Thereader，however，willreadilyconceivethattheymusthaveaprodigioussuperiorityoverthepebblesandsand，whichwecallgoldandpreciousstones。
　　TwentybeautifulyoungvirginsinwaitingreceivedCandideandCacamboontheiralightingfromthecoach，conductedthemtothebathandcladtheminrobeswovenofthedownofhummingbirds;afterwhichtheywereintroducedbythegreatofficersofthecrownofbothsexestotheKing’sapartment，betweentwofilesofmusicians，eachfileconsistingofathousand，agreeabletothecustomofthecountry。
　　Whentheydrewneartothepresence-chamber，CacamboaskedoneoftheofficersinwhatmannertheyweretopaytheirobeisancetoHisMajesty;
　　whetheritwasthecustomtofallupontheirknees，ortoprostratethemselvesupontheground;whethertheyweretoputtheirhandsupontheirheads，orbehindtheirbacks;whethertheyweretolickthedustoffthefloor;inshort，whatwastheceremonyusualonsuchoccasions。
　　"Thecustom"，saidthegreatofficer，"istoembracetheKingandkisshimoneachcheek。"
　　CandideandCacamboaccordinglythrewtheirarmsroundHisMajesty’sneck，whoreceivedtheminthemostgraciousmannerimaginable，andverypolitelyaskedthemtosupwithhim。
　　Whilesupperwaspreparing，ordersweregiventoshowthemthecity，wheretheysawpublicstructuresthatrearedtheirloftyheadstotheclouds;
　　themarketplacesdecoratedwithathousandcolumns;fountainsofspringwater，besidesothersofrosewater，andofliquorsdrawnfromthesugarcane，incessantlyflowinginthegreatsquares，whichwerepavedwithakindofpreciousstonesthatemittedanodorlikethatofclovesandcinnamon。
　　CandideaskedtoseetheHighCourtofjustice，theParliament;
　　butwasansweredthattheyhadnoneinthatcountry，beingutterstrangerstolawsuits。Hetheninquirediftheyhadanyprisons;theyrepliednone。ButwhatgavehimatoncethegreatestsurpriseandpleasurewasthePalaceofSciences，wherehesawagallerytwothousandfeetlong，filledwiththevariousapparatusinmathematicsandnaturalphilosophy。
　　Afterhavingspentthewholeafternooninseeingonlyaboutthethousandthpartofthecity，theywerebroughtbacktotheKing’spalace。CandidesatdownatthetablewithHisMajesty，hisvaletCacambo，andseveralladiesofthecourt。Neverwasentertainmentmoreelegant，norcouldanyonepossiblyshowmorewitthanHisMajestydisplayedwhiletheywereatsupper。CacamboexplainedalltheKing’sbonsmotstoCandide，and，althoughtheyweretranslated，theystillappearedtobebonsmots。OfallthethingsthatsurprisedCandide，thiswasnottheleast。
　　Theyspentawholemonthinthishospitableplace，duringwhichtimeCandidewascontinuallysayingtoCacambo，"Iown，myfriend，oncemore，thatthecastlewhereIwasbornisamerenothingincomparisontotheplacewherewenoware;butstillMissCunegondeisnothere，andyouyourselfhavedoubtlesssomefaironeinEuropeforwhomyousigh。Ifweremainhereweshallonlybeasothersare;whereasifwereturntoourownworldwithonlyadozenofElDoradosheep，loadedwiththepebblesofthiscountry，weshallbericherthanallthekingsinEurope;
　　weshallnolongerneedtostandinaweoftheInquisitors;andwemayeasilyrecoverMissCunegonde。"
　　ThisspeechwasperfectlyagreeabletoCacambo。Afondnessforroving，formakingafigureintheirowncountry，andforboastingofwhattheyhadseenintheirtravels，wassopowerfulinourtwowanderersthattheyresolvedtobenolongerhappy;anddemandedpermissionoftheKingtoquitthecountry。
　　"Youareabouttodoarashandsillyaction"，saidtheKing。"Iamsensiblemykingdomisaninconsiderablespot;butwhenpeoplearetolerablyattheireaseinanyplace，Ishouldthinkitwouldbetotheirinteresttoremainthere。
　　Mostassuredly，Ihavenorighttodetainyou，oranystrangers，againstyourwills;thisisanactoftyrannytowhichourmannersandourlawsareequallyrepugnant。Allmenarebynaturefree;youhavethereforeanundoubtedlibertytodepartwheneveryouplease，butyouwillhavemanyandgreatdifficultiestoencounterinpassingthefrontiers。
　　Itisimpossibletoascendthatrapidriverwhichrunsunderhighandvaultedrocks，andbywhichyouwereconveyedhitherbyakindofmiracle。Themountainsbywhichmykingdomarehemmedinonallsides，aretenthousandfeethigh，andperfectlyperpendicular;theyareabovetenleaguesacross，andthedescentfromthemisonecontinuedprecipice。
　　"However，sinceyouaredeterminedtoleaveus，Iwillimmediatelygiveorderstothesuperintendentofmycarriagestocauseonetobemadethatwillconveyyouverysafely。Whentheyhaveconductedyoutothebackofthemountains，nobodycanattendyoufarther;formysubjectshavemadeavownevertoquitthekingdom，andtheyaretooprudenttobreakit。Askmewhateverelseyouplease。"
　　"AllweshallaskofYourMajesty"，saidCacambo，"isonlyafewsheepladenwithprovisions，pebbles，andtheclayofyourcountry。"
　　TheKingsmiledattherequestandsaid，"IcannotimaginewhatpleasureyouEuropeansfindinouryellowclay;buttakeawayasmuchofitasyouwill，andmuchgoodmayitdoyou。"
　　Heimmediatelygaveorderstohisengineerstomakeamachinetohoistthesetwoextraordinarymenoutofthekingdom。Threethousandgoodmachinistswenttoworkandfinisheditinaboutfifteendays，anditdidnotcostmorethantwentymillionssterlingofthatcountry’smoney。CandideandCacambowereplacedonthismachine，andtheytookwiththemtwolargeredsheep，bridledandsaddled，torideupon，whentheygotontheothersideofthemountains;twentyotherstoserveassumptersforcarryingprovisions;thirtyladenwithpresentsofwhateverwasmostcuriousinthecountry，andfiftywithgold，diamonds，andotherpreciousstones。TheKing，atpartingwithourtwoadventurers，embracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
　　Itwasacurioussighttobeholdthemanneroftheirsettingoff，andtheingeniousmethodbywhichtheyandtheirsheepwerehoistedtothetopofthemountains。Themachinistsandengineerstookleaveofthemassoonastheyhadconveyedthemtoaplaceofsafety，andCandidewaswhollyoccupiedwiththethoughtsofpresentinghissheeptoMissCunegonde。
　　"Now"，criedhe，"thankstoHeaven，wehavemorethansufficienttopaytheGovernorofBuenosAyresforMissCunegonde，ifsheisredeemable。LetusmakethebestofourwaytoCayenne，wherewewilltakeshippingandthenwemayatleisurethinkofwhatkingdomweshallpurchasewithourriches。"
　　chapter19CHAPTERXIX
　　WHATHAPPENEDTOTHEMATSURINAM，ANDHOW
　　CANDIDEBECAMEACQUAINTED
　　WITHMARTIN
　　Ourtravelers’firstday’sjourneywasverypleasant;
　　theywereelatedwiththeprospectofpossessingmorerichesthanweretobefoundinEurope，Asia，andAfricatogether。Candide，inamoroustransports，cutthenameofMissCunegondeonalmosteverytreehecameto。Theseconddaytwooftheirsheepsunkinamorass，andwereswallowedupwiththeirJading;twomorediedoffatigue;somefewdaysafterwardssevenoreightperishedwithhungerinadesert，andothers，atdifferenttimes，tumbleddownprecipices，orwereotherwiselost，sothat，aftertravelingaboutahundreddaystheyhadonlytwosheepleftofthehundredandtwotheybroughtwiththemfromElDorado。
　　SaidCandidetoCacambo，"Yousee，mydearfriend，howperishabletherichesofthisworldare;thereisnothingsolidbutvirtue。"
　　"Verytrue"，saidCacambo，"butwehavestilltwosheepremaining，withmoretreasurethanevertheKingofSpainwillbepossessedof;andIespyatownatadistance，whichItaketobeSurinam，atownbelongingtotheDutch。Wearenowattheendofourtroubles，andatthebeginningofhappiness。"
　　AstheydrewnearthetowntheysawaNegrostretchedonthegroundwithonlyonehalfofhishabit，whichwasakindoflinenfrock;forthepoormanhadlosthisleftlegandhisrighthand。
　　"GoodGod"，saidCandideinDutch，"whatdostthouhere，friend，inthisdeplorablecondition？"
　　"Iamwaitingformymaster，MynheerVanderdendur，thefamoustrader"，answeredtheNegro。
　　"WasitMynheerVanderdendurthatusedyouinthiscruelmanner？"
　　"Yes，sir"，saidtheNegro;"itisthecustomhere。Theygivealinengarmenttwiceayear，andthatisallourcovering。Whenwelaborinthesugarworks，andthemillhappenstosnatchholdofafinger，theyinstantlychopoffourhand;andwhenweattempttorunaway，theycutoffaleg。Boththesecaseshavehappenedtome，anditisatthisexpensethatyoueatsugarinEurope;andyetwhenmymothersoldmefortenpatacoonsonthecoastofGuinea，shesaidtome，’Mydearchild，blessourfetishes;
　　adorethemforever;theywillmaketheelivehappy;thouhastthehonortobeaslavetoourlordsthewhites，bywhichthouwiltmakethefortuneofusthyparents。’
　　"Alas！IknownotwhetherIhavemadetheirfortunes;buttheyhavenotmademine;dogs，monkeys，andparrotsareathousandtimeslesswretchedthanI。TheDutchfetisheswhoconvertedmetellmeeverySundaythattheblacksandwhitesareallchildrenofonefather，whomtheycallAdam。Asforme，Idonotunderstandanythingofgenealogies;
　　butifwhatthesepreacherssayistrue，weareallsecondcousins;
　　andyoumustallowthatitisimpossibletobeworsetreatedbyourrelationsthanweare。"
　　"OPangloss！"criedoutCandide，"suchhorriddoingsneverenteredthyimagination。Hereisanendofthematter。Ifindmyself，afterall，obligedtorenouncethyOptimism。"
　　"Optimism"，saidCacambo，"whatisthat？"
　　"Alas！"repliedCandide，"itistheobstinacyofmaintainingthateverythingisbestwhenitisworst。"
　　AndsosayingheturnedhiseyestowardsthepoorNegro，andshedafloodoftears;andinthisweepingmoodheenteredthetownofSurinam。
　　ImmediatelyupontheirarrivalourtravelersinquirediftherewasanyvesselintheharborwhichtheymightsendtoBuenosAyres。ThepersontheyaddressedthemselvestohappenedtobethemasterofaSpanishbark，whoofferedtoagreewiththemonmoderateterms，andappointedthemameetingatapublichouse。ThitherCandideandhisfaithfulCacambowenttowaitforhim，takingwiththemtheirtwosheep。
　　Candide，whowasallfranknessandsincerity，madeaningenuousrecitalofhisadventurestotheSpaniard，declaringtohimatthesametimehisresolutionofcarryingoffMissCunegondefromtheGovernorofBuenosAyres。
　　"Oh，ho！"saidtheshipmaster，"ifthatisthecase，getwhomyoupleasetocarryyoutoBuenosAyres;formypart，Iwashmyhandsoftheaffair。Itwouldproveahangingmattertousall。ThefairCunegondeistheGovernor’sfavoritemistress。"
　　ThesewordswerelikeaclapofthundertoCandide;heweptbitterlyforalongtime，and，takingCacamboaside，hesaidtohim，"I’lltellyou，mydearfriend，whatyoumustdo。Wehaveeachofusinourpocketstothevalueoffiveorsixmillionsindiamonds;youareclevereratthesemattersthanI;youmustgotoBuenosAyresandbringoffMissCunegonde。
　　IftheGovernormakesanydifficultygivehimamillion;ifheholdsout，givehimtwo;asyouhavenotkilledanInquisitor，theywillhavenosuspicionofyou。I’llfitoutanothershipandgotoVenice，whereIwillwaitforyou。
　　Veniceisafreecountry，whereweshallhavenothingtofearfromBulgarians，Abares，JewsorInquisitors。"
　　Cacambogreatlyapplaudedthiswiseresolution。Hewasinconsolableatthethoughtsofpartingwithsogoodamaster，whotreatedhimmorelikeanintimatefriendthanaservant;butthepleasureofbeingabletodohimaservicesoongotthebetterofhissorrow。Theyembracedeachotherwithafloodoftears。Candidechargedhimnottoforgettheoldwoman。Cacambosetoutthesameday。ThisCacambowasaveryhonestfellow。
　　CandidecontinuedsomedayslongeratSurinam，waitingforanycaptaintocarryhimandhistworemainingsheeptoItaly。Hehireddomestics，andpurchasedmanythingsnecessaryforalongvoyage;atlengthMynheerVanderdendur，skipperofalargeDutchvessel，cameandofferedhisservice。
　　"Whatwillyouhave"，saidCandide，"tocarryme，myservants，mybaggage，andthesetwosheepyouseehere，directlytoVenice？"
　　Theskipperaskedtenthousandpiastres，andCandideagreedtohisdemandwithouthestitation。
　　"Ho，ho！"saidthecunningVanderdendurtohimself，"thisstrangermustbeveryrich;heagreestogivemetenthousandpiastreswithouthesitation。"
　　Returningalittlewhileafter，hetoldCandidethatuponsecondconsiderationhecouldnotundertakethevoyageforlessthantwentythousand。
　　"Verywell;youshallhavethem"，saidCandide。
　　"Zounds！"saidtheskippertohimself，"thismanagreestopaytwentythousandpiastreswithasmucheaseasten。"
　　Accordinglyhewentbackagain，andtoldhimroundlythathewouldnotcarryhimtoVeniceforlessthanthirtythousandpiastres。
　　"Thenyoushallhavethirtythousand"，saidCandide。
　　"Odso！"saidtheDutchmanoncemoretohimself，"thirtythousandpiastresseematrifletothisman。Thosesheepmustcertainlybeladenwithanimmensetreasure。I’lle’enstophereandasknomore;
　　butmakehimpaydownthethirtythousandpiastres，andthenwemayseewhatistobedonefarther。"
　　Candidesoldtwosmalldiamonds，theleastofwhichwasworthmorethanalltheskipperasked。Hepaidhimbeforehand，thetwosheepwereputonboard，andCandidefollowedinasmallboattojointhevesselintheroad。
　　Theskippertookadvantageofhisopportunity，hoistedsail，andputouttoseawithafavorablewind。Candide，confoundedandamazed，soonlostsightoftheship。
　　"Alas！"saidhe，"thisisatricklikethoseinouroldworld！"
　　Hereturnedbacktotheshoreoverwhelmedwithgrief;and，indeed，hehadlostwhatwouldhavemadethefortuneoftwentymonarchs。
　　StraightwayuponhislandingheappliedtotheDutchmagistrate;
　　beingtransportedwithpassionhethunderedatthedoor，whichbeingopened，hewentin，toldhiscase，andtalkedalittlelouderthanwasnecessary。Themagistratebeganwithfininghimtenthousandpiastresforhispetulance，andthenlistenedverypatientlytowhathehadtosay，promisedtoexamineintotheaffairontheskipper’sreturn，andorderedhimtopaytenthousandpiastresmoreforthefeesofthecourt。
　　ThistreatmentputCandideoutofallpatience;itistrue，hehadsufferedmisfortunesathousandtimesmoregrievous，butthecoolinsolenceofthejudge，andthevillainyoftheskipperraisedhischolerandthrewhimintoadeepmelancholy。Thevillainyofmankindpresenteditselftohismindinallitsdeformity，andhissoulwasapreytothemostgloomyideas。Aftersometime，hearingthatthecaptainofaFrenchshipwasreadytosetsailforBordeaux，ashehadnomoresheeploadedwithdiamondstoputonboard，hehiredthecabinattheusualprice;andmadeitknowninthetownthathewouldpaythepassageandboardofanyhonestmanwhowouldgivehimhiscompanyduringthevoyage;besidesmakinghimapresentoftenthousandpiastres，onconditionthatsuchpersonwasthemostdissatisfiedwithhiscondition，andthemostunfortunateinthewholeprovince。
　　Uponthisthereappearedsuchacrowdofcandidatesthatalargefleetcouldnothavecontainedthem。Candide，willingtochoosefromamongthosewhoappearedmostlikelytoanswerhisintention，selectedtwenty，whoseemedtohimthemostsociable，andwhoallpretendedtomeritthepreference。Heinvitedthemtohisinn，andpromisedtotreatthemwithasupper，onconditionthateverymanshouldbindhimselfbyanoathtorelatehisownhistory;declaringatthesametime，thathewouldmakechoiceofthatpersonwhoshouldappeartohimthemostdeservingofcompassion，andthemostjustlydissatisfiedwithhisconditioninlife;andthathewouldmakeapresenttotherest。
　　Thisextraordinaryassemblycontinuedsittingtillfourinthemorning。
　　Candide，whilehewaslisteningtotheiradventures，calledtomindwhattheoldwomanhadsaidtohimintheirvoyagetoBuenosAyres，andthewagershehadlaidthattherewasnotapersononboardtheshipbuthadmetwithgreatmisfortunes。EverystoryheheardputhiminmindofPangloss。
　　"Myoldmaster"，saidhe，"wouldbeconfoundedlyputtoittodemonstratehisfavoritesystem。Wouldhewerehere！Certainlyifeverythingisforthebest，itisinElDorado，andnotintheotherpartsoftheworld。"
　　Atlengthhedeterminedinfavorofapoorscholar，whohadlaboredtenyearsforthebooksellersatAmsterdam：beingofopinionthatnoemploymentcouldbemoredetestable。
　　Thisscholar，whowasinfactaveryhonestman，hadbeenrobbedbyhiswife，beatenbyhisson，andforsakenbyhisdaughter，whohadrunawaywithaPortuguese。Hehadbeenlikewisedeprivedofasmallemploymentonwhichhesubsisted，andhewaspersecutedbytheclergyofSurinam，whotookhimforaSocinian。Itmustbeacknowledgedthattheothercompetitorswere，atleast，aswretchedashe;butCandidewasinhopesthatthecompanyofamanofletterswouldrelievethetediousnessofthevoyage。AlltheothercandidatescomplainedthatCandidehaddonethemgreatinjustice，buthestoppedtheirmouthsbyapresentofahundredpiastrestoeach。
　　chapter20CHAPTERXX
　　WHATBEFELLCANDIDEANDMARTIN
　　ONTHEIR
　　PASSAGE
　　Theoldphilosopher，whosenamewasMartin，tookshippingwithCandideforBordeaux。Bothhadseenandsufferedagreatdeal，andhadtheshipbeengoingfromSurinamtoJapanroundtheCapeofGoodHope，theycouldhavefoundsufficiententertainmentforeachotherduringthewholevoyage，indiscoursinguponmoralandnaturalevil。
　　Candide，however，hadoneadvantageoverMartin：helivedinthepleasinghopesofseeingMissCunegondeoncemore;whereas，thepoorphilosopherhadnothingtohopefor。Besides，Candidehadmoneyandjewels，and，notwithstandinghehadlostahundredredsheepladenwiththegreatesttreasureoutsideofElDorado，andthoughhestillsmartedfromthereflectionoftheDutchskipper’sknavery，yetwhenheconsideredwhathehadstillleft，andrepeatedthenameofCunegonde，especiallyaftermealtimes，heinclinedtoPangloss’sdoctrine。
　　"Andpray"，saidhetoMartin，"whatisyouropinionofthewholeofthissystem？Whatnotionhaveyouofmoralandnaturalevil？"
　　"Sir"，repliedMartin，"ourpriestaccusedmeofbeingaSocinian;buttherealtruthis，IamaManichaean。"
　　"Nay，nowyouarejesting"，saidCandide;"therearenoManichaeansexistingatpresentintheworld。"
　　"AndyetIamone"，saidMartin;"butIcannothelpit。
　　Icannotforthesoulofmethinkotherwise。"
　　"SurelytheDevilmustbeinyou"，saidCandide。
　　"Heconcernshimselfsomuch"，repliedMartin，"intheaffairsofthisworldthatitisveryprobablehemaybeinmeaswellaseverywhereelse;butI
　　mustconfess，whenIcastmyeyeonthisglobe，orratherglobule，IcannothelpthinkingthatGodhasabandonedittosomemalignantbeing。IalwaysexceptElDorado。Iscarceeverknewacitythatdidnotwishthedestructionofitsneighboringcity;norafamilythatdidnotdesiretoexterminatesomeotherfamily。Thepoorinallpartsoftheworldbearaninveteratehatredtotherich，evenwhiletheycreepandcringetothem;andtherichtreatthepoorlikesheep，whosewoolandfleshtheybarterformoney;amillionofregimentedassassinstraverseEuropefromoneendtotheother，togettheirbreadbyregulardepredationandmurder，becauseitisthemostgentlemanlikeprofession。Eveninthosecitieswhichseemtoenjoytheblessingsofpeace，andwheretheartsflourish，theinhabitantsaredevouredwithenvy，care，andinquietudes，whicharegreaterplaguesthananyexperiencedinatownbesieged。Privatechagrinsarestillmoredreadfulthanpubliccalamities。Inaword"，concludedthephilosopher，"IhaveseenandsufferedsomuchthatIamaManichaean。"
　　"Andyetthereissomegoodintheworld"，repliedCandide。
　　"Maybeso"，saidMartin，"butithasescapedmyknowledge。"
　　Whiletheyweredeeplyengagedinthisdisputetheyheardthereportofcannon，whichredoubledeverymoment。Eachtookouthisglass，andtheyspiedtwoshipswarmlyengagedatthedistanceofaboutthreemiles。ThewindbroughtthembothsoneartheFrenchshipthatthoseonboardherhadthepleasureofseeingthefightwithgreatease。
　　Afterseveralsmartbroadsidestheonegavetheotherashotbetweenwindandwaterwhichsunkheroutright。ThencouldCandideandMartinplainlyperceiveahundredmenonthedeckofthevesselwhichwassinking，who，withhandsupliftedtoHeaven，sentforthpiercingcries，andwereinamomentswallowedupbythewaves。
　　"Well"，saidMartin，"younowseeinwhatmannermankindtreatoneanother。"
　　"Itiscertain"，saidCandide，"thatthereissomethingdiabolicalinthisaffair。"Ashewasspeakingthushespiedsomethingofashiningredhue，whichswamclosetothevessel。Theboatwashoistedouttoseewhatitmightbe，whenitprovedtobeoneofhissheep。Candidefeltmorejoyattherecoveryofthisoneanimalthanhedidgriefwhenhelosttheotherhundred，thoughladenwiththelargediamondsofElDorado。
　　TheFrenchcaptainquicklyperceivedthatthevictoriousshipbelongedtothecrownofSpain;thattheotherwasaDutchpirate，andtheverysamecaptainwhohadrobbedCandide。Theimmensericheswhichthisvillainhadamassed，wereburiedwithhiminthedeep，andonlythisonesheepsavedoutofthewhole。
　　"Yousee"，saidCandidetoMartin，"thatviceissometimespunished。Thisvillain，theDutchskipper，hasmetwiththefatehedeserved。"
　　"Verytrue"，saidMartin，"butwhyshouldthepassengersbedoomedalsotodestruction？Godhaspunishedtheknave，andtheDevilhasdrownedtherest。"
　　TheFrenchandSpanishshipscontinuedtheircruise，andCandideandMartintheirconversation。Theydisputedfourteendayssuccessively，attheendofwhichtheywerejustasfaradvancedasthefirstmomenttheybegan。However，theyhadthesatisfactionofdisputing，ofcommunicatingtheirideas，andofmutuallycomfortingeachother。Candideembracedhissheepwithtransport。
　　"SinceIhavefoundtheeagain"，saidhe，"ImaypossiblyfindmyCunegondeoncemore。"
　　chapter21CHAPTERXXI
　　CANDIDEANDMARTIN，WHILETHUSREASONINGWITH
　　EACHOTHER，DRAWNEARTOTHECOASTOFFRANCE
　　AtlengththeydescriedthecoastofFrance，whenCandidesaidtoMartin，"PrayMonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinFrance？"
　　"Yes，sir"，saidMartin，"Ihavebeeninseveralprovincesofthatkingdom。Insome，onehalfofthepeoplearefoolsandmadmen;insome，theyaretooartful;inothers，again，theyare，ingeneral，eitherverygood-naturedorverybrutal;whileinothers，theyaffecttobewitty，andinall，theirrulingpassionislove，thenextisslander，andthelastistotalknonsense。"
　　"But，pray，MonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinParis？"
　　"Yes，sir，Ihavebeeninthatcity，anditisaplacethatcontainstheseveralspeciesjustdescribed;itisachaos，aconfusedmultitude，whereeveryoneseeksforpleasurewithoutbeingabletofindit;atleast，asfarasIhaveobservedduringmyshortstayinthatcity。AtmyarrivalIwasrobbedofallI
　　hadintheworldbypickpocketsandsharpers，atthefairofSaint-Germain。I
　　wastakenupmyselfforarobber，andconfinedinprisonawholeweek;
　　afterwhichIhiredmyselfascorrectortoapressinordertogetalittlemoneytowardsdefrayingmyexpensesbacktoHollandonfoot。Iknewthewholetribeofscribblers，malcontents，andfanatics。
　　Itissaidthepeopleofthatcityareverypolite;Ibelievetheymaybe。"
　　"Formypart，IhavenocuriositytoseeFrance"，saidCandide。"Youmayeasilyconceive，myfriend，thatafterspendingamonthinElDorado，IcandesiretobeholdnothinguponearthbutMissCunegonde。
　　IamgoingtowaitforheratVenice。IintendtopassthroughFrance，onmywaytoItaly。Willyounotbearmecompany？"
　　"Withallmyheart"，saidMartin。"TheysayVeniceisagreeabletononebutnobleVenetians，butthat，nevertheless，strangersarewellreceivedtherewhentheyhaveplentyofmoney;nowIhavenone，butyouhave，thereforeI
　　willattendyouwhereveryouplease。"
　　"Nowweareuponthissubject"，saidCandide，"doyouthinkthattheearthwasoriginallysea，aswereadinthatgreatbookwhichbelongstothecaptainoftheship？"
　　"Ibelievenothingofit"，repliedMartin，"anymorethanIdoofthemanyotherchimeraswhichhavebeenrelatedtousforsometimepast。"
　　"Butthen，towhatend"，saidCandide，"wastheworldformed？"
　　"Tomakeusmad"，saidMartin。
　　"Areyounotsurprised"，continuedCandide，"atthelovewhichthetwogirlsinthecountryoftheOreillonshadforthosetwomonkeys？-
　　YouknowI
　　havetoldyouthestory。"
　　"Surprised？"repliedMartin，"notintheleast。Iseenothingstrangeinthispassion。Ihaveseensomanyextraordinarythingsthatthereisnothingextraordinarytomenow。"
　　"Doyouthink"，saidCandide，"thatmankindalwaysmassacredoneanotherastheydonow？Weretheyalwaysguiltyoflies，fraud，treachery，ingratitude，inconstancy，envy，ambition，andcruelty？
　　Weretheyalwaysthieves，fools，cowards，gluttons，drunkards，misers，calumniators，debauchees，fanatics，andhypocrites？"
　　"Doyoubelieve"，saidMartin，"thathawkshavealwaysbeenaccustomedtoeatpigeonswhentheycameintheirway？"
　　"Doubtless"，saidCandide。
　　"Wellthen"，repliedMartin，"ifhawkshavealwayshadthesamenature，whyshouldyoupretendthatmankindchangetheirs？"
　　"Oh"，saidCandide，"thereisagreatdealofdifference;
　　forfreewill-"andreasoningthustheyarrivedatBordeaux。
　　chapter22CHAPTERXXII
　　WHATHAPPENEDTOCANDIDE
　　ANDMARTININ
　　FRANCE
　　CandidestayednolongeratBordeauxthanwasnecessarytodisposeofafewofthepebbleshehadbroughtfromElDorado，andtoprovidehimselfwithapost-chaisefortwopersons，forhecouldnolongerstirastepwithouthisphilosopherMartin。Theonlythingthatgivehimconcernwasbeingobligedtoleavehissheepbehindhim，whichheintrustedtothecareoftheAcademyofSciencesatBordeaux，whoproposed，asaprizesubjectfortheyear，toprovewhythewoolofthissheepwasred;
　　andtheprizewasadjudgedtoanorthernsage，whodemonstratedbyAplusB，minusC，dividedbyZ，thatthesheepmustnecessarilybered，anddieofthemange。
　　Inthemeantime，alltravelerswhomCandidemetwithintheinns，orontheroad，toldhimtoaman，thattheyweregoingtoParis。
　　Thisgeneraleagernessgavehimlikewiseagreatdesiretoseethiscapital;anditwasnotmuchoutofhiswaytoVenice。
　　HeenteredthecitybythesuburbsofSaint-Marceau，andthoughthimselfinoneofthevilesthamletsinallWestphalia。
　　Candidehadnotbeenlongathisinn，beforehewasseizedwithaslightdisorder，owingtothefatiguehehadundergone。Asheworeadiamondofanenormoussizeonhisfingerandhadamongtherestofhisequipageastrongboxthatseemedveryweighty，hesoonfoundhimselfbetweentwophysicians，whomhehadnotsentfor，anumberofintimatefriendswhomhehadneverseen，andwhowouldnotquithisbedside，andtwowomendevotees，whowereverycarefulinprovidinghimhotbroths。
　　"Iremember"，saidMartintohim，"thatthefirsttimeIcametoParisIwaslikewisetakenill。Iwasverypoor，andaccordinglyI
　　hadneitherfriends，nurses，norphysicians，andyetIdidverywell。"
　　However，bydintofpurgingandbleeding，Candide’sdisorderbecameveryserious。Thepriestoftheparishcamewithallimaginablepolitenesstodesireanoteofhim，payabletothebearerintheotherworld。Candiderefusedtocomplywithhisrequest;butthetwodevoteesassuredhimthatitwasanewfashion。Candidereplied，thathewasnotonethatfollowedthefashion。Martinwasforthrowingthepriestoutofthewindow。TheclerksworeCandideshouldnothaveChristianburial。Martinsworeinhisturnthathewouldburytheclerkaliveifhecontinuedtoplaguethemanylonger。Thedisputegrewwarm;Martintookhimbytheshouldersandturnedhimoutoftheroom，whichgavegreatscandal，andoccasionedaproces-verbal。
　　Candiderecovered，andtillhewasinaconditiontogoabroadhadagreatdealofgoodcompanytopasstheeveningswithhiminhischamber。Theyplayeddeep。Candidewassurprisedtofindhecouldneverturnatrick;andMartinwasnotatallsurprisedatthematter。
　　AmongthosewhodidhimthehonorsoftheplacewasalittlespruceabbeofPerigord，oneofthoseinsinuating，busy，fawning，impudent，necessaryfellows，thatlaywaitforstrangersontheirarrival，tellthemallthescandalofthetown，andoffertoministertotheirpleasuresatvariousprices。ThismanconductedCandideandMartintotheplayhouse;theywereactinganewtragedy。Candidefoundhimselfplacednearaclusterofwits：this，however，didnotpreventhimfromsheddingtearsatsomepartsofthepiecewhichweremostaffecting，andbestacted。
　　Oneofthesetalkerssaidtohimbetweenacts，"Youaregreatlytoblametoshedtears;thatactressplayshorribly，andthemanthatplayswithherstillworse，andthepieceitselfisstillmoreexecrablethantherepresentation。
　　TheauthordoesnotunderstandawordofArabic，andyethehaslaidhissceneinArabia，andwhatismore，heisafellowwhodoesnotbelieveininnateideas。TomorrowIwillbringyouascoreofpamphletsthathavebeenwrittenagainsthim。"
　　"Pray，sir"，saidCandidetotheabbe，"howmanytheatricalpieceshaveyouinFrance？"
　　"Fiveorsixthousand"，repliedtheabbe。
　　"Indeed！thatisagreatnumber"，saidCandide，"buthowmanygoodonesmaytherebe？"
　　"Aboutfifteenorsixteen。"
　　"Oh！thatisagreatnumber"，saidMartin。
　　Candidewasgreatlytakenwithanactress，whoperformedthepartofQueenElizabethinadullkindoftragedythatisplayedsometimes。
　　"Thatactress"，saidhetoMartin，"pleasesmegreatly;
　　shehassomesortofresemblancetoMissCunegonde。Ishouldbeverygladtopaymyrespectstoher。"
　　TheabbeofPerigordofferedhisservicetointroducehimtoheratherownhouse。Candide，whowasbroughtupinGermany，desiredtoknowwhatmightbetheceremonialusedonthoseoccasions，andhowaqueenofEnglandwastreatedinFrance。
　　"Thereisanecessarydistinctiontobeobservedinthesematters"，saidtheabbe。"Inacountrytownwetakethemtoatavern;hereinParis，theyaretreatedwithgreatrespectduringtheirlifetime，providedtheyarehandsome，andwhentheydiewethrowtheirbodiesuponadunghill。"
　　"How？"saidCandide，"throwaqueen’sbodyuponadunghill！"
　　"Thegentlemanisquiteright"，saidMartin，"hetellsyounothingbutthetruth。IhappenedtobeatPariswhenMissMonimiamadeherexit，asonemaysay，outofthisworldintoanother。Shewasrefusedwhattheycallheretheritesofsepulture;thatistosay，shewasdeniedtheprivilegeofrottinginachurchyardbythesideofallthebeggarsintheparish。
　　TheyburiedheratthecornerofBurgundyStreet，whichmustcertainlyhaveshockedherextremely，asshehadveryexaltednotionsofthings。"
　　"Thisisactingveryimpolitely"，saidCandide。
　　"Lord！"saidMartin，"whatcanbesaidtoit？Itisthewayofthesepeople。
　　Figuretoyourselfallthecontradictions，alltheinconsistenciespossible，andyoumaymeetwiththeminthegovernment，thecourtsofjustice，thechurches，andthepublicspectaclesofthisoddnation。"
　　"Isittrue"，saidCandide，"thatthepeopleofParisarealwayslaughing？"
　　"Yes"，repliedtheabbe，"butitiswithangerintheirhearts;theyexpressalltheircomplaintsbyloudburstsoflaughter，andcommitthemostdetestablecrimeswithasmileontheirfaces。"
　　"Whowasthatgreatovergrownbeast"，saidCandide，"whospokesoilltomeofthepiecewithwhichIwassomuchaffected，andoftheplayerswhogavemesomuchpleasure？"
　　"Averygood-for-nothingsortofamanIassureyou"，answeredtheabbe，"onewhogetshislivelihoodbyabusingeverynewbookandplaythatiswrittenorperformed;hedislikesmuchtoseeanyonemeetwithsuccess，likeeunuchs，whodetesteveryonethatpossessesthosepowerstheyaredeprivedof;heisoneofthosevipersinliteraturewhonourishthemselveswiththeirownvenom;apamphlet-monger。"
　　"Apamphlet-manger！"saidCandide，"whatisthat？"
　　"Why，apamphlet-manger"，repliedtheabbe，"isawriterofpamphlets-afool。"
　　Candide，Martin，andtheabbeofPerigordarguedthusonthestaircase，whiletheystoodtoseethepeoplegooutoftheplayhouse。
　　"ThoughIamveryanxioustoseeMissCunegondeagain"，saidCandide，"yetIhaveagreatinclinationtosupwithMissClairon，forIamreallymuchtakenwithher。"
　　Theabbewasnotapersontoshowhisfaceatthislady’shouse，whichwasfrequentedbynonebutthebestcompany。
　　"Sheisengagedthisevening"，saidhe，"butIwilldomyselfthehonortointroduceyoutoaladyofqualityofmyacquaintance，atwhosehouseyouwillseeasmuchofthemannersofParisasifyouhadlivedhereforfortyyears。"
　　Candide，whowasnaturallycurious，sufferedhimselftobeconductedtothislady’shouse，whichwasinthesuburbsofSaint-Honore。
　　Thecompanywasengagedatbasser;twelvemelancholypuntersheldeachinhishandasmallpackofcards，thecornersofwhichweredoubleddown，andweresomanyregistersoftheirillfortune。Aprofoundsilencereignedthroughouttheassembly，apalliddreadhadtakenpossessionofthecountenancesofthepunters，andrestlessinquietudestretchedeverymuscleofthefaceofhimwhokeptthebank;andtheladyofthehouse，whowasseatednexttohim，observedwithlynx’seyeseveryplaymade，andnotedthosewhotallied，andmadethemundoubletheircardswithasevereexactness，thoughmixedwithapoliteness，whichshethoughtnecessarynottofrightenawayhercustomers。ThisladyassumedthetitleofMarchionessofParolignac。Herdaughter，agirlofaboutfifteenyearsofage，wasoneofthepunters，andtookcaretogivehermammaahint，bysigns，whenanyoneoftheplayersattemptedtorepairtherigoroftheirillfortunebyalittleinnocentdeception。
　　ThecompanywerethusoccupiedwhenCandide，Martin，andtheabbemadetheirentrance;notacreaturerosetosalutethem，orindeedtooktheleastnoticeofthem，beingwhollyintentuponthebusinessathand。
　　"Ah！"saidCandide，"MyLadyBaronessofThunder-ten-tronckhwouldhavebehavedmorecivilly。"
　　However，theabbewhisperedintheearoftheMarchioness，whohalfraisingherselffromherseat，honoredCandidewithagracioussmile，andgaveMartinanodofherhead，withanairofinexpressibledignity。ShethenorderedaseatforCandide，anddesiredhimtomakeoneoftheirpartyatplay;hedidso，andinafewdealslostnearathousandpieces;afterwhichtheysuppedveryelegantly，andeveryonewassurprisedatseeingCandidelosesomuchmoneywithoutappearingtobetheleastdisturbedatit。Theservantsinwaitingsaidtoeachother，"ThisiscertainlysomeEnglishlord。"
　　ThesupperwaslikemostothersofitskindinParis。Atfirsteveryonewassilent;thenfollowedafewconfusedmurmurs，andafterwardsseveralinsipidjokespassedandrepassed，withfalsereports，falsereasonings，alittlepolitics，andagreatdealofscandal。Theconversationthenturneduponthenewproductionsinliterature。
　　"Pray"，saidtheabbe，"goodfolks，haveyouseentheromancewrittenbyacertainGauchat，DoctorofDivinity？"
　　"Yes"，answeredoneofthecompany，"butIhadnotpatiencetogothroughit。Thetownispesteredwithaswarmofimpertinentproductions，butthisofDr。Gauchat’soutdoesthemall。Inshort，IwassocursedlytiredofreadingthisvilestuffthatIevenresolvedtocomehere，andmakeapartyatbasset。"
　　"ButwhatsayyoutothearchdeaconT-’smiscellaneouscollection"，saidtheabbe。
　　"OhmyGod！"criedtheMarchionessofParolignac，"nevermentionthetediouscreature！Onlythinkwhatpainsheisattotellonethingsthatalltheworldknows;andhowhelaborsanargumentthatishardlyworththeslightestconsideration！howabsurdlyhemakesuseofotherpeople’swit！
　　howmiserablyhemangleswhathehaspilferedfromthem！
　　Themanmakesmequitesick！Afewpagesofthegoodarchdeaconareenoughinconsciencetosatisfyanyone。"
　　Therewasatthetableapersonoflearningandtaste，whosupportedwhattheMarchionesshadadvanced。Theynextbegantotalkoftragedies。Theladydesiredtoknowhowitcameaboutthattherewereseveraltragedies，whichstillcontinuedtobeplayed，thoughtheywouldnotbearreading？Themanoftasteexplainedveryclearlyhowapiecemaybeinsomemannerinterestingwithouthavingagrainofmerit。Heshowed，inafewwords，thatitisnotsufficienttothrowtogetherafewincidentsthataretobemetwithineveryromance，andthattodazzlethespectatorthethoughtsshouldbenew，withoutbeingfarfetched;frequentlysublime，butalwaysnatural;theauthorshouldhaveathoroughknowledgeofthehumanheartandmakeitspeakproperly;heshouldbeacompletepoet，withoutshowinganaffectationofitinanyofthecharactersofhispiece;heshouldbeaperfectmasterofhislanguage，speakitwithallitspurity，andwiththeutmostharmony，andyetsoasnottomakethesenseaslavetotherhyme。
　　"Whoever"，addedhe，"neglectsanyoneoftheserules，thoughhemaywritetwoorthreetragedieswithtolerablesuccess，willneverbereckonedinthenumberofgoodauthors。Thereareveryfewgoodtragedies;
　　someareidylls，inverywell-writtenandharmoniousdialogue;
　　andothersachainofpoliticalreasoningsthatsetoneasleep，orelsepompousandhigh-flownamplification，thatdisgustratherthanplease。Othersagainaretheravingsofamadman，inanuncouthstyle，unmeaningflights，orlongapostrophestothedeities，forwantofknowinghowtoaddressmankind;
　　inawordacollectionoffalsemaximsanddullcommonplace。"
　　Candidelistenedtothisdiscoursewithgreatattention，andconceivedahighopinionofthepersonwhodeliveredit;andastheMarchionesshadtakencaretoplacehimnearherside，hetookthelibertytowhisperhersoftlyintheearandaskwhothispersonwasthatspokesowell。
　　"Heisamanofletters"，repliedHerLadyship，"whoneverplays，andwhomtheabbebringswithhimtomyhousesometimestospendanevening。Heisagreatjudgeofwriting，especiallyintragedy;hehascomposedonehimself，whichwasdamned，andhaswrittenabookthatwasneverseenoutofhisbookseller’sshop，exceptingonlyonecopy，whichhesentmewithadedication，towhichhehadprefixedmyname。"
　　"Ohthegreatman"，criedCandide，"heisasecondPangloss。"
　　Thenturningtowardshim，"Sir"，saidhe，"youaredoubtlessofopinionthateverythingisforthebestinthephysicalandmoralworld，andthatnothingcouldbeotherwisethanitis？"
　　"I，sir！"repliedthemanofletters，"Ithinknosuchthing，Iassureyou;Ifindthatallinthisworldissetthewrongenduppermost。
　　Nooneknowswhatishisrank，hisoffice，norwhathedoes，norwhatheshoulddo。Withtheexceptionofourevenings，whichwegenerallypasstolerablymerrily，therestofourtimeisspentinidledisputesandquarrels，JansenistsagainstMolinists，theParliamentagainsttheChurch，andonearmedbodyofmenagainstanother;courtieragainstcourtier，husbandagainstwife，andrelationsagainstrelations。Inshort，thisworldisnothingbutonecontinuedsceneofcivilwar。"
　　"Yes"，saidCandide，"andIhaveseenworsethanallthat;
　　andyetalearnedman，whohadthemisfortunetobehanged，taughtmethateverythingwasmarvelouslywell，andthattheseevilsyouarespeakingofwereonlysomanyshadesinabeautifulpicture。"
　　"Yourhempensage"，saidMartin，"laughedatyou;theseshades，asyoucallthem，aremosthorribleblemishes。"
　　"Themenmaketheseblemishes"，rejoinedCandide，"andtheycannotdootherwise。"
　　"Thenitisnottheirfault"，addedMartin。
　　Thegreatestpartofthegamesters，whodidnotunderstandasyllableofthisdiscourse，amusedthemselveswithdrinking，whileMartinreasonedwiththelearnedgentlemanandCandideentertainedtheladyofthehousewithapartofhisadventures。
　　AftersuppertheMarchionessconductedCandideintoherdressingroom，andmadehimsitdownunderacanopy。
　　"Well"，saidshe，"areyoustillsoviolentlyfondofMissCunegondeofThunder-ten-tronckh？"
　　"Yes，madam"，repliedCandide。
　　TheMarchionesssaidtohimwithatendersmile，"YouanswermelikeayoungmanborninWestphalia;aFrenchmanwouldhavesaid，’Itistrue，madam，IhadagreatpassionforMissCunegonde;butsinceIhaveseenyou，IfearIcannolongerloveherasIdid。’"
　　"Alas！madam"，repliedCandide，"Iwillmakeyouwhatansweryouplease。"
　　"Youfellinlovewithher，Ifind，instoopingtopickupherhandkerchiefwhichshehaddropped;youshallpickupmygarter。"
　　"Withallmyheart，madam"，saidCandide，andhepickeditup。
　　"Butyoumusttieitonagain"，saidthelady。
　　Candidetieditonagain。
　　"Lookye，youngman"，saidtheMarchioness，"youareastranger;ImakesomeofmylovershereinParislanguishformeawholefortnight;butI
　　surrendertoyouatfirstsight，becauseIamwillingtodothehonorsofmycountrytoayoungWestphalian。"
　　Thefaironehavingcasthereyeontwoverylargediamondsthatwereupontheyoungstranger’sfinger，praisedtheminsoearnestamannerthattheywereinaninstanttransferredfromhisfingertohers。
　　AsCandidewasgoinghomewiththeabbehefeltsomequalmsofconscienceforhavingbeenguiltyofinfidelitytoMissCunegonde。Theabbetookpartwithhiminhisuneasiness;hehadbutaninconsiderableshareinthethousandpiecesCandidehadlostatplay，andthetwodiamondswhichhadbeeninamannerextortedfromhim;andthereforeveryprudentlydesignedtomakethemosthecouldofhisnewacquaintance，whichchancehadthrowninhisway。HetalkedmuchofMissCunegonde，andCandideassuredhimthathewouldheartilyaskpardonofthatfaironeforhisinfidelitytoher，whenhesawheratVenice。
　　TheabberedoubledhiscivilitiesandseemedtointeresthimselfwarmlyineverythingthatCandidesaid，did，orseemedinclinedtodo。
　　"Andso，sir，youhaveanengagementatVenice？"
　　"Yes，Monsieurl’Abbe"，answeredCandide，"ImustabsolutelywaituponMissCunegonde"，andthenthepleasurehetookintalkingabouttheobjectheloved，ledhiminsensiblytorelate，accordingtocustom，partofhisadventureswiththatillustriousWestphalianbeauty。
　　"Ifancy"，saidtheabbe，"MissCunegondehasagreatdealofwit，andthatherlettersmustbeveryentertaining。"
　　"Ineverreceivedanyfromher"，saidCandide;"foryouaretoconsiderthat，beingexpelledfromthecastleuponheraccount，Icouldnotwritetoher，especiallyassoonaftermydepartureIheardshewasdead;butthankGodIfoundafterwardsshewasliving。Ileftheragainafterthis，andnowIhavesentamessengertoherneartwothousandleaguesfromhere，andwaithereforhisreturnwithananswerfromher。"
　　Theartfulabbeletnotawordofallthisescapehim，thoughheseemedtobemusinguponsomethingelse。Hesoontookhisleaveofthetwoadventurers，afterhavingembracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
　　Thenextmorning，almostassoonashiseyeswereopen，Candidereceivedthefollowingbillet：
　　"MyDearestLover-Ihavebeenillinthiscitytheseeightdays。Ihaveheardofyourarrival，andshouldflytoyourarmswereIabletostir。IwasinformedofyourbeingonthewayhitheratBordeaux，whereIleftthefaithfulCacambo，andtheoldwoman，whowillsoonfollowme。TheGovernorofBuenosAyreshastakeneverythingfrommebutyourheart，whichIstillretain。Cometomeimmediatelyonthereceiptofthis。Yourpresencewilleithergivemenewlife，orkillmewiththepleasure。"
　　Atthereceiptofthischarming，thisunexpectedletter，Candidefelttheutmosttransportsofjoy;though，ontheotherhand，theindispositionofhisbelovedMissCunegondeoverwhelmedhimwithgrief。Distractedbetweenthesetwopassionshetookhisgoldandhisdiamonds，andprocuredapersontoconducthimandMartintothehousewhereMissCunegondelodged。Uponenteringtheroomhefelthislimbstremble，hisheartflutter，histonguefalter;heattemptedtoundrawthecurtain，andcalledforalighttothebedside。
　　"Lordsir"，criedamaidservant，whowaswaitingintheroom，"takecarewhatyoudo，Misscannotbeartheleastlight"，andsosayingshepulledthecurtaincloseagain。
　　"Cunegonde！mydearcriedCandide，bathedintears，"howdoyoudo？Ifyoucannotbearthelight，speaktomeatleast。"
　　"Alas！shecannotspeak"，saidthemaid。
　　ThesickladythenputaplumphandoutofthebedandCandidefirstbatheditwithtears，thenfilleditwithdiamonds，leavingapurseofgoldupontheeasychair。
　　Inthemidstofhistransportscameanofficerintotheroom，followedbytheabbe，andafileofmusketeers。
　　"There"，saidhe，"arethetwosuspectedforeigners。"Atthesametimeheorderedthemtobeseizedandcarriedtoprison。
　　"TravelersarenottreatedinthismannerinthecountryofElDorado"，saidCandide。
　　"IammoreofaManichaeannowthanever"，saidMartin。
　　"Butpray，goodsir，whereareyougoingtocarryus？"
　　saidCandide。
　　"Toadungeon，mydearsir"，repliedtheofficer。
　　WhenMartinhadalittlerecoveredhimself，soastoformacooljudgmentofwhathadpassed，heplainlyperceivedthatthepersonwhohadactedthepartofMissCunegondewasacheat;thattheabbeofPerigordwasasharperwhohadimposeduponthehonestsimplicityofCandide，andthattheofficerwasaknave，whomtheymighteasilygetridof。
　　CandidefollowingtheadviceofhisfriendMartin，andburningwithimpatiencetoseetherealMissCunegonde，ratherthanbeobligedtoappearatacourtofjustice，proposedtotheofficertomakehimapresentofthreesmalldiamonds，eachofthemworththreethousandpistoles。
　　"Ah，sir"，saidtheunderstrapperofjustice，"hadyoucommitedeversomuchvillainy，thiswouldrenderyouthehonestestmanliving，inmyeyes。
　　Threediamondsworththreethousandpistoles！Why，mydearsir，sofarfromcarryingyoutojail，Iwouldlosemylifetoserveyou。Thereareordersforstoppingallstrangers;butleaveittome，IhaveabrotheratDieppe，inNormandy。Imyselfwillconductyouthither，andifyouhaveadiamondlefttogivehimhewilltakeasmuchcareofyouasImyselfshould。"
　　"Butwhy"，saidCandide，"dotheystopallstrangers？"
　　TheabbeofPerigordmadeanswerthatitwasbecauseapoordevilofthecountryofAtrebataheardsomebodytellfoolishstories，andthisinducedhimtocommitaparricide;notsuchaoneasthatinthemonthofMay，1610，butsuchasthatinthemonthofDecemberintheyear1594，andsuchasmanythathavebeenperpetratedinothermonthsandyears，byotherpoordevilswhohadheardfoolishstories。
　　Theofficerthenexplainedtothemwhattheabbemeant。
　　"Horridmonsters"，exclaimedCandide，"isitpossiblethatsuchscenesshouldpassamongapeoplewhoareperpetuallysinginganddancing？Istherenoflyingthisabominablecountryimmediately，thisexecrablekingdomwheremonkeysprovoketigers？Ihaveseenbearsinmycountry，butmenI
　　havebeheldnowherebutinElDorado。InthenameofGod，sir"，saidhetotheofficer，"domethekindnesstoconductmetoVenice，whereIamtowaitforMissCunegonde。"
　　"Really，sir"，repliedtheofficer，"IcannotpossiblywaitonyoufartherthanLowerNormandy。"
　　Sosaying，heorderedCandide’sironstobestruckoff，acknowledgedhimselfmistaken，andsenthisfollowersabouttheirbusiness，afterwhichheconductedCandideandMartintoDieppe，andleftthemtothecareofhisbrother。
　　TherehappenedjustthentobeasmallDutchshipintheharbor。TheNorman，whomtheotherthreediamondshadconvertedintothemostobliging，serviceablebeingthateverbreathed，tookcaretoseeCandideandhisattendantssafeonboardthisvessel，thatwasjustreadytosailforPortsmouthinEngland。ThiswasnotthenearestwaytoVenice，indeed，butCandidethoughthimselfescapedoutofHell，anddidnot，intheleast，doubtbutheshouldquicklyfindanopportunityofresuminghisvoyagetoVenice。
　　chapter23CHAPTERXXIII
　　CANDIDEANDMARTINTOUCHUPONTHEENGLISH
　　COAST。WHATTHEYSEEHERE
　　AhPangloss！Pangloss！ahMartin！ahmydearMissCunegonde！
　　Whatsortofaworldisthis？"ThusexclaimedCandideassoonashegotonboardtheDutchship。
　　"Whysomethingveryfoolish，andveryabominable"，saidMartin。
　　"YouareacquaintedwithEngland"，saidCandide;"aretheyasgreatfoolsinthatcountryasinFrance？"
　　"Yes，butinadifferentmanner"，answeredMartin。"YouknowthatthesetwonationsareatwaraboutafewacresofbarrenlandintheneighborhoodofCanada，andthattheyhaveexpendedmuchgreatersumsinthecontestthanallCanadaisworth。Tosayexactlywhetherthereareagreaternumberfittobeinhabitantsofamadhouseintheonecountrythantheother，exceedsthelimitsofmyimperfectcapacity;Iknowingeneralthatthepeoplewearegoingtovisitareofaverydarkandgloomydisposition。"
　　AstheywerechattingthustogethertheyarrivedatPortsmouth。
　　Theshoreoneachsidetheharborwaslinedwithamultitudeofpeople，whoseeyesweresteadfastlyfixedonalustymanwhowaskneelingdownonthedeckofoneofthemen-of-war，withsomethingtiedbeforehiseyes。Oppositetothispersonagestoodfoursoldiers，eachofwhomshotthreebulletsintohisskull，withallthecomposureimaginable;andwhenitwasdone，thewholecompanywentawayperfectlywellsatisfied。
　　"Whatthedevilisallthisfor？"saidCandide，"andwhatdemon，orfoeofmankind，lordsitthustyrannicallyovertheworld？"
　　Hethenaskedwhowasthatlustymanwhohadbeensentoutoftheworldwithsomuchceremony。Whenhereceivedforanswer，thatitwasanadmiral。
　　"Andpraywhydoyouputyouradmiraltodeath？"
　　"Becausehedidnotputasufficientnumberofhisfellowcreaturestodeath。
　　Youmustknow，hehadanengagementwithaFrenchadmiral，andithasbeenprovedagainsthimthathewasnotnearenoughtohisantagonist。"
　　"But"，repliedCandide，"theFrenchadmiralmusthavebeenasfarfromhim。"
　　"Thereisnodoubtofthat;butinthiscountryitisfoundrequisite，nowandthen，toputanadmiraltodeath，inordertoencouragetheotherstofight。"
　　Candidewassoshockedatwhathesawandheard，thathewouldnotsetfootonshore，butmadeabargainwiththeDutchskipper（wereheeventorobhimlikethecaptainofSurinam）tocarryhimdirectlytoVenice。
　　Theskipperwasreadyintwodays。TheysailedalongthecoastofFrance，andpassedwithinsightofLisbon，atwhichCandidetrembled。