakingpossessionofmynewquarters，thatthehousealreadycontainedonesingleinmate，apoorfriendlesschild，apparentlytenyearsold;
butsheseemedhunger-bitten，andsufferingsofthatsortoftenmakechildrenlookolderthantheyare。FromthisforlornchildI
learnedthatshehadsleptandlivedtherealoneforsometimebeforeIcame;andgreatjoythepoorcreatureexpressedwhenshefoundthatIwasinfuturetobehercompanionthroughthehoursofdarkness。Thehousewaslarge，and，fromthewantoffurniture，thenoiseoftheratsmadeaprodigiousechoingonthespaciousstaircaseandhall;andamidsttherealfleshlyillsofcoldand，I
fear，hunger，theforsakenchildhadfoundleisuretosufferstillmore（itappeared）fromtheself-createdoneofghosts。Ipromisedherprotectionagainstallghostswhatsoever，butalas！Icouldofferhernootherassistance。Welayuponthefloor，withabundleofcursedlawpapersforapillow，butwithnoothercoveringthanasortoflargehorseman’scloak;afterwards，however，wediscoveredinagarretanoldsofa-cover，asmallpieceofrug，andsomefragmentsofotherarticles，whichaddedalittletoourwarmth。
Thepoorchildcreptclosetomeforwarmth，andforsecurityagainstherghostlyenemies。WhenIwasnotmorethanusuallyillI
tookherintomyarms，sothatingeneralshewastolerablywarm，andoftensleptwhenIcouldnot，forduringthelasttwomonthsofmysufferingsIsleptmuchindaytime，andwasapttofallintotransientdosingsatallhours。Butmysleepdistressedmemorethanmywatching，forbesidethetumultuousnessofmydreams（whichwereonlynotsoawfulasthosewhichIshallhavetodescribehereafterasproducedbyopium），mysleepwasnevermorethanwhatiscalledDOG-SLEEP;sothatIcouldhearmyselfmoaning，andwasoften，asitseemedtome，awakenedsuddenlybymyownvoice;andaboutthistimeahideoussensationbegantohauntmeassoonasI
fellintoaslumber，whichhassincereturneduponmeatdifferentperiodsofmylife——viz。，asortoftwitching（Iknownotwhere，butapparentlyabouttheregionofthestomach）whichcompelledmeviolentlytothrowoutmyfeetforthesakeofrelievingit。ThissensationcomingonassoonasIbegantosleep，andtheefforttorelieveitconstantlyawakingme，atlengthIsleptonlyfromexhaustion;andfromincreasingweakness（asIsaidbefore）Iwasconstantlyfallingasleepandconstantlyawaking。Meantime，themasterofthehousesometimescameinuponussuddenly，andveryearly;sometimesnottillteno’clock，sometimesnotatall。Hewasinconstantfearofbailiffs。ImprovingontheplanofCromwell，everynighthesleptinadifferentquarterofLondon;andI
observedthatheneverfailedtoexaminethroughaprivatewindowtheappearanceofthosewhoknockedatthedoorbeforehewouldallowittobeopened。Hebreaksfastedalone;indeed，histeaequipagewouldhardlyhaveadmittedofhishazardinganinvitationtoasecondperson，anymorethanthequantityofesculentmateriel，whichforthemostpartwaslittlemorethanarollorafewbiscuitswhichhehadboughtonhisroadfromtheplacewherehehadslept。Or，ifheHADaskedaparty——asIoncelearnedlyandfacetiouslyobservedtohim——theseveralmembersofitmusthaveSTOODintherelationtoeachother（notSATEinanyrelationwhatever）ofsuccession，asthemetaphysicianshaveit，andnotofacoexistence;intherelationofthepartsoftime，andnotofthepartsofspace。DuringhisbreakfastIgenerallycontrivedareasonforloungingin，and，withanairofasmuchindifferenceasIcouldassume，tookupsuchfragmentsashehadleft;sometimes，indeed，therewerenoneatall。IndoingthisIcommittednorobberyexceptuponthemanhimself，whowasthusobliged（Ibelieve）nowandthentosendoutatnoonforanextrabiscuit;forastothepoorchild，SHEwasneveradmittedintohisstudy（ifImaygivethatnametohischiefdepositoryofparchments，lawwritings，&c。）;thatroomwastohertheBluebeardroomofthehouse，beingregularlylockedonhisdeparturetodinner，aboutsixo’clock，whichusuallywashisfinaldepartureforthenight。WhetherthischildwereanillegitimatedaughterofMr-，oronlyaservant，Icouldnotascertain;shedidnotherselfknow;butcertainlyshewastreatedaltogetherasamenialservant。NosoonerdidMr。——makehisappearancethanshewentbelowstairs，brushedhisshoes，coat，&c。;
and，exceptwhenshewassummonedtorunanerrand，sheneveremergedfromthedismalTartarusofthekitchen，&c。，totheupperairuntilmywelcomeknockatnightcalledupherlittletremblingfootstepstothefrontdoor。Ofherlifeduringthedaytime，however，IknewlittlebutwhatIgatheredfromherownaccountatnight，forassoonasthehoursofbusinesscommencedIsawthatmyabsencewouldbeacceptable，andingeneral，therefore，Iwentoffandsateintheparksorelsewhereuntilnightfall。
Butwhoandwhat，meantime，wasthemasterofthehousehimself？
Reader，hewasoneofthoseanomalouspractitionersinlowerdepartmentsofthelawwho——whatshallIsay？——whoonprudentialreasons，orfromnecessity，denythemselvesallindulgenceintheluxuryoftoodelicateaconscience，（aperiphrasiswhichmightbeabridgedconsiderably，butTHATIleavetothereader’staste）：inmanywalksoflifeaconscienceisamoreexpensiveencumbrancethanawifeoracarriage;andjustaspeopletalkof"layingdown"theircarriages，soIsupposemyfriendMr。——had"laiddown"hisconscienceforatime，meaning，doubtless，toresumeitassoonashecouldaffordit。Theinnereconomyofsuchaman’sdailylifewouldpresentamoststrangepicture，ifIcouldallowmyselftoamusethereaderathisexpense。Evenwithmylimitedopportunitiesforobservingwhatwenton，IsawmanyscenesofLondonintriguesandcomplexchicanery，"cycleandepicycle，orbinorb，"atwhichI
sometimessmiletothisday，andatwhichIsmiledthen，inspiteofmymisery。Mysituation，however，atthattimegavemelittleexperienceinmyownpersonofanyqualitiesinMr-’scharacterbutsuchasdidhimhonour;andofhiswholestrangecompositionI
mustforgeteverythingbutthattowardsmehewasobliging，andtotheextentofhispower，generous。
Thatpowerwasnot，indeed，veryextensive;however，incommonwiththerats，Isaterentfree;andasDr。Johnsonhasrecordedthatheneverbutonceinhislifehadasmuchwall-fruitashecouldeat，soletmebegratefulthatonthatsingleoccasionIhadaslargeachoiceofapartmentsinaLondonmansionasIcouldpossiblydesire。
ExcepttheBluebeardroom，whichthepoorchildbelievedtobehaunted，allothers，fromtheatticstothecellars，wereatourservice;"theworldwasallbeforeus，"andwepitchedourtentforthenightinanyspotwechose。ThishouseIhavealreadydescribedasalargeone;itstandsinaconspicuoussituationandinawell-
knownpartofLondon。Manyofmyreaderswillhavepassedit，I
doubtnot，withinafewhoursofreadingthis。Formyself，IneverfailtovisititwhenbusinessdrawsmetoLondon;aboutteno’clockthisverynight，August15，1821——beingmybirthday——IturnedasidefrommyeveningwalkdownOxfordStreet，purposelytotakeaglanceatit;itisnowoccupiedbyarespectablefamily，andbythelightsinthefrontdrawing-roomIobservedadomesticpartyassembled，perhapsattea，andapparentlycheerfulandgay。Marvellouscontrast，inmyeyes，tothedarkness，cold，silence，anddesolationofthatsamehouseeighteenyearsago，whenitsnightlyoccupantswereonefamishingscholarandaneglectedchild。Her，by-the-bye，inafter-yearsIvainlyendeavouredtotrace。Apartfromhersituation，shewasnotwhatwouldbecalledaninterestingchild;
shewasneitherpretty，norquickinunderstanding，norremarkablypleasinginmanners。But，thankGod！eveninthoseyearsIneedednottheembellishmentsofnovelaccessoriestoconciliatemyaffections：plainhumannature，initshumblestandmosthomelyapparel，wasenoughforme，andIlovedthechildbecauseshewasmypartnerinwretchedness。Ifsheisnowlivingsheisprobablyamother，withchildrenofherown;but，asIhavesaid，Icouldnevertraceher。
ThisIregret;butanotherpersontherewasatthattimewhomIhavesincesoughttotracewithfardeeperearnestness，andwithfardeepersorrowatmyfailure。Thispersonwasayoungwoman，andoneofthatunhappyclasswhosubsistuponthewagesofprostitution。I
feelnoshame，norhaveanyreasontofeelit，inavowingthatIwasthenonfamiliarandfriendlytermswithmanywomeninthatunfortunatecondition。Thereaderneedsneithersmileatthisavowalnorfrown;for，nottoremindmyclassicalreadersoftheoldLatinproverb，"Sinecerere，"&c。，itmaywellbesupposedthatintheexistingstateofmypursemyconnectionwithsuchwomencouldnothavebeenanimpureone。Butthetruthis，thatatnotimeofmylifehaveIbeenapersontoholdmyselfpollutedbythetouchorapproachofanycreaturethatworeahumanshape;onthecontrary，frommyveryearliestyouthithasbeenmypridetoconversefamiliarly，MORESOCRATIO，withallhumanbeings，man，woman，andchild，thatchancemightflinginmyway;apracticewhichisfriendlytotheknowledgeofhumannature，togoodfeelings，andtothatfranknessofaddresswhichbecomesamanwhowouldbethoughtaphilosopher。Foraphilosophershouldnotseewiththeeyesofthepoorlimitarycreaturecallinghimselfamanoftheworld，andfilledwithnarrowandself-regardingprejudicesofbirthandeducation，butshouldlookuponhimselfasacatholiccreature，andasstandinginequalrelationtohighandlow，toeducatedanduneducated，totheguiltyandtheinnocent。Beingmyselfatthattimeofnecessityaperipatetic，orawalkerofthestreets，I
naturallyfellinmorefrequentlywiththosefemaleperipateticswhoaretechnicallycalledstreet-walkers。ManyofthesewomenhadoccasionallytakenmypartagainstwatchmenwhowishedtodrivemeoffthestepsofhouseswhereIwassitting。Butoneamongstthem，theoneonwhoseaccountIhaveatallintroducedthissubject——yetno！letmenotclassthe，oh！noble-mindedAnn——withthatorderofwomen。Letmefind，ifitbepossible，somegentlernametodesignatetheconditionofhertowhosebountyandcompassion，ministeringtomynecessitieswhenalltheworldhadforsakenme，I
oweitthatIamatthistimealive。FormanyweeksIhadwalkedatnightswiththispoorfriendlessgirlupanddownOxfordStreet，orhadrestedwithheronstepsandundertheshelterofporticoes。
Shecouldnotbesooldasmyself;shetoldme，indeed，thatshehadnotcompletedhersixteenthyear。BysuchquestionsasmyinterestaboutherpromptedIhadgraduallydrawnforthhersimplehistory。
Herswasacaseofordinaryoccurrence（asIhavesincehadreasontothink），andoneinwhich，ifLondonbeneficencehadbetteradapteditsarrangementstomeetit，thepowerofthelawmightoftenerbeinterposedtoprotectandtoavenge。ButthestreamofLondoncharityflowsinachannelwhich，thoughdeepandmighty，isyetnoiselessandunderground;notobviousorreadilyaccessibletopoorhouselesswanderers;anditcannotbedeniedthattheoutsideairandframeworkofLondonsocietyisharsh，cruel，andrepulsive。
Inanycase，however，Isawthatpartofherinjuriesmighteasilyhavebeenredressed，andIurgedheroftenandearnestlytolayhercomplaintbeforeamagistrate。Friendlessasshewas，Iassuredherthatshewouldmeetwithimmediateattention，andthatEnglishjustice，whichwasnorespecterofpersons，wouldspeedilyandamplyavengeheronthebrutalruffianwhohadplunderedherlittleproperty。Shepromisedmeoftenthatshewould，butshedelayedtakingthestepsIpointedoutfromtimetotime，forshewastimidanddejectedtoadegreewhichshowedhowdeeplysorrowhadtakenholdofheryoungheart;andperhapsshethoughtjustlythatthemostuprightjudgeandthemostrighteoustribunalscoulddonothingtorepairherheaviestwrongs。Something，however，wouldperhapshavebeendone，forithadbeensettledbetweenusatlength，butunhappilyontheverylasttimebutonethatIwasevertoseeher，thatinadayortwoweshouldgotogetherbeforeamagistrate，andthatIshouldspeakonherbehalf。Thislittleserviceitwasdestined，however，thatIshouldneverrealise。Meantime，thatwhichsherenderedtome，andwhichwasgreaterthanIcouldeverhaverepaidher，wasthis：-Onenight，whenwewerepacingslowlyalongOxfordStreet，andafteradaywhenIhadfeltmorethanusuallyillandfaint，IrequestedhertoturnoffwithmeintoSohoSquare。Thitherwewent，andwesatdownonthestepsofahouse，whichtothishourIneverpasswithoutapangofgriefandaninneractofhomagetothespiritofthatunhappygirl，inmemoryofthenobleactionwhichshethereperformed。Suddenly，aswesate，I
grewmuchworse。Ihadbeenleaningmyheadagainstherbosom，andallatonceIsankfromherarmsandfellbackwardsonthesteps。
FromthesensationsIthenhad，Ifeltaninnerconvictionoftheliveliestkind，thatwithoutsomepowerfulandrevivingstimulusI
shouldeitherhavediedonthespot，orshouldatleasthavesunktoapointofexhaustionfromwhichallreascentundermyfriendlesscircumstanceswouldsoonhavebecomehopeless。Thenitwas，atthiscrisisofmyfate，thatmypoororphancompanion，whohadherselfmetwithlittlebutinjuriesinthisworld，stretchedoutasavinghandtome。Utteringacryofterror，butwithoutamoment’sdelay，sheranoffintoOxfordStreet，andinlesstimethancouldbeimaginedreturnedtomewithaglassofportwineandspices，thatacteduponmyemptystomach，whichatthattimewouldhaverejectedallsolidfood，withaninstantaneouspowerofrestoration;andforthisglassthegenerousgirlwithoutamurmurpaidoutofherhumblepurseatatime——beitremembered！——whenshehadscarcelywherewithaltopurchasethebarenecessariesoflife，andwhenshecouldhavenoreasontoexpectthatIshouldeverbeabletoreimburseher。
Oh，youthfulbenefactress！howofteninsucceedingyears，standinginsolitaryplaces，andthinkingoftheewithgriefofheartandperfectlove——howoftenhaveIwishedthat，asinancienttimes，thecurseofafatherwasbelievedtohaveasupernaturalpower，andtopursueitsobjectwithafatalnecessityofself-fulfilment;evensothebenedictionofaheartoppressedwithgratitudemighthavealikeprerogative，mighthavepowergiventoitfromabovetochase，tohaunt，towaylay，toovertake，topursuetheeintothecentraldarknessofaLondonbrothel，or（ifitwerepossible）intothedarknessofthegrave，theretoawakentheewithanauthenticmessageofpeaceandforgiveness，andoffinalreconciliation！
Idonotoftenweep：fornotonlydomythoughtsonsubjectsconnectedwiththechiefinterestsofmandaily，nayhourly，descendathousandfathoms"toodeepfortears;"notonlydoesthesternnessofmyhabitsofthoughtpresentanantagonismtothefeelingswhichprompttears——wantingofnecessitytothosewho，beingprotectedusuallybytheirlevityfromanytendencytomeditativesorrow，wouldbythatsamelevitybemadeincapableofresistingitonanycasualaccessofsuchfeelings;butalso，IbelievethatallmindswhichhavecontemplatedsuchobjectsasdeeplyasIhavedone，must，fortheirownprotectionfromutterdespondency，haveearlyencouragedandcherishedsometranquillisingbeliefastothefuturebalancesandthehieroglyphicmeaningsofhumansufferings。OntheseaccountsIamcheerfultothishour，and，asIhavesaid，Idonotoftenweep。Yetsomefeelings，thoughnotdeeperormorepassionate，aremoretenderthanothers;andoften，whenIwalkatthistimeinOxfordStreetbydreamylamplight，andhearthoseairsplayedonabarrel-organwhichyearsagosolacedmeandmydearcompanion（asImustalwayscallher），Ishedtears，andmusewithmyselfatthemysteriousdispensationwhichsosuddenlyandsocriticallyseparatedusforever。Howithappenedthereaderwillunderstandfromwhatremainsofthisintroductorynarration。
SoonaftertheperiodofthelastincidentIhaverecordedImetinAlbemarleStreetagentlemanofhislateMajesty’shousehold。Thisgentlemanhadreceivedhospitalitiesondifferentoccasionsfrommyfamily，andhechallengedmeuponthestrengthofmyfamilylikeness。Ididnotattemptanydisguise;Iansweredhisquestionsingenuously，and，onhispledginghiswordofhonourthathewouldnotbetraymetomyguardians，Igavehimanaddresstomyfriendtheattorney’s。ThenextdayIreceivedfromhima10poundbank-
note。Theletterenclosingitwasdeliveredwithotherlettersofbusinesstotheattorney，butthoughhislookandmannerinformedmethathesuspecteditscontents，hegaveituptomehonourablyandwithoutdemur。
Thispresent，fromtheparticularservicetowhichitwasapplied，leadsmenaturallytospeakofthepurposewhichhadalluredmeuptoLondon，andwhichIhadbeen（touseaforensicword）solicitingfromthefirstdayofmyarrivalinLondontothatofmyfinaldeparture。
InsomightyaworldasLondonitwillsurprisemyreadersthatI
shouldnothavefoundsomemeansofstarvingoffthelastextremities，ofpenury;anditwillstrikethemthattworesourcesatleastmusthavebeenopentome——viz。，eithertoseekassistancefromthefriendsofmyfamily，ortoturnmyyouthfultalentsandattainmentsintosomechannelofpecuniaryemolument。Astothefirstcourse，Imayobservegenerally，thatwhatIdreadedbeyondallotherevilswasthechanceofbeingreclaimedbymyguardians;
notdoubtingthatwhateverpowerthelawgavethemwouldhavebeenenforcedagainstmetotheutmost——thatis，totheextremityofforciblyrestoringmetotheschoolwhichIhadquitted，arestorationwhich，asitwouldinmyeyeshavebeenadishonour，evenifsubmittedtovoluntarily，couldnotfail，whenextortedfrommeincontemptanddefianceofmyownwishesandefforts，tohavebeenahumiliationworsetomethandeath，andwhichwouldindeedhaveterminatedindeath。IwasthereforeshyenoughofapplyingforassistanceeveninthosequarterswhereIwassureofreceivingit，attheriskoffurnishingmyguardianswithanyclueofrecoveringme。ButastoLondoninparticular，thoughdoubtlessmyfatherhadinhislifetimehadmanyfriendsthere，yet（astenyearshadpassedsincehisdeath）Irememberedfewofthemevenbyname;
andneverhavingseenLondonbefore，exceptonceforafewhours，I
knewnottheaddressofeventhosefew。Tothismodeofgaininghelp，therefore，inpartthedifficulty，butmuchmoretheparamountfearwhichIhavementioned，habituallyindisposedme。Inregardtotheothermode，InowfeelhalfinclinedtojoinmyreaderinwonderingthatIshouldhaveoverlookedit。AsacorrectorofGreekproofs（ifinnootherway）Imightdoubtlesshavegainedenoughformyslenderwants。SuchanofficeasthisIcouldhavedischargedwithanexemplaryandpunctualaccuracythatwouldsoonhavegainedmetheconfidenceofmyemployers。Butitmustnotbeforgottenthat，evenforsuchanofficeasthis，itwasnecessarythatI
shouldfirstofallhaveanintroductiontosomerespectablepublisher，andthisIhadnomeansofobtaining。Tosaythetruth，however，ithadneveronceoccurredtometothinkofliterarylaboursasasourceofprofit。Nomodesufficientlyspeedyofobtainingmoneyhadeveroccurredtomebutthatofborrowingitonthestrengthofmyfutureclaimsandexpectations。ThismodeI
soughtbyeveryavenuetocompass;andamongstotherpersonsI
appliedtoaJewnamedD-{4}
TothisJew，andtootheradvertisingmoney-lenders（someofwhomwere，Ibelieve，alsoJews），Ihadintroducedmyselfwithanaccountofmyexpectations;whichaccount，onexaminingmyfather’swillatDoctors’Commons，theyhadascertainedtobecorrect。Thepersontherementionedasthesecondsonof——wasfoundtohavealltheclaims（ormorethanall）thatIhadstated;butonequestionstillremained，whichthefacesoftheJewsprettysignificantlysuggested——wasIthatperson？Thisdoubthadneveroccurredtomeasapossibleone;Ihadratherfeared，whenevermyJewishfriendsscrutinisedmekeenly，thatImightbetoowellknowntobethatperson，andthatsomeschememightbepassingintheirmindsforentrappingmeandsellingmetomyguardians。Itwasstrangetometofindmyownselfmaterialiterconsidered（soIexpressedit，forIdoatedonlogicalaccuracyofdistinctions），accused，oratleastsuspected，ofcounterfeitingmyownselfformaliterconsidered。